La.'Tis time you were a bed.Ju.I prethee sweet-heartConsider my necessity, why art sad?I must tell you a tale in your ear anon.Nur.OfTom Thumb.I believe that will prove your stiffest story.New.I pitty the young wench.1.And so do I too.2.Come, old sticks take fire.1.But the plague is, he'll burn out instantly;Give him another cup.2.Those are but flashes,A tun of sack wonot set him high enough.Will ye to bed?M.I must.1.Come, have a good heart,And win him like a bowle to lye close to you,Make your best use.Ju.Nay prethee Duck go instantly,I'll dance a Jig or two to warm my body.
La.'Tis time you were a bed.
Ju.I prethee sweet-heartConsider my necessity, why art sad?I must tell you a tale in your ear anon.
Nur.OfTom Thumb.I believe that will prove your stiffest story.
New.I pitty the young wench.
1.And so do I too.
2.Come, old sticks take fire.
1.But the plague is, he'll burn out instantly;Give him another cup.
2.Those are but flashes,A tun of sack wonot set him high enough.Will ye to bed?
M.I must.
1.Come, have a good heart,And win him like a bowle to lye close to you,Make your best use.
Ju.Nay prethee Duck go instantly,I'll dance a Jig or two to warm my body.
EnterWildbrain.
Wild.'Tis almost midnight.La.Prethee to bedMaria.Wild.Go you afore, and let the Ladies follow,And leave her to her thoughts a while, there must beA time of taking leave of these same fooleriesBewailling others maiden-heads.La.Come then,We'll wait in the next room.Ju.Do not tarry.For if thou dost, by my troth I shall fall asleepMall.[Ex.Wi[l].Do, do, and dream of Doterels, get you to bed quickly,And let us ha'no more stir, come now, no crying,'Tis too late now, carry your sel[fe] discreetly.The old thief loves thee dearly, that's the benefit.For the rest you must make your own play, Nay not that way,They'll pull ye all to pieces, for your whim-whams,Your garters and your gloves, go modestly,And privately steal to bed, 'tis very lateMall,For if you go by them such a new larum.Ma.I know not which way to avoid'em.Wi.This way,This through the Cloysters: and so steal to bed,When you are there once, all will separateAnd give ye rest, I came out of my pittyTo shew you this.Ma.I thank you.Wi.Here's the keyes,Go presently and lock the doors fast after ye,That none shall follow.Ma.Good night.Wi.Good night sweet Cosen.A good, and sweet night, or I'll curse theeFrank.[Exit.
Wild.'Tis almost midnight.
La.Prethee to bedMaria.
Wild.Go you afore, and let the Ladies follow,And leave her to her thoughts a while, there must beA time of taking leave of these same fooleriesBewailling others maiden-heads.
La.Come then,We'll wait in the next room.
Ju.Do not tarry.For if thou dost, by my troth I shall fall asleepMall.[Ex.
Wi[l].Do, do, and dream of Doterels, get you to bed quickly,And let us ha'no more stir, come now, no crying,'Tis too late now, carry your sel[fe] discreetly.The old thief loves thee dearly, that's the benefit.For the rest you must make your own play, Nay not that way,They'll pull ye all to pieces, for your whim-whams,Your garters and your gloves, go modestly,And privately steal to bed, 'tis very lateMall,For if you go by them such a new larum.
Ma.I know not which way to avoid'em.
Wi.This way,This through the Cloysters: and so steal to bed,When you are there once, all will separateAnd give ye rest, I came out of my pittyTo shew you this.
Ma.I thank you.
Wi.Here's the keyes,Go presently and lock the doors fast after ye,That none shall follow.
Ma.Good night.
Wi.Good night sweet Cosen.A good, and sweet night, or I'll curse theeFrank.[Exit.
EnterFrank Hartlove
Fra.She stays long, sure youngWildgoosehas abus'd me,He has made sport wi'me, I may yet get out again,And I may see his face once more, I ha'foul intentions,But they are drawn on by a fouler dealing
Fra.She stays long, sure youngWildgoosehas abus'd me,He has made sport wi'me, I may yet get out again,And I may see his face once more, I ha'foul intentions,But they are drawn on by a fouler dealing
EnterMaria.
Hark, hark, it was the door,Something comes this way, wondrous still and stealingMay be some walking spirit to affright me.Ma.Oh heaven my fortune.Fr.'Tis her voice, stay.Ma.Save me,Bless me you better powers.Fr.I am no devil.Ma.Y'are little better to disturb me now.Fr.My name isHartlove.Ma.Fye, fye, worthy friend.Fye noble Sir.Fr.I must talk farther with ye,You know my fair affection.Ma.So preserve it,You know I am married now, for shame be civiller,Not all the earth shall make me.Fr.Pray walk this way,And if you ever lov'd me.Ma.Take heedFrankHow you divert that love to hate, go home prethee.Fr.Shall he enjoy that sweet?Mar.Nay pray unhand me.Fr.He that never felt what love was.Ma.Then I charge you stand farther off.Fr.I am tame, but let me walk wi'ye,Talk but a minute.Mar.So your talk be honest,And my untainted honor suffer not,I'll walk a turn or two.Fr.Give me your hand then.[Exit.
Hark, hark, it was the door,Something comes this way, wondrous still and stealingMay be some walking spirit to affright me.
Ma.Oh heaven my fortune.
Fr.'Tis her voice, stay.
Ma.Save me,Bless me you better powers.
Fr.I am no devil.
Ma.Y'are little better to disturb me now.
Fr.My name isHartlove.
Ma.Fye, fye, worthy friend.Fye noble Sir.
Fr.I must talk farther with ye,You know my fair affection.
Ma.So preserve it,You know I am married now, for shame be civiller,Not all the earth shall make me.
Fr.Pray walk this way,And if you ever lov'd me.
Ma.Take heedFrankHow you divert that love to hate, go home prethee.
Fr.Shall he enjoy that sweet?
Mar.Nay pray unhand me.
Fr.He that never felt what love was.
Ma.Then I charge you stand farther off.
Fr.I am tame, but let me walk wi'ye,Talk but a minute.
Mar.So your talk be honest,And my untainted honor suffer not,I'll walk a turn or two.
Fr.Give me your hand then.[Exit.
EnterWildbrain, Justice, Lady, Nurse, Gent. Women, Newlove.
Just.Shee's not in her Chamber.La.She is not here.Wild.And I'll tell you what I dream'd.Ju.Give me a Torch.1. G.Be not too hasty Sir.Wild.Nay let him go.For if my dream be true he must be speedy,He will be trickt, and blaz'd else.Nur.As I am a womanI cannot blame her if she take her liberty,Would she would make thee Cuckold, thou old bully,A notorious cuckold for tormenting her.La.I'll hang her then.Nur.I'll bless her then, she does justice,Is this old stinking dogs-flesh for her dyet?Wild.Prethee honest Nurse do not fret too much,For fear I dream you'll hang your self too.Just.The Cloister?Wild.Such was my fancy, I do not say 'tis true,Nor do I bid you be too confident.Ju.Where are the keyes, the keyes I say.Wild.I dream'd she had 'em to lock her self in.Nur.What a devil do you mean?
Just.Shee's not in her Chamber.
La.She is not here.
Wild.And I'll tell you what I dream'd.
Ju.Give me a Torch.
1. G.Be not too hasty Sir.
Wild.Nay let him go.For if my dream be true he must be speedy,He will be trickt, and blaz'd else.
Nur.As I am a womanI cannot blame her if she take her liberty,Would she would make thee Cuckold, thou old bully,A notorious cuckold for tormenting her.
La.I'll hang her then.
Nur.I'll bless her then, she does justice,Is this old stinking dogs-flesh for her dyet?
Wild.Prethee honest Nurse do not fret too much,For fear I dream you'll hang your self too.
Just.The Cloister?
Wild.Such was my fancy, I do not say 'tis true,Nor do I bid you be too confident.
Ju.Where are the keyes, the keyes I say.
Wild.I dream'd she had 'em to lock her self in.
Nur.What a devil do you mean?
Enter [Ser]vant.
Wild.No harm, good Nurse be patient.Ser.They are not in the window, where they use to be.Wild.What foolish dreams are these?Ju.I am mad.Wild.I hope so,If you be not mad, I'll do my best to m[ake y]e.1.This is some trick.2.I smell the Wildgoose.Ju.Come Gentlemen, come quickly I beseech you,Quick as you can, this may be your case Gentlemen.And bring some light[s], some lights. [Exit.Wild.Move faster, faster, you'll come too late else.I'll stay behind and pray for ye, I had rather she were dishonestThan thou shouldst have her.
Wild.No harm, good Nurse be patient.
Ser.They are not in the window, where they use to be.
Wild.What foolish dreams are these?
Ju.I am mad.
Wild.I hope so,If you be not mad, I'll do my best to m[ake y]e.
1.This is some trick.
2.I smell the Wildgoose.
Ju.Come Gentlemen, come quickly I beseech you,Quick as you can, this may be your case Gentlemen.And bring some light[s], some lights. [Exit.
Wild.Move faster, faster, you'll come too late else.I'll stay behind and pray for ye, I had rather she were dishonestThan thou shouldst have her.
EnterMaria,andFranke.
Mar.Y'are most unmanly, yet I have some breath left;And this steel to defend me, come [not] near me,For if you offer but another violence,As I have life I'll kill you, if I miss that,Upon my own heart will I execute,And let that fair belief out, I had of you.Fr.Most vertuous Maid, I have done, forgive my follies:Pardon, O pardon, I now see my wickedness,And what a monstrous shape it puts upon me,On your fair hand I seal.
Mar.Y'are most unmanly, yet I have some breath left;And this steel to defend me, come [not] near me,For if you offer but another violence,As I have life I'll kill you, if I miss that,Upon my own heart will I execute,And let that fair belief out, I had of you.
Fr.Most vertuous Maid, I have done, forgive my follies:Pardon, O pardon, I now see my wickedness,And what a monstrous shape it puts upon me,On your fair hand I seal.
EnterJu.
Ju.Down with the door.Ma.We are betraid, ohFrank, Frank.Fr.I'll dye for yeRather than you shall suffer, I'll—[Enter all.Ju.Now enter.Enter sweet Gentlemen, mine eyes, mine eyes,Oh how my head [a]kes.1.Is it possible?2.Hold her, she sinks.Ma.A plot upon my honorTo poyson my fair name, a studied villany,Farewell, as I have hope of peace, I am honest.Ju.My brains, my brains, my monstrous brains, they bud sure.Nu.She is gone, she is gone.Ju.A handsome riddance of her.Would I could as easily lose her memory.Nur.Is this the sweet of Marriage, have I bred theeFor this reward?1.Hold, hold, he's desperate too.Ju.Be sure ye hold him fast, we'll bind him overTo the next Sessions, and if I can, I'll hang him.Fr.Nay then I'll live to be a terror to thee,Sweet Virgin Rose farewell: heaven has thy beauty,That's only fit for heaven. I'll live a littleTo find the Villain out that wrought this injury,And then most blessed soul, I'll climb up to thee.Farewell, I feel my self another creature.[Exit.La.Oh misery of miseries.Nu.I told ye Madam.La.Carry her in, you will pay back her portion?Ju.No not a penny, pay me back my credit,And I'll condition wi'ye.La.A sad wedding,Her grave must be her Bridal bed: ohMall,Would I had wed thee to thy own content,Then I had had thee still.Ju.I am mad, farewell,Another wanton wife will prove a hell.[Exeunt.
Ju.Down with the door.
Ma.We are betraid, ohFrank, Frank.
Fr.I'll dye for yeRather than you shall suffer, I'll—[Enter all.
Ju.Now enter.Enter sweet Gentlemen, mine eyes, mine eyes,Oh how my head [a]kes.
1.Is it possible?
2.Hold her, she sinks.
Ma.A plot upon my honorTo poyson my fair name, a studied villany,Farewell, as I have hope of peace, I am honest.
Ju.My brains, my brains, my monstrous brains, they bud sure.
Nu.She is gone, she is gone.
Ju.A handsome riddance of her.Would I could as easily lose her memory.
Nur.Is this the sweet of Marriage, have I bred theeFor this reward?
1.Hold, hold, he's desperate too.
Ju.Be sure ye hold him fast, we'll bind him overTo the next Sessions, and if I can, I'll hang him.
Fr.Nay then I'll live to be a terror to thee,Sweet Virgin Rose farewell: heaven has thy beauty,That's only fit for heaven. I'll live a littleTo find the Villain out that wrought this injury,And then most blessed soul, I'll climb up to thee.Farewell, I feel my self another creature.[Exit.
La.Oh misery of miseries.
Nu.I told ye Madam.
La.Carry her in, you will pay back her portion?
Ju.No not a penny, pay me back my credit,And I'll condition wi'ye.
La.A sad wedding,Her grave must be her Bridal bed: ohMall,Would I had wed thee to thy own content,Then I had had thee still.
Ju.I am mad, farewell,Another wanton wife will prove a hell.[Exeunt.
EnterTom. Lurch,and his Boy.
Lur.WHat hast thou done?Boy.I have walked through all the lodgings.A silence as if death dwelt there inhabits.Lur.What hast thou seen?Boy.Nought but a sad confusionEvery thing left in such a loose disorderThat were there twenty theeves, they would be laden.Lu.'Tis very well, I like thy care, but 'tis strangeA wedding night should be so solitary.Boy.Certainly there is some cause, some death or sicknessIs faln suddenly upon some friend,Or some strange news is come.Lu.Are they all a bed?Boy.I think so, and sound asleep, unless it beSome women that keep watch in a low parlor,And drink, and weep, I know not to what end.Lur.Where's all the plate?Boy.Why lockt up in that room.I saw the old Lady, ere she went to bedPut up her plate, and some of the rich hangingsIn a small long chest, and chains and rings are there too,It stands close by the Table on a form.Lur.'Twas a good notice, didst thou see the men.Boy.I saw them sad too, and all take their leaves,But what they said I was too far to hear Sir.Lur.'Tis daintily discover'd, we shall certainlyHave a most prosperous night, which way?Boy.A close one,A back door, that the women have left open,To go in and out to fetch necessaries,Close on the Garden side.Lur.I love [thy] diligence,Wert thou not fearful?Boy.Fearful? I'll be hang'd first.Lur.Say they had spied thee.Boy.I was then determin'dTo have cry'd down right too, and have kept 'em company,As one that had an interest in their sadness,Or made an errand to I know not whom Sir.Lur.My dainty Boy, let us discharge, that plateMakes a perpetual motion in my fingers,Till I have fast hold of it.Boy.Pray be wise Sir, do't handsomly, be not greedy,Lets handle it with such an excellenceAs if we would bring thieving into honor:We must disguise, to fright these reverend wat[ch]es.Lur.Still my blest Boy.Boy.And clear the room of drunken jealousies,The chest is of some weight, and we may makeSuch noise [ith] carriage we may be snap'd.Lur.Come open, here's a devils face.Boy.No, no, Sir, wee'l have no shape so terrible,We will not do the devil so much pleasure,To have him face our plot.Lur.A winding sheet then.Boy.That's too cold a shift,I would not wear the reward of my wickedness,I wonder you are an old thief, and no cunninger,Where's the long Cloak?Lur.Here, here.Boy.Give me the TurbantAnd the false beard, I hear some coming this way,Stoop, stoop, and let me sit upon your shoulders,And now as I direct, stay, let them enter,And when I touch move forward, make no noise.
Lur.WHat hast thou done?
Boy.I have walked through all the lodgings.A silence as if death dwelt there inhabits.
Lur.What hast thou seen?
Boy.Nought but a sad confusionEvery thing left in such a loose disorderThat were there twenty theeves, they would be laden.
Lu.'Tis very well, I like thy care, but 'tis strangeA wedding night should be so solitary.
Boy.Certainly there is some cause, some death or sicknessIs faln suddenly upon some friend,Or some strange news is come.
Lu.Are they all a bed?
Boy.I think so, and sound asleep, unless it beSome women that keep watch in a low parlor,And drink, and weep, I know not to what end.
Lur.Where's all the plate?
Boy.Why lockt up in that room.I saw the old Lady, ere she went to bedPut up her plate, and some of the rich hangingsIn a small long chest, and chains and rings are there too,It stands close by the Table on a form.
Lur.'Twas a good notice, didst thou see the men.
Boy.I saw them sad too, and all take their leaves,But what they said I was too far to hear Sir.
Lur.'Tis daintily discover'd, we shall certainlyHave a most prosperous night, which way?
Boy.A close one,A back door, that the women have left open,To go in and out to fetch necessaries,Close on the Garden side.
Lur.I love [thy] diligence,Wert thou not fearful?
Boy.Fearful? I'll be hang'd first.
Lur.Say they had spied thee.
Boy.I was then determin'dTo have cry'd down right too, and have kept 'em company,As one that had an interest in their sadness,Or made an errand to I know not whom Sir.
Lur.My dainty Boy, let us discharge, that plateMakes a perpetual motion in my fingers,Till I have fast hold of it.
Boy.Pray be wise Sir, do't handsomly, be not greedy,Lets handle it with such an excellenceAs if we would bring thieving into honor:We must disguise, to fright these reverend wat[ch]es.
Lur.Still my blest Boy.
Boy.And clear the room of drunken jealousies,The chest is of some weight, and we may makeSuch noise [ith] carriage we may be snap'd.
Lur.Come open, here's a devils face.
Boy.No, no, Sir, wee'l have no shape so terrible,We will not do the devil so much pleasure,To have him face our plot.
Lur.A winding sheet then.
Boy.That's too cold a shift,I would not wear the reward of my wickedness,I wonder you are an old thief, and no cunninger,Where's the long Cloak?
Lur.Here, here.
Boy.Give me the TurbantAnd the false beard, I hear some coming this way,Stoop, stoop, and let me sit upon your shoulders,And now as I direct, stay, let them enter,And when I touch move forward, make no noise.
Enter Nurse andTobie.
Nur.Oh 'tis a sad time, all the burnt wine is [drunke]Nic.Tob.We may thank your dry chaps for't, the Canarie's gone tooNo substance for a sorrowful mind to work upon,I cannot mourn in beer, if she should walk nowAs discontented spirits are wont to do.Nur.And meet us in the Cellar.Tob.What fence have we with single beer against her?What heart can we defie the Devil with?Nur.The March beer's open.Tob.A fortification of March beer will do well,I must confess 'tis a most mighty Armor,For I presume I cannot pray.Nur.WhyNicolas?Tob.We Coachmen have such tumbling faiths, no prayrsCan go an even pace.Nur.Hold up your candle.Tob.Verily Nurse, I have cry'd so muchFor my young Mistriss, that is mortified,That if I have not more sack to support me,I shall even sleep: heiho, for another flagon;These Burials, and Christnings are the mournful[st] matters,And they ask more drink.Nur.Drink to a sad heart's needful.To.Mine's ever sad, for I am ever dry Nurse.Nur.Methinks the light burns blew, I prethee snuff it,There's a thief in't I think.To.There may be one near it.Nur.What's that that moves there, ith' name of——Nicholas?That thing that walks.T[o].Would I had a Ladder to behold it,Mercy upon me, the Ghost of one oth'Guard sure,'Tis the devil by his clawes, he smels of Brimstone,Sure he farts fire, what an Earth-quake I have in me;Out with thy Prayer-book Nurse.Nur.It fell ith' the frying pan, and the Cat's eat it.Tob.I have no power to pray, it grows still longer,'Tis Steeple high now, and it sayls away Nurse.Lets call the butler up, for he speaks Latine,And that will daunt the devil: I am blasted,My belly's grown to nothing.Nu.Fye, fye,Tobie.[Exit.Boy.So let them go, and whilst they are astonish'dLet us presently upon the rest now suddenly.Lur.Off, off, and up agen, when we are near the parlor,Art sure thou knowst the Chest?Boy.Though it were ith'dark Sir,I can go to't.Lur.On then and be happy.[Exit.
Nur.Oh 'tis a sad time, all the burnt wine is [drunke]Nic.
Tob.We may thank your dry chaps for't, the Canarie's gone tooNo substance for a sorrowful mind to work upon,I cannot mourn in beer, if she should walk nowAs discontented spirits are wont to do.
Nur.And meet us in the Cellar.
Tob.What fence have we with single beer against her?What heart can we defie the Devil with?
Nur.The March beer's open.
Tob.A fortification of March beer will do well,I must confess 'tis a most mighty Armor,For I presume I cannot pray.
Nur.WhyNicolas?
Tob.We Coachmen have such tumbling faiths, no prayrsCan go an even pace.
Nur.Hold up your candle.
Tob.Verily Nurse, I have cry'd so muchFor my young Mistriss, that is mortified,That if I have not more sack to support me,I shall even sleep: heiho, for another flagon;These Burials, and Christnings are the mournful[st] matters,And they ask more drink.
Nur.Drink to a sad heart's needful.
To.Mine's ever sad, for I am ever dry Nurse.
Nur.Methinks the light burns blew, I prethee snuff it,There's a thief in't I think.
To.There may be one near it.
Nur.What's that that moves there, ith' name of——Nicholas?That thing that walks.
T[o].Would I had a Ladder to behold it,Mercy upon me, the Ghost of one oth'Guard sure,'Tis the devil by his clawes, he smels of Brimstone,Sure he farts fire, what an Earth-quake I have in me;Out with thy Prayer-book Nurse.
Nur.It fell ith' the frying pan, and the Cat's eat it.
Tob.I have no power to pray, it grows still longer,'Tis Steeple high now, and it sayls away Nurse.Lets call the butler up, for he speaks Latine,And that will daunt the devil: I am blasted,My belly's grown to nothing.
Nu.Fye, fye,Tobie.[Exit.
Boy.So let them go, and whilst they are astonish'dLet us presently upon the rest now suddenly.
Lur.Off, off, and up agen, when we are near the parlor,Art sure thou knowst the Chest?
Boy.Though it were ith'dark Sir,I can go to't.
Lur.On then and be happy.[Exit.
EnterTobie.
Tob.How my haunches quake, is the thing here still?Now can I out-do any Button-maker, at his own trade,I have fifteen fits of an Ague, Nurse, 'tis gone I hope,The hard-hearted woman has left me alone. Nurse—And she knows too I ha but a lean conscience to keep me company.
Tob.How my haunches quake, is the thing here still?Now can I out-do any Button-maker, at his own trade,I have fifteen fits of an Ague, Nurse, 'tis gone I hope,The hard-hearted woman has left me alone. Nurse—And she knows too I ha but a lean conscience to keep me company.
[Noise within.
The devil's among 'em in the Parlour sure,The Ghost three stories high, he has the Nurse sure,He is boyling of her bones now, hark how she whistles:There's Gentlewomen within too, how will they do?I'll to the Cook, for he was drunk last night,And now he is valiant, he is a kin to th'devil too,And fears no fire.
The devil's among 'em in the Parlour sure,The Ghost three stories high, he has the Nurse sure,He is boyling of her bones now, hark how she whistles:There's Gentlewomen within too, how will they do?I'll to the Cook, for he was drunk last night,And now he is valiant, he is a kin to th'devil too,And fears no fire.
EnterLurcherand Boy.
Lur.No light?Boy.None left Sir,They are gone, and carried all the candles with 'em,Their fright is infinite, let's make good use on't,We must be quick sir, quick, or the house will rise else.Lu.Was this the Chest?Boy.Yes, yes.Lur.There was two of 'em.Or I mistake.Boy.I know the right, no stay Sir,Nor no discourse, but to our labor lustily,Put to your strength and make as little noise,Then presently out at the back door.Lur.Come Boy.Come happy child and let me hug thy excellence.[Exit.
Lur.No light?
Boy.None left Sir,They are gone, and carried all the candles with 'em,Their fright is infinite, let's make good use on't,We must be quick sir, quick, or the house will rise else.
Lu.Was this the Chest?
Boy.Yes, yes.
Lur.There was two of 'em.Or I mistake.
Boy.I know the right, no stay Sir,Nor no discourse, but to our labor lustily,Put to your strength and make as little noise,Then presently out at the back door.
Lur.Come Boy.Come happy child and let me hug thy excellence.[Exit.
EnterWildbrain.
Wild.What thousand noises pass through all the rooms!What cryes and hurries! sure the devil's drunk.And tumbles through the house, my villaniesThat never made me apprehend beforeDanger or fear, a little now molest me;My Cosens death sits heavy o'my conscience,Would I had been half hang'd when I hammer'd it.I aim'd at a living divorce, not a burialThatFrankmight have had some hope: hark stillIn every room confusion, they are all mad,Most certain all stark mad within the house,A punishment inflicted for my lewdness,That I might have the more sense of my mischief,And run the more mad too, my Aunt is hang'd sure,Sure hang'd her self, or else the fiend has fetch'd her.I heard a hundred cryes, the Devil, the Devil,Th[e]n roaring, and then tumbling, all the chambersAre a meer Babel, or another Bedlam.What should I think? I shake my self too:Can the Devil find no time, but when we are merry,Here's something comes.
Wild.What thousand noises pass through all the rooms!What cryes and hurries! sure the devil's drunk.And tumbles through the house, my villaniesThat never made me apprehend beforeDanger or fear, a little now molest me;My Cosens death sits heavy o'my conscience,Would I had been half hang'd when I hammer'd it.I aim'd at a living divorce, not a burialThatFrankmight have had some hope: hark stillIn every room confusion, they are all mad,Most certain all stark mad within the house,A punishment inflicted for my lewdness,That I might have the more sense of my mischief,And run the more mad too, my Aunt is hang'd sure,Sure hang'd her self, or else the fiend has fetch'd her.I heard a hundred cryes, the Devil, the Devil,Th[e]n roaring, and then tumbling, all the chambersAre a meer Babel, or another Bedlam.What should I think? I shake my self too:Can the Devil find no time, but when we are merry,Here's something comes.
EnterNewlove.
New.Oh that I had some company,I care not what they were, to ease my misery,To comfort me.Wild.Whose that?New.Again? nay then receive—Wild.Hold, hold I am no fury.The Merchants wife.New.Are ye a man? pray heaven you be.Wild.I am.New.Alass I have met SirThe strangest things to night.Wild.Why do you stare.New.Pray comfort me, and put your candle out,For if I see the spirit again I dye for't.And hold me fast, for I shall shake to pieces else.Wild.I'll warrant you, I'll hold ye,Hold ye as tenderly; I have put the light out,Retire into my Chamber, there I'll watch wi'ye,I'll keep you from all frights.New.And will ye keep me.Wild.Keep you as secure Lady.New.You must not wrong me then, the devil will have us.Wild.No, no, I'll love you, then the devil will fear us.For he fears all that love, pray come in quickly,For this is the malicious house he walks in,The hour he blasts sweet faces, lames the limbs in,Depraves the senses, now within this half hourHe will have power to turn all Citizens wivesInto strange Creatures, Owles, and long-tail'd Monkeys,Jayes, Pies, and Parrots, quickly, I smell his brimstone.New.It comes agen I am gone shift for your self Sir.[Exit.Wild.Sure this whole night is nothing but illusion,Here's nothing comes, all they are mad, damn'd devilTo drive her back again, 't had been thy policyTo have let us alone, we might have done some fine thingTo have made thy hel-hood laugh, 'tis a dainty wench,If I had her again, not all your fellow goblins,Nor all their clawes should scratch her hence, I'll stay still,May be her fright will bring her back again,Yet I will hope.
New.Oh that I had some company,I care not what they were, to ease my misery,To comfort me.
Wild.Whose that?
New.Again? nay then receive—
Wild.Hold, hold I am no fury.The Merchants wife.
New.Are ye a man? pray heaven you be.
Wild.I am.
New.Alass I have met SirThe strangest things to night.
Wild.Why do you stare.
New.Pray comfort me, and put your candle out,For if I see the spirit again I dye for't.And hold me fast, for I shall shake to pieces else.
Wild.I'll warrant you, I'll hold ye,Hold ye as tenderly; I have put the light out,Retire into my Chamber, there I'll watch wi'ye,I'll keep you from all frights.
New.And will ye keep me.
Wild.Keep you as secure Lady.
New.You must not wrong me then, the devil will have us.
Wild.No, no, I'll love you, then the devil will fear us.For he fears all that love, pray come in quickly,For this is the malicious house he walks in,The hour he blasts sweet faces, lames the limbs in,Depraves the senses, now within this half hourHe will have power to turn all Citizens wivesInto strange Creatures, Owles, and long-tail'd Monkeys,Jayes, Pies, and Parrots, quickly, I smell his brimstone.
New.It comes agen I am gone shift for your self Sir.[Exit.
Wild.Sure this whole night is nothing but illusion,Here's nothing comes, all they are mad, damn'd devilTo drive her back again, 't had been thy policyTo have let us alone, we might have done some fine thingTo have made thy hel-hood laugh, 'tis a dainty wench,If I had her again, not all your fellow goblins,Nor all their clawes should scratch her hence, I'll stay still,May be her fright will bring her back again,Yet I will hope.
EnterToby.
Tob.I can find no bed, no body, nor no chamber,Sure they are all ith'Cellar, and I cannot find that neither,I am led up and down like a tame ass, my light's outAnd I grope up and down like blind-man-buffe,And break my face, and break my pate.Wild.It comes again sureI see the shadow, I'll have faster hold now,Sure she is mad, I long to lye with a mad-woman,She must needs have rare new tricks.Tob.I hear one whisperIf it be the devil now to allure me into his clutches,For devils have a kind of tone like crickets.[Wild.] I have a glimpse of her guise, 'tis she would steal [by] me,But I'll stand sure.Tob.I have but a dram of wit left,And that's even ready to run, oh for my bed now.Wild.She nam'd a bed, I like that, she repents sure,Where is she now?Tob.Who's that?Wild.Are you there, In, In, In presently.Tob.I feel his talents through me,'Tis an old haggard devil, what will he do with me?Wild.Let me kiss thee first, quick, quick.Tob.A leacherous Devil.Wild.What a hairy whore 'tis, sure she has a muffler.Tob.If I should have a young Satan by him, for I dare not deny him,In what case were I? who durst deliver me?Wild.'Tis but my fancy, she is the same, in quickly,gently my Sweet girl.Tob.Sweet devil be good to me.[Exeunt.
Tob.I can find no bed, no body, nor no chamber,Sure they are all ith'Cellar, and I cannot find that neither,I am led up and down like a tame ass, my light's outAnd I grope up and down like blind-man-buffe,And break my face, and break my pate.
Wild.It comes again sureI see the shadow, I'll have faster hold now,Sure she is mad, I long to lye with a mad-woman,She must needs have rare new tricks.
Tob.I hear one whisperIf it be the devil now to allure me into his clutches,For devils have a kind of tone like crickets.
[Wild.] I have a glimpse of her guise, 'tis she would steal [by] me,But I'll stand sure.
Tob.I have but a dram of wit left,And that's even ready to run, oh for my bed now.
Wild.She nam'd a bed, I like that, she repents sure,Where is she now?
Tob.Who's that?
Wild.Are you there, In, In, In presently.
Tob.I feel his talents through me,'Tis an old haggard devil, what will he do with me?
Wild.Let me kiss thee first, quick, quick.
Tob.A leacherous Devil.
Wild.What a hairy whore 'tis, sure she has a muffler.
Tob.If I should have a young Satan by him, for I dare not deny him,In what case were I? who durst deliver me?
Wild.'Tis but my fancy, she is the same, in quickly,gently my Sweet girl.
Tob.Sweet devil be good to me.[Exeunt.
EnterLurch,and Boy.
Lur.Where's my love, Boy.Boy.She's coming with a CandleTo see our happy prize.Lur.I am cruel weary.Boy.I cannot blame ye, plate is very heavyTo carry without light or help.Lur.The fear tooAt every stumble to be discover'd boy,At every cough to raise a Constable,Well, we'll be merry now.Boy.We have some reason;Things compass'd without fear or eminent danger,Are too luxurious sir to live upon.Money and wealth got thus are as full venture,And carry in their nature as much meritAs his, that digs 'em out 'oth' mine, they last tooSeason'd with doubts and dangers most delitiously,Riches that fall upon us are too ripe,And dull our appetites.Lu.Most learned child.
Lur.Where's my love, Boy.
Boy.She's coming with a CandleTo see our happy prize.
Lur.I am cruel weary.
Boy.I cannot blame ye, plate is very heavyTo carry without light or help.
Lur.The fear tooAt every stumble to be discover'd boy,At every cough to raise a Constable,Well, we'll be merry now.
Boy.We have some reason;Things compass'd without fear or eminent danger,Are too luxurious sir to live upon.Money and wealth got thus are as full venture,And carry in their nature as much meritAs his, that digs 'em out 'oth' mine, they last tooSeason'd with doubts and dangers most delitiously,Riches that fall upon us are too ripe,And dull our appetites.
Lu.Most learned child.
Enter Mistriss.
Mi.Y'are welcome, where have you left it.Lu.In the next room, hard by.Mi.Is it plate all.Lu.All, all, and Jewels, I am monstrous weary,Prethee let's go to bed.Mi.Prethee lets see it first.Lu.To morrow's a new day sweet.Mi.Yes to melt it,But let's agree to night, how it shall be handled,I'll have a new gown.Lur.'Shat have any thing.Mi.And such a riding suit as MistressNewloves:What though I be no Gentlewoman born,I hope I may atchieve it by my carriage.Lu.Thou sayst right.Mi.You promis'd me a horse too, and a lackquay.Lur.Thou shalt have horses six, and a postilion.Mi.That will be stately sweet heart, a postilion.Lu.Nay, we'll be in fashion; he shall ride before usIn winter, with as much dirt would dampe a musket;The inside of our coach shall be of scarlet.Mi.That will be dear.Lu.There is a dye projectingWill make it cheap, wench, come thou shalt have any thing.Mi.Where is this chest, I long, sweet, to beholdOur Indies.Boy.Mistress lets melt it first, and then 'tis fitYou should dispose it, then 'tis safe from danger.Mi.I'll be a loving Mistress to my boy too.Now fetch it in and lets rejoyce upon't.Boy.Hold your light Mistress, we may see to enter.Mi.Ha what's here? call you this a chest?Boy.We ha mist Sir.Our haste and want of light made us mistake.Mi.A very Coffin.Lu.How! a Coffin? Boy, 'tis very like one.Boy.The devil ow'd us a shame, and now he has paid us.Mi.Is this your Treasure?Boy.Bury me alive in't.Lu.It may be there is no room.Mi.Nay, I will search it:I'll see what wealth's within,—a womans face,And a fair womans.Boy.I cannot tell sir,Belike this was the sadness that possest 'em;The plate stood next, I'm sure.Lur.I shake, I shake Boy, what a cold sweat—Boy.This may work, what will become on's Sir?Mi.She is cold, dead cold: de'e find 'your conscience,De'e bring your Gillians hither—nay, she's punish'd,You conceal'd love's cas'd up?Lur.'TisMaria, the very same, the Bride, new horror!Mi.These are fine tricks, you hope she's in a soundBut I'll take order she shall ne'r recoverTo bore my Nose, come, take her up and bury herQuickly, or I'll cry out; take her up instantly.Lu.Be not so hasty fool, that may undo us;We may be in for murther so; be patient,Thou seest she's dead, and cannot injure thee.Mi.I am sure she shall not.Boy.Be not, Sir, dejected,Too much a strange mistake! this had not been else,It makes me almost weep to think upon't.Lu.What an unlucky thief am I!Mi.I'll no considering, either bestir your self, or—Lu.Hold.Mi.Let it not stay, to smell then, I will notIndure the stink of a Rival.Lu.Would 'twere there again.Boy.We must bury her.Lur.But were o'th sudden, or with what providence,That no eyes watch us.Mi.Take a Spade and follow me,The next fair ground we meet, make the Church-yard;As I live, I'll see her lodg'd.[Exit.Lu.It must be so,How heavy my heart is, I ha no life left.Boy.I am past thinking too, no understanding,That I should miss the right Chest.Lu.The happy Chest.Boy.That, which I saw and markt too.Lu.Well passion wo'not help us,Had I twenty falls for this!Boy.'Twas my fault sir.And twenty thousand fears for this, oth'devil,Now could I curse, well, we have her now,And must dispose her.
Mi.Y'are welcome, where have you left it.
Lu.In the next room, hard by.
Mi.Is it plate all.
Lu.All, all, and Jewels, I am monstrous weary,Prethee let's go to bed.
Mi.Prethee lets see it first.
Lu.To morrow's a new day sweet.
Mi.Yes to melt it,But let's agree to night, how it shall be handled,I'll have a new gown.
Lur.'Shat have any thing.
Mi.And such a riding suit as MistressNewloves:What though I be no Gentlewoman born,I hope I may atchieve it by my carriage.
Lu.Thou sayst right.
Mi.You promis'd me a horse too, and a lackquay.
Lur.Thou shalt have horses six, and a postilion.
Mi.That will be stately sweet heart, a postilion.
Lu.Nay, we'll be in fashion; he shall ride before usIn winter, with as much dirt would dampe a musket;The inside of our coach shall be of scarlet.
Mi.That will be dear.
Lu.There is a dye projectingWill make it cheap, wench, come thou shalt have any thing.
Mi.Where is this chest, I long, sweet, to beholdOur Indies.
Boy.Mistress lets melt it first, and then 'tis fitYou should dispose it, then 'tis safe from danger.
Mi.I'll be a loving Mistress to my boy too.Now fetch it in and lets rejoyce upon't.
Boy.Hold your light Mistress, we may see to enter.
Mi.Ha what's here? call you this a chest?
Boy.We ha mist Sir.Our haste and want of light made us mistake.
Mi.A very Coffin.
Lu.How! a Coffin? Boy, 'tis very like one.
Boy.The devil ow'd us a shame, and now he has paid us.
Mi.Is this your Treasure?
Boy.Bury me alive in't.
Lu.It may be there is no room.
Mi.Nay, I will search it:I'll see what wealth's within,—a womans face,And a fair womans.
Boy.I cannot tell sir,Belike this was the sadness that possest 'em;The plate stood next, I'm sure.
Lur.I shake, I shake Boy, what a cold sweat—
Boy.This may work, what will become on's Sir?
Mi.She is cold, dead cold: de'e find 'your conscience,De'e bring your Gillians hither—nay, she's punish'd,You conceal'd love's cas'd up?
Lur.'TisMaria, the very same, the Bride, new horror!
Mi.These are fine tricks, you hope she's in a soundBut I'll take order she shall ne'r recoverTo bore my Nose, come, take her up and bury herQuickly, or I'll cry out; take her up instantly.
Lu.Be not so hasty fool, that may undo us;We may be in for murther so; be patient,Thou seest she's dead, and cannot injure thee.
Mi.I am sure she shall not.
Boy.Be not, Sir, dejected,Too much a strange mistake! this had not been else,It makes me almost weep to think upon't.
Lu.What an unlucky thief am I!
Mi.I'll no considering, either bestir your self, or—
Lu.Hold.
Mi.Let it not stay, to smell then, I will notIndure the stink of a Rival.
Lu.Would 'twere there again.
Boy.We must bury her.
Lur.But were o'th sudden, or with what providence,That no eyes watch us.
Mi.Take a Spade and follow me,The next fair ground we meet, make the Church-yard;As I live, I'll see her lodg'd.[Exit.
Lu.It must be so,How heavy my heart is, I ha no life left.
Boy.I am past thinking too, no understanding,That I should miss the right Chest.
Lu.The happy Chest.
Boy.That, which I saw and markt too.
Lu.Well passion wo'not help us,Had I twenty falls for this!
Boy.'Twas my fault sir.And twenty thousand fears for this, oth'devil,Now could I curse, well, we have her now,And must dispose her.
Enter Mistress.
Mi.Hang both for two blind buzzards, here's a SpadeQuickly or I'll call the neighbors.There's no remedy,Would the poor hungry prisoners had this pastie.[Exeunt.
Mi.Hang both for two blind buzzards, here's a SpadeQuickly or I'll call the neighbors.There's no remedy,Would the poor hungry prisoners had this pastie.[Exeunt.
Enter Justice, and a Servant with a light.
Ser.'Twas a strange mischance Sir.Ju.Mischance, sayst? No 'twas happiness to me,There's so much charge say'd, I have her portion,I'll marry twenty more on such conditions.Ser.Did it not trouble you Sir,To see her dead?Ju.Not much, I thank my conscience;I was tormented till that happen'd, furiesWere in my brain to think my self a CuckoldAt that time of the night:When I come home, I charge you shut my doors,Locks, bolts, and bars, are little enough to secure me.Ser.Why, and please you?Ju.Fool to ask that question;To keep out women, I expect her MotherWill visit me with her clamors, oh I hateTheir noise, and do abhor the whole sex heartily;They are all walking Devils, Harpyes: I will studyA week together how to rail sufficiently,Upon 'em all, and that I may be furnish'd,Thou shalt buy all the railing Books and Ballads,That Malice hath invented against women,I will read nothing else, and practise 'em,Till I grow fat with curses.Ser.If you'll goTo th'charge, let me alone to find you Books.Ju.They come neer us.Ser.Whats that?Ju.Where? hold up the Torch Knave.Ser.Did you hear nothing, 'tis a ——Ju.Why dost make a stand?Ser.Whats that?Ju.Where, where, dost see any thing?We are hard by the Church-yard, and I was neverValiant at midnight in such irksome places;They say Ghosts walk sometimes, hark, de'e hear nothing?
Ser.'Twas a strange mischance Sir.
Ju.Mischance, sayst? No 'twas happiness to me,There's so much charge say'd, I have her portion,I'll marry twenty more on such conditions.
Ser.Did it not trouble you Sir,To see her dead?
Ju.Not much, I thank my conscience;I was tormented till that happen'd, furiesWere in my brain to think my self a CuckoldAt that time of the night:When I come home, I charge you shut my doors,Locks, bolts, and bars, are little enough to secure me.
Ser.Why, and please you?
Ju.Fool to ask that question;To keep out women, I expect her MotherWill visit me with her clamors, oh I hateTheir noise, and do abhor the whole sex heartily;They are all walking Devils, Harpyes: I will studyA week together how to rail sufficiently,Upon 'em all, and that I may be furnish'd,Thou shalt buy all the railing Books and Ballads,That Malice hath invented against women,I will read nothing else, and practise 'em,Till I grow fat with curses.
Ser.If you'll goTo th'charge, let me alone to find you Books.
Ju.They come neer us.
Ser.Whats that?
Ju.Where? hold up the Torch Knave.
Ser.Did you hear nothing, 'tis a ——
Ju.Why dost make a stand?
Ser.Whats that?
Ju.Where, where, dost see any thing?We are hard by the Church-yard, and I was neverValiant at midnight in such irksome places;They say Ghosts walk sometimes, hark, de'e hear nothing?
Enter Lurcher, Boy, and Mistress.