XI.THAT OF LORD WILLIAM OF PURLEIGH.

Lord William of Purleigh retired for the nightWith a mind full of worry and trouble,Which was caused by an income uncommonly slight,And expenses uncommonly double.Now the same sort of thing often happens, to me—And perhaps to yourself—for most singularleeOne's accounts—if one keeps 'em—will never come right,If, of "moneys received," one spends double.His lordship had gone rather early to bed,And for several hours had been sleeping,When he suddenly woke—and the hair on his headSlowly rose—he could hear someone creepingAbout in his room, in the dead of the night,With a lantern, which showed but a glimmer of light,And his impulse, at first, was to cover his headWhen he heard that there burglar a-creeping.But presently thinking "Poor fellow, there's naughtIn the house worth a burglar a-taking,And, being a kind-hearted lord, p'r'aps I ought,To explain the mistake he's a-making."Lord William, then still in his woolly night-cap(For appearances noblemen don't care a rap),His second-best dressing-gown hastily sought,And got up without any noise making.

Lord William of Purleigh retired for the night

With a mind full of worry and trouble,

Which was caused by an income uncommonly slight,

And expenses uncommonly double.

Now the same sort of thing often happens, to me—

And perhaps to yourself—for most singularlee

One's accounts—if one keeps 'em—will never come right,

If, of "moneys received," one spends double.

His lordship had gone rather early to bed,And for several hours had been sleeping,When he suddenly woke—and the hair on his headSlowly rose—he could hear someone creepingAbout in his room, in the dead of the night,With a lantern, which showed but a glimmer of light,And his impulse, at first, was to cover his headWhen he heard that there burglar a-creeping.

His lordship had gone rather early to bed,

And for several hours had been sleeping,

When he suddenly woke—and the hair on his head

Slowly rose—he could hear someone creeping

About in his room, in the dead of the night,

With a lantern, which showed but a glimmer of light,

And his impulse, at first, was to cover his head

When he heard that there burglar a-creeping.

But presently thinking "Poor fellow, there's naughtIn the house worth a burglar a-taking,And, being a kind-hearted lord, p'r'aps I ought,To explain the mistake he's a-making."Lord William, then still in his woolly night-cap(For appearances noblemen don't care a rap),His second-best dressing-gown hastily sought,And got up without any noise making.

But presently thinking "Poor fellow, there's naught

In the house worth a burglar a-taking,

And, being a kind-hearted lord, p'r'aps I ought,

To explain the mistake he's a-making."

Lord William, then still in his woolly night-cap

(For appearances noblemen don't care a rap),

His second-best dressing-gown hastily sought,

And got up without any noise making.

"I'm exceedingly sorry," his lordship began,"But your visit, I fear, will be fruitless.I possess neither money, nor jewels, my man,So your burglaring here will be bootless.The burglar was startled, but kept a cool head,And bowed, as his lordship, continuing, said:"Excuse me a moment. I'll find if I canMy warm slippers, for Itooam bootless."This pleasantry put them both quite at their ease;They discoursed of De Wet, and of Tupper.Then the household his lordship aroused, if you please,And invited the burglar to supper.The burglar told tales of his hardly-won wealth,And each drank to the other one's jolly good health.There's a charm about informal parties like these,And it was a most excellent supper.Then the lord told the burglar how poor he'd become,And of all which occasioned his lordship distress;And the burglar—who wasn't hard-hearted like some—His sympathy ventured thereat to express:"I've some thoughts in my mind, if I might be so boldAs to mention them, but—no—they mustn't be told.They are hopes which, perhaps, I might talk of to some,But which to a lord—no, I dare not express.""Pooh! Nonsense!" his lordship cried, "Out with it, man!What is it, my friend, that you wish to suggest?Rely upon me. I will do what I can.Come! Let us see what's to be done for the best.""I've a daughter," the burglar remarked with a sigh."The apple is she, so to speak, of my eye,And she wishes to marry a lord, if she can—And of all that I know—why, your lordship's the best.

"I'm exceedingly sorry," his lordship began,

"But your visit, I fear, will be fruitless.

I possess neither money, nor jewels, my man,

So your burglaring here will be bootless.

The burglar was startled, but kept a cool head,

And bowed, as his lordship, continuing, said:

"Excuse me a moment. I'll find if I can

My warm slippers, for Itooam bootless."

This pleasantry put them both quite at their ease;They discoursed of De Wet, and of Tupper.Then the household his lordship aroused, if you please,And invited the burglar to supper.The burglar told tales of his hardly-won wealth,And each drank to the other one's jolly good health.There's a charm about informal parties like these,And it was a most excellent supper.

This pleasantry put them both quite at their ease;

They discoursed of De Wet, and of Tupper.

Then the household his lordship aroused, if you please,

And invited the burglar to supper.

The burglar told tales of his hardly-won wealth,

And each drank to the other one's jolly good health.

There's a charm about informal parties like these,

And it was a most excellent supper.

Then the lord told the burglar how poor he'd become,And of all which occasioned his lordship distress;And the burglar—who wasn't hard-hearted like some—His sympathy ventured thereat to express:"I've some thoughts in my mind, if I might be so boldAs to mention them, but—no—they mustn't be told.They are hopes which, perhaps, I might talk of to some,But which to a lord—no, I dare not express."

Then the lord told the burglar how poor he'd become,

And of all which occasioned his lordship distress;

And the burglar—who wasn't hard-hearted like some—

His sympathy ventured thereat to express:

"I've some thoughts in my mind, if I might be so bold

As to mention them, but—no—they mustn't be told.

They are hopes which, perhaps, I might talk of to some,

But which to a lord—no, I dare not express."

"Pooh! Nonsense!" his lordship cried, "Out with it, man!What is it, my friend, that you wish to suggest?Rely upon me. I will do what I can.Come! Let us see what's to be done for the best.""I've a daughter," the burglar remarked with a sigh."The apple is she, so to speak, of my eye,And she wishes to marry a lord, if she can—And of all that I know—why, your lordship's the best.

"Pooh! Nonsense!" his lordship cried, "Out with it, man!

What is it, my friend, that you wish to suggest?

Rely upon me. I will do what I can.

Come! Let us see what's to be done for the best."

"I've a daughter," the burglar remarked with a sigh.

"The apple is she, so to speak, of my eye,

And she wishes to marry a lord, if she can—

And of all that I know—why, your lordship's the best.

"I am wealthy," the burglar continued, "you see,And her fortune will really be ample:I have given her every advantage, and sheIs a person quite up to your sample."Lord William, at first, was inclined to look glum,But, on thinking it over, remarked: "I will comeIn the morning, to-morrow, the lady to seeIf indeed sheisup to the sample."On the morrow he called, and the lady he saw,And he found her both charming and witty;So he married her, though for a father-in-lawHe'd a burglar, which p'r'aps was a pity.However, she made him an excellent wife,And the burglar he settled a fortune for lifeOn the pair. What an excellent father-in-law!On the whole, p'r'aps, itwasn'ta pity.

"I am wealthy," the burglar continued, "you see,

And her fortune will really be ample:

I have given her every advantage, and she

Is a person quite up to your sample."

Lord William, at first, was inclined to look glum,

But, on thinking it over, remarked: "I will come

In the morning, to-morrow, the lady to see

If indeed sheisup to the sample."

On the morrow he called, and the lady he saw,And he found her both charming and witty;So he married her, though for a father-in-lawHe'd a burglar, which p'r'aps was a pity.However, she made him an excellent wife,And the burglar he settled a fortune for lifeOn the pair. What an excellent father-in-law!On the whole, p'r'aps, itwasn'ta pity.

On the morrow he called, and the lady he saw,

And he found her both charming and witty;

So he married her, though for a father-in-law

He'd a burglar, which p'r'aps was a pity.

However, she made him an excellent wife,

And the burglar he settled a fortune for life

On the pair. What an excellent father-in-law!

On the whole, p'r'aps, itwasn'ta pity.

Back to Index Next