JOHN and JOAN.104

JOHN and JOAN.104There was a Maid the other Day,Which in her Master’s Chamber lay;As Maidens they must not refuse,In Yeomens Houses thus they useIn a Truckle-bed to lye,Or another standing by:Her Master and her Dame,Said she shou’d do the same.This Maid cou’d neither rest nor Sleep,When that she heard the Bed to crack;Her Master Captive busie was,Her Dame cry’d out, you hurt my Back:Oh Husband you do me wrong,You’ve lain so hard my Breast upon;You are such another Man,You’d have me do more than I can:Tush Master, then saysJoan,Pray let my Dame alone;What a devilish Squalling you keep,That I can neither rest nor Sleep.This was enough to make a Maiden sickAnd full of Pain;She begins to Fling and Kick,And swore she’d rent her Smock in twain:But you shall hear anon,There was a Man his name wasJohn,To whom this Maid she went alone,And in this manner made her moan;I pritheeJohntell me no Lie,What ails my Dame to Squeak and Cry?I pritheeJohntell me the same,What is’t my Master gives my Dame?It is a Steel, quothJohn,My Master gives my Dame at Night:Altho’ some fault she find,I’m sure it is her Heart’s Delight:And youJoanfor your part,You love one withal your Heart:Yes, marry then quothJohn,Therefore to you I make my moan;If that I may be so bold,Where are these things to be sold?AtLondonthen saidJohn,Next Market day I’ll bring thee one.What will a good one cost,If I shou’d chance to stand in need?Twenty Shillings, saysJohn,And for Twenty Shillings you may speed:ThenJoanshe ran unto her Chest,And fetch’d him Twenty Shillings just;John, said she, here is your Coin,And I pray you have me in your Mind:And out of my Love therefore,There is for you two Shillings more;And I pray thee honestJohn Long,Buy me one that’s Stiff and Strong.To Market then he went,When he had the Money in his Purse;He domineer’d and vapour’d,He was as stout as any Horse:Some he spent in Ale and Beer,And some he spent upon good Cheer;The rest he brought home again,To serve his turn another time:Welcome home honestJohn,God a mercy gentleJoan;PritheeJohnlet me feel,Hast thou brought me home a Steel?Yes, marry then quothJohn,And then he took her by the Hand;He led her into a Room,Where they cou’d see neither Sun nor Moon:TogetherJohnthe Door did clap,He laid the Steel into her Lap:With thatJoanbegan to feel,Cuts Foot, quoth she, ‘tis a dainty Steel:I prithee tell me, and do not lye,What are the two Things hang thereby?They be the two odd Shillings, quothJohn,That you put last into my Hand:If I had known so much before,I wou’d have giv’n thee two Shillings more.105

There was a Maid the other Day,Which in her Master’s Chamber lay;As Maidens they must not refuse,In Yeomens Houses thus they useIn a Truckle-bed to lye,Or another standing by:Her Master and her Dame,Said she shou’d do the same.This Maid cou’d neither rest nor Sleep,When that she heard the Bed to crack;Her Master Captive busie was,Her Dame cry’d out, you hurt my Back:Oh Husband you do me wrong,You’ve lain so hard my Breast upon;You are such another Man,You’d have me do more than I can:Tush Master, then saysJoan,Pray let my Dame alone;What a devilish Squalling you keep,That I can neither rest nor Sleep.This was enough to make a Maiden sickAnd full of Pain;She begins to Fling and Kick,And swore she’d rent her Smock in twain:But you shall hear anon,There was a Man his name wasJohn,To whom this Maid she went alone,And in this manner made her moan;I pritheeJohntell me no Lie,What ails my Dame to Squeak and Cry?I pritheeJohntell me the same,What is’t my Master gives my Dame?It is a Steel, quothJohn,My Master gives my Dame at Night:Altho’ some fault she find,I’m sure it is her Heart’s Delight:And youJoanfor your part,You love one withal your Heart:Yes, marry then quothJohn,Therefore to you I make my moan;If that I may be so bold,Where are these things to be sold?AtLondonthen saidJohn,Next Market day I’ll bring thee one.What will a good one cost,If I shou’d chance to stand in need?Twenty Shillings, saysJohn,And for Twenty Shillings you may speed:ThenJoanshe ran unto her Chest,And fetch’d him Twenty Shillings just;John, said she, here is your Coin,And I pray you have me in your Mind:And out of my Love therefore,There is for you two Shillings more;And I pray thee honestJohn Long,Buy me one that’s Stiff and Strong.To Market then he went,When he had the Money in his Purse;He domineer’d and vapour’d,He was as stout as any Horse:Some he spent in Ale and Beer,And some he spent upon good Cheer;The rest he brought home again,To serve his turn another time:Welcome home honestJohn,God a mercy gentleJoan;PritheeJohnlet me feel,Hast thou brought me home a Steel?Yes, marry then quothJohn,And then he took her by the Hand;He led her into a Room,Where they cou’d see neither Sun nor Moon:TogetherJohnthe Door did clap,He laid the Steel into her Lap:With thatJoanbegan to feel,Cuts Foot, quoth she, ‘tis a dainty Steel:I prithee tell me, and do not lye,What are the two Things hang thereby?They be the two odd Shillings, quothJohn,That you put last into my Hand:If I had known so much before,I wou’d have giv’n thee two Shillings more.105

There was a Maid the other Day,

Which in her Master’s Chamber lay;

As Maidens they must not refuse,

In Yeomens Houses thus they use

In a Truckle-bed to lye,

Or another standing by:

Her Master and her Dame,

Said she shou’d do the same.

This Maid cou’d neither rest nor Sleep,When that she heard the Bed to crack;Her Master Captive busie was,Her Dame cry’d out, you hurt my Back:Oh Husband you do me wrong,You’ve lain so hard my Breast upon;You are such another Man,You’d have me do more than I can:Tush Master, then saysJoan,Pray let my Dame alone;What a devilish Squalling you keep,That I can neither rest nor Sleep.

This Maid cou’d neither rest nor Sleep,

When that she heard the Bed to crack;

Her Master Captive busie was,

Her Dame cry’d out, you hurt my Back:

Oh Husband you do me wrong,

You’ve lain so hard my Breast upon;

You are such another Man,

You’d have me do more than I can:

Tush Master, then saysJoan,

Pray let my Dame alone;

What a devilish Squalling you keep,

That I can neither rest nor Sleep.

This was enough to make a Maiden sickAnd full of Pain;She begins to Fling and Kick,And swore she’d rent her Smock in twain:But you shall hear anon,There was a Man his name wasJohn,To whom this Maid she went alone,And in this manner made her moan;I pritheeJohntell me no Lie,What ails my Dame to Squeak and Cry?I pritheeJohntell me the same,What is’t my Master gives my Dame?

This was enough to make a Maiden sick

And full of Pain;

She begins to Fling and Kick,

And swore she’d rent her Smock in twain:

But you shall hear anon,

There was a Man his name wasJohn,

To whom this Maid she went alone,

And in this manner made her moan;

I pritheeJohntell me no Lie,

What ails my Dame to Squeak and Cry?

I pritheeJohntell me the same,

What is’t my Master gives my Dame?

It is a Steel, quothJohn,My Master gives my Dame at Night:Altho’ some fault she find,I’m sure it is her Heart’s Delight:And youJoanfor your part,You love one withal your Heart:Yes, marry then quothJohn,Therefore to you I make my moan;If that I may be so bold,Where are these things to be sold?AtLondonthen saidJohn,Next Market day I’ll bring thee one.

It is a Steel, quothJohn,

My Master gives my Dame at Night:

Altho’ some fault she find,

I’m sure it is her Heart’s Delight:

And youJoanfor your part,

You love one withal your Heart:

Yes, marry then quothJohn,

Therefore to you I make my moan;

If that I may be so bold,

Where are these things to be sold?

AtLondonthen saidJohn,

Next Market day I’ll bring thee one.

What will a good one cost,If I shou’d chance to stand in need?Twenty Shillings, saysJohn,And for Twenty Shillings you may speed:ThenJoanshe ran unto her Chest,And fetch’d him Twenty Shillings just;John, said she, here is your Coin,And I pray you have me in your Mind:And out of my Love therefore,There is for you two Shillings more;And I pray thee honestJohn Long,Buy me one that’s Stiff and Strong.

What will a good one cost,

If I shou’d chance to stand in need?

Twenty Shillings, saysJohn,

And for Twenty Shillings you may speed:

ThenJoanshe ran unto her Chest,

And fetch’d him Twenty Shillings just;

John, said she, here is your Coin,

And I pray you have me in your Mind:

And out of my Love therefore,

There is for you two Shillings more;

And I pray thee honestJohn Long,

Buy me one that’s Stiff and Strong.

To Market then he went,When he had the Money in his Purse;He domineer’d and vapour’d,He was as stout as any Horse:Some he spent in Ale and Beer,And some he spent upon good Cheer;The rest he brought home again,To serve his turn another time:Welcome home honestJohn,God a mercy gentleJoan;PritheeJohnlet me feel,Hast thou brought me home a Steel?

To Market then he went,

When he had the Money in his Purse;

He domineer’d and vapour’d,

He was as stout as any Horse:

Some he spent in Ale and Beer,

And some he spent upon good Cheer;

The rest he brought home again,

To serve his turn another time:

Welcome home honestJohn,

God a mercy gentleJoan;

PritheeJohnlet me feel,

Hast thou brought me home a Steel?

Yes, marry then quothJohn,And then he took her by the Hand;He led her into a Room,Where they cou’d see neither Sun nor Moon:TogetherJohnthe Door did clap,He laid the Steel into her Lap:With thatJoanbegan to feel,Cuts Foot, quoth she, ‘tis a dainty Steel:I prithee tell me, and do not lye,What are the two Things hang thereby?They be the two odd Shillings, quothJohn,That you put last into my Hand:If I had known so much before,I wou’d have giv’n thee two Shillings more.105

Yes, marry then quothJohn,

And then he took her by the Hand;

He led her into a Room,

Where they cou’d see neither Sun nor Moon:

TogetherJohnthe Door did clap,

He laid the Steel into her Lap:

With thatJoanbegan to feel,

Cuts Foot, quoth she, ‘tis a dainty Steel:

I prithee tell me, and do not lye,

What are the two Things hang thereby?

They be the two odd Shillings, quothJohn,

That you put last into my Hand:

If I had known so much before,

I wou’d have giv’n thee two Shillings more.105

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