There was an old person of WareWho rode on the back of a bear;When they said, "Does it trot?"He said: "Certainly not,It's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear."
There was an old person of Wick,Who said, "Tick-a-Tick, Tick-a-Tick,Chickabee, Chickabaw,"And he said nothing more,This laconic old person of Wick.
There was an old person of Woking,Whose mind was perverse and provoking;He sate on a rail,With his head in a pail,That illusive old person of Woking.
There was once a man with a beardWho said, "It is just as I feared!—Two Owls and a Hen,Four Larks and a WrenHave all built their nests in my beard."
There was an old man of Thermopylae,Who never did anything properly;But they said: "If you chooseTo boil eggs in your shoes,You cannot remain in Thermopylae."
There was an Old Man who said, "Hush!I perceive a young bird in this bush!"When they said, "Is it small?"He replied, "Not at all;It is four times as big as the bush!"
There was an Old Man who supposedThat the street door was partially closed;But some very large RatsAte his coats and his hats,While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.
There was an Old Man of Leghorn,The smallest that ever was born;But quickly snapt up heWas once by a Puppy,Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
There was an Old Man of KamschatkaWho possessed a remarkably fat Cur;His gait and his waddleWere held as a modelTo all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.
Edward Lear.
[From books printed for the benefit of the New YorkFair in aid of the Sanitary Commission, 1864]
There was a gay damsel of Lynn,Whose waist was so charmingly thin,The dressmaker neededA microscope—she did—To fit this slim person of Lynn.
There was a young lady of Milton,Who was highly disgusted with Stilton;When offered a bite,She said, "Not a mite!"That suggestive young lady of Milton.
There was a dear lady of Eden,Who on apples was quite fond of feedin';She gave one to Adam,Who said, "Thank you, Madam,"And then both skedaddled from Eden.
There was a young lady of Wales,Who wore her back hair in two tails;And a hat on her headThat was striped black and red,And studded with ten-penny nails.
There was an old man who said, "DoTell me how I'm to add two and two?I'm not very sureThat it doesn't make four—But I fear that is almost too few."
There once was a man who said, "HowShall I manage to carry my cow?For if I should ask itTo get in my basket,'Twould make such a terrible row."
Anonymous.
There once was an old man of LymeWho married three wives at a time;When asked, "Why a third?"He replied, "One's absurd!And bigamy, sir, is a crime."
There once was a person of Benin,Who wore clothes not fit to be seen in;When told that he shouldn't,He replied, "Gumscrumrudent!"A word of inscrutable meanin'.
There once was a girl of New YorkWhose body was lighter than cork;She had to be fedFor six weeks upon lead,Before she went out for a walk.
Cosmo Monkhouse.
There was a young man who was bittenBy twenty-two cats and a kitten;Sighed he, "It is clearMy finish is near;No matter; I'll die like a Briton!"
There was a princess of Bengal,Whose mouth was exceedingly small;Said she, "It would beMore easy for meTo do without eating at all!"
There was an old stupid who wroteThe verses above that we quote;His want of all senseWas something immense,Which made him a person of note.
Walter Parke.
À Potsdam, les totaux absteneurs,Comme tant d'autres titotalleurs,Sont gloutons, omnivores,Nasorubicolores,Grands manchons, et terribles duffeurs.
Un vieux due (le meilleur des époux)Demandait (en lui tâtant le pouls)À sa vielle duchesse(Qu'un vieux catarrhe oppresse):—"Et ton thé, t'a-t-il ôté ta toux?"
II naquit près de Choisy-le-Roi;Le Latin lui causait de l'effroi;Et les MathématiquesLui donnaient des coliques,Et le Grec l'enrhûmait. Ce fut moi.
Il etait un gendarme, à Nanteuil,Qui n'avait qu'une dent et qu'un oeil;Mais cet oeil solitaireEtait plein de mystère;Cette dent, d'importance et d'orgueil.
"Cassez-vous, cassez-vous, cassez-vous,O mer, sur vos froids gris calloux!"Ainsi traduisit LaureAu profit d'Isadore(Bon jeune homme, at son futur epoux.)
Un marin naufrage (de Doncastre)Pour prière, an milieu du désastreRépétait à genouxCes mots simples et doux:—"Scintillez, scintillez, petit astre!"
George du Maurier.
* * * * *
There was a young man of Cohoes,Wore tar on the end of his nose;When asked why he done it,He said for the fun itAfforded the men of Cohoes.
Robert J. Burdette.
* * * * *
I'd rather have habits than clothes,For that's where my intellect shows.And as for my hair,Do you think I should careTo comb it at night with my toes?
I'd rather have ears than a nose,I'd rather have fingers than toes,But as for my hair:I'm glad it's all there;I'll be awfully sad when it goes.
I wish that my Room had a Floor;I don't so much care for a Door,But this walking aroundWithout touching the groundIs getting to be quite a bore!
Gelett Burgess.
H was an indigent Hen,Who picked up a corn now and then;She had but one legOn which she could peg,And behind her left ear was a wen.
Bruce Porter.
Cleopatra, who thought they maligned her,Resolved to reform and be kinder;"If, when pettish," she said,"I should knock off your head,Won't you give me some gentle reminder?"
Newton Mackintosh.
When that Seint George hadde sleyne ye draggon,He sate him down furninst a flaggon;And, wit ye well,Within a spellHe had a bien plaisaunt jag on.
Anonymous.
There was a young lady of NigerWho smiled as she rode on a Tiger;They came back from the rideWith the lady inside,And the smile on the face of the Tiger.
Anonymous.
There was a young maid who said, "WhyCan't I look in my ear with my eye?If I give my mind to it,I'm sure I can do it,You never can tell till you try."
Anonymous.
ABSTEMIAGelett BurgessAbstrosophyGelett BurgessAestivationO. W. HolmesAhkond of Swat, TheEdward LearAloneAs with my Hat upon my HeadDr. JohnsonAuld Wife, TheC. S. CalverleyAunt ElizaCol. D. StreamerAutumn Leaves, The
BABY AND MARYBallade of the NurserieJohn TwigBallad of BedlamBallad of High Endeavor, ABallad with an Ancient RefrainBison, TheHilaire RellocBloated Biggaboon, TheH. Cholmondeley-PennellBlue MoonshineFrancis G. StokesBoy, TheEugene FieldBulbul, TheOwen SeamanBuz, quoth the Blue FlyBen Jonson
CENTIPEDE, AChimpanzee, TheOliver HerfordChronicle, AClassic Ode, ACharles Battell LoomisCobbe's PropheciesCock and the Bull, TheC. S. CalverleyCollusion between a Alegaiter and a Water-SnaikJ. W. MorrisCompanionsC. S. CalverleyCossimbazarHenry S. LeighCow, TheOliver HerfordCruise of the "P. C.", TheCumberbunce, ThePaul West
DARWINITYHerman MerivaleDinkey-Bird, TheEugene FieldDirge of the Moolla of KotalGeorge T. Lanigan
ELDERLY GENTLEMAN, THEGeorge CanningElegy on the Death of a Mad DogOliver GoldsmithElegy on Madam BlaizeOliver Goldsmith
FAITHLESS NELLY GRAYThomas HoodFamous Ballad of the Jubilee Cup, TheA. T. Stiller-CouchFather WilliamFerdinando and ElviraW. S. GilbertFin de SiecleNewton MackintoshFlamingo, TheLewis Gaylord ClarkForcing a WayFrangipanniFrog, TheHilaire Belloc
GENERAL JOHNW. S. GilbertGentle Alice BrownW. S. GilbertGreat Man, AOliver GoldsmithGuinea Pig, The
HEN, THEOliver HerfordHer DairyPeter NewellHere is the TaleAnthony C. DeaneHer Polka DotsPeter NewellHigher Pantheism in a Nutshell, TheA. C. SwinburneHippopotamus, TheOliver HerfordHoliday Task, AGilbert Abbott a BecketHunting of the Snark, TheLewis CarrollHyder iddle diddle dellHymn to the Sunrise
IFIf Half the RoadIf a Man who Turnips CriesDr. JohnsonI Love to StandImitation of WordsworthCatharine M. FanshaweImpetuous SamuelCol. D. StreamerIncidents in the Life of my Uncle ArlyEdward LearIndifferenceIn ImmemorianCuthbert BedeIn the DumpsIn the GloamingJames C. BaylesIn the NightInvisible Bridge, TheGelett Burgess
JABBERWOCKYLewis CarrollJohn JonesA. C. SwinburneJumblies, TheEdward Lear
KEN YE AUGHT O' CAPTAIN GROSERobert BurnsKindness to AnimalsJ. Ashby-SterryKing Arthur
LAYE OF YE WOODPECKORE, YEHenry A. BeersLazy Roof, TheGelett BurgessLike to the Thundering ToneBishop CorbetLIMERICKS:Cleopatra, who thought they maligned herNewton MackintoshH was an indigent HBruce PorterI'd rather have habits than clothesGelett BurgessI wish that my room had a doorGelett BurgessThere once was a girl of New YorkCosmo MonkhouseThere once was a man who said "How"There once was an old man of LymeCosmo MonkhouseThere once was a person of BeninCosmo MonkhouseThere was a dear lady of EdenThere was a gay damsel of LynnThere was an old man in a treeEdward LearThere was an Old Man of KamschatkaEdward LearThere was an Old Man of LeghornEdward LearThere was an old man of St. BeesW. S. GilbertThere was an old man of ThermopylaeEdward LearThere was an old man who said "Do"There was an Old Man who said "Hush"Edward LearThere was an Old Man who supposedEdward LearThere was an old person of WareEdward LearThere was an old person of WickEdward LearThere was an old person of WokingEdward LearThere was an old stupid who wroteWalter ParkeThere was once a man with a beardEdward LearThere was a princess of BengalWalter ParkeThere was a small boy of QuebecRudyard KiplingThere was a young lady of MiltonThere was a young lady of NigerThere was a young lady of WalesThere was a young maid who said "Why"There was a young man at St. KittsThere was a young man of CohoesRobert J. BurdetteThere was a young man who was bittenWalter ParkeVers NonsensiquesGeorge du MaurierWhen that Seint George hadde sleyne ye dragonLines by a Fond LoverLines by a MediumLines by a Person of QualityAlexander PopeLines to Miss Florence HuntingdonLines to a Young LadyEdward LearLittle BilleeW.M. ThackerayLittle Peach, TheLittle WillieLobster wooed a Lady Crab, ALovers and a ReflectionC.S. CalverleyLove Song by a LunaticLugubrious Whing-Whang, TheJames W. RileyLunar StanzasH.C. Knight
MALUM OPUSJ. Appleton MorganMan in the Moon, TheJames W. RileyMartin Luther at PotsdamBarry PainMartin to his ManMary AmesMary JaneMaster and ManMayor of Scuttleton, TheMary Mapes DodgeMelancholiaMetaphysicsOliver HerfordMinnie and WinnieLord TennysonMisfortunesCol. D. StreamerMr. Finney's TurnipModern Hiawatha, TheMonkey's Glue, TheGoldwin GoldsmithMonkey's Wedding TheMonsieur McGintéMoon is up, TheMoorlands of the NotMors IabrochiiMuddled MetaphorsTom Hood, Jr.My DreamMy FeetGelett BurgessMy HomeMy Recollectest ThoughtsCharles E. Carryl
NephelidiaA. C. SwinburneNoble Tuckman, TheJean IngelowNonsenseNonsenseThomas MooreNonsense VersesCharles LambNot IR.L. StevensonNyum-Nyum, The
Ocean Wanderer, TheOdd to a KrokisOde to the Human HeartLaman BlanchardOf Baiting the LionOwen SeamanOh, my GeraldineF.C. BurnandOh, Weary MotherBarry PainOn the Oxford CarrierJohn MiltonOn the RoadTudor JenksOwl and the Pussy-Cat, TheEdward Lear
PANTHER, THEParson GrayOliver GoldsmithParterre, TheE. H. PalmerPersonified Sentimental, TheBret HartePessimist, TheBen KingPlatypus, TheOliver HerfordPobble who has no Toes, TheEdward LearPoor BrotherPoor Dear GrandpapaD'Arcy W. ThompsonPsycholophonGelett BurgessPuer ex JerseyPurple Cow, TheGelett BurgessPython, TheHilaire Belloc
RIDDLE, ARollicking Mastodon, TheArthur MacyRussian and Turk
SAGE COUNSELA. T. Quiller-CouchSailor's Yarn, AJames Jeffrey RocheSea, TheSea-Serpent, ThePlanchéShe's All my Fancy Painted HimLewis CarrollShe Went into the GardenS. FooteShipwreck, TheE. H. PalmerSilver Question, TheOliver HerfordSing for the Garish EyeW. S. GilbertSingular Sangfroid of Baby Bunting, TheGuy W. CarrylSome GeeseOliver HerfordSome Verses to SnaixSong of ImpossibilitiesWilliam M. PraedSong of the Screw, TheSong on King William IIISonnet Found in a Deserted MadhouseSorrows of Werther, TheW. M. ThackeraySpirk Troll-DerisiveJames W. RileyStory of Cruel Psamtek, TheStory of Prince Agib, TheW. S. GilbertStory of Pyramid ThothmesStory of the Wild HuntsmanHeinrich HoffmanSun, TheJ. DavisSunbeam, TheSuperior Nonsense VersesSusanSwiss AirBret HarteSylvie and BrunoLewis Carroll
Tender-HeartednessCol. D. StreamerTender Infant, TheDr. JohnsonThere was a FrogThere was a Little GirlH. W. LongfellowThere was a MonkeyThree Acres of LandThree ChildrenThree Jovial HuntsmenThrenodyGeorge T. LaniganThy HeartTimid HortensePeter NewellTimon of ArchimedesCharles Battell Loomis'Tis Midnight and the Setting Sun'Tis Sweet to RoamTo MarieTo MollidustaPlanchéTranscendentalismTrust in WomenTurvey TopTweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee
UffiaHarriet R. WhiteUncle Simon and Uncle JimArtemui WardUnsuspected Fact, AnEdward CannonUprising See the Fitful Lark
Villon's Straight TipW. E. Henley
Walloping Window-Blind, TheCharles E. CarrylWalrus and the Carpenter, TheLewis CarrollWays and MeansLewis CarrollWhango Tree, TheWhat the Prince of I DreamtH. Cholmondeley-PennellWhen Moonlike ore the Hazure SeasW.M. ThackerayWhere Avalanches WailWild FlowersPeter NewellWonderful Old Man, TheWreck of the "Julie Plante"W.H. Drummond
Yak, TheHilaire BellocYonghy-Bonghy-BO, TheEdward Lear
À BECKET, GILBERT ABBOTTA Holiday TaskASHBY-STERRY, J.Kindness to Animals
BAYLES, JAMES C.In the GloamingBEDE, CUTHBERTIn ImmemoriamBEERS, HENRY A.Ye Laye of ye WoodpeckoreBELLOC, HILAIREThe BisonThe FrogThe PythonThe YakBLANCHARD, LAMANOde to the Human HeartBURDETTE, ROBERT J.LimerickBURGESS, GELETTAbstemiaAbstrosophyThe Invisible BridgeThe Lazy RoofLimericksMy FeetPsycholophonThe Purple CowBURNAND, F. C.Oh, my GeraldineBURNS, ROBERTKen ye Aught o' Captain Grose?
CALVERLEY, CHARLES S.The Auld WifeThe Cock and the BullCompanionsLovers and a ReflectionCANNING, GEORGEThe Elderly GentlemanCANNON, EDWARDAn Unsuspected FactCARROLL, LEWISThe Hunting of the SnarkJabberwockyShe's All my Fancy Painted HimSylvie and BrunoThe Walrus and the CarpenterWays and MeansCARRYL, CHARLES E.My Recollectest ThoughtsThe Walloping Window-BlindCARRYL, GUY WETMOREThe Singular Sangfroid of Baby BuntingCHOLMONDELEY-PENNELL, H.The Bloated BiggaboonWhat the Prince of I DreamtCLARK, LEWIS GAYLORDThe FlamingoCORBET, BISHOPLike to the Thundering Tone
DAVIS, J.The SunDEANE, ANTHONY C.Here is the TaleDODGE, MARY MAPESThe Mayor of ScuttletonDRUMMOND, W.H.Wreck of the "Julie Plante," TheDU MAURIER, GEORGEVers Nonsensiques
FANSHAWE, CATHARINE M.Imitation of WordsworthFIELD, EUGENEThe BoyThe Dinkey BirdFOOTE, S.Farrago of Nonsense
GILBERT, W.S.Ferdinando and ElviraGeneral JohnGentle Alice BrownSing for the Garish EyeThe Story of Prince AgibThere was an Old Man of St. BeesGOLDSMITH, GOLDWINThe Monkey's GlueGOLDSMITH, OLIVERElegy on the Death of a Mad DogElegy on Madam BlaizeA Great ManParson Gray
HARTE, BRETThe Personified SentimentalSwiss AirHENLEY, W.E.Villon's Straight TipHERFORD, OLIVER.The ChimpanzeeThe CowThe HenThe HippopotamusMetaphysicsThe PlatypusThe Silver QuestionSome GeeseHOFFMAN, HEINRICHThe Story of the Wild HuntsmanHOLMES, OLIVER WENDELLÆstivationHOOD, THOMASFaithless Nelly GrayHOOD, THOMAS, JR.Muddled Metaphors
INGELOW, JEANThe Noble Tuckman
JENKS, TUDOROn the RoadJOHNSON, SAMUELAs with my HatIf a Man who Turnips CriesThe Tender InfantJONSON, BENBuz, quoth the Blue Fly
KING, BENThe PessimistKIPLING, RUDYARDLimerickKNIGHT, HENRY C.Lunar Stanzas
LAMB, CHARLESNonsense VersesLANIGAN, GEORGE T.Dirge of the Moolla of KotalA ThrenodyLEAR, EDWARDThe Ahkond of SwatIncidents in the Life of my Uncle ArlyThe JumbliesLimericksLines to a Young LadyThe Owl and the Pussy-CatThe PobbleThere was an Old Man in a TreeThe Yonghy-Bonghy-BOLEIGH, HENRY S.CossimbazarLONGFELLOW, H.W.There was a Little GirlLOOMIS, CHARLES BATTELLA Classic OdeTimon of Archimedes
MACKINTOSH, NEWTONFin de SiècleLimerickMACY, ARTHURThe Rollicking MastodonMERIVALE, HERMANDarwinityMILTON, JOHNOn the Oxford CarrierMONKHOUSE, COSMOLimericksMOORE, THOMASNonsenseMORGAN, JAMES APPLETONMalum OpusMORRIS, J. W.Collusion between a Alegaiter and a Water-Snaik
NEWELL, PETERHer DairyHer Polka DotsTimid HortenseWild Flowers
PAIN, BARRYMartin Luther at PotsdamOh, Weary MotherPALMER, E. H.The ParterreThe ShipwreckPARKE, WALTERLimericksPLANCHÉThe Sea-SerpentTo MollidustaPOPE, ALEXANDERLines by a Person of QualityPORTER, BRUCELimerickPRAED, W. M.Song of Impossibilities
QUILLER-COUCH, A. T.The Famous Ballad of the Jubilee CupSage Counsel
RILEY, JAMES W.The Lugubrious Whing-WhangThe Man in the MoonSpirk Troll-DerisiveROCHE, JAMES JEFFREYA Sailor's Yarn
SEAMAN, OWENThe BulbulOf Baiting the LionSTEVENSON, R. L.Not ISTOKES, FRANCIS G.Blue MoonshineSTREAMER, COL. D.Aunt ElizaImpetuous SamuelSTREAMER, COL. D.—ContinuedMisfortunesTender-HeartednessSWINBURNE, A. C.The Higher PantheismJohn JonesNephelidia
TENNYSON, LORDMinnie and WinnieTHACKERAY, W.M.Little BilleeThe Sorrows of WertherWhen Moonlike ore the Hazure SeasTHOMPSON, D'ARCY W.Poor Dear GrandpapaTWIG, JOHNBallade of the Nurserie
WARD, ARTEMUSUncle Simon and Uncle JimWEST, PAULThe CumberbunceWHITE, HARRIET R.Uffia
End of Project Gutenberg's A Nonsense Anthology, by Collected by Carolyn Wells