XVI.THAT OF THE AUCTIONEER'S DREAM.

I'll proceed to the narrationOf a trifling episodeIn the life of Mr. Platt,An auctioneer,Who was filled with jubilationAnd remarked: "Well, I'll be blowed!"—An expression rather im-Polite, I fear.But he dreamt he'd heard it statedThat, in future, auctioneersMight include their near relationsIn their sales;And he felt so much elatedThat he broke out into cheers,As one's apt to do when otherLanguage fails.And he thought: "Dear me, I'd betterSeize this opportunityOf getting rid of ma-in-law,And Jane—('Twas his wife)—I'll not regret her;And, indeed, it seems to meSuch a chance may really notOccur again."And, indeed, while I'm about it,I'll dispense with all the lot—(O'er my family I've latelyLost command)—'Tis the best plan, never doubt it.I'll dispose of those I've got,And, perhaps, I'll get some othersSecond-hand."So his ma-in-law he offeredAs the first lot in the sale,And he knockedherdown for two-And-six, or less.Then Mrs. Platt he proffered—She was looking rather pale;But she fetched a good round sum,I must confess.Sister Ann was slightly damaged,But she went off pretty wellConsidering her wooden leg,And that;But I can't thinkhowhe managedHis wife's grandmother to sell—But he did it. It was very smartOf Platt.

I'll proceed to the narrationOf a trifling episodeIn the life of Mr. Platt,An auctioneer,Who was filled with jubilationAnd remarked: "Well, I'll be blowed!"—An expression rather im-Polite, I fear.

I'll proceed to the narration

Of a trifling episode

In the life of Mr. Platt,

An auctioneer,

Who was filled with jubilation

And remarked: "Well, I'll be blowed!"—

An expression rather im-

Polite, I fear.

But he dreamt he'd heard it statedThat, in future, auctioneersMight include their near relationsIn their sales;And he felt so much elatedThat he broke out into cheers,As one's apt to do when otherLanguage fails.

But he dreamt he'd heard it stated

That, in future, auctioneers

Might include their near relations

In their sales;

And he felt so much elated

That he broke out into cheers,

As one's apt to do when other

Language fails.

And he thought: "Dear me, I'd betterSeize this opportunityOf getting rid of ma-in-law,And Jane—('Twas his wife)—I'll not regret her;And, indeed, it seems to meSuch a chance may really notOccur again.

And he thought: "Dear me, I'd better

Seize this opportunity

Of getting rid of ma-in-law,

And Jane—

('Twas his wife)—I'll not regret her;

And, indeed, it seems to me

Such a chance may really not

Occur again.

"And, indeed, while I'm about it,I'll dispense with all the lot—(O'er my family I've latelyLost command)—'Tis the best plan, never doubt it.I'll dispose of those I've got,And, perhaps, I'll get some othersSecond-hand."

"And, indeed, while I'm about it,

I'll dispense with all the lot—

(O'er my family I've lately

Lost command)—

'Tis the best plan, never doubt it.

I'll dispose of those I've got,

And, perhaps, I'll get some others

Second-hand."

So his ma-in-law he offeredAs the first lot in the sale,And he knockedherdown for two-And-six, or less.Then Mrs. Platt he proffered—She was looking rather pale;But she fetched a good round sum,I must confess.

So his ma-in-law he offered

As the first lot in the sale,

And he knockedherdown for two-

And-six, or less.

Then Mrs. Platt he proffered—

She was looking rather pale;

But she fetched a good round sum,

I must confess.

Sister Ann was slightly damaged,But she went off pretty wellConsidering her wooden leg,And that;But I can't thinkhowhe managedHis wife's grandmother to sell—But he did it. It was very smartOf Platt.

Sister Ann was slightly damaged,

But she went off pretty well

Considering her wooden leg,

And that;

But I can't thinkhowhe managed

His wife's grandmother to sell—

But he did it. It was very smart

Of Platt.

Several children, and the twins(Lots from 9 to 22),Fetched the auctioneer a tidy sumBetween 'em.(One small boy had barked his shins,And a twin had lost one shoe,But they looked as well, Platt thought, as e'erHe'd seen 'em.)Then some nephews, and some nieces,Sundry uncles, and an aunt,Went off at figures which wereMost surprising.And some odds and ends of pieces(Iwouldtell you, but I can'tTheir relationship) fetched pricesPast surmising.It is quite enough to mentionThat before the day was outAllhis relatives had goneWithout reserve.This fell in with Platt's intention,And he said: "Without a doubt,I shall now as happy beAs I deserve."But hewasn'tvery happy,For he soon began to missMrs. Platt, his wife, and allThe little "P's."And the servants made him snappy;Home was anything but bliss;And Mr. Platt was veryIll at ease.So he calmly thought it over."On the whole, perhaps," said he,I had better buy my fam-Ily again,For I find I'm not in clover,Quite, without my Mrs. P.—She was really not a bad sort,Wasn't Jane."But the persons who had bought 'emWouldn't part with 'em again.Though Platt offered for their purchaseUntold gold.For quite priceless now he thought 'em,And, of course, could see quite plainThat in selling them he had himselfBeen sold.

Several children, and the twins

(Lots from 9 to 22),

Fetched the auctioneer a tidy sum

Between 'em.

(One small boy had barked his shins,

And a twin had lost one shoe,

But they looked as well, Platt thought, as e'er

He'd seen 'em.)

Then some nephews, and some nieces,Sundry uncles, and an aunt,Went off at figures which wereMost surprising.And some odds and ends of pieces(Iwouldtell you, but I can'tTheir relationship) fetched pricesPast surmising.

Then some nephews, and some nieces,

Sundry uncles, and an aunt,

Went off at figures which were

Most surprising.

And some odds and ends of pieces

(Iwouldtell you, but I can't

Their relationship) fetched prices

Past surmising.

It is quite enough to mentionThat before the day was outAllhis relatives had goneWithout reserve.This fell in with Platt's intention,And he said: "Without a doubt,I shall now as happy beAs I deserve."

It is quite enough to mention

That before the day was out

Allhis relatives had gone

Without reserve.

This fell in with Platt's intention,

And he said: "Without a doubt,

I shall now as happy be

As I deserve."

But hewasn'tvery happy,For he soon began to missMrs. Platt, his wife, and allThe little "P's."And the servants made him snappy;Home was anything but bliss;And Mr. Platt was veryIll at ease.

But hewasn'tvery happy,

For he soon began to miss

Mrs. Platt, his wife, and all

The little "P's."

And the servants made him snappy;

Home was anything but bliss;

And Mr. Platt was very

Ill at ease.

So he calmly thought it over."On the whole, perhaps," said he,I had better buy my fam-Ily again,For I find I'm not in clover,Quite, without my Mrs. P.—She was really not a bad sort,Wasn't Jane."

So he calmly thought it over.

"On the whole, perhaps," said he,

I had better buy my fam-

Ily again,

For I find I'm not in clover,

Quite, without my Mrs. P.—

She was really not a bad sort,

Wasn't Jane."

But the persons who had bought 'emWouldn't part with 'em again.Though Platt offered for their purchaseUntold gold.For quite priceless now he thought 'em,And, of course, could see quite plainThat in selling them he had himselfBeen sold.

But the persons who had bought 'em

Wouldn't part with 'em again.

Though Platt offered for their purchase

Untold gold.

For quite priceless now he thought 'em,

And, of course, could see quite plain

That in selling them he had himself

Been sold.

And he thought, with agitationOf them lost for ever now,And he said, "This thing has goneBeyond a joke,"While the beads of perspirationGathered thickly on his brow;And then Mr. Platt, the auctioneer—Awoke.

And he thought, with agitation

Of them lost for ever now,

And he said, "This thing has gone

Beyond a joke,"

While the beads of perspiration

Gathered thickly on his brow;

And then Mr. Platt, the auctioneer—

Awoke.

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