CHAPTER XXI.

[pg 269]CHAPTER XXI.HOME WITH MAHOGANY.My new ship—Sail for Belize—Native and alligator—Sail for England with convoy of ships—Hear of peace being signed between Spain and England—Arrive in England—Paid off at Sheerness—Return home—Tired of country life—Apply for ship—Appointed to H.M.S.Apelles.The sloop of war I now commanded was a fine sixteen-gun brig carrying twenty-four-pound-carronades, with a crew of one hundred and twenty as fine men as any in the fleet. They had been some time together, and only wished for an opportunity of making the splinters fly out of a Frenchman’s side, and hauling down his tricoloured piece of bunting. I found on my reaching Port Royal that Admiral Rowley had arrived to supersede Admiral Dacres. In the afternoon I dined with both Admirals, and met the Duke of Manchester, who was a fine-looking man, but unfortunately had a nervous affection of the head. He asked me several questions respecting the different islands, and appeared amused by my description of them. After we had refitted we sailed for Honduras, the Admiral first taking from me the master, without appointing another, for which I did not thank him. We made the Swan Islands, which are small, uninhabited, and surrounded by a[pg 270]reef of coral, and on the morning of the third day anchored off the town at the mouth of the Belize river. Colonel Drummond, who was the commanding officer, received us very civilly, and requested I would dine with him as often as I could. A deputation of the merchants waited on me to say the convoy would be ready in a fortnight. I dined frequently at the military mess, and found the officers generally gentlemanly. I gave two parties on board, but as I had no music there was no dancing. We revelled in Calepache and Calapee, and I think some of the city aldermen would have envied us the mouthfuls of green fat we swallowed. I made an excursion up the river with Colonel Drummond in a scow, a flat boat so called, or rather float, and slept at a pavilion he had on the bank of it. I shall never forget my nocturnal visitors, the bull-frogs, who,sans façon, jumped about the room as if dancing a quadrille, not to my amusement but their own, making a most unmusical noise to the tune of something like,“Pay your debts, pay your debts, pay your debts.”After the third croak they paused, probably to give time for everybody to become honest. I made daily excursions to the neighbouring quays, and picked up a quantity of beautiful shells.Dining one day with Colonel Drummond, I remarked that the black servant who stood near me had a piebald neck, and mentioned it as something singular.“Why,”said the Colonel,“thereby hangs a very curious tale, and not a pleasant one to[pg 271]him, poor fellow. He is a native of Panama, and formerly was employed to float rafts of mahogany down the Belize river. He is an expert canoe-man and something of a carpenter, and as he was a free man I took him into my household. At my request he related to me the cause of those white marks on his neck. It was thus. As he and another black man were floating down the river on a large raft of mahogany, it being Sunday he wished to bathe, and jumped into the river for that purpose. As he was swimming after the raft, which was close to the mangroves, and had nearly reached it, a large alligator seized him by the neck. He roared most piteously; the animal, either alarmed at the noise he made, or wishing to have a more convenient grip, threw him up, and in so doing he fortunately fell on the raft. His companion bound up his wounds, which were deep, and soon after he arrived at Belize he was sent to the hospital, when, on his recovery, he became myservant.”“It was a most providential escape,”exclaimed I.“Indeed it was,”replied the Colonel,“and so he thinks himself.”On reaching the ship in the evening I found a beautiful mahogany canoe alongside, and on entering my cabin the steward brought me a glass globe containing two Panama tortoises, which, when full-grown, are richly marked and not larger than a crown piece. The native name of these pretty animals ischinqua. They were a present from Captain Bromley. At the time appointed, seven vessels, deeply laden with mahogany, were ready for[pg 272]sea. I spent the last day on shore, dined at the military mess, bade adieu to all my red-coat friends, and the following morning got under weigh with my haystack convoy for England.We doubled Cape Antonio on the third day, and when off the Havannah we perceived a frigate standing out of the harbour. We concluded she was Spanish. I consulted the officers respecting the probability of taking her by laying her alongside and boarding her. They thought it might be effected. I turned the hands up and acquainted them of my intention. Three hearty cheers was the response. We prepared for action, and stood towards her. We were three gunshots from her when it fell calm, as well as dusk, and about an hour afterwards a large boat came near us. We presumed she was a Spanish gunboat, and had taken us for a merchant vessel. I let her come alongside, having the marines ready to give them a reception when they boarded, and to quietly disarm and hand them down the hatchway. The first man who came up was a lieutenant of our service.“Hulloa, sir, how is this, and where have you come from?”said I.“From theMelpomene,”replied he,“the frigate you see off the Havannah.”“This is a terrible disappointment,”resumed I.“We had made up our minds to board and, if possible, carry that frigate, supposing her Spanish.”“Why, sir,”said he,“we yesterday carried the disagreeable news to the Governor of Cuba of a Spanish peace, and seeing you with[pg 273]a convoy, Captain Parker despatched me with some letters for England, if you will have the goodness to take charge of them.”“Willingly,”replied I,“and pray acquaint him with our mortification.”He shortly after left us, and we proceeded through the Gulf with the convoy. Nothing of any importance transpired during our passage of nine long, tedious weeks, when we anchored in the Downs, where I got rid of all our snail-sailing mahogany haystacks. The three days we lay in the Downs I took up my quarters at the“Hoop and Griffin.”Bread and butter, with delicious oysters, were my orders of the day, but, alas, my former pretty maid was no longer there. She was married, had children, and I sincerely hope was happy. On the same floor, the father-in-law to the First Lord of the Admiralty, with his daughter and niece, had taken up their abode for a few days on their return journey to London from a tour in Wales. Before I was acquainted with this information, seeing a carriage at the door and an old gentleman with two ladies alight from it, I asked the waiter who they were. He answered he did not know, but that they had arrived yesterday and that the gentleman appeared much out of spirits, and one of the ladies very much out of health. The purser had been dining with me, and we were enjoying our wine, when I said to the waiter, in a half-joking manner,“Give my compliments to the old gentleman, and request him to hand himself in, that we may have a look at him.”He fulfilled[pg 274]his commission, although I did not intend he should do so, to the letter, and in walked a stately, gentlemanly-looking man, about seventy. He gave us a look that appeared to say,“Surely this is some mistake, I know you not.”On perceiving his embarrassment I advanced towards him, and begged, although there was some little mistake, that if he were not engaged, he would do me the favour to take a glass of wine.“I see,”said he,“you are officers of the navy,”and without further hesitation, sat down and became quite cheerful. In the course of conversation he informed me that he had tried the air of Wales for the benefit of his daughter, who was married to a captain in the navy, and that his other daughter was married to Lord Mulgrave, First Lord of the Admiralty. I told him we had come from the West Indies and were going to sail for Sheerness in the morning; that if he thought his daughter would like to go so far on her journey by sea, instead of by land, my cabin was entirely at his service. He thanked me cordially, but declined it. After finishing a brace of decanters of wine he took his leave, first giving me his address in London. A month afterwards I heard of his death.The following morning we sailed, and arrived at Sheerness next day, when I received orders to pay off the ship, in consequence of her being iron-fastened and wanting so much repair. She was afterwards sold out of the Service. I need not say I was much disappointed, and thought the builder at[pg 275]Port Royal something of an old woman, and only fit for superannuation. I found one of my old captains commissioner at this place, to whom I gave a turtle, a pig, and a bag of bread dust, for he thought one without the other useless, and for which he did not even invite me to his house.“Oh, what is friendship but a name that lulls the fool to sleep,”etc. On the sixth day the ship was put out of commission and myself out of full pay. I took a postchaise with my light luggage, and I arrived in the evening at my dear home, kissed my wife and all the women I could meet with that were worth the trouble, sat myself down in a snug elbow-chair near a comfortable English fire, told a long, tough yarn about mountains of sugar and rivers of rum, bottle-nosed porpoises, sharks, grampuses, and flying-fish, until I fell sound asleep, but, however, not so sound to prevent my hearing my best end of the ship whispering to someone to put more coals on the fire, and roast a chicken for my supper, and then she added, with her dear, musical, soft voice,“Dear fellow! How sound he sleeps. I hope he will awake quite refreshed, and eat his supper with a good appetite. How rejoiced I am he is once more at home.”I could have jumped up and hugged her, but I thought it better to enjoy my sleep. If this narrative meets the eye of a bachelor sailor I could wish him to splice himself to such another clean-looking frigate as my wife, but mind, not without he has a purse well filled with the right sort, and as long at least as the maintop bowline,[pg 276]or two cables spliced on end. Love is very pretty, very sentimental, and sometimes very romantic, but love without rhino is bewildering misery.When I awoke next morning I scarcely could believe my senses, it appeared too much happiness. Theéliteof the village favoured me with calls and congratulations, as well as invitations to tea andpetit soupers, with a seasoning of scandal. I in return entertained them occasionally with a few King’s yarns, which, my gentle reader, are not tarred, and are what the seamen vulgarly call rogue’s yarns, so called because one or more are twisted in large ropes and cables made in the King’s dockyards, to distinguish them from those made in the merchants’ yards, and should they be embezzled or clandestinely sold, the rogue’s or white yarn is evidence against the possessor. I had been some months on shore when I began to get tired of looking at green fields and grass combers, and longed to be once more on the salt seas. My family had increased to seven boys and girls, and I thought it criminal to be longer idle, and, after many applications, Mr. Yorke, the First Lord of the Admiralty, favoured me with an appointment to command a sloop of war on the Downs station.I joined her in the cold, uncomfortable month of December. The weather was remarkably severe, and it was five days before I could get a launch to put me on board her. At length I made my footing on the quarter-deck. The first lieutenant received me and informed me the captain was unwell in the[pg 277]cabin, but that he wished to see me. I descended into a complete den, filled with smoke and dirt. The first object I perceived looming through the dense vapour was the captain’s nose, which was a dingy red. His linen was the colour of chocolate, his beard had, I presumed, a month’s growth. I informed him of my errand, to which he answered with something like a growl. As it was impossible to remain in the cabin without a chance of being suffocated, I begged him, if he possibly could, to accompany me to the quarter-deck. He followed me with a slow step. I expressed my wish to have my commission read. He then gave orders to the first lieutenant to turn the hands up. After this ceremony I took the command, made a short speech to the crew, in which I assured them they should have every indulgence the Service afforded. I then turned to my predecessor, and asked him when he wished to leave the ship. He informed me that to-morrow would suit him. I gave the necessary orders and went on shore. The admiral, Sir G. Campbell, received me very kindly, and invited me to dinner, where I met Lady C., the admiral’s wife, a ladylike, pleasant person. The dinner party consisted of brother officers. The admiral was a quiet, gentlemanly, pleasing man, and a distinguished and good officer. As I sat next him he was kind enough to inform me that the captain of the sloop I superseded was considered out of his mind, that the officers had represented to him that the discipline on board her was worse than on a privateer, and[pg 278]that he would neither punish for insubordination nor have the decks washed.“In consequence of which,”continued the Admiral,“I was obliged to order a Court of Inquiry. The report was to his disadvantage; he was advised to go on shore, to which, after some hesitation, he consented, and another captain was applied for. You have superseded him, and I make no doubt you will soon make her once more a man-of-war.”I thanked him for his kind communication, and assured him that zeal on my part should not be wanting to make her equal to one of his best cruisers. On rejoining the ship, as I had been the first lieutenant for five years in former ships, I told the officers I wished to make my own observation on the men’s conduct, and I would endeavour to effect a reform when I found it necessary. The officers, with the exception of the master, who was a rough, practical seaman, were gentlemanly, well-informed men, and I was not surprised at their wishing to get rid of their insane chief, although, in any other case, it might have proved to them a difficult and probably a dangerous experiment. A few days afterwards I called on him. I found him in small lodgings in an obscure part of the town. I was accompanied by Captain J., an old messmate of his in former times. He neither knew us nor asked us to take a seat. He had a large loaf under his left arm, and in his right hand a dinner knife. He appeared to wear the same chocolate-coloured chemise and beard, his stockings were down over his shoes, and[pg 279]his clothes all over flue. We wished him health and happiness, to which he returned no answer, but began cutting his loaf. The people of the house told us he would neither wash himself nor take his clothes off when going to bed, but that he was perfectly quiet. I understood, before I sailed, that his sister had come from the north of England to stay with him, and that she had been of great use to him.[pg 280]CHAPTER XXII.OFF BOULOGNE.Sent to watch the French flotilla off Boulogne—Monotonous duty—Return to Sheerness to refit—Story of Billy Culmer—More cruising off Boulogne—Return to England.On the ninth day after joining, we sailed to cruise off Boulogne. The vessel I now commanded was a brig sloop of fourteen 24-pounders, the ship’s company by no means a bad set, and in the course of the cruise I had the satisfaction of seeing them alert, clean and obedient. This was in a great measure owing to the officers, who, when supported, were firm, discriminating and encouraging. The consequence was that during the time I commanded her there was only one desertion in eighteen months, and the cat did not see daylight once in three months. I found off Boulogne another cruiser watching the French privateers and Bonaparte’s boast—the flotilla. The captain of her was a Job’s comforter. He told me he was both sick and sorry to be on such a wear-and-tear, monotonous, do-nothing station, that he had been out two months without effecting anything, that he had frequently had the enemy’s privateers under his guns, but that the run was so short, they were always sure of escaping.[pg 281]“One morning,”said he,“about five months ago, I had got within musket-shot of one of those vagabonds, and had been sure of him, when a shell fired from Cape Grisnez fell directly down the main hatchway, bedded in one of the water-casks, and shortly after exploded, without, fortunately, doing more mischief than destroying a few more casks and splintering the beams and deck without wounding a man. I was in consequence reluctantly obliged to give up the chase, but not before I had taken ample revenge. In tacking I gave her all the larboard broadside, and not a vestige of her was to be seen: but,”continued he,“I hear of their taking prizes; but where the devil do they carry them to?”“Not into Boulogne or Calais,”replied I.“Havre and Cherbourg are the ports to sell them in.”“Then why,”said he,“do they keep so many of us on this station and so few to the westward?”“I presume it is,”I replied,“because this being the narrowest part of the Channel, there is more risk of our vessels being captured, and you know all the old women, with the Mayor and Aldermen, would petition the Admiralty to have the fleet back again to watch that frightful bugbear the half-rotten flotilla, which sometimes prevents them from taking their night’s rest. And it is very probable that, was this station neglected, our vessels would be cut out from the Downs.”“I never dreamed of that,”answered he.“It’s all right, and if I can only take six of their privateers, or about[pg 282]twenty of their flotilla, I will not say a word more.”Painting of H.M.S. Apelles.H.M.S. APELLES.I remained out nearly three months, watching the flotilla and the privateers. We sometimes anchored just beyond range of their shells, and frequently when the wind was light hauled the trawl, and were richly rewarded by a quantity of fine fish. I was at length relieved by another cruiser, and again anchored in the Downs. We were a fortnight refitting, during which time I dined several times at the admiral’s table, where I had the pleasure of meeting Sir R. Strachan, Sir P. Durham, and several other distinguished officers. One day, after dinner, the characters of several eccentric officers were the subject of conversation.“I make no doubt,”said a veteran captain,“that most of the present company recollect a man by the name of Billy Culmer, a distant relation of Lord Hood’s. He was a short time one of my lieutenants, and was between thirty and forty years of age before he obtained his commission. The next time I dined with Lord Hood, who was then one of the Admirals in the Channel Fleet, I was determined to request his lordship to give me a brief outline of his history, which was nearly this. Shall I proceed, Lady Campbell?”“Oh, by all means, Captain M.”“‘The Culmers were distantly related to me by marriage,’ said his lordship.‘Billy, as he was always called, was sent to me when I hoisted my[pg 283]pendant as master and commander. He unfortunately had lost an eye when a boy in one of his freaks, for they could do nothing with him at home. When he came on board I was not prepossessed in his favour; his manners were rough and bearish, although he had some redeeming qualities, for he was straightforward and frank. After being with me about two years, he said he was tired of being a midshipman, and requested me to obtain his discharge into the merchant service. I remonstrated with him to no purpose. To prevent his deserting, which he declared he would do, I procured his discharge, and he entered on board a West India ship going to Jamaica. I had lost sight of this extraordinary being for more than eight years,’continued his lordship,‘when, as I was standing on the platform at Portsmouth, waiting for a boat from the frigate I commanded, I was much surprised to see Billy Culmer, in a dirty sailor’s dress, a few yards from me. He perceived me, and pulled off his hat.“Hulloa!”said I,“Billy; where have you come from? I understood you were dead.”“Not so hard up as that, sir,”replied he.“I am d——d.”“Explain yourself,”said I.“Why,”said he,“I am d——d in the King’s service, for I shall never be able to enter it again, in consequence of my folly in requesting you to get me discharged.”“I probably may have interest enough, Billy, to get you once more on the quarter-deck if you will promise me faithfully to remain steady.”“I promise you solemnly I[pg 284]will,”replied he.“Then meet me at the admiral’s office to-morrow at ten o’clock,”returned I.“And I suppose, from your appearance, you are pretty well aground. Here is something that will keep your body and soul together.”He made a leg and took his departure.’But I am afraid, Lady Campbell, you have had enough of this rigmarole story, for it is rather a long one, and to those who know nothing of the man it may not be an interesting one.”“Why, Captain M.,”said Lady Campbell,“as the weather is disagreeable, and we do not intend to take a drive this evening, we may as well hear about Billy Culmer as anybody else. Do you not think so, Admiral?”The admiral, who appeared more inclined for a nap than to listen to a long-spun yarn, I verily believe, wished the narrator and the subject of his narration at the masthead together. However, he nodded assent, and the story went on.“‘On speaking to the admiral, Billy was again under my command,’ resumed his lordship,‘and was appointed mate of the hold. When I was promoted to my flag, Billy and I parted company, for he had followed me steadily from the frigate to a ship of the line. As soon as he had served his six years, I sent for him and told him he must go to London to pass his examination.“You must excuse me, my lord,”was his answer;“I would rather remain the oldest midshipman than the youngest lieutenant,”and he persisted in this whim for more than three years. At the end of that[pg 285]period the ship he belonged to arrived at Spithead, and he came on board me to pay his respects.“Well,”said I,“Culmer, will you now pass your examination, or are you determined to die the oldest midshipman in the service?”“I have been thinking of it,”was his reply,“but I have no money to carry me to London.”“That,”said I,“I will give you. And if you can mount a horse, I will procure that also.”In a few days Billy started for London, where he arrived a week after, having sold my horse on the road, without informing me of his having done so. When he made his appearance before the Commissioners at Somerset Place, they were all younger than himself, and one of them had been a mid in the same ship where he was mate. This last addressed him, and in a half comic, half serious manner, said:“Well, Mr. Culmer, I make no doubt you are well prepared for your examination.”“And who the devil put you there,”answered Billy sharply,“to pass one who taught you to be something of a sailor? Do you remember thecoltingI gave you when you were a youngster in my charge? But I never could beat much seamanship into you. So you are to examine me, are you?”The two other commissioners, who knew the whimsical character of the person before them, called him to order, and requested he would answer some questions, as he could not obtain his certificate without doing so.“Begin,”said Billy, turning his quid and hitching up his trousers.“You are running into Plymouth[pg 286]Sound in a heavy gale from the S.E.; how would you proceed in coming to an anchor? Your top-gallant masts are supposed to be on deck.”“I would first furl all and run under the storm forestay sail, unfid the topmasts going in, and have a long range of both bower cables on deck, and the sheet anchor ready. On coming to the proper anchorage I would let go the best bower and lower the topmasts as she tended head to wind; veer away half a cable and let go the small bower; veer away on both cables until the best bower splice came to the hatchway. I should then half a whole cable on one and half a cable on the other.”“‘“The gale increases, and there is a heavy scud, and you find both anchors are coming home. What then?”“‘“Then I would veer to one and a half on the best and a whole on the other.”“‘“In snubbing the best bower, it parts in the splice. What then?”“‘“What then?” exclaimed Billy sharply, for he began to be tired of being interrogated respecting a part of seamanship he thought he knew better than themselves.“Why,”replied he, taking a fresh quid of tobacco,“I would let go the sheet anchor.”“‘“But,” interrupted the elder Commissioner,“there is not, in consequence of having dragged the bower anchors, room to veer more than a few fathoms before you tail on the Hoe; consequently your sheet anchor, being only under foot, will be of[pg 287]little or no use, and the strain being on the small bower, it soon after parts.”“‘“What humbug!” cried Billy, who could not contain himself longer.“I tell you, gentlemen, what I would do. I would let her go on shore and be d——d, and wish you were all on board her.”“‘“Sit down, Mr. Culmer,” said the second Commissioner,“and calm yourself. We shall leave you a short time. Probably we may ask you a few more questions.”“‘“Hem!” muttered Billy, and he scratched his head. After an interval of half an hour, the Commissioner who had been his former messmate, entered with his certificate.“‘“I have much pleasure,” said he,“in having the power to present you your passing certificate, and I hope your speedy promotion will follow. Do you stay long in London?”“‘“Only to have a cruise in Wapping and to see St. Paul’s and the Monument,” returned Billy,“and then I shall make all sail for Portsmouth.”“‘“Have you any shot in your locker?” asked Captain T.“As much as will serve this turn,”replied Billy,“for Lord Hood has sent me an order for ten pounds on his banker.”“Good afternoon, Culmer,”said the former.“I wish you your health.”“Thank you,”replied Billy;“the same to you; but give me more sea-room next time you examine me, and do not let me tail on the Hoe.”’ Billy, through the interest of Lord Hood, was[pg 288]quickly installed lieutenant, but died shortly afterwards.”“Well,”said the admiral’s lady,“I think, Captain M., had I known this Billy Culmer, as you call him, I certainly should have made a pet of him.”“I am afraid, my dear,”answered the Admiral, who appeared relieved now the story was at an end,“you would have found him very pettish.”The admiral’s play on the word produced a smile.A young captain who sat near Lady Campbell asked her if she had ever heard of a captain who was, in consequence of his extravagant behaviour, called“Mad Montague?”“Pray, my dear,”cried the Admiral, who appeared terrified at the idea of another story,“let us have our coffee.”The hint was sufficient, we sipped our beverage andchasse, and departed in peace.Being ready for sea we left the Downs, and in a few hours were off our old cruising ground to watch the terrible flotilla and the privateers, which were principally lugger-rigged and carried long guns of different calibres, with from fifty to seventy-five men. Some few had ten or fourteen guns, besides swivels. The vessels forming the flotilla consisted of praams, ship-rigged, and brigs carrying one or two eighteen or twenty-four pounders, and the largest a thirty-two pounder (with sixty or ninety men), all of them flat-bottomed. They sometimes, when the wind blew fresh from the westward, ran down in squadrons close in shore,[pg 289]under the protection of their batteries, to Calais. One Sunday I chased twenty-seven and made the shot tell among some of them, until the pilots warned me that if I stood further in they would give up charge of the ship. I chased them, with the exception of one, who ran aground near Calais, into that port. In hauling off after giving them a few more shot, their battery favoured us with one which struck us between wind and water. As the shells were now falling plentifully around us, I thought it prudent to make more sail, as one of the shells had gone through the foretop-sail. Our force generally consisted of three sloops of war to watch Boulogne, the senior officer being the commodore, but in spite of all our vigilance the privateers crept along shore under cover of the night without being seen, and they sometimes tantalized us by anchoring outside, but so close in and under their batteries that it was impossible to get at them in that position. We, one morning at daybreak, captured a row-boat with twenty-two men, armed with swivels and muskets. We had disguised the ship so much that she took us for a merchantman, and before she discovered her mistake was within pistol-shot. Three months had now expired, which had been passed much in the same manner as the last cruise, when a cutter came out to order us into the Downs.[pg 290]CHAPTER XXIII.THE SAME WEARY ROUND.Leave to return home for four days—Visit of the Duke of Clarence—Again off Boulogne—Down Channel with a convoy—Boulogne once more—Refit at Plymouth—Return Boulogne—Run aground on French coast—Part of crew escape in boats—Author and nineteen men remain on board.On our arrival, in consequence of the vessel wanting material repairs, we were desired to repair to Sheerness. The commander-in-chief at this ill-flavoured town was a King John’s man, four feet something without his shoes, and so devoted to the reading of the Scriptures that he sometimes carried that sacred book under his arm. Some ill-natured people said he understood little of its doctrines, as he was too cross and unsociable to be a good Christian. Be that as it may he gave me leave, whilst the ship was refitting, to go home for four days. Where is the man who does not, after he has been absent from his family for nearly ten months, yearn to be with a fond wife and half a house full of dear children once more. During the short period I was at home, I thought myself in the seventh heaven. Alas, the time flew away on rapid wings. How soon our joy is changed to sorrow. I tore myself from the house that[pg 291]contained my dearest treasures, and was soon again among tar jackets and tar barrels. The admiral appeared satisfied with my punctuality, but he did not invite me to dinner, and as he did not I repaired to the principal inn with a few brother officers, and ordered some fish and a boiled leg of mutton and mashed turnips.“It is very extraordinary, gentlemen,”replied the head waiter when we mentioned the articles we wished for dinner.“There are thirteen different naval parties in the house, and they have all ordered the same. But,”added he,“I am not at all surprised, for our mutton is excellent.”The following morning the signal was made for all captains to repair to the dockyard to receive the Duke of Clarence. At one o’clock he arrived in the commissioner’s yacht from Chatham. I had the honour of being presented to him first, as I happened to be nearest. He asked me a few questions of no importance, and then passed on to another officer. He inspected the yard and the troops, we all following him. As he was afterwards to breakfast, or rather lunch, with Commissioner Lobb, the latter was considerate enough to invite us all to meet him, and a curious kind of meeting it was. The distinguished and illustrious admiral was very chatty, and appeared from the manner of his eating to be sharp set. The little Admiral of the Port did not, for some reason, attend. His friends said he ought to have given the refreshment instead of the commissioner, but it was not his fashion. I was not sorry when[pg 292]the Duke took his departure, as his presence brought everything to a standstill.In a week’s time we were ready for sea, and I left Sheerness, the little hospitable admiral, and all its contents without shedding one tear. Off Margate the pilot had the kindness to bump us on shore, but as the tide was making, the vessel was soon afloat without receiving any injury. His wife had predicted this in her preceding night’s dream, and he, silly man, had not sense enough to give up his turn to another pilot. On arriving in the Downs, I was ordered next day to repair to my old tiresome cruising ground, where, during a period of three long, lingering months, we cruised, anchored, fished, and frequently on Sundays engaged the old women’s terror, the flotilla. We also took achasse maréeladen with plaster of Paris. As I imagined I should gratify the honest people at Dover, particularly the female part, who might be twisting their papillotes and talking scandal for want of other amusement, by sending in a vessel with the English flag flying above the French, I was determined to do so, although I knew she would scarcely pay her condemnation. A few days afterwards I received a note from the prize agent to request I would not send in anymore of the same description, as there was a balance of six pounds against us for Proctor’s fees, etc. Thinks I to myself, how odd. So, as the sailor says, after venturing life and limb in capturing an enemy’s vessel, I am to pay for taking her. D——n me, Jack, that’s too[pg 293]bad. I’ll write to Joseph Hume to bring it before the House of Commons. I know he is a great reformer and a sailor’s friend, although he terms them a dead weight.We were at the end of our cruise relieved, and anchored again in the Downs, where I was informed Sir G. Campbell had been relieved by Sir Thos. Foley, his counterpart in worth and gallantry.I waited on the gallant admiral, left my card on Lady Lucy, and was invited to dinner. The admiral, as he is well known, and considered one of our most distinguished officers, I need not describe. His lady was a lively, hospitable, agreeable person, and I often reflect on the many pleasant hours I passed at the admiral’s house. I understand she is now a saint and is very charitable. Generally speaking, I do not admire saints. They are too pure to mix with this sinful world, and are not fond of sailors. A fortnight passed away when we once more sighted our anchors, and the day after that eye-sore Boulogne. Our occupation was much the same as the last cruise, except that I was ordered shortly after I sailed to take charge of a large convoy outward bound, and to proceed with them as far as Portsmouth. On my arrival there I went on shore and waited on the admiral, Sir R. Curtis, whom I found walking, what he termed his long-shore quarter-deck, the platform. He was a little, shrewd man, and knew a handspike from a capstan bar. I informed him from whence I came, and that I had fulfilled my[pg 294]orders respecting the convoy. I then presented him the necessary papers belonging to my own ship.“Come with me to my office,”was the order. In going there we had to pass part of the market, where the admiral was well-known. He conversed in passing with several pretty market girls, and chucked them under the chin.“Ho, ho!”thought I. On breaking the seal of the envelope of the papers I had given him, he said,“I find all perfectly in order. How long have you been a commander?”I informed him.“Your seniors,”returned he,“may blush and take your correctness for a pattern.”I made my bow.“You will sail to-morrow for your station,”continued he.“Foley is a good fellow, and I will not detain you longer than that time, so that you may take prizes for him. There will be a knife and fork at my table at five o’clock, where, if you are not engaged, I hope to see you.”He then withdrew. If I had not known this gallant officer’s character as a courtier, I should have been highly flattered by his compliments. Had anyone else stood in my shoes, his language would most likely have been the same. However, it put me in good humour, for who is there that does not like to be commended and sometimes flattered? At the admiral’s table I met his amiable daughter, who did not appear in health, and some old brother officers.At daylight I robbed Spithead of some of its mud, and was soon in sight of detested Boulogne, and of its, if possible, more hated flotilla; and I[pg 295]almost believe that if our men could have caught some of its crew they would have eaten them alive. This cruise we assisted, as the French say, in taking one of their privateers, the prize-money of which gave soap to the ship’s company for the next cruise; what other good we did I say not. At the expiration of another three months, His Majesty’s sloop’s anchors once more bit the mud in the Downs. On my going on shore to the admiral’s office, I was informed that I was to repair to Plymouth and there refit. I was, as Sir R. Strachan said in his despatch,“delighted.”I hoped we should be ordered to the Mediterranean. I dined with the admiral, and the day after we tore the anchors from their unwilling bed and made all sail. As I passed the coast near Boulogne I made my bow and wished it good-bye, I hoped for ever. On the fourth day we graced Plymouth Sound. I made my bow to the commander-in-chief, Sir R. Calder, who asked me, with some surprise, where I came from, and what I did at Plymouth. I produced my order, etc.“This is a mistake of some of the offices; I have no orders respecting you. However, as you are here, I suppose we must make good your defects, and, notwithstanding that you have taken us by surprise, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you at six o’clock to dinner.”I repaired on board with a pilot and brought the vessel into Hamoaze. At the appointed time I waited on the admiral. The dinner I thought passed off heavily. There were no ladies to[pg 296]embellish the table, and after coffee I went on board. Next morning I waited on the commissioner, Fanshaw, who received me very graciously, as I was known to several of his family. As the vessel was to be docked and fresh coppered, we were hulked, and I took lodgings on shore, where the commissioner did me the honour of calling on me and requested me to dine with him the following day. The dinner party consisted of another brother officer, his own family, who were very amiable, and myself. During the fortnight I remained here, as I was well acquainted with several families, I contrived to pass my time very agreeably.I expected every hour orders to fit foreign, but, oh! reader, judge of my mortification when the admiral informed me I was to go back from whence I came in a few days, and take with me a heavy-laden convoy. My mind had been filled with Italian skies and burnished golden sunsets, ladies with tender black eyes, Sicilian coral necklaces, tunny-fish and tusks. I was to give up all these and to return to that never-to-be-forgotten, good-for-nothing rotten flotilla, to see Dover pier, the lighthouse, and the steeple of Boulogne, to cross and re-cross from one to the other to provoke an appetite. If I had had interest enough I would have changed the Board of Admiralty for having sent me to Plymouth on a fool’s errand. My thoughts were bitter and seven fathoms deep. Again I cruised, like an armadillo on a grassplat,[pg 297]there and back again. After our usual time we again disturbed the mud, and most likely a number of fish, by letting go our anchors in the Downs, I little thought for the last time. How blind is man to future events, and fortunate it is he is so!On the ninth day His Majesty’s brig was again dividing the water and making it fly to the right and left in delicate wavy curls. We wished Boulogne, Bonaparte, and his flotilla burnt to a cinder during this cruise; we were generally at anchor off that detested place, and took nothing, for there was nothing to take. On Sunday we were usually firing at the flotilla as they anchored outside the pier, but so close to it that I fear our shot made little impression. At this time they were erecting a column on the heights, on which, we understood from the fishing-boats, an equestrian statue of that great dethroner, Bonaparte, was to be placed. A large division of the army of England, as they chose to call themselves, were encamped round it. We occasionally anchored at Dungeness for a few hours to procure fresh beef and vegetables. Our cruise was nearly terminated when the sloop of war, whose captain was senior to myself, made my signal. On repairing on board her, he informed me that a division of the flotilla was to run along shore for Cherbourg that night, and that it was necessary to keep the vessels as close in shore as possible, in order to intercept them.[pg 298]I again joined my ship and remained on deck until midnight in the hope of encountering these bugbears, and making them pay dearly for all the trouble they had given us; but, alas! how futile is the expectation of man! I had gone to my cabin and thrown myself on the sofa, and fallen into a canine slumber—that is, one eye shut and the other open—when I heard a confused kind of rumbling noise, and soon afterwards the officer of the watch tumbled down the hatchway and called out to me that the ship was aground on the French coast, but that the fog, which had come on about an hour after I quitted the deck, was so dense that the land could not be seen. I had only taken off my coat and shoes. I was immediately on deck, where I saw, to my sorrow and amazement, my commanding officer hard and fast about half pistol-shot from us. I asked the pilots, whose carelessness had done us this favour, what time of tide it was.“The infant ebb of the spring,”was the comfortable answer.“I wish you were both hanged,”I replied.“So be it,”responded the officers. During this period we were not idle; the boats were got out as well as an anchor astern, and the sails hove aback, the water started, the pumps set going, guns thrown overboard over the bows as well as shot, but all our efforts proved fruitless—you might as well have tried to start the Monument; and, to conclude this distressing and disastrous scene, a heavy battery began pouring its shot into the vessel I commanded, she being the[pg 299]nearest, and the fort not more than an eighth of a mile from us on the edge of a cliff. A boat came from the sloop to request that I would make preparations to blow up my vessel and quit her with the crew.“Sooner said than done,”replied I to the officer sent;“my boats will not carry the whole of us, and however I may wish to go to heaven in a hurry, probably those who are obliged to remain may not be willing to bear me company.”As the vessel began to heel over towards the battery, I ordered the boats to be manned, and all left the ship except nineteen men and myself, who had the felicity to be fired at like rabbits, as the enemy had now brought some field-pieces to bear on us. Our rigging was soon shot away and our sails cut into ribbons. At length away went the lower masts a little above the deck, while about two hundred men were pegging away at us with muskets. To make our happiness supreme, the sloop of war which had been set on fire and abandoned, blew up, and set us partially in a blaze, and while we were endeavouring to extinguish it the enemy took the cowardly advantage of wounding the purser, gunner, and two seamen, as well as myself, though only slightly. We had now fallen so much on the side that we stood with our feet on the combings of the hatchways, with our backs against the deck. What a charming sight, as my Lady Dangerfield might have said, to see four heavy guns from the battery, three field-pieces, and about two hundred soldiers firing at a nearly deserted vessel, and endeavouring to pick off and[pg 300]send to“Kingdom come”the unfortunate few of her crew who remained. The captain of the other sloop, finding I was not in the boats, pulled back in a gallant manner under a most galling fire to entreat me to come into his boat. This I declined, as I could not in justice leave those who were obliged to remain behind. Finding he could not prevail on me to leave, he joined the other boats and proceeded to England, where, happily, they all arrived in the evening. We had now been aground about four hours, and the enemy had amused himself by firing at us for about two hours and a half.6

[pg 269]CHAPTER XXI.HOME WITH MAHOGANY.My new ship—Sail for Belize—Native and alligator—Sail for England with convoy of ships—Hear of peace being signed between Spain and England—Arrive in England—Paid off at Sheerness—Return home—Tired of country life—Apply for ship—Appointed to H.M.S.Apelles.The sloop of war I now commanded was a fine sixteen-gun brig carrying twenty-four-pound-carronades, with a crew of one hundred and twenty as fine men as any in the fleet. They had been some time together, and only wished for an opportunity of making the splinters fly out of a Frenchman’s side, and hauling down his tricoloured piece of bunting. I found on my reaching Port Royal that Admiral Rowley had arrived to supersede Admiral Dacres. In the afternoon I dined with both Admirals, and met the Duke of Manchester, who was a fine-looking man, but unfortunately had a nervous affection of the head. He asked me several questions respecting the different islands, and appeared amused by my description of them. After we had refitted we sailed for Honduras, the Admiral first taking from me the master, without appointing another, for which I did not thank him. We made the Swan Islands, which are small, uninhabited, and surrounded by a[pg 270]reef of coral, and on the morning of the third day anchored off the town at the mouth of the Belize river. Colonel Drummond, who was the commanding officer, received us very civilly, and requested I would dine with him as often as I could. A deputation of the merchants waited on me to say the convoy would be ready in a fortnight. I dined frequently at the military mess, and found the officers generally gentlemanly. I gave two parties on board, but as I had no music there was no dancing. We revelled in Calepache and Calapee, and I think some of the city aldermen would have envied us the mouthfuls of green fat we swallowed. I made an excursion up the river with Colonel Drummond in a scow, a flat boat so called, or rather float, and slept at a pavilion he had on the bank of it. I shall never forget my nocturnal visitors, the bull-frogs, who,sans façon, jumped about the room as if dancing a quadrille, not to my amusement but their own, making a most unmusical noise to the tune of something like,“Pay your debts, pay your debts, pay your debts.”After the third croak they paused, probably to give time for everybody to become honest. I made daily excursions to the neighbouring quays, and picked up a quantity of beautiful shells.Dining one day with Colonel Drummond, I remarked that the black servant who stood near me had a piebald neck, and mentioned it as something singular.“Why,”said the Colonel,“thereby hangs a very curious tale, and not a pleasant one to[pg 271]him, poor fellow. He is a native of Panama, and formerly was employed to float rafts of mahogany down the Belize river. He is an expert canoe-man and something of a carpenter, and as he was a free man I took him into my household. At my request he related to me the cause of those white marks on his neck. It was thus. As he and another black man were floating down the river on a large raft of mahogany, it being Sunday he wished to bathe, and jumped into the river for that purpose. As he was swimming after the raft, which was close to the mangroves, and had nearly reached it, a large alligator seized him by the neck. He roared most piteously; the animal, either alarmed at the noise he made, or wishing to have a more convenient grip, threw him up, and in so doing he fortunately fell on the raft. His companion bound up his wounds, which were deep, and soon after he arrived at Belize he was sent to the hospital, when, on his recovery, he became myservant.”“It was a most providential escape,”exclaimed I.“Indeed it was,”replied the Colonel,“and so he thinks himself.”On reaching the ship in the evening I found a beautiful mahogany canoe alongside, and on entering my cabin the steward brought me a glass globe containing two Panama tortoises, which, when full-grown, are richly marked and not larger than a crown piece. The native name of these pretty animals ischinqua. They were a present from Captain Bromley. At the time appointed, seven vessels, deeply laden with mahogany, were ready for[pg 272]sea. I spent the last day on shore, dined at the military mess, bade adieu to all my red-coat friends, and the following morning got under weigh with my haystack convoy for England.We doubled Cape Antonio on the third day, and when off the Havannah we perceived a frigate standing out of the harbour. We concluded she was Spanish. I consulted the officers respecting the probability of taking her by laying her alongside and boarding her. They thought it might be effected. I turned the hands up and acquainted them of my intention. Three hearty cheers was the response. We prepared for action, and stood towards her. We were three gunshots from her when it fell calm, as well as dusk, and about an hour afterwards a large boat came near us. We presumed she was a Spanish gunboat, and had taken us for a merchant vessel. I let her come alongside, having the marines ready to give them a reception when they boarded, and to quietly disarm and hand them down the hatchway. The first man who came up was a lieutenant of our service.“Hulloa, sir, how is this, and where have you come from?”said I.“From theMelpomene,”replied he,“the frigate you see off the Havannah.”“This is a terrible disappointment,”resumed I.“We had made up our minds to board and, if possible, carry that frigate, supposing her Spanish.”“Why, sir,”said he,“we yesterday carried the disagreeable news to the Governor of Cuba of a Spanish peace, and seeing you with[pg 273]a convoy, Captain Parker despatched me with some letters for England, if you will have the goodness to take charge of them.”“Willingly,”replied I,“and pray acquaint him with our mortification.”He shortly after left us, and we proceeded through the Gulf with the convoy. Nothing of any importance transpired during our passage of nine long, tedious weeks, when we anchored in the Downs, where I got rid of all our snail-sailing mahogany haystacks. The three days we lay in the Downs I took up my quarters at the“Hoop and Griffin.”Bread and butter, with delicious oysters, were my orders of the day, but, alas, my former pretty maid was no longer there. She was married, had children, and I sincerely hope was happy. On the same floor, the father-in-law to the First Lord of the Admiralty, with his daughter and niece, had taken up their abode for a few days on their return journey to London from a tour in Wales. Before I was acquainted with this information, seeing a carriage at the door and an old gentleman with two ladies alight from it, I asked the waiter who they were. He answered he did not know, but that they had arrived yesterday and that the gentleman appeared much out of spirits, and one of the ladies very much out of health. The purser had been dining with me, and we were enjoying our wine, when I said to the waiter, in a half-joking manner,“Give my compliments to the old gentleman, and request him to hand himself in, that we may have a look at him.”He fulfilled[pg 274]his commission, although I did not intend he should do so, to the letter, and in walked a stately, gentlemanly-looking man, about seventy. He gave us a look that appeared to say,“Surely this is some mistake, I know you not.”On perceiving his embarrassment I advanced towards him, and begged, although there was some little mistake, that if he were not engaged, he would do me the favour to take a glass of wine.“I see,”said he,“you are officers of the navy,”and without further hesitation, sat down and became quite cheerful. In the course of conversation he informed me that he had tried the air of Wales for the benefit of his daughter, who was married to a captain in the navy, and that his other daughter was married to Lord Mulgrave, First Lord of the Admiralty. I told him we had come from the West Indies and were going to sail for Sheerness in the morning; that if he thought his daughter would like to go so far on her journey by sea, instead of by land, my cabin was entirely at his service. He thanked me cordially, but declined it. After finishing a brace of decanters of wine he took his leave, first giving me his address in London. A month afterwards I heard of his death.The following morning we sailed, and arrived at Sheerness next day, when I received orders to pay off the ship, in consequence of her being iron-fastened and wanting so much repair. She was afterwards sold out of the Service. I need not say I was much disappointed, and thought the builder at[pg 275]Port Royal something of an old woman, and only fit for superannuation. I found one of my old captains commissioner at this place, to whom I gave a turtle, a pig, and a bag of bread dust, for he thought one without the other useless, and for which he did not even invite me to his house.“Oh, what is friendship but a name that lulls the fool to sleep,”etc. On the sixth day the ship was put out of commission and myself out of full pay. I took a postchaise with my light luggage, and I arrived in the evening at my dear home, kissed my wife and all the women I could meet with that were worth the trouble, sat myself down in a snug elbow-chair near a comfortable English fire, told a long, tough yarn about mountains of sugar and rivers of rum, bottle-nosed porpoises, sharks, grampuses, and flying-fish, until I fell sound asleep, but, however, not so sound to prevent my hearing my best end of the ship whispering to someone to put more coals on the fire, and roast a chicken for my supper, and then she added, with her dear, musical, soft voice,“Dear fellow! How sound he sleeps. I hope he will awake quite refreshed, and eat his supper with a good appetite. How rejoiced I am he is once more at home.”I could have jumped up and hugged her, but I thought it better to enjoy my sleep. If this narrative meets the eye of a bachelor sailor I could wish him to splice himself to such another clean-looking frigate as my wife, but mind, not without he has a purse well filled with the right sort, and as long at least as the maintop bowline,[pg 276]or two cables spliced on end. Love is very pretty, very sentimental, and sometimes very romantic, but love without rhino is bewildering misery.When I awoke next morning I scarcely could believe my senses, it appeared too much happiness. Theéliteof the village favoured me with calls and congratulations, as well as invitations to tea andpetit soupers, with a seasoning of scandal. I in return entertained them occasionally with a few King’s yarns, which, my gentle reader, are not tarred, and are what the seamen vulgarly call rogue’s yarns, so called because one or more are twisted in large ropes and cables made in the King’s dockyards, to distinguish them from those made in the merchants’ yards, and should they be embezzled or clandestinely sold, the rogue’s or white yarn is evidence against the possessor. I had been some months on shore when I began to get tired of looking at green fields and grass combers, and longed to be once more on the salt seas. My family had increased to seven boys and girls, and I thought it criminal to be longer idle, and, after many applications, Mr. Yorke, the First Lord of the Admiralty, favoured me with an appointment to command a sloop of war on the Downs station.I joined her in the cold, uncomfortable month of December. The weather was remarkably severe, and it was five days before I could get a launch to put me on board her. At length I made my footing on the quarter-deck. The first lieutenant received me and informed me the captain was unwell in the[pg 277]cabin, but that he wished to see me. I descended into a complete den, filled with smoke and dirt. The first object I perceived looming through the dense vapour was the captain’s nose, which was a dingy red. His linen was the colour of chocolate, his beard had, I presumed, a month’s growth. I informed him of my errand, to which he answered with something like a growl. As it was impossible to remain in the cabin without a chance of being suffocated, I begged him, if he possibly could, to accompany me to the quarter-deck. He followed me with a slow step. I expressed my wish to have my commission read. He then gave orders to the first lieutenant to turn the hands up. After this ceremony I took the command, made a short speech to the crew, in which I assured them they should have every indulgence the Service afforded. I then turned to my predecessor, and asked him when he wished to leave the ship. He informed me that to-morrow would suit him. I gave the necessary orders and went on shore. The admiral, Sir G. Campbell, received me very kindly, and invited me to dinner, where I met Lady C., the admiral’s wife, a ladylike, pleasant person. The dinner party consisted of brother officers. The admiral was a quiet, gentlemanly, pleasing man, and a distinguished and good officer. As I sat next him he was kind enough to inform me that the captain of the sloop I superseded was considered out of his mind, that the officers had represented to him that the discipline on board her was worse than on a privateer, and[pg 278]that he would neither punish for insubordination nor have the decks washed.“In consequence of which,”continued the Admiral,“I was obliged to order a Court of Inquiry. The report was to his disadvantage; he was advised to go on shore, to which, after some hesitation, he consented, and another captain was applied for. You have superseded him, and I make no doubt you will soon make her once more a man-of-war.”I thanked him for his kind communication, and assured him that zeal on my part should not be wanting to make her equal to one of his best cruisers. On rejoining the ship, as I had been the first lieutenant for five years in former ships, I told the officers I wished to make my own observation on the men’s conduct, and I would endeavour to effect a reform when I found it necessary. The officers, with the exception of the master, who was a rough, practical seaman, were gentlemanly, well-informed men, and I was not surprised at their wishing to get rid of their insane chief, although, in any other case, it might have proved to them a difficult and probably a dangerous experiment. A few days afterwards I called on him. I found him in small lodgings in an obscure part of the town. I was accompanied by Captain J., an old messmate of his in former times. He neither knew us nor asked us to take a seat. He had a large loaf under his left arm, and in his right hand a dinner knife. He appeared to wear the same chocolate-coloured chemise and beard, his stockings were down over his shoes, and[pg 279]his clothes all over flue. We wished him health and happiness, to which he returned no answer, but began cutting his loaf. The people of the house told us he would neither wash himself nor take his clothes off when going to bed, but that he was perfectly quiet. I understood, before I sailed, that his sister had come from the north of England to stay with him, and that she had been of great use to him.[pg 280]CHAPTER XXII.OFF BOULOGNE.Sent to watch the French flotilla off Boulogne—Monotonous duty—Return to Sheerness to refit—Story of Billy Culmer—More cruising off Boulogne—Return to England.On the ninth day after joining, we sailed to cruise off Boulogne. The vessel I now commanded was a brig sloop of fourteen 24-pounders, the ship’s company by no means a bad set, and in the course of the cruise I had the satisfaction of seeing them alert, clean and obedient. This was in a great measure owing to the officers, who, when supported, were firm, discriminating and encouraging. The consequence was that during the time I commanded her there was only one desertion in eighteen months, and the cat did not see daylight once in three months. I found off Boulogne another cruiser watching the French privateers and Bonaparte’s boast—the flotilla. The captain of her was a Job’s comforter. He told me he was both sick and sorry to be on such a wear-and-tear, monotonous, do-nothing station, that he had been out two months without effecting anything, that he had frequently had the enemy’s privateers under his guns, but that the run was so short, they were always sure of escaping.[pg 281]“One morning,”said he,“about five months ago, I had got within musket-shot of one of those vagabonds, and had been sure of him, when a shell fired from Cape Grisnez fell directly down the main hatchway, bedded in one of the water-casks, and shortly after exploded, without, fortunately, doing more mischief than destroying a few more casks and splintering the beams and deck without wounding a man. I was in consequence reluctantly obliged to give up the chase, but not before I had taken ample revenge. In tacking I gave her all the larboard broadside, and not a vestige of her was to be seen: but,”continued he,“I hear of their taking prizes; but where the devil do they carry them to?”“Not into Boulogne or Calais,”replied I.“Havre and Cherbourg are the ports to sell them in.”“Then why,”said he,“do they keep so many of us on this station and so few to the westward?”“I presume it is,”I replied,“because this being the narrowest part of the Channel, there is more risk of our vessels being captured, and you know all the old women, with the Mayor and Aldermen, would petition the Admiralty to have the fleet back again to watch that frightful bugbear the half-rotten flotilla, which sometimes prevents them from taking their night’s rest. And it is very probable that, was this station neglected, our vessels would be cut out from the Downs.”“I never dreamed of that,”answered he.“It’s all right, and if I can only take six of their privateers, or about[pg 282]twenty of their flotilla, I will not say a word more.”Painting of H.M.S. Apelles.H.M.S. APELLES.I remained out nearly three months, watching the flotilla and the privateers. We sometimes anchored just beyond range of their shells, and frequently when the wind was light hauled the trawl, and were richly rewarded by a quantity of fine fish. I was at length relieved by another cruiser, and again anchored in the Downs. We were a fortnight refitting, during which time I dined several times at the admiral’s table, where I had the pleasure of meeting Sir R. Strachan, Sir P. Durham, and several other distinguished officers. One day, after dinner, the characters of several eccentric officers were the subject of conversation.“I make no doubt,”said a veteran captain,“that most of the present company recollect a man by the name of Billy Culmer, a distant relation of Lord Hood’s. He was a short time one of my lieutenants, and was between thirty and forty years of age before he obtained his commission. The next time I dined with Lord Hood, who was then one of the Admirals in the Channel Fleet, I was determined to request his lordship to give me a brief outline of his history, which was nearly this. Shall I proceed, Lady Campbell?”“Oh, by all means, Captain M.”“‘The Culmers were distantly related to me by marriage,’ said his lordship.‘Billy, as he was always called, was sent to me when I hoisted my[pg 283]pendant as master and commander. He unfortunately had lost an eye when a boy in one of his freaks, for they could do nothing with him at home. When he came on board I was not prepossessed in his favour; his manners were rough and bearish, although he had some redeeming qualities, for he was straightforward and frank. After being with me about two years, he said he was tired of being a midshipman, and requested me to obtain his discharge into the merchant service. I remonstrated with him to no purpose. To prevent his deserting, which he declared he would do, I procured his discharge, and he entered on board a West India ship going to Jamaica. I had lost sight of this extraordinary being for more than eight years,’continued his lordship,‘when, as I was standing on the platform at Portsmouth, waiting for a boat from the frigate I commanded, I was much surprised to see Billy Culmer, in a dirty sailor’s dress, a few yards from me. He perceived me, and pulled off his hat.“Hulloa!”said I,“Billy; where have you come from? I understood you were dead.”“Not so hard up as that, sir,”replied he.“I am d——d.”“Explain yourself,”said I.“Why,”said he,“I am d——d in the King’s service, for I shall never be able to enter it again, in consequence of my folly in requesting you to get me discharged.”“I probably may have interest enough, Billy, to get you once more on the quarter-deck if you will promise me faithfully to remain steady.”“I promise you solemnly I[pg 284]will,”replied he.“Then meet me at the admiral’s office to-morrow at ten o’clock,”returned I.“And I suppose, from your appearance, you are pretty well aground. Here is something that will keep your body and soul together.”He made a leg and took his departure.’But I am afraid, Lady Campbell, you have had enough of this rigmarole story, for it is rather a long one, and to those who know nothing of the man it may not be an interesting one.”“Why, Captain M.,”said Lady Campbell,“as the weather is disagreeable, and we do not intend to take a drive this evening, we may as well hear about Billy Culmer as anybody else. Do you not think so, Admiral?”The admiral, who appeared more inclined for a nap than to listen to a long-spun yarn, I verily believe, wished the narrator and the subject of his narration at the masthead together. However, he nodded assent, and the story went on.“‘On speaking to the admiral, Billy was again under my command,’ resumed his lordship,‘and was appointed mate of the hold. When I was promoted to my flag, Billy and I parted company, for he had followed me steadily from the frigate to a ship of the line. As soon as he had served his six years, I sent for him and told him he must go to London to pass his examination.“You must excuse me, my lord,”was his answer;“I would rather remain the oldest midshipman than the youngest lieutenant,”and he persisted in this whim for more than three years. At the end of that[pg 285]period the ship he belonged to arrived at Spithead, and he came on board me to pay his respects.“Well,”said I,“Culmer, will you now pass your examination, or are you determined to die the oldest midshipman in the service?”“I have been thinking of it,”was his reply,“but I have no money to carry me to London.”“That,”said I,“I will give you. And if you can mount a horse, I will procure that also.”In a few days Billy started for London, where he arrived a week after, having sold my horse on the road, without informing me of his having done so. When he made his appearance before the Commissioners at Somerset Place, they were all younger than himself, and one of them had been a mid in the same ship where he was mate. This last addressed him, and in a half comic, half serious manner, said:“Well, Mr. Culmer, I make no doubt you are well prepared for your examination.”“And who the devil put you there,”answered Billy sharply,“to pass one who taught you to be something of a sailor? Do you remember thecoltingI gave you when you were a youngster in my charge? But I never could beat much seamanship into you. So you are to examine me, are you?”The two other commissioners, who knew the whimsical character of the person before them, called him to order, and requested he would answer some questions, as he could not obtain his certificate without doing so.“Begin,”said Billy, turning his quid and hitching up his trousers.“You are running into Plymouth[pg 286]Sound in a heavy gale from the S.E.; how would you proceed in coming to an anchor? Your top-gallant masts are supposed to be on deck.”“I would first furl all and run under the storm forestay sail, unfid the topmasts going in, and have a long range of both bower cables on deck, and the sheet anchor ready. On coming to the proper anchorage I would let go the best bower and lower the topmasts as she tended head to wind; veer away half a cable and let go the small bower; veer away on both cables until the best bower splice came to the hatchway. I should then half a whole cable on one and half a cable on the other.”“‘“The gale increases, and there is a heavy scud, and you find both anchors are coming home. What then?”“‘“Then I would veer to one and a half on the best and a whole on the other.”“‘“In snubbing the best bower, it parts in the splice. What then?”“‘“What then?” exclaimed Billy sharply, for he began to be tired of being interrogated respecting a part of seamanship he thought he knew better than themselves.“Why,”replied he, taking a fresh quid of tobacco,“I would let go the sheet anchor.”“‘“But,” interrupted the elder Commissioner,“there is not, in consequence of having dragged the bower anchors, room to veer more than a few fathoms before you tail on the Hoe; consequently your sheet anchor, being only under foot, will be of[pg 287]little or no use, and the strain being on the small bower, it soon after parts.”“‘“What humbug!” cried Billy, who could not contain himself longer.“I tell you, gentlemen, what I would do. I would let her go on shore and be d——d, and wish you were all on board her.”“‘“Sit down, Mr. Culmer,” said the second Commissioner,“and calm yourself. We shall leave you a short time. Probably we may ask you a few more questions.”“‘“Hem!” muttered Billy, and he scratched his head. After an interval of half an hour, the Commissioner who had been his former messmate, entered with his certificate.“‘“I have much pleasure,” said he,“in having the power to present you your passing certificate, and I hope your speedy promotion will follow. Do you stay long in London?”“‘“Only to have a cruise in Wapping and to see St. Paul’s and the Monument,” returned Billy,“and then I shall make all sail for Portsmouth.”“‘“Have you any shot in your locker?” asked Captain T.“As much as will serve this turn,”replied Billy,“for Lord Hood has sent me an order for ten pounds on his banker.”“Good afternoon, Culmer,”said the former.“I wish you your health.”“Thank you,”replied Billy;“the same to you; but give me more sea-room next time you examine me, and do not let me tail on the Hoe.”’ Billy, through the interest of Lord Hood, was[pg 288]quickly installed lieutenant, but died shortly afterwards.”“Well,”said the admiral’s lady,“I think, Captain M., had I known this Billy Culmer, as you call him, I certainly should have made a pet of him.”“I am afraid, my dear,”answered the Admiral, who appeared relieved now the story was at an end,“you would have found him very pettish.”The admiral’s play on the word produced a smile.A young captain who sat near Lady Campbell asked her if she had ever heard of a captain who was, in consequence of his extravagant behaviour, called“Mad Montague?”“Pray, my dear,”cried the Admiral, who appeared terrified at the idea of another story,“let us have our coffee.”The hint was sufficient, we sipped our beverage andchasse, and departed in peace.Being ready for sea we left the Downs, and in a few hours were off our old cruising ground to watch the terrible flotilla and the privateers, which were principally lugger-rigged and carried long guns of different calibres, with from fifty to seventy-five men. Some few had ten or fourteen guns, besides swivels. The vessels forming the flotilla consisted of praams, ship-rigged, and brigs carrying one or two eighteen or twenty-four pounders, and the largest a thirty-two pounder (with sixty or ninety men), all of them flat-bottomed. They sometimes, when the wind blew fresh from the westward, ran down in squadrons close in shore,[pg 289]under the protection of their batteries, to Calais. One Sunday I chased twenty-seven and made the shot tell among some of them, until the pilots warned me that if I stood further in they would give up charge of the ship. I chased them, with the exception of one, who ran aground near Calais, into that port. In hauling off after giving them a few more shot, their battery favoured us with one which struck us between wind and water. As the shells were now falling plentifully around us, I thought it prudent to make more sail, as one of the shells had gone through the foretop-sail. Our force generally consisted of three sloops of war to watch Boulogne, the senior officer being the commodore, but in spite of all our vigilance the privateers crept along shore under cover of the night without being seen, and they sometimes tantalized us by anchoring outside, but so close in and under their batteries that it was impossible to get at them in that position. We, one morning at daybreak, captured a row-boat with twenty-two men, armed with swivels and muskets. We had disguised the ship so much that she took us for a merchantman, and before she discovered her mistake was within pistol-shot. Three months had now expired, which had been passed much in the same manner as the last cruise, when a cutter came out to order us into the Downs.[pg 290]CHAPTER XXIII.THE SAME WEARY ROUND.Leave to return home for four days—Visit of the Duke of Clarence—Again off Boulogne—Down Channel with a convoy—Boulogne once more—Refit at Plymouth—Return Boulogne—Run aground on French coast—Part of crew escape in boats—Author and nineteen men remain on board.On our arrival, in consequence of the vessel wanting material repairs, we were desired to repair to Sheerness. The commander-in-chief at this ill-flavoured town was a King John’s man, four feet something without his shoes, and so devoted to the reading of the Scriptures that he sometimes carried that sacred book under his arm. Some ill-natured people said he understood little of its doctrines, as he was too cross and unsociable to be a good Christian. Be that as it may he gave me leave, whilst the ship was refitting, to go home for four days. Where is the man who does not, after he has been absent from his family for nearly ten months, yearn to be with a fond wife and half a house full of dear children once more. During the short period I was at home, I thought myself in the seventh heaven. Alas, the time flew away on rapid wings. How soon our joy is changed to sorrow. I tore myself from the house that[pg 291]contained my dearest treasures, and was soon again among tar jackets and tar barrels. The admiral appeared satisfied with my punctuality, but he did not invite me to dinner, and as he did not I repaired to the principal inn with a few brother officers, and ordered some fish and a boiled leg of mutton and mashed turnips.“It is very extraordinary, gentlemen,”replied the head waiter when we mentioned the articles we wished for dinner.“There are thirteen different naval parties in the house, and they have all ordered the same. But,”added he,“I am not at all surprised, for our mutton is excellent.”The following morning the signal was made for all captains to repair to the dockyard to receive the Duke of Clarence. At one o’clock he arrived in the commissioner’s yacht from Chatham. I had the honour of being presented to him first, as I happened to be nearest. He asked me a few questions of no importance, and then passed on to another officer. He inspected the yard and the troops, we all following him. As he was afterwards to breakfast, or rather lunch, with Commissioner Lobb, the latter was considerate enough to invite us all to meet him, and a curious kind of meeting it was. The distinguished and illustrious admiral was very chatty, and appeared from the manner of his eating to be sharp set. The little Admiral of the Port did not, for some reason, attend. His friends said he ought to have given the refreshment instead of the commissioner, but it was not his fashion. I was not sorry when[pg 292]the Duke took his departure, as his presence brought everything to a standstill.In a week’s time we were ready for sea, and I left Sheerness, the little hospitable admiral, and all its contents without shedding one tear. Off Margate the pilot had the kindness to bump us on shore, but as the tide was making, the vessel was soon afloat without receiving any injury. His wife had predicted this in her preceding night’s dream, and he, silly man, had not sense enough to give up his turn to another pilot. On arriving in the Downs, I was ordered next day to repair to my old tiresome cruising ground, where, during a period of three long, lingering months, we cruised, anchored, fished, and frequently on Sundays engaged the old women’s terror, the flotilla. We also took achasse maréeladen with plaster of Paris. As I imagined I should gratify the honest people at Dover, particularly the female part, who might be twisting their papillotes and talking scandal for want of other amusement, by sending in a vessel with the English flag flying above the French, I was determined to do so, although I knew she would scarcely pay her condemnation. A few days afterwards I received a note from the prize agent to request I would not send in anymore of the same description, as there was a balance of six pounds against us for Proctor’s fees, etc. Thinks I to myself, how odd. So, as the sailor says, after venturing life and limb in capturing an enemy’s vessel, I am to pay for taking her. D——n me, Jack, that’s too[pg 293]bad. I’ll write to Joseph Hume to bring it before the House of Commons. I know he is a great reformer and a sailor’s friend, although he terms them a dead weight.We were at the end of our cruise relieved, and anchored again in the Downs, where I was informed Sir G. Campbell had been relieved by Sir Thos. Foley, his counterpart in worth and gallantry.I waited on the gallant admiral, left my card on Lady Lucy, and was invited to dinner. The admiral, as he is well known, and considered one of our most distinguished officers, I need not describe. His lady was a lively, hospitable, agreeable person, and I often reflect on the many pleasant hours I passed at the admiral’s house. I understand she is now a saint and is very charitable. Generally speaking, I do not admire saints. They are too pure to mix with this sinful world, and are not fond of sailors. A fortnight passed away when we once more sighted our anchors, and the day after that eye-sore Boulogne. Our occupation was much the same as the last cruise, except that I was ordered shortly after I sailed to take charge of a large convoy outward bound, and to proceed with them as far as Portsmouth. On my arrival there I went on shore and waited on the admiral, Sir R. Curtis, whom I found walking, what he termed his long-shore quarter-deck, the platform. He was a little, shrewd man, and knew a handspike from a capstan bar. I informed him from whence I came, and that I had fulfilled my[pg 294]orders respecting the convoy. I then presented him the necessary papers belonging to my own ship.“Come with me to my office,”was the order. In going there we had to pass part of the market, where the admiral was well-known. He conversed in passing with several pretty market girls, and chucked them under the chin.“Ho, ho!”thought I. On breaking the seal of the envelope of the papers I had given him, he said,“I find all perfectly in order. How long have you been a commander?”I informed him.“Your seniors,”returned he,“may blush and take your correctness for a pattern.”I made my bow.“You will sail to-morrow for your station,”continued he.“Foley is a good fellow, and I will not detain you longer than that time, so that you may take prizes for him. There will be a knife and fork at my table at five o’clock, where, if you are not engaged, I hope to see you.”He then withdrew. If I had not known this gallant officer’s character as a courtier, I should have been highly flattered by his compliments. Had anyone else stood in my shoes, his language would most likely have been the same. However, it put me in good humour, for who is there that does not like to be commended and sometimes flattered? At the admiral’s table I met his amiable daughter, who did not appear in health, and some old brother officers.At daylight I robbed Spithead of some of its mud, and was soon in sight of detested Boulogne, and of its, if possible, more hated flotilla; and I[pg 295]almost believe that if our men could have caught some of its crew they would have eaten them alive. This cruise we assisted, as the French say, in taking one of their privateers, the prize-money of which gave soap to the ship’s company for the next cruise; what other good we did I say not. At the expiration of another three months, His Majesty’s sloop’s anchors once more bit the mud in the Downs. On my going on shore to the admiral’s office, I was informed that I was to repair to Plymouth and there refit. I was, as Sir R. Strachan said in his despatch,“delighted.”I hoped we should be ordered to the Mediterranean. I dined with the admiral, and the day after we tore the anchors from their unwilling bed and made all sail. As I passed the coast near Boulogne I made my bow and wished it good-bye, I hoped for ever. On the fourth day we graced Plymouth Sound. I made my bow to the commander-in-chief, Sir R. Calder, who asked me, with some surprise, where I came from, and what I did at Plymouth. I produced my order, etc.“This is a mistake of some of the offices; I have no orders respecting you. However, as you are here, I suppose we must make good your defects, and, notwithstanding that you have taken us by surprise, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you at six o’clock to dinner.”I repaired on board with a pilot and brought the vessel into Hamoaze. At the appointed time I waited on the admiral. The dinner I thought passed off heavily. There were no ladies to[pg 296]embellish the table, and after coffee I went on board. Next morning I waited on the commissioner, Fanshaw, who received me very graciously, as I was known to several of his family. As the vessel was to be docked and fresh coppered, we were hulked, and I took lodgings on shore, where the commissioner did me the honour of calling on me and requested me to dine with him the following day. The dinner party consisted of another brother officer, his own family, who were very amiable, and myself. During the fortnight I remained here, as I was well acquainted with several families, I contrived to pass my time very agreeably.I expected every hour orders to fit foreign, but, oh! reader, judge of my mortification when the admiral informed me I was to go back from whence I came in a few days, and take with me a heavy-laden convoy. My mind had been filled with Italian skies and burnished golden sunsets, ladies with tender black eyes, Sicilian coral necklaces, tunny-fish and tusks. I was to give up all these and to return to that never-to-be-forgotten, good-for-nothing rotten flotilla, to see Dover pier, the lighthouse, and the steeple of Boulogne, to cross and re-cross from one to the other to provoke an appetite. If I had had interest enough I would have changed the Board of Admiralty for having sent me to Plymouth on a fool’s errand. My thoughts were bitter and seven fathoms deep. Again I cruised, like an armadillo on a grassplat,[pg 297]there and back again. After our usual time we again disturbed the mud, and most likely a number of fish, by letting go our anchors in the Downs, I little thought for the last time. How blind is man to future events, and fortunate it is he is so!On the ninth day His Majesty’s brig was again dividing the water and making it fly to the right and left in delicate wavy curls. We wished Boulogne, Bonaparte, and his flotilla burnt to a cinder during this cruise; we were generally at anchor off that detested place, and took nothing, for there was nothing to take. On Sunday we were usually firing at the flotilla as they anchored outside the pier, but so close to it that I fear our shot made little impression. At this time they were erecting a column on the heights, on which, we understood from the fishing-boats, an equestrian statue of that great dethroner, Bonaparte, was to be placed. A large division of the army of England, as they chose to call themselves, were encamped round it. We occasionally anchored at Dungeness for a few hours to procure fresh beef and vegetables. Our cruise was nearly terminated when the sloop of war, whose captain was senior to myself, made my signal. On repairing on board her, he informed me that a division of the flotilla was to run along shore for Cherbourg that night, and that it was necessary to keep the vessels as close in shore as possible, in order to intercept them.[pg 298]I again joined my ship and remained on deck until midnight in the hope of encountering these bugbears, and making them pay dearly for all the trouble they had given us; but, alas! how futile is the expectation of man! I had gone to my cabin and thrown myself on the sofa, and fallen into a canine slumber—that is, one eye shut and the other open—when I heard a confused kind of rumbling noise, and soon afterwards the officer of the watch tumbled down the hatchway and called out to me that the ship was aground on the French coast, but that the fog, which had come on about an hour after I quitted the deck, was so dense that the land could not be seen. I had only taken off my coat and shoes. I was immediately on deck, where I saw, to my sorrow and amazement, my commanding officer hard and fast about half pistol-shot from us. I asked the pilots, whose carelessness had done us this favour, what time of tide it was.“The infant ebb of the spring,”was the comfortable answer.“I wish you were both hanged,”I replied.“So be it,”responded the officers. During this period we were not idle; the boats were got out as well as an anchor astern, and the sails hove aback, the water started, the pumps set going, guns thrown overboard over the bows as well as shot, but all our efforts proved fruitless—you might as well have tried to start the Monument; and, to conclude this distressing and disastrous scene, a heavy battery began pouring its shot into the vessel I commanded, she being the[pg 299]nearest, and the fort not more than an eighth of a mile from us on the edge of a cliff. A boat came from the sloop to request that I would make preparations to blow up my vessel and quit her with the crew.“Sooner said than done,”replied I to the officer sent;“my boats will not carry the whole of us, and however I may wish to go to heaven in a hurry, probably those who are obliged to remain may not be willing to bear me company.”As the vessel began to heel over towards the battery, I ordered the boats to be manned, and all left the ship except nineteen men and myself, who had the felicity to be fired at like rabbits, as the enemy had now brought some field-pieces to bear on us. Our rigging was soon shot away and our sails cut into ribbons. At length away went the lower masts a little above the deck, while about two hundred men were pegging away at us with muskets. To make our happiness supreme, the sloop of war which had been set on fire and abandoned, blew up, and set us partially in a blaze, and while we were endeavouring to extinguish it the enemy took the cowardly advantage of wounding the purser, gunner, and two seamen, as well as myself, though only slightly. We had now fallen so much on the side that we stood with our feet on the combings of the hatchways, with our backs against the deck. What a charming sight, as my Lady Dangerfield might have said, to see four heavy guns from the battery, three field-pieces, and about two hundred soldiers firing at a nearly deserted vessel, and endeavouring to pick off and[pg 300]send to“Kingdom come”the unfortunate few of her crew who remained. The captain of the other sloop, finding I was not in the boats, pulled back in a gallant manner under a most galling fire to entreat me to come into his boat. This I declined, as I could not in justice leave those who were obliged to remain behind. Finding he could not prevail on me to leave, he joined the other boats and proceeded to England, where, happily, they all arrived in the evening. We had now been aground about four hours, and the enemy had amused himself by firing at us for about two hours and a half.6

[pg 269]CHAPTER XXI.HOME WITH MAHOGANY.My new ship—Sail for Belize—Native and alligator—Sail for England with convoy of ships—Hear of peace being signed between Spain and England—Arrive in England—Paid off at Sheerness—Return home—Tired of country life—Apply for ship—Appointed to H.M.S.Apelles.The sloop of war I now commanded was a fine sixteen-gun brig carrying twenty-four-pound-carronades, with a crew of one hundred and twenty as fine men as any in the fleet. They had been some time together, and only wished for an opportunity of making the splinters fly out of a Frenchman’s side, and hauling down his tricoloured piece of bunting. I found on my reaching Port Royal that Admiral Rowley had arrived to supersede Admiral Dacres. In the afternoon I dined with both Admirals, and met the Duke of Manchester, who was a fine-looking man, but unfortunately had a nervous affection of the head. He asked me several questions respecting the different islands, and appeared amused by my description of them. After we had refitted we sailed for Honduras, the Admiral first taking from me the master, without appointing another, for which I did not thank him. We made the Swan Islands, which are small, uninhabited, and surrounded by a[pg 270]reef of coral, and on the morning of the third day anchored off the town at the mouth of the Belize river. Colonel Drummond, who was the commanding officer, received us very civilly, and requested I would dine with him as often as I could. A deputation of the merchants waited on me to say the convoy would be ready in a fortnight. I dined frequently at the military mess, and found the officers generally gentlemanly. I gave two parties on board, but as I had no music there was no dancing. We revelled in Calepache and Calapee, and I think some of the city aldermen would have envied us the mouthfuls of green fat we swallowed. I made an excursion up the river with Colonel Drummond in a scow, a flat boat so called, or rather float, and slept at a pavilion he had on the bank of it. I shall never forget my nocturnal visitors, the bull-frogs, who,sans façon, jumped about the room as if dancing a quadrille, not to my amusement but their own, making a most unmusical noise to the tune of something like,“Pay your debts, pay your debts, pay your debts.”After the third croak they paused, probably to give time for everybody to become honest. I made daily excursions to the neighbouring quays, and picked up a quantity of beautiful shells.Dining one day with Colonel Drummond, I remarked that the black servant who stood near me had a piebald neck, and mentioned it as something singular.“Why,”said the Colonel,“thereby hangs a very curious tale, and not a pleasant one to[pg 271]him, poor fellow. He is a native of Panama, and formerly was employed to float rafts of mahogany down the Belize river. He is an expert canoe-man and something of a carpenter, and as he was a free man I took him into my household. At my request he related to me the cause of those white marks on his neck. It was thus. As he and another black man were floating down the river on a large raft of mahogany, it being Sunday he wished to bathe, and jumped into the river for that purpose. As he was swimming after the raft, which was close to the mangroves, and had nearly reached it, a large alligator seized him by the neck. He roared most piteously; the animal, either alarmed at the noise he made, or wishing to have a more convenient grip, threw him up, and in so doing he fortunately fell on the raft. His companion bound up his wounds, which were deep, and soon after he arrived at Belize he was sent to the hospital, when, on his recovery, he became myservant.”“It was a most providential escape,”exclaimed I.“Indeed it was,”replied the Colonel,“and so he thinks himself.”On reaching the ship in the evening I found a beautiful mahogany canoe alongside, and on entering my cabin the steward brought me a glass globe containing two Panama tortoises, which, when full-grown, are richly marked and not larger than a crown piece. The native name of these pretty animals ischinqua. They were a present from Captain Bromley. At the time appointed, seven vessels, deeply laden with mahogany, were ready for[pg 272]sea. I spent the last day on shore, dined at the military mess, bade adieu to all my red-coat friends, and the following morning got under weigh with my haystack convoy for England.We doubled Cape Antonio on the third day, and when off the Havannah we perceived a frigate standing out of the harbour. We concluded she was Spanish. I consulted the officers respecting the probability of taking her by laying her alongside and boarding her. They thought it might be effected. I turned the hands up and acquainted them of my intention. Three hearty cheers was the response. We prepared for action, and stood towards her. We were three gunshots from her when it fell calm, as well as dusk, and about an hour afterwards a large boat came near us. We presumed she was a Spanish gunboat, and had taken us for a merchant vessel. I let her come alongside, having the marines ready to give them a reception when they boarded, and to quietly disarm and hand them down the hatchway. The first man who came up was a lieutenant of our service.“Hulloa, sir, how is this, and where have you come from?”said I.“From theMelpomene,”replied he,“the frigate you see off the Havannah.”“This is a terrible disappointment,”resumed I.“We had made up our minds to board and, if possible, carry that frigate, supposing her Spanish.”“Why, sir,”said he,“we yesterday carried the disagreeable news to the Governor of Cuba of a Spanish peace, and seeing you with[pg 273]a convoy, Captain Parker despatched me with some letters for England, if you will have the goodness to take charge of them.”“Willingly,”replied I,“and pray acquaint him with our mortification.”He shortly after left us, and we proceeded through the Gulf with the convoy. Nothing of any importance transpired during our passage of nine long, tedious weeks, when we anchored in the Downs, where I got rid of all our snail-sailing mahogany haystacks. The three days we lay in the Downs I took up my quarters at the“Hoop and Griffin.”Bread and butter, with delicious oysters, were my orders of the day, but, alas, my former pretty maid was no longer there. She was married, had children, and I sincerely hope was happy. On the same floor, the father-in-law to the First Lord of the Admiralty, with his daughter and niece, had taken up their abode for a few days on their return journey to London from a tour in Wales. Before I was acquainted with this information, seeing a carriage at the door and an old gentleman with two ladies alight from it, I asked the waiter who they were. He answered he did not know, but that they had arrived yesterday and that the gentleman appeared much out of spirits, and one of the ladies very much out of health. The purser had been dining with me, and we were enjoying our wine, when I said to the waiter, in a half-joking manner,“Give my compliments to the old gentleman, and request him to hand himself in, that we may have a look at him.”He fulfilled[pg 274]his commission, although I did not intend he should do so, to the letter, and in walked a stately, gentlemanly-looking man, about seventy. He gave us a look that appeared to say,“Surely this is some mistake, I know you not.”On perceiving his embarrassment I advanced towards him, and begged, although there was some little mistake, that if he were not engaged, he would do me the favour to take a glass of wine.“I see,”said he,“you are officers of the navy,”and without further hesitation, sat down and became quite cheerful. In the course of conversation he informed me that he had tried the air of Wales for the benefit of his daughter, who was married to a captain in the navy, and that his other daughter was married to Lord Mulgrave, First Lord of the Admiralty. I told him we had come from the West Indies and were going to sail for Sheerness in the morning; that if he thought his daughter would like to go so far on her journey by sea, instead of by land, my cabin was entirely at his service. He thanked me cordially, but declined it. After finishing a brace of decanters of wine he took his leave, first giving me his address in London. A month afterwards I heard of his death.The following morning we sailed, and arrived at Sheerness next day, when I received orders to pay off the ship, in consequence of her being iron-fastened and wanting so much repair. She was afterwards sold out of the Service. I need not say I was much disappointed, and thought the builder at[pg 275]Port Royal something of an old woman, and only fit for superannuation. I found one of my old captains commissioner at this place, to whom I gave a turtle, a pig, and a bag of bread dust, for he thought one without the other useless, and for which he did not even invite me to his house.“Oh, what is friendship but a name that lulls the fool to sleep,”etc. On the sixth day the ship was put out of commission and myself out of full pay. I took a postchaise with my light luggage, and I arrived in the evening at my dear home, kissed my wife and all the women I could meet with that were worth the trouble, sat myself down in a snug elbow-chair near a comfortable English fire, told a long, tough yarn about mountains of sugar and rivers of rum, bottle-nosed porpoises, sharks, grampuses, and flying-fish, until I fell sound asleep, but, however, not so sound to prevent my hearing my best end of the ship whispering to someone to put more coals on the fire, and roast a chicken for my supper, and then she added, with her dear, musical, soft voice,“Dear fellow! How sound he sleeps. I hope he will awake quite refreshed, and eat his supper with a good appetite. How rejoiced I am he is once more at home.”I could have jumped up and hugged her, but I thought it better to enjoy my sleep. If this narrative meets the eye of a bachelor sailor I could wish him to splice himself to such another clean-looking frigate as my wife, but mind, not without he has a purse well filled with the right sort, and as long at least as the maintop bowline,[pg 276]or two cables spliced on end. Love is very pretty, very sentimental, and sometimes very romantic, but love without rhino is bewildering misery.When I awoke next morning I scarcely could believe my senses, it appeared too much happiness. Theéliteof the village favoured me with calls and congratulations, as well as invitations to tea andpetit soupers, with a seasoning of scandal. I in return entertained them occasionally with a few King’s yarns, which, my gentle reader, are not tarred, and are what the seamen vulgarly call rogue’s yarns, so called because one or more are twisted in large ropes and cables made in the King’s dockyards, to distinguish them from those made in the merchants’ yards, and should they be embezzled or clandestinely sold, the rogue’s or white yarn is evidence against the possessor. I had been some months on shore when I began to get tired of looking at green fields and grass combers, and longed to be once more on the salt seas. My family had increased to seven boys and girls, and I thought it criminal to be longer idle, and, after many applications, Mr. Yorke, the First Lord of the Admiralty, favoured me with an appointment to command a sloop of war on the Downs station.I joined her in the cold, uncomfortable month of December. The weather was remarkably severe, and it was five days before I could get a launch to put me on board her. At length I made my footing on the quarter-deck. The first lieutenant received me and informed me the captain was unwell in the[pg 277]cabin, but that he wished to see me. I descended into a complete den, filled with smoke and dirt. The first object I perceived looming through the dense vapour was the captain’s nose, which was a dingy red. His linen was the colour of chocolate, his beard had, I presumed, a month’s growth. I informed him of my errand, to which he answered with something like a growl. As it was impossible to remain in the cabin without a chance of being suffocated, I begged him, if he possibly could, to accompany me to the quarter-deck. He followed me with a slow step. I expressed my wish to have my commission read. He then gave orders to the first lieutenant to turn the hands up. After this ceremony I took the command, made a short speech to the crew, in which I assured them they should have every indulgence the Service afforded. I then turned to my predecessor, and asked him when he wished to leave the ship. He informed me that to-morrow would suit him. I gave the necessary orders and went on shore. The admiral, Sir G. Campbell, received me very kindly, and invited me to dinner, where I met Lady C., the admiral’s wife, a ladylike, pleasant person. The dinner party consisted of brother officers. The admiral was a quiet, gentlemanly, pleasing man, and a distinguished and good officer. As I sat next him he was kind enough to inform me that the captain of the sloop I superseded was considered out of his mind, that the officers had represented to him that the discipline on board her was worse than on a privateer, and[pg 278]that he would neither punish for insubordination nor have the decks washed.“In consequence of which,”continued the Admiral,“I was obliged to order a Court of Inquiry. The report was to his disadvantage; he was advised to go on shore, to which, after some hesitation, he consented, and another captain was applied for. You have superseded him, and I make no doubt you will soon make her once more a man-of-war.”I thanked him for his kind communication, and assured him that zeal on my part should not be wanting to make her equal to one of his best cruisers. On rejoining the ship, as I had been the first lieutenant for five years in former ships, I told the officers I wished to make my own observation on the men’s conduct, and I would endeavour to effect a reform when I found it necessary. The officers, with the exception of the master, who was a rough, practical seaman, were gentlemanly, well-informed men, and I was not surprised at their wishing to get rid of their insane chief, although, in any other case, it might have proved to them a difficult and probably a dangerous experiment. A few days afterwards I called on him. I found him in small lodgings in an obscure part of the town. I was accompanied by Captain J., an old messmate of his in former times. He neither knew us nor asked us to take a seat. He had a large loaf under his left arm, and in his right hand a dinner knife. He appeared to wear the same chocolate-coloured chemise and beard, his stockings were down over his shoes, and[pg 279]his clothes all over flue. We wished him health and happiness, to which he returned no answer, but began cutting his loaf. The people of the house told us he would neither wash himself nor take his clothes off when going to bed, but that he was perfectly quiet. I understood, before I sailed, that his sister had come from the north of England to stay with him, and that she had been of great use to him.

My new ship—Sail for Belize—Native and alligator—Sail for England with convoy of ships—Hear of peace being signed between Spain and England—Arrive in England—Paid off at Sheerness—Return home—Tired of country life—Apply for ship—Appointed to H.M.S.Apelles.

My new ship—Sail for Belize—Native and alligator—Sail for England with convoy of ships—Hear of peace being signed between Spain and England—Arrive in England—Paid off at Sheerness—Return home—Tired of country life—Apply for ship—Appointed to H.M.S.Apelles.

The sloop of war I now commanded was a fine sixteen-gun brig carrying twenty-four-pound-carronades, with a crew of one hundred and twenty as fine men as any in the fleet. They had been some time together, and only wished for an opportunity of making the splinters fly out of a Frenchman’s side, and hauling down his tricoloured piece of bunting. I found on my reaching Port Royal that Admiral Rowley had arrived to supersede Admiral Dacres. In the afternoon I dined with both Admirals, and met the Duke of Manchester, who was a fine-looking man, but unfortunately had a nervous affection of the head. He asked me several questions respecting the different islands, and appeared amused by my description of them. After we had refitted we sailed for Honduras, the Admiral first taking from me the master, without appointing another, for which I did not thank him. We made the Swan Islands, which are small, uninhabited, and surrounded by a[pg 270]reef of coral, and on the morning of the third day anchored off the town at the mouth of the Belize river. Colonel Drummond, who was the commanding officer, received us very civilly, and requested I would dine with him as often as I could. A deputation of the merchants waited on me to say the convoy would be ready in a fortnight. I dined frequently at the military mess, and found the officers generally gentlemanly. I gave two parties on board, but as I had no music there was no dancing. We revelled in Calepache and Calapee, and I think some of the city aldermen would have envied us the mouthfuls of green fat we swallowed. I made an excursion up the river with Colonel Drummond in a scow, a flat boat so called, or rather float, and slept at a pavilion he had on the bank of it. I shall never forget my nocturnal visitors, the bull-frogs, who,sans façon, jumped about the room as if dancing a quadrille, not to my amusement but their own, making a most unmusical noise to the tune of something like,“Pay your debts, pay your debts, pay your debts.”After the third croak they paused, probably to give time for everybody to become honest. I made daily excursions to the neighbouring quays, and picked up a quantity of beautiful shells.

Dining one day with Colonel Drummond, I remarked that the black servant who stood near me had a piebald neck, and mentioned it as something singular.“Why,”said the Colonel,“thereby hangs a very curious tale, and not a pleasant one to[pg 271]him, poor fellow. He is a native of Panama, and formerly was employed to float rafts of mahogany down the Belize river. He is an expert canoe-man and something of a carpenter, and as he was a free man I took him into my household. At my request he related to me the cause of those white marks on his neck. It was thus. As he and another black man were floating down the river on a large raft of mahogany, it being Sunday he wished to bathe, and jumped into the river for that purpose. As he was swimming after the raft, which was close to the mangroves, and had nearly reached it, a large alligator seized him by the neck. He roared most piteously; the animal, either alarmed at the noise he made, or wishing to have a more convenient grip, threw him up, and in so doing he fortunately fell on the raft. His companion bound up his wounds, which were deep, and soon after he arrived at Belize he was sent to the hospital, when, on his recovery, he became myservant.”“It was a most providential escape,”exclaimed I.“Indeed it was,”replied the Colonel,“and so he thinks himself.”On reaching the ship in the evening I found a beautiful mahogany canoe alongside, and on entering my cabin the steward brought me a glass globe containing two Panama tortoises, which, when full-grown, are richly marked and not larger than a crown piece. The native name of these pretty animals ischinqua. They were a present from Captain Bromley. At the time appointed, seven vessels, deeply laden with mahogany, were ready for[pg 272]sea. I spent the last day on shore, dined at the military mess, bade adieu to all my red-coat friends, and the following morning got under weigh with my haystack convoy for England.

We doubled Cape Antonio on the third day, and when off the Havannah we perceived a frigate standing out of the harbour. We concluded she was Spanish. I consulted the officers respecting the probability of taking her by laying her alongside and boarding her. They thought it might be effected. I turned the hands up and acquainted them of my intention. Three hearty cheers was the response. We prepared for action, and stood towards her. We were three gunshots from her when it fell calm, as well as dusk, and about an hour afterwards a large boat came near us. We presumed she was a Spanish gunboat, and had taken us for a merchant vessel. I let her come alongside, having the marines ready to give them a reception when they boarded, and to quietly disarm and hand them down the hatchway. The first man who came up was a lieutenant of our service.“Hulloa, sir, how is this, and where have you come from?”said I.“From theMelpomene,”replied he,“the frigate you see off the Havannah.”“This is a terrible disappointment,”resumed I.“We had made up our minds to board and, if possible, carry that frigate, supposing her Spanish.”“Why, sir,”said he,“we yesterday carried the disagreeable news to the Governor of Cuba of a Spanish peace, and seeing you with[pg 273]a convoy, Captain Parker despatched me with some letters for England, if you will have the goodness to take charge of them.”“Willingly,”replied I,“and pray acquaint him with our mortification.”

He shortly after left us, and we proceeded through the Gulf with the convoy. Nothing of any importance transpired during our passage of nine long, tedious weeks, when we anchored in the Downs, where I got rid of all our snail-sailing mahogany haystacks. The three days we lay in the Downs I took up my quarters at the“Hoop and Griffin.”Bread and butter, with delicious oysters, were my orders of the day, but, alas, my former pretty maid was no longer there. She was married, had children, and I sincerely hope was happy. On the same floor, the father-in-law to the First Lord of the Admiralty, with his daughter and niece, had taken up their abode for a few days on their return journey to London from a tour in Wales. Before I was acquainted with this information, seeing a carriage at the door and an old gentleman with two ladies alight from it, I asked the waiter who they were. He answered he did not know, but that they had arrived yesterday and that the gentleman appeared much out of spirits, and one of the ladies very much out of health. The purser had been dining with me, and we were enjoying our wine, when I said to the waiter, in a half-joking manner,“Give my compliments to the old gentleman, and request him to hand himself in, that we may have a look at him.”He fulfilled[pg 274]his commission, although I did not intend he should do so, to the letter, and in walked a stately, gentlemanly-looking man, about seventy. He gave us a look that appeared to say,“Surely this is some mistake, I know you not.”On perceiving his embarrassment I advanced towards him, and begged, although there was some little mistake, that if he were not engaged, he would do me the favour to take a glass of wine.“I see,”said he,“you are officers of the navy,”and without further hesitation, sat down and became quite cheerful. In the course of conversation he informed me that he had tried the air of Wales for the benefit of his daughter, who was married to a captain in the navy, and that his other daughter was married to Lord Mulgrave, First Lord of the Admiralty. I told him we had come from the West Indies and were going to sail for Sheerness in the morning; that if he thought his daughter would like to go so far on her journey by sea, instead of by land, my cabin was entirely at his service. He thanked me cordially, but declined it. After finishing a brace of decanters of wine he took his leave, first giving me his address in London. A month afterwards I heard of his death.

The following morning we sailed, and arrived at Sheerness next day, when I received orders to pay off the ship, in consequence of her being iron-fastened and wanting so much repair. She was afterwards sold out of the Service. I need not say I was much disappointed, and thought the builder at[pg 275]Port Royal something of an old woman, and only fit for superannuation. I found one of my old captains commissioner at this place, to whom I gave a turtle, a pig, and a bag of bread dust, for he thought one without the other useless, and for which he did not even invite me to his house.“Oh, what is friendship but a name that lulls the fool to sleep,”etc. On the sixth day the ship was put out of commission and myself out of full pay. I took a postchaise with my light luggage, and I arrived in the evening at my dear home, kissed my wife and all the women I could meet with that were worth the trouble, sat myself down in a snug elbow-chair near a comfortable English fire, told a long, tough yarn about mountains of sugar and rivers of rum, bottle-nosed porpoises, sharks, grampuses, and flying-fish, until I fell sound asleep, but, however, not so sound to prevent my hearing my best end of the ship whispering to someone to put more coals on the fire, and roast a chicken for my supper, and then she added, with her dear, musical, soft voice,“Dear fellow! How sound he sleeps. I hope he will awake quite refreshed, and eat his supper with a good appetite. How rejoiced I am he is once more at home.”I could have jumped up and hugged her, but I thought it better to enjoy my sleep. If this narrative meets the eye of a bachelor sailor I could wish him to splice himself to such another clean-looking frigate as my wife, but mind, not without he has a purse well filled with the right sort, and as long at least as the maintop bowline,[pg 276]or two cables spliced on end. Love is very pretty, very sentimental, and sometimes very romantic, but love without rhino is bewildering misery.

When I awoke next morning I scarcely could believe my senses, it appeared too much happiness. Theéliteof the village favoured me with calls and congratulations, as well as invitations to tea andpetit soupers, with a seasoning of scandal. I in return entertained them occasionally with a few King’s yarns, which, my gentle reader, are not tarred, and are what the seamen vulgarly call rogue’s yarns, so called because one or more are twisted in large ropes and cables made in the King’s dockyards, to distinguish them from those made in the merchants’ yards, and should they be embezzled or clandestinely sold, the rogue’s or white yarn is evidence against the possessor. I had been some months on shore when I began to get tired of looking at green fields and grass combers, and longed to be once more on the salt seas. My family had increased to seven boys and girls, and I thought it criminal to be longer idle, and, after many applications, Mr. Yorke, the First Lord of the Admiralty, favoured me with an appointment to command a sloop of war on the Downs station.

I joined her in the cold, uncomfortable month of December. The weather was remarkably severe, and it was five days before I could get a launch to put me on board her. At length I made my footing on the quarter-deck. The first lieutenant received me and informed me the captain was unwell in the[pg 277]cabin, but that he wished to see me. I descended into a complete den, filled with smoke and dirt. The first object I perceived looming through the dense vapour was the captain’s nose, which was a dingy red. His linen was the colour of chocolate, his beard had, I presumed, a month’s growth. I informed him of my errand, to which he answered with something like a growl. As it was impossible to remain in the cabin without a chance of being suffocated, I begged him, if he possibly could, to accompany me to the quarter-deck. He followed me with a slow step. I expressed my wish to have my commission read. He then gave orders to the first lieutenant to turn the hands up. After this ceremony I took the command, made a short speech to the crew, in which I assured them they should have every indulgence the Service afforded. I then turned to my predecessor, and asked him when he wished to leave the ship. He informed me that to-morrow would suit him. I gave the necessary orders and went on shore. The admiral, Sir G. Campbell, received me very kindly, and invited me to dinner, where I met Lady C., the admiral’s wife, a ladylike, pleasant person. The dinner party consisted of brother officers. The admiral was a quiet, gentlemanly, pleasing man, and a distinguished and good officer. As I sat next him he was kind enough to inform me that the captain of the sloop I superseded was considered out of his mind, that the officers had represented to him that the discipline on board her was worse than on a privateer, and[pg 278]that he would neither punish for insubordination nor have the decks washed.“In consequence of which,”continued the Admiral,“I was obliged to order a Court of Inquiry. The report was to his disadvantage; he was advised to go on shore, to which, after some hesitation, he consented, and another captain was applied for. You have superseded him, and I make no doubt you will soon make her once more a man-of-war.”I thanked him for his kind communication, and assured him that zeal on my part should not be wanting to make her equal to one of his best cruisers. On rejoining the ship, as I had been the first lieutenant for five years in former ships, I told the officers I wished to make my own observation on the men’s conduct, and I would endeavour to effect a reform when I found it necessary. The officers, with the exception of the master, who was a rough, practical seaman, were gentlemanly, well-informed men, and I was not surprised at their wishing to get rid of their insane chief, although, in any other case, it might have proved to them a difficult and probably a dangerous experiment. A few days afterwards I called on him. I found him in small lodgings in an obscure part of the town. I was accompanied by Captain J., an old messmate of his in former times. He neither knew us nor asked us to take a seat. He had a large loaf under his left arm, and in his right hand a dinner knife. He appeared to wear the same chocolate-coloured chemise and beard, his stockings were down over his shoes, and[pg 279]his clothes all over flue. We wished him health and happiness, to which he returned no answer, but began cutting his loaf. The people of the house told us he would neither wash himself nor take his clothes off when going to bed, but that he was perfectly quiet. I understood, before I sailed, that his sister had come from the north of England to stay with him, and that she had been of great use to him.

[pg 280]CHAPTER XXII.OFF BOULOGNE.Sent to watch the French flotilla off Boulogne—Monotonous duty—Return to Sheerness to refit—Story of Billy Culmer—More cruising off Boulogne—Return to England.On the ninth day after joining, we sailed to cruise off Boulogne. The vessel I now commanded was a brig sloop of fourteen 24-pounders, the ship’s company by no means a bad set, and in the course of the cruise I had the satisfaction of seeing them alert, clean and obedient. This was in a great measure owing to the officers, who, when supported, were firm, discriminating and encouraging. The consequence was that during the time I commanded her there was only one desertion in eighteen months, and the cat did not see daylight once in three months. I found off Boulogne another cruiser watching the French privateers and Bonaparte’s boast—the flotilla. The captain of her was a Job’s comforter. He told me he was both sick and sorry to be on such a wear-and-tear, monotonous, do-nothing station, that he had been out two months without effecting anything, that he had frequently had the enemy’s privateers under his guns, but that the run was so short, they were always sure of escaping.[pg 281]“One morning,”said he,“about five months ago, I had got within musket-shot of one of those vagabonds, and had been sure of him, when a shell fired from Cape Grisnez fell directly down the main hatchway, bedded in one of the water-casks, and shortly after exploded, without, fortunately, doing more mischief than destroying a few more casks and splintering the beams and deck without wounding a man. I was in consequence reluctantly obliged to give up the chase, but not before I had taken ample revenge. In tacking I gave her all the larboard broadside, and not a vestige of her was to be seen: but,”continued he,“I hear of their taking prizes; but where the devil do they carry them to?”“Not into Boulogne or Calais,”replied I.“Havre and Cherbourg are the ports to sell them in.”“Then why,”said he,“do they keep so many of us on this station and so few to the westward?”“I presume it is,”I replied,“because this being the narrowest part of the Channel, there is more risk of our vessels being captured, and you know all the old women, with the Mayor and Aldermen, would petition the Admiralty to have the fleet back again to watch that frightful bugbear the half-rotten flotilla, which sometimes prevents them from taking their night’s rest. And it is very probable that, was this station neglected, our vessels would be cut out from the Downs.”“I never dreamed of that,”answered he.“It’s all right, and if I can only take six of their privateers, or about[pg 282]twenty of their flotilla, I will not say a word more.”Painting of H.M.S. Apelles.H.M.S. APELLES.I remained out nearly three months, watching the flotilla and the privateers. We sometimes anchored just beyond range of their shells, and frequently when the wind was light hauled the trawl, and were richly rewarded by a quantity of fine fish. I was at length relieved by another cruiser, and again anchored in the Downs. We were a fortnight refitting, during which time I dined several times at the admiral’s table, where I had the pleasure of meeting Sir R. Strachan, Sir P. Durham, and several other distinguished officers. One day, after dinner, the characters of several eccentric officers were the subject of conversation.“I make no doubt,”said a veteran captain,“that most of the present company recollect a man by the name of Billy Culmer, a distant relation of Lord Hood’s. He was a short time one of my lieutenants, and was between thirty and forty years of age before he obtained his commission. The next time I dined with Lord Hood, who was then one of the Admirals in the Channel Fleet, I was determined to request his lordship to give me a brief outline of his history, which was nearly this. Shall I proceed, Lady Campbell?”“Oh, by all means, Captain M.”“‘The Culmers were distantly related to me by marriage,’ said his lordship.‘Billy, as he was always called, was sent to me when I hoisted my[pg 283]pendant as master and commander. He unfortunately had lost an eye when a boy in one of his freaks, for they could do nothing with him at home. When he came on board I was not prepossessed in his favour; his manners were rough and bearish, although he had some redeeming qualities, for he was straightforward and frank. After being with me about two years, he said he was tired of being a midshipman, and requested me to obtain his discharge into the merchant service. I remonstrated with him to no purpose. To prevent his deserting, which he declared he would do, I procured his discharge, and he entered on board a West India ship going to Jamaica. I had lost sight of this extraordinary being for more than eight years,’continued his lordship,‘when, as I was standing on the platform at Portsmouth, waiting for a boat from the frigate I commanded, I was much surprised to see Billy Culmer, in a dirty sailor’s dress, a few yards from me. He perceived me, and pulled off his hat.“Hulloa!”said I,“Billy; where have you come from? I understood you were dead.”“Not so hard up as that, sir,”replied he.“I am d——d.”“Explain yourself,”said I.“Why,”said he,“I am d——d in the King’s service, for I shall never be able to enter it again, in consequence of my folly in requesting you to get me discharged.”“I probably may have interest enough, Billy, to get you once more on the quarter-deck if you will promise me faithfully to remain steady.”“I promise you solemnly I[pg 284]will,”replied he.“Then meet me at the admiral’s office to-morrow at ten o’clock,”returned I.“And I suppose, from your appearance, you are pretty well aground. Here is something that will keep your body and soul together.”He made a leg and took his departure.’But I am afraid, Lady Campbell, you have had enough of this rigmarole story, for it is rather a long one, and to those who know nothing of the man it may not be an interesting one.”“Why, Captain M.,”said Lady Campbell,“as the weather is disagreeable, and we do not intend to take a drive this evening, we may as well hear about Billy Culmer as anybody else. Do you not think so, Admiral?”The admiral, who appeared more inclined for a nap than to listen to a long-spun yarn, I verily believe, wished the narrator and the subject of his narration at the masthead together. However, he nodded assent, and the story went on.“‘On speaking to the admiral, Billy was again under my command,’ resumed his lordship,‘and was appointed mate of the hold. When I was promoted to my flag, Billy and I parted company, for he had followed me steadily from the frigate to a ship of the line. As soon as he had served his six years, I sent for him and told him he must go to London to pass his examination.“You must excuse me, my lord,”was his answer;“I would rather remain the oldest midshipman than the youngest lieutenant,”and he persisted in this whim for more than three years. At the end of that[pg 285]period the ship he belonged to arrived at Spithead, and he came on board me to pay his respects.“Well,”said I,“Culmer, will you now pass your examination, or are you determined to die the oldest midshipman in the service?”“I have been thinking of it,”was his reply,“but I have no money to carry me to London.”“That,”said I,“I will give you. And if you can mount a horse, I will procure that also.”In a few days Billy started for London, where he arrived a week after, having sold my horse on the road, without informing me of his having done so. When he made his appearance before the Commissioners at Somerset Place, they were all younger than himself, and one of them had been a mid in the same ship where he was mate. This last addressed him, and in a half comic, half serious manner, said:“Well, Mr. Culmer, I make no doubt you are well prepared for your examination.”“And who the devil put you there,”answered Billy sharply,“to pass one who taught you to be something of a sailor? Do you remember thecoltingI gave you when you were a youngster in my charge? But I never could beat much seamanship into you. So you are to examine me, are you?”The two other commissioners, who knew the whimsical character of the person before them, called him to order, and requested he would answer some questions, as he could not obtain his certificate without doing so.“Begin,”said Billy, turning his quid and hitching up his trousers.“You are running into Plymouth[pg 286]Sound in a heavy gale from the S.E.; how would you proceed in coming to an anchor? Your top-gallant masts are supposed to be on deck.”“I would first furl all and run under the storm forestay sail, unfid the topmasts going in, and have a long range of both bower cables on deck, and the sheet anchor ready. On coming to the proper anchorage I would let go the best bower and lower the topmasts as she tended head to wind; veer away half a cable and let go the small bower; veer away on both cables until the best bower splice came to the hatchway. I should then half a whole cable on one and half a cable on the other.”“‘“The gale increases, and there is a heavy scud, and you find both anchors are coming home. What then?”“‘“Then I would veer to one and a half on the best and a whole on the other.”“‘“In snubbing the best bower, it parts in the splice. What then?”“‘“What then?” exclaimed Billy sharply, for he began to be tired of being interrogated respecting a part of seamanship he thought he knew better than themselves.“Why,”replied he, taking a fresh quid of tobacco,“I would let go the sheet anchor.”“‘“But,” interrupted the elder Commissioner,“there is not, in consequence of having dragged the bower anchors, room to veer more than a few fathoms before you tail on the Hoe; consequently your sheet anchor, being only under foot, will be of[pg 287]little or no use, and the strain being on the small bower, it soon after parts.”“‘“What humbug!” cried Billy, who could not contain himself longer.“I tell you, gentlemen, what I would do. I would let her go on shore and be d——d, and wish you were all on board her.”“‘“Sit down, Mr. Culmer,” said the second Commissioner,“and calm yourself. We shall leave you a short time. Probably we may ask you a few more questions.”“‘“Hem!” muttered Billy, and he scratched his head. After an interval of half an hour, the Commissioner who had been his former messmate, entered with his certificate.“‘“I have much pleasure,” said he,“in having the power to present you your passing certificate, and I hope your speedy promotion will follow. Do you stay long in London?”“‘“Only to have a cruise in Wapping and to see St. Paul’s and the Monument,” returned Billy,“and then I shall make all sail for Portsmouth.”“‘“Have you any shot in your locker?” asked Captain T.“As much as will serve this turn,”replied Billy,“for Lord Hood has sent me an order for ten pounds on his banker.”“Good afternoon, Culmer,”said the former.“I wish you your health.”“Thank you,”replied Billy;“the same to you; but give me more sea-room next time you examine me, and do not let me tail on the Hoe.”’ Billy, through the interest of Lord Hood, was[pg 288]quickly installed lieutenant, but died shortly afterwards.”“Well,”said the admiral’s lady,“I think, Captain M., had I known this Billy Culmer, as you call him, I certainly should have made a pet of him.”“I am afraid, my dear,”answered the Admiral, who appeared relieved now the story was at an end,“you would have found him very pettish.”The admiral’s play on the word produced a smile.A young captain who sat near Lady Campbell asked her if she had ever heard of a captain who was, in consequence of his extravagant behaviour, called“Mad Montague?”“Pray, my dear,”cried the Admiral, who appeared terrified at the idea of another story,“let us have our coffee.”The hint was sufficient, we sipped our beverage andchasse, and departed in peace.Being ready for sea we left the Downs, and in a few hours were off our old cruising ground to watch the terrible flotilla and the privateers, which were principally lugger-rigged and carried long guns of different calibres, with from fifty to seventy-five men. Some few had ten or fourteen guns, besides swivels. The vessels forming the flotilla consisted of praams, ship-rigged, and brigs carrying one or two eighteen or twenty-four pounders, and the largest a thirty-two pounder (with sixty or ninety men), all of them flat-bottomed. They sometimes, when the wind blew fresh from the westward, ran down in squadrons close in shore,[pg 289]under the protection of their batteries, to Calais. One Sunday I chased twenty-seven and made the shot tell among some of them, until the pilots warned me that if I stood further in they would give up charge of the ship. I chased them, with the exception of one, who ran aground near Calais, into that port. In hauling off after giving them a few more shot, their battery favoured us with one which struck us between wind and water. As the shells were now falling plentifully around us, I thought it prudent to make more sail, as one of the shells had gone through the foretop-sail. Our force generally consisted of three sloops of war to watch Boulogne, the senior officer being the commodore, but in spite of all our vigilance the privateers crept along shore under cover of the night without being seen, and they sometimes tantalized us by anchoring outside, but so close in and under their batteries that it was impossible to get at them in that position. We, one morning at daybreak, captured a row-boat with twenty-two men, armed with swivels and muskets. We had disguised the ship so much that she took us for a merchantman, and before she discovered her mistake was within pistol-shot. Three months had now expired, which had been passed much in the same manner as the last cruise, when a cutter came out to order us into the Downs.

Sent to watch the French flotilla off Boulogne—Monotonous duty—Return to Sheerness to refit—Story of Billy Culmer—More cruising off Boulogne—Return to England.

Sent to watch the French flotilla off Boulogne—Monotonous duty—Return to Sheerness to refit—Story of Billy Culmer—More cruising off Boulogne—Return to England.

On the ninth day after joining, we sailed to cruise off Boulogne. The vessel I now commanded was a brig sloop of fourteen 24-pounders, the ship’s company by no means a bad set, and in the course of the cruise I had the satisfaction of seeing them alert, clean and obedient. This was in a great measure owing to the officers, who, when supported, were firm, discriminating and encouraging. The consequence was that during the time I commanded her there was only one desertion in eighteen months, and the cat did not see daylight once in three months. I found off Boulogne another cruiser watching the French privateers and Bonaparte’s boast—the flotilla. The captain of her was a Job’s comforter. He told me he was both sick and sorry to be on such a wear-and-tear, monotonous, do-nothing station, that he had been out two months without effecting anything, that he had frequently had the enemy’s privateers under his guns, but that the run was so short, they were always sure of escaping.[pg 281]“One morning,”said he,“about five months ago, I had got within musket-shot of one of those vagabonds, and had been sure of him, when a shell fired from Cape Grisnez fell directly down the main hatchway, bedded in one of the water-casks, and shortly after exploded, without, fortunately, doing more mischief than destroying a few more casks and splintering the beams and deck without wounding a man. I was in consequence reluctantly obliged to give up the chase, but not before I had taken ample revenge. In tacking I gave her all the larboard broadside, and not a vestige of her was to be seen: but,”continued he,“I hear of their taking prizes; but where the devil do they carry them to?”“Not into Boulogne or Calais,”replied I.“Havre and Cherbourg are the ports to sell them in.”“Then why,”said he,“do they keep so many of us on this station and so few to the westward?”“I presume it is,”I replied,“because this being the narrowest part of the Channel, there is more risk of our vessels being captured, and you know all the old women, with the Mayor and Aldermen, would petition the Admiralty to have the fleet back again to watch that frightful bugbear the half-rotten flotilla, which sometimes prevents them from taking their night’s rest. And it is very probable that, was this station neglected, our vessels would be cut out from the Downs.”“I never dreamed of that,”answered he.“It’s all right, and if I can only take six of their privateers, or about[pg 282]twenty of their flotilla, I will not say a word more.”

Painting of H.M.S. Apelles.H.M.S. APELLES.

H.M.S. APELLES.

I remained out nearly three months, watching the flotilla and the privateers. We sometimes anchored just beyond range of their shells, and frequently when the wind was light hauled the trawl, and were richly rewarded by a quantity of fine fish. I was at length relieved by another cruiser, and again anchored in the Downs. We were a fortnight refitting, during which time I dined several times at the admiral’s table, where I had the pleasure of meeting Sir R. Strachan, Sir P. Durham, and several other distinguished officers. One day, after dinner, the characters of several eccentric officers were the subject of conversation.

“I make no doubt,”said a veteran captain,“that most of the present company recollect a man by the name of Billy Culmer, a distant relation of Lord Hood’s. He was a short time one of my lieutenants, and was between thirty and forty years of age before he obtained his commission. The next time I dined with Lord Hood, who was then one of the Admirals in the Channel Fleet, I was determined to request his lordship to give me a brief outline of his history, which was nearly this. Shall I proceed, Lady Campbell?”“Oh, by all means, Captain M.”

“‘The Culmers were distantly related to me by marriage,’ said his lordship.‘Billy, as he was always called, was sent to me when I hoisted my[pg 283]pendant as master and commander. He unfortunately had lost an eye when a boy in one of his freaks, for they could do nothing with him at home. When he came on board I was not prepossessed in his favour; his manners were rough and bearish, although he had some redeeming qualities, for he was straightforward and frank. After being with me about two years, he said he was tired of being a midshipman, and requested me to obtain his discharge into the merchant service. I remonstrated with him to no purpose. To prevent his deserting, which he declared he would do, I procured his discharge, and he entered on board a West India ship going to Jamaica. I had lost sight of this extraordinary being for more than eight years,’continued his lordship,‘when, as I was standing on the platform at Portsmouth, waiting for a boat from the frigate I commanded, I was much surprised to see Billy Culmer, in a dirty sailor’s dress, a few yards from me. He perceived me, and pulled off his hat.“Hulloa!”said I,“Billy; where have you come from? I understood you were dead.”“Not so hard up as that, sir,”replied he.“I am d——d.”“Explain yourself,”said I.“Why,”said he,“I am d——d in the King’s service, for I shall never be able to enter it again, in consequence of my folly in requesting you to get me discharged.”“I probably may have interest enough, Billy, to get you once more on the quarter-deck if you will promise me faithfully to remain steady.”“I promise you solemnly I[pg 284]will,”replied he.“Then meet me at the admiral’s office to-morrow at ten o’clock,”returned I.“And I suppose, from your appearance, you are pretty well aground. Here is something that will keep your body and soul together.”He made a leg and took his departure.’But I am afraid, Lady Campbell, you have had enough of this rigmarole story, for it is rather a long one, and to those who know nothing of the man it may not be an interesting one.”“Why, Captain M.,”said Lady Campbell,“as the weather is disagreeable, and we do not intend to take a drive this evening, we may as well hear about Billy Culmer as anybody else. Do you not think so, Admiral?”The admiral, who appeared more inclined for a nap than to listen to a long-spun yarn, I verily believe, wished the narrator and the subject of his narration at the masthead together. However, he nodded assent, and the story went on.

“‘On speaking to the admiral, Billy was again under my command,’ resumed his lordship,‘and was appointed mate of the hold. When I was promoted to my flag, Billy and I parted company, for he had followed me steadily from the frigate to a ship of the line. As soon as he had served his six years, I sent for him and told him he must go to London to pass his examination.“You must excuse me, my lord,”was his answer;“I would rather remain the oldest midshipman than the youngest lieutenant,”and he persisted in this whim for more than three years. At the end of that[pg 285]period the ship he belonged to arrived at Spithead, and he came on board me to pay his respects.“Well,”said I,“Culmer, will you now pass your examination, or are you determined to die the oldest midshipman in the service?”“I have been thinking of it,”was his reply,“but I have no money to carry me to London.”“That,”said I,“I will give you. And if you can mount a horse, I will procure that also.”In a few days Billy started for London, where he arrived a week after, having sold my horse on the road, without informing me of his having done so. When he made his appearance before the Commissioners at Somerset Place, they were all younger than himself, and one of them had been a mid in the same ship where he was mate. This last addressed him, and in a half comic, half serious manner, said:“Well, Mr. Culmer, I make no doubt you are well prepared for your examination.”“And who the devil put you there,”answered Billy sharply,“to pass one who taught you to be something of a sailor? Do you remember thecoltingI gave you when you were a youngster in my charge? But I never could beat much seamanship into you. So you are to examine me, are you?”The two other commissioners, who knew the whimsical character of the person before them, called him to order, and requested he would answer some questions, as he could not obtain his certificate without doing so.“Begin,”said Billy, turning his quid and hitching up his trousers.“You are running into Plymouth[pg 286]Sound in a heavy gale from the S.E.; how would you proceed in coming to an anchor? Your top-gallant masts are supposed to be on deck.”“I would first furl all and run under the storm forestay sail, unfid the topmasts going in, and have a long range of both bower cables on deck, and the sheet anchor ready. On coming to the proper anchorage I would let go the best bower and lower the topmasts as she tended head to wind; veer away half a cable and let go the small bower; veer away on both cables until the best bower splice came to the hatchway. I should then half a whole cable on one and half a cable on the other.”

“‘“The gale increases, and there is a heavy scud, and you find both anchors are coming home. What then?”

“‘“Then I would veer to one and a half on the best and a whole on the other.”

“‘“In snubbing the best bower, it parts in the splice. What then?”

“‘“What then?” exclaimed Billy sharply, for he began to be tired of being interrogated respecting a part of seamanship he thought he knew better than themselves.“Why,”replied he, taking a fresh quid of tobacco,“I would let go the sheet anchor.”

“‘“But,” interrupted the elder Commissioner,“there is not, in consequence of having dragged the bower anchors, room to veer more than a few fathoms before you tail on the Hoe; consequently your sheet anchor, being only under foot, will be of[pg 287]little or no use, and the strain being on the small bower, it soon after parts.”

“‘“What humbug!” cried Billy, who could not contain himself longer.“I tell you, gentlemen, what I would do. I would let her go on shore and be d——d, and wish you were all on board her.”

“‘“Sit down, Mr. Culmer,” said the second Commissioner,“and calm yourself. We shall leave you a short time. Probably we may ask you a few more questions.”

“‘“Hem!” muttered Billy, and he scratched his head. After an interval of half an hour, the Commissioner who had been his former messmate, entered with his certificate.

“‘“I have much pleasure,” said he,“in having the power to present you your passing certificate, and I hope your speedy promotion will follow. Do you stay long in London?”

“‘“Only to have a cruise in Wapping and to see St. Paul’s and the Monument,” returned Billy,“and then I shall make all sail for Portsmouth.”

“‘“Have you any shot in your locker?” asked Captain T.“As much as will serve this turn,”replied Billy,“for Lord Hood has sent me an order for ten pounds on his banker.”“Good afternoon, Culmer,”said the former.“I wish you your health.”“Thank you,”replied Billy;“the same to you; but give me more sea-room next time you examine me, and do not let me tail on the Hoe.”’ Billy, through the interest of Lord Hood, was[pg 288]quickly installed lieutenant, but died shortly afterwards.”

“Well,”said the admiral’s lady,“I think, Captain M., had I known this Billy Culmer, as you call him, I certainly should have made a pet of him.”

“I am afraid, my dear,”answered the Admiral, who appeared relieved now the story was at an end,“you would have found him very pettish.”The admiral’s play on the word produced a smile.

A young captain who sat near Lady Campbell asked her if she had ever heard of a captain who was, in consequence of his extravagant behaviour, called“Mad Montague?”“Pray, my dear,”cried the Admiral, who appeared terrified at the idea of another story,“let us have our coffee.”

The hint was sufficient, we sipped our beverage andchasse, and departed in peace.

Being ready for sea we left the Downs, and in a few hours were off our old cruising ground to watch the terrible flotilla and the privateers, which were principally lugger-rigged and carried long guns of different calibres, with from fifty to seventy-five men. Some few had ten or fourteen guns, besides swivels. The vessels forming the flotilla consisted of praams, ship-rigged, and brigs carrying one or two eighteen or twenty-four pounders, and the largest a thirty-two pounder (with sixty or ninety men), all of them flat-bottomed. They sometimes, when the wind blew fresh from the westward, ran down in squadrons close in shore,[pg 289]under the protection of their batteries, to Calais. One Sunday I chased twenty-seven and made the shot tell among some of them, until the pilots warned me that if I stood further in they would give up charge of the ship. I chased them, with the exception of one, who ran aground near Calais, into that port. In hauling off after giving them a few more shot, their battery favoured us with one which struck us between wind and water. As the shells were now falling plentifully around us, I thought it prudent to make more sail, as one of the shells had gone through the foretop-sail. Our force generally consisted of three sloops of war to watch Boulogne, the senior officer being the commodore, but in spite of all our vigilance the privateers crept along shore under cover of the night without being seen, and they sometimes tantalized us by anchoring outside, but so close in and under their batteries that it was impossible to get at them in that position. We, one morning at daybreak, captured a row-boat with twenty-two men, armed with swivels and muskets. We had disguised the ship so much that she took us for a merchantman, and before she discovered her mistake was within pistol-shot. Three months had now expired, which had been passed much in the same manner as the last cruise, when a cutter came out to order us into the Downs.

[pg 290]CHAPTER XXIII.THE SAME WEARY ROUND.Leave to return home for four days—Visit of the Duke of Clarence—Again off Boulogne—Down Channel with a convoy—Boulogne once more—Refit at Plymouth—Return Boulogne—Run aground on French coast—Part of crew escape in boats—Author and nineteen men remain on board.On our arrival, in consequence of the vessel wanting material repairs, we were desired to repair to Sheerness. The commander-in-chief at this ill-flavoured town was a King John’s man, four feet something without his shoes, and so devoted to the reading of the Scriptures that he sometimes carried that sacred book under his arm. Some ill-natured people said he understood little of its doctrines, as he was too cross and unsociable to be a good Christian. Be that as it may he gave me leave, whilst the ship was refitting, to go home for four days. Where is the man who does not, after he has been absent from his family for nearly ten months, yearn to be with a fond wife and half a house full of dear children once more. During the short period I was at home, I thought myself in the seventh heaven. Alas, the time flew away on rapid wings. How soon our joy is changed to sorrow. I tore myself from the house that[pg 291]contained my dearest treasures, and was soon again among tar jackets and tar barrels. The admiral appeared satisfied with my punctuality, but he did not invite me to dinner, and as he did not I repaired to the principal inn with a few brother officers, and ordered some fish and a boiled leg of mutton and mashed turnips.“It is very extraordinary, gentlemen,”replied the head waiter when we mentioned the articles we wished for dinner.“There are thirteen different naval parties in the house, and they have all ordered the same. But,”added he,“I am not at all surprised, for our mutton is excellent.”The following morning the signal was made for all captains to repair to the dockyard to receive the Duke of Clarence. At one o’clock he arrived in the commissioner’s yacht from Chatham. I had the honour of being presented to him first, as I happened to be nearest. He asked me a few questions of no importance, and then passed on to another officer. He inspected the yard and the troops, we all following him. As he was afterwards to breakfast, or rather lunch, with Commissioner Lobb, the latter was considerate enough to invite us all to meet him, and a curious kind of meeting it was. The distinguished and illustrious admiral was very chatty, and appeared from the manner of his eating to be sharp set. The little Admiral of the Port did not, for some reason, attend. His friends said he ought to have given the refreshment instead of the commissioner, but it was not his fashion. I was not sorry when[pg 292]the Duke took his departure, as his presence brought everything to a standstill.In a week’s time we were ready for sea, and I left Sheerness, the little hospitable admiral, and all its contents without shedding one tear. Off Margate the pilot had the kindness to bump us on shore, but as the tide was making, the vessel was soon afloat without receiving any injury. His wife had predicted this in her preceding night’s dream, and he, silly man, had not sense enough to give up his turn to another pilot. On arriving in the Downs, I was ordered next day to repair to my old tiresome cruising ground, where, during a period of three long, lingering months, we cruised, anchored, fished, and frequently on Sundays engaged the old women’s terror, the flotilla. We also took achasse maréeladen with plaster of Paris. As I imagined I should gratify the honest people at Dover, particularly the female part, who might be twisting their papillotes and talking scandal for want of other amusement, by sending in a vessel with the English flag flying above the French, I was determined to do so, although I knew she would scarcely pay her condemnation. A few days afterwards I received a note from the prize agent to request I would not send in anymore of the same description, as there was a balance of six pounds against us for Proctor’s fees, etc. Thinks I to myself, how odd. So, as the sailor says, after venturing life and limb in capturing an enemy’s vessel, I am to pay for taking her. D——n me, Jack, that’s too[pg 293]bad. I’ll write to Joseph Hume to bring it before the House of Commons. I know he is a great reformer and a sailor’s friend, although he terms them a dead weight.We were at the end of our cruise relieved, and anchored again in the Downs, where I was informed Sir G. Campbell had been relieved by Sir Thos. Foley, his counterpart in worth and gallantry.I waited on the gallant admiral, left my card on Lady Lucy, and was invited to dinner. The admiral, as he is well known, and considered one of our most distinguished officers, I need not describe. His lady was a lively, hospitable, agreeable person, and I often reflect on the many pleasant hours I passed at the admiral’s house. I understand she is now a saint and is very charitable. Generally speaking, I do not admire saints. They are too pure to mix with this sinful world, and are not fond of sailors. A fortnight passed away when we once more sighted our anchors, and the day after that eye-sore Boulogne. Our occupation was much the same as the last cruise, except that I was ordered shortly after I sailed to take charge of a large convoy outward bound, and to proceed with them as far as Portsmouth. On my arrival there I went on shore and waited on the admiral, Sir R. Curtis, whom I found walking, what he termed his long-shore quarter-deck, the platform. He was a little, shrewd man, and knew a handspike from a capstan bar. I informed him from whence I came, and that I had fulfilled my[pg 294]orders respecting the convoy. I then presented him the necessary papers belonging to my own ship.“Come with me to my office,”was the order. In going there we had to pass part of the market, where the admiral was well-known. He conversed in passing with several pretty market girls, and chucked them under the chin.“Ho, ho!”thought I. On breaking the seal of the envelope of the papers I had given him, he said,“I find all perfectly in order. How long have you been a commander?”I informed him.“Your seniors,”returned he,“may blush and take your correctness for a pattern.”I made my bow.“You will sail to-morrow for your station,”continued he.“Foley is a good fellow, and I will not detain you longer than that time, so that you may take prizes for him. There will be a knife and fork at my table at five o’clock, where, if you are not engaged, I hope to see you.”He then withdrew. If I had not known this gallant officer’s character as a courtier, I should have been highly flattered by his compliments. Had anyone else stood in my shoes, his language would most likely have been the same. However, it put me in good humour, for who is there that does not like to be commended and sometimes flattered? At the admiral’s table I met his amiable daughter, who did not appear in health, and some old brother officers.At daylight I robbed Spithead of some of its mud, and was soon in sight of detested Boulogne, and of its, if possible, more hated flotilla; and I[pg 295]almost believe that if our men could have caught some of its crew they would have eaten them alive. This cruise we assisted, as the French say, in taking one of their privateers, the prize-money of which gave soap to the ship’s company for the next cruise; what other good we did I say not. At the expiration of another three months, His Majesty’s sloop’s anchors once more bit the mud in the Downs. On my going on shore to the admiral’s office, I was informed that I was to repair to Plymouth and there refit. I was, as Sir R. Strachan said in his despatch,“delighted.”I hoped we should be ordered to the Mediterranean. I dined with the admiral, and the day after we tore the anchors from their unwilling bed and made all sail. As I passed the coast near Boulogne I made my bow and wished it good-bye, I hoped for ever. On the fourth day we graced Plymouth Sound. I made my bow to the commander-in-chief, Sir R. Calder, who asked me, with some surprise, where I came from, and what I did at Plymouth. I produced my order, etc.“This is a mistake of some of the offices; I have no orders respecting you. However, as you are here, I suppose we must make good your defects, and, notwithstanding that you have taken us by surprise, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you at six o’clock to dinner.”I repaired on board with a pilot and brought the vessel into Hamoaze. At the appointed time I waited on the admiral. The dinner I thought passed off heavily. There were no ladies to[pg 296]embellish the table, and after coffee I went on board. Next morning I waited on the commissioner, Fanshaw, who received me very graciously, as I was known to several of his family. As the vessel was to be docked and fresh coppered, we were hulked, and I took lodgings on shore, where the commissioner did me the honour of calling on me and requested me to dine with him the following day. The dinner party consisted of another brother officer, his own family, who were very amiable, and myself. During the fortnight I remained here, as I was well acquainted with several families, I contrived to pass my time very agreeably.I expected every hour orders to fit foreign, but, oh! reader, judge of my mortification when the admiral informed me I was to go back from whence I came in a few days, and take with me a heavy-laden convoy. My mind had been filled with Italian skies and burnished golden sunsets, ladies with tender black eyes, Sicilian coral necklaces, tunny-fish and tusks. I was to give up all these and to return to that never-to-be-forgotten, good-for-nothing rotten flotilla, to see Dover pier, the lighthouse, and the steeple of Boulogne, to cross and re-cross from one to the other to provoke an appetite. If I had had interest enough I would have changed the Board of Admiralty for having sent me to Plymouth on a fool’s errand. My thoughts were bitter and seven fathoms deep. Again I cruised, like an armadillo on a grassplat,[pg 297]there and back again. After our usual time we again disturbed the mud, and most likely a number of fish, by letting go our anchors in the Downs, I little thought for the last time. How blind is man to future events, and fortunate it is he is so!On the ninth day His Majesty’s brig was again dividing the water and making it fly to the right and left in delicate wavy curls. We wished Boulogne, Bonaparte, and his flotilla burnt to a cinder during this cruise; we were generally at anchor off that detested place, and took nothing, for there was nothing to take. On Sunday we were usually firing at the flotilla as they anchored outside the pier, but so close to it that I fear our shot made little impression. At this time they were erecting a column on the heights, on which, we understood from the fishing-boats, an equestrian statue of that great dethroner, Bonaparte, was to be placed. A large division of the army of England, as they chose to call themselves, were encamped round it. We occasionally anchored at Dungeness for a few hours to procure fresh beef and vegetables. Our cruise was nearly terminated when the sloop of war, whose captain was senior to myself, made my signal. On repairing on board her, he informed me that a division of the flotilla was to run along shore for Cherbourg that night, and that it was necessary to keep the vessels as close in shore as possible, in order to intercept them.[pg 298]I again joined my ship and remained on deck until midnight in the hope of encountering these bugbears, and making them pay dearly for all the trouble they had given us; but, alas! how futile is the expectation of man! I had gone to my cabin and thrown myself on the sofa, and fallen into a canine slumber—that is, one eye shut and the other open—when I heard a confused kind of rumbling noise, and soon afterwards the officer of the watch tumbled down the hatchway and called out to me that the ship was aground on the French coast, but that the fog, which had come on about an hour after I quitted the deck, was so dense that the land could not be seen. I had only taken off my coat and shoes. I was immediately on deck, where I saw, to my sorrow and amazement, my commanding officer hard and fast about half pistol-shot from us. I asked the pilots, whose carelessness had done us this favour, what time of tide it was.“The infant ebb of the spring,”was the comfortable answer.“I wish you were both hanged,”I replied.“So be it,”responded the officers. During this period we were not idle; the boats were got out as well as an anchor astern, and the sails hove aback, the water started, the pumps set going, guns thrown overboard over the bows as well as shot, but all our efforts proved fruitless—you might as well have tried to start the Monument; and, to conclude this distressing and disastrous scene, a heavy battery began pouring its shot into the vessel I commanded, she being the[pg 299]nearest, and the fort not more than an eighth of a mile from us on the edge of a cliff. A boat came from the sloop to request that I would make preparations to blow up my vessel and quit her with the crew.“Sooner said than done,”replied I to the officer sent;“my boats will not carry the whole of us, and however I may wish to go to heaven in a hurry, probably those who are obliged to remain may not be willing to bear me company.”As the vessel began to heel over towards the battery, I ordered the boats to be manned, and all left the ship except nineteen men and myself, who had the felicity to be fired at like rabbits, as the enemy had now brought some field-pieces to bear on us. Our rigging was soon shot away and our sails cut into ribbons. At length away went the lower masts a little above the deck, while about two hundred men were pegging away at us with muskets. To make our happiness supreme, the sloop of war which had been set on fire and abandoned, blew up, and set us partially in a blaze, and while we were endeavouring to extinguish it the enemy took the cowardly advantage of wounding the purser, gunner, and two seamen, as well as myself, though only slightly. We had now fallen so much on the side that we stood with our feet on the combings of the hatchways, with our backs against the deck. What a charming sight, as my Lady Dangerfield might have said, to see four heavy guns from the battery, three field-pieces, and about two hundred soldiers firing at a nearly deserted vessel, and endeavouring to pick off and[pg 300]send to“Kingdom come”the unfortunate few of her crew who remained. The captain of the other sloop, finding I was not in the boats, pulled back in a gallant manner under a most galling fire to entreat me to come into his boat. This I declined, as I could not in justice leave those who were obliged to remain behind. Finding he could not prevail on me to leave, he joined the other boats and proceeded to England, where, happily, they all arrived in the evening. We had now been aground about four hours, and the enemy had amused himself by firing at us for about two hours and a half.6

Leave to return home for four days—Visit of the Duke of Clarence—Again off Boulogne—Down Channel with a convoy—Boulogne once more—Refit at Plymouth—Return Boulogne—Run aground on French coast—Part of crew escape in boats—Author and nineteen men remain on board.

Leave to return home for four days—Visit of the Duke of Clarence—Again off Boulogne—Down Channel with a convoy—Boulogne once more—Refit at Plymouth—Return Boulogne—Run aground on French coast—Part of crew escape in boats—Author and nineteen men remain on board.

On our arrival, in consequence of the vessel wanting material repairs, we were desired to repair to Sheerness. The commander-in-chief at this ill-flavoured town was a King John’s man, four feet something without his shoes, and so devoted to the reading of the Scriptures that he sometimes carried that sacred book under his arm. Some ill-natured people said he understood little of its doctrines, as he was too cross and unsociable to be a good Christian. Be that as it may he gave me leave, whilst the ship was refitting, to go home for four days. Where is the man who does not, after he has been absent from his family for nearly ten months, yearn to be with a fond wife and half a house full of dear children once more. During the short period I was at home, I thought myself in the seventh heaven. Alas, the time flew away on rapid wings. How soon our joy is changed to sorrow. I tore myself from the house that[pg 291]contained my dearest treasures, and was soon again among tar jackets and tar barrels. The admiral appeared satisfied with my punctuality, but he did not invite me to dinner, and as he did not I repaired to the principal inn with a few brother officers, and ordered some fish and a boiled leg of mutton and mashed turnips.“It is very extraordinary, gentlemen,”replied the head waiter when we mentioned the articles we wished for dinner.“There are thirteen different naval parties in the house, and they have all ordered the same. But,”added he,“I am not at all surprised, for our mutton is excellent.”The following morning the signal was made for all captains to repair to the dockyard to receive the Duke of Clarence. At one o’clock he arrived in the commissioner’s yacht from Chatham. I had the honour of being presented to him first, as I happened to be nearest. He asked me a few questions of no importance, and then passed on to another officer. He inspected the yard and the troops, we all following him. As he was afterwards to breakfast, or rather lunch, with Commissioner Lobb, the latter was considerate enough to invite us all to meet him, and a curious kind of meeting it was. The distinguished and illustrious admiral was very chatty, and appeared from the manner of his eating to be sharp set. The little Admiral of the Port did not, for some reason, attend. His friends said he ought to have given the refreshment instead of the commissioner, but it was not his fashion. I was not sorry when[pg 292]the Duke took his departure, as his presence brought everything to a standstill.

In a week’s time we were ready for sea, and I left Sheerness, the little hospitable admiral, and all its contents without shedding one tear. Off Margate the pilot had the kindness to bump us on shore, but as the tide was making, the vessel was soon afloat without receiving any injury. His wife had predicted this in her preceding night’s dream, and he, silly man, had not sense enough to give up his turn to another pilot. On arriving in the Downs, I was ordered next day to repair to my old tiresome cruising ground, where, during a period of three long, lingering months, we cruised, anchored, fished, and frequently on Sundays engaged the old women’s terror, the flotilla. We also took achasse maréeladen with plaster of Paris. As I imagined I should gratify the honest people at Dover, particularly the female part, who might be twisting their papillotes and talking scandal for want of other amusement, by sending in a vessel with the English flag flying above the French, I was determined to do so, although I knew she would scarcely pay her condemnation. A few days afterwards I received a note from the prize agent to request I would not send in anymore of the same description, as there was a balance of six pounds against us for Proctor’s fees, etc. Thinks I to myself, how odd. So, as the sailor says, after venturing life and limb in capturing an enemy’s vessel, I am to pay for taking her. D——n me, Jack, that’s too[pg 293]bad. I’ll write to Joseph Hume to bring it before the House of Commons. I know he is a great reformer and a sailor’s friend, although he terms them a dead weight.

We were at the end of our cruise relieved, and anchored again in the Downs, where I was informed Sir G. Campbell had been relieved by Sir Thos. Foley, his counterpart in worth and gallantry.

I waited on the gallant admiral, left my card on Lady Lucy, and was invited to dinner. The admiral, as he is well known, and considered one of our most distinguished officers, I need not describe. His lady was a lively, hospitable, agreeable person, and I often reflect on the many pleasant hours I passed at the admiral’s house. I understand she is now a saint and is very charitable. Generally speaking, I do not admire saints. They are too pure to mix with this sinful world, and are not fond of sailors. A fortnight passed away when we once more sighted our anchors, and the day after that eye-sore Boulogne. Our occupation was much the same as the last cruise, except that I was ordered shortly after I sailed to take charge of a large convoy outward bound, and to proceed with them as far as Portsmouth. On my arrival there I went on shore and waited on the admiral, Sir R. Curtis, whom I found walking, what he termed his long-shore quarter-deck, the platform. He was a little, shrewd man, and knew a handspike from a capstan bar. I informed him from whence I came, and that I had fulfilled my[pg 294]orders respecting the convoy. I then presented him the necessary papers belonging to my own ship.“Come with me to my office,”was the order. In going there we had to pass part of the market, where the admiral was well-known. He conversed in passing with several pretty market girls, and chucked them under the chin.“Ho, ho!”thought I. On breaking the seal of the envelope of the papers I had given him, he said,“I find all perfectly in order. How long have you been a commander?”I informed him.“Your seniors,”returned he,“may blush and take your correctness for a pattern.”I made my bow.“You will sail to-morrow for your station,”continued he.“Foley is a good fellow, and I will not detain you longer than that time, so that you may take prizes for him. There will be a knife and fork at my table at five o’clock, where, if you are not engaged, I hope to see you.”He then withdrew. If I had not known this gallant officer’s character as a courtier, I should have been highly flattered by his compliments. Had anyone else stood in my shoes, his language would most likely have been the same. However, it put me in good humour, for who is there that does not like to be commended and sometimes flattered? At the admiral’s table I met his amiable daughter, who did not appear in health, and some old brother officers.

At daylight I robbed Spithead of some of its mud, and was soon in sight of detested Boulogne, and of its, if possible, more hated flotilla; and I[pg 295]almost believe that if our men could have caught some of its crew they would have eaten them alive. This cruise we assisted, as the French say, in taking one of their privateers, the prize-money of which gave soap to the ship’s company for the next cruise; what other good we did I say not. At the expiration of another three months, His Majesty’s sloop’s anchors once more bit the mud in the Downs. On my going on shore to the admiral’s office, I was informed that I was to repair to Plymouth and there refit. I was, as Sir R. Strachan said in his despatch,“delighted.”I hoped we should be ordered to the Mediterranean. I dined with the admiral, and the day after we tore the anchors from their unwilling bed and made all sail. As I passed the coast near Boulogne I made my bow and wished it good-bye, I hoped for ever. On the fourth day we graced Plymouth Sound. I made my bow to the commander-in-chief, Sir R. Calder, who asked me, with some surprise, where I came from, and what I did at Plymouth. I produced my order, etc.“This is a mistake of some of the offices; I have no orders respecting you. However, as you are here, I suppose we must make good your defects, and, notwithstanding that you have taken us by surprise, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you at six o’clock to dinner.”

I repaired on board with a pilot and brought the vessel into Hamoaze. At the appointed time I waited on the admiral. The dinner I thought passed off heavily. There were no ladies to[pg 296]embellish the table, and after coffee I went on board. Next morning I waited on the commissioner, Fanshaw, who received me very graciously, as I was known to several of his family. As the vessel was to be docked and fresh coppered, we were hulked, and I took lodgings on shore, where the commissioner did me the honour of calling on me and requested me to dine with him the following day. The dinner party consisted of another brother officer, his own family, who were very amiable, and myself. During the fortnight I remained here, as I was well acquainted with several families, I contrived to pass my time very agreeably.

I expected every hour orders to fit foreign, but, oh! reader, judge of my mortification when the admiral informed me I was to go back from whence I came in a few days, and take with me a heavy-laden convoy. My mind had been filled with Italian skies and burnished golden sunsets, ladies with tender black eyes, Sicilian coral necklaces, tunny-fish and tusks. I was to give up all these and to return to that never-to-be-forgotten, good-for-nothing rotten flotilla, to see Dover pier, the lighthouse, and the steeple of Boulogne, to cross and re-cross from one to the other to provoke an appetite. If I had had interest enough I would have changed the Board of Admiralty for having sent me to Plymouth on a fool’s errand. My thoughts were bitter and seven fathoms deep. Again I cruised, like an armadillo on a grassplat,[pg 297]there and back again. After our usual time we again disturbed the mud, and most likely a number of fish, by letting go our anchors in the Downs, I little thought for the last time. How blind is man to future events, and fortunate it is he is so!

On the ninth day His Majesty’s brig was again dividing the water and making it fly to the right and left in delicate wavy curls. We wished Boulogne, Bonaparte, and his flotilla burnt to a cinder during this cruise; we were generally at anchor off that detested place, and took nothing, for there was nothing to take. On Sunday we were usually firing at the flotilla as they anchored outside the pier, but so close to it that I fear our shot made little impression. At this time they were erecting a column on the heights, on which, we understood from the fishing-boats, an equestrian statue of that great dethroner, Bonaparte, was to be placed. A large division of the army of England, as they chose to call themselves, were encamped round it. We occasionally anchored at Dungeness for a few hours to procure fresh beef and vegetables. Our cruise was nearly terminated when the sloop of war, whose captain was senior to myself, made my signal. On repairing on board her, he informed me that a division of the flotilla was to run along shore for Cherbourg that night, and that it was necessary to keep the vessels as close in shore as possible, in order to intercept them.

I again joined my ship and remained on deck until midnight in the hope of encountering these bugbears, and making them pay dearly for all the trouble they had given us; but, alas! how futile is the expectation of man! I had gone to my cabin and thrown myself on the sofa, and fallen into a canine slumber—that is, one eye shut and the other open—when I heard a confused kind of rumbling noise, and soon afterwards the officer of the watch tumbled down the hatchway and called out to me that the ship was aground on the French coast, but that the fog, which had come on about an hour after I quitted the deck, was so dense that the land could not be seen. I had only taken off my coat and shoes. I was immediately on deck, where I saw, to my sorrow and amazement, my commanding officer hard and fast about half pistol-shot from us. I asked the pilots, whose carelessness had done us this favour, what time of tide it was.“The infant ebb of the spring,”was the comfortable answer.“I wish you were both hanged,”I replied.“So be it,”responded the officers. During this period we were not idle; the boats were got out as well as an anchor astern, and the sails hove aback, the water started, the pumps set going, guns thrown overboard over the bows as well as shot, but all our efforts proved fruitless—you might as well have tried to start the Monument; and, to conclude this distressing and disastrous scene, a heavy battery began pouring its shot into the vessel I commanded, she being the[pg 299]nearest, and the fort not more than an eighth of a mile from us on the edge of a cliff. A boat came from the sloop to request that I would make preparations to blow up my vessel and quit her with the crew.“Sooner said than done,”replied I to the officer sent;“my boats will not carry the whole of us, and however I may wish to go to heaven in a hurry, probably those who are obliged to remain may not be willing to bear me company.”As the vessel began to heel over towards the battery, I ordered the boats to be manned, and all left the ship except nineteen men and myself, who had the felicity to be fired at like rabbits, as the enemy had now brought some field-pieces to bear on us. Our rigging was soon shot away and our sails cut into ribbons. At length away went the lower masts a little above the deck, while about two hundred men were pegging away at us with muskets. To make our happiness supreme, the sloop of war which had been set on fire and abandoned, blew up, and set us partially in a blaze, and while we were endeavouring to extinguish it the enemy took the cowardly advantage of wounding the purser, gunner, and two seamen, as well as myself, though only slightly. We had now fallen so much on the side that we stood with our feet on the combings of the hatchways, with our backs against the deck. What a charming sight, as my Lady Dangerfield might have said, to see four heavy guns from the battery, three field-pieces, and about two hundred soldiers firing at a nearly deserted vessel, and endeavouring to pick off and[pg 300]send to“Kingdom come”the unfortunate few of her crew who remained. The captain of the other sloop, finding I was not in the boats, pulled back in a gallant manner under a most galling fire to entreat me to come into his boat. This I declined, as I could not in justice leave those who were obliged to remain behind. Finding he could not prevail on me to leave, he joined the other boats and proceeded to England, where, happily, they all arrived in the evening. We had now been aground about four hours, and the enemy had amused himself by firing at us for about two hours and a half.6

Back to IndexNext