August 13, 186—-i havent seen a show in Exeter for a long time. i wish i gnew how i was going to that picknic.
August 14, 186—-i was going fishing all day today and taik my dinner with me but of coarse i had to come back at one oh clock to feed that darned old sheep. i wish we lived in a bear country.
August 15, 186—-brite and fair. perhaps if i did i woodent dass to go fishing. ennyway i wish that old sheep was ded. i am still hoaping to go to that picknic.
August 16, 186—-we have had a terrible xciting time here today. if it hadent been for Cele we wood have lost our sheep. me and Keene fit hard with clubs and broomsticks and kicking in the ribs and pulling his tale but Cele done it. i shood never have thougt of it. but Cele did. father says Cele is a heroin. he says Cele has got some branes but that me and Keene has got moar curage than jugment. He says mother has got some branes two. i gess father was tickled to deth about it.
well this is the way it was. old Henry Dow has got a awful cros dog. when it aint tide he keeps it with him. today it got untide or knawed its roap and the ferst i gnew i heard Keene begin to screach and a growl and a kind of choking sort of baa. i was up in the barn lof, but when i herd that i come down prety quick. when i got there old Dows dog had that sheep rite by the gozzle and had throwed it down. the lamn was trembling and baaing and Keene was lamming that dog with a broom jest as hard as she cood paist him and screaching as loud as she cood. he dident mind the broom stick enny more than a fether. i ran up and kicked him in the ribs but that dident maik him let go. i got hold of his tale and pulled and kicked but he hung on. they was maiking a awful choking growly noise. mother run out and then run back and i herd her pumping a pale of water and i run for the ax. jest as i got it and come out of the shed Cele come taring out of the house with sumthing shiny in her hand and throwed it rite in that dogs nose and eys, and he let go and began to howl and paw at his eys and nose and role over and tare round. people were running into the yard and mother come out with a pale of water jest as Sam Dire clim over the fense with a red hot iron in his pinchers and come taring up. the dog had scooted for hom howling bludy murder and when Sam got there he was so xcited he put the red hot iron on the sheep and set its wool afire. we wood have had roast lamn for dinner if it hadent been for mother who throwed her pale of water part of it on the sheep and part of it on Cele who got in the way. the funny part of it was that when we xamined the sheep we found she wasent hurt mutch. the bull dog had got his teeth partly in her thick wool and partly in her lether coller. she was scart about to deth and kep hudling up against us like a cat. Keene she sed she saw the whole of it. the old bull dog started for the lamn and that old sheep whitch had never liked the lamn gumped rite in front of it with her head down and the bull dog gumped and grabed her instead of the lamn. if he had grabed the lamn he wood have killed it to onct. tonite father asted more than 40 questions about it. he sed we al done splendid. that me and Keene showed grate curage but that Cele and mother showed grate jugment. he nearly dide laffing when he heard Sam Dire set fire to the sheep. he sed he gesed Sam dident want to lose his heat. father asted Cele how she hapened to think to do that and that is the funny part of it. sumtimes you have to laff at funerals. well Cele sed that in Scalploc Sam a bear had a deth grip on his dogs throte when Scalploc Sam he grabed his pepper pot and throwed a hanful of pepper in his eys and nose and while the bear was ritheing in agony and filling the welkin with horid roars and snarls and growls Scalploc Sam loded his thrusty riffle and slew him. slew means kill.
so that give Cele the idea and she done it. she sed she dident get enny help from the palsams. so mother is going to let Cele read dime novils if she dont read two many. then Keene up and sed that she had aught to be aloud to read Weded yet no wife but mother she sed no. so father give Keene 15 cents and gave me ten cents. i told him he had aught to let me go to that picknic but he sed he dident believe in eleven hours conversion i told him i had been thinking about that picknic for eleven days and he laffed and sed i would have to get along with that ten cents. i tell you we was all tired tonite. i think father had aught to let me go to that picknic. i am still hoaping.
August 17, 186—-today that sheep let the lamn suck and seamed to like it. she rubed agenst me and was as tame as the old one was. if she is going to ack that way i shall like her. Beanys father is going to let Beany go to that picknic. Mister Watson Beanys father rings the town bell and is the ganiter of the ferst chirch. Beany always has all the luck. i dont have enny. it is most time for that picknic but nobody aint sed nothing to me about it yet. i am still hoaping.
August 18, 186—-when i woke up this morning it was raining hard and it raned all day. this is the ferst time i ever gnew it to do that and the 2th time i ever gnew it to rane on sunday. today i split the wood and luged it in and fed the sheep and did all them things that i have to do and most felers dont have to do and then i read awhile and we talked about the bull dog and the sheep. then i rote a poim about it.
one day in sumer in Au-gust. it was so hot we nearly bust my sheep was painting with the heat when a dog came taring down the street and then without delay or pause he gumped on them with teeth and claus
P.S. a dog aint got no claus to clau with, only nails and nails woodent rime with pause.
he seezed that sheep by her white throte and shook her till she was all aflote he wood have killed her ded rite there when my sister Keene who you coodent scare let out a screech you cood heard a mile and laid on a broom in her very best style and while she was taning his mizable hide i give him sum feerful kicks in the side and squashed him almost perfictly flat but he wodent let go for all of that till my sister Cele came runing out with a scornful look on her hansom snout
(P.S. a second time. it is a kind of mean thing to say about my sister Cele but it is a good rime ennyway as long as i sed she was hansome i dont beleeve she wood cair.)
and she throwed in that dogs face and eys peper enuf to make 40 Kyann pepper pyes and that dog let go and begam to yell and howl as if he was rite in hell
(P.S. 3th we unitarials say there aint no hell but i aint sure)
and he made for home on the cleen gump jest as mother came out with a pale from the pump and old Sam Dire clim over the fench with a red hot iron and a munky rench
(P.S. again. fench is ment for fence. poits can do this whenever they have to)
and he set on fire that poor sheeps fur and that was the best he cood do for her, but mother throwed that pale of water half on the sheep and 3 fourths on her daughter and Cele sed Sam you dam big lout just what in hell are you about?
(P.S. once more. my sister Cele never sed that really. she wood ruther cut her rite hand off than use such langage. but nobody but me will ever read this)
and Sam sed looking verry wize i apoller-oler-ollergize. and then thinking he better not stop he clim the fence to his backsmith shop and oh how grateful that sheep must feel to me and mother and Keene and Cele. but old Sam Dire has went to his shop where we certingly hoap old Sam will stop.
(P.S. the last time. we really dont hoap so becaus we all like Sam very mutch. Sam is one of the best fellers we ever gnew. But i had to finnish the poim some way. ennyway Sam wont ever read it.)
There i think they aint many better poims than that. i bet the Exeter News leter wood put it in their paper if i dassed to let them. i bet Beany coodnt have wrote it. i bet Pewt coodent have either.
August 19, 186—-tomorrow is the last day before the picknic and i am still hoaping. it will be prety mean if i cant go to that picknic. i am stil hoaping.
August 20, 186—-hooray i am going to that picknic. i had almost given up hoap. mister minister Barrows come and asted me if i wood let my boat for the picknic. i sed i never let my boat to a picknic unless i rew it myself becaus i never gnew who wood row it and how they wood treet it and once they dident bring it back at all but after they had used it all day they left it up river and dident pay me and i had to go up after it and when i had waulked three miles up river i found it on the other bank and it was too cold to swim across and i had to waulk way back to the brige and then go up on the other side to get it and it took me most all day and the boat was all full of dried mud and ded hornpout and i had to spend the rest of the day in washing it out and dident get enny pay.
wel he sed they wood pay me well and wood treet the boat verry carifully but i sed i coodent trust enybody eether to pay for the boat or to take cair of it. so i sed i gess i dident want to let the boat unless i did the rowing and was there to look after it. i sed it was the only boat i had and that father was always telling me not to let evry Tom Dick and Harry have it jest becaus they wanted it.
he sed he wood assure me that everything wood be all rite if i wood tell him how mutch i wanted for it but i told him he coodent have the boat unless i went with it and he had beter get a boat of sumbody elce. he sed that my boat was large and safe and that nobody elce has so good a boat.
i told him that wasent my fault but that was the way i did business, so after awhile he sed well if i wood promise to do all the rowing that he wanted he wood ingage me and my boat and he is going to give me 50 cents. i only get 25 cents most of the time but i thougt i had augt to get 50 of him. so he sed all rite and i am going. when father come home i told him the minister had sed that if i wood come to the picknic and help row the boat he would give me 25 cents more than i usally got, and he sed i cood do it if he wanted me as bad as that. i dident tell father all i sed to the minister or all he sed to me. i dont think the minister wanted me very bad. i think he wanted the boat more. enny way he had to do it. tomorrow i am going to wash the boat out and i bet i will have a good time. Keene says she woodent want to go where she wasent wanted but i told her that when they paid me twice as mutch as i usally got it showed that they wanted me prety bad. so Kerry coodent say mutch to that.
August 28, 186—-it is almost time for school to begin and i have lost a hole week in bed and my life has been despared of. i dont beleeve enny feller ever was so sick as i have been and still lived to tell the tale. doctor Pery sed he never gnew a feller to go throug what i have went throug and live. it was that darn picknic that done it. doctor Perry says they aint a doctor in Exeter that dont lay in a lot of extry caster oil and rubarb and sody and a new popsquert and get a lot of sleep the nite befoar a chirch picknic. he sed that a collick from eating two mutch is bad enuf but when a feller is all swole up with poizen ivory leeves two it is wirse.
it is a very long story and i dont beleeve i can write it out all in one evining becaus sumtimes my head goes round like a button on a barn door so father sed.
wel the morning of the picnic i got up erly and washed out my boat and had it at the worf when the peeple come down. mother sed she dident want me to go unless i took sumthing for them to eat so she put me up a half dozen donuts and sum sanwiches and sum apple tirnovers and a little bottel of pickels. well i thougt they wood have enuf for all of the people without that and so i et it all while i was washing out the boat. i gnew i was a going to have a hard days wirk and i wanted to be ready and after i had hid the basket and had the boat reddy the peeple began to come down to the worf. they had baskets and pales and paper boxes and ice creem freesers and bottels and plaits and goblets and mugs and cups and brown paper packages of coffy that smeled awful good and made me hungry again althoug i had et a hole basket full.
well the minister was there with a long taled coat and a white neck ty and decon William Henry Johnson and decon Ambrose Peevy and Aunt Hannar Peevy and Widow Sally Mackintire and lots of them and evrybody was talking and laffing and stepping on things they hadent aught to step on and puting things in rong places and loosing things jest like old peeple always do.
the ferst thing they done was to pile on to the worf so many that the worf sunk down and the water come over it and wet most of there feet and they al screached and hipered up the bank and then begun to blame me for it as if i had done it when i was in the boat and dident tuch their old worf. and Mrs. Lydia Simpkins shorl went floting down river and i had to row out and get it and she sed i had augt to know better than to get too many peeple on a worf and wet their feet and they thougt i done it a purpose. sum peple wood have given me ten cents. she mite have thanked me. the minister was all rite. he sed it wasent my falt. so they was more cairful nex time and one at a time they tiptode acros the worf and got into the boats. i had my boat full and al the women grabed at the sides of the boat and hollered wen it rocked the teentyest bit.
but after they see i gnew what i was about they begun to have a good time draging their hands in the water and setting one sided. it made it awful hard to row but i dident say nothing but rew as hard as i cood. i dident know until we got to the eddy woods why it was so hard. it was becaus Thomas Edwin Folsoms coat tales were draging in the water all the way. if i had gnew that i dont beleeve i wood have sed nothing. they sung songs like lightly row, lightly row ore the sparkling waives we go and rocked in the cradle of the deep and come away come away theres moonlite on the lake and row brother row the stream runs fast the rapids are near and the boat is—-sumthing or other i have forgot. they always sing songs like them.
when we got up to the Eddy they got out and the decons coat tales were driping over his hine legs so he took his coat off and hung it on a lim of a tree to dry. then i had to lug all the baskets and pales up the bank. befoar i went down for a second lode of peeple Mrs. Dearborn give me 2 more sanwiches and 3 donuts and a drink of lemonade for rowing them so good and when i had et them i started down river again. it was bully to se how eesy that boat went after the people was out. it was jest as eesy as nothing at all. i met all the boats comeing up. they was rowing evry whitch way. the oars was splashing and not keeping time. there was one man whitch thougt he was a grate rower. he set in the back rowing seat and had 2 or 3 full groan peeple in the front part of the boat and a little dride up woman who dident weig more than a empty basket on the back seat and she was triing to steer the boat. the bow of the boat was sunk down and the stirn was up in the air so that the ruder dident tuch the water. the boat would swing round and the man wood pull sideways till his face was all one sided and jaw at his wife becaus she dident know enuf to steer a boat, and she wood paw back that she gnew as mutch about steering as he did about rowing. they were having a real good time.
then i met Beany with 2 fat wimmen in the stirn seat and in the front seat Beany was up so high that his oars cood hardly reech the water and the boat was one sided becaus one woman was twice as fat as the other and the other peeple were leening over the side of the boat and Beany was sweting like a horse and mad enuf to bite a peace out of the bow of the boat and eat it and he was going about one mile an hour and his face was as red as Skiny Bruces hair. i set up and rew with long even stroaks and fethered my oars and dident splash a bit and the boat went on an even keel with little whirlpools when the oars came out and when i passed Beany the peeple in his boat sed dont that Shute boy row well, i wish he was rowing this boat. if he was we wood get there sum time today. and Beany was mad and i heard him say huh old Plupy is only showing off.
well when i got back to the worf there was sum more peeple wating with sum milk cans of lemonaid, and a freeser of ice creem and i was so hot from rowing so hard that i set down and brethed hard and wiped my face and held my head in my hands. they asted me if i was sick and i sed no only xasted becaus i am so thirsty my throat is dry. so they give me a glas of lemonaid and a saucer of ice cream and 2 peaces of cake and after i had et that i sed i felt better and was ready to row them up. they asted me how long it would taik and i sed if they wood set so the boat wood run even i wood do it prety quick. so they done as i sed and i rew steddy by the gravil and the oak and the cove and the fishing bank to the willows whitch is haff way and they give me 2 glasses of lemonaid and when i had drank it i started again and rew stedy till i got to the last tirn when i passed Beany and the other boats that the old pods were rowing.
when i went by Beany he sed i bet you havent been way down to the worf old Plupe and the peeple in my boat sed he surely has and the fat wimmen in Beanys boat sed the nex time we come up we will get him to row us and not you Elbrige. i sed to myself low so they woodent hear me i bet you wont if i can help it.
well i landed my peeple at the bank and luged up their stuff befoar Beany got there. when he got there a awful funny thing hapened. Beany he give 2 or 3 long stroaks to land the boat and he done it pretty good for him. while the boat was running in Beany balanced in the bow ready to gump out and hold it. well when he done it and lifted the bow to pull up the boat the stirn went down so far that the water came over the side of the boat and the fat wimmen were setting in about six inches of water. well they screeched and tride to get up but they was weged in so tite that they coodent till 2 of the men gumped into the boat and yanked them up and you augt to hear them lay into Beany. the back of their dreses was sopping wet.
wel peeple had put up swings and fellers was pushing girls in swings and runing under them and sum were swinging in hammocks and sumone had bilt a fire and sum were setting the tables and sum were setting down on shorls and cushings and children were playing copenhagin and going to Gerusalem and it was a lively time.
i wanted to have sum fun but the minit i landed 2 wimmen that i had never saw befoar wanted me to go out with them to get sum flowers and leeves for their table and of coarse i had to go but as i was prety well tuckered out i made them give me one more glas of lemonaid and 3 sandwiches. that was better than nothing and after i had drank it and et them i was reddy and we went off in the boat. i rew them across the river and we found sum vines with shiny leaves and a lot of yeller dazies and sum cardinel flowers and the wimmen made reaths of them one for eech plait on the table.
while we was doing this sum more people come and they began to make reaths and i helped them. bimeby we had enuf and we went back to the picknic with our arms full. when we got there they was a big crowd round sumthing on the ground and we run up and found that Beany had fell out of a swing and had hit on his head. he swang the higest of enyone when he fel out and if he hadent hit on his head it wood have killed him. it made him kind of squint eyd for a while and his head was on one side for 2 or 3 days but it dident hurt him.
miss Lewccretia Baley had spraned her anckle by steping in a hole and had to set with her anckle rapped up in a shorl. but i notised she et as mutch as ennyone, and Tommy Tomson had got a fishhook in his leg and had to have it cut out. evryone was having a good time and i cood smell the coffy.
after Beany was pernounced out of dainger and was able to crawl round and drink about 3 glases of lemonaid before dinner was ready, sum fellers is pigs ennyway, i had to row sum moar peeple up river for sum cardinel flowers. before i done this i got them to give me 2 creem cakes and a peace of blewberry pie. i aint like Beany always waiting to eat without wirking for it. a feller has to eat in order to wirk good.
well when i had et them i rew the people up river and when they wood see a cardinel flower they wood holler to me and i wood row the boat up to the place where the cardinel flower was and they wood pick it and holler over it and then we wood go on. the river was kind of low and the banks were steep and slipery where the cardinel flowers grew and Charlie Lane, the feller whitch was in the boat, had on sum white britches and we had got enuf and was going back when one of the wimmen sed oh see that splended one we must have that one. so i rew up and Charlie got out and clim up and got the flower whitch was a big one 2 or 3 feet above the water. when Charlie got it he turned round and sed
the rose is red the vilet blew the pink is sweet and—-
and his hels flew up and he set down in the slipery mud and slid rite into the water, that is his hine legs went in to his gnees but he grabed the boat and that stoped him. his white britches were wet and covered with green slime to his gnees and the seat of his britches was black with mud. the wimmen nearly dide laffing and Charlie sed mersy sakes what a mess. most evry other feller wood have swore feerful but Charlie doesnt sware and is a good young man. that is why we call him Charlie.
well Charlie sed he gessed he wood woulk home and change his britches, he called them his pants, and so he got out of the boat and clim up the bank and started. i dident tell him he was on the rong side of the river becaus he dident ast me and i supose he gnew what he was about. the last i see of him he was going towerds Kensinton. while i was sick i sort of wurred about him but when i ast mother she sed he was in the store. he works for old Gid Lyford.
when we got back to the picknic old Mrs. Bolton had had a spell and the minister and Decon Sawyer was lifting her into Miss Susan Parkinsons caryall to drive her home. sum feller had throwed a teeny little bull toad in her lap. huh i shood think that was a prety thing to have a spell for. i never see ennyone have a spell. i wish i had got there in time to see it. Beany sed it was grate fun and elvrybody injoyed it.
Mr. E. O. Luvrin had been stang by a hornit on his underlip and evrybody had a good time looking at him. i don't beleeve there was ever a beter picknic.
the tables had been set and looked fine. our table with the reaths was the pretyest. well we all set down and evrybody sed hush, hush and the minister sed a long prair. peraps it seamed longer becaus i was most starved to deth. i had been wirking so hard and it was a long time since i had my breckfast.
well after the minister got through, we pitched in and et. i never had so good a dinner in my life. we had ham sanwiches and cornbeef sanwiches and tung sanwiches and pickles and milk and pickle limes and creem cakes and blewberry pie and chese and rasbery tirnovers and astrackan apples and balled egs and blackberrys and tee and coffy and sardeens on crackers and custerd pyes and squash pyes and apple pyes and gelly roles and tarts and coconut cakes and all the ice creem we cood eat, pink ice creem and white ice creem and yeller ice creem.
i et sum of everything they had. you see it was a long time since i had my breckfast and i had been wirking hard and mother had always told me to eat evrything in my plait and i wanted to ennyway. so i et until i coodent eat ennymore and most everybody done so two.
after dinner i helped clear away the things and then sum peeple went wauling in the wood sum slep in the hammucks and sum set down in cerkles and played gaims and told storys. they was one big cerkle whitch had the minister and most of the decons and their wifes and all the old wimmen and they was playing childrens gaims and hollering and laffing jest like children. old E. O. Luverin the feller whitch had been stang by a hornit on the underlip had told me to bate a hook and set my pole for a big hornpout or an eal. so i done that before dinner. i put a big steal hook on the line and bated it with the bigest grashoper i cood find, an old lunker, one of them kind that maiks a noise lika a nutmeg graiter and when it flise ratles its wings. then i unwound al my line and threw the bate out as fur as i cood and set the pole with a croched stick rite down in the sand by the boats. i was lissening to the peeple playing gaims when sum feller hollered Plupy you got a bite and i looked and saw that my line was tite and my pole bending. so i hipered down the bank and grabed the pole and pulled in. i had a big one on the hook and he pulled terrible, but i yanked him out and i pulled so hard that he went way over my head and rite in the middle of the cerkle of peeple.
it was an old lunker of an eal and when it lit on the ground it twisted and squirmed and thrashed round like a snaik and of al the screaching and tirning of back summersets by the wimmen whitch were fat and coodent get up quick, and of all the holding up of skerts and hipering for the woods by the thin wimmen you never saw in all your life.
and the men hollored and got out of the way of that eal as quick as the wimmen and one decon hollered what in hel and damnation are you trying to do you cussid fool, and sum of the others sed things i gess they wished they hadent. me and Beany was triing to get that eal of the hook. i got my foot on his neck and he squermed round my leg and got my britches leg all covered with slime. bimeby i got him off and into my boat, and when i went back old Mrs. Sofire Peezley was having a spell. i never seen ennyone have a spell before and it was very interesting. she screached and cried and then threw her head back and laffed and claped her hands together and roled her eys and gulped and swallered, and the wimmen were patting her on the back and making her smell of amonia botles and calling her dear and blesid lamn, and poar darling and talking to her as if she was a baby, and wimmen were coming back from the woods and saying it was a burning shaim and looking at me mad and saying i had aught to be in jale. and old E. O. Luvrin jawed me but it dident do no good becaus his lip was so swole that nobody cood understand what he sed. but i sed i aint done nothing what are you pichin into me for?
Then a woman sed you are the wirst boy in town and you are jest like your father was, and i sed i gess if you gnew what my father sed about you you woodent say much more and she tirned red and sed if that boy stays here i wont. it is a shaim to have sutch a boy at a desent picnic or with desent peeple.
then they all got round me and jawed me and the minister sed i must go home and i sed all rite if i have got to go i wil taik my boat, and he sed verry well take your boat and go. i am verry mutch disapointed in you. then i sed ennyway i want my fifty cents and they all sed dont you give him a cent he has been a newsense. then i sed it may be all rite to call a feller a newsence after he has rew about a hundred peeple more than fifty miles and luged barils stuff up the bank and made reaths and picked flowers and rescued peeple from drownding whitch dident know enuf to sit in a boat, but i aint going till i get my fifty cents then they sed if i dident go rite off they wood lick me and i woodent get my fifty cents.
so i got into my boat and rew up river. then i rew back and kept in the middle of the river and began to holer things to Beany. i gnew they coodent drive me off the river so i hollered to Beany did you see old Misses Peezley have that fit? gosh i bet she maiks old man Peezley stand round. peraps that is why he is baldheaded. Beany dident dass to say nothing.
then i hollered Beany did you hear old decon Aspinwall sware at me? he wanted to know what in hel and damation i was triing to do. that is prety talk for a decon aint it?
i shood think he wood feel ashaimed the nex time he speeks in prair meeting.
i cood see the decon talking to the minister xcited, and Misses Peezley was talking xcited two. but Beany dident dass to say nothing. so i hollered again to Beany did you see old Rhody Shatuck hold up her skirts and hiper for the woods? did you ever see sutch skinny legs? then old man Shatuck run down the bank and hunted round for a rock but i gnew he coodent find one becaus there aint enny rocks there and he tride to break a lim off a tree to plug at me and he hollered and sed he would brake my back, but i gnew he coodent get me and i hollered again to Beany o Beany aint it lucky the minister is married becaus all the wimmen is hanging round him and Beany dident dass to say nothing, but they all got together and talked and then the minister come down the bank and called me to come in and he wood give me my fifty cents if i wood go strait home but i sed not mutch i dont come where you can get a holt on me and lam time out of me.
well he sed i will not hurt you but i sed you sed you wood pay me and you dident and i cant trust you. he turned red as a beat and sed i am verry sorry that you acuse me of being untroothful but here is your money if you will come near enuf so i can toss it into the boat. so i backed the boat in holding my oars ready to row out if he tride to grab the boat or to gump in but he dident do eether but throwed the fifty cent peace into the boat and i started for home.
i gess it was about time for i began to feel prety quear. my head aked and there was black specks before my eys and my face and hands burned like fire and smarted and my boans aked.
i gess i shall have to stop here for i hear mother coming up with my chicken broth and tost and am most starved to deth. father says i weig 2 pounds less than nothing and my arms and legs is jest like pipe stems or spider legs.
Continnude from the last.
August 29 186—-when i got home i hiched the boat and my head went round so i had to set down. then i got up and went home. mother saw me and sed what is the matter with your face it is as red as fire. i sed i gess the muskeeters done it. she asted me if i wanted enny supper but i sed i dident ever want to eat again but i wanted a drink of water. so i drunk sum water and went up stairs. then i begun to feel bad and caled mother and she come up jest in time. i was awful sick. father come up and Aunt Sarah and they held my head and run in and out of the room with wash boles and towels. o i was awful sick and mother sed for mersy sakes what have you been eating and father sed for goddlemity sake what haven't you been eating?
bimeby i felt a little better only my face and hands burned and itched. mother sed she dident like the looks of it and she never gnew a feller to be sick at his stomack with a red face and hands. so she wet a towel in cold water and put it on my face and hands and bimeby i gess i went to sleep.
sumtime in the nite i began to feel sick again and had awful panes in my stomack and i called mother again. this time i was awful sick again and father and mother and Aunt Sarah were verry busy for a long time. bimeby i wasent so sick to my stomack but my panes were wirse and father went for docter Perry. he was gone a long time before he come back with him. doctor Perry he took a look at me and sed poison ivory, so he got it did he. then he felt of my stomack and looked at by tung and felt my pulce and heard me grone and gave me a dose of castor oil and then he took out a little popsquirt the litlest i ever see and he sed i gess i shall have to give you a subteranian interjection. i thougt a interjection was a part of speach like alas and o and ah. ennyway that is what the grammar says.
but this wasent that kind for the docter run the sharp point of that little popsquert whitch was jest as sharp as a needle rite into my arm. it hurt like time and i hollered but after he had pulled it out i began to feel kind of lite and floty and the ferst i gnew the pane was gone and i dident know nothing more.
well the next morning i felt a little beter but not enuf to get up and not enuf to eat but after a while i felt wirse again and mother sent for doctor Perry again and he come and give me some more medecine and another subteranian interjection whitch put me to sleep again. the next time i woke up again i coodent open one ey and only see a teeny bit out of the other, but i felt better, only i iched feerful and smarted. doctor Perry laffed when he come in and sed i looked funny but not so funny as old E. O. Luvrin. he sed all the peeple whitch set at one table had it and had it wirse than i did, but i was sicker the other way.
he sed that all the docters had been up day and nite and always were buzy when there was a chirch picknic. he sed that if he had his way chirch picknics wood not be aloud enny more than prize fites and cock fites. he sed that the peple were prety mad with me and thougt i done it purpose, but he told them if i had done it a perpose i woodent have been fool enuf to tuch the ivory myself, whitch was prety good for the docter. ennyway i give him plenty of biziness. i suppose i hadent augt to have sed what i did about Missis Shatucks legs and old Misses Peezleys fit, but i aint sorry for what i sed about the old decon swaring. i hadent done nothing. jest cougt a eal. i must have left him in the boat. gosh when i get well enuf to go down to the boat he will be in auful smelly condition. i am sory i forgot him.
Well i had to stay in bed 4 days. most of the time i had web cloths on my head and coodent see nothing. Cele come up and read Wild Mag the Trapers Bride and a new novil Dair Devvil Dave the Dead Shot. she oferred to read the 92th palsam to me but i told her i dident feal strong enuf yet so she read 2 more chapters of Dair Devvil Dave instead.
Beany come over with a tame rat tide with a string. he wasent very tame and bit Beany 2 times. Potter Goram brogt his collexion of butterflise and a live green snaik. mother woodent come in until he put the snaik in his poket. the 2 Chadwicks Puz and Bug came in twise and fit for me, in the ferst fite Puzzy got a black ey and in the 2th fite Bug got a bludy nose. they was good fites and jest about even. i tell you they is always redy to help a frend.
Ed Tole brougt up his rooster and had arainged a fite with Gimmy Fitzgeralds rooster but jest as they was going to set them a going the old minister called to see if i was ded and when he found i wasent he made a long call and praid fer me and told me i had sinned deaply but wood be forgiven if i had faith. all the time i cood see Ed and Gimmy peeking round the corner of the barn and wateing till the old minister had went so they cood have their rooster fite. i was afrade they wood have it behine the barn where i coodent see it and i thout that old minister never wood go. while he was there he saw the bible open to the 92th palsam and he sed it is very grattifiing to me to see that you are reading the bible and i sed i wasent reading it becaus i coodent read ennything yet, but my sister Cele comes up and reads to me and he sed she is a very good girl indeed and i have heard she is very diffeernt from the rest of the Shute family. i sed yes sir. then he looked round some moar and found Wild Mag the Trapers Bride whitch was rite on the table. i wood have hid it only i coodent get it unless i piled out of bed and i dident think it was proper to get up in my shert tale befoar the minister. so i hoaped he woodent see the novil but he did and he picked it up and looked at it and read the naim and held it jest as if it was a bull toad or a snaik and then he sed are you reading this vile trash and i sed yes sir, and he sed how cood you read it with your eyes swole up, and i sed i cood see sum. he sed you jest told me you coodent see to read. i dident know what to say so i sed yes sir. then he sed awful stern do you meen to tel me that your sister Celia—-and jest then mother she come in and sed i am afrade mister Barrows that we hadent aught to disturb our pashent too long. he isent verry strong yet.
and he said that is true Misess Shute but he has made some staitments about this improper book that i think it is my duty to look into and he held up Wild Mag the Trapers Bride and mother she sed it seems as if Mr. Shute and i are compitent to deside what our children are to read.
and he sed but my dear Misses Shute this is a verry improper book indeed and mother she sed have you read it and he sed god forbid i wood not disgraice my inteligents by reading sutch a book, and my mother she sed how do you know then it is a impropper book without reading it? and he sed how can a bok of the naim of Wild Mag the Trapers Bride be a good book and mother she sed she had read it and there was nothing impropper at all in it.
i dident know she had read it so when the minister had went off kind of stiflegged i asted her if she dident thing it was a riping story and she sed no she dident see how i cood read it but she had read it to see if there was ennything impropper in it and they wasent. she sed she only read it to see if there was ennything really rong in it. she dont care for sutch stories i am afrade. then she asted if i wanted ennything and i sed no and she went down stairs. then when she had went i clim out of bed and waived my hand to Ed and Gimmy and they come out with their rosters under their arms and set them a going and they hadent made more than a dozen gumps at eech other when in come old mother Moulton with sum gelly and custerd for me and she stoped the fite and jawed the boys and asted them if they dident know enny beter than to have a rooster fite in the yard of a poar boy whitch had nearly dide only a few days ago and Ed and Gimmy sed no mam we dident know he had been so sick and we woodent have did it and they picked up their roosters and went home and i skiped into bed prety lively for a boy whitch had nearly dide a few days ago. so when she come up i was in bed and i et the custerd and part of the gelly and it was bully. i wish she hadent come so soon. that wood have been a good rooster fite.
i set up most haff of the time today. tomorrow i am going downstairs. Fatty Gilman come down today and brought me 2 oranges and a red bananner. mother let me eat the oranges but woodent let me eat the bananner. i dont know what she done with it. i supose sumone et it. enyway i dident.
Aug. 30 186—-today i went out in the yard. it was brite and fair all day. lots of the felers come up and had a tirnament. first they had a match throwing green apples on a stick. Puzzy Chadwick throwed the furtherest. he threw one from my yard across the high school yard and it went throug a window in old Heads cariage shop. it was so far that when the men in that room piled out swaring they dident supose it was one of us and thy swore at John Toomy and 2 other fellers in the school yard.
Pewt was the next best. perhaps it wood have went as far as Puzzys but sumthing stoped it. what stoped it was a mans head. i dont know who the man was but when that apple hit him rite on the back of his head he throwed down sum boards he was luging into the shop and clim the fense and chased John Toomey and the 2 other felers way down south street. i gess he dident catch them becaus he swore so when he come back and if he had cougt them and licked them he wood have felt better. men always do.
so we dident throw enny more apples. so then we had sum rassels and the twin Browns and Potter Goram had a mach wigling their scalps and ears. Harry Brown beat on a scalp wigling and Potter on ear wigling. the 2 Chadwicks Puzzy and Bug fit again and neether licked.
then we had a spitting match. Ed Tole beat. he always does. then mother come out and sed i had been out long enuf. so i went in. i had a pretty good day.
September 1. brite and fair. it seams bully to be well again and to see the fellers and to go in swimming and fishing. i havent went in swimming or fishing since i have ben sick but i am going in in a day or too. i can eat things now whitch is better than enything. a feller cant do mutch unless he has a good apetite. father says there is one thing whitch has kept me back all these years. he sed that if i had had a beter apetite when i went to that picknic i cood have et nine pecks of stuff insted of only five. he sed he wood have to get the doctor to give me a tonick the nex picknic time so that i can do a gob that will be a credit to the family. he sed enny healthy boy witch can go to a chirch picknic and only eat 5 meesly pecks of food aint doing jestice to himself or his frends and he hoaps i will do beter nex time. he says he dont want me to make a hog of myself but he does want me to make a record that he can be proud of. he says i can be champeen if i only try hard.
i never know whether father is goking or not, but i think this time he must be goking. ennyway it wasent becaus i et two mutch that made me sick, it was becaus i got poizoned by poizen ivory leeves and that stuffed up my stomack. if it hadent been for that i bet i woodent have been sick. then going so long without ennything to eat and wirking hard dident do me enny good. they are still mad with me. i am sorry now i sed what i did. when a feller has lade between life and deth for 3 days he looks at things diferent from what they wood if he was well and was going round with fellers like Pewt and Beany and Whach and Fatty and Pop and Medo and Tady and Skinny and fellers like them.
So i have been thinking over what i have did and sed and i am very mutch ashaimed of myself. if enny other feller had went and sed things about my mother and sister or about aunt Sarah and my father that i sed about old Rody Shatuck and Misses Peezley and Decon Aspinwall i wood have felt like giving him a bang in the snoot. i wood have did it if he wasent two big, and if he was i wood have triped him up sum nite with a roap or plunged him with ripe tomatose or rotten egs when he had got on his best close.
but i needent be afraid that ennyone wood say ennything against my folks becaus they dont have fits and dont run round after ministers and dont hold up their skerts xcept when there is a mouse round and that is always at home where peeple cant see them. so i shant have to bat ennyone for that but that dont make enny difference becaus i have did rong.
so i have thougt it over and last nite when the band was playing departed days and the romance from Leclare in the band room i desided i wood wright a letter to all the peeple i had sassed and beg their pardon. it is prety tuff to do it but it aint haff as tuff as being snaiked rite up befoar them by your father and made to beg their pardon. i have had to do this quite a number of times. so this morning when i woke up and had brekfast i remembered what i desided and i went up to my room and rote a lot of letters to peeple. i gess when father finds it out he will think i am prety good feller after all.
it took me a long time to do it and i hated to waist the time becaus it is prety near the last weak of vacation but i gnew i wood feel beter when i had done it and i done it. this is what i rote to decon Aspinwall.
decon Aspinwall Congregasional Chirch Exeter New Hampshire dear sir i have been thinking over what i sed to you when i hollered to Beany about your swaring at me at the picknic last weak and i done verry rong and please to forgive me. of coarse it wasent so mutch becaus you swore so but becaus you are a decon of the chirch and speek in prair meating and so you hadent augt to have did it. but that is no xcuse for me to sass you. father sed i wasent verry mutch to blaim. he says he dont object to swaring but when a man tries to be a decon and plug ugly at the saim time it is the dam hippockrasy of it that maiks a man mad. i only tell you this to show you i was not verry mutch to blaim. but i am verry sorry i done it. you needent tell father what i sed, but i hoap you will try hard not to sware so another time when there is wimmen and girls and a minister present jest becaus a boy done what they told him to do and cougt a eal.
yours very respectively Harry Shute
i bet that decon will be glad when he gets that leter. i bet there aint many fellers whitch can write a better letter than that. i bet Beany coodent. i bet Pewt coodent eether. this is the letter i rote to old Misses Peezley.
Mrs. Sofire Peezly Exeter New Hampshire dear Misses Peezly. i am verry sorry for hollering to Beany them things about you. when you had that fit i suposed it was becaus you was mad and i was kind of mad two becaus i had been cheeted out of my fifty cents by the minister, becaus i cougt a eal after they had told me to do it. then i remembered that my father had sed once that you had them fits when you wanted sumthing and kept having them until you got what you wanted and that he pitted mister Peezly. so i dident think when i hollered to Beany and i wish you wood pleese forgive me. it is a awful thing to have fits when you cant help it. mother says that peeple whitch have fits have to be verry careful not to get xcited. so when you go to a picknic again and enny feller throws a bull toad or a snaik into your lap you must reflek that a bull toad and a green snaik never bite or scrach and aint poizen. if you had gnew that at the picknic you wood not have had that fit. mother says that if peeple keep having fits they get wirse and sumtimes go crasy. so i hoap you will forgive me and will be very cairful not to get xctied. it is dredful to have fits and i am verry sorry for you.
yours verry respectively Harry Shute
there i think she will be verry mutch pleesed when she gets that leter. she wont think i am the wirst boy in town.
this is the letter i rote to Rhody Shatuck.
Missis Rody Shatuck Exeter New Hampshire dear Missis Shatuck. I am verry sorry for hollering to Beany at the picknic last weak about your skinny legs. i woodent have did it if i had been well, but i had been poizened by poizen ivory leeves and the minister had cheeted me out of my fifty cents and everybody had jawed me becaus i cougt a eal and so i done it. if you had a hair lip or a squint ey or a wenn on your neck like old Nat Mason it woodent be so bad but it is a dredful thing to have such skinny legs as you have got and i am verry sorry for you becaus i have got skinny legs myself and the fellers have made fun of me ever since i can remember and it is awful to be made fun of all the time. if i was a girl i cood cover them up with my skert and nobody wood know they was skinny unless i fell down or the wind blew two hard or i pulled up my skert like you done at the picknic. so if i was you i wood be very cairful not to pick up your skert like you done at the picknic and nobody will know how skinny your legs is. sumtimes i wish fellers wore skerts but i gess i would ruther have skinny legs. so pleese to forgive me for what i done.
yours very respectively Harry Shute.
this is the leter i rote to the minister.
the referent minister of the ferst Congrigasionel Chirch dear sir. i thougt i wood wright you and tell you how sorry i am that i sed the sassy things to you whitch i sed at the picknic last weak. i am also verry sorry indeed that i douted your word when you sed you wood give me the fifty cents. if you had been ennything but a minister i wood not have thougt you wood cheet me but i have heard my father say that ministers has so many things give to them and has so many old mades and fulish wimmen after them that they aint mutch to blaim if they forgets sumthings whitch they hadent augt to forget. you see i dident know you verry well and i thought you mite be one of them kind of ministers but i found out that you wasent when you paid me the fifty cents and done as you agreed when you promised not to grab me and lam time out of me. i was reddy for you and if you had grabed that boat i wood probly have rew so hard that you wood have been puled into the water all over. i am glad you done as you agreed and paid me. you were prety lait in doing it and i was not to blaim for thinking you wood not keep your agreement, espesially as the wimmen all told you not to pay me a cent. so i am verry sorry for what i sed and i think you done prety well for a congirigasional minister and i hoap you will forgive me even if i am a unitarial and done beleeve in hel as you do.
yours very respectively Harry Shute.
i bet when old mister minister gets that leter he will wish i had staid in his chirch. but it is two lait now. i bet they will all be sorry i left the chirch. it aint many fellers whitch are willing to oan up that they are rong as i have done in these leters. my granmother usted to say that a soft answer tirnith away rath. so i bet i have made sum frends by them leters.
when i got throug wrighting the leters it was almost time for dinner but i had a little moar time and i rote one mor to miss Tabithy Wilkins. she is a old made and she was xcited when i holered to Beany about the wimmen chasing after the minister and i dident mean her and so i thougt i had augt to tell her so she woodent wurry. so i rote her a leter two. this is what i rote her.
Miss Tabithy Wilkins Exeter New Hampshire dear miss Wilkins. when i hollered to Beany at the picknic last weak about the wimmen running after the minister you thought i ment you and you got xcited. i thougt i wood wright and tell you who i ment. i dident meen you at all. i ment your 2 sisters Mary Ann and Unice and i ment missis Angilina Annis and Feeby Derborn and 2 or 3 others. i hoap you have not wurred about this. i rote jest as soon as i cood for i have been awful sick and lade between life and deth for a long time and coodent see ennything becaus my eys were all swole up by poizen ivory. i gnew you wood be glad to know i dident meen you, but i wood speek to your 2 sisters if i was you.
yours very respectively Harry Shute.
after i had rote that i got sum stampls of mother. she wanted to know what i wanted them for and when i told her what i had did she sed it was verry brave of me to admiit i was rong and i must feel verry happy over it and i sed i did and i et my dinner and put the leters in the post ofice and all i have got to do now is to have a good time for the nex 2 weaks.
September 3th, 186—-brite and fair and hot as time. i dident have enny chanse to wright ennything yesterday. i dident feel mutch like it neether. i dont believe enny feller had so mutch truble in 2 weaks as i had last nite. to hear father talk you wood think i was a bank burglar or a cannybile whitch kills and eats children. i have been jawed and licked and kep in my room and sent to bed without super, only Cele brougt it up after father had went down town, and had evry thing did to me jest becaus i rote them leters and i dont see what there was in them leters to make ennyone mad. i coodent wright enny beter leters than them if i tride a hole weak, and the peeple whitch got them is feerful mad with me and father says that posiably they may persecute me at law and i may have to go to jale for what i rote and father says i have got him into a feerful scraip becaus i told them peeple what he sed about them. but then he sed it so i dont see why he shood be mad, and what he sed is true and he says that evrybody knows it is true so i done see why he shood be mad.
the wirst of it is mother is mad with me two, that is to say mother aint mad xactly for she dont get mad but she is verry mutch displeesed with me and sed i done rong in wrighting to them as i did. i dont see why. ferst she says i done rong by hollering to Beany about them and she was glad i begged their pardon and now she says i done rong becaus i dident stop when i begged their pardon and not say enny more. of course i had to xplain things to them. ennyway i dont understand it now and i dont beleeve i shall if i have to go to jale for forty-five years. i wonder if peeple ever do stay in jale forty-five years. peraps i shall find out sum day. i dont care. ennything i sbetter than having evrybody mad with you. a feller mite as well be ded. i wish i was ded. if i was ded peraps sum of them wood be sorry.
well day before yesterday was a bully day. i went fishing in the morning with Pewt and Fatty Melcher and cougt 2 hogbaks, old lunkers and 3 pickeril and a big roach almost as big as the one i left in my jaket poket the time the folks thougt there was a ded rat in the wall of the house and got old man Staples to pull down the plastering.
then in the afternoon i went butterfling with Potter Goram and got sum splendid red and black ones on the nettle flowers by the side of the road. father he came home from Boston good-natured and was glad to see i was so mutch better and we had the roach and pickeril for supper and they was fine. after supper father went down town for sumthing and we was setting round the table. Cele had read the 95nd palsam and was reading Dare Devvil Dave the Ded Shot and i was wateing for father who sed he wood bring me a new novil from Fogg and Fellers store. Keene was reading the Fireside Companion, mother lets her read that insted of the New York Legger. Georgie was putting a picture puzel together and Annie and Franky and the baby had been put to bed when i heard father comin up the steps. as soon as he opened the door i sed have you got my novil and he sed the thing you will get is a thundering good licking insted of a novil and i see i a minit that he was mad. so i sed what have i done and he sed what in thunder did you wright that devilish leter to that infernal idiut Aspinwall for? and i sed i done it to beg his pardon and mother she sed i done rite. then father he sed that is a prety way to beg a mans pardon by telling him i sed he was a dam hippokrit. then i sed i dident say you sed he was a dam hippokrit i only sed you sed when a man tries to be a decon and a plug ugly one at the same time it was the dam hippockerasy of the thing that made you mad. i dident say you sed he was a dam hippokrit.
father he sed for goddlemitys sakes what is the difference? what rite had you to tell him that ennyway and i sed well you did say it dident you? and he sed of coarse i sed it and it is true but if you dont know enny more than to tattle evrything i say at home i will give you a good sound thrashing rite now and i thougt i was going to get it when mother sed wait George to father and then she sed to me what did you wright to decon Aspinwall and i cood remember all of it and i told her jest what i had rote and she leened back in her chair and begun to laff and laffed and laffed until i thought she wood fall out of her chair and Aunt Sarah she laffed almost as hard as mother and father he begun to laff and then we all laffed. i laffed becaus i see father laffin and i sed to my self it is all rite he wont lick me now. so i laffed. after we had stoped laffing mother sed how did you find out about the letter George and father he sed i went into Fogg and Fellers store to get your novil and while i was talking to Jack Fogg up come decon Aspinwall as red as a beat and sed what do you mean George Shute by calling me a dam hippokrit? and i sed i havent called you a dam hippokrit or enny sort of a hippokrit and he sed yes you have and i have it hear in black and white and he shook a leter rite in my face. so i sed i dont know what you meen. i havent rote any leter about you and he sed i know it but your misable son has ritten this atrosius epissle and you shall pay for it sir, you shall pay for it. well all the peeple in the store were lissening and i was a geting mad and so i sed well decon i know you aint drunk for you are to cussed meen to pay for a drink and so i gess you must be crasy but to keep you from going cleer out of your mind i will read the leter and i was sirprized. but i tried to smooth it over and sed now decon do you supose for one minit that i ever thougt that of you, mutch less sed it? and he sed yes sir that is jest what a man like you wood say and think two. well i kep my temper and tride to smooth him down but the more i tride the mader he got and finally he told me i was a defaimer of innosent persens and that he wood maik me proove it in coart. then i got mad and sed look hear you longnosed old vagrant, sue and be damned, but i have heard enuf of your chin musick and if you say 2 words moar i will smash that sankit monious old snout of yours so flat that they wont be able to see your ears. then i told him to go to hell and i come home. but it was the bigest fool performance to wright a leter like that i ever heard of and if you ever do ennything again like that i will tan the hide off of you.
i sed i woodent and i hoaped nobody wood say enny more but jest then mother sed i hoap you were moar cairful about the other leters and father he sed what have you sent enny others and i sed yes sir and he sed who elce did you wright to and i told him and he sed what did you wright to Missis Peezly and i sed i told her i was verry sorry for what i hollered to Beany and asted her to forgive me, and he sed are you sure and i sed yes sir hoap to die and cross my throte. and he sed what did you wright to Rody Shatuck and i sed i rote her jest about the saim as i had rote to Missis Peezly and he asted if i was sure and i sed hoap to die and cross my throte. and he asted me what i rote to the minister and i sed i asked him to forgive me becaus i douted his word and for sassing him and he sed are you sure and i sed hoap to die and cross my throte.
then he asted if i rote the same to the other peeple and i sed yes ser and he sed well thank the good lord you had more sence than you did when you rote the leter to old Aspinwall. and i sed yes sir I am glad i had so i thougt i was all rite when the door bell rang kind of mad. i can always tell how a person feals when he rings our doorbell and when he neerly pulls it out i know he is mad. i felt as if sumthing was going to hapen jest then.
well Cele went to the door and i heard a woman asing if father was in and i reconised Misses Peezlys voice and i gnew she was mad and i wondered what she was mad for. so father he went in and i cood her her yapping away at him and cood hear father talking but coodent hear what they was saying. mother sed i hope you told your father the truth and i sed yes mam. bimeby father come in and called mother and she went in and i cood hear her talking. jest then the door bell rang and Cele let in old Rody Shatuck and a minit afterwerds in come Angelina Annis and Unice and Mary Ann Wilkins and Feeby Derborn all of them jest mad enuf to fite. i cood tell they was mad by the way they asted for father. i tell you i got fealing prety sick but i coodent see what they was mad about. when they went into the parlor you wood have thougt it was a chirch meating when they was voating for the carpet in the vestry. evry woman talked to onct jest as loud as they cood. i never head such a noise in my life before. bimeby father come in and told me to come in and told me not to say a word unless to answer questions that he asked. i hated awful to go in but i had to. when i got in they was all there with there faces as red as beats and mad enuf to bit spikes. Rody Shatuck called me a misable brat and old Missis Peezly called me a low minded retch and made a mosshun as if she was going to paist me one with her old umbrela, but father told me to set down in a chair by mother then Angelina sed to mother that she augt to be ashaimed of herself for incurageing me in my criminallity. that is what she sed but i dident know what she ment. but father who had not yipped a single yip sence i went in sed loud now look hear Misses Shatuck i want you to understand that you must keep Missis Shute out of this discussion. you can say what you like to me or about me and when you are all through i may have sumthing to say but if ennyone of you say a word disrespectful to her why then we will stop this thing to onct. Now if you understan that go ahead. well i gess they understood it for of all the talk you ever heard, you wood have thought to thousand hens was cakling. they jest give it to me and father. father looked stern and serius but i thougt i cood see sumthing in his eys that looked like he wanted to laff, but mother dident look a bit like laffing. bimeby when they had talked about a hour it seamed to me they stoped. then father sed now young ladies i am a grate deel older then you are and have tride to look at the matter on both sides. why father aint within a most a hundred years so old as eny of them but he gnew how to pleese them. mother looked mad but father went on. as for you Missis Peezly nobody here ever heard of you having fits or ennything else. i goke a good deel to home here and i never goke about peeple i dont like. it is always about peeple for which i have the greatest respec and liking. i may have sed sumthing like what he sed and if i did i hadent augt to have did it, and woodent have did it if i had suposed that this boy woodent have gnew better than to have took it serius. i beg your pardon verry sincerely and this boy must do it two. so father he done it and i had to do it a 2th time. well she told father she was sorry she lost her temper with him for evrybody sed he was a perfick gentleman, but she still thougt the boy had augt to be punished verry sevearly for mottifiing her so. father he sed she mite be very sure he wood attend to that and he glore at me when he sed it as if he wood cut me into 40 peaces and she sed good nite to father and good nite to mother and mother looked at her as if she wasent there and old Missis Peezly tirned red and snifed and went out stifleged.
then father he sed to Rody Shatuck now Missis Shatuck the last thing in the wirld that a yung lady shood be ashamed of is to be slite and graiceful. that is one of the menny things you had augt to be proud of. there isnt a fat woman in this town whitch dusent envy you for your graice and activity, of coarse the boy was very infortunate in his choice of words but i asure you that the only thing he did was to call two publick atension to your verry atractive figure. i am real sorry i was not there to taik advantage of a most unusual oportunity. and then old Rody gigled and sed she had been told she had a fine figure but she dident like to be told like i told it and father glore at me again and sed it woodent happen again and she sed goodnite to father and to mother and mother looked at her as if she wasent there at all and she tirned red and snifed and went off stifleged like old Missis Peezly.
then father sed to Mary Ann and Unice Wilkins and Feeby Derborn. young ladies there probly aint enny peeple that do as mutch for the moral uplif of the chirch as those devoted young wimmen whitch do so mutch to help the minister in his menny duties in the chirch and parrish and when the history of the chirch is rote you young ladies will occupy a very high place on the role of onner. they always is and always will be peeple whitch is consoomed with gelousy and probly sum one has sed things and my son has heard them. but i am sure young ladies whitch is so kind harted as you have shew yourselfs to be will not be two sevear on a boy whitch at the time was sufering from poizen ivory and over eating and as for his part he wood punish him sevearly for saying what he did.
so they sed if he wood do that it wood be all rite and they sed it was a pleasure to talk with a man who was so willing to do rite and to maik others do rite and father sed it was a pleasure to meat and talk to ladies of their standing in chirch and in society and he shook hands with them and they sed good nite to father and to mother and mother looked at them jest as if they wasent there, and they all tirned red and snifed and went off mad as time and jest as stifleged as the others.
well after they had went father looked at mother kind of funny and scrached his hed and sed well Joey, he calls mother Joey, you have got about as mutch tack as a fire alarm on resurexion day and mother sed George Shute do you realy mean to say that you are going to whip him for lying to you after what you have sed to them wimmen? and father laffed and sed he had to do sumthing to teech me a lesson and that one moar nite like this wood send him to a mad house. and mother told him he lide to them wimmen wirse than i had lide to him and he sed it wasent lies it was dipplomercy and if she had enny tack he wood have had them gnitting sox and mittens for him, and mother snifed two.
so then he took me up stairs and licked me. not verry hard but moar than i desirved. but the wirst was that i cant go out of the yard for 3 days and nex weak is the last weak of vacation. i think it is prety meen to treat a boy so whitch has lade between life and deth for 3 days. i always get the wirst of it when i try to be good.
i never will try to be good again if i live a million years.
September 4, 186- brite and fair. it mite jest as well rane as not. i cant go out of the yard today and none of the fellers have been up. i saw Beany ride by on Jo Palmers back. i hollered at him but he dident look. then Pewt went down throug the high school yard with 2 oars over his shoulder. me and Pewt aint so frendly now becaus old man Purinton has bougt 2 boats, new ones and is leting them to peeple for less than i get for mine. he has painted them all white with a red rim and a picture on the stirn and they dont enny peeple want my boat. i wasent mad with Pewt but he feals so big over his old boats that it maiks me sick.
ennyway he mite have come over to see me when i was sick and laid between life and deth 3 days. sum other peeple mite have come. Lizzie Tole was one of them. if it had been Beany she wood have went to see him.
i read in a book onct how a feller had a girl whitch took up with another feller whitch had a fine horse and buggy and a silver mounted harnis. so this feller told her he had lost all faith in wimmens consistency and had put them out of his life for ever. so the girl laffed and told him all rite she dident cair. so he went away with his hart curroded with bitterniss and went to wirk in a hotel. He wirked so hard that in 3 years he oaned the hotel and had money in the bank. then the girl rote him that she had always luved him and never had luved the other feller but he rote her that the dye was cast, he shood never marry. and he never did, so his children never gnew a mothers cair.
so i shall never marry like that feller who dident and all on account of Beany. sumhow i cant get mad with Beany. i had augt to menny times and keep mad two but i cant do it.
September 5, 186—-i got up erly this morning befoar father went to Boston and took cair of Nellie and swept out the stable and luged in the water and split a lot of wood and blacked fathers boots and set up and had breckfast with him. i was hoaping he wood let me go out of the yard. but he dident say nothing about that but did say i had got to get up evry morning befoar he goes away and do my chores i done them so well this morning. i thougt that was a prety mean thing for him to do. i wished i hadent got up. well tonite father he caime home mad and sed i was the bigest fool he ever see. he sed i had blacked his boots with stove polish and evrybody laffed at him. so i wont have to get up. i had to black his boots over 2 times with Day and Martins blacking befoar i cood get them to shine. it was a awful long day in the yard. Beany brougt his black and tan terrier over and we got Frank Haines dog over and had a fite but jest as they were going good mother come out and poared a pale of water on them and they run off prety quuick. neether licked. that is always the way. sumbody always stops the good fites.
it was Saterday nite and after i had luged in about a milion pales of water and filled all the tubs for the folks to taik there baths in father he sed to mother, Joey, he calls her Joey, becaus her name is Joanna. sumtimes when father wants to plage her he calls her Johanna with a h and says she is irish. she dont like that becaus she is inglish. mother came to America when she was 3 years of aig and so she doesent remember verry much about ingland. father says mother dont understand gokes becaus she is inglish and mother says she is glad of it becaus a good menny of fathers gokes hadent augt to be understood by ennybody. when she says that father always laffs and says she is a goker herself sumtimes.
well i forgot what i was a going to say becaus when i wright about my father and mother i dont think about ennything else they are so bully. My father was the best fiter in Exeter or ennywhere elce. Ed Thursten told me that once he and father went down to newmarket and a feller in the hotel tride to lick father and father hit him a old he one in the snout and gnocked him up 2 flites of stairs and round 3 corners befoar he stoped. i bet they aint many fellers whitch cood do that. ennyway Ed was there and seen him do it and he says he can show me the hotel and the stairs and the corners he went round and the big dent in the wall where he stoped. so i gess it must be so. i bet Beanys father coodent do it. i bet Pewts coodent eether.
evrybody likes father and calls him George and he gokes with them and gets them to say funny things and then he laffs and evrybody laffs. so he dont never have to fite now. i am glad of it for i shoodent like to se father fite even if he can lick evrybody.
gosh it is funny i forgot what i was going to say. you see i think father and mother is about the best peeple in the wirld. i dont know whitch is best. father says mother is wirth 500 of him and he augt to know becaus he has gnew her longer than i have.
well father sed well Joey, he calls her Joey, how has the boy behaived himself today and mother sed he has done verry well indeed. so father he sed to me what do you say if we go in swimming at the gravil and i sed all rite i wood like to. so we went down to the boat and i rew him up to the gravil and we went in and had a grate swim. father dont like to have me swim under water. he says i stay under so long that he gets scart for fear that i wont never come up. after we got back home he let me go down town with him and after he had been to old Tom Conners store and old Nat Weeks and old Josh Getchels and Gid Lyfords we went into Fogg and Fellows store and father bougt a new novil for me. the naim of it is Grissly Ike the Scalp Lifter. i bet it is a riper. i havent read it yet becaus father sed as long as he let me go out befoar my tirm of imprisenment was over i had got to let Cele read it first. so she read it most all the evining. she only read one palsam tonite. she aint so religus as i thougt she was when they is a new novil round.
September 6, 186—-brite and fair to-day and cool. it feals like autum. i tell you i dont like to have the summer go. one weak from nex munday school begins. i hait to think of it. we will have to do the old xamples about A. and B. and how many squaire feet there is in 4 ackers 2 roods and 28 rods and New Hamshire is bounded on the north by Maine on the east by long ileand Sound on the south by Rode Iland and Conetticut and on the west by New York, and the capital of Tennysee is Tallyhassy and the capital of New York is Oswego and things we lerned last year. sumtimes i feal like saying to old Francis, who sed it aint, but i know if i did he wood lam time out of me. well i have got one moar weak. i hoap i wont be kep in enny more. i cant spair a single minit.
went to chirch today. the quire coodent sing becaus sumthing was rong with the organ. only the squeel keys wood go and they went as loud as a steam whistle. the base keys woodent maik a single yip. old Chipper Berley clim into the organ after chirch was over and found that sumbody had stufed a old pair of overhals and a old hat all spatered with paint into the big pipe. Chipper told Beany he done it and Beany he sed he dident hoap to die an cross his throte and then Chipper he held up the overhals and the hat and they both had I. M. Watson rote on them and so Beany has lost his gob this time forever so Chipper sed and he waulked Beany out by the ear. Beany told me honest he dident do it. he sed he pumped jest as hard as he cood becaus he dident want to let the wind go out. Chipper sed the reeson he pumped so hard was becaus he gnew that all the wind wood go into the squeel keys and sound awful. Beany feals prety bad over it becaus he needed the money. he has bougt sumthing at old Bill Morrils gewelry store. I knew what it is two and who it is for but Beany dont know i know. Beany will feal prety cheap if he has to give it back to old Bill. praps she wont give it back to Beany. then Beany will be in a scraip. ennyway if she wont give it back Beany wont never forgive her. i hoap she wont. it will be tuf on Beany.
September 7, 186—-Beany is fealing prety bad. he asted me if i cood lend him a dollar. honest i coodent becaus i aint got it. he says he has got to get a dollar ennyway. i lent him 40 cents so he aint got to get but 60 cents moar. he tride to get a gob today poasting bills but Cris Staples got it. then Beany he went up to Chipper Berleys to get his pay and Chipper told him he was lucky not to get arested for distirbing a religus meating. so Beany dont know what to do. he aint got ennything to sell and i aint eether. he tride to borrow it of Pewt but Pewt sed he dident have it.