Wherein the Month and Day of the Month are set down, the Persons named, and the great Actions and Events of next Year particularly related, as they will come to pass.
Written to prevent the People of England from being further imposed on by vulgarAlmanackMakers.
By ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, Esq.
PREDICTIONS for the Year 1708, &c.
I have long considered the gross abuse of Astrology in this Kingdom; and upon debating the matter with myself, I could not possibly lay the fault upon the Art, but upon those gross Impostors who set up to be the Artists.
I know several Learned Men have contended that the whole is a cheat; that it is absurd and ridiculous to imagine the stars can have any influence at all on human actions, thoughts, or inclinations: and whoever has not bent his studies that way, may be excused for thinking so, when he sees in how wretched a manner this noble Art is treated by a few mean illiterate traders between us and the stars; who import a yearly stock of nonsense, lies, folly, and impertinence, which they offer to the world as genuine from the planets, although they descend from no greater height than their own brains.
I intend, in a short time, to publish a large and rational Defence of this Art; and therefore shall say no more in its justification at present than that it hath been, in all Ages, defended by many Learned Men; and, among the rest, by SOCRATES himself, whom I look upon as undoubtedly the wisest of uninspired mortals. To which if we add, that those who have condemned this Art, although otherwise learned, having been such as either did not apply their studies this way, or at least did not succeed in their applications; their testimonies will not be of much weight to its disadvantage, since they are liable to the common objection of condemning what they did not understand.
Nor am I at all offended, or think it an injury to the Art, when I see the common dealers in it, theStudents in Astronomy, thePhilomaths, and the rest of that tribe, treated by wise men with the utmost scorn and contempt: but I rather wonder, when I observe Gentlemen in the country, rich enough to serve the nation in Parliament, poring in PARTRIDGE'sAlmanackto find out the events of the year, at home and abroad; not daring to propose a hunting match, unless GADBURY or he have fixed the weather.
I will allow either of the two I have mentioned, or any others of the fraternity, to be not only Astrologers, but Conjurers too, if I do not produce a hundred instances in all theirAlmanacks, to convince any reasonable man that they do not so much as understand Grammar and Syntax; that they are not able to spell any word out of the usual road, nor even, in theirPrefaces, to write common sense, or intelligible English.
Then as their Observations or Predictions, they are such as will suit anyAge or country in the world.
This month, a certain great Person will be threatened with death or sickness. This the News Paper will tell them. For there we find at the end of the year, that no month passeth without the death of some Person of Note: and it would be hard if it should be otherwise, where there are at least two thousand Persons of Note in this kingdom, many of them old; and theAlmanackmaker has the liberty of choosing the sickliest season of the year, where he may fix his prediction.
Again,This month, an eminent Clergyman will be preferred. Of which, there may be some hundreds, half of them with one foot in the grave.
Then,Such a Planet in such a House shews great machinations, plots, and conspiracies, that may, in time, be brought to light. After which, if we hear of any discovery, the Astrologer gets the honour; if not, his prediction still stands good.
And, at last,God preserve King WILLIAM from all his open and secret enemies, Amen. When, if the King should happen to have died, the Astrologer plainly foretold it! otherwise it passeth but for the pious ejaculation of a loyal subject: although it unluckily happened in some of theirAlmanacks, that poor King WILLIAM was prayed for, many months after he was dead; because it fell out, that he died about the beginning of the year.
To mention no more of their impertinent Predictions, What have we to do with their advertisements about pills, or their mutual quarrels in verse and prose of Whig and Tory? wherewith the stars have little to do.
Having long observed and lamented these, and a hundred other abuses of this Art too tedious to repeat; I resolved to proceed in a New Way; which, I doubt not, will be to the general satisfaction of the Kingdom. I can, this year, produce but a specimen of what I design for the future: having employed the most part of my time in adjusting and correcting the calculations I made for some years past; because I would offer nothing to the World, of which I am not as fully satisfied as that I am now alive.
For these last two years, I have not failed in above one or two particulars, and those of no very great moment. I exactly foretold the miscarriage at Toulon [fruitlessly besieged by Prince EUGENE, between 26th July, and 21st August, 1707] with all its particulars: and the loss of Admiral [Sir CLOUDESLY] SHOVEL [at the Scilly isles, on 22nd October, 1707]; although I was mistaken as to the day, placing that accident about thirty-six hours sooner than it happened; but upon reviewing my Schemes, I quickly found the cause of that error. I likewise foretold the battle of Almanza [25th April, 1707] to the very day and hour, with the loss on both sides, and the consequences thereof. All which I shewed to some friends many months before they happened: that is, I gave them papers sealed up, to open in such a time, after which they were at liberty to read them; and there they found my Predictions true in every Article, except one or two very minute.
As for the few following Predictions I now offer the World, I forbore to publish them until I had perused the severalAlmanacksfor the year we are now entered upon. I found them all in the usual strain; and I beg the reader will compare their manner with mine.
And here I make bold to tell the World that I lay the whole credit of my Art upon the truth of these Predictions; and I will be content that PARTRIDGE and the rest of his clan may hoot me for a cheat and impostor, if I fail in any single particular of moment. I believe any man who reads this Paper [pamphlet], will look upon me to be at least a person of as much honesty and understanding as the common maker ofAlmanacks. I do not lurk in the dark, I am not wholly unknown to the World. I have set my name at length, to be a mark of infamy to mankind, if they shall find I deceive them.
In one thing, I must desire to be forgiven: that I talk more sparingly of home affairs. As it would be imprudence to discover Secrets of State, so it would be dangerous to my person: but in smaller matters, and that as are not of public consequence, I shall be very free: and the truth of my conjectures will as much appear from these, as the other.
As for the most signal events abroad, in France, Flanders, Italy, and Spain: I shall make no scruple to predict them in plain terms. Some of them are of importance; and I hope I shall seldom mistake the day they will happen. Therefore I think good to inform the reader, that I, all along, make use of the Old Style observed in England; which I desire he will compare with that of the News Papers at the time they relate the actions I mention.
I must add one word more. I know it hath been, the opinion of several Learned [Persons], who think well enough of the true Art of Astrology, that the stars do onlyinclineand notforcethe actions or wills of men: and therefore, however I may proceed by right rules; yet I cannot, in prudence, so confidently assure that the events will follow exactly as I predict them.
I hope I have maturely considered this objection, which, in some cases, is of no little weight. For example, a man may, by the influence of an overruling planet, be disposed or inclined to lust, rage, or avarice; and yet, by the force of reason, overcome that evil influence. And this was the case of SOCRATES. But the great events of the World usually depending upon numbers of men; it cannot be expected they shouldallunite to cross their inclinations, from pursuing a general design wherein they unanimously agree. Besides, the influence of the stars reacheth to many actions and events which are not, in any way, in the power of Reason, as sickness, death, and what we commonly call accidents; with many more, needless to repeat.
But now it is time to proceed to my Predictions: which I have begun to calculate from the time that the sun entereth intoAries [April]; and this I take to be properly the beginning of the natural year. I pursue them to the time that he enterethLibra [September]or somewhat more; which is the busy period of the year. The remainder I have not yet adjusted, upon account of several impediments needless here to mention. Besides, I must remind the reader again, that this is but a specimen of what I design, in succeeding years, to treat more at large; if I may have liberty and encouragement.
My first Prediction is but a trifle; yet I will mention it to shew how ignorant those sottish pretenders to Astrology are in their own concerns. It relateth to PARTRIDGE theAlmanackmaker. I have consulted the star of his nativity by my own rules; and find he will infallibly die upon the 29th of March [1708] next, about eleven at night, of a raging fever. Therefore I advise him to consider of it, and settle his affairs in time.
The month of APRIL will be observable for the death of many Great Persons.
On the 4th will die the Cardinal DE NOAILLES, Archbishop of Paris.
On the 11th, the young Prince of the ASTURIAS, son to the Duke of ANJOU.
On the 14th, a great Peer of this realm will die at his country house.
On the 19th, an old Layman of great fame and learning; and on the 23rd, an eminent goldsmith in Lombard street.
I could mention others, both at home and abroad, if I did not consider it is of very little use or instruction to the Reader, or to the World.
As to Public Affairs. On the 7th of this month, there will be an insurrection in Dauphiny, occasioned by the oppressions of the people; which will not be quieted in some months.
On the 15th, there will be a violent storm on the southeast coast of France; which will destroy many of their ships, and some in the very harbours.
The 19th will be famous for the revolt of a whole Province or Kingdom, excepting one city: by which the affairs of a certain Prince in the Alliance will take a better face.
MAY, against common conjectures, will be no very busy month in Europe; but very signal for the death of the Dauphin [Note, how SWIFT is killing off all the Great Men on the French side, one after another: became that would jump with the inclination of the nation just at the moment]; which will happen on the 7th, after a short fit of sickness, and grievous torments with the stranguary. He dies less lamented by the Court than the Kingdom.
On the 9th, a Marshal of France will break his leg by a fall from his horse. I have not been able to discover whether he will then die or not.
On the 11th, will begin a most important siege, which the eyes of all Europe will be upon. I cannot be more particular; for in relating affairs that so nearly concern the Confederates, and consequently this Kingdom; I am forced to confine myself, for several reasons very obvious to the reader.
On the 15th, news will arrive of avery surprisingevent; than which, nothing could be more unexpected.
On the 19th, three noble Ladies of this Kingdom, will, against all expectation, prove with child; to the great joy of their husbands.
On the 23rd, a famous buffoon of the Play House will die a ridiculous death, suitable to his vocation.
JUNE. This month will be distinguished at home by the utter dispersing of those ridiculous deluded enthusiasts, commonly called Prophets [Scotch and English Jesuits affecting inspiration, under the name of the French Prophets], occasioned chiefly by seeing the time come when many of their prophecies were to be fulfilled; and then finding themselves deceived by the contrary events. It is indeed to be admired [astonished at] how any deceiver can be so weak to foretell things near at hand; when a very few months must, of necessity, discover the imposture to all the world: in this point, less prudent than commonAlmanackmakers, who are so wise [as] to wander in generals, talk dubiously, and leave to the reader the business of interpreting.
On the 1st of this month, a French General will be killed by a random shot of a cannon ball.
On the 6th, a fire will break out in all the suburbs of Paris, which will destroy above a thousand houses; and seems to be the foreboding of what will happen, to the surprise of all Europe, about the end of the following month.
On the 10th, a great battle will be fought, which will begin at four of the clock in the afternoon, and last until nine at night, with great obstinacy, but no very decisive event. I shall not name the place, for the reasons aforesaid; but the Commanders of each left wing will be killed…. I see bonfires, and hear the noise of guns for a victory.
On the 14th, there will be a false report of the French King's death.
On the 20th, Cardinal PORTOCARRERO will die of a dysentery, with great suspicion of poison: but the report of his intentions to revolt to King CHARLES will prove false.
JULY. The 6th of this month, a certain General will, by a glorious action, recover the reputation he lost by former misfortunes.
On the 12th, a great Commander will die a prisoner in the hands of his enemies.
On the 14th, a shameful discovery will be made of a French Jesuit giving poison to a great foreign General; and, when he is put to the torture, [he] will make wonderful discoveries.
In short, this will prove a month of great action, if I might have liberty to relate the particulars.
At home, the death of an old famous Senator will happen on the 15th, at his country house, worn [out] with age and diseases.
But that which will make this month memorable to all posterity, is the death of the French King LEWIS XIV., after a week's sickness at Marli; which will happen on the 29th, about six o'clock in the evening. It seemeth to be an effect of the gout in his stomach followed by a flux. And in three days after, Monsieur CHAMILLARD will follow his master; dying suddenly of an apoplexy.
In this month likewise, an Ambassador will die in London; but I cannot assign the day.
AUGUST. The affairs of France will seem to suffer no change for a while, under the Duke of BURGUNDY's administration. But the Genius that animated the whole machine being gone, will be the cause of mighty turns and revolutions in the following year. The new King maketh yet little change, either in the army or the Ministry; but the libels against his [grand]father that fly about his very Court, give him uneasiness.
I see an Express in mighty haste, with joy and wonder in his looks, arriving by the break of day on the 26th of this month, having travelled, in three days, a prodigious journey by land and sea. In the evening, I hear bells and guns, and see the blazing of a thousand bonfires.
A young Admiral, of noble birth, doth likewise, this month, gain immortal honour by a great achievement.
The affairs of Poland are, this month, entirely settled. AUGUSTUS resigns his pretensions, which he had again taken up for some time. STANISLAUS is peaceably possessed of the throne: and the King of SWEDEN declares for the Emperor.
I cannot omit one particular accident here at home: that, near the end of this month, much mischief will be done at Bartholomew Fair [held on August 24th], by the fall of a booth.
SEPTEMBER. This month begins with a very surprising fit of frosty weather, which will last near[ly] twelve days.
The Pope having long languished last month, the swellings in his legs breaking, and the flesh mortifying; he will die on the 11th instant. And, in three weeks' time, after a mighty contest, he will be succeeded by a Cardinal of the Imperial faction, but a native of Tuscany, who is now about 61 years old.
The French army acts now wholly on the defensive, strongly fortified in their trenches: and the young French King sendeth overtures for a treaty of peace, by the Duke of MANTUA; which, because it is a matter of State that concerneth us here at home, I shall speak no further of.
I shall add but one Prediction more, and that in mystical terms, which shall be included in a verse out of VIRGIL,
Alter erit jam TETHYS, et altera quae vehat ARGODilectos Heroas.
Upon the 25th day of this month, the fulfilling of this Prediction will be manifest to everybody.
This is the furthest I have proceeded in my calculations for the present year. I do not pretend that these are all the great events which will happen in this period; but that those I have set down will infallibly come to pass.
It may perhaps, still be objected, why I have not spoken more particularly of affairs at home, or of the success of our armies abroad; which I might, and could very largely have done. But those in Power have wisely discouraged men from meddling in public concerns: and I was resolved, by no means, to give the least offence. This Iwillventure to say, that it will be a glorious campaign for the Allies, wherein the English forces, both by sea and land, will have their full share of honour; that Her Majesty Queen ANNE will continue in health and prosperity; and that no ill accident will arrive to any in the chief Ministry.
As to the particular events I have mentioned, the readers may judge by the fulfilling of them, whether I am of the level with common Astrologers, who, with an old paltry cant, and a few Pothooks for Planets to amuse the vulgar, have, in my opinion, too long been suffered to abuse the World. But an honest Physician ought not to be despised because there are such things as mountebanks.
I hope I have some share of reputation; which I would not willingly forfeit for a frolic, or humour: and I believe no Gentleman, who reads this Paper, will look upon it to be of the same last and mould with the common scribbles that are every day hawked about. My fortune hath placed me above the little regard of writing for a few pence, which I neither value nor want. Therefore, let not any wise man too hastily condemn this Essay, intended for a good design, to cultivate and improve an ancient Art, long in disgrace by having fallen into mean unskilful hands. A little time will determine whether I have deceived others, or myself: and I think it is no very unreasonable request, that men would please to suspend their judgements till then.
I was once of the opinion with those who despise all Predictions from the stars, till, in the year 1686, a Man of Quality shewed me written in his album, that the most learned astronomer, Captain H[ALLEY], assured him he would never believe anything of the stars' influence, if there were not a great Revolution in England in the year 1688. Since that time, I began to have other thoughts [SWIFTdoes not say on what subject]; and, after eighteen years' [1690-1708] diligent study and application [in what?], I think I have no reason to repent of my pains.
I shall detain the reader no longer than to let him know, that the account I design to give of next year's events shall take in the principal affairs that happen in Europe. And if I be denied the liberty of offering it to my own country; I shall appeal to the Learned World, by publishing it in Latin, and giving order to have it printed in Holland.
A Revenue Officer
A Letter to a Lord.
[30 March 1708.]
In obedience to your Lordship's commands, as well as to satisfy my own curiosity; I have, for some days past, inquired constantly after PARTRIDGE theAlmanackmaker: of whom, it was foretold in Mr. BICKERSTAFF'sPredictions, published about a month ago, that he should die, the 29th instant, about eleven at night, of a raging fever.
I had some sort of knowledge of him, when I was employed in the Revenue; because he used, every year, to present me with hisAlmanack, as he did other Gentlemen, upon the score of some little gratuity we gave him.
I saw him accidentally once or twice, about ten days before he died: and observed he began very much to droop and languish; although I hear his friends did not seem to apprehend him in any danger.
About two or three days ago, he grew ill; was confined first to his chamber, and in a few hours after, to his bed: where Dr. CASE and Mrs. KIRLEUS [two London quacks] were sent for, to visit, and to prescribe to him.
Upon this intelligence, I sent thrice every day a servant or other, to inquire after his health: and yesterday, about four in the afternoon, word was brought me, that he was past hopes.
Upon which, I prevailed with myself to go and see him: partly, out of commiseration: and, I confess, partly out of curiosity. He knew me very well, seemed surprised at my condescension, and made me compliments upon it, as well as he could in the condition he was. The people about him, said he had been delirious: but, when I saw him, he had his understanding as well as ever I knew, and spoke strong and hearty, without any seeming uneasiness or constraint.
After I had told him, I was sorry to see him in those melancholy circumstances, and said some other civilities suitable to the occasion; I desired him to tell me freely and ingenuously, whether thePredictions, Mr. BICKERSTAFF had published relating to his death, had not too much affected and worked on his imagination?
He confessed he often had it in his head, but never with much apprehension till about a fortnight before: since which time, it had the perpetual possession of his mind and thoughts, and he did verily believe was the true natural cause of his present distemper. "For," said he, "I am thoroughly persuaded, and I think I have very good reasons, that Mr. BICKERSTAFF spoke altogether by guess, and knew no more what will happen this year than I did myself."
I told him, "His discourse surprised me, and I would be glad he were in a state of health to be able to tell me, what reason he had, to be convinced of Mr. BICKERSTAFF's ignorance."
He replied, "I am a poor ignorant fellow, bred to a mean trade; yet I have sense enough to know that all pretences of foretelling by Astrology are deceits: for this manifest reason, because the wise and learned (who can only judge whether there be any truth in this science), do all unanimously agree to laugh at and despise it; and none but the poor ignorant vulgar give it any credit, and that only upon the word of such silly wretches as I and my fellows, who can hardly write or read." I then asked him, "Why he had not calculated his own nativity, to see whether it agreed with BICKERSTAFF's Predictions?"
At which, he shook his head, and said, "O, Sir! this is no time for jesting, but for repenting those fooleries, as I do now from the very bottom of my heart."
"By what I can gather from you," said I, "the Observations and Predictions you printed with yourAlmanacks, were mere impositions upon the people."
He replied, "If it were otherwise, I should have the less to answer for. We have a common form for all those things. As to foretelling the weather, we never meddle with that! but leave it to the printer, who taketh it out of any oldAlmanack, as he thinketh fit. The rest was my own invention, to make myAlmanacksell; having a wife to maintain, and no other way to get my bread: for mending old shoes is a poor livelihood! And," added he, sighing, "I wish I may not have done more mischief by my physic than by astrology! although I had some good receipts from my grandmother, and my own compositions were such as I thought could, at least, do no hurt."
I had some other discourse with him, which now I cannot call to mind: and I fear I have already tired your Lordship. I shall only add one circumstance. That on his deathbed, he declared himself a Nonconformist, and had a Fanatic [the political designation of Dissenters] preacher to be his spiritual guide.
After half an hour's conversation, I took my leave; being almost stifled by the closeness of the room.
I imagined he could not hold out long; and therefore withdrew to a little coffee-house hard by, leaving a servant at the house, with orders to come immediately, and tell me as near as he could the minute when PARTRIGE should expire: which was not above two hours after, when, looking upon my watch, I found it to be above Five minutes after Seven. By which it is clear that Mr. BICKERSTAFF was mistaken almost four hours in his calculation [seep. 173]. In the other circumstances he was exact enough.
But whether he hath not been the cause of this poor man's death as well as the Predictor may be very reasonably disputed. However, it must be confessed the matter is odd enough, whether we should endeavour to account for it by chance or the effect of imagination.
For my own part, although I believe no man has less faith in these matters, yet I shall wait with some impatience, and not without expectation, the fulfilling of Mr. BICKERSTAFF's second prediction, that the Cardinal De NOAILLES is to die upon the 4th of April [1708]; and if that should be verified as exactly as this of poor PARTRIDGE, I must own I shall be wholly surprised, and at a loss, and infallibly expect the accomplishment of all the rest.
[In the original broadside, there are Deaths with darts, winged hour-glasses, crossed marrow-bones, &c.]
An Elegy on Mr. PATRIGE, theAlmanackmaker, who died on the 29th of this instant March, 1708.
[Original broadside in the British Museum, C. 39. k./74.]
Well, 'tis as BICKERSTAFF has guest;Though we all took it for a jest;PATRIGE is dead! nay more, he diedEre he could prove the good Squire lied!Strange, an Astrologer should dieWithout one wonder in the skyNot one of all his crony starsTo pay their duty at his hearse!No meteor, no eclipse appeared,No comet with a flaming beard!The sun has rose and gone to bedJust as if PATRIGE were not dead;Nor hid himself behind the moonTo make a dreadful night at noon.He at fit periods walks throughAries,Howe'er our earthly motion varies;And twice a year he'll cut th'Equator,As if there had been no such matter.
Some Wits have wondered what analogyThere is 'twixt[11] Cobbling and Astrology?How PATRIGE made his optics riseFrom a shoe-sole, to reach the skies?A list, the cobblers' temples ties,To keep the hair out of their eyes;From whence, 'tis plain, the diademThat Princes wear, derives from them:And therefore crowns are now-a-daysAdorned with golden stars and rays;Which plainly shews the near alliance'Twixt Cobbling and the Planet science.
Besides, that slow-paced signBo-otesAs 'tis miscalled; we know not who 'tis?But PATRIGE ended all disputes;He knew his trade! and called itBoots![12]The Horned Moon which heretoforeUpon their shoes, the Romans wore,Whose wideness kept their toes from corns,And whence we claim our Shoeing Horns,Shews how the art of Cobbling bearsA near resemblance to the Spheres.
A scrap of parchment hung by Geometry,A great refinement in Barometry,Can, like the stars, foretell the weather:And what is parchment else, but leather?Which an Astrologer might useEither forAlmanacksor shoes.
Thus PATRIGE, by his Wit and parts,At once, did practise both these Arts;And as the boding owl (or ratherThe bat, because her wings are leather)Steals from her private cell by night,And flies about the candle light:So learned PATRIGE could as wellCreep in the dark, from leathern cell;And in his fancy, fly as far,To peep upon a twinkling star!Besides, he could confound the SpheresAnd set the Planets by the ears,To shew his skill, he, Mars would joinTo Venus, inaspect malign,Then call in Mercury for aid,And cure the wounds that Venus made.
Great scholars have in LUCIAN readWhen PHILIP, King of Greece was dead,His soul and spirit did divide,And each part took a different side:One rose a Star; the other fellBeneath, and mended shoes in hell.
Thus PATRIGE still shines in each Art,The Cobbling, and Star-gazing Part;And is installed as good a starAs any of the CAESARS are.
Thou, high exalted in thy sphere,May'st follow still thy calling there!To thee, theBullwill lend his hide,ByPhoebusnewly tanned and dried!For thee, theyArgo's hulk will tax,And scrape her pitchy sides for wax!ThenAriadnekindly lendsHer braided hair, to make thee ends!The point of Sagittarius' dartTurns to an awl, by heavenly art!And Vulcan, wheedled by his wife,Will forge for thee, a paring-knife!
Triumphant Star! some pity shewOn Cobblers militant below![13] But do not shed thy influence downUpon St. James's end o' the Town!Consider where the moon and starsHave their devoutest worshippers!Astrologers and lunaticsHave in Moorfields their stations fixt:Hither, thy gentle aspect bend,[14] Nor look asquint on an old friend!
[11] PATRIGE was a cobbler.
[12] See hisAlmanack.
[13]Sed nec in Arctoo sede tibi legeris Orbe, &c.
[14]Neve tuam videas obliquo idere Romam.
Here five foot deep, lies on his back,A Cobbler, Starmonger, and Quack;Who to the stars, in pure good will,Does to his best, look upward still.Weep all you customers, that useHis Pills, hisAlmanacks,or Shoes!And you that did your fortunes seek,Step to this grave, but once a week!This earth which bears his body's printYou'll find has so much virtue in it;That I durst pawn my ears, 'twill tellWhate'er concerns you, full as well(In physic, stolen goods, or love)As he himself could, when above!
LONDON: Printed in the Year 1708.
Squire BICKERSTAFF detected;OR THEAstrological Impostor convicted.
Student in Physic and Astrology.
[This was written for PARTRIDGE, either by NICHOLAS ROWE or Dr. YALDEN, and put forth by him, in good faith, in proof of his continued existence.]
It is hard, my dear countrymen of these United Nations! it is very hard, that a Britain born, a Protestant Astrologer, a man of Revolution Principles, an assertor of the Liberty and Property of the people, should cry out in vain, for justice against a Frenchman, a Papist, and an illiterate pretender to Science, that would blast my reputation, most inhumanly bury me alive, and defraud my native country of those services which, in my double capacity [Physician and Astrologer], I daily offer the public.
What great provocations I have received, let the impartial reader judge! and how unwillingly, even in my own defence, I now enter the lists against Falsehood, Ignorance, and Envy! But I am exasperated at length, to drag out this CACUS from the den of obscurity, where he lurketh, to detect him by the light of those stars he hath so impudently traduced, and to shew there is not a Monster in the skies so pernicious and malevolent to mankind as an ignorant pretender to Physic and Astrology.
I shall not directly fall on the many gross errors, nor expose the notorious absurdities of this prostituted libeller, until I have let the Learned World fairly into the controversy depending; and then leave the unprejudiced to judge of the merits and justice of my cause.
It was towards the conclusion of the year 1707 [according to the old way of reckoning the year from March 25th. The precise date is February, 1708, seep. 469], when an impudent Pamphlet crept into the world, intituledPredictions &c. by ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, Esquire. Among the many arrogant assertions laid down by that lying Spirit of Divination; he was pleased to pitch on the Cardinal DE NOAILLES and myself, among many other eminent and illustrious persons that were to die within the confines of the ensuing year, and peremptorily fixed the month, day, and hours of our deaths.
This, I think, is sporting with Great Men, and Public Spirits, to the scandal of Religion, and reproach of Power: and if Sovereign Princes and Astrologers must make diversion for the vulgar, why then, Farewell, say I, to all Governments, Ecclesiastical and Civil! But, I thank my better stars! I am alive to confront this false and audacious Predictor, and to make him rue the hour he ever affronted a Man of Science and Resentment.
The Cardinal may take what measures he pleases, with him: as His Excellency is a foreigner and a Papist, he hath no reason to rely on me for his justification. I shall only assure the World that he is alive! but as he was bred to Letters, and is master of a pen, let him use it in his own defence!
In the meantime, I shall present the Public with a faithful Narrative of the ungenerous treatment and hard usage I have received from the virulent Papers and malicious practices of this pretended Astrologer.
A true and impartial ACCOUNT OF THE PROCEEDINGS OF ISAAC BICKERSTAFF,Esq., against Me.
The 29th of March,Anno Dom., 1708, being the night this Sham Prophet had so impudently fixed for my last; which made little impression on myself, but I cannot answer for my whole family. For my wife, with a concern more than usual, prevailed on me to take somewhat to sweat for a cold; and between the hours of 8 and 9, to go to bed.
The maid as she was warming my bed, with the curiosity natural to young women, runs to the window, and asks of one passing the street, "Who the bell tolled for?"
"Dr. PARTRIDGE," says he, "the famousAlmanackmaker, who died suddenly this evening."
The poor girl provoked, told him, "He lied like a rascal!"
The other very sedately replied, "The sexton had so informed him; and if false, he was to blame for imposing on a stranger."
She asked a second, and a third as they passed; and every one was in the same tone.
Now I don't say these were accomplices to a certain astrological Squire, and that one BICKERSTAFF might be sauntering thereabouts; because I will assert nothing here but what I dare attest, and plain matter of fact.
My wife, at this, fell into a violent disorder; and I must own I was a little discomposed at the oddness of the accident.
In the meantime, one knocks at the door. BETTY runneth down and opening, finds a sober grave person, who modestly inquires "If this was Dr. PARTRIDGE's?"
She, taking him for some cautious City patient, that came at that time for privacy, shews him into the dining-room.
As soon as I could compose myself, I went to him; and was surprised to find my gentleman mounted on a table with a two-foot rule in his hand, measuring my walls, and taking the dimensions of the room.
"Pray, Sir," says I, "not to interrupt you, have you any business with me?"
"Only, Sir," replies he, "to order the girl to bring me a better light: for this is but a dim one."
"Sir," sayeth I, "my name is PARTRIDGE!"
"Oh! the Doctor's brother, belike," cries he. "The staircase, I believe, and these two apartments hung in close mourning will be sufficient; and only a strip of Bays [cloth] round the other rooms. The Doctor must needs die rich. He had great dealings in his way, for many years. If he had no family Coat [of arms], you had as good use the scutcheons of the Company. They are as showish and will look as magnificent as if he were descended from the Blood-Royal."
With that, I assumed a greater air of authority, and demanded, "Who employed him? and how he came there?"
"Why, I was sent, Sir, by the Company of Undertakers," saith he, "and they were employed by the honest gentleman who is the executor to the good Doctor departed: and our rascally porter, I believe is fallen fast asleep with the black cloth and sconces or he had been here; and we might have been tacking up by this time."
"Sir," says I, "pray be advised by a friend, and make the best of your speed out of my doors; for I hear my wife's voice," which, by the way, is pretty distinguishable! "and in that corner of the room stands a good cudgel which somebody [i.e., himself] has felt ere now. If that light in her hands, and she knew the business you came about; without consulting the stars, I can assure you it will be employed very much to the detriment of your person."
"Sir," cries he, bowing with great civility, "I perceive extreme grief for the loss of the Doctor disorders you a little at present: but early in the morning, I'll wait on you, with all necessary materials."
Now I mention no Mr. BICKERSTAFF, nor do I say that a certain star-gazingSquire has been a playing my executor before his time: but I leave theWorld to judge, and if it puts things to things fairly together, it won'tbe much wide of the mark.
Well, once more I get my doors closed, and prepare for bed, in hopes of a little repose, after so many ruffling adventures. Just as I was putting out my light in order to it, another bounceth as hard as he can knock.
I open the window and ask, "Who is there, and what he wants?"
"I am NED the Sexton," replies he, "and come to know whether the Doctor left any orders for a Funeral Sermon? and where he is to be laid? and whether his grave is to be plain or bricked?"
"Why, Sirrah!" says I, "you know me well enough. You know I am not dead; and how dare you affront me after this manner!"
"Alack a day, Sir," replies the fellow, "why it is in print, and the whole Town knows you are dead. Why, there's Mr. WHITE the joiner is but fitting screws to your coffin! He'll be here with it in an instant. He was afraid you would have wanted it before this time."
"Sirrah! sirrah!" saith I, "you shall know to-morrow to your cost that I am alive! and alive like to be!"
"Why, 'tis strange, Sir," says he, "you should make such a secret of your death to us that are your neighbours. It looks as if you had a design to defraud the Church of its dues: and let me tell you, for one who has lived so long by the heavens, that is unhandsomely done!"
"Hist! hist!" says another rogue that stood by him, "away, Doctor! into your flannel gear as fast as you can! for here is a whole pack of dismals coming to you with their black equipage; how indecent will it look for you to stand frightening folks at your window, when you should have been in your coffin this three hours!"
In short, what with Undertakers, Embalmers, Joiners, Sextons, and yourElegyhawkersupon a late practitioner in Physic and Astrology; I got not one wink of sleep that night, nor scarce a moment's rest ever since.
Now, I doubt not but this villanous Squire has the impudence to assert that these are entirely strangers to him; he, good man! knoweth nothing of the matter! and honest ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, I warrant you! is more a man of honour than to be an accomplice with a pack of rascals that walk the streets on nights, and disturb good people in their beds. But he is out, if he thinks the whole World is blind! for there is one JOHN PARTRIDGE can smell a knave as far as Grub street, although he lies in the most exalted garret, and writeth himself "Squire"! But I will keep my temper! and proceed in the Narration.
I could not stir out of doors for the space of three months after this; but presently one comes up to me in the street: "Mr. PARTRIDGE, that coffin you were last buried in, I have not yet been paid for."
"Doctor!" cries another dog, "How do you think people can live by making graves for nothing? Next time you die, you may even toll out the bell yourself, for NED!"
A third rogue tips me by the elbow, and wonders "how I have the conscience to sneak abroad, without paying my funeral expenses."
"Lord!" says one, "I durst have sworn that was honest Dr. PARTRIDGE, my old friend; but, poor man, he is gone!"
"I beg your pardon," says another, "you look so like my old acquaintance that I used to consult on some private occasions: but, alack, he is gone the way of all flesh."
"Look, look!" cries a third, after a competent space of staring at me; "would not one think our neighbour theAlmanackmaker was crept out of his grave, to take another peep at the stars in this world, and shew how much he is improved in fortune telling by having taken a journey to the other."
Nay, the very Reader of our parish (a good sober discreet person) has sent two or three times for me to come and be buried decently, or send him sufficient reasons to the contrary: or if I have been interred in any other parish, to produce my certificate as theActrequires.
My poor wife is almost run distracted with being called Widow PARTRIDGE, when she knows it's false: and once a Term, she is cited into the Court, to take out Letters of Administration.
But the greatest grievance is a paltry Quack that takes up my calling just under my nose; and in his printed directions with a,N.B., says:He lives in the house of the late ingenious Mr. JOHN PARTRIDGE, an eminent Practitioner in Leather, Physic, and Astrology.
But to shew how far the wicked spirit of envy, malice, and resentment can hurry some men, my nameless old persecutor had provided a monument at the stone-cutter's, and would have it erected in the parish church: and this piece of notorious and expensive villany had actually succeeded, if I had not used my utmost interest with the Vestry; where it was carried at last but by two voices, that I am alive.
That stratagem failing, out cometh a long sableElegybedecked with hour-glasses, mattocks, skulls, spades, and skeletons, with anEpitaph[seep. 486] as confidently written to abuse me and my profession, as if I had been under ground these twenty years.
And, after such barbarous treatment as this, can the World blame me, when I ask, What is become of the freedom of an Englishman? and, Where is the Liberty and Property that my old glorious Friend [WILLIAM III.] came over to assert? We have driven Popery out of the nation! and sent Slavery to foreign climes! The Arts only remain in bondage, when a Man of Science and Character shall be openly insulted! in the midst of the many useful services he is daily paying the public. Was it ever heard, even in Turkey or Algiers, that a State Astrologer was bantered out of his life, by an ignorant impostor? or bawled out of the world, by a pack of villanous deep-mouthed hawkers?
Though I printAlmanacks, and publishAdvertisements; although I produce certificates under the Minister's and Churchwardens' hands, that I am alive: and attest the same, on oath, at Quarter Sessions: out comesA full and true Relation of the death and interment of JOHN PARTRIDGE. Truth is borne down; Attestations, neglected; the testimony of sober persons, despised: and a man is looked upon by his neighbours as if he had been seven years dead, and is buried alive in the midst of his friends and acquaintance.
Now can any man of common sense think it consistent with the honour of my profession, and not much beneath the dignity of a philosopher, to stand bawling, before his own door, "Alive! Alive! Ho! the famous Doctor PARTRIDGE! no counterfeit, but all alive!" as if I had the twelve celestial Monsters of the Zodiac to shew within, or was forced for a livelihood, to turn retailer to May and Bartholomew Fairs.
Therefore, if Her Majesty would but graciously be pleased to think a hardship of this nature worthy her royal consideration; and the next Parl[ia]m[en]t, in their great wisdom, cast but an eye towards the deplorable case of their oldPhilomaththat annually bestoweth his poetical good wishes on them: I am sure there is one ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, Esquire, would soon be trussed up! for his bloody persecution, and putting good subjects in terror of their lives. And that henceforward, to murder a man by way of Prophecy, and bury him in a printedLetter, eitherto a Lordor Commoner, shall as legally entitle him to the present possession of Tyburn, as if he robbed on the highway, or cut your throat in bed.
Advertisement.
N.B.:There is now in the Press, my Appeal to the Learned; Or my general Invitation to all Astrologers, Divines, Physicians, Lawyers, Mathematicians, Philologers, and to theLiteratiof the whole World, to come and take their Places in the Common Court of Knowledge, and receive the Charge given in by me, against ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, Esq., that most notorious Impostor in Science and illiterate Pretender to the Stars; where I shall openly convict him of ignorance in his profession, impudence and falsehood in every assertion, to the great detriment and scandal of Astrology. I shall further demonstrate to the Judicious, that France and Rome are at the bottom of this horrid conspiracy against me; and that the Culprit aforesaid is a Popish emissary, has paid his visits to St. Germains, and is now in the Measures of LEWIS XIV.; that in attempting my reputation, there is a general Massacre of Learning designed in these realms; and, through my sides, there is a wound given to all the ProtestantAlmanackmakers in the universe.
Vivat Regina!
Not satisfied with thisImpartial Account, when next Almanack time came (in the following November, 1708), PARTRIDGE'sAlmanackfor 1709 [P.P. 2465/8] contained the following:
You may remember that there was a Paper published predicting my death upon the 29th March at night, 1708, and after the day was past, the same villain told the World I was dead, and how I died, and that he was with me at the time of my death.
I thank GOD, by whose mercy I have my Being, that I am still alive, and (excepting my age) as well as ever I was in my life: as I was also at that 29th of March. And that Paper was said to be done by one BICKERSTAFF, Esq. But that was a sham name, it was done by an impudent lying fellow.
But his Prediction did not prove true! What will he say to that? For the fool had considered the "Star of my Nativity" as he said. Why the truth is, he will be hard put to it to find asalvofor his Honour. It was a bold touch! and he did not know but it might prove true.
One hardly knows whether to wonder most at the self-delusion or credulity of this last paragraph by the old quack.
This called forth from SWIFT:
A VINDICATION OF ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, Esq., &c.
MR. PARTRIDGE hath been lately pleased to treat me after a very rough manner, in that which is called hisAlmanackfor the present year. Such usage is very undecent from one Gentleman to another, and does not at all contribute to the discovery of Truth, which ought to be the great End in all disputes of the Learned. To call a man,fool, andvillain, andimpudent fellow, only for differing from him in a point merely speculative, is, in my humble opinion, a very improper style for a person of his Education.
I appeal to the Learned World, whether, in my last year'sPredictions, I gave him the least provocation for such unworthy treatment. Philosophers have differed in all Ages; but the discreetest among them, have always differed as became Philosophers. Scurrility and Passion in a Controversy among Scholars, is just so much of nothing to the purpose; and, at best, a tacit confession of a weak cause.
My concern is not so much for my own reputation, as that of the Republic of Letters; which Mr. PARTRIDGE hath endeavoured to wound through my sides. If men of public spirit must be superciliously treated for their ingenious attempts; how will true useful knowledge be ever advanced? I wish Mr. PARTRIDGE knew the thoughts which foreign Universities have conceived of his ungenerous proceeding with me: but I am too tender of his reputation to publish them to the World. That spirit of envy and pride, which blasts so many rising Geniuses in our nation, is yet unknown among Professors abroad. The necessity of justifying myself will excuse my vanity, when I tell the reader that I have received nearly a hundred Honorary Letters from several part of Europe, some as far as Muscovey, in praise of my performance: besides several others, which (as I have been credibly informed) were opened in the P[ost] Office, and never sent me.
It is true, the Inquisition in P[ortuga]l was pleased to burn myPredictions[A fact, as Sir PAUL METHUEN, the English Ambassador there, informed SWIFT], and condemned the Author and the readers of them: but, I hope at the same time, it will be considered in how deplorable a state Learning lieth at present in that Kingdom. And, with the profoundest reverence for crowned heads, I will presume to add, that it a little concerned His Majesty of Portugal to interpose his authority in behalf of a Scholar and a Gentleman, the subject of a nation with which he is now in so strict an alliance.
But the other Kingdoms and States of Europe have treated me with more candour and generosity. If I had leave to print the Latin letters transmitted to me from foreign parts, they would fill a Volume! and be a full defence against all that Mr. PARTRIDGE, or his accomplices of the P[ortuga]l Inquisition, will be ever able to object: who, by the way, are the only enemies myPredictionshave ever met with, at home or abroad. But I hope I know better what is due to the honour of a Learned Correspondence in so tender a point.
Yet some of those illustrious Persons will, perhaps, excuse me for transcribing a passage or two, in my own vindication.
[15]The most learned Monsieur LEIBNITZ thus addresseth to me his third Letter,Illustrissimo BICKERSTAFFIO Astrologico Instauratori, &c.Monsieur LE CLERC, quoting myPredictionsin a treatise he published last year, is pleased to say,Ita, nuperrime BICKERSTAFFIUS, magnum illud Angliae sidus. Another great Professor writing of me, has these words,BICKERSTAFFIUS nobilis Anglus, Astrologarum hujusce seculi facile Princeps. Signior MAGLIABECCHI, the Great Duke's famous Library Keeper, spendeth almost his whole Letter in compliments and praises. It is true the renowned Professor of Astronomy at Utrecht seemeth to differ from me in one article; but it is after the modest manner that becometh a Philosopher, asPace tanti viri dixerim: and, page 55, he seemeth to lay the error upon the printer, as, indeed it ought, and sayeth,vel forsan error typographi, cum alioquin BICKERSTAFFIUS vir doctissimus, &c.
If Mr. PARTRIDGE had followed these examples in the controversy between us, he might have spared me the trouble of justifying myself in so public a manner. I believe few men are readier to own their error than I, or more thankful to those who will please to inform him of them. But it seems this Gentleman, instead of encouraging the progress of his own Art, is pleased to look upon all Attempts of this kind as an invasion of his Province.
He has been indeed so wise, as to make no objection against the truth of myPredictions, except in one single point, relating to himself. And to demonstrate how much men are blinded by their own partiality, I do solemnly assure the reader, that he is theonlyperson from whom I ever heard that objection offered! which consideration alone, I think, will take off its weight.
With my utmost endeavours, I have not been able to trace above twoObjections ever made against the truth of my last year'sProphecies.
The first was of a Frenchman, who was pleased to publish to the World, thatthe Cardinal DE NOAILLES was still alive, notwithstanding the pretended Prophecy of Monsieur BIQUERSTAFFE. But how far a Frenchman, a Papist, and an enemy is to be believed, in his own cause, against an English Protestant, who istrue to the Government, I shall leave to the candid and impartial reader!
The other objection is the unhappy occasion of this Discourse, and relateth to an article in myPredictions, which foretold the death of Mr. PARTRIDGE to happen on March 29, 1708.This, he is pleased to contradict absolutely, in theAlmanackhe has published for the present year; and in that ungentlemanly manner (pardon the expression!) as I have above related.
In that Work, he very roundly asserts thathe is not only now alive, but was likewise alive upon that very 29th of March, when I had foretold he should die.
This is the subject of the present Controversy between us, which I design to handle with all brevity, perspicuity, and calmness. In this dispute, I am sensible the eyes, not only of England, but of all Europe will be upon us: and the Learned in every country will, I doubt not, take part on that side where they find most appearance of Reason and Truth.
Without entering into criticisms of Chronology about the hour of his death, I shall only prove thatMr. PARTRIDGE is not alive.
And my first argument is thus. Above a thousand Gentlemen having bought hisAlmanackfor this year, merely to find what he said against me: at every line they read, they would lift up their eyes, and cry out, between rage and laughter,They were sure, no man alive ever wrote such stuff as this!Neither did I ever hear that opinion disputed. So that Mr. PARTRIDGE lieth under a dilemma, either of disowning hisAlmanack, or allowing himself to beno man alive.
Death is defined by all Philosophers [as] a separation of the soul and body. Now it is certain that the poor woman [Mrs. PARTRIDGE] who has best reason to know, has gone about, for some time, to every alley in the neighbourhood, and swore to her gossips thather husband had neither life nor soul in him. Therefore, if anuninformedCarcass walks still about and is pleased to call itself PARTRIDGE; Mr. BICKERSTAFF doth not think himself any way answerable for that! Neither had the said Carcass any right to beat the poor boy, who happened to pass by it in the street, cryingA full and true Account of Dr. PARTRIDGE's death, &c.
SECONDLY. Mr. PARTRIDGE pretendeth to tell fortunes and recover stolen goods, which all the parish says, he must do by conversing with the Devil and other evil spirits: and no wise man will ever allow, he could converse personally with either, until after he was dead.
THIRDLY. I will plainly prove him to be dead out of his ownAlmanackfor this year; and from the very passage which he produceth to make us think him alive. He there sayeth,He is not onlynowalive, but was also alive upon that very 29th of March, which I foretold he should die on. By this, he declareth his opinion that a man may be alivenow, who was not alive a twelve month ago. And, indeed, here lies the sophistry of his argument. He dareth not assert he was aliveever since the 29th of March! but that he isnow alive, andwas so on that day. I grant the latter, for he did not die until night, as appeareth in a printed account of his death, in aLetter to a Lord; and whether he be since revived, I leave the World to judge! This indeed is perfect cavilling; and I am ashamed to dwell any longer upon it.
FOURTHLY. I will appeal to Mr. PARTRIDGE himself, whether it be probable I could have been so indiscreet as to begin myPredictionswith theonlyfalsehood that ever was pretended to be in them! and this in an affair at home, where I had so many opportunities to be exact, and must have given such advantages against me, to a person of Mr. PARTRIDGE's Wit and Learning: who, if he could possibly have raised one single objection more against the truth of my Prophecies, would hardly have spared me!
And here I must take occasion to reprove the above-mentioned Writer [i.e., SWIFThimself, seep. 482] of the Relation of Mr. PARTRIDGE's death, in aLetter to a Lord, who was pleased to tax me with a mistake offour whole hoursin my calculation of that event. I must confess, this censure, pronounced with an air of certainty, in a matter that so nearly concerned me, and by a gravejudiciousauthor, moved me not a little. But though I was at that time out of Town, yet several of my friends, whose curiosity had led them to be exactly informed (as for my own part; having no doubt at all of the matter, I never once thought of it!) assured me, I computed to something under half an hour: which (I speak my private opinion!) is an error of no very great magnitude, that men should raise clamour about it!
I shall only say, it would not be amiss, if that Author would henceforth be more tender of other men's reputation, as well as of his own! It is well there were no more mistakes of that kind: if there had been, I presume he would have told me of them, with as little ceremony.
There is one objection against Mr. PARTRIDGE's death, which I have sometimes met with, although indeed very slightly offered, That he still continueth to writeAlmanacks. But this is no more than what is common to all of that Profession.GADBURY, Poor Robin, DOVE, WING, and several others, do yearly publish theirAlmanacks, though several of them have been dead since before the Revolution. Now the natural reason of this I take to be, that whereas it is the privilege of other Authors,to liveafter their deaths;Almanackmakers are only excluded, because their Dissertations, treating only upon the Minutes as they pass, become useless as those go off: in consideration of which, Time, whose Registers they are, gives them a lease in reversion, to continue their Works after their death. Or, perhaps, aNamecanmakeanAlmanackas well assellone. And to strengthen this conjecture, I have heard the booksellers affirm, that they have desired Mr. PARTRIDGE to spare himself further trouble, and only to lend his Name; which could makeAlmanacksmuch better than himself.
I should not have given the Public or myself, the trouble of thisVindication, if my name had not been made use of by several persons, to whom I never lent it: one of which, a few days ago, was pleased to father on me, a new set ofPredictions. But I think these are things too serious to be trifled with. It grieved me to the heart, when I saw my Labours, which had cost me so much thought and watching, bawled about by the common hawkers of Grub street, which I only intended for the weighty consideration of the gravest persons. This prejudiced the World so much at first, that several of my friends had the assurance to ask me, "Whether I were in jest?" To which I only answered coldly, that "the event will shew!" But it is the talent of our Age and nation to turn things of the greatest importance into ridicule. When the end of the year hadverified allmyPredictions; out cometh Mr. PARTRIDGE'sAlmanack!disputing the point of his death. So that I am employed, like the General who was forced to kill his enemies twice over, whom a necromancer had raised to life. If Mr. PARTRIDGE has practised the same experiment upon himself, and be again alive; long may he continue so! But that doth not, in the least, contradict my veracity! For I think I have clearly proved,by invincible demonstration, that he died, at farthest, within half an hour of the time I foretold [; and not four hours sooner, as the above-mentioned Author, in hisLetter to a Lordhath maliciously suggested, with a design to blast my credit, by charging me with so gross a mistake].
Under the combined assault of the Wits, PARTRIDGE ceased to publish hisAlmanackfor a while; but afterwards took heart again, publishing his "Merlinus Redivivus, being an Almanack for the year 1714, by JOHN PARTRIDGE, a Lover of Truth [P.P. 2465/6];" at p. 2 of which is the following epistle.
To ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, Esq.
There seems to be a kind of fantastical propriety in a dead man's addressing himself to a person not in Being. ISAAC BICKERSTAFF [i.e., RICHARD STEELE] is no more [theTatlerhaving come to an end], and I have now nothing to dispute with on the subject of his fictions concerning me,sed magni nominis umbra, "a shadow only, and a mighty name."
I have indeed been for some years silent, or, in the language of Mr. BICKERSTAFF, "dead"; yet like many an old man that is reported so by his heirs, I have lived long enough to bury my successor [theTatlerhaving been discontinued]. In short, I am returned to Being after you have left it; and since you were once pleased to call yourself my brother-astrologer, the world may be apt to compare our story to that of the twin-stars CASTOR and POLLUX, and say it was our destiny, not to appear together, but according to the fable, to live and die by turns.
Now, Sir, my intention in this Epistle is to let you know that I shall behave myself in my new Being with as much moderation as possible, and that I have no longer any quarrel with you [i.e., STEELE], for the accounts you inserted in your writings [the joke was continued in theTatler] concerning my death, being sensible that you were no less abused in that particular than myself.
The person from whom you took up that report, I know, was your namesake, the author of BICKERSTAFF'sPredictions, a notorious cheat.[16] And if you had been indeed as much an Astrologer as you pretended, you might have known that his word was no more to be taken than that of an Irish evidence [SWIFT was now Dean of St. Patrick's]: that not being the onlyTale of a Tubhe had vented. The only satisfaction therefore, I expect is, that your bookseller in the next edition of your Works [The Tatler], do strike out my name and insert his in the room of it. I have some thoughts of obliging the World with his nativity, but shall defer that till another opportunity.
I have nothing to add further, but only that when you think fit to return to life again in whatever shape, of Censor [the designation of the supposed Writer of theTatler], aGuardian, anEnglishman, or any other figure, I shall hope you will do justice to
Your revived friend and servant,
On the last leaf of thisAlmanackis the following notice:—
This is to give notice to all people, that all thoseProphecies, Predictions, Almanacks, and other pamphlets, that had my name either true, or shammed with the want of a Letter [i.e., spelling his name PARTRIGE instead of PARTRIDGE]: I say, they are all impudent forgeries, by a breed of villains, and wholly without my knowledge or consent. And I doubt not but those beggarly villains that have scarce bread to eat without being rogues, two or three poor printers and a bookbinder, with honest BEN, will be at their old Trade again of Prophesying in my name. This is therefore to give notice, that if there is anything in print in my name beside thisAlmanack, you may depend on it that it is a lie, and he is a villain that writes and prints it.
In hisAlmanackfor 1715 [P.P. 2465/7], PARTRIDGE says—
It is very probable, that the beggarly knavish Crew will be this year also printingPropheciesandPredictionsin my name, to cheat the country as they used to do. This is therefore to give notice, that if there is anything of that kind done in my name besides thisAlmanackprinted by the Company of Stationers, you may be certain it is not mine, but a cheat, and therefore refuse it.
[15] The quotations here, are said to be a parody of those of BENTLEY in his controversy with BOYLE.
[16]VideDr. S[WI]FT.
THE PRESENT STATE OF WIT,IN A LETTER TO AFriend in the Country.
Printed in the Year, MDCCXI.(Price 3_d_.)
THE Present State OF WIT, &c.
You acquaint me in your last, that you are still so busy building at ——, that your friends must not hope to see you in Town this year: at the same time, you desire me, that you may not be quite at a loss in conversation among thebeau mondenext winter, to send you an account of the present State of Wit in Town: which, without further preface, I shall endeavour to perform; and give you the histories and characters of all our Periodical Papers, whether monthly, weekly, or diurnal, with the same freedom I used to send you our other Town news.
I shall only premise, that, as you know, I never cared one farthing, either for Whig or Tory: so I shall consider our Writers purely as they are such, without any respect to which Party they belong.
Dr. KING has, for some time, lain down his monthlyPhilosophical Transactions, which the title-page informed us at first, were only to be continued as they sold; and though that gentleman has a world of Wit, yet as it lies in one particular way of raillery, the Town soon grew weary of his Writings: though I cannot but think that their author deserves a much better fate than to languish out the small remainder of his life in the Fleet prison.
About the same time that the Doctor left off writing, one Mr. OZELL put out hisMonthly Amusement; which is still continued: and as it is generally some French novel or play indifferently translated, it is more or less taken notice of, as the original piece is more or less agreeable.
As to our Weekly Papers, the poorReview[by DANIEL DEFOE] is quite exhausted, and grown so very contemptible, that though he has provoked all his Brothers of the Quill round, none of them will enter into a controversy with him. This fellow, who had excellent natural parts, but wanted a small foundation of learning, is a lively instance of those Wits who, as an ingenious author says, "will endure but one skimming"[!].