86 Washington Terrace,April 14, 19—My dear Mrs. Blank:Will you come to luncheon on Wednesday April the twentieth, at half-past one o'clock? Mrs. Frank Richards will be here, and I know you will be glad to meet her.Cordially yours,Helen R. Roberts.64 Main Street,April 16, 19—My dear Mrs. Roberts:I will be very glad to come to luncheon on Wednesday, April the twentieth, at half-pastone o'clock. It was very kind of you to remember that I have been wanting to meet Mrs. Richards for a long time.Yours very sincerely,Justine Blank.437 Fairview Terrace,May 5, 19—Dear Mrs. Miller:I expect a few friends to join me at an informal breakfast at half-past eleven o'clock on Tuesday, the tenth. Won't you be one of them?Sincerely yours,Maybelle Curtis.822 Jennings Street,May 7, 19—Dear Mrs. Curtis:Thank you very much for asking me, but I regret that I will not be able to join you at breakfast on Tuesday. I have two young nieces stopping with me, and I promised to devote that morning to showing them the places of interest in town. They are planning so eagerly for the trip, and they are leaving here in such a short time, that I feel that I must not disappoint them.With most sincere regrets, I amCordially yours,Mary K. Miller.
86 Washington Terrace,April 14, 19—
My dear Mrs. Blank:
Will you come to luncheon on Wednesday April the twentieth, at half-past one o'clock? Mrs. Frank Richards will be here, and I know you will be glad to meet her.
Cordially yours,
Helen R. Roberts.
64 Main Street,April 16, 19—
My dear Mrs. Roberts:
I will be very glad to come to luncheon on Wednesday, April the twentieth, at half-pastone o'clock. It was very kind of you to remember that I have been wanting to meet Mrs. Richards for a long time.
Yours very sincerely,
Justine Blank.
437 Fairview Terrace,May 5, 19—
Dear Mrs. Miller:
I expect a few friends to join me at an informal breakfast at half-past eleven o'clock on Tuesday, the tenth. Won't you be one of them?
Sincerely yours,
Maybelle Curtis.
822 Jennings Street,May 7, 19—
Dear Mrs. Curtis:
Thank you very much for asking me, but I regret that I will not be able to join you at breakfast on Tuesday. I have two young nieces stopping with me, and I promised to devote that morning to showing them the places of interest in town. They are planning so eagerly for the trip, and they are leaving here in such a short time, that I feel that I must not disappoint them.
With most sincere regrets, I am
Cordially yours,
Mary K. Miller.
There is still another approved form for inviting guests to luncheon or breakfast. When the occasion is neither too strictly formal nor too informal, the hostess may merely write, beneath the engraved name on her ordinary calling card, the words, "Luncheon at one-thirty o'clock March fourth." This is sent about five days before the chosen day. The acknowledgment must be by informal note, never by a calling card. And this holds true of all other invitations; when the personally inscribed calling card is used, a first-person note of acceptance or regret must be promptly written. The use of cards in this way is looked upon with disfavor among people who are most careful of the amenities of polite society.
RECEPTION INVITATION
The word "reception" may mean several social functions which may or may not be extremely ceremonious. There is the afternoon tea, for instance, an informal little affair to which one invites one's best friends and most interesting acquaintances. The invitation may be either written by the hostess or engraved. The at-home day is also called a reception, as is the more elaborate occasion when a special guest is introduced to the hostess' friends.
There was a time when it was considered extremely bad form for a host's name to appear on the invitation, but to-day the reception invitation often takes the form of the following:
Mr. and Mrs. Harold BlaineAt HomeTuesday afternoon, May fifthfrom four until half-past seven o'clockTwelve, Park Terrace
The above invitation should be engraved in fine script on a large white card of bristol board, and it should be mailed at least ten days in advance of the day set for the entertainment. An acknowledgment is not expected; if the invitation is accepted, the presence of the guest on the day of the reception is sufficient. If one is unable to be present, one's visiting card is sent to arrive on the exact day of the reception—unless an answer is explicitly required on the invitation. Not to be present at the reception, and not to send one's visiting card, is to indicate either that one is ignorant of the correct social laws, or that one desires to discontinue friendship with the hostess.
When a mother and her daughter are to receive the guests at a reception together, the card is in this form:
Mrs. William B. HarrisThe Misses HarrisAt HomeFriday Afternoon, October fifthfrom four until seven o'clockThirty-two Amsterdam Avenue
If the reception is for the purpose of introducing a youngdébutantedaughter, the hostess would issue cards similar to the one above, except that thedébutante'sname would appear immediately below her own. It would be merely "Miss Harris" with no Christian name or initial. If a second daughter is introduced to her mother's friends by means of an afternoon tea, the cards are also like the one above, except that the name of the second daughter is inscribedin fullbeneath that of the hostess. Thus invited guests would know that "Miss Harris" is the elder and introduced to society first, and "Miss Merian Harris" is the second daughter to be introduced to society.
RECEPTION IN HONOR OF A SPECIAL GUEST
When the purpose of the reception is to honor a special guest the fact should be indicated on the invitations. If the invitation is written on a card, the words, "To meet Governor and Mrs. Frank Curtis" should appear. The proper form for the engraved invitation follows:
To meetGovernor and Mrs. Frank CurtisMr. and Mrs. James Melvinrequest the pleasure of yourcompanyon Thursday afternoon, June fifthfrom four until seven o'clockEighteen, Washington Garden Heights
No acknowledgment other than one's presence on the day of the reception is necessary to this invitation. However, if one is unable to attend, the visiting card should be mailed so that it arrives on the precise day of the entertainment, or if an unexpected happening prevents one from attending, a messenger may be dispatched with a card in an envelope, forwarding it to the hostess while the reception is in progress.
INVITATIONS TO GARDEN PARTIES
When the garden party is very formal, the invitations are engraved in black script or block lettering, on white note sheets or large white cards. The invitation is usually issued in the name of the hostess alone, and the most fashionable stationers are to-day printing cards that leave a blank space for the name of the person to be invited to be written in by the hostess. For instance:
Mrs. Maurice Bronsonrequests the pleasure of........................company on Friday afternoonMay tenthfrom four until seven o'clockGarden Party Holyoke, West Lake
In society, the formal garden party holds the place of an at-home held out of doors. Thus the following invitation is considered the best form, better even than the form shown above, although either may be used in good taste:
Mrs. Maurice BronsonAt HomeFriday afternoon, May tenthfrom four until seven o'clockGarden Party Holyoke, West Lake
When the garden party is a small informal affair, the at-home card may be used with the words, "Garden Party, Friday, May the tenth, from four to seven o'clock," written by the hostess in the lower left-hand corner. This method is usually for personal friends only, and it is considered bad form when the garden party is elaborate and formal.
If the guest invited lives in another town, or must come from the city to the country, a small card bearing the necessary train and schedule information should be enclosed with the invitation, similar to the card explained in the chapter on wedding invitations. Or the information may be lettered neatly at the bottom of the invitation itself. The form is usually:
Train leaves Pennsylvania Station at 3 o'clockTrain leaves Holyoke Station at 6.20 and 7.10 o'clock
Still another course is open to the hostess who wishes to give a small garden party, yet not undergo the expense and trouble of specially engraved invitations. She may write brief, friendly notes, in the first person, somewhat in the following form, and send them by post to her friends and acquaintances:
Holyoke,May 1, 19—My dear Mrs. Keene:I have asked a few of my friends to have tea with me, informally, on the lawn, Friday afternoon, May the tenth, at four o'clock. May I expect you also? Perhaps there will be a few sets of tennis. There is a racquet waiting for you.Cordially yours,Rose M. Roberts.
Holyoke,May 1, 19—
My dear Mrs. Keene:
I have asked a few of my friends to have tea with me, informally, on the lawn, Friday afternoon, May the tenth, at four o'clock. May I expect you also? Perhaps there will be a few sets of tennis. There is a racquet waiting for you.
Cordially yours,
Rose M. Roberts.
ACKNOWLEDGING THE GARDEN PARTY INVITATION
Whether the garden party invitation bears a request for a reply or not, the courteous thing to do is send an acceptance or regret at once. This is especially true when the invitation is engraved, for then one may assume that the affair is to be a large and elaborate one. The reply to an engraved invitation follows:
Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Bruceaccept with pleasureMrs. Bronson's kind invitationfor May tenthHaywood Park,May second, 19—
or
Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Bruceregret that a previous engagementprevents their acceptanceof Mrs. Bronson's kind invitationfor May tenthHaywood Park,May second, 19—
In reply to a visiting card inscribed with the day and date of the garden party, a brief, polite note of acceptance or regret should be written. A similar note should be promptly written upon receipt of the informal written note of invitation.
Glendale,May 2, 19—My dear Mrs. Bronson:Mr. Harris and I are looking forward with great pleasure in joining you on May tenth. We hope the weather will continue to be as delightful as it is now.Cordially yours,Janet B. Winslow.
Glendale,May 2, 19—
My dear Mrs. Bronson:
Mr. Harris and I are looking forward with great pleasure in joining you on May tenth. We hope the weather will continue to be as delightful as it is now.
Cordially yours,
Janet B. Winslow.
HOUSE OR WEEK-END PARTIES
The invitation for a house or week-end party differs from any other invitation. By the week-end party we mean a visit from Friday or Saturday until Monday. Thus the invited guest knows that he is expected to arrive Friday afternoon (or Saturday morning) and leave Monday morning. On the other hand, the house party may mean a visit of ten days or two weeks' duration, or even longer. It is necessary, therefore, for the hostess to mention specifically the date deciding the length of the visit. It is also courteous for her to mention the sports that will be indulged in and any special events planned, etc., and to send the necessary time-tables, indicating the best and most convenient trains.
Whether for house party or week-end party, the invitation is always a well-worded, cordial note offering the hospitalities of one's roof for the length of time indicated. We will give here one letter of invitation and its acknowledgment, which can be, perhaps, adapted to your own purposes.
Pine Rock,June 14, 19—Dear Miss Janis:We have planned a house party as a sort of farewell before our trip to Europe, and we are particularly anxious to have you join us. I hope there is nothing to prevent you from coming out to Pine Rock on June twenty-third and remaining here with us until the eighth of July.I hope to have many of your own friends with us, including Jean and Marie Cordine, who are also planning to sail towards the end of July. Mr. Frank Parsons and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Kingsley may be here, too, along with several others whom you do not know, but whom I am most anxious to have you meet.I am enclosing a time-table for your convenience, and I have checked the two trains that I believe are most convenient for you. If you take the 3.58 on Tuesday you will arrive here at 7.10, and you will be able to meet the guests at dinner at eight-thirty. There is an earlier train in the morning if you prefer it. If you let me know which train you expect to take, I will see that there is a car at the station to meet you.Very cordially yours,Alice M. Bevans.Westville,June 16, 19—Dear Mrs. Bevans:It was very good of you and Mr. Bevans to ask me to your house party and I shall be delighted to come. I shall arrive on the 3.58 train, as you suggest. It was so thoughtful of you to inclose the time-table.Very sincerely yours,Helen R. Janis.
Pine Rock,June 14, 19—
Dear Miss Janis:
We have planned a house party as a sort of farewell before our trip to Europe, and we are particularly anxious to have you join us. I hope there is nothing to prevent you from coming out to Pine Rock on June twenty-third and remaining here with us until the eighth of July.
I hope to have many of your own friends with us, including Jean and Marie Cordine, who are also planning to sail towards the end of July. Mr. Frank Parsons and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Kingsley may be here, too, along with several others whom you do not know, but whom I am most anxious to have you meet.
I am enclosing a time-table for your convenience, and I have checked the two trains that I believe are most convenient for you. If you take the 3.58 on Tuesday you will arrive here at 7.10, and you will be able to meet the guests at dinner at eight-thirty. There is an earlier train in the morning if you prefer it. If you let me know which train you expect to take, I will see that there is a car at the station to meet you.
Very cordially yours,
Alice M. Bevans.
Westville,June 16, 19—
Dear Mrs. Bevans:
It was very good of you and Mr. Bevans to ask me to your house party and I shall be delighted to come. I shall arrive on the 3.58 train, as you suggest. It was so thoughtful of you to inclose the time-table.
Very sincerely yours,
Helen R. Janis.
If the letter were one of regret, it would be necessary for Miss Janis to write definitely just what was making it impossible for her to accept the invitation. It would not be correct form to write vaguely, saying that "you hope you will be able to come," or that "if you are in town you will come." No doubt must be left in the hostess' mind as to whether or not you will be present.
THE "BREAD-AND-BUTTER" LETTER
From constant usage, the term "bread-and-butter" letter has become custom. Now, upon return from a week-end or house party, it is considered necessary and, indeed, it would be a gross neglect to fail in so obvious a duty, to write a cordial note to the hostess, expressing appreciation of the hospitality received, and informing her of your safe arrival.
The letter may be as long and chatty as one pleases, or it may be only a brief note such as the following:
Terrace Revain,June 23, 19—Dear Mrs. Bevans:This is to tell you again how very much I enjoyed the week-end at Pine Rock. We got into the city at five and Morgan brought me out home in a taxi. Mother is giving a small bridge this afternoon and so I found everyone busy, for while there is not a great deal to do it is impossible to get anyone to help do it.Tell Mr. Bevans that I am arranging for three or four tennis games next week, so that when I come again, if I don't win, I shall at least not be beaten quite so shamefully.Let me know when you come to town on your next shopping trip. Perhaps we can arrange for lunch together somewhere.Very sincerely yours,Helen R. Janis.
Terrace Revain,June 23, 19—
Dear Mrs. Bevans:
This is to tell you again how very much I enjoyed the week-end at Pine Rock. We got into the city at five and Morgan brought me out home in a taxi. Mother is giving a small bridge this afternoon and so I found everyone busy, for while there is not a great deal to do it is impossible to get anyone to help do it.
Tell Mr. Bevans that I am arranging for three or four tennis games next week, so that when I come again, if I don't win, I shall at least not be beaten quite so shamefully.
Let me know when you come to town on your next shopping trip. Perhaps we can arrange for lunch together somewhere.
Very sincerely yours,
Helen R. Janis.
INVITATIONS TO THE THEATER AND OPERA
The host or hostess planning a theater or opera party should strive to have an equal number of men and women guests. For this reason, the person who receives an invitation should make prompt reply, so that if he or she is unable to attend, someone else can be asked to take the place. It is not necessary to have invitations engraved for these occasions; in fact, a brief note, written with just the correct degree of formality, yet with no sacrifice of cordiality, is much to be preferred. The following form is correct for theater or opera, changed to accord with the names, dates, and circumstances of the particular party:
22 South Street,October 13, 19—My dear Miss Johnson:Mr. Roberts and I have planned to have a small group of friends hear "Faust" at the Central Opera House, and we are hoping that you will be one of us. The time is Friday evening, the seventeenth of October. I have been fortunate enough to obtain a box in the parquet, where the eight of us who will comprise the party will be comfortably seated.If you are free to join us on that evening, Mr. Roberts and I will stop for you in the car at half past seven.Cordially yours,Evelyn T. Roberts.
22 South Street,October 13, 19—
My dear Miss Johnson:
Mr. Roberts and I have planned to have a small group of friends hear "Faust" at the Central Opera House, and we are hoping that you will be one of us. The time is Friday evening, the seventeenth of October. I have been fortunate enough to obtain a box in the parquet, where the eight of us who will comprise the party will be comfortably seated.
If you are free to join us on that evening, Mr. Roberts and I will stop for you in the car at half past seven.
Cordially yours,
Evelyn T. Roberts.
The acknowledgment must be made promptly. The host and hostess must not be kept waiting for a definite reply.
INVITATIONS TO MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS
A ceremonious drawing-room concert requires engraved invitations, issued at least two weeks in advance of the date decided upon. The two approved forms follow:
Mrs. John M. CookAt HomeTuesday evening, October firstat nine o'clockTen, Farnhut TerraceMusic
or
Mr. and Mrs. John M. Cookrequest the pleasure of.......................'scompany at a musicaleon Tuesday evening the first of Octoberat nine o'clockTen, Farnhut Terrace
It is also permissible for the hostess to write in the lower left-hand corner of her visiting-card the following words, when she wishes to invite friends to hear a famous soloist or orchestra: "Tuesday, October first, half past three o'clock, to hear Mischa Elman." These cards are then posted to friends and acquaintances, and the recipient either accepts by attending, or sends his or her cards to the hostess' house while the entertainment is in progress, or shortly beforehand.
For private theatricals, invitations follow very much the same form as those used for musicales. The hostess may either add the phrase, "Theatricals at nine o'clock," to her invitation, or she may issue engraved cards requesting the pleasure of a friend's company at Private Theatricals. The word "dancing" may be engraved in the left-hand corner of the card, if dancing is to follow the theatricals. It is courteous to send a reply to these invitations.
CHILDREN'S PARTY INVITATIONS
The invitation to the child's party is the one exception to the rule of simplicity. Children love color and decoration, and so etiquette very graciously permits them to have cards and invitations that boast colorful designs. For instance, in a well-known stationer's shop in New York, there are little sheets of pink note paper, in the upper corner of which is a little girl courtesying and smiling. Beneath the picture the words "Won't you please come to my party?" are printed in fine italics. It makes most attractive stationery for the youngsters.
On stationery like that described above, mother might write in the following strain, providing the little host (or hostess) is not old enough to do the writing himself:
16 Blake Hall,June 14, 19—My dear Mrs. Blank:Harold will be seven years old on Thursday, the eighteenth of June. We are planning to give a little party for his friends on the Sunday following, June the twenty-first. I know he will not be happy unless little Marian is present. I do hope you will let her come.If the nurse brings Marian here at three o'clock, she will be in time for the opening game, and I will see that she arrives home safely at about half past six.Cordially yours,Helen M. Roberts.
16 Blake Hall,June 14, 19—
My dear Mrs. Blank:
Harold will be seven years old on Thursday, the eighteenth of June. We are planning to give a little party for his friends on the Sunday following, June the twenty-first. I know he will not be happy unless little Marian is present. I do hope you will let her come.
If the nurse brings Marian here at three o'clock, she will be in time for the opening game, and I will see that she arrives home safely at about half past six.
Cordially yours,
Helen M. Roberts.
A friendly note of acceptance or regret should be written promptly upon receipt of the above, and if the child is unable to attend, the reason should be given.
Very often, a young host or hostess has a very large and formal party, in which case the invitations must be quite as dignified and formally correct as mother's. For instance, the youngsters who entertain their friends at a small afternoon dance word their invitations in the following manner:
Miss Jean and Master Walter Curranwould like to have the pleasureofMiss Helen Thompson's companyat a dance at 3 o'clockThursday afternoon, November thirdClover Hall
A young boy or girl just old enough to write his or her own invitations, may find some useful suggestions in the following model for a birthday party:
Hanover Court,October 6, 19—Dear Elizabeth:I am going to have a birthday party on Saturday afternoon, the thirteenth of October, at 3 o'clock. All of our friends from dancing school and a good many of Jack's friends from his school will be here. We are planning a donkey game, and I am sure we will all have a great deal of fun. Won't you come, too? I shall be very disappointed if you cannot.Sincerely yours,Helen Camden.
Hanover Court,October 6, 19—
Dear Elizabeth:
I am going to have a birthday party on Saturday afternoon, the thirteenth of October, at 3 o'clock. All of our friends from dancing school and a good many of Jack's friends from his school will be here. We are planning a donkey game, and I am sure we will all have a great deal of fun. Won't you come, too? I shall be very disappointed if you cannot.
Sincerely yours,
Helen Camden.
It is always wise, however, for the children to make some sort of acknowledgment of the formal engraved invitation, for it impresses upon them the importance of their social duties.
INVITATIONS TO A CHRISTENING
It is not usual for many guests to be invited to the christening of a child. But when it is made an occasion of formal entertainment, it is necessary to have engraved cards prepared and issued to friends and relatives. Here is the correct form:
Mr. and Mrs. John B. Meredithrequest the pleasure of your companyat the christening of their sonon Tuesday, April secondat three-thirty o'clockTen, Jerome Avenue
The letter requesting a relative or friend to serve as godfather or godmother must be tactful and well-worded. It is usually very intimate, for no one with fine sensibility will ask any except a dear friend to act as godmother or godfather. Such a request is much better given in person than by letter, whenever it is possible. And it requires an answer in kind. We give here one brief letter of request, and another of acknowledgment, to serve as suggestions:
34 Kinston Road,March 5, 19—Dear Mr. Burke:Jack and I have both agreed that we would rather have you serve as godfather for John Paxton, Jr., than anyone else. We hope that you will not refuse.The baptism has already been arranged for four o'clock, next Sunday, at St. Peter's Church. We hope you will be present at the church, and later at a small reception here in our drawing-room.With kindest regards from us both, I amCordially yours,Amelia B. Johnson.18 Woodlawn Hills,March 7, 19—Dear Mrs. Johnson:It will give me great pleasure to be godfather for your son. Truly, I count it no small honor, and no slight responsibility. I am very eager to see young John Paxton, and shall be present both at the christening and at the reception.With every good wish for him and for his father and mother, I amSincerely yours,William A. Burke.
34 Kinston Road,March 5, 19—
Dear Mr. Burke:
Jack and I have both agreed that we would rather have you serve as godfather for John Paxton, Jr., than anyone else. We hope that you will not refuse.
The baptism has already been arranged for four o'clock, next Sunday, at St. Peter's Church. We hope you will be present at the church, and later at a small reception here in our drawing-room.
With kindest regards from us both, I am
Cordially yours,
Amelia B. Johnson.
18 Woodlawn Hills,March 7, 19—
Dear Mrs. Johnson:
It will give me great pleasure to be godfather for your son. Truly, I count it no small honor, and no slight responsibility. I am very eager to see young John Paxton, and shall be present both at the christening and at the reception.
With every good wish for him and for his father and mother, I am
Sincerely yours,
William A. Burke.
A WORD OF SPECIAL CAUTION
In answering an invitation never say "will accept." The act of writing the answer involves either the acceptance or the regret, as the case may be, and the present tense should be used.
CHAPTER VI
CORRESPONDENCE
TO-DAY AND YESTERDAY
It is customary nowadays to deplore the fact that the art of letter-writing has fallen into decay, and when we read that the entire correspondence of an engaged couple recently was carried on for two years by telephone and telegraph we are inclined to believe it. Yet such is not the case. It is true that we no longer have—and for this we should be truly grateful—flowery expressions of rhetorical feeling interlarded with poetic sentiments selected from a "Home Book of Verse," or some similar compilation, but we do have letters which are genuine and wholesome expressions of friendship.
It is a gift to be able to write lovely notes of congratulation, sympathy and appreciation, and one that has to be cultivated. Writing of all kinds grows perfect with practice and the large majority of people have to serve a long apprenticeship before they have mastered the gentle art of expressing themselves on paper. It is an art worth mastering even if one never has to write anything but polite social notes and letters.
THE LETTER YOU WRITE
From Buckingham we have the following little rhyme that does full justice to the important art of letter-writing:
Of all those arts in which the wise excel,Nature's chief masterpiece is writing well.
Of all those arts in which the wise excel,Nature's chief masterpiece is writing well.
A letter, business or social, is simply talk upon paper. And as a wise philosopher once said, "Never put on paper what you would not care to see printed in the newspaper for all to read." As in everything else connected with the social world, ease is absolutely essential to the correct letter. The style must not be cramped, stilted, forced. A free and easy flow of language, simple and understandable, and with just that acceptable degree of cordiality and heartiness that makes one enjoy reading, is essential in all correspondence.
And yet, letters should be writtenpersonally—that is, they should represent the sender. Be sure, first, that you know exactly what you want to say, and how you want to say it. Then put it down on paper as though you were speaking; make no pretense at being so very highly educated that you must use flowery language and poetical phrases. Simplicity in form and wording is the most effective and graceful method. It is a greater mark of learning and intelligence to write a simple, ably expressed, cordial letter, than to write one that shows an obvious effort to cover, by extravagant expressions and highly figurative language, the reserve and dignity that are the foundation of all good-breeding.
In the following pages it is possible for us only to give the prescribed principles of correct form, suggesting the forms and expressions to be avoided. But the true art of letter-writing rests with you—and your own personality. We would suggest that you read carefully each letter you receive, noting and remembering those expressions that most appeal to you. A good appeal is generally universal; what appeals to you in a letter you receive will appeal to others. Thus you will find that personal experience in this matter will help you much more than any book that gives you only the foundation of form and style.
THE BUSINESS LETTER
It is interesting to find in the midst of the lament that in the twentieth century people have ceased to find time to write letters or to be courteous that the Postmaster General has rescinded previous orders which directed that departmental correspondence should not begin with the ceremonial form of "My dear Sir," and that the complimentary close, "Yours sincerely," etc., should not be used. His order is worth quoting:
"In no part of our work does the demand for the human quality apply more than in the matter of writing letters. By far the largest contact of this department with the public is by means of the letters which are written. Letters can be cold, stereotyped, following the same routine day by day, appearing more or less machine made, and the impression which the recipient has upon reading the letter is that the suggestion, complaint, petition or application made has been given scant consideration."I want every letter that goes out from this department or any of the Post Offices or other field offices to convince the reader of the fact, for it must be a fact, that whatever he has written has been received sympathetically and that an effort has been made to give the writer the benefit of every possible service which the department affords."To this end I think the writers should endeavor to make their letters more informal than is now the case generally; that they should, wherever the exigencies of the case do not require otherwise, be as explicit as possible, and that reasons for the position taken by the department should be given. Above all, I do not want the letters to be stereotyped."
"In no part of our work does the demand for the human quality apply more than in the matter of writing letters. By far the largest contact of this department with the public is by means of the letters which are written. Letters can be cold, stereotyped, following the same routine day by day, appearing more or less machine made, and the impression which the recipient has upon reading the letter is that the suggestion, complaint, petition or application made has been given scant consideration.
"I want every letter that goes out from this department or any of the Post Offices or other field offices to convince the reader of the fact, for it must be a fact, that whatever he has written has been received sympathetically and that an effort has been made to give the writer the benefit of every possible service which the department affords.
"To this end I think the writers should endeavor to make their letters more informal than is now the case generally; that they should, wherever the exigencies of the case do not require otherwise, be as explicit as possible, and that reasons for the position taken by the department should be given. Above all, I do not want the letters to be stereotyped."
A business letter is written with a purpose. It is a good letter when it accomplishes that purpose briefly, thoroughly, and courteously. Women especially should be careful not to be discursive. Business men have not time to puzzle over bad handwriting or ambiguous sentences. Whenever it can be done conveniently the business letter should be written on the typewriter. Tinted stationery is never appropriate, and ruled stationery should never be used either for business or social correspondence.
The correct form for the salutation of a business letter includes the name and address of the person or firm to whom the letter is written as well as the ceremonial form of salutation. Thus:
Bradford and Munro,534 Fifth Avenue,New York City, N.Y.Gentlemen: (or Dear Sirs or My dear Sirs)Mrs. H. K. Weatherly,Secretary of the Citizens' League,Smithville, Arkansas.Dear Mrs. Weatherly: (or Dear Madam or My dear Madam)
Bradford and Munro,534 Fifth Avenue,New York City, N.Y.
Gentlemen: (or Dear Sirs or My dear Sirs)
Mrs. H. K. Weatherly,Secretary of the Citizens' League,Smithville, Arkansas.
Dear Mrs. Weatherly: (or Dear Madam or My dear Madam)
Except when it is the first word of the salutation,dearshould not begin with a capital letter. The address in the salutation should be repeated exactly on the envelope and particular care should be taken to make it legible. The stamp should always be placed in the upper right-hand corner. It is bad form to put it on obliquely or upside down or to place it in the left-hand corner or on the back flap of the envelope. It is a silly practice to do so and causes the postal clerks a great deal of trouble.
FUNCTION OF THE SOCIAL LETTER
There are, necessarily, several kinds of letters, the three most important divisions of which are the friendly letter, the business letter, and the social letter. In its strictest sense, the social letter is written for a distinct social purpose—usually about, or in response to, some purely social circumstance. The difference between a friendly letter and a social letter is relatively the same as the difference between a strictly formal and a friendly informal visit.
To write a friendly letter, one simply writes what one feels, heeding no very stringent rules regarding letter-writing. But the social letter-writer finds that there are certain forms that must be carefully observed, if his or her letters are to be considered entirely correct. There are two distinct forms of the social letters—the formal and the informal. The formal social note is used only for invitations, announcements and their respective acknowledgments. It is always written in the third person, and always requires an answer. Even though it is sent to the most intimate friend, the formal note remains formal; although later a friendly letter may be sent to remove any possible constraint or "chill." The informal note has no definite formula, except that it can be generally compared to all the informal trend of correct social usage. The first person is used in the writing of informal notes.
Whether formal or informal, the social note always bears the name of the person to whom it is addressed. To illustrate, when writing socially to Mrs. Joselyn, one does not use the expression, "Dear Madam," but "Dear Mrs. Joslyn." In America the form "my dear" is considered a trifle more formal than just "dear," although in England the reverse is true. "Dear Madam" and "Dear Sir" are forms reserved exclusively for use with business letters.
THE ETIQUETTE OF STATIONERY
The well-known proverb may well be changed to read, "A man is known by the stationery he uses." There is no greater opportunity to show good taste—or bad—than in the tone, design and type of note paper we use. It is as effective an index to one's individuality as are the clothes we wear.
Just as in everything else, there are new fashions in the sizes, forms and general appearance of social correspondence each season. Invariably, the new form is an improvement on the older and more stilted form. However, there are slight changes, and the general rules of correct correspondence remain unchanged from year to year. A good stationer is the best authority in regard to the minor modifications that come each new season.
Theoutréin everything pertaining to good social usage is offensive to good taste. Thus, those who are refined and well-bred avoid such startling color combinations as deep purple paper inscribed with white ink. Of course, by its very daring, such a letter would gain immediate attention. But the impression made would be one of poor taste and eccentricity, rather than the striking personality the writer doubtless tried to convey. Let us, then, avoid all fads in size and color of social stationery
LETTER AND NOTE PAPER
Plain, unruled sheets, either white or light gray in color, and folding once into their envelopes are the approved materials for all social correspondence. Black ink should always be used—violet, blue or purple expresses extremely bad taste. There are, of course, many varying qualities of note paper, depending entirely upon the means and preferences of the individual. Some manufacturers are to-day issuing delightful stationery in delicate tones of gray, blue and buff, and it is necessary to mention here that there can be no objection to note paper of this kind. It is only bad taste to use paper of vivid red, yellow or green—so glaring in color that it is conspicuous. Colored borders on stationery are in poor taste, as are also heavy gilt edges. Paneled stationery and that with the deckle edge are both very lovely and in excellent taste, if the color is subdued or pure white. And to be conspicuous is to be ill-bred.
The complete text of a formal note must appear on the first page only. Thus, a good size for a woman's social correspondence stationary is four and a half inches by six inches, although it may be slightly larger than that for general correspondence. Then there are the very small sheets used merely for a few words of condolence or congratulation. The size of stationery for men's social correspondence varies, but it is usually a trifle larger than a woman's note paper. A man never uses small sheets of paper, nor may he conduct social correspondence upon business or office paper. It is only when private stationery is not easily available, and a letter must be immediately mailed, that club or hotel paper may be used for social correspondence.
Letter paper and envelopes should be of the same color and of about the same material. We say "about" for, when the note paper is very thin, a slightly thicker paper should be used for the envelope. Incidentally, very thin paper is objectionable for social correspondence when both sides of the sheet are written upon.
Some women like to use perfumed paper for their social correspondence. While it is not exactly bad form to use perfumed stationery, a very strong fragrance is most objectionable. Thus only the most delicate of perfumes may be used. The use of perfumes for men's stationery is entirely discountenanced.
CRESTS AND MONOGRAMS
Just as the gaudy frills and furbelows of the dress of Queen Elizabeth's era have disappeared, so have the elaborate crests, seals and monograms of earlier social stationery gradually given way to a more graceful and dignified simplicity. Originality may be the possession of those who can attain it, but it must always be accompanied by simplicity of style.
Gorgeous monograms are not desirable. If used at all—and very few even of our proud and aristocratic familiesdouse them—they should be decorative without being elaborate. A good stationer should be consulted before one determines upon a monogram. His taste and knowledge should direct the ultimate choice.
Monograms and crests should not appear on the envelope, only on the letter paper. Seals may be stamped wherever one wishes on the back of the envelope, although the most fashionable place is in the direct center of the flap. On mourning stationery, black wax is permissible for the seal; red, blue or any dark color may be used on white or light gray paper. Care should be taken in dropping the hot wax and pressing the seal, for nothing is so indicative of poor taste as an untidy seal on the envelope of a social letter. A seal should not be used unless it is actually needed. It is bad form to use it in addition to the mucilage on the flap of the envelope unless the mucilage is of a very poor quality.
A monogram or crest is placed in the center at the top of the page when no address is given. It should be omitted entirely when the address appears at the top of the page. The space occupied by a crest or monogram should not cover more than the approximate circumference of a silver dime. A crest is usually stamped in gilt, silver, black, white or dark green. Vivid colors must be avoided.
When an address is engraved on a sheet of paper the chest or monogram should be omitted. The stationery of a country house frequently has the name of the place in the upper right hand corner with the name of the post office or railroad station opposite. Authors sometimes have their names reproduced from their own handwriting and engraved across the top of the paper they use for their business correspondence.
The most fashionable stationery to-day does not bear crests or monograms or seals, but the address engraved in Gothic or Roman lettering in the upper center of note and letter sheets, also on the reverse side of the envelope. Black ink, of course, is used.
USE OF THE TYPEWRITER
Having invaded and conquered the business world, the typewriter has now become a social necessity. Personal typewriters, made in portable sizes, are now being used for social correspondence, although many conservative people prefer to remain loyal to the use of the old pen and ink method. Yet, when the best handwriting is often illegible and hard to read, a modern invention so necessary as the typewriter should be hailed with delight and used with enthusiasm.
There still may be a few "extremists" and etiquette fanatics who insist that typewritten letters are for business purposes only, and that they are an insult when used socially. Prevalent custom to-day permits typewritten correspondence for nearly every occasion, and the well-typed social letter reflects better taste upon the sender than a hand-written letter that is difficult to read—and yet took a much greater length of time to write.
Social letters, whether hand or typewritten should not be on ordinary commercial paper. The letter written on the machine should have a wide margin at the top, bottom and sides. Signatures to a typewritten letter, social or business, should be made personally, in ink.
REGARDING THE SALUTATION
It is only in cases of extreme formality that the expression "Dear Madam" or "Dear Sir" is used. For ordinary social correspondence, the salutation is either "Dear Mr. (Mrs.) Roberts" or "My dear Mr. (Mrs.) Roberts." The use of "My dear" is considered more formal than merely "Dear," except in England where the first form is considered the more intimate.
The form "Dear Miss" or "Dear Friend" may be used on no condition whatever. It is either "Dear Miss Wimberly" or "Dear Madam." It is considered presumptuous, in good society, for a man to address a lady as "Dear Mrs. Brown" until she has first dropped the formal "my" in her correspondence with him.
The strictly formal method for addressing a letter to a man by a woman who is a total stranger to him, is:
"Mr. John D. Brown,"Dear Sir."
"Mr. John D. Brown,"Dear Sir."
If he is a distant relative, addressed for the first time, or the friend of a very intimate friend, the salutation may read, "My dear Mr. Brown."
CLOSING THE LETTER
The endings "Very truly yours" or "Yours truly" express a certain formality. Friendly letters are closed with such expressions as, "Yours most sincerely," "Cordially yours," "Very affectionately yours," "Lovingly yours." The latter two expressions are confined largely to intimate friends and relatives, while the others are used when letters are written to new acquaintances or casual friends. The pronounyoursshould never be omitted, as it leaves the phrase unfinished and is not complimentary to the person addressed. Thus, closings, such as "Very truly" or "Sincerely" are in bad form.
Always remember in social letter-writing, to make a "graceful exit." An awkward sentence in closing often mars what would otherwise be a perfect letter. Forget certain strained expressions that remain in the mind and demand to be used as closings, merely because they have been used by so many people, over and over again. Make the farewell in your social letters as cordial and graceful as your farewell would be if you were talking to the person, instead of writing. Such kind expressions as "With kindest personal regards" or "Hoping to have the pleasure of seeing you soon" or "With best wishes to your dear mother and sisters" always add a note of warmth and cordiality to the social letter. These should be followed by "I am." It is not considered good form to end a letter,
Hoping to hear from you soon,Yours sincerely,
Hoping to hear from you soon,Yours sincerely,
but it should be
Hoping to hear from you soon, I amYours sincerely,
Hoping to hear from you soon, I amYours sincerely,
No comma is used after "am."
It is not good taste to use only the initials, the surnames or given names alone, or diminutives, when signing notes or letters except when they are addressed to one's most intimate friends. A married woman signs her self Ellen Scott, not Mrs. Guy Scott, in social correspondence. Often, in business letters, when the recipient would be in doubt as to whether or not the lady were to be addressed as Mrs. or Miss, the conclusion to the letter should be in this form:
Yours truly,Ellen Scott(Mrs. Guy Scott)
Yours truly,Ellen Scott(Mrs. Guy Scott)
An unmarried woman signs her letters "Margaret Scott," unless it is a business communication and she is liable to be mistaken for a widow. In this case, she precedes her name by the word Miss in parentheses.
The first and last names of the man writing the letter must be given in full, and if there is a middle name, either the initial or full spelling may be given. But such a signature as J. Ferrin Robins is bad form.
It is both undignified and confusing to sign a letter with one's Christian name only, unless one is a relative or very intimate friend. A woman never signs her Christian name alone in a letter to a man unless he is a relative or herfiancéor a very old friend of the family.
ADDRESSING THE ENVELOPE
Although there is a distinction in England regarding the use of "Mr." and "Esq.," both forms are optional here in America. Either one may be used in good form. But to omit both, and address a man just as "Walter J. Smith" is exceedingly rude and bad taste. Neither should "Esq." and "Jr." be used together in this manner, "Walter J. Smith, Esq., Jr." The correct form would be "Walter J. Smith, Jr." A servant would be addressed merely as Walter J. Smith, without any title.
"Mrs." or "Miss" must invariably precede the name of a woman on an envelope unless she is a professional woman with some such title as "Dr." A woman does not assume her husband's honorary title; thus, it is not good form to address an envelope in this manner: "Mrs. Captain Smith" or "Mrs. Judge Andrews."
A practicing woman physician is addressed in this fashion, when the communication is professional: "Dr. Ellen R. Blank." This form is not used in social correspondence, except in the case of a very famous, elderly physician who is entitled to the honorary title at all times. Otherwise this form is used when the communication is social: "Miss Ellen R. Blank" or "Mrs. John T. Blank."
LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE
Letters of condolence should never be written, unless the writer has been genuinely moved to sympathy. For that reason, they are usually forthcoming only from relatives and intimate friends of the bereaved family. A letter of sympathy should be brief and cordial. Those pretentious letters that are filled with poetic quotations and sentimental expressions are not genuinely sympathetic, and those that refer constantly to the deceased are unkind. A few well-chosen words of sympathy are all that is necessary. Following are two model letters of condolence, that may be used as basic forms for other letters:
New York, August 24th.Dear Miss Curtis:I hasten to offer you my most profound sympathy for the great grief that has fallen upon you and your house-hold. If there is anything I can do, I hope you will not hesitate to call upon me.Cordially yours,Harriet B. Wainwright.Philadelphia, May 5th.My dear Mrs. Andrews:Knowing as I do from my own experience how deep your grief must be I also know that there is little that anyone can say or do to make your sorrow any the less. Yet I cannot refrain from offering my sincerest sympathy, and along with it the hope that Time, which softens all things, will make even this easier to bear.Believe me, most sincerely yours,Lillian M. Roberts.
New York, August 24th.
Dear Miss Curtis:
I hasten to offer you my most profound sympathy for the great grief that has fallen upon you and your house-hold. If there is anything I can do, I hope you will not hesitate to call upon me.
Cordially yours,
Harriet B. Wainwright.
Philadelphia, May 5th.
My dear Mrs. Andrews:
Knowing as I do from my own experience how deep your grief must be I also know that there is little that anyone can say or do to make your sorrow any the less. Yet I cannot refrain from offering my sincerest sympathy, and along with it the hope that Time, which softens all things, will make even this easier to bear.
Believe me, most sincerely yours,
Lillian M. Roberts.
ACKNOWLEDGING A LETTER OF CONDOLENCE
Mourning or white paper is always used when answering a letter of condolence, except when the engraved cards of acknowledgment are sent. These are severely plain, and the message is always brief. Often they are sent in the name of the entire family, as:
Mr. and Mrs. John Hall Hammondgratefully acknowledge your expression ofsympathy upon the death of their daughter.June 6, 1921.
This is certainly the easiest way for the bereaved to express their gratitude, though simple notes of thanks may be sent instead of the more formal card.
ETIQUETTE OF THE FRIENDLY LETTER
It is often a moot question among friends as to who shall write the first letter. Generally speaking, it is the one who has gone away rather than the one who remains behind who writes first, though among good friends there is no more necessity to count letters than there is to count visits. The writer knew a college girl who, when she came home, decided to wait before writing and see how many of her friends cared enough for her to write to her. She was rather gratified by the result but if each girl who came away from the school had arrived at the same decision the situation would have been a very queer one, to say the least of it.
A young lady who has gone away may send a card or write a brief note to a gentleman but if he is the one who has departed she should not write to him until she has received a letter from him.
Some people may feel that a discourse on friendly letters has no place in a book on social intercourse. But we feel that social success is just as largely dependent upon one's simple friendships as it is upon highly extravagant social activities, and therefore it is necessary to know something about the friendly letter.
The salutation in a friendly letter should always be "Dear Mary" or "Dear Miss Jones." The text of the letter should be written with ease, and instead of a long list of questions (as some letter-writers delight in using), bits of choice news of the day, interesting personal experiences, and the like should be disclosed. As Elizabeth Myers in her book "The Social Letter," says: "The friendly letter is our proxy for a littletête-à-tête, telling of the personal news of the day, and should be as extemporaneous as daily speech. Such letters are given free scope and it would be as bootless to dictate rules as it would be to commit a monologue to memory prior to a friendly visit."
Unless you are very intimate with a friend, and your letter contains "identifying" news, do not sign yourself merely with your Christian name. There are many Marys, and Johns and Harolds; and a letter signed with the full name is as cordial as one which gives only the baptismal name.
There is an old Latin proverb, "Litera scripta manet," meaning "The written letter remains." A very pretty sentiment is attached to this one short sentence. It means not only that the letter itself remains, but that the thoughts contained in that letter, the kind, unselfish, pretty thoughts of friendship, remain forever in heart and mind of the person for whom it was intended. When you write to your friends, make your letters so beautiful in form and text, that they will be read, re-read, and cherished a long time after as a fond memory. It will be a big step on the road to social perfection. Another point to be kept in mind is that nothing should be written in a letter that one would not be willing for almost anyone to see. Letters sometimes travel far, and one can never be altogether sure into what hands they may fall.
THE CHILD'S LETTER
The sooner the child is taught to take care of his or her own personal correspondence, the sooner he or she will become perfect in the art of letter-writing. The little ones should be taught early the significance of the correct letter, the importance of correct social correspondence. Their duties at first may be light, and guided entirely by mother's suggestions; but the youngsters will soon find keen pleasure and enjoyment in creating letters themselves.
Here are a few letters that might have been written by children between the ages of seven and twelve. They are not offered as model letters, for children have a great deal more personality than grown-ups, and they must get that personality into what they write; otherwise the letter will be strained and unnatural. Do not be too critical of their first efforts. Pass over mistakes, and let the letter sound as if the child and not you had written it. At the same time teach them to be careful. With a very small bit of diplomacy the child can be brought to take great pride in a letter which he wrote "with his own hand." And don't make the children say things that they do not want to. Protect them from the petty insincerities of social life as long as possible.