Ang.How now? the news?Fath.Well, passing well, I have 'em,Both in a leash, and made right for my purpose.Jul.I am glad on't, I must leave you.Ang.Whither man?Jul.If all go right I may be fast enough too.Ang.I cry you mercy, Sir, I know your meaning,Clora'sthe woman, she'sFrank'sBedfellow,Commend me to 'em, go,Julio,Bring 'em to supper all, to grace this matter;They will serve for witnesses.Jul.I will, farewel.
Ang.How now? the news?
Fath.Well, passing well, I have 'em,Both in a leash, and made right for my purpose.
Jul.I am glad on't, I must leave you.
Ang.Whither man?
Jul.If all go right I may be fast enough too.
Ang.I cry you mercy, Sir, I know your meaning,
Clora'sthe woman, she'sFrank'sBedfellow,Commend me to 'em, go,Julio,Bring 'em to supper all, to grace this matter;They will serve for witnesses.
Jul.I will, farewel.
[ExitJulioat one door, andAng.andFath.at another.
EnterClora, Frank,andFrederick,and Maid.
Fred.Sister, I brought youJacomoto the door,He has forgot all that he said last night;And shame of that makes him [more] loth to come,I leftFabricioperswading him, but 'tis in vain.Fran.Alas, my fortune,Clora.Clor.NowFrank, see what a kind of man you love,That loves you when he's drunk.Fran.If so,'Faith, I would marry him; my friends I hopeWould make him drink.Clor.'Tis well consider'd,Frank, he has such pretty humours then,Besides, being a Souldier, 'tis better he should loveYou when he's drunk, than when he's sober, for then heWill be sure to love you the greatest part on's life.Fran.And were not I a happy woman then?Clor.That ever was born,Frank, i' faith—Fred.How now, what says he?
Fred.Sister, I brought youJacomoto the door,He has forgot all that he said last night;And shame of that makes him [more] loth to come,I leftFabricioperswading him, but 'tis in vain.
Fran.Alas, my fortune,Clora.
Clor.NowFrank, see what a kind of man you love,That loves you when he's drunk.
Fran.If so,'Faith, I would marry him; my friends I hopeWould make him drink.
Clor.'Tis well consider'd,Frank, he has such pretty humours then,Besides, being a Souldier, 'tis better he should loveYou when he's drunk, than when he's sober, for then heWill be sure to love you the greatest part on's life.
Fran.And were not I a happy woman then?
Clor.That ever was born,Frank, i' faith—
Fred.How now, what says he?
EnterFabricio.
Fab.'Faith, you may as well 'tice a Dog up with a Whip and BellAs him, by telling him of Love and Women, he swearsThey mock him.Fred.Look how my Sister weeps.Fab.Why, who can help it?Fred.Yes, you may safely swear she loves him.Fab.Why, so I did; and may do all the oaths,Arithmetick can make, e're he believe me;And since he was last drunk, he is more jealousThey would abuse him; if we could perswade himShe lov'd, he would embrace it.Fred.She her selfShall bate so much of her own modestyTo swear it to him, with such tears as nowYou see rain from her.Fab.I believe 'twould work,But would you have her do't i'th' open street?Or if you would, he'll run away from her,How shall we get him hither?Fred.By entreaty.Fab.'Tis most impossible, no, if we couldAnger him hither, as there is no wayBut that to bring him, and then hold him fast,Women, and men, whilst she delivers to him the truthSeal'd with her tears, he would be plainAs a pleas'd Child; he walks below for meUnder the window.Clor.We'll anger him I warrant ye,Let one of the maids take a good Bowl of water,Or say it be a piss-pot, and pour't on's head.Fab.Content, hang me if I like not the cast of it rarely, for no questionIt is an approv'd Receipt to fetch such a fellow;Take all the women-kind in this house, betwixt the Age of one,And one hundred, and let them take unto them a pot or aBowl containing seven quarts or upwards, and let themNever leave, till the above namedPot or Bowl become full, then let one of them stretch outHer Arm, and pour it on his head, andprobatum est,itWill fetch him, for in his anger he will run up, and then letUs alone.Clor.Go you and do it.[Exit Maid.Fran.GoodClora, no.Clor.Away I say, & do it, never fear, we have enough of thatWater ready distill'd.Fran.Why, this will make him mad,Fabricio,He'll neither love me drunk nor sober now.Fab.I warrant you; what, is the wench come up?
Fab.'Faith, you may as well 'tice a Dog up with a Whip and BellAs him, by telling him of Love and Women, he swearsThey mock him.
Fred.Look how my Sister weeps.
Fab.Why, who can help it?
Fred.Yes, you may safely swear she loves him.
Fab.Why, so I did; and may do all the oaths,Arithmetick can make, e're he believe me;And since he was last drunk, he is more jealousThey would abuse him; if we could perswade himShe lov'd, he would embrace it.
Fred.She her selfShall bate so much of her own modestyTo swear it to him, with such tears as nowYou see rain from her.
Fab.I believe 'twould work,But would you have her do't i'th' open street?Or if you would, he'll run away from her,How shall we get him hither?
Fred.By entreaty.
Fab.'Tis most impossible, no, if we couldAnger him hither, as there is no wayBut that to bring him, and then hold him fast,Women, and men, whilst she delivers to him the truthSeal'd with her tears, he would be plainAs a pleas'd Child; he walks below for meUnder the window.
Clor.We'll anger him I warrant ye,Let one of the maids take a good Bowl of water,Or say it be a piss-pot, and pour't on's head.
Fab.Content, hang me if I like not the cast of it rarely, for no questionIt is an approv'd Receipt to fetch such a fellow;Take all the women-kind in this house, betwixt the Age of one,And one hundred, and let them take unto them a pot or aBowl containing seven quarts or upwards, and let themNever leave, till the above namedPot or Bowl become full, then let one of them stretch outHer Arm, and pour it on his head, andprobatum est,itWill fetch him, for in his anger he will run up, and then letUs alone.
Clor.Go you and do it.[Exit Maid.
Fran.GoodClora, no.
Clor.Away I say, & do it, never fear, we have enough of thatWater ready distill'd.
Fran.Why, this will make him mad,Fabricio,He'll neither love me drunk nor sober now.
Fab.I warrant you; what, is the wench come up?
Enter Wench.
Clor.Art thou there, wench?Wench.I.Fab.Look out then if thou canst see him.Wench.Yes, I see him, and by my troth he stands so fair I could notHold were he my Father, his hat's off too, and he's scratchingHis head.Fab.O, wash that hand I prithee.Wench.'Send thee good luck, this the second time I have thrown theeOut to day, ha, ha, ha, just on's head.Fran.Alas!Fab.What does he now?Wench.He gathers stones, God's light, he breaks all the Street windows.Jac.Whores, Bawds, your windows, your windows.Wench.Now he is breaking all the low windows with His Sword,Excellent sport, now he's beating a fellow that laugh'd at him,Truly the man takes it patiently; now he goes down the streetGravely, looking on each side, there's not one more dare laugh.Fran.Does he go on?Wench.Yes.Fran.Fabricio, you have undone a Maid[Frankkneels.By treachery; know you some other better,You would prefer your friend to? if you do notBring him again, I have no other hope,But you that made me lose hope, if you fail me,I ne'r shall see him, but shall languish outA discontented life, and dye contemn'd.Fab.This vexes me, I pray you be more patient,[Lifts her up.If I have any truth, let what will happen,I'll bring him presently, do ye all standAt the Street door, the maids, and all, to watchWhen I come back, and have some private placeTo shuffle me into; for he shall followIn fury, but I know I can out-run himAs he comes in, clap all fast hold on him;And use your own discretions.Fred.We will do it.Fab.But suddenly, for I will bring him hitherWith that unstopt speed, that he shall run overAll that's in's way; and though my life be ventur'd'Tis no great matter, I will do't.Fran.I thank you,WorthyFabricio.[Exeunt.
Clor.Art thou there, wench?
Wench.I.
Fab.Look out then if thou canst see him.
Wench.Yes, I see him, and by my troth he stands so fair I could notHold were he my Father, his hat's off too, and he's scratchingHis head.
Fab.O, wash that hand I prithee.
Wench.'Send thee good luck, this the second time I have thrown theeOut to day, ha, ha, ha, just on's head.
Fran.Alas!
Fab.What does he now?
Wench.He gathers stones, God's light, he breaks all the Street windows.
Jac.Whores, Bawds, your windows, your windows.
Wench.Now he is breaking all the low windows with His Sword,Excellent sport, now he's beating a fellow that laugh'd at him,Truly the man takes it patiently; now he goes down the streetGravely, looking on each side, there's not one more dare laugh.
Fran.Does he go on?
Wench.Yes.
Fran.Fabricio, you have undone a Maid[Frankkneels.By treachery; know you some other better,You would prefer your friend to? if you do notBring him again, I have no other hope,But you that made me lose hope, if you fail me,I ne'r shall see him, but shall languish outA discontented life, and dye contemn'd.
Fab.This vexes me, I pray you be more patient,[Lifts her up.If I have any truth, let what will happen,I'll bring him presently, do ye all standAt the Street door, the maids, and all, to watchWhen I come back, and have some private placeTo shuffle me into; for he shall followIn fury, but I know I can out-run himAs he comes in, clap all fast hold on him;And use your own discretions.
Fred.We will do it.
Fab.But suddenly, for I will bring him hitherWith that unstopt speed, that he shall run overAll that's in's way; and though my life be ventur'd'Tis no great matter, I will do't.
Fran.I thank you,WorthyFabricio.[Exeunt.
EnterJacomo.
Jac.I ever knew no woman could abide me,But am I grown so contemptible, by being once drunkAmongst 'em, that they begin to throw piss on my head?For surely it was piss, huh, huh.[seem to smell.
Jac.I ever knew no woman could abide me,But am I grown so contemptible, by being once drunkAmongst 'em, that they begin to throw piss on my head?For surely it was piss, huh, huh.[seem to smell.
EnterFabritio.
Fab.Jacomo, how do'st thou?Jac.Well, something troubled with waterish humours.Fab.Foh, how thou stink'st! pre'thee stand further off me,Me thinks these humours become thee better than thy dryCholerick humours, or thy wine-wet humours; ha?Jac.You're pleasant, butFabritioknow I am not in the mood ofSuffering jests.Fab.If you be not i' th' mood I hope you will not be moody,But truly I cannot blame the Gentlewomen, you stood evesdroppingUnder their window, and would not come up.Jac.Sir, I suspect now, by your idle talkYour hand was in't, which if I once believe,Be sure you shall account to me.Fab.The Gentlewomen and the Maids have counted to you already,The next turn I see is mine.Jac.Let me dye but this is very strange; goodFabritioDo not provoke me so.Fab.Provoke you? you're grown the strangest fellow; there's noKeeping company with you, phish; take you that.
Fab.Jacomo, how do'st thou?
Jac.Well, something troubled with waterish humours.
Fab.Foh, how thou stink'st! pre'thee stand further off me,Me thinks these humours become thee better than thy dryCholerick humours, or thy wine-wet humours; ha?
Jac.You're pleasant, butFabritioknow I am not in the mood ofSuffering jests.
Fab.If you be not i' th' mood I hope you will not be moody,But truly I cannot blame the Gentlewomen, you stood evesdroppingUnder their window, and would not come up.
Jac.Sir, I suspect now, by your idle talkYour hand was in't, which if I once believe,Be sure you shall account to me.
Fab.The Gentlewomen and the Maids have counted to you already,The next turn I see is mine.
Jac.Let me dye but this is very strange; goodFabritioDo not provoke me so.
Fab.Provoke you? you're grown the strangest fellow; there's noKeeping company with you, phish; take you that.
Fab.gives him a box o'th' ear suddenly, and throws him from him, and goes his way, whilstJaco.draws his Sword.
Jac.O all the Devils! stand Slave.Fab.Follow me if thou dar'st.Jac.Stay coward, stay.[Jac.runs afterFabricio.
Jac.O all the Devils! stand Slave.
Fab.Follow me if thou dar'st.
Jac.Stay coward, stay.[Jac.runs afterFabricio.
EnterFred, Fra, Clora,and Servant, and Maid.
Clara.Be ready for I seeFabritiorunning,AndJacomobehind him.
Clara.Be ready for I seeFabritiorunning,AndJacomobehind him.
EnterFabritio.
Fab.Where's the place?Fred.That wayFabritio.[ExitFabritio.
Fab.Where's the place?
Fred.That wayFabritio.[ExitFabritio.
EnterJacomo.
Fred, Clor.and Maid, lay hold onJacomo.
Jac.Where art thou treacher,What is the matter Sirs?Why do you hold me? I am basely wrong'd,Torture, and hell be with you; let me go.
Jac.Where art thou treacher,What is the matter Sirs?Why do you hold me? I am basely wrong'd,Torture, and hell be with you; let me go.
they drag him to a chair and hold him down in't.
Fre.GoodJac.be patient, and but hearWhat I can say, you know I am your friend,If you yet doubt it, by my soul I am.Jac.S'death stand away;I would my breath were poyson.Fred.As I have life, that which was thrown on you,And this now done, were but to draw you hitherFor causes weighty, that concern your self,Void of all malice, which this Maid my SisterShall tell you.Jac.Puh, a pox upon you all; you will not hold meFor ever here, and till you let me go,I'le talk no more.Fran.As you're a GentlemanLet not this boldness make me be believ'dTo be immodest; if there were a wayMore silently to be acquainted with you,God knows, that I would choose, but as it isTake it in plainness: I do love you moreThan you do your content, if you refuseTo pity me, I'le never cease to weep,And when mine eyes be out I will be toldHow fast the tears I shed for you do fall,And if they do not flow abundantly,I'le fetch a sigh shall make 'em start, and leap,As if the fire were under.Jac.Fine mocking, fine mocking.Fred.Mocking? look how she weeps.Jac.Do's she counterfeit crying too?Fred.Behold how the tears flow, or pity herOr never more be call'd a man.Jac.How's this? soft you, soft you my Masters: is't possible think you,She should be in earnest?Clo.Earnest? I in earnest: she's a fool to break so many sleeps,That would have been sound ones, & venture such a fane, andSo much life, for e're an humorous asse i'th' world.Fra.WhyClora? I have known you cry as muchForJulio, that has not half his worth,All night you write and weep too much I fear,I do but what I should.Clora.If I do write,I am answer'dFrank.Fran.I would I might be so.Jac.GoodFredericklet me go, I would fain tryIf that thing do not counterfeit.Fred.Give me your Sword then.Jac.No, but take my word,As I am man, I will not hurt a creatureUnder this roof, before I have deliver'dMy self, as I am now, into your hands,Or have your full consent.Fred.It is enough.Ja.Gentlewoman, I pray you let me feel your face; I am anInfidel, if she do not weep: Stay, where's my handkerchief?I'le wipe the old wet off, fresh tears come, pox on'tI am a handsom, gracious fellow amongst women, andKnew't not Gentlewoman; how should I know these tears areFor me? is not your Mother dead?Fran.By heaven they are for you.Jac.'Slight I'le have my head curl'd, and powder'd tomorrowBy break of day; if you love me, I pray you kiss me,For if I love you, it shall be such love, as I will not beAsham'd of, if this be a mock—[kisses.It is the heartiest, and the sweetest mockThat e're I tasted, mock me so again—[kiss again.Fred.FyJacomo? why do you let her kneelSo long?Jac.It's true I had forgot it—[lifts her up.And should have done this twelve-moneth; pray you rise.Frederick, if I could all this while have been perswaded she couldHave lov'd me, dost thou think I had not rather kiss herThan another should? and yet you may gull me for oughtI know, but if you do, hell take me if I do not cutAll your throats sleeping.Fred.Oh do not think of such a thing.Jac.Otherwise, if she be in earnest, the short is I am.Fran.Alas, I am.Jac.And I did not think it possible any womanCould have lik'd this face, it's good for nothing, is't?Clor.Yes it's worth forty shillings to pawn, being lin'd almost quiteThrough with velvet.Fran.'Tis better than yourJulio's.Jac.Thou thinkest so,But otherwise, in faith it is notFrank—
Fre.GoodJac.be patient, and but hearWhat I can say, you know I am your friend,If you yet doubt it, by my soul I am.
Jac.S'death stand away;I would my breath were poyson.
Fred.As I have life, that which was thrown on you,And this now done, were but to draw you hitherFor causes weighty, that concern your self,Void of all malice, which this Maid my SisterShall tell you.
Jac.Puh, a pox upon you all; you will not hold meFor ever here, and till you let me go,I'le talk no more.
Fran.As you're a GentlemanLet not this boldness make me be believ'dTo be immodest; if there were a wayMore silently to be acquainted with you,God knows, that I would choose, but as it isTake it in plainness: I do love you moreThan you do your content, if you refuseTo pity me, I'le never cease to weep,And when mine eyes be out I will be toldHow fast the tears I shed for you do fall,And if they do not flow abundantly,I'le fetch a sigh shall make 'em start, and leap,As if the fire were under.
Jac.Fine mocking, fine mocking.
Fred.Mocking? look how she weeps.
Jac.Do's she counterfeit crying too?
Fred.Behold how the tears flow, or pity herOr never more be call'd a man.
Jac.How's this? soft you, soft you my Masters: is't possible think you,She should be in earnest?
Clo.Earnest? I in earnest: she's a fool to break so many sleeps,That would have been sound ones, & venture such a fane, andSo much life, for e're an humorous asse i'th' world.
Fra.WhyClora? I have known you cry as muchForJulio, that has not half his worth,All night you write and weep too much I fear,I do but what I should.
Clora.If I do write,I am answer'dFrank.
Fran.I would I might be so.
Jac.GoodFredericklet me go, I would fain tryIf that thing do not counterfeit.
Fred.Give me your Sword then.
Jac.No, but take my word,As I am man, I will not hurt a creatureUnder this roof, before I have deliver'dMy self, as I am now, into your hands,Or have your full consent.
Fred.It is enough.
Ja.Gentlewoman, I pray you let me feel your face; I am anInfidel, if she do not weep: Stay, where's my handkerchief?I'le wipe the old wet off, fresh tears come, pox on'tI am a handsom, gracious fellow amongst women, andKnew't not Gentlewoman; how should I know these tears areFor me? is not your Mother dead?
Fran.By heaven they are for you.
Jac.'Slight I'le have my head curl'd, and powder'd tomorrowBy break of day; if you love me, I pray you kiss me,For if I love you, it shall be such love, as I will not beAsham'd of, if this be a mock—[kisses.It is the heartiest, and the sweetest mockThat e're I tasted, mock me so again—[kiss again.
Fred.FyJacomo? why do you let her kneelSo long?
Jac.It's true I had forgot it—[lifts her up.And should have done this twelve-moneth; pray you rise.Frederick, if I could all this while have been perswaded she couldHave lov'd me, dost thou think I had not rather kiss herThan another should? and yet you may gull me for oughtI know, but if you do, hell take me if I do not cutAll your throats sleeping.
Fred.Oh do not think of such a thing.
Jac.Otherwise, if she be in earnest, the short is I am.
Fran.Alas, I am.
Jac.And I did not think it possible any womanCould have lik'd this face, it's good for nothing, is't?
Clor.Yes it's worth forty shillings to pawn, being lin'd almost quiteThrough with velvet.
Fran.'Tis better than yourJulio's.
Jac.Thou thinkest so,But otherwise, in faith it is notFrank—
[whilstJacomois kissingFrank.
EnterFabritio.
Fab.HistJacomo; How do'st thou Boy? ha?Jac.Why very well, I thank you Sir.Fab.Do'st thou perceive the reason of matters, and passagesYet Sirrah, or no?Jac.'Tis wondrous good Sir.Fab.I have done simply for you, but now you are beaten to someUnderstanding, I pray you dally not with the GentlewomanBut dispatch your Matrimony, with all convenient speed.Fred.He gives good counsel.Jac.And I will follow it.Fab.And I you, prethee do not take it unkindly,For trust me I boxt thee for thy advancement,A foolish desire I had to joggle thee into preferment.Jac.I apprehend you Sir, and if I can study out a courseHow a bastinadoing may any wayes raise your fortunesIn the State, you shall be sure on't.Fab.Oh Sir keep your way, God send you much joy.Clora.And me myJulio.O God I hear his voyce, now he is true,Have at a marriageFrank, as soon as you—[Exeunt all butFred.
Fab.HistJacomo; How do'st thou Boy? ha?
Jac.Why very well, I thank you Sir.
Fab.Do'st thou perceive the reason of matters, and passagesYet Sirrah, or no?
Jac.'Tis wondrous good Sir.
Fab.I have done simply for you, but now you are beaten to someUnderstanding, I pray you dally not with the GentlewomanBut dispatch your Matrimony, with all convenient speed.
Fred.He gives good counsel.
Jac.And I will follow it.
Fab.And I you, prethee do not take it unkindly,For trust me I boxt thee for thy advancement,A foolish desire I had to joggle thee into preferment.
Jac.I apprehend you Sir, and if I can study out a courseHow a bastinadoing may any wayes raise your fortunesIn the State, you shall be sure on't.
Fab.Oh Sir keep your way, God send you much joy.
Clora.And me myJulio.O God I hear his voyce, now he is true,Have at a marriageFrank, as soon as you—[Exeunt all butFred.
Enter a Messenger.
Mess.Sir I would speak with you.Fred.What is your has[t]y business friend?Mess.The Duke commands your present attendance at Court.Fred.The cause?Mess.I know not in particular; but thisMany are sent for more, about affairsForraign I take it Sir.Fred.I will be thereWithin this hour, return my humble service.Mess.I will Sir.[Exit Messenger.Fred.Farewel friend, what new's with you?
Mess.Sir I would speak with you.
Fred.What is your has[t]y business friend?
Mess.The Duke commands your present attendance at Court.
Fred.The cause?
Mess.I know not in particular; but thisMany are sent for more, about affairsForraign I take it Sir.
Fred.I will be thereWithin this hour, return my humble service.
Mess.I will Sir.[Exit Messenger.
Fred.Farewel friend, what new's with you?
Enter a Servant.
Ser.My Mistris would desire you Sir to followWith all the hast you can, she is gone to Church,To marry CaptainJacomo, andJulioTo do as much for the young merry Gentlewoman,Fair MistrisClora.Fred.JuliomarryClora?Thou art deceiv'd I warrant thee.Ser.No sure Sir,I saw their lips as close upon the bargainAs Cockles.Fred.Give 'em joy, I cannot now go,The Duke hath sent for me in hast.Ser.This note Sir, when you are free, will bring you where they are.
Ser.My Mistris would desire you Sir to followWith all the hast you can, she is gone to Church,To marry CaptainJacomo, andJulioTo do as much for the young merry Gentlewoman,Fair MistrisClora.
Fred.JuliomarryClora?Thou art deceiv'd I warrant thee.
Ser.No sure Sir,I saw their lips as close upon the bargainAs Cockles.
Fred.Give 'em joy, I cannot now go,The Duke hath sent for me in hast.
Ser.This note Sir, when you are free, will bring you where they are.
[Ex.
Fred.reads.You shall find us all at SigneurAngelo's,WherePiso, and the worthyLeilaOf famous memory are to be married,And we not far behind.Would I had timeTo wonder at this last couple in hell.
Fred.reads.You shall find us all at SigneurAngelo's,WherePiso, and the worthyLeilaOf famous memory are to be married,And we not far behind.Would I had timeTo wonder at this last couple in hell.
Enter Messenger again.
Mess.You are stai'd for Sir.Fred.I come, pray God the businessHold me not from this sport, I would not lose it.[Exeunt.
Mess.You are stai'd for Sir.
Fred.I come, pray God the businessHold me not from this sport, I would not lose it.[Exeunt.
Enter Father, Piso, Angelo,andLelia.
Ang.God give you joy, and make you live togetherA happy pair.Piso.I do not doubt we shall.There was never poor gentleman had such a sudden fortune,I could thrust my head betwixt two pales, and strip me out ofMy old skin like a Snake: will the guests come thou saidstThou sentest for to solemnize the Nuptials?Fath.They will, I lookt for 'em e're this.
Ang.God give you joy, and make you live togetherA happy pair.
Piso.I do not doubt we shall.There was never poor gentleman had such a sudden fortune,I could thrust my head betwixt two pales, and strip me out ofMy old skin like a Snake: will the guests come thou saidstThou sentest for to solemnize the Nuptials?
Fath.They will, I lookt for 'em e're this.
EnterJulio, Jacomo, Fabritio, Frank, Clora.
Jul.By your leave all.Fath.They're here Sir.Jul.Especially fair LadyI ask your pardon, to whose marriage-bedI wish all good success, I have here brought youSuch guests as can discern your happiness,And best do know how to rejoyce at it;For such a fortune they themselves have run,The worthyJacomo, and his fair Bride,NobleFabritio, whom this age of peaceHas not yet taught to love ought but the warrs,And his true friends, this Lady who is butA piece of me.[Exit Father.Leli.Sir, you are welcom all,Are they not Sir?Piso.Bring in some wine, some of the wineLodowickthe foolSent hither: who ever thou bid'st welcom shall find it.Leli.An une[x]pected honour you have doneTo our too hasty wedding.Jac.Faith Madam, our weddings were as hasty as yours,We are glad to run up and down any whither, to see whereWe can get meat to our wedding.Piso.ThatLodowickhath provided too, good Asse.Ang.I thought youJuliowould not thus have stollen a marriageWithout acquainting your friends.Jul.Why I did give thee inklings.Ang.If a marriage should be thus stubber'd up in a play, e're almostAny body had taken notice you were in love, the SpectatorsWould take it to be but ridiculous.Jul.This was the first, and I will never hideAnother secret from you.
Jul.By your leave all.
Fath.They're here Sir.
Jul.Especially fair LadyI ask your pardon, to whose marriage-bedI wish all good success, I have here brought youSuch guests as can discern your happiness,And best do know how to rejoyce at it;For such a fortune they themselves have run,The worthyJacomo, and his fair Bride,NobleFabritio, whom this age of peaceHas not yet taught to love ought but the warrs,And his true friends, this Lady who is butA piece of me.[Exit Father.
Leli.Sir, you are welcom all,Are they not Sir?
Piso.Bring in some wine, some of the wineLodowickthe foolSent hither: who ever thou bid'st welcom shall find it.
Leli.An une[x]pected honour you have doneTo our too hasty wedding.
Jac.Faith Madam, our weddings were as hasty as yours,We are glad to run up and down any whither, to see whereWe can get meat to our wedding.
Piso.ThatLodowickhath provided too, good Asse.
Ang.I thought youJuliowould not thus have stollen a marriageWithout acquainting your friends.
Jul.Why I did give thee inklings.
Ang.If a marriage should be thus stubber'd up in a play, e're almostAny body had taken notice you were in love, the SpectatorsWould take it to be but ridiculous.
Jul.This was the first, and I will never hideAnother secret from you.
EnterFather.
Fath.Sir, yonder's your friendLodowick, hide your selfAnd 'twill be the best sport—Piso.Gentlemen, I pray you take no notice, I'm here.The coxcombLodowickis coming in.
Fath.Sir, yonder's your friendLodowick, hide your selfAnd 'twill be the best sport—
Piso.Gentlemen, I pray you take no notice, I'm here.The coxcombLodowickis coming in.
EnterLodowick.
Lod.Is that the Lady?Fath.That is my Lady.Lod.As I live she's a fair one; what make all these here?Fath.O Lord Sir she is so pester'd—Fab.Now will the sport be, it runs right asJuliotold us.Lod.Fair Lady health to you; some words I have, thatRequire an utterance more private,Than this place can afford.Lel.I'le call my husband,All business I hear with his ears now.Lod.Good Madam no, but I perceive your jest,You have no husband, I am the very manThat walk'd the streets so comely.Lel.Are you so?Lod.Yes faith, whenCupidfirst did prick your heart.I am not cruel, but the love begunI'th' street I'le satisfie i'th' chamber fully.Lel.To ask a Madman whether he be madWere but an idle question, if you be,I do not speak to you, but if you be notWalk in the streets again, and there perhapsI may dote on you, here I not endure you.Lod.Good Madam stay, do not you know this Ring?Lel.Yes it was mine, I sent it by my Man,To change and so he did, it has a blemish,And this he brought me for it; did you change it?Are you a Goldsmith?Lod.Sure the world is mad,Sirrah, did you not bring me this ring from your Lady?Fath.Yes surely Sir, did I, but your worship must ev'n bear with me;For there was a mistaking in it, and so, as I wasSaying to your worship, my Lady is now married.Lod.Married? to whom?Fa.To your worships friendPiso.Lod.S'death toPiso?Pisowithin.Ha, ha, ha.Ang.Yes Sir I can assure you she's married to him, I saw'tWith these gray eyes.Lod.Why what a Rogue art thou then! thou hast madeMe send in provision too.Fa.O a Gentleman should not have such foul words in's mouth.But your Worships provision could not have come in at a fitter time;Will it please you to tast any of your own wine?It may be the Vintner has cozen'd you.Lod.Pox I am mad.Ang.You have always plots Sir, and see how they fall out.Jac.You had a plot upon me, how do you like this?Lod.I do not speak to you.Fab.Because you dare not.Lod.But I will have one of that old Rogues teeth set in this Ring.Fat.Do'st not thou know that I can beat thee?Dost thou know it now? (discovers himself.)Lod.He beat me once indeed.Fat.And if you have forgot it, I can call a witness,Come forthPiso—remember you it?Piso.Faith I do call to minde such a matter.Fat.And if I cannot still do't, you are youngAnd will assist your Father in law.Piso.My Father in law?Ang.Your Father in law, as sure as this is widowLeila.Piso.How widowLelia?Fat.I' faith 'tis she, Son.Lod.Ha, ha, ha, let my provision go, I am glad IHave mist the woman.Piso.Have you put a whore upon me?Lel.By heaven you do me wrong, I have a heartAs pure as any womans, and I meanTo keep it so for ever.Fa.There is no starting now, Son, if you offer'tI can compel you, her estate is great,But all made o're to me, before this match,Yet if you use her kindly, as I swearI think she will deserve, you shall enjoy itDuring your life, all save some slender pieceI will reserve for my own maintenance,And if God bless you with a child by her,It shall have all.Piso.So I may have the means,I do not much care what the woman is:Come my sweet heart, as long as I shall findThy kisses sweet, and thy means plentifull,Let people talk their tongues out.Lel.They may talkOf what is past, but all that is to comeShall be without occasions.Jul.Shall we not makePiso, andLodowickfriends?Jac.Hang 'em they dare not be Enemies, or if they be,The danger is not great, welcomFrederick.
Lod.Is that the Lady?
Fath.That is my Lady.
Lod.As I live she's a fair one; what make all these here?
Fath.O Lord Sir she is so pester'd—
Fab.Now will the sport be, it runs right asJuliotold us.
Lod.Fair Lady health to you; some words I have, thatRequire an utterance more private,Than this place can afford.
Lel.I'le call my husband,All business I hear with his ears now.
Lod.Good Madam no, but I perceive your jest,You have no husband, I am the very manThat walk'd the streets so comely.
Lel.Are you so?
Lod.Yes faith, whenCupidfirst did prick your heart.I am not cruel, but the love begunI'th' street I'le satisfie i'th' chamber fully.
Lel.To ask a Madman whether he be madWere but an idle question, if you be,I do not speak to you, but if you be notWalk in the streets again, and there perhapsI may dote on you, here I not endure you.
Lod.Good Madam stay, do not you know this Ring?
Lel.Yes it was mine, I sent it by my Man,To change and so he did, it has a blemish,And this he brought me for it; did you change it?Are you a Goldsmith?
Lod.Sure the world is mad,Sirrah, did you not bring me this ring from your Lady?
Fath.Yes surely Sir, did I, but your worship must ev'n bear with me;For there was a mistaking in it, and so, as I wasSaying to your worship, my Lady is now married.
Lod.Married? to whom?
Fa.To your worships friendPiso.
Lod.S'death toPiso?
Pisowithin.Ha, ha, ha.
Ang.Yes Sir I can assure you she's married to him, I saw'tWith these gray eyes.
Lod.Why what a Rogue art thou then! thou hast madeMe send in provision too.
Fa.O a Gentleman should not have such foul words in's mouth.But your Worships provision could not have come in at a fitter time;Will it please you to tast any of your own wine?It may be the Vintner has cozen'd you.
Lod.Pox I am mad.
Ang.You have always plots Sir, and see how they fall out.
Jac.You had a plot upon me, how do you like this?
Lod.I do not speak to you.
Fab.Because you dare not.
Lod.But I will have one of that old Rogues teeth set in this Ring.
Fat.Do'st not thou know that I can beat thee?Dost thou know it now? (discovers himself.)
Lod.He beat me once indeed.
Fat.And if you have forgot it, I can call a witness,Come forthPiso—remember you it?
Piso.Faith I do call to minde such a matter.
Fat.And if I cannot still do't, you are youngAnd will assist your Father in law.
Piso.My Father in law?
Ang.Your Father in law, as sure as this is widowLeila.
Piso.How widowLelia?
Fat.I' faith 'tis she, Son.
Lod.Ha, ha, ha, let my provision go, I am glad IHave mist the woman.
Piso.Have you put a whore upon me?
Lel.By heaven you do me wrong, I have a heartAs pure as any womans, and I meanTo keep it so for ever.
Fa.There is no starting now, Son, if you offer'tI can compel you, her estate is great,But all made o're to me, before this match,Yet if you use her kindly, as I swearI think she will deserve, you shall enjoy itDuring your life, all save some slender pieceI will reserve for my own maintenance,And if God bless you with a child by her,It shall have all.
Piso.So I may have the means,I do not much care what the woman is:Come my sweet heart, as long as I shall findThy kisses sweet, and thy means plentifull,Let people talk their tongues out.
Lel.They may talkOf what is past, but all that is to comeShall be without occasions.
Jul.Shall we not makePiso, andLodowickfriends?
Jac.Hang 'em they dare not be Enemies, or if they be,The danger is not great, welcomFrederick.
EnterFrederick.
Fred.First joy unto you all; and next I thinkWe shall have wars.Jac.Give me some wine, I'le drink to that.Fab.I'le pledge.Fran.But I shall lose you then.Jac.Not a whit wench; I'le teach thee presently to be a Souldier.Fred.Fabritio'scommand, and yours are both restor'd.Jac.Bring me four glasses then.Fab.Where are they?Ang.You shall not drink 'em here, 'tis supper time,And from my house no creature here shall stirThese three dayes, mirth shall flow as well as wine.Fa.Content, within I'le tell you more at largeHow much I am bound to all, but most to you,Whose undeserved liberalityMust not escape thus unrequited.Jac.'Tis happiness to me, I did so well:Of every noble action, the intentIs to give worth reward, vice, punishment.[Exeunt Om.
Fred.First joy unto you all; and next I thinkWe shall have wars.
Jac.Give me some wine, I'le drink to that.
Fab.I'le pledge.
Fran.But I shall lose you then.
Jac.Not a whit wench; I'le teach thee presently to be a Souldier.
Fred.Fabritio'scommand, and yours are both restor'd.
Jac.Bring me four glasses then.
Fab.Where are they?
Ang.You shall not drink 'em here, 'tis supper time,And from my house no creature here shall stirThese three dayes, mirth shall flow as well as wine.
Fa.Content, within I'le tell you more at largeHow much I am bound to all, but most to you,Whose undeserved liberalityMust not escape thus unrequited.
Jac.'Tis happiness to me, I did so well:Of every noble action, the intentIs to give worth reward, vice, punishment.[Exeunt Om.
Prologue.
To please you with this Play, we fear will be(So does the Author too) a mysterySomewhat above our Art; For all mens eyes,Ears, faiths, and judgements, are not of one size.For to say truth, and not to flatter ye,This is norComedy,norTragedy,NorHistory,nor any thing that may(Yet in a week) be made a perfect Play:Yet those that love to laugh, and those that thinkTwelve pence goes farther this way than in drink,Or Damsels, if they mark the matter through,May stumble on a foolish toy, or twoWill make 'em shew their teeth: pray, for my sake(That likely am your first man) do not takeA distaste before you feel it: for ye mayWhen this is hist to ashes, have a Play.And here, to out-hiss this; be patient then,(My honour done) y'are welcom Gentlemen.
To please you with this Play, we fear will be(So does the Author too) a mysterySomewhat above our Art; For all mens eyes,Ears, faiths, and judgements, are not of one size.For to say truth, and not to flatter ye,This is norComedy,norTragedy,NorHistory,nor any thing that may(Yet in a week) be made a perfect Play:Yet those that love to laugh, and those that thinkTwelve pence goes farther this way than in drink,Or Damsels, if they mark the matter through,May stumble on a foolish toy, or twoWill make 'em shew their teeth: pray, for my sake(That likely am your first man) do not takeA distaste before you feel it: for ye mayWhen this is hist to ashes, have a Play.And here, to out-hiss this; be patient then,(My honour done) y'are welcom Gentlemen.
Epilogue.
If you mislike (as you shall ever beYour own free Judges) this Play utterly,For your own Nobleness yet do not hiss,But as you go by, say it was amiss;And we will mend: Chide us, but let it beNever in cold blood: O' my honesty(If I have any) this I'le say for all,Our meaning was to please you still, and shall.
If you mislike (as you shall ever beYour own free Judges) this Play utterly,For your own Nobleness yet do not hiss,But as you go by, say it was amiss;And we will mend: Chide us, but let it beNever in cold blood: O' my honesty(If I have any) this I'le say for all,Our meaning was to please you still, and shall.
ATRAGICAL HISTORY.
Persons Represented in the Play.
WOMEN.
The SceneRome.
The principal Actors were,
EnterCharinus, Aurelia, Niger.
Cha.You buz into my head strange likelihoods,And fill me full of doubts; but what proofs,Niger,What certainties, that my most noble BrotherCame to his end by murther? Tell me that,Assure me by some circumstance.Niger.I will, Sir,And as I tell you truth, so the gods prosper me,I have often nam'd thisAper.Char.True, ye have done;And in mysterious senses I have heard yeBreak out o'th' sudden, and abruptly.Niger.True, Sir;Fear of your unbelief, and the times giddinessMade me I durst not then go farther. So your Grace please,Out of your wonted goodness, to give credit,I shall unfold the wonder.Aur.Do it boldly;You shall have both our hearty loves, and hearings.Niger.ThisAperthen, this too much honour'd Villain,(For he deserves no mention of a good man)Great Sir, give ear; this most ungrateful, spightful,Above the memory of mankind, mischievous,With his own bloody hands.Char.Take heed.Nig.I am in, Sir;And if I make not good my story.Aur.Forward;I see a truth would break out; be not fearful.Nig.I say thisAper, and his damn'd Ambition,Cut off your Brothers hopes, his life, and fortunes;The honour'dNumerianusfell by him,Fell basely, most untimely, and most treacherously:For in his Litter, as he bore him company,Most privately and cunningly he kill'd him;Yet still he fills the faithful Souldiers earsWith stories of his weakness, of his life,That he dare not venture to appear in open,And shew his warlike face among the Souldiers;The tenderness and weakness of his eyesBeing not able to endure the Sun yet.Slave that he is, he gives out this infirmity(Because he would dispatch his honour too)To arise from wantonness, and love of women,And thus he juggles still.Aur.O most pernicious,Most bloody, and most base! Alas, dear Brother,Art thou accus'd, and after death thy memoryLoaden with shames and lies? Those pious tearsThou daily shower'st upon my Fathers monument,(When in thePersianExpeditionHe fell unfortunately by a stroke of Thunder)Made thy defame and sins? those wept out eyes,The fair examples of a noble nature,Those holy drops of Love, turn'd by depravers(Malicious poyson'd tongues) to thy abuses?We must not suffer this.Char.It shows a truth now;And sure thisAperis not right nor honest,He will not [now] come near me.Nig.No, he dare not;He has an inmate here, that's call'd a conscience,Bids him keep off.Char.My Brother honour'd him,Made him first Captain of his Guard, his next friend;Then to my Mother (to assure him nearer)He made him Husband.Nig.And withal ambitious;For when he trod so nigh, his false feet itch'd, Sir,To step into the State.Aur.If ye believe, Brother,Apera bloody Knave (as 'tis apparent)Let's leave disputing, and do something noble.Char.Sister, be rul'd, I am not yet so powerfulTo meet him in the field; he has under himThe Flower of all the Empire, and the strength,TheBritain, and theGermanCohorts; pray ye be patient,Niger, how stands the Souldier to him?Nig.In fear more, Sir,Than love or honour; he has lost their fair affections,By his most covetous and greedy griping:Are ye desirous to do something on him,That all the World may know ye lov'd your Brother?And do it safely too without an Army?Char.Most willingly.Nig.Then send out a Proscription,Send suddenly; And to that man that executes it(I mean, that brings his head) add a fair payment,No common Summ; then ye shall see I fear not,Even from his own Camp, from those men that follow him,Follow, and flatter him, we shall find one,And if he miss, one hundred that will venture it.Aur.For his reward, it shall be so, dear Brother,So far I'll honour him that kills the Villain;For so far runs my love to my dead Brother,Let him be what he will, base, old, or crooked,He shall have me; nay, which is more, I'll love him.I will not be deny'd.Char.You shall not, Sister;But ye shall know, my love shall go along too;See aProscriptiondrawn; and for his recompence,My Sister, and half Partner in the Empire;And I will keep my word.Aur.Now ye do bravely.Nig.And though it cost my life, I'll see it publish'd.Char.Away then for the business.Nig.I am gone, Sir;You shall have all dispatch'd to night.Char.Be prosperous.Aur.And let the Villain fall.Nig.Fear nothing, Madam.[Exeunt.
Cha.You buz into my head strange likelihoods,And fill me full of doubts; but what proofs,Niger,What certainties, that my most noble BrotherCame to his end by murther? Tell me that,Assure me by some circumstance.
Niger.I will, Sir,And as I tell you truth, so the gods prosper me,I have often nam'd thisAper.
Char.True, ye have done;And in mysterious senses I have heard yeBreak out o'th' sudden, and abruptly.
Niger.True, Sir;Fear of your unbelief, and the times giddinessMade me I durst not then go farther. So your Grace please,Out of your wonted goodness, to give credit,I shall unfold the wonder.
Aur.Do it boldly;You shall have both our hearty loves, and hearings.
Niger.ThisAperthen, this too much honour'd Villain,(For he deserves no mention of a good man)Great Sir, give ear; this most ungrateful, spightful,Above the memory of mankind, mischievous,With his own bloody hands.
Char.Take heed.
Nig.I am in, Sir;And if I make not good my story.
Aur.Forward;I see a truth would break out; be not fearful.
Nig.I say thisAper, and his damn'd Ambition,Cut off your Brothers hopes, his life, and fortunes;The honour'dNumerianusfell by him,Fell basely, most untimely, and most treacherously:For in his Litter, as he bore him company,Most privately and cunningly he kill'd him;Yet still he fills the faithful Souldiers earsWith stories of his weakness, of his life,That he dare not venture to appear in open,And shew his warlike face among the Souldiers;The tenderness and weakness of his eyesBeing not able to endure the Sun yet.Slave that he is, he gives out this infirmity(Because he would dispatch his honour too)To arise from wantonness, and love of women,And thus he juggles still.
Aur.O most pernicious,Most bloody, and most base! Alas, dear Brother,Art thou accus'd, and after death thy memoryLoaden with shames and lies? Those pious tearsThou daily shower'st upon my Fathers monument,(When in thePersianExpeditionHe fell unfortunately by a stroke of Thunder)Made thy defame and sins? those wept out eyes,The fair examples of a noble nature,Those holy drops of Love, turn'd by depravers(Malicious poyson'd tongues) to thy abuses?We must not suffer this.
Char.It shows a truth now;And sure thisAperis not right nor honest,He will not [now] come near me.
Nig.No, he dare not;He has an inmate here, that's call'd a conscience,Bids him keep off.
Char.My Brother honour'd him,Made him first Captain of his Guard, his next friend;Then to my Mother (to assure him nearer)He made him Husband.
Nig.And withal ambitious;For when he trod so nigh, his false feet itch'd, Sir,To step into the State.
Aur.If ye believe, Brother,Apera bloody Knave (as 'tis apparent)Let's leave disputing, and do something noble.
Char.Sister, be rul'd, I am not yet so powerfulTo meet him in the field; he has under himThe Flower of all the Empire, and the strength,TheBritain, and theGermanCohorts; pray ye be patient,Niger, how stands the Souldier to him?
Nig.In fear more, Sir,Than love or honour; he has lost their fair affections,By his most covetous and greedy griping:Are ye desirous to do something on him,That all the World may know ye lov'd your Brother?And do it safely too without an Army?
Char.Most willingly.
Nig.Then send out a Proscription,Send suddenly; And to that man that executes it(I mean, that brings his head) add a fair payment,No common Summ; then ye shall see I fear not,Even from his own Camp, from those men that follow him,Follow, and flatter him, we shall find one,And if he miss, one hundred that will venture it.
Aur.For his reward, it shall be so, dear Brother,So far I'll honour him that kills the Villain;For so far runs my love to my dead Brother,Let him be what he will, base, old, or crooked,He shall have me; nay, which is more, I'll love him.I will not be deny'd.
Char.You shall not, Sister;But ye shall know, my love shall go along too;See aProscriptiondrawn; and for his recompence,My Sister, and half Partner in the Empire;And I will keep my word.
Aur.Now ye do bravely.
Nig.And though it cost my life, I'll see it publish'd.
Char.Away then for the business.
Nig.I am gone, Sir;You shall have all dispatch'd to night.
Char.Be prosperous.
Aur.And let the Villain fall.
Nig.Fear nothing, Madam.[Exeunt.
EnterDelphia,andDrusilla.