XXXI.THAT OF THE CONVERTED CANNIBALS.
Upon an island, all alone,They lived, in the Pacific;Somewhere within the Torrid Zone,Where heat is quite terrific.'Twould shock you were I to declareThe many things they did not wear,Altho' no doubtOne's best withoutSuch things in heat terrific.Though cannibals by birth were they,Yet, since they'd first existed,Their simple menu day by dayOf such-like things consisted:Omelets of turtle's eggs, and yams,And stews from freshly-gathered clams,Such things as theseWere,—if you please,—Of what their fare consisted.But after dinner they'd converse,Nor did their topic vary;Wild tales of gore they would rehearse,And talk ofmissionary.They'd gaze upon each other's joints,And indicate the tender points.Said one: "For us'Tis dangerousTothinkofmissionary."
Upon an island, all alone,They lived, in the Pacific;Somewhere within the Torrid Zone,Where heat is quite terrific.'Twould shock you were I to declareThe many things they did not wear,Altho' no doubtOne's best withoutSuch things in heat terrific.Though cannibals by birth were they,Yet, since they'd first existed,Their simple menu day by dayOf such-like things consisted:Omelets of turtle's eggs, and yams,And stews from freshly-gathered clams,Such things as theseWere,—if you please,—Of what their fare consisted.But after dinner they'd converse,Nor did their topic vary;Wild tales of gore they would rehearse,And talk ofmissionary.They'd gaze upon each other's joints,And indicate the tender points.Said one: "For us'Tis dangerousTothinkofmissionary."
Upon an island, all alone,They lived, in the Pacific;Somewhere within the Torrid Zone,Where heat is quite terrific.'Twould shock you were I to declareThe many things they did not wear,Altho' no doubtOne's best withoutSuch things in heat terrific.
Upon an island, all alone,
They lived, in the Pacific;
Somewhere within the Torrid Zone,
Where heat is quite terrific.
'Twould shock you were I to declare
The many things they did not wear,
Altho' no doubt
One's best without
Such things in heat terrific.
Though cannibals by birth were they,Yet, since they'd first existed,Their simple menu day by dayOf such-like things consisted:Omelets of turtle's eggs, and yams,And stews from freshly-gathered clams,Such things as theseWere,—if you please,—Of what their fare consisted.
Though cannibals by birth were they,
Yet, since they'd first existed,
Their simple menu day by day
Of such-like things consisted:
Omelets of turtle's eggs, and yams,
And stews from freshly-gathered clams,
Such things as these
Were,—if you please,—
Of what their fare consisted.
But after dinner they'd converse,Nor did their topic vary;Wild tales of gore they would rehearse,And talk ofmissionary.They'd gaze upon each other's joints,And indicate the tender points.Said one: "For us'Tis dangerousTothinkofmissionary."
But after dinner they'd converse,
Nor did their topic vary;
Wild tales of gore they would rehearse,
And talk ofmissionary.
They'd gaze upon each other's joints,
And indicate the tender points.
Said one: "For us
'Tis dangerous
Tothinkofmissionary."
Well, on a day, upon the shore,As flotsam, or as jetsum,Some wooden cases,—ten, or more,—Were cast up. "Let us get some,And see, my friend, what they contain;The chance may not occur again,"Said good Who-zoo.Said Tum-tum, "Do;We'll both wade out and get some."The cases held,—what do you think?—"Prime Missionary—tinned."Nay! gentle reader, do not shrinkThe man who made it sinned:He thus had labelled bloater-pasteTo captivate the native taste.He hoped, of course,This fraud to forceOn them. In this he sinned.Our simple friends knew naught of sin,They thought that this confectionWasmissionary in a tinAccording to direction.For very joy they shed salt tears."'Tis what we've waited for, for years,"Said they. "Hooray!We'll feast to-dayAccording to direction.""'Tis very tough," said one, for heThe tin and all had eaten."Too salt," the other said, "for me;The flavour might be beaten."It was enough. Soon each one sworeHe'd missionary eat no more:Their tastes were cured,They felt assuredThis flavour might be beaten.
Well, on a day, upon the shore,As flotsam, or as jetsum,Some wooden cases,—ten, or more,—Were cast up. "Let us get some,And see, my friend, what they contain;The chance may not occur again,"Said good Who-zoo.Said Tum-tum, "Do;We'll both wade out and get some."The cases held,—what do you think?—"Prime Missionary—tinned."Nay! gentle reader, do not shrinkThe man who made it sinned:He thus had labelled bloater-pasteTo captivate the native taste.He hoped, of course,This fraud to forceOn them. In this he sinned.Our simple friends knew naught of sin,They thought that this confectionWasmissionary in a tinAccording to direction.For very joy they shed salt tears."'Tis what we've waited for, for years,"Said they. "Hooray!We'll feast to-dayAccording to direction.""'Tis very tough," said one, for heThe tin and all had eaten."Too salt," the other said, "for me;The flavour might be beaten."It was enough. Soon each one sworeHe'd missionary eat no more:Their tastes were cured,They felt assuredThis flavour might be beaten.
Well, on a day, upon the shore,As flotsam, or as jetsum,Some wooden cases,—ten, or more,—Were cast up. "Let us get some,And see, my friend, what they contain;The chance may not occur again,"Said good Who-zoo.Said Tum-tum, "Do;We'll both wade out and get some."
Well, on a day, upon the shore,
As flotsam, or as jetsum,
Some wooden cases,—ten, or more,—
Were cast up. "Let us get some,
And see, my friend, what they contain;
The chance may not occur again,"
Said good Who-zoo.
Said Tum-tum, "Do;
We'll both wade out and get some."
The cases held,—what do you think?—"Prime Missionary—tinned."Nay! gentle reader, do not shrinkThe man who made it sinned:He thus had labelled bloater-pasteTo captivate the native taste.He hoped, of course,This fraud to forceOn them. In this he sinned.
The cases held,—what do you think?—
"Prime Missionary—tinned."
Nay! gentle reader, do not shrink
The man who made it sinned:
He thus had labelled bloater-paste
To captivate the native taste.
He hoped, of course,
This fraud to force
On them. In this he sinned.
Our simple friends knew naught of sin,They thought that this confectionWasmissionary in a tinAccording to direction.For very joy they shed salt tears."'Tis what we've waited for, for years,"Said they. "Hooray!We'll feast to-dayAccording to direction."
Our simple friends knew naught of sin,
They thought that this confection
Wasmissionary in a tin
According to direction.
For very joy they shed salt tears.
"'Tis what we've waited for, for years,"
Said they. "Hooray!
We'll feast to-day
According to direction."
"'Tis very tough," said one, for heThe tin and all had eaten."Too salt," the other said, "for me;The flavour might be beaten."It was enough. Soon each one sworeHe'd missionary eat no more:Their tastes were cured,They felt assuredThis flavour might be beaten.
"'Tis very tough," said one, for he
The tin and all had eaten.
"Too salt," the other said, "for me;
The flavour might be beaten."
It was enough. Soon each one swore
He'd missionary eat no more:
Their tastes were cured,
They felt assured
This flavour might be beaten.
And, should a missionary callTo-day, he'd find them gentle,With no perverted tastes at all,And manners ornamental;He'd be received, I'm bound to say,In courteous and proper way;Nor need he fearTo taste their cheerHowever ornamental.
And, should a missionary callTo-day, he'd find them gentle,With no perverted tastes at all,And manners ornamental;He'd be received, I'm bound to say,In courteous and proper way;Nor need he fearTo taste their cheerHowever ornamental.
And, should a missionary callTo-day, he'd find them gentle,With no perverted tastes at all,And manners ornamental;He'd be received, I'm bound to say,In courteous and proper way;Nor need he fearTo taste their cheerHowever ornamental.
And, should a missionary call
To-day, he'd find them gentle,
With no perverted tastes at all,
And manners ornamental;
He'd be received, I'm bound to say,
In courteous and proper way;
Nor need he fear
To taste their cheer
However ornamental.