Chapter 13

Hecatontandry.

In the barracks I was always outwardly modest and frowned on decidedly improper advances, but my venery in private soon set a minority against me so that entrance to the barracks was forbidden. I had a craze for hecatontandry, and achieved it. In a letter I wrote: “You know by that act [fellatio], you and I are bound together in a new and close relation of friendship, in a sort of wedlock. We stand henceforth forever in the relation of husband and wife, whether you will or not. Therefore please always remember me as more nearly related to you, more completely a part of your life and being, than your soldier comrades.”

In summer I would linger after retreat near the gate of the fort to watch the soldiers start out to seek their evening’s recreation. A hundred would pass, and nearly every one call out a pleasant greeting: “Hello sweetheart!” “Hello little wife!” I would reply: “Hello you dare-devil!” “Hello you dark-eyed beauty!” etc.

I was occasionally robbed or blackmailed by evil-minded ones, and was several times handed over to the police by such as misunderstood me. But the police always refused to place me under arrest, and even acted as a bodyguard against the very few soldiers who loathed an effeminate male and sought to inflict pain. My conduct in public was always above reproach, although I have beenforced at night on a public road by half-intoxicated adolescents who happened to run across me. Discovery in the bushes by pedestrians only thirty feet away would have placed me in peril of long imprisonment. On one occasion the two soldiers had threatened to cut my throat if I made a sound, and they themselves did not stir from their positions (Simul fellatio atque pædicatio).

Ethics of My Conduct.

As to the ethics of my conduct in the vicinity of the barracks, it was not immoral. The ordinary woman has only one lord, to whom she is bound “until death do part.” My lot was to have practically at one time a hundred, who were not forcibly and permanently linked up with me. There were not the reasons for monandry and for permanency that exist in the former case. As to race-suicide, my associates were legally bound not to rear families. From the standpoint of their health, relations with me were safer than with the ordinary purveyors. Furthermore, they told me that no exhaustion supervened the next day, as in my own case. I was not bent primarily on coition, but on social intercourse tinged with flirtation. I never solicited. It was not necessary, as every one knew me.

Over two years now went by of an existence rendered very delectable by reason of association with young Mars one evening a week, all the rest of my time, as usual, being devoted to scholarly pursuits. I was then called upon to say good-by—as I feared, forever—to my much coveted position of pet of a fort, which I was in large measure. Spermatorrhea, from which I had suffered acutely since the age of sixteen, had come to acrisis. For the past two years, while looking to be in good health, I had suffered intensely from mental and physical prostration, due almost entirely to ejaculations during sleep but in small part to nervous shock following fellatio.

Driven to a Stripling.

Neurasthenia now confined me for six months to the village home of my parents. The “procreative” instinct gave me no rest, just as a drug fiend has none when denied his anodyne. Night after night I roamed the streets in the factory section. On two occasions I was successful. On a third I was crazed by enforced abstinence for over a month. I encountered a youth just under puberty. I clandestinely ascertained that he did not know me, did not attend the same church, and was employed in a part of the village where he was not likely to run across me. I was a shoemaker, just arrived in the village looking for work. I was lonely and languishing for company. A burden was oppressing me and I needed a confidant. Would he be my confidant? Would he promise to keep strictly to himself what I was about to tell? Had he heard of hermaphrodites?[5]I was one.

5. As this term is commonly a part of the vocabulary of laboring men, I sometimes used it in reference to myself, as they would not have understood the proper term. I am of course not an hermaphrodite in the present signification of that term.

I found that to permit fellatio was decidedly against his tastes, and plead earnestly that he would show me compassion, at the same time offering money. His final answer was: “I was not brought up that way. I would never permit it. I am a Christian.”

Fearing he would raise an alarm, and I would be arrestedand my family disgraced, I sprinted away. After a few seconds I looked back to see whether I was followed. My terror produced the hallucination of a mob. I sprinted around corner after corner and did not rest until some distance outside the village, where I found a hiding place and moaned and complained to my Creator over my lot.

Spermatorrhea.

I was now afraid to show myself in the village, and unutterably downcast at being the victim of an obsession which led me to commit what are commonly regarded as revolting crimes. From this consideration, and also because of the wrecking of my health through emissions during sleep, I decided on immediate castration. Minor motives were that I would prefer to possess one less mark of the male, and that I thought the facial hair cells would cease to function and I thus be rid of my most detested and most troublesome badge of masculinity.

From the age of seventeen to nineteen, on the day following an ejaculation during sleep, I would be feeble, very forgetful, and would stammer. From nineteen on, after I had begun to yield to instinct, the ill effects were much less marked until during my twenty-eighth year—the point of time at which this autobiography has arrived—when my eyes were dim for one or two days following, my hearing was somewhat disarranged, and my heart abnormal in its action. During this period of eleven years, various remedies prescribed by physicians were without effect. I happened to be a globe-trotter, and thereby discovered that travelling, particularly sea voyages, much diminished the ejaculations. It is necessary here to remindthe reader that both solitary and mutual onanism were always entirely unknown to me, and that in my sexual life, my pudenda were practically non-existent.

Castrated at Twenty-Seven.

Castration, by removing the exhausting effects of emissions, gave me a new lease on life. I also believe it saved to me my sight and hearing. But with the testicles I lost a very large part of my physical strength. I was a semi-invalid for five years following. For example, the upper limit of my afternoon walks declined from ten to three miles. But my debility did not affect my looks or interfere seriously with the practice of my profession. If, on days when I felt tolerably vigorous, I stirred about uncommonly, I would be prostrated for from two to seven days following. It appeared as if the muscular waste was not eliminated from the blood as before castration, but remained in my system as a poison, rendering me dazed, taking the edge off my intellect, and enervating my body. I could spare my mental faculties for use in my profession only by leading a very quiet life, slow and limited in physical movement.

But beginning about five years after castration and continuing for ten years, I was physically as vigorous as before. Apparently my system found some other way of accomplishing the alteration in the blood usually the work of the testicles. Simultaneously with this return of my strength, the increase in adipose tissue following castration in large part disappeared. For ten years I remained in this physical condition, when suddenly, within about six weeks, adipose tissue rapidly increased and has rendered my figure for two years, down to the date ofwriting (1918), that “of a fat frau in the last stages of pregnancy,” to quote the words of business associates. I simultaneously returned to the low degree of physical strength obtaining immediately after castration.

Effects of Castration.

The following is my weight, stripped, at various ages; 20–25, 110 pounds; at castration at 27, 128; 29–32, 143; 32–42, 133; two years following (1916–1918), 160. After castration it required two years to rise gradually from 128 to 143. My obesity is entirely due to castration, as slenderness is universal in my family.

After castration, ejaculations during sleep gradually declined in frequency, but continued, with the emission of a sticky fluid of the appearance of semen, for about nine months. But dreams of ejaculations—that is, a sort of pseudo-ejaculations—occurred about once a fortnight for several years, and about once in three months as late as fourteen years after castration. I would be dreaming of fellatio, and seemed to feel the muscular contractions that take place during ejaculation. Awakening in alarm, it seemed that I must find some fluid, but did not.

Even up to more than three years after castration, I occasionally during fellatio experienced the spasm, when I could distinctly feel the contractions ductus ejaculatorii, as if to push along the semen, although nothing would exude. At those times I would utter a spasmodic groan.

Fourteen years after castration, when I had not experienced an emission for six years, I was with a companion who held the palm for amativeness among all that I had known. Amplexus ejus fervidi induxerunt in meemissionem copiosam. I immediately dismissed him because of my extreme exhaustion, and expected to be prostrated the following day, as before castration, but found myself with vigor of mind and body unimpaired.

Craze for Fellatio Diminishes.

Down to seventeen years after castration, there has been no effect on my facial hair. Possibly it has thinned and made more tenuous the hair on trunk and limbs. The consequent deposit of adipose tissue has increased the prominence of my breasts, but before castration these were almost as large as in some women. The operation greatly increased the deleterious effect of fellatio on my health. One indulgence a week was more detrimental than a score a week during my “low-class fairie” period. If I had now been as intemperate as then, I believe I would have become violently insane.

Not until two years after castration was there perceptible a diminution in my craze for fellatio. It was probably the result of the operation, but possibly due to satiety or to age (my thirtieth year). What probably contributed most to my moderation after reaching the age of thirty was the greatly increased deleterious effect of fellatio. I shrank from the penalty of from two to five days of semi-prostration placed by Nature on a half hour’s fellatio. On the other hand, amplexus sine fellatione had no ill effects.

As to the effect of castration on my mental faculties, I am of the opinion—seventeen years after the operation—that there has been no effect either good or bad. I am convinced, however, that the congenital unusually sharp edge of my intellect has been very much dulled permanentlyby the years of excessive emissions during sleep. But I amnotconvinced that my career as a fairie has contributed. Subsequently to the age of twenty-three I have been a very poor listener, unable to focus my attention, particularly on conversation. Much goes into one ear and out the other notwithstanding my best efforts at attention. It is a species of mental deafness. I hear the words distinctly but cannot grasp their significance. The only other considerable diminution of my youthful keenness of mind is my slowness since passing the age of twenty-five in unravelling a problem, and in arriving at a decision on any matter. For example, as a student, I could see through a mathematical problem almost as “quick as a flash.” More and more as I have grown older I am very dense in mathematical reasoning.

Effect on Mental Faculties.

To sum up seventeen years after castration—I have always been of the opinion that it was the only thing to have done. But on account of even the slight risk attached to the operation, and particularly the resultant diminution of physical vigor, I would not advise that other inverts be castrated unless they suffer seriously from spermatorrhea.

On my trip to New York in order to be castrated, I had my first opportunity in five months to go on a female-impersonation spree. On the Bowery I met two youthful artillerymen. On our parting they gave me their names and invited me to call at their barracks, which, to obviate notoriety, I will refer to as “Ft. Y.” I will likewise hereafter refer to my first military stamping ground as “Ft. X.”

Sample Letter.

Two months after castration I resumed my vocation and residence in New York, and my first care was to dispatch the following:

O my adored artilleryman,

I am very sad and lonely. My heart is at the point of bursting through pining for you. I want to visit you at the barracks. I want to see where the dear soldiers sleep and I want to eat in the mess-hall with them. Could you not let me spend a few days with you in the barracks? You can tell the fellows I am your cousin. I wish I could live with warriors all the time. My highest earthly joy is to be in a squad-room and with soldiers.... What do you see in a girl to love? In a fellow I see strength, boldness, recklessness, pugnacity, a manly walk, and fierceness of expression, which cause me to fall down before him in adoration....

Your baby,Jennie June

Your baby,

Jennie June

After receiving a satisfactory reply, I one afternoon, according to appointment, arrived at the barracks’ railroad station. Two soldiers were waiting, but not the two I had met. I inquired if they knew A. B. One replied that he was A. B., and they tried to pass as the two I had met. I declared he was not A. B., but he proved his identity by displaying wearing apparel I had sent him and the letters I had written. I had been corresponding with a total stranger. Nevertheless I accompanied them and they entertained me royally.

Debut at Fort Y.

They refused to take me to the barracks, as they did not wish to be seen in my company by the other soldiers. They also refused to tell me the names of my two Bowery acquaintances, but inadvertently referred to one by a nickname. I went to the barracks and hunted for its owner until I found him. He received me hospitably. As companionship with soldiers in a squad-room was for me the best of earth’s paradises, I had the intention at Ft. Y to conduct myself invariably on the military reservation just like a normal young man, so that I would not be barred from the squad-rooms, as had happened at Ft. X because I had acted the fairie in these rooms.

Nevertheless the fact that I was a fairie spread rapidly, and all eyes were fastened upon me wherever I moved. I learned later that my love-letters had been handed around for every one to read. When my call ended, a crowd of fifty soldiers gathered on the porch to see me off. In addition every window was filled with soldiers calling out: “Hello Jennie June!” “Hello sweetheart!” Under such an incentive, I yielded to the impulses of a coquette and gave a female-impersonation, much to the delight of my audience. I was overjoyed at receiving attentions simultaneously from a hundred young Mars. I was never better dressed, blue suit bound with braid—as ornamental as a man not in uniform could possibly wear—and large red bow with ends hanging down below the coat-collar, the bow constituting the badge of fairie-ism. The skin of my face was as soft and smooth as that of a baby, I having only just pulled out every hair by the roots.

Events of 1902.

Possibly on account of its being just before retreat, only one soldier followed when I took my departure, and one with whom I had never exchanged a word. He scraped acquaintance and demonstrated himself to be an ideal associate for an androgyne. But he was a born and bold robber, ransacked my pockets, and even helped himself to some of my wearing apparel. Nevertheless for the two years following, he was my special partner at Ft. Y, always picking my pockets mercilessly and fearlessly as soon as we met, but otherwise an ideal lord and master. I adored him because he was marvellously handsome, strong, and brave, as well as because he was one of the greatest desperadoes I ever met.

From this date on, in the summer of 1902, until the summer of 1905, which saw the close of my open career as a fairie, I made it a practice to spend an evening (in warm weather generally including the afternoon) one week at Ft. Y, and the alternate week at Ft. X. Having the closest of friendships at both forts, I had thus to divide my time between them. Because of the demands on me in my ordinary scholarly career, I could not give to the “Jennie June” side of existence any more time than that mentioned, although I would have very much liked to be with my idols continuously.

The time that I did spend with the soldiers was almost entirely devoted to innocent frolicking. I was to a large extent the medium through which they got joy out of life. For example, they have given me names of comrades and even of commissioned officers as their own, with the request for a love-letter. Until I learned of the deception, the letters went. I was told that my love lettersand songs were tacked to the fort bulletin boards in order that every one might have the opportunity to read them. Several times at the beginning of my visits to Ft. Y, I was received in the squad-rooms. Soldiers danced with me there, making believe I was their girl. I was otherwise their plaything, being paraded about on their shoulders or lying in a stretcher, being tossed up in a blanket, etc. I joined with them in base-ball and foot-ball, of course not in regular games, as I was as awkward as the average girl in these sports, being merely the buffoon of the game. Thus taking part in the pastimes of the soldiers was to me one of the highest pleasures of life.

Frolicking with Soldiers.

Of course they always regarded me as a girl-boy weakling. Policy required that I always represent myself as a person of no talents except those of the fairie, and as a person occupying a humble station in life. Otherwise some of a vicious turn of mind would have followed me up with the purpose of blackmail, as was done in 1905, when the thirst for money suddenly put an end to my association with soldiers of one fort and almost occasioned my murder. Some quizzed me from time to time in order to ascertain whether I was worth following up, but I saved the situation through subterfuge. While they were ignorant that I belonged habitually to a high social stratum, I lost only trifling sums through robbery and blackmail.

They looked upon me as a rather remarkable individual. One of them told a policeman in my presence that I had been the talk of the fort for months. In a parade in which my soldier friends took part, I as spectator occupieda rather prominent position on the very edge of the line, and from rank after rank as they passed, I distinguished the words: “There’s Jennie June.” At an inter-fort ball game at which there were 500 spectators, amid the continuous shouting, a score got together on my arrival and several times in unison shouted “Jennie June!” I achieved popularity at both forts, although a small percentage proved irreconcilable.

Popularity and Fame Achieved.

When soldiers of Forts X and Y met at athletic contests, they interchanged stories about my adventures. At the army manoeuvres in Virginia in 1905, in which soldiers from all the forts in states bordering on the Atlantic took part, my peculiarities and adventures were spread broadcast, as I learned through encountering on the Bowery a soldier from a fort which I had never visited who had just returned from the manoeuvres. Realizing that as “Jennie June” I was very widely known among soldiers, I made it a practice of asking those whom I ran across in New York if they had ever heard of “Jennie June.” A considerable proportion, before I revealed my identity, were able to recount adventures in which I had figured.

During this closing period of my open career as a fairie, I was indeed very widely known personally. On the streets and on public conveyances when amid New York’s crowds, I was a number of times accosted by young men, some of whom I could not remember, but who had seen me somewhere and knew me as Jennie June. Several times as many people knew me under this name and character as under my real masculine name.

Adventures at the Forts.

I overran the two military reservations as no other civilian would have been allowed to. Soldiers on or off guard would escort me under or behind the fortifications, beyond the “dead line” for all other civilians. Sometimes at night when I had learned that one of my intimates was on guard on a certain beat, I would seek him. Perhaps I would run up against a stranger on guard, but one who knew me by sight or reputation. A voice out of the darkness: “Halt! Who goes there?” “Jennie June.” “Advance to be recognized!” On half such occasions I received the most enthusiastic welcome, and always at least kindness and permission to go on my way.

When I met an acquaintance on guard at night, I would kiss his rifle and bayonet as being the emblems of the highest function of the mere animal man. I would also kiss his gloves and his hat, and shower the rest of his clothing with kisses.

Sometimes I was admitted for an hour or two in the guard-house, where the soldiers waiting for their turn at guard would while away their time in spooning with me, imagining that I was a complete physical puella. I was even introduced near midnight into the prisoners’ quarters. To be thus handed over to the youthful military prisoners—in general the wildest and roughest of all humanity—was the attainment of the very height of my ambition as a fairie.

On my departure for home, as high as a dozen have escorted me at night along the deserted country roads and through the woods. Thoroughly fatigued after an hour, and refusing to go on, I would have my wriststwisted, and be slapped and pinched into obedience. But not one of the 500 acquaintances at Ft. Y ever inflicted pain because of ill will, and only six or seven of the 500 at Ft. X. I had remarkable success in winning the favor of men who before learning to know me personally detested me because they thought I was of the type of fairie to be found in the lowest of New York’s dens of vice. Personal acquaintance convinced them that I was an individual devoid of all vices except coquetry and dalliance.

Adventures with Policemen.

In the vicinity of X, I several times came into contact with the police, who came to know me as a fairie. The youthful ones would chat in a friendly manner, but some of the older ones, to whom soldiers who had not learned my inoffensive character had denounced me as an undesirable person to have around, have heartlessly ordered me off their beat, and warned me never to be seen there again under penalty of arrest. I thereafter sought to avoid them, but nothing ever resulted. My conduct in public was of course always above reproach. It was a bitter experience to have the public streets closed to me when I had been entirely inoffensive.

The following are extracts from letters written during this period to a former university associate. He had always been my favorite of all the students, being good-looking, athletic, and of particularly noble disposition. If he had not turned the cold shoulder on my amatory advances, and had been willing to be mated with me permanently—as I fondly imagined before I started on my career as a fairie—monandry would probably have satisfied me for life. In my first two or three years ofpuberty, monandry had occupied my thoughts rather than polyandry. This friend has continued to be a confidant from my student days down to the present writing, when I have reached my middle forties. In all my fairie life of twenty-five years, outside of several physicians, from whom I sought a cure, and my favorite pastor, I have confided events of that life only to five close friends of my ordinary life, and they all proved helpful and compassionate, and continued to be as good friends as ever.

A Conductor’s Sympathy.

(1) [Referring to only my second evening spent with men of Ft. Y.] Next they led me to a tree, and said they were going to get a rope and hang me. [Teasing.] I thought they intended great violence, and to save myself, while still held by them, fell to the ground, feigning to have a fit. This ruse frightened them, and they all ran off, fearing they had seriously injured me by their rough treatment. I lay in the woods until they were out of hearing, then arose and walked to the depot. But it was dark and I lost my way, and arrived at the wrong depot. I had my return ticket, which I had kept safe in my sock, but the conductor demanded an extra nickel. I told him I had no money, except a dollar sewed in my clothes. This I secured and paid him. I told him the soldiers had taken all of my money, and how roughly they had handled me, of course confessing myself to be an invert. It was surprising to hear his words of condolence, coming as they did from an uneducated conductor, the most beautiful words of sympathy I ever heard, just like the words of the Savior to the woman taken in adultery.Among other things he said: “If only every one lived as harmless a life as you, this world would be all right.”

Female and Infant Impersonation Natural.

(2) I sat down on a stone wall near the reservation to eat my lunch. I was both sick and exhausted, and wept while eating, and regretted I had come when I was feeling ill. But I felt that I couldn’t keep away. I longed to be where I am regarded as a girl and a baby, and where I am flirted with and petted.... I also mourned my fate, reflecting on my errand, and realizing that I was doing what would ostracize me and shock society if they heard of it.

(3) I often ask myself: When will it all end? I answer: When I am thirty years old. [I was then twenty-eight.] Then I shall be no longer youthful, and only a youthful person can be a professional fairie. A fairie over thirty is unthinkable. If I still have strong desire after that age, I shall have to seek some one in private [This came true] instead of flaunting myself as a fairie before the public gaze. For a male of over thirty to act the woman and the baby before a company of men would be unthinkable. But now, at my present age, it seems to me natural and not unbecoming.

(4) I am sometimes conscience-stricken over my actions. When I entered college, I intended my life to be one of self-denial, and I intended in every act to live over again as nearly as possible the life of Christ. But I am now doing almost nothing to spread the kingdom of God in the hearts of men, and to visit and cheer and relieve the afflicted, and I am indulging in so much animal pleasure....Nevertheless, though I indulge in promiscuous intercourse, I spend no more moments in the pleasures of Aphrodite than the majority of married people, and I do not make these pleasures the chief aim of life. I spend one evening a week in flirting with what to me is the opposite sex, intensely masculine, fierce, cruel, pugnacious young men, and in dalliance with them. Two hours per week spent in the company of sweethearts, and all the rest of my time spent in seclusion from them. Am I a libertine? Am I indulging excessively in the lower pleasures of life?

Events of 1903.

I shall now describe a chain of events which led up to my complaining in person to the colonel commanding Ft. X.

Aug. 3, 1903

Adored dark-eyed sergeant,

Please do not be offended because I called you a bad sergeant last night. You were a bad sergeant when you gave me that other sergeant’s name as yours, and so made me write that letter to him full of hot protestations of love, all meant for you, but which he was mad to receive. You made trouble for me by it, and the other sergeant threatened to slap me unless I found out your name and told him. So I have told him, but I made him promise not to hit you, only give you a piece of his mind.... Two months ago you were so friendly to me when you were on guard, and I was more than fascinated with you. The last ten times since that I have been near the fort, I have gone up to the gate to see if you were on guard.Last night I found you there for the first, and I was so glad. But you were not friendly, as you were the first time I saw you, so now I am afraid to write another love-letter to you, for fear you will be mad.... Why did you let that horrible soldier Murphy hit me and throw stones at me? He ought to be ashamed to hit a girl.... After I got home, I cried my eyes out because I couldn’t come in and talk to you as last time, and because you aimed a gun at me.... Do please speak to me the next time we meet, because I shall be too much afraid to speak to you....

I am, adored sergeant,Your slave forever,Jennie June

I am, adored sergeant,

Your slave forever,

Jennie June

In My Thirtieth Year.

About two weeks later I find the same sergeant on guard. Having no fear because of his previous familiarity, I beg to be allowed to spend an hour on the porch of the guard-house, as he had once permitted. But as soon as I arrived there, he declares he gave me permission simply that he might put me under arrest. I beg for mercy: “Do please let the baby go home, and don’t arrest her!”

“Hand out a ten dollar bill and you can go home. I won’t have you writing such letters to me as you did. Just for one sentence you wrote to Sergeant V you could be imprisoned: ‘I am a woman entombed in the body of a man.’ How can you write such things?”

“You cannot complain of the letters I write to you when you have used to me the indecent language you have.I won’t pay you anything. You have used language to me ten times as bad as I have ever used to you.”

Psychical Infantilism.

He gradually lowers his demand to two dollars, but I did not have the amount with me. He orders me to lay on the table all the money I have, and it is pocketed by one of the soldiers standing by.

After some time, I felt reassured, and began to act the part of a baby, hoping to put them in a good humor so they would allow me to depart unharmed. Like a four-year old, I beg and pout to enlist so I “can give the soldiers their bread and make their beds.” I pout “to be let in to see the sleeping beauties,” meaning the soldiers who were in bed in the guard-house. I complain of being sleepy, and sob to be given a bed in the room with the sleeping guard. Artillerymen are repeatedly passing, some of whom tease me rather roughly, pulling my hair, etc. I supplicated: “Do please let me go home and don’t hurt me. I am half an invalid and can’t stand much.”

“You’ll be a whole invalid before you get out of here tonight.”

“Really I am a semi-invalid. I look well, but eunuchs always look fat and well, even when they are sick.”

After I had been detained about an hour, the soldier “Murphy” happens to pass, one of the most burly and roughest in the post. He tries several times to see if he can lift me off my feet by my hair, and though I adore him, I call out just for effect: “You horrible soldier!” He took me seriously. I suddenly felt myself being carried rapidly somewhere. He bore me to the gate of thereservation, and pitched me out on the road. Then he kicked me along for a few feet, crying out for me to get along home, while I was screaming in fright.

Interview with Colonel.

About two weeks later, as I was passing the guard-house, I was placed under arrest by another sergeant-of-the-guard, and conducted before the officer-of-the-day. This was the only time that I was genuinely placed under arrest on a military reservation. The sergeant informed the officer that I was a fairie and that I hung around the reservation and the guard-house. The officer asked me why I frequented the reservation, and I replied: “Because I like the soldiers, because I like to have them for my friends.” After an investigation lasting several minutes, when he found out that I had really been guilty of nothing improper, the officer ordered the sergeant to let me go, and in a very mild and gentlemanly way suggested, rather than forbade, that in the future I do not frequent the reservation. He received me indeed in a wonderfully kind manner, for which I shall be eternally grateful to him. Knowing that I was in hostile hands, I appealed to the officer to order the sergeant that no harm should be done me on the reservation.

But the sergeant—one of the few soldiers who detested me—was chagrined that the officer had upset his plan of having me locked up. After the officer had retired, the sergeant therefore started kicking me, and as I ran past the guard-house, three of the guard, influenced by the example of their sergeant, knocked me down three times. I immediately complained to the colonel. He also received me most kindly, notwithstanding that I explainedat the outset that I was an invert, and he reprimanded the sergeant.

Sadism.

A week later I happened to meet “Murphy” on a much frequented street. On my refusal to accompany him to a low bar-room, he dragged me there in spite of continuous protest and struggling. Half a dozen civilians watched the struggle but did not interfere. Inside were several soldiers and civilians, some partially intoxicated and wrangling, and two filles de joie. Before the eyes of all, my captor immediately rifled my pockets, while exclaiming: “I am going to marry you! I am going to marry you! As soon as I get a good drunk on, I am yours!” We were together an hour in the bar-room. Soldiers come and go, some of them flirting with me vigorously before the eyes of all. The next day I wrote my captor:

O you adored giant artilleryman, Ever since the first time you hit me and drove me out of the gate, how I have adored you! But ever since you carried me out in your arms, I have been wild for you, as I have never been over any other fellow. You have abused me more than any other soldier, but, my cruel master, I adore you the most of any fellow in the world. Of all the men in the world, I would pick you out to be my husband and master. You, fierce artilleryman, are my ideal of manly beauty and charm. You are the ideal I have been looking for all my life. O how I worship you! I pass by the fellows who have always been kind to me, and seek for my husband that one who has been the most cruel. O won’t you take me to be your wife? Last night you promised to marryme before I ever spoke about marrying you. Won’t you keep your promise?... You are the roughest, fiercest, most daring, most cruel fellow I ever met. That is why I love you so. You are the greatest fighter and slugger I ever met. That is why I am pining to become your slave....

A Company Marshalled Before Me.

After my arrest, I did not dare go on the Ft. X reservation for several months. On one of my first subsequent visits—in daylight—I encountered the officer who had mildly prohibited the reservation to me. As soon as he spied me, he walked rapidly in the opposite direction as if fearing I would speak.

In the following year, I was assaulted on the street by three privates because I refused to take a walk with them off into the woods, since one of them had formerly rifled my pockets. I complained by letter to their captain, and he immediately invited me to call. But evidently he afterward spoke of the matter to other officers, and learned my character, for he withdrew his invitation in less than twenty-four hours. Nevertheless I called. I thought it advisable to state in advance something about the peculiar life I led, having no fear of arrest because I never voluntarily rendered myself liable. He frankly confessed that he could not courtmartial my assailants because I was an invert, but courteously ordered all his command to appear before me for identification since I was resolved to try prosecution in a police court just to see whether an invert of unexceptionable conduct on the public street, assaulted by ruffians without any reason,would be there accorded the rights of all other citizens.

1905—Farewell to Men of Forts X and Y.

On leaving the reservation—much to my surprise—a young woman accosted me and pleaded for my assailants, one of whom was a brother, while she was the wife of a non-commissioned officer. She stated that my assailants solemnly promised never again to molest me, and entreated me not to have them arrested.

Through no resolve of my own, the early spring of 1905 saw the end of my association with men of Ft. X. For several months they were in Maryland, taking part in the army manoeuvres. On their return I did not renew my visits because of taking up my residence in a distant city.

It was with great pain that I paid my farewell visit to Ft. Y. About a dozen soldiers happened to be leaving on the same train, and asked me to join them. When they alighted, I waved from the car window, and they gave in unison and loudly “Three cheers for Jennie June” as the train moved away. Not one, however, knew that I was never to visit them again, as it was not wise for me to make known that I was leaving New York permanently.

At its very zenith—when I held the coveted position of pet of two forts, as I was in large measure—my open career as a fairie now came to an end. After I had removed permanently to a distant city, how I missed the kind greetings which came from nearly every soldier whom I ran across on or near the two reservations, and how I pined for them! I loved them primarily with a Christian, non-sensual, wifely love. With my whole soul I desiredto serve them through life as their slave, but my being at the very end of my physical endurance and an unusual economic opportunity in a distant city induced me to say good-by forever. Farewell, a long farewell, to my many soul-mates of both forts!

Fairie Songs.

My songs, in a treble voice, contributed much to my popularity. The soldiers were much diverted, eagerly grasped up the hectograph editions, and treasured and sang them. They likewise preserved love-letters I had written them, and stated their purpose to exhibit both songs and letters to their friends at home when their enlistments expired. The songs formed a large element in my fairie career, as well as describe some of my adventures. Humans, when in love, are inspired to poetize. Some of my own outpourings follow. The dedications are retained as in the original hectograph editions.

A Corporal, a Private, and Me.

(Air original.)

Dedicated to Corporal Frank B.

As I was walking on the beach,A corporal did me see;He said right off, “Dear Baby June,Will you my wifie be?”I fainted quite,From joy, not fright,And in his arms did fall;I nestled there,So free from care,And called to him, “My all!”As we did talk on the sandy walk,A private came stalking by;He said right off, “There’s Baby June,The girl for whom I’d die!”To see him by,I had to cry,I was so happy then;Head on his blouse,I breathed my vowsTo both artillerymen.I took their brawny hands in mine,Then kissed till they were sore;I slapped and slapped each soldier brave,These mighty men of war;For their love taps,And playful slaps,I also entered plea:—Sweet words they breathed,While me they wreathed,Down by the murmuring sea.

As I was walking on the beach,

A corporal did me see;

He said right off, “Dear Baby June,

Will you my wifie be?”

I fainted quite,

From joy, not fright,

And in his arms did fall;

I nestled there,

So free from care,

And called to him, “My all!”

As we did talk on the sandy walk,A private came stalking by;He said right off, “There’s Baby June,The girl for whom I’d die!”To see him by,I had to cry,I was so happy then;Head on his blouse,I breathed my vowsTo both artillerymen.

As we did talk on the sandy walk,

A private came stalking by;

He said right off, “There’s Baby June,

The girl for whom I’d die!”

To see him by,

I had to cry,

I was so happy then;

Head on his blouse,

I breathed my vows

To both artillerymen.

I took their brawny hands in mine,Then kissed till they were sore;I slapped and slapped each soldier brave,These mighty men of war;For their love taps,And playful slaps,I also entered plea:—Sweet words they breathed,While me they wreathed,Down by the murmuring sea.

I took their brawny hands in mine,

Then kissed till they were sore;

I slapped and slapped each soldier brave,

These mighty men of war;

For their love taps,

And playful slaps,

I also entered plea:—

Sweet words they breathed,

While me they wreathed,

Down by the murmuring sea.

Baby Crying for Her Brave.

(Air: “Hello Central”)

Dedicated to Sergeant Frank B., handsome, strong, and noble; a brave, brave gunner; the most popular man in his company; the favorite of his captain; first in foot-ball; first in base-ball; and first in the heart of Jennie June.

Babyis so sad and lonely,Pining for her soldier brave;Night and day, awake or sleeping,Crieth for him, e’en doth rave:O to rest upon his bosom,In his blouse her face to hide!O to feel his strong arms round her!Why this bliss denied?Refrain:Baby’s dying, naught can save her,Pining for her brave;Naught can save but his caresses,For which she doth rave:O come quick, dear soldier hero,Clasp her to thy breast;For she’s surely pining, dying,In thine arms to rest.Were she able, surely would sheHasten quick to reach thy side;To thee knit, cemented, mortised,Would she e’er henceforth abide:Clinging, O so fast and closely,Would she lose herself in thee;No more two, but ever, always,With thee ONE to be.

Babyis so sad and lonely,

Pining for her soldier brave;

Night and day, awake or sleeping,

Crieth for him, e’en doth rave:

O to rest upon his bosom,

In his blouse her face to hide!

O to feel his strong arms round her!

Why this bliss denied?

Refrain:Baby’s dying, naught can save her,Pining for her brave;Naught can save but his caresses,For which she doth rave:O come quick, dear soldier hero,Clasp her to thy breast;For she’s surely pining, dying,In thine arms to rest.

Refrain:

Baby’s dying, naught can save her,

Pining for her brave;

Naught can save but his caresses,

For which she doth rave:

O come quick, dear soldier hero,

Clasp her to thy breast;

For she’s surely pining, dying,

In thine arms to rest.

Were she able, surely would sheHasten quick to reach thy side;To thee knit, cemented, mortised,Would she e’er henceforth abide:Clinging, O so fast and closely,Would she lose herself in thee;No more two, but ever, always,With thee ONE to be.

Were she able, surely would she

Hasten quick to reach thy side;

To thee knit, cemented, mortised,

Would she e’er henceforth abide:

Clinging, O so fast and closely,

Would she lose herself in thee;

No more two, but ever, always,

With thee ONE to be.

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