This holds equally true of the man. When weighty business matters are to be attended to, dark suits with correspondingly somber ties and shirts attract the desired mood of seriousness. For less sedate, though not less important, occasions, brighter attire makes one forget the cares of business and assume an air of gayety. One may recline in a full-dress suit and strive vainly for rest; but the mere putting on of a smoking jacket brings an immediate feeling of relaxation.
As Haliburton so pointedly said, "As soon as a person begins to dress 'loud' his manners and conversation partake of the same element."
Striking attractiveness, rather than simple good taste, seems to be the spirit of modern dress. To see a beautiful young woman in gaudy clothes is as disappointing as seeing a romantic old Spanish tale bound in a cheap paper cover.
How much more delightful is a simple frock, developed of rich materials, and boasting only deep soft folds of the material as decoration, than an elaborate gown with rows and rows of imitation gold lace! And yet, we find that many of our most fashionable women, priding themselves on having good taste, select clothes that are conspicuous and gaudy rather than those that are simple.
Beauty of material and excellence of workmanship should be the primary considerations in selecting a new gown or suit. If ornament is desired, the laws of harmony,contrast and personality should be carefully considered. Colors must blend; there must be no weird contrasts that jar badly on one's artistic sense. Gaudiness, after all, defeats its own purpose, for it expresses a certain vulgarity. The desire to attract attention has no place in the world of good breeding.
Who wishes to be stared at, remarked upon, openly admired—if not the ill-bred woman, the sorely uncultivated man? Good taste finds expression in gowns that are simple, inconspicuous, yet well-cut and artistic; in suits that are quiet, conservative and well-tailored. And the good taste finds its reward in the genuine admiration and keen appreciation of others.
That is what Dr. Crane says—Dr. Crane, who has studied manners in all their aspects. "Extravagance is the greatest vulgarity." How true it is! How many of us adjust the expenditure for clothes in our households, not by what we ourselves can afford, but by what our neighbors and friends spend!
Fashion is a temptress. Smart gowns, exquisite hat creations, attractive styles in bootery, all tempt us to spend more than is really quite necessary. The extravagant woman fills her wardrobe with numerous dresses, blouses and hats for which she has no real use. But how much more sensible it is to have just enough for one's needs, a few stylish, well-made garments—each one an expression of the wearer's own personality.
There seems to be a false impression among men and women alike, that to be fashionable one must have a new dress for every occasion, a different suit for every dayof the week. As a matter of fact, this is an entirely mistaken idea. Fashion is not measured by the number of suits or dresses we have, but by the good taste we display in their selection.
It is significant that the woman whose wardrobe is filled to overflowing, invariably finds that she has "nothing to wear," while the woman of taste, with her carefully selected wardrobe, always seems to be dressed just right.
Just as there are certain laws governing the manners and conduct of society, there are certain laws governing the uses of dress. What is correct for the dance, is entirely incorrect for street wear. What one wears on a shopping trip may not be worn to the theater. The gentleman must not wear his business suit to dinner. Occasion governs costume—and its dictates must be heeded if one would be considered both fashionable and well-bred.
There is, for instance, the modish young lady taking an afternoon stroll in high-heeled satin slippers. What could be more inappropriate? Satin slippers should be worn only with semi-evening or evening dress—never with street clothes. Pumps with fur coats are strikingly inconsistent, as are straw hats with winter attire, or velvet hats with dainty summer-time frocks. True fashion does not profess to distort the seasons, although the style authorities would often have us believe so for their own material gain.
Then, of course, there is the young person who is athletically inclined, and insists on wearing sport clothes on all occasions. We see her on a shopping tour, blissfully unaware of how ridiculous her full-pleated skirt and loosemiddy appear beneath her elaborate wrap. We see her at a tea, enthusiastic over the glories of the eighteenth hole, and interpreting the glances of her friends at her sport shoes and bright sweater as glances of admiration rather than disapproval. Sport clothes are for the tennis courts, golf links, skating rinks and similar places. They have no place at teas and receptions.
Of the transparent blouses and silk dresses of the business woman, we will speak later; but in drawing a comparison, we might say that they are no more inappropriate than the eccentricities of dress assumed by some of our women of fashion. The importance of this question warrants a special paragraph.
Many men and women, in the mistaken belief that they are expressing personality, adopt certain peculiarities of dress.
Eccentric dressing always attracts attention, and is therefore bordering on the vulgar. There are, of course, many men and women who enjoy attracting attention, who delight in being considered "different." In such people we are not interested. It is the people of good taste that we wish to advise against the mistake of wearing peculiar and unconventional clothes.
There is a very old tale related about an Egyptian queen who owned a chain of coral, strung on a strip of dried skin from one of their sacred animals. She gloried in the possession of it, and in order to do full justice to it, she forbade everyone in her kingdom to wear beads.
The man or woman of to-day who wears "different" clothes, unconventional and in most cases unbecoming garments,is merely obeying the same vain and selfish instinct that prompted that Queen of long ago to forbid the wearing of beads.
As for personality, the man or woman who cannot express it in correct, conservative and conventional clothes, certainly cannot express it in grotesque and eccentric ones.
Beautiful dress alone is not enough. We may be attracted to a manikin, but after five minutes or so it bores us. With beauty of dress there must also be a grace and ease of manner without which no man or woman is quite charming, for uncomfortable garments rob us of all poise and grace.
Think of holding a quiet, serious, calm conversation while one's foot aches painfully because of a tight shoe! Think of sitting gravely and patiently through a long concert while one's too-tight collar grows ever more and more irritating, while one's narrow jacket becomes constantly more uncomfortable!
To be uncomfortable is to be conscious of what one is wearing; and we know that well-dressed men and women are never conscious of clothes. They know instinctively that they are well-dressed, and with the knowledge comes a dignity that adds charm to the beauty of their costumes. Thus they are able to enter whole-heartedly into conversation, feeling neither constrained nor uncomfortable but enjoying that serene satisfaction that comes when one is fully aware that one is well-dressed.
The early Romans had two distinct costumes which were worn alike by rich and poor—one simple, flowinggarment for the ordinary activities of every-day life, and one that was also simple but a bit more decorative, for the ceremonial occasions. Perhaps the grace and ease of manner for which the Romans of yore were noted was due to the delightful comfort of their dress.
Tight shoes, extreme styles, uncomfortable wraps, coats or suits—anything that in any way makes you conscious of what you are wearing, should be rigidly avoided. You are truly a "slave of fashion" if you allow yourself to suffer hours of torture merely to present an appearance that would have been vastly more pleasing if it had been accompanied by the graceful ease of manner of which discomfort robbed you.
We cannot all be perfect "sixteens" or perfect "thirty-sixes." Some of us are taller than others. Some of us are inclined to be stout. Some of us are short, and others very slender. We all have distinct individualities that can be marred or "starred" in the manner of dress we adopt.
We should all study our "good points" and wear the kind of clothes that will emphasize them at the same time that it will conceal our defects. Clothes have the power of magnifying imperfections. The too-stout woman can wear dresses that will make her look twice as stout. The short man can wear suits that make him look very much shorter. Intelligence, good judgment and a sense of beauty will achieve remarkable results for the man or woman who cares about his or her appearance.
There is the very thin woman, for instance. She must avoid the severely straight up-and-down lines that are so appropriate for other women who are built differently.Her forte is tunics, large collars, ruffles, overblouses and bows. Soft, filmy materials that fall in graceful lines are especially becoming, as are checked and flowered materials. Stripes in all forms must be strictly avoided as they accentuate the slenderness. For the thin woman, an easy, graceful manner is most important. When she develops such a manner, and combines it with the fluffiest and most frilly of feminine fashions, one will see how very charming she can be.
The too-stout woman faces a more difficult problem. She must carefully consider each detail of her dress, making sure that it does not in any way accentuate her fleshiness. She must avoid the checked and brightly-colored materials that her slender friends may wear. Long lines should be worn, and it should be remembered that clothes without waistlines work wonders for the stout woman—just as the coat without a belt improves the appearance of the stout man. Such edicts of fashion as the tight sleeve, round neck or short waist are not for the stout woman. The ideal dress for her is one long and sweeping in line. The length of the skirt, as well as details of style, must be adapted to her own particular requirements. She will find that she will be much happier (and her friends, too!) if she forgets that she is stout, and does not constantly bewail the fact to those who are with her. It is not deplorable to be stout, but it certainly is deplorable to dress in a manner which emphasizes that stoutness.
Tall people have a distinct advantage. They are able to wear all styles, all colors, unless they are extremely tall. They seem to have a certain natural grace that lends charm to whatever they wear. But there is thetoo-tall person who must be careful of what he or she wears. The very tall woman should avoid stripes as they add to her height. She must not wear high collars, nor severely tailored blouses. The tailored suit, however, becomes her. She should avoid bright colors and indulge a great deal in blacks and "midnight" blues. The tall man may wear whatever he pleases—as long as it is not conspicuous. He almost invariably presents an imposing and dignified appearance if he is well dressed.
Short people, especially short women, must exert special care in the selection of their wardrobes. The short woman must select only those gowns that have long lines, long-waisted effects. Bright colors are not for her—except a touch here and there. Short skirts are more becoming than long ones, just as stripes are more becoming than checks. Two extremes that the short woman must never indulge in, are large, drooping hats and extremely high heels. The hat cuts her height, and the heels give her a tilted appearance.
Whether you are tall or short, stout or slender, you have some particular attractiveness, and you should not allow the knowledge of your imperfections to make you timid or awkward. It needs only the correct dress and the proper spirit of pride and dignity to accentuate your personal charms. Remember that it is personality that counts—personality and character—and while some of the world's greatest personalities have been exceptionally tall, just as many of them have been extremely short!
Someone once said there is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful woman. A pretty sentiment, but not quitecomplete. We would have it read: There is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful woman well-dressed.
When is a woman well-dressed? It cannot be when she is merely fashionable, for when we glance at the fading portrait of some forgotten ancestor, graceful in her Colonial gown with its billows and billows of creamy white lace, we feel instinctively that she is well-dressed. And yet, we cannot call her fashionable. It cannot be elaborate attire, for we know that the stylish young miss in her severely tailored suit and sailor hat is certainly well-dressed. It cannot be distinctiveness—or individuality—for many a delightfully well-dressed young woman buys all her frocks and suits in the shops.
No, it is neither of these—and yet, it is all of them. The well-dressed woman has the faculty of charming you—and yet you yourself know not why. You know that she is well-dressed, but when she is gone you cannot remember just what it was that she wore. You have only a faint recollection of a perfect harmony of line and color.
She is fashionable, yes; and elaborate, too, if the occasion warrants it. She is distinctive, but not obviously so. But if she is truly well-dressed, her clothes are of the best materials and the workmanship is faultless. Style, color and line are all incidental to these two dominating principles of dress—material and workmanship.
The striking characteristic of the woman who is well-dressed is her poise, her grace and ease of manner, on all occasions. She is never self-conscious, never uncomfortable. She never is the center of attraction because she is never conspicuous. She is simply yet smartly dressed, graceful yet dignified, attractive yet inconspicuous.Above all, she isalwayswell-dressed—not only on festive occasions.
Every woman has within her the possibilities of being charming—if not beautiful. It requires only the knowledge of correct dress, of harmony and beauty in costume. There is, of course, the woman who insists that she does not care at all about clothes, that she does not care how she is dressed. But she is the exception, and we are interested in the rule. Woman does herself an injustice by being dowdy, careless or commonplace in dress. She puts herself at an unfair disadvantage. Charm and beauty are the heritage of woman, and the world expects it of her.
The woman who is ruled by fashion may not consider herself a well-dressed woman. If her sense of beauty is developed, if she knows the value of art and harmony, she will not be the slave of a stupid mode. She will not worship at the pedestal of fashion, trembling as each new decree is announced lest she be not among the very first to observe it. Style does not dominate her personality; rather, her personality dominates style.
And after all, is it not absurd to adhere slavishly to that which is in vogue, without attempting to adapt those modes to one's own individuality? There is, for instance, the woman who discards an otherwise attractive and fashionable gown merely because the sleeves are slightly puffed instead of severely tight-fitting as the whim of Fashion demands. She does not stop to consider that puffed sleeves are infinitely more becoming to her. They are not the "latest"—and that fact alone is enough to cause her to discard the gown.
An excellent thought for the girl or woman who wishes to be well-dressed, to remember, is: always dress as though you were going to the photographer to have your picture taken—a picture that you are going to leave to your children to remember you by. If you keep this in mind, you will never wear commonplace clothes nor clothes that are extreme in style, but you will dress with simplicity and taste, being sure to add here and there a touch of your very own personality—perhaps a corsage of violets to show your love of flowers, or a rare old cameo brooch to show your reverence for the things grown old.
Few men realize the tremendous importance of clothes both in the social and business worlds. The effects of dress are far-reaching—and they are certainly no less so among men than women.
There is the story of the man who gained admittance to the Athenaeum Library in Boston, although he was not a member. After spending a very pleasant morning reading, he prepared to leave. It was then that he was attracted to a rather dowdy individual who was remonstrating indignantly with an official at the door. "I am a member, I tell you!" he exclaimed. "Well, you certainly don't look it," the other retorted.
The man who had spent a morning in the library hastened away. He had not known that use of the reading rooms was restricted to members. But no one had questioned him, as helookedthe part of a member. Yet, the man who really did belong, had to submit to the indignity of questioning and of submitting proof, because his appearance—his clothes—did not do justice to his position.
We know that first impressions are the most important, especially in business. The man whose clothes are gaudy, ill-fitting or extreme, will find that he is not making as rapid a stride forward as his abilities warrant. Incorrect dress is a serious handicap. In the social world, it is not only a handicap, but a barrier. The oft-repeated Dutch proverb may be a bit exaggerated, but it certainly has a suggestion of truth—"Clothes Make the Man."
And so we say to the young and the old man alike, dress well. Dress, not as a fashion-plate, but with a regard for appropriate style—and with an especially keen regard for fine materials and excellent workmanship. Do not be content with an ordinary suit, but be sure that each one you wear imparts that poise and dignity which is so essential to the true gentleman. Your wardrobe need not be filled with suits for every day and every occasion; but a few carefully selected garments, well-tailored and smartly styled will earn for you the enviable distinction of "a well-dressed man."
One might remember, to quote once again from the proverbs of the Dutch, that "A smart coat is a good letter of introduction."
Youth may not claim sole possession of charm. Old age has a charm all its own—a silver charm that makes one think of mellowed roses, and fading sunsets.
A delightful gray-and-lilac grandmother, reposing quietly in the depths of a great armchair, perhaps dreaming of a golden youth—this is a picture that artists have long loved to paint. There is something strangely irresistible in old age, especially when old age is beautiful.And to make it beautiful requires only a calm assurance and kind heart combined with clothes that are in good taste and in harmony with one's years and personality.
Of course, one does not expect one's grandmother to wear the same kind of gay creations that young Miss Seventeen delights in; nor would one expect one's grandfather to flaunt the same style of suit one's son wears at college. The sound of rustling silk and sweeping petticoats is one of the charms of the elderly lady—but an abbreviated skirt would certainly make her appear ridiculous. Similarly, the elderly gentleman finds dignity and distinction in a black frock coat, but one is inclined to smile when he appears in the jaunty black-and-white checked Norfolk suit that would better become his son.
Yes, age has a charm that is well worth striving for. There is something decidedly imposing and impressive about a handsome old man immaculately dressed; and there are no words beautiful enough to describe the enchantment of the silver-haired old lady in delicate colors and fabrics, and flowing styles reminiscent of the days of powdered wigs. Old age has its compensations; youth can never have its charming repose and calm.
In these days, when daughter and grandmother enjoy the same entertainments, and attend the same affairs, the clothes of the elderly woman are just as important as those of the younger. We shall describe here several kinds of costumes that invariably add charm to old age, so that grandmother may appear to advantage beside the youthful bloom of the young girl.
There is, for instance, the soft, wide lace fichu so becomingto the elderly woman—but that the young miss cannot very well wear. Combined with a dress of brocaded satin, with a full skirt that takes one back to the days of the Quakers, the lace fichu is most attractive. Then there is always the shadowy charm of black velvet and black lace. For the more formal occasions when the elderly woman wishes to be particularly well-dressed, yet not conspicuous, a dress of black velvet, with wide frills of black Chantilly lace, makes a most appropriate costume. The lace may be used to veil the skirt and as sleeves.
The elderly woman may choose any dark color that becomes her—gray, dark blue and black are perhaps the three colors most favored. There are several light colors that are appropriate, chief among them, gray and lavendar. Materials worn by the woman-who-is-older are taffeta, velvet,crêpe de chineand satin. She should avoid such materials as organdie, georgette and tulle—they are meant for youth.
Two of the most common faults of elderly women are imitation and over-dressing. Both rob old age of its charm, and the wise woman will conscientiously avoid them.
By imitation, we mean the following of fashions and styles meant for the young person. We see women celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversaries wearing "fashionable" dresses that are in absolute discord with their years and personality. Short skirts and straight-line silhouettes may be perfectly all right, but they certainly do not give to old age the imposing dignity that is its main charm.
One instinctively respects and admires the white-haired woman whose skirts are of a length commensurate with her age and dignity, and who carries herself with calm poise. More than that, oneappreciatesher. But the woman who is growing old and insists upon keeping herself young by wearing inappropriate and inharmonious clothes, is merely making a farce of herself. There can be nothing more ridiculous than a woman past fifty in gown and wrap obviously created for the young person of seventeen. Instead of improving her appearance, the elderly woman deprives herself of the charm that should rightfully be hers.
As for over-dressing, it is so utterly bad form and bad taste that it requires only passing notice. Just as simplicity enhances the beauty of youth, so does simplicity enhance the charm of old-age. Ostentation of any kind, jewels, bright colors, gaudy styles—all these make old age awkward, unpresentable and unrefined.
One can be a good many years past fifty and still enjoy the theater, the opera. And one can easily retain the presentable dignity of earlier days by wearing clothes that are just as appropriate as those of those earlier days.
For afternoon wear the elderly man will find the black frock coat with gray trousers most effective. He should wear white linen, wing collar and small black tie. This costume is also appropriate for morning wear. In the evening the gentleman always wears full dress, irrespective of age.
In the warmer climates, gentlemen of more mature years find keen pleasure in the early morning and afternoon costume consisting of black and white patterned homespun jacket, slacks and waistcoat of white flannel, white linen and foulard tie. Black and white sport shoes and a light panama hat complete the costume admirably.
Because it is the trip about which people are most in doubt when it comes to deciding what to take along we give here below a few suggestions about the wardrobe for a person about to start South.
To visit the balmy sunshine of the South, is to require a wardrobe that will harmonize with the lazy mood of the skies of Havana or Miami. Even though the snows may have tied up traffic in one's own home town, clothes for the Southland trip must be delicate, "summery" and flimsy. One includes a bathing suit, too, although the lake back home is frozen over.
The wardrobe one takes to the South depends largely upon the duration of the visit and the extent of one's purse. The one described here is for the average requirements of both.
For the mornings there must be several crisp, demure little frocks that are easy to launder. Bright colors match bright skies, and wide sashes are most becoming. For afternoon wear, frocks of taffeta, silk and organdie are suggested—colorful little frocks made with a regard for easy packing and attractiveness. Canton crêpe is a lovely material, especially when it is of pale apricot or Nile green—and it does not crush as easily as taffeta or organdie. A delightful frock for Southern wear is hand-sewnvoile in a soft old rose shade. With it may be worn a large-brimmed straw hat of old rose.
Bright sweaters, sport skirts, sport coats, blouses, oxfords—all these are of course indispensable to the wardrobe for the southern visit. The number of sweaters and blouses taken depends upon the length of the visit. One should include a bathing suit, a beach coat and a brightly colored parasol. And the smart frock for evening strolls must not be forgotten.
At least one elaborate evening gown, and two or three semi-evening gowns will be necessary even if the visit to the South is a short one. And we would heartily recommend a fluffy little evening wrap to go with the gown. Then, of course, there are the little strapped slippers and the low-cut sports shoes to be considered.
One is pretty sure to be happy under the blue skies of the tropics if one's wardrobe contains a plentiful supply of gay, colorful frocks, blouses and sports things. But one need not postpone the visit because clothes seem to be expensive; common sense, good judgment and a small purse go a long way.
Plenty of white duck trousers, white linen, light sack coats and sports clothes are necessary for the man who winters in the South. He will find the patterned homespun jacket very smart indeed, with slacks and waistcoat of white flannel. This outfit may be worn with panama hat, colored foulard tie and black and white sports shoes.
A brown or gray flannel sack suit is convenient for Southern wear—especially in the morning and early afternoon. It is attractive when worn with tan oxfords, coloredlinen and straw hat. Flannel suits are often worn with white oxfords, and sometimes blue serge sack jackets with white duck trousers.
The wise man will include a suit for motoring in his wardrobe. With it he should include a motor cap, and a light raglan coat or a coat of unshorn homespun. An attractive tennis jacket for Southern wear is of blue and black striped English flannel, with a wide roll collar; worn with white linen and white flannel trousers. White tennis shoes should be included for wear with this outfit.
For the afternoon, an attractive costume for the gentleman in the South is a single-breasted jacket of diamond weave homespun, a double-breasted vest to match, white flannel trousers and white linen. A black tie with polka dots of white, and black and white sports shoes add just the right note of smartness.
A dinner jacket and full dress suit must have place in the wardrobe one prepares for the South. Patent leather pumps should not be forgotten, nor a silk hat for the very formal occasions. Of course, there must be plenty of white and colored linen, and a generous supply of bright ties and sports shoes and hose. As for bathing suit, golf togs and riding habits, we leave these to the taste and discrimination of the gentleman who is contemplating the visit.
There was a time, not so very long ago, when woman's activities were confined to the home. For a woman to be actively engaged in some business or profession of her own meant one of two things: either she was an "old maid" or she was "queer." Naturally, the social standing of such women was rather doubtful.
But to-day, with the equal franchise that has given woman her long-denied vote, she has allowed her talents and capabilities to find outlet in other wider fields than those limited merely to the home. There are women in law offices, women in courts as reporters and interpreters, women in the stock exchange, women editors, women directors—women in every conceivable branch of art, industry and commerce. That they are succeeding, admirably so, is evident in their social status.
Years of blind adherence to false tradition have robbed woman of her proper development along business lines. That explains why there is still a difference in the business status of men and women. Then, of course, there is the sex difference; and advanced though she prides herself on being, woman is still considered mentally inferior—for the simple reason that she is a woman. It may take many years of slow development before woman is consideredman's absolute equal—in business as in politics. And until that time arrives, it behooves every woman who is interested in the progress of womanhood, to do her little share in hastening that glorious time of complete equality.
One of the seemingly small, but really vital things woman can do, is to dress so well and so wisely in business that the most exacting man can find no excuse to condemn her as a "slave of fashion."
Poise, self-confidence, dignity—all these come with the knowledge that one is well-dressed. The business woman cannot afford to sacrifice self-confidence, if she wishes to make a success. Self-confidence brings with it a certain forcefulness of manner, a certain dignity of bearing that is convincing at the same time that it is impressive.
And clothes play a large part in the development of this self-confidence! Yes, clothes, for it is when one knows and feels instinctively that one is perfectly attired, yet inconspicuous, that one is in full command of one's thoughts and bearing. The woman who would be a success in business, must remember that she cannot do justice to the business of the moment, if she is wondering whether her skirt falls just right, whether her blouse is still crisply laundered, whether the colors she is wearing are not too bright. She becomes embarrassed, flustered—and she fails to do justice to whatever should have been claiming her attention.
Recently, we read in the newspapers about a woman lawyer defending a young man accused of murder. We read with a great deal of interest, that she was a comparativelyyoung woman, and inclined to be eloquent in her speech. We read parts of her rebuttals to the court, and we tried to picture her standing in the center of the huge room, surrounded by eager spectators, facing the jury,—in a gown that was fashionable, becoming, yet inappropriate and uncomfortable. We could not do it. Weknewthat she could never have made the impassioned appeal that freed the defendant if she had been thinking of her clothes, rather than of the case. We pictured her in a conservative suit, with high-necked waist, strictly tailored throughout, and giving the appearance of being well-dressed without anyone even stopping to think about it. Later we were gratified to learn definitely that we were correct—this woman lawyer who had made so tremendous a success was an extremely conservative dresser, with simple good taste.
Self-confidence, poise and dignity are valuable assets to have in business. Correct dress aids materially in their development.
It hardly seems necessary in a book of this kind to speak about the slattern. And yet, some bits of advice we can give may be of value to some—and therefore we will not omit them.
By a slattern we mean a woman who shows lack of care and thought in clothing. The girl whose blouse sags is a slattern. The woman whose dress hangs loosely and does not fit well is a slattern. The woman who looks as though she had jumped into her clothes quickly, dashed off to the office without glancing in the mirror, and then forgottenall about straightening her hat and belt, is a slattern. Broadly speaking, any woman is a slattern who is not scrupulously careful in her attire, who does not show by her very appearance that she is well-groomed, well cared for.
One can be perfectly groomed with the possession of just one suit. A girl who is planning to have an illustrious career, and who wishes to put aside her earnings with a view towards future investments, need not spend large sums on clothes. With one very smart, tailored suit of a good material, and several attractive blouses, she can always look neat and well-dressed. Satin blouses, tucked and high-necked, are excellent for the office. A soft, fluffy little blouse of georgette transforms the suit into a quite appropriate costume for visiting and entertaining.
There can be no excuse for the girl or woman who does not always look her best at business as well as when she is attending to her social duties. And being well-dressed does not mean expensively or elaborately dressed. Some of the best groomed women wear clothes that are striking because of their very simplicity.
Changing constantly as they do, Fashions must be followed wisely. To adopt each new style as it is presented, stopping to question neither its authenticity nor permanency, is to become very soon a literal "slave of fashion." To avoid this, women of good taste adopt only those new fashions that are conservative and not obviously "new." Anything radically different, anything extreme, should be strictly avoided.
The business woman should pay particular attention tothe selecting of styles for her dresses, blouses and suits. She should never select a dress that is made with some distinct feature that may be worn for a month or two and then discarded. She should never search among the "fads" for her blouses, but choose instead those simple, tailored, becoming waists that are so appropriate for business. Her suits should always be dark in color, of excellent material, and of a style that is amply conservative enough to be worn two seasons if necessary.
If fashions are chosen wisely, with a regard for simplicity; if, in fact, clothes are chosen for good cut and fine material rather than attractive style, the business woman will soon find that she is gaining a reputation for being at all times well-dressed. And it is a reputation she will find valuable.
One need only step into a modern office for a moment, and glance around at the stenographers in their thin georgette blouses and high-heeled shoes, to realize how inappropriate gaudy, attractive clothes are in the business atmosphere. The stenographers may continue to wear their flimsy waists and gaudy clothes without ever feeling sorry for it, but the business person who expects to have a worthy career, will find ostentation in clothes, and especially gaudy display, fatally detrimental to her ultimate success.
There is nothing more conducive to respect, trust and honor in business than quiet tastes—in clothes as in everything else. One instinctively respects the young lady who is smartly attired in dark, simple clothes, ideally adapted to the business environment. How much moresensible she looks, how much more eager one is to trust her with confidential information, with responsible duties, than the flippant person who wears gaudy clothes! The wise woman will never allow bad taste to influence her to wear bright, attractive things to business; what she lacks in good taste and the knowledge of correct dress, she will make up in good common sense.
Someone once said, "There must be a reason for everything." There must be, then, a good reason for everything we wear. And surely there can be no reason for a bright orange georgette waist, or a finely plaited whitecrêpe de chineskirt worn to business. Women who wish to succeed in business, should avoid all that is gaudy, useless and inappropriate in dress, wearing only what is simple, becoming and neat.
The correctly-tailored, neat business suit is indispensable—as any business woman will attest. There seems to be a dignity about a suit that is lacking in any other business garment. Perhaps it is because of its simplicity.
For the woman who wishes to be tailored, we suggest the smart English tweed suits that are always in good taste. They may be simple, belted models with large patch pockets and straight-line jackets. Heather is a good color, or gray or brown mixture. Worn with plain white lawn or white batiste blouses, suits of this kind are ideal for business wear.
Jersey suits are also appropriate, if they are developed in dark colors, and simple styles. Loose, belted jackets are always in style, or they may be slightly fitted at the waist. Most popular and most becoming of all is the navyblue serge suit. It is always appropriate. It can be worn with white or colored blouses, and always presents a neat appearance. If it is well made and fits perfectly it will impart that well-groomed look so important to business women. For exact style of suit, fashion magazines or personal tailors must be consulted.
In the summer a woman may with propriety wear simple frocks of gingham, chambray, linen, and other washable materials.
Dark colors and heavy materials are always better form for business frocks than light, colorful materials. Good taste is undeniably evident in the simple, one-piece business dress of navy blue serge or tricotine. A bit of lace at the neck, or perhaps some touch of bright color, relieves the sombre darkness of the dress yet does not add any undue or inappropriate attraction.
Please remember we are not trying to preach here, or lecture you on the extremes of style. What we are attempting to do is merely point out for you what is correct and incorrect to wear in business circles, and we feel sure that you can make no mistake by following our advice.
For instance, there is the woman who is seeking valiantly to make a success in some line of business hitherto barred to women. Yet she wears an expensive fur coat and attractive frocks that would be better fitted to the dance floor. She wonders why her superiors hesitate to trust her with important responsibilities. She does not realize that her lack of discrimination in dress, her evident lack of knowledge of what is correct to wear at business, has caused them to lose confidence in her.
The business coat should be of cloth, never completely of fur unless one's position is high enough to warrant it—and even then it should be only of one fur, instead of a combination of two or three, and made with a regard for simplicity and inconspicuousness. However, the most appropriate business coat is made of a heavy cloth, plain or fur-trimmed for winter, and light-weight, dark-colored material for the warmer days. The hat, of course, follows the general note of simplicity and is usually small and dark. A turban is excellent, and it is one of the few fashions in hats that remains always popular.
It took many centuries of hammering before the portals of business and industry and art were thrown wide open to women. Now that that has happened it is her duty and pride to conduct herself in such a way that there can be no regrets and vain longings for the return of the woman of yesterday. By her manner and her dress a woman determines her place, and the women who are careless of their appearance and careless of their standard are the ones who are hindering the progress of women toward the goal of perfect womanhood.
When she enters business she must realize that she is on an equal footing with men and she should not demand or expect privileges simply because she is a woman. What she does and says and wears during the hours of her social life is entirely distinct from her business life, though, of course, she is always courteous, however hard it may be sometimes to control herself under the grinding of the routine work at the office.
Etiquette, in its truest sense, is an exponent ofself, rather than a manifestation towardsothers. We do what is right and courteous because no other behavior possibly could be consistent with our claim to be well-bred.
As Shakespeare has said,
Instinctively, and with no thought of impressing others, the well-bred man does and says what is correct. And his manners are as polished and cultivated in his home, at business and in public, as they are at the most formal social functions.
It is not enough to observe the conventions of society when you are in the elaborate ballroom or at a fashionable dinner. You must be always, at all times, in all places, as courteous and well-mannered as you would be in the most impressive surroundings. The world judges you by your manners in the street car and on the avenue just as severely as it does in private homes and at social functions.
Do what is correct because you are well-bred, and not because some important person is watching you. Then you will truly be following the rules of courtesy.
"Mightiest powers by deepest calms are fed" says the proverb. And Dr. Crane, himself a mighty power, supplements the saying by one of his own—"The silent sun is mightier than the whirlwind."
It is the quiet well-mannered person who inspires respect and liking. The loud laugh bespeaks the vacant mind and noisy, boisterous conduct has a tendency to irritate and make nervous the people who have to come into contact with it. In public and elsewhere you are accredited with as much refinement and gentility as your manners display—no more.
It is a mark of extreme good breeding to be able to meet all emergencies calmly and without uncontrolled anger or excitement. In training in the etiquette of calm behavior, there can be no better test than that of controlling the temper. Do not confuse this serenity of manner with cowardice; for the calm dignity that forbids one to be ill-mannered also forbids one to endure insolence. By learning to control the temper, one develops that kind of poise which is undeniably one of the greatest assets in the social and business worlds.
Real culture has a tendency to avoid excessive individuality. Instead, it requires that all people be treated with equal courtesy, whether they are strangers in the street of friends in the drawing-room. And it is this very charm of courtesy that has made etiquette so important a factor in civilization.
"All doors open to courtesy," the proverbs tell us. The "general public" so sadly abused in book and speech, is quick to recognize courtesy and eager to respond to it. Before a pleasant face and a courteous manner, all obstacles vanish, and we find ourselves progressing easily through the world, making friends as we go.
Some of us vainly pride ourselves upon being frank and candid in our association with others. This is a serious blunder which many men and women make. It is not commendable to be frank, when courtesy is sacrificed. Be truthful and just, but do not be unkind. And it certainly is unkind to repeat bits of gossip or scandal, unless there is a special reason why it should be done. How much better it is to gain the reputation of being considerate than the reputation of being brutally frank!
There are countless trifling tests of good manners that distinguish the well-bred. And these same tests prove that a careful attention to the rights and comforts of others, is one of the most decided marks of good breeding. For instance, at the postoffice one can immediately discern the well-bred man. He stands quietly in line until there is room for him at the window. He does not crowd. He does not attempt to push ahead of others to reach the window before his turn. He does not interfere with other people's business; he would be horrified at the thought of deliberately loitering near a window to overhear the private affairs of some other man. He is quiet, unobtrusive and considerate, moving quickly away from the window for the next person's convenience. In manner and speech, he is essentiallycourteous.
It is impossible to be a lady or gentleman withoutgentlemanners. And it is impossible to have gentle manners without beingcourteous. The word "courtesy" to-dayshould carry the same meaning of beauty and charm that the word "chivalry" did in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries.
There was a time, not so long ago, when a most marked reserve was required between men and women in public. But to-day, with the advent of women into almost every branch of business, art and profession, there is a tendency to loosen this social barrier and create a more friendly relationship between men and women. The stiff formalities of a decade ago have given way to a much more pleasing social harmony and understanding.
"Etiquette requires that the association of men and women in refined circles shall be frank without freedom, friendly without familiarity" declares a recent writer on good manners. There is no longer need for the strained reserve formerly felt when women were in the company of men in public. If the correct rules of etiquette are observed, and courtesy and poise follow in their wake, the man and woman in public may be as entirely at ease and unrestrained as they would be in a drawing-room or at an informal dinner.
American gentlemen have the reputation of being more chivalrous than the gentlemen of any other country. American ladies are acclaimed the most charming and intelligent in the world. Thus, when the speaker on the platform addresses the public audience as "Ladies and Gentlemen" the expression should mean something more than merely a careless formality.
To bow or not to bow is often a puzzling question!Some authorities on etiquette claim that "it is correct to bow first to a person of higher social position." Others assert that social position has nothing to do with it, and that it is age alone that determines who shall bow first. The question devolves upon several very important rules that should be rigidly observed.
The first, and invariable rule, is that the woman always bows first when meeting men acquaintances. Her bow assumes the proportions of a simple greeting; the head is slightly inclined, she looks directly at the man recognized, and smiles cordially. To the woman, therefore, is given the privilege of recognizing or refusing to recognize a man acquaintance. However, the really well-bred woman will never ignore in public a person, man or woman, with whom she has had even a slight acquaintance—unless she has a very good reason to do so.
Two young women meeting in public greet each other with a certain degree of spontaneity which consequently eliminates any question regarding the first bow. But when one of the women is married and the other unmarried, the first bow invariably comes from the former. Younger people, of the same sex, always wait for the first sign of recognition from the older person.
Young women who are dance partners or partners at the dinner table with men who are not personal friends, incur the social obligation of bowing courteously when chance meetings are made in public, even though there is no desire to continue social acquaintanceship. Also, when a man or woman has been invited to an entertainment at a house through the good offices of a friend of the hostess, he or she must wait to receive first recognition from that hostess when meeting in public.
Gentlemen meeting each other in public observe the same rule as that outlined for two women,—the younger waits for first recognition from the elder. If both are of the same age, the question of first bow is unimportant. People meeting often during the day need not bow elaborately each time; a simple smile or glance of recognition is sufficient.
It is extremely rude and unkind to "cut" an acquaintance publicly by staring coldly in response to a courteous bow and smile. There are so many more dignified methods of terminating an undesirable acquaintanceship. It is necessary only to keep one's eyes averted, persistently but not obviously if one wishes to avoid greeting an undesirable acquaintance. Or if one wishes one may bow with extreme formality, but a bow and smile in public should always receive some kind of acknowledgement, no matter how severely formal.
First in importance to remember when walking in public is poise and balance of bearing. The expression "thedébutante'sslouch" is a direct result of the lazy manner of walking recently adopted by a number of young women. Aside from its bad effect upon health, this manner of walking is both ungraceful and unattractive. Men and women both should remember that an erect, well-poised bearing is more impressive than the most elaborate costume.
A lady does not take a gentleman's arm when walking with him in the daytime unless she is elderly or infirm. It is only after dark that she properly accepts the support of her escort. In this case, she merely rests the palm of her hand lightly within the curve of his elbow. It is extremely bad form, as well as ungraceful, for her to link herarm through his. The gentleman always walks nearest the curb unless on a special occasion when the street is very crowded and he wishes to protect her from the jostling crowds. He may offer his arm to the lady in crossing dangerous streets or to guide her through congested traffic.
When walking with two ladies, a gentleman's proper position is not between them; if it is in the evening, he offers his arm to the elder lady and the other friend walks by her side. There seems to be a mistaken belief that a gentleman walking with two ladies must "sandwich" himself between them, but correct social usage teaches that this is entirely wrong. The ladies always walk side by side.
On no occasion may a gentleman take a woman's arm. Good society regards this as a disrespectful freedom. Thus, whenever he feels that she needs his protection, a gentleman should offer a lady his arm, but never attempt to thrust his hand through her arm. It is not even correct for him to grasp her by the elbow (as so many young men insist upon doing!) when crossing a street.
Very often we meet, in the course of our daily strolls, old friends or acquaintances with whom we are eager to have a little chat. This is entirely permissible, if certain laws of good conduct are observed. One should never stop on the street to talk, but should walk on slowly with the person with whom one wishes to converse.
Remember that primarily all conduct in public should be characterized by reserve. While it is entirely allowable to call a jolly "Hello!" to a friend one meets in a country lane, even though one still is fifty rods away, it would beextremely bad form on Broadway or Fifth Avenue—or Main Street in any town. A cordial but quiet greeting shows good breeding; a greeting so conspicuous that it attracts attention is never in good form.
Conversation should be carried on in quiet and subdued tones. Above all, be natural in your speech. Do not attempt to be flowery in your language, or "different" merely because there are strangers around to hear—and admire. And if you do stop to converse with your old friend, be sure that you speak sensibly of things of mutual interest; there is no excuse to stop merely for the sake of exchanging inanities.
Whispering is as rude in public as it is in the ballroom or at the dinner table. Confidential business should not be discussed on the street or in the department store; the proper place for such private affairs is in the office or parlor.
If addressed by a stranger seeking information regarding a certain street or number, show a cheerful and kindly interest. It is perplexing and often embarrassing to be in an unfamiliar town or country, and whatever information you give should be in an interested and courteous manner.
Someone once said, "If you must do a thing, do it with all your heart. To do it half-heartedly is to rob it of all its charm." Let this be your motto in regard to the courtesy extended strangers who seek your aid.
Gibbon said, "Accident is commonly the parent of disorder." But where there are only people of culture and fine breeding, an accident is devoid of all haste, hysteriaor other indications of disorder of any kind. It is the final test of correct manners, this being able to conduct oneself with calmness and dignity even in moments of most distracting circumstances. And besides its cultural aspects, calmness in time of danger or accident is often the means of saving lives.
The rules of good breeding are nothing more than the rules of good sense and these are never put to a more severe test than when an accident occurs. The person who can keep his head during a fire will be much more likely to get out of the building than one who loses all control of himself and becomes hysterical. Presence of mind when someone faints or is hurt or is in danger often prevents a serious or fatal mishap and always eliminates a large part of the disorder incidental to such occasions.
When an automobile or railroad disaster occurs, it is the calm person who is most helpful. And surely helpfulness is one of the basic terms of good conduct everywhere.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, writing about etiquette, said "Etiquette is another name for kind thought. The man who says 'I know nothing about etiquette' does not realize that he is saying 'I know nothing about courtesy to my fellow beings.'" One of the reasons why America has truly been the land of golden promise to so many strangers from other shores, is that there are always so many men and women eager to help, eager to show those little courtesies that warm the heart and rekindle the dying spirit. Etiquette and courtesy are synonymous.
But it is not alone with the giving of courtesies that we are interested. It is important that we know the correctway to accept them. And it is particularly important that we know the correct way to accept courtesies extended to us in public. There can be nothing more discouraging to the lover of social etiquette than to see a man give up his seat in the car to a woman who accepts it without a word of thanks or a smile.
The question has often been asked whether or not it is correct for a woman to accept the offer of shelter of an umbrella offered her by a gentleman who is a perfect stranger. To settle this definitely, we say that it is absolutely bad form for a woman to accept this courtesy no matter how hard it is raining and how important the need of saving her clothes may be. She may, however, accept the courtesy if it is offered by a gentleman to whom she has been introduced at a dinner, dance, theater party, or other social function.
If a woman drops her bag or gloves and they are retrieved by a passing man, it is necessary only to smile and say "Thank you." No further conversation is permissible. But if a man saves her from some grave danger, such as being thrown down by a horse, or run over by a car, it is not only necessary for her to thank him but the woman should ask, "May I have the pleasure of knowing to whom I am indebted?" To offer further expression of her obligation the woman would later send some male member of her family, a brother or husband, to the home of the man who has been of service to her. She should never offer money in appreciation of the service, unless it is evident that he is a working man; and even then she should use tact.
Such courtesies as assisting to pick up bundles that have dropped to the ground, opening a door that has stuck or giving desired information, require only the conventional "Thank you." No courtesy, however slight, shouldbe accepted without evidence of gratification, even though it be but a slight smile.
When bowing to a woman or in acknowledgment of a greeting, when walking with a woman and bowing to another man of his acquaintance, a gentleman raises his hat. Similarly, when bowing to a man who is accompanied by a woman, the courtesy is observed and also when a man is walking with another man who lifts his hat in greetings to a friend, whether or not that friend is known to him personally. The hat is also raised whenever a gentleman offers a civility to a lady, whether she be friend or stranger.
Elderly men, superiors in office, clergymen and men of distinction are entitled to the courtesy of lifting the hat. "Hat in hand goes through the land" say the Germans. And "Cap in hand never did any harm" is the gem we find among the Italian proverbs. When in doubt, raise your hat. Surely it is better to be too polite (if such a thing were possible) than to be rudely discourteous to someone.
The question of whether or not the hat should be removed in the elevator is perplexing. Some contend that the elevator is the same as a small room in a private home, and therefore that the hat should be removed. Others just as positively declare that the elevator is the same as the street, and that it is unnecessary to raise the hat. The question of drafts and colds in the head have entered into the discussion—but ultimately all writers of etiquette reach the same conclusion: as the elevator is so small and boasts a ceiling, it may be considered in the same classas a room, and the polite man will keep his head uncovered—especially while there are women in it. The man who is very susceptible to colds may lift his hat upon entering the car and replace it immediately. But it is not courteous to retain the hat entirely.
It is not enough to know when to raise the hat, one must also know the accepted manner of doing it. Profound and elaborate bows are old-fashioned and un-American. While lifting the hat one should incline the head slightly and smile. But it must be remembered that the unmannerly habit of touching the hat, instead of lifting it is an indication of sheer laziness and a lack of gallantry.
"A hat raised half-heartedly is a courtesy without charm" is a proverb well worth remembering. Why raise your hat at all, if you do it only as an annoying duty that must be gotten over as quickly as possible? If you want to be courteous and polite show by your manner that youarepolite. A graceful lifting of the hat is entirely incompatible with an unsmiling face. But both together—a sincere smile and a graceful lifting of the hat—are most pleasing to the person for whom the greeting is intended.
Many gentlemen, while speaking to ladies in the street, stand with their heads uncovered. While it is a polite custom, it is dangerous to the health and therefore should not be indulged in except in warm weather. The most usual method is to lift the hat upon meeting, slowly replace it during the conversation or while walking beside the lady, and lift it again when taking leave of her.
"The world is on wheels!" declares a modern writer. "Everyone is going somewhere, and all the world is moving!" And Dr. Eliot of Harvard, in a recent newspaper article, deplores the fact that the "younger generation" is losing in courtesy and good manners that which it is gaining in this rapid onward rush of the world's affairs.
"There is a general coarsening of manners" declares the president emeritus of Harvard University. "Young women expect to encounter rudeness from young men and they do not resent it" and when one watches the rough-and-tumble manners of people in subways and street cars every day one is inclined to agree with him.
The custom of relinquishing one's seat, for instance, is not as marked as it was a decade ago. Perhaps the new suffrage amendments may have something to do with it. Perhaps the war and woman's changed status is the reason. Or it may just be a "coarsening of manners." But whatever it is, we do not find our young men of to-day as eager to relinquish their seats in the car as they were several years ago.
Women should never indicate by word or glance that they wish a man to give up his seat. But the woman who is ill, or who is extremely tired should feel no hesitancy in making the request if her need is really great. When the seat is given, the owner should be thanked for his kindness. This holds true whether the courtesy has been requested or whether it has been spontaneous.
Boisterous action in the street car is inexcusable—as it is anywhere else. The girl of mirthful disposition who laughs loudly may not be doing it to attract attention toherself but merely to give vent to her gay spirits, but it is most unattractive. "All noise is waste"—but it is more than waste in public where it reflects ill-breeding upon the person who is the perpetrator.
In ascending a car on an omnibus, a man assists the woman he is escorting by a slight touch at the elbow. He enters after her, finding her a seat and taking his place next to her. If there is only one empty place in the car, he stands directly in front of her, or as near as possible. If a man relinquishes his seat to the woman, the escort must lift his hat and offer a word of thanks for the kindness. A smile from the woman is sufficient. In leaving the car the order is reversed; the gentleman leaves first and assists the woman in alighting.
A man pays all fares and fees for the woman he is escorting. But when a man meets a woman in the street by chance and they both enter a car together, he is not under obligation to pay her fare. Common sense has made a rule of its own in this matter, and some men insist upon paying the fare of women they meet even inside the car. But etiquette tells us that only an escort is under obligation to pay the fare of a woman.
Here again the woman enters first, assisted by her escort. There is no rule as to which side she should take in the car; she enters first and takes the furthest seat, whether it be to the right or left. In alighting the managain leads the way, assisting the woman to reach the ground safely.
A word of caution will not be amiss here. No woman or girl should ride in a taxicab with a man who is not her escort, unless she has a very good reason for doing so. It is not conventional, and in most cases it is not prudent. The woman with a fine regard for all the little niceties of good conduct, who wishes to observe the rules of etiquette in their truest sense, does not ride in a taxicab with a man, and allow him to pay the bill, unless he is acting as her escort. And ordinarily, a gentleman of polished manners does not ask a lady to ride with him unless he is taking her to a social function such as a dance, formal dinner or theater party.
If the taxicab has double seats, the man should take his place with his back facing the driver, unless he is an old friend of many years' standing. A new acquaintance should not take the liberty of sharing a seat in the taxicab with a young woman unless she has particularly asked him to do so.
Reserve should not be confused with haughtiness. The first is a necessary social attribute; the second is a regrettable social evil that should be carefully avoided.
To be haughty, proud, superior, is to indicate that you hold those beneath you in contempt. When etiquette is based on courtesy and a consideration for the rights and comforts of a fellow-man, one readily sees why this is a mistake. A haughty person is a conceited person. A haughty person is an unkind person. And therefore, a haughty person is an uncultured person.
Reserve, on the other hand, is a calm dignity that comes with the knowledge that one does and says only what is entirely correct. It is that certain well-poised sureness of oneself entirely devoid of all semblance of pride,—yet with sufficient self-respect to attract instinctively the respect of others. Reserve is that which is developed only after close application to, and experience in, the laws of good conduct. Haughtiness is merely a sham drapery used to cover the defects of uncultured manners.
The other extreme of haughtiness is self-consciousness. Both faults are the result of too much self-thought. To overcome self-consciousness, which makes you awkward, easily embarrassed, and ill at ease—think less of yourself! Think of the books you have read, of the people you have met, of the new scenes you have observed. Take a more keen interest in people. Speak to them. Don't be afraid of them. But most important of all, forget yourself. And before you realize it, you will have developed sufficient poise andunself-consciousnessto be confident to appear in the most elaborate drawing-room, among the most brilliant and highly cultured people, without feeling the least bit ill at ease.
"Our personal appearance is our show window where we insert what we have for sale, and we are judged by what we put there." If you remember to observe this bit of philosophy of Orison S. Marden's—not only in dress, but in speech and manners and bearing—you will invariably do and say and wear what is correct in public.