Inc.You forget supper: Gossip: move for supper.Die.'Tis strange what love to a beast may do, his HorseThrew him into this fit.Inc.You shall excuse meIt was his being incuerpo, meerly caus'd it.Die.Do you think so Sir?Inc.Most unluckycuerpo.Naught else, he looks as he would eat Partridge,This guest; ha' you 'em ready in the house?And a fine piece of Kid now? and fresh garlick
Inc.You forget supper: Gossip: move for supper.
Die.'Tis strange what love to a beast may do, his HorseThrew him into this fit.
Inc.You shall excuse meIt was his being incuerpo, meerly caus'd it.
Die.Do you think so Sir?
Inc.Most unluckycuerpo.Naught else, he looks as he would eat Partridge,This guest; ha' you 'em ready in the house?And a fine piece of Kid now? and fresh garlick
EnterHostess.
WithSardiniaandZantOil? how now?Has he bespoke, what will he have a brace,Or but one Partridge, or a short leg'd Hen,Daintyly carbonado'd?Host.'Lass the deadMay be as ready for a supper as he.Inc.Ha?Host.He has no mind to eat, more than his shadow.Inc.Say you.Die.How does your worship?Inc.I put onMy left shooe first to day, now I perceive it,And skipt a bead in saying 'em 'ore; elseI could not be thus cross'd: He cannot beAbove seventeen; one of his years, and haveNo better a stomach?Host.And in such good cloaths too.Die.Nay, these do often make the stomach worse, wife,That is no reason.Inc.I could, at his years, Gossips(As temperate as you see me now) have eatenMy brace of Ducks, with my half Goose, my Conie,And drink my whole twelveMarvedisin WineAs easie as I now get down three Olives.Die.And, with your temperance-favour, yet I thinkYour worship would put to't at six and thirtyFor a good wager; and the meal in too.Inc.I do not know what mine old mouth can do.I ha not prov'd it lately.Die.That's the grief, Sir.Inc.But is he without hope then gone to bed?Host.I fear so, Sir, h'as lock'd the door close to himSure he is very ill.Inc.That is with fasting,You should ha told him Gossip, what you had had,Given him the Inventory of your kitchen,It is the picklock in an Inn, and oftenOpens a close barr'd stomach: what may he be troh?Has he so good a Horse?Die.Oh a brave Jennet,As e'r your worship saw.Inc.And he eats?Die.Strongly.Inc.A mighty Solecisme, heaven give me patience,What creatures has he?Host.None.Inc.And so well cloath'd,And so well mounted?Die.That's all my wonder, Sir,Who he should be; he is attir'd and hors'dFor theConstablesSon ofSpain.Inc.My wonders moreHe should want appetite: well a good nightTo both my Gossips: I will for this timePut off the thought of supping: In the morningRemember him of breakfast pray you.Host.I shall Sir.Die.A hungry time Sir.Inc.We that live like miceOn others meat, must watch when we can get it.[ExitIncubo.Host.Yes, but I would not tell him: Our fair guestSays, though he eats no supper he will pay for one.Die.Good news: we'll eat it spouse, t' his health,'Twas politickly done t'admit no sharers.
WithSardiniaandZantOil? how now?Has he bespoke, what will he have a brace,Or but one Partridge, or a short leg'd Hen,Daintyly carbonado'd?
Host.'Lass the deadMay be as ready for a supper as he.
Inc.Ha?
Host.He has no mind to eat, more than his shadow.
Inc.Say you.
Die.How does your worship?
Inc.I put onMy left shooe first to day, now I perceive it,And skipt a bead in saying 'em 'ore; elseI could not be thus cross'd: He cannot beAbove seventeen; one of his years, and haveNo better a stomach?
Host.And in such good cloaths too.
Die.Nay, these do often make the stomach worse, wife,That is no reason.
Inc.I could, at his years, Gossips(As temperate as you see me now) have eatenMy brace of Ducks, with my half Goose, my Conie,And drink my whole twelveMarvedisin WineAs easie as I now get down three Olives.
Die.And, with your temperance-favour, yet I thinkYour worship would put to't at six and thirtyFor a good wager; and the meal in too.
Inc.I do not know what mine old mouth can do.I ha not prov'd it lately.
Die.That's the grief, Sir.
Inc.But is he without hope then gone to bed?
Host.I fear so, Sir, h'as lock'd the door close to himSure he is very ill.
Inc.That is with fasting,You should ha told him Gossip, what you had had,Given him the Inventory of your kitchen,It is the picklock in an Inn, and oftenOpens a close barr'd stomach: what may he be troh?Has he so good a Horse?
Die.Oh a brave Jennet,As e'r your worship saw.
Inc.And he eats?
Die.Strongly.
Inc.A mighty Solecisme, heaven give me patience,What creatures has he?
Host.None.
Inc.And so well cloath'd,And so well mounted?
Die.That's all my wonder, Sir,Who he should be; he is attir'd and hors'dFor theConstablesSon ofSpain.
Inc.My wonders moreHe should want appetite: well a good nightTo both my Gossips: I will for this timePut off the thought of supping: In the morningRemember him of breakfast pray you.
Host.I shall Sir.
Die.A hungry time Sir.
Inc.We that live like miceOn others meat, must watch when we can get it.[ExitIncubo.
Host.Yes, but I would not tell him: Our fair guestSays, though he eats no supper he will pay for one.
Die.Good news: we'll eat it spouse, t' his health,'Twas politickly done t'admit no sharers.
EnterPhilippo.
Phi.Look to the Mules there, where's mine Host?Die.Here Sir.Another Fayerie.Host.Bless me.Phi.From what sweet Hostess?Are you afraid o' your guests?Host.From Angels, Sir,I think there's none but such come here to night,My house had never so good luck aforeFor brave, fine guests; and yet the ill luck on't isI cannot bid you welcome.Phi.No?Host.Not lodge you Sir.Phi.Not, Hostess?Host.No in troth Sir, I do tell youBecause you may provide in time: my bedsAre both tane up by a young CavalierThat will and must be private.Die.He has paid SirFor all our Chambers.Host.Which is one: and BedsWhich I already ha told you are two: But Sir,So sweet a creature, I am very sorryI cannot lodge you by him; you look so like himYo' are both the loveliest pieces.Phi.What train has he?Die.None but himself.Phi.And will no less than both bedsServe him?Host.H'as given me a Ducket for 'em.Phi.Oh.You give me reason Hostess: Is he handsome,And young do you say?Host.Oh Sir, the delicat'st fleshAnd finest cloths withal, and such a horse,With such a Saddle.Phi.She's in love with all.The horse and him, and Saddle, and cloths, good woman,Thou justifiest thy Sex; lov'st all that's brave:
Phi.Look to the Mules there, where's mine Host?
Die.Here Sir.Another Fayerie.
Host.Bless me.
Phi.From what sweet Hostess?Are you afraid o' your guests?
Host.From Angels, Sir,I think there's none but such come here to night,My house had never so good luck aforeFor brave, fine guests; and yet the ill luck on't isI cannot bid you welcome.
Phi.No?
Host.Not lodge you Sir.
Phi.Not, Hostess?
Host.No in troth Sir, I do tell youBecause you may provide in time: my bedsAre both tane up by a young CavalierThat will and must be private.
Die.He has paid SirFor all our Chambers.
Host.Which is one: and BedsWhich I already ha told you are two: But Sir,So sweet a creature, I am very sorryI cannot lodge you by him; you look so like himYo' are both the loveliest pieces.
Phi.What train has he?
Die.None but himself.
Phi.And will no less than both bedsServe him?
Host.H'as given me a Ducket for 'em.
Phi.Oh.You give me reason Hostess: Is he handsome,And young do you say?
Host.Oh Sir, the delicat'st fleshAnd finest cloths withal, and such a horse,With such a Saddle.
Phi.She's in love with all.The horse and him, and Saddle, and cloths, good woman,Thou justifiest thy Sex; lov'st all that's brave:
EnterIncubo.
Sure though I lye o'th' ground, I'll stay here nowAnd have a sight of him: you'll give me house-room,Fire, and fresh meat, for money, gentle Hostess;And make me a pallat?Inc.Sir, she shall do reason....I understood you had another Guest, Gossips,Pray you let his Mule be lookt to, have good straw,And store of bran: And Gossip, do you hear,Let him not stay for supper: What good Fowl ha' you?This Gentleman would eat a Pheasant.Host.'Lass Sir;We ha' no such.Inc.I kiss your hands fair Sir.What ha you then? speak what you have? I'm one SirHere for the Catholique King, an OfficerT' enquire what guests come to these places; you SirAppear a person of quality, and 'tis fitYou be accommodated: why speak you not,What ha' you Woman? are you afraid to ventThat which you have?Phil.This is a most strange man;T' appoint my meat.Host.The half of a cold hen, Sir,And a boil'd quarter of Kid, is all i'th' house.Inc.Why all's but cold; let him see it forth,Cover, and give the eye some satisfaction,A Travellers stomach must see bread and salt,His belly is nearer to him, than his kindred;Cold hen's a pretty meat Sir.Phi.What you please;I am resolv'd t' obey.Inc.So is your Kid,With Pepper, Garlick, and the juyce of an Orange:She shall with Sallads help it, and clean linnen;Dispatch; what news at Court Sir?Phi.Faith, new tiresMost of the Ladies have, the men old Suits:Only the Kings Fool has a new CoatTo serve you.Inc.I did guess you came from thence, Sir.Phi.But I do know I did not.Inc.I mistook Sir.What hear you of the Archdukes?Phi.Troth your question.
Sure though I lye o'th' ground, I'll stay here nowAnd have a sight of him: you'll give me house-room,Fire, and fresh meat, for money, gentle Hostess;And make me a pallat?
Inc.Sir, she shall do reason....I understood you had another Guest, Gossips,Pray you let his Mule be lookt to, have good straw,And store of bran: And Gossip, do you hear,Let him not stay for supper: What good Fowl ha' you?This Gentleman would eat a Pheasant.
Host.'Lass Sir;We ha' no such.
Inc.I kiss your hands fair Sir.What ha you then? speak what you have? I'm one SirHere for the Catholique King, an OfficerT' enquire what guests come to these places; you SirAppear a person of quality, and 'tis fitYou be accommodated: why speak you not,What ha' you Woman? are you afraid to ventThat which you have?
Phil.This is a most strange man;T' appoint my meat.
Host.The half of a cold hen, Sir,And a boil'd quarter of Kid, is all i'th' house.
Inc.Why all's but cold; let him see it forth,Cover, and give the eye some satisfaction,A Travellers stomach must see bread and salt,His belly is nearer to him, than his kindred;Cold hen's a pretty meat Sir.
Phi.What you please;I am resolv'd t' obey.
Inc.So is your Kid,With Pepper, Garlick, and the juyce of an Orange:She shall with Sallads help it, and clean linnen;Dispatch; what news at Court Sir?
Phi.Faith, new tiresMost of the Ladies have, the men old Suits:Only the Kings Fool has a new CoatTo serve you.
Inc.I did guess you came from thence, Sir.
Phi.But I do know I did not.
Inc.I mistook Sir.What hear you of the Archdukes?
Phi.Troth your question.
Enter Hostess and Servants with Table.
Inc.Of theFrenchbusiness, What?Phi.As much.Inc.No more?They say theFrench: Oh that's well: come, I'll help you:Have you no Jiblets now? or a broil'd rasher.Or some such present dish t' assist?Host.Not any Sir.Inc.The more your fault: you nev'r should be withoutSuch aids: what cottage would ha' lack'd a PheasantAt such a time as this? well, bring your Hen,And Kid forth quickly.Phi.That should be my prayerTo scape his Inquisition.Inc.Sir, theFrench,They say are divided 'bout their match with us,What think you of it.Phi.As of naught to me, Sir.Inc.Nay, it's as little to me too: but I loveTo ask after these things, to know the affectionsOf States and Princes, now and then for bettring.Phi.Of your own ignorance.Inc.Yes Sir:Phi.Many do so.Inc.I cannot live without it: what do you hearOf ourIndianFleet; they say they are well return'd.Phi.I had no venture with 'em Sir; had you?
Inc.Of theFrenchbusiness, What?
Phi.As much.
Inc.No more?They say theFrench: Oh that's well: come, I'll help you:Have you no Jiblets now? or a broil'd rasher.Or some such present dish t' assist?
Host.Not any Sir.
Inc.The more your fault: you nev'r should be withoutSuch aids: what cottage would ha' lack'd a PheasantAt such a time as this? well, bring your Hen,And Kid forth quickly.
Phi.That should be my prayerTo scape his Inquisition.
Inc.Sir, theFrench,They say are divided 'bout their match with us,What think you of it.
Phi.As of naught to me, Sir.
Inc.Nay, it's as little to me too: but I loveTo ask after these things, to know the affectionsOf States and Princes, now and then for bettring.
Phi.Of your own ignorance.
Inc.Yes Sir:
Phi.Many do so.
Inc.I cannot live without it: what do you hearOf ourIndianFleet; they say they are well return'd.
Phi.I had no venture with 'em Sir; had you?
Enter Hostess and Servants with meat.
Inc.Why do you ask Sir?Phi.'Cause it might concern you,It does not me.Inc.Oh here's your meat come.Phi.Thanks,I welcome it at any price.Inc.Some stools here,And bid mine Host bring Wine, I'll try your Kid,If he be sweet: he looks well, yes, he is good;I'll carve you Sir.Phi.You use me too too Princely:Tast, and carve too.Inc.I love to do these Offices.Phi.I think you do: for whose sake?Inc.For themselves Sir,The very doing of them is reward.Phi.'Had little faith would not believe you, Sir.Inc.Gossip, some Wine.
Inc.Why do you ask Sir?
Phi.'Cause it might concern you,It does not me.
Inc.Oh here's your meat come.
Phi.Thanks,I welcome it at any price.
Inc.Some stools here,And bid mine Host bring Wine, I'll try your Kid,If he be sweet: he looks well, yes, he is good;I'll carve you Sir.
Phi.You use me too too Princely:Tast, and carve too.
Inc.I love to do these Offices.
Phi.I think you do: for whose sake?
Inc.For themselves Sir,The very doing of them is reward.
Phi.'Had little faith would not believe you, Sir.
Inc.Gossip, some Wine.
EnterDiegowith Wine.
Die.Here 'tis: and rightSt. Martyn.Inc.Measure me out a glass.Phi.I love the humanityUs'd in this place:Inc.Sir, I salute you here.Phil.I kiss your hands Sir.Inc.Good wine, it will beget an appetite:Fill him, and sit down, Gossip, entertainYour noble guest here, as becomes your title.Die.Please you to like this Wine Sir?Phi.I dislikeNothing mine Host, but that I may not seeYour conceal'd guest: here's to you.Die.In good faith Sir;I wish you as well as him: would you might see himInc.And wherefore may he not:Die.'Has lock'd himself SirUp, and has hir'd both the beds o' my wifeAt extraordinary rate.Phil.I'll give as muchIf that will do't, for one, as he for both;What say you mine Host, the door once openI'll fling my self upon the next bed to himAnd there's an end of me till morning; noiseI will make noneDie.I wish your worship well—butInc.His honor is engag'd: And my she-GossipHath past her promise, hath she not?Die.Yes truly:Inc.That toucheth to the credit of the house:Well, I will eat a little, and think: how say you SirUnto this brawn o'th' Hen?Phi.I ha' more mindTo get this bed Sir.Inc.Say you so: Why thenGiv't me agen, and drink to me: mine HostFill him his Wine: thou'rt dull, and dost not praise it,I eat but to teach you the way Sir.Phil.Sir:Find but the way to lodge me in this chamberI'll give mine Host two Duckets for his bed,And you Sir twoReals: here's to you—Inc.Excuse me,I am not mercenary: Gossip pledge him for me,I'll think a little more; but ev'n one bitAnd then talk on: you cannot interrupt me.Die.This piece of wine Sir, cost me—Inc.Stay: I have found:This little morsel, and then: here's excellent garlick:Have you not a bunch of grapes now: or some BaconTo give the mouth a relish?Die.Wife, do you hear?Inc.It is no matter: Sir give mine Host your Duckets.Die.How Sir?Inc.Do you receive 'em: I will saveThe honesty of your house: and yours too Gossip,And I will lodge the Gentleman: shew the chamber.Die.Good Sir do you hear.Inc.Shew me the chamber.Die.Pray you Sir,Do not disturb my guests.Inc.Disturb? I hopeThe Catholick King Sir, may command a lodgingWithout disturbing in his Vassals house,For any Minister of his, emploidIn business of the State. Where is the door?Open the door, who are you there? within?In the Kings name.[Theodosiawithin.Theo.What would you have?Inc.Your key Sir,And your door open: I have here commandTo lodge a Gentleman, from the Justice, sentUpon the Kings affairs.Theod.Kings and necessitiesMust be obey'd: the key is under the door.Inc.How now Sir, are you fitted? you secur'd?Phi.Your two Reals are grown a piece of Eight.In[c].Excuse me Sir.Phi.'Twill buy a Hen; and WineSir, for to morrow.[ExitPhil.Inc.I do kiss your hands Sir.Well this will bear my charge yet to the GalliesWhere I am owing a Ducket: whither this nightBy the Moons leave I'll march: for in the morningEarly, they put from PortSt. Maries.[Ex. all butDiego.Die.Lazaro.
Die.Here 'tis: and rightSt. Martyn.
Inc.Measure me out a glass.
Phi.I love the humanityUs'd in this place:
Inc.Sir, I salute you here.
Phil.I kiss your hands Sir.
Inc.Good wine, it will beget an appetite:Fill him, and sit down, Gossip, entertainYour noble guest here, as becomes your title.
Die.Please you to like this Wine Sir?
Phi.I dislikeNothing mine Host, but that I may not seeYour conceal'd guest: here's to you.
Die.In good faith Sir;I wish you as well as him: would you might see him
Inc.And wherefore may he not:
Die.'Has lock'd himself SirUp, and has hir'd both the beds o' my wifeAt extraordinary rate.
Phil.I'll give as muchIf that will do't, for one, as he for both;What say you mine Host, the door once openI'll fling my self upon the next bed to himAnd there's an end of me till morning; noiseI will make none
Die.I wish your worship well—but
Inc.His honor is engag'd: And my she-GossipHath past her promise, hath she not?
Die.Yes truly:
Inc.That toucheth to the credit of the house:Well, I will eat a little, and think: how say you SirUnto this brawn o'th' Hen?
Phi.I ha' more mindTo get this bed Sir.
Inc.Say you so: Why thenGiv't me agen, and drink to me: mine HostFill him his Wine: thou'rt dull, and dost not praise it,I eat but to teach you the way Sir.
Phil.Sir:Find but the way to lodge me in this chamberI'll give mine Host two Duckets for his bed,And you Sir twoReals: here's to you—
Inc.Excuse me,I am not mercenary: Gossip pledge him for me,I'll think a little more; but ev'n one bitAnd then talk on: you cannot interrupt me.
Die.This piece of wine Sir, cost me—
Inc.Stay: I have found:This little morsel, and then: here's excellent garlick:Have you not a bunch of grapes now: or some BaconTo give the mouth a relish?
Die.Wife, do you hear?
Inc.It is no matter: Sir give mine Host your Duckets.
Die.How Sir?
Inc.Do you receive 'em: I will saveThe honesty of your house: and yours too Gossip,And I will lodge the Gentleman: shew the chamber.
Die.Good Sir do you hear.
Inc.Shew me the chamber.
Die.Pray you Sir,Do not disturb my guests.
Inc.Disturb? I hopeThe Catholick King Sir, may command a lodgingWithout disturbing in his Vassals house,For any Minister of his, emploidIn business of the State. Where is the door?Open the door, who are you there? within?In the Kings name.[Theodosiawithin.
Theo.What would you have?
Inc.Your key Sir,And your door open: I have here commandTo lodge a Gentleman, from the Justice, sentUpon the Kings affairs.
Theod.Kings and necessitiesMust be obey'd: the key is under the door.
Inc.How now Sir, are you fitted? you secur'd?
Phi.Your two Reals are grown a piece of Eight.
In[c].Excuse me Sir.
Phi.'Twill buy a Hen; and WineSir, for to morrow.[ExitPhil.
Inc.I do kiss your hands Sir.Well this will bear my charge yet to the GalliesWhere I am owing a Ducket: whither this nightBy the Moons leave I'll march: for in the morningEarly, they put from PortSt. Maries.[Ex. all butDiego.
Die.Lazaro.
EnterLazaro.
How do the horses?Laz.Would you would go and see Sir,A —— of all Jades, what a clap h'as given me:As sure as you live Master he knew perfectlyI couzen'd him on's Oats: he lookt upon meAnd then he sneer'd, as who should say, take heed sirrah:And when he saw our half Peck, which you knowWas but an old Court dish, lord how he stampt:I thought 't had been for joy, when suddenlyHe cuts me a back caper with his heelsAnd takes me just o'th crupper, down came I,And all my ounce of Oats: Then he neigh'd outAs though he had had a mare by th' tail.Die.FaithLazaroWe are t[o] blame to use the poor dumb servitersSo cruelly.Laz.Yonder's this other Gentleman's horseKeeping our Lady Eve: the devil a bitH'as got since he came in yet: there he standsAnd looks, and looks, but 'tis your pleasure, Sir,He shall look lean enough: h'as Hay before himBut 'tis as big as Hemp, and will as soon choak him,Unless he eat it butter'd: he had four shooesAnd good ones when he came: 'tis a strange wonderWith standing still he should cast three.Die.OLazaro.The Devil's in this Trade: truth never knew itAnd to the devil we shall travel,LazaroUnless we mend our manners: once every weekI meet with such a knock to mollifie meSometimes a dozen to awake my conscienceYet still I sleep securely.Laz.Certain MasterWe must use better dealing.Die.'Faith for mine own partNot to give ill example to our issues,I could be well content to steal but two girths,And now and then a saddle-cloth: change a bridleOnly for exercise.Laz.If we could stay thereThere were some hope on's Master: but the devil isWe are drunk so early we mistake whole SaddlesSometimes a horse; and then it seems to us tooEvery poor jade has his whole peck, and tumblesUp to his ears in clean straw, and every bottleShews at the least a dozen; when the truth is, Sir,There's no such matter, not a smell of Provinder,Not so much straw as would tie up a horse tail,Nor any thing i'th' rack, but two old CobwebsAnd so much rotten Hay as had been a hens nest.Die.Well, these mistakings must be mended,Lazaro,These apparitions, that abuse our sences,And make us ever apt to sweep the mangerBut put in nothing; these fancies must be forgotAnd we must pray it may be reveal'd to usWhose horse we ought, in conscience, to couzen,And how, and when; A Parsons Horse may sufferA little greazing in his teeth, 'tis wholsome;And keeps him in a sober shuffle: and his SaddleMay want a stirrop, and it may be swornHis Learning lay on one side, and so broke it:H'as ever Oats in's Cloak-bag to prevent usAnd therefore 'tis a meritorious officeTo tythe him soundly.Laz.And a Grazier may(For those are pinching puckfoysts, and suspitious)Suffer a myst before his eyes sometimes too,And think he sees his horse eat halfe a bushel:When the truth is, rubbing his gums with salt,Till all the skin come off: he shall but mumbleLike an old Woman that were chewing Brawn,And drop 'em out again.Die.That may do well too,And no doubt 'tis but venial, But goodLazaroHave you a care of understanding horses,[Horses with angry heels, gentlemens horses,]Horses that know the world: let them have meatTill their teeth ake; and rubbing till their ribsShine like a wenches forehead; they are devils.Laz.And look into our dealings: as sure as we liveThese Courtiers horses are a kind ofWelshProphets,Nothing can be hid from 'em: For mine own partThe next I cozen of that kind shall be founder'd,And of all four too: I'll no more such complementsUpon my crupper.Die.Steal but a little longerTill I am lam'd too, and we'll repent together,It will not be above two daies.Laz.By that timeI shall be well again, and all forgot Sir.Die.Why then I'll stay for thee.[Exit.
How do the horses?
Laz.Would you would go and see Sir,A —— of all Jades, what a clap h'as given me:As sure as you live Master he knew perfectlyI couzen'd him on's Oats: he lookt upon meAnd then he sneer'd, as who should say, take heed sirrah:And when he saw our half Peck, which you knowWas but an old Court dish, lord how he stampt:I thought 't had been for joy, when suddenlyHe cuts me a back caper with his heelsAnd takes me just o'th crupper, down came I,And all my ounce of Oats: Then he neigh'd outAs though he had had a mare by th' tail.
Die.FaithLazaroWe are t[o] blame to use the poor dumb servitersSo cruelly.
Laz.Yonder's this other Gentleman's horseKeeping our Lady Eve: the devil a bitH'as got since he came in yet: there he standsAnd looks, and looks, but 'tis your pleasure, Sir,He shall look lean enough: h'as Hay before himBut 'tis as big as Hemp, and will as soon choak him,Unless he eat it butter'd: he had four shooesAnd good ones when he came: 'tis a strange wonderWith standing still he should cast three.
Die.OLazaro.The Devil's in this Trade: truth never knew itAnd to the devil we shall travel,LazaroUnless we mend our manners: once every weekI meet with such a knock to mollifie meSometimes a dozen to awake my conscienceYet still I sleep securely.
Laz.Certain MasterWe must use better dealing.
Die.'Faith for mine own partNot to give ill example to our issues,I could be well content to steal but two girths,And now and then a saddle-cloth: change a bridleOnly for exercise.
Laz.If we could stay thereThere were some hope on's Master: but the devil isWe are drunk so early we mistake whole SaddlesSometimes a horse; and then it seems to us tooEvery poor jade has his whole peck, and tumblesUp to his ears in clean straw, and every bottleShews at the least a dozen; when the truth is, Sir,There's no such matter, not a smell of Provinder,Not so much straw as would tie up a horse tail,Nor any thing i'th' rack, but two old CobwebsAnd so much rotten Hay as had been a hens nest.
Die.Well, these mistakings must be mended,Lazaro,These apparitions, that abuse our sences,And make us ever apt to sweep the mangerBut put in nothing; these fancies must be forgotAnd we must pray it may be reveal'd to usWhose horse we ought, in conscience, to couzen,And how, and when; A Parsons Horse may sufferA little greazing in his teeth, 'tis wholsome;And keeps him in a sober shuffle: and his SaddleMay want a stirrop, and it may be swornHis Learning lay on one side, and so broke it:H'as ever Oats in's Cloak-bag to prevent usAnd therefore 'tis a meritorious officeTo tythe him soundly.
Laz.And a Grazier may(For those are pinching puckfoysts, and suspitious)Suffer a myst before his eyes sometimes too,And think he sees his horse eat halfe a bushel:When the truth is, rubbing his gums with salt,Till all the skin come off: he shall but mumbleLike an old Woman that were chewing Brawn,And drop 'em out again.
Die.That may do well too,And no doubt 'tis but venial, But goodLazaroHave you a care of understanding horses,[Horses with angry heels, gentlemens horses,]Horses that know the world: let them have meatTill their teeth ake; and rubbing till their ribsShine like a wenches forehead; they are devils.
Laz.And look into our dealings: as sure as we liveThese Courtiers horses are a kind ofWelshProphets,Nothing can be hid from 'em: For mine own partThe next I cozen of that kind shall be founder'd,And of all four too: I'll no more such complementsUpon my crupper.
Die.Steal but a little longerTill I am lam'd too, and we'll repent together,It will not be above two daies.
Laz.By that timeI shall be well again, and all forgot Sir.
Die.Why then I'll stay for thee.[Exit.
EnterTheodosi[a]andPhillipoon several Beds.
Theo.Oh,—ho! oh—ho!Phi.Ha?Theo.Oh—oh! heart—heart—heart—heart?Phil.What's that?Theo.When wilt thou break?—break, break, break?Phil.Ha?I would the voice were strong, or I nearer.Theo.Shame, shame, eternal shame? what have I done?Phil.Done?Theo.And to no end, what a wild journeyHave I more wildly undertaken?Phil.Journey?Theo.How, without counsel? care? reason, or fear?Phil.Whither will this fit carry?Theo.Oh my folly!Phil.This is no common sickness.Theo.How have I leftAll I should love, or keep? oh heaven.Phil.Sir?Theo.Ha?Phil.How do you gentle Sir?Theo.Alas my fortune!Phil.It seems your sorrow oppresses: please your goodness,Let me bear half, Sir: a divided burthenIs so made lighter.Theo.Oh!Phil.That sigh betraiesThe fulness of your grief.Theo.I, if that griefHad not bereft me of my understanding,I should have well remembred where I was,And in what company; and clapt a lockUpon this tongue for talking.Phil.Worthy SirLet it not add to your grief, that I have heardA sigh or groan come from you: That is all Sir:The.Good Sir no more: you have heard too much I fear,Would I had taken Poppy when I spake it.Phi.It seems you have an ill belief of meAnd would have fear'd much more, had you spoke oughtI could interpret. But believe it SirHad [I] had means to look into your breast,And tane you sleeping here, that so securelyI might have read all that your woe would hideI would not have betraid you.Theo.Sir, that speechIs very noble, and almost would temptMy need to trust you.Phil.At your own election,I dare not make my faith so much suspectedAs to protest again: nor am I curiousTo know more than is fit.Theo.Sir, I will trust youBut you shall promise Sir to keep your bed,And whatsoe'r you hear, not to importuneMore I beseech you from me.Phi.Sir I will not.Theo.Than I am prone to utter.Phi.My faith for it.Theo.If I were wise, I yet should hold my peace.You will be noble?Phil.You shall make me soIf you'll but think me such.Theo.I do: then knowYou are deceiv'd with whom you have talk'd so long.I am a most unfortunate lost woman.Phil.Ha?Theo.Do not stir Sir: I have here a Sword.Phil.Not I sweet Lady: of what blood, or name.Theo.You'll keep your faith.Phil.I'll perish else.Theo.Believe thenOf birth too noble for me, so descended—Iam asham'd, no less than I am affrighted.Phil.Fear not: by all good things, I will not wrong you.Theo.I am the Daughter of a noble GentlemanBorn in this part ofSpain: my fathers name Sir:But why should I abuse that reverenceWhen a childs duty has forsaken me.Phil.All may be mended, in fit time too: speak it.Theo.Alphonso, sir.Phil.Alphonso?What's your own name?Theo.Any base thing you can invent.Phil.Deal truly.Theo.They call meTheodosia.Phil.Ha? and loveIs that that hath chang'd you thus?Theo.Ye have observ'd meToo nearly Sir, 'tis that indeed: 'tis love Sir:And love of him (oh heavens) why should men deal thus?Why should they use their arts to cozen us?That have no cunning, but our fears about us?And ever that too late too; no dissemblingOr double way but doating: too much loving?Why should they find new oaths, to make more wretches?Phil.What may his name be?Theo.Sir, a name that promisesMethinks no such ill usage:Mark-AntonioA noble neighbors son: Now I must desire yeTo stay a while: else my weak eyes must answer.Phil.I will:—Are ye yet ready? what is his quality?Theo.His best a thief Sir: that he would be known byIs heir toLeonardo, a rich Gentleman:Next of a handsome body, had heaven made himA mind fit to it. To this man my fortune,(My more than purblind fortune) gave my faith,Drawn to it by as many shews of serviceAnd signs of truth, as ever false tongue utter'd:Heaven pardon all.Phil.'Tis well said: forward Lady.Theo.Contracted Sir, and by exchange of ringsOur souls deliver'd: nothing left unfinish'dBut the last work, enjoying me, and Ceremony.For that I must confess was the first wise doubtI ever made: yet after all this love Sir,All this profession of his faith; when dailyAnd hourly I expected the blest PriestHe left me like a dream, as all this storyHad never been, nor thought of, why, I know not;Yet I have called my conscience to confession,And every syllable that might offendI have had in shrift: yet neither loves Law Signior,Nor tye of Maidens duty, but desiringHave I transgrest in: left his father too,Nor whither he is gone, or why departedCan any tongue resolve me: All my hope(Which keeps me yet alive, and would perswade meI may be once more happy, and thus shapes meA shame to all my modest Sex) is this Sir,I have a Brother and his old Companion,Student inSalamanca, there my last hopeIf he be yet alive, and can be lovingIs left me to recover him: For which travelIn this Sute left at home of that dear BrothersThus as you find me, without fear, or wisdom,I have wander'd from my Father, fled my friends,And now am only child of hope and danger:You are now silent Sir: this tedious story(That ever keeps me waking) makes you heavy:'Tis fit it should do so: for that, and ICan be but troubles.Phil.No, I sleep not Lady:I would I could: oh heaven is this my comfort?Theo.What ail you gentle Sir?Phil.Oh.Theo.Why do you groan so?Phil.I must, I must; oh misery;Theo.But now Sir,You were my comfort: if any thing afflict yeAm not I fit to bear a part on't? and by your own rule?Phil.No; if you could heal, as you have wounded me,But 'tis not in your power.Theo.I fear intemperance.Phil.Nay, do not seek to shun me: I must see you:By heaven I must: hoa, there mine Host: a Candle:Strive not, I will not stir ye.Theo.Noble SirThis is a breach of promise.Phil.Tender LadyIt shall be none but necessary: hoa, there,Some light, some light for heavens sake.Theo.Will ye betray me?Are ye a Gentleman?Phil.Good woman:Theo.Sir.
Theo.Oh,—ho! oh—ho!
Phi.Ha?
Theo.Oh—oh! heart—heart—heart—heart?
Phil.What's that?
Theo.When wilt thou break?—break, break, break?
Phil.Ha?I would the voice were strong, or I nearer.
Theo.Shame, shame, eternal shame? what have I done?
Phil.Done?
Theo.And to no end, what a wild journeyHave I more wildly undertaken?
Phil.Journey?
Theo.How, without counsel? care? reason, or fear?
Phil.Whither will this fit carry?
Theo.Oh my folly!
Phil.This is no common sickness.
Theo.How have I leftAll I should love, or keep? oh heaven.
Phil.Sir?
Theo.Ha?
Phil.How do you gentle Sir?
Theo.Alas my fortune!
Phil.It seems your sorrow oppresses: please your goodness,Let me bear half, Sir: a divided burthenIs so made lighter.
Theo.Oh!
Phil.That sigh betraiesThe fulness of your grief.
Theo.I, if that griefHad not bereft me of my understanding,I should have well remembred where I was,And in what company; and clapt a lockUpon this tongue for talking.
Phil.Worthy SirLet it not add to your grief, that I have heardA sigh or groan come from you: That is all Sir:
The.Good Sir no more: you have heard too much I fear,Would I had taken Poppy when I spake it.
Phi.It seems you have an ill belief of meAnd would have fear'd much more, had you spoke oughtI could interpret. But believe it SirHad [I] had means to look into your breast,And tane you sleeping here, that so securelyI might have read all that your woe would hideI would not have betraid you.
Theo.Sir, that speechIs very noble, and almost would temptMy need to trust you.
Phil.At your own election,I dare not make my faith so much suspectedAs to protest again: nor am I curiousTo know more than is fit.
Theo.Sir, I will trust youBut you shall promise Sir to keep your bed,And whatsoe'r you hear, not to importuneMore I beseech you from me.
Phi.Sir I will not.
Theo.Than I am prone to utter.
Phi.My faith for it.
Theo.If I were wise, I yet should hold my peace.You will be noble?
Phil.You shall make me soIf you'll but think me such.
Theo.I do: then knowYou are deceiv'd with whom you have talk'd so long.I am a most unfortunate lost woman.
Phil.Ha?
Theo.Do not stir Sir: I have here a Sword.
Phil.Not I sweet Lady: of what blood, or name.
Theo.You'll keep your faith.
Phil.I'll perish else.
Theo.Believe thenOf birth too noble for me, so descended—Iam asham'd, no less than I am affrighted.
Phil.Fear not: by all good things, I will not wrong you.
Theo.I am the Daughter of a noble GentlemanBorn in this part ofSpain: my fathers name Sir:But why should I abuse that reverenceWhen a childs duty has forsaken me.
Phil.All may be mended, in fit time too: speak it.
Theo.Alphonso, sir.
Phil.Alphonso?What's your own name?
Theo.Any base thing you can invent.
Phil.Deal truly.
Theo.They call meTheodosia.
Phil.Ha? and loveIs that that hath chang'd you thus?
Theo.Ye have observ'd meToo nearly Sir, 'tis that indeed: 'tis love Sir:And love of him (oh heavens) why should men deal thus?Why should they use their arts to cozen us?That have no cunning, but our fears about us?And ever that too late too; no dissemblingOr double way but doating: too much loving?Why should they find new oaths, to make more wretches?
Phil.What may his name be?
Theo.Sir, a name that promisesMethinks no such ill usage:Mark-AntonioA noble neighbors son: Now I must desire yeTo stay a while: else my weak eyes must answer.
Phil.I will:—Are ye yet ready? what is his quality?
Theo.His best a thief Sir: that he would be known byIs heir toLeonardo, a rich Gentleman:Next of a handsome body, had heaven made himA mind fit to it. To this man my fortune,(My more than purblind fortune) gave my faith,Drawn to it by as many shews of serviceAnd signs of truth, as ever false tongue utter'd:Heaven pardon all.
Phil.'Tis well said: forward Lady.
Theo.Contracted Sir, and by exchange of ringsOur souls deliver'd: nothing left unfinish'dBut the last work, enjoying me, and Ceremony.For that I must confess was the first wise doubtI ever made: yet after all this love Sir,All this profession of his faith; when dailyAnd hourly I expected the blest PriestHe left me like a dream, as all this storyHad never been, nor thought of, why, I know not;Yet I have called my conscience to confession,And every syllable that might offendI have had in shrift: yet neither loves Law Signior,Nor tye of Maidens duty, but desiringHave I transgrest in: left his father too,Nor whither he is gone, or why departedCan any tongue resolve me: All my hope(Which keeps me yet alive, and would perswade meI may be once more happy, and thus shapes meA shame to all my modest Sex) is this Sir,I have a Brother and his old Companion,Student inSalamanca, there my last hopeIf he be yet alive, and can be lovingIs left me to recover him: For which travelIn this Sute left at home of that dear BrothersThus as you find me, without fear, or wisdom,I have wander'd from my Father, fled my friends,And now am only child of hope and danger:You are now silent Sir: this tedious story(That ever keeps me waking) makes you heavy:'Tis fit it should do so: for that, and ICan be but troubles.
Phil.No, I sleep not Lady:I would I could: oh heaven is this my comfort?
Theo.What ail you gentle Sir?
Phil.Oh.
Theo.Why do you groan so?
Phil.I must, I must; oh misery;
Theo.But now Sir,You were my comfort: if any thing afflict yeAm not I fit to bear a part on't? and by your own rule?
Phil.No; if you could heal, as you have wounded me,But 'tis not in your power.
Theo.I fear intemperance.
Phil.Nay, do not seek to shun me: I must see you:By heaven I must: hoa, there mine Host: a Candle:Strive not, I will not stir ye.
Theo.Noble SirThis is a breach of promise.
Phil.Tender LadyIt shall be none but necessary: hoa, there,Some light, some light for heavens sake.
Theo.Will ye betray me?Are ye a Gentleman?
Phil.Good woman:
Theo.Sir.
EnterDiegowith a light.
Phil.If I be prejudicial to you, curse me.Dieg.Ye are early stirring Sir.Phil.Give me your CandleAnd so good morrow for a while.Dieg.Good morrow Sir.[Exit.Theo.My Brother DonPhilippo: nay Sir, kill meI ask no mercy Sir, for none dare know me,I can deserve none: As ye look upon meBehold in infinite these foul dishonors,My noble Father, then your self, last allThat bear the name of kindred, suffer in me:I have forgot whose child I am; whose Sister:Do you forget the pity tied to that:Let not compassion sway you: you will be thenAs foul as I, and bear the same brand with me,A favourer of my fault: ye have a sword Sir,And such a cause to kill me in.Phil.Rise Sister,I wear no sword for Women: nor no angerWhile your fair chastity is yet untouch'd.Theo.By those bright Stars, it is Sir.Phil.For my SisterI do believe ye: and so neer blood has made usWith the dear love I ever bore your virtuesThat I will be a Brother to your griefs too:Be comforted, 'tis no dishonor SisterTo love, nor to love him you do: he is a GentlemanOf as sweet hopes, as years, as many promises,As there be growing Truths, and great ones.Theo.O Sir[!]Phil.Do not despair.Theo.Can ye forgive?Phil.Yes Sister,Though this be no small error, a far greater.Theo.And think me still your Sister?Phil.My dear Sister.Theo.And will you counsel me?Phil.To your own peace too:Ye shall love still.Theo.How good ye are!Phil.My business,And duty to my Father: which now drew meFromSalamancaI will lay asideAnd only be your Agent to perswade yeTo leave both love, and him, and well retire ye.Theo.Oh gentle Brother.Phil.I perceive 'tis folly:Delaies in love, more dangerous.Theo.Noble Brother.Phil.Fear not, I'll run your own way: and to help you,Love havi[n]g rackt your passions beyond counsel:I'll hazard mine own fame: whither shall we venture?Theo.Alas, I know not Sir!Phil.Come, 'tis bright morningLet's walk out, and consider: you'll keep this habit.Theo.I would Sir.Phil.Then it shall be: what must I call ye?Come, do not blush: pray speak, I may spoil all else.Theo.Pray call meTheodoro.
Phil.If I be prejudicial to you, curse me.
Dieg.Ye are early stirring Sir.
Phil.Give me your CandleAnd so good morrow for a while.
Dieg.Good morrow Sir.[Exit.
Theo.My Brother DonPhilippo: nay Sir, kill meI ask no mercy Sir, for none dare know me,I can deserve none: As ye look upon meBehold in infinite these foul dishonors,My noble Father, then your self, last allThat bear the name of kindred, suffer in me:I have forgot whose child I am; whose Sister:Do you forget the pity tied to that:Let not compassion sway you: you will be thenAs foul as I, and bear the same brand with me,A favourer of my fault: ye have a sword Sir,And such a cause to kill me in.
Phil.Rise Sister,I wear no sword for Women: nor no angerWhile your fair chastity is yet untouch'd.
Theo.By those bright Stars, it is Sir.
Phil.For my SisterI do believe ye: and so neer blood has made usWith the dear love I ever bore your virtuesThat I will be a Brother to your griefs too:Be comforted, 'tis no dishonor SisterTo love, nor to love him you do: he is a GentlemanOf as sweet hopes, as years, as many promises,As there be growing Truths, and great ones.
Theo.O Sir[!]
Phil.Do not despair.
Theo.Can ye forgive?
Phil.Yes Sister,Though this be no small error, a far greater.
Theo.And think me still your Sister?
Phil.My dear Sister.
Theo.And will you counsel me?
Phil.To your own peace too:Ye shall love still.
Theo.How good ye are!
Phil.My business,And duty to my Father: which now drew meFromSalamancaI will lay asideAnd only be your Agent to perswade yeTo leave both love, and him, and well retire ye.
Theo.Oh gentle Brother.
Phil.I perceive 'tis folly:Delaies in love, more dangerous.
Theo.Noble Brother.
Phil.Fear not, I'll run your own way: and to help you,Love havi[n]g rackt your passions beyond counsel:I'll hazard mine own fame: whither shall we venture?
Theo.Alas, I know not Sir!
Phil.Come, 'tis bright morningLet's walk out, and consider: you'll keep this habit.
Theo.I would Sir.
Phil.Then it shall be: what must I call ye?Come, do not blush: pray speak, I may spoil all else.
Theo.Pray call meTheodoro.
EnterDiego.