[Watching with interest.]
[Watching with interest.]
What do they taste like?
Vicky
Chocolate—
[Taking another.]
[Taking another.]
Halligan
With strawberry cream inside—
[Taking another.]
[Taking another.]
Vicky
This one has a cherry.
Halligan
This has a walnut.
David
Santa Claus makes good candy, doesn’t he? Some day, when I’m older, he’ll make some that I can eat. I’d like that!
Vicky
Another, Mr. Halligan?
Halligan
I don’t mind if I do.
[He pauses, and looks toward the door.]
[He pauses, and looks toward the door.]
Now, it isn’t up to me to say what I’m thinkin’, and nobody knows that better than myself, but it’s cruel not to let him have a taste.
Vicky
Mr. Halligan!
Halligan
Who ever heard of candy hurtin’ anybody?
Vicky
Orders are orders, and they’ll be followed!
[She relents, and, about to put the lid on the box, offers it a last time toHalligan.]
[She relents, and, about to put the lid on the box, offers it a last time toHalligan.]
More?
Halligan
[Swallowing hard and passing his hand over his forehead.]
[Swallowing hard and passing his hand over his forehead.]
No, thanks.
Vicky
[Rising suddenly and tottering.]
[Rising suddenly and tottering.]
Mr. Halligan—I don’t feel well. Please get me some water.
Halligan
[Alarmed; hastening out of the room.]
[Alarmed; hastening out of the room.]
Right away!
David
What’s the matter, Vicky? Vicky, dear?
Vicky
It’s nothing, Master David. It’ll pass away in a minute.
[She sways, andDavidsteadies her.]
[She sways, andDavidsteadies her.]
I feel dizzy—very dizzy—all of a sudden.
David
Sit down, Vicky.
Vicky
[Catching the back of a chair.]
[Catching the back of a chair.]
I can’t imagine what’s wrong. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Why doesn’t Halligan bring the water? Why doesn’t he bring it? I’m so dizzy—so dizzy.
[From the hall at the right there is the sound of a heavy fall, accompanied by the crash of breaking glass.]
[From the hall at the right there is the sound of a heavy fall, accompanied by the crash of breaking glass.]
David
[Alarmed.]
[Alarmed.]
Halligan fell!
Vicky
[Reeling toward the door.]
[Reeling toward the door.]
Mr. Halligan! Mr. Halligan! I’m afraid I’m going to faint.
[On the threshold a sudden suspicion comes to her, and she pulls herself together with a heroic effort.]
[On the threshold a sudden suspicion comes to her, and she pulls herself together with a heroic effort.]
David! Davy, boy. Don’t touch the candy!
[She collapses on the threshold.]
[She collapses on the threshold.]
David
[On his knees at her side.]
[On his knees at her side.]
Vicky! Vicky, dear! Answer me, Vicky!
[During the last few seconds the window has been raised, andSlimhas come into the room.]
[During the last few seconds the window has been raised, andSlimhas come into the room.]
Slim
[ToBill,who follows.]
[ToBill,who follows.]
It woiked.
Bill
De kid didn’t eat de candy.
Slim
De udders did—dat suits me.
David
[Rising to confront the newcomers.]
[Rising to confront the newcomers.]
What are you doing here?
Slim
We come after yuh—
Bill
[PushingSlimto one side easily.]
[PushingSlimto one side easily.]
Nuttin’ to get excited about, kid; yer lady friend’s all right—see?
[He leadsDavidback into the room;Slimthrusts the door shut, and locks it.]
[He leadsDavidback into the room;Slimthrusts the door shut, and locks it.]
She’s just daydreamin’—takin’ a little cat nap. Itwon’t hoit her a bit—honest! She’ll feel fine when she wakes up.
David
What happened to Halligan?
Bill
He’s daydreamin’, too. De two of ’em are daydreamin’ togedder—nice an’ sociable-like—see? Dey’re dreamin’ about de little boidies singin’ in de tree tops. Ain’t dat pretty?
[Slimhas come forward.Billwaves a hand.]
[Slimhas come forward.Billwaves a hand.]
Meet my friend Slim.
David
[Extending a hand.]
[Extending a hand.]
How do you do?
Slim
[Shaking hands.]
[Shaking hands.]
Pleased to meet-cha.
Bill
Slim an’ me—we’re gonna look after yuh fer a w’ile.
David
Yes?
[He looks up atBillwith sudden recognition.]
[He looks up atBillwith sudden recognition.]
You don’t have to tell me whoyouare!
Bill
[Worried.]
[Worried.]
I don’t?
David
I’ve seen you before!
Bill
Yuh know my name?
David
Of course! Who doesn’t?
[He pauses whileBillplainly shows his anxiety.]
[He pauses whileBillplainly shows his anxiety.]
Why, you’re Santa Claus!
Slim
[Overcome and relieved.]
[Overcome and relieved.]
W’at? W’at did yuh say?
David
[Laughing.]
[Laughing.]
You’re Santa Claus, and you know you are!
Slim
Ha! Ha!
[He breaks into guffaws.]
[He breaks into guffaws.]
Bill
[PokingSlimviolently in the midriff with his elbow.]
[PokingSlimviolently in the midriff with his elbow.]
Yuh guessed it right de very foist time, kid. John W. Santa—dat’s me!
[He tidies his impossible beard and whiskers.]
[He tidies his impossible beard and whiskers.]
David
I knew you right off!
Bill
Yuh sure did!
David
[Intensely interested, catching his hand.]
[Intensely interested, catching his hand.]
Did you have a cold trip coming here?
Bill
W’at’s dat?
David
Wasn’t it cold, coming all the way from the North Pole?
Bill
Well, it wasn’t so bad after we got to a Hunner an’ Twenty-fift’ Street—
David
[Fascinated.]
[Fascinated.]
No?
Bill
Den de goin’ was pretty good.
David
But before you got there?
Bill
Itwasa wee bit chilly.
Slim
It was sixty below.
David
Sixty below what?
Bill
Not below nuttin’. Just below—see?
[He gesticulates vividly, placing his hand parallel to the floor at the level of his ankles.]
[He gesticulates vividly, placing his hand parallel to the floor at the level of his ankles.]
Dat was w’ere I caught cold. I gotta sneeze.
Slim
Now!... Now!... Now!
David
Oh, let him sneeze!
[Billsneezes.]
[Billsneezes.]
God bless you!
Bill
Much obliged.
David
That’s all right. I always say “God bless you” when anybody sneezes.
Slim
[Returning to the main topic.]
[Returning to the main topic.]
We’re gonna take care of yuh—me an’ Bill.
Bill
We’re gonna take yuh fer a long ride.
David
Are we going to the North Pole?
Bill
Foider den dat.
[Approaching him.]
[Approaching him.]
But you gotta keep quiet!
David
[With a nod of comprehension.]
[With a nod of comprehension.]
I know; you don’t want to frighten the reindeer.
Slim
[Alarmed.]
[Alarmed.]
De w’ich?
David
Blixen and Vixen—
Bill
W’at?
David
—And Prancer and Dancer—
Slim
[Decidedly worried, toBill.]
[Decidedly worried, toBill.]
Did youse see any of dem guys w’en yuh come in?
Bill
Maybe dey was under cover.
[ToDavid.]
[ToDavid.]
Say, kid, w’ere do dey keep?
David
[Puzzled.]
[Puzzled.]
Keep?
Bill
W’ere do dey hang out? W’ere do dey park? W’ere’s deir stampin’-ground?
David
Oh, outside!
Bill
[ToSlim.]
[ToSlim.]
I told yuh de house was watched!
David
[Quoting some book.]
[Quoting some book.]
“Drawing Santa Claus from his home in the North, reindeer, swifter than the wind, swift as light—”
Slim
[Beginning to understand.]
[Beginning to understand.]
Hey! I get him now! He’s talkin’ about a noo kind of flivver!
David
“Swifter even than dreams, sturdy and strong, champing at their bits, sparks coming from their nostrils—”
Bill
[Nodding.]
[Nodding.]
De kid’s got de right dope, Slim.
[ToDavid.]
[ToDavid.]
Dey’re waitin’ fer us outside: balloon tires, an’ four-w’eel brakes, an’ sparks just w’ere yuh said. Come on.
David
[Going toward the window.]
[Going toward the window.]
They’re in a big hurry, aren’t they? They know we’re coming, Santa Claus. They can’t wait for us! I hear them shaking their sleigh bells!
[Sleigh bells are audible.]
[Sleigh bells are audible.]
Bill
[Much alarmed.]
[Much alarmed.]
Do yuh hear dat, Slim?
David
[With glee.]
[With glee.]
Sleigh bells!
Slim
Shh!
[They hide in corners of the room.Davidcannot understand their actions; he looks about, puzzled. Then a ten-year-old girl, wearing a harness covered with sleigh bells, appears at the window.]
[They hide in corners of the room.Davidcannot understand their actions; he looks about, puzzled. Then a ten-year-old girl, wearing a harness covered with sleigh bells, appears at the window.]
Bessie
[Softly.]
[Softly.]
Bill!
[More loudly.]
[More loudly.]
Bill! Bill!
[She spiesDavid.]
[She spiesDavid.]
Is he here?
[Davidnods silently, and indicates with his thumb whereBillis hiding.Bessieclimbs into the room, bells jangling.]
[Davidnods silently, and indicates with his thumb whereBillis hiding.Bessieclimbs into the room, bells jangling.]
Bill, we found yuh!
[Climbing through the window come seven more children, in decreasing sizes. The smaller ones are helped by the larger, and the smallest, which is but an infant, is carried by one of the others.]
[Climbing through the window come seven more children, in decreasing sizes. The smaller ones are helped by the larger, and the smallest, which is but an infant, is carried by one of the others.]
A Babble of Talk
Hey, give us a hand, Pete!
Look out!
Yuh’ll fall!
Mind de baby!
Gimme a good push!
Hey, you, Woodrow, quit yer crowdin’!
Up yuh go!
[Now that they are all in the room, we may pause to inspect them. They are all badly dressed. Their clothes are torn and shabby; their stockings are full of holes; and they average about three quarters of a glove to every hand. But they are all extraordinarily happy, and not at all shy about showing it. And beingBill’syounger brothers and sisters, they are as tough as the proverbial nails.]
[Now that they are all in the room, we may pause to inspect them. They are all badly dressed. Their clothes are torn and shabby; their stockings are full of holes; and they average about three quarters of a glove to every hand. But they are all extraordinarily happy, and not at all shy about showing it. And beingBill’syounger brothers and sisters, they are as tough as the proverbial nails.]
Bill
[Emerging from his concealment, looking decidedly sheepish.]
[Emerging from his concealment, looking decidedly sheepish.]
How did youse get here?
Bessie
We seen yuh go, an’ we run after yuh.
Bill
All of youse?
Bessie
[Nodding.]
[Nodding.]
Maggie carried de baby.
Maggie
See brudder’s funny face, baby?
Slim
[Coming out, and speaking with boundless contempt.]
[Coming out, and speaking with boundless contempt.]
Dat’s de last time I tackle a job along wit’ a fambly man!
Bessie
Bill, yuh promised us a Christmas tree!
Pete
An’ we knowed yuh’d get us one!
Annie
Yuh said yuh was gonna get one, didn’t yuh, Bill?
Maggie
So we folleyed yuh all de way—
Pete
Yuh couldn’t loseus, Bill!
Annie
Not on yer life!
Pete
We wanted dat tree!
T’eodore
[A grand climax.]
[A grand climax.]
An’ here it is!
[There is a chorus of delighted screams as the children surround the tree.]
[There is a chorus of delighted screams as the children surround the tree.]
Bessie
Bill, what a peach of a tree!
Pete
Some tree!
Annie
Lookit de presents!
T’eodore
Golly, lookit de presents!
Maggie
See de boo-ful tree, baby?
[She makes the baby clap its hands.]
[She makes the baby clap its hands.]
David
[Puzzled, as the children, shrilling their delight, descend upon the gifts.]
[Puzzled, as the children, shrilling their delight, descend upon the gifts.]
Say, Santa Claus, I didn’t know you had a family.
Slim
[With infinite disgust.]
[With infinite disgust.]
Kid, yuh said a mout’ful!
David
Are they all related to you?
Bill
[Not too modestly.]
[Not too modestly.]
Me eight brudders an’ sisters—count ’em. Bessie—an’ Pete—dey’re twins. An’ Maggie—dat’s her holdin’ de baby—an’ T’eodore—an’ Annie—an’ Grover—an’ Woodrow—an’ Calvin—dat’s de baby.
David
Do they all come from the North Pole?
Bessie
[With injured American pride.]
[With injured American pride.]
W’at do yuh t’ink? We’re a lot of Polanders?
Bill
De Nort’ Pole? De Nort’ Pole’s warm next to w’ere dey come from. My paw ain’t woikin’, an’ de landlord toined off de heat w’en I didn’t pay de rent.
David
Rent? What’s rent?
Slim
[AsBillgazes appealingly at him.]
[AsBillgazes appealingly at him.]
Yuh started dis. Yuh tell him.
Bill
Rent? Rent’s somethin’ yuh pay w’en yuh get money.
David
And when you don’t get it?
Bill
Yuh don’t.
Slim
[Becoming impatient.]
[Becoming impatient.]
Say, what I wanna know is dis: is dis a kidnapin’ party, or is dis a kid party?
David
What’s a kidnaping party, Santa Claus?
Bill
I’ll show yuh.
[He calls to the children.]
[He calls to the children.]
Hey, fellers, we’re gonna beat it.
Pete
Naw!
Bessie
We don’t wanna go, Bill.
Annie
We wanna play wit’ de presents!
T’eodore
Lookit de sleds!
Pete
An’ de boxin’ gloves!
Annie
An’ de railroad trains!
Bessie
An’ de trumpets!
Maggie
See de pretty flowers, baby?
Pete
[Parceling out the musical instruments.]
[Parceling out the musical instruments.]
Yuh take dis—and yuh take dis—an’ w’en I say “Ready,” yuh all blow to onct.
Slim
[Anxiously.]
[Anxiously.]
Nuttin’ doin’!
Pete
Ready!
[The din is terrific.]
[The din is terrific.]
David
[Indicating the instruments with some anxiety, and pullingBill’ssleeve.]
[Indicating the instruments with some anxiety, and pullingBill’ssleeve.]
Santa Claus, they haven’t been boiled!
Slim
W’at?
David
They haven’t been boiled, Mr. Slim!
Slim
[And you know he means the children—not the toys.]
[And you know he means the children—not the toys.]
Dey oughta be!
Pete
All ready? Go!
[The uproar is repeated.]
[The uproar is repeated.]
Slim
[ToBill.]
[ToBill.]
An’ I told yuh not to make a sound!
Bill
Say, kid, dere ain’t nobody else on dis floor, is dere?
David
No—nobody but us.
Bill
[Drawing a sigh of relief.]
[Drawing a sigh of relief.]
Dat’s good. Now, fellers, we’re gonna go—
Slim
[Interrupting.]
[Interrupting.]
An’ we’re gonna take him—
[He indicatesDavid.]
[He indicatesDavid.]
along with us.
Bessie
W’at’s de hurry, Bill?
Pete
We don’t wanna go!
T’eodore
Not now!
Bessie
Bill, dere’s no place fer us to go to.
Bill
W’at do yuh mean?
Pete
De landlord, he come along w’ile we was leavin’, an’ he says we needn’t come back—none of us—never.
Bessie
[Rather pleased with her news.]
[Rather pleased with her news.]
He says he’ll put de furniture on de sidewalk, an’ yuh can git it w’enever yuh like.
Pete
De sooner de better, he says.
Bessie
Yea—an’ dat wasn’t all he says!
Bill
[Aghast.]
[Aghast.]
He trun yuh out de moment my back was toined?
Bessie
Yuh bet he did!
Bill
He trun yuh out? He trun yuh out?
Bessie
Dat’s w’at I’m tellin’ yuh.
Bill
An’ what did paw say?
Bessie
Paw says ef yuh can’t support him in better style den dat, he’s gonna quit yuh cold.
Bill
W’at do yuh t’ink of dat, Slim? Ain’t it de limit? Ain’t dat de absoloot limit?
David
[SeizingBill’shand.]
[SeizingBill’shand.]
What’s the matter, Santa Claus?
Bill
[Angrily.]
[Angrily.]
Aw, nuttin’!
David
Why don’t you tell me, Santa Claus?
Bill
[Bitterly.]
[Bitterly.]
Dere’s nuttin’ de matter—on’y de kids ain’t gonna have a roof over deir heads to-night!
David
Because you didn’t get money?
Bill
Dat’s w’y.
David
And because you didn’t pay the rent?
Bill
Yuh said it, kid.
David
But why do you want a roof over their heads? Can’t we take them along with us?
Bill
W’at’s dat?
David
They can come to the North Pole too, can’t they? Of course it will be a little crowded in the sleigh, butthere’ll be room for all of us if we sit close. And we’ll have lots of fun!
Slim
[Meaningly.]
[Meaningly.]
Do yuh hear dat, Bill?
David
[Eagerly.]
[Eagerly.]
The reindeer are waiting outside!
Slim
Aroun’ de corner.
David
Dancer and Prancer, and Blixen and Vixen—
Bill
[Interrupting.]
[Interrupting.]
De reindeer’s name is Lizzie—an’ her radiator’s froze.
Slim
[Crossing to him earnestly.]
[Crossing to him earnestly.]
But it’s gonna get us away from here, Bill! We get outa de city—we go somew’eres in de Bronx—an’ den we give Millman a ring on de telephone—
David
Don’t telephone daddy; he’s always busy.
Slim
He won’t be busy dis time.