To outsiders that was a very hard-working and uneventful winter to Polly. She thought so herself; but as spring came on, the seed of new virtues, planted in the winter time, and ripened by the sunshine of endeavor, began to bud in Polly's nature, betraying their presence to others by the added strength and sweetness of her character, long before she herself discovered these May flowers that had blossomed for her underneath the snow.
“I'M perfectly aching for some fun,” said Polly to herself as she opened her window one morning and the sunshine and frosty air set her blood dancing and her eyes sparkling with youth, health, and overflowing spirits. “I really must break out somewhere and have a good time. It's quite impossible to keep steady any longer. Now what will I do?” Polly sprinkled crumbs to the doves, who came daily to be fed, and while she watched the gleaming necks and rosy feet, she racked her brain to devise some unusually delightful way of enjoying herself, for she really had bottled up her spirits so long, they were in a state of uncontrollable effervescence.
“I'll go to the opera,” she suddenly announced to the doves. “It's expensive, I know, but it's remarkably good, and music is such a treat to me. Yes, I'll get two tickets as cheap as I can, send a note to Will, poor lad, he needs fun as much as I do, and we'll go and have a nice time in some corner, as Charles Lamb and his sister used to.”
With that Polly slammed down the window, to the dismay of her gentle little pensioners, and began to fly about with great energy, singing and talking to herself as if it was impossible to keep quiet. She started early to her first lesson that she might have time to buy the tickets, hoping, as she put a five-dollar bill into her purse, that they would n't be very high, for she felt that she was not in a mood to resist temptation. But she was spared any struggle, for when she reached the place, the ticket office was blocked up by eager purchasers and the disappointed faces that turned away told Polly there was no hope for her.
“Well, I don't care, I'll go somewhere, for I will have my fun,” she said with great determination, for disappointment only seemed to whet her appetite. But the playbills showed her nothing inviting and she was forced to go away to her work with the money burning her pocket and all manner of wild schemes floating in her head. At noon, instead of going home to dinner, she went and took an ice, trying to feet very gay and festive all by herself. It was rather a failure, however, and after a tour of the picture shops she went to give Maud a lesson, feeling that it was very hard to quench her longings, and subside into a prim little music teacher.
Fortunately she did not have to do violence to her feelings very long, for the first thing Fanny said to her was: “Can you go?”
“Where?”
“Did n't you get my note?”
“I did n't go home to dinner.”
“Tom wants us to go to the opera to-night and” Fan got no further, for Polly uttered a cry of rapture and clasped her hands.
“Go? Of course I will. I've been dying to go all day, tried to get tickets this morning and could n't, been fuming about it ever since, and now oh, how splendid!” And Polly could not restrain an ecstatic skip, for this burst of joy rather upset her.
“Well, you come to tea, and we'll dress together, and go all comfortable with Tom, who is in a heavenly frame of mind to-day.”
“I must run home and get my things,” said Polly, resolving on the spot to buy the nicest pair of gloves the city afforded.
“You shall have my white cloak and any other little rigging you want. Tommy likes to have his ladies a credit to him, you know,” said Fanny, departing to take a beauty sleep.
Polly instantly decided that she would n't borrow Becky's best bonnet, as she at first intended, but get a new one, for in her present excited state, no extravagance seemed too prodigal in honor of this grand occasion. I am afraid that Maud's lesson was not as thorough as it should have been, for Polly's head was such a chaos of bonnets, gloves, opera-cloaks and fans, that Maud blundered through, murdering time and tune at her own sweet will. The instant it was over Polly rushed away and bought not only the kids but a bonnet frame, a bit of illusion, and a pink crape rose, which had tempted her for weeks in a certain shop window, then home and to work with all the skill and speed of a distracted milliner.
“I'm rushing madly into expense, I'm afraid, but the fit is on me and I 'll eat bread and water for a week to make up for it. I must look nice, for Tom seldom takes me and ought to be gratified when he does. I want to do like other girls, just for once, and enjoy myself without thinking about right and wrong. Now a bit of pink ribbon to tie it with, and I shall be done in time to do up my best collar,” she said, turning her boxes topsy-turvy for the necessary ribbon in that delightful flurry which young ladies feel on such occasions.
It is my private opinion that the little shifts and struggles we poor girls have to undergo beforehand give a peculiar relish to our fun when we get it. This fact will account for the rapturous mood in which Polly found herself when, after making her bonnet, washing and ironing her best set, blacking her boots and mending her fan, she at last, like Consuelo, “put on a little dress of black silk” and, with the smaller adornments pinned up in a paper, started for the Shaws', finding it difficult to walk decorously when her heart was dancing in her bosom.
Maud happened to be playing a redowa up in the parlor, and Polly came prancing into the room so evidently spoiling for a dance that Tom, who was there, found it impossible to resist catching her about the waist, and putting her through the most intricate evolutions till Maud's fingers gave out.
“That was splendid! Oh, Tom, thank you so much for asking me to-night. I feel just like having a regular good time,” cried Polly, when she stopped, with her hat hanging round her neck and her hair looking as if she had been out in a high wind.
“Glad of it. I felt so myself and thought we'd have a jolly little party all in the family,” said Tom, looking much gratified at her delight.
“Is Trix sick?” asked Polly.
“Gone to New York for a week.”
“Ah, when the cat's away the mice will play.”
“Exactly. Come and have another turn.”
Before they could start, however, the awful spectacle of a little dog trotting out of the room with a paper parcel in his mouth, made Polly clasp her hands with the despairing cry: “My bonnet! Oh, my bonnet!”
“Where? what? which?” And Tom looked about him, bewildered.
“Snip's got it. Save it! save it!”
“I will!” And Tom gave chase with more vigor than discretion.
Snip, evidently regarding it as a game got up for his special benefit, enjoyed the race immensely and scampered all over the house, shaking the precious parcel like a rat while his master ran and whistled, commanded and coaxed, in vain. Polly followed, consumed with anxiety, and Maud laughed till Mrs. Shaw sent down to know who was in hysterics. A piteous yelp from the lower regions at last announced that the thief was captured, and Tom appeared bearing Snip by the nape of the neck in one hand and Polly's cherished bonnet in the other.
“The little scamp was just going to worry it when I grabbed him. I'm afraid he has eaten one of your gloves. I can't find it, and this one is pretty well chewed up,” said Tom, bereaving Snip of the torn kid, to which he still pertinaciously clung.
“Serves me right,” said Polly with a groan. “I'd no business to get a new pair, but I wanted to be extra gorgeous to-night, and this is my punishment for such mad extravagance.”
“Was there anything else?” asked Tom.
“Only my best cuffs and collar. You'll probably find them in the coal-bin,” said Polly, with the calmness of despair.
“I saw some little white things on the dining-room floor as I raced through. Go get them, Maud, and we'll repair damages,” said Tom, shutting the culprit into the boot closet, where he placidly rolled himself up and went to sleep.
“They ain't hurt a bit,” proclaimed Maud, restoring the lost treasures.
“Neither is my bonnet, for which I'm deeply grateful,” said Polly, who had been examining it with a solicitude which made Tom's eyes twinkle.
“So am I, for it strikes me that is an uncommonly'nobby' little affair,” he said approvingly. Tom had a weakness for pale pink roses, and perhaps Polly knew it.
“I'm afraid it's too gay,” said Polly, with a dubious look.
“Not a bit. Sort of bridal, you know. Must be becoming. Put it on and let 's see.”
“I would n't for the world, with my hair all tumbling down. Don't look at me till I'm respectable, and don't tell any one how I've been acting. I think I must be a little crazy to-night,” said Polly, gathering up her rescued finery and preparing to go and find Fan.
“Lunacy is mighty becoming, Polly. Try it again,” answered Tom, watching her as she went laughing away, looking all the prettier for her dishevelment. “Dress that girl up, and she'd be a raving, tearing beauty,” added Tom to Maud in a lower tone as he look her into the parlor under his arm.
Polly heard it and instantly resolved to be as “raving and as tearing” as her means would allow, “just for one night,” she said as she peeped over the banisters, glad to see that the dance and the race had taken the “band-boxy” air out of Tom's elegant array.
I deeply regret being obliged to shock the eyes and ears of such of my readers as have a prejudice in favor of pure English by expressions like the above, but, having rashly undertaken to write a little story about Young America, for Young America, I feel bound to depict my honored patrons as faithfully as my limited powers permit. Otherwise, I must expect the crushing criticism, “Well, I dare say it's all very prim and proper, but it is n't a bit like us,” and never hope to arrive at the distinction of finding the covers of “An Old-Fashioned Girl” the dirtiest in the library.
The friends had a social “cup o' tea” upstairs, which Polly considered the height of luxury, and then each took a mirror and proceeded to prink to her heart's content. The earnestness with which Polly made her toilet that night was delightful to behold. Feeling in a daring mood, she released her pretty hair from the braids in which she usually wore it and permitted the curls to display themselves in all their brown abundance, especially several dangerous little ones about the temples and forehead. The putting on of the rescued collar and cuffs was a task which absorbed her whole mind. So was the settling of a minute bit of court-plaster just to the left of the dimple in her chin, an unusual piece of coquetry in which Polly would not have indulged, if an almost invisible scratch had not given her an excuse for doing it. The white, down-trimmed cloak, with certain imposing ornaments on the hood, was assumed with becoming gravity and draped with much advancing and retreating before the glass, as its wearer practised the true Boston gait, elbows back, shoulders forward, a bend and a slide, occasionally varied by a slight skip. But when that bonnet went on, Polly actually held her breath till it was safely landed and the pink rose bloomed above the smooth waves of hair with what Fanny called “a ravishing effect.” At this successful stage of affairs Polly found it impossible to resist the loan of a pair of gold bands for the wrists and Fanny's white fan with the little mirror in the middle.
“I can put them in my pocket if I feel too much dressed,” said Polly as she snapped on the bracelets, but after a wave or two of the fan she felt that it would be impossible to take them off till the evening was over, so enticing was their glitter.
Fanny also lent her a pair of three-button gloves, which completed her content, and when Tom greeted her with an approving, “Here's a sight for gods and men! Why, Polly, you're gorgeous!” she felt that her “fun” had decidedly begun.
“Would n't Polly make a lovely bride?” said Maud, who was revolving about the two girls, trying to decide whether she would have a blue or a white cloak when she grew up and went to operas.
“Faith, and she would! Allow me to congratulate you, Mrs. Sydney,” added Tom, advancing with his wedding-reception bow and a wicked look at Fanny.
“Go away! How dare you?” cried Polly, growing much redder than her rose.
“If we are going to the opera to-night, perhaps we'd better start, as the carriage has been waiting some time,” observed Fan coolly, and sailed out of the room in an unusually lofty manner.
“Don't you like it, Polly?” whispered Tom, as they went down stairs together.
“Very much.”
“The deuce you do!”
“I'm so fond of music, how can I help it?
“I'm talking about Syd.”
“Well, I'm not.”
“You'd better try for him.”
“I'll think of it.”
“Oh, Polly, Polly, what are you coming to?”
“A tumble into the street, apparently,” answered Polly as she slipped a little on the step, and Tom stopped in the middle of his laugh to pilot her safely into the carriage, where Fanny was already seated.
“Here's richness!” said Polly to herself as she rolled away, feeling as Cinderella probably did when the pumpkin-coach bore her to the first ball, only Polly had two princes to think about, and poor Cinderella, on that occasion, had not even one. Fanny did n't seem inclined to talk much, and Tom would go on in such a ridiculous manner that Polly told him she would n't listen and began to hum bits of the opera. But she heard every word, nevertheless, and resolved to pay him for his impertinence as soon as possible by showing him what he had lost.
Their seats were in the balcony, and hardly were they settled, when, by one of those remarkable coincidences which are continually occurring in our youth, Mr. Sydney and Fanny's old friend Frank Moore took their places just behind them.
“Oh, you villain! You did it on purpose,” whispered Polly as she turned from greeting their neighbors and saw a droll look on Tom's face.
“I give you my word I did n't. It's the law of attraction, don't you see?”
“If Fan likes it, I don't care.”
“She looks resigned, I think.”
She certainly did, for she was talking and laughing in the gayest manner with Frank while Sydney was covertly surveying Polly as if he did n't quite understand how the gray grub got so suddenly transformed into a white butterfly. It is a well-known fact that dress plays a very important part in the lives of most women and even the most sensible cannot help owning sometimes how much happiness they owe to a becoming gown, gracefully arranged hair, or a bonnet which brings out the best points in their faces and puts them in a good humor. A great man was once heard to say that what first attracted him to his well-beloved wife was seeing her in a white muslin dress with a blue shawl on the chair behind her. The dress caught his eye, and, stopping to admire that, the wearer's intelligent conversation interested his mind, and in time, the woman's sweetness won his heart. It is not the finest dress which does the most execution, I fancy, but that which best interprets individual taste and character. Wise people understand this, and everybody is more influenced by it than they know, perhaps. Polly was not very wise, but she felt that every one about her found something more attractive than usual in her and modestly attributed Tom's devotion, Sydney's interest, and Frank's undisguised admiration, to the new bonnet or, more likely, to that delightful combination of cashmere, silk, and swan's-down, which, like Charity's mantle, seemed to cover a multitude of sins in other people's eyes and exalt the little music teacher to the rank of a young lady.
Polly scoffed at this sort of thing sometimes, but to-night she accepted it without a murmur rather enjoyed it in fact, let her bracelets shine before the eyes of all men, and felt that it was good to seem comely in their sight. She forgot one thing, however: that her own happy spirits gave the crowning charm to a picture which every one liked to see a blithe young girl enjoying herself with all her heart. The music and the light, costume and company, excited Polly and made many things possible which at most times she would never have thought of saying or doing. She did not mean to flirt, but somehow “it flirted itself” and she could n't help it, for, once started, it was hard to stop, with Tom goading her on, and Sydney looking at her with that new interest in his eyes. Polly's flirting was such a very mild imitation of the fashionable thing that Trix & Co. would not have recognized it, but it did very well for a beginner, and Polly understood that night wherein the fascination of it lay, for she felt as if she had found a new gift all of a sudden, and was learning how to use it, knowing that it was dangerous, yet finding its chief charm in that very fact.
Tom did n't know what to make of her at first, though he thought the change uncommonly becoming and finally decided that Polly had taken his advice and was “setting her cap for Syd,” as he gracefully expressed it. Sydney, being a modest man, thought nothing of the kind, but simply fancied that little Polly was growing up to be a very charming woman. He had known her since her first visit and had always liked the child; this winter he had been interested in the success of her plans and had done what he could to help them, but he never thought of failing in love with Polly till that night. Then he began to feel that he had not fully appreciated his young friend; that she was such a bright and lovable girl, it was a pity she should not always be gay and pretty, and enjoy herself; that she would make a capital wife for somebody, and perhaps it was about time to think of “settling,” as his sister often said. These thoughts came and went as he watched the white figure in front, felt the enchantment of the music, and found everybody unusually blithe and beautiful. He had heard the opera many times, but it had never seemed so fine before, perhaps because he had never happened to have had an ingenuous young face so near him in which the varying emotions born of the music, and the romance it portrayed, came and went so eloquently that it was impossible to help reading them. Polly did not know that this was why he leaned down so often to speak to her, with an expression which she did not understand but liked very much nevertheless.
“Don't shut your eyes, Polly. They are so full of mischief to-night, I like to see them,” said Tom, after idly wondering for a minute if she knew how long and curly her lashes were.
“I don't wish to look affected, but the music tells the story so much better than the acting that I don't care to look on half the time,” answered Polly, hoping Tom would n't see the tears she had so cleverly suppressed.
“Now I like the acting best. The music is all very fine, I know, but it does seem so absurd for people to go round telling tremendous secrets at the top of their voices. I can't get used to it.”
“That's because you've more common-sense than romance. I don't mind the absurdity, and quite long to go and comfort that poor girl with the broken heart,” said Polly with a sigh as the curtain fell on a most affecting tableau.
“What's-his-name is a great jack not to see that she adores him. In real life we fellows ain't such bats as all that,” observed Tom, who had decided opinions on many subjects that he knew very little about, and expressed them with great candor.
A curious smile passed over Polly's face and she put up her glass to hide her eyes, as she said: “I think you are bats sometimes, but women are taught to wear masks, and that accounts for it, I suppose.”
“I don't agree. There's precious little masking nowadays; wish there was a little more sometimes,” added Tom, thinking of several blooming damsels whose beseeching eyes had begged him not to leave them to wither on the parent stem.
“I hope not, but I guess there's a good deal more than any one would suspect.”
“What can you know about broken hearts and blighted beings?” asked Sydney, smiling at the girl's pensive tone.
Polly glanced up at him and her face dimpled and shone again, as she answered, laughing: “Not much; my time is to come.”
“I can't imagine you walking about the world with your back hair down, bewailing a hard-hearted lover,” said Tom.
“Neither can I. That would n't be my way.”
“No; Miss Polly would let concealment prey on her damask cheeks and still smile on in the novel fashion, or turn sister of charity and nurse the heartless lover through small-pox, or some other contagious disease, and die seraphically, leaving him to the agonies of remorse and tardy love.”
Polly gave Sydney an indignant look as he said that in a slow satirical way that nettled her very much, for she hated to be thought sentimental.
“That's not my way either,” she said decidedly. “I'd try to outlive it, and if I could n't, I'd try to be the better for it. Disappointment need n't make a woman a fool.”
“Nor an old maid, if she's pretty and good. Remember that, and don't visit the sins of one blockhead on all the rest of mankind,” said Tom, laughing at her earnestness.
“I don't think there is the slightest possibility of Miss Polly's being either,” added Sydney with a look which made it evident that concealment had not seriously damaged Polly's damask cheek as yet.
“There's Clara Bird. I have n't seen her but once since she was married. How pretty she looks!” and Polly retired behind the big glass again, thinking the chat was becoming rather personal.
“Now, there's a girl who tried a different cure for unrequited affection from any you mention. People say she was fond of Belle's brother. He did n't reciprocate but went off to India to spoil his constitution, so Clara married a man twenty years older than she is and consoles herself by being the best-dressed woman in the city.”
“That accounts for it,” said Polly, when Tom's long whisper ended.
“For what?”
“The tired look in her eyes.”
“I don't see it,” said Tom, after a survey through the glass.
“Did n't expect you would.”
“I see what you mean. A good many women have it nowadays,” said Sydney over Polly's shoulder.
“What's she tired of? The old gentleman?” asked Tom.
“And herself,” added Polly.
“You've been reading French novels, I know you have. That's just the way the heroines go on,” cried Tom.
“I have n't read one, but it's evident you have, young man, and you'd better stop.”
“I don't care for'em; only do it to keep up my French. But how came you to be so wise, ma'am?”
“Observation, sir. I like to watch faces, and I seldom see a grown-up one that looks perfectly happy.”
“True for you, Polly; no more you do, now I think of it. I don't know but one that always looks so, and there it is.”
“Where?” asked Polly, with interest.
“Look straight before you and you'll see it.”
Polly did look, but all she saw was her own face in the little mirror of the fan which Tom held up and peeped over with a laugh in his eyes.
“Do I look happy? I'm glad of that,” And Polly surveyed herself with care.
Both young men thought it was girlish vanity and smiled at its naive display, but Polly was looking for something deeper than beauty and was glad not to find it.
“Rather a pleasant little prospect, hey, Polly?”
“My bonnet is straight, and that's all I care about. Did you ever see a picture of Beau Brummel?” asked Polly quickly.
“No.”
“Well, there he is, modernized.” And turning the fan, she showed him himself.
“Any more portraits in your gallery?” asked Sydney, as if he liked to share all the nonsense going.
“One more.”
“What do you call it?”
“The portrait of a gentleman.” And the little glass reflected a gratified face for the space of two seconds.
“Thank you. I'm glad I don't disgrace my name,” said Sydney, looking down into the merry blue eyes that thanked him silently for many of the small kindnesses that women never can forget.
“Very good, Polly, you are getting on fast,” whispered Tom, patting his yellow kids approvingly.
“Be quiet! Dear me, how warm it is!” And Polly gave him a frown that delighted his soul.
“Come out and have an ice, we shall have time.”
“Fan is so absorbed, I could n't think of disturbing her,” said Polly, fancying that her friend was enjoying the evening as much as she was a great mistake, by the way, for Fan was acting for effect, and though she longed to turn and join them, would n't do it, unless a certain person showed signs of missing her. He did n't, and Fanny chatted on, raging inwardly over her disappointment, and wondering how Polly could be so gay and selfish.
It was delicious to see the little airs Polly put on, for she felt as if she were somebody else, and acting a part. She leaned back, as if quite oppressed by the heat, permitted Sydney to fan her, and paid him for the service by giving him a flower from her bouquet, proceedings which amused Tom immensely, even while it piqued him a little to be treated like an old friend who did n't count.
“Go in and win, Polly; I'll give you my blessing,” he whispered, as the curtain rose again.
“It's only part of the fun, so don't you laugh, you disrespectful boy,” she whispered back in a tone never used toward Sydney.
Tom did n't quite like the different way in which she treated them, and the word “boy” disturbed his dignity, for he was almost twenty-one and Polly ought to treat him with more respect. Sydney at the same moment was wishing he was in Tom's place young, comely, and such a familiar friend that Polly would scold and lecture him in the delightful way she did Tom; while Polly forgot them both when the music began and left them ample time to look at her and think about themselves.
While they waited to get out when all was over Polly heard Fan whisper to Tom: “What do you think Trix will say to this?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why, the way you've been going on to-night.”
“Don't know, and don't care; it's only Polly.”
“That's the very thing. She can't bear P.”
“Well, I can; and I don't see why I should n't enjoy myself as well as Trix.”
“You'll get to enjoying yourself too much if you are n't careful. Polly 's waked up.”
“I'm glad of it, and so's Syd.”
“I only spoke for your good.”
“Don't trouble yourself about me; I get lecturing enough in another quarter and can't stand any more. Come, Polly.”
She took the arm he offered her, but her heart was sore and angry, for that phrase, “It's only Polly,” hurt her sadly. “As if I was n't anybody, had n't any feelings, and was only made to amuse or work for people! Fan and Tom are both mistaken and I'll show them that Polly is awake,” she thought, indignantly. “Why should n't I enjoy myself as well as the rest? Besides, it's only Tom,” she added with a bitter smile as she thought of Trix.
“Are you tired, Polly?” asked Tom, bending down to look into her face.
“Yes, of being nobody.”
“Ah, but you ain't nobody, you're Polly, and you could n't better that if you tried ever so hard,” said Tom, warmly, for he really was fond of Polly, and felt uncommonly so just then.
“I'm glad you think so, anyway. It's so pleasant to be liked.” And she looked up with her face quite bright again.
“I always did like you, don't you know, ever since that first visit.”
“But you teased me shamefully, for all that.”
“So I did, but I don't now.”
Polly did not answer, and Tom asked, with more anxiety than the occasion required: “Do I, Polly?”
“Not in the same way, Tom,” she answered in a tone that did n't sound quite natural.
“Well, I never will again.”
“Yes, you will, you can't help it.” And Polly's eye glanced at Sydney, who was in front with Fan.
Tom laughed, and drew Polly closer as the crowd pressed, saying, with mock tenderness: “Did n't she like to be chaffed about her sweethearts? Well, she shan't be if I can help it. Poor dear, did she get her little bonnet knocked into a cocked hat and her little temper riled at the same time?”
Polly could n't help laughing, and, in spite of the crush, enjoyed the slow journey from seat to carriage, for Tom took such excellent care of her, she was rather sorry when it was over.
They had a merry little supper after they got home, and Polly gave them a burlesque opera that convulsed her hearers, for her spirits rose again and she was determined to get the last drop of fun before she went back to her humdrum life again.
“I've had a regularly splendid time, and thank you ever so much,” she said when the “good-nights” were being exchanged.
“So have I. Let's go and do it again to-morrow,” said Tom, holding the hand from which he had helped to pull a refractory glove.
“Not for a long while, please. Too much pleasure would soon spoil me,” answered Polly, shaking her head.
“I don't believe it. Good-night, 'sweet Mistress Milton,' as Syd called you. Sleep like an angel, and don't dream of I forgot, no teasing allowed.” And Tom took himself off with a theatrical farewell.
“Now it's all over and done with,” thought Polly as she fell asleep after a long vigil. But it was not, and Polly's fun cost more than the price of gloves and bonnet, for, having nibbled at forbidden fruit, she had to pay the penalty. She only meant to have a good time, and there was no harm in that, but unfortunately she yielded to the various small temptations that beset pretty young girls and did more mischief to others than to herself. Fanny's friendship grew cooler after that night. Tom kept wishing Trix was half as satisfactory as Polly, and Mr. Sydney began to build castles that had no foundation.
“I'VE won the wager, Tom.”
“Did n't know there was one.”
“Don't you remember you said Polly would be tired of her teaching and give it up in three months, and I said she would n't?”
“Well, is n't she?”
“Not a bit of it. I thought she was at one time, and expected every day to have her come in with a long face, and say she could n't stand it. But somehow, lately, she is always bright and happy, seems to like her work, and don't have the tired, worried look she used to at first. The three months are out, so pay up, Tommy.”
“All right, what will you have?”
“You may make it gloves. I always need them, and papa looks sober when I want money.”
There was a minute's pause as Fan returned to her practising, and Tom relapsed into the reverie he was enjoying seated astride of a chair, with his chin on his folded arms.
“Seems to me Polly don't come here as often as she used to,” he said, presently.
“No, she seems to be very busy; got some new friends, I believe, old ladies, sewing-girls, and things of that sort. I miss her, but know she 'll get tired of being goody, and will come back to me before long.”
“Don't be too sure of that, ma'am.” Something in Tom's tone made Fan turn round, and ask, “What do you mean?”
“Well, it strikes me that Sydney is one of Polly's new friends. Have n't you observed that she is uncommonly jolly, and don't that sort of thing account for it?”
“Nonsense!” said Fanny, sharply.
“Hope it is,” coolly returned Tom.
“What put it into your head?” demanded Fanny, twirling round again so that her face was hidden.
“Oh, well, I keep meeting Syd and Polly circulating in the same directions; she looks as if she had found something uncommonly nice, and he looks as if all creation was getting Pollyfied pretty rapidly. Wonder you have n't observed it.”
“I have.”
It was Tom's turn to look surprised now, for Fanny's voice sounded strange to him. He looked at her steadily for a minute, but saw only a rosy ear and a bent head. A cloud passed over his face, and he leaned his chin on his arm again with a despondent whistle, as he said to himself, “Poor Fan! Both of us in a scrape at once.”
“Don't you think it would be a good thing?” asked Fanny, after playing a bar or two, very badly.
“Yes, for Syd.”
“Not for Polly? Why, he's rich, and clever, and better than most of you good-for-nothing fellows. What can the girl expect?”
“Can't say, but I don't fancy the match myself.”
“Don't be a dog in the manger, Tom. Bless your little heart, I only take a brotherly sort of interest in Polly. She's a capital girl, and she ought to marry a missionary, or one of your reformer fellows, and be a shining light of some sort. I don't think setting up for a fine lady would suit her.”
“I think it would, and I hope she'll have the chance,” said Fanny, evidently making an effort to speak kindly.
“Good for you, Fan!” and Tom gave an emphatic nod, as if her words meant more than she suspected “Mind you,” he added, “I don't know anything, and only fancied there might be some little flirtation going on. But I dare say it's nothing.”
“Time will show.” Then Fan began to sing, and Tom's horse came, so he departed with the very unusual demonstration of a gentle pat on the head, as he said kindly, “That's right, my dear, keep jolly.” It was n't an elegant way of expressing sympathy, but it was hearty, and Fan thanked him for it, though she only said, “Don't break your neck, Tommy.”
When he was gone, Fan's song ended as suddenly as it began, and she sat thinking, with varying expressions of doubt and trouble passing rapidly across her face.
“Well, I can't do anything but wait!” she said, at last, slamming the music-book together with a desperate look. “Yes, I can,” she added, a minute after, “it's Polly's holiday. I can go and see her, and if there is anything in it I shall find it out.”
Fanny dropped her face into her hands, with a little shiver, as she said that; then got up, looking as pale and resolute as if going to meet some dreadful doom, and putting on her things, went away to Polly's as fast as her dignity would allow.
Saturday morning was Polly's clearing-up day, and Fan found her with a handkerchief tied over her head, and a big apron on, just putting the last touches to the tidy little room, which was as fresh and bright as water, air, and a pair of hands could make it.
“All ready for company. I'll just whisk off my regimentals, and Polly, the maid, becomes Polly, the missis. It was lovely of you to come early; take off your things. Another new bonnet? you extravagant wretch! How is your mother and Maudie? It's a nice day, and we'll have a walk, won't we?”
By the time Polly's welcome was uttered, she had got Fan on the little sofa beside her, and was smiling at her in such an infectious manner, that Fan could n't help smiling back.
“I came to see what you have been doing with yourself lately. You don't come and report, and I got anxious about you,” said Fanny, looking into the clear eyes before her.
“I've been so busy; and I knew you would n't care to hear about my doings, for they are n't the sort you like,” answered Polly.
“Your lessons did n't use to take up all your time. It's my private opinion that you are taking as well as giving lessons, miss,” said Fan, putting on a playfully stern air, to hide her real anxiety.
“Yes, I am,” answered Polly, soberly.
“In what? Love?”
A quick color came to Polly's cheeks, as she laughed, and said, looking away, “No; friendship and good works.”
“Oh, indeed! May I ask who is your teacher?”
“I've more than one; but Miss Mills is head teacher.”
“She instructs in good works; who gives the friendship lessons?”
“Such pleasant girls! I wish you knew them, Fan. So clever, and energetic, and kind, and happy, it always does me good to see them,” cried Polly, with a face full of enthusiasm.
“Is that all?” And Fan gave her a curious look of mingled disappointment and relief.
“There, I told you my doings would not interest you, and they don't; they sound flat and prosy after your brilliant adventures. Let's change the subject,” said Polly, looking relieved herself.
“Dear me, which of our sweethearts sends us dainty bouquets of violets so early in the morning?” asked Fanny, suddenly spying the purple cluster in a graceful little vase on the piano.
“He sends me one every week; he knows I love them so,” and Polly's eyes turned that way full of pride and pleasure.
“I'd no idea he was so devoted,” said Fanny, stooping to smell the flowers, and at the same time read a card that lay near them.
“You need n't plague me about it, now you know it. I never speak of our fondness for one another, because such things seem silly to other people. Will is n't all that Jimmy was to me; but he tries to be, and I love him dearly for it.”
“Will?” Fanny's voice quite startled Polly, it was so sharp and sudden, and her face grew red and pale all in a minute, as she upset the little vase with the start she gave.
“Yes, of course; who did you think I meant?” asked Polly, sopping up the water before it damaged her piano.
“Never mind; I thought you might be having a quiet little flirtation with somebody. I feel responsible, you know, because I told your mother I'd look after you. The flowers are all right. My head aches so, I hardly know what I'm doing this morning.”
Fanny spoke fast, and laughed uncomfortably, as she went back to the sofa, wondering if Polly had told her a lie. Polly seemed to guess at her thoughts as she saw the card, and turning toward her, she held it up, saying, with a conscious look in her eyes, “You thought Mr. Sydney sent them? Well, you are mistaken, and the next time you want to know anything, please ask straight out. I like it better than talking at cross purposes.”
“Now, my dear, don't be angry; I was only teasing you in fun. Tom took it into his foolish head that something was going on, and I felt a natural interest, you know.”
“Tom! What does he know or care about my affairs?” demanded Polly.
“He met you two in the street pretty often, and being in a sentimental mood himself, got up a romance for you and Sydney.”
“I'm much obliged to him for his interest, but it's quite wasted, thank you.”
Fan's next proceeding gave her friend another surprise, for, being rather ashamed of herself, very much relieved, and quite at a loss what to say, she took refuge in an hysterical fit of tears, which changed Polly's anger into tenderness at once.
“Is that the trouble she has been hiding all winter? Poor dear, I wish I 'd known it sooner,” thought Polly, as she tried to soothe her with comfortable pats, sniffs of cologne and sympathizing remarks upon the subject of headache, carefully ignoring that other feminine affliction, the heartache.
“There, I feel better. I've been needing a good cry for some time, and now I shall be all right. Never mind it, Polly, I'm nervous and tired; I 've danced too much lately, and dyspepsia makes me blue;” and Fanny wiped her eyes and laughed.
“Of course it does; you need rest and petting, and here I've been scolding you, when I ought to have been extra kind. Now tell me what I can do for you,” said Polly, with a remorseful face.
“Talk to me, and tell me all about yourself. You don't seem to have as many worries as other people. What's the secret, Polly?” And Fan looked up with wet eyes, and a wistful face at Polly, who was putting little dabs of cologne all over her head.
“Well,” said Polly, slowly, “I just try to look on the bright side of things; that helps one amazingly. Why, you've no idea how much goodness and sunshine you can get out of the most unpromising things, if you make the best of them.”
“I don't know how,” said Fan, despondently.
“You can learn; I did. I used to croak and fret dreadfully, and get so unhappy, I was n't fit for anything. I do it still more than I ought, but I try not to, and it gets easier, I find. Get a-top of your troubles, and then they are half cured, Miss Mills says.”
“Everything is so contrary and provoking,” said Fanny, petulantly.
“Now what in the world have you to fret about?” asked Polly, rather anxiously.
“Quantities of things,” began Fan, and then stopped, for somehow she felt ashamed to own that she was afflicted because she could n't have a new set of furs, go to Paris in the spring, and make Mr. Sydney love her. She hunted up something more presentable, and said in a despairing tone, “Well, mother is very poorly, Tom and Trix quarrel all the time, Maud gets more and more wilful every day, and papa is worried about his affairs.”
“A sad state of things, but nothing very desperate. Can't you lend a hand anywhere? That might do good all round.”
“No; I have n't the talent for managing people, but I see what ought to be done.”
“Well, don't wail about it; keep yourself happy, if you can; it will help other people to see you cheerful.”
“Just what Tom said, 'Keep jolly'; but, dear me, how can one, when everything is so stupid and tiresome?”
“If ever a girl needed work, it's you!” cried Polly. “You began to be a young lady so early, that you are tired of everything at twenty-two. I wish you'd go at something, then you'd find how much talent and energy you really had.”
“I know ever so many girls who are just like me, sick to death of fashionable life but don't know what to take in its place. I'd like to travel; but papa says he can't afford it, so I can only drag about and get on as I may.”
“I pity you rich girls so much, you have so many opportunities, and don't seem to know how to use them! I suppose I should do just the same in your place, but it seems now as if I could be very happy and useful with plenty of money.”
“You are that without it. There, I won't croak any more. Let us go and take a good walk, and don't you tell any one how I came and cried like a baby.”
“Never!” said Polly, putting on her bonnet.
“I ought to go and make calls,” said Fanny, “but I don't feel now as if I ever wanted to see any of the girls again. Dreadful state of mind, is n't it?”
“Suppose you come and see some of my friends instead! They are not fine or ceremonious, but lively, odd, and pleasant. Come, it will amuse you.”
“I will,” cried Fanny, whose spirits seemed improved by the shower. “Nice little old lady, is n't she?” added Fan, as she caught sight of Miss Mills, on their way out, sitting at a table piled with work, and sewing away with an energy that made the gray curls vibrate.
“Saint Mehitable, I call her. Now, there is a rich woman who knew how to get happiness out of her money,” said Polly, as they walked away. “She was poor till she was nearly fifty; then a comfortable fortune was left her, and she knew just how to use it. That house was given her, but instead of living in it all alone, she filled it with poor gentlefolks who needed neat, respectable homes, but could n't get anything comfortable for their little money. I'm one of them, and I know the worth of what she does for me. Two old widow ladies live below me, several students overhead, poor Mrs. Kean and her lame boy have the back parlor, and Jenny the little bedroom next Miss Mills. Each pays what they can; that's independent, and makes us feel better but that dear woman does a thousand things that money can't pay for, and we feel her influence all through the house. I'd rather be married, and have a home of my own; but next to that, I should like to be an old maid like Miss Mills.”
Polly's sober face and emphatic tone made Fanny laugh, and at the cheery sound a young girl pushing a baby-carriage looked round and smiled.
“What lovely eyes!” whispered Fanny.
“Yes, that's little Jane,” returned Polly, adding, when she had passed, with a nod and a friendly “Don't get tired, Jenny,” “we help one another at our house, and every fine morning Jenny takes Johnny Kean out when she goes for her own walk. That gives his mother time to rest, does both the children good, and keeps things neighborly. Miss Mills suggested it, and Jenny is so glad to do anything for anybody, it's a pleasure to let her.”
“I've heard of Miss Mills before. But I should think she would get tired to death, sitting there making hoods and petticoats day after day,” said Fanny, after thinking over Jenny's story for a few minutes, for seeing the girl seemed to bring it nearer, and make it more real to her.
“But she don't sit there all the time. People come to her with their troubles, and she goes to them with all sorts of help, from soap and soup, to shrouds for the dead and comfort for the living. I go with her sometimes, and it is more exciting than any play, to see and hear the lives and stories of the poor.”
“How can you bear the dreadful sights and sounds, the bad air, and the poverty that can't be cured?”
“But it is n't all dreadful. There are good and lovely things among them, if one only has eyes to see them. It makes me grateful and contented, shows me how rich I am, and keeps me ready to do all I can for these poor souls.”
“My good Polly!” and Fanny gave her friends arm an affectionate squeeze, wondering if it was this alone that had worked the change in Polly.
“You have seen two of my new friends, Miss Mills and Jenny, now I'll show you two more,” said Polly, presently, as they reached a door, and she led the way up several flights of public stairs. “Rebecca Jeffrey is a regularly splendid girl, full of talent; she won't let us call it genius; she will be famous some day, I know, she is so modest, and yet so intent on her work. Lizzie Small is an engraver, and designs the most delightful little pictures. Becky and she live together, and take care of one another in true Damon and Pythias style. This studio is their home, they work, eat, sleep, and live here, going halves in everything. They are all alone in the world, but as happy and independent as birds; real friends, whom nothing will part.”
“Let a lover come between them, and their friendship won't last long,” said Fanny.
“I think it will. Take a look at them, and you'll change your mind,” answered Polly, tapping at a door, on which two modest cards were tacked.
“Come in!” said a voice, and obeying, Fanny found herself in a large, queerly furnished room, lighted from above, and occupied by two girls. One stood before a great clay figure, in a corner. This one was tall, with a strong face, keen eyes, short, curly hair, and a fine head. Fanny was struck at once by this face and figure, though the one was not handsome, and the other half hidden by a great pinafore covered with clay. At a table where the light was clearest, sat a frail-looking girl, with a thin face, big eyes, and pale hair, a dreamy, absorbed little person, who bent over a block, skillfully wielding her tools.
“Becky and Bess, how do you do? This is my friend, Fanny Shaw. We are out on a rampage; so go on with your work, and let us lazy ones look on and admire.”
As Polly spoke, both girls looked up and nodded, smilingly; Bess gave Fan the one easy-chair; Becky took an artistic survey of the new-comer, with eyes that seemed to see everything; then each went on with her work, and all began to talk.
“You are just what I want, Polly. Pull up your sleeve, and give me an arm while you sit; the muscles here are n't right, and you've got just what I want,” said Becky, slapping the round arm of the statue, at which Fan was gazing with awe.
“How do you get on?” asked Polly, throwing off her cloak, and rolling up her sleeves, as if going to washing.
“Slowly. The idea is working itself clear, and I follow as fast as my hands can. Is the face better, do you think?” said Becky, taking off a wet cloth, and showing the head of the statue.
“How beautiful it is!” cried Fanny, staring at it with increased respect.
“What does it mean to you?” asked Rebecca, turning to her with a sudden shine in her keen eyes.
“I don't know whether it is meant for a saint or a muse, a goddess or a fate; but to me it is only a beautiful woman, bigger, lovelier, and more imposing than any woman I ever saw,” answered Fanny, slowly, trying to express the impression the statue made upon her.
Rebecca smiled brightly, and Bess looked round to nod approvingly, but Polly clapped her hands, and said, “Well done, Fan! I did n't think you'd get the idea so well, but you have, and I'm proud of your insight. Now I 'll tell you, for Becky will let me, since you have paid her the compliment of understanding her work. Some time ago we got into a famous talk about what women should be, and Becky said she'd show us her idea of the coming woman. There she is, as you say, bigger, lovelier, and more imposing than any we see nowadays; and at the same time, she is a true woman. See what a fine forehead, yet the mouth is both firm and tender, as if it could say strong, wise things, as well as teach children and kiss babies. We could n't decide what to put in the hands as the most appropriate symbol. What do you say?”
“Give her a sceptre: she would make a fine queen,” answered Fanny.
“No, we have had enough of that; women have been called queens a long time, but the kingdom given them is n't worth ruling,” answered Rebecca.
“I don't think it is nowadays,” said Fanny, with a tired sort of sigh.
“Put a man's hand in hers to help her along, then,” said Polly, whose happy fortune it had been to find friends and helpers in father and brothers.
“No; my woman is to stand alone, and help herself,” said Rebecca, decidedly.
“She's to be strong-minded, is she?” and Fanny's lip curled a little as she uttered the misused words.
“Yes, strong-minded, strong-hearted, strong-souled, and strong-bodied; that is why I made her larger than the miserable, pinched-up woman of our day. Strength and beauty must go together. Don't you think these broad shoulders can bear burdens without breaking down, these hands work well, these eyes see clearly, and these lips do something besides simper and gossip?”
Fanny was silent; but a voice from Bess's corner said, “Put a child in her arms, Becky.”
“Not that even, for she is to be something more than a nurse.”
“Give her a ballot-box,” cried a new voice, and turning round, they saw an odd-looking woman perched on a sofa behind them.
“Thank you for the suggestion, Kate. I'll put that with the other symbols at her feet; for I'm going to have needle, pen, palette, and broom somewhere, to suggest the various talents she owns, and the ballot-box will show that she has earned the right to use them. How goes it?” and Rebecca offered a clay-daubed hand, which the new-comer cordially shook.
“Great news, girls! Anna is going to Italy!” cried Kate, tossing up her bonnet like a school-boy.
“Oh, how splendid! Who takes her? Has she had a fortune left her? Tell all about it,” exclaimed the girls, gathering round the speaker.
“Yes, it is splendid; just one of the beautiful things that does everybody heaps of good, it is so generous and so deserved. You know Anna has been longing to go; working and hoping for a chance, and never getting it, till all of a sudden Miss Burton is inspired to invite the girl to go with her for several years to Italy. Think of the luck of that dear soul, the advantages she'll have, the good it will do her, and, best of all, the lovely way in which it comes to her. Miss Burton wants, her as a friend, asks nothing of her but her company, and Anna will go through fire and water for her, of course. Now, is n't that fine?”
It was good to see how heartily these girls sympathized in their comrade's good fortune. Polly danced all over the room, Bess and Becky hugged one another, and Kate laughed with her eyes full, while even Fanny felt a glow of, pride and pleasure at the kind act.
“Who is that?” she whispered to Polly, who had subsided into a corner.
“Why, it Is Kate King, the authoress. Bless me, how rude not to introduce you! Here, my King, is an admirer of yours, Fanny Shaw, and my well beloved friend,” cried Polly, presenting Fan, who regarded the shabby young woman with as much respect, as if she had been arrayed in velvet and ermine; for Kate had written a successful book by accident, and happened to be the fashion, just then.
“It's time for lunch, girls, and I brought mine along with me, it's so much jollier to eat in sisterhood. Let's club together, and have a revel,” said Kate, producing a bag of oranges, and several big, plummy buns.
“We've got sardines, crackers, and cheese,” said Bess, clearing off a table with all speed.
“Wait a bit, and I'll add my share,” cried Polly, and catching up her cloak, she ran off to the grocery store near by.
“You'll be shocked at our performances, Miss Shaw, but you can call it a picnic, and never tell what dreadful things you saw us do,” said Rebecca, polishing a paint knife by rubbing it up and down in a pot of ivy, while Kate spread forth the feast in several odd plates, and a flat shell or two.
“Let us have coffee to finish off with; put on the pot, Bess, and skim the milk,” added Becky, as she produced cups, mugs, and a queer little vase, to supply drinking vessels for the party.
“Here's nuts, a pot of jam, and some cake. Fan likes sweet things, and we want to be elegant when we have company,” said Polly, flying in again, and depositing her share on the table.
“Now, then, fall to, ladies, and help yourselves. Never mind if the china don't hold out; take the sardines by their little tails, and wipe your fingers on my brown-paper napkins,” said Kate, setting the example with such a relish, that the others followed it in a gale of merriment.
Fanny had been to many elegant lunches, but never enjoyed one more than that droll picnic in the studio; for there was a freedom about it that was charming, an artistic flavor to everything, and such a spirit of good-will and gayety, that she felt at home at once. As they ate, the others talked and she listened, finding it as interesting as any romance to hear these young women discuss their plans, ambitions, successes, and defeats. It was a new world to her, and they seemed a different race of creatures from the girls whose lives were spent in dress, gossip, pleasure, or ennui. They were girls still, full of spirits fun, and youth; but below the light-heartedness each cherished a purpose, which seemed to ennoble her womanhood, to give her a certain power, a sustaining satisfaction, a daily stimulus, that led her on to daily effort, and in time to some success in circumstance or character, which was worth all the patience, hope, and labor of her life.
Fanny was just then in the mood to feel the beauty of this, for the sincerest emotion she had ever known was beginning to make her dissatisfied with herself, and the aimless life she led. “Men must respect such girls as these,” she thought; “yes, and love them too, for in spite of their independence, they are womanly. I wish I had a talent to live for, if it would do as much for me as it does for them. It is this sort of thing that is improving Polly, that makes her society interesting to Sydney, and herself so dear to every one. Money can't buy these things for me, and I want them very much.”
As these thoughts were passing through her mind, Fanny was hearing all sorts of topics discussed with feminine enthusiasm and frankness. Art, morals, politics, society, books, religion, housekeeping, dress, and economy, for the minds and tongues roved from subject to subject with youthful rapidity, and seemed to get something from the dryest and the dullest.
“How does the new book come on?” asked Polly, sucking her orange in public with a composure which would have scandalized the good ladies of “Cranford.”
“Better than it deserves. My children, beware of popularity; it is a delusion and a snare; it puffeth up the heart of man, and especially of woman; it blindeth the eyes to faults; it exalteth unduly the humble powers of the victim; it is apt to be capricious, and just as one gets to liking the taste of this intoxicating draught, it suddenly faileth, and one is left gasping, like a fish out of water,” and Kate emphasized her speech by spearing a sardine with a penknife, and eating it with a groan.
“It won't hurt you much, I guess; you have worked and waited so long, a large dose will do you good,” said Rebecca, giving her a generous spoonful of jam, as if eager to add as much sweetness as possible to a life that had not been an easy one.
“When are you and Becky going to dissolve partnership?” asked Polly, eager for news of all.
“Never! George knows he can't have one without the other, and has not suggested such a thing as parting us. There is always room in my house for Becky, and she lets me do as she would if she was in my place,” answered Bess, with a look which her friend answered by a smile.
“The lover won't separate this pair of friends, you see,” whispered Polly to Fan. “Bess is to be married in the spring, and Becky is to live with her.”
“By the way, Polly, I've got some tickets for you. People are always sending me such things, and as I don't care for them, I'm glad to make them over to you young and giddy infants. There are passes for the statuary exhibition, Becky shall have those, here are the concert tickets for you, my musical girl; and that is for a course of lectures on literature, which I'll keep for myself.”
As Kate dealt out the colored cards to the grateful girls, Fanny took a good look at her, wondering if the time would ever come when women could earn a little money and success, without paying such a heavy price for them; for Kate looked sick, tired, and too early old. Then her eye went to the unfinished statue, and she said, impulsively, “I hope you'll put that in marble, and show us what we ought to be.”
“I wish I could!” And an intense desire shone in Rebecca's face, as she saw her faulty work, and felt how fair her model was.
For a minute, the five young women sat silent looking up at the beautiful, strong figure before them, each longing to see it done, and each unconscious that she was helping, by her individual effort and experience, to bring the day when their noblest ideal of womanhood should be embodied in flesh and blood, not clay.
The city bells rung one, and Polly started up.
“I must go, for I promised a neighbor of mine a lesson at two.”
“I thought this was a holiday,” said Fanny.
“So it is, but this is a little labor of love, and does n't spoil the day at all. The child has talent, loves music, and needs help. I can't give her money, but I can teach her; so I do, and she is the most promising pupil I have. Help one another, is part of the religion of our sisterhood, Fan.”
“I must put you in a story, Polly. I want a heroine, and you will do,” said Kate.
“Me! why, there never was such a humdrum, unromantic thing as I am,” cried Polly, amazed.
“I've booked you, nevertheless, so in you go; but you may add as much romance as you like, it's time you did.”
“I'm ready for it when it comes, but it can't be forced, you know,” and Polly blushed and smiled as if some little spice of that delightful thing had stolen into her life, for all its prosaic seeming.
Fanny was amused to see that the girls did not kiss at parting, but shook hands in a quiet, friendly fashion, looking at one another with eyes that said more than the most “gushing” words.
“I like your friends very much, Polly. I was afraid I should find them mannish and rough, or sentimental and conceited. But they are simple, sensible creatures, full of talent, and all sorts of fine things. I admire and respect them, and want to go again, if I may.”
“Oh, Fan, I am so glad! I hoped you'd like them, I knew they'd do you good, and I'll take you any time, for you stood the test better than I expected. Becky asked me to bring you again, and she seldom does that for fashionable young ladies, let me tell you.”