Chapter 2

Ralph.By heaven (methinks) it were an easy leapTo pluck bright honour from the pale-faced moon,Or dive into the bottom of the sea,Where never fathom line touched any ground,And pluck drowned honour from the lake of hell.

Ralph.By heaven (methinks) it were an easy leap

To pluck bright honour from the pale-faced moon,

Or dive into the bottom of the sea,

Where never fathom line touched any ground,

And pluck drowned honour from the lake of hell.

Cit.How say you, gentlemen, is it not as I told you?Wife.Nay, gentlemen, he hath played before, my husband says, "Musidorus," before the wardens of our company.Cit.Ay, and he should have played "Jeronimo" with a shoemaker for a wager.Pro.He shall have a suit of apparel, if he will go in.Cit.In, Ralph, in, Ralph, and set out the grocers in their kind, if thou lovest me.Wife.I warrant our Ralph will look finely when he's dressed.Pro.But what will you have it called?Cit."The Grocer's Honour."Pro.Methinks "The Knight of the Burning Pestle" were better.Wife.I'll be sworn, husband, that's as good a name as can be.Cit.Let it be so, begin, begin; my wife and I will sit down.Pro.I pray you do.Cit.What stately music have you? Have you shawns?Pro.Shawns? No.Cit.No? I'm a thief if my mind did not give me so. Ralph plays a stately part, and he must needs have shawns: I'll be at the charge of them myself rather than we'll be without them.Pro.So you are like to be.Cit.Why and so I will be, there's two shillings, let's have the waits of Southwark, they are as rare fellows as any are in England; and that will fetch them all o'er the water with a vengeance, as if they were mad.Pro.You shall have them; will you sit down, then?Cit.Ay, come, wife.Wife.Sit you, merry all gentlemen, I'm bold to sit amongst you for my ease.

Cit.How say you, gentlemen, is it not as I told you?

Wife.Nay, gentlemen, he hath played before, my husband says, "Musidorus," before the wardens of our company.

Cit.Ay, and he should have played "Jeronimo" with a shoemaker for a wager.

Pro.He shall have a suit of apparel, if he will go in.

Cit.In, Ralph, in, Ralph, and set out the grocers in their kind, if thou lovest me.

Wife.I warrant our Ralph will look finely when he's dressed.

Pro.But what will you have it called?

Cit."The Grocer's Honour."

Pro.Methinks "The Knight of the Burning Pestle" were better.

Wife.I'll be sworn, husband, that's as good a name as can be.

Cit.Let it be so, begin, begin; my wife and I will sit down.

Pro.I pray you do.

Cit.What stately music have you? Have you shawns?

Pro.Shawns? No.

Cit.No? I'm a thief if my mind did not give me so. Ralph plays a stately part, and he must needs have shawns: I'll be at the charge of them myself rather than we'll be without them.

Pro.So you are like to be.

Cit.Why and so I will be, there's two shillings, let's have the waits of Southwark, they are as rare fellows as any are in England; and that will fetch them all o'er the water with a vengeance, as if they were mad.

Pro.You shall have them; will you sit down, then?

Cit.Ay, come, wife.

Wife.Sit you, merry all gentlemen, I'm bold to sit amongst you for my ease.

Pro.From all that's near the Court, from all that's greatWithin the compass of the city walls,We now have brought our scene. Fly far from henceAll private taxes, all immodest phrases,Whatever may but show like vicious,For wicked mirth never true pleasure brings,But honest minds are pleased with honest things.Thus much for that we do. But for Ralph's part you must answer for't yourself.Cit.Take you no care for Ralph, he'll discharge himself, I warrant you.Wife.I'faith, gentlemen, I'll give my word for Ralph.

Pro.From all that's near the Court, from all that's great

Within the compass of the city walls,

We now have brought our scene. Fly far from hence

All private taxes, all immodest phrases,

Whatever may but show like vicious,

For wicked mirth never true pleasure brings,

But honest minds are pleased with honest things.

Thus much for that we do. But for Ralph's part you must answer for't yourself.

Cit.Take you no care for Ralph, he'll discharge himself, I warrant you.

Wife.I'faith, gentlemen, I'll give my word for Ralph.

EnterMerchantandJasperhis man.

Merch.Sirrah, I'll make you know you are my prentice,And whom my charitable love redeem'dEven from the fall of fortune; gave thee heatAnd growth, to be what now thou art; new cast thee,Adding the trust of all I have at home,In foreign staples, or upon the sea,To thy direction; tied the good opinionsBoth of myself and friends to thy endeavours,—So fair were thy beginnings. But with these,As I remember, you had never chargeTo love your master's daughter, and even then,When I had found a wealthy husband for her,I take it, sir, you had not; but, however,I'll break the neck of that commission,And make you know you're but a merchant's factor.Jasp.Sir, I do lib'rally confess I'm yours,Bound both by love and duty to your service:In which my labour hath been all my profit.I have not lost in bargain, nor delightedTo wear your honest gains upon my back,Nor have I giv'n a pension to my blood,Or lavishly in play consum'd your stock.These, and the miseries that do attend them,I dare with innocence proclaim are strangersTo all my temperate actions; for your daughter,If there be any love to my deservingsBorne by her virtuous self, I cannot stop it:Nor am I able to refrain her wishes.She's private to herself, and best of knowledgeWhom she will make so happy as to sigh for.Besides, I cannot think you mean to match herUnto a fellow of so lame a presence,One that hath little left of nature in him.Merch.'Tis very well, sir, I can tell your wisdomHow all this shall be cured.Jasp.Your care becomes you.Merch.And thus it shall be, sir; I here discharge youMy house and service. Take your liberty,And when I want a son I'll send for you.[Exit.Jasp.These be the fair rewards of them that love,Oh you that live in freedom never proveThe travail of a mind led by desire.EnterLuce.Luce.Why how now, friend, struck with my father's thunder?Jasp.Struck, and struck dead, unless the remedyBe full of speed and virtue; I am now,What I expected long, no more your father's.Luce.But mine.Jasp.But yours, and only yours I am,That's all I have to keep me from the statute;You dare be constant still?Luce.O fear me not.In this I dare be better than a woman.Nor shall his anger nor his offers move me,Were they both equal to a prince's power.Jasp.You know my rival?Luce.Yes, and love him dearly,E'en as I love an ague, or foul weather;I prithee, Jasper, fear him not.Jasp.Oh no,I do not mean to do him so much kindness.But to our own desires: you know the plotWe both agreed on.Luce.Yes, and will performMy part exactly.Jasp.I desire no more,Farewell, and keep my heart, 'tis yours.Luce.I take it,He must do miracles, makes me forsake it.[Exeunt.

Merch.Sirrah, I'll make you know you are my prentice,

And whom my charitable love redeem'd

Even from the fall of fortune; gave thee heat

And growth, to be what now thou art; new cast thee,

Adding the trust of all I have at home,

In foreign staples, or upon the sea,

To thy direction; tied the good opinions

Both of myself and friends to thy endeavours,—

So fair were thy beginnings. But with these,

As I remember, you had never charge

To love your master's daughter, and even then,

When I had found a wealthy husband for her,

I take it, sir, you had not; but, however,

I'll break the neck of that commission,

And make you know you're but a merchant's factor.

Jasp.Sir, I do lib'rally confess I'm yours,Bound both by love and duty to your service:In which my labour hath been all my profit.I have not lost in bargain, nor delightedTo wear your honest gains upon my back,Nor have I giv'n a pension to my blood,Or lavishly in play consum'd your stock.These, and the miseries that do attend them,I dare with innocence proclaim are strangersTo all my temperate actions; for your daughter,If there be any love to my deservingsBorne by her virtuous self, I cannot stop it:Nor am I able to refrain her wishes.She's private to herself, and best of knowledgeWhom she will make so happy as to sigh for.Besides, I cannot think you mean to match herUnto a fellow of so lame a presence,One that hath little left of nature in him.

Jasp.Sir, I do lib'rally confess I'm yours,

Bound both by love and duty to your service:

In which my labour hath been all my profit.

I have not lost in bargain, nor delighted

To wear your honest gains upon my back,

Nor have I giv'n a pension to my blood,

Or lavishly in play consum'd your stock.

These, and the miseries that do attend them,

I dare with innocence proclaim are strangers

To all my temperate actions; for your daughter,

If there be any love to my deservings

Borne by her virtuous self, I cannot stop it:

Nor am I able to refrain her wishes.

She's private to herself, and best of knowledge

Whom she will make so happy as to sigh for.

Besides, I cannot think you mean to match her

Unto a fellow of so lame a presence,

One that hath little left of nature in him.

Merch.'Tis very well, sir, I can tell your wisdomHow all this shall be cured.

Merch.'Tis very well, sir, I can tell your wisdom

How all this shall be cured.

Jasp.Your care becomes you.

Merch.And thus it shall be, sir; I here discharge youMy house and service. Take your liberty,And when I want a son I'll send for you.[Exit.

Merch.And thus it shall be, sir; I here discharge you

My house and service. Take your liberty,

And when I want a son I'll send for you.[Exit.

Jasp.These be the fair rewards of them that love,Oh you that live in freedom never proveThe travail of a mind led by desire.

Jasp.These be the fair rewards of them that love,

Oh you that live in freedom never prove

The travail of a mind led by desire.

EnterLuce.

Luce.Why how now, friend, struck with my father's thunder?

Jasp.Struck, and struck dead, unless the remedyBe full of speed and virtue; I am now,What I expected long, no more your father's.

Jasp.Struck, and struck dead, unless the remedy

Be full of speed and virtue; I am now,

What I expected long, no more your father's.

Luce.But mine.

Jasp.But yours, and only yours I am,That's all I have to keep me from the statute;You dare be constant still?

Jasp.But yours, and only yours I am,

That's all I have to keep me from the statute;

You dare be constant still?

Luce.O fear me not.In this I dare be better than a woman.Nor shall his anger nor his offers move me,Were they both equal to a prince's power.

Luce.O fear me not.

In this I dare be better than a woman.

Nor shall his anger nor his offers move me,

Were they both equal to a prince's power.

Jasp.You know my rival?

Luce.Yes, and love him dearly,E'en as I love an ague, or foul weather;I prithee, Jasper, fear him not.

Luce.Yes, and love him dearly,

E'en as I love an ague, or foul weather;

I prithee, Jasper, fear him not.

Jasp.Oh no,I do not mean to do him so much kindness.But to our own desires: you know the plotWe both agreed on.

Jasp.Oh no,

I do not mean to do him so much kindness.

But to our own desires: you know the plot

We both agreed on.

Luce.Yes, and will performMy part exactly.

Luce.Yes, and will perform

My part exactly.

Jasp.I desire no more,Farewell, and keep my heart, 'tis yours.

Jasp.I desire no more,

Farewell, and keep my heart, 'tis yours.

Luce.I take it,He must do miracles, makes me forsake it.[Exeunt.

Luce.I take it,

He must do miracles, makes me forsake it.[Exeunt.

Cit.Fie upon 'em, little infidels, what a matter's here now?Well, I'll be hang'd for a half-penny, if there be not some abomination knavery in this play; well, let 'em look to it, Ralph must come, and if there be any tricks a-brewing——Wife.Let 'em brew and bake too, husband, a God's name. Ralph will find all out I warrant you, and they were older than they are. I pray, my pretty youth, is Ralph ready?Boy.He will be presently.Wife.Now I pray you make my commendations unto him, and withal, carry him this stick of liquorice; tell him hismistress sent it him, and bid him bite a piece, 'twill open his pipes the better, say.EnterMerchantandMaster Humphrey.

Wife.Let 'em brew and bake too, husband, a God's name. Ralph will find all out I warrant you, and they were older than they are. I pray, my pretty youth, is Ralph ready?

Boy.He will be presently.

Wife.Now I pray you make my commendations unto him, and withal, carry him this stick of liquorice; tell him hismistress sent it him, and bid him bite a piece, 'twill open his pipes the better, say.

EnterMerchantandMaster Humphrey.

Merch.Come, sir, she's yours, upon my faith she's yours,You have my hand; for other idle lets,Between your hopes and her, thus with a windThey're scattered, and no more. My wanton prentice,That like a bladder blew himself with love,I have let out, and sent him to discoverNew masters yet unknown.Hum.I thank you, sir,Indeed I thank you, sir; and ere I stir,It shall be known, however you do deem,I am of gentle blood, and gentle seem.Merch.Oh, sir, I know it certain.Hum.Sir, my friend,Although, as writers say, all things have end,And that we call a pudding, hath his two,Oh let it not seem strange, I pray to you,If in this bloody simile, I putMy love, more endless than frail things or gut.

Merch.Come, sir, she's yours, upon my faith she's yours,

You have my hand; for other idle lets,

Between your hopes and her, thus with a wind

They're scattered, and no more. My wanton prentice,

That like a bladder blew himself with love,

I have let out, and sent him to discover

New masters yet unknown.

Hum.I thank you, sir,Indeed I thank you, sir; and ere I stir,It shall be known, however you do deem,I am of gentle blood, and gentle seem.

Hum.I thank you, sir,

Indeed I thank you, sir; and ere I stir,

It shall be known, however you do deem,

I am of gentle blood, and gentle seem.

Merch.Oh, sir, I know it certain.

Hum.Sir, my friend,Although, as writers say, all things have end,And that we call a pudding, hath his two,Oh let it not seem strange, I pray to you,If in this bloody simile, I putMy love, more endless than frail things or gut.

Hum.Sir, my friend,

Although, as writers say, all things have end,

And that we call a pudding, hath his two,

Oh let it not seem strange, I pray to you,

If in this bloody simile, I put

My love, more endless than frail things or gut.

Wife.Husband, I prithee, sweet lamb, tell me one thing, but tell me truly. Stay, youths, I beseech you, till I question my husband.Cit.What is it, mouse?Wife.Sirrah, didst thou ever see a prettier child? how it behaves itself, I warrant you: and speaks and looks, and perts up the head? I pray you brother, with your favour, were you never one of Mr. Muncaster's scholars?Cit.Chicken, I prithee heartily contain thyself, the childer are pretty childer, but when Ralph comes, lamb!Wife.Ay, when Ralph comes, cony! Well, my youth, you may proceed.

Wife.Husband, I prithee, sweet lamb, tell me one thing, but tell me truly. Stay, youths, I beseech you, till I question my husband.

Cit.What is it, mouse?

Wife.Sirrah, didst thou ever see a prettier child? how it behaves itself, I warrant you: and speaks and looks, and perts up the head? I pray you brother, with your favour, were you never one of Mr. Muncaster's scholars?

Cit.Chicken, I prithee heartily contain thyself, the childer are pretty childer, but when Ralph comes, lamb!

Wife.Ay, when Ralph comes, cony! Well, my youth, you may proceed.

Merch.Well, sir, you know my love, and rest, I hope,Assured of my consent; get but my daughter's,And wed her when you please; you must be bold,And clap in close unto her; come, I knowYou've language good enough to win a wench.Wife.A toity tyrant, hath been an old stringer in his days,I warrant him.Hum.I take your gentle offer, and withalYield love again for love reciprocal.Mar.What, Luce, within there?EnterLuce.Luce..mleft10Called you, sir?Merch.I did;Give entertainment to this gentleman;And see you be not froward: to her, sir,[Exit.My presence will but be an eyesore to you.Hum.Fair mistress Luce, how do you, are you well?Give me your hand, and then I pray you tell,How doth your little sister, and your brother,And whether you love me or any other?Luce.Sir, these are quickly answered.Hum.So they are,Where women are not cruel; but how farIs it now distant from the place we are in,Unto that blessed place, your father's warren.Luce.What makes you think of that, sir?Hum.E'en that face,For stealing rabbits whilome in that place,God Cupid, or the keeper, I know not whether,Unto my cost and charges brought you thither,And there began——Luce.Your game, sir.Hum.Let no game,Or anything that tendeth to the same,Be evermore remembered, thou fair killer,For whom I sate me down and brake my tiller.Wife.There's a kind gentleman, I warrant you. When will you do as much for me, George?Luce.Beshrew me, sir, I'm sorry for your losses,But as the proverb says, I cannot cry;I would you had not seen me.Hum.So would I,Unless you had more maw to do me good.Luce.Why, cannot this strange passion be withstood?Send for a constable, and raise the town.Hum.Oh no, my valiant love will batter downMillions of constables, and put to flightE'en that great watch of Midsummer Day at night.Luce.Beshrew me, sir, 'twere good I yielded then,Weak women cannot hope, where valiant menHave no resistance.Hum.Yield then, I am fullOf pity, though I say it, and can pullOut of my pocket thus a pair of gloves.Look, Luce, look, the dog's tooth, nor the dovesAre not so white as these; and sweet they be,And whipt about with silk, as you may see.If you desire the price, shoot from your eyeA beam to this place, and you shall espyF. S., which is to say, my sweetest honey,They cost me three-and-twopence, and no money.Luce.Well, sir, I take them kindly, and I thank you; whatWhat would you more?Hum.Nothing.Luce.Why then, farewell.Hum.Nor so, nor so, for, lady, I must tell,Before we part, for what we met together,God grant me time, and patience, and fair weather.Luce.Speak and declare your mind in terms so brief.Hum.I shall; then first and foremost, for reliefI call to you, if that you can afford it,I care not at what price, for on my word itShall be repaid again, although it cost meMore than I'll speak of now, for love hath tost meIn furious blanket like a tennis-ball,And now I rise aloft, and now I fall.Luce.Alas, good gentleman, alas the day.Hum.I thank you heartily, and as I say,Thus do I still continue without rest,I' th' morning like a man, at night a beast,Roaring and bellowing mine own disquiet,That much I fear, forsaking of my diet,Will bring me presently to that quandary,I shall bid all adieu.Luce.Now, by St. MaryThat were great pity.Hum.So it were, beshrew me,Then ease me, lusty Luce, and pity shew me.Luce.Why, sir, you know my will is nothing worthWithout my father's grant; get his consent,And then you may with full assurance try me.Hum.The worshipful your sire will not deny me,For I have ask'd him, and he hath replied,Sweet Master Humphrey, Luce shall be thy bride.Luce.Sweet Master Humphrey, then I am content.Hum.And so am I, in truth.Luce.Yet take me with you.There is another clause must be annext,And this it is I swore, and will perform it,No man shall ever joy me as his wife,But he that stole me hence. If you dare venture,I'm yours; you need not fear, my father loves you,If not, farewell, for ever.Hum.Stay, nymph, stay,I have a double gelding, coloured bay,Sprung by his father from Barbarian kind,Another for myself, though somewhat blind,Yet true as trusty tree.Luce.I'm satisfied,And so I give my hand; our course must lieThrough Waltham Forest, where I have a friendWill entertain us; so farewell, Sir Humphrey,[ExitLuce.And think upon your business.Hum.Though I die,I am resolv'd to venture life and limb,[ExitHum.For one so young, so fair, so kind, so trim.

Merch.Well, sir, you know my love, and rest, I hope,

Assured of my consent; get but my daughter's,

And wed her when you please; you must be bold,

And clap in close unto her; come, I know

You've language good enough to win a wench.

Wife.A toity tyrant, hath been an old stringer in his days,I warrant him.

Wife.A toity tyrant, hath been an old stringer in his days,

I warrant him.

Hum.I take your gentle offer, and withalYield love again for love reciprocal.

Hum.I take your gentle offer, and withal

Yield love again for love reciprocal.

Mar.What, Luce, within there?

EnterLuce.

Luce..mleft10Called you, sir?

Merch.I did;Give entertainment to this gentleman;And see you be not froward: to her, sir,[Exit.My presence will but be an eyesore to you.

Merch.I did;

Give entertainment to this gentleman;

And see you be not froward: to her, sir,[Exit.

My presence will but be an eyesore to you.

Hum.Fair mistress Luce, how do you, are you well?Give me your hand, and then I pray you tell,How doth your little sister, and your brother,And whether you love me or any other?

Hum.Fair mistress Luce, how do you, are you well?

Give me your hand, and then I pray you tell,

How doth your little sister, and your brother,

And whether you love me or any other?

Luce.Sir, these are quickly answered.

Hum.So they are,Where women are not cruel; but how farIs it now distant from the place we are in,Unto that blessed place, your father's warren.

Hum.So they are,

Where women are not cruel; but how far

Is it now distant from the place we are in,

Unto that blessed place, your father's warren.

Luce.What makes you think of that, sir?

Hum.E'en that face,For stealing rabbits whilome in that place,God Cupid, or the keeper, I know not whether,Unto my cost and charges brought you thither,And there began——

Hum.E'en that face,

For stealing rabbits whilome in that place,

God Cupid, or the keeper, I know not whether,

Unto my cost and charges brought you thither,

And there began——

Luce.Your game, sir.

Hum.Let no game,Or anything that tendeth to the same,Be evermore remembered, thou fair killer,For whom I sate me down and brake my tiller.

Hum.Let no game,

Or anything that tendeth to the same,

Be evermore remembered, thou fair killer,

For whom I sate me down and brake my tiller.

Wife.There's a kind gentleman, I warrant you. When will you do as much for me, George?

Luce.Beshrew me, sir, I'm sorry for your losses,But as the proverb says, I cannot cry;I would you had not seen me.

Luce.Beshrew me, sir, I'm sorry for your losses,

But as the proverb says, I cannot cry;

I would you had not seen me.

Hum.So would I,Unless you had more maw to do me good.

Hum.So would I,

Unless you had more maw to do me good.

Luce.Why, cannot this strange passion be withstood?Send for a constable, and raise the town.

Luce.Why, cannot this strange passion be withstood?

Send for a constable, and raise the town.

Hum.Oh no, my valiant love will batter downMillions of constables, and put to flightE'en that great watch of Midsummer Day at night.

Hum.Oh no, my valiant love will batter down

Millions of constables, and put to flight

E'en that great watch of Midsummer Day at night.

Luce.Beshrew me, sir, 'twere good I yielded then,Weak women cannot hope, where valiant menHave no resistance.

Luce.Beshrew me, sir, 'twere good I yielded then,

Weak women cannot hope, where valiant men

Have no resistance.

Hum.Yield then, I am fullOf pity, though I say it, and can pullOut of my pocket thus a pair of gloves.Look, Luce, look, the dog's tooth, nor the dovesAre not so white as these; and sweet they be,And whipt about with silk, as you may see.If you desire the price, shoot from your eyeA beam to this place, and you shall espyF. S., which is to say, my sweetest honey,They cost me three-and-twopence, and no money.

Hum.Yield then, I am full

Of pity, though I say it, and can pull

Out of my pocket thus a pair of gloves.

Look, Luce, look, the dog's tooth, nor the doves

Are not so white as these; and sweet they be,

And whipt about with silk, as you may see.

If you desire the price, shoot from your eye

A beam to this place, and you shall espy

F. S., which is to say, my sweetest honey,

They cost me three-and-twopence, and no money.

Luce.Well, sir, I take them kindly, and I thank you; whatWhat would you more?

Luce.Well, sir, I take them kindly, and I thank you; what

What would you more?

Hum.Nothing.

Luce.Why then, farewell.

Hum.Nor so, nor so, for, lady, I must tell,Before we part, for what we met together,God grant me time, and patience, and fair weather.

Hum.Nor so, nor so, for, lady, I must tell,

Before we part, for what we met together,

God grant me time, and patience, and fair weather.

Luce.Speak and declare your mind in terms so brief.

Hum.I shall; then first and foremost, for reliefI call to you, if that you can afford it,I care not at what price, for on my word itShall be repaid again, although it cost meMore than I'll speak of now, for love hath tost meIn furious blanket like a tennis-ball,And now I rise aloft, and now I fall.

Hum.I shall; then first and foremost, for relief

I call to you, if that you can afford it,

I care not at what price, for on my word it

Shall be repaid again, although it cost me

More than I'll speak of now, for love hath tost me

In furious blanket like a tennis-ball,

And now I rise aloft, and now I fall.

Luce.Alas, good gentleman, alas the day.

Hum.I thank you heartily, and as I say,Thus do I still continue without rest,I' th' morning like a man, at night a beast,Roaring and bellowing mine own disquiet,That much I fear, forsaking of my diet,Will bring me presently to that quandary,I shall bid all adieu.

Hum.I thank you heartily, and as I say,

Thus do I still continue without rest,

I' th' morning like a man, at night a beast,

Roaring and bellowing mine own disquiet,

That much I fear, forsaking of my diet,

Will bring me presently to that quandary,

I shall bid all adieu.

Luce.Now, by St. MaryThat were great pity.

Luce.Now, by St. Mary

That were great pity.

Hum.So it were, beshrew me,Then ease me, lusty Luce, and pity shew me.

Hum.So it were, beshrew me,

Then ease me, lusty Luce, and pity shew me.

Luce.Why, sir, you know my will is nothing worthWithout my father's grant; get his consent,And then you may with full assurance try me.

Luce.Why, sir, you know my will is nothing worth

Without my father's grant; get his consent,

And then you may with full assurance try me.

Hum.The worshipful your sire will not deny me,For I have ask'd him, and he hath replied,Sweet Master Humphrey, Luce shall be thy bride.

Hum.The worshipful your sire will not deny me,

For I have ask'd him, and he hath replied,

Sweet Master Humphrey, Luce shall be thy bride.

Luce.Sweet Master Humphrey, then I am content.

Hum.And so am I, in truth.

Luce.Yet take me with you.There is another clause must be annext,And this it is I swore, and will perform it,No man shall ever joy me as his wife,But he that stole me hence. If you dare venture,I'm yours; you need not fear, my father loves you,If not, farewell, for ever.

Luce.Yet take me with you.

There is another clause must be annext,

And this it is I swore, and will perform it,

No man shall ever joy me as his wife,

But he that stole me hence. If you dare venture,

I'm yours; you need not fear, my father loves you,

If not, farewell, for ever.

Hum.Stay, nymph, stay,I have a double gelding, coloured bay,Sprung by his father from Barbarian kind,Another for myself, though somewhat blind,Yet true as trusty tree.

Hum.Stay, nymph, stay,

I have a double gelding, coloured bay,

Sprung by his father from Barbarian kind,

Another for myself, though somewhat blind,

Yet true as trusty tree.

Luce.I'm satisfied,And so I give my hand; our course must lieThrough Waltham Forest, where I have a friendWill entertain us; so farewell, Sir Humphrey,[ExitLuce.And think upon your business.

Luce.I'm satisfied,

And so I give my hand; our course must lie

Through Waltham Forest, where I have a friend

Will entertain us; so farewell, Sir Humphrey,[ExitLuce.

And think upon your business.

Hum.Though I die,I am resolv'd to venture life and limb,[ExitHum.For one so young, so fair, so kind, so trim.

Hum.Though I die,

I am resolv'd to venture life and limb,[ExitHum.

For one so young, so fair, so kind, so trim.

Wife.By my faith and troth, George, and as I am virtuous, it is e'en the kindest young man that ever trod on shoe-leather; well, go thy ways, if thou hast her not, 'tis not thy fault i'faith.Cit.I prithee, mouse, be patient, a shall have her, or I'll make some of 'em smoke for't.Wife.That's my good lamb, George; fie, this stinking tobacco kills me, would there were none in England. Now I pray, gentlemen, what good does this stinking tobacco do you? nothing; I warrant you make chimnies o' your faces. Oh, husband, husband, now, now there's Ralph, there's Ralph!EnterRalph,like a grocer in his shop, with two prentices, reading "Palmerin of England."Cit.Peace, fool, let Ralph alone; hark you, Ralph, do not strain yourself too much at the first. Peace, begin, Ralph.Ralph.Then Palmerin and Trineus, snatching their lances from their dwarfs, and clasping their helmets, galloped amain after the giant, and Palmerin having gotten a sight of him, came posting amain, saying, "Stay, traitorous thief, for thou mayst not so carry away her that is worth the greatest lord in the world;" and, with these words, gave him a blow on the shoulder, that he struck him beside his elephant; and Trineus coming to the knight that had Agricola behind him, set him soon beside his horse, with his neck broken in the fall, so that the princess, getting out of the throng, between joy and grief said,"All happy knight, the mirror of all such as follow arms, now may I be well assured of the love thou bearest me." I wonder why the kings do not raise an army of fourteen or fifteen hundred thousand men, as big as the army that the Prince of Portigo brought against Rosicler, and destroy these giants; they do much hurt to wandering damsels that go in quest of their knights.Wife.Faith, husband, and Ralph says true, for they say the King of Portugal cannot sit at his meat but the giants and the ettins will come and snatch it from him.Cit.Hold thy tongue; on, Ralph.Ralph.And certainly those knights are much to be commendedwho, neglecting their possessions, wander with a squire and a dwarf through the deserts to relieve poor ladies.Wife.Ay, by my faith are they, Ralph, let 'em say what they will, they are indeed; our knights neglect their possessions well enough, but they do not the rest.Ralph.There are no such courteous and fair well-spoken knights in this age; they will call one the son of a sea-cook that Palmerin of England would have called fair sir; and one that Rosicler would have called right beautiful damsel they will call old witch.Wife.I'll be sworn will they, Ralph; they have called me so an hundred times about a scurvy pipe of tobacco.Ralph.But what brave spirit could be content to sit in his shop, with a flapet of wood, and a blue apron before him, selling Methridatam and Dragons' Water to visited houses, that might pursue feats of arms, and through his noble achievements procure such a famous history to be written of his heroic prowess?Cit.Well said, Ralph; some more of those words, Ralph.Wife.They go finely, by my troth.Ralph.Why should I not then pursue this course, both for the credit of myself and our company? for amongst all the worthy books of achievements, I do not call to mind that I yet read of a grocer errant: I will be the said knight. Have you heard of any that hath wandered unfurnished of his squire and dwarf? My elder prentice Tim shall be my trusty squire, and little George my dwarf. Hence, my blue apron! Yet, in remembrance of my former trade, upon my shield shall be portrayed a burning pestle, and I will be called the Knight of the Burning Pestle.Wife.Nay, I dare swear thou wilt not forget thy old trade, thou wert ever meek. Ralph! Tim!Tim.Anon.Ralph.My beloved squire, and George my dwarf, I charge you that from henceforth you never call me by any other name but the Right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle; and that you never call any female by the name of a woman or wench, but fair lady, if she have her desires; if not, distressed damsel; that you call all forests and heaths, deserts; and all horses, palfreys.Wife.This is very fine: faith, do the gentlemen like Ralph, think you, husband?Cit.Ay, I warrant thee, the players would give all the shoes in their shop for him.Ralph.My beloved Squire Tim, stand out. Admit this were a desert, and over it a knight errant pricking, and I should bid you inquire of his intents, what would you say?Tim.Sir, my master sent me to know whither you are riding?Ralph.No, thus: Fair sir, the Right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle, commanded me to inquire upon what adventure you are bound, whether to relieve some distressed damsel or otherwise.Cit.Dunder blockhead cannot remember.Wife.I'faith, and Ralph told him on't before; all the gentlemen heard him; did he not, gentlemen, did not Ralph tell him on't?George.Right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle, here is a distressed damsel to have a halfpenny-worth of pepper.Wife.That's a good boy, see, the little boy can hit it; by my troth it's a fine child.Ralph.Relieve her with all courteous language; now shut up shop: no more my prentice, but my trusty squire and dwarf, I must bespeak my shield, and arming pestle.Cit.Go thy ways, Ralph, as I am a true man, thou art the best on 'em all.Wife.Ralph! Ralph!Ralph.What say you, mistress?Wife.I prithee come again quickly, sweet Ralph.Ralph.By-and-by.[ExitRalph.EnterJasperand his motherMistress Merry-thought.Mist. Mer.Give thee my blessing? No, I'll never give thee my blessing, I'll see thee hang'd first; it shall ne'er be said I gave thee my blessing. Thou art thy father's own son, of the blood of the Merry-thoughts; I may curse the time that e'er I knew thy father, he hath spent all his own, and mine too, and when I tell him of it, he laughs and dances and sings, and cries "A merry heart lives long-a." And thou art a wast-thrift, and art run away from thy master, that lov'd thee well, and art come to me, and I have laid up a little for my younger son Michael, and thou thinkest to bezle that, but thou shalt never be able to do it. Come hither, Michael, come Michael, down on thy knees, thou shalt have my blessing.EnterMichael.Mich.I pray you, mother, pray to God to bless me.Mist. Mer.God bless thee; but Jasper shall never have my blessing, he shall be hang'd first, shall he not, Michael? how sayest thou?Mich.Yes forsooth, mother, and grace of God.Mist. Mer.That's a good boy.Wife.I'faith, it's a fine spoken child.

Wife.By my faith and troth, George, and as I am virtuous, it is e'en the kindest young man that ever trod on shoe-leather; well, go thy ways, if thou hast her not, 'tis not thy fault i'faith.

Cit.I prithee, mouse, be patient, a shall have her, or I'll make some of 'em smoke for't.

Wife.That's my good lamb, George; fie, this stinking tobacco kills me, would there were none in England. Now I pray, gentlemen, what good does this stinking tobacco do you? nothing; I warrant you make chimnies o' your faces. Oh, husband, husband, now, now there's Ralph, there's Ralph!

EnterRalph,like a grocer in his shop, with two prentices, reading "Palmerin of England."

Cit.Peace, fool, let Ralph alone; hark you, Ralph, do not strain yourself too much at the first. Peace, begin, Ralph.

Ralph.Then Palmerin and Trineus, snatching their lances from their dwarfs, and clasping their helmets, galloped amain after the giant, and Palmerin having gotten a sight of him, came posting amain, saying, "Stay, traitorous thief, for thou mayst not so carry away her that is worth the greatest lord in the world;" and, with these words, gave him a blow on the shoulder, that he struck him beside his elephant; and Trineus coming to the knight that had Agricola behind him, set him soon beside his horse, with his neck broken in the fall, so that the princess, getting out of the throng, between joy and grief said,"All happy knight, the mirror of all such as follow arms, now may I be well assured of the love thou bearest me." I wonder why the kings do not raise an army of fourteen or fifteen hundred thousand men, as big as the army that the Prince of Portigo brought against Rosicler, and destroy these giants; they do much hurt to wandering damsels that go in quest of their knights.

Wife.Faith, husband, and Ralph says true, for they say the King of Portugal cannot sit at his meat but the giants and the ettins will come and snatch it from him.

Cit.Hold thy tongue; on, Ralph.

Ralph.And certainly those knights are much to be commendedwho, neglecting their possessions, wander with a squire and a dwarf through the deserts to relieve poor ladies.

Wife.Ay, by my faith are they, Ralph, let 'em say what they will, they are indeed; our knights neglect their possessions well enough, but they do not the rest.

Ralph.There are no such courteous and fair well-spoken knights in this age; they will call one the son of a sea-cook that Palmerin of England would have called fair sir; and one that Rosicler would have called right beautiful damsel they will call old witch.

Wife.I'll be sworn will they, Ralph; they have called me so an hundred times about a scurvy pipe of tobacco.

Ralph.But what brave spirit could be content to sit in his shop, with a flapet of wood, and a blue apron before him, selling Methridatam and Dragons' Water to visited houses, that might pursue feats of arms, and through his noble achievements procure such a famous history to be written of his heroic prowess?

Cit.Well said, Ralph; some more of those words, Ralph.

Wife.They go finely, by my troth.

Ralph.Why should I not then pursue this course, both for the credit of myself and our company? for amongst all the worthy books of achievements, I do not call to mind that I yet read of a grocer errant: I will be the said knight. Have you heard of any that hath wandered unfurnished of his squire and dwarf? My elder prentice Tim shall be my trusty squire, and little George my dwarf. Hence, my blue apron! Yet, in remembrance of my former trade, upon my shield shall be portrayed a burning pestle, and I will be called the Knight of the Burning Pestle.

Wife.Nay, I dare swear thou wilt not forget thy old trade, thou wert ever meek. Ralph! Tim!

Tim.Anon.

Ralph.My beloved squire, and George my dwarf, I charge you that from henceforth you never call me by any other name but the Right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle; and that you never call any female by the name of a woman or wench, but fair lady, if she have her desires; if not, distressed damsel; that you call all forests and heaths, deserts; and all horses, palfreys.

Wife.This is very fine: faith, do the gentlemen like Ralph, think you, husband?

Cit.Ay, I warrant thee, the players would give all the shoes in their shop for him.

Ralph.My beloved Squire Tim, stand out. Admit this were a desert, and over it a knight errant pricking, and I should bid you inquire of his intents, what would you say?

Tim.Sir, my master sent me to know whither you are riding?

Ralph.No, thus: Fair sir, the Right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle, commanded me to inquire upon what adventure you are bound, whether to relieve some distressed damsel or otherwise.

Cit.Dunder blockhead cannot remember.

Wife.I'faith, and Ralph told him on't before; all the gentlemen heard him; did he not, gentlemen, did not Ralph tell him on't?

George.Right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle, here is a distressed damsel to have a halfpenny-worth of pepper.

Wife.That's a good boy, see, the little boy can hit it; by my troth it's a fine child.

Ralph.Relieve her with all courteous language; now shut up shop: no more my prentice, but my trusty squire and dwarf, I must bespeak my shield, and arming pestle.

Cit.Go thy ways, Ralph, as I am a true man, thou art the best on 'em all.

Wife.Ralph! Ralph!

Ralph.What say you, mistress?

Wife.I prithee come again quickly, sweet Ralph.

Ralph.By-and-by.[ExitRalph.

EnterJasperand his motherMistress Merry-thought.

Mist. Mer.Give thee my blessing? No, I'll never give thee my blessing, I'll see thee hang'd first; it shall ne'er be said I gave thee my blessing. Thou art thy father's own son, of the blood of the Merry-thoughts; I may curse the time that e'er I knew thy father, he hath spent all his own, and mine too, and when I tell him of it, he laughs and dances and sings, and cries "A merry heart lives long-a." And thou art a wast-thrift, and art run away from thy master, that lov'd thee well, and art come to me, and I have laid up a little for my younger son Michael, and thou thinkest to bezle that, but thou shalt never be able to do it. Come hither, Michael, come Michael, down on thy knees, thou shalt have my blessing.

EnterMichael.

Mich.I pray you, mother, pray to God to bless me.

Mist. Mer.God bless thee; but Jasper shall never have my blessing, he shall be hang'd first, shall he not, Michael? how sayest thou?

Mich.Yes forsooth, mother, and grace of God.

Mist. Mer.That's a good boy.

Wife.I'faith, it's a fine spoken child.

Jasp.Mother, though you forget a parent's love,I must preserve the duty of a child.I ran not from my master, nor returnTo have your stock maintain my idleness.

Jasp.Mother, though you forget a parent's love,

I must preserve the duty of a child.

I ran not from my master, nor return

To have your stock maintain my idleness.

Wife.Ungracious child I warrant him, hark how he chops logic with his mother; thou hadst best tell her she lies, do, tell her she lies.Cit.If he were my son, I would hang him up by the heels, and flea him, and salt him, humpty halter-sack.

Wife.Ungracious child I warrant him, hark how he chops logic with his mother; thou hadst best tell her she lies, do, tell her she lies.

Cit.If he were my son, I would hang him up by the heels, and flea him, and salt him, humpty halter-sack.

Jasp.My coming only is to beg your love,Which I must ever, though I never gain it;And howsoever you esteem of me,There is no drop of blood hid in these veins,But I remember well belongs to you,That brought me forth, and would be glad for youTo rip them all again, and let it out.

Jasp.My coming only is to beg your love,

Which I must ever, though I never gain it;

And howsoever you esteem of me,

There is no drop of blood hid in these veins,

But I remember well belongs to you,

That brought me forth, and would be glad for you

To rip them all again, and let it out.

Mist. Mer.I'faith I had sorrow enough for thee, God knows; but I'll hamper thee well enough: get thee in, thou vagabond, get thee in, and learn of thy brother Michael.

Old Mer.[within.]"Nose, nose, jolly red nose,And who gave thee this jolly red nose?"Mist. Mer.Hark, my husband he's singing and hoiting,And I'm fain to cark and care, and all little enough.Husband, Charles, Charles Merry-thought!EnterOld Merry-thought.Old Mer."Nutmegs and ginger, cinnamon and cloves,And they gave me this jolly red nose."

Old Mer.[within.]"Nose, nose, jolly red nose,And who gave thee this jolly red nose?"

Old Mer.[within.]"Nose, nose, jolly red nose,

And who gave thee this jolly red nose?"

Mist. Mer.Hark, my husband he's singing and hoiting,And I'm fain to cark and care, and all little enough.Husband, Charles, Charles Merry-thought!

Mist. Mer.Hark, my husband he's singing and hoiting,

And I'm fain to cark and care, and all little enough.

Husband, Charles, Charles Merry-thought!

EnterOld Merry-thought.

Old Mer."Nutmegs and ginger, cinnamon and cloves,And they gave me this jolly red nose."

Old Mer."Nutmegs and ginger, cinnamon and cloves,

And they gave me this jolly red nose."

Mist. Mer.If you would consider your estate, you would have little list to sing, I wis.Old Mer.It should never be considered, while it were an estate, if I thought it would spoil my singing.Mist. Mer.But how wilt thou do, Charles? Thou art an old man, and thou canst not work, and thou hast not forty shillings left, and thou eatest good meat, and drinkest good drink, and laughest?Old Mer.And will do.Mist. Mer.But how wilt thou come by it, Charles?Old Mer.How? Why how have I done hitherto these forty years? I never came into my dining-room, but at eleven and six o'clock I found excellent meat and drink o' th' table. My clothes were never worn out, but next morning a tailor brought me a new suit, and without question it will be so ever! Use makes perfectness; if all should fail, it is but a little straining myself extraordinary, and laugh myself to death.Wife.It's a foolish old man this: is not he, George?Cit.Yes, honey.Wife.Give me a penny i' th' purse while I live, George.Cit.Ay, by'r lady, honey hold thee there.Mist. Mer.Well, Charles, you promised to provide for Jasper, and I have laid up for Michael. I pray you pay Jasper his portion, he's come home, and he shall not consume Michael's stock; he says his master turned him away, but I promise you truly, I think he ran away.Wife.No indeed, Mistress Merry-thought, though he be a notable gallows, yet I'll assure you his master did turn him away, even in this place, 'twas i'faith within this half-hour, about his daughter; my husband was by.Cit.Hang him, rogue, he served him well enough: love his master's daughter! By my troth, honey, if there were a thousand boys, thou wouldst spoil them all, with taking their parts; let his mother alone with him.Wife.Ay, George, but yet truth is truth.Old Mer.Where is Jasper? He's welcome, however, call him in, he shall have his portion; is he merry?Mist. Mer.Ay, foul chive him, he is too merry. Jasper! Michael!EnterJasperandMichael.Old Mer.Welcome, Jasper, though thou runn'st away, welcome! God bless thee! It is thy mother's mind thou should'st receive thy portion; thou hast been abroad, and I hope hast learnt experience enough to govern it. Thou art of sufficient years. Hold thy hand: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, there is ten shillings for thee; thrust thyself into the world with that, and take some settled course. If fortune cross thee, thou hast a retiring place; come home to me, I have twenty shillings left. Be a good husband, that is, wear ordinary clothes, eat the best meat, and drink the best drink; be merry, and give to the poor, and believe me, thou hast no end of thy goods.

Mist. Mer.If you would consider your estate, you would have little list to sing, I wis.

Old Mer.It should never be considered, while it were an estate, if I thought it would spoil my singing.

Mist. Mer.But how wilt thou do, Charles? Thou art an old man, and thou canst not work, and thou hast not forty shillings left, and thou eatest good meat, and drinkest good drink, and laughest?

Old Mer.And will do.

Mist. Mer.But how wilt thou come by it, Charles?

Old Mer.How? Why how have I done hitherto these forty years? I never came into my dining-room, but at eleven and six o'clock I found excellent meat and drink o' th' table. My clothes were never worn out, but next morning a tailor brought me a new suit, and without question it will be so ever! Use makes perfectness; if all should fail, it is but a little straining myself extraordinary, and laugh myself to death.

Wife.It's a foolish old man this: is not he, George?

Cit.Yes, honey.

Wife.Give me a penny i' th' purse while I live, George.

Cit.Ay, by'r lady, honey hold thee there.

Mist. Mer.Well, Charles, you promised to provide for Jasper, and I have laid up for Michael. I pray you pay Jasper his portion, he's come home, and he shall not consume Michael's stock; he says his master turned him away, but I promise you truly, I think he ran away.

Wife.No indeed, Mistress Merry-thought, though he be a notable gallows, yet I'll assure you his master did turn him away, even in this place, 'twas i'faith within this half-hour, about his daughter; my husband was by.

Cit.Hang him, rogue, he served him well enough: love his master's daughter! By my troth, honey, if there were a thousand boys, thou wouldst spoil them all, with taking their parts; let his mother alone with him.

Wife.Ay, George, but yet truth is truth.

Old Mer.Where is Jasper? He's welcome, however, call him in, he shall have his portion; is he merry?

Mist. Mer.Ay, foul chive him, he is too merry. Jasper! Michael!

EnterJasperandMichael.

Old Mer.Welcome, Jasper, though thou runn'st away, welcome! God bless thee! It is thy mother's mind thou should'st receive thy portion; thou hast been abroad, and I hope hast learnt experience enough to govern it. Thou art of sufficient years. Hold thy hand: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, there is ten shillings for thee; thrust thyself into the world with that, and take some settled course. If fortune cross thee, thou hast a retiring place; come home to me, I have twenty shillings left. Be a good husband, that is, wear ordinary clothes, eat the best meat, and drink the best drink; be merry, and give to the poor, and believe me, thou hast no end of thy goods.

Jasp.Long may you live free from all thought of ill,And long have cause to be thus merry still.But, father?

Jasp.Long may you live free from all thought of ill,

And long have cause to be thus merry still.

But, father?

Old Mer.No more words, Jasper, get thee gone, thou hast my blessing, thy father's spirit upon thee. Farewell, Jasper.

"But yet, or e'er you part (oh cruel),Kiss me, kiss me, sweeting,Mine own dear jewel."So, now begone, no words.[ExitJasper.

"But yet, or e'er you part (oh cruel),

Kiss me, kiss me, sweeting,

Mine own dear jewel."

So, now begone, no words.[ExitJasper.

Mist. Mer.So, Michael, now get thee gone too.Mich.Yes forsooth, mother, but I'll have my father's blessing first.Mist. Mer.No, Michael, 'tis no matter for his blessing; thou hast my blessing. Begone; I'll fetch my money and jewels and follow thee: I'll stay no longer with him I warrant thee. Truly, Charles, I'll be gone too.Old Mer.What? You will not.Mist. Mer.Yes indeed will I.

Mist. Mer.So, Michael, now get thee gone too.

Mich.Yes forsooth, mother, but I'll have my father's blessing first.

Mist. Mer.No, Michael, 'tis no matter for his blessing; thou hast my blessing. Begone; I'll fetch my money and jewels and follow thee: I'll stay no longer with him I warrant thee. Truly, Charles, I'll be gone too.

Old Mer.What? You will not.

Mist. Mer.Yes indeed will I.

Old Mer."Heyho, farewell, Nan,I'll never trust wench more again, if I can."

Old Mer."Heyho, farewell, Nan,

I'll never trust wench more again, if I can."

Mist. Mer.You shall not think (when all your own is gone) to spend that I have been scraping up for Michael.Old Mer.Farewell, good wife, I expect it not, all I have to do in this world is to be merry; which I shall, if the ground be not taken from me; and if it be,

Mist. Mer.You shall not think (when all your own is gone) to spend that I have been scraping up for Michael.

Old Mer.Farewell, good wife, I expect it not, all I have to do in this world is to be merry; which I shall, if the ground be not taken from me; and if it be,

"When earth and seas from me are reft,The skies aloft for me are left."[Exeunt.[Boy dances. Music.

"When earth and seas from me are reft,

The skies aloft for me are left."[Exeunt.

[Boy dances. Music.

Finis Actus Primi.

Wife.I'll be sworn he's a merry old gentleman for all that. Hark, hark, husband, hark, fiddles, fiddles; now surely they go finely. They say 'tis present death for these fiddlers to tune their rebecks before the great Turk's grace, is't not, George? But look, look, here's a youth dances; now, good youth, do a turn o' the toe. Sweetheart, i'faith I'll have Ralph come and do some of his gambols: he'll ride the wild mare, gentlemen, 'twould do your hearts good to see him: I thank you, kind youth, pray bid Ralph come.Cit.Peace, conie. Sirrah, you scurvy boy, bid the players send Ralph, or an' they do not I'll tear some of their periwigs beside their heads; this is all riff-raff.

Cit.Peace, conie. Sirrah, you scurvy boy, bid the players send Ralph, or an' they do not I'll tear some of their periwigs beside their heads; this is all riff-raff.

EnterMerchantandHumphrey.

Merch.And how faith? how goes it now, son Humphrey?Hum.Right worshipful and my beloved friend,And father dear, this matter's at an end.Merch.'Tis well, it should be so, I'm glad the girlIs found so tractable.Hum.Nay, she must whirlFrom hence (and you must wink: for so I say,The story tells), to-morrow before day.

Merch.And how faith? how goes it now, son Humphrey?

Hum.Right worshipful and my beloved friend,And father dear, this matter's at an end.

Hum.Right worshipful and my beloved friend,

And father dear, this matter's at an end.

Merch.'Tis well, it should be so, I'm glad the girlIs found so tractable.

Merch.'Tis well, it should be so, I'm glad the girl

Is found so tractable.

Hum.Nay, she must whirlFrom hence (and you must wink: for so I say,The story tells), to-morrow before day.

Hum.Nay, she must whirl

From hence (and you must wink: for so I say,

The story tells), to-morrow before day.

Wife.George, dost thou think in thy conscience now 'twill be a match? tell me but what thou thinkest, sweet rogue, thou seest the poor gentleman (dear heart) how it labours and throbs I warrant you, to be at rest: I'll go move the father for't.Cit.No, no, I prithee sit still, honeysuckle, thou'lt spoil all; if he deny him, I'll bring half a dozen good fellows myself, and in the shutting of an evening knock it up, and there's an end.Wife.I'll buss thee for that i'faith, boy; well, George, well, you have been a wag in your days I warrant you; but God forgive you, and I do with all my heart.Merch.How was it, son? you told me that to-morrow before daybreak, you must convey her hence.

Cit.No, no, I prithee sit still, honeysuckle, thou'lt spoil all; if he deny him, I'll bring half a dozen good fellows myself, and in the shutting of an evening knock it up, and there's an end.

Wife.I'll buss thee for that i'faith, boy; well, George, well, you have been a wag in your days I warrant you; but God forgive you, and I do with all my heart.

Merch.How was it, son? you told me that to-morrow before daybreak, you must convey her hence.

Hum.I must, I must, and thus it is agreed,Your daughter rides upon a brown bay steed,I on a sorrel, which I bought of Brian,The honest host of the Red Roaring Lion,In Waltham situate: then if you may,Consent in seemly sort, lest by delay,The fatal sisters come, and do the office,And then you'll sing another song.Merch.Alas,Why should you be thus full of grief to me,That do as willing as yourself agreeTo anything, so it be good and fair?Then steal her when you will, if such a pleasureContent you both, I'll sleep and never see it,To make your joys more full: but tell me whyYou may not here perform your marriage?

Hum.I must, I must, and thus it is agreed,

Your daughter rides upon a brown bay steed,

I on a sorrel, which I bought of Brian,

The honest host of the Red Roaring Lion,

In Waltham situate: then if you may,

Consent in seemly sort, lest by delay,

The fatal sisters come, and do the office,

And then you'll sing another song.

Merch.Alas,Why should you be thus full of grief to me,That do as willing as yourself agreeTo anything, so it be good and fair?Then steal her when you will, if such a pleasureContent you both, I'll sleep and never see it,To make your joys more full: but tell me whyYou may not here perform your marriage?

Merch.Alas,

Why should you be thus full of grief to me,

That do as willing as yourself agree

To anything, so it be good and fair?

Then steal her when you will, if such a pleasure

Content you both, I'll sleep and never see it,

To make your joys more full: but tell me why

You may not here perform your marriage?

Wife.God's blessing o' thy soul, old man, i'faith thou art loath to part true hearts: I see a has her, George, and I'm glad on't; well, go thy ways, Humphrey, for a fair-spoken man. I believe thou hast not a fellow within the walls of London; an' I should say the suburbs too, I should not lie. Why dost not thou rejoice with me, George?Cit.If I could but see Ralph again, I were as merry as mine host i'faith.

Cit.If I could but see Ralph again, I were as merry as mine host i'faith.

Hum.The cause you seem to ask, I thus declare;Help me, O Muses nine: your daughter swareA foolish oath, the more it was the pity:Yet no one but myself within this cityShall dare to say so, but a bold defianceShall meet him, were he of the noble science.And yet she sware, and yet why did she swear?Truly I cannot tell, unless it wereFor her own ease; for sure sometimes an oath,Being sworn thereafter, is like cordial broth:And this it was she swore, never to marry,But such a one whose mighty arm could carry(As meaning me, for I am such a one)Her bodily away through stick and stone,Till both of us arrive, at her request,Some ten miles off in the wide Waltham Forést.Merch.If this be all, you shall not need to fearAny denial in your love; proceed,I'll neither follow nor repent the deed.Hum.Good night, twenty good nights, and twenty more,And twenty more good nights: that makes threescore.[Exeunt.

Hum.The cause you seem to ask, I thus declare;

Help me, O Muses nine: your daughter sware

A foolish oath, the more it was the pity:

Yet no one but myself within this city

Shall dare to say so, but a bold defiance

Shall meet him, were he of the noble science.

And yet she sware, and yet why did she swear?

Truly I cannot tell, unless it were

For her own ease; for sure sometimes an oath,

Being sworn thereafter, is like cordial broth:

And this it was she swore, never to marry,

But such a one whose mighty arm could carry

(As meaning me, for I am such a one)

Her bodily away through stick and stone,

Till both of us arrive, at her request,

Some ten miles off in the wide Waltham Forést.

Merch.If this be all, you shall not need to fearAny denial in your love; proceed,I'll neither follow nor repent the deed.

Merch.If this be all, you shall not need to fear

Any denial in your love; proceed,

I'll neither follow nor repent the deed.

Hum.Good night, twenty good nights, and twenty more,And twenty more good nights: that makes threescore.[Exeunt.

Hum.Good night, twenty good nights, and twenty more,

And twenty more good nights: that makes threescore.[Exeunt.

EnterMistress Merry-thoughtand her sonMichael.Mist. Mer.Come, Michael, art thou not weary, boy?Mich.No, forsooth, mother, not I.Mist. Mer.Where be we now, child?Mich.Indeed forsooth, mother, I cannot tell, unless we be at Mile End. Is not all the world Mile End, mother?Mist. Mer.No, Michael, not all the world, boy; but I can assure thee, Michael, Mile End is a goodly matter. There has been a pitched field, my child, between the naughty Spaniels and the Englishmen; and the Spaniels ran away, Michael, and the Englishmen followed. My neighbour Coxstone was there, boy, and killed them all with a birding-piece.Mich.Mother, forsooth.Mist. Mer.What says my white boy?Mich.Shall not my father go with us too?Mist. Mer.No, Michael, let thy father go snick-up, he shall never come between a pair of sheets with me again while he lives: let him stay at home and sing for his supper, boy. Come, child, sit down, and I'll show my boy fine knacks indeed; look here, Michael, here's a ring, and here's a brooch, and here's a bracelet, and here's two rings more, and here's money, and gold by th' eye, my boy.Mich.Shall I have all this, mother?Mist. Mer.Ay, Michael, thou shalt have all, Michael.Cit.How lik'st thou this, wench?Wife.I cannot tell, I would have Ralph, George; I'll see no more else indeed la: and I pray you let the youths understand so much by word of mouth, for I will tell you truly, I'm afraid o' my boy. Come, come, George, let's be merry and wise, the child's a fatherless child, and say they should put him into a strait pair of gaskins, 'twere worse than knot-grass, he would never grow after it.EnterRalph, Squire,andDwarf.Cit.Here's Ralph, here's Ralph.Wife.How do you, Ralph? You are welcome, Ralph, as I may say, it's a good boy, hold up thy head, and be not afraid, we are thy friends, Ralph. The gentlemen will praise thee, Ralph, if thou play'st thy part with audacity; begin, Ralph a God's name.Ralph.My trusty squire, unlace my helm, give me my hat; where are we, or what desert might this be?Dwarf.Mirror of knighthood, this is, as I take it, the perilous Waltham down, in whose bottom stands the enchanted valley.Mist. Mer.Oh, Michael, we are betrayed, we are betrayed, here be giants; fly, boy; fly, boy; fly![ExeuntMotherandMichael.

EnterMistress Merry-thoughtand her sonMichael.

Mist. Mer.Come, Michael, art thou not weary, boy?

Mich.No, forsooth, mother, not I.

Mist. Mer.Where be we now, child?

Mich.Indeed forsooth, mother, I cannot tell, unless we be at Mile End. Is not all the world Mile End, mother?

Mist. Mer.No, Michael, not all the world, boy; but I can assure thee, Michael, Mile End is a goodly matter. There has been a pitched field, my child, between the naughty Spaniels and the Englishmen; and the Spaniels ran away, Michael, and the Englishmen followed. My neighbour Coxstone was there, boy, and killed them all with a birding-piece.

Mich.Mother, forsooth.

Mist. Mer.What says my white boy?

Mich.Shall not my father go with us too?

Mist. Mer.No, Michael, let thy father go snick-up, he shall never come between a pair of sheets with me again while he lives: let him stay at home and sing for his supper, boy. Come, child, sit down, and I'll show my boy fine knacks indeed; look here, Michael, here's a ring, and here's a brooch, and here's a bracelet, and here's two rings more, and here's money, and gold by th' eye, my boy.

Mich.Shall I have all this, mother?

Mist. Mer.Ay, Michael, thou shalt have all, Michael.

Cit.How lik'st thou this, wench?

Wife.I cannot tell, I would have Ralph, George; I'll see no more else indeed la: and I pray you let the youths understand so much by word of mouth, for I will tell you truly, I'm afraid o' my boy. Come, come, George, let's be merry and wise, the child's a fatherless child, and say they should put him into a strait pair of gaskins, 'twere worse than knot-grass, he would never grow after it.

EnterRalph, Squire,andDwarf.

Cit.Here's Ralph, here's Ralph.

Wife.How do you, Ralph? You are welcome, Ralph, as I may say, it's a good boy, hold up thy head, and be not afraid, we are thy friends, Ralph. The gentlemen will praise thee, Ralph, if thou play'st thy part with audacity; begin, Ralph a God's name.

Ralph.My trusty squire, unlace my helm, give me my hat; where are we, or what desert might this be?

Dwarf.Mirror of knighthood, this is, as I take it, the perilous Waltham down, in whose bottom stands the enchanted valley.

Mist. Mer.Oh, Michael, we are betrayed, we are betrayed, here be giants; fly, boy; fly, boy; fly!

[ExeuntMotherandMichael.

Ralph.Lace on my helm again; what noise is this?A gentle lady flying the embraceOf some uncourteous knight: I will relieve her.Go, squire, and say, the knight that wears this pestleIn honour of all ladies, swears revengeUpon that recreant coward that pursues her;Go, comfort her, and that same gentle squireThat bears her company.Squire.I go, brave knight.Ralph.My trusty dwarf and friend, reach me my shield,And hold it while I swear, first by my knighthood,Then by the soul of Amadis de Gaul,My famous ancestor, then by my sword,The beauteous Brionella girt about me,By this bright burning pestle, of mine honourThe living trophy, and by all respectDue to distressed damsels, here I vowNever to end the quest of this fair lady,And that forsaken squire, till by my valourI gain their liberty.Dwarf.Heaven bless the knightThat thus relieves poor errant gentlewomen.[Exit.

Ralph.Lace on my helm again; what noise is this?

A gentle lady flying the embrace

Of some uncourteous knight: I will relieve her.

Go, squire, and say, the knight that wears this pestle

In honour of all ladies, swears revenge

Upon that recreant coward that pursues her;

Go, comfort her, and that same gentle squire

That bears her company.

Squire.I go, brave knight.

Ralph.My trusty dwarf and friend, reach me my shield,And hold it while I swear, first by my knighthood,Then by the soul of Amadis de Gaul,My famous ancestor, then by my sword,The beauteous Brionella girt about me,By this bright burning pestle, of mine honourThe living trophy, and by all respectDue to distressed damsels, here I vowNever to end the quest of this fair lady,And that forsaken squire, till by my valourI gain their liberty.

Ralph.My trusty dwarf and friend, reach me my shield,

And hold it while I swear, first by my knighthood,

Then by the soul of Amadis de Gaul,

My famous ancestor, then by my sword,

The beauteous Brionella girt about me,

By this bright burning pestle, of mine honour

The living trophy, and by all respect

Due to distressed damsels, here I vow

Never to end the quest of this fair lady,

And that forsaken squire, till by my valour

I gain their liberty.

Dwarf.Heaven bless the knightThat thus relieves poor errant gentlewomen.[Exit.

Dwarf.Heaven bless the knight

That thus relieves poor errant gentlewomen.[Exit.

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