XIX.THAT OF THE HOOLIGAN AND THE PHILANTROPIST.

Bill Basher was a Hooligan,The terror of the town,A reputation he possessedFor knocking people down;On unprotected personsOf a sudden he would spring,And hit them with his buckle-belt,Which hurt like anything.One day ten stalwart constablesBill Basher took in charge."We cannot such a man," said they,"Permit to roam at large;He causes all the populaceTo go about in fear;We'd better take him to the CourtOf Mr. Justice Dear."To Mr. Justice Dear they went—A tender Judge was he:He was a great Philanthropist(Spelt with a big, big "P").His bump—phrenologists declared—Of kindness was immense;Altho' he somewhat lacked the bumpOf common, common sense."Dear, dear!" exclaimed the kindly JudgeA-looking very wise,"Your conduct in arrestinghimQuite fills me with surprise.Poor fellow! Don't you see the lit-Tle things which he has doneWere doubtless but dictatedBy a sense of harmless fun?"We reallymustn'tbe too hardUpon a man forthat,AndIwill not do more than justInflict a fine. That's flat!See how he stands within the dock,As mild as any lamb.No! Sixpence fine. You are discharged.Goodmorning, William."

Bill Basher was a Hooligan,

The terror of the town,

A reputation he possessed

For knocking people down;

On unprotected persons

Of a sudden he would spring,

And hit them with his buckle-belt,

Which hurt like anything.

One day ten stalwart constablesBill Basher took in charge."We cannot such a man," said they,"Permit to roam at large;He causes all the populaceTo go about in fear;We'd better take him to the CourtOf Mr. Justice Dear."

One day ten stalwart constables

Bill Basher took in charge.

"We cannot such a man," said they,

"Permit to roam at large;

He causes all the populace

To go about in fear;

We'd better take him to the Court

Of Mr. Justice Dear."

To Mr. Justice Dear they went—A tender Judge was he:He was a great Philanthropist(Spelt with a big, big "P").His bump—phrenologists declared—Of kindness was immense;Altho' he somewhat lacked the bumpOf common, common sense.

To Mr. Justice Dear they went—

A tender Judge was he:

He was a great Philanthropist

(Spelt with a big, big "P").

His bump—phrenologists declared—

Of kindness was immense;

Altho' he somewhat lacked the bump

Of common, common sense.

"Dear, dear!" exclaimed the kindly JudgeA-looking very wise,"Your conduct in arrestinghimQuite fills me with surprise.Poor fellow! Don't you see the lit-Tle things which he has doneWere doubtless but dictatedBy a sense of harmless fun?

"Dear, dear!" exclaimed the kindly Judge

A-looking very wise,

"Your conduct in arrestinghim

Quite fills me with surprise.

Poor fellow! Don't you see the lit-

Tle things which he has done

Were doubtless but dictated

By a sense of harmless fun?

"We reallymustn'tbe too hardUpon a man forthat,AndIwill not do more than justInflict a fine. That's flat!See how he stands within the dock,As mild as any lamb.No! Sixpence fine. You are discharged.Goodmorning, William."

"We reallymustn'tbe too hard

Upon a man forthat,

AndIwill not do more than just

Inflict a fine. That's flat!

See how he stands within the dock,

As mild as any lamb.

No! Sixpence fine. You are discharged.

Goodmorning, William."

Now strange to say, within a week,Bill Basher had begunTo knock about a lot of otherPeople "just in fun."He hit a young policemanWith a hammer on the head,Until the poor young fellowWas approximately dead."Good gracious!" murmured Justice Dear,"Thisreally istoobad,To hit policemen on the headIs not polite, my lad,I must remand you for a weekTo think what can be done,And, in the meantime, please remainIn cell one twenty one."Then, Justice Dear, he pondered thus:"Bill Basher ought to wedSome good and noble woman;Thenhe'd very soon be ledTo see the error of his ways,And give those errors o'er."This scheme he thought upon again,And liked it more and more.A daughter had good Justice Dear,Whose name was Angeline(The lady's name is not pronouncedTo rhyme with "line," but "leen"),Not beautiful, but dutifulAs ever she could be;Whateverher papa desiredShedidobediently.With her he talked the matter o'er,And told her that he thought,In the interests of humanity,To marry Bill she ought.And, though she loved a barristerNamed Smith, her grief she hidAnd, with a stifled sigh, preparedTo do as she was bid.

Now strange to say, within a week,

Bill Basher had begun

To knock about a lot of other

People "just in fun."

He hit a young policeman

With a hammer on the head,

Until the poor young fellow

Was approximately dead.

"Good gracious!" murmured Justice Dear,"Thisreally istoobad,To hit policemen on the headIs not polite, my lad,I must remand you for a weekTo think what can be done,And, in the meantime, please remainIn cell one twenty one."

"Good gracious!" murmured Justice Dear,

"Thisreally istoobad,

To hit policemen on the head

Is not polite, my lad,

I must remand you for a week

To think what can be done,

And, in the meantime, please remain

In cell one twenty one."

Then, Justice Dear, he pondered thus:"Bill Basher ought to wedSome good and noble woman;Thenhe'd very soon be ledTo see the error of his ways,And give those errors o'er."This scheme he thought upon again,And liked it more and more.

Then, Justice Dear, he pondered thus:

"Bill Basher ought to wed

Some good and noble woman;

Thenhe'd very soon be led

To see the error of his ways,

And give those errors o'er."

This scheme he thought upon again,

And liked it more and more.

A daughter had good Justice Dear,Whose name was Angeline(The lady's name is not pronouncedTo rhyme with "line," but "leen"),Not beautiful, but dutifulAs ever she could be;Whateverher papa desiredShedidobediently.

A daughter had good Justice Dear,

Whose name was Angeline

(The lady's name is not pronounced

To rhyme with "line," but "leen"),

Not beautiful, but dutiful

As ever she could be;

Whateverher papa desired

Shedidobediently.

With her he talked the matter o'er,And told her that he thought,In the interests of humanity,To marry Bill she ought.And, though she loved a barristerNamed Smith, her grief she hidAnd, with a stifled sigh, preparedTo do as she was bid.

With her he talked the matter o'er,

And told her that he thought,

In the interests of humanity,

To marry Bill she ought.

And, though she loved a barrister

Named Smith, her grief she hid

And, with a stifled sigh, prepared

To do as she was bid.

They got a special licence, andTogether quickly wentTo visit Basher in his cellAnd show their kind intent.* * *His answer it was to the point,Though couched in language queer,Thesewere the very words he used:"Wot?Marry'er? No fear!"Good Justice Dear was greatly shocked;Indeed, itwasa blowTo find thatsuchingratitudeThe Hooligan should show.So he gave to Smith, the barrister,His daughter for a wife,While on Bill he passed this sentence—"Penal servitude for life."

They got a special licence, andTogether quickly wentTo visit Basher in his cellAnd show their kind intent.

They got a special licence, and

Together quickly went

To visit Basher in his cell

And show their kind intent.

* * *

His answer it was to the point,Though couched in language queer,Thesewere the very words he used:"Wot?Marry'er? No fear!"

His answer it was to the point,

Though couched in language queer,

Thesewere the very words he used:

"Wot?Marry'er? No fear!"

Good Justice Dear was greatly shocked;Indeed, itwasa blowTo find thatsuchingratitudeThe Hooligan should show.So he gave to Smith, the barrister,His daughter for a wife,While on Bill he passed this sentence—"Penal servitude for life."

Good Justice Dear was greatly shocked;

Indeed, itwasa blow

To find thatsuchingratitude

The Hooligan should show.

So he gave to Smith, the barrister,

His daughter for a wife,

While on Bill he passed this sentence—

"Penal servitude for life."

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