I was restless all the night, for I could not sleep on account of the soreness of my wounds. When morning came I was so weak and so feverish, that the Doctor thought I could not live to see the sun set. Night came, and yet alive: but I was so tormented with ideas as before mentioned, that I durst not shut my eyes for fear I should awake in Hell. I was three nights without taking the least rest; for I was afraid to fall asleep, as I made it a sure thing in my mind, that if I fell asleep, I should awake no more. I felt myself in such a miserable condition, that I thought GOD would never forgive me. All the time I was in bed, I lay upon thorns as it were; for I was so filled with grief and sorrow, occasioned by my misbehaviour towards the everlasting being, that my life was quite miserable.
During the time of my affliction, I had such ideas and thoughts concerning my state, that I appeared to myself the vilest of men; but for all that I did not know from whence came these thoughts and ideas.
I was six or seven weeks before I could walk out; and was a great while before I could get any strength. I was five months in the most distressing state of mind, and continually tormented by some thing or other, which I could not discern. Some times I went out to meditate a little, but no sooner was I out, but was forced to return home again; because I could not rest any where. One day after many dreadful and frightful ideas, I felt some thing extraordinary in me; and then for the first time, I perceived that I was a sinner[24]; and one beyond expression: I saw the horrible state in which I was plunged; I felt that I was upon the very brink of destruction: and felt also, that no one could alleviate my pains but GOD. For that purpose I went to church; when there, I could hear nothing that could do me any good. At night I went to the Methodist Chapel; there I did not find any comfort so as to set me free. When at home, I went to prayer; but could say nothing but the LORD's prayer, which I knew from my infancy.
I spent the week in reading the new Testament; and longed daily with impatience for the return of Sabbath, that I might try again to seek a place where I could lay all my burden. When that happy day was come, I went to SION Chapel: the text was taken out of the twenty-seventh chapter of the Prophet Isaiah, the last verse; "and it shall come to pass when the great trumpet shall be blown" &c. I was very attentive at the preaching, in hopes I could hear some passage that might comfort my distressed mind. The Minister brought forward the Brazen Serpent in his discourse, saying, when Moses lifted it up, he said, whosoever shall believe in it, shall be saved; for thus shall the Son of man be lifted up. I felt a little comfort from these words, but not sufficient to calm my troubled mind; because of the weakness of my faith. As I had not heard sufficient, I went at night to the Methodist Chapel. I did not dislike the sermon, but did not feel so much there as I did at SION Chapel: I spent the week rather better than I did the last, and was not so much distressed.
One morning I went to take a walk, when fifty yards from the house, I remembered I had not served GOD when I got up; I was so struck with shame, that I ran back to my chamber to say my prayers. Such a thing as that happened unto me three times, but was always overcome by the fear of GOD, for I durst not on any account go out of my room except I had render'd thanks to GOD for his protecting grace and mercy; for I thought, that if I was to neglect, his wrath would fall upon me &c.
Sunday came, which I longed for with so much impatience; and with joy I went again to SION Chapel. The text was taken out of the Epistle of Paul to the Philippians, the third chapter, and the ninth verse; "and be found in him." The very word of "be found in him," went deeply to my heart, and proved sweet to it; for it comforted me and released me from all my guilty fears; and convinced me of all the errors we are liable to by Nature. I was so overjoyed at that sermon, that I could not depart from the place till I had spoken to the Minister[25]; to tell him the benefit I had received under his labour. I went home joyful at what I had heard and tasted, and I cast all my cares and sorrows away: and was only thinking to serve him who shed his blood for me.
Now persecution began to take place by my worldly companions; they called me all sorts of shameful names[26], even threatened me with punishment if I did continue in hearing the word of GOD. I could not go through the streets without meeting with some ill treatment from them; but as I did not mind what they said, I told them I would sooner go to the scaffold and suffer Death, than renounce JESUS CHRIST. Their persecutions continued for a long time, but seeing I did not take any notice, they were obliged to let me go in peace.
I went to no other place of worship but SION, where I first found the treasure of theCrucified One. Some times I thought myself too unworthy to be saved; but at other times I had better thoughts, when reflecting on Paul, Manasseh, and other characters &c.
The week beforeGood FridayI was taken ill, and was obliged to keep my bed several days. In the mean time I prayed unto GOD to give me health and strength, that I might be able to go and hear his word that precious day he bought my Salvation; but it was not permitted; for that very day I was extremely ill, and wept bitterly because I could not go to SION my happy place. So I called for a new Testament that I might read a chapter or two; but I was so weak, that I could not read; and was forced to put the book down. In the afternoon I felt myself a little better, and took the book I read a chapter, by which I received some comfort.
I was very patient under my afflictions, for the more I was afflicted, the more my mind was comforted; I did not fear the sting of Death at all, because, I had faith to believe I should be happy. In a few weeks I was entirely recovered, and the LORD soon after blessed me with the Spirit of prayer, so that I could join my friends in CHRIST in their labours.
Now I am fully convinced that I am found, and brought back to the flock of whom JESUS CHRIST is the Shepherd: and I will adore and praise him for what He has done for me through Grace, and trust in Him for what He has promised to do.
"O! most blessed JESUS, thou who hast been pleased to protect me through so many dangers, and watched over me ever since my youthful days; be pleased I beseech thee, to keep me now that I am found: I did not find myself, thou knowest; but it was thou, O! most blessed JESUS who found me when lost and ready to sink into the valley of destruction. Thou hast brought me from thousands of miles to shew me thy light divine, and to make me a prisoner of hope instead of a prisoner of war. O! Eternal THREE in ONE, look down on thine unworthy servant, and water his Soul with the dew of thy Heavenly Grace, that he may be prepared to receive that never fading Crown, which is at the end of the race thou hast enabled him to run: and help him to renounce all other works but thine. Now I forsake all the riches and pleasures of this world, for the Eternal life which was purchased by the precious Blood of thy dear Son JESUS: to which I beseech thee, to keep me now, and to the end." AMEN.
THEWEST INDIAN HYMN.
"This my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost and is found."
PRODIGAL'S FATHER.
Now though six thousand miles from home,Yet nearer to my GOD I come'Twas JESUS' love that set me free,And brought me back by grace to thee,And JESUS will lead me to see;Eternal days.And now that I am found,—keep meThat I may never go from thee:Thus fill my soul with thy free grace,That I may run the christian race,And see my SAVIOUR face to face;In endless days.Thou didst seek me when a stranger,In my guilt and road to danger,And to bring me home to my GOD,Didst interpos'd thy precious blood,That I might sing with saints aloud;Through endless days.O! blessed be the sacred Place,[27]Where I have found such Heav'nly grace,That sav'd me from my nature's fall,And give me on my GOD to call;O! JESUS at thy feet I fall:Through endless days.Till then, do thou in my heart dwell,Rule in it and do all things well:Lead me to that e'erblessed place,Where I hope to behold thy face,And help me thy foot-steps to trace;To endless rest.There I shall praise my SAVIOUR dear,While his own Righteousness I wear:I'll shout and sing redeeming love,Which did my first affections move,And never more will let me rove;Through endless days.
Now though six thousand miles from home,Yet nearer to my GOD I come'Twas JESUS' love that set me free,And brought me back by grace to thee,And JESUS will lead me to see;Eternal days.And now that I am found,—keep meThat I may never go from thee:Thus fill my soul with thy free grace,That I may run the christian race,And see my SAVIOUR face to face;In endless days.Thou didst seek me when a stranger,In my guilt and road to danger,And to bring me home to my GOD,Didst interpos'd thy precious blood,That I might sing with saints aloud;Through endless days.O! blessed be the sacred Place,[27]Where I have found such Heav'nly grace,That sav'd me from my nature's fall,And give me on my GOD to call;O! JESUS at thy feet I fall:Through endless days.Till then, do thou in my heart dwell,Rule in it and do all things well:Lead me to that e'erblessed place,Where I hope to behold thy face,And help me thy foot-steps to trace;To endless rest.There I shall praise my SAVIOUR dear,While his own Righteousness I wear:I'll shout and sing redeeming love,Which did my first affections move,And never more will let me rove;Through endless days.
Now though six thousand miles from home,Yet nearer to my GOD I come'Twas JESUS' love that set me free,And brought me back by grace to thee,And JESUS will lead me to see;Eternal days.
Now though six thousand miles from home,
Yet nearer to my GOD I come
'Twas JESUS' love that set me free,
And brought me back by grace to thee,
And JESUS will lead me to see;
Eternal days.
And now that I am found,—keep meThat I may never go from thee:Thus fill my soul with thy free grace,That I may run the christian race,And see my SAVIOUR face to face;In endless days.
And now that I am found,—keep me
That I may never go from thee:
Thus fill my soul with thy free grace,
That I may run the christian race,
And see my SAVIOUR face to face;
In endless days.
Thou didst seek me when a stranger,In my guilt and road to danger,And to bring me home to my GOD,Didst interpos'd thy precious blood,That I might sing with saints aloud;Through endless days.
Thou didst seek me when a stranger,
In my guilt and road to danger,
And to bring me home to my GOD,
Didst interpos'd thy precious blood,
That I might sing with saints aloud;
Through endless days.
O! blessed be the sacred Place,[27]Where I have found such Heav'nly grace,That sav'd me from my nature's fall,And give me on my GOD to call;O! JESUS at thy feet I fall:Through endless days.
O! blessed be the sacred Place,[27]
Where I have found such Heav'nly grace,
That sav'd me from my nature's fall,
And give me on my GOD to call;
O! JESUS at thy feet I fall:
Through endless days.
Till then, do thou in my heart dwell,Rule in it and do all things well:Lead me to that e'erblessed place,Where I hope to behold thy face,And help me thy foot-steps to trace;To endless rest.
Till then, do thou in my heart dwell,
Rule in it and do all things well:
Lead me to that e'erblessed place,
Where I hope to behold thy face,
And help me thy foot-steps to trace;
To endless rest.
There I shall praise my SAVIOUR dear,While his own Righteousness I wear:I'll shout and sing redeeming love,Which did my first affections move,And never more will let me rove;Through endless days.
There I shall praise my SAVIOUR dear,
While his own Righteousness I wear:
I'll shout and sing redeeming love,
Which did my first affections move,
And never more will let me rove;
Through endless days.
FINIS.
PARKES PRINTER, and AUCTIONEER, ASHBOURN.
Transcriber's Note:Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note.Irregularities and inconsistencies in the text have been retained as printed.The cover of this ebook was created by the transcriber and is hereby placed in the public domain.
Transcriber's Note:
Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note.
Irregularities and inconsistencies in the text have been retained as printed.
The cover of this ebook was created by the transcriber and is hereby placed in the public domain.