MORTIMER COLLINS.

If life were never bitter,And love were always sweet,Then who would care to borrowA moral from to-morrow—If Thames would always glitter,And joy would ne'er retreat,If life were never bitter,And love were always sweet?If Care were not the waiterBehind a fellow's chair,When easy-going sinnersSit down to Richmond dinners,And life's swift stream flows straighter—By Jove, it would be rareIf Care were not the waiterBehind a fellow's chair.If wit were always radiant,And wine were always iced,And bores were kicked out straightwayThrough a convenient gateway;Then down the years' long gradient'Twere sad to be enticed;If wit were always radiant,And wine were always iced.

If life were never bitter,And love were always sweet,Then who would care to borrowA moral from to-morrow—If Thames would always glitter,And joy would ne'er retreat,If life were never bitter,And love were always sweet?If Care were not the waiterBehind a fellow's chair,When easy-going sinnersSit down to Richmond dinners,And life's swift stream flows straighter—By Jove, it would be rareIf Care were not the waiterBehind a fellow's chair.If wit were always radiant,And wine were always iced,And bores were kicked out straightwayThrough a convenient gateway;Then down the years' long gradient'Twere sad to be enticed;If wit were always radiant,And wine were always iced.

If life were never bitter,And love were always sweet,Then who would care to borrowA moral from to-morrow—If Thames would always glitter,And joy would ne'er retreat,If life were never bitter,And love were always sweet?

If life were never bitter,

And love were always sweet,

Then who would care to borrow

A moral from to-morrow—

If Thames would always glitter,

And joy would ne'er retreat,

If life were never bitter,

And love were always sweet?

If Care were not the waiterBehind a fellow's chair,When easy-going sinnersSit down to Richmond dinners,And life's swift stream flows straighter—By Jove, it would be rareIf Care were not the waiterBehind a fellow's chair.

If Care were not the waiter

Behind a fellow's chair,

When easy-going sinners

Sit down to Richmond dinners,

And life's swift stream flows straighter—

By Jove, it would be rare

If Care were not the waiter

Behind a fellow's chair.

If wit were always radiant,And wine were always iced,And bores were kicked out straightwayThrough a convenient gateway;Then down the years' long gradient'Twere sad to be enticed;If wit were always radiant,And wine were always iced.

If wit were always radiant,

And wine were always iced,

And bores were kicked out straightway

Through a convenient gateway;

Then down the years' long gradient

'Twere sad to be enticed;

If wit were always radiant,

And wine were always iced.

Brow.

O cool in the summer is salad,And warm in the winter is love;And a poet shall sing you a balladDelicious thereon and thereof.A singer am I, if no sinner,My Muse has a marvellous wing,And I willingly worship at dinnerThe Sirens of Spring.Take endive... like love it is bitter;Take beet... for like love it is red;Crisp leaf of the lettuce shall glitter,And cress from the rivulet's bed;Anchovies foam-born, like the LadyWhose beauty has maddened this bard;And olives, from groves that are shady;And eggs—boil 'em hard.

O cool in the summer is salad,And warm in the winter is love;And a poet shall sing you a balladDelicious thereon and thereof.A singer am I, if no sinner,My Muse has a marvellous wing,And I willingly worship at dinnerThe Sirens of Spring.Take endive... like love it is bitter;Take beet... for like love it is red;Crisp leaf of the lettuce shall glitter,And cress from the rivulet's bed;Anchovies foam-born, like the LadyWhose beauty has maddened this bard;And olives, from groves that are shady;And eggs—boil 'em hard.

O cool in the summer is salad,And warm in the winter is love;And a poet shall sing you a balladDelicious thereon and thereof.A singer am I, if no sinner,My Muse has a marvellous wing,And I willingly worship at dinnerThe Sirens of Spring.

O cool in the summer is salad,

And warm in the winter is love;

And a poet shall sing you a ballad

Delicious thereon and thereof.

A singer am I, if no sinner,

My Muse has a marvellous wing,

And I willingly worship at dinner

The Sirens of Spring.

Take endive... like love it is bitter;Take beet... for like love it is red;Crisp leaf of the lettuce shall glitter,And cress from the rivulet's bed;Anchovies foam-born, like the LadyWhose beauty has maddened this bard;And olives, from groves that are shady;And eggs—boil 'em hard.

Take endive... like love it is bitter;

Take beet... for like love it is red;

Crisp leaf of the lettuce shall glitter,

And cress from the rivulet's bed;

Anchovies foam-born, like the Lady

Whose beauty has maddened this bard;

And olives, from groves that are shady;

And eggs—boil 'em hard.

Beard.

Waitress, with eyes so marvellous black,And the blackest possible lustrous gay tress,This is the month of the ZodiacWhen I want a pretty deft-handed waitress.Bring a china-bowl, you merry young soul;Bring anything green, from worsted to celery;Bring pure olive-oil, from Italy's soil...Then your china-bowl we'll well array.When the time arrives chip choicest chives,And administer quietly chili and capsicum...(Young girls do not quite know what 's whatTill as a Poet into their laps I come).Then a lobster fresh as fresh can be(When it screams in the pot I feel a murderer);After which I fancy weShall want a few bottles of Heidsieck or Roederer.

Waitress, with eyes so marvellous black,And the blackest possible lustrous gay tress,This is the month of the ZodiacWhen I want a pretty deft-handed waitress.Bring a china-bowl, you merry young soul;Bring anything green, from worsted to celery;Bring pure olive-oil, from Italy's soil...Then your china-bowl we'll well array.When the time arrives chip choicest chives,And administer quietly chili and capsicum...(Young girls do not quite know what 's whatTill as a Poet into their laps I come).Then a lobster fresh as fresh can be(When it screams in the pot I feel a murderer);After which I fancy weShall want a few bottles of Heidsieck or Roederer.

Waitress, with eyes so marvellous black,And the blackest possible lustrous gay tress,This is the month of the ZodiacWhen I want a pretty deft-handed waitress.Bring a china-bowl, you merry young soul;Bring anything green, from worsted to celery;Bring pure olive-oil, from Italy's soil...Then your china-bowl we'll well array.When the time arrives chip choicest chives,And administer quietly chili and capsicum...(Young girls do not quite know what 's whatTill as a Poet into their laps I come).Then a lobster fresh as fresh can be(When it screams in the pot I feel a murderer);After which I fancy weShall want a few bottles of Heidsieck or Roederer.

Waitress, with eyes so marvellous black,

And the blackest possible lustrous gay tress,

This is the month of the Zodiac

When I want a pretty deft-handed waitress.

Bring a china-bowl, you merry young soul;

Bring anything green, from worsted to celery;

Bring pure olive-oil, from Italy's soil...

Then your china-bowl we'll well array.

When the time arrives chip choicest chives,

And administer quietly chili and capsicum...

(Young girls do not quite know what 's what

Till as a Poet into their laps I come).

Then a lobster fresh as fresh can be

(When it screams in the pot I feel a murderer);

After which I fancy we

Shall want a few bottles of Heidsieck or Roederer.

Hair.

King Arthur, growing very tired indeedOf wild Tintagel, now that LancelotHad gone to Jersey or to Jericho,And there was nobody to make a rhyme,And Cornish girls were christened Jennifer,And the Round Table had grown rickety,Said unto Merlin (who had been asleepFor a few centuries in Broceliande,But woke, and had a bath, and felt refreshed):'What shall I do to pull myself together?'Quoth Merlin, 'Salad is the very thing,And you can get it at the "Cheshire Cheese."'King Arthur went there:verily, I believeThat he has dined there every day since then.Have you not marked the portly gentlemanIn his cool corner, with his plate of greens?The great knight Lancelot prefers the 'Cock,'Where port is excellent (in pints), and waitersAre portlier than kings, and steaks are tender,And poets have been known to meditate...Ox-fed orating ominous octastichs.

King Arthur, growing very tired indeedOf wild Tintagel, now that LancelotHad gone to Jersey or to Jericho,And there was nobody to make a rhyme,And Cornish girls were christened Jennifer,And the Round Table had grown rickety,Said unto Merlin (who had been asleepFor a few centuries in Broceliande,But woke, and had a bath, and felt refreshed):'What shall I do to pull myself together?'Quoth Merlin, 'Salad is the very thing,And you can get it at the "Cheshire Cheese."'King Arthur went there:verily, I believeThat he has dined there every day since then.Have you not marked the portly gentlemanIn his cool corner, with his plate of greens?The great knight Lancelot prefers the 'Cock,'Where port is excellent (in pints), and waitersAre portlier than kings, and steaks are tender,And poets have been known to meditate...Ox-fed orating ominous octastichs.

King Arthur, growing very tired indeedOf wild Tintagel, now that LancelotHad gone to Jersey or to Jericho,And there was nobody to make a rhyme,And Cornish girls were christened Jennifer,And the Round Table had grown rickety,Said unto Merlin (who had been asleepFor a few centuries in Broceliande,But woke, and had a bath, and felt refreshed):'What shall I do to pull myself together?'Quoth Merlin, 'Salad is the very thing,And you can get it at the "Cheshire Cheese."'King Arthur went there:verily, I believeThat he has dined there every day since then.Have you not marked the portly gentlemanIn his cool corner, with his plate of greens?The great knight Lancelot prefers the 'Cock,'Where port is excellent (in pints), and waitersAre portlier than kings, and steaks are tender,And poets have been known to meditate...Ox-fed orating ominous octastichs.

King Arthur, growing very tired indeed

Of wild Tintagel, now that Lancelot

Had gone to Jersey or to Jericho,

And there was nobody to make a rhyme,

And Cornish girls were christened Jennifer,

And the Round Table had grown rickety,

Said unto Merlin (who had been asleep

For a few centuries in Broceliande,

But woke, and had a bath, and felt refreshed):

'What shall I do to pull myself together?'

Quoth Merlin, 'Salad is the very thing,

And you can get it at the "Cheshire Cheese."'

King Arthur went there:verily, I believe

That he has dined there every day since then.

Have you not marked the portly gentleman

In his cool corner, with his plate of greens?

The great knight Lancelot prefers the 'Cock,'

Where port is excellent (in pints), and waiters

Are portlier than kings, and steaks are tender,

And poets have been known to meditate...

Ox-fed orating ominous octastichs.


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