210CHAPTER XIX
We wuz a goin’ to stop for a day or two at Shanghai and I wuz real glad on’t, for I felt that I must see the Empress, Si Ann, without any more delay, and I hearn she wuz there visitin’ some of her folks.
Yes, I felt the widder Hien Fong ort to hear what I had to say to her with no further delay, I felt it wuz a duty that I owed toward the nation and Josiah.
The voyage from Yokohama to Shanghai is very interesting, a part of it is through the inland sea, mountains and valleys on both sides, many islands and large and small towns all along the shores. Our hull party kep’ well and all enjoyed all the strange picturesque scenery, most as new to us as if we wuz on another planet. Yes, I d’no as Jupiter would look any stranger to us than the country did, or Mars or Saturn.
We wuz over a day crossin’ the Yaller Sea, well named, for its water is as yaller as the sands on its shores. I’d hate to wash white clothes in it. And as we drew near Shanghai it wuz all alive with Chinese junks full of men, wimmen and children. The children here on these boats seem to be tied up with ropes, givin’ ’em room to crawl round, same as I have tied up Jonesville hens that wanted to set.
Shanghai means, “approaching the sea,” and I spoze it might just as well mean approaching from the sea, as we did. Old Shanghai is surrounded by a wall and moat and is entered by six gates, the roads are only ten feet wide and dirty and bad smellin’, and most of its houses are small, though there are a few very fine buildings, according to their style, lots of little piazzas jutting out everywhere with211the ends turned up, that seems to be their taste; why a ruff or a piazza straight acrost would have been a boon to my Jonesville trained eyes. The houses on the principal streets are used for shops; no winders on the first floor; they are all open in front during the day and closed by heavy latticework at night.
The favorite carriage here is a wheelbarrow, the wheel in the centre and a seat on each side. Josiah and I got into one, he carryin’ Tommy in his lap, but he sez with a groan:
“I never spozed that I should git down to this, Samantha, to ride in a wheelbarrow. What would Ury say! I am glad he can’t see it, or Deacon Henzy or any of the other Jonesville brothers and sistern.”
The furrin suburbs are laid out like a European city, with broad streets, well lighted and clean. We went on the Bubbling Well Road, named from a boiling spring a few miles out. The road is broad and smooth as glass with beautiful villas along the way; we also passed a great number of small burying places. They have to bury folks according to the rules of Feng Shui. If Feng Shui should order a burial place in a dooryard it would have to be there. It rules buildings, customs, laws, everything. I asked a Chinaman who could talk English what this Feng Shui wuz that they had to obey it so strictly, and he described it as being like the wind and water: like wind because you don’t know where it come from nor when it would go or where; and like water because you could never know how to grasp it, it would elude you and slip away and you would have nothing in your hand to show. Miss Meechim cried out about the enormity of such a law and laid it to the evil doin’s of furriners, but Arvilly said that it wuz some like the laws we had in America, for we found out on inquiry that money would most always appease this great Feng Shui and git it to consent to most anything if it wuz paid enough, just as it did in America.
Josiah said he had a good mind to set up some such212thing in Jonesville when he got back, sez he, “I wouldn’t name it Feng Shui just like this, I might call it Fine Shue or sunthin’ like that. And jest see, Samantha, how handy it would be if the meetin’ house went aginst me I would jest git up and lift up my hand and say, ‘Fine Shue has decided. It will be as I say.’ Or on ’lection day, if I wuzn’t put up for office, or when they elect somebody besides me, or at the cheese factory if they put up another salesman, or on the beat, if they wanted another pathmaster, I’d jest call on the Fine Shue and there I’d be. Why, Samantha,” sez he, gittin’ carried away in his excitement, “I could git to be President jest as easy as fallin’ off a log if I could make the Fine Shue work.”
“Yes,” sez I, “but that is a big if; but do you want to, Josiah, turn back the wheels of our civilization that are creaky and jolty enough, heaven knows, back into worse and more swampy paths than they are runnin’ in now?”
“I d’no,” sez Josiah, “but it would be all right if it wuz run by a man like me; a Methodist in full standin’, and one of the most enlightened and Christian men of the times.”
But I lifted my hand in a warnin’ way and sez, “Stop, Josiah Allen, to once! such talk is imperialism, and you know I am sot like a rock aginst that. Imperialism is as much out of place in a republic as a angel in a glue factory.”
Well, I am in hopes that ten thousand milds of travel will jolt some idees out of his mind.
Being in Shanghai over Sunday, we attended service held by a missionary. It wuz a beautiful service which we all enjoyed. The words of this good Christian man in prayer and praise sounded to our ears as sweet as the sound of waters in a desert land. Over a hundred wuz present, and after service the pulpit wuz moved off and several wuz baptized in water jest as they do in America.
The rich and poor seem to live side by side more than they do in our country, and rich merchants live over their shops; mebby it is to protect them from the Feng Shui,213for if that gits on track of a rich man a great part of his wealth is appropriated by the government; it very often borrys their money––or what it calls borryin’.
Shanghai wuz the first place where I see men carryin’ fans. When they’re not fannin’ themselves they put the fan at the back of their neck, for a ornament I guess.
Josiah made a note in his pocket diary: “Mem––To git a fan the day after I git home, to carry it to Jonesville to meetin’, to fan myself with it on the way there before Elder Minkley and Brother Henzy. Mem––A red and yaller one.” But of this fan bizness more anon.
There are not many wimmen in the streets here. The poorer class of Chinese let their feet grow to the natural size; it is only the aristocracy who bind up their feet.
But my mission to the Empress wore on me. I felt that I must not delay seekin’ a augience. And, as it happened, or no, not happened––it wuz to be––one day whilst Josiah and Arvilly and Tommy and I wuz walkin’ in a beautiful garden, the rest of the party bein’ away on another tower after pleasure and instruction, Josiah and Tommy had gone to see the fish in a fountain a little ways off, and Arvilly wuz some distance away, when all of a sudden I heard a bystander say in a low, awe-struck voice, “There is the Empress.”
She wuz walkin’ through the garden with two ladies-in-waiting, and a elegant carriage wuz goin’ slow a little ways off, givin’ her a chance for excercise, I spoze. She wuz dressed in a long, colored silk night-gown––or it wuz shaped like one––though they wear ’em day times, all embroidered and glitterin’ with precious stuns. She didn’t have her crown on––mebby it wuz broke and away to be fixed––but her hair wuz combed dretful slick and stuck full of jewelled pins and stars, etc. I knowed her by her picture, and also by my feelin’s, and I sez to myself, Now is the time for me to onburden myself of the important mission that had been layin’ so heavy on my chist. Yes, Duty’s apron strings jest214drawed me right up in front of her, and I advanced, holdin’ out my hand in as friendly a way as if she had come for a all-day’s visit to me in Jonesville. Her ladies-in-waitin’ kinder fell back, and as I advanced I bowed real low––as low as I dasted to, for I felt that I wouldn’t have ketched my feet in the facin’ of my dress and fell down at that time for a dollar bill. She’s smart; she recognized my lofty sperit, and her greetin’ wuz considerable cordial, though held back by her Chinese education.
Sez I, “Empress Si Ann (I d’no but I ort to call her Sarah Ann, that’s probable her name docked off by her folks to pet her. But I thought I wouldn’t meddle with a pet name; I’d call her Si Ann).”
Sez I, “I set out from Jonesville with a important message for you, and I’ve bore it over the ocean on a tower and now I lay it at your feet.”
I here paused to give her a chance to wonder what it wuz, and get some excited, then I went on, “I felt that I must see you on my own account and Josiah’s and the nation’s, and tell you not to, oh, not to lay that Piece Conference to us. I have laid awake nights worryin’ about it, for fear you’d think that Josiah and I, bein’ prominent Americans, had jined in and wuz tryin’ to cut China to pieces. But we hadn’t a thing to do with it.”
I meant to keep Josiah in the background, knowin’ the Chinese aversion to mix up the sects in company, but he’d come back and he had to put in his oar here and sez he, “No, they couldn’t git me to jine ’em. I wuz down with a crick at the time and Samantha had to nuss me. We had our hands full and we couldn’t have jined ’em anyway,” he sez.
I wunk at him and stepped on his toe, but nothin’ could stop him, and he went on, “I wouldn’t have jined ’em anyway, Miss Hein Fong, I wouldn’t treat a neighbor so.”
“Neighbor?” sez she wonderin’ly.
“Yes,” sez he, “you know our land jines on the under215side. China jines my paster in the middle, though owin’ to the way our land lays we can’t neighbor much, and,” sez he, “you’re enough sight better neighbors than some I’ve got, your folks are old settlers and have always tended to their own bizness and kep’ their cattle and hens to hum, which is more than I can say for all the neighbors whose land jines mine.”
But I could see that the ladies-in-waitin’ wuz oneasy at havin’ a man talkin’ to ’em so free and I kinder advanced in front of him and sez:
“Josiah and I wuz dretful tickled with the idee at first when we spozed that conference meant real p-e-a-c-e and tryin’ to bring the most beautiful gift of God and joy of heaven nigher to earth. Why, it jest riz us right up, we felt so highly tickled with it. But when we see ’em begin to spell it p-i-e-c-e, and quarrel over the pieces, why, then we turned right agin ’em. Why, good land! even if it wuz right, Josiah has got all the land he wants to work and more too, and as I tell him, what is the use of him or the nation havin’ a great lot of land to stand idle and pay taxes on, and keep a gang of hired men to watch. Men and nations can git land poor, I believe.”
I see she liked what I said about the Peace Commission, but I wuz afraid she didn’t git my idee jest right, so I sez, “I believe in the first on’t the Zar’s idee come right down from heaven, filtered into his comprehension mebby through a woman’s apprehension. But you know how it is, Si Ann, in the berry lot now if there are bushes hangin’ full of big ones jest over the fence and somebody else is gittin’ ’em all, you kinder want to jine in and git some on ’em yourself, though you may be a perfesser and singin’ a Sam tune at the time, specially if the fence is broke down that separates you. I can see how it wuz with that Piece Commission and make allowances for ’em, but we didn’t have a thing to do with it and we don’t want any of the pieces.” My axent carried conviction with it; I see she looked relieved. She didn’t216say it right out, but I felt that we hadn’t fell in her estimation, and I went on:
“And I don’t want you to blame Uncle Sam either, Si Ann. I believe he will help you all he can, help you in the right way, too; help you to help yourselves. But your folks have got to brace up and do their part; Uncle Sam will neighbor with you if you give him a chance. He’s real good-hearted, though bein’ so easy and good-natered, he is deceived lots of times and influenced and led around by them that want to make money out of him, such as the trusts and the liquor power. But he stands ready to neighbor with you, and don’t turn your back on him, Si Ann. Don’t do anything to get him huffy, for though he hain’t quick to git mad, he’s got a temper when it’s rousted up.”
She said sunthin’ about Uncle Sam turnin’ her folks out and not lettin’ ’em step their feet on our sile. I couldn’t deny it, and it kinder danted me for a minute how I wuz goin’ to smooth that over, but concluded that as in every other emergency in life, the plain truth wuz the best, and I sez in a real amiable voice:
“Si Ann, there is two sides to that jest as there is to every national and neighborhood quarrel. Uncle Sam hain’t liked the way your folks have acted with him, and though I dare presoom to say he’s some to blame, yet I can see where your folks have missed it. They would flock right over to our place, crowdin’ our own folks out of house and home, and expect Uncle Sam to protect ’em, and then they would jest rake and scrape all they could offen us and go home to spend their money; wouldn’t even leave one of their bones in our ground. They didn’t want to become citizens of the United States, they seemed to kinder want to set down and stand up at the same time, which hain’t reasonable if it is done by an American or a Chinee.”
She said sunthin’ about the masses of other foreigners that Uncle Sam allowed to crowd into our country.
“Well,” sez I, “they’re willin’ to become citizens, the217German and English and Irish and Russian and Italian babies grow up Americans. But it wuzn’t so with your folks, Si Ann. From the children’s little pig-tails down to their little wooden shues they wuz clear China, soaked in, dyed in the wool, born so, and as long as their bones hung together and afterwards, clear China. They kep’ themselves jest as fur from American institutions and beliefs as ile stays away from water and wouldn’t mix any more. Their bodies stayed on our shores whilst they could make money out of us. But their souls and minds wuz jest as fur removed from our institutions and constitutions as if they wuz settin’ in Jupiter with their legs hangin’ off. It wuz galdin’ to Uncle Sam and finally he had to stop it. But he didn’t do it out of meanness. He jest had to, for of course you know your own folks come first.”
And thinkin’ mebby I’d been too hash describin’ her folks I went on, “I spoze mebby that high stun wall of yourn has kinder stiffened and hardened the nature of your folks and made it harder for ’em to change. But you’re on the right track now, Si Ann, you have begun to break down that big wall, you’ve begun to be more neighborly. And don’t you ever crouch down and hide behind that great stun wall agin; you jest keep right on bein’ neighborly and Uncle Sam will help you.”
Si Ann looked real good and as if she took every word I said in good part; bein’ naterally so smart she would recognize the onselfishness and nobility of my mission, but I see that there wuz a real pert look on one of the ladies’ faces as she said sunthin’ to one of the other ones, and I mistrusted that they didn’t like what I had said about that wall of theirn, and I went on to say to Si Ann:
“Of course you may say that a nation or a woman has a right to do as they’ve a mind to, but common sense must be used if you are goin’ to enjoy yourself much in this world. Now, we had a neighbor in Jonesville that sot out in married life determined not to borrow or lend, dretful exclusive,218jest built a high wall of separation round herself and family. But after tryin’ it for a year or so she wuz glad to give it up, and many is the cup of tea and sugar I’ve lent her since, and she borries and lends her washtub now or biler, or settin’ hens, or anythin’. And she sez that she and her family takes as much agin’ comfort now and are doin’ as well agin’, for of course the neighbors didn’t set so much store by ’em as they did when their ports wuz open, as you may say, and they wuz more neighborly.”
I could see by Si Ann’s face that she not only enjoyed all I said, but believed a good share on’t, and bein’ such a case for justice, I felt that I ort to let her know I realized our own nation’s short-comin’s, as well as hern. Sez I, “I hain’t got a word to say to you, Si Ann, about the different castes in your country, when the wimmen in my own land build up a wall between themselves and their kitchen helpers higher than the highest peak of your stun wall and harder to git over, and I don’t want to say a word about your folks bindin’ down their children’s feet to make ’em small as long as our own females pinch down their waists till they’re in perfect agony and ten times as bad as to pinch their feet, for the life, the vital organs don’t lay in the feet, or hain’t spozed to, and so it don’t hurt ’em half so much to be tortured. And as long as they drag round yards of silk and velvet through the streets to rake up filth and disease to carry home and endanger their own lives and their families; no, as long as our females do all this I hain’t nothin’ to say about your dress and customs here, nor I hain’t a goin’ to cast reflections agin you about your men wearin’ night gowns and braidin’ their hair down their backs. Good land, Si Ann! you and I know what men be. We are married wimmen and seen trouble. You couldn’t stop ’em if you tried to. If Josiah Allen took it into his head to braid his hair down his back, I should have to let it go on unless I broke it up sarahuptishly by cuttin’ it off when he wuz asleep, but thank fortin’ he hain’t got enough so that the braid would be bigger than a pipe stale anyway if he should let it grow out, and he is so dressy he wouldn’t like that. But I’ve tried to break up his wearin’ such gay neckties for years and years, and if he should go out and buy one to-day it would most likely be red and yaller.”
I withdrawed him, bowin’ very low and smilin’ at her.––Page 219.
I withdrawed him, bowin’ very low and smilin’ at her.––Page 219.
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I felt that China hadn’t been used exactly right; I knowed it. Younger nations––new-comers, as you may say––had made light on her and abused her, usin’ the very type the Chinese had invented to say they didn’t know anything and usin’ the gunpowder they had invented to blow ’em up with. I had felt that the Powers hadn’t treated ’em well, and I had made up my mind some time ago that when I see the Powers I should tell ’em what I thought on’t. Then there wuz the opium trade––a burnin’ shame! I wanted to sympathize with her about that, but thought mebby it wuz best to not harrer up her feelin’s any more, so I sez in a real polite way:
“I have nothin’ further to say now, Si Ann, only to bid you adoo and to tell you that if you ever come to Jonesville be sure and come and see me; I’ll be proud and happy to have you.”
Here Josiah had to put in his note: “Good-by, Widder!” sez he. If I had had time I would have tutored him; he spoke just as he would to widder Gowdey. I wanted him to act more courtly and formal, but it wuz too late, it wuz spoke. “Good-by, Widder; we’ll have to be a-goin’. We’ve had quite a spell of weather, but it looks some like rain now, and I have a important engagement to-night, and we’ll have to be gittin’ hum.”
But I gently withdrawed him, bowin’ very low myself and lookin’ dretful smilin’ at her.
Like all great monarchs, she wanted to make her visitors a present, and she proposed to send us several drawin’s of tea of the kind she used, and a little hunk of opium, though, as I told her, I should never use it in the world only to smoke in a pipe for the toothache; and she also proposed to send us220a china sugar-bowl and a piece of the Chinee wall, which last I told her I should value high as a sign that the old things wuz passin’ away and better days comin’.
And then I made some more real low bows and Josiah did, bein’ wunk at by me, and we withdrawed ourselves from the Presence. But Josiah, always overdoin’ things, takin’ out his bandanna and a-wavin’ it towards her as he bowed most to the ground. But what wuz my surprise as we walked away kinder backward, Josiah mutterin’ to me that he should fall flat if he backed off much furder! What wuz my horrow to see Arvilly advance with a copy of her books and present ’em to the Empress. One of the ladies-in-waiting, who seemed to talk English quite considerable, looked at the books and read their titles to her Majesty, who immediately signified her desire to purchase ’em, and before she left the group Arvilly had sold three copies of the “Twin Crimes” and two of the “Wild and Warlike.”
Poor Empress! Poor Si Ann! Well might she treasure the last-named book, “The Wild, Wicked and Warlike Deeds of Men.” Poor thing! I am afraid she will see plenty of it herself. Them Powers, sometimes, when they git to goin’, act like the Old Harry.
221CHAPTER XX
The engagement my pardner had spoke on wuz to meet a Chinaman that wuz comin’ to see Robert Strong that evenin’. Robert had met him in California, and Josiah seemed dretful anxious to git home so as to dress up for his reception. And I sez, “There is time enough; I shouldn’t think it would take you more than two hours to wash your hands and change your neck-tie.”
“Well,” sez he, in a evasive way, “I––I don’t want to be scrimped for time.”
So, as Tommy and I wanted to stop along on the way, he left us and went home. Robert had told us a good deal about this man, Mr. Hi-wal-hum; about his wealth and high official standing, and Josiah had been talkin’ more or less about him all day; he looked forrered to it. He had said to me: “Samantha, this man is a Potentate, and it stands us in hand to be polite always to Potentates.”
Well, I couldn’t dispute him nor didn’t want to. When we arriv home I thought I would have jest about time to go to my room and wash my face and hands and put on a clean collar and cuffs and change Tommy’s clothes. Tommy went on a little ahead of me, and I see him bend down and stretch his little neck forrered and look through the door as if he wuz agast at some sight. And as I come up he put his little fingers on his lips, as I spoze he’d seen me do, and whispered: “Keep still, Grandma; I don’t know what Grandpa is doin’.”
I looked over his shoulder and thought to myself I should think as much, I should think he wouldn’t know. There stood Josiah Allen before the glass and of all the sights I ever see his dress went ahead. He had got on a red woolen222underskirt and his dressin’ gown over it kinder floated back from it, and he had took out of my trunk a switch of hair that Tirzah Ann had put in, thinkin’ mebby I would want to dress my head different in foreign countries; I hadn’t wore it at all, and it wuz clear in the bottom of my trunk, but he had got at it somehow and had fastened it onto his head, and it hung down his back and ended with a big broad, red ribbin bow; it was one of Tommy’s neck-ties. And he’d got all my jewelry––every mite on’t––and had fastened it onto him on different places, and all of Tommy’s ribbins to tie his collar with, wuz made into bows and pinned onto him, and my C. E. badge and W. C. T. U. bow of white ribbin, and he had got my big palm leaf fan and had tied a big, red bow on’t, and he wuz standin’ before the glass fannin’ himself and cranin’ his neck one way and tother to see how he looked and admire himself, I spoze. And anon he tried to put the fan over his right ear. The idee! a palm leaf fan that wouldn’t shet. And he spoke out to himself:
“No, I can’t do that, but I can be fannin’ myself, all the time fannin’ and bowin’.” And then he stepped forrerd towards the glass and made a bow so low that his switch flopped over and ketched on the rocker of a chair and he couldn’t move either way without jerkin’ his braid off.
“Goodness gracious!” I hearn him say, “I never yet tried to be genteel without its being broke up some way,” and he gin a jerk and left his switch on the floor. He took it up tenderly and smoothed it out and wuz tryin’ to attach it to his head agin. It wuz fastened on by a red ribbin comin’ up over his head and tied on top. But at that minute he ketched sight of me and he looked some meachin’, but he begun immegiately pourin’ our profuse reasons for his costoom and manners.
Sez he, “You know, Robert wants us to meet that high official, and I felt that it would help our relations with China if I should dress up China fashion.”
Sez I, “It will help one of your relations if you’ll take off223that red petticoat of hern, and ribbins and cameos and badges and things.”
Sez he, “I am doin’ this for political reasons, Samantha, and can’t be hampered by domestic reasons and ignorance.” And he kep’ on tyin’ the bow on his foretop.
Sez I, “For the sake of your children and grandchildren won’t you desist and not put ’em to shame and make a laughin’ stock of yourself before Miss Meechim and Arvilly and all the rest?”
“I shall do my duty, Samantha,” sez he, and he pulled out the ribbin of the bow, so that it sot out some like a turban over his forward. “Of course I look very dressy and pretty in this costoom, but that is not my reason for wearin’ it; you and Arvilly are always talking about political men who don’t come up to the mark and do their duty by their constituents. I am a very influential man, Samantha, and there is no tellin’ how much good I shall do my country this day, and the sneers of the multitude shall not deter me.”
Sez I, almost fearfully, “Think of the meetin’ house, Josiah, where you’re a deacon and looked up to; what will they say to hear of this, passin’ yourself off for a Chinaman; dressin’ up in petticoats and red ribbins!”
Sez he, cranin’ his neck round to see the bow hangin’ down his back, “Our old forefathers went through worse trials than this when they eat their cartridge boxes and friz themselves at Valley Forge,” and he fingered some of them bows and ornaments on his breast agin with a vain, conceited smirk of satisfaction. I wuz at my wits’ end; I glanced at the door; there wuz no lock on it; what should I do? Religion and common sense wouldn’t move him, and as for my sharpest weepon––good vittles––here I wuz hampered, I couldn’t cook ’em for him, what could I do?
Sez he agin, “I only do this for patriotism; I sacrifice myself on the altar of my country,” and he fanned himself gracefully, lookin’ sarahuptishly into the glass.
224
“Well,” sez I, growin’ calm as I thought of a forlorn hope, “mebby it is best, Josiah, and I hain’t a-goin’ to be outdone by you in patriotism. I too will sacrifice myself.” And I proceeded to comb my hair with a firm look on my face. He looked alarmed.
“What do you mean, Samantha?” sez he.
“I won’t let you go ahead of me in sacrificing yourself, Josiah. No, I will go fur ahead of what you or anybody else would do; it will most probable kill me, but I shall not falter.”
“What is it, Samantha?” sez he, droppin’ the fan and approachin’ me with agitated mean. “What are you goin’ to do? If it is to throw yourself in front of any idol and perish, I will save you if I shed the last drop of blood in my system!”
“Yes,” sez I, “you could do great bizness in savin’ me, togged out as you are, made helpless by your own folly; but,” sez I, in a holler, awful axent, “it hain’t that, Josiah; it is fur worse than losin’ my life; that wouldn’t be nothin’ in comparison.”
He looked white as a piller case. Sez he: “Tell me to once what you lay out to do.”
“Well,” sez I, “if you must know, I spoze that it might help our relations with China if I should part with you and wed a China potentate. It would kill me and be bad for the potentate, but if your country’s welfare is at stake, if it would help our relations I–––”
“Let the relations go to Jericho, Samantha! every one on ’em, and the Potentates! every one on ’em!” and he kicked off them robes quicker than I can tell the tale.
Sez I, “Josiah, you needn’t tear every rag you’ve got on; take ’em off quietly.” He’d put ’em on over his own clothes. He obeyed me implicitly, and sez he anxiously, as he laid ’em all on the bed:
“You’ve gin up the idee, hain’t you, Samantha?”
Sez I, “I have for the present, Josiah, I wuz only doin’225it to emulate your sacrifice; if you don’t sacrifice yourself any further, I shan’t.”
He hadn’t been so good to me for sometime as he wuz for the rest of that day. I only done it to stop his display, and my conscience hain’t been quite at rest ever sence about it, but then a woman has to work headwork to keep her pardner within bounds. I wuzn’t goin’ to have him make a fool of himself before Arvilly and Miss Meechim. Arvilly would never let him hearn the end on’t nor me nuther.
Well, we met the potentate in our own clothes and he met us in his own clothes, jest as he and we had a right to. He wuz a real sensible man, so Robert Strong said, and he understood a good deal of his talk and ort to know.
Well, from Shanghai we sailed for Hongkong and then embarked for Point de Galle on the island of Ceylon, expectin’ to stop on the way at Saigon in Cochin-China and Singapore.
It wuz dretful windy and onpleasant at first. It is much pleasanter to read about a monsoon in Jonesville with your feet on a base burner than to experience one on a steamer. Everything swayed and tipped and swung, that could, even to our stomachs. We only made a short stop at Saigon––a hotter place I wuz never in. I thought of the oven in our kitchen range and felt that if Philury wuz bakin’ bread and meat and beans and got into the oven to turn ’em, she knew a little about the climate we wuz enjoying.
As we ascended the river our ship got a little too near the shore and kinder run its prow into a jungle where the monkeys hung from the tree-tops and made fun of us, I spoze, mad at our invadin’ their domain and wanted us to pay, ’tennyrate the muskeeters sent in their bills, sharp ones. Saigon is a pretty place set in its tropical scenery; it has eighty or ninety thousand inhabitants and belongs to France. The natives are small and slower than time in the primer.
Singapore is an island in the straits of Malacca and is twenty-four milds long and fourteen wide; it is a British226province ruled by native princes under the Queen. Here the days and nights are of equal length and it rains about every day; it has a mixed population, Chinamen, Malays, Europeans and a few Americans, mebby a hundred thousand in all.
We didn’t stay long here, but rode out in what they called a Jherry lookin’ like a dry goods box drawed by a couple of ponies.
Josiah sez to me, “I am glad that the Malay coolers wear a little more than the Japans.” And the coolies here did wear besides their red loin cloth a narrer strip of white cotton cloth hangin’ over their left shoulders. Our hotel wuz a very comfortable one; it consisted of several buildin’s two stories high connected by covered halls; it wuz surrounded by handsome trees and beautiful ornamental shrubbery and flowers.
The wide verandas wuz very pleasant, with their bamboo chairs and couches and little tables where you could have tea served. Birds of the most beautiful plumage soared and sung in the trees, and butterflies that looked like flowers on wings fluttered about. You can’t tell men from wimmen by their clothes. They all wear earrings and bracelets and nose-rings. Josiah sez to me:
“I have always said, Samantha, that men didn’t dress gay enough; a few bracelets and breastpins and earrings would add to a man’s looks dretfully, and I mean to set the fashion in Jonesville. It would take ten years offen my age. Jest see how proud the men walk; they feel that they’re dressed up; it gives ’em a lofty look.”
The men did seem to have a different gait from the females; the wimmen looked more meek and meachin. We didn’t stay long in Saigon, but we visited the Whampoo garders and found that they were perfectly beautiful, made by Mr. Whampoo, a rich Chinaman. There wuz fifty acres under most perfect cultivation. Here the Chinese fad of dwarfing and training trees wuz carried to perfection; there227wuz trees trained into all sorts of shapes. One wuz a covered carriage about three feet high, with a horse, all tree, but natural as life; and then there wuz pagodas and men and wimmen and animals and birds all growin’ and havin’ to be trimmed by the patient Chinese gardener. The tree they can use best is a evergreen with a little leaf and a white flower not much bigger than the head of a pin. But there wuz not only every tropical tree you could think on, palm, cocoanut, nutmeg, cinnamon, tea, coffee, and clove bush, but trees and plants from every part of the world, some from America.
Here wuz a Victoria lily in its full beauty, the dark green leaves edged with brown and red, as big round as our washtub, and turned up on the edges about two inches. Each plant has one leaf and one flower. And we see the most lovely orchids here; Dorothy thought them the most beautiful of all. Well, in a day or two we sot out for Ceylon’s isle.
As we drew nigh to Ceylon I sez to Josiah: “Did you ever expect, Josiah Allen, to feel
“‘The balmy breezesThat blow from Ceylon’s IsleWhere every prospect pleases,And only man is vile?’”
“‘The balmy breezesThat blow from Ceylon’s IsleWhere every prospect pleases,And only man is vile?’”
“‘The balmy breezes
That blow from Ceylon’s Isle
Where every prospect pleases,
And only man is vile?’”
And he sez, holdin’ on his hat, “I shouldn’t call these breezes very bammy, and you no need to lay such a powerful stress onman, Samantha, that term, man, means wimmen too in this case.”
“Yes,” sez Arvilly, who wuz standin’ nigh, “that term, man, always includes wimmen when there is any blame or penalty attached, but when it sez ‘Man is born free and equal,’ it means men alone.”
“Yes,” sez Josiah, smilin’ real pleasant, “you’ve happened to hit it jest right, Arvilly.”
“Well,” sez I, “do look and enjoy the beauty that is228spread out right before you.” Our good ship made its way into the harbor of Colombo, through a multitude of boats with men of every color and size at their oars and all gesticulating and jabbering in axents as strange to us as Jupiter talk would be. Some of the boats wuz queer lookin’; they are called dugouts, and have outriggers for the crew to set on. They carry fruit and provision to the steamers in the bay, and take passengers to and fro.
Bein’ took by one to terry firmy, we soon made our way through the chatterin’ strange lookin’ crowd of every color and costoom to a tarven where we obtained food and needed rest, and the next mornin’ we sallied out some as we would if we had jest landed on the shores of another planet to explore a new world.
We walked through the streets by big gardens that seemed jest ablaze with color and swoonin’ with perfume. The low white houses wuz banked up with drifts of blossom and verdure as the Jonesville houses wuz with snow drifts on a winter day. Sweet voiced birds in gayest plumage swung and soared aloft instead of the ice-suckles that hung from the eaves of Jonesville houses. And instead of Ury clad in a buffalo coat and striped wool mittens walking with icy whiskers and frost-bitten ears to break the ice in the creek, wuz the gay crowd of men, wimmen and children dressed in all the rich colors of the rainbow, if they wuz dressed at all. Solid purple, yellow, green, burnin’ colors palpitating with light and cheer under the warm breezes and glowin’ sunshine.
Sometimes the children wuz in jest the state that Adam and Eve wuz when they wuz finished off and pronounced good. Sometimes a string and a red rag comprised their toilette, but they all seemed a part of the strange picture, the queer, mysterious, onknown Orient. The gorgeous colorin’ of the men’s apparel struck Josiah to the heart agin; he vowed that he would show Jonesville the way for men to dress if he ever got home agin. Sez he, “I will show Deacon229Henzy and Uncle Sime Bentley that a man can wear sunthin’ besides that everlastin’ black or gray.” Sez he:
“I can dress gay with small expense; I can take one of your white woolen sheets and color it with diamond dye a bright red or a green or yeller at a outlay of ten cents per sheet, and one of my bandannas will make a crackin’ good turban. Let me walk into the Jonesville meetin’ house with that gorgeous drapery wropped round me, why I should be the lion of the day.”
“Yes,” sez I, “you would break up the congregation as quick as a real lion would.”
“Well, I’ll tell you, Samantha, there is beauty in such a costoom that our sombry coats and pantaloons and vests can’t come nigh to.”
I spoze Ceylon is the most beautiful place in the world, such glow and richness of color, such aboundin’ life in the verdure, in the animal and vegetable kingdom. No wonder so many think it wuz the original Garden of Eden; no shovelin’ snow for Adam or bankin’ up fruits and vegetables for winter’s use. No, he could step out barefoot in the warm velvety grass in December, and pick oranges and gather sweet potatoes and cucumbers, and strawberries if Eve took it into her head she wanted a shortcake pie. And little Cain could cut up cane literally, and every way, in January, and Abel pile flowers and fruit on his altar all the year round. But I wonder which of their descendants built these immense magnificent cities layin’ fur below forests and billows of turf and flowers.
I wonder how they looked and what language they spoke and what their politics wuz. Arvilly thought they must have been temperance folks. Sez she, “Any city that has reservoirs twenty milds long believed in drinkin’ water.” We had took a tower to see one of them dug up cities, and sure enough the water reservoir wuz twenty milds long; jest think from that what the size of the hull city must have been, when their waterin’ trough, as you may say, wuz as230long as America’s biggest city. Stately stairways, up which twenty carriages big as our democrat could pass side by side if horses could climb stairs.
A row of tall pillers, ten milds in length, line the roads to some of them cities, and I sez:
“Oh, good land! How I wish I could be a mouse in the wall and see who and what passed over them roads, and why, and when, and where.”
And Josiah sez, “Why don’t you say you wish you wuz a elephant and could look on? your simely would seem sounder.”
And I sez, “Mebby so, for hull rows of carved marble elephants stand along them broad roads; I guess they worshipped ’em.”
And he sez, “I wuz alludin’ to size.”
Robert Strong looked ruther sad as we looked on them ruins buried so deep by the shovel of time. But I sez to him in a low voice:
“There is no danger of the city you’re a-rarin’ up ever bein’ engulfed and lost, for justice and mercy and love shine jest as bright to-day as when the earth was called out of chaos. Love is eternal, immortal, and though worlds reel and skies fall, what is immortal cannot perish.”
He looked real grateful at me; he sets store by me.
Everywhere, as you walk through the streets, you are importuned to buy sunthin’; some of the finest jewels in the world are bought here. The merchants are dretful polite, bowin’ and smilin’, their hair combed back slick and fastened up with shell combs. They wear white, short pantaloons and long frocks of colored silk, open in front over a red waistcoat; sometimes they are bare-footed with rings on their toes; they wear rings in their nose and sometimes two on each ear, at the top and bottom.
Josiah studied their costoom with happy interest, but a deep shade of anxiety darkened his mean as they would231spread out their wares before me, and he sez with a axent of tender interest:
“If you knew, Samantha, how much more beautiful you looked to me in your cameo pin you would never think of appearin’ in diamonds and rubies.”
I sez, “I guess I won’t buy any nose-rings, Josiah, my nose is pretty big anyway.”
“Yes,” he interrupted me eagerly, “they wouldn’t be becomin’, Samantha, and be in the way eatin’ sweet corn on the ear and such.”
There are lots of men carryin’ round serpents, and I sez to Josiah, “Who under the sun would want to buy a snake unless they wuz crazy?”
“Yes,” said Josiah, “Eve made a big mistake listenin’ to that serpent; there probable wuzn’t but one then, and that’s the way they have jest overrun the garden, her payin’ attention and listenin’ to it. Females can’t seem to look ahead.”
And I sez, “Why didn’t Adam do as you always do, Josiah, ketch up a stick and put an end to it?” I always holler to Josiah if I see a snake and he makes way with it.
But such talk is onprofitable. But Josiah hadn’t a doubt but this was the Garden of Eden and talked fluent about it.
One odd thing here in Ceylon is that foxes have wings and can fly. Josiah wanted to get one the worse way; he said that he would willin’ly carry it home in his arms for the sake of havin’ it fly round over Jonesville, and sez he, “They are so smart, Samantha, they will git drunk jest as naterally as men do, they would feel to home in America.” And they say they do steal palm wine out of bowls set to ketch it by the natives and are found under the trees too drunk to git home, not havin’ wives or children willin’ to lead ’em home, I spoze, or accomidatin’ policemen.
But I sez, “Don’t you try to git the animals in America to drinkin’, Josiah Allen.” Sez I, “I should be mortified to death to see the old mair or Snip staggerin’ round as men232do, lookin’ maudlin and silly; I should despise the idee of lowerin’ the animals down to that state.”
“Well, well, I don’t spoze I can git one of these foxes anyway, though I might,” sez he dreamily, “git one real drunk and carry it.” But I guess he’ll gin it up.
The jungles all round us wuz, I spoze, filled with wild animals. Elephants, tigers and serpents, big and little, besides monkeys and more harmless ones. The snake charmers did dretful strange things with ’em, but I didn’t look on. I always said that if snakes would let me alone, I would let them alone. But they brought all sorts of things to sell: embroideries of all kinds, carved ivory, tortoise shell and all kinds of jewels. Paris and London gits some of their finest jewels here.
Men and wimmen are all bejewelled from head to foot, children up to ten years of age are almost always naked, but wearin’ bracelets, anklets and silver belts round their little brown bodies, sometimes with bells attached. Some of the poorer natives chew beetle nuts which make their teeth look some like an old tobacco chewer’s. They eat in common out of a large bowl and I spoze they don’t use napkins or finger bowls. But unlike the poor in our frozen winter cities, as Arvilly said, there is little danger of their starving; warm they will be from year’s end to year’s end, and the bread tree and cocoanut palm supply food, and the traveller’s palm supplies a cool, delicious drink. There is one palm tree here––the talipot––that blooms when about forty years old with a loud noise and immegiately dies. Arvilly said that they made her think of some political candidates.
Dorothy and Robert Strong and Miss Meechim wanted to go to Kandy, the capital of Ceylon, only seventy milds away, to see the tooth of Boodha. Miss Meechim said she wanted to weep over it. She is kinder romantic in spots, and Josiah hearn her and said, soty vosey, to me, “You won’t ketch me weepin’ over any tooth unless it is achin’ like the Old Harry.”