THE SHAFTER SHAFTEDWell, James McMillan Shafter, you're a Judge—At least you were when last I knew of you;And if the people since have made you budgeI did not notice it. I've much to doWithout endeavoring to follow, throughThe miserable squabbles, dust and smudge,The fate of even the veteran contendersWho fight with flying colors and suspenders.Being a Judge, 'tis natural and wrongThat you should villify the public press—Save while you are a candidate. That songIs easy quite to sing, and I confessIt wins applause from hearers who have lessOf spiritual graces than belongTo audiences of another kidney—Men, for example, like Sir Philip Sidney.Newspapers, so you say, don't always treatThe Judges with respect. That may be soAnd still no harm done, for I swear I'll eatMy legs and in the long hereafter go,Snake-like, upon my belly if you'll showAll Judges are respectable and sweet.For some of them are rogues and the world's laughter'sDirected at some others, for they're Shafters.
Well, James McMillan Shafter, you're a Judge—At least you were when last I knew of you;And if the people since have made you budgeI did not notice it. I've much to doWithout endeavoring to follow, throughThe miserable squabbles, dust and smudge,The fate of even the veteran contendersWho fight with flying colors and suspenders.Being a Judge, 'tis natural and wrongThat you should villify the public press—Save while you are a candidate. That songIs easy quite to sing, and I confessIt wins applause from hearers who have lessOf spiritual graces than belongTo audiences of another kidney—Men, for example, like Sir Philip Sidney.Newspapers, so you say, don't always treatThe Judges with respect. That may be soAnd still no harm done, for I swear I'll eatMy legs and in the long hereafter go,Snake-like, upon my belly if you'll showAll Judges are respectable and sweet.For some of them are rogues and the world's laughter'sDirected at some others, for they're Shafters.