Chapter 3

Pithias.O my Damon!Damon.O my Pithias! seeing death must part us, farewell for ever.Pithias.O Damon, O my sweet friend!Snap.Away from the prisoner: what a prease have we here?Gronno.As you commanded, O mighty king, we have brought Damon.Dionysius.Then go to: make ready. I will not stir out of this place,Till I see his head stroken off before my face.Gronno.It shall be done, sir. [To Damon] Because your eyes have made such a-do.I will knock down this your lantern, and shut up your shop-window too.Damon.O mighty king, where as no truth my innocent life can save,But that so greedily you thirst[72]my guiltless blood to have,Albeit (even in thought) I had not ought against your person:Yet now I plead not for life, ne will I crave your pardon.But seeing in Greece my country, where well I am known,I have worldly things fit for mine alliance, when I am gone,To dispose them, ere I die, if I might obtain leisure,I would account it (O king) for a passing great pleasure:Not to prolong my life thereby, for which I reckon not this,But to set my things in a stay: and surely I will not miss,Upon the faith which all gentlemen ought to embrace,To return again, at your time to appoint, to yield my body here in this place.Grant me (O king) such time to despatch this inquiry,[73]And I will not fail when you appoint, even here my life to pay.[74]Dionysius.A pleasant request! as though I could trust him absent,Whom in no wise I cannot trust being present.And yet though I sware the contrary, do that I require,Give me a pledge for thy return, and have thine own desire.He is as near now as he was before.[Aside.Damon.There is no surer nor greater pledge than the faith of a gentleman.Dionysius.It was wont to be, but otherwise now the world doth stand;Therefore do as I say, else presently yield thy neck to the sword.If I might with my honour, I would recall my word.Pithias.Stand to your word, O king, for kings ought nothing say,But that they would perform in perfect deeds alway.A pledge you did require, when Damon his suit did meve,For which with heart and stretched hands most humble thanks I give:And that you may not say but Damon hath a friend,That loves him better than his own life, and will do to his end,Take me, O mighty king: my life I pawn[75]for his:Strike off my head, if Damon hap at his day to miss.Dionysius.What art thou, that chargest me with my word so boldly here?Pithias.I am Pithias, a Greek born, which hold Damon my friend full dear.Dionysius.Too dear perhaps, to hazard thy life for him: what fondness[76]moveth thee?Pithias.No fondness at all, but perfect amity.Dionysius.A mad kind of amity! advise thyself well: if Damon fail at his day,Which shall be justly appointed, wilt thou die for him, to me his life to pay?Pithias.Most willingly, O mighty king: if Damon fail, let Pithias die.Dionysius.Thou seemest to trust his words, that pawnest thy life so frankly.Pithias.What Damon saith, Pithias believeth assuredly.Dionysius.Take heed, for [your] life:[77]wordly men break promise in many things.Pithias.Though wordly men do so, it never haps amongst friends.Dionysius.What callest thou friends? are they not men, is not this true?Pithias.Men they be, but such men as love one another only for virtue.Dionysius.For what virtue dost thou love this spy, this Damon?Pithias.For that virtue which yet to you is unknown.Dionysius.Eubulus, what shall I do? I would despatch this Damon fain,But this foolish fellow so chargeth me, that I may not call back my word again.Eubulus.The reverent majesty of a king stands chiefly in keeping his promise.What you have said this whole court beareth witness,Save your honour, whatsoever you do.Dionysius.For saving mine honour, I must forbear my will: go to.Pithias, seeing thou tookest me at my word, take Damon to thee:For two months he is thine: unbind him, I set him free;Which time once expired, if he appear not the next day by noon,Without further delay thou shalt lose thy life, and that full soon.Whether he die by the way, or lie sick in his bed,If he return not then, thou shalt either hang or lose thy head.Pithias.For this, O mighty king, I yield immortal thanks. O joyful day!Dionysius.Gronno, take him to thee: bind him, see him kept in safety:If he escape, assure thyself for him thou shalt die.Eubulus, let us depart, to talk of this strange thing within.Eubulus.I follow.[Exeunt.Gronno.Damon, thou servest the gods well today; be thou of comfort.As for you, sir, I think you will be hanged in sport.You heard what the king said; I must keep you safely:By Cock, so I will, you shall rather hang than I.Come on your way.Pithias.My Damon, farewell; the gods have thee in keeping.Damon.O my Pithias, my pledge, farewell; I part from thee weeping.But joyful at my day appointed I will return again,When I will deliver thee from all trouble and pain,Stephano will I leave behind me to wait upon thee in prison alone,And I, whom fortune hath reserved to this misery, will walk home.Ah my Pithias, my pledge, my life, my friend, farewell.Pithias.Farewell, my Damon.Damon.Loth am I to depart. Sith sobs my trembling tongue doth stay,O music, sound my doleful plaints, when I am gone my way.[Exit Damon.Gronno.I am glad he is gone, I had almost wept too. Come, Pithias,So God help me, I am sorry for thy foolish caseWilt thou venter thy life for a man so fondly?Pithias.It is no venter: my friend is just, for whom I desire to die.Gronno.Here is a madman! I tell thee, I have a wife whom I love well,And if ich would die for her, chould ich were in hell.Wilt thou do more for a man than I would for a woman?Pithias.Yea, that I will.Gronno.Then come on your ways, you must to prison haste.I fear you will repent this folly at last.Pithias.That shalt thou never see. But O music, as my Damon requested thee,Sound out thy doleful tunes in this time of calamity.[Exeunt. Here the regals play a mourning song, andDamoncometh in in mariner apparel andStephanowith him.Damon.Weep no more, Stephano, this is but destiny:Had not this happ’d, yet I know I am born to die:Where or in what place, the gods know alone,To whose judgment myself I commit. Therefore leave off thy moan,And wait upon Pithias in prison till I return again,In whom my joy, my care and life doth only remain.Stephano.O my dear master, let me go with you; for my poor companyShall be some small comfort in this time of misery.Damon.O Stephano, hast thou been so long with me,And yet dost not know the force of true amity?I tell thee once again, my friend and I are but one:Wait upon Pithias, and think thou art with Damon.Whereof I may not now discourse, the time passeth away;The sooner I am gone, the shorter shall be my journey:Therefore farewell, Stephano, commend me to my friend Pithias,Whom I trust to deliver in time out of this woful case.Stephano.Farewell, my dear master, since your pleasure is so.O cruel hap! O poor Stephano!O cursed Carisophus, that first moved this tragedy!—But what a noise is this? is all well within, trow ye?I fear all be not well within, I will go see.—Come out, you weasel: are you seeking eggs in Damon’s chest?Come out, I say, wilt thou be packing? by Cock, you were best.Carisophus.How durst thou, villain, to lay hands on me?Stephano.Out, sir knave, or I will send ye.Art thou not content to accuse Damon wrongfully,But wilt thou rob him also, and that openly?Carisophus.The king gave me the spoil: to take mine own wilt thou let me?[78]Stephano.Thine own, villain! where is thine authority?Carisophus.I am authority of myself; dost thou not know?Stephano.By’r Lady, that is somewhat; but have you no more to show?Carisophus.What, if I have not?Stephano.Then for an earnest penny take this blow.I shall bombast you, you mocking knave; chill put pro in my purse for this time.[79]Carisophus.Jack, give me my sword and target.Jack.I cannot come to you, master, this knave doth me let. Hold, master.Stephano.Away, Jackanapes, else I will col’phise you[80]by and by:Ye slave, I will have my pennyworths of thee therefore, if I die.About, villain!Carisophus.O citizens, help to defend me.Stephano.Nay, they will rather help to hang thee.Carisophus.Good fellow, let us reason of the matter quietly: beat me no more.Stephano.Of this condition I will stay, if thou swear, as thou art an honest man,Thou wilt say nothing to the king of this when I am gone.Carisophus.I will say nothing; here is my hand, as I am an honest man.Stephano.Then say on thy mind: I have taken a wise oath on him, have I not, trow ye?To trust such a false knave upon his honesty?As he is an honest man (quoth you?) he may bewray all to the king,And break his oath for this never a whit—but, my franion,[81]I tell you this one thing:If you disclose this, I will devise such a way,That whilst thou livest, thou shalt remember this day.Carisophus.You need not devise for that, for this day is printed in my memory;I warrant you, I shall remember this beating till I die:But seeing of courtesy you have granted that we should talk quietly,Methinks in calling me knave you do me much injury.Stephano.Why so, I pray thee heartily?Carisophus.Because I am the king’s man: keeps the king any knaves?Stephano.He should not; but what he doth, it is evident by thee,And as far as I can learn or understand,There is none better able to keep knaves in all the land.Carisophus.O sir, I am a courtier: when courtiers shall hear tell,How you have used me, they will not take it well.Stephano.Nay, all right courtiers will ken me thank;[82]and wot you why?Because I handled a counterfeit courtier in his kind so finely.What, sir? all are not courtiers that have a counterfeit show;In a troop of honest men some knaves may stand, ye know,Such as by stealth creep in under the colour of honesty,Which sort under that cloak do all kinds of villainy,A right courtier is virtuous, gentle, and full of urbanity,Hurting no man, good to all, devoid of villainy:But such as thou art, fountains of squirrility and vain delights;Though you hang by the court, you are but flatt’ring parasites;As well deserving the right name of courtesy,As the coward knight the true praise of chivalry.I could say more, but I will not, for that I am your well-willer.In faith, Carisophus, you are no courtier but a caterpillar,A sycophant, a parasite, a flatterer, and a knave.Whether I will or no, these names you must have:How well you deserve this by your deeds it is known,For that so unjustly thou hast accused poor Damon,Whose woful case the gods help alone.Carisophus.Sir, are you his servant, that you pity his case so?Stephano.No, bum troth, goodman Grumb, his name is Stephano:I am called Onaphets,[83]if needs you will know.The knave beginneth to sift me, but I turn my name in and out,Cretizo cum Cretense,[84]to make him a lout.[Aside.Carisophus.What mumble you with yourself, Master Onaphets?Stephano.I am reckoning with myself how I may pay my debts.Carisophus.You have paid me more than you did owe me.Stephano.Nay, upon a farther reckoning, I will pay you more, if I knowEither you talk of that is done, or by your sycophantical envyYou prick forth Dionysius the sooner, that Damon may die:I will so pay thee, that thy bones shall rattle in thy skin.Remember what I have said; Onaphets is my name.[Exit.Carisophus.The sturdy knave is gone, the devil him take!He hath made my head, shoulders, arms, sides, and all to ache.Thou whoreson villain boy, why didst thou wait no better?As he paid me, so will I not die thy debtor.[Strikes him.Jack.Master, why do you fight with me? I am not your match, you see:You durst not fight with him that is gone, and will you wreak your anger on me?Carisophus.Thou villain, by thee I have lost mine honour,Beaten with a cudgel like a slave, a vacabone, or a lazy lubber,And not given one blow again. Hast thou handled me well?Jack.Master, I handled you not, but who did handle you very handsomely, you can tell.Carisophus.Handsomely! thou crack-rope.[85]Jack.Yea, sir, very handsomely: I hold you a groat,He handled you so handsomely, that he left not one mote in your coat.Carisophus.O, I had firk’d him trimly, thou villain, if thou hadst given me my sword.Jack.It is better as it is, master, believe me, at a word.If he had seen your weapon, he would have been fiercer,And so perhaps beat you worse, I speak it with my heart,You were never at the dealing of fence-blows, but you had four away for your part.It is but your luck, you are man good enough;But the Welsh Onaphets was a vengeance-knave, and rough.Master, you were best go home and rest in your bed,Methinks your cap waxeth too little for your head.Carisophus.What! doth my head swell?Jack.Yea, as big as a codshead, and bleeds too.Carisophus.I am ashamed to show my face with this hue.Jack.No shame at all; men have been beaten far better than you.Carisophus.I must go to the chirurgeon’s; what shall I say, when I am a-dressing?Jack.You may say truly you met with a knave’s blessing.[Exeunt.

Pithias.O my Damon!

Damon.O my Pithias! seeing death must part us, farewell for ever.

Pithias.O Damon, O my sweet friend!

Snap.Away from the prisoner: what a prease have we here?

Gronno.As you commanded, O mighty king, we have brought Damon.

Dionysius.Then go to: make ready. I will not stir out of this place,Till I see his head stroken off before my face.

Dionysius.Then go to: make ready. I will not stir out of this place,

Till I see his head stroken off before my face.

Gronno.It shall be done, sir. [To Damon] Because your eyes have made such a-do.I will knock down this your lantern, and shut up your shop-window too.

Gronno.It shall be done, sir. [To Damon] Because your eyes have made such a-do.

I will knock down this your lantern, and shut up your shop-window too.

Damon.O mighty king, where as no truth my innocent life can save,But that so greedily you thirst[72]my guiltless blood to have,Albeit (even in thought) I had not ought against your person:Yet now I plead not for life, ne will I crave your pardon.But seeing in Greece my country, where well I am known,I have worldly things fit for mine alliance, when I am gone,To dispose them, ere I die, if I might obtain leisure,I would account it (O king) for a passing great pleasure:Not to prolong my life thereby, for which I reckon not this,But to set my things in a stay: and surely I will not miss,Upon the faith which all gentlemen ought to embrace,To return again, at your time to appoint, to yield my body here in this place.Grant me (O king) such time to despatch this inquiry,[73]And I will not fail when you appoint, even here my life to pay.[74]

Damon.O mighty king, where as no truth my innocent life can save,

But that so greedily you thirst[72]my guiltless blood to have,

Albeit (even in thought) I had not ought against your person:

Yet now I plead not for life, ne will I crave your pardon.

But seeing in Greece my country, where well I am known,

I have worldly things fit for mine alliance, when I am gone,

To dispose them, ere I die, if I might obtain leisure,

I would account it (O king) for a passing great pleasure:

Not to prolong my life thereby, for which I reckon not this,

But to set my things in a stay: and surely I will not miss,

Upon the faith which all gentlemen ought to embrace,

To return again, at your time to appoint, to yield my body here in this place.

Grant me (O king) such time to despatch this inquiry,[73]

And I will not fail when you appoint, even here my life to pay.[74]

Dionysius.A pleasant request! as though I could trust him absent,Whom in no wise I cannot trust being present.And yet though I sware the contrary, do that I require,Give me a pledge for thy return, and have thine own desire.He is as near now as he was before.[Aside.

Dionysius.A pleasant request! as though I could trust him absent,

Whom in no wise I cannot trust being present.

And yet though I sware the contrary, do that I require,

Give me a pledge for thy return, and have thine own desire.

He is as near now as he was before.

[Aside.

Damon.There is no surer nor greater pledge than the faith of a gentleman.

Dionysius.It was wont to be, but otherwise now the world doth stand;Therefore do as I say, else presently yield thy neck to the sword.If I might with my honour, I would recall my word.

Dionysius.It was wont to be, but otherwise now the world doth stand;

Therefore do as I say, else presently yield thy neck to the sword.

If I might with my honour, I would recall my word.

Pithias.Stand to your word, O king, for kings ought nothing say,But that they would perform in perfect deeds alway.A pledge you did require, when Damon his suit did meve,For which with heart and stretched hands most humble thanks I give:And that you may not say but Damon hath a friend,That loves him better than his own life, and will do to his end,Take me, O mighty king: my life I pawn[75]for his:Strike off my head, if Damon hap at his day to miss.

Pithias.Stand to your word, O king, for kings ought nothing say,

But that they would perform in perfect deeds alway.

A pledge you did require, when Damon his suit did meve,

For which with heart and stretched hands most humble thanks I give:

And that you may not say but Damon hath a friend,

That loves him better than his own life, and will do to his end,

Take me, O mighty king: my life I pawn[75]for his:

Strike off my head, if Damon hap at his day to miss.

Dionysius.What art thou, that chargest me with my word so boldly here?

Pithias.I am Pithias, a Greek born, which hold Damon my friend full dear.

Dionysius.Too dear perhaps, to hazard thy life for him: what fondness[76]moveth thee?

Pithias.No fondness at all, but perfect amity.

Dionysius.A mad kind of amity! advise thyself well: if Damon fail at his day,Which shall be justly appointed, wilt thou die for him, to me his life to pay?

Dionysius.A mad kind of amity! advise thyself well: if Damon fail at his day,

Which shall be justly appointed, wilt thou die for him, to me his life to pay?

Pithias.Most willingly, O mighty king: if Damon fail, let Pithias die.

Dionysius.Thou seemest to trust his words, that pawnest thy life so frankly.

Pithias.What Damon saith, Pithias believeth assuredly.

Dionysius.Take heed, for [your] life:[77]wordly men break promise in many things.

Pithias.Though wordly men do so, it never haps amongst friends.

Dionysius.What callest thou friends? are they not men, is not this true?

Pithias.Men they be, but such men as love one another only for virtue.

Dionysius.For what virtue dost thou love this spy, this Damon?

Pithias.For that virtue which yet to you is unknown.

Dionysius.Eubulus, what shall I do? I would despatch this Damon fain,But this foolish fellow so chargeth me, that I may not call back my word again.

Dionysius.Eubulus, what shall I do? I would despatch this Damon fain,

But this foolish fellow so chargeth me, that I may not call back my word again.

Eubulus.The reverent majesty of a king stands chiefly in keeping his promise.What you have said this whole court beareth witness,Save your honour, whatsoever you do.

Eubulus.The reverent majesty of a king stands chiefly in keeping his promise.

What you have said this whole court beareth witness,

Save your honour, whatsoever you do.

Dionysius.For saving mine honour, I must forbear my will: go to.Pithias, seeing thou tookest me at my word, take Damon to thee:For two months he is thine: unbind him, I set him free;Which time once expired, if he appear not the next day by noon,Without further delay thou shalt lose thy life, and that full soon.Whether he die by the way, or lie sick in his bed,If he return not then, thou shalt either hang or lose thy head.

Dionysius.For saving mine honour, I must forbear my will: go to.

Pithias, seeing thou tookest me at my word, take Damon to thee:

For two months he is thine: unbind him, I set him free;

Which time once expired, if he appear not the next day by noon,

Without further delay thou shalt lose thy life, and that full soon.

Whether he die by the way, or lie sick in his bed,

If he return not then, thou shalt either hang or lose thy head.

Pithias.For this, O mighty king, I yield immortal thanks. O joyful day!

Dionysius.Gronno, take him to thee: bind him, see him kept in safety:If he escape, assure thyself for him thou shalt die.Eubulus, let us depart, to talk of this strange thing within.

Dionysius.Gronno, take him to thee: bind him, see him kept in safety:

If he escape, assure thyself for him thou shalt die.

Eubulus, let us depart, to talk of this strange thing within.

Eubulus.I follow.[Exeunt.

Eubulus.I follow.

[Exeunt.

Gronno.Damon, thou servest the gods well today; be thou of comfort.As for you, sir, I think you will be hanged in sport.You heard what the king said; I must keep you safely:By Cock, so I will, you shall rather hang than I.Come on your way.

Gronno.Damon, thou servest the gods well today; be thou of comfort.

As for you, sir, I think you will be hanged in sport.

You heard what the king said; I must keep you safely:

By Cock, so I will, you shall rather hang than I.

Come on your way.

Pithias.My Damon, farewell; the gods have thee in keeping.

Damon.O my Pithias, my pledge, farewell; I part from thee weeping.But joyful at my day appointed I will return again,When I will deliver thee from all trouble and pain,Stephano will I leave behind me to wait upon thee in prison alone,And I, whom fortune hath reserved to this misery, will walk home.Ah my Pithias, my pledge, my life, my friend, farewell.

Damon.O my Pithias, my pledge, farewell; I part from thee weeping.

But joyful at my day appointed I will return again,

When I will deliver thee from all trouble and pain,

Stephano will I leave behind me to wait upon thee in prison alone,

And I, whom fortune hath reserved to this misery, will walk home.

Ah my Pithias, my pledge, my life, my friend, farewell.

Pithias.Farewell, my Damon.

Damon.Loth am I to depart. Sith sobs my trembling tongue doth stay,O music, sound my doleful plaints, when I am gone my way.[Exit Damon.

Damon.Loth am I to depart. Sith sobs my trembling tongue doth stay,

O music, sound my doleful plaints, when I am gone my way.

[Exit Damon.

Gronno.I am glad he is gone, I had almost wept too. Come, Pithias,So God help me, I am sorry for thy foolish caseWilt thou venter thy life for a man so fondly?

Gronno.I am glad he is gone, I had almost wept too. Come, Pithias,

So God help me, I am sorry for thy foolish case

Wilt thou venter thy life for a man so fondly?

Pithias.It is no venter: my friend is just, for whom I desire to die.

Gronno.Here is a madman! I tell thee, I have a wife whom I love well,And if ich would die for her, chould ich were in hell.Wilt thou do more for a man than I would for a woman?

Gronno.Here is a madman! I tell thee, I have a wife whom I love well,

And if ich would die for her, chould ich were in hell.

Wilt thou do more for a man than I would for a woman?

Pithias.Yea, that I will.

Gronno.Then come on your ways, you must to prison haste.I fear you will repent this folly at last.

Gronno.Then come on your ways, you must to prison haste.

I fear you will repent this folly at last.

Pithias.That shalt thou never see. But O music, as my Damon requested thee,Sound out thy doleful tunes in this time of calamity.[Exeunt. Here the regals play a mourning song, andDamoncometh in in mariner apparel andStephanowith him.

Pithias.That shalt thou never see. But O music, as my Damon requested thee,

Sound out thy doleful tunes in this time of calamity.

[Exeunt. Here the regals play a mourning song, andDamoncometh in in mariner apparel andStephanowith him.

Damon.Weep no more, Stephano, this is but destiny:Had not this happ’d, yet I know I am born to die:Where or in what place, the gods know alone,To whose judgment myself I commit. Therefore leave off thy moan,And wait upon Pithias in prison till I return again,In whom my joy, my care and life doth only remain.

Damon.Weep no more, Stephano, this is but destiny:

Had not this happ’d, yet I know I am born to die:

Where or in what place, the gods know alone,

To whose judgment myself I commit. Therefore leave off thy moan,

And wait upon Pithias in prison till I return again,

In whom my joy, my care and life doth only remain.

Stephano.O my dear master, let me go with you; for my poor companyShall be some small comfort in this time of misery.

Stephano.O my dear master, let me go with you; for my poor company

Shall be some small comfort in this time of misery.

Damon.O Stephano, hast thou been so long with me,And yet dost not know the force of true amity?I tell thee once again, my friend and I are but one:Wait upon Pithias, and think thou art with Damon.Whereof I may not now discourse, the time passeth away;The sooner I am gone, the shorter shall be my journey:Therefore farewell, Stephano, commend me to my friend Pithias,Whom I trust to deliver in time out of this woful case.

Damon.O Stephano, hast thou been so long with me,

And yet dost not know the force of true amity?

I tell thee once again, my friend and I are but one:

Wait upon Pithias, and think thou art with Damon.

Whereof I may not now discourse, the time passeth away;

The sooner I am gone, the shorter shall be my journey:

Therefore farewell, Stephano, commend me to my friend Pithias,

Whom I trust to deliver in time out of this woful case.

Stephano.Farewell, my dear master, since your pleasure is so.O cruel hap! O poor Stephano!O cursed Carisophus, that first moved this tragedy!—But what a noise is this? is all well within, trow ye?I fear all be not well within, I will go see.—Come out, you weasel: are you seeking eggs in Damon’s chest?Come out, I say, wilt thou be packing? by Cock, you were best.

Stephano.Farewell, my dear master, since your pleasure is so.

O cruel hap! O poor Stephano!

O cursed Carisophus, that first moved this tragedy!—

But what a noise is this? is all well within, trow ye?

I fear all be not well within, I will go see.—

Come out, you weasel: are you seeking eggs in Damon’s chest?

Come out, I say, wilt thou be packing? by Cock, you were best.

Carisophus.How durst thou, villain, to lay hands on me?

Stephano.Out, sir knave, or I will send ye.Art thou not content to accuse Damon wrongfully,But wilt thou rob him also, and that openly?

Stephano.Out, sir knave, or I will send ye.

Art thou not content to accuse Damon wrongfully,

But wilt thou rob him also, and that openly?

Carisophus.The king gave me the spoil: to take mine own wilt thou let me?[78]

Stephano.Thine own, villain! where is thine authority?

Carisophus.I am authority of myself; dost thou not know?

Stephano.By’r Lady, that is somewhat; but have you no more to show?

Carisophus.What, if I have not?

Stephano.Then for an earnest penny take this blow.I shall bombast you, you mocking knave; chill put pro in my purse for this time.[79]

Stephano.Then for an earnest penny take this blow.

I shall bombast you, you mocking knave; chill put pro in my purse for this time.[79]

Carisophus.Jack, give me my sword and target.

Jack.I cannot come to you, master, this knave doth me let. Hold, master.

Stephano.Away, Jackanapes, else I will col’phise you[80]by and by:Ye slave, I will have my pennyworths of thee therefore, if I die.About, villain!

Stephano.Away, Jackanapes, else I will col’phise you[80]by and by:

Ye slave, I will have my pennyworths of thee therefore, if I die.

About, villain!

Carisophus.O citizens, help to defend me.

Stephano.Nay, they will rather help to hang thee.

Carisophus.Good fellow, let us reason of the matter quietly: beat me no more.

Stephano.Of this condition I will stay, if thou swear, as thou art an honest man,Thou wilt say nothing to the king of this when I am gone.

Stephano.Of this condition I will stay, if thou swear, as thou art an honest man,

Thou wilt say nothing to the king of this when I am gone.

Carisophus.I will say nothing; here is my hand, as I am an honest man.

Stephano.Then say on thy mind: I have taken a wise oath on him, have I not, trow ye?To trust such a false knave upon his honesty?As he is an honest man (quoth you?) he may bewray all to the king,And break his oath for this never a whit—but, my franion,[81]I tell you this one thing:If you disclose this, I will devise such a way,That whilst thou livest, thou shalt remember this day.

Stephano.Then say on thy mind: I have taken a wise oath on him, have I not, trow ye?

To trust such a false knave upon his honesty?

As he is an honest man (quoth you?) he may bewray all to the king,

And break his oath for this never a whit—but, my franion,[81]I tell you this one thing:

If you disclose this, I will devise such a way,

That whilst thou livest, thou shalt remember this day.

Carisophus.You need not devise for that, for this day is printed in my memory;I warrant you, I shall remember this beating till I die:But seeing of courtesy you have granted that we should talk quietly,Methinks in calling me knave you do me much injury.

Carisophus.You need not devise for that, for this day is printed in my memory;

I warrant you, I shall remember this beating till I die:

But seeing of courtesy you have granted that we should talk quietly,

Methinks in calling me knave you do me much injury.

Stephano.Why so, I pray thee heartily?

Carisophus.Because I am the king’s man: keeps the king any knaves?

Stephano.He should not; but what he doth, it is evident by thee,And as far as I can learn or understand,There is none better able to keep knaves in all the land.

Stephano.He should not; but what he doth, it is evident by thee,

And as far as I can learn or understand,

There is none better able to keep knaves in all the land.

Carisophus.O sir, I am a courtier: when courtiers shall hear tell,How you have used me, they will not take it well.

Carisophus.O sir, I am a courtier: when courtiers shall hear tell,

How you have used me, they will not take it well.

Stephano.Nay, all right courtiers will ken me thank;[82]and wot you why?Because I handled a counterfeit courtier in his kind so finely.What, sir? all are not courtiers that have a counterfeit show;In a troop of honest men some knaves may stand, ye know,Such as by stealth creep in under the colour of honesty,Which sort under that cloak do all kinds of villainy,A right courtier is virtuous, gentle, and full of urbanity,Hurting no man, good to all, devoid of villainy:But such as thou art, fountains of squirrility and vain delights;Though you hang by the court, you are but flatt’ring parasites;As well deserving the right name of courtesy,As the coward knight the true praise of chivalry.I could say more, but I will not, for that I am your well-willer.In faith, Carisophus, you are no courtier but a caterpillar,A sycophant, a parasite, a flatterer, and a knave.Whether I will or no, these names you must have:How well you deserve this by your deeds it is known,For that so unjustly thou hast accused poor Damon,Whose woful case the gods help alone.

Stephano.Nay, all right courtiers will ken me thank;[82]and wot you why?

Because I handled a counterfeit courtier in his kind so finely.

What, sir? all are not courtiers that have a counterfeit show;

In a troop of honest men some knaves may stand, ye know,

Such as by stealth creep in under the colour of honesty,

Which sort under that cloak do all kinds of villainy,

A right courtier is virtuous, gentle, and full of urbanity,

Hurting no man, good to all, devoid of villainy:

But such as thou art, fountains of squirrility and vain delights;

Though you hang by the court, you are but flatt’ring parasites;

As well deserving the right name of courtesy,

As the coward knight the true praise of chivalry.

I could say more, but I will not, for that I am your well-willer.

In faith, Carisophus, you are no courtier but a caterpillar,

A sycophant, a parasite, a flatterer, and a knave.

Whether I will or no, these names you must have:

How well you deserve this by your deeds it is known,

For that so unjustly thou hast accused poor Damon,

Whose woful case the gods help alone.

Carisophus.Sir, are you his servant, that you pity his case so?

Stephano.No, bum troth, goodman Grumb, his name is Stephano:I am called Onaphets,[83]if needs you will know.The knave beginneth to sift me, but I turn my name in and out,Cretizo cum Cretense,[84]to make him a lout.[Aside.

Stephano.No, bum troth, goodman Grumb, his name is Stephano:

I am called Onaphets,[83]if needs you will know.

The knave beginneth to sift me, but I turn my name in and out,

Cretizo cum Cretense,[84]to make him a lout.

[Aside.

Carisophus.What mumble you with yourself, Master Onaphets?

Stephano.I am reckoning with myself how I may pay my debts.

Carisophus.You have paid me more than you did owe me.

Stephano.Nay, upon a farther reckoning, I will pay you more, if I knowEither you talk of that is done, or by your sycophantical envyYou prick forth Dionysius the sooner, that Damon may die:I will so pay thee, that thy bones shall rattle in thy skin.Remember what I have said; Onaphets is my name.[Exit.

Stephano.Nay, upon a farther reckoning, I will pay you more, if I know

Either you talk of that is done, or by your sycophantical envy

You prick forth Dionysius the sooner, that Damon may die:

I will so pay thee, that thy bones shall rattle in thy skin.

Remember what I have said; Onaphets is my name.

[Exit.

Carisophus.The sturdy knave is gone, the devil him take!He hath made my head, shoulders, arms, sides, and all to ache.Thou whoreson villain boy, why didst thou wait no better?As he paid me, so will I not die thy debtor.[Strikes him.

Carisophus.The sturdy knave is gone, the devil him take!

He hath made my head, shoulders, arms, sides, and all to ache.

Thou whoreson villain boy, why didst thou wait no better?

As he paid me, so will I not die thy debtor.

[Strikes him.

Jack.Master, why do you fight with me? I am not your match, you see:You durst not fight with him that is gone, and will you wreak your anger on me?

Jack.Master, why do you fight with me? I am not your match, you see:

You durst not fight with him that is gone, and will you wreak your anger on me?

Carisophus.Thou villain, by thee I have lost mine honour,Beaten with a cudgel like a slave, a vacabone, or a lazy lubber,And not given one blow again. Hast thou handled me well?

Carisophus.Thou villain, by thee I have lost mine honour,

Beaten with a cudgel like a slave, a vacabone, or a lazy lubber,

And not given one blow again. Hast thou handled me well?

Jack.Master, I handled you not, but who did handle you very handsomely, you can tell.

Carisophus.Handsomely! thou crack-rope.[85]

Jack.Yea, sir, very handsomely: I hold you a groat,He handled you so handsomely, that he left not one mote in your coat.

Jack.Yea, sir, very handsomely: I hold you a groat,

He handled you so handsomely, that he left not one mote in your coat.

Carisophus.O, I had firk’d him trimly, thou villain, if thou hadst given me my sword.

Jack.It is better as it is, master, believe me, at a word.If he had seen your weapon, he would have been fiercer,And so perhaps beat you worse, I speak it with my heart,You were never at the dealing of fence-blows, but you had four away for your part.It is but your luck, you are man good enough;But the Welsh Onaphets was a vengeance-knave, and rough.Master, you were best go home and rest in your bed,Methinks your cap waxeth too little for your head.

Jack.It is better as it is, master, believe me, at a word.

If he had seen your weapon, he would have been fiercer,

And so perhaps beat you worse, I speak it with my heart,

You were never at the dealing of fence-blows, but you had four away for your part.

It is but your luck, you are man good enough;

But the Welsh Onaphets was a vengeance-knave, and rough.

Master, you were best go home and rest in your bed,

Methinks your cap waxeth too little for your head.

Carisophus.What! doth my head swell?

Jack.Yea, as big as a codshead, and bleeds too.

Carisophus.I am ashamed to show my face with this hue.

Jack.No shame at all; men have been beaten far better than you.

Carisophus.I must go to the chirurgeon’s; what shall I say, when I am a-dressing?

Jack.You may say truly you met with a knave’s blessing.[Exeunt.

Jack.You may say truly you met with a knave’s blessing.

[Exeunt.

Here enterethAristippus.

Aristippus.By mine own experience I prove true that many men tell,To live in court not beloved, better be in hell:What crying out, what cursing, is there within of Carisophus,Because he accused Damon to King Dionysius!Even now he came whining and crying into the court for the nonce,Showing that one Onaphets had broke his knave’s sconce.Which strange name when they heard every man laugh’d heartily,And I by myself scann’d his name secretly;For well I knew it was some mad-headed childThat invented this name, that the log-headed knave might be beguil’d.In tossing it often with myself to and fro,I found out that Onaphets backward spelled Stephano.I smiled in my sleeve, how to see by turning his name he dress’d him,And how for Damon his master’s sake with a wooden cudgel he bless’d him.None pitied the knave, no man nor woman; but all laugh’d him to scorn.To be thus hated of all, better unborn:Far better Aristippus hath provided, I trow;For in all the court I am beloved both of high and low.I offend none, insomuch that women sing this to my great praise,Omnis Aristippum decuit color, et locus et res.But in all this jollity one thing ’mazeth me,The strangest thing that ever was heard or known,Is now happened in this court by that Damon,Whom Carisophus accused: Damon is now at liberty,For whose return Pithias his friend lieth in prison, alas, in great jeopardy.To-morrow is the day, which day by noon if Damon return not, earnestlyThe king hath sworn that Pithias should die;Whereof Pithias hath intelligence very secretly,Wishing that Damon may not return, till he hath paidHis life for his friend. Hath it been heretofore ever said,That any man for his friend would die so willingly?O noble friendship! O perfect amity!Thy force is here seen, and that very perfectly.The king himself museth hereat, yet he is far out of square,That he trusteth none to come near him: not even his own daughters will he haveUnsearch’d to enter his chamber, while[86]he hath made barbers his beard to shave,Not with knife or razor, for all edge-tools he fears,But with hot burning nutshells they singe off his hairs.Was there ever man that lived in such misery?Well, I will go in—with a heavy and pensive heart, too,To think how Pithias, this poor gentleman, to-morrow shall die.[Exit.

Aristippus.By mine own experience I prove true that many men tell,

To live in court not beloved, better be in hell:

What crying out, what cursing, is there within of Carisophus,

Because he accused Damon to King Dionysius!

Even now he came whining and crying into the court for the nonce,

Showing that one Onaphets had broke his knave’s sconce.

Which strange name when they heard every man laugh’d heartily,

And I by myself scann’d his name secretly;

For well I knew it was some mad-headed child

That invented this name, that the log-headed knave might be beguil’d.

In tossing it often with myself to and fro,

I found out that Onaphets backward spelled Stephano.

I smiled in my sleeve, how to see by turning his name he dress’d him,

And how for Damon his master’s sake with a wooden cudgel he bless’d him.

None pitied the knave, no man nor woman; but all laugh’d him to scorn.

To be thus hated of all, better unborn:

Far better Aristippus hath provided, I trow;

For in all the court I am beloved both of high and low.

I offend none, insomuch that women sing this to my great praise,

Omnis Aristippum decuit color, et locus et res.

But in all this jollity one thing ’mazeth me,

The strangest thing that ever was heard or known,

Is now happened in this court by that Damon,

Whom Carisophus accused: Damon is now at liberty,

For whose return Pithias his friend lieth in prison, alas, in great jeopardy.

To-morrow is the day, which day by noon if Damon return not, earnestly

The king hath sworn that Pithias should die;

Whereof Pithias hath intelligence very secretly,

Wishing that Damon may not return, till he hath paid

His life for his friend. Hath it been heretofore ever said,

That any man for his friend would die so willingly?

O noble friendship! O perfect amity!

Thy force is here seen, and that very perfectly.

The king himself museth hereat, yet he is far out of square,

That he trusteth none to come near him: not even his own daughters will he have

Unsearch’d to enter his chamber, while[86]he hath made barbers his beard to shave,

Not with knife or razor, for all edge-tools he fears,

But with hot burning nutshells they singe off his hairs.

Was there ever man that lived in such misery?

Well, I will go in—with a heavy and pensive heart, too,

To think how Pithias, this poor gentleman, to-morrow shall die.

[Exit.

Here enterethJackandWill.

Jack.Well, by mine honesty, I will mar your monkey’s[87]face, if you so fondly prate.Will.Jack, by my troth, seeing you are without the court-gate,If you play Jack-napes, in mocking my master and despising my face,Even here with a pantable[88]I will you disgrace;And though you have a far better face than I,Yet who is better man of us two these fists shall try,Unless you leave your taunting.Jack.Thou began’st first; didst thou now not say even now,That Carisophus my master was no man but a cow,In taking so many blows, and gave[89]never a blow again?Will.I said so indeed, he is but a tame ruffian,That can swear by his flask and twich-box,[90]and God’s precious lady,And yet will be beaten with a faggot-stick.These barking whelps were never good biters,Ne yet great crakers were ever great fighters:But seeing you egg me so much, I will somewhat more recite;I say, Carisophus thy master is a flatt’ring parasite;Gleaning away the sweet from the worthy in all the court.What tragedy hath he moved of late? the devil take him! he doth much hurt.Jack.I pray you, what is Aristippus thy master, is not he a parasite too,That with scoffing and jesting in the court makes so much a-do?Will.He is no parasite, but a pleasant gentleman full of courtesy.Thy master is a churlish lout, the heir of a dung-fork; as void of honestyAs thou art of honour.Jack.Nay, if you will needs be prating of my master still,In faith I must cool you, my friend, dapper Will:Take this at the beginning.[Strikes him.Will.Praise well your winning, my pantable is as ready as yours.Jack.By the mass, I will box you.Will.By Cock, I will fox you.Jack.Will, was I with you?Will.Jack, did I fly?Jack.Alas, pretty cockerel, you are too weak;Will. In faith, doating dottrel,[91]you will cry creak.

Jack.Well, by mine honesty, I will mar your monkey’s[87]face, if you so fondly prate.

Will.Jack, by my troth, seeing you are without the court-gate,If you play Jack-napes, in mocking my master and despising my face,Even here with a pantable[88]I will you disgrace;And though you have a far better face than I,Yet who is better man of us two these fists shall try,Unless you leave your taunting.

Will.Jack, by my troth, seeing you are without the court-gate,

If you play Jack-napes, in mocking my master and despising my face,

Even here with a pantable[88]I will you disgrace;

And though you have a far better face than I,

Yet who is better man of us two these fists shall try,

Unless you leave your taunting.

Jack.Thou began’st first; didst thou now not say even now,That Carisophus my master was no man but a cow,In taking so many blows, and gave[89]never a blow again?

Jack.Thou began’st first; didst thou now not say even now,

That Carisophus my master was no man but a cow,

In taking so many blows, and gave[89]never a blow again?

Will.I said so indeed, he is but a tame ruffian,That can swear by his flask and twich-box,[90]and God’s precious lady,And yet will be beaten with a faggot-stick.These barking whelps were never good biters,Ne yet great crakers were ever great fighters:But seeing you egg me so much, I will somewhat more recite;I say, Carisophus thy master is a flatt’ring parasite;Gleaning away the sweet from the worthy in all the court.What tragedy hath he moved of late? the devil take him! he doth much hurt.

Will.I said so indeed, he is but a tame ruffian,

That can swear by his flask and twich-box,[90]and God’s precious lady,

And yet will be beaten with a faggot-stick.

These barking whelps were never good biters,

Ne yet great crakers were ever great fighters:

But seeing you egg me so much, I will somewhat more recite;

I say, Carisophus thy master is a flatt’ring parasite;

Gleaning away the sweet from the worthy in all the court.

What tragedy hath he moved of late? the devil take him! he doth much hurt.

Jack.I pray you, what is Aristippus thy master, is not he a parasite too,That with scoffing and jesting in the court makes so much a-do?

Jack.I pray you, what is Aristippus thy master, is not he a parasite too,

That with scoffing and jesting in the court makes so much a-do?

Will.He is no parasite, but a pleasant gentleman full of courtesy.Thy master is a churlish lout, the heir of a dung-fork; as void of honestyAs thou art of honour.

Will.He is no parasite, but a pleasant gentleman full of courtesy.

Thy master is a churlish lout, the heir of a dung-fork; as void of honesty

As thou art of honour.

Jack.Nay, if you will needs be prating of my master still,In faith I must cool you, my friend, dapper Will:Take this at the beginning.[Strikes him.

Jack.Nay, if you will needs be prating of my master still,

In faith I must cool you, my friend, dapper Will:

Take this at the beginning.

[Strikes him.

Will.Praise well your winning, my pantable is as ready as yours.

Jack.By the mass, I will box you.

Will.By Cock, I will fox you.

Jack.Will, was I with you?

Will.Jack, did I fly?

Jack.Alas, pretty cockerel, you are too weak;

Will. In faith, doating dottrel,[91]you will cry creak.

Here enterethSnap.

Snap.Away, you crack-ropes, are you fighting at the court-gate?And I take you here again, I will swinge you both: what![Exit.Jack.I beshrew Snap the tipstaff, that great knave’s heart, that hither did come,Had he not been, you had cried ere this,Victus, victa, victum:But seeing we have breathed ourselves, if ye list,Let us agree like friends, and shake each other by the fist.Will.Content am I, for I am not malicious; but on this condition,That you talk no more so broad of my master as here you have done.But who have we here? ’tis Coals I spy[92]coming yonder.Jack.Will, let us slip aside and view him well.

Snap.Away, you crack-ropes, are you fighting at the court-gate?And I take you here again, I will swinge you both: what![Exit.

Snap.Away, you crack-ropes, are you fighting at the court-gate?

And I take you here again, I will swinge you both: what!

[Exit.

Jack.I beshrew Snap the tipstaff, that great knave’s heart, that hither did come,Had he not been, you had cried ere this,Victus, victa, victum:But seeing we have breathed ourselves, if ye list,Let us agree like friends, and shake each other by the fist.

Jack.I beshrew Snap the tipstaff, that great knave’s heart, that hither did come,

Had he not been, you had cried ere this,Victus, victa, victum:

But seeing we have breathed ourselves, if ye list,

Let us agree like friends, and shake each other by the fist.

Will.Content am I, for I am not malicious; but on this condition,That you talk no more so broad of my master as here you have done.But who have we here? ’tis Coals I spy[92]coming yonder.

Will.Content am I, for I am not malicious; but on this condition,

That you talk no more so broad of my master as here you have done.

But who have we here? ’tis Coals I spy[92]coming yonder.

Jack.Will, let us slip aside and view him well.

Here enterethGrimthe Collier, whistling.

Grim.What devil! ich ween the porters are drunk, will they not dup[93]the gate to-day?[To] take in coals for the king’s own mouth;[94]will nobody stir, I say?Ich might have lain tway hours longer in my bed,Cha tarried so long here, that my teeth chatter in my head.Jack.Will, after our falling out wilt thou laugh merrily?Will.Ay, marry, Jack, I pray thee heartily.Jack.Then follow me, and hem in a word now and then—What brawling knave is there at the court-gate so early?Will.It is some brainsick villain, I durst lay a penny.Jack.Was it you,[95]sir, that cried so loud, I trow,And bid us take in coals for the king’s mouth even now?Grim.’Twas I, indeed.Jack.Why, sir, how dare you speak such petty treason?Doth the king eat coals at any season?Grim.Here is a gay world! boys now sets old men to school.I said well enough: what, Jack-sauce, think’st cham a fool?At bakehouse, butt’ry-hatch, kitchen, and cellar,Do[96]they not say for the king’s mouth?Will.What, then, goodman collier?Grim.What, then! seeing without coals thee cannot finely dress the king’s meat,May I not say, take in coals for the king’s mouth, though coals he do not eat?Jack.James Christe! came ever from a collier an answer so trim?You are learned, are you not, father Grim?Grim.Grim is my name indeed, cham not learned, and yet the king’s collier:This vorty winter cha been to the king a servitor,Though I be not learned, yet cha mother-wit enough, whole and some.Will.So it seems, you have so much mother-wit, that you lack your father’s wisdom.Grim.Mass, cham well-beset, here’s a trim cast of murlons.[97]What be you, my pretty cockerels, that ask me these questions?Jack.Good faith, Master Grim,[98]if such merlins on your pouch may light,They are so quick of wing, that quickly they can carry it out of your sight;And though we are cockerels now, we shall have spurs one day,And shall be able perhaps to make you a capon [to your pay.[99]]But to tell you the truth, we are the porter’s men, which early and lateWait on such gentlemen as you, to open the court-gate.Grim.Are ye servants then?Will.Yea, sir; are we not pretty men?Grim.Pretty men, quoth you? nay, you are strong men, else you could not bear these breeches.Will.Are these such[100]great hose? in faith, goodman collier, you see with your nose:By mine honesty, I have but one lining in one hose, but seven ells of rug.[101]Grim.This is but a little, yet it makes thee seem a great bug.Jack.How say you, goodman collier, can you find any fault here?[102]Grim.Nay, you should [not] find fau’t, marry, here’s trim gear!Alas, little knave, dost not sweat? thou goest with great pain,These are no hose, but water-bougets,[103]I tell thee plain;Good for none but such as have no buttocks.Did you ever see two such little Robin ruddocks[104]So laden with breeches? chill say no more, lest I offend.Who invented these monsters[105]first, did it to a ghostly end,To have a mail ready to put in other folks’ stuff,We see this evident by daily proof.One preached of late not far hence in no pulpit, but in a wain-cart,That spake enough of this; but for my part,Chill say no more: your own necessityIn the end will force you to find some remedy.Jack.Will,[106]hold this railing knave with a talk, when I am gone:I will fetch him his filling ale for his good sermon.[Exit.Will.Go thy way, Father Grim, gaily well you do say,It is but young men’s folly, that list to play,And mask awhile in the net of their own device;When they come to your age, they will be wise.Grim.Bum troth, but few such roisters come to my years at this day;They be cut off betimes, ere they have gone half their journey:I will not tell why: let them guess that can, I mean somewhat thereby.

Grim.What devil! ich ween the porters are drunk, will they not dup[93]the gate to-day?

[To] take in coals for the king’s own mouth;[94]will nobody stir, I say?

Ich might have lain tway hours longer in my bed,

Cha tarried so long here, that my teeth chatter in my head.

Jack.Will, after our falling out wilt thou laugh merrily?

Will.Ay, marry, Jack, I pray thee heartily.

Jack.Then follow me, and hem in a word now and then—What brawling knave is there at the court-gate so early?

Jack.Then follow me, and hem in a word now and then—

What brawling knave is there at the court-gate so early?

Will.It is some brainsick villain, I durst lay a penny.

Jack.Was it you,[95]sir, that cried so loud, I trow,And bid us take in coals for the king’s mouth even now?

Jack.Was it you,[95]sir, that cried so loud, I trow,

And bid us take in coals for the king’s mouth even now?

Grim.’Twas I, indeed.

Jack.Why, sir, how dare you speak such petty treason?Doth the king eat coals at any season?

Jack.Why, sir, how dare you speak such petty treason?

Doth the king eat coals at any season?

Grim.Here is a gay world! boys now sets old men to school.I said well enough: what, Jack-sauce, think’st cham a fool?At bakehouse, butt’ry-hatch, kitchen, and cellar,Do[96]they not say for the king’s mouth?

Grim.Here is a gay world! boys now sets old men to school.

I said well enough: what, Jack-sauce, think’st cham a fool?

At bakehouse, butt’ry-hatch, kitchen, and cellar,

Do[96]they not say for the king’s mouth?

Will.What, then, goodman collier?

Grim.What, then! seeing without coals thee cannot finely dress the king’s meat,May I not say, take in coals for the king’s mouth, though coals he do not eat?

Grim.What, then! seeing without coals thee cannot finely dress the king’s meat,

May I not say, take in coals for the king’s mouth, though coals he do not eat?

Jack.James Christe! came ever from a collier an answer so trim?You are learned, are you not, father Grim?

Jack.James Christe! came ever from a collier an answer so trim?

You are learned, are you not, father Grim?

Grim.Grim is my name indeed, cham not learned, and yet the king’s collier:This vorty winter cha been to the king a servitor,Though I be not learned, yet cha mother-wit enough, whole and some.

Grim.Grim is my name indeed, cham not learned, and yet the king’s collier:

This vorty winter cha been to the king a servitor,

Though I be not learned, yet cha mother-wit enough, whole and some.

Will.So it seems, you have so much mother-wit, that you lack your father’s wisdom.

Grim.Mass, cham well-beset, here’s a trim cast of murlons.[97]What be you, my pretty cockerels, that ask me these questions?

Grim.Mass, cham well-beset, here’s a trim cast of murlons.[97]

What be you, my pretty cockerels, that ask me these questions?

Jack.Good faith, Master Grim,[98]if such merlins on your pouch may light,They are so quick of wing, that quickly they can carry it out of your sight;And though we are cockerels now, we shall have spurs one day,And shall be able perhaps to make you a capon [to your pay.[99]]But to tell you the truth, we are the porter’s men, which early and lateWait on such gentlemen as you, to open the court-gate.

Jack.Good faith, Master Grim,[98]if such merlins on your pouch may light,

They are so quick of wing, that quickly they can carry it out of your sight;

And though we are cockerels now, we shall have spurs one day,

And shall be able perhaps to make you a capon [to your pay.[99]]

But to tell you the truth, we are the porter’s men, which early and late

Wait on such gentlemen as you, to open the court-gate.

Grim.Are ye servants then?

Will.Yea, sir; are we not pretty men?

Grim.Pretty men, quoth you? nay, you are strong men, else you could not bear these breeches.

Will.Are these such[100]great hose? in faith, goodman collier, you see with your nose:By mine honesty, I have but one lining in one hose, but seven ells of rug.[101]

Will.Are these such[100]great hose? in faith, goodman collier, you see with your nose:

By mine honesty, I have but one lining in one hose, but seven ells of rug.[101]

Grim.This is but a little, yet it makes thee seem a great bug.

Jack.How say you, goodman collier, can you find any fault here?[102]

Grim.Nay, you should [not] find fau’t, marry, here’s trim gear!Alas, little knave, dost not sweat? thou goest with great pain,These are no hose, but water-bougets,[103]I tell thee plain;Good for none but such as have no buttocks.Did you ever see two such little Robin ruddocks[104]So laden with breeches? chill say no more, lest I offend.Who invented these monsters[105]first, did it to a ghostly end,To have a mail ready to put in other folks’ stuff,We see this evident by daily proof.One preached of late not far hence in no pulpit, but in a wain-cart,That spake enough of this; but for my part,Chill say no more: your own necessityIn the end will force you to find some remedy.

Grim.Nay, you should [not] find fau’t, marry, here’s trim gear!

Alas, little knave, dost not sweat? thou goest with great pain,

These are no hose, but water-bougets,[103]I tell thee plain;

Good for none but such as have no buttocks.

Did you ever see two such little Robin ruddocks[104]

So laden with breeches? chill say no more, lest I offend.

Who invented these monsters[105]first, did it to a ghostly end,

To have a mail ready to put in other folks’ stuff,

We see this evident by daily proof.

One preached of late not far hence in no pulpit, but in a wain-cart,

That spake enough of this; but for my part,

Chill say no more: your own necessity

In the end will force you to find some remedy.

Jack.Will,[106]hold this railing knave with a talk, when I am gone:I will fetch him his filling ale for his good sermon.[Exit.

Jack.Will,[106]hold this railing knave with a talk, when I am gone:

I will fetch him his filling ale for his good sermon.

[Exit.

Will.Go thy way, Father Grim, gaily well you do say,It is but young men’s folly, that list to play,And mask awhile in the net of their own device;When they come to your age, they will be wise.

Will.Go thy way, Father Grim, gaily well you do say,

It is but young men’s folly, that list to play,

And mask awhile in the net of their own device;

When they come to your age, they will be wise.

Grim.Bum troth, but few such roisters come to my years at this day;They be cut off betimes, ere they have gone half their journey:I will not tell why: let them guess that can, I mean somewhat thereby.

Grim.Bum troth, but few such roisters come to my years at this day;

They be cut off betimes, ere they have gone half their journey:

I will not tell why: let them guess that can, I mean somewhat thereby.

EnterJackwith a pot of wine, and a cup to drink on.

Jack.Father Grim, because you are stirring so early,I have brought you a bowl of wine to make you merry.Grim.Wine, marry! this is welcome to colliers, chill swap’t off by and by:Chwas stirring so early, that my very soul is dry.Jack.This is stoutly done: will you have it warmed, Father Grim?Grim.No; it is warm enough; it is very lousious[107]and trim.’Tis musselden,[108]ich ween; of fellowship let me have another spurt,Ich can drink as easily now, as if I satin my shirt.Jack.By Cock, and you shall have it; but I will begin, and that anon,Je bois a vous mon compagnon.[109]Grim.J’ai vous pleigé, petit Zawne.[110]Jack.Can you speak French? here is a trim collier, by this day!Grim.What man! ich learned this, when ich was a soldier;When ich was a lusty fellow, and could yerk a whip trimly,Better than these boy-colliers, that come to the court daily:When there were[111]not so many captious fellows as now,That would torup[112]men for every trifle, I wot not how:As there was one Damon, not long since taken for a spy;How justly I know not, but he was condemned to die.Will(aside.) This wine hath warmed him, this comes well to pass,We shall know all now, for inVino veritas.Father Grim, who accused this Damon to King Dionysius?Grim.A vengeance take him! ’twas a gentleman, one Master Crowsphus.Will.Crowsphus! you clip the king’s language, you would have said Carisophus.But I perceive now either the wind is at the south,Or else your tongue cleaveth to the roof of your mouth.Grim.A murrain take thilk wine, it so intoxicate my brain,That to be hanged by and by I cannot speak plain.Jack.You speak knavishly plain, seeing my master you do mock:In faith, ere you go, I will make you a lobcock.[Aside.Father Grim, what say they of this Damon abroad?Grim.All men are sorry for him, so help me God.They say a false knave ’cused him to the king wrongfully;And he is gone, and should be here to-morrow to die,Or else his fellow, which is in prison, his room shall supply.Chill not be his half for vorty shillings, I tell you plain,I think Damon be too wise to return again.Will.Will no man speak for them in this woful case?Grim.No, chill warrant you, one Master Stippus is in place,Where he may do good, but he frames himself so,Whatsoever Dionysius willeth, to that he will not say no:’Tis a subtle vox, he will not tread on thorns for none,A merry harecop[113]’tis, and a pleasant companion;A right courtier, and can provide for one.Jack.Will, how like you this gear? your master Aristippus alsoAt this collier’s hand hath had a blow!But in faith, Father Grim, cannot ye colliersProvide for yourselves far better than courtiers?Grim.Yes, I trow: black colliers go in threadbare coats,Yet so provide they, that they have the fair white groats.Ich may say in counsel, though all day I moil in dirt,Chill not change lives with any in Dionysius’ court:For though their apparel be never so fine,Yet sure their credit is far worse than mine.And, by Cock, I may say, for all their high looks,I know some sticks full deep in merchants’ books:And deeper will fall in, as fame me tells,As long as instead of money they take up hauks’ hoods and bells:Whereby they fall into a swelling disease, which colliers do not know;’T ’ath a mad name: it is called, ich ween,Centum pro cento.Some other in courts make others laugh merrily,When they wail and lament their own estate secretly.Friendship is dead in court, hypocrisy doth reign;Who is in favour now, to-morrow is out again:The state is so uncertain that I, by my will,Will never be courtier, but a collier still.Will.It seemeth that colliers have a very[114]trim life.Grim.Colliers get money still: tell me of troth,Is not that a trim life now, as the world go’th?All day though I toil with my main and might,With money in my pouch I come home merry at night,And sit down in my chair by my wife fair Alison,And turn a crab in the fire,[115]as merry as Pope John.Jack.That pope was a merry fellow, of whom folk talk so much.Grim.H’ad to be merry withal, h’ad gold enough in his hutch.Jack.Can gold make men merry? they say, who can sing so merry a note,As he that is not able to change a groat?[116]Grim.Who sings in that case, sings never in tune. I know for my part,That a heavy pouch with gold makes a light heart;Of which I have provided for a dear year good store,And these benters,[117]I trow, shall anon get me more.Will.By serving the court with coals, you gain’d all this money.Grim.By the court only, I assure ye.Jack.After what sort, I pray thee tell me?Grim.Nay, there bate an ace (quod Bolton[118]); I can wear a horn and blow it not.Jack.By ’r Lady, the wiser man.Grim.Shall I tell you by what sleight I got all this money?Then ich were a noddy indeed; no, no, I warrant ye.Yet in few words I tell you this one thing,He is a very fool that cannot gain by the king.Will.Well said, Father Grim: you are a wily collier and a brave,I see now there is no knave like to the old knave.Grim.Such knaves have money, when courtiers have none.But tell me, is it true that abroad is blown?Jack.What is that?Grim.Hath the king made those fair damsels his daughters,To become now fine and trim barbers?Jack.Yea, truly, to his own person.Grim.Good fellows, believe me, as the case now stands,I would give one sack of coals to be wash’d at their hands,If ich came so near them, for my wit chould not give three chips,If ich could not steal one swap at their lips.Jack.Will, this knave is drunk, let us dress him.Let us rifle him so, that he have not one penny to bless him,And steal away his debenters[119]too.[Aside.Will.Content: invent the way, and I am ready,Jack.Faith, and I will make him a noddy.[Aside.Father Grim, if you pray me well,[120]I will wash you and shave you too,Even after the same fashion as the king’s daughters do:In all points as they handle Dionysius, I will dress you trim and fine.Grim.Chuld vain learn that: come on then, chill give thee a whole pint of wineAt tavern for thy labour, when ’cha money for my benters here.[HereWillfetcheth a barber’s bason, a pot with water,[121]a razor, and cloths, and a pair of spectacles.Jack.Come, mine own Father Grim, sit down.Grim.Mass, to begin withal, here is a trim chair.Jack.What, man, I will use you like a prince. Sir boy, fetch me my gear.Will.Here, sir.Jack.Hold up, Father Grim.Grim.Me-seem my head doth swim.Jack.My costly perfumes make that. Away with this, sir boy: be quick.Aloyse, aloyse,[122]how pretty it is! is not here a good face?A fine owl’s eyes, a mouth like an oven.Father, you have good butter-teeth full seen.[Aside] You were weaned, else you would have been a great calf.Ah trim lips to sweep a manger! here is a chin,As soft as the hoof of an horse.Grim.Doth the king’s daughters rub so hard?Jack.Hold your head straight, man, else all will be marr’d.By’r Lady, you are of good complexion,A right Croyden sanguine,[123]beshrew me.Hold up, Father Grim. Will, can you bestir ye?Grim.Methinks, after a marvellous fashion you do besmear me.Jack.It is with unguentum of Daucus Maucus, that is very costly:I give not this washing-ball to everybody.After you have been dress’d so finely at my hand,You may kiss any lady’s lips within this land.Ah, you are trimly wash’d! how say you, is not this trim water?Grim.It may be wholesome, but it is vengeance sour.Jack.It scours the better. Sir boy, give me my razor.Will.Here at hand, sir.Grim.God’s arms! ’tis a chopping knife, ’tis no razor.Jack.It is a razor, and that a very good one;It came lately from Palermo,[124]it cost me twenty crowns alone.Your eyes dazzle after your washing, these spectacles put on:Now view this razor, tell me, is it not a good one?Grim.They be gay barnacles, yet I see never the better.Jack.Indeed they be a young sight, and that is the matter;But I warrant you this razor is very easy.Grim.Go to, then; since you begun, do as [it] please ye.Jack.Hold up, Father Grim.Grim.O, your razor doth hurt my lip.Jack.No, it scrapeth off a pimple to ease you of the pip.I have done now, how say you? are you not well?Grim.Cham lighter than ich was, the truth to tell.Jack.Will you sing after your shaving?Grim.Mass, content; but chill be poll’d first, ere I sing.Jack.Nay, that shall not need; you are poll’d near enough for this time.Grim.Go to then lustily, I will sing in my man’s voice:Chave a troubling base buss.Jack.You are like to bear the bob, for we will give it:Set out your bussing base, and we will quiddle upon it.[Grimsingeth Buss.Jacksings. Too nidden and too nidden.Willsings. Too nidden and toodle toodle doo nidden;Is not Grim the collier most finely shaven?Grim.Why, my fellows, think ich am a cow, that you make such toying?Jack.Nay, by ’r Lady, you are no cow, by your singing;Yet your wife told me you were an ox.Grim.Did she so? ’tis a pestens quean,[125]she is full of such mocks.But go to, let us sing out our song merrily.

Jack.Father Grim, because you are stirring so early,I have brought you a bowl of wine to make you merry.

Jack.Father Grim, because you are stirring so early,

I have brought you a bowl of wine to make you merry.

Grim.Wine, marry! this is welcome to colliers, chill swap’t off by and by:Chwas stirring so early, that my very soul is dry.

Grim.Wine, marry! this is welcome to colliers, chill swap’t off by and by:

Chwas stirring so early, that my very soul is dry.

Jack.This is stoutly done: will you have it warmed, Father Grim?

Grim.No; it is warm enough; it is very lousious[107]and trim.’Tis musselden,[108]ich ween; of fellowship let me have another spurt,Ich can drink as easily now, as if I satin my shirt.

Grim.No; it is warm enough; it is very lousious[107]and trim.

’Tis musselden,[108]ich ween; of fellowship let me have another spurt,

Ich can drink as easily now, as if I satin my shirt.

Jack.By Cock, and you shall have it; but I will begin, and that anon,Je bois a vous mon compagnon.[109]

Jack.By Cock, and you shall have it; but I will begin, and that anon,

Je bois a vous mon compagnon.[109]

Grim.J’ai vous pleigé, petit Zawne.[110]

Jack.Can you speak French? here is a trim collier, by this day!

Grim.What man! ich learned this, when ich was a soldier;When ich was a lusty fellow, and could yerk a whip trimly,Better than these boy-colliers, that come to the court daily:When there were[111]not so many captious fellows as now,That would torup[112]men for every trifle, I wot not how:As there was one Damon, not long since taken for a spy;How justly I know not, but he was condemned to die.

Grim.What man! ich learned this, when ich was a soldier;

When ich was a lusty fellow, and could yerk a whip trimly,

Better than these boy-colliers, that come to the court daily:

When there were[111]not so many captious fellows as now,

That would torup[112]men for every trifle, I wot not how:

As there was one Damon, not long since taken for a spy;

How justly I know not, but he was condemned to die.

Will(aside.) This wine hath warmed him, this comes well to pass,We shall know all now, for inVino veritas.Father Grim, who accused this Damon to King Dionysius?

Will(aside.) This wine hath warmed him, this comes well to pass,

We shall know all now, for inVino veritas.

Father Grim, who accused this Damon to King Dionysius?

Grim.A vengeance take him! ’twas a gentleman, one Master Crowsphus.

Will.Crowsphus! you clip the king’s language, you would have said Carisophus.But I perceive now either the wind is at the south,Or else your tongue cleaveth to the roof of your mouth.

Will.Crowsphus! you clip the king’s language, you would have said Carisophus.

But I perceive now either the wind is at the south,

Or else your tongue cleaveth to the roof of your mouth.

Grim.A murrain take thilk wine, it so intoxicate my brain,That to be hanged by and by I cannot speak plain.

Grim.A murrain take thilk wine, it so intoxicate my brain,

That to be hanged by and by I cannot speak plain.

Jack.You speak knavishly plain, seeing my master you do mock:In faith, ere you go, I will make you a lobcock.[Aside.Father Grim, what say they of this Damon abroad?

Jack.You speak knavishly plain, seeing my master you do mock:

In faith, ere you go, I will make you a lobcock.

[Aside.

Father Grim, what say they of this Damon abroad?

Grim.All men are sorry for him, so help me God.They say a false knave ’cused him to the king wrongfully;And he is gone, and should be here to-morrow to die,Or else his fellow, which is in prison, his room shall supply.Chill not be his half for vorty shillings, I tell you plain,I think Damon be too wise to return again.

Grim.All men are sorry for him, so help me God.

They say a false knave ’cused him to the king wrongfully;

And he is gone, and should be here to-morrow to die,

Or else his fellow, which is in prison, his room shall supply.

Chill not be his half for vorty shillings, I tell you plain,

I think Damon be too wise to return again.

Will.Will no man speak for them in this woful case?

Grim.No, chill warrant you, one Master Stippus is in place,Where he may do good, but he frames himself so,Whatsoever Dionysius willeth, to that he will not say no:’Tis a subtle vox, he will not tread on thorns for none,A merry harecop[113]’tis, and a pleasant companion;A right courtier, and can provide for one.

Grim.No, chill warrant you, one Master Stippus is in place,

Where he may do good, but he frames himself so,

Whatsoever Dionysius willeth, to that he will not say no:

’Tis a subtle vox, he will not tread on thorns for none,

A merry harecop[113]’tis, and a pleasant companion;

A right courtier, and can provide for one.

Jack.Will, how like you this gear? your master Aristippus alsoAt this collier’s hand hath had a blow!But in faith, Father Grim, cannot ye colliersProvide for yourselves far better than courtiers?

Jack.Will, how like you this gear? your master Aristippus also

At this collier’s hand hath had a blow!

But in faith, Father Grim, cannot ye colliers

Provide for yourselves far better than courtiers?

Grim.Yes, I trow: black colliers go in threadbare coats,Yet so provide they, that they have the fair white groats.Ich may say in counsel, though all day I moil in dirt,Chill not change lives with any in Dionysius’ court:For though their apparel be never so fine,Yet sure their credit is far worse than mine.And, by Cock, I may say, for all their high looks,I know some sticks full deep in merchants’ books:And deeper will fall in, as fame me tells,As long as instead of money they take up hauks’ hoods and bells:Whereby they fall into a swelling disease, which colliers do not know;’T ’ath a mad name: it is called, ich ween,Centum pro cento.Some other in courts make others laugh merrily,When they wail and lament their own estate secretly.Friendship is dead in court, hypocrisy doth reign;Who is in favour now, to-morrow is out again:The state is so uncertain that I, by my will,Will never be courtier, but a collier still.

Grim.Yes, I trow: black colliers go in threadbare coats,

Yet so provide they, that they have the fair white groats.

Ich may say in counsel, though all day I moil in dirt,

Chill not change lives with any in Dionysius’ court:

For though their apparel be never so fine,

Yet sure their credit is far worse than mine.

And, by Cock, I may say, for all their high looks,

I know some sticks full deep in merchants’ books:

And deeper will fall in, as fame me tells,

As long as instead of money they take up hauks’ hoods and bells:

Whereby they fall into a swelling disease, which colliers do not know;

’T ’ath a mad name: it is called, ich ween,Centum pro cento.

Some other in courts make others laugh merrily,

When they wail and lament their own estate secretly.

Friendship is dead in court, hypocrisy doth reign;

Who is in favour now, to-morrow is out again:

The state is so uncertain that I, by my will,

Will never be courtier, but a collier still.

Will.It seemeth that colliers have a very[114]trim life.

Grim.Colliers get money still: tell me of troth,Is not that a trim life now, as the world go’th?All day though I toil with my main and might,With money in my pouch I come home merry at night,And sit down in my chair by my wife fair Alison,And turn a crab in the fire,[115]as merry as Pope John.

Grim.Colliers get money still: tell me of troth,

Is not that a trim life now, as the world go’th?

All day though I toil with my main and might,

With money in my pouch I come home merry at night,

And sit down in my chair by my wife fair Alison,

And turn a crab in the fire,[115]as merry as Pope John.

Jack.That pope was a merry fellow, of whom folk talk so much.

Grim.H’ad to be merry withal, h’ad gold enough in his hutch.

Jack.Can gold make men merry? they say, who can sing so merry a note,As he that is not able to change a groat?[116]

Jack.Can gold make men merry? they say, who can sing so merry a note,

As he that is not able to change a groat?[116]

Grim.Who sings in that case, sings never in tune. I know for my part,That a heavy pouch with gold makes a light heart;Of which I have provided for a dear year good store,And these benters,[117]I trow, shall anon get me more.

Grim.Who sings in that case, sings never in tune. I know for my part,

That a heavy pouch with gold makes a light heart;

Of which I have provided for a dear year good store,

And these benters,[117]I trow, shall anon get me more.

Will.By serving the court with coals, you gain’d all this money.

Grim.By the court only, I assure ye.

Jack.After what sort, I pray thee tell me?

Grim.Nay, there bate an ace (quod Bolton[118]); I can wear a horn and blow it not.

Jack.By ’r Lady, the wiser man.

Grim.Shall I tell you by what sleight I got all this money?Then ich were a noddy indeed; no, no, I warrant ye.Yet in few words I tell you this one thing,He is a very fool that cannot gain by the king.

Grim.Shall I tell you by what sleight I got all this money?

Then ich were a noddy indeed; no, no, I warrant ye.

Yet in few words I tell you this one thing,

He is a very fool that cannot gain by the king.

Will.Well said, Father Grim: you are a wily collier and a brave,I see now there is no knave like to the old knave.

Will.Well said, Father Grim: you are a wily collier and a brave,

I see now there is no knave like to the old knave.

Grim.Such knaves have money, when courtiers have none.But tell me, is it true that abroad is blown?

Grim.Such knaves have money, when courtiers have none.

But tell me, is it true that abroad is blown?

Jack.What is that?

Grim.Hath the king made those fair damsels his daughters,To become now fine and trim barbers?

Grim.Hath the king made those fair damsels his daughters,

To become now fine and trim barbers?

Jack.Yea, truly, to his own person.

Grim.Good fellows, believe me, as the case now stands,I would give one sack of coals to be wash’d at their hands,If ich came so near them, for my wit chould not give three chips,If ich could not steal one swap at their lips.

Grim.Good fellows, believe me, as the case now stands,

I would give one sack of coals to be wash’d at their hands,

If ich came so near them, for my wit chould not give three chips,

If ich could not steal one swap at their lips.

Jack.Will, this knave is drunk, let us dress him.Let us rifle him so, that he have not one penny to bless him,And steal away his debenters[119]too.[Aside.

Jack.Will, this knave is drunk, let us dress him.

Let us rifle him so, that he have not one penny to bless him,

And steal away his debenters[119]too.

[Aside.

Will.Content: invent the way, and I am ready,

Jack.Faith, and I will make him a noddy.[Aside.Father Grim, if you pray me well,[120]I will wash you and shave you too,Even after the same fashion as the king’s daughters do:In all points as they handle Dionysius, I will dress you trim and fine.

Jack.Faith, and I will make him a noddy.

[Aside.

Father Grim, if you pray me well,[120]I will wash you and shave you too,

Even after the same fashion as the king’s daughters do:

In all points as they handle Dionysius, I will dress you trim and fine.

Grim.Chuld vain learn that: come on then, chill give thee a whole pint of wineAt tavern for thy labour, when ’cha money for my benters here.[HereWillfetcheth a barber’s bason, a pot with water,[121]a razor, and cloths, and a pair of spectacles.

Grim.Chuld vain learn that: come on then, chill give thee a whole pint of wine

At tavern for thy labour, when ’cha money for my benters here.

[HereWillfetcheth a barber’s bason, a pot with water,[121]a razor, and cloths, and a pair of spectacles.

Jack.Come, mine own Father Grim, sit down.

Grim.Mass, to begin withal, here is a trim chair.

Jack.What, man, I will use you like a prince. Sir boy, fetch me my gear.

Will.Here, sir.

Jack.Hold up, Father Grim.

Grim.Me-seem my head doth swim.

Jack.My costly perfumes make that. Away with this, sir boy: be quick.Aloyse, aloyse,[122]how pretty it is! is not here a good face?A fine owl’s eyes, a mouth like an oven.Father, you have good butter-teeth full seen.[Aside] You were weaned, else you would have been a great calf.Ah trim lips to sweep a manger! here is a chin,As soft as the hoof of an horse.

Jack.My costly perfumes make that. Away with this, sir boy: be quick.

Aloyse, aloyse,[122]how pretty it is! is not here a good face?

A fine owl’s eyes, a mouth like an oven.

Father, you have good butter-teeth full seen.

[Aside] You were weaned, else you would have been a great calf.

Ah trim lips to sweep a manger! here is a chin,

As soft as the hoof of an horse.

Grim.Doth the king’s daughters rub so hard?

Jack.Hold your head straight, man, else all will be marr’d.By’r Lady, you are of good complexion,A right Croyden sanguine,[123]beshrew me.Hold up, Father Grim. Will, can you bestir ye?

Jack.Hold your head straight, man, else all will be marr’d.

By’r Lady, you are of good complexion,

A right Croyden sanguine,[123]beshrew me.

Hold up, Father Grim. Will, can you bestir ye?

Grim.Methinks, after a marvellous fashion you do besmear me.

Jack.It is with unguentum of Daucus Maucus, that is very costly:I give not this washing-ball to everybody.After you have been dress’d so finely at my hand,You may kiss any lady’s lips within this land.Ah, you are trimly wash’d! how say you, is not this trim water?

Jack.It is with unguentum of Daucus Maucus, that is very costly:

I give not this washing-ball to everybody.

After you have been dress’d so finely at my hand,

You may kiss any lady’s lips within this land.

Ah, you are trimly wash’d! how say you, is not this trim water?

Grim.It may be wholesome, but it is vengeance sour.

Jack.It scours the better. Sir boy, give me my razor.

Will.Here at hand, sir.

Grim.God’s arms! ’tis a chopping knife, ’tis no razor.

Jack.It is a razor, and that a very good one;It came lately from Palermo,[124]it cost me twenty crowns alone.Your eyes dazzle after your washing, these spectacles put on:Now view this razor, tell me, is it not a good one?

Jack.It is a razor, and that a very good one;

It came lately from Palermo,[124]it cost me twenty crowns alone.

Your eyes dazzle after your washing, these spectacles put on:

Now view this razor, tell me, is it not a good one?

Grim.They be gay barnacles, yet I see never the better.

Jack.Indeed they be a young sight, and that is the matter;But I warrant you this razor is very easy.

Jack.Indeed they be a young sight, and that is the matter;

But I warrant you this razor is very easy.

Grim.Go to, then; since you begun, do as [it] please ye.

Jack.Hold up, Father Grim.

Grim.O, your razor doth hurt my lip.

Jack.No, it scrapeth off a pimple to ease you of the pip.I have done now, how say you? are you not well?

Jack.No, it scrapeth off a pimple to ease you of the pip.

I have done now, how say you? are you not well?

Grim.Cham lighter than ich was, the truth to tell.

Jack.Will you sing after your shaving?

Grim.Mass, content; but chill be poll’d first, ere I sing.

Jack.Nay, that shall not need; you are poll’d near enough for this time.

Grim.Go to then lustily, I will sing in my man’s voice:Chave a troubling base buss.

Grim.Go to then lustily, I will sing in my man’s voice:

Chave a troubling base buss.

Jack.You are like to bear the bob, for we will give it:Set out your bussing base, and we will quiddle upon it.[Grimsingeth Buss.

Jack.You are like to bear the bob, for we will give it:

Set out your bussing base, and we will quiddle upon it.

[Grimsingeth Buss.

Jacksings. Too nidden and too nidden.

Willsings. Too nidden and toodle toodle doo nidden;Is not Grim the collier most finely shaven?

Willsings. Too nidden and toodle toodle doo nidden;

Is not Grim the collier most finely shaven?

Grim.Why, my fellows, think ich am a cow, that you make such toying?

Jack.Nay, by ’r Lady, you are no cow, by your singing;Yet your wife told me you were an ox.

Jack.Nay, by ’r Lady, you are no cow, by your singing;

Yet your wife told me you were an ox.

Grim.Did she so? ’tis a pestens quean,[125]she is full of such mocks.But go to, let us sing out our song merrily.

Grim.Did she so? ’tis a pestens quean,[125]she is full of such mocks.

But go to, let us sing out our song merrily.

The Song at the shaving of the Collier.

Back to Index Next