P
PRINCESS—Summon my henchmen! (They come.) Seize and bind them. (They do it.) And now, adventurous men, much as I admire your shape and venerate the line you represent, you must die (with emotion). My principles must be observed. So take them off. (Loud noise heard outside; enter girls running with fright.)
M
MELISSA—Princess! There is an armed force at the gates of the castle, just arrived by the St. Louis express and headed by King Hilderbrandt. They demand admittance.
P
PRINCESS—Refuse it.
A
ALL—Too late.
(A loud crash is heard; enter King Hilderbrandt with his army of Chicago and Alton conductors, armed to the teeth. In the centre they dragArac,GuronandSynthius, chained together.)
H
HILD.—(Coming down.)
Some years ago,No doubt you know(And if you don’t I’ll tell you so),You gave your trothUpon your oathTo Hilarion my son.A vow you makeYou must not break(If you think you may, it’s a great mistake),For a bride’s a bride,Though the knot were tiedAt the early age of one!And I’m a peppery kind of king,Who’s indisposed for parleyingTo suit the wit of a bit of a chit,And that’s the long and the short of it!
Some years ago,No doubt you know(And if you don’t I’ll tell you so),You gave your trothUpon your oathTo Hilarion my son.A vow you makeYou must not break(If you think you may, it’s a great mistake),For a bride’s a bride,Though the knot were tiedAt the early age of one!And I’m a peppery kind of king,Who’s indisposed for parleyingTo suit the wit of a bit of a chit,And that’s the long and the short of it!
Some years ago,No doubt you know(And if you don’t I’ll tell you so),You gave your trothUpon your oathTo Hilarion my son.A vow you makeYou must not break(If you think you may, it’s a great mistake),For a bride’s a bride,Though the knot were tiedAt the early age of one!
Some years ago,
No doubt you know
(And if you don’t I’ll tell you so),
You gave your troth
Upon your oath
To Hilarion my son.
A vow you make
You must not break
(If you think you may, it’s a great mistake),
For a bride’s a bride,
Though the knot were tied
At the early age of one!
And I’m a peppery kind of king,Who’s indisposed for parleyingTo suit the wit of a bit of a chit,And that’s the long and the short of it!
And I’m a peppery kind of king,
Who’s indisposed for parleying
To suit the wit of a bit of a chit,
And that’s the long and the short of it!
P
PRINCESS—(Irresolutely—the girls meanwhile look with loving eyes at the conductors.) I still refuse!
The aftermath of the battle; ladies tending the woundedITS RESULT.
ITS RESULT.
Hilarion proposing to IdaHILARION I SURRENDER.
HILARION I SURRENDER.
(Arac,GuronandSynthiuscome down.)
A
ARAC—
We may remark, though nothing canDismay us,That if you thwart this gentlemanHe’ll slay us.We don’t fear death, of course, we’re thoughtTo shame it.But still, upon the whole, we thoughtWe’d name it.
We may remark, though nothing canDismay us,That if you thwart this gentlemanHe’ll slay us.We don’t fear death, of course, we’re thoughtTo shame it.But still, upon the whole, we thoughtWe’d name it.
We may remark, though nothing canDismay us,That if you thwart this gentlemanHe’ll slay us.
We may remark, though nothing can
Dismay us,
That if you thwart this gentleman
He’ll slay us.
We don’t fear death, of course, we’re thoughtTo shame it.But still, upon the whole, we thoughtWe’d name it.
We don’t fear death, of course, we’re thought
To shame it.
But still, upon the whole, we thought
We’d name it.
A
ALL—
Yes! yes! Better perhaps toName it.
Yes! yes! Better perhaps toName it.
Yes! yes! Better perhaps to
Name it.
G
GURON—
This gentleman controls a Line—A stunner.With splendid bed and track as fine—A hummer.We hate his line, but still we mustPropound it.The Alton is a line to trust—Confound it.
This gentleman controls a Line—A stunner.With splendid bed and track as fine—A hummer.We hate his line, but still we mustPropound it.The Alton is a line to trust—Confound it.
This gentleman controls a Line—
A stunner.
With splendid bed and track as fine—
A hummer.
We hate his line, but still we must
Propound it.
The Alton is a line to trust—
Confound it.
(TOGETHER.)
Yes! yes! In spite of that, confound it.
Yes! yes! In spite of that, confound it.
Yes! yes! In spite of that, confound it.
S
SYNTHIUS—
We wish its trade was light and slack—It isn’t.Its service bad, with moldy track—It isn’t.But give to Cæsar what is due,Yes, rend it.We really must, and strongly too,Commend it.
We wish its trade was light and slack—It isn’t.Its service bad, with moldy track—It isn’t.But give to Cæsar what is due,Yes, rend it.We really must, and strongly too,Commend it.
We wish its trade was light and slack—
It isn’t.
Its service bad, with moldy track—
It isn’t.
But give to Cæsar what is due,
Yes, rend it.
We really must, and strongly too,
Commend it.
(TOGETHER.)
Yes! yes! yes! Darn their eyes,Commend it.
Yes! yes! yes! Darn their eyes,Commend it.
Yes! yes! yes! Darn their eyes,
Commend it.
A
ALL—
The Alton is a road, as suchNone beat it.St. Louis is a point they touch,Repeat it.And if you doubt they’ll get you thereYou’ll rue it,For when they say they’ll get you there,They’ll do it.
The Alton is a road, as suchNone beat it.St. Louis is a point they touch,Repeat it.And if you doubt they’ll get you thereYou’ll rue it,For when they say they’ll get you there,They’ll do it.
The Alton is a road, as such
None beat it.
St. Louis is a point they touch,
Repeat it.
And if you doubt they’ll get you there
You’ll rue it,
For when they say they’ll get you there,
They’ll do it.
(TOGETHER.)
Yes! yes! yes! Devil doubtThey’ll do it.
Yes! yes! yes! Devil doubtThey’ll do it.
Yes! yes! yes! Devil doubt
They’ll do it.
P
PRINCESS—I still refuse!
P
PSYCHE—Madame! your father claims an audience; he has just followed King Hilderbrandt on the Denver Express.
P
PRINCESS—Admit him.
(EnterGama.)
G
GAMA—Free as a tethered ass. I dare not keep this up. I dare not face the malignity of this devil, Hilderbrandt.
P
PRINCESS—He has treated you well, father. Even a wretched man, when he belongs to the Alton Line, is always a gentleman.
G
GAMA—Yes! yes! But he has made my life a curse. Think of it, I had nothing whatever to grumble at.
[SONG.]
The more I tryI can’t deny,Altho’ I’m very spiteful,I’m bound to sayThe livelong day,The Alton is delightful.Now, when a manDoes all he can,A rival line despising,And in replyThey fete him—whyIt’s hard, there’s no disguising.Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long,When all goes right and nothing goes wrong,And isn’t your life extremely flatWith nothing whatever to grumble at?When in a carAbove the par,Officials are quite pleasing.And when a lineYou hate is fine,It’s surely very teasing.They treat me well,Ah! what a sell,I thought they’d be ungracious.But not a bit—They strained their witTo make my thoughts fallacious.Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long,When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, etc., etc.The Alton whirlsThe pretty girlsFrom eyes that are repining.And takes the bestOf travel WestIn cars with chairs reclining.A dining-carWithout a jar,And coaches really tasteful.A splendid trackBoth there and back,Now isn’t that disgraceful?Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long, etc., etc.When off to bedThey gently ledMe to a couch bewitching,I prayed they might,At least, that night,The holy train be ditching.But fate was there,We sped like air,And nothing happened tragic,And then I wept,And then I slept,And dreamt the line was magic.Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.When morning came,’Twas just the same,There was my porter grinning;I called him Sam,And muttered Dam,He really looked so winning;I looked around,And there I foundA car of pleasant faces;It seemed their bentTo be content,In spite of my grimaces.Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.
The more I tryI can’t deny,Altho’ I’m very spiteful,I’m bound to sayThe livelong day,The Alton is delightful.Now, when a manDoes all he can,A rival line despising,And in replyThey fete him—whyIt’s hard, there’s no disguising.Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long,When all goes right and nothing goes wrong,And isn’t your life extremely flatWith nothing whatever to grumble at?When in a carAbove the par,Officials are quite pleasing.And when a lineYou hate is fine,It’s surely very teasing.They treat me well,Ah! what a sell,I thought they’d be ungracious.But not a bit—They strained their witTo make my thoughts fallacious.Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long,When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, etc., etc.The Alton whirlsThe pretty girlsFrom eyes that are repining.And takes the bestOf travel WestIn cars with chairs reclining.A dining-carWithout a jar,And coaches really tasteful.A splendid trackBoth there and back,Now isn’t that disgraceful?Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long, etc., etc.When off to bedThey gently ledMe to a couch bewitching,I prayed they might,At least, that night,The holy train be ditching.But fate was there,We sped like air,And nothing happened tragic,And then I wept,And then I slept,And dreamt the line was magic.Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.When morning came,’Twas just the same,There was my porter grinning;I called him Sam,And muttered Dam,He really looked so winning;I looked around,And there I foundA car of pleasant faces;It seemed their bentTo be content,In spite of my grimaces.Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.
The more I tryI can’t deny,Altho’ I’m very spiteful,I’m bound to sayThe livelong day,The Alton is delightful.
The more I try
I can’t deny,
Altho’ I’m very spiteful,
I’m bound to say
The livelong day,
The Alton is delightful.
Now, when a manDoes all he can,A rival line despising,And in replyThey fete him—whyIt’s hard, there’s no disguising.
Now, when a man
Does all he can,
A rival line despising,
And in reply
They fete him—why
It’s hard, there’s no disguising.
Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long,When all goes right and nothing goes wrong,And isn’t your life extremely flatWith nothing whatever to grumble at?
Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long,
When all goes right and nothing goes wrong,
And isn’t your life extremely flat
With nothing whatever to grumble at?
When in a carAbove the par,Officials are quite pleasing.And when a lineYou hate is fine,It’s surely very teasing.They treat me well,Ah! what a sell,I thought they’d be ungracious.But not a bit—They strained their witTo make my thoughts fallacious.
When in a car
Above the par,
Officials are quite pleasing.
And when a line
You hate is fine,
It’s surely very teasing.
They treat me well,
Ah! what a sell,
I thought they’d be ungracious.
But not a bit—
They strained their wit
To make my thoughts fallacious.
Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long,When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, etc., etc.
Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long,
When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, etc., etc.
The Alton whirlsThe pretty girlsFrom eyes that are repining.And takes the bestOf travel WestIn cars with chairs reclining.A dining-carWithout a jar,And coaches really tasteful.A splendid trackBoth there and back,Now isn’t that disgraceful?
The Alton whirls
The pretty girls
From eyes that are repining.
And takes the best
Of travel West
In cars with chairs reclining.
A dining-car
Without a jar,
And coaches really tasteful.
A splendid track
Both there and back,
Now isn’t that disgraceful?
Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long, etc., etc.
Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long, etc., etc.
When off to bedThey gently ledMe to a couch bewitching,I prayed they might,At least, that night,The holy train be ditching.But fate was there,We sped like air,And nothing happened tragic,And then I wept,And then I slept,And dreamt the line was magic.
When off to bed
They gently led
Me to a couch bewitching,
I prayed they might,
At least, that night,
The holy train be ditching.
But fate was there,
We sped like air,
And nothing happened tragic,
And then I wept,
And then I slept,
And dreamt the line was magic.
Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.
Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.
When morning came,’Twas just the same,There was my porter grinning;I called him Sam,And muttered Dam,He really looked so winning;I looked around,And there I foundA car of pleasant faces;It seemed their bentTo be content,In spite of my grimaces.
When morning came,
’Twas just the same,
There was my porter grinning;
I called him Sam,
And muttered Dam,
He really looked so winning;
I looked around,
And there I found
A car of pleasant faces;
It seemed their bent
To be content,
In spite of my grimaces.
Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.
Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.
The bridal party boarding a trainBOARDING THE ALTON TRAIN AFTER THE WEDDING.
BOARDING THE ALTON TRAIN AFTER THE WEDDING.
Hilarion and Ida kneeling at the altar, weding guests all aroundAN IMPROMPTU WEDDING.
AN IMPROMPTU WEDDING.
Hilarion escorting Ida onto the Chicago trainHILARION WELCOMES IDA TO THE ALTON LINE.
HILARION WELCOMES IDA TO THE ALTON LINE.
P
PRINCESS—Poor father! how you must have suffered.
G
GAMA—Yes, my child, and the only thing to do is to surrender. We must capitulate. I have often heard that opposition to the Alton line is futile, and now I know it.
(EnterHilarion.)
P
PRINCESS—Hilarion, I surrender. My heart was with you long ago, but my principles forbade it. Take me.
H
HILDERBRANDT—Then we will have an impromptu wedding. Everybody who wants to marry everybody else can do so. (The remark is a signal for every girl in the party to throw her arms around the neck of the nearest conductor.)
G
GAMA—And take my advice, make your wedding trip over the Chicago and Alton Line.
A
ALL—We will.
G
GAMA—Hereafter, consider Castle Adamant yours. You may make it a coupon station, if you please, and advertise it as a pleasure resort.
(The organ is heard; a procession formed, and the entire party indulge in an impromptu wedding, after which the Chicago and Alton train for Chicago is boarded, and everybody starts upon a trip, which cannot but bring them happiness.)
Moral.
An official of the Alton Road is irresistible.
Hilarion and Ida arriving in ChicagoRETURN TO CHICAGO.
RETURN TO CHICAGO.
Hilarion on his throne, Ida beside himTHE RECEPTION.
THE RECEPTION.
An older Hilarion and Ida with their childrenTWENTY YEARS LATER.
TWENTY YEARS LATER.
A Valkyrie maiden holding up a THE END bannerTHE END
THE END
Advert for the Chicago and Alton Railroad
Advert for the Chicago and Alton Railroad
Rear cover of the book: Princess Ida