AN ALTRUIST.

THE scene is Wilfrid Bertram’s rooms in Piccadilly, facing the Green Park. The time is six o’clock in the afternoon. The audience is a goodly number of men and women of that class which calls itself Society. The rooms are small and the guests are many. A few look contemptuously amused. A great many appear excruciatingly bored.

“It’s all rot!” says one gentleman in confidence to his walking-stick.

It is the general opinion,though it has but one spokesman.

“What a shame, when he is so much in earnest!” says a pretty girl.

“Bores always are awfully in earnest,” replies the critic. “If he’d only give us something to drink——”

“You can get plenty to drink in the street,” says the young lady, with a withering glance.

Meantime, Wilfrid Bertram, who has been speaking for more than an hour without contradiction, except such as he read on his friends’ faces, perceives at last that he has been wearying them; a knowledge which is always slow to steal upon the teacher of mankind.

He stops in the middle of a very fine peroration.

“My dear people,” he remarks,a little irritably—“I mean, ladies and gentlemen—if you are so soon weary of so illimitable a subject, I fear I must have failed to do it justice.”

“So soon?—oh, hang it!” says the man who has wished for something to drink. “We came upstairs at half-past four, and you’ve had all the jaw to yourself ever since, and it’s past six now, and we’re all as thirsty as dogs.”

An expression of extreme disdain passes over the lecturer’s face.

“I did not inviteyou, Lord Marlow,” he says, very coldly. “If I had done I would have provided beer and skittles for your entertainment.”

“Oh, I say Wilfrid, come, finish your address to us; it’s extremely interesting,” observes, in amiable haste, a much olderman, with a bald head and pleasant, ruddy countenance, who is his uncle, Lord Southwold.

“Immensely interesting!” echo everybody: they can say so with animation, almost with veracity, now that they are aware it is drawing to an end.

“I ask your pardon if my infirmities have done injustice to a noble theme. I fear I have failed to make myself intelligible,” says Bertram, in a tone intended to be apologetic, but which is actually only aggressive, since it plainly implies that his pearls have been thrown before swine. He closes the manuscript and note-books which are lying before him with the air of a person who is prepared for anything from the obtuseness and ingratitude of humanity.

“Nothing could be clearer than what you’ve said,” says the gentleman who wanted a drink. “Nobody is to have anything they can call their own, and everybody who likes is to eat in one’s plate and bathe in one’s bath.”

“At theatres the buffoon in the gallery is usually turned out, with the approval of the entire audience,” Bertram remarks, with sententious chilliness. “Were I not in my own chambers——”

Lord Marlow laughs rudely.

“I don’t think you could throw me downstairs. Your diet of brown bread and asparagus don’t make muscle.”

“My dear fellow—before women—pray be quiet,” murmurs a guardsman who is on the seat next to him.

“Do finish your reading,Wilfrid,” says Lady Southwold, coaxingly. “Your views are so disinterested if they are a—a—a little difficult to carry out as the world is constituted.”

“Excuse me,” replies Bertram, “I have trespassed too long on every one’s indulgence. It is, I believe, altogether impossible to attempt to introduce altruism and duty into a society which considers Lord Marlow’s type of humanity as either wholesome or ornamental.”

“I never knew a lecture that didn’t end in a free fight,” says his uncle Southwold, hurriedly. “But we can’t have one here, Wilfrid, there are too many ladies present.”

A shabby little old gentleman, doubled up in his chair, who is his grace of Bridlington, murmurs doubtfully: “I don’tsee how your theories would work, Bertram.”

“Don’t you, Duke? Is there not such a proverb asFais ce que dois, advienne que pourra?”

The duke nods, and coughs. “There is. But I am afraid it will land you in Queer Street sometimes. There’s another old saw, you know, ‘Look before you leap!’ Safer of the two, eh?”

“For the selfish, no doubt,” replies Bertram.

His hand is on his note-book; he is thinking with regret of the concluding passages which he has not been able to read, and a little also that Cicely Seymour, the young lady who snubs Marlow, has a very beautiful profile, as a white gauze hat laden with white lilac rests on the fair coils of her hair.

That brute Marlow is at her elbow, saying something idiotic; Bertram cannot hear what, but he hears her laugh, and knows that she is probably being made to laugh at himself.

The intruding Marlow’s jeer at his vegetarian views is unjust to him, for he is tall and well made, though slender; but then, as his people often tell him, his muscle was built up in the score of unregenerate years before his Oxford terms, when he was as philistine as any other Eton boy, though he liked his books better than the playing-fields.

He is the younger son of a peer, has a little money of his own, and makes a little more by writing for scholarly reviews; but beyond all he is an altruist, a collectivist, a Fourrierist, an Engelist, a Tolstoi-ist; and,in common with other theorists, he has imagined that to be told the truth is enough to make people believe in it and observe its gospel. He has been continually deceived in this impression; but he has always held it, and it is proportionately irritating to him when, after having shed the light of information upon his contemporaries, they still show no symptoms of being converted.

Even the old duke, who is his godfather, and is generally tender to his theories, does nothing but nod his head and repeat like a magpie: “Look before you leap!”

“I think you said that property was like a cancer in the body politic?” observes a lover of practical politics, a Unionist member of parliament, putting his glass in his eye.

“I said the consolidation and transmission of property was so,” replies Bertram, with some hauteur: people cannot even quote him correctly!

“Ah! seems to me the same thing.”

“No more the same thing than Seltzer and the Sellinger!” cries Marlow.

“Oh, indeed,” says the politician, humbly; “forgive my stupidity.”

Bertram implies by a gesture that his indulgence to human imbecility is inexhaustible, but sorely tried.

“I had hoped,” he says, sententiously, “that you would have gathered from my previous discourse how intense is my conviction that those who possess property should give it up, generously, spontaneously, for the good of all, before awaitingthat inevitable retribution which will fall on them if they continue to insult the People by their display of wealth, unearned and unjustified; for the riches of the noble and the millionaire are as absolutely theft as any stolen goods obtained by violence and fraud, and do continually provoke the crimes which they so savagely denounce and punish——”

“Humph! That’s strong,” mutters the duke.

“La Propriété c’est le vol,” murmurs Cicely Seymour “La propriété d’autrui, oui; mais pas la mienne!”

“If there’s no flimsy anywhere,” asks Lord Marlow, “who’ll breed racers?”

“Who’ll buy Comet clarets?”

“Who’ll employ cooks?”

“Who’ll keep up shootin’?”

“Who’ll buildValkyries?”

“Who’ll go by the Flying Dutchman?”

“Who’ll dance cotillons?”

Bertram replies with dignity: “My friends, these are mere frivolous jests on your part. When the entire structure of our rotten and debased society shall have been shattered there will of course be no place in a regenerate world for these mere foolish egotisms.”

“Foolish egotisms!” echoes Lord Southwold. “Oh, Lord! A good glass of wine a foolish egotism?”

“Do you mean you want Local Option?” asks the duke, with some alarm. “I wouldn’t have come if I’d known that.”

Bertram answers with irritation; “There is no question of local option or of total abstinence, Duke. If property were generally and duly distributed,wine would be so too; and if individualism were duly recognised, you would no more dare to interfere with the drunkard than with the genius.”

“African sherry all round—what a millennium!” cries his uncle. “Tipplers all over the place, and no lock-up to put ’em in! What an Arcadia!”

“Genius has frequently been rudely compared to inebriety,” remarks the practical politician; “but I have never known quite such a slap in the face given to it as this. Max Nardau is deferential in comparison.”

“Look, sir,” says Bertram, addressing the duke, but glancing at Cicely Seymour—“look at the utter debasement of our financial system! What are banks except incentives to crime? What are the Bourses, the Exchanges, or Wall Street,except large seething cauldrons of sin? What are the great speculating companies if not banded thieves for the stripping of a gullible public? What is the watch you wear, with its visible chain glaring across your waistcoat, except a base, mean, grinning mockery of the hungry man who meets you in the street?”

Marlow takes out his watch.

“My conscience is clear in that respect. My watch is a Waterbury, and wouldn’t fetch the hungry man a shilling if he pawned it.”

“And my chain,” says Lord Southwold, touching a steel one, “was my poor old Hector’s collar, and I wear it in memory of him. How he’d thresh out five acres of turnips before luncheon! We shall never see his like.”

Bertram grows impatient: “Individually you may wear Waterburys or dog-collars, but each is nevertheless a symbol of inequality between you and the man in the street, who is obliged to look at the church clock to see the hour at which he may seek the parish dole.”

“What profound philosophy!” cries Southwold. “What crimes one may commit without knowing it!”

“If a watch be an unwholesome sign of a bloated aristocracy, pray, Mr. Bertram, what are our jewels?” asks a very pretty woman, Lady Jane Rivaux.

“There are no words strong enough,” replies Bertram, “to condemn the use of gems, whether from a moral or an æsthetic point of view. In a purified condition of societythey would of course become impossible abominations.”

The ladies present are too horrified to speak; Jane Rivaux, alone, recovering her first shock of surprise at such a blasphemy, asks, with vivacity:

“But all the people you would throw out of employment? The people who dig for jewels, don’t they dig? The people who polish them, and cut them, and set them, and deal in them; the people who make the iron safes, and the patent locks, you would throw them all out of work? Surely that wouldn’t be doing any good? What would become of the miners and lapidaries and jewellers and all the rest?”

Bertram smiles with pitying disdain.

“Oh, my dear Lady Jane, your kind of reasoning is as oldas the hills, and carries its own refutation with it. All those workmen and tradesmen would be liberated from labours which now degrade them, and would thus be set free for higher work—work worthy of being illumined by the light of reason.”

“What work? Would they be all schoolmasters and governesses? Or all authors and artists?”

“What work? Such work as the Community might organise and distribute, such work as might be needful for the general good. When every one will work, every one will have leisure. The poet will mow the meadow in the morning and compose his eclogues in the afternoon. The painter will fell trees at dawn and at noon paint his landscapes in the forest. The sculptorwill hew coal in the bowels of the earth for a few hours and come to the upper air to carve the marble and mould the clay. The author will guide the plough or plant the potato-patch at sunrise and will have the rest of the day free to write his novel or study his essay——”

“Humph!” says Southwold, ruffling his short grey hair in perplexity. “The precise use of wasting Sir Frederic Leighton’s time on a seam of coal, and Mr. Swinburne’s on a mowing machine, I don’t exactly perceive. However——”

“Pierre Loti is your ideal, then,” says Cicely Seymour. “He ‘has gone down to the deep in ships’ before he writes of sea life.”

“He is an officer,” objectsBertram, with regret and condemnation in his tone. “With his true and profound altruism he should have gone before the mast.”

“I suppose our sex will have to sweep and cook and sew before we are allowed to frolic?” asks Lady Jane.

“You’ll have to produce a certificate that you have made and baked three dozen pigeon pies before you’ll be allowed one waltz, Lady Jane,” says Marlow, who has with difficulty kept his mouth shut.

“We shall sweep our own chimneys, clean ourselves, and play the violin,” replies that lively person. “We shall have to cook our salmon before we’re allowed to fish for it; we shall have to roast our pheasants before we’re allowed to shoot them, and——”

Bertram interrupts her with scant courtesy: “I understood that those who did me the honour to come here to-day brought open minds and philosophical views to this meeting, or I should not have invited you to discuss and consider the best means for the educated classes to anticipate the coming changes of the world.”

“Why should we anticipate them,” murmurs the old duke, “when they’ll be so deucedly uncomfortable to all of us?”

“Yes, indeed,” says Southwold, “it’ll be bad enough to grin and bear’em.”

Bertram plays wearily with his shut note-book.

“If you cannot see the theoretic beauty of united and universal work, it is hopeless to expect that you should desireits practical adjustment to everyday life.”

“Well, but,” says the politician, who is nothing if not practical, “it is just the utter unworkableness of your system which damns it in the eyes of rational men. Pardon my saying so.”

Lady Southwold murmurs: “Give them some tea, Wilfrid; they are all growing cross.”

“As you please. But it is to me absolutely frightful to see how unconscious of your own doom, and how indifferent to the great movements of the day you all are——”

“If they are really great movements, they’ll move without us; you can’t stop an iceberg or an earthquake with your little finger. But there’s a good deal of grit in the old order of things still,” says theduke. “Yes, I’ll have a cup of tea, Wilfrid; I see you’ve got it there.”

Bertram murmurs wearily: “Critchett—tea!”

“Yes, sir,” says a person who is the perfection of all the virtues of valetdom.

Marlow, wholly undisturbed by the insults which have been heaped on him, calls out:

“And temperance drinks, Critchett! Lemons divorced from rum, sterilised milk, barley-water, tartaric acid——”

“Mr. Bertram,” says Cicely Seymour, “how do you reconcile your conscience to the debasing offices which you employ Critchett to fill for you?”

“Or to the fact of keeping a Critchett at all?” adds his aunt Southwold.

“Surely it’s Critchett who keeps him, ——, out of astrait-waistcoat?” murmurs Marlow.

Critchett hands tea and coffee and chocolate, in a silver service, with cakes, fruits, and biscuits.

“And all these pretty things, Mr. Bertram?” asks Lady Jane. “Surely they are the flesh-pots of Egypt, and ought not to be here?”

“They ought not,” replies Bertram, “nor Critchett either.”

“Oh, he is such a delightful servant; so noiseless, soprévenant, and so devoted to you; you would never find his equal if you sent him away.”

“No; but for one man to serve another is contrary to all principles of self-respect on either side.”

“My dear Wilfrid,” cries Lady Southwold, “how I wish you were small enough to bewhipped! What a deal of good it would do you!”

Bertram smiles faintly.

“Flagellation was, I believe, most admirable discipline; but we have grown too effete for it. Our bodies are as tender as our hearts are hard.”

“I have always thought,” said Cicely Seymour, in a very soft voice, “that if everybody could be born with ten thousand a year, nobody would ever do anything wrong.”

Bertram looks at her approvingly. “You are on the right road, Miss Seymour. But as we cannot generalise property, we must generalise poverty. The result will be equally good.”

“Good Lord!” roars his uncle very loudly. “I never heard such a subversive and immoral doctrine in all my days!”

Bertram glances pityingly at him.

“And yet it is based on precisely the same theory as the one which you accepted when you passed the Compulsory Clause of the Parish Councils Bill.”

“The Upper House passed that infamous Bill. I was in the minority against it,” replies Southwold, very angrily.

“But when everybody’s got sixpence a day,” suggests a young man with an ingenuous countenance, “and nobody sixpence halfpenny, surely somebody’ll have a try for the illegal halfpenny, won’t they? It is human nature.”

“Certainly not,” replies Bertram, very positively. “Nobody will even wish for an extra halfpenny, because when inequality shall be at an end envy and discontent will be unknown.Besides, if all the property of the world was confiscated or realised and equally distributed, the individual portion would come more nearly to half a crown a head per diem. On half a crown a head per diem any one can live——”

Lord Southwold sighs. “Oysters are three shillings a dozen,” he murmurs.

“Of course, if you expect to continue the indulgence of an epicure’s diseased appetites——” says Bertram, with impatience.

“It’s the oysters that are diseased, not our appetites,” says Southwold, with a second sigh.

“If,” says Bertram, ignoring his uncle’s nonsense—“if I have made anything clear in my recent remarks it must surely be that Property is, in the old copy-book phrase,the root of all evil; the mandrake growing out of the bodies of the dead, the poisonous gas exhaling from the carrion of prejudice, of injustice, and of caste.”

“But, my dear Wilfrid,” cries Lady Southwold, with equal impatience, “yours is rank Communism.”

“You can call it what you please. It is the only condition of things which would accompany pure civilisation. When, however, I speak of half a crown a day,” he pursues, “I use a figure of speech! Of course, in a purely free world there would be no coined or printed money, there would be only barter.”

“Barter!” echoes Marlow. “I should carry two of my Berkshire pigs, one under each arm, and exchange them withyou for a thousand copies of yourAge to Come.”

“I think barter would be inconvenient, Mr. Bertram,” says Cicely Seymour, doubtfully. “And what should I barter? I can’t make anything. I should have to cut off my hair and wait a year till it grew again.”

Every one laughs, and Bertram even relaxes his gravity.

“I fear, Miss Seymour, that Solon’s self would give you all you wished for a single smile!”

At that moment a small boy comes into the room, out of breath, grinning, with several oblong pieces of printed paper in his hand; he pushes his way unconcerned between the ladies and gentlemen, and thrusts the papers at Bertram.

“Here, mister, you must tone these here down; manager says as Fanshawe says as theBritish Public wouldn’t never stand them pars. he’s marked at no time; and manager says as I was to tell you Public is extra nervous now cos o’ that bomb at Tooting.”

Bertram takes the sheets in ill humour, and tears them across.

“Mr. Fanshawe is well aware that I never correct and I never suppress. I forbid the production of the article in a mutilated state.” He hands the pieces to the boy. “Bid Mr. Fanshawe return me my original copy.”

The boy looks frightened.

“Who’ll pay for this here settin’-up, sir, please, if proof ain’t to be used?”

“Did you say Fanshawe?” says Lord Southwold. “Do you mean the great Fanshawe of theTorch? Can anything be possibly too strong for him?”

“Oh, my dear Wilfred! do let us hear what you can have said? It must be something terrific!” says the old duke, who rather likes subversive opinions, considering philosophically that he will be in his grave before they can possibly be put into practice.

“What ’m I to tell the manager about payin’ for the settin’-up of this here, if type’s to be broke up, sir?” asks the boy, with dogged persistence.

“Go out of the room, you impudent little rascal!” says Bertram, in extreme irritation. “Critchett! turn that boy out!”

Marlow gets up and offers the boy a plate of pound cake.

“You are not civil to your sooty Mercury, Bertram. He offers you at this moment the most opportune illustration ofyour theories. He comes on an errand of the intellect, and if a somewhat soiled messenger, he should nevertheless be treated with the respect due to a guardian of literary purity and public morality. Sweet imp! refresh your inner man!”

The boy stuffs his mouth with cake and grins.

“Are these chambers mine or yours, Lord Marlow?” asks Bertram.

“Both mine and yours, or neither yours or mine. There is no such thing as exclusive possession. You have just told us so.”

“Critchett!” says Bertram, and points with stony gaze to the printer’s devil, “turn that boy out of the room.”

Critchett, reluctantly touching anything so sooty, takes him by the collar and driveshim before him out of the room.

Marlow picks up the torn proofs. “Who’ll pay for the setting-up? asks this dear child. Unused proofs are, I suppose, first cousins to spilt milk and spoilt powder. Mayn’t we read this article? The title is immensely suggestive—‘Fist-right and Brain-divinity.’ Are you feloniously sympathetic with the Tooting bomb?”

Bertram takes the torn proofs from him in irritation and throws them into the open drawer of a cabinet.

“The essay is addressed to persons of intelligence and with principle,” he says, significantly.

“But it seems that Fanshawe has neither, if he fail to appreciate it?”

“Fanshawe has both; butthere are occasional moments in which he recollects that he has some subscribers in Philistia.”

“Fanshawe knows where his bread is buttered,” chuckles the duke; “knows where his bread is buttered.”

“If Fanshawe don’t publish it he won’t pay for it, will he?” asks Marlow, with some want of tact.

“I do not take payment for opinions,” replies Bertram,au bout des lèvres, and much annoyed at the turn the conversation has taken.

“Most people run opinions in order to get paid for ’em,” says the duke, with a chuckle.

“Why are you not in Parliament, Mr. Bertram?” asks Cicely Seymour.

“In Parliament!” repeats Bertram, with the faintness ofhorror; incredulous that he can hear aright.

“Well, yes; have I said anything so very dreadful?”

“Oh, my dear Cicely!” says Lady Southwold. “Ever since Wilfrid came of age we have all been at him about that; he might have had a walk over for Sax-Stoneham, or for Micklethorpe, at any election, but he would never even let himself be nominated.”

Bertram shrugs his shoulders in ineffable disgust.

“Two Tory boroughs!”

“You could have held any opinions you had chosen. Toryism is acrépon changeantnowadays; it looks exactly like Radicalism very often, and only differs from it in being still more outrageous.”

“But perhaps Mr. Bertram’s objection is to all representativegovernment?” says Cicely Seymour.

Bertram glances gratefully at her. “Precisely so, Miss Seymour.”

“But what could you substitute?”

“Oh, my dear Cicely, read his paper theAge to Come, and pray spare us such a discussion before dinner,” says Lady Southwold, with impatience.

“But what would you substitute?” says Cicely Seymour, with persistent interest in the topic.

“Yes; what would you substitute?” asks the practical politician.

Bertram is out of temper; these acquaintances and relatives worried him into giving this exposition of his altruistic and socialistic views, and then theybrought a fool with them like Marlow, and have turned the whole thing into a farce. To Bertram his views were the most serious things in creation. He does not choose to have them set up like croquet pegs for imbeciles to bowl at in an idle hour.

“I would abolishallgovernment,” he replies, very decidedly.

“Oh!” Both the politician and Cicely Seymour look a little astonished.

“But how then would you control people?”

“Sane people do not require to be controlled.”

“But I have heard a man of science say that only one person out of every hundred is really sane?”

“We are bad judges of each other’s sanity. But since youtake an interest in serious subjects,” says Bertram, resting his eyes on her in approval, “I will, if you will allow me, send you some back numbers of theAge to Come.”

“Do you mean, Wilfrid, that an obtuse world is so ungrateful as to leave you any back numbers at all?” asks Southwold.

“They will show you,” continues Bertram, ignoring the interruption, “what my views and the views of those who think with me are, concerning the best method of preparing the world to meet those social changes which are inevitable for the future, those rights of the individual which are totally ignored and outraged by all present governments, whether absolute, constitutional, or, in nomenclature, republican.”

“But why should we prepare to meet them when they’ll be so deucedly uncomfortable to us if they arrive, and why should we trouble about helping them onward if they’re so inevitable and cocksure in their descent on us?” says his uncle.

“I asked you that question just now, and you didn’t answer me. Does one avoid an avalanche in the Alps by firing a gun to make it fall sooner than it would do if left alone?”

Critchett is meantime engaged on the expulsion of the printer’s devil by a back-stair exit, and, profiting by his absence, a little girl, who has come in at the front entrance, pushes aside theportièreof the door and stands abashed in the middle of the room. She is eight years old, has a head of red hair, and the shrewd, watchingface of the London child; she carries a penny bunch of violets. Bertram sees her entrance with extreme displeasure, not unmixed with embarrassment.

“What do you want here, Bessy?” he inquires, with scant amiability.

Bessy advances and holds out the violets.

“Annie sends these ’ere vi’lets with her love, and she’s got to go to Ealin’ for a big border o’ mustard an’ cress, and please when’ll you be round at our place?”

Bertram is extremely annoyed.

“Run away, my good child. You see I am engaged.”

“When’ll you be round at our place?” repeats the little girl. “The pal as lodges over cousin Joe hev given us tickets for Hoxton Theayter, andAnnie says as how she’d go if you wasn’t comin’ in this evenin’.”

“Run away, child,” repeats Bertram, imperiously. “Critchett!”

Critchett, who has returned, with a demure smile, guides the steps of the reluctant Bessy from the chamber.

“Why do you let these children in, Critchett?” asks Bertram, as the valet returns.

“I beg pardon, sir,” the servant says, humbly, as he lays the violets down on acloisonnéplate. “But you have told me, sir, that you are always at home for the Brown family.”

“You might surely have more judgment, after all your years of service!” replies his master. “There are exceptions to every rule.”

Marlow looks up to the ceiling in scandalised protest.

“Service! Service!” he repeats. “Hear him, ye gods! This is the rights of the individual; the independence of the unit; the perfect equality of one human being before another!”

Cicely Seymour looks over her shoulder at him and remarks slightingly: “You are a great tease, Lord Marlow. You make me think I am in the schoolroom at Alfreton with my brothers home from Eton for Christmas. Do you really think that chaff is wit?”

“I am not chaffing, Miss Seymour. I am in deadly earnest. This modest bunch must hold a deal of meaning. Who are the Brown family? Where is ‘our place’? What is the meeting which must bepostponed because a bloated aristocrat, rolling in ill-gotten wealth, requires that corrupting luxury known as mustard and cress?”

Everybody laughs, except Cicely Seymour.

“Yes, Wilfrid,” says Lady Southwold; “who are the Brown family?”

“To whom you are always at home,” adds his uncle.

“And Annie who sends button-holes with love,” adds Marlow.

Bertram replies with icy brevity, “A perfectly respectable young woman.”

“And the respectable one’s address?” asks Marlow. “Where is ‘our place’? I am seized with an irresistible longing to eat mustard and cress. I never did eat it, but still——”

Bertram eyes him very disagreeably. “The Browns are persons I esteem. I should not give their address to persons for whom I have no esteem.”

“My dear Wilfrid!” cries his aunt. “How altruism does sour the temper!”

“Temper! I hope I have too much philosophy to allow my temper to be ruffled by the clumsy horse-jokes of my acquaintances.”

“But why are you always at home to these Browns?”

Bertram hesitates.

“Are they acolytes? studies? pensioners?” asks his aunt.

“Is the respectable one pretty?” murmurs Marlow. “The respectable ones so uncommonly rarely are!”

He takes the violets off thecloisonnéplate.

“A buttonhole to be wornat Hoxton Theatre? It is an emblem of the immorality of finance: for its commercial value must be at least four farthings. If my Waterbury offend the eye of eternal justice this penny bunch must outrage it no less.”

“It is quite natural, I think,” says Cicely Seymour, rather impatiently, “that Mr. Bertram should have many friends in those classes which he considers so superior to his own.”

“I do not say any class is superior to any other,” interrupts Bertram. “I say that all are equal.”

There is now a great buzz of voices everywhere in the rooms; people are so very glad to have the muzzle off after an hour’s silence; he cannot doubt, as that murmur and trill of conversation run all round him,that he has bored them all excruciatingly.

“They have no minds!” he thinks, bitterly. “We sell a bare score of copies a month of theAge to Come, and theDustcart, with its beastly ribaldry and social scandals, sells sixty-five thousand!”

“Do you mean to say, Wilfrid,” asks his aunt, eating a caviare sandwich, “that anybody would pay taxes if they were not obliged?”

“Do not people, urged by conscience, send arrears, unasked, to the Chancellor of the Exchequer?”

“Well, they do certainly now and then. But they must be very oddly constituted people.”

“Is conscience an eccentricity?”

His aunt does not argue, she only shakes her head.

“I can’t believe anybody would pay taxes if they weren’t obliged.”

“But they do. There are these instances in the papers. If moral feeling in the public were acute and universal, as it ought to be, every public duty would be fulfilled with promptitude and without pressure.”

The old duke nods very expressively.

“Your aunt’s right,” he mumbles. “Conscience-money can only come from cranks!”

“Come and dine with us, Wilfrid,” says his aunt; “we never see you now. I assure you a good dinner changes the colour of political opinions in a wonderful degree. I am dreadfully afraid that you have been living on boiled soles and carrot fritters.”

Bertram smiles slightly.“The carrot fritters; not the soles. I am a vegetarian.”

“But we are justified in being carnivorous,” says Southwold, very eagerly. “Individualism justifies us.”

Marlow repeats with emphasis: “We are justified in being carnivorous. Individualism justifies us.”

“Certainly,” says Bertram, with uncivil sarcasm. “The crocodile has a right to its appetites, and the cur to its vomit. Solomon said so.”

“Am I the crocodile or the cur?” asks Southwold.

“Do you keep Critchett on carrot fritters?” asks Marlow, “and what does he have to drink? Hot water? Hot water is, I believe, the beverege which nowadays accompanies high thinking.”

“And how do you reconcileyour conscience and your creeds to keeping a Critchett at all?” repeats Lady Jane.

Bertram replies with distant chillness and proud humility: “The leaven of long habit is hard to get rid of; I entirely agree with you that I am in the wrong. To have a servant at all is an offence to humanity; it is an impertinence to the brotherhood of our common mortality.”

“Don’t be afraid,” says Southwold, grimly, “our brothers and sisters in the servants’ halls pay us out for the outrage; they take away our characters, read our correspondence, and pocket twenty per cent. on all our bills.”

“Can you blame them? They are the product of a corrupt society. No one can blame them, whatever they areor do. The dunghill cannot bring forth the rose. Your service has debased them. The fault of their debasement lies with you.”

“But Critchett cannot be debased. He must, living in so rarefied a moral atmosphere, be elevated above all mortal weaknesses.”

Bertram replies stiffly: “I can assure you I have much more respect for Critchett than for any member of a St. James’ Street club.”

“And yet you give him carrot fritters!” cried Lady Southwold.

Bertram replies with great irritation: “He eats whatever he pleases, turtle and turbot for aught I know. I should never presume to impose upon him either my menu or my tenets, my beliefs or my principles.”

“You do wisely if you wish to keep him!” says his aunt. “I hope youwillkeep him. He is your only link with civilised life.”

Bertram smiles. “My dear aunt, when I was in the South Pacific I landed at a small island where civilisation was considered to consist in a pierced nose and a swollen belly. I do not want to be offensive, but the estimate which my age takes of its own civilisation is not very much more sensible.”

“I think it would have been better, Wilfrid, to study psychology under these savages than to publish theAge to Come! You could not have injuredthem, but here——”

“How illiberal you are, dear Lady Southwold,” says Cicely Seymour. “You want a course of Montaigne.”

“What’s that, Miss Seymour?” asks Marlow. “A rival to Mariani wine?”

“Yes, a French wine; very old and quite unequalled!”

Even Bertram laughs. Marlow is irritated. He does not see what he has said which is so absurd, or why his friends are laughing.

“Why do you always take that prig’s part?” he mutters, sullenly, aside to Cicely Seymour.

“I do not take any one’s part,” replies the young lady; “but I detest injustice and illiberality.”

At this moment the old duke rises with Bertram’s help, is assisted by him to find his hat and stick, and takes his departure, assuring his godson that he had been much entertained.

Following the duke’s example every one takes their leave, assuring their instructor that they have derived much entertainment and information from his disquisition. Cicely Seymour says simply and very gently: “Thanks, Mr. Bertram. You have made me your debtor for many noble thoughts.”

When they have left him Bertram walks up and down his rooms dissatisfied with himself.

“What a coward!” he thinks, with the moral self-flagellation of an over-sensitive and over-sincere person. “Why could I not tell them the truth? Why did I limit myself to saying that she was a perfectly respectable young woman? If I cannot face the simple enunciation of the intention,how shall I ever bring myself to the endurance of publishing the fact when it is accomplished? Am I, after all, the slave of opinion, like anybody else? Am I afraid of a set of fools who are capering on their primrose path, seeing nothing of the abyss to which it leads? If I have not the courage of my views and faiths, wherein am I superior to their philistinism? I do what I choose; what I see to be wise and right and just; I desire to give an example which shall show how utterly I despise the fictitious barriers of caste and custom, and yet I have not courage enough to say to a few people who are drinking tea in my rooms, ‘My good folks, I am going to marry a young woman called Annie Brown.’ Whycould I not say it? Why was I such a miserable poltroon?”

He throws himself into a deep chair and lights a cigarette.

“What would my aunt have done? What would that grinning cad Marlow have said? What would Cicely Seymour have thought? Perhaps she would have approved. She has more sympathy, more insight than the others—and what a charming profile! And those deep blue eyes under those long thick lashes; they are eyes which have mind in them as well as youth and smiles and innocence; they are eyes which will be still beautiful when she is seventy and her hair is white under a lace mob-cap or a black satin hood. What colour are Annie’s eyes? They are round and small, ofno particular colour, I think; a reddish grey. Dear good little girl, it was not for her beauty that I selected her.”

Critchett opens the door at that moment, and breaks in on his reflections.

“Mr. Fanshawe, sir.”

A gentleman of no definite age, with a shrewd countenance and a significant smile, crosses the room with outstretched hand.

“My dear Wilfrid, they tell me you are in a wax about the exceptions I took to your article. I am extremely sorry to touch any single line of yours, but B.P. must be considered, you know. You are miles too advanced for this inviolate isle; she is still shuddering at the fright which Guy Fawkes gave her.”

Bertram replies stiffly: “Ihave certainly no affinity to Guy Fawkes, who was a religious person and a strict monarchist. As for the essay, pray do not trouble yourself; I shall publish it in theAge to Come.”

“Oh, that’s a pity; that will be practically putting it into the waste-paper basket; excuse me saying so, but you know the circulation of theAge to Comeis at present—is—well—limited.”

“We certainly do not chronicle scandals of the hunting-field, and devote columns to prophesying the shape of next year’s bonnets, as theTorchdoes!”

“That shows you don’t understand your public, or don’t want to secure one. Extreme opinions, my dear boy, can only be got down thethroats of the world in a weekly journal by being adroitly sandwiched between the caviare of calumny and the butter of fashion. People hate to be made to think, my dear boy. TheAge to Comegives ’em nothing but thinking; and damned tough thinking too. You write with uncommon power, but you are too wholesale, too subversive; you scare people so awfully that they stop their ears to your truths. That is not the way to secure a hearing.”

“I am consistent.”

“Oh, Lord! Never be consistent. There’s nothing so unpopular in life.”

“I despise popularity.”

“You despise bread and butter. I believe you lose twenty pound a month by yourAge to Come?”

“To speak more correctly,” replies Bertram, bitterly, “it gets me into debt to that amount!”

“Heaven and earth! Why don’t you drop it?”

“It is a matter of principle.”

“Principle which will land you in Queer Street. Now, my dear Wilfrid, no man thinks more things bosh than I do, or takes more pleasure in saying so, but I combine pleasure with business; I say my say in such a way that it brings me in eighty per cent.”

Bertram looks at him derisively.

“I have always known that your intellect was only equalled by your venality!”

Fanshawe laughs good-humouredly.

“That is neat. That is soothing. It is not difficultto understand that you are not considered a clubbable man! However, as you credit me with intellect, I don’t mind your denying me morality. But seriously, my dear friend, you are much too violent, too uncompromising for success in journalism. Who tries to prove too much fails to prove anything, and when you bend your bow too violently it snaps and speeds no arrow. I confess that I (who am as revolutionary as most people and always disposed to agree with you) do frequently get up from the perusal of one of your articles with the unwilling conviction that it is best to let the old order of things alone. Now, that is certainly not the condition of mind which you wish to produce in your readers.”

Bertram is silent. After a pause he says:

“What do you advocate, then? A cautious trimming?”

“Trimming was the name which the eighteenth-century politician gave to what we now call opportunism. All sagacious men are not opportunists, but all sagacious men endeavour to create supporters, not antagonists. Now, all violent assertion raises opposition, for human nature is cantankerous and contradictory.”

Critchett enters and hands a card on a salver. “If you please, sir, the gentleman’s waiting below; says he sent you a letter two days ago; gentleman’s head of the firm of Folliott and Hake, sir.”

Bertram looks vaguely about the room. “There are a goodmany letters unopened. I wonder which it is?”

Fanshawe catches up a pile of letters from a writing-table and sorts them: “Here’s one with ‘Folliott and Hake’ on the seal; how unpractical you are, dear boy!”

Bertram takes the letter and looks at it without curiosity. “It is sure to be something unpleasant. I never heard of Folliott and Hake.”

Fanshawe laughs. “I have; many a time. They have been solicitors in more than one libel case, of which theTorchwas defendant. Come, open the letter. See what it says.”

Bertram opens and reads it: “Only that they have a matter of great importance to communicate to me. I really have no idea what it can be. People think so many things importantwhich are of infinitesimal insignificance.”

“You will best correct your ignorance by allowing Mr. Folliott to enter and explain himself.”

“I am so opposed to all lawyers on principle.”

“So am I, as I am opposed to small-pox, or bicycle riders, or yellow fogs; but they are not to be avoided in this life, and it is neither polite or politic to keep these highly respectable solicitors waiting like sweeps. Critchett, beg Mr. Folliott to enter. I will leave you, Bertram.”

“No, no; for goodness’ sake stay. I may want some advice.”

“You not unfrequently do. But you never follow it when given. Pray be civil.”

A few moments later Mr. Folliott enters; a bland, white-haired,portly old gentleman, a little ruffled at having been left so long at the foot of the stairs.

“I beg your pardon, Mr.—Mr.—Folliott,” says Bertram, looking at the letter. “I had, in fact, not opened this note of yours. It is a bad habit I have of leaving letters unread.”

“It was Sheridan’s, sir,” says the lawyer, pointedly. “It did not bring him good fortune.”

He catches sight of Fanshawe, and his amiable countenance assumes the startled and displeased expression of a cat’s face, when the cat suddenly perceives a bull terrier.

“I naturally awaited you, Mr. Bertram, or a communication from you, all the day,” he says, in an affronted tone. “Hearing nothing I thought it best to come myself. Youare perhaps unaware that the Prince of Viana is dead.”

“I never heard of the individual,” says Bertram. “Who was he?”

“He was your first cousin. You may know him better as the son of Mr. Horace Errington.”

“Oh! The son of my mother’s brother? We never knew him. There was a family feud.”

“But you will remember to have heard that his father made great wealth in the Abruzzi through copper mines, was nationalised, and was ennobled by Victor Emmanuel. The family feud was chiefly on account of his connection with commerce and his change of country.”

“Precisely.”

“I regret to inform you thatyour cousin is dead, at thirty-three years of age, killed by a wild boar when hunting in the Pontine marshes; he has left you, Mr. Bertram, his sole and exclusive heir.”

Bertram stares at him.

“What! you must be joking, Mr. Folliott!”

The old gentleman takes off his gold spectacles and puts them on again in extreme irritation.

“I am not in the habit of joking, sir, either in business or outside it. We were solicitors to his father and to himself. We drew up this will five years ago. You are inheritor of an immense fortune, Mr. Bertram.”

Bertram stands staring at him, then turns to Fanshawe. “Do you hear? Is it true? Surely, no one could insult me so greatly, even in jest?”

“I really do not understand,” says the lawyer, bewildered. “What insult can there be? I am speaking, sir, in most sober earnest.”

“Shall I fan you, Wilfrid? or send for some sal volatile?” says Fanshawe, derisively. “Don’t be an ass,” he adds in a whisper. “This sensible old fellow will think it his duty to shut you up in a private mad-house, if you talk like that. Pull yourself together, and answer him sensibly.”

Mr. Folliott surveys the speaker as a timid person may look at a lion riding on a velocipede in a circus-ring.

“If Mr. Bertram would place me in communication with his solicitor matters would be facilitated,” he murmurs.

“I have no solicitors,” repliesBertram. “If you will pardon what may seem an offensive opinion, I regard all men of law as poisonous parasites growing on the rotten trunk of a society which has the axe of retribution laid at its roots.”

Mr. Folliott is too astonished to be offended: “I fail to follow you, sir, but I have no doubt you mean something very profound. Your cousin did not, I imagine, read your articles in the reviews, but I have read one or two of them. However, notwithstanding your extraordinary opinions, you are a man of birth and breeding, and must, in a measure, be a man of the world, sir. You must know that you must allow me to fulfil my office. This will has to be proved and probate taken out.”

“Where is the necessity?”

“Be so good as not to play with me. You must accept the inheritance or decline it. In event of your refusal, of your formal and final refusal, the whole of this property is to go to the testator’s old college at Oxford—Magdalen College.”

“Ah! that is a consolation.”

“Why so, sir?”

“Because, although I have no sympathy with the modern movements at Oxford, and consider that she has fallen away from her original high mission, yet she is, and always will be, a seat of learning; and the Humanities will never wholly be banished from her halls.”

“Again, I fail to follow you sir.”

“I mean that such an alternative destination for the propertywill enable me to decline it with a clear conscience.”

“Really, sir, your replies are wholly unintelligible.”

Bertram turns helplessly to Fanshawe. “Explain to this gentleman my views regarding property.”

“I am aware of some of them, sir,” replies the solicitor, sententiously.

“You read theTorch, Mr. Folliott, don’t you?” says the proprietor of theTorch.

“When my professional duties compel me, sir.”

“But theTorchis milk for lambs, Mr. Folliott, beside theAge to Come.”

The solicitor bows with an expression which indicates that he would prefer to remain unacquainted with theAge to Come.

“But pardon me,” continuesFanshawe, “is my friend here really so immensely in luck’s way?”

“He inherits under the Prince of Viana’s will all properties, both English and Italian,” replies the lawyer, with the cat’s expression more accentuated on his countenance.

“And they are very large?”

“Very large. My late client was an only son, and though generous, never spendthrift.”

Fanshawe touches Bertram’s arm. “Wake up, Wilfrid. Do you hear? Can’t you speak?”

Bertram says wearily, “What am I to say? It is an unspeakably awful thing. I really cannot bring myself to believe in it.”

“If you will allow me,” says the solicitor, “to make you acquainted with some details of the——”

“To what end? Do the items of the contents of the pack interest the pack-horse to whose aching back the burden is offered?”

“Again I fail to follow you.”

“To follow him, Mr. Folliott,” says Fanshawe, “requires a long course of patient perusal of theAge to Come.”

“Quite so, quite so,” answers the solicitor, coldly, in a tone which intimates that he will not have that patience. “I have certainly never seen the announcement of an inheritance received in such a manner.”

“But why,” says Bertram—“why did this relative, whom I never knew, leave his property to me?”

“I cannot tell, sir. It was certainly not by the advice of our firm.”

“Are there any conditionsattached to this extraordinary bequest?”

“None, sir. You can realise at once and invest everything in dynamite and pyretic acid,” replies the solicitor, with a rasping scorn showing through the velvet of his admirable manners.

“Oh, my dear sir! Can you fall into the vulgar error of confounding collectivism and altruism with anarchy? They are as far apart as the Poles. One is love; the other hatred.”

“I confess, sir, that such love nauseates me. I prefer of the two the hatred. But I am an old-fashioned person, and I know little of literature later than the ’Sixties.”

“A most debased period in every form of production.”

“It may be so. Macaulay was alive in it and Tennyson.But I did not come here to discuss the characteristics of generations. I came to inform you of an event which I immaturely concluded would appear to you both important and agreeable.”

“You did not know me, my dear sir.”

“I did not, sir.”

With a little cough and a little stately bow the old gentleman prepares to leave, with the cat’s glance at the bull terrier still more hostile and more scared.

“You will be so good, sir, as to call on us to-morrow morning, or to send some representative authorised by you. You must be aware that the law requires you either to accept the bequest or decline it.”

“I am criminal if I accept: I may be equally criminal if I reject it.”

“Again I fail to follow you, sir. But of course you are your own master; and in the event of your failure to call on us to-morrow morning you will be so good as to make us acquainted with your decision and intentions.”

“I will send you, Mr. Fanshawe,” replies Bertram.

The solicitor does not look everjoyed at the promise, but bows in silence, a very stiff and formal bow, and leaves the room without more words.

“I am afraid I was not very polite to him,” says Bertram, doubtfully, when the stuffs of theportièrehave fallen behind him.

“You certainly were not,” replies Fanshawe. “I think you could give hints to Whistler on the Gentle Art of making Enemies. But whydid you talk all that rot? He only ridiculed you for it.”

“I merely said what I meant.”

“You mean to let this fortune go to Magdalen College?”

“Unless I change my present intentions very completely.”

“Oh, Lord! This is green sickness, moonstruck madness; Hamlet’s monomania was nothing to it. Are you absolutely insensible to the fact that you would be able to print ten million copies of theAge to Comeevery week and distribute them gratis all over Great Britain every week?”

“Even that alluring prospect cannot tempt me. My acceptance of a fortune would be as anomalous as Lord Rosebery’s creation of peers. Miserable creatures that we are, we areonly tolerably respectable so long as we are commonly consistent.”

“Oh, Lord save us! You can’t possibly be serious?”

“I speak in entire sincerity.”

“A very dangerous thing to do at any time. People have such a shocking habit of taking one at one’s word! Old Folliott’s very shrewd too, though he’s a Tory.”

“What is his shrewdness to me?”

“Well, if you retain him as your man of business it may be a great deal. It is usual to retain the testator’s solicitors when they are as eminent and irreproachable as Folliott and Hake.”

Bertram grows impatient.

“Cannot you understand? I do not take this property. Do not dream of taking it for a single instant!”

“You can’t be such a transcendent ass! Excuse me, but——”

“I should have thoughtyouwould have looked at this matter as I do.”

“Dear boy, all propertyoughtto be abolished, on that we are quite agreed, but whilst it still exists in this piggish world we are bound in duty to ourselves and our neighbours to make the best of it, and get as much as we can!”

“Then you are a mere sham? A humbug? A hypocrite?”

“You mean to be rude, but I take no offence. Everybody is insincere in civilised countries.”

“What an infamous theory! I have always thought that your Richmond villa, your house at Prince’s Gate, your swell garden parties, your bloodhorses, and all the rest of it, were ludicrously out of keeping with your political and literary declarations of opinion.”

“Not more so than your silver tea-set and your exemplary Critchett are with yours. Don’t let us quarrel, at least not until to-morrow. I want to see more of old Folliott. He is one of the worst enemies I have, and I do so delight in drawing the claws of an enemy with my bland and benign manners. Besides, I owe him a good deal. TheTorchwas in its infancy when he made its fortune and set it on its legs by his libel suits. Meet me in Hyde Park at eleven to-morrow. I’ll come out of my house through Albert Gate, and we’ll go down to his office together.”

“You can go, and take my written refusal with you.”

Fanshawe gives a gesture of irritated impatience, and looks at his watch.

“La nuit porte conseil.You will think differently in the morning. I am dining at Richmond. I can’t stay another moment, but for Heaven’s sake take till to-morrow to think it over Ta-ta!”

“Good-day.”

Bertram looks out of the window and watches Fanshawe’s private hansom flash down Piccadilly; he vaguely wishes that he too were going to dine at Richmond, and were not fettered by principle to a cheese omelette and a vol au vent of mushrooms.

It is a fine, breezy sunshiny morning on the morrow, good yachting weather, as some one says who is going down to Gravesend for the first cutter race of the season.

Bertram walks along Rotten Row under the trees with a mind so preoccupied that he narrowly escapes being knocked down by an ambassadress on a bicycle. He is repeating to himself what he said to the old duke, “fais ce que dois advienne que pourra,” and he is conscious that the injunction has its thorny side like most other virtuous things.

He has been unable to sleep all night for the tormenting visions evoked by Folliott’s visit and his dead cousin’s bequest.

Because you valorously resist a temptation it does not any the less sharply assail you. Because you limit yourself strictly to rice croquettes you do not the less painfully recall the forbidden flavour of a salmi of game. He considers it nomore possible for him in common decency to accept this property than to embrace Mahomedanism or renounce clothing; but none the less is he haunted by the possibilities that its possession would bring with it.

He is human, and his heart is heavy as he walks along in the pleasant April wind. He realises that there are many charming things which he has renounced—voluntarily renounced, indeed; but, then, is it really more agreeable to kill oneself than to be killed? Anyhow, the result is the same; the grave is as deep and the sleep as eternal.

When he has arrived opposite the residential hotel which raises the colossal offence of its eleven stories between the elm-trees and their right to air and lighthe sits down, feeling rather limp and aimless; and lighting a cigarette, he awaits the coming of Fanshawe. There is a policeman close at hand; some children are near, with their nurses; and a respectable-looking, middle-aged, brisk woman, with some fine linen in a flat basket, is approaching. He raises his hat to her.

“Is that you, Mrs. Brown? I never saw you in the Park before.”

“No, sir, I don’t often come nigh fine folks,” answers Mrs. Brown. “But I’ve got to go to Prince’s Gate, number fifteen, and I turned in ’ere ’cos the traffic’s that crowded on the ’igh-road; ’is ’Ighness is agoin’ down to ’Ounslow.”

“Oh, to be sure. How are your people this morning?”

“My pore legs, sir, be as badas ever—but there, we pore folks can’t stop for aches and pains, or we’d never do naught in this ’ere world; ’twasn’t made for the likes of us.”

“That is a sad reflection. But pray don’t say ‘sir’ to me.”

“It comes nat’ral, sir. I hev allus been one as did my humble duty to the quality.”

“Oh, I know! It is this terrible servility which has entered like blood-poisoning into the very marrow of the people.”

The policeman standing near listening grins behind his white-gloved hand.

“You are so used to stoop and cringe that you have lost the power to stand upright when you are invited to do so,” says Bertram, impatiently. “Where is your daughter?”

“Annie’s at Ealing, sir. It’s Primrose Day to-morrow.”

“And what is your opinion of Primrose Day, Mrs. Brown?”

“Well, sir, it’s got ’em lots o’ votes, but it do seem to me a pack o’ folly. No offence.”

“And the Primrose Dames, Mrs. Brown?”

“Well, sir, they’re a pretty spry lot o’ ladies, and they come and talk, talk, talk, and me at the mangle, and I wish ’em anywheres; and one o’ ’em promised to have my kitchen boiler looked to, but, Lord! that’s three months ago come Monday was a week, and nobody’s come to the boiler.”

“The Conservative party always forgets the boilers; and are extremely astonished when the neglected boilers blow up.”

“My boiler was no businesso’ theirs,” says the good woman, hotly; “but if they said they’d send, they hought to hev sent. But there! that’s them ladies all over, in and out, and to and fro, and it’s how’s my soul? and how’s my dust-bin? and hev I faith? and hev I a patent kitchener? and do I read my Bible? and do I keep the traps on my drains? and do I see the blessin’s o’ eddication? and do I keep my sink flushed? and am I an abstainer? and do I use carbolic acid? Such a pack o’ nonsense, and in they comes without rappin’; and if they sees a bit o’ dust in a corner ’tis ‘Lord, Mrs. Brown, don’t ye know as dust is microbes, and microbes is sartain death?’ And I says, says I, ‘No, marm, my leddy, my granny lived to ninety-six, and on her ninetieth birthday shewalked four miles to market at Winchester and back, and she allus said to all o’ us as dust was wholesome, and cobwebs too, and shouldn’t ne’er be interfered with——’”

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