VIII

“Harry and his sister came to the party at Deacon Joe’s, and brought with them a late volume of D’Annunzio for Marie to read. Harry wished to know if I had read it, and gave us a talk on the realism of this modern Italian author.

“Again I drew on the memoirs of Dr. Godfrey Vogeldam Guph, and this time I explained that the learned doctor had all the talents but one. He never told a lie––never but once, and that was on his death-bed. Yes, it was a little late, but still it was in time to save his reputation, and, possibly, even his soul. To a man of his parts the truth had always been good enough, and lying unnecessary. If he had told a lie it wouldn’t have amounted to anything––everybody would have believed it. He wouldn’t have got any credit––poor man! He had no more use for a lie than a fish has for a mackintosh––until he came to his last touching words, which were delivered to a minister and his sister Sophia, who79had been reading to him from a book of D’Annunzio.

“‘My chance has arrived at last,’ he said to Sophia, ‘and in order that I may make the most of it, you will please send for a minister.’

“The latter came, and, seeing the book, asked the good man if he had read it.

“‘Alas! my friend, that it should be necessary for me to tell a lie on my death-bed,’ said the Doctor. ‘But now, at last, I tell it proudly and promptly. I have not read that book.’

“‘And therein I do clearly see the truth,’ said the wise old minister.

“‘Which is this,’ the learned Doctor confessed. ‘I have come to an hour when a lie, and nothing but a lie, can show my sense of shame. I solemnly swear that I have not read it!’

“‘Well, at least you’re a noble liar,’ said the man of God. ‘I absolve you.’

“‘I claim no credit––I am only doing my80duty,’ said the good Doctor, with a sign of ineffable peace.

“As soon as I could get his attention, I called Harry aside and whispered: ‘In Heaven’s name, boy, get hold of that book and hang on to it.’

“‘Why?’ he asked.

“‘You don’t know the old man as I do––that’s why,’ I said. ‘If he should happen to read it, he’d go after you with his grandfather’s sword the next time you showed up here.’

“Marie stood near us, and I beckoned to her, and she came to my side.

“‘The book,’ said Harry––‘would you let me take it?’

“‘I took it to my grandfather, and he is reading it in his room,’ she answered. ‘Shall I go and get it?’

“Harry hesitated.

“‘He won’t mind,’ said Marie; ‘I’ll go and get it.’

“And away she went.

“She came back to us soon, a bit embarrassed.

“‘He seems to be very much interested and––and a little cross,’ said she. ‘I think he will bring it out to you soon.’

“Harry turned pale.

“‘You look sick, old man,’ I said.

“‘I’m not feeling very well,’ said he, ‘and I think I shall excuse myself and go home.’

“There was danger of a scene, but he got away unharmed. By and by the lionhearted deacon came out of his room, asked severely for ‘young Delance,’ wandered through the crowd, answered indignantly a few inquiries about his health, and returned to his lair.

“I saw that the Deacon was mad. New New England had imprudently bumped into old New England, and it was too soon to estimate the damage.”

The Honorable Socrates Potter laughed as he filled his pipe, and resumed with an attitude of ease and comfort;

“I’m a bit of a Puritan myself, although I understood Harry better than did the Deacon. The young people have been captured by the frankness of the Latin races. They call it emancipation. Travel and the higher education have opened the storage vats of foreign degeneracy and piped them into our land. Certain young men who have been ‘finished’ abroad, where they filled their souls with Latin lewdness, have turned it into fiction and a source of profit. Women buy their books and rush through them, and only touch the low places. There they lie entranced, thick as autumnal leaves that strew the brooks in Vallombrosa. Like the women in the sack of Ismail, they sit them down and watch for the adultery to begin.

“The imagination of the old world seems to have gone wild––Oscar Wilde! How the Oscars have thriven there since the first of them went to jail!––a degenerate dynasty!––hiding the stench of spiritual rot with the perfume of faultless rhetoric, speaking83the unspeakable with the tongues of angels and of prophets! And mostly, my boy, they have thriven on the dollars of American women under the leadership of modern culture. And, you know, the maiden follows mama. She is an apologist of sublime lewdness, of emancipated human caninity. Now I am no prude. I can stand a fairly strong touch of human nature. I can even put up with a good deal of the frankness of the cat and dog. But the frankness of some modern authors makes me sorry that Adam was a common ancestor of theirs and mine. It’s a disgrace to Adam and the whole human brotherhood. We sons of the Puritans ought to get busy in the old cause. Noah had the good sense to keep the animals and the people apart, and that’s what we’ve always stood for.”

84VIIIIN WHICH SOCRATES ATTACKS THE HELMET AND THE BATTLE-AX

“Marie came to see us at our home next morning and began to cry as soon as she had sat down in the library. The thing I had looked for had come to pass. Her grandfather had dropped Harry from his list, and warned him to keep off the rag-carpet. There was to be no more prancing around in the ‘toot-coach’ and the ‘Harry-cart,’ as he called them, for Marie. In his view it was the surest means of getting to perdition. Harry was an idler, and he had always found that an idle brain was the devil’s workshop. Marie might be polite to the young man, but she must keep her85side of the road and see that there was always plenty of room between them.

“‘He’s so hateful,’ Marie said of her grandfather. ‘He made such a fuss about our getting a crest that we’ve a perfect right to! Mama had to give it up.’

“‘What! Do you mean to tell me that you have no crest!’ I inquired, anxiously.

“‘We have one, but we cannot use it; our hands are tied,’ was her sorrowful answer.

“‘I’m astonished. Why, everybody is going to have a crest in Pointview.

“‘The other day I suggested to Bridget Maloney, our pretty chambermaid, that she ought to have the Maloney crest on her letter-heads.

“‘“What’s that?” says Bridget.

“‘“What’s that!” I said, with a look of pity.

“‘Then I showed her a letter from Mrs. Van Alstyne, with a lion and a griffin cuffing each other black and blue at the top of the sheet.

“‘“It’s grand!” said she.

“‘“It’s the Van Alstyne crest,” I said. “It’s a proof of respectability. Aren’t you as good as they are?”

“‘“Every bit!” said she.

“‘“That’s what I thought. Don’t you often feel as if you were better than a good many people you know?”

“‘“Sure I do.”

“‘“Well, that’s a sign that you’re blue-blooded,” said I. “Probably you’ve got a king in your family somewhere. A crest shows that you suspect your ancestors––nothing more than that. It isn’t proof, so there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have it. You ought not to be going around without a crest, as if you were a common servant-girl. Why, every kitchen-maid will be thinking she’s as good as you are. You want to be in style. You have money in the bank, and not half the people who have crests are as well able to afford ’em.”

“‘“How much do they cost?”

“‘IT’S THE VAN ALSTYNE CREST,’ I SAID. ‘IT’S A PROOF OF RESPECTABILITY.’”

“‘“Nothing––at least, yours’ll cost nothing, Bridget. I shall be glad to buy one for you.”

“‘The simple girl thanked me, and I found the Maloney crest for her, and had the plate made and neatly engraved on a hundred sheets of paper.

“‘Next week the PointviewAdvocatewill print this item: “Miss Bridget Maloney, the genial chambermaid of Mrs. Socrates Potter, uses the Maloney crest on her letter-heads. She is said to be a lineal descendant of his Grace Bryan Maloney, one of the early dukes of Ireland.”

“‘Bridget is haughty, well-mannered, and a neat dresser. She’s a pace-maker in her set. Even the high-headed servants of Warburton House imitate her hats and gowns.

“‘Yesterday Katie O’Neil, one of Mrs. Warburton’s maids, came to me for information as to the heraldry of her house.88I found a crest for Katie; and then came Mary Maginness; and Bertha Schimpfelheim, the daughter of a real German count; and one August Bernheimer, a young barber of baronial blood; and Pietro Cantaveri, our prosperous bootblack, who was the grandson of an Italian countess; and so it goes, and soon all the high-born servers of Pointview will be supplied with armorial bearings.

“‘These claims to distinction shall be soberly chronicled in theAdvocate. Not one is to be overlooked or treated with any lack of respect. On the contrary, the whole thing will be exploited with a proper sense of awe.’

“Marie laughed.

“‘Wait till I tell mama,’ she said. ‘It’s lucky you told me. It’s saved us. I guess grandfather was right about that.’

“‘And he’s right about Harry, too,’ I said. ‘But don’t despair; I’m trying to put a new mainspring in the boy. If I succeed, your89grandfather may have to change his mind.’

“She went away comforted, but not happy.

“Well, I went on with the crest campaign. Bertha, Pietro, and the others got their crests and saw their names in the paper.

“The supply of crests was soon perfectly adequate, and among our best people the demand for them began to diminish, and suddenly ceased. The beast rampant and couchant, the helmet and the battle-ax, associated only with mixed tenses and misplaced capitals according to their ancient habit. This chambermaid grammar was referred to by my friend, Dr. Guph, as the ‘battle-ax brand’––a designation of some merit. Expensive stationery fell into the fireplaces of Pointview, and armorial plates were found in the garbage. The family trees of the village were deserted. Not a bird twittered in their branches. The subject of genealogy was buried in deep silence,90save when the irreverent referred to some late addition to our new aristocracy.

“Now I want to make it clear that we have no disrespect for the customs of any foreign land. If I were living in a foreign land and needed evidence of my respectability, I’d have a crest, if it was likely to prove my case. But America was founded by the sons of the yeomen, and the yeomen established their respectability with other evidence. Their brains were so often touched by the battle-ax that some of us have an hereditary shyness about the head, and we dodge at every baronial relic.”

91IXIN WHICH SOCRATES INCREASES THE SUPPLY OF SPLENDOR

“In due time the Society of Useful Women met at our house, and I was invited to make a few remarks, and said in effect:

“‘We are trying to correct the evil of extravagant display in America, and first I ask you to consider the cause of it. We find it in the ancient law of supply and demand. The reason that women love to array themselves in silk and laces and jewels and picture-hats and plumes of culture and sunbursts of genealogy lies in the fact that the supply of these things has generally been limited. Their cost is so high, therefore, that few can afford them,92and those who wear them are distinguished from the common herd. This matter of buying distinction is the cause of our trouble. Now I propose that we increase the supply of jewels, silks, laces, picture-hats, and ancestors in Pointview––that we bring them within the reach of all, and aim a death-blow at the distinction to be obtained by displaying them. There isn’t a servant-girl in this community who doesn’t pant for luxuries. Why shouldn’t she? I move that we have a committee to consider this inadequate supply of luxuries, with the power to increase the same at its own expense.’

“I was appointed chairman of that committee, and went to work, with Betsey and Mrs. Warburton as coadjutors.

“We stocked a store with clever imitations of silks, satins, and old lace, and the best assortment of Brummagem jewelry that could be raked together. We had a great show-case full of glittering paste––bracelets,93tiaras, coronets, sunbursts, dog-collars, rings, necklaces––all extremely modish and so handsome that they would have deceived any but trained eyes. Our pearls and sapphires were especially attractive. We hired a skilled dressmaker, familiar with the latest modes, and a milliner who could imitate the most stunning hats on Fifth Avenue at reasonable prices. Every servant in good standing in our community was permitted to come and see and buy and say ‘Charge it.’

“Mrs. Warburton’s ball for the servants of Pointview, to be given in the Town Hall, was coming near. It happened that the committee of arrangements included Marie and the young Reverend Robert Knowles. Their intimacy began in the work of that committee. For days they rode about in the minister’s motor-car getting ready for the ball and for the greater intimacy that followed it.

“Our ball sent its radiance over land and94sea. Sunbursts shone like stars in the Milky Way. A fine orchestra furnished music. Reporters from New York and other cities were present.

“The nurses, cooks, kitchen-girls, laundresses, and chambermaids of Pointview were radiant in silk, lace, diamonds, pearls, and rubies. The costumes were brilliant, but all in good taste. Alabaster? Why, my dear boy, they would have made the swell set resemble a convention of beanpoles. For the matter of busts, they busted the record!

“The only mishap occurred when Bertha Schimpfelheim––some call her Big Bertha––slipped and fell in a waltz, injuring the knee of her companion. To my surprise the brainiest of these working-folk saw the satire in which they were taking part, and entered into it with all the more spirit because they knew.

“RADIANT IN SILK, LACE, DIAMONDS, PEARLS, AND RUBIES”

“The presence of Mr. Warburton, Mr. and Mrs. Delance, Marie, and the Reverend Robert Knowles on the floor insured proper decorum and lent an air of seriousness to the event. It proved an effective background for Marie. She shone like a pigeon-blood ruby among garnets. She wore no jewels, and was distinguished only by her beauty and the simplicity of her costume and the unmistakable evidence of good breeding in her face and manners.

“Harry sat with me in the gallery.

“‘She’s wonderful!’ he exclaimed. ‘All this rococo ware simply emphasizes her charm. Only a girl of brains could carry it off as she does. She’s among them and yet apart. An old duke once told me that if you want to know the rank of a lady, observe how she treats an inferior. It’s quite true. By Jove! I’m in love with Marie, and I’m going to make her my wife if possible.’

“‘That’s one really substantial result of the ball,’ I said.

“‘Do you think that she cares for Knowles––that minister chap?’”

“‘I’m inclined to think that she likes you better,’ I said.

“‘Is your inclination encouraged by evidence?’

“‘That query I must decline to answer,’ said I.

“‘Well, you know, I’m not going to be long in doubt,’ the boy declared, as he left me.

“The event was an epoch-maker. Long reports of it appeared in the daily press and traveled far in a surge of thoughtful merriment. For instance: ‘Miss Mary Maginness, the accomplished lady-in-waiting of Mrs. William Warburton, of Warburton House, wore a coronet and a dog-collar of diamonds above a costume of white brocaded satin, trimmed with old duchesse lace and gold ornaments. Miss Maginness is a lineal descendant of Lord Rawdon Maginness, of Cork, who early in the seventeenth century commanded an army that drove the Italians out of Ireland.’

“And so it went, with column after column of glittering detail. Since then the servants have enjoyed a monopoly in splendor––it’s been a kind of Standard Jewel Company, and certain rich men have boasted in my presence that they haven’t a jewel in their houses; and one added with quite unneeded emphasis: ‘Not a measly jewel. My wife says that they suggest dish-water and aprons.’

“‘It is too funny!’ said Mrs. Warburton. ‘You know those jewels at the ball were quite as real as many that are worn by ladies of fashion. Most rich women who want to save themselves worry keep their jewels in the strong-box and wear replicas of paste and composition.’

“The instalment jeweler has gone out of business, and half a dozen servant-girls have refused to make further payments on their solitaires and returned them.

“One singular thing happened. Nearly97all those servants paid their bills to our store, and we closed out with an unexpected profit, while a number of stores who charged their goods to the noble band of employers have stopped for need of money.”

98XIN WHICH SOCRATES BREAKS THE DRAG AND TANDEM MONOPOLY IN POINTVIEW

“Harry’s father came often for a smoke and talk with me after dinner, and his favorite subject was Harry. As a subject of conversation, Harry was more successful than the average crime. In this respect he resembled a divorce or a murder. That’s how it happened that Harry got on my mind. He is one of the most skilful riders of the human mind that I know of. He was wearing us out, and we were all bucking to get him off. Well, his father was thinking about him while I was thinking about the rest of Pointview. It was another case of Rome and Cæsar. Harry’s last achievement99was to accuse his father of being the fossiliferous remnant of an ancient time.

“‘The truth is, Harry hasn’t enough competition in his line,’ I suggested, one evening. ‘The other boys are doing well, but they don’t keep up with him.

“‘You know after I left college, in my youth, I spent a couple of years in Wyoming. Well, Mary Ann Crowder was the only single lady within a hundred miles, and she was the most obstreperous damn critter that I ever saw. She had a monopoly an’ knew it, an’ wasn’t decently polite. Put on more style than a nigger at a cakewalk. Though she had red hair an’ only one eye, some of the boys used to ride sixty miles for a visit with her. Then they had to swim the Snake River and maybe wrestle with a tame bear that was loose in the dooryard. By and by a man with two unmarried daughters moved on to a ranch near us, and then Mary Ann began to be polite. She suddenly became a human100being, an’ killed the bear, an’ moved across the river an’ married the first man that proposed, and lived happily ever after.

“‘What we need here is another drag and tandem.’

“‘Get what you need, and I’ll pay the bills,’ said Harry’s father.

“So I went to a sale in New York, bought my drag and tandem-cart, and had them shipped to Pointview. Our local sign-painter put a crest or, rather, a kind of royal hatchment, on the panels of both. Then I sold them for next to nothing to a local livery on conditions. Its new owner agreed to use the drag for chowder-parties, and to break the worst-looking nags in his stable to drive tandem on the cart.

“Tommy Ruggles, a smart-looking knight of the currycomb, whose first name was a kitchen word in Pointview, sprang to my assistance. He had curly hair, and a good deal of natural cuteness, and was, moreover, ‘a divvle with the girls.’ He contracted101with me to take a selected list of female servants for an airing in the tandem-cart. He was to get a royalty of five dollars a head on every servant that was properly aired, with a small premium on red ones.

“He began with Big Bertha, our worthy German countess. Tommy had a playful humor, and cracked his long whip over the rough-harnessed nags and merrily tooted his horn as the rig lumbered along through the main streets of our village. Many laughed and many wondered, while an army of noisy kids followed and hung on behind.

“Tommy got his second girl, who was hit on the head with a ripe tomato, and then it was all over. The girls wouldn’t stand for it. The sport had become too exciting. Tommy told me how he had invited Bridget Maloney, and she had said: ‘Na-a-ah! Do yez take me for an idiot? Sure every rotten egg in the town would be jumpin’ at me.’

“It suggested an idea. As the imitation102idiots had given out, we would try the real thing. So I ’phoned the manager of our thriving idiot asylum on the Post Road and arranged to have Tommy take one of his patients every day for a drive in the cart. Why shouldn’t all the idiots enjoy themselves? Fresh air would be good for them. It would turn the cart into a charity which would cover a part of my sins. I asked for the better class of idiots––the quiet ones, who had sense enough to appreciate a good thing. The parade began and continued day after day.

“Harry had retired his tandem after Tom, with a stiff-backed idiot by his side, had clattered after him through the village behind the two spavined nags to the amusement of many people. He had kept up with Harry.

“Soon that kind of a rig was known as the Idiot Wagon. Then Tommy resigned; it was more than he could stand. He said he was willing to do any honest work for103money, but not that. He said that the idiots imagined themselves rich, and put on so much style that it made the whole thing ridiculous.

“‘Never mind––it’s the habit of idiots,’ I said.

“‘One of ’em thinks he’s Napoleon Bonaparte, an’ calls me his man, and wears a plug hat and sits as straight as a ramrod, and bows to the people when they laugh at him,’ said Tommy. ‘Some of ’em get stuck on the cart, and it’s a fight to get ’em out of it. I tell ye, I’m sick o’ the job. The sight o’ that cart makes me feel nutty.’

“‘Never mind, Tom,’ I said; ‘you’ve been a public benefactor, and you and the cart are entitled to an honorable discharge.’

“Every bright day the drag was tooling over the road with picnic-parties on their way to one of the popular beaches. Our local lodges and political clubs, and now and then a load of Italians, were able to104enjoy the luxury which had been the exclusive delight of Harry and the fluffy maidens of Pointview.

“Drags an’ tandems are all right if you don’t go too far with ’em. We were just in time to prevent them from becoming tools of degeneration in our village.”

105XIIN WHICH SUNDRY PEOPLE MAKE GREAT DISCOVERIES

“There were many private panics in Pointview. It was my privilege to observe, under calm exteriors, a raging fever of excitement––characters going bankrupt, collectors wandering in a fruitless quest. One little rill that flowed into the swift river of national trouble issued from the bosom of my clerk, Mr. ‘Cub’ Sayles. It had been one of the most placid bosoms in Pointview. Now it was in the midst of what I have since referred to as the ‘Violet and Supper Panic of 1907.’

“Cub was a quiet, hard-working, serious-minded boy whose mother moved in the106higher circles of Boston. He had a low, pleasant voice, a touch of Harry’s dialect, and a sad face. He had asked for a higher salary, and I had asked for information.

“‘You see every time I go to call on my girl I have to take a bunch of violets or a two-pound box of candy,’ he said. ‘Then if we go to the theater her chaperon has to be with us––don’t you know? She’s a stout lady who complains of faintness before the play ends, and I have to ask them out to supper. Then I am always greatly alarmed, for you never can tell what will happen, sir, with two ladies at supper and only twenty dollars in your pocket, and both ladies fond of game and crab-meat. It’s really very trying. I sit and tremble as I watch them, and go home with only a feeble remnant of my salary, and next day I have to pawn my diamond ring.’

“‘All that isn’t honest,’ I said. ‘You’re getting her favor under false pretenses. You’re trying to make her believe that you107are a sort of aristocrat with lots of money. Why don’t you tell her the truth––that you can’t afford violets, that the two-pound box is a burden that is breaking your back, and that every theater-supper sends you to the pawnbroker’s?’

“‘I can’t––she would throw me over,’ he explained. ‘The girls expect those things. They like to show and talk about them––don’t you know? It’s the fashion. Our best young men do it, sir.’

“‘Well, if you are willing to give up your honor for a lady’s smile you won’t do for me,’ I said. ‘You must not only tell the truth, but live it. You must be just what you are––a poor boy working for twenty dollars a week. If the girl doesn’t like it she’s unfit to associate with honest men. If you don’t like it I don’t like you.’

“Perspiration had begun to dampen the brow of Cub.

“‘I––I hadn’t seen it in that light, sir,’108he said. ‘But what am I to do, sir? I am heavily indebted to my tailor.’

“‘What! Haven’t you paid for those lovely garments?’

“‘I had them charged, sir,’ Cub sadly answered. ‘My mother sent me a hundred dollars to pay for them, but I loaned it to Roger Daniels. I should be much obliged, sir, if you would collect it for me.’

“I went to Roger and made him pay the debt. He paid it in a curious way––by going to his tailor and buying a hundred dollars’ worth of clothes for Cub and having them charged. It was compounding a felony, but my client was satisfied and Roger was grateful. He began to have some regard for me. Not every lawyer had been able to make him pay. Within a day or so he came to consult me about a mortgage on his patrimony.

“Roger had married and settled down immediately after his remarkable cruise. He had kept his party in ignorance of his109financial troubles and returned with his reputation as an aristocrat firmly established. The gay young Bessie Runnymede had accepted him at once. He had become junior partner in a firm of brokers and had rented a handsome residence in Pointview.

“So they began their little play with ladies, lords, and gentlemen in the cast, and with a country-house, a tandem, a crested limousine, and a racing launch for scenery. But Roger had what is known as a bad season. Well, you know, the moving-picture shows had got such a hold on the public.

“At first we concluded that he must have made another lucky play in the market. Then, after six months or so, bills against Roger began to arrive for collection from sundry department stores in the city. He was a good fellow and had plausible excuses, and I declined to press payment and returned the bills.

“One day, some eight months after the110wedding, an urgent telegram from Roger brought me to New York. I found the young man in his office, with his wife at his side. They were both in tears. I sat down with them, and he told me this story:

“‘The fact is, I’m a thief,’ he began. ‘I have confessed the truth to my partners. Since my marriage I have taken about twenty thousand dollars––needed every cent of it to keep going. The fact is, I expected to make a killing in the market and return the money––had inside information––but everything went wrong. Yesterday I was cleaned out.

“‘I went home late in the evening. I hoped that my wife would be in bed, but she was waiting for me. She said that I looked sick, and wanted to know what was the matter. I told her that I had a headache, and got into bed as soon as possible; but I couldn’t sleep. Long after midnight my wife rose and turned on the light and came to my bed and said that she knew I111was troubled about something––that she had seen it in my face for weeks. She begged that I would let her help me bear it. Then I told her the truth, and discovered––for I didn’t know her before––one of the noblest women in the world. She hid her face in the pillow, and then I had a bad moment.

“‘“Why did you do it?” she asked as soon as she could speak.

“‘And I said: “We’ve been foolish––trying to keep up with Harry and the rest of them. It was my fault. I ought to have told you that I couldn’t go the pace.”

“‘She saw the truth in a flash, and the old-fashioned woman in her got to work.

“‘“Roger, get up and dress yourself,” said she. “We will go and see your partners to-night. We will go together, for I am as guilty as you. We will tell them the truth and beg for time. Maybe we can get the money.”

112

“‘We started in our motor-car about one o’clock for the city, on dark and muddy roads. Some ten miles out we broke an axle and left car and driver and went on afoot. My wife wouldn’t wait. No trains were running. But we could get a trolley five miles down the road. So we went on in the dark and silence. I put my arm around her, and not a word passed between us for an hour or so. I don’t know what she was thinking of, but I was trying to count my follies. It began to rain, and I felt sorry for Bess, and took off my coat and threw it over her.’

“‘“I don’t mind the rain,” she said. “It will cool me.”

“‘We were a sight when we got to the trolley, and just before daylight we rang the bell of the senior partner. Our weariness and muddy shoes and rain-soaked garments were a help to us. They touched his heart, sir. Anyhow, he gave me a week of grace in which to make good. I must get the113money somehow, and I want your advice about it.’

“‘I’m glad of one part of it all,’ I said––‘that you have discovered each other and learned that you are human beings of a pretty good sort. I’ve much more respect for both of you than I ever had before.’

“He looked at me in surprise.

“‘Oh, you are a better man than you were three months ago!’ I answered him. ‘You happen to have run against the law, and it’s shocked and frightened you. But you are improving. Long ago you began to incur debts which you couldn’t pay, and you must have known that you couldn’t pay them. In that manner you became possessed of a large sum of money belonging to other people. It was used not for necessities, but to maintain a foolish display. That is the most heartless kind of fraud. I’ve much more respect for you now that you see your fault and confess it. I’m convinced now that you have a conscience,114and that you will be likely to make some use of it in the future. I’m particularly grateful to your wife. She has shown me that she is just a woman, and not an angel. I don’t believe that it was at all necessary for you to have groveled in aristocratic crimes in order to win her heart. The yacht cruise and the tandem and the violets and the Fifth Avenue clothes and the ton of candy were quite superfluous. You needed only to tell her the truth, like a man, and say that you loved her.’

“‘It is true, Roger,’ said the girl as she broke down again.

“‘I did it all to please you, dear,’ the boy answered, in his effort to comfort her.

“‘And it did please me,’ she said, brokenly, ‘but I know that I should have been better pleased if––’

“She hesitated, and I expressed her thought for her:

“‘If he had centralized on manhood. There is something sweeter than violets115and grander than fine raiment in a sort of character that a boy should offer to the girl he loves.’

“They were both convinced. It was easy to see that now, and I promised to do what I could for them.

“I got a schedule of the young man’s debts and found that he owed, among other debts, six thousand dollars to sundry shops and department stores in New York––the purchases of his wife in the eight months of their wedded life. I asked her how it could have happened.

“‘He opened accounts for me and said I could buy what I wanted, and you know it is so easy to say “Charge it,’” was her answer. ‘Every one has accounts these days, and they tempt you to buy more than you need.’

“‘It is true. Credit is the latest ally of the devil. It is the great tempter. It is responsible for half the extravagance of modern life. The two words ‘charge it’116have done more harm than any others in the language. They have led to a vast amount of unnecessary buying. They have developed a talent for extravagance in our people. They have created a large and growing sisterhood and brotherhood of dead-beats. They have led to bankruptcy and slow pay and bad debts. They have raised the cost of everything we require because the tradesman compels us to pay his uncollected accounts. They are added to your bills and mine, and the merchant prince suffers no impairment of his fortune.

“Bessie’s bank-account was also overdrawn. That reminds me of a new sinner––the bank-check. It is so easy to draw a check––and, then, somehow, it’s only a piece of paper. You let it go without a pang while you would be very thoughtful if you were counting out the money and parting with it.

“The check is another way of saying ‘Charge it.’

“That evening I went to see Harry.”

117XIIIN WHICH HARRY IS FORCED TO ABANDON SWAMP FICTION AND LIKE FOLLIES AND TO STUDY THE GEOGRAPHY AND NATIVES OF A LAND UNKNOWN TO OUR HEIRISTOCRACY

“I found Harry smoking with Cub Sayles in his den above stairs in the big country-house of Henry Delance. As I entered Harry said to his young friend:

“‘I have to talk over some things with Mr. Potter––would you mind going down to the library?’

“Cub withdrew, and Harry sat down with me.

“‘I suppose you’ve seen him?’ he asked, nervously.

118

“‘Whom?’

“‘Why, you know a mysterious stranger has been looking for me and––by Jove!––I’m scared stiff. He’s an Englishman.’

“‘What of that?’

“‘Let me show you,’ said Harry.

“He took a key from his pocket, unlocked a door, and fetched the familiar skull of the Bishop of St. Clare and put it on the table before me.

“‘It’s that damn Bishop’s head,’ he whispered. ‘It has come back––would you believe it?––picked up by a fisherman on the Irish coast and returned to the express office in London. All the old directions were quite legible on the box. “To Harry Delance, SS.Lusitania. If not found, forward to Pointview, Conn., U.S.A., charges collect!” So it came on. I received a notice and went down and got it out of bond and paid three pounds, and here it is.’

“‘It looks as if the Bishop was out for revenge,’ I said, with a laugh.

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“‘He’s got on my nerves and my conscience,’ said Harry. ‘By Jove! he haunts me. When I heard of this mysterious Englishman to-day I got a chill.’

“‘You go buy yourself a small shovel and a pocket light to-morrow,’ I suggested, and at night go back in the hills with the Bishop’s head and bury it.’

“‘And if I get into trouble I want you to take care of me.’

“I made no answer. It didn’t seem necessary, but I said: ‘There’s another matter of which I have come to talk with you. Our friend Roger is in trouble.’

“I told him the story of Roger’s downfall. It got under his vest, and I added: ‘Now, Harry, it’s up to you to indulge in some more philanthropy. You ought to help him.’

“‘What––what can I do?’ he asked in amazement.

“‘Lend him the money––twenty thousand dollars. It isn’t all that the public120will charge against you on Roger’s account, but it will do.’

“‘Harry sank in his chair and threw up his hands as if grasping for a straw.

“‘It’s my whole allowance for the year,’ he said, ‘and I couldn’t appeal to the Governor.’

“‘Nevertheless you ought to do it, for Roger told me that it was your pace that brought him where he is.’

“‘What an ass!’ Harry exclaimed, and the old Bishop seemed to indorse his view. ‘By the blue beard of the Caliph, what am I to do?’

“‘Pay it,’ I insisted.

“‘Pay it and die,’ he groaned. ‘I shall have to do it somehow, but this kind of thing is grinding me.’

“‘You can go to my ranch in Wyoming and live on nothing for six months,’ I said. ‘When you get back I’ll lend you enough to tide you over!

“‘I’ll do it,’ he said, as if it were the very straw he had been reaching for.

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“Then he began to tell me of other troubles. Marie had been decidedly cool to Harry at the servants’ ball. Then he had met her on the street, and she had barely noticed him and hurried away, with the young Reverend Robert Knowles at her side. Harry was, fortunately, going slow, but he had received internal injuries and was suffering from shock.

“‘The old man is at the bottom of it,’ I explained. ‘You gave him a dose from the wrong bottle. It p’isoned him.’

“‘By Jove! What a prude he is!’ said Harry. ‘Upon my word that is one of the noblest books I ever read––contains a great lesson, don’t you know? It takes you straight to the heights.’

“‘Too straight,’ I said. ‘It turns out for nothing. It crosses a morass to avoid going around. When you reach the high ground you are covered with mud and slime. You need to be washed and disinfected, and perhaps you’ve caught a122fever that will last as long as you live. Many a boy and girl have got mired in this swamp fiction that you enjoy so much. There are many of us who prefer to go around the swamp and keep on a decent footing even if it takes longer.’

“‘We want to know all sides of life,’ said Harry.

“‘And would you care to see the girl you loved studying life in a brothel?’

“‘Well, really, you know, that’s different,’ Harry stammered.

“‘But the fact is, her feet might as well be in a brothel as her brain,’ I insisted. ‘She might shake the dust from herfeet. Harry, there’s one side of life that you ought to study at once––the American side. You’ve neglected the Western hemisphere in your studies. When can you start for the ranch?’

“‘Day after to-morrow––if you like. This place is a dreadful bore.’

“‘Good! I’ll attend to the tickets to-day,123The cart, drag, and horses will be all the better for a vacation, and the eyes of the people are in need of rest.’

“‘The whole outfit is going to be sold,” said Harry. ‘Idiots and the hoi polloi have quite ruined the sport here. The Governor is always poking fun at it, you know, and it has made me so weary! One can’t stand that kind of thing forever––can he? I got after his helmet, battle-ax, and family tree, by Jove! Our crested chambermaids and bootblacks have been a great help to me. What a noble band of philanthropists! Father and I have made an agreement. He is going to chuck the battle-ax and saw the royal branches off our family tree and I am going to sell the drag, cart, and horses.’

“‘That’s a great treaty,’ I said. ‘The settlement of the Alaskan frontier is not more important than fixing the boundaries of our social life. Let us surrender the tools of idiocy; especially, let us abandon all124claim to the helmet and battle-ax. They’re all right in their place, but they aren’t ours. The plowshare and the pruning-hook are our symbols.’

“‘By Jove! you know, the old Bishop of St. Clare agrees with you exactly,’ said Harry. ‘I’ve been reading his life and writings, which I picked up in London, and he’s about converted me to your way of thinking. He hated “the glittering idleness” of the rich and put industry above elegance.’

“‘And he doesn’t intend that your education shall be neglected––he’s looking after you.’

“‘He’s as industrious as Destiny,’ said the young man. ‘Did you know that Cub Sayles is engaged?’

“‘To whom?’

“‘Mrs. Revere-Chalmers.’

“‘God rest his soul!’ I exclaimed.

“‘It’s just the thing for Cub,’ said Harry. ‘He’s poor but presentable, and125has many extravagant tastes. She’s quite a bit older than he, of course, but that isn’t unusual.’

“‘I warned him long ago, knowing that his folly would undo him. Now he will be a captain of New Thought, King of the Flub Dubs, advertising manager of the Psychological Hair Factory, and inspector of pimples.’

“‘But don’t you know that he will have everything that he desires?’

“‘Except happiness.’

“‘Oh, I think that she is very fond of him!’ said Harry. ‘She told me to-day that he is the only man she ever loved, and the dear old girl thinks that she won him by concentration.’

“With this remark, made on the 20th of May, Harry dropped out of the history of Pointview until December.”

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