THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED
'It was a little time after this that, one evening, I was sitting over the kitchen fire. The cook had just served up an excellent dish of fish, and my mind was still turning to Sicily in spite of my endeavours to forget that there was such a place, and wondering if ever I should see Basil Herbert again. Suddenly there was a most terrible disturbance overhead in the dining-room, a noise as of plates being thrown from one end of the room to the other, and presently wild shrieks and groans of pain. I ran lightly upstairs, always ready to be of use in emergencies of any kind, and opened the dining-room door just in time to see the Marquis raving most pitifully. It transpired that the very identical fish that had swallowed the hookand the clove kernels had been caught and served up to the Marquis's table, and he, poor man, had just swallowed the hook. Taking in the situation at a glance, I soon saw the probability that the three clove kernels, or one or two of them, were in the body of the fish, and walking boldly into the room I grasped the fish by the tail, and took to my heels.
DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL
'For miles I ran, out of the town and into the country without stopping, until, quite exhausted and out of breath, I sat down beneath a rock to rest. I now examined the fish which I still held in my hand, and found only two of the kernels in its body, the Marquis having probably swallowed the third.
'However, although not the complete number required by the prescription, they were better than no clove kernels at all, so after resting awhile I resolved to return once more to Sicily.
'After some vicissitudes I arrived at last at thehome of the Leanmuffins to find them all in despair. Basil Herbert's condition had not improved, and the physician had ceased his visits and gone in search of me. I soon mixed the stuff, which brought some little relief to the unhappy young patient—but not enough, as the lotion was not sufficiently strong without the third clove kernel.
'We persevered, however, and the improvement was just maintained. At last one evening when all the members of the family were gathered round the sufferer's bed endeavouring to distract him by every manner of entertainment conceivable and by cheerful songs, glees, and the telling of interesting stories, there came a low knock at the door and somebody inquiring for me. Who should it be but my faithful friend the waiter, who, on sweeping the floor of the Lombardic refreshment room, had discovered a little clove kernel in the corner, and, mad with delight at being able to assist me, had hastened from Lombardy to bring me the treasure. Small though it was, it was enough to give the requisite strength to the lotion, and in due course the young patient completely recovered.
'After their severe trials the Leanmuffins were completely transformed; from being ignoble, mean, and unkind, they became generous in the extreme. Their joy knew no bounds, and henceforth they made me quite one of their family, and my friend the waiter and his good people were asked to dine with us every Sunday that they were in Sicily.
When the Sicilian Char-woman had finished the narration of her truly wonderful experiences, and while the army were yet applauding her, the King stepped down from his chair, and taking the good woman by the hand, explained to her the object of their great expedition. 'And now,' said the astute old monarch in conclusion, 'powerfulas we undoubtedly are, and as you can see for yourself that we are, we have yet one weakness, and that weakness is, that we cannot boast of a single char-woman of any description within our ranks. It has occurred to us, in listening to your story, that if you are able, as I have no doubt you will be, to obtain a good character from your last place, that we shall be delighted to engage you as an assistant to the amiable Boadicea in her attendance upon my person.'
'Fiddlesticks,' snapped the abrupt woman, 'look after your person indeed! Look after it yourself,' and the strange creature walked off. Unwilling to lose such a treasure, the King called after her, and explained that if he had offended her it was quite unintentionally, and offered her any post she would like to fill, of course providing that it had not already been filled, in his army.
'Now you are talking reasonably,' replied the quickly mollified creature. 'Well, as you are so very kind, I don't mind being the flag-bearer.'
'But I am really afraid we have no flag,' objected the King.
'Oh, we'll soon settle that little difficulty,' replied the woman. And she at once removed her apron and snatching from the astonished Scout the staff he usually carried with him, she tied the apron thereto by its two strings and waved it proudly in the air three or four times, at each time jumping as high as she could.
Every one cheered in their delight at the readiness of the good woman, and congratulated each other cordially on this interesting addition to their forces.
The King now stood up in his chair, and after quieting the general excitement by ringing his bell, he thus addressed his troops:—
'My dear old boys and girls, although, no doubt, I appear to you a very fine man indeed, with a good appetite and fairly well covered for my time of life, I am not quite the man I should be. You must know that in my early babyhood I was a victim to the wicked carelessness of the royal cook. One morning this thoughtless creature left an unboiled parsnip on the garden path (had it been boiled and soft, my fate had been different perhaps) while chatting with a friend at the tradesmen's entrance. As ill luck would have it, I was at the time playing on the palace roof, to which I had climbed through the nursery chimney, and, childlike, was gazing curiously at a strange bird flying overhead, when I overbalanced and fell from the roof right on to the parsnip on the garden path, which, as you will guess, hurt me very severely indeed.'
The King here exhibited to his audience a dent on his head in the form of a parsnip.
'On hearing of this my father, of course, was highly indignant, and ordered the cook to be beheaded instantly, or, at all events, as soon as she had finished cooking the dinner.
'The dinner, however, was so excellent that myfather, in his enjoyment of it, forgot all about my mishap, and the cook went unpunished. Nevertheless the shock to my system was so great that, feeling it even to this day, as I have said, I am not the man I should be. A trifle irritable now and again; or more sulky and disagreeable than I care to admit; or at times even harsh, morose, surly, snappish, rattish, and short-tempered, all little failings you have no doubt noticed, and which now, knowing my early misfortune, you will more readily excuse.
I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP
'Well,' continued the King, 'you will at least understand that a little rest is good for me now and again, so that, as we have already travelled half the distance to my kingdom, I intend to give you all a whole holiday to-morrow, and on the day following, which happens to be my birthday, I will celebrate the great occasion with a grand review, after which we shall once more resume our long journey.'
This welcome announcement was received with the greatest enthusiasm by the brave fellows, and loud cheers echoed again and again through the forest, and a great feast was at once prepared.
THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED
ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY
Seated in a circle on the grass beneath the trees, the good souls enjoyed to the full the simple fare before them, and then, after once more cheering the old monarch, retired to their tents to sleep, and to dream of the morrow in store for them.
Next morning, with the exception of the old King, who intended to rest and remain in bed all day, every one was up betimes. After a hearty meal, Bill explained to them all the dangers of the great forest, and the necessity of returning to camp at dusk. Then, taking care not to disturb the King, they all left the camp, different parties taking different directions, seeking amusement wherever they could find it.
Bill took care of his charges, who had the greatest sport in the world,—tree-climbing, nutting, chasingbutterflies, fishing in the pools, playing at Wild Indians, Hunt-the-Stag, Robbers and Thieves, Poor Jenny is a-weeping, Red Rover, and every really sensible game that there is to play, while Boadicea spent the time very happily in making beautiful bunches of wild flowers.
Chad, however, was a bit of a nuisance, crying all the morning because he was not allowed to eat toadstools; so to keep him out of mischief, Bill tied him to the highest branch of a very tall tree, and there left him to have his cry out.
And left him to have his cry out
The Long Man took Ptolemy Jenkinson in hand, and taught him how to bird-nest, at the same time adding to his own valuable collection of eggs. The Ancient Mariner made a swing for the Absent-minded Indian, and wondered, while he was swinging him to and fro, whether he enjoyed it or not, for the thoughtful creature's face still gave no sign at all of what was taking place in his mind, supposing he had one. The Doctor spent the day upside down, with his feet supported against the trunk of a tree and his nose on the ground, while he studied the habits of the stag-beetle. The Boy Scout practised scouting by continually losing his patron and then finding him again, while the Respectable Gentleman himself kept his respectability in hand by behaving most politely to all the trees of the forest,—raising his hat to the silver-birches, leaving his card on the ash-trees, introducing a hornbeam to a blackthorn, apologising to the thistles for treading on their lower leaves, and, in fact, behaving like the perfect gentleman he was, and having a really enjoyable day.
The Triplets played hide-and-seek, and the SicilianChar-woman set to and dusted and scrubbed down a good number of the forest trees, and spent the rest of the day in endeavouring to clear up the last year's leaves that everywhere littered the grass.
It was quite late in the evening when all returned to camp, quite tired out, and after supper each crept quietly to bed without awakening the King, and soon the whole camp was fast asleep.
THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP
In the morning every one awoke in the best of spirits, and brimful of the many things they had to tell of the happy time they had spent the day before. The old monarch seemed much refreshed for his long rest, and before sitting down to breakfast every one in turn went up to him and shook the happy old boy by the hand, wishing him many happy returns, after which they all sat down and enjoyed a substantial breakfast. Before the repast was quite finished, and while the King was looking the other way, Bill walked round the ring formed by the army as they sat upon the grass, and collected birthday presents for the old monarch. Every one was delighted to give something to His Majesty to show how much they appreciated his greatness, and when the old chap received the many gifts, all done up in one brown paper parcel, he was so overcome that he could hardly stammer forth his thanks. And this is what he found in the parcel when, with trembling hands, he had succeeded in opening it:—
From Bill,A bone-handled, two-bladed pocket-knife, a little rusted, but with only one blade missing.From Noah,Some string.From Ratchett,8 brace buttons (very bright).From the Twins{Quentin,Wooden top of peg-top.Hannibal,Iron peg of same.From Randall,Ferrule of umbrella.From Nero,More string.From Biddulph,Dial of old watch (not cracked very much).From Knut,Glass marble (beautifully coloured).From Chad,2 pear drops (old, but in good condition).From the other children collectively,Twenty last year's horse chestnuts on string (very hard).From the Ancient Mariner,Piece of wood skilfully cut into the form of a pebble.From the Absent-Minded Indian,Nothing.From the Triplets,3 bunches of violets.From the Respectable Gentleman,His visiting-card.From the Boy Scout,One of the Killgruel town-keys he had swallowed.From the Sicilian Char-woman,Small piece of soap.From the Long Man,Wren's egg.From Boadicea,A hat full of ripe blackberries.From the Doctor,Half of cough lozenge.From Ptolemy Jenkinson,A last year's ticket for a box.
Every one clamoured for a speech, but the old fellow was so affected by all this unexpected kindness, that he would not trust himself to open his mouth, so with tears of gratitude pouring from his eyes, he retired to his chair. These interesting proceedings thus coming to an end, he was wheeled into the forest by Boadicea until they came to the open space where the review was to take place.
Having dried his eyes and smartened himself up, with Boadicea standing sedately at his side holding the presents, the King now solemnly awaited the appearance of the troops. Soon there was a great noise in the direction of the camp, and then they could be heard approaching.
First came the nine brave sons of Crispin and Chloe, proudly marching three by three, and as they passed the King each gallantly saluted him. Now followed the stately Char-woman with the flag held aloft, and when she came opposite His Majesty she jumped magnificently three times into the air. She was followed by more of Bill's charges, and then, with great dignity, Bill, the King's general, marched past the Royal Old Boy and saluted him grandly.
Another detachment of Bill's charges followed the general, then the Ancient Mariner approached, and, after placing the Absent-minded Indian on the ground, he, with much dignity, saluted the King by touching his forelock, sailor fashion, and after a few steps of the hornpipe, once more resumed his burden and moved on. The Ancient Mariner was followed by the Long Man who winked knowingly at the King as he passed by. Ptolemy Jenkinson came next, then the Doctor, who, not knowing quite what was expected of him, proceeded to feel the King's pulse, but was quickly hustled off by the Scout, who now approached.
The Respectable Gentleman followed the Boy Scout, and raised his hat in a very gentlemanlymanner to the King as he passed him and politely handed him one of his cards, upon which he had scribbled a few good wishes to the old monarch.
Now, one by one, the Triplets passed in front of the delighted King, before whom each of the sweet creatures performed the most graceful curtsy, and the procession then terminated with another detachment of Bill's charges.
The King was more than satisfied, and they all once more started on their adventurous journey.
After travelling some days, they came across a real soldier seated at the side of the road, and Bill at once persuaded the King to invite so valuable a man to join their expedition. The King therefore left his chariot and approached him, and asked the noble-looking fellow if he would care to make one of their party, and, if so, whether he had a good character from his last general, and the old warrior replied:—
'Allow me, my good sirs, to recite to you one of my most noteworthy achievements, one of which, peradventure, you may not have read in the numerous books filled with accounts of my exploits. I shall thus remove any trace of doubt that may linger in your minds as to my great courage and astute generalship.'
All expressing their eagerness to hear the story, the wordful old warrior proceeded:—
'As near as I can remember, it was in the early fifties when, a mere drummer-boy, with the bloom of early boyhood still gracing my brave young cheek, I marched with the gallant 53rd or, as you may possibly know them, the King's Own Royal Roebucks, to the relief of the Isle of Wight. This island, at the time I mention, was blockaded by that notorious filibuster, Reginald Bendbrisket, a rogue who, possessed of the greatest audacity and cunning, had earned for himself an unenviable reputation, from Margate to Samoa, by the terrible extent of his depredations.
'You will all doubtless remember how, disappointed in his endeavours to usurp the throne of Pitcairn Island, he had impudently resolved to make a sudden raid upon the Isle of Wight; and thus to feed his own insatiable greed and, at the same time, appease the disappointed rage of his desperate followers, he would have plunged the peaceful little island into abject misery. What tempted him thereto nonecan guess with any certainty, unless indeed it were the many false reports, spread abroad by the unscrupulous, of the gold, silver, and diamonds to be found there; of the extensive quarries, rich in the finest hearthstone; and of the natural paraffin springs, that could provide the world with the purest oil; and many other reports, alike false and discreditable to their inventor and to those who repeated them to the credulous stranger.
'Had the rogue been successful in his latest raid, his small band of followers (mayhap increased to a powerful army by the hordes of discontented periwinkle-gatherers, prawners, and lobster-potterers that earn a scanty living on our shores) would, without doubt, have had at their mercy the Isle of Sheppey and the numerous other Islets that ornament our coasts. And then, from these a sudden and successful descent on Ludgate Hill would have rendered him master of the whole of London. Now I am going to tell you how the courage and forethought of a simple drummer-boy frustrated all his schemes, and brought to his knees one of the most unscrupulous enemies that has ever invaded our shores.
'To come back to the beginning of my story, we had a comfortable journey down, the tedium of which had been greatly relieved by delightful conversation and intellectual chatting, each in his turn considerably astounding the others by the amount of intelligence he displayed. These pursuits were againvaried by interesting recitations, and such parlour-games as could be conveniently played in a railway carriage. We arrived in the afternoon at a snug little hamlet on the coast opposite the island, whence we embarked in a fleet of disused barges and dredgers. We reached our destination, after a fairly calm voyage, without having excited the curiosity of the invaders, only one of whose vessels we passed, and all on board it were so engrossed with the captain, who was violently sea-sick, that we passed unobserved.
'We were 2,352 strong, including the gallant 53rd, of which I was a member, a battery of artillery, a camel corps, two squadrons of the smartest cavalry that ever chased a rabbit across the Hackney Marshes, and a battalion of infantry, so well trained that there was not one of the rank and file who could not play quite delightfully on the piano; while the officers were unexcelled at conjuring tricks, with which they used to amuse the soldiers seated round the camp-fires of an evening. We were ably generalled by that best of all officers, Sir Francis Melville Glowmutton, whose fame in after years very nearly earned for him the honour of being mentioned in a popular Encyclopædia.
'We were met on the beach by a procession of the inhabitants, headed by the president of the island, all of whom were delighted to see us, and extended to us the most hospitable of welcomes. Without waitingfor formal introductions, they fraternised in the most friendly spirit with the troops who, in turn, were charmed with their reception and, being quite beyond themselves with gratification, adorned their conversation with the most graceful compliments to the inhabitants and grateful tributes to their kindness.
'The blockade had lasted barely eight weeks, so that, as yet, the inhabitants of the island were not aware of it, and when they learnt from the soldiers the real state of affairs, they rejoiced beyond measure, and redoubled their congratulations to the army and to each other, and the president seized the very first opportunity publicly to thank the general for his thoughtfulness in coming to relieve them.
'For quite a long time the handshaking went on, and every one was so amiably excited that the president, anxious that so much good feeling should not be thrown away, invited every one to spend the evening with him at his presidency on the Needles.
'And such a bright and happy evening it was too! Every one in the best of spirits, and entering blithely into all the games! "Oranges and Lemons," "Nuts and May," and "Poor Jenny is a-weeping," had never, within the memory of any one present, been played with greater zest, and, what was more wonderful, never had the rather trying game of "Hunt the Slipper" provoked less ill-temper since it was first introduced into this country at the Norman Conquest.
THE REAL SOLDIER
'The joy of the frolicsome ones was only equalled by that of the older inhabitants and the elderly officers, who, seated on chairs placed for them round the wails of the hall, fairly shook with laughter and merriment, until the tears rolled down their handsome old cheeks.
'At last, with flushed and happy faces, all sat down to a splendid cold supper provided by the President, but it was some little time before the feast could proceed, as every one was so well-behaved that there was quite a turmoil of passing things to one another. At last, however, every one was served, and the supper proceeded with the greatest mirth on all sides.
'After a while the president stood up to make a speech, and had only got as far as, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is not that we——" when, to everybody's consternation, there was a loud knock at the door and, without waiting to be asked, in stalked the notorious Reginald himself.
'Having approached the table, he slowly withdrew his gaze from the refreshments (to which it had wandered on his entry), and, drawing himself to his greatest height, demanded of the president the instant surrender of the island to him as his rightful property, averring that it had been left to him by an aunt, whose favourite he had been. Then, putting his hand to his bosom, he drew thence an old roll of parchment which, indeed, proved to be the Will of one Martha Grub. This he handed to the president, who read aloudtherefrom the following clause, which had been underlined:—
'And I do bequeath unto my good sister's son, the shapely Reginald Bendbrisket, inasmuch as he has shown some kindness unto my black cat, now dead alas! twenty jars of the good plum preserve I did make last fall as well as five yards of the good garden hose wherewith I did heretowhile water my cabbages in the droughty seasons, the rest to be cut up and divided equally amongst my other nephews and nieces to be used by them as they may see fit whatsoever.'At their demise the said pieces shall be delivered up to the said Reginald, who will once more unite the fragments and pass the completed hose on to his heirs for ever.'For his goodness in undertaking thus to carry out my wishes I do also bequeath unto the before-mentioned Reginald the Island of Wight situate at the south coast of England.
'And I do bequeath unto my good sister's son, the shapely Reginald Bendbrisket, inasmuch as he has shown some kindness unto my black cat, now dead alas! twenty jars of the good plum preserve I did make last fall as well as five yards of the good garden hose wherewith I did heretowhile water my cabbages in the droughty seasons, the rest to be cut up and divided equally amongst my other nephews and nieces to be used by them as they may see fit whatsoever.
'At their demise the said pieces shall be delivered up to the said Reginald, who will once more unite the fragments and pass the completed hose on to his heirs for ever.
'For his goodness in undertaking thus to carry out my wishes I do also bequeath unto the before-mentioned Reginald the Island of Wight situate at the south coast of England.
'On reading this the president turned very pale and every one trembled, never having dreamt of the strength of the invader's position. But being a bit of a lawyer, the president very soon rallied and replied to the filibuster, in as courtly a manner as he could assume, that he was bound to admit that his aunt Martha had, without doubt, left the island to him, and that he would be the last man to dispute the fact—here the rogue, vainly imagining that he was about to realise his greatest hopes, could not conceal his satisfaction,and helped himself to a sandwich—"But hold!" cried the president in a terrible voice, "I do dispute that it was hers to leave."
'BUT HOLD!' CRIED THE PRESIDENT
Reginald completely lost his temper
'At this the irascible Reginald completely lost his temper and hurled the sandwich with such fury to the ground that it broke one of the gorgeous tiles that ornamented the floor. "Have you," said he, "the audacity to doubt the word of my aunt Martha? Have you the face to stand there and dispute the will of that excellent woman, written when dying of a broken heart at the death of her black cat, and whose only solace was the company of her dutiful nephew? Thenyour fate be upon your own head." And he strode out of the hall gnashing and grinding his teeth in the most terrible manner, only stopping to pick up the sandwich which he had thrown down in his outburst of passion.
'YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD'
'When the door had slammed to with terrific force behind him there was a great silence in the hall, and we all looked at one another with scared faces. Soon every one arose from the table, and silently left the banqueting-hall to prepare for the fight which we now knew would come on the morrow.
'Try as I would, I could not sleep for thinking ofthe battle in store for us. I counted more sheep than would have fed our army for six months, but with no result. I then tried elephants, and after that camels and zebras, and finally, hoping that their odd shapes might bring me repose, I tried ant bears, but all in vain. At last, in despair, I rose from my hard couch, donned my uniform, and snatching up a cracknel, strode out of my tent.
'Murmuring "Brittle Pantechnicons" (which, by the way, was our password) to the sentry, I strolled idly down to the sea. It was a beautiful and perfectly still night, with not a ripple to disturb the surface of the sea, upon which, here and there, would glow a little shimmer of light as the phosphorescent turbot rose to its prey. In the distance, and away to the right, could be seen the camp-fires of the enemy, and the reflections in the pools left by the tide. Ever and anon sounds of merriment could be heard as the invaders, heedless of the morrow, spent the night in revelry. To the left, and further back, could be seen the tents of our forces, not a sound arising therefrom except the low monotonous breathing of the soldiers (who were so well drilled that even in their sleep they breathed in time), or maybe the "Who goes there?" of the sentry would sound in the darkness, as he mistook a moth for a spy, or the drone of the beach bee for the war-whoop of the enemy.
'At the water's edge, dark against the starry sky, I found a solitary bathing-machine, beneath whichI crept, and here at length my weariness quite overcame me and I slept. How long I remained thus I cannot tell, but I was awakened by heavy footsteps on the floor of the machine over my head. My curiosity was intense, but resisting the temptation to rush out and satisfy it, I wisely resolved to remain in my present position as long as possible.
FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA
'Presently the mysterious tenant of the machine opened its seaward door and stood revealed in the light of the moon, which had arisen during my sleep, as the terrible Reginald Bendbrisket himself, clothed in a deep black bathing-suit. I crouched down, not daring to move a muscle, and was presently relieved to see him, after standing for some time on the steps of the machine, amble carefully over the stones to the edge of the sea, into which he plunged.
'Now it was that an idea suddenly occurred to me, and I instantly crept from my place of concealment, and stealing up to the landward door of the machine nailed it fast with the hammer and nails I always carried with me to mend my drum, which was not infrequently broken beneath my enthusiastic blows.Having secured the front door, I now crept in at the back and, doffing my own clothes, soon donned those of the unconscious filibuster, who was still floundering about in the sea. Having effected this change, I crept back to my former position under the machine, and had barely made myself comfortable there when I saw the rogue returning.
'After scrambling painfully over the stony beach he mounted the steps and entered the machine, and the slam of the door as it closed upon him was the signal for me to rush out and secure this as I had already secured the front door. Having done this, I waited no longer, but made off with all possible speed in the direction of the enemy's camp, which I had nearly reached, when I heard a most terrible banging from the interior of the now distant bathing-machine. Losing no time, I entered the camp, and, being easily mistaken for their captain, passed on unchallenged.
'Arriving in time at the centre of the camp, I found all the men gathered together, having forsaken their revels, evidently in expectation of the return of their leader.
IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER
'Standing before the villainous crew, I assumed, as nearly as I could, the mien and rough harsh voice of their filibustering captain, and ordered them to embark at once and to leave the island, as it had been reinforced during the night by such a mass of thundering artillery as would be impossible to withstand, and that they were even now fast approaching along the beach from the other end of the island where they had landed. The men, on hearing this appeared quite incredulous and their growls of disbelief grew louder and louder and threatened a terrible mutiny. Having at length gained a hearing, I invited them all to that part of the camp by which I had entered, to hear for themselves the approach of the distant hosts. Leading them all, still grumbling and growling, a little way beyond the camp, I commanded them all to be absolutely quiet, and then, in the silence which ensued, could be heard far away in the direction ofthe bathing-machine a most terrific and continuous banging, together with the sound of muffled shouting.
'The men were aghast, and in the moonlight their swarthy faces could be seen to change to a ghastly white. Then, with an unearthly yell, they all turned and fled in a wild panic to the boats. They tumbled over and over each other in their anxiety to get away, and many got wet to the skin in their endeavour to reach the boats. At last, to my great joy, I saw the last of them pull off and reach the ships, which now put on all sail and vanished away for ever.
'I now returned to the bathing-machine, from which still came a terrible din, though not quite so violent as it had been at first.
'Taking hold of the rope that was fastened to it, I began to drag the machine in the direction of our camp, the banging meanwhile gradually subsiding, until at last only an occasional bang proclaimed the machine to be inhabited. As before, I passed the sentry by murmuring "Brittle Pantechnicons" and drew the machine up in front of the General's tent.
'The General, having finished an early breakfast, was just setting out to take a stroll before settling down to plan out the battle, and seeing me, whom he at first took to be Reginald Bendbrisket, the good man received quite a severe shock. However, I soon undeceived him, and after relating my adventures I unfastened the door of the bathing-machine, anddisclosed therein the form of the filibuster on bended knees, imploring our mercy.
'Every one was delighted at such a speedy end to the campaign, for my part in which I was duly honoured. Reginald Bendbrisket, after a mild punishment, reformed and became a very respectable gentleman, the president kindly using his influence to secure for him a lucrative position in a well-known Insurance Office.
'And thus, my good Sirs, it is, that the Isle of Wight still remains one of our many valued possessions.'
'The very man for me,' thought the King of Troy, when he had finished his story, and before proceeding with their journey, he promoted the martial creature to the high position of second General-in-chief of the army.
One day the army were overtaken by a singularly wild-looking man who proved, however, to be at the same time quite an amiable creature, and expressed a great desire to seek some employment with the gallant fellows. The King was pleased to enlist the nice and sociable person, and was more than repaid for his confidence in him by his charming ways. On one occasion, when the King was rather tired and worried, the Wild Man, in order to distract the dear old fellow, told the following story:—
'Good Sirs, though wild enough indeed, yet may I claim to be an unspoilt child of nature, whose finest instincts have, unchecked, found their true development. Thus, communing with nature from my cradle and living on terms of the closest intimacy with her wildest creatures, I can appreciate their humble wants, their hopes and fears, and have acquired the truly marvellous power of conversing with these simple-minded denizens of the wilderness.
'My home was a rocky cave hard by the sea-shore, in which I lived in simple happiness with my good wife, now dead, alas! this many a long year ago, and our five brown children, who long since have grown to men and gone out into the world to seek their fortunes. Harmless indeed were our joys, and our trials we bore with that great fortitude which was not the least of the blessings we derived from our simple mode of life.
'To proceed with my tale, on one dismal evening late in autumn, I left my cave, with the hungry cries of my children still in my ears,—for, indeed, the poor things had had no sup or bite the whole day through. Wondering what I could do that they might not go supperless to bed, I strolled along the sands by the sea in the hope of finding some odd limpet or whelk which, together with a few dried dandelion leaves, might make a simple stew. Alas! no vestige of a single crustacean could I find, so I sat me down upon the sands, determined not to return until the childrenhad fallen asleep on the dry ferns and grass heaped up for them at the back of the cave, as their cries were more torment to me than my own emptiness.
'The sun had long ago set, and the autumnal twilight, reflected in the pools of still water left by the far receded tide, was gradually fading from the sky, when I fancied I could hear a low heart-rending moan from off the desolate waste of sand before me. Again and again it sounded, and at last realising that it might be uttered by some creature in distress, I stood up and, as far as the fading light would permit, scanned the sands in every direction.
'Nothing, however, could I see, and as the moan still continued at intervals and became, in fact, more and more painful and beseeching, I wandered about, a prey to the liveliest anxiety, endeavouring to discover whence it proceeded.
'At length I perceived on the sand, at a little distance before me, a small dark motionless object, and at that instant a harrowing sound, arising therefrom on the evening air, left me in no doubt as to the origin of the moans I had already heard. Creeping as quietly as possible on my hands and knees quite close to it, I found it to be a lovely blue point oyster, and bringing my head to a level with the shell, I asked coaxingly, and in as soft a voice as I could command, what ailed it.