Oppozed to passion and to false pride, caution wil perhaps be unavailing. But men who wish for permanent happiness, should be persuaded to take the meens for securing it. Wil you then run the risk of erly indulgence in illicit plezure? Some of youmayescape the evils which generally follow; but the chances are against you. In nine cases of ten, you wil destroy the vigor of your bodies, and thus impair the ability of enjoyment by excess; or what iz an additional evil, you wil contract diseese. What iz the consequence? Eether your taste for the vilest plezures wil grow into habit and make abandoned rakes of you, averse to the innocent enjoyments of the married life, and of course bad members of society; or you wil perhaps marry amiable wimen, with your strength and helth impaired, and your minds debauched, fickle, prone to jelousy. In this case, you are neether secureof your partners affections, nor wil you be likely to know the valu of their virtues. Having broken over the barriers of virtue, you are forever liable to stray; and the probability iz, you destroy the happiness of your wives, and the peece of your families. Perhaps with some art, and the forgiving temper of your wives, you may conceel the family discord, and the wretched state of your minds, from a censorious world; pride, reputation, every motiv would urge you to this precaution; but iz not this a poor substitute for happiness? A poor consolation for the multiplied evils that follow, in an endless train, from the unreezonable and criminal indulgences of a few yeers? You may be assured also that a woman of good principles cannot feel a pure satisfaction, in the company even of a reformed husband, when she reflects, az she frequently wil, that he haz wasted hiz helth and substance upon the vilest of her sex. My yung frends, it iz idle, it iz weekness and folly to expect any kind of happiness or plezure, which shal indemnify you for the trubble of seeking it, except in the pursuance of the principles which morality prescribes. Whenever you pursu an object, at the expense of any moral principle; when the attainment of your end must injure the person, the property, the reputation or the feelings of one child of Adam, the acquisition of that object wil not giv you happiness; you are pursuing a fantom. This leeds me to say something on one of the most hanous crimes a man can commit, and which the laws of society cannot or at leest do not punish; that iz, seduction.
Fashion, which iz often founded on moral propriety, and oftener on political convenience, iz sometimes an enemy to both; and public opinion, enlisted in the cauze of vice, iz a greater scurge to society than war or pestilence. It iz one of the evils, or rather of the curses of civilization, that certain crimes, az malignant in their nature, and az fatal in their consequence, az murder and robbery, becume fashionable, and to a certain degree, reputable. Of this kind, iz deliberate seduction. It iz az malignant in its nature az murder,for it iz accompanied with the same aggravation, malicepretense, or a premeditated design: It iz az fatal to society; for reputation iz az deer az life; and the wretched victims of deception, if they lay violent hands on themselves, or linger out a life of disgrace, are equally murdered, equally lost to society. And the only reezon why the seducer and the murderer hav not been placed on a footing by the laws of society, must be, the difficulty of proof, or of ascertaining the degrees of gilt, where there iz a possibility or a presumtion of assent on the part of the woman.
There are however certain instances of this crime which are az capable of proof az, arson, burglary or murder; and why the laws of a state, which prohibit under severe penalties, the taking or giving more than six per cent. interest on the loan of money, even on the fairest contract, should yet permit the seducer to take another's reputation, to doom to indelible infamy the helpless female, whoze reputation iz all her portion, iz one of thoze problems in society, which the philosopher wil impute to human imperfection, and the Kristian number among the inscrutable mysteries of providence.
But I am not addressing legislators; I am reezoning with individuals. Waving the baseness of the crime, let us attend to its consequences in families and society. You wil doutless acknowlege, for I do not see how you can deny, that when you deliberately commit a crime that affects your nabor, you explicitly admit that your nabor haz an equal right to commit the same crime against yourselves; for I presume no man wil arrogate to himself an exclusiv privilege of being a villan.
You attempt then to seduce the wife, the sister, or the dawter of your frend; but hav you none of theze relations? Hav you not a wife, a sister, a dawter, whoze reputation iz deer to you; whoze honor you would die to defend? You hav attacked the honor of your nabor; haz he not the same right to assail your family, in the same delicate point? But if you has none oftheze neer connections, hav you no female frend whozereputationiz deer to you? Now by attempting the honor of any woman, you wage war with the whole human race; you break down the barriers which nature and society hav established to gard yourownfamily and frends, and leevtheirhonor and happiness, and consequently yourown, expozed to the intreegs of every unprincipled retch: You even invite an attempt upon your family and frends; you beet a challenge, and bid defiance to any man who haz the spirit to revenge the rongs of the helpless. Theze are serious considerations, in which men of principle and of no principle are equally interested; for an abandoned rake iz usually az fond of hiz own and hiz family's honor, az the man of the chastest life.
Mingle with your superiors in age and wizdom, whenever you can do it with propriety. If your parents are wize, they wil associate with you az much az possible in your amusements; they wil be cheerful and facetious, and thus make you az happy az you wish to be at home. A morose crabbed old man iz not inviting company for the yung and sprightly; and you ought rather to shun the illnatured, if possible. But whenever your parents are of a cheerful dispozition, and luv their children, they make the most agreeable and most useful companions. They wil find amusements for you at home, and you wil be happier there than any where else. If your parents are thus dispozed to make themselves your principal companions, always indulge their inclination. You wil thus avoid the contagion of vicious company, you wil form a habit of contentment and satisfaction at home; and remember, if you do not find happiness there, you wil never find much satisfaction abroad.
In choosing society however, be careful not to push yourself into company. Yung men are often impatient of the restraints which modesty and decorum impoze upon them. They are anxious to associate with thoze of greater age and rank than themselves; and expect more notis than mankind in general suppozethey dezerv. This proceeds from the ambition and fire of youth; the motivs I beleev to be often innocent and laudable; the ambition therefore should be guverned, rather than repressed. A little experience wil dictate patience and a modest deportment, which, with yeers and information, wil always ensure respectability. I once knew a man of twenty two chagrined even to petulence, becauze he could not be admitted a trustee of a college. I waz surprized at hiz severe remarks on the venerable body of gentlemen who rejected him. He thought himself a man of more science than some of the corporation; and therefore better qualified to direct a literary institution. Admit the fact, that he excelled in scientific attainments, yet the vexation he felt at hiz disappointment waz proof enough that he waz destitute of the first requisits in the overseers of yuth,coolnessandjudgement.
In the world, avoid every species of affectation, and be az fashionable az convenience wil warrant. Yet never be the first to invent novelty, nor run to excess in imitation. This advice,to be fashionable, should however be qualified, and restrained to things indifferent, in point of morality. Az the moral karacter of men does not depend on the shape of their garments, it iz generally best to wear our clothes in the model that fashion prescribes; unless your circumstances forbid, or the fashion itself iz inconvenient: For if you are not able to afford the expense, it iz criminal in you to follow the customs of the welthy; and if the shape of a garment makes it uneezy upon you or cumbersome, the fashion iz ridiculous, and none but week peeple, the common coxcombs and butterflies of the world, wil adopt it. For this reezon follow lord Chesterfield's maxims with great caution. His letters contain a strange compound of thebestandworstinstructions ever given to a yung man; indeed it would be expected of a man, whoze object waz not to make hiz songood, but to make himshowy.
Hiz lordship, I think, recommends to hiz son to wearlong nails; in consequence of which advice, long nailsare very fashionable wherever hiz letters are red. But a man ought to be consistent. Why did he not at the same time recommend long beards? Both are very proper among savages, who hav no ideas of neetness; and one would think, they should always go together; but among civilized peeple, both are equally slovenly. Hiz lordship givs an excellent reezon for hiz advice; that mekanics pare their nails, andgentlemenought to be distinguished fromlaborers. Why did not he add, that az mekanics walk on two feet, gentlemen, for sake of distinction, ought to walk on all fours? But hiz lordship had better reezons for hiz advice. Long nails are a most commodious substitute, or at leest furnish a reddy alleviation of the evils arizing from a sparing use of ivory. Besides, hiz lordship waz a courtier, fond of royal examples, &c. He found a princely one in the Assyrian monark, who, when he waz a beest, wore hiz nails in the same manner. Nebuchadnezzer however waz under the direction of a divine impulse; an authority that hiz lordship could not claim forallhiz injunctions and maxims.
Never let fashion blind you to convenience and congruity. Do not introduce foreign customs, without reezon, or by the halves. The French feed themselves with forks, uzing knives merely to cut their meet; therefore knives with sharp points, are for them the most convenient. But it iz really laughable to see the Americans adopting the use of sharp pointed knives, without the practice of feeding themselves with forks. They do not see the particular convenience of the custom in France, where it originated; but it izthe fashion to uze them, and this iz all they think of. They are however well punished for their servile apishness, especially when they are hungry; for a man may az wel feed himself with a bodkin, az with a knife of the present fashion.
Be equally careful of affectation in the use of language. Uze words that are most common and generally understood. Remember that sublimity and elegance do not consist principally in words; az the modernstile of writing would make us beleev. Sublimity consists in grand and elevated ideas; and elegance iz most generally found in a plain, neet, chaste phraseology. In pronunciation be very cautious of imitating the stage, where indeed natureshould be represented, but where in fact we find too much strutting, mouthing, rant, and every kind of affectation. The modern pronunciation of our language on the English stage iz, beyond mezure, affected and ridiculous. The change oft,dandsintoch,jandsh, in such words aznature,education,superstition, originated in the theatrical mouthing of words; and iz, in language, what the stage-strut iz in walking. The practice haz indeed spred from the stage among our polite speekers, who hav adopted it, az peeple do other fashions, without knowing why. Were it a matter of indifference, like the shape of a hat, I would recommend it to your imitation; but I hav cleerly prooved in another place,[170]that the practice iz not vindicable on any good principles; that on the contrary, it materially injures the language, both in orthography and the melody of speeking. There iz such a thing az tru and false taste, and the latter az often directs fashion, az the former. Thenachureandedjucationof modern times are to purity of language, what red fethers and yellow ribbons are to elegance in dress; and could the practice be represented with a pencil, it would be az boldly caricatured, az theenormoushed-dresses of 1774.
Do not adopt such phrases azaverse from,agreeably to,going past, and other modern alterations of the usual idiom; for they are gross violations of the principles of the language, az might be eezily prooved, were this the place. If you are a lawyer, do not confound such terms, az,witness,testimonyandevidence, calling awitness, anevidence.Witnessiz the person testifying;testimonyiz what he declares in court; andevidenceiz the effect of that testimony in producing conviction. Do not confound such words az,geniusandcapacity, orsense,lerningandknowlege.Geniusiz the power ofinvention;capacity, the power ofreceevingideas.Senseiz the faculty of perception;lerningiz what iz obtained inbooks;knowlegeiz what iz acquired byobservation.
Attach yourselves to bizziness in the erly part of life. Shun idle dissipated karacters az you would the plague. Listen to nature and reezon, and draw just ideas of things from theze pure sources; otherwize you wil imbibefashionable sentiments, than which a more fatal evil cannot happen to you. You wil often heer bizziness condemned az drudgery and disgrace. Despize the sentiment. Nature speeks a different language. Nature tells you, "that she haz given you bodies, which require constant exercize; that labor or some other exercize iz essential to helth; that employment iz necessary to peece of mind; and industry iz the meens of acquiring property." Nature then haz renderedbizzinessnecessary tohelth and happiness, az wel az tointerest; and when men neglect her dictates, they are usually punished with poverty, diseeze and retchedness. It sometimes happens that a man's ancestors hav accumulated such an estate, that he iz wel secured frompoverty; but the very estate he possesses, iz the meens of entailing upon him diseeze and all its consequential evils: For a rich man iz strongly tempted to be lazy; and indolence, by debilitating the animal system, destroys the power of enjoyment. Besides, a man of eezy circumstances iz very apt to looze the virtu of self denial; he indulges hiz appetite too freely; he becumes an epicure in eeting, and perhaps a bakkanalian; he iz then a slave of the worst kind, a slave to hiz own desires, and hiz faithful services to himself are rewarded with the gout.
In addition to this, he may squander away hiz estate; and then he iz poor indeed! For a man who iz bred in affluence, seldom haz the resolution or the knowlege requisit to repair a broken fortune. The way tokeep an estate, iz to lern in youth how toacquire one; and the way toenjoyan estate, iz to be constantly in some bizziness which shal find employment for the faculties of the mind. Idleness and plezure fateeg az soon azbizziness; and indeed when bizziness haz becume habitual, it iz the first of plezures.
In forming a matrimonial connection, bridle fancy, and reduce it to the control of reezon. You wil perhaps be in luv at sixteen; but remember, you cannot rely on the continuance of the passion. At this erly period of life, a man's passions are too violent to last; he iz in raptures and ecstacy; butraptures and ecstacynever continuthro life. While a man talks of raptures and paradise on erth, he iz not fit to be married; for hiz passion, or rather hiz frenzy, warps hiz judgement; he iz az unqualified to form a just estimate of a woman's karacter, az a blind man to judge of colors. The probability iz, in all such cases, that a man wil make a bad choice; at leest the chances are ten to one against him. Before a man marries, he should liv long enuf to experience the fallacy of hope, and to moderate hiz expectations down to real life. He wil then meet with fewer disappointments, and be better prepared to realize the happiness that iz within hiz power.
If you feel aviolentpassion for a young lady, the chance iz that the first opportunity you hav, you wil discloze it, and assure her you are dying for her. Should passion hurry you to such a declaration, before you hav much acquaintance with her, and before you hav, by your attentions, made some favorable impressions on her hart, you may be sure of a repulse; for your sudden professions frighten the lady, and ladies are never frightened into luv. A widow wil sometimes surrender to the most unexpected attack; but yung coy maidens are to be taken only by gradual approaches. To ensure success, take the advice of a very sensible woman; "first be the frend, and then the luver." Be polite and attentiv; show yourself a particular frend, for ladies are not alarmed at professions of esteem; be neether bashful, nor discuver uncommon solicitude; and the lady's hart wil probably be yours before she knows it.
Do you ask, how you shal discuver the tru karacter of a woman, so az not to be deceeved? I answer, thismust depend mostly on obzervations of your own, or of thoze that are more acquainted with the sex than yourself. The virtues of good nature, delicacy, modest rezervedness, prudence, &c. are discuverable only by considerable acquaintance. I would however advize you to be cautious of connecting yourselves with the following karacters: First, wimen who hav been accustomed to indulge familiarities, even in company, such az kissing, playing with their hands, and the like. Secondly, thoze who wil never be seen in the morning; for if a lady runs out of a room, and avoids you in a morning dress, the suspicion iz that she iz a slut, and that she iz conscious of her unfitness to be seen. A neet woman wil never be ashamed of her dishabille, for in this she wil show her neetness to the best advantage. A slut may look tolerably wel in silks; but a neet woman only wil appeer wel in a kitchen or at a brekfast table in her own family.
Thirdly, never connect yourselves with a very loquacious or fretful woman; such a partner wil teeze you thro life. Fourthly, avoid one who haz a slanderous tung; she wil keep your family and the naborhood in perpetual discord. Fifthly, form no connection with a woman, who haz no acquaintance with a kitchen. She wil trust every thing to servants, who wil waste more than you consume; she wil not know how to reform abuses or guvern domestics; the clothes wil be ill washed, the food wil be badly cooked; you wil be harrassed with disorders and irregularity in the family; and you wil be ashamed of your wife, if she iz not ashamed of herself. A master of a vessel should notcome in at the cabin windows; nor should a man be placed at the hed of an army, without an intimate knowlege of the duty of a private soldier. How then can a lady be qualified for the care of a family, without being acquainted with every part of domestic bizziness? Sixthly, marry, if possible, a lady of virtu and religion; for religion iz her best gard from temptation and the allurements of vice. At any rate,marry. Amarried man, especially afather, iz a better citizen than a bachelor. Hiz benevolent affections are called in to exercize in hiz family; and he iz thus prepared to luv and to bless society in general.
NEW YORK, 1788.
AnADDRESStoYUNG LADIES.
my amiable frends,
Altho men in general are expozed to the suspicion of your sex, and their opinions are often construed into flattery or stratagem, yet the tenor of the following remarks wil, it iz presumed, bear such marks of sincerity az to giv them a place in your confidence. They are not the precepts of a morose instructor, nor the opinions of a hoary sage who haz lost all relish for the joys of life, and wishes to restrain the innocent plezures of sense. They do not proceed from a peevish old bachelor, whom a phlegmatic constitution, or repeeted disappointments, hav changed into a hater of your sex; but they come from a heart capable of being softened by your charms or your misfortunes; a heart that never harbored a wish but to see and make you happy. They are the sentiments of a yungfrend; one who haz lived long enuf, if not to feel hisownfaults, at leest todiscuverthoze of others; and to form a tolerable estimate of your worth in social life.
Our Saviour, when on erth, took a child in hiz arms and said, "of such iz the kingdom of heaven." I never view a circle of little misses without recollecting the divine comparison. A collection of sweet little beings, with voices az melodious az the notes of the nightingale, whoze cheeks even a whisper wil cuver with blushes, and whoze hearts are az pure az the falling snow drop; iz heaven in miniature. Such iz the description of my little female frends in the bloom of childhood. To prezerve that delicacy of mind, which nature furnishes; which constitutes the glory of your sex, and forms the principal gard of your own virtue, iz the bizziness of education. In this article, you havan opportunity to display the excellence of your character, and to exert your talents most successfully in benefitting society.
A woman without delicacy, iz a woman without reputation; for chastity really exists in the mind; and when this fountain iz pure, the words and actions that flow from it, wil be chaste and delicate. Yung misses therefore should be remooved az far az possible from all company that can taint their minds, or accustom them to indecency of any kind. Their nurses, their companions, their teechers, should be selected from peeple of at leest uncorrupted morals and amiable manners.
But a more advanced stage of life, the time when yung ladies enter into society, iz, with respect to their future reputation, a period extremely critical. Little, my deer friends, do you reflect, how important iz the manner in which you enter into life. Prudery and coquetry are extremes equally to be shunned, becauze both are equally disagreeable to our sex, and fatal to your reputations. It haz been said that coquetts often looze their reputation, while they retain their virtu; and that prudes often prezerve their reputation, after they hav lost their virtu. I would only add this remark, that coquetts aregenerally, but prudesalmost alwayssuspected; and suspicion iz az fatal to a female karacter, az a crime. Iz this unjust? Coquetry and prudery are both affectation; every species of affectation dezerves punishment; and when persons relinquish their own natural karacters for thoze which are borrowed, iz it unjust to suspect their motivs, az a punishment for the offence?
You are taught to suspect the man who flatters you. But your good sense wil very eezily distinguish between expressions of mere civility and declarations of real esteem. In general one rule holds, that the man who iz most lavish in declarations of esteem and admiration, luvs and admires you the leest. A profusion of flattery iz real ground for suspicion. Reel esteem iz evincedby a uniform course of polite respectful behaviour. This iz a proof on which you may depend; it iz a flattery the most grateful to a lady of understanding, because it must proceed from a real respect for her karacter and virtues.
Permit me here to suggest one caution. You are told that unmeening flattery iz an insult to your understandings, and sometimes you are apt to resent it. This should be done with great prudence. Precipitate resentment iz dangerous; it may not be dezerved at the time; it may make you an enemy; it may giv uneeziness to a frend; it may giv your own harts pain; it may injure you by creating a suspicion that it iz all affectation. The common place civilities of dangling beaux may be very trifling and disagreeable, but can rarely amount to an insult, or dezerve more than indifference and neglect. Resentment of such trifles can hardly be a mark of tru dignity of soul.
At this period of life, let the prime excellence of your karacters,delicacy, be discuvered in all your words and actions. Permit me, az one acquainted at leest with the sentiments of my own sex, to assure you, that a man never respects a woman, who does not respect herself. The moment a woman suffers to fall from her tung, any expressions that indicate the leest indelicacy of mind; the moment she ceeses to blush at such expressions from our sex, she ceeses to be respected; becauze az a lady, she iz no longer respectable. Whatever familiarity of conversation may be vindicable or pardonable in ether sex alone, there iz, in mixed companies, a sacred decorum that should not be violated by one rude idea. And however dispozed the ladies may be to overlook small transgressions in our sex, yet unforgiving man cannot eezily forget the offences of yours, especially when thoze offences discuver a want of all that renders you lovely.
If yourwordsare to be so strictly watched, how much more attention iz necessary to render yourconductunexceptionable. You charge our sex, with being the seducers, the betrayers of yours. Admit the chargeto be partially tru, yet let us be candid. Az profligate az many of our sex are acknowleged to be, it iz but justice to say, that very few are so abandoned az to attempt deliberately the seduction of an artless and innocent lady, who shows, by her conduct, that she iz conscious of the worth of her reputation, and that she respects her own karacter. I hav rarely found a libertine who had impudence enuf to assail virtue, that had not been expozed by some improprieties of conduct. There iz something so commanding in virtu, that even villans respect her, and dare not approach her temples but in the karacter of her votaries.
But when a woman iz incautious, when she iz reddy to fall into the arms of any man that approaches her, when she suffers double entendres, indecent hints and conversation to flow from her lips in mixed companies, she remooves the barriers of her reputation, she disarms herself, and thousands consider themselves at liberty to commence an attack.
When so much depends on your principles and reputation; when we expect to derive all the happiness of the married life from that source, can it be a crime to wish for some proof of your virtu before the indissoluble connection iz formed? Iz that virtu to be trusted which haz never been tempted? Iz it absurd to say that an attack may be made even with honorable intentions? Admit the absurdity; but such attempts are often made, and may end in your ruin. The man may then be retched in hiz mistake becauze he iz disappointed in hiz opinion and expectations. Be assured, my frends, that even vile man cannot but esteem the woman who respects herself. We look to you, in a world of vice, for that delicacy of mind, that innocence of life, which renderyoulovely andourselveshappy.
Do you wish for admiration? But admiration iz az transient az the blaze of a meteor. Ladies who hav the most admirers, are often the last to find valuable partners.
Do you wish to be esteemed and luved? It iz eezy to render yourselves esteemable and lovely. It iz only by retaining that softness of manners, that obliging and delicate attention to every karacter, which, whether natural or acquired, are at some period of life, the property of almost every female. Beauty and money, without merit, will sometimes command eligible connections; but such connections do not answer the wishes of our hearts; they do not render us happy. Lerning, or an acquaintance with books, may be a very agreeable or a very disagreeable accomplishment, in proportion to the discretion of the lady who possesses it. Properly employed, it iz highly satisfactory to the lady and her connections; but I beleev obzervation wil confirm my conjecture, that a strong attachment to books in a lady, often deters a man from approaching her with the offer of hiz heart. This iz ascribed to the pride of our sex. That the imputation iz always false, I wil not aver; but I undertake to say, that if pride iz the cauze, it iz supported by the order of nature.
One sex iz formed for the more hardy exercizes of the council, the field and the laborious employments of procuring subsistence. The other, for the superintendance of domestic concerns, and for diffusing bliss thro social life. When a woman quits her own department, she offends her husband, not merely becauze she obtrudes herself uponhizbizziness, but becauze she departs from that sphere which iz assignedherin the order of society; becauze she neglectsherduty, and leevesher owndepartment vacant. The same remark wil apply to the man who visits the kitchen and gets the name of abetty. The same principle which excludes a man from an attention to domestic bizziness, excludes a woman from law, mathematics and astronomy. Eech sex feels a degree of pride in being best qualified for a particular station, and a degree of resentment when the other encroaches upon their privilege. This iz acting conformably to the constitution of society. A woman would not willingly marry a man who iz strongly inclined to pass hiz time in seeing thehouse and furniture in order, in superintending the cooks, or in working gauze and tiffany; for she would predict, with some certainty, that he would neglect hiz proper bizziness. In the same manner, a man iz cautious of forming a connection with a woman, whoze predilection for the sciences might take her attention from necessary family concerns.
Ladies however are not generally charged with a too strong attachment to books. It iz necessary that they should be wel acquainted with every thing that respects life and manners; with a knowlege of the human hart and the graceful accomplishments. The greatest misfortune iz, that your erly studies are not always wel directed; and you are permitted to devour a thousand volumes of fictitious nonsense, when a smaller number of books, at less trubble and expense, would furnish you with more valuable trezures of knowlege.
To belovelythen you must be content to bewimen; to be mild, social and sentimental; to be acquainted with all that belongs to your department, and leeve the masculine virtues, and the profound researches of study, to the province of the other sex.
That it may be necessary, for political purposes, to consider man az the superior in authority, iz to me probable. I question whether a different maxim would not destroy your own happiness.
A man iz pleezed with the deference hiz wife shows for hiz opinions; he often loves her even for her want of information, when it creates a kind of dependence upon hiz judgement. On the other hand, a woman always despises her husband for hiz inferiority in understanding and knowlege, and blushes at the figure he makes in the company of men who possess superior talents. Do not theze facts justify the order of society, and render some difference in rank between the sexes, necessary to the happiness of both? But this superiority iz comparativ, and in some mezure, mutual. In many things, the woman iz az much superior to her husband, az he iz to her, in any article of information. They depend on eech other, and the assumption of anyprerogativ or superiority in domestic life, iz a proof that the union iz not perfect; it iz a strong evidence the partiesarenot, orwilnot be happy.
Ladies are often ridiculed for their loquaciousness. But ridicule iz not the worst punishment of this fault. However witty, sprightly and sentimental your conversation may be, depend on it, az a maxim that holds without exception, that the person who talks incessantly, wil soon ceese to be respected. From congress to private families, the remark iz tru, that a man or woman who talks much, loozes all influence. To your sex, talkativness iz very injurious; for a man wil hardly ever chooze a noizy loquacious woman for hiz companion. A delicate rezerv iz a becuming, a commanding characteristic of an amiable woman; the want of which no brilliant accomplishments wil supply. A want of ability to converse, iz scarcely so much censured, az a want of discretion to know when to speek and when to be silent.
In the choice of husbands, my fair reeders, what shall I say? It haz been said or insinuated, that you prefer men of inferior talents. This iz not tru. You are sensible that a good address and a respectful attention, are the qualities which most generally recommend to the esteem of both sexes. A philosopher, who iz absent and stupid, wil not please az a companion; but of two persons equal in other respects, the man of superior talents iz your choice. If my obzervations hav not deceeved me, you pride yourselves in being connected with men of eminence. I mention this to contradict the opinion maintained in the Lounger, that ladies giv a sort of preference to men of inferior talents. The opinion wants extension and qualification; it extends to both sexes, when tru, but iz never tru, except when men of talents are destitute of social accomplishments.
Money iz the great object of desire with both sexes; but how few obtain it by marriage? With respect to our sex, I confess, it iz not much to a man's credit to seek a fortune without any exertions of hiz own; butthe ladies often make a capital mistake in the meens of obtaining their object. They ask,what iz a man's fortune? Whereas, if they are in pursuit of welth, solid permanent welth, they should ask,is he a man of bizziness?Of talents?Of persevering industry?Does he know the use of money?The difference in the two cases iz this: The man of fortune, who haz not formed a habit of acquiring property, iz generally ignorant of the use of it. He not only spends it, but he spends it without system or advantage, and often dies a poor man. But the man who knows how toacquireproperty, generally keeps hiz expenditures within hiz income; in exerting hiz talents toobtain, he forms a habit ofuzinghiz property to advantage, and commonly enjoys life az wel inaccumulatingan estate, az the man of fortune does indissipatingone. My idea iz breefly this; that the woman who marries a man of bizziness, with very little property, haz a better chance for a fortune in middle life and old age, than one who marries a rich man who livs in idleness.
After all, ladies, it depends much on yourselves to determin, whether your families shall enjoy eezy circumstances. Any man may acquire something by hiz application; buteconomy, the most difficult article in conducting domestic concerns, iz the womans province.
You see with what frankness and candor I tell you my opinions. This iz undoutedly the best mode of conducting social intercourse, and particularly our intercourse with the fairest part of the creation.
I rite from feeling; from obzervation; from experience. The sexes, while eech keep their proper sphere, cannot fail to render eech other social and happy. But frail az yours iz commonly represented, you may not only boast of a superior share of virtu yourselves, but of garding and cherishing ours. You hav not only an interest in being good for yourownsakes, butsocietyiz interested in your goodness; you polish our manners, correct our vices, and inspire our harts with a love of virtue. Can a man who loves an amiable woman, abandon himself to vices which she abhors?May your influence over our sex be increesed; not merely the influence of beauty and gay accomplishments, but the influence of your virtues, whoze dominion controls the evils, and multiplies the blessings of society.
The END.
FOOTNOTES:
[1]This remark is confined solely toits construction; in point of orthography, our language is intolerably irregular.
[1]This remark is confined solely toits construction; in point of orthography, our language is intolerably irregular.
[2]In our colleges and universities, students read some of the ancient Poets and Orators; but the Historians, which are perhaps more valuable, are generally neglected. The student just begins to read Latin and Greek to advantage, then quits the study. Where is the seminary, in which the students read Herodotus, Thucydides, Xenophon, Polybius, Dionysius Halicarnasseus, Livy, Velleius, Paterculus and Tacitus? How superficial must be that learning, which is acquired in four years! Severe experience has taught me the errors and defects of what is called a liberal education. I could not read the best Greek and Roman authors while in college, without neglecting the established classical studies; and after I left college, I found time only to dip into books, that every scholar should be master of; a circumstance that often fills me with the deepest regret. "Quis enim ignorat et eloquentiam et cæteras artes descivisse ab ista vetere gloria, non inopia hominum, sed desidia juventutis, et negligentia parentum, et inscientia præcipientium, et oblivione moris antiqui?—Nec in auctoribus cognoscendis, nec in evolvenda antiquitate, nec in notitia vel rerum, vel hominum, vel temporum satis operæ insumitur."—Tacitus, de Orat. Dial. 28. 29.
[2]In our colleges and universities, students read some of the ancient Poets and Orators; but the Historians, which are perhaps more valuable, are generally neglected. The student just begins to read Latin and Greek to advantage, then quits the study. Where is the seminary, in which the students read Herodotus, Thucydides, Xenophon, Polybius, Dionysius Halicarnasseus, Livy, Velleius, Paterculus and Tacitus? How superficial must be that learning, which is acquired in four years! Severe experience has taught me the errors and defects of what is called a liberal education. I could not read the best Greek and Roman authors while in college, without neglecting the established classical studies; and after I left college, I found time only to dip into books, that every scholar should be master of; a circumstance that often fills me with the deepest regret. "Quis enim ignorat et eloquentiam et cæteras artes descivisse ab ista vetere gloria, non inopia hominum, sed desidia juventutis, et negligentia parentum, et inscientia præcipientium, et oblivione moris antiqui?—Nec in auctoribus cognoscendis, nec in evolvenda antiquitate, nec in notitia vel rerum, vel hominum, vel temporum satis operæ insumitur."—Tacitus, de Orat. Dial. 28. 29.
[3]The veneration we have for a great character, ceases with an intimate acquaintance with the man. The same principle is observable in the body. High seasoned food, without frequent intervals of abstinence, loses its relish. On the other hand, objects that make slight impressions at first, acquire strength by repetition. An elegant simplicity in a building may not affect the mind with great pleasure at first light; but the pleasure will always increase with repeated examinations of the structure. Thus by habit, we become excessively fond of food which does not relish at first tasting; and strong attachments between the sexes often take place from indifference, and even from aversion.
[3]The veneration we have for a great character, ceases with an intimate acquaintance with the man. The same principle is observable in the body. High seasoned food, without frequent intervals of abstinence, loses its relish. On the other hand, objects that make slight impressions at first, acquire strength by repetition. An elegant simplicity in a building may not affect the mind with great pleasure at first light; but the pleasure will always increase with repeated examinations of the structure. Thus by habit, we become excessively fond of food which does not relish at first tasting; and strong attachments between the sexes often take place from indifference, and even from aversion.
[4]Great caution should be observed in teaching children to pronounce the letters of the alphabet. The labials are easily pronounced; thus the first words a child can speak arepapaandmama. But there are some letters, particularlylandr, which are of difficult pronunciation, and children should not be pressed to speak words in which they occur. The difficulty may produce a habit of stammering.
[4]Great caution should be observed in teaching children to pronounce the letters of the alphabet. The labials are easily pronounced; thus the first words a child can speak arepapaandmama. But there are some letters, particularlylandr, which are of difficult pronunciation, and children should not be pressed to speak words in which they occur. The difficulty may produce a habit of stammering.
[5]How different this practice from the manner of educating youth in Rome, during the flourishing ages of the republic! There the attention to children commenced with their birth; an infant was not educated in the cottage of a hireling nurse, but in the very bosom of its mother, whose principal praise was, that she superintended her family. Parents were careful to choose some aged matron to take care of their children; to form their first habits of speaking and acting; to watch their growing passions, and direct them to their proper objects; to guard them from all immodest sports, preserve their minds innocent, and direct their attention to liberal pursuits."—Filius—non in cella emptæ nutricis sed gremio ac sinu matris educabatur, cujus præcipua laus, tueri domum, et inservire liberis. Eligebatur autem aliqua major natu propinqua, cujus probatis spectatisque moribus, omnis cujuspiam familiæ soboles committeretur, coram qua neque dicere fas erat quod turpe dictu, neque facere quod inhonestum factu videretur. Ac non studia modo curasque, sed remissiones etiam lusus que puerorum, sanctitate quadam ac verecundia temperabat." In this manner were educated the Gracchi, Cæsar, and other celebrated Romans. "Quæ disciplina ac severitas eo pertinebat, ut sincera et interga et nullis pravitatibus detorta unius cujusque natura, toto statem pectore, arriperet artes honestas."——Tacitus de Orat. Dial. 28.The historian then proceeds to mention the corruption of manners, and the vicious mode of Education, in the later ages of Rome. He says, children were committed to some maid, with the vilest slaves; with whom they were initiated in their low conversation and manners. "Horum fabulis et erroribus teneri slatim et rudes animi imbuuntur; nec quis quam in toto domo pensi habet, quid coram infante domino aut dicat aut faciat."——Ibid. 29.
[5]How different this practice from the manner of educating youth in Rome, during the flourishing ages of the republic! There the attention to children commenced with their birth; an infant was not educated in the cottage of a hireling nurse, but in the very bosom of its mother, whose principal praise was, that she superintended her family. Parents were careful to choose some aged matron to take care of their children; to form their first habits of speaking and acting; to watch their growing passions, and direct them to their proper objects; to guard them from all immodest sports, preserve their minds innocent, and direct their attention to liberal pursuits.
"—Filius—non in cella emptæ nutricis sed gremio ac sinu matris educabatur, cujus præcipua laus, tueri domum, et inservire liberis. Eligebatur autem aliqua major natu propinqua, cujus probatis spectatisque moribus, omnis cujuspiam familiæ soboles committeretur, coram qua neque dicere fas erat quod turpe dictu, neque facere quod inhonestum factu videretur. Ac non studia modo curasque, sed remissiones etiam lusus que puerorum, sanctitate quadam ac verecundia temperabat." In this manner were educated the Gracchi, Cæsar, and other celebrated Romans. "Quæ disciplina ac severitas eo pertinebat, ut sincera et interga et nullis pravitatibus detorta unius cujusque natura, toto statem pectore, arriperet artes honestas."——Tacitus de Orat. Dial. 28.
The historian then proceeds to mention the corruption of manners, and the vicious mode of Education, in the later ages of Rome. He says, children were committed to some maid, with the vilest slaves; with whom they were initiated in their low conversation and manners. "Horum fabulis et erroribus teneri slatim et rudes animi imbuuntur; nec quis quam in toto domo pensi habet, quid coram infante domino aut dicat aut faciat."——Ibid. 29.
[6]The practice of employing low characters in schools is not novel—Ascham, preceptor to Queen Elizabeth, gives us the following account of the practice in his time. "Pity it is that commonly more care is had; yea and that among very wise men, to find out rather a cunning man for their horse, than a cunning man for their children. They say, nay, in word; but they do so, in deed. For to one they will give a stipend of two hundred crowns, and loth to offer the other two hundred shillings. God, that sitteth in the Heaven, laugheth their choice to scorn and rewardeth their liberality as it should: for he suffereth them to havetameandwell ordered horses; butwildandunfortunate children: and therefore in the end they find more pleasure in their horse, than comfort in their child."This isold language, but the facts stated aremodern truths. The barbarous Gothic practice has survived all the attacks of common sense, and in many parts of America, a gentleman's groom is on a level with his schoolmaster, in point of reputation. But hear another authority for the practice in England."As the case now stands, those of the first quality pay theirtutorsbut little above half so much as they do theirfootmen."—Guardian, No. 94."'Tis monstrous indeed that men of the best estates and families are more solicitous about the tutelage of a favoritedogorhorse, than of theirheirs mate."—Ibm.
[6]The practice of employing low characters in schools is not novel—Ascham, preceptor to Queen Elizabeth, gives us the following account of the practice in his time. "Pity it is that commonly more care is had; yea and that among very wise men, to find out rather a cunning man for their horse, than a cunning man for their children. They say, nay, in word; but they do so, in deed. For to one they will give a stipend of two hundred crowns, and loth to offer the other two hundred shillings. God, that sitteth in the Heaven, laugheth their choice to scorn and rewardeth their liberality as it should: for he suffereth them to havetameandwell ordered horses; butwildandunfortunate children: and therefore in the end they find more pleasure in their horse, than comfort in their child."
This isold language, but the facts stated aremodern truths. The barbarous Gothic practice has survived all the attacks of common sense, and in many parts of America, a gentleman's groom is on a level with his schoolmaster, in point of reputation. But hear another authority for the practice in England.
"As the case now stands, those of the first quality pay theirtutorsbut little above half so much as they do theirfootmen."—Guardian, No. 94.
"'Tis monstrous indeed that men of the best estates and families are more solicitous about the tutelage of a favoritedogorhorse, than of theirheirs mate."—Ibm.
[7]The fact related by Justin, of an ancient people, will apply universally. "Tanto plus in illis proficit victiorum ignoratio, quam in his cognitio virtutis." An ignorance of vice has a better effect, than a knowlege of virtue.
[7]The fact related by Justin, of an ancient people, will apply universally. "Tanto plus in illis proficit victiorum ignoratio, quam in his cognitio virtutis." An ignorance of vice has a better effect, than a knowlege of virtue.
[8]Plus ibi boni mores valent, quam alibi bonæ leges.Tac. de Mor. Germ. 19.
[8]Plus ibi boni mores valent, quam alibi bonæ leges.
Tac. de Mor. Germ. 19.
[9]Spirit of Laws. Book 4.
[9]Spirit of Laws. Book 4.
[10]The power of entailing real estates is repugnant to the spirit of our American governments.
[10]The power of entailing real estates is repugnant to the spirit of our American governments.
[11]I have known instructions from the inhabitants of a county, two thirds of whom could not write their names. How competent must such men be to decide an important point in legislation!
[11]I have known instructions from the inhabitants of a county, two thirds of whom could not write their names. How competent must such men be to decide an important point in legislation!
[12]Middleton's life of Cicero, volume 1, page 14.
[12]Middleton's life of Cicero, volume 1, page 14.
[13]It is worthy of remark, that in proportion as laws are favorable to the equal rights of men, the number of crimes in a state is diminished; except where the human mind is debased by extreme servitude, or by superstition. In France, there are but few crimes; religion and the rigor of a military force prevent them; perhaps also, ignorance in the peasantry may be assigned as another reason. But in England and Ireland the human mind is not so depressed, yet the distribution of property and honors is not equal; the lower classes of people, bold and independent, as well as poor, feel the injuries which flow from the feudal system, even in its relaxed state; they become desperate, and turn highwaymen. Hence those kingdoms produce more culprits than half Europe besides.The character of the Jews, as sharpers, is derived from the cruel and villanous proscriptions, which they have suffered from the bigotry of Christians in every part of Europe.Most of the criminals condemned in America are foreigners. The execution of a native, before the revolution, was a novelty. The distribution of property in America and the principles of government favor the rights of men; and but few men will commence enemies to society and government, if they can receive the benefits of them. Unjust governments and tyrannical distinctions have made most of the villains that ever existed.
[13]It is worthy of remark, that in proportion as laws are favorable to the equal rights of men, the number of crimes in a state is diminished; except where the human mind is debased by extreme servitude, or by superstition. In France, there are but few crimes; religion and the rigor of a military force prevent them; perhaps also, ignorance in the peasantry may be assigned as another reason. But in England and Ireland the human mind is not so depressed, yet the distribution of property and honors is not equal; the lower classes of people, bold and independent, as well as poor, feel the injuries which flow from the feudal system, even in its relaxed state; they become desperate, and turn highwaymen. Hence those kingdoms produce more culprits than half Europe besides.
The character of the Jews, as sharpers, is derived from the cruel and villanous proscriptions, which they have suffered from the bigotry of Christians in every part of Europe.
Most of the criminals condemned in America are foreigners. The execution of a native, before the revolution, was a novelty. The distribution of property in America and the principles of government favor the rights of men; and but few men will commence enemies to society and government, if they can receive the benefits of them. Unjust governments and tyrannical distinctions have made most of the villains that ever existed.