CHAPTER XIIDEFECTS AND HABITS
TAKING DEFECTS IN TIME—HABITS THAT MAKE CHILDREN UGLY—FINGER-SUCKING AND NAIL-BITING—BED-WETTING—VICIOUS HABITS AND THEIR CURE—NERVOUSNESS AND ITS TREATMENT—THE HABIT OF HAPPINESS
TAKING DEFECTS IN TIME—HABITS THAT MAKE CHILDREN UGLY—FINGER-SUCKING AND NAIL-BITING—BED-WETTING—VICIOUS HABITS AND THEIR CURE—NERVOUSNESS AND ITS TREATMENT—THE HABIT OF HAPPINESS
Physically,mentally, and spiritually, the baby laid in the young mother’s arm is a creature to be molded by the intelligence and wisdom of the woman who has borne it. Some women do not stop to define the wonderful, mysterious thrill which passes over them as they hold the precious gift close to their hearts for the first time. With other women a sense of responsibility, beautiful and almost divine, comes even before the child is born.
Barring deformities and constitutional defects, the average baby is pliable in the hands of the mother. The preceding chapters have told how a mother can give her child a fair start by intelligent care and feeding. In this chapter we will go farther and show how the mother can guard against ugliness in looks and character.
Mothers—and doctors—are waking up to the realization that preventive medicine is the crying need among babies. The day when babies were supposed to “outgrow” certain disfigurements or tendencies to disease or weakness is past. Most of us can look back to the barbarous practice of soothing a baby with paregoric and then trusting to nature to relieve the condition which made soothing necessary. We really seemed to think that a miracle would be worked while the baby slept!
If a baby had any terrible deformity or acute disease we turned to a surgeon or physician, but we took long chances when the baby was merely good. We never stopped to figure that a good baby could be made a better baby by intelligent care, a better baby transformed into a well-nigh perfect baby. And yet parents owe to the children they bring into the world precisely this care.
One of the most interesting features of the Better Babies Contests which I have visited has been the amazement of some mothers when they discovered that, with a little care and attention, they could work such wonders in their babies. As an example, in one city near New York, the physicians in charge of the examinations at a contest asked me if I would attend a meeting or “dress rehearsal” of the examination a few weeks before the contest. They wanted a demonstrationof just how babies are examined by a scorecard. So all the arrangements were made, the physicians agreeing to have a real baby on hand for a “model,” to undergo the full examination.
The baby was scored precisely as if a regular contest were under way, and was penalized 5 points for a rough skin and 15 points for an eruption. The mother protested vigorously. The doctors showed her a fine eruption over the abdomen and under the armpits. She declared that the child had always had the marks—they were a sort of birthmark. The doctors explained that such an eruption indicated overfeeding. Here was a bottle-fed baby getting too heavy fare. The mother admitted that she knew nothing about modifying the milk. The doctors told her how it should be done.
The roughness of the skin was due to mosquito bites, numbers of them. The mother said that she couldn’t help that and neither could the baby. That was the fault of the mosquitoes! The doctors did not agree with her. They explained that a careful mother protected her child from the mosquitoes with a netting, that mosquitoes carried disease, that the itching sores made the baby nervous.
The mother listened resentfully, especially when she saw that by the card her baby scored only 89. Nevertheless, she must have thought a great deal about what those doctors said, because when thereal contest was held in her city six weeks later, she entered her baby and it carried off first prize, scoring 98 per cent. The chairman of the committee in charge of the work wrote me that this mother had lightened the quality of the baby’s food and the rash had disappeared. She had cleared the house of mosquitoes, and the baby’s skin was smooth as a rose petal! Which shows that a Better Babies Contest makes mothers think—and act. Also, that a child can be made healthier and happier with just a little thought and attention.
Your child has a right to all the beauty with which you can endow it. If your baby has thin eyebrows and lashes, try to encourage their growth. It can be done. Feed the eyebrows with a little cocoa butter, or vaseline. If you are very careful you can even touch the lashes with a tiny camel’s-hair brush dipped in melted vaseline. I know a man and wife whose looks were marred by scanty lashes and colorless brows. When her babies came this woman determined to do something to improve this unfortunate inheritance. She rubbed vaseline into the brows, had the lashes cut twice before the babies were three months old, asking the family physician, an excellent surgeon, to do this for her, and then she touched the roots of the lashes with melted vaseline. Her children, now in their teens, have beautiful brows and lashes.
It is absolutely criminal to let a child distort its mouth by sucking thumb or fingers. Let no mother deceive herself by saying that the habit is the child’s great comfort, a natural soother and pacifier. In later years that child, especially if it be a girl, will call her mother to task for permitting the indulgence.
I have seen mothers actually start babies in this fatal habit of finger-sucking by giving them what is known as a “pacifier,” or rubber nipple on a ring. It is natural for a baby to suck at something. He is born hungry. When he is very young he will continue making sucking motions with his mouth after the breast or bottle has been taken from him. If he happens to whimper the mother thinks the little sucking motion must be satisfied; she gives him the pacifier, or actually sticks his thumb into his mouth, and the mischief is begun.
The tendency to suck the thumb is easily checked. From the very start remove the thumb or finger and lay the little hand firmly down at the baby’s side as he drops asleep. If he persists, then immediately—not after the habit is almost iron-clad—have him sleep with his hand in a mitten. It is never too soon to correct this habit. Better a crying baby to-day than a deformed daughter ten years from now. Thumb-sucking thrusts the teeth out, and in some casesgives the entire lower part of the face the shape of a rabbit’s.
Many mothers ask me about badly shaped hands, and stubby fingers. Even these can be improved or remedied by patient care soon after the baby is born. Press them firmly, steadily, into shape, a few minutes at a time, every time the baby wakens. Of course, if bones are misshapen they cannot be changed, but the stubby finger can be improved by pressure—if taken in time. But it does no good to rub the fingers one day and let them go three. It must be done patiently, regularly, and gently, every day while the flesh, bones, and nails are soft.
Biting the nails is a habit which may develop in a very young child. Many times this is a symptom of nervousness, but in the young child this is more apt to be simply a habit without a reason. If the child is old enough to be argued with it is much better to offer him some little reward if he does not bite his nails and they grow out well-shaped and beautiful. Try to make him see that they are something to be proud of. He will soon learn to master the impulse. In a child too young to be reasoned with it is better to remove the hands from the mouth firmly; if this is not effective, rub the nails with a little powdered alum.
Picking at the nose may be the result of worms or of irritation of the nostrils. If either of thesetwo ailments is present the cause must be removed. If it is purely a habit then it is a question of firm discipline which even a baby can be made to understand.
Bed wetting, which is a habit that makes extra work for the mother and causes discomfort for the child, may be a symptom of some chronic ailment, or it may be lack of discipline and training. It sometimes comes from incorrect diet, constipation, ringworm, irritation about the genitals, enlarged tonsils, or adenoids. The doctor will decide whether one or more of these defects is present. If not, then it becomes a matter of discipline, which, however, is not achieved by punishment. Only careful training will overcome this habit.
I have spoken in another chapter about setting the child on a little chamber every hour throughout the day from the time he is eight or nine months old. By following this practice the baby soon realizes that to be wet is to be uncomfortable and wretched, and he will cry out against it. Moreover, he will soon exercise his will to retain the urine until time to sit on the chamber. As this cannot be done in the night, up to the time he is eighteen months of age he is very apt to wet the bed once or twice during the night; but when the ten o’clock feeding is stopped and he has nothing to drink from 6P.M.to 6A.M., hegradually stops wetting the bed; and at two years of age he is completely broken of the habit.
If a child has not been trained in this way the mother now realizes that the habit of wetting the bed is confirmed; and at three years old or more she should start training him afresh by putting him on the chair every hour throughout the day. In this way the functions of the bladder gradually come under the control of the will. At the end of two or three weeks, instead of placing the child on the chair every hour, the intervals are lengthened to one and one-half hours; then to two hours; and the mother suddenly wakes up to find that her child is dry all during the day. At first he may have to be taken up three or four times at night, but soon this can be reduced to two, and finally to one. When he is six years old he will be broken of the habit and will sleep soundly and be dry for ten or twelve hours.
If the habit is well-grounded the diet may be changed to effect a cure. The last evening meal of the day should be almost dry, with just an occasional sup of water to allay thirst; no liquids should be served after 4P.M.Butter may be served with a cereal, and apple-sauce used to moisten the meal of bread, toast, or crackers. Never give a young child tea or coffee. These are not juvenile beverages; and they are especially bad for bed-wetting children.
If the habit has grown on the child, disciplinealone will cure it. If, however, it amounts almost to an acute disease, overtaking the child suddenly after it has passed its second birthday, the baby should be examined by the family physician.
Masturbation is a habit which every mother should dread. But she should consider this, also, in the light of a symptom first and foremost. I do not believe that average children, of average parents, are born into the world depraved or with vicious tendencies. The terrible habit of masturbation, which breaks down the child’s physical, mental, and moral nature, and often turns a healthy, normal child into a defective, may be caused by carelessness on the part of the mother. The genitals are extremely sensitive and easily inflamed. If the parts are not kept immaculately clean there is discomfort, which the child tries to relieve by scratching the genitals, by rubbing them against the leg of a chair or table or by rubbing the thighs against each other. It is a simple and natural effort to secure relief from irritation, precisely as a child scratches his arm or neck after being bitten by a mosquito. For this reason the mother should wash the parts carefully, not only while the child wears diapers, but as he grows older. When he is old enough to wash himself the mother should explain the importance of cleanliness in the care of the genitals. This is the time to speak the firm word of warning againsthandling these parts. The child who has been taught to obey in other things will obey these instructions.
The mother who has a nurse-girl should talk to her very seriously about the care of the child’s genitals and about guarding him against the formation of any bad habits.
Children who have acquired this habit are generally nervous, restless, and irritable. During the act itself the child’s face flushes, and this is followed by violent perspiration on the forehead and face; then drowsiness sets in; but the child does not sleep well. He has a dull face and generally an anemic appearance.
In infants cleanliness and plentiful powdering will soon cure the habit. Older children must be watched and disciplined, not with punishment, but with reasoning and firmness.
Nervousness is a condition which may become a habit. Some children are easily frightened, cry out when left in the dark, or indulge in repeated little actions like blinking the eyes, clearing the throat, shrugging the shoulders, and making spasmodic movements with the legs and arms. Such a child should be examined by a physician and, if there is real nervous trouble, treated correctly. If it is habit, the child may be given firmly to understand that he is not pleasant and not pretty when he does such things, but when he refrains from doing them he is more likable and attractive.The average child does want people to love him, does like to be admired; and this is the surest way of teaching him self-control.
Sometimes a child is nervous because his parents are nervous; or he does not have enough fresh air; or does not sleep in a quiet room; he has too much excitement; sees too many people; or is taken into crowds. Plenty of fresh air and sleep and regular habits will cure this form of nervousness.
After all, habits of eating, sleeping, bathing, the regular movements of the bowels, the control of the urine, even the control of the temper, are the result of regularity on the part of the mother. She starts her baby in life by establishing a regular routine for feeding, sleeping, bathing, clothing, and exercise in fresh air. The baby fits into this little routine complacently.
When a child is irregular in any of its habits, it is simply because the mother has not realized the importance of routine. The mother waits on the child when she has time, and neglects him when she has not. The child becomes nervous and irritable under this lack of system, and demands attention whenever he wakes up.
The child who has never known any habit except that of going to bed at six at night and waking up at six in the morning follows this course with little variation until he is old enough to learn from other children that one may sit up till allhours if one cries for it. Up to this time he has been very comfortable in his habit of early retiring; now he demands the privilege of sitting up with his elders; and if he is allowed to do this he is started on one very bad habit, fretting and fuming until his wishes are granted.
A very good routine which will establish the baby in regular habits is this: First bottle at six o’clock in the morning, after which baby is quite content to lie in his crib, drowsy and cozy, or amusing himself with fists as his only toys. After the mother has dressed and had her breakfast in comfort she gives the baby his bath; and at nine o’clock feeds him again. Then, if the day is pleasant, she tucks him into his carriage or outdoor crib and lets him have his morning nap outdoors. This gives her time to do her morning work, and, if the baby is fed partly or wholly on the bottle, to prepare the modified milk for the day’s use. At twelve comes another feeding while mother is having her luncheon. Baby sleeps again while mother dresses; and then both go out for an airing. At three comes the fourth bottle for the day, after which baby has his real recreation while lying on the bed, or on a comfortable on the floor in warm weather. Just before he has his six o’clock bottle he is made comfortable for the night; and he is not taken out of bed again until morning except to be changed and fed.
Sometimes it is almost as hard for the motherto maintain a routine as it is for the child, but it is certainly a worth while investment of time and energy to train the child to live up to this régime.
Good looks and attractiveness in a child depend a great deal upon his way of eating. He should be taught to eat slowly from the time that his little teeth break into solid food. Carefully masticated food is an aid to digestion. When food is half chewed, or the child is permitted to bolt his food, indigestion is sure to follow, the child looks anemic or sallow, and he even has unsightly eruptions, pimples, etc., while still very young.
Fresh air is a great beautifier. When the child cannot be taken outdoors because of the severity of the weather, the ventilation in the nursery should be perfect; and at least once during the day the baby should be dressed in all his outdoor raiment and allowed to stay out of the draught in a room where the windows are wide open.
Little habits of cleanliness in the care of the nails, the teeth, and the hair not only make the child attractive to those around it, but yield big returns in comfort for the child himself.
It is good discipline to see that the child picks up his clothes as they are taken off; and his toys should be placed in the closet when he is through playing with them. When such things are made a privilege and not a penalty, when the child is taught that an orderly closet means a special patand kiss from mother, putting away his toys will really mean a great deal to him.
Teasing is the worst possible interference with discipline. Never allow your baby to be teased by adults or other children. Some children become highly nervous under teasing, others turn sullen and resentful.
There is wonderful power in happiness and affection. Surround your child with both. Add sympathy and intelligent understanding of his needs and development, and you will, indeed, have a better baby.