IX.THAT OF S. P. IDERS WEBBE, SOLICITOR.

Young Mr. S. P. Iders Webbe,Solicitor, of Clifford's Inn,Sat working in his chambers, whichWere far removed from traffic's din.To those in legal trouble heLent ready ear of sympathy—And six-and-eightpence was his fee.To widows and to orphans, too,Young Mr. Webbe was very nice,And turned none from his door awayWho came to seek for his advice:To these, I humbly beg to state—The sad and the disconsolate—His fee was merely six-and-eight.He'd heave a sympathetic sigh,And squeeze each bankrupt client's handWhile listening to a tale of woeSalt tears within his eyes would stand.Naught, naught his sympathies could stem,And he would only charge—ahem!—A paltry six-and-eight tothem.This gentleman, as I observed,Was calmly seated at his work,When, from the waiting-room, a cardWas brought in by the junior clerk."Nathaniel Blobbs? Pray ask him toStep in," said Webbe. "How do you do?A very pleasant day to you."

Young Mr. S. P. Iders Webbe,

Solicitor, of Clifford's Inn,

Sat working in his chambers, which

Were far removed from traffic's din.

To those in legal trouble he

Lent ready ear of sympathy—

And six-and-eightpence was his fee.

To widows and to orphans, too,Young Mr. Webbe was very nice,And turned none from his door awayWho came to seek for his advice:To these, I humbly beg to state—The sad and the disconsolate—His fee was merely six-and-eight.

To widows and to orphans, too,

Young Mr. Webbe was very nice,

And turned none from his door away

Who came to seek for his advice:

To these, I humbly beg to state—

The sad and the disconsolate—

His fee was merely six-and-eight.

He'd heave a sympathetic sigh,And squeeze each bankrupt client's handWhile listening to a tale of woeSalt tears within his eyes would stand.Naught, naught his sympathies could stem,And he would only charge—ahem!—A paltry six-and-eight tothem.

He'd heave a sympathetic sigh,

And squeeze each bankrupt client's hand

While listening to a tale of woe

Salt tears within his eyes would stand.

Naught, naught his sympathies could stem,

And he would only charge—ahem!—

A paltry six-and-eight tothem.

This gentleman, as I observed,Was calmly seated at his work,When, from the waiting-room, a cardWas brought in by the junior clerk."Nathaniel Blobbs? Pray ask him toStep in," said Webbe. "How do you do?A very pleasant day to you."

This gentleman, as I observed,

Was calmly seated at his work,

When, from the waiting-room, a card

Was brought in by the junior clerk.

"Nathaniel Blobbs? Pray ask him to

Step in," said Webbe. "How do you do?

A very pleasant day to you."

"A pleasant day be hanged!" said Blobbs,A wealthy man and very stout(That he was boiling o'er with rageThere could not be the slightest doubt)."I'm given, sir, to understandYou're suitor for my daughter's hand.An explanation I demand!"Iknowyour lawyer's tricks, my man;In courting of my daughter Jane—Who's rather plain and not too young—Mymoney's whatyouseek to gain.Confound you, sir!" the man did roar."My daughter Jane is no match forA beggarly solicitor!"At words like thesemostgentlemenWould really have been somewhat riled;But do not think that Mr. WebbeWas angry. No; he merelysmiled.But, oh! my friends, the legal smileIs not to trust. 'Tis full of guile.(Sosmiles the hungry crocodile.)"I see," Webbe most politely said,"My worthy sir,yourpoint of view.You're wealthy; I am poor. Of course,What I proposed would never do.If only, now, I'd property,Andyouwere—well, as poor asme——""Pooh! that," cried Blobbs, "canneverbe.""Think not?" said Webbe. "Well, p'r'aps you're right.And so—there's nothing more to say.Youmustbe going? What! so soon?I'msorry, sir, you cannot stay!"Blobbs went—and slammed the outer door.Webbe calmly made the bill out forThe interview—a lengthy score.He charged—at highest legal rate—For every word he'd uttered; andHe even put down six-and-eight"To asking for Miss Blobbs's hand";Next, in the Court of Common PleasA "Breach of Promise" case, with ease,He instituted—if you please.He gained the day, because the maidWas over age, the Judge averred,And Blobbs was forced to "grin and pay,"Although he vowed 'twasmostabsurd.The "damages," of course, were slight;But "legal costs" by no means light.(Webbe shared in these as was his right.)Outside the Court indignant BlobbsGave vent to some expressions whichWere libellous, and quickly WebbeWas "down on him" for "using sich."Once more the day was Webbe's, and he,By posing as a damagee,Obtained a thousand pounds, you see.With this round sum he then contrivedTo buy a vacant small estateAdjoining Blobbs, who went and didSomethingillegal with a gate.Webbe "had him up" forthat, of course;Then something else (about a horse),And later on a water-course.He sued for this, he sued for that,Till action upon action lay,And in the Royal Courts of Law"WebbeversusBlobbs" came on each day."Law costs" and big "retaining fees,""Mulcted in fines"—such things as theseMade Blobbs feel very ill at ease.As Webbe grew rich, so he grew poor,Till finally he said: "Hang pride!I'll let this fellow, if he must,Have Jane, my daughter, for his bride."He went once more to Clifford's Inn.Webbe welcomed him with genial grin:"Myverydear sir, pray step in.""Look here!" cried Blobbs. "I'll fight no more!You lawyer fellows, on my life,Willhave your way. I must give in.My daughter Janeshallbe your wife!""Dear me! thisisunfortunate,"Said Webbe. "I much regret to stateYour condescension comes too late."For, sir, I marry this day week(Being a man of property)The young and lovely daughter ofSir Simon Upperten, M.P."Then, in a light and airy way:"I think there's nothing more to say.Pray, mind the bottom step.Goodday!"

"A pleasant day be hanged!" said Blobbs,

A wealthy man and very stout

(That he was boiling o'er with rage

There could not be the slightest doubt).

"I'm given, sir, to understand

You're suitor for my daughter's hand.

An explanation I demand!

"Iknowyour lawyer's tricks, my man;In courting of my daughter Jane—Who's rather plain and not too young—Mymoney's whatyouseek to gain.Confound you, sir!" the man did roar."My daughter Jane is no match forA beggarly solicitor!"

"Iknowyour lawyer's tricks, my man;

In courting of my daughter Jane—

Who's rather plain and not too young—

Mymoney's whatyouseek to gain.

Confound you, sir!" the man did roar.

"My daughter Jane is no match for

A beggarly solicitor!"

At words like thesemostgentlemenWould really have been somewhat riled;But do not think that Mr. WebbeWas angry. No; he merelysmiled.But, oh! my friends, the legal smileIs not to trust. 'Tis full of guile.(Sosmiles the hungry crocodile.)

At words like thesemostgentlemen

Would really have been somewhat riled;

But do not think that Mr. Webbe

Was angry. No; he merelysmiled.

But, oh! my friends, the legal smile

Is not to trust. 'Tis full of guile.

(Sosmiles the hungry crocodile.)

"I see," Webbe most politely said,"My worthy sir,yourpoint of view.You're wealthy; I am poor. Of course,What I proposed would never do.If only, now, I'd property,Andyouwere—well, as poor asme——""Pooh! that," cried Blobbs, "canneverbe."

"I see," Webbe most politely said,

"My worthy sir,yourpoint of view.

You're wealthy; I am poor. Of course,

What I proposed would never do.

If only, now, I'd property,

Andyouwere—well, as poor asme——"

"Pooh! that," cried Blobbs, "canneverbe."

"Think not?" said Webbe. "Well, p'r'aps you're right.And so—there's nothing more to say.Youmustbe going? What! so soon?I'msorry, sir, you cannot stay!"Blobbs went—and slammed the outer door.Webbe calmly made the bill out forThe interview—a lengthy score.

"Think not?" said Webbe. "Well, p'r'aps you're right.

And so—there's nothing more to say.

Youmustbe going? What! so soon?

I'msorry, sir, you cannot stay!"

Blobbs went—and slammed the outer door.

Webbe calmly made the bill out for

The interview—a lengthy score.

He charged—at highest legal rate—For every word he'd uttered; andHe even put down six-and-eight"To asking for Miss Blobbs's hand";Next, in the Court of Common PleasA "Breach of Promise" case, with ease,He instituted—if you please.

He charged—at highest legal rate—

For every word he'd uttered; and

He even put down six-and-eight

"To asking for Miss Blobbs's hand";

Next, in the Court of Common Pleas

A "Breach of Promise" case, with ease,

He instituted—if you please.

He gained the day, because the maidWas over age, the Judge averred,And Blobbs was forced to "grin and pay,"Although he vowed 'twasmostabsurd.The "damages," of course, were slight;But "legal costs" by no means light.(Webbe shared in these as was his right.)

He gained the day, because the maid

Was over age, the Judge averred,

And Blobbs was forced to "grin and pay,"

Although he vowed 'twasmostabsurd.

The "damages," of course, were slight;

But "legal costs" by no means light.

(Webbe shared in these as was his right.)

Outside the Court indignant BlobbsGave vent to some expressions whichWere libellous, and quickly WebbeWas "down on him" for "using sich."Once more the day was Webbe's, and he,By posing as a damagee,Obtained a thousand pounds, you see.

Outside the Court indignant Blobbs

Gave vent to some expressions which

Were libellous, and quickly Webbe

Was "down on him" for "using sich."

Once more the day was Webbe's, and he,

By posing as a damagee,

Obtained a thousand pounds, you see.

With this round sum he then contrivedTo buy a vacant small estateAdjoining Blobbs, who went and didSomethingillegal with a gate.Webbe "had him up" forthat, of course;Then something else (about a horse),And later on a water-course.

With this round sum he then contrived

To buy a vacant small estate

Adjoining Blobbs, who went and did

Somethingillegal with a gate.

Webbe "had him up" forthat, of course;

Then something else (about a horse),

And later on a water-course.

He sued for this, he sued for that,Till action upon action lay,And in the Royal Courts of Law"WebbeversusBlobbs" came on each day."Law costs" and big "retaining fees,""Mulcted in fines"—such things as theseMade Blobbs feel very ill at ease.

He sued for this, he sued for that,

Till action upon action lay,

And in the Royal Courts of Law

"WebbeversusBlobbs" came on each day.

"Law costs" and big "retaining fees,"

"Mulcted in fines"—such things as these

Made Blobbs feel very ill at ease.

As Webbe grew rich, so he grew poor,Till finally he said: "Hang pride!I'll let this fellow, if he must,Have Jane, my daughter, for his bride."He went once more to Clifford's Inn.Webbe welcomed him with genial grin:"Myverydear sir, pray step in."

As Webbe grew rich, so he grew poor,

Till finally he said: "Hang pride!

I'll let this fellow, if he must,

Have Jane, my daughter, for his bride."

He went once more to Clifford's Inn.

Webbe welcomed him with genial grin:

"Myverydear sir, pray step in."

"Look here!" cried Blobbs. "I'll fight no more!You lawyer fellows, on my life,Willhave your way. I must give in.My daughter Janeshallbe your wife!""Dear me! thisisunfortunate,"Said Webbe. "I much regret to stateYour condescension comes too late.

"Look here!" cried Blobbs. "I'll fight no more!

You lawyer fellows, on my life,

Willhave your way. I must give in.

My daughter Janeshallbe your wife!"

"Dear me! thisisunfortunate,"

Said Webbe. "I much regret to state

Your condescension comes too late.

"For, sir, I marry this day week(Being a man of property)The young and lovely daughter ofSir Simon Upperten, M.P."Then, in a light and airy way:"I think there's nothing more to say.Pray, mind the bottom step.Goodday!"

"For, sir, I marry this day week

(Being a man of property)

The young and lovely daughter of

Sir Simon Upperten, M.P."

Then, in a light and airy way:

"I think there's nothing more to say.

Pray, mind the bottom step.Goodday!"

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