the voice of one criing in the wilderniss
and jest then the organ went eooowaugh and sounded like when you step on 40 cats tales to onct and stoped and then begun again and we cood hear Beany pumping as fast as he cood and the old bellose maid a noise just like the braiks on a fire ingine, like this, chunka, chunka, chunka, and everybody laffed and the woman set down mad and woodent sing eny moar.
Chipper and old Hen Dow jawed Beany like time after chirch. Beany he told them why he done it but they dident seam to think that was enny xcuse and kep on jawing him. Chipper he sed he has stood moar from Beany than he had from enny feller and that a house of worship wasent a place for munky shines and this was the last chanct Beany shood have. so Beany kep his gob but he has a narow escaip and will have to be moar cairful nex time.
well after sunday school we met in Beanys barn and rote out the consecration and bi laws. it is a old peeler. i had borrowed sum bi laws of a club father usted to be in and i had rote down a lot of things to put in and Pewt coppied them after we had talked them over becaus Pewt can wright so good. This is what he rote.
Consecration and bi laws of theTerrible 3.
we Pewt and Beany and Plupy do hearbi asosiate ourselfs together under the corperat naim of the Terible 3.
artickle 1. the object of this asosiasion is to brake windows, to plug green apples and ripe tomatose and roten cucumbers at peeple we dont like or whitch wares there best close on a weak day, or whitch feels two big for his britches. to get even with fellers and with peeple whitch has done rong to us in the past or in the future. wether we have to do it with slingshots or roten egs.
resolvd that the use of slingshots and roten egs is only to be used when enny unusuel or crool rong has been did us. and when the punishment must be sevear.
artickle 2. the main objeck of the members is not to get cougt and evry feller whitch is a member must agree never to betray enny other feller if he gets cougt himself and is licked to maik him tell. and enny feller whitch does tell on another member will be maid to eet a live toad and 4 angel wirms. it is no xcuse if he does it under terible tortures sutch as shaking hands with a pensil between your fingers or putting musterd on your tung or licking you with a bed slot in whitch tacts has been put.
artickle 3. the offisers of the asosiation shall be a president a secritary and a tresurer. the duty of the president shall be to call the meatings of the asosiation. the duty of the secritary shall be to wright down what is did at the meatings. the duty of the treasurer is to take cair of the money of the association.
artickle 4. it dont cost ennything to get into the asosiation. the Terrible 3 is good frends and will stand by eech other as long as live remanes and no money makes anny diference. nobody elce can get in but the Terible 3 at enny prise what ever.
artickle 5. steeling is absolootly forbiddon. this aplise to money, gewils, hens, roosters and chickings, dogs, horses and cattle and ennything whitch peeple has in there houses and barns, but does not apli to apples, pares straberries and frutes in their seeson befoar they has been pictd and put in the house or barn and nothing in this consecration shall be considered as hendering enny one of the Terible 3 from pluging ennything at cats dogs or other animals.
artickle 6. at the end of the asosiasion whitch will come when enny of the members is ded or in jale the propity of the asosiasion shall be divided equil between sutch of the members as aint ded or in jale and the records of the asosiation if there is enny shall be birnt and distroid.
bi laws
I. evry member shall be reddy to fite for another member at a moments notise.
II. evry member shall be reddy to lie for another member when ever he can help him by liing. if he can help him by teling the trooth he will be xpected to do so if he can.
III. if a feller gets cougt he is xpected to lay it on to sum feller whitch is likely to do them things whitch he is cougt for doing.
IV. the fellers whitch is most likely to do the things whitch a feller is most likely to get cougt for doing is Fatty Gilman, Skinny Bruce, Tady Fenton, Jack Melvin, Whack, Pozzy and Bug Chadwick, Fatty Melcher, Pop Clark, Hiram Mingo, Ben Rundlett, Ed Tole and several others.
V. evry member has go to commit them naims to memory and keep them at his tungs end becaus he mite need them at enny time.
VI. as far as posiable members must keep out of enny trubble with wimmen. the Terible 3 does not wage war against wimmen. of coarse when a woman has got a husband whitch the Terible 3 has ennything agenst she must taik her chanct but she wont be hirt if she keeps her fingers out of the pye. i have never knew a woman to do that in our lifes. it aint our falt that she is his wife. she done it herself.
VII. as far as posiable the Terible 3 will try to keep out of trubble in school. it aint that we are scart of old Francis but it seams sumtimes as if he had got eys in the back of his hed and gnew evrything a feller thinks befoar he thinks it.
then we all sined. we was going to have 3 or 4 more bi laws but we dident know enny moar roman numbers and you have got to have figger numbers for the artickles and roman numbers for the bi laws. after we had sined it i thougt we cood have got them from the clock. we dident think of that.
after we had sined it Pewt gave it to me to keep as i am the president. he sed he had augt to keep them becaus he is secritary but i told him that artickle 3 of the consecration sed the duty of the secretary was to wright what was did at the meatings and dident say he was to keep the paper. so Pewt give in.
Oct. 13, 186—-brite and fair. the secritary of the Terible 3 got licked in school today becaus he sed geogrify is the sience of numbers and the art of compewting by them. he told old Francis he wasent thinking and old Francis he give him a licking to maik him think. tonite the Terible 3 comited our ferst crime. this is the way we done it. we agread to be studding our lessons at 8 oh clock. when it struck 8 we wood go out for a drink or sumthing and meat on Elm strete jest behine Pewts and Beanys house. Pewt and Beany had got a pile of ripe tomatose. then we would ding old William Hobbs door bell and when he come to the door we wood paist him. He always drives us out of his yard so we done it. when it struck 8 oh clock i sed i forgot to shet up my hens and a skunk may come round. Keene sed i will help you. i sed no i will do it. what would you do if we met a skunk. so i went down and hipered over to Elm Strete. Pewt and Beany was there with their hands full of tomatose. Pewt tiptode up and rung the bell. in a minit old Hobbs come to the door with a candle shaded with his hand. as soon as he come out we let ding as hard as we cood eech one 3 or 4 tomatose. one nocked the candle out of his hand and put it out. one hit him square in the mouth and squashed. 2 or 3 hit him in other places and the rest squashed on the house. i wish you cood herd him spitt and sware and holler. jest as soon as we pluged him we started running towards front strete and then went behine the Unitarial chirch throug a hole in Fifields fense into Beanys yard. i wasent away from the house more than 3 minits. when i came in mother sed did you shet the door to the hen coop and i sed yes. i did shet it becaus i thought she mite ast me.
in about half an hour old man Hobbs rung our door bell and asted mother where i was. she sed do you want to see him and he sed where has he been tonite and she sed he has been in studdying all the evening ever sence supper and he sed are you sure and she sed why yes i have been here myself. then he sed well sum boys came to my house and rung my door bell and when i come to the door they threw roten vegitables at me and asaulted me and if i can find out ther edentitty i am going to persecute them to the xtent of the law and send them to jale.
mother she sed it is a shaim and i certainly hoap you will find out who they are and i am very glad to say that my son had nothing to do iwth it and i am sure he wood not do ennything of the kind. so old Hobbs he went away and mother came in and told us. she sed he hadent quite got all of the tomatose out of his wiskers but she hoped he wood ketch them. i hoap so two over the left. it may lern old Hobbs a lesson if he isent two old to learn. i am afrade he is.
October 14, 186—-i have got 2 horks. Potter Goram give them to me. they is full groan and verry hansum. one is a hen hork and the other a red taled hork. gess what i naimed them. one is Hork and the other Spitt. mother sed those were dredful naims but i think they are prety good ones. i feed them on meat and fishes and rats and mice. if you poak them with a stick they grab it with his claus and hiss like a snaik. there eys is yellow. i dont let folks poak them.
tonite i called a meating of he Terible 3. i had rote the record of what we had did and Pewt had coppied it. i thougt i had better wright it becaus i can spel so mutch beter than Pewt.
well Pewt read the record and Beany reported that there wasent enny money in the tresury. then i asted if ennybody had ennything to say and Beany sed that we had better paist old decon Aspinwall next for he was so meen. i was afrade he wood lay it onto me becaus i had trubble with him 2 times. then Pewt sed we cood nale up a sine in front of his house sassing him, but i had done that onct for a circus. so we desided to lay for him sum time but not yet. ennyway we have got him marked.
so after supper we took a few grean apples and our sticks and went into Pewts back yard behind the trees and plugged sum apples as hard as we cood without ameing. we fired them in the direxion of J. Albert Clarks house becaus he had ordered me and Beany out of his yard one day jest for nothing.
we wood all plug together jest as hard as we cood plug and then lissen hard. we cood tell by the sound when they wood hit on the roofs or not. bimeby we herd the gingle of glass 2 times. then we begun to play coram and kep hollering and laffin. then we herd J. Ward Levitt holler who in hell is firing rocks through my winders. then he hollered to father and sed George look here and see what your dam boy has been up to and we herd father say what is it Ward and Ward sed he has broak 2 winders in my shop and you have got to pay for them. then father sed all rite. if he done it i will pay but if he hasent done it i wont. so ferst father hollered for me and i dident hear him. then they went over to Beanys and i wasent there and Beanys mother sed i hadent been there. then they come through old Mrs. Seeveys yard and then into Pewts and we were playing coram. then J Ward sed here are the devils and father sed dident you hear me holler and i sed did you holler and looked at him sirprized and father sed i hollered louder than a steem wissel and i sed we were playing coram and making so mutch noise that i gess it drownded your holler out. then he sed how long have you been here and i sed ever sence suppr.
then father sed Ward says you broak 2 winders in his shop, and i sed how cood i when i have been here evry minit. and father sed are you sure you havent been out of this yard sence you come here, now dont you lie to me and i sed hoap to die and cross my throte have i Pewt have i Beany and Pewt and Beany both hoaped to die and crossed there throtes.
then father sed there Ward you see they coodent have did it for it is twict as far as enn one of them can throw and Ward he sed i dont know about that. then father sed try boys and see how far you can throw and try as hard as you can. so i pict up a rock and let ding and nearly throwed my arm out of goint and it went clear across Mrs. Seeveys yard into Beanys and then Pewt he throwed clear over Beanys house into old Heads yard and beat me and Beany throwed into his yard but not so far as i did. then old Ward he sed we dident try and father sed if you can throw across Mrs. Seeveys yard and into Watsons yard, Watson is Beanys father you know, i will pay for them winders even if Harry dident brake them.
then old J Ward he sed all rite George i will show these boys what i can do and he took off his long taled coat and roled up his sleaves and hunted round for a rock and then he let ding and the rock went sideways rite towards Mrs. Seeveys house and went rite throug one of her kichen winders and the minit it went in she come out yapping who has broak my winder and old J. Ward stood with his mouth open and one hind leg in the air where he had drawed it up when he saw the rock going towerds the winder. so when she hollered who broak my winder he put his hind leg down and stutered and sed i gess i done it maam and she sed what did you do it for? aint you got enny better business than to go round throwing rocks throug peeples winders and he sed i was jest showing these boys how to throw a stone and she sed well if they cant throw enny better than you can i gess you havent showed them mutch. now if you will show me about 25 cents for that winder and i will say no moar about it. so old J. Ward pade her 25 cents and she went in. then father sed are you sure you dident brake them winders yourself Ward you seam to be a good shot. old J. Ward laffed and sed well George i gess these boys dident do it, but i am going to find out who done it if it takes me a weak. i bet that out of a John Bowley done it. John Bowley is Squawboo Bowley you know, or posiably that Peenut Perkins or Johnny Kelly. so old J. Ward is going to pich into them.
enny way we dident meen to brake his winders and the Terible 3 hasent got ennything agenst old J. Ward for he is a good feller and dont never drive us out of his Carrige shop, but if we had sed we done it it mite let the hoal thing out. so i gess we done rite but we will even up with old J. Albert sum time. his time will come unless he changes his ways.
October 15, 186—-brite and fair. wenesday and so no school this afternoon. as it is warm the fish bit prety well and i went down to my boat and cougt ten shiners and a lot of minnis. it is prety lait for them. then i fed Hork and Spitt and you had augt to have see them eat. i dont know what i shall do when the fish stop biting. rats is scarce and i cant aford chickings.
this afternoon after i had come back from fishing we had a meating of the Terible 3. we met at Pewts shop. Pewt read the report whitch i had rote for him and he had coppied. then we talked about wether we had augt to use sling shots xcept in xstream cases. we desided never to use sling shots in a croud and never to ame hier than a fellers hind leg xcept when he is tirned back to for fear of puting out his ey. and we desided never to fire a sling shot without ameing nor rocks neether. but grean apples and all other vegtibles including both stail and roten egs espeshionally goos egs whitch is hard to get and ded fish whitch you swing round your tale by the head, no i meant whitch you swing round your head by the tale and let ding is all rite to plug without amein becaus they wont do enny harm and cant put out a fellers ey.
i am going to have that rote into the record.
October 16, 186—-brite and fair. Spitt cougt a almost full groan chicking today. the chicking stuck his head between the slats and Spitt grabed him with his claus and pulled him the rest of the way in and toar him in peaces and et most of him. it is verry xpensive to keep two mutch stock but i hait to let eether of them go. Hork is all rite and Spitt is all rite but Hork and Spitt together is moar than 1 feller can feed unless he is a butcher or a fishcart man or a rat ketcher.
tonite the Terible 3 dident comit enny crime becaus Billy Morris Nigger ministrils give a show in the town hall and we all went. at 1 oh clock there was a parade and there band plaid. it is a ripper and can play almost as loud as the Exeter Band. tonite we all went. it was the funiest show i ever went to. it beat Comical Brown all to peaces and the orchistry was splendid. They sung shoo fli dont bodder me and little Maggy May, Way down upon the Swany river and Massa is in the cold cold ground and they dansed clog danses and had funny direlogs. i tell you it was fine. so the Terible 3 dident do nothing. somehow when a feller is laffin he doesent feel like comitting crimes unless it is funny ones.
October 17, 186—-missed in grammer today and got licked. not very bad only he shook me round until he toar my coller and neckti off. i jest wish the Terible 3 wood plug old Francis sum time with bricks.
old J. Ward Levitt has found out who broak his winders and has got his pay for them. he come over tonite and told me and father about it. he sed he went down to Squawboo Bowleys and asted him about it and Squawboo proofed that he was down to Charles Grants store on Hemloc square with Peenut Perkins all that evening. then he went down to old Heads house and asted two stewcats about it and they sed they never done it then J. Ward he told them they wood pay him for them winders or he wood go to doctor Soule of the academy about it and them fellers sed they never done it but had ruther pay for 2 winders than to have doctor Soule asting them questions, and so J. Ward sed they pade him 50 cents for the 2 winders and 50 cents for the trubble he had in detecking them and maiking them confess. he sed they sed that they dident confess and never done it but he sed if they was onnest fellers they woodent pay for brakeing winders whitch they hadent never broak and he sed aint that rite Geroge? to father and father he laffed and sed well i aint so sure about that. i was in the academy under docter Soule and gess there wasent enny time i was ther after the ferst weak that i woodent rather pay for 2 windows than to have docter Soule ast me questions about what i had did. but i gess these fellers must have did it or they woodent have pade for it.
Aunt Sarah sed father was xpelled from the academy twict. i asted him what he was xpelled for. he sed the ferst time was a case of religious persecution. i asted why they was persecuting him and he sed he and another feller thougt the students was having to pay too mutch atension to morning prairs in the chapil and so he and the other feller screwed up the doors of the chapil one nite and the nex morning they coodent get into the chapil for 2 days and they found out that he and the other feller had bougt sum screws. so they persecuted him for that and xpelled him.
then i asted him why he got xpelled the 2nd time and he sed it was edjucasional persecution of the wirst kind. i asted him what they done to persecute him that way and he sed that docter Soule marked all the fellers down awful low and it dident make enny difference how hard he studded none of the fellers cood get a good mark. father sed it was dredful the amount of whale oil he birnt in lamps nites studding his greke and latin. he thinks he must have birnt about 2 hoal whales full but it dident do enny good. he never cood get a good mark. well docter Soule kep his marking sheets in his desk and eech day he marked the felers down feerful low and locked his sheets in the desk and at the end of the day he wood give the shets to anothr teecher to add them up and give out a list of the best scolars.
well father and another feller got a kee that wood fit the lock of that desk and evry day they wood get the sheet and mark evry feller 100 percent and doctor Soule never looked at it and give them to the other teecher to add up and evrybody got perfict marks and evrybody sed it was the best class in the school.
well bimeby one day father and the other feller marked themselfs 125 percent and when the other teecher added the marks up he found sumthing was rong. so he spent a weak adding and substrackting and multipliing and dividing and reduceing to the leest common denominator and invirtin the diviser and perceeding as in multiplication and finding the leest common multipel of and xtracking the squair root of and at last he maid up his mind that there was a niger in the woodpile.
so he took his figgers to old docter Soule and they set a trap and cougt father and the other feller and they xpelled them and that was the last of father in the academy. but while he was there he was verry poplar becaus they wasent ennything he woodent do for his classmaits.
so i gess he was rite when he told old J. Ward what he did about old docter Soule. father sed he tride to get back onct moar and he thougt they had augt to have gave him one moar chanct. if he cood have been xpelled onct moar he cood beet enny feller whitch ever went to the academy he was verry mutch disapointed when they woodent give him another try so he cood be xpelled onct moar.
so when we had the nex meating of th Teribl 3 i wanted them to mark old docter Soule to paist sum nite but they woodent do it becaus they sed we was all townies and we woodent notise the academy. Pewt and Beany was gelous becaus Pewts father and Beanys father hadent never been xpelled from nowhere. they thougt i was showing off but i wasent.
October 17, 186—-brite and fair and hot as summer. it has been hot for almost a weak. Rob Bruce, Skinnys brother and Dan Casidy went in swiming yesterday. they sed it was bully but i bet it was cold. tonite after school Pewt maid sum sines whitch we put up after dark. one we put up in front of old Ike Shutes door. it sed bewair Ike the Terible 3 is on your trale. that will be enuf to keep Ike in nites. Ike drives us out of his yard when he sees us.
another one we put on Bill Eldriges door. it sed the vengence of the Terible 3 will folow You Bill until you are ded or in jale. the last one we put on Peeliky Tiltons granfathers door becaus he put tin cans and broaken glass bottels and old hoopskerts and wire into the swiming hole at sandy bottom and we cant swim there enny moar. i dont know jest what we will do to him. it seams as if slingshots or roten egs aint bad enuf. we will try to scair him to deth ferst and then we will do sumthings to him that he will never forget in his life even if he lives to be 200 years old. the sine sed this old man Tilton say your prairs for the Terible 3 has got you on their list. when litening strikes it leaves no traices of its victims. bewair bewair.
Pewt rote them with sum stencil plaits his father has got so nobody will know his hand wrighting.
October 18, 186—-this morning we had speaking in school. i spoke Horatias at the brige. it made me think of the Terible 3 when it sed
the three stood carm and staitly and looked upon there foes and a grat shout of laffter from all the vangard rose
but all the saim they nocked the stuffing out of Aunus from grean Tifernum and Seius and the other fellers and it wasent enny laffin matter for them and it wont be enny laffin matter with the Terible 3. old man Tilton dident laff this morning when he see that sine on his door. he has laid it onto old Marco Bazzris Wadley and Jack Flinn and Gimmy Fitsgerald and Moog Carter all ready, and Luke Manix two and old Ike Shute has had old Kize and old Swane the Poliseman up to see about his sine and old Bill Eldrige has been to see 2 lawyers Alvy Wood and Jug Stickney. everybody but them is laffin and wundering who the Terible 3 is. sum of them may find out sum day.
well this afternoon me and Pewt and Beany went up river fishing. we dident xpect to get ennything it was so lait in the fall but Hork and Spitt hadent been fed for 2 days. we got a lot of shiners and perch and jest befoar we come back we got the bigest snaping tirtle i ever see in my life. it was a ripper and the madest one i ever see. it snaped rite and left and wood throw his head rite back on his shell trying to grab us. we had hard wirk to get a peace of closeline round his hind leg. the only way we cood do it was to let it bite a stick and hold on.
we had desided to use a slingshot on old man Tilton sum day when he was bending over a sawhorse and his britches were tite but Pewt sed it wood be a good thing to scair him to deth with the snaping tirtle ferst. so we are going to tie him to old man Tiltons doornob sum nite and ring the doorbell. we coodent do it tonite becaus evrybody goes down town Saturday nite to the stores and sets up lait having baths and things. but look out for yourself mister old man Tilton for the Terible 3 in on your trale.
we xpect a bizzy weak nex weak.
Oct. 19, 186—-Sunday. rainy and windy. had to go to chirch. the only fun i had was to see peeples umbrellas blow rongside out and to hear them sware. sum of them was chirch members two. they did not belong to the Unitarial chirch.
Oct. 20, 186—-rany as time. i never gnew it to rane harder. evryone had on rubber boots and umbrelas. the wind blew terible and all the leeves is gone and sum branches of trees is blew down. Buldy Tasker pushed me into the gutter in front of old Gim Ellersons lacksmith shop and i went in over my rubber boots. when i got to school i puled off my boots and poared out the water and there was about 4 quats in eech boot. it taiks a long time to dry rubber boots. they say the best way is to fill them full of otes and after the otes has been in about a day or 2 poar out the otes and the boots is dry and the otes is wet. so when i got home i was going to do it but there wasent moar than a pec of otes in the baril and Nellie had to be fed so i had to put the boots upside down behine the stove in the kitchen. the Terible 3 had a meating and went down to see our snaping tirtle. he was there all rite hiched by his old hine leg to a tree and he was out of site in a pudle of water that the rane had made. we pulled him out by the hine leg and he was awful mad and claued and scrached and snaped. so we let him go back in his pudle after we had saw that the closeline was all rite. i bet we will maik old man Tilton gump out of his britches when he sees that old tirtle hanging to his doorgnob. i hope he will for enny man whitch will fill up a swimming hole with old tin cans and glass had augt to be bit by a ratlesnaik.
October 21, 186—-it has stoped raning today. for a wunder neether me or Beany or Pewt missed in our lesons. it dont verry often hapen that way. i think old Francis thougt we was playing sum sort of a trick on him for he acked sort of quear and looked at us sort of hard. tonite we aranged to meat at Pewts at 8 oh clock. after school we got a meel bag and went down for our snaping tirtle. it took nearly a hour to get him into the bag. ferst we had to ty up his mouth becaus we only want to scair old man Tilton and not to kill him. it took a haff hour to do that. we never cood have did it if it hadent ben for Pewt who can ty gnots like a sailer. ferst we got the old tirtle mad and then we give him a stick to bite and then i pulled at it and Beany pulled at the roap on his hine leg. of coarse the snaper woodent let go of the stick and when his head was out strait Pewt put a noos round his mouth and wound it round and round like ganging a fishhook on a line and he tide that old tirtles mouth up titer than a drumhead.
then we tride to get him in the bag but it was all we cood do he claud so. bimby we got him in. then we tide the bag under a bush down behine old Perry Moultons yard. then we went home. i split up my kinlins and done my choars and studded till 8 oh clock and then mother sed i cood go down town with Beany. so i went over to Beanys and it was dark. so we got Pewt and went down and got the bag and carried it up Court strete and throug old Nat Gordons woods until we got to the feeld oposite old man Tiltons house.
it was a awful lug and i bet we put it down to rest 50 times but bimeby we got it there. then we tride to shaik the old snaper out of the bag and it seamed as if we never cood get him out. bimeby we got him out and lit sum maches to see his mouth was tide up tite and it was and the stick was still there he coodent spitt it out. gosh but he was mad and tride to snap. there was a lite in old man Tiltons house and we cood see him setting by a table with a red cloth and a lamp with a red wick reading. sumwhere in the back of the house was another lite and we could hear Peeliky Tiltons uncles practising band tunes on their horns. they was making a feerful noise so nobody heard us when we 3 tide the snapper to the dorgnob. it was all we cood do he claued so. then when we had him hanging head downwerds we rung the bell as hard as we cood and hipered acrost the strete and hid in the bushes behine the fense.
we cood see old man Tilton put down his paper and holler sumthing. i gess he told Peeliky Tiltons uncles to stop their noise. ennyway it stoped and he lit a little tin lamp and come to the door and opened it. we cood hear the old tirtle scraching at the door and banging his head agenst it as he tried to snap and the old man heard it and when he opened the door he looked round throug his old specks and dident see ennything and then he steped out on the porch and stuck his hed round the door and i gess it was lucky he dident take the big lamp for when he see that old snaper swinging this way and that way clauing and snaping he let out a yell you cood heard for 3 miles and droped the lamp and almost tirned a back sumerset he tride so hard to get back into the house and slamed the door. then we heard him hollering for Peeliky Tiltons uncles and we cood see them come piling into the room and evryone talked. then they come out of the side door. Peeliky Tiltons uncle had a lantirn and a ax and his uncle George had a shot gun and a tin lamp and his uncle Warren had a pichfork and a torchlite percession torch and old man Tilton was looking out of the window. Ed went first with the lantern and when he saw what it was he sed it is a snaping tirtle as big as a wash boiler. sum darn fool has tide it to the gnob. so George sed sumone cut the roap and we will get him and Warrin he sed look out them snapers will taik a mans hine leg off at 1 snap and Ed sed hell i aint afrade and he cut the roap with his ax and the old snaper fell on the steps and begun to craul off and Ed grabed the roap and yanked him onto the sidewaulk and he sed hold the lite Warrin and let the snaper bite a stick and i will cut his hed off. so Warrin he held a lite and George got a stick and poaked him and the old snaper snaped but dident ketch hold and Ed he sed that is a hell of a snaper. so George poaked him again and he kep snaping and bimeby Ed sed sum feller has tide up his mouth with a stick in it. so then nobody was afrade and they all gethered round and Peeliky and his father come out of their house and old man Tilton come out and sed things have come to a prety pass if a man cant go to his door without being et alive by a snaping tirtle or knawed by a rampaiging wilcat or pizened by a hoopskert.
he meant a hoop snaik but he was xcited, and if the polise dident do there duty he wood put it in the hands of the county solissiter and see is respectible citisens cood be et and lose their lifes without nobody doing ennything to stop it. and he sed do we live in Rooshy or Prooshy and dont a man have enny petection of the law? and he waulked up and down the porch and banged his cain and hollered and while he was hollering Ed and George and Warrin and Peeliky and Peelikys father was taiking the old snaper into the back yard and they cut his head off and Ed told Peeliky that the head woodent die for 7 days. then they come back and told the old man to shet up and Ed sed they was going to have tirtle soop and fride chicking, and rost beef and boiled ham and sossige and quale on tost and clamb chowder and pigs feet and pork scraps and hogs head cheze all out of that tirtle. but the old man kep a hollering and asking if he lived in Rooshy and Ed sed the old man will feal better tomorrow when he has drunk about a quat of soop and et 4 or 5 pounds of diferent kinds of meet from that old snaper.
well bimeby they went in and the old man went in and set down and they begun to play on their horns and we clim over the fense and went home. i gess we scart the old man most to deth. if you had saw him let out the yell and heard him tirn the back somerset you wood have thougt so. we aint throug with him yet. a man whitch will stop up a swiming hol with tin cans and broaken glass aint going to get off with lesson. and wire two whitch is cumtimes wirse. and hoopskerts.
then we all went down town and come up throug Coart Strete laffing and talking about what we see in the store winders so our folks wood know we had been down town. mother sed i was prety lait and sed that father sed i hadent augt to be out so lait but she told him i asted if i cood go and she sed yes. she told me i must come home erlier next time. father had went to bed so i dident see him and he dident yip.
it was the most sucesful meating the Terible 3 has had. i have got to wright out the report for Pewt becaus i can spel so mutch beter than Pewt can. so i cant wright moar tonite in this diry.
October 28, 186—-today the ferst thing i see was old man Tilton coming down town with his old cain. he glore at me when i met him and i sed how do you do mister Tilton and he sed how do how do and waulked on. so i know he doesnt suspeck us. i bet he woodent say how do to Gimmy Fitzgerald or Moog Carter or Luke Mannix or Ticky Moses. i wached him and he went into the polise stasion. then he come out and talked with old Swane and old Mizzery Durgin the polise oficers. his naim is Ezry but we call him Mizzery. he is the feller that throwed me out of the town hall the nite father was going to maik a speach and dident dass to. old man Tilton pounded his cain on the ground and hollered. i coodent hear what he sed except Rooshy and Prooshy so i gess he was triing to find out where he lived becaus he wanted to know last nite and nobody told him. i gess he hasent et enny of that soop yet. i wish we cood have kep that tirtle. it wood have fed Hork and Spitt for 2 weaks. i cougt a rat today. an old linger and they toar him up and et him. Spitt had the ferst whack at him and i thougt he wasent going to leeve no coar so i poaked a part of it out with a stick and gave it to Hork. if i kep Hork and Spitt together they wood eet eech other up. i wunder if they wood be ennything left when they got throug.
ennyway a bullfrog can eet another bullfrog as big as he is. the one that gets the first snap gets the other and swalows him down his gozzle with his feet sticking out of the corner of his mouth. A bullfrog swalows the other bullfrog hoal. he chews him up inside like a hen or a boar constricter only he dont squash him ferst. i am glad i am not a bullfrog and havent enny teeth in my stomack. how cood a dentist pull a tooth in a fellers stomack if it aiked. how cood a feller tell wether it was a tooth aik or a stomack aik. wood a feller die if he maid a mistaik and had a dentist pull a tooth whitch was in his stomack when it dident aik but his stomack did. if i was a bullfrog i shood like to know them things. but i aint a bullfrog and i shant have enny teeth in my stomack unless when i am old and have false teeth i swalow them when i am aslep as old man Collins did onct.
tonite we had company. Aunt Mary and Charles and Helen and Cad Smith and Steve and Ann Maria Piper and Annie Piper, and so i coodent go out after supper but had to stay in and hear Keene and Cele sing. i can hear them enny day and i had agreed to go out with Pewt and Beany and try to brake sum of J. Albert Clarks windows to pay for telling father when i let out his rooster to fite mine and mine licked his. if his had licked mine old J. Albert woodent have yipped. i dont blaim him for being mad becaus i let them fite when he wasent there to see and becaus mine licked but no feller that is a real feller will go tattle taleing to a fellers father and get him kep in the yard a hoal day. if he had given me a bat in the ear or had hit me a paist with his cain i woodent have caired but a feller that tells on another has got sumthing to learn and that is what the Terible 3 is for. to lern fellers to behave.
so i coodent go out and Pewt and Beany sed they wood try to do it without me. they sed they wood go up to Pewts yard again and wood try sum grean apples on a stick and aim more to the rite than they did when they broak old J. Ward Levitts windows whitch the stewdcats paid for brakeing. so i kep my ey pealed becaus J. Albert lives in the other side of our house and i gnew if ennyone broak his winders old J. Albert wood come piling in to tell father it was me and father cood tell him he was a dam lier becaus i wood be there with father all the time and father wood know i hadent went out for a minit.
so i set in the parlor and father told the story about the feller whitch got the long hair in his mouth and lots of stories that maid us nearly kill ourselfs laffing. then Cele and Keene sung flow gently sweet Afton and pass under the road and we shall meat but we shall miss him and my mother bids me bang my hair and then father maid me sing alone. i hait to sing alone. i cood have sung with Keene but he maid me sing alone. i sed what shall i sing and he sed sing ennything. so i sung a new virse of if ever i ceese to love. it goes this way
if ever i ceese to love if ever i ceese to love may Horris Greelys cat have kittens in his hat if ever i ceese to love
well father and Steve and Ann Maria and Aunt Sarah and Aunt Mary and Charles and mother all laffed but Cele and Keene and Annie Piper sed i was very disgusting. ennyway father sed i cood sing ennything.
well after i had sung Cele and Keene were playing a peace about Napolion crossing the Alps when there was a big gingle of glass and a hard apple came wizzing throug the window and came within a inch of taiking Steve on the snoot. Keene gave a screech and evryone gumped up jest as another hit the side of the house bang. father was out of the house and down the steps in 2 minits and i after him. the stewdcats in old mister Heads house were setting by their table studding in there shert sleaves and we heard sum one down the strete and father hipered down strete and i after him. we met Nipper Brown and his father and father he sed have you met enny fellers Gus and Nippers father he sed yes 2 fellers ran down Clifford Strete and me and father went down Clifford strete and coodent see enny fellers. so we went back and i picked up a rock and put it in my pocket. when i ran out after father i picked up the apple and nobody had seen it. i gnew if father see that apple with a hole in it he wood know it was throwed with a stick and he wood know in a minit who broak old J. Ward Levitts winders.
so when we come back to the parlor they sed that 2 more rocks had struck the house while we was gone and i pertended to pick up the rock i had brougt in under the otterman. father sed if that rock had hit you Steven it wood have cooked your goos. and Ann Maria sed it is a mersy it dident and Aunt May sed this is a serius matter George and father sed it is more than that Mary it is a dam outrage and he and Charles went out again and i folowed them. ferst they went over to Beanys and asted his father if he had saw ennyone. he sed he hadent. then father asted where Elbrige was. Elbrige is Beany you know and he sed he was up to Pewts painting sumthing in the shop. so father come back. he was prety mad and sed he wood give 100 dollers to find out who throwed them rocks. and he wood like to know what the polisemen was for enyway. so he and Charles and Steve talked about how bad the town was run and what a tuf set of rowdies there was now a days and how mutch better it was in the old days. then father he sed a few days ago sum one put a notise up on cousin Isaks house sined by the Terible 3 and Ike hadent been down town sence and hadent been out day times without having old mother Moulton come in and set with his wife while he was gone. he sed Ike had got a pistol and was going to lode it only he dident know whitch end of it loded and his wife was moar scart of the pistol than she was of the Terible 3 whoever the misable cusses was. father sed that old mother Moulton was moar pertection than 5 pistols and 2 bull dogs and he wood pity enny Terrible 3 or Terible 300 whitch wood dass to interfear with her.
then old Steve he sed he had heard of sum things the desperrit villanes had did. they had tide a snaping tirtle to the doorgnob of old mister Tilton and he had been prety badly bit by him and that docter Perry and docter Swet and docter Perrum had all been called and it was moar than a hour befoar they stoped the flow of blood. i told them i guess that wasent so for i see him down town the next day all rite. i sed the fellers was talking it over at school and Luke mannix sed that the fellers that tide the snaper to the doorgnob had tide up his mouth. he sed he see the snapers head after Ed Tilton Peeliky Tiltons uncle had cut it off and its mouth was tide up with a cord.
Steve sed a feller mite jest as well be bit as scart to deth and Charles Smith sed that may be so cussin Stefen but if i had to be boath i wood ruther be one and i wood ruther be scared to deth becaus you cood get over being scart to deth but you mite not get over being bit if you had a hine leg or arm bit off. ennyway he sed it was time that the orthoritys of the town got together and offered a reward for ennybody whitch wood ketch those fellers.
father sed onct he and Gim Melcher and Bill Young usted to get a pocket full of gravil and when the old fellers was setting round the stove in the stores smoaking and spitting and talking the fellers wood open the stoar door and plug a handful of gravil in and slam the door and run. they done that for quite a while and bimeby old Boss Langly whitch kep a store down by great brige offered a reward of 10 dollers to ennyone whitch wood ketch them. so he hid 2 nites oposite his store and neerly froze to deth for it was in november and a cold nite. bimeby father and Bill and Gim come along and they all got ready. father sed he peeked into the store and see all the old pods setting there and he opened the door and they all pluged the gravil and started to run and run rite into Boss arms and Boss grabed father by one neck and Gim by the other and he waulked them down to fathers fathers house and sent for old Dan Melcher and he came hipering up from his house with his coat tales floating in the breaz. well after they had talked about an hour fathers father and old Dan Melcher paid 10 dollers to old Boss Langly and agreed to tan the hide off of father and Gim if old Boss woodent persecute and woodent tell the other store keepers who pluged the gravil. and fathers father tanned the hide off of father and Gims father tanned the hide off of Gim and Bill got off becaus old Boss dident have but 2 hands to grab with an had put his falce teeth in a glass of water behine the stove and he coodent hold Bill without teeth or he wood have got Bill two, and father and Gim wasent tattletales.
father had sed he thought old Boss got prety good interest for nothing. he got 10 dollers and dident have to pay enny reward and had the fun of ketching them and the way they put it on showed that they liked to do it. so evrybody was satisfide xcept father and Gim. then Aunt Mary she sed well i guess you desirved it George and father laffed and sed i gess i desirved a good deal moar than i ever got Aunt Mary. father had augt to have licked me 10 times as often as he did. and then Hellen Smith sed evrybody tells me George that you was the meanest boy in the town and father sed no Hellen i dont think i was meen. i was bad enuf god knows but i always had lots of frends and kep them and a meen feller never has frends. and Hellen she sed well if you wasent a meen boy i shood like to know what a meen boy was and father he sed a meen boy or man or girl or woman is one whitch does meen things to another or says meen things about them. i dont know whitch is the wirst but i gess the one whitch says meen things about peeple. so Hellen she set up and nobody sed ennything for 2 minits. then Keene got up and went to the piano and set down and sung
i'm the girl that's gay and happy where so ear i chanct to be and there's sumthing i will tell you if you will but list to me
i tell you Keene is rite on hand when there is ennything going on. bimeby they went home and i went upstairs. i wonder what Pewt and Beany will say when they find out that they broak fathers winders insted of old J. Alberts. it seams funny to have to pay Pewts father for putting in new panes of glass in plaice of them whitch Pewt broak. if Pewt can do this evry nite he can keep the old man bizzy all the time and make a pile of money.
October 24, 186—-brite and fair and frost last nite. father waked me up hollering up the stairs. he sed come down here quick so i piled out of bed and put on my close as lifely as i cood and went down 3 steps at a time. when i got there father told me to come out in front of the house and to look and i done it and there on old J. Alberts side of the house was a sine whitch sed
J. Albert Clark we have broak your win- ders. this is jest a beginning, moar anon. bewair. bewair the Terible 3.
i looked as sirprised as i cood and sed gosh father then it was the Terible 3 and they was trying to get even with J. Albert insted of you. i wunder what he has did to them. but father sed i dont cair what he has did to them it cant go on this way verry long befoar sumone will be in jale. when he sed that i felt as if i dident have enny stomack. then he hollered for J. Albert and old J. Albert come down and when he saw the sine and father had told him about the broaken winder he sed he shood go down town to the polise stasion and make a complaint and see if innosent peeple aint going to have enny pertection under the law.
then father sed have you did ennything rong to ennyone Albert whitch mite want to get even with you and old J. Albert he sed he hadent done rong to a living sole as far as he gnew and he sed i gess George they must have got in the rong side of the house and they ment it for you insted of me and father sed that may be so Albert but it is almity quear that they shood call me J. Albert Clark and hang the sine on your side of the house and J. Albert dident know what to say to this and so he sed i gess that is quear but peeple do quear things sumtimes. then father sed have you heard how they hung a snaping tirtle on old man Tiltons doorgnob and rung his bell and he went to the door and got so badly bit that it took 3 docters to sow him up. and old J. Albert sed no i dident hear of it George. is it trew? and father sed i was told so last nite and i understand other peeple has been warned and assaulted, and in evry case it has been a prety meen man. and J. Albert sed well i dont know what ennyone has got agenst me and if necesery i shall have a poliseman stay here nites and father sed it looks to as if it was only the beginning of sum prety desperit work but if ennything happens jest gnock on the wall and i will come in on the gump.
and old J. Albert sed thank you George i know i can alwys relie on you and father sed you can Albert you can but i am afrade you are in for sumthing verry serius but we must hoap for the best. so then we went in to breckfast and when we got in father began to laff and sed there i have give miss Nancy sumthing to wurry about to pay him for rasing my rent last month. he wont dass to go down town nites enny moar than old Ike Shute.
i sed to father dont you think the Terible 3 will do sumthing feerful to him and father sed no they may roten eg him or sumthing like that but they wont hirt him. i sed do you supose it is big fellers or little fellers and father sed it must be big fellers becaus little fellers coodent ty up a snaping tirtles mouth and coodent ty him to a doorgnob. i figger it is sum big rowdys that want to be smart. it must be sum fellers that aint been to school mutch for that sine is spelt rong in 2 or 3 plaices. so i dident say enny moar and the hack come for father and he got in and went to the trane and i felt better.
After breckfast i went up to Pewts and he and Beany sed to me gosh Plupy we broak a lot of winders in old J. Albert Clarks house and put up a sine and when i told them what they had did they were suprised as time and they sed well all rite for you old J. Albert your tirn will come. so i asted Pewts father to come down and put in a new pane of glass. and he came down before i went to school. he sed that peeple were talking about the rain of lawlissness and that sumthing was going to be did about it. he sed it probly was being did by sumone we hadent the leestest idea of, most always when sum verry unusuel crime is comitted the pirpitraiter is found to be one of the most respective citisens of the town. Pewts father sed he callated it wood be so in this case. he sed he was satisfide it wasent boys or rowdys but the last pirson we wood suspeck.
the Exeter Newsleter had a peace in it today. Beany read it to me and i cpppied it down for the record. this was what the peace in the Newsleter sed.
crime rammpent
The waive of crime that has broaken out in our comunety is one that deserves the repribation of every wirthy citisen haveing the welfair of our town at hart. the unpreceedented boldness of the miss creants is sutch as reminds one verry forceably of the why ohs of New York that infaimus band of ruffans that plunged the city of New York into a riot of criminality that bid fair to rival the orgies of Roam under the rane of Nero.
we have jest been regoiceing in the convicksion of the ring leeders of the band of garrotters that has terrorfide the naboring city of Boston when we are confrunted with a serious of crimes in our own town that bid fair to rival the wirst of the above mensioned atrosities.
the cowerdly assault upon our wirthy sittizen mister William Hobbs a man whose mennifoaled and sterling trates of carackter intitle him to a very high rank as a cittisen. the dasterdly attact up on mister Biley J. Tilton whose open handed jennorosity has done so mutch to maik his naim ornnered in this community. the repperhensibel nature of their warning to mister Isak Shute a man whose jenerous wirth and moddist life has indeered him to evryone, the coarse thret to mister J. Albert Clark whose kinliness and good deads are as well knone as his finanshal ability and probbity, are sutch as maik the blud of evry onnest man boil in their vanes.
it is indeed time that the ofisers of the law take the most astringint measures to deteck and stamp out the hoal infernal brood.
when father come hoam tonite he redd it and laffed and sed i wunder what dam fool rote that. ennyone with branes enuf to fill a thimbel had augt to know that nobudy is going to be hirt. the fellers that tide up that mud tirtles mouth aint going to hirt ennyone. the moar the fools talk about it the moar the fellers that are doing it are going to do it sum moar.
i bet old Hobbs and Ike and old Biley Tilton and J. Albert bougt 100 Exeter Newsleters apeace to send round to their friends if they have got enny.
October 25, 186—-clowdy and cold. i dident get licked today in school whitch was a releef. last nite i woak up and got thinking about the Terible 3 and what wood hapen if we got cougt and i coodent go to sleep for moar than 2 hours. i gess the peace in the Newsleters wurrid me. i wundered if i had augt to have got up the Terible 3. i had sevveral narow escaips from the reform school so father had sed and this was wirse if i got cougt. so i desided me and Pewt and Beany must be verry cairful and not leeve enny trase of our dedly wirk. bimeby i got to sleap and dident get up this morning untill mother come up and shook me. i hardly had time to get in my wood and water and eet my breckfast and hiper to school. i got there jest in time whitch was probably one reason why i dident get licked. i tell you when a feller knows his teecher is watching for a chanct to snach him balheaded he has to wauk pretty strate.
this afternoon Pewt had to help his father paint a fense and Beany went down to Ed Toles and when Beany is down there i dont go becaus it is ap to lead to trubble between me and Beany on acount of Lizzie Tole Eds sister. so when father come home early on the 2 oh clock trane he had a lait dinner and we went down to see about getting my boat up for the winter. so we rew up river to the Eddy and then rew back. we had to row hard to keep warm. well when we got back to the worf father sed less pull the old boat out and we got hold and pulled her haff way out on the worf and then father swang her round to get the stirn out and gnocked me rite into the river with my close on.
gosh it was as cold as a ice and i swum to the worf and father the pulled me out and jawed me for being a fool to get in the way when he hadent told me what he was going to do. aint that jest like him. well he made me run all the way home and then took off my close and he rubed me with a ruf towel that neerly took my hide off. it was almost as tuf as when they rubed the black off of me with bristol brick and seesand when i thougt i was always going to be a niger.
then he give me a glass of hot lemonaid and maid me go to bed. the lemonaid was all rite but i haited to go to bed. we was going to have a meating of the Terible 3 and then we was going down on the square to hear a peddler sell stuff from a wagon and a big torchlite. but father woodent let me go. but he brougt me up a new novil. it was a ripper. the naim of it is Rattlesnaik Redhead the Red Handed. we will have to have the meating of the Terible 3 tomorrow after chirch.
October 26, 186—-sunday again and raning hard. it has raned hard all day. it always ranes sunday when a feller wants to do sumthing.
none of the folks went to chirch xcept Cele who is verry religus. she is throug with the palsams and is reading the provirbs. father asted me if i gnew what a provirb was and i sed yes it was a part of speach that modifide virbs ajectives and other advirbs. then he begun to laff and they all laffed. ennyway i bet evrybody but father and mother and Aunt Sarah and Cele dident know. he sed the provirbs was the wize sayings of old king Sollerman whitch was suposed to be the wizest man in the wirld.
father sed he coodent quite beleeve that for he sed enny man whitch had as many wifes as Sollerman coodent have had horse sence or been a repsective cittisen. ennyway he sed he was wizer than old man Purington Pewts grandfather who rew out to sea 10 miles in a storm one day and when he got to the shoals where the litehouse and the big hotels was he landed and clim up the rocks and when they asted him where he come from he sed he come from America.
last nite father went to hear the peddler on the square. father got a gold stem winder wach for 2 dollers. when he got home he tride to wind it up and he cood wind it for 15 minutes and it woodent be enny nearer wound up. so father looked into it and there wasent ennything in it but the winder. so father was mad and sed if the Terible 3 wood roten eg that pedler he gessed evrybody wood be glad of it
gosh i dident say nothing but you bet the Terible 3 will have a meating tomorrow erly and they is going to be sum fun tomorrow nite.
October 27, 186—-this has been a grate day for te Terible 3. this time we have did sumthing that evrybody is glad of. xcept jest a few fellers and sum wimen whitch aint willing to maik enny sackrifise for the good of the town. bimeby peeple will see that the Terible 3 is able to do sum things that the poliseman cant do.
father sed tonite after he got home that it sirved old Swane the poliseman and old Mizzery Dirgin the poliseman that throwed me out of the hall that time that father was going to make a speech but dident dass to jest rite. that it was the law that a pedler coodent pedle things without a license and old Swane and old Mizzery Dirgin knowed it and hadent augt to have aloud him to do it and if they had did their duty father woodnt have lost 2 dollers in bying a tin wach without enny wirks in it. father sed he woodent have missed it for 10 dollers and he wood like to know who done it. i sed peraps it was the Terible 3 and he sed if it is peeple had augt to forgive them for what they had did to old Biley and old Bill and old Ike and old Ward and old J. Albert. i wanted to tell him but of coarse my othe woodent alow me to tell. i bet father wood make a awful good member. if he was a member we wood have to call it the Terible 4 and then peraps Beany and Pwet wood have to have there fathers in it and we wood have to call it the Terible 6.
So i gess it is all rite to leeve it as it is, but if we ever get up another one father will have to join. jest imagine ennyone ketching us and triing to lick us when father was round.
i havent stoped laffing yet over it. if enny of the peeple whitch got pluged ever find out who done it they will kill us dead. but they wont never find it out.
well this morning i got up and et my breckfast and done my choars and went over to Beanys and got him and we went up to Pewts and had a meating of the Terible 3 and i told them what father sed and what the pedler done to hime and that the pedler was going to pedle there tonite and that it was our chanct to do good wirk and to maik a naim for ourselfs. so Pewt took us out to where his father had set a lot of hens and there was lots of hens and there was lots of egs that dident hach. sum of them was so lite that you coodent plug them verry far and sum of them whitch were heavy had ded chickings in them. we broke 1 of eech kind to see whitch smelt the wirst and we coodent tell. both smelt so bad that we had to go out of the coop and wait till it aird out. then we pluged 1 of eech kind agenst the fense. the lits one popped the loudest and the chicking one spatered the most. they was 36 left.
Well Beany sed his father was papering sum rooms in Masonick block in the 2th story for General Maston and that he was going to Portsmuth tonite to a masonick meating. so Beany sed he wood get the kee of the office and we wood go up there and lock the door and open the windows easy and not have enny lite birning and we cood see evrybody in the square and nobody cood see us and he gessed mister pedler wood think sumbody had throwed a skunk at him.
well i have forgoten wether i got licked in school today or not. i dont think i did but i aint sure. i dident think of ennything but what we was to do to the pedler and old Francis grabed me and shook me up and give me 2 or 3 bats and stood me on the platform for a hour. so i dident get licked after all. i thougt i wood remember it if i was licked.
well after supper i studded until haff past seven and Cele done all of my xamples if i wood let her read Ratlesnaik Red Head the red Handed after she had read 2 provirbs. so i let her have it and after i had coppied the xamples i hipered over to Beanys. he and Pewt were ready. we devided the egs and filled our pockets with them and then we went down town.
when we got there the pedler was standing in his wagon in the square. and he had a big torchlite and he was hollering and holding up things to sell. they was a crowd of peeple round him men and wimmen and boys and girls. we went down to masonick block and went up stairs. we dident meat ennybody and the stairs were pich dark. we unlocked the door of the office and went in and opened the winders eesy. it was lucky we did becaus Beany run into a table in the dark and broak 2 egs in his pocket. murder how they smelt. we had to stick our heads out of the window to breeth. Beany sed what am i to say to father and mother when they smell me and find i have got roten eg on my close and Pewt sed we fill say we were in the crowd and got hit and nobody will think we pluged ourselfs. i tell you Pewt is awful smart to think up things. that is why he gits so few lickings in school and me and Beany get so menny. so after we had got all the egs out of our pockets and in litle piles ready and cood breeth inside we all got ready. the old pedler had a bottle in his hand and sed now ladies and gentlemen i have here a bottel of my selibrated panyseer compounded by the most destinkwished chemists in Europe and of the purist and most xpensive drugs and warranted to cure headake, earake, backake, bellyake, hartake, rumatism, growing panes, varicose vanes, bunions, corns, ingrowing tonales, scroffuler, siattikeer, lung fevers, scarlet feever, meezles, hooping coff mumps and croop. children cry for it, old maids sy for it, you must have it. waulk up, run up, gump up, tumble up ennyway to get up only fetch your money up and all for 1 doller.
jest as he sed that Pewt let ding with a chicking eg as hard as he cood. it wood have took old mister pedler square in the head but jest then he leened down to take a doller and it went over his head and took old Mizzery Dirgin who was standing facing towerds us rite square in the mouth and spatered all over him. i bet he gumped 9 feet in the air and then begun to hoop and gag and rushed for the horse troth and put his head in and soused it round and the peeple all begun to laff and holler and old Mizzery gumped up all driping and arested Mike Prescot for being drunk and begun to drag him off and Mike held back and fit and old Swane grabed him to help old Mizzery and we let ding as fast as we cood and old Swane got one rite between the sholders and one rite in the back of his head that popped like a pistol and he let go of Mike and rushed for the troth and put his head in and while the old pedler was laffing his head off he got 2 chicking egs 1 in his shert bosum and one rite square in the eye and i never heard sutch swaring and hooping and gaging in my life and and sheriff Odlin who was standing on the curbstone got one in his stovepipe hat and of coarse he had to arest sumone and he took Bill Hartnitt and waulked him off and as soon as the old pedler got enuf of the eg out of his ey so he cood see and breeth he grabed the ranes and liked his horse round the corner. peeple were rushing round and triing to get out of the way and sum were hollering murder what a stink and sum were hollering hell what a stink and sum were laffing their heads off and bending over and slaping their gnees and leening agenst trees and holding their sides and sum were swaring and getting the polisemen to arest inosent peeple whitch hadent done nothing and one man with a streek of yellow down his back where he had got a popper was offering 500 dollers for the man whitch wood tell him who throwed them rotten egs. i see father there talking with old Swane and old Mizzery and shaking his head. father dident get hit but Pewts father did. he got a popper in the coat tale and he was mad. he wood have been madder if he had gnew it was his eg.
of coarse we hit a good many peeple that we dident meen to hit. they shoodent have been in the way and they coodent blaim ennybody but themselfs. but i supose they wood about kill us if they gnew who done it. peeple is prety unreesonable sumtimes. but we drove the old pedler away and saved a grate del of money for the peeple and we pluged old Swane and old Mizzery Dirgin and evrybody was glad of that. of coarse when a feller gets a roten eg in the ey or in the middle of his vest when he has got his best close on he dont feel xacly plesant towerds ennybody. after tonite i gess evrybody will ware their old close when they go out to hear a pedler pedle.
well while the peeple was hollering and swaring and holding their nose and being arested for being drunk by old Swane and old Mizzery and Sheriff Odlin and being draged into the lockup me and Beany and Pewt shet the winders of the office and we come down stairs and went home. when we got to my house we all went in. mother and Aunt Sarah and Keene and Cele was setting up. well when he went in and begun to talk mother and Aunt Sarah begun to maik awful faces and Keene and Cele sed phew what a awful smell and mother sed Keene open the windows quick and sumone birn a rag. what in the wirld have you stepped in boys, go out and scrape your feet on the scraper and wipe them on the mat. you had augt to be moar cairful where you step and Beany he sed it aint that misses Shute i got hit with a roten eg when sumone roten eged the pedled and mother sed i dont want to be unpolite Elbrige, Elbrige is Beany you know, but i think you had better stand in teh doorway while you xplain. so Beany stood there and we were telling about it while Keene leened out of the window and hollered phew and mother and Aunt Sarah held their nose when father come in and the minit he come in he sed Geerusalem the golden naim ever dear to me will that smell folow me all the days of my life till i dwell in the house of the lord forever, and mother sed George i realy wish you woodent talk so befoar the children and father sed all rite Joey, he calls mother Joey you know, i wont, but it is verry triiing to a man of my partickuler disposision to return to the buzum of his familiy to find the intire homested smeling like a combineasion of a glu factory, a fertilizer factory and a ded horse whitch has been left 3 weaks in a hot July sun. and mother sed for heavens saik George dont say enny more. it is bad enuf without thinking of sutch dredful things. and father sed i wont Joey only you shood not have interrupted me and tirned me from my religious medditasions. i was doing prety well. then Aunt Sarah sed if you aint moar choise in your langage you never will dwell in the house of the Lord but sumwhere elce, and father sed tell me sumthing new and dont scair me to deth Sarah. but how in the wirld did that smell get here, and me and Beany and Pewt all hollered Beany got a eg in the side and father sed i shood think he did and the best thing Beany can do is to go home and chainge his close. it is neerly 10 oh clock and we have got to go to bed sumtime tonite.
so Pewet and Beany went home and father set down and mother shet the winders and father told us about it and how meny got hit and what they sed and we all nearly dide laffing as we always do when father tells stories, and father sed Gim Ellison got hit in the middle of his vest and went home holding his nose up in the air so high that he run bang into a tree and broak his speckticles, and old Bradbiry Purington, Pewts father went home holding his coat tale up like a woman holds up her trane. he sed that old Mag Mackflannery got hit and went rite down to old Bill Morrils house and maid so mutch fuss that Bill promised her a new dress if she wood shet up and go home. he sed Bill sed he will never run for selickman again. it keeps him in hot water all the time. he sed Bill sed if he hadent agreed to by her a new dress she wood have drove him into a loonitick assilem.
father he sed it was wirth 25 dollers of enny mans money to see old Swane and old Dirgin get it and they hadent enny rite to arest Mike and Bill and Gimmy Josy whitch wasent doing nothing but standing round, and wasent drunk enuf to be arested, and he sed he and Amos Tuck went in and baled them all out and that was why he was lait. father sed he wished moar egs had hit the polisemen and he wished he gnew the fellers whitch throwed the egs he wood give them 5 dollars.
gosh i wanted to tell him but my othe forbid but i wish we cood get that 5 dolers. father sed if the Terible 3 done it they hadent augt to be blaimed for ennything they had done to old Biley and the others. then he told me and Keene and Cele to go to bed and we done it. while i was wrighting i remembered what father sed about baling out old Mike and Gimmy Josy and Bill Hartnitt and i hollered down stairs and sed father how did you go to wirk to bale out them fellers. and father sed i used a stomack pump of coarse. how did you supose i done it, with a dipper. now you go to bed. so i went back and shet my door.
i tell you father knows how to do things. he pumped all the rumm out of them fellers and when they are tride in coart tomorrow and old Swane and old Mizzery sware that they was drunk the jug will tell them they is dam liers and a disgraice to the perfession. i wish i cood go to coart and hear the jug say that but i supose i have got to go to school. tomorrow i will wright the report for Pewt to copy becaus i can spel so mutch beter than Pewt.
October 28, 186—-brite and fair. gosh the funniest thing happened to Pewt and to Beany. when Pewt got home his father was there and auful mad because he had got a poper on the coat tale becaus he was going to a temprunce meating tonite and was going to set on the platform and Pewts mother sed it wood be a weak befoar he cood ware that coat again becaus she wood have to boil it in 2 waters and rince it in and 3 and then dry it and ion it. so Pewts father coodent set on the platform at the temprunce meating and he was mad enuf to lick his grate granfather.
if Pewt had gnew enuf to keep still he wood have been all rite but he wanted to be funy and he sed that is a funy way to boil egs and old man Purinton grabed him and lambasted him with his ratan can till you cood have heard Pewt holler down town. it was tuf on Pewt but he dident get a lot of lickings he ougt to have got and i gess he cant complane.
and Beany had tuf luck two for when he went into the house they maid him go out and take off his jaket and his father licked him for spoling his close and maiking sutch a smell until Beany hollered as loud as Pewt. for onct in my life i had sum good luck for i got up the hoal thing and they got licked for it. i supose it aint rite for 1 of the Terible 3 to laff when the other 2 gets licked but i cant help it.
tonite we dident do nothing but put up another sine on old Ikes house it sed.
bewair Isak the hour of retrobusion is at hand. the Terible 3
i xpect to hear sumthing from Ike tomorrow.
October 29, 186—-today neither Pewt nor Beany cood go out of the yard xcept to go to school. they boath sed they wood be willing to stay in the yard the hoal day if they cood stay away from school but they thougt it was tuf to have to go to school and run the risk of being licked and then stay in the yard when the other fellers was having a good time.
but i done the best i cood to help them out. after school this morning i got a croud of fellers to go up to Pewts. they was Pop Clark and Hunny Donovan and Ham Welsh and Skinny Bruce and Jack and Gim Melvin and we staid there until Pewts father drove us out and after school this afternoon i got the saim croud to go over to Beanys so he woodent be loansum and we staid there till Beanys father drove us out. Beanys father told my father that it was more punishment for his family when he kep Beany in the yard than it was to Beany becaus evry time he kept Beany in the yard all his frends come in and rased particklar hell.
tonite old Ike sent for father and wanted to know if he wood come up and stay with him until nine oh clock when he was going to have a poliseman stay all nite to perteck him from the Terrible 3. father he sent him word that he wood be up after supper. he had to go down town a few minits and he sent me up to tell him and to say that he had better stay in and keep the doors locked. he told me to tell him he wood give 3 gnocks but not to open the doer for enyone elce.
Aunt Sarah sed George do you really think they is enny dainger. and father sed not a bit. sumone is having fun with Ike and Aunt Sarah sed why do you want to scare him to deth and father sed sister mine our gentle cussin Isak has had far two easy a life and it is a good thing to instil into his mind the idea that moths and rust do corrup and theeves braik throug and steel. then aunt Sarah tride not to laff and sed i think it is a shaim to wurry so good a man as he is and father sed.
sister thou wast mild and luvly gentle as the summer breaz.
but it is hard to convinse you that desperrit cases need desperrit remmedies. now this is a desperrit case. verry desperrit. supose the Terible 3 shood kidnap Ike and hold him for ransum. who wood give 5 cents for Ike? who wood give ten, have i enny offers. maik it 7 1/2 cents. no offers maik it six. do i have enny offers. no by saint bride of Bothwel no let the portculis fall. and i wood have to go throug life uncheered by the companonship of Ike.
then aunt Sarah sed George do be sensible for onct in your life. jest onct. are you going to scare that poor man to deth or not? and father he sed far from it sweet sister. i shall be kindness itself. is it kindness in the docter when he conceles the faital naiture of a diseeze from a diing man and alows him to go whooping into the vast beyond without a chanct to repent. is that kindnes sister? ecco answers not by a dam site sister. it aint kindnes. it wood have been kindnes to tell him the gig was up and give him a chanct to maik his will and pay a few notes and by sum paper with black eges and 40 or 50 yards of craip for a fale for his wife.
so it will be my duty, sister, in spite of your prairs and teers, not to concele from Isak the seerius nature of the thret maid by the Terible 3. have you ever reelized how my boyhood was blited by the thrashings it received becaus i was a bit rude to my gentle cussen Ike. and do you reelize how many hundred times he was held up to me as a moddle and how i was erged sumtimes prairfuly by mother and moar often strapfuly by father to emulait his vertus. and do you think, sweet but earring sister that i will alow sutch a opertunity of asureing him of my pertecksion and simpathy to pass.