Fortune, who, as the poet says, delights to favour the bold, stood his friend on this occasion. Edward had been, for some time, collectinga large force on the coast of Kent, to carry on his French wars for the recovery of Guienne; he was expected shortly to review it in person; but, then, the troops lay principally in cantonments about the mouth of the Thames, and his majesty was to come down by water. What was to be done?—the royal barge was in sight, and John de Northwood and Hamo de Crevecœur had broken up all the boats to boil their camp-kettles. A truly great mind is never without resources.
"Bring me my boots!" said the Baron.
They brought him his boots, and his dapple-grey steed along with them. Such a courser! all blood and bone, short-backed, broad-chested, and, but that he was a little ewe-necked, faultless in form and figure. The Baron sprang upon his back, and dashed at once into the river.
The barge which carried Edward Longshanks and his fortunes had by this time nearly reached the Nore; the stream was broad and the current strong, but Sir Ralph and his steed were almost as broad, and stronger. After breasting the tide gallantly for a couple of miles, the Knight was near enough to hail the steersman.
"What have we got here?" said the king. "It's a mermaid," said one. "It's a grampus," said another. "It's the devil," said a third. But they were all wrong; it was only Ralph de Shurland. "Grammercy," quoth the king, "that fellow was never born to be drowned!"
It has been said before that the Baron had fought in the holy wars; in fact, he had accompanied Longshanks, when only heir-apparent, in his expedition twenty-five years before, although his name is unaccountably omitted by Sir Harris Nicolas in his list of crusaders. He had been present at Acre when Amirand of Joppa stabbed the prince with a poisoned dagger, and had lent Princess Eleanor his own toothbrush after she had sucked out the venom from the wound. He had slain certain Saracens, contented himself with his own plunder, and never dunned the commissariat for arrears of pay. Of course he ranked high in Edward's good graces, and had received the honour of knighthood at his hands on the field of battle.
In one so circumstanced it cannot be supposed that such a trifle as the killing a frowzy friar would be much resented, even had he not taken so bold a measure to obtain his pardon. His petition was granted, of course, as soon as asked; and so it would have been had the indictment drawn up by the Canterbury town-clerk, viz. "That he, the said Ralph de Shurland, &c. had then and there, with several, to wit, one thousand, pair of boots, given sundry, to wit, two thousand, kicks, and therewith and thereby killed divers, to wit, ten thousand, Austin friars," been true to the letter.
Thrice did the gallant Grey circumnavigate the barge, while Robert de Winchelsey, the chancellor, and archbishop to boot, was making out, albeit with great reluctance, the royal pardon. The interval was sufficiently long to enable his majesty, who, gracious as he was, had always an eye to business, just to hint that the gratitude he felt towards the Baron was not unmixed with a lively sense of services to come; and that, if life was now spared him, common decency must oblige him to make himself useful. Before the archbishop, who had scalded his fingers with the wax in affixing the great seal, hadtime to take them out of his mouth, all was settled, and the Baron de Shurland,cum suis, had pledged himself to be forthwith in readiness to accompany his liege lord to Guienne.
With the royal pardon secured in his vest, boldly did his lordship turn again to the shore; and as boldly did his courser oppose his breadth of chest to the stream. It was a work of no common difficulty or danger; a steed of less "mettle and bone" had long since sunk in the effort: as it was, the Baron's boots were full of water, and Grey Dolphin's chamfrain more than once dipped beneath the wave. The convulsive snorts of the noble animal showed his distress; each instant they became more loud and frequent; when his hoof touched the strand, and "the horse and his rider" stood again in safety on the shore.
Rapidly dismounting, the Baron was loosening the girths of his demi-pique, to give the panting animal breath, when he was aware of as ugly an old woman as he ever clapped eyes upon, peeping at him under the horse's belly.
"Make much of your steed, Ralph Shurland! Make much of your steed!" cried the hag, shaking at him her long and bony finger. "Groom to the hide, and corn to the manger. He has saved your life, Ralph Shurland, for the nonce; but he shall yet be the means of your losing it, for all that!"
The Baron started: "What's that you say, you old faggot?" He ran round by his horse's tail; the women was gone!
The Baron paused; his great soul was not to be shaken by trifles; he looked around him, and solemnly ejaculated the word "Humbug!" then, slinging the bridle across his arm, walked slowly on in the direction of the castle.
The appearance, and still more, the disappearance of the crone, had however made an impression; every step he took he became more thoughtful. "'Twould be deuced provoking though, if heshouldbreak my neck after all!" He turned, and gazed at Dolphin with the scrutinizing eye of a veterinary surgeon.—"I'll be shot if he is not groggy!" said the Baron.
With his lordship, like another great Commander, "Once to be in doubt, was once to be resolved:" it would never do to go to the wars on a rickety prad. He dropped the rein, drew forth Tickletoby, and, as the enfranchised Dolphin, good easy horse, stretched out his ewe-neck to the herbage, struck off his head at a single blow. "There, you lying old beldame!" said the Baron; "now take him away to the knackers."
Three years were come and gone. King Edward's French wars were over; both parties, having fought till they came to a stand-still, shook hands; and the quarrel, as usual, was patched up by a royal marriage. This happy event gave his majesty leisure to turn his attention to Scotland, where things, through the intervention of William Wallace, were looking rather queerish. As his reconciliation with Philip now allowed of his fighting the Scotch in peace and quietness, the monarch lost no time in marching his long legs across the border, and the short ones of the Baron followed him of course. At Falkirk, Tickletoby was in great request; and, in the year following, we find a contemporary poet hinting at its master's prowess under the walls of Caerlaverock,
Obec eus fu achiminezLi beau Rafe de ShurlandeKi kant seoit sur le chevalNe sembloit home le someille.
Obec eus fu achiminezLi beau Rafe de ShurlandeKi kant seoit sur le chevalNe sembloit home le someille.
A quatrain which Mr. Simpkinson translates,
"With them was marchingThe good Ralph de Shurland,Who, when seated on horseback,Does not resemble a man asleep!"
"With them was marchingThe good Ralph de Shurland,Who, when seated on horseback,Does not resemble a man asleep!"
So thoroughly awake, indeed, does he seem to have proved himself, that the bard subsequently exclaims, in an ecstasy of admiration,
Si ie estoie une pucelletteJe li donroie ceur et corsTant est de lu bons lí recors."If I were a young maiden,I would give him my heart and person,So great is his fame!"
Si ie estoie une pucelletteJe li donroie ceur et corsTant est de lu bons lí recors.
"If I were a young maiden,I would give him my heart and person,So great is his fame!"
Fortunately the poet was a tough old monk of Exeter; since such a present to a nobleman, now in his grand climacteric, would hardly have been worth the carriage. With the reduction of this stronghold of the Maxwells seem to have concluded the Baron's military services; as on the very first day of the fourteenth century we find him once more landed on his native shore, and marching, with such of his retainers as the wars had left him, towards the hospitable shelter of Shurland Castle. It was then, upon that very beach, some hundred yards distant from high-water mark, that his eye fell upon something like an ugly old woman in a red cloak. She was seated on what seemed to be a large stone, in an interesting attitude, with her elbows resting upon her knees and her chin upon her thumbs. The Baron started: the remembrance of his interview with a similar personage in the same place, some three years since, flashed upon his recollection. He rushed towards the spot, but the form was gone; nothing remained but the seat it had appeared to occupy. This, on examination, turned out to be no stone, but the whitened skull of a dead horse. A tender remembrance of the deceased Grey Dolphin shot a momentary pang into the Baron's bosom; he drew the back of his hand across his face; the thought of the hag's prediction in an instant rose, and banished all softer emotions. In utter contempt of his own weakness, yet with a tremor that deprived his redoubtable kick of half its wonted force, he spurned the relic with his foot. One word alone issued from his lips elucidatory of what was passing in his mind,—it long remained imprinted on the memory of his faithful followers,—that word was "Gammon!" The skull bounded across the beach till it reached the very margin of the stream;—one instant more, and it would be engulfed for ever. At that moment a loud "Ha! ha! ha!" was distinctly heard by the whole train to issue from its bleached and toothless jaws: it sank beneath the flood in a horse-laugh!
Meanwhile Sir Ralph de Shurland felt an odd sort of sensation in his right foot. His boots had suffered in the wars. Great pains had been taken for their preservation. They had been "soled" and "heeled" more than once;—had they been "galoshed," their owner might have defied Fate! Well has it been said that "there is no such thing as a trifle." A nobleman's life depended upon a question of ninepence.
The Baron marched on; the uneasiness in his foot increased. He plucked off his boot; a horse's tooth was sticking in his great toe!
The result may be anticipated. Lame as he was, his lordship, with characteristic decision would hobble on to Shurland; his walk increased the inflammation; a flagon ofaqua vitædid not mend matters. He was in a high fever; he took to his bed. Next morning the toe presented the appearance of a Bedfordshire carrot; by dinner-time it had deepened to beetroot; and when Bargrave, the leech, at last sliced it off, the gangrene was too confirmed to admit of remedy. Dame Martin thought it high time to send for Miss Margaret, who, ever since her mother's death, had been living with her maternal aunt, the abbess, in the Ursuline convent of Greenwich. The young lady came, and with her came one Master Ingoldsby, her cousin-german by the mother's side; but the Baron was too far gone in the deadthraw to recognise either. He died as he lived, unconquered and unconquerable. His last words were—"Tell the old hag to go to——." Whither remains a secret. He expired without fully articulating the place of her destination.
But who and what was the crone who prophesied the catastrophe? Ay, "that is the mystery of this wonderful history."—Some said it was Dame Fothergill, the late confessor's mamma; others, St. Bridget herself; others thought it was nobody at all, but only a phantom conjured up by Conscience. As we do not know, we decline giving an opinion.
And what became of the Clerk of Chatham? Mr. Simpkinson avers than he lived to a good old age, and was at last hanged by Jack Cade, with his inkhorn about his neck, for "setting boys copies." In support of this he adduces his name "Emanuel," and refers to the historian Shakspeare. Mr. Peters, on the contrary, considers this to be what he calls one of Mr. Simpkinson's "Anacreonisms," inasmuch as, at the introduction of Mr. Cade's reform measure, the clerk would have been hard upon two hundred years old. The probability is, that the unfortunate alluded to was his great-grandson.
Margaret Shurland in due course became Margaret Ingoldsby, her portrait still hangs in the gallery at Tappington. The features are handsome, but shrewish, betraying, as it were, a touch of the old Baron's temperament; but we never could learn that she actually kicked her husband. She brought him a very pretty fortune in chains, owches, and Saracen ear-rings; the barony, being a male fief, reverted to the crown.
In the abbey-church at Minster may yet be seen the tomb of a recumbent warrior, clad in the chain-mail of the 13th century. His hands are clasped in prayer; his legs, crossed in that position so prized by Templars in ancient, and tailors in modern, days, bespeak him a soldier of the Faith in Palestine. Close to his great-toe, lies sculptured in bold relief a horse's head; and a respectable elderly lady, as she shows the monument, fails not to read her auditors a fine moral lesson on the sin of ingratitude, or to claim a sympathising tear to the memory of poor "Grey Dolphin!"
BY THOMAS HAYNES BAYLY.
Friar.Who is calling Friar Laurence?—Madam Juliet! how d'ye do?Dear me—talk of the—beg pardon—I've been talking aboutyou.Mistress Montagu, they tell meYou on Thursday mean to wed!It is strange you never told meThat poor Mister M. was dead!Juliet.M.'s alive! yet County ParisI'm to marry, people say!(I shall marry the whole countyIf I go on in this way:)Once you've wedded me already,If I wed again, you see,Though inyoualittleerror,'Twill be verybig o' me.Friar.'Pon my life, it's very awkward!I'll on some expedient hit;If you'll find me ready money,I will find you ready wit:I can't let you wed a secondEre I know the first has died;Think of faggots! for such deeds, ma'am,Holy friars have been fried!Juliet.'Tan't my wish, sir, nor intention,—Any scheme of yours I'll hail;To escape from County Paris,Put me in the county jail:Kill me dead! and make me food forEarthworm, viper, toad, or rat;Make a widower of Ro-me--O,—('twillhurtme to do that!)Friar.If you've really resolutionThat your life-blood should be spilt,I will save you, for I'll have youNot quite killed, but merelykilt:Could you in a vault be buried—Horizontal—in a niche?And of death so good a copy,None could find out which is which?Juliet.I would vault into a vault, sir,With a dead man in his shroud;I'd do any dirty work, sir,Though my family's so proud!I'll do whatsoe'er you bid me,'Till you say I've done enough:Nay, sir, much as I dislike it,I'll take 'poticary's stuff!Friar.Then go home, ma'am, and be merry;Say that Paris you will wed;Tell your nurse you've got a headache,And go quietly to bed:Ask for something warm,—some negus,Grog, or gruel, or egg-flip,Put in this, and then drink quickly,—'Tis so nauseous if you sip.Juliet.Give, oh! give me quick the phial,From the trial I'll not shrink,—Is it shaken when it's taken?Gracious me! it's black as ink!There's no fear, I trust, of failure?—No—I doubt not its effect;From your conversation'stenorNo base phial I expect.Friar.You will have the bridegroomfollow,Where he generallyleads;'Stead of hymeneal flowers,He will wear sepulchral weeds:Ito Romeo will quicklyWrite a letter by the post;He will wake you, and should ParisMeet you,—say you are your ghost!Juliet.'Tis an excellent arrangement,As you bid me I will act;But within the tomb, dear friar,Place a basket nicely pack'd;—Just a loaf, a tongue, a chicken,Port and sherry, and some plums;It willreallybe a comfortShould I wake e'er Romeo comes!
Friar.Who is calling Friar Laurence?—Madam Juliet! how d'ye do?Dear me—talk of the—beg pardon—I've been talking aboutyou.Mistress Montagu, they tell meYou on Thursday mean to wed!It is strange you never told meThat poor Mister M. was dead!
Juliet.M.'s alive! yet County ParisI'm to marry, people say!(I shall marry the whole countyIf I go on in this way:)Once you've wedded me already,If I wed again, you see,Though inyoualittleerror,'Twill be verybig o' me.
Friar.'Pon my life, it's very awkward!I'll on some expedient hit;If you'll find me ready money,I will find you ready wit:I can't let you wed a secondEre I know the first has died;Think of faggots! for such deeds, ma'am,Holy friars have been fried!
Juliet.'Tan't my wish, sir, nor intention,—Any scheme of yours I'll hail;To escape from County Paris,Put me in the county jail:Kill me dead! and make me food forEarthworm, viper, toad, or rat;Make a widower of Ro-me--O,—('twillhurtme to do that!)
Friar.If you've really resolutionThat your life-blood should be spilt,I will save you, for I'll have youNot quite killed, but merelykilt:Could you in a vault be buried—Horizontal—in a niche?And of death so good a copy,None could find out which is which?
Juliet.I would vault into a vault, sir,With a dead man in his shroud;I'd do any dirty work, sir,Though my family's so proud!I'll do whatsoe'er you bid me,'Till you say I've done enough:Nay, sir, much as I dislike it,I'll take 'poticary's stuff!
Friar.Then go home, ma'am, and be merry;Say that Paris you will wed;Tell your nurse you've got a headache,And go quietly to bed:Ask for something warm,—some negus,Grog, or gruel, or egg-flip,Put in this, and then drink quickly,—'Tis so nauseous if you sip.
Juliet.Give, oh! give me quick the phial,From the trial I'll not shrink,—Is it shaken when it's taken?Gracious me! it's black as ink!There's no fear, I trust, of failure?—No—I doubt not its effect;From your conversation'stenorNo base phial I expect.
Friar.You will have the bridegroomfollow,Where he generallyleads;'Stead of hymeneal flowers,He will wear sepulchral weeds:Ito Romeo will quicklyWrite a letter by the post;He will wake you, and should ParisMeet you,—say you are your ghost!
Juliet.'Tis an excellent arrangement,As you bid me I will act;But within the tomb, dear friar,Place a basket nicely pack'd;—Just a loaf, a tongue, a chicken,Port and sherry, and some plums;It willreallybe a comfortShould I wake e'er Romeo comes!
BEING INEDITED LETTERS OF ADDISON.
NOW FIRST PRINTED FROM THE AUTOGRAPH ORIGINALS.
The following letters, which have never before been published, are exceedingly curious, as exhibiting Addison in a new point of view, and as displaying traits in that celebrated man's character, differing very materially from those which his biographers have recorded. They are addressed to Charles Montague, Earl of Halifax, and to Monsieur Robethon, secretary to the Elector of Hanover, afterwards George the First of England. They represent Addison as eager for place and pension, yearning after pecuniary reward, dwelling upon services unrequited, urging his utmost interest to procure some new emoluments, and discontentedly comparing his own condition with that of other more fortunate placemen. Leaving the letters to speak for themselves, it is only necessary to add that they are accompanied by a few notes which furnish some new data in the family history of the writer.
TO CHARLES MONTAGUE, EARL OF HALIFAX.
Dublin Castle, May 7, 1709.
My Lord,—I am glad of any occasion of paying my duty to your lordship, and therefore cannot but lay hold of this, in transmitting to your lordship our Lord Lieutenant's[71]speech at the opening of the parliament, with a couple of addresses from the House of Commons upon that occasion. Your lordship will see by them that all parties have set out in good-humour, which is entirely owing to his excellency's conduct, who has addressed himself so all sorts of men since his arrival here, with unspeakable application. They were under great apprehensions, at his first coming, that he would drive directly at repealing the Test, and had formed themselves into a very strong body for its defence; but, as their minds are at present pretty quiet upon that head, they appear willing to enter into all other measures that he would have them. Had he proceeded otherwise, it is easie to see that all things would have been thrown into the utmost confusion, and a stop put to all public business. His excellency, however, gains ground daily; and I question not but in a new parliament, where parties are not settled and confirmed, he will be able to lead them into any thing that will be for their real interests and advantage.
I have the happiness every day to drink your lordship's health in very good wine,[72]and with very honest gentlemen; and am ever, with the greatest respect, my lord,
Your lordship's most obedient and most humble servant,
J. Addison.
TO M. DE ROBETHON, SECRETARY TO THE ELECTOR OF HANOVER.
St. James's, Sept. 4, 1714.
Sir,—I have been obliged to so close an attendance on the Lords Justices, and have had so very little time at my own disposal during my absence from their excellencies, that I could not do myself the honour before now, to assure you of my respects, and to beg the continuance of that friendship which you formerly honoured me with, at Hanover.[73]I cannot but extremely rejoice at the occasion, which will give me on opportunity of waiting on you in England, where you will find a whole nation in the highest joy, and thoroughly sensible of the great blessings which they promise themselves from his Majesty's accession to the throne.
I take the liberty to send you, enclosed, a poem written on this occasion by one of our most eminent hands, which is indeed a masterpiece in its kind; and, though very short, has touched upon all the topics which are most popular among us. I have likewise transmitted to you, a copy of the preamble to the Prince of Wales's patent, which was a very grateful task imposed upon me by the Lords Justices. Their excellencies have ordered that the lords and others who meet his Majesty, be out of mourning that day, as also their coaches; but all servants, except those of the City magistrates, to be in mourning. The shortness of the time, which would not be sufficient for the making of new liveries, occasioned this last order.
The removal of the Lord Bolingbroke[74]has put a seasonable check to an interest that was making in many places for members in the next parliament; and was very much relished by the people, who ascribed to him, in a great measure, the decay of trade and public credit.
You will do me a very great honour if you find means submissive enough to make the humble offers of my duty acceptable to his Majesty. May God Almighty preserve his person, and continue him for many years the blessing of these kingdoms!
I am, with great esteem and respect,
Sir, your most obedient and most humble servant,
J. Addison.
TO THE SAME.
St. James's, Sept. 11.
Sir,—Though I am not without hopes of seeing you in England before this letter comes to your hands, I cannot defer returning you my thanks for the honour of yours of the 17th N. S. which I received this morning. I beg leave to send you the enclosed ceremonial for the King's entry, published by the Earl of Suffolk, Deputy Earl Marshal, as regulated by the Lords Justices and privy council.[75]The Attorney-general is preparing a proclamation, reciting the rewards set on the Pretender by the late Queen and Parliament, with the security set for the payment, as established by a clause in an act passed since his Majesty's accession to the throne. As such a proclamation is very requisite; so, perhaps, it may come with a good grace from the Regents before his Majesty's arrival. It will, I believe, be fixed up in all the market-towns, especially among the highlands in Scotland, where there has been some meetings, but, by the care of the Regents, of no consequence.
[Subscribed in the same words as the preceding.]
TO THE EARL OF HALIFAX.
Oct. 17, 1714.
My Lord,—I find by your lordship's discourse that you have your reasons for laying aside the thought of bringing me into a part of Lowndes's place;[76]and, as I hope they do not proceed from any change of goodwill towards me, I do entirely acquiesce in them. I know that one in your lordship's high station has several opportunities of showing favour to your dependants, as one of your generous temper does not want to be reminded of it when any such offer. I must therefore beg your lordship to believe that I think no more of what you were pleased to mention in relation to the Treasury, though the kind and condescending manner in which your lordship was pleased to communicate yourself to me on that subject, shall always raise in me the most constant and unfeigned zeal for your honour and service.
I fancy, if I had a friend to represent to his Majesty that I was sentabroad by King William, and taken off from all other pursuits in order to be employed in his service[77]—that I had the honour to wait on your lordship to Hanover,—that the post I am now in, is the gift of a particular lord [Sunderland], in whose service I have been employed formerly,—that it is a great fall, in point of honour, from being secretary to the Regents, and that their request to his Majesty still subsists in my favour,—with other intimations that might perhaps be made to my advantage,—I fancy, I say, that his Majestie, upon such a representation, would be inclined to bestow on me some mark of his favour. I protest to your lordship I never gained to the value of five thousand pounds[78]by all the business I have yet been in; and, out of that, very near a fourth part has been laid out in my elections.[79]I should not insist on this subject so long, were it not taken notice of by some of the Lords Justices themselves, as well as many others, that his Majestie has yet done nothing for me, though it was once expected he would have done something more considerable for me than I can at present have the confidence to mention. As I have the honour to write to your lordship, whose favour I have endeavoured to cultivate, and should be very ambitious of deserving, I will humbly propose it to your lordship's thoughts, whether his Majestie might not be inclined, if I was mentioned to him, to put me in the Commission of Trade, or in some honorary post about the Prince, or by some other method to let the world see that I am not wholly disregarded by him. I am ashamed to talk so long of myself; but, if your lordship will excuse me this time, I will never more erre on this side. I shall only beg leave to add, that I mentioned your lordship's kind intentions towards me only to two persons. One of them was Phillips,[80]whom I could not forbear acquainting, in the fulness of my heart, with the kindness you had designed both him and me, which I take notice of because I hope your lordship will have him in your thoughts.
Though I put by several importunities which are made me to recommend persons and pretensions to your lordship, there are some which I cannot resist, without declaring, what would go very much against me, that I have no credit with your lordship. Of this kind is a request made me yesterday by Lady Irby, that I would mention her to your lordship as one who might be made easy in her fortune if your lordship would be pleased to procure for her the place of a bedchamber-woman to the Princess. I told her that places of that nature were out of your lordship's province; but she tells me, as the proper persons are not yet named to whom she should make her applications, and as my Lord Townsend has gained the same favour for Mrs. Selwyn, she hopes you will excuse her solicitation upon this occasion.
My Lord Dorchester, from whom I lately conveyed a letter to your lordship, has likewise obliged me to speak in favour of Mr. Young, who marryed a sister of Mr. Chetwynd's, and formerly was a clerk under me in Ireland. He is now a man of estate, of honest principles, and has been very serviceable to Lord Dorchester in the elections at Salisbury.
I humbly beg leave to congratulate your lordship upon the honours you have lately received; and whenever your lordship will allow me to wait on you, I shall always value the honour of being admitted to your conversation more than any place that can be given me.
I am, with the greatest respect, my lord,
Your lordship's most devoted and most obedient servant,
J. Addison.
Oct. 24, 1714.
My Lord,—Upon my coming home this evening, I found a letter left for me from your lordship which has raised in me a greater satisfaction and sense of gratitude than I am able to express. Nothing can be more acceptable to me than the place which I hope your lordship has procured for me, and particularly because it may put me in a way of improving myself under your lordship's directions. I will not pretend to express my thanks to your lordship upon this occasion, but should be glad to employ my whole life in it.
[Subscribed as before.]
Nov. 30, 1714.
My Lord,—Finding that I have miscarried in my pretensions to the Board of Trade, I shall not trouble your lordship with theresentments of the unhandsome treatment I have met with from some of our new great men in every circumstance of that affair; but must beg leave to express my gratitude to your lordship for the great favour you have shown me on this occasion, which I shall never forget. Young Craggs[81]told me, about a week ago, that his Majestie, though he did not think fit to gratifie me in this particular, designed to give me a recompense for my service under the Lords Justices, in which case your lordship will probably be consulted. Since I find I am never to rise above the station in which I first entered upon public business, (for I begin to look upon myself like an old serjeant or corporal,) I would willingly turn my secretaryships, in which I have served five different masters, to the best advantage I can; and as your lordship is the only patron I glory in, and have a dependence on, I hope you will honour me with your countenance in this particular. If I am offered less than a thousand pounds, I shall beg leave not to accept it, since it will look more like a clerk's wages than a mark of his Majesty's favour. I verily believe that his Majesty may think I had fees and perquisites belonging to me under the Lords Justices; but, though I was offered a present by the South Sea Company, I never took that, nor anything else, for what I did, as knowing I had no right to it. Were I of another temper, my present place in Ireland[82]might be as profitable to me as some have represented it. I humbly beg your lordship's pardon for the trouble of such a letter, and do assure your lordship that one of the greatest pleasures I shall receive in whatever I get from the government will be its enabling me to promote your honour and interest more effectually. I am informed, Mr. Yard, besides a place and an annual recompense for serving the Lords Justices [of Ireland] under King William, had considerable fees, and was never at the charge of getting himself elected into the House of Commons.
I beg your lordship will give me leave to add, that I believe I am the first man that ever drew up a Prince of Wales's preamble without so much as a medal for my pains.
[Subscribed as before.]
My Lord,—Your lordship having given me leave to acquaint you with the names and pretensions of persons who are importunate with me to speak to your lordship in their behalf, I shall make use of that liberty when I believe it may be of use to your lordship, or when I cannot possibly resist the solicitation. I presumed to write to your lordship in favour of Mr. Hungerford, who purchased of me in the commission of Appeals. All I aske is, that he may enjoy the fruits of his purchase: as for his recommending one to his place, I only hinted at it, if his coming into the House might be of service to your lordship. I would not have spoken of Mr. Wroth, had not he assured me that he was first recommended to your lordship by my Lord Cooper.[83]He tells me since, he had the honour to be schoolfellow to your lordship, and I know has a most entire respect for you, and I believe is able to do his friends service.
The enclosed petition is of one who is brother to a particular friend of mine at Oxford, and brought me a letter in his behalf from Mr. Boscawen. If your lordship would be pleased to refer it to the Commissioners of Customs, it would give me an opportunity of obliging one who may be of service to me, and perhaps be a piece of justice to one who seems to be a man of merit.
I must beg your lordship's patience for one more, at the request of my Lord and Lady Warwick, especially since I hear your lordship has formerly promised to do something for him. His name is Edward Rich: he is to succeed to the title of the Earl of Warwick should the young lord have no heir of his own.[84]He is in great want, writes an extraordinary good hand, and would be glad of a small place. He mentions in particular a King's tide-waiter. Capt. Addison[85]tells me that he presumed to put your lordship in mind of himself; but, as I hope to provide for him in Ireland, I will not trouble you on his account. I have another namesake,who is well turned for greater business; but if he could have a stamper's place, vacant by the death of one who was formerly my servant, it would be a very great favour. I beg your lordship to pardon this freedom, and I promise to use it very sparingly hereafter.
When your lordship is at leisure, I should be glad of a moment's audience: in the mean time, I cannot conclude my letter without returning your lordship thanks for all your favours, which have obliged me, as long as I live, to be, in the most particular manner, and with the utmost gratitude and respect, my lord,
Your lordship's most devoted and
Most obedient servant,
J. Addison.
April 28, 1715.
My Lord,—I can only acknowledge the receipt of your grace's[86]last letters, without being able to return any satisfactory answer to them, my Lord Lieutenant not being yet well enough recovered to give any directions in publick businesse. He has not found the desired effects from the country air and remedies which he has taken; so that he is at length prevailed upon to go to the Bath, which we hope will set him right, if we may believe the assurances given him by his physicians. Your grace has, doubtlesse, heard many idle reports which have been industriously spread abroad with relation to his distemper, which is nothing else but the cholick, occasioned by a too frequent use of vomits, to which the physicians adde the drinking of small beer in too great quantities when he has found himself a little heated. I hope, before his excellency sets out for the Bath, I shall receive his directions upon your grace's letters, which I shall always execute with the greatest pleasure and dispatch, being with all possible respect, my lord,
Your grace's most obedient and
Most humble servant,
J. Addison.
I made my preparations with all haste. In addition to my own servant, Sadek, who had been one of our suite in our former mission, I hired two others; one to take care of my horses, and another to spread my carpet. A mule for my baggage, a good horse for my own riding, and two yaboos for my servants, were soon procured; and, straightway, whip in hand, and with boots on my feet, I announced myself ready for departure.
When I appeared before the grand vizier, he said, "Mashallah!By the beard of the king, thou art a good servant; the kingdom of the Francs, however, is not falling quite so rapidly that we cannot wait for a fortunate hour for your departure."
I had entirely resigned myself to fate, and therefore said, "Whatever the Shah commands, I am ready to obey." Taking advantage of the presence of many persons who were come to attend the vizier's levee; and perhaps as much to exhibit my own consequence as to ask a question of importance, I stept forward, and, kneeling before him, applied my mouth to his ear, and said, "Your slave was anxious to have one question answered, before he went, which is this:—suppose, before he got to England, its king were really deposed, and the new king, the People Shah, had mounted on the throne, what is your slave to do?"
At this the vizier paused, and, reflecting a while, said, "You will then live in a corner, and write to us for instructions; but do not lose any opportunity of making good hits in penknives, broad-cloth, and virgins."
Having waited his pleasure for some time, he then announced that he would take me before the Shah; and accordingly we proceeded thither, he taking the lead, whilst I followed at a respectable distance.
The king was in a good humour; in other words, his brain was sane, and his spirits well wound up. "By the head of the Shah!" he exclaimed, as soon as he saw me equipped for the journey, "the Hajji is a wonderful man; he makes as little of going from here to Frangistan, as we do of going from the imperial gate to the Takht Kajar."
Upon this the grand vizier said, "As I am your sacrifice, we are all your slaves, we are all your servants, we are all ready to go to Frangistan."
"That is well," said the Shah. "Is every thing prepared for the Hajji?"
"As I am your sacrifice, yes;" answered the minister. Upon which he drew from his girdle a roll of paper, which contained the instructions I was to receive as the rule of my conduct,and the several official letters which I was to deliver upon my arrival in England.
They were exhibited; and, the proper seals having been placed in the royal presence, they were sent to the head mastofi, or secretary, to be directed, and inserted in their silken bags.
When this was over, the king sent for acalaat, or dress of honour, with which I was soon after invested; and then he announced to me with his own sacred lips, (an event which in my younger days I had so much desired,) that, if on my return I should have fulfilled my mission to the Shah's satisfaction, the title of khan would be conferred upon me, with an appropriate dress of honour.
This piece of intelligence, some ten years ago, would have made my head touch the skies, but now it fell upon the surface of my mind as lead upon cotton; for it promised rather more of trouble than of that questionable sensation called honour, which I had long learnt to despise.
I went to theDer a Khoneh, or the King's Gate, to take leave of my friends, and there I received the papers relating to my mission. I was instructed to offer no presents, but to receive as many for the Shah as might be given; although, in the destitute situation in which we supposed England was, we agreed that we could not expect many. The chief treasurer then gave me a bag oftomans, few in number, and which, I was aware, were insufficient to defray my expenses there and back; yet, rather than run the chance of having my ears clipped by asking for more, I chose to trust to my own ingenuity, and to the knowledge ofchum wa hum, or palaver, which I possessed, to make up the deficiencies. In short, I determined to travel at everybody's cost rather than my own.
At night I went to kiss the hem of the grand vizier's garment, and to receive his last orders before my departure. He said nothing besides recommending me to the care of the Prophet, and requesting me to send him some silk spangled stuffs for the trousers of his harem when I reached Constantinople. I then received the embrace of my old master, the Mirza Firooz, who furnished me with letters to his old friends in England; and with these consolations I went home, rolled up my carpets, ordered my mule to be loaded, and my horses to be saddled; and, when all was ready, I locked the door of my house, and, putting the key in my pocket, I set off for the country of the Francs.
I reached Erzeroom without any difficulty, having become a gainer, rather than a loser, by my journey, owing to the presents which I extracted from the villages on the road, who made them out of consideration to the character ofelchi, or ambassador, which I did not fail to assume. Having got to this city, I determined to repose for a few days; and, in order to refresh my memory upon the object of my mission, I passed my time in reading over the instructions with which I had been furnished.
Perhaps my readers may be glad to know their contents.
They were as follows:
"Instructions to the high in station, the Mirza Hajji Baba.
"That since, by the blessing of Allah, it has come to the knowledge of the asylum of the universe, the king of kings, that the good fortune which accompanied the infidels of England has turned upon them, it has appeared good to appoint some master of wit, some lord of understanding and experience, to go, and see, and consider, and to endeavour to extract advantage from misery, wealth from poverty, and instruction from wickedness: to that effect, the high in station, Hajji Baba, famous for his skill in Franc wisdom and language, the lord of accomplishment, the skilled in cunning and intelligence, has been appointed to this service.
"That as in every country good men are to be found among whole communities of bad, even as roses are seen to grow among thorns and thistles, the Hajji will, with that eye of discernment for which he is famous, discover such men among the infidels, and learn from them the why and the wherefore, the how and the when, and the truth, if such is to be found, of all that has taken place; beginning with the beginning, and going on to the present time; and marking the same in a book to be placed before the all-refulgent presence of the shadow of God upon earth.
"That, as it is strictly enjoined in our blessed Koran, written by the inspired Prophet, upon whom be blessings and peace! that true believers do inflict all the harm in their power upon infidels, even unto death, the Hajji is enjoined to take every advantage in his power of their distress; taking their goods at the smallest value; enticing their choice workmen into the land of Iran; holding out premiums of calaats, and the protection of the Shah to their wise men; and making it clear to them that it is better to make the confession of faith in the religion of Islam, than to persist in their own unclean belief; holding out promises of protection and advancement to those who, of their own free will, will shave their heads, let their beards grow, receive the proper marks, and say, "Laallah, illalah, Mohamed resoul Allah!" and assurances of toleration to those who through obstinacy and infatuation still eat the unclean beast, drink wine, and call Isau the only true prophet.
"That, upon arriving at the gate of the palace in London, he will proceed to the presence of the king, brother to the ancient friend and ally of Persia, if king he still be; and, after having delivered the all-auspicious letter with which he is charged, he will lift up his voice and say, 'O king, the asylum of the universe, whose slave I am, has sent me to thee in thy distress, to offer thee a seat at his gate, bread to eat, and the free usages of thy own country.' The Hajji will then use his own discretion, and his own tongue, according as circumstances may direct his wisdom, to console the Franc king in his distress, to point out to him the manner in which he will be received, and to hold out the prospect of commanding the Shah's ship in the Caspian Sea.
"That, having seen the king, he will repair to the famous Franc general, celebrated for having discomfited the great French conqueror, well known in Iran, and point out to him the advantages of serving the Shah, instead of sitting in a corner under a new king of his own people; and further, that he will place before him the certainty of his being appointed to command the Persian armies, who will not fail to take both Moscow and Petersburg, to burn the fathers of the Russians, and thus to entitle himself to such share of the pillage as the Shah in his greatness will allow him.
"Having secured these advantages, the Hajji will then cast his eyes about the country, and do his best endeavours to procure for the harem of the Shah three choice virgins, whose beauty must surpass everything that has been seen in Iran, with figures like poplar-trees, waists a span round, eyes like those of the antelope, faces round as the moon, hair to the swell of the leg, throats so fine that the wine may be seen in its passage through them, teeth like pearls, and breath like the gales wafted from the caravans of musk from Khatai. They are required to be mistresses of every accomplishment; to sing so loud and so long that they may be heard from the Ark to the Negaristan; to dance every dance, standing on their heads, and running on their hands. They must embroider, sew, and spin; they must know how to makehalwa, or sweetmeats; how to light akalioon, or pipe, and to play thejerid bazion horseback. In short, they must unite all the accomplishments of Fars to the sagacity of Francs; and should they please the Shah, only for one hour, they will have the satisfaction of having made the Hajji's face white for ever.
"The Shah, in his wisdom, trusting to the misery which is now known to assail the English nation, enjoins the Hajji, as he would gain the royal favour, and gain a great name in Iran, ever to keep a watchful eye upon penknives, broad-cloth, chandeliers, and looking-glasses. He will make as large a collection as possible for the use of the Shah,—for nothing if he can: for little if he cannot for nothing. He will also accumulate every other desirable thing fitted for the use of the king, which may come within his grasp.
"In short, he will recollect that such another opportunity of acquiring advantages to his king and country as the breaking up of a large nation and government, will never perhaps again be afforded; and with this truth in his mind, that with one grain of wisdom frequently more is to be achieved than with the strength of armies, he will employ all his best wit to turn that head to account which Allah in his mercy has given to him, and which luck and the blessed Prophet has given to the asylum of the universe to employ."
When I had read over my instructions, I laid the head of confusion upon the pillow of repose, and sought in vain torelieve myself from the various strange images which they had brought into my brain. I feared that it would be impossible to bring the arduous business with which I was intrusted to a happy conclusion, and secure for myself a white face at the end of it, so difficult did it appear. However, the certainty thatAllah kerim est, or God is merciful, came to my help: and with this soothing feeling, I quieted my apprehensions, and continued my road to Constantinople, fully persuaded that, be the true believer among Jews, Francs, or Muscovites, his only true help is inAllah.
I reached Constantinople, and immediately inquired for the house of a Franc whom I had known in former days: an Englishman, who might enlighten my understanding concerning the objects of my mission, and might inform me what might be the state of his country. He was a sensible man,—a man done to a turn, who knew the difference between justice and injustice, and whose words were not thrown into the air without use. He frankly confirmed to me the truth of everything we had heard reported at the gate of the asylum of the universe. I found him seated on bales of merchandise in his warehouse, looking as if the world had placed his heels where his head ought to be, and desponding over his future prospects. Whatever I said to him upon the unreasonableness of attempting to strive against the decrees of Providence was of no avail. Instead of sitting down satisfied with histakdeer, or fate, as I should have done, I found him poring over a large sheet of Franc paper, printed, and therefore true, which he had just received from his own land, and cursing in his teeth one of his household demons, as I thought, which he called "Dowlet." He said that he verily believed the father of madness had taken possession of his once flourishing country; for what was always looked upon as right, was now called wrong, and what used to be execrated as wrong was now adopted as right. And, moreover, he asserted that the infatuation had gone so far, that nobody seemed inclined to eat his figs, no one would buy his cotton: there was an universal cry upon the miseries entailed by silk, and more gloves now existed in the world than there were hands to wear them. If such were the miseries of silk, thought I,—a produce which comes from abroad,—what must be those of penknives which grow in the country? I kept my thoughts to myself, and determined to set off without delay to put my orders into execution. There was one thing I was glad to ascertain in the interview with my friend, which was, that I had not so entirely forgotten his language as I had feared, and that I understood much of what he said. When I saw that large printed sheet of paper, numerous were the recollectionsit gave rise to, and I was struck with apprehension lest my thoughts, words, actions, even to the dye of my beard, would be carefully registered therein day by day, the moment I set my foot on English ground, if I did not take great precautions against such an evil. I therefore determined to keep myself as much unknown as possible; and, to that effect, resolved to leave Constantinople without seeing the ambassador of the King of England, who was residing there; and to make my way to the foot of his king's throne with all the best haste I could.
In consequence of what I had heard from the Franc merchant, and from all I had seen with my own eyes, I collected all my certainty into a heap, and became quite satisfied that the madness for which all Francs are celebrated, and particularly the English, was now beginning to be fully developed, and, strange to say, that the Turks, a nation so unchanged since the days of Seljuk, so fixed indestour, or custom, tied down by ancient habit,—the Turks themselves were no longer the same; the English disorder, Reform, had crept in amongst them, and had committed woful ravages. The Sultan himself took the lead; and it was now a question solemnly discussed among the elders and ulemah, whether heaven had come down to earth amongst them, or whether earth had descended into hell. Some asserted one thing, some another. Those who were for heaven said, "Thank Allah, our souls are now becoming as free as our chins. Where are now those odious beards that used to wave about the ends of our faces like long grass on the mountain top; that took toll of every mouthful of food that went into our mouths; that required more washing and dyeing than a Franc's shirt; and that gave a handle to our enemies without being of use to ourselves—where are they? Swept for ever from the faces of the sons of Islam, and swimming through the currents of the Bosphorus and the Dardanelles. And where are now those great, those awful, those capacious breeches, that could include within their folds as many legs as would serve a whole company of soldiers, instead of one pair of legs, which were eternally playing at hide-and-seek among their immense involutions? They are gone for ever. The saving to the Bab Homaioon—the gate of splendour—and to the treasury of the great blood-drinker, in broad-cloth alone, will be worth ten thousand fighting men per annum, let alone the inconvenience to the individuals. And because we change the fashion of our clothes, does it follow that we change that of our faith, as our enemies would have us to do? No. We can kneel down on our praying-carpets as often and as easily in our tights, as we before did in our slacks. And although smooth chins may be common to unbelievers, yet it is certain that the paradise of Mahomet is as open to the shaved as it is to the hairy."
On the other hand, those who were of the Jehanum faction insisted that the whole dignity and consequence of the Turkishempire had been sacrificed with the beards of its subjects; that, from looking a nation of sages, they had been turned into a nation of monkeys; and that although the rage of innovation had hitherto only seized the capital, yet, so it was once argued, when once it was known in the provinces that its emperor, the vicegerent of Allah upon earth, had cut off his beard, it was likely that the whole of the population would do so likewise, and thus universal degradation would ensue.
Then, as for the tight trousers which had been introduced, what lover of decency would now venture to show his person in the nakedness of unprotected legs, like the unblushing Francs? People might revile the janissaries; but, at all events, they were decently clad men, wearing as much cloth and muslin about their dress as would clothe a whole orta of the poor starving-looking individuals of the new nizam. It might be very well to say, that the faith of the heart did not change with the cut of one's clothes; but it was plain that when once reform began, it was impossible to say where it might stop; and true Mussulmans might perhaps soon have to deplore its terrible effects, by seeing their wives walk about without veils, with their faces exposed to the gaze of man. The unclean beast would ere long be eaten with impunity from one end of the celestial empire to the other; whilst all the holy Prophet's injunctions against wine would be entirely set at nought;—all to follow the example of unclean, faithless, and corrupt Francs, upon whom be all curses poured!
Such were the subjects which I daily heard discussed among the Turks, and every word which entered into my ears, only confirmed the reports which had reached my own country. I therefore consulted with my friend the Franc merchant upon the easiest mode of getting to England, quickest in point of conveyance, and the most eligible in point of secrecy. He recommended me to go by land, and first to proceed to the capital of the Nemseh, or Germans, ascending the Balkan, descending into the plains of Wallachia, by first crossing the Danube, and then making my way to another chain of mountains culled Karpathos; which having crossed, I should soon find myself among the Majar, and then all in good time, meeting the Danube again, I should reach Vienna. This seemed mighty easy to the Franc merchant, but to me it appeared very much like scaling the six heavens to get at the seventh. However, I was on the Shah's business; and therefore, putting my firm faith in Allah, I allied myself with a party of Greek merchants, who were proceeding into Germany upon matters of business. We resolved to set off as soon as we should hear that no recent robberies had taken place on the road.
(WITH A CRITICAL NOTE.)
BY EGERTON WEBBE.