VARIANT.Once on a time a tailor possessed a magic ring; as soon as he put it upon his finger, his yard assumed an extraordinary development. It fell out that he went to work at the house of a woman; by nature he was gay and given to jesting, and when he lay down to slumber he neglected always to cover his genitals.The woman observed that he had a yard of great proportions; desirous of sampling the power of such an instrument, she summoned the tailor to her chamber.“Hearken,” quoth she to him. “Consent to sin once with me.”“Why not, madam? But only on one condition—that thou dost not fart! If thou dost fart, thou shalt pay me three hundred roubles.”“Very good,” answered she.They betook themselves to bed; the good woman took all possible precautions not to expel wind during the sexual act; she instructed her chambermaid to seek a large onion, to thrust this into her fundament, and to hold it there with both hands. These orders were carried out minutely, but at the first assault delivered by the tailor upon the woman, the onion was violently expelled and struck the chambermaidwith such force that she was killed outright!The woman lost her three hundred roubles; the tailor pocketed this sum and hied him homeward. Having journeyed some distance, he felt a desire to slumber and lay down in a field. He placed the ring upon his finger and his yard stretched to the length of one verst. As he lay thus, slumber o’ertook him, and whilst he slept came seven starving wolves, which devoured the greater part of his yard. He awoke as if naught had chanced,23took the ring from his finger, put it in his pocket, and pursued his way.Came night, and the tailor entered the house of a peasant. Now this peasant had married a young woman who had a liking for well-membered men. The guest went to sleep in the courtyard, leaving his yard exposed. Perceiving it, the peasant’s wife felt a great desire; raising her robe, she coupled with the tailor.“Good,” quoth he to himself; and he placed the ring on his finger, and his yard rose little by little to the height of one verst. But when the wife perceived herself so far from the earth, all desire to futter left her, and she clung with both hands to this strange support in mid-air.Beholding the peril that beset the wretched woman, her neighbours and relations fell to praying for the safety of both. But the tailor gently withdrew the ring from his finger; gradually the dimensions of his member decreased, and, when it reached but to a small height, the woman jumped to earth.“Ah! insatiable coynte,” quoth the tailorto her. “It had been thy death had they cut my yard.”24
VARIANT.Once on a time a tailor possessed a magic ring; as soon as he put it upon his finger, his yard assumed an extraordinary development. It fell out that he went to work at the house of a woman; by nature he was gay and given to jesting, and when he lay down to slumber he neglected always to cover his genitals.The woman observed that he had a yard of great proportions; desirous of sampling the power of such an instrument, she summoned the tailor to her chamber.“Hearken,” quoth she to him. “Consent to sin once with me.”“Why not, madam? But only on one condition—that thou dost not fart! If thou dost fart, thou shalt pay me three hundred roubles.”“Very good,” answered she.They betook themselves to bed; the good woman took all possible precautions not to expel wind during the sexual act; she instructed her chambermaid to seek a large onion, to thrust this into her fundament, and to hold it there with both hands. These orders were carried out minutely, but at the first assault delivered by the tailor upon the woman, the onion was violently expelled and struck the chambermaidwith such force that she was killed outright!The woman lost her three hundred roubles; the tailor pocketed this sum and hied him homeward. Having journeyed some distance, he felt a desire to slumber and lay down in a field. He placed the ring upon his finger and his yard stretched to the length of one verst. As he lay thus, slumber o’ertook him, and whilst he slept came seven starving wolves, which devoured the greater part of his yard. He awoke as if naught had chanced,23took the ring from his finger, put it in his pocket, and pursued his way.Came night, and the tailor entered the house of a peasant. Now this peasant had married a young woman who had a liking for well-membered men. The guest went to sleep in the courtyard, leaving his yard exposed. Perceiving it, the peasant’s wife felt a great desire; raising her robe, she coupled with the tailor.“Good,” quoth he to himself; and he placed the ring on his finger, and his yard rose little by little to the height of one verst. But when the wife perceived herself so far from the earth, all desire to futter left her, and she clung with both hands to this strange support in mid-air.Beholding the peril that beset the wretched woman, her neighbours and relations fell to praying for the safety of both. But the tailor gently withdrew the ring from his finger; gradually the dimensions of his member decreased, and, when it reached but to a small height, the woman jumped to earth.“Ah! insatiable coynte,” quoth the tailorto her. “It had been thy death had they cut my yard.”24
Once on a time a tailor possessed a magic ring; as soon as he put it upon his finger, his yard assumed an extraordinary development. It fell out that he went to work at the house of a woman; by nature he was gay and given to jesting, and when he lay down to slumber he neglected always to cover his genitals.
The woman observed that he had a yard of great proportions; desirous of sampling the power of such an instrument, she summoned the tailor to her chamber.
“Hearken,” quoth she to him. “Consent to sin once with me.”
“Why not, madam? But only on one condition—that thou dost not fart! If thou dost fart, thou shalt pay me three hundred roubles.”
“Very good,” answered she.
They betook themselves to bed; the good woman took all possible precautions not to expel wind during the sexual act; she instructed her chambermaid to seek a large onion, to thrust this into her fundament, and to hold it there with both hands. These orders were carried out minutely, but at the first assault delivered by the tailor upon the woman, the onion was violently expelled and struck the chambermaidwith such force that she was killed outright!
The woman lost her three hundred roubles; the tailor pocketed this sum and hied him homeward. Having journeyed some distance, he felt a desire to slumber and lay down in a field. He placed the ring upon his finger and his yard stretched to the length of one verst. As he lay thus, slumber o’ertook him, and whilst he slept came seven starving wolves, which devoured the greater part of his yard. He awoke as if naught had chanced,23took the ring from his finger, put it in his pocket, and pursued his way.
Came night, and the tailor entered the house of a peasant. Now this peasant had married a young woman who had a liking for well-membered men. The guest went to sleep in the courtyard, leaving his yard exposed. Perceiving it, the peasant’s wife felt a great desire; raising her robe, she coupled with the tailor.
“Good,” quoth he to himself; and he placed the ring on his finger, and his yard rose little by little to the height of one verst. But when the wife perceived herself so far from the earth, all desire to futter left her, and she clung with both hands to this strange support in mid-air.
Beholding the peril that beset the wretched woman, her neighbours and relations fell to praying for the safety of both. But the tailor gently withdrew the ring from his finger; gradually the dimensions of his member decreased, and, when it reached but to a small height, the woman jumped to earth.
“Ah! insatiable coynte,” quoth the tailorto her. “It had been thy death had they cut my yard.”24