Chapter 4

Ralph.Sir Knight, this mirth of yours becomes you well,But to requite this liberal courtesy,If any of your squires will follow arms,He shall receive from my heroic handA knighthood, by the virtue of this pestle.

Ralph.Sir Knight, this mirth of yours becomes you well,

But to requite this liberal courtesy,

If any of your squires will follow arms,

He shall receive from my heroic hand

A knighthood, by the virtue of this pestle.

Host.Fair knight, I thank you for your noble offer; therefore, gentle knight, twelve shillings you must pay, or I must cap you.Wife.Look, George, did not I tell thee as much? The knight of the Bell is in earnest. Ralph shall not be beholding to him; give him his money, George, and let him go snick-up.Cit.Cap Ralph? No; hold your hand, Sir Knight of the Bell, there's your money. Have you anything to say to Ralph now? Cap Ralph?Wife.I would you should know it, Ralph has friends that will not suffer him to be capt for ten times so much, and ten times to the end of that. Now take thy course, Ralph.Mist. Mer.Come, Michael, thou and I will go home to thy father, he hath enough left to keep us a day or two, and we'll set fellows abroad to cry our purse and casket. Shall we, Michael?Mich.Ay, I pray mother, in truth my feet are full of chilblains with travelling.Wife.Faith and those chilblains are a foul trouble. Mistress Merry-thought, when your youth comes home let him rub all the soles of his feet and his heels and his ankles with a mouse-skin; or if none of you can catch a mouse, when he goes to bed let him roll his feet in the warm embers, and I warrant you he shall be well, and you may make him put his fingers between his toes and smell to them, it's very sovereign for his head if he be costive.Mist. Mer.Master Knight of the Burning Pestle, my son Michael and I bid you farewell; I thank your worship heartily for your kindness.

Host.Fair knight, I thank you for your noble offer; therefore, gentle knight, twelve shillings you must pay, or I must cap you.

Wife.Look, George, did not I tell thee as much? The knight of the Bell is in earnest. Ralph shall not be beholding to him; give him his money, George, and let him go snick-up.

Cit.Cap Ralph? No; hold your hand, Sir Knight of the Bell, there's your money. Have you anything to say to Ralph now? Cap Ralph?

Wife.I would you should know it, Ralph has friends that will not suffer him to be capt for ten times so much, and ten times to the end of that. Now take thy course, Ralph.

Mist. Mer.Come, Michael, thou and I will go home to thy father, he hath enough left to keep us a day or two, and we'll set fellows abroad to cry our purse and casket. Shall we, Michael?

Mich.Ay, I pray mother, in truth my feet are full of chilblains with travelling.

Wife.Faith and those chilblains are a foul trouble. Mistress Merry-thought, when your youth comes home let him rub all the soles of his feet and his heels and his ankles with a mouse-skin; or if none of you can catch a mouse, when he goes to bed let him roll his feet in the warm embers, and I warrant you he shall be well, and you may make him put his fingers between his toes and smell to them, it's very sovereign for his head if he be costive.

Mist. Mer.Master Knight of the Burning Pestle, my son Michael and I bid you farewell; I thank your worship heartily for your kindness.

Ralph.Farewell, fair lady, and your tender squire.If pricking through these deserts, I do hearOf any trait'rous knight, who, through his guileHath light upon your casket and your purse,I will despoil him of them and restore them.Mist. Mer.I thank your worship.[Exit withMichael.Ralph.Dwarf, bear my shield; squire, elevate my lance,And now farewell, you knight of holy Bell.Cit.Ay, ay, Ralph, all is paid.Ralph.But yet before I go, speak, worthy knight,If aught you do of sad adventures know,Where errant knight may through his prowess winEternal fame, and free some gentle soulsFrom endless bonds of steel and lingring pain.Host.Sirrah, go to Nick the Barber, and bid him preparehimself, as I told you before, quickly.Tap.I am gone, sir.[ExitTapster.Host.Sir Knight, this wilderness affordeth noneBut the great venture, where full many a knightHath tried his prowess, and come off with shame,And where I would not have you lose your life,Against no man, but furious fiend of hell.Ralph.Speak on, Sir Knight, tell what he is, and where:For here I vow upon my blazing badge,Never to lose a day in quietness;But bread and water will I only eat,And the green herb and rock shall be my couch,Till I have quell'd that man, or beast, or fiend,That works such damage to all errant knights.Host.Not far from hence, near to a craggy cliffAt the north end of this distresséd town,There doth stand a lowly houseRuggedly builded, and in it a cave,In which an ugly giant now doth dwell,Yclepéd Barbaroso: in his handHe shakes a naked lance of purest steel,With sleeves turned up, and he before him wearsA motley garment, to preserve his clothesFrom blood of those knights which he massacres,And ladies gent: without his door doth hangA copper bason, on a prickant spear;At which, no sooner gentle knights can knock,But the shrill sound fierce Barbaroso hears,And rushing forth, brings in the errant knight,And sets him down in an enchanted chair:Then with an engine, which he hath prepar'dWith forty teeth, he claws his courtly crown,Next makes him wink, and underneath his chinHe plants a brazen piece of mighty bore,And knocks his bullets round about his cheeks,Whilst with his fingers, and an instrumentWith which he snaps his hair off, he doth fillThe wretch's ears with a most hideous noise.Thus every knight adventurer he doth trim,And now no creature dares encounter him.Ralph.In God's name, I will fight with him, kind sir.Go but before me to this dismal caveWhere this huge giant Barbaroso dwells,And by that virtue that brave Rosiclere,That wicked brood of ugly giants slew,And Palmerin Frannarco overthrew:I doubt not but to curb this traitor foul,And to the devil send his guilty soul.Host.Brave sprighted knight, thus far I will performThis your request, I'll bring you within sightOf this most loathsome place, inhabitedBy a more loathsome man: but dare not stay,For his main force swoops all he sees away.Ralph.Saint George! set on, before march squire and page.[Exeunt.

Ralph.Farewell, fair lady, and your tender squire.

If pricking through these deserts, I do hear

Of any trait'rous knight, who, through his guile

Hath light upon your casket and your purse,

I will despoil him of them and restore them.

Mist. Mer.I thank your worship.[Exit withMichael.

Mist. Mer.I thank your worship.

[Exit withMichael.

Ralph.Dwarf, bear my shield; squire, elevate my lance,And now farewell, you knight of holy Bell.

Ralph.Dwarf, bear my shield; squire, elevate my lance,

And now farewell, you knight of holy Bell.

Cit.Ay, ay, Ralph, all is paid.

Ralph.But yet before I go, speak, worthy knight,If aught you do of sad adventures know,Where errant knight may through his prowess winEternal fame, and free some gentle soulsFrom endless bonds of steel and lingring pain.

Ralph.But yet before I go, speak, worthy knight,

If aught you do of sad adventures know,

Where errant knight may through his prowess win

Eternal fame, and free some gentle souls

From endless bonds of steel and lingring pain.

Host.Sirrah, go to Nick the Barber, and bid him preparehimself, as I told you before, quickly.

Host.Sirrah, go to Nick the Barber, and bid him prepare

himself, as I told you before, quickly.

Tap.I am gone, sir.[ExitTapster.

Host.Sir Knight, this wilderness affordeth noneBut the great venture, where full many a knightHath tried his prowess, and come off with shame,And where I would not have you lose your life,Against no man, but furious fiend of hell.

Host.Sir Knight, this wilderness affordeth none

But the great venture, where full many a knight

Hath tried his prowess, and come off with shame,

And where I would not have you lose your life,

Against no man, but furious fiend of hell.

Ralph.Speak on, Sir Knight, tell what he is, and where:For here I vow upon my blazing badge,Never to lose a day in quietness;But bread and water will I only eat,And the green herb and rock shall be my couch,Till I have quell'd that man, or beast, or fiend,That works such damage to all errant knights.

Ralph.Speak on, Sir Knight, tell what he is, and where:

For here I vow upon my blazing badge,

Never to lose a day in quietness;

But bread and water will I only eat,

And the green herb and rock shall be my couch,

Till I have quell'd that man, or beast, or fiend,

That works such damage to all errant knights.

Host.Not far from hence, near to a craggy cliffAt the north end of this distresséd town,There doth stand a lowly houseRuggedly builded, and in it a cave,In which an ugly giant now doth dwell,Yclepéd Barbaroso: in his handHe shakes a naked lance of purest steel,With sleeves turned up, and he before him wearsA motley garment, to preserve his clothesFrom blood of those knights which he massacres,And ladies gent: without his door doth hangA copper bason, on a prickant spear;At which, no sooner gentle knights can knock,But the shrill sound fierce Barbaroso hears,And rushing forth, brings in the errant knight,And sets him down in an enchanted chair:Then with an engine, which he hath prepar'dWith forty teeth, he claws his courtly crown,Next makes him wink, and underneath his chinHe plants a brazen piece of mighty bore,And knocks his bullets round about his cheeks,Whilst with his fingers, and an instrumentWith which he snaps his hair off, he doth fillThe wretch's ears with a most hideous noise.Thus every knight adventurer he doth trim,And now no creature dares encounter him.

Host.Not far from hence, near to a craggy cliff

At the north end of this distresséd town,

There doth stand a lowly house

Ruggedly builded, and in it a cave,

In which an ugly giant now doth dwell,

Yclepéd Barbaroso: in his hand

He shakes a naked lance of purest steel,

With sleeves turned up, and he before him wears

A motley garment, to preserve his clothes

From blood of those knights which he massacres,

And ladies gent: without his door doth hang

A copper bason, on a prickant spear;

At which, no sooner gentle knights can knock,

But the shrill sound fierce Barbaroso hears,

And rushing forth, brings in the errant knight,

And sets him down in an enchanted chair:

Then with an engine, which he hath prepar'd

With forty teeth, he claws his courtly crown,

Next makes him wink, and underneath his chin

He plants a brazen piece of mighty bore,

And knocks his bullets round about his cheeks,

Whilst with his fingers, and an instrument

With which he snaps his hair off, he doth fill

The wretch's ears with a most hideous noise.

Thus every knight adventurer he doth trim,

And now no creature dares encounter him.

Ralph.In God's name, I will fight with him, kind sir.Go but before me to this dismal caveWhere this huge giant Barbaroso dwells,And by that virtue that brave Rosiclere,That wicked brood of ugly giants slew,And Palmerin Frannarco overthrew:I doubt not but to curb this traitor foul,And to the devil send his guilty soul.

Ralph.In God's name, I will fight with him, kind sir.

Go but before me to this dismal cave

Where this huge giant Barbaroso dwells,

And by that virtue that brave Rosiclere,

That wicked brood of ugly giants slew,

And Palmerin Frannarco overthrew:

I doubt not but to curb this traitor foul,

And to the devil send his guilty soul.

Host.Brave sprighted knight, thus far I will performThis your request, I'll bring you within sightOf this most loathsome place, inhabitedBy a more loathsome man: but dare not stay,For his main force swoops all he sees away.

Host.Brave sprighted knight, thus far I will perform

This your request, I'll bring you within sight

Of this most loathsome place, inhabited

By a more loathsome man: but dare not stay,

For his main force swoops all he sees away.

Ralph.Saint George! set on, before march squire and page.[Exeunt.

Wife.George, dost think Ralph will confound the giant?Cit.I hold my cap to a farthing he does. Why, Nell, I saw him wrestle with the great Dutchman, and hurl him.Wife.Faith and that Dutchman was a goodly man, if all things were answerable to his bigness. And yet they say there was a Scottishman higher than he, and that they two on a night met, and saw one another for nothing.Cit.Nay, by your leave, Nell, Ninivie was better.Wife.Ninivie, O that was the story of Joan and the Wall, was it not, George?Cit.Yes, lamb.EnterMistress Merry-thought.Wife.Look, George, here comes Mistress Merry-thought again, and I would have Ralph come and fight with the giant. I tell you true, I long to see't.Cit.Good Mistress Merry-thought, be gone, I pray you for my sake; I pray you forbear a little, you shall have audience presently: I have a little business.Wife.Mistress Merry-thought, if it please you to refrain your passion a little, till Ralph have dispatched the giant out of the way, we shall think ourselves much bound to thank you. I thank you, good Mistress Merry-thought.[ExitMistress Merry-thought.Enter aBoy.Cit.Boy, come hither, send away Ralph and this master giant quickly.Boy.In good faith, sir, we cannot; you'll utterly spoil our play, and make it to be hissed, and it cost money; you will not suffer us to go on with our plots. I pray, gentlemen, rule him.Cit.Let him come now and dispatch this, and I'll trouble you no more.Boy.Will you give me your hand of that?Wife.Give him thy hand, George, do, and I'll kiss him; I warrant thee the youth means plainly.Boy.I'll send him to you presently.[ExitBoy.Wife.I thank you, little youth; faith the child hath a sweet breath. George, but I think it be troubled with the worms; Carduus Benedictus and mare's milk were the only thing in the world for it. Oh, Ralph's here, George! God send thee good luck, Ralph!EnterRalph, Host, SquireandDwarf.

Wife.George, dost think Ralph will confound the giant?

Cit.I hold my cap to a farthing he does. Why, Nell, I saw him wrestle with the great Dutchman, and hurl him.

Wife.Faith and that Dutchman was a goodly man, if all things were answerable to his bigness. And yet they say there was a Scottishman higher than he, and that they two on a night met, and saw one another for nothing.

Cit.Nay, by your leave, Nell, Ninivie was better.

Wife.Ninivie, O that was the story of Joan and the Wall, was it not, George?

Cit.Yes, lamb.

EnterMistress Merry-thought.

Wife.Look, George, here comes Mistress Merry-thought again, and I would have Ralph come and fight with the giant. I tell you true, I long to see't.

Cit.Good Mistress Merry-thought, be gone, I pray you for my sake; I pray you forbear a little, you shall have audience presently: I have a little business.

Wife.Mistress Merry-thought, if it please you to refrain your passion a little, till Ralph have dispatched the giant out of the way, we shall think ourselves much bound to thank you. I thank you, good Mistress Merry-thought.[ExitMistress Merry-thought.

Enter aBoy.

Cit.Boy, come hither, send away Ralph and this master giant quickly.

Boy.In good faith, sir, we cannot; you'll utterly spoil our play, and make it to be hissed, and it cost money; you will not suffer us to go on with our plots. I pray, gentlemen, rule him.

Cit.Let him come now and dispatch this, and I'll trouble you no more.

Boy.Will you give me your hand of that?

Wife.Give him thy hand, George, do, and I'll kiss him; I warrant thee the youth means plainly.

Boy.I'll send him to you presently.[ExitBoy.

Wife.I thank you, little youth; faith the child hath a sweet breath. George, but I think it be troubled with the worms; Carduus Benedictus and mare's milk were the only thing in the world for it. Oh, Ralph's here, George! God send thee good luck, Ralph!

EnterRalph, Host, SquireandDwarf.

Host.Puissant knight, yonder his mansion is,Lo, where the spear and copper bason are,Behold the string on which hangs many a tooth,Drawn from the gentle jaw of wandering knights;I dare not stay to sound, he will appear.[ExitHost.Ralph.O faint not, heart: Susan, my lady dear,The cobbler's maid in Milk Street, for whose sakeI take these arms, O let the thought of theeCarry thy knight through all adventurous deed,And in the honour of thy beauteous self,May I destroy this monster Barbaroso.Knock, squire, upon the bason till it breakWith the shrill strokes, or till the giant speak.EnterBarbaroso.Wife.O George, the giant, the giant! Now, Ralph, for thy life!Bar.What fond unknowing wight is this, that daresSo rudely knock at Barbaroso's cell,Where no man comes, but leaves his fleece behind?Ralph.I, traitorous caitiff, who am sent by fateTo punish all the sad enormitiesThou hast committed against ladies gent,And errant knights, traitor to God and men.Prepare thyself, this is the dismal hourAppointed for thee to give strict accountOf all thy beastly treacherous villanies.Bar.Foolhardy knight, full soon thou shalt abyThis fond reproach, thy body will I bang,[He takes down his pole.And lo, upon that string thy teeth shall hang;Prepare thyself, for dead soon shalt thou be.Ralph.Saint George for me![They fight.

Host.Puissant knight, yonder his mansion is,

Lo, where the spear and copper bason are,

Behold the string on which hangs many a tooth,

Drawn from the gentle jaw of wandering knights;

I dare not stay to sound, he will appear.[ExitHost.

Ralph.O faint not, heart: Susan, my lady dear,The cobbler's maid in Milk Street, for whose sakeI take these arms, O let the thought of theeCarry thy knight through all adventurous deed,And in the honour of thy beauteous self,May I destroy this monster Barbaroso.Knock, squire, upon the bason till it breakWith the shrill strokes, or till the giant speak.

Ralph.O faint not, heart: Susan, my lady dear,

The cobbler's maid in Milk Street, for whose sake

I take these arms, O let the thought of thee

Carry thy knight through all adventurous deed,

And in the honour of thy beauteous self,

May I destroy this monster Barbaroso.

Knock, squire, upon the bason till it break

With the shrill strokes, or till the giant speak.

EnterBarbaroso.

Wife.O George, the giant, the giant! Now, Ralph, for thy life!

Bar.What fond unknowing wight is this, that daresSo rudely knock at Barbaroso's cell,Where no man comes, but leaves his fleece behind?

Bar.What fond unknowing wight is this, that dares

So rudely knock at Barbaroso's cell,

Where no man comes, but leaves his fleece behind?

Ralph.I, traitorous caitiff, who am sent by fateTo punish all the sad enormitiesThou hast committed against ladies gent,And errant knights, traitor to God and men.Prepare thyself, this is the dismal hourAppointed for thee to give strict accountOf all thy beastly treacherous villanies.

Ralph.I, traitorous caitiff, who am sent by fate

To punish all the sad enormities

Thou hast committed against ladies gent,

And errant knights, traitor to God and men.

Prepare thyself, this is the dismal hour

Appointed for thee to give strict account

Of all thy beastly treacherous villanies.

Bar.Foolhardy knight, full soon thou shalt abyThis fond reproach, thy body will I bang,[He takes down his pole.And lo, upon that string thy teeth shall hang;Prepare thyself, for dead soon shalt thou be.

Bar.Foolhardy knight, full soon thou shalt aby

This fond reproach, thy body will I bang,[He takes down his pole.

And lo, upon that string thy teeth shall hang;

Prepare thyself, for dead soon shalt thou be.

Ralph.Saint George for me![They fight.

Bar.Gargantua for me!Wife.To him, Ralph, to him: hold up the giant, set out thy leg before, Ralph!Cit.Falsify a blow, Ralph, falsify a blow; the giant lies open on the left side.Wife.Bear't off, bear't off still; there, boy. Oh, Ralph's almost down, Ralph's almost down!Ralph.Susan, inspire me, now have up again.Wife.Up, up, up, up, up, so, Ralph; down with him, down with him, Ralph!Cit.Fetch him over the hip, boy.Wife.There, boy; kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, Ralph!Cit.No, Ralph, get all out of him first.

Bar.Gargantua for me!

Wife.To him, Ralph, to him: hold up the giant, set out thy leg before, Ralph!

Cit.Falsify a blow, Ralph, falsify a blow; the giant lies open on the left side.

Wife.Bear't off, bear't off still; there, boy. Oh, Ralph's almost down, Ralph's almost down!

Ralph.Susan, inspire me, now have up again.

Wife.Up, up, up, up, up, so, Ralph; down with him, down with him, Ralph!

Cit.Fetch him over the hip, boy.

Wife.There, boy; kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, Ralph!

Cit.No, Ralph, get all out of him first.

Ralph.Presumptuous man, see to what desperate endThy treachery hath brought thee; the just gods,Who never prosper those that do despise them,For all the villanies which thou hast doneTo knights and ladies, now have paid thee homeBy my stiff arm, a knight adventurous.But say, vile wretch, before I send thy soulTo sad Avernus, whither it must go,What captives hold'st thou in thy sable cave?Bar.Go in and free them all, thou hast the day.Ralph.Go, squire and dwarf, search in this dreadful cave,And free the wretched prisoners from their bonds.[ExeuntSquireandDwarf.Bar.I crave for mercy as thou art a knight,And scorn'st to spill the blood of those that beg.Ralph.Thou showest no mercy, nor shalt thou have any;Prepare thyself, for thou shalt surely die.EnterSquire,leading one winking, with a bason under his chin.Squire.Behold, brave knight, here is one prisoner,Whom this wild man hath used as you see.Wife.This is the wisest word I hear the squire speak.Ralph.Speak what thou art, and how thou hast been us'd,That I may give him condign punishment.1st Knight.I am a knight that took my journey postNorthward from London, and in courteous wise,This giant train'd me to his loathsome den,Under pretence of killing of the itch,And all my body with a powder strew'd,That smarts and stings; and cut away my beard,And my curl'd locks wherein were ribands ty'd,And with a water washt my tender eyes(Whilst up and down about me still he skipt),Whose virtue is, that till my eyes be wip'dWith a dry cloth, for this my foul disgrace,I shall not dare to look a dog i' th' face.Wife.Alas, poor knight. Relieve him, Ralph; relieve poor knights whilst you live.Ralph.My trusty squire, convey him to the town,Where he may find relief; adieu, fair knight.[ExitKnight.EnterDwarf,leading one with a patch over his nose.Dwarf.Puissant Knight of the Burning Pestle hight,See here another wretch, whom this foul beastHath scotch'd and scor'd in this inhuman wise.Ralph.Speak me thy name, and eke thy place of birth,And what hath been thy usage in this cave.2nd Knight.I am a knight, Sir Partle is my name,And by my birth I am a Londoner,Free by my copy, but my ancestorsWere Frenchmen all; and riding hard this way,Upon a trotting horse, my bones did ache,And I, faint knight, to ease my weary limbs,Light at this cave, when straight this furious fiend,With sharpest instrument of purest steel,Did cut the gristle of my nose away,And in the place this velvet plaster stands.Relieve me, gentle knight, out of his hands.

Ralph.Presumptuous man, see to what desperate end

Thy treachery hath brought thee; the just gods,

Who never prosper those that do despise them,

For all the villanies which thou hast done

To knights and ladies, now have paid thee home

By my stiff arm, a knight adventurous.

But say, vile wretch, before I send thy soul

To sad Avernus, whither it must go,

What captives hold'st thou in thy sable cave?

Bar.Go in and free them all, thou hast the day.

Ralph.Go, squire and dwarf, search in this dreadful cave,And free the wretched prisoners from their bonds.[ExeuntSquireandDwarf.

Ralph.Go, squire and dwarf, search in this dreadful cave,

And free the wretched prisoners from their bonds.

[ExeuntSquireandDwarf.

Bar.I crave for mercy as thou art a knight,And scorn'st to spill the blood of those that beg.

Bar.I crave for mercy as thou art a knight,

And scorn'st to spill the blood of those that beg.

Ralph.Thou showest no mercy, nor shalt thou have any;Prepare thyself, for thou shalt surely die.

Ralph.Thou showest no mercy, nor shalt thou have any;

Prepare thyself, for thou shalt surely die.

EnterSquire,leading one winking, with a bason under his chin.

Squire.Behold, brave knight, here is one prisoner,Whom this wild man hath used as you see.

Squire.Behold, brave knight, here is one prisoner,

Whom this wild man hath used as you see.

Wife.This is the wisest word I hear the squire speak.

Ralph.Speak what thou art, and how thou hast been us'd,That I may give him condign punishment.

Ralph.Speak what thou art, and how thou hast been us'd,

That I may give him condign punishment.

1st Knight.I am a knight that took my journey postNorthward from London, and in courteous wise,This giant train'd me to his loathsome den,Under pretence of killing of the itch,And all my body with a powder strew'd,That smarts and stings; and cut away my beard,And my curl'd locks wherein were ribands ty'd,And with a water washt my tender eyes(Whilst up and down about me still he skipt),Whose virtue is, that till my eyes be wip'dWith a dry cloth, for this my foul disgrace,I shall not dare to look a dog i' th' face.

1st Knight.I am a knight that took my journey post

Northward from London, and in courteous wise,

This giant train'd me to his loathsome den,

Under pretence of killing of the itch,

And all my body with a powder strew'd,

That smarts and stings; and cut away my beard,

And my curl'd locks wherein were ribands ty'd,

And with a water washt my tender eyes

(Whilst up and down about me still he skipt),

Whose virtue is, that till my eyes be wip'd

With a dry cloth, for this my foul disgrace,

I shall not dare to look a dog i' th' face.

Wife.Alas, poor knight. Relieve him, Ralph; relieve poor knights whilst you live.

Ralph.My trusty squire, convey him to the town,Where he may find relief; adieu, fair knight.[ExitKnight.

Ralph.My trusty squire, convey him to the town,

Where he may find relief; adieu, fair knight.[ExitKnight.

EnterDwarf,leading one with a patch over his nose.

Dwarf.Puissant Knight of the Burning Pestle hight,See here another wretch, whom this foul beastHath scotch'd and scor'd in this inhuman wise.

Dwarf.Puissant Knight of the Burning Pestle hight,

See here another wretch, whom this foul beast

Hath scotch'd and scor'd in this inhuman wise.

Ralph.Speak me thy name, and eke thy place of birth,And what hath been thy usage in this cave.

Ralph.Speak me thy name, and eke thy place of birth,

And what hath been thy usage in this cave.

2nd Knight.I am a knight, Sir Partle is my name,And by my birth I am a Londoner,Free by my copy, but my ancestorsWere Frenchmen all; and riding hard this way,Upon a trotting horse, my bones did ache,And I, faint knight, to ease my weary limbs,Light at this cave, when straight this furious fiend,With sharpest instrument of purest steel,Did cut the gristle of my nose away,And in the place this velvet plaster stands.Relieve me, gentle knight, out of his hands.

2nd Knight.I am a knight, Sir Partle is my name,

And by my birth I am a Londoner,

Free by my copy, but my ancestors

Were Frenchmen all; and riding hard this way,

Upon a trotting horse, my bones did ache,

And I, faint knight, to ease my weary limbs,

Light at this cave, when straight this furious fiend,

With sharpest instrument of purest steel,

Did cut the gristle of my nose away,

And in the place this velvet plaster stands.

Relieve me, gentle knight, out of his hands.

Wife.Good Ralph, relieve Sir Partle, and send him away, for in truth his breath stinks.Ralph.Convey him straight after the other knight. Sir Partle, fare you well.3rd Knight.Kind sir, good night.[Exit.[Cries within.Man.Deliver us!Wom.Deliver us!Wife.Hark, George, what a woful cry there is. I think some one is ill there.Man.Deliver us!Wom.Deliver us!

Wife.Good Ralph, relieve Sir Partle, and send him away, for in truth his breath stinks.

Ralph.Convey him straight after the other knight. Sir Partle, fare you well.

3rd Knight.Kind sir, good night.[Exit.

[Cries within.

Man.Deliver us!

Wom.Deliver us!

Wife.Hark, George, what a woful cry there is. I think some one is ill there.

Man.Deliver us!

Wom.Deliver us!

Ralph.What ghastly noise is this? Speak, Barbaroso,Or by this blazing steel thy head goes off.Bar.Prisoners of mine, whom I in diet keep.Send lower down into the cave,And in a tub that's heated smoking hot,There may they find them, and deliver them.Ralph.Run, squire and dwarf, deliver them with speed.[ExeuntSquireandDwarf.

Ralph.What ghastly noise is this? Speak, Barbaroso,Or by this blazing steel thy head goes off.

Ralph.What ghastly noise is this? Speak, Barbaroso,

Or by this blazing steel thy head goes off.

Bar.Prisoners of mine, whom I in diet keep.Send lower down into the cave,And in a tub that's heated smoking hot,There may they find them, and deliver them.

Bar.Prisoners of mine, whom I in diet keep.

Send lower down into the cave,

And in a tub that's heated smoking hot,

There may they find them, and deliver them.

Ralph.Run, squire and dwarf, deliver them with speed.[ExeuntSquireandDwarf.

Ralph.Run, squire and dwarf, deliver them with speed.

[ExeuntSquireandDwarf.

Wife.But will not Ralph kill this giant? Surely I am afraid if he let him go he will do as much hurt as ever he did.Cit.Not so, mouse, neither, if he could convert him.Wife.Ay, George, if he could convert him; but a giant is not so soon converted as one of us ordinary people. There's a pretty tale of a witch, that had the devil's mark about her, God bless us, that had a giant to her son, that was call'd Lob-lie-by-the-fire. Didst never hear it, George?EnterSquireleading a man with a glass of lotion in his hand, and theDwarfleading a woman, with diet bread and drink.Cit.Peace, Nell, here come the prisoners.

Wife.But will not Ralph kill this giant? Surely I am afraid if he let him go he will do as much hurt as ever he did.

Cit.Not so, mouse, neither, if he could convert him.

Wife.Ay, George, if he could convert him; but a giant is not so soon converted as one of us ordinary people. There's a pretty tale of a witch, that had the devil's mark about her, God bless us, that had a giant to her son, that was call'd Lob-lie-by-the-fire. Didst never hear it, George?

EnterSquireleading a man with a glass of lotion in his hand, and theDwarfleading a woman, with diet bread and drink.

Cit.Peace, Nell, here come the prisoners.

Dwarf.Here be these pined wretches, manful knight,That for these six weeks have not seen a wight.Ralph.Deliver what you are, and how you cameTo this sad cave, and what your usage was?Man.I am an errant knight that followed arms,With spear and shield, and in my tender yearsI strucken was with Cupid's fiery shaft,And fell in love with this my lady dear,And stole her from her friends in Turnball Street,And bore her up and down from town to town,Where we did eat and drink, and music hear;Till at the length at this unhappy townWe did arrive, and coming to this cave,This beast us caught, and put us in a tub,Where we this two months sweat, and should have doneAnother month if you had not relieved us.Wom.This bread and water hath our diet been,Together with a rib cut from a neckOf burned mutton; hard hath been our fare.Release us from this ugly giant's snare.Man.This hath been all the food we have receiv'd;But only twice a day, for novelty,He gave a spoonful of this hearty broth[Pulls out a syringe.To each of us, through this same slender quill.Ralph.From this infernal monster you shall go,That useth knights and gentle ladies so.Convey them hence.[Exeunt Man and Woman.

Dwarf.Here be these pined wretches, manful knight,That for these six weeks have not seen a wight.

Dwarf.Here be these pined wretches, manful knight,

That for these six weeks have not seen a wight.

Ralph.Deliver what you are, and how you cameTo this sad cave, and what your usage was?

Ralph.Deliver what you are, and how you came

To this sad cave, and what your usage was?

Man.I am an errant knight that followed arms,With spear and shield, and in my tender yearsI strucken was with Cupid's fiery shaft,And fell in love with this my lady dear,And stole her from her friends in Turnball Street,And bore her up and down from town to town,Where we did eat and drink, and music hear;Till at the length at this unhappy townWe did arrive, and coming to this cave,This beast us caught, and put us in a tub,Where we this two months sweat, and should have doneAnother month if you had not relieved us.

Man.I am an errant knight that followed arms,

With spear and shield, and in my tender years

I strucken was with Cupid's fiery shaft,

And fell in love with this my lady dear,

And stole her from her friends in Turnball Street,

And bore her up and down from town to town,

Where we did eat and drink, and music hear;

Till at the length at this unhappy town

We did arrive, and coming to this cave,

This beast us caught, and put us in a tub,

Where we this two months sweat, and should have done

Another month if you had not relieved us.

Wom.This bread and water hath our diet been,Together with a rib cut from a neckOf burned mutton; hard hath been our fare.Release us from this ugly giant's snare.

Wom.This bread and water hath our diet been,

Together with a rib cut from a neck

Of burned mutton; hard hath been our fare.

Release us from this ugly giant's snare.

Man.This hath been all the food we have receiv'd;But only twice a day, for novelty,He gave a spoonful of this hearty broth[Pulls out a syringe.To each of us, through this same slender quill.

Man.This hath been all the food we have receiv'd;

But only twice a day, for novelty,

He gave a spoonful of this hearty broth[Pulls out a syringe.

To each of us, through this same slender quill.

Ralph.From this infernal monster you shall go,That useth knights and gentle ladies so.Convey them hence.[Exeunt Man and Woman.

Ralph.From this infernal monster you shall go,

That useth knights and gentle ladies so.

Convey them hence.[Exeunt Man and Woman.

Cit.Mouse, I can tell thee, the gentlemen like Ralph.Wife.Ay, George, I see it well enough. Gentlemen, I thank you all heartily for gracing my man Ralph, and I promise you, you shall see him oftener.

Cit.Mouse, I can tell thee, the gentlemen like Ralph.

Wife.Ay, George, I see it well enough. Gentlemen, I thank you all heartily for gracing my man Ralph, and I promise you, you shall see him oftener.

Bar.Mercy, great knight, I do recant my ill,And henceforth never gentle blood will spill.Ralph.I give thee mercy, but yet thou shalt swearUpon my burning pestle to performThy promise utter'd.Bar.I swear and kiss.Ralph.Depart then, and amend.Come, squire and dwarf, the sun grows towards his set,And we have many more adventures yet.[Exeunt.

Bar.Mercy, great knight, I do recant my ill,And henceforth never gentle blood will spill.

Bar.Mercy, great knight, I do recant my ill,

And henceforth never gentle blood will spill.

Ralph.I give thee mercy, but yet thou shalt swearUpon my burning pestle to performThy promise utter'd.

Ralph.I give thee mercy, but yet thou shalt swear

Upon my burning pestle to perform

Thy promise utter'd.

Bar.I swear and kiss.

Ralph.Depart then, and amend.Come, squire and dwarf, the sun grows towards his set,And we have many more adventures yet.[Exeunt.

Ralph.Depart then, and amend.

Come, squire and dwarf, the sun grows towards his set,

And we have many more adventures yet.[Exeunt.

Cit.Now Ralph is in this humour, I know he would ha' beaten all the boys in the house, if they had been set on him.Wife.Ay, George, but it is well as it is. I warrant you the gentlemen do consider what it is to overthrow a giant. But look, George, here comes Mistress Merry-thought, and her son Michael. Now you are welcome, Mistress Merry-thought; now Ralph has done, you may go on.EnterMistress Merry-thoughtandMichael.Mist. Mer.Mick, my boy.Mick.Ay forsooth, mother.Mist. Mer.Be merry, Mick, we are at home now, where I warrant you, you shall find the house flung out of the windows. Hark! hey dogs, hey, this is the old world i'faith with my husband. I'll get in among them, I'll play them such lesson, that they shall have little list to come scraping hither again. Why, Master Merry-thought, husband, Charles Merry-thought!

Cit.Now Ralph is in this humour, I know he would ha' beaten all the boys in the house, if they had been set on him.

Wife.Ay, George, but it is well as it is. I warrant you the gentlemen do consider what it is to overthrow a giant. But look, George, here comes Mistress Merry-thought, and her son Michael. Now you are welcome, Mistress Merry-thought; now Ralph has done, you may go on.

EnterMistress Merry-thoughtandMichael.

Mist. Mer.Mick, my boy.

Mick.Ay forsooth, mother.

Mist. Mer.Be merry, Mick, we are at home now, where I warrant you, you shall find the house flung out of the windows. Hark! hey dogs, hey, this is the old world i'faith with my husband. I'll get in among them, I'll play them such lesson, that they shall have little list to come scraping hither again. Why, Master Merry-thought, husband, Charles Merry-thought!

Old Mer.[within.] "If you will sing and dance and laugh,And holloa, and laugh again;And then cry, there boys, there; why then,One, two, three, and four,We shall be merry within this hour."

Old Mer.[within.] "If you will sing and dance and laugh,

And holloa, and laugh again;

And then cry, there boys, there; why then,

One, two, three, and four,

We shall be merry within this hour."

Mist. Mer.Why, Charles, do you not know your own natural wife? I say, open the door, and turn me out those mangy companions; 'tis more than time that they were fellow like with you. You are a gentleman, Charles, and an old man, and father of two children; and I myself, though I say it, by my mother's side, niece to a worshipful gentleman, and a conductor; he has been three times in his Majesty's service at Chester, and is now the fourth time, God bless him, and his charge upon his journey.

Old Mer."Go from my window, love, go;Go from my window, my dear,The wind and the rain will drive you back again,You cannot be lodgéd here."

Old Mer."Go from my window, love, go;

Go from my window, my dear,

The wind and the rain will drive you back again,

You cannot be lodgéd here."

Hark you, Mistress Merry-thought, you that walk upon adventures, and forsake your husband because he sings with never a penny in his purse; what, shall I think myself the worse? Faith no, I'll be merry. You come not here, here's none but lads of mettle, lives of a hundred years and upwards; care never drunk their bloods, nor want made them warble,

"Heigh-ho, my heart is heavy."

Mist. Mer.Why, Master Merry-thought, what am I that you should laugh me to scorn thus abruptly? Am I not your fellow-feeler, as we may say, in all our miseries? your comforter in health and sickness? Have I not brought you children? Are they not like you, Charles? Look upon thine own image, hard-hearted man; and yet for all this——

Old Mer.[within.]"Begone, begone, my juggy, my puggy,Begone, my love, my dear;The weather is warm,'Twill do thee no harm,Thou canst not be lodged here."

Old Mer.[within.]"Begone, begone, my juggy, my puggy,

Begone, my love, my dear;

The weather is warm,

'Twill do thee no harm,

Thou canst not be lodged here."

Be merry, boys, some light music, and more wine.Wife.He's not in earnest, I hope, George, is he?Cit.What if he be, sweetheart?Wife.Marry if he be, George, I'll make bold to tell him he's an ingrant old man to use his wife so scurvily.Cit.What, how does he use her, honey?Wife.Marry come up, Sir Sauce-box; I think you'll take his part, will you not? Lord, how hot are you grown; you are a fine man, an' you had a fine dog, it becomes you sweetly.Cit.Nay, prithee Nell, chide not; for as I am an honest man, and a true Christian grocer, I do not like his doings.Wife.I cry you mercy then, George; you know we are all frail, and full of infirmities. D'ye hear, Master Merry-thought, may I crave a word with you?Old Mer.[within.]Strike up lively, lads.Wife.I had not thought in truth, Master Merry-thought, that a man of your age and discretion, as I may say, being a gentleman, and therefore known by your gentle conditions, could have used so little respect to the weakness of his wife; for your wife is your own flesh, the staff of your age, your yoke-fellow, with whose help you draw through the mire of this transitory world. Nay, she is your own rib. And again——

Be merry, boys, some light music, and more wine.

Wife.He's not in earnest, I hope, George, is he?

Cit.What if he be, sweetheart?

Wife.Marry if he be, George, I'll make bold to tell him he's an ingrant old man to use his wife so scurvily.

Cit.What, how does he use her, honey?

Wife.Marry come up, Sir Sauce-box; I think you'll take his part, will you not? Lord, how hot are you grown; you are a fine man, an' you had a fine dog, it becomes you sweetly.

Cit.Nay, prithee Nell, chide not; for as I am an honest man, and a true Christian grocer, I do not like his doings.

Wife.I cry you mercy then, George; you know we are all frail, and full of infirmities. D'ye hear, Master Merry-thought, may I crave a word with you?

Old Mer.[within.]Strike up lively, lads.

Wife.I had not thought in truth, Master Merry-thought, that a man of your age and discretion, as I may say, being a gentleman, and therefore known by your gentle conditions, could have used so little respect to the weakness of his wife; for your wife is your own flesh, the staff of your age, your yoke-fellow, with whose help you draw through the mire of this transitory world. Nay, she is your own rib. And again——

Old Mer."I come not hither for thee to teach,I have no pulpit for thee to preach,As thou art a lady gay."

Old Mer."I come not hither for thee to teach,

I have no pulpit for thee to preach,

As thou art a lady gay."

Wife.Marry with a vengeance! I am heartily sorry for thepoor gentlewoman; but if I were thy wife, i'faith, gray beard, i'faith——Cit.I prithee, sweet honeysuckle, be content.Wife.Give me such words that am a gentlewoman born, hang him, hoary rascal! Get me some drink, George, I am almost molten with fretting. Now beshrew his knave's heart for it.Old Mer.Play me a light lavalto. Come, be frolic, fill the good fellows wine.Mist. Mer.Why, Master Merry-thought, are you disposed to make me wait here. You'll open, I hope; I'll fetch them that shall open else.Old Mer.Good woman, if you will sing, I'll give you something, if not——

Wife.Marry with a vengeance! I am heartily sorry for thepoor gentlewoman; but if I were thy wife, i'faith, gray beard, i'faith——

Cit.I prithee, sweet honeysuckle, be content.

Wife.Give me such words that am a gentlewoman born, hang him, hoary rascal! Get me some drink, George, I am almost molten with fretting. Now beshrew his knave's heart for it.

Old Mer.Play me a light lavalto. Come, be frolic, fill the good fellows wine.

Mist. Mer.Why, Master Merry-thought, are you disposed to make me wait here. You'll open, I hope; I'll fetch them that shall open else.

Old Mer.Good woman, if you will sing, I'll give you something, if not——

Song.You are no love for me, Marget,I am no love for you.Come aloft, boys, aloft.

Song.

You are no love for me, Marget,I am no love for you.Come aloft, boys, aloft.

You are no love for me, Marget,

I am no love for you.

Come aloft, boys, aloft.

Mist. Mer.Now a churl's fist in your teeth, sir. Come, Mick, we'll not trouble him, a shall not ding us i' th' teeth with his bread and his broth, that he shall not. Come, boy, I'll provide for thee, I warrant thee. We'll go to Master Venterwels the merchant; I'll get his letter to mine host of the Bell in Waltham, there I'll place thee with the tapster; will not that do well for thee, Mick? And let me alone for that old rascally knave, your father; I'll use him in his kind, I warrant ye.Wife.Come, George, where's the beer?Cit.Here, love.Wife.This old fumigating fellow will not out of my mind yet. Gentlemen, I'll begin to you all, I desire more of your acquaintance, with all my heart. Fill the gentlemen some beer, George.

Wife.Come, George, where's the beer?

Cit.Here, love.

Wife.This old fumigating fellow will not out of my mind yet. Gentlemen, I'll begin to you all, I desire more of your acquaintance, with all my heart. Fill the gentlemen some beer, George.

Boy danceth.Wife.Look, George, the little boy's come again; methinks he looks something like the Prince of Orange, in his long stocking, if he had a little harness about his neck. George, I will have him dance Fading; Fading is a fine jig, I'll assure you, gentlemen. Begin, brother; now a capers, sweetheart; now a turn a th' toe, and then tumble. Cannot you tumble, youth?Boy.No, indeed, forsooth.Wife.Nor eat fire?Boy.Neither.Wife.Why, then I thank you heartily; there's two pence to buy you points withal.EnterJasperandBoy.

Boy danceth.

Wife.Look, George, the little boy's come again; methinks he looks something like the Prince of Orange, in his long stocking, if he had a little harness about his neck. George, I will have him dance Fading; Fading is a fine jig, I'll assure you, gentlemen. Begin, brother; now a capers, sweetheart; now a turn a th' toe, and then tumble. Cannot you tumble, youth?

Boy.No, indeed, forsooth.

Wife.Nor eat fire?

Boy.Neither.

Wife.Why, then I thank you heartily; there's two pence to buy you points withal.

EnterJasperandBoy.

Jasp.There, boy, deliver this. But do it well.Hast thou provided me four lusty fellows,Able to carry me? And art thou perfectIn all thy business?Boy.Sir, you need not fear,I have my lesson here, and cannot miss it:The men are ready for you, and what elsePertains to this employment.Jasp.There, my boy,Take it, but buy no land.Boy.Faith, sir, 'twere rareTo see so young a purchaser. I fly,And on my wings carry your destiny.[Exit.Jasp.Go, and be happy. Now my latest hopeForsake me not, but fling thy anchor out,And let it hold. Stand fixt, thou rolling stone,Till I possess my dearest. Hear me, allYou Powers, that rule in men, celestial.[Exit.

Jasp.There, boy, deliver this. But do it well.Hast thou provided me four lusty fellows,Able to carry me? And art thou perfectIn all thy business?

Jasp.There, boy, deliver this. But do it well.

Hast thou provided me four lusty fellows,

Able to carry me? And art thou perfect

In all thy business?

Boy.Sir, you need not fear,I have my lesson here, and cannot miss it:The men are ready for you, and what elsePertains to this employment.

Boy.Sir, you need not fear,

I have my lesson here, and cannot miss it:

The men are ready for you, and what else

Pertains to this employment.

Jasp.There, my boy,Take it, but buy no land.

Jasp.There, my boy,

Take it, but buy no land.

Boy.Faith, sir, 'twere rareTo see so young a purchaser. I fly,And on my wings carry your destiny.[Exit.

Boy.Faith, sir, 'twere rare

To see so young a purchaser. I fly,

And on my wings carry your destiny.[Exit.

Jasp.Go, and be happy. Now my latest hopeForsake me not, but fling thy anchor out,And let it hold. Stand fixt, thou rolling stone,Till I possess my dearest. Hear me, allYou Powers, that rule in men, celestial.[Exit.

Jasp.Go, and be happy. Now my latest hope

Forsake me not, but fling thy anchor out,

And let it hold. Stand fixt, thou rolling stone,

Till I possess my dearest. Hear me, all

You Powers, that rule in men, celestial.[Exit.

Wife.Go thy ways, thou art as crooked a sprig as ever grew in London. I warrant him he'll come to some naughty end or other; for his looks say no less. Besides, his father (you know, George) is none of the best; you heard him take me up like a gill flirt, and sing bad songs upon me. But i'faith, if I live, George——Cit.Let me alone, sweetheart, I have a trick in my head shall lodge him in the Arches for one year, and make him sing Peccavi, ere I leave him, and yet he shall never know who hurt him neither.Wife.Do, my good George, do.Cit.What shall we have Ralph do now, boy?Boy.You shall have what you will, sir.Cit.Why so, sir, go and fetch me him then, and let the Sophy of Persia come and christen him a child.Boy.Believe me, sir, that will not do so well; 'tis stale, it has been had before at the Red Bull.Wife.George, let Ralph travel over great hills, and let him be weary, and come to the King of Cracovia's house, covered with black velvet, and there let the king's daughter stand in her window all in beaten gold, combing her golden locks with a comb of ivory, and let her spy Ralph, and fall in love with him,and come down to him, and carry him into her father's house, and then let Ralph talk with her.Cit.Well said, Nell, it shall be so. Boy, let's ha't done quickly.Boy.Sir, if you will imagine all this to be done already, you shall hear them talk together. But we cannot present a house covered with black velvet, and a lady in beaten gold.Cit.Sir Boy, let's ha't as you can then.Boy.Besides, it will show ill-favouredly to have a grocer's prentice to court a king's daughter.Cit.Will it so, sir? You are well read in histories: I pray you what was Sir Dagonet? Was not he prentice to a grocer in London? Read the play of the "Four Prentices of London," where they toss their pikes so. I pray you fetch him in, sir; fetch him in.Boy.It shall be done, it is not our fault, gentlemen.[Exit.Wife.Now we shall see fine doings, I warrant thee, George. Oh, here they come; how prettily the King of Cracovia's daughter is drest.EnterRalphand theLady,SquireandDwarf.Cit.Ay, Nell, it is the fashion of that country, I warrant thee.

Cit.Let me alone, sweetheart, I have a trick in my head shall lodge him in the Arches for one year, and make him sing Peccavi, ere I leave him, and yet he shall never know who hurt him neither.

Wife.Do, my good George, do.

Cit.What shall we have Ralph do now, boy?

Boy.You shall have what you will, sir.

Cit.Why so, sir, go and fetch me him then, and let the Sophy of Persia come and christen him a child.

Boy.Believe me, sir, that will not do so well; 'tis stale, it has been had before at the Red Bull.

Wife.George, let Ralph travel over great hills, and let him be weary, and come to the King of Cracovia's house, covered with black velvet, and there let the king's daughter stand in her window all in beaten gold, combing her golden locks with a comb of ivory, and let her spy Ralph, and fall in love with him,and come down to him, and carry him into her father's house, and then let Ralph talk with her.

Cit.Well said, Nell, it shall be so. Boy, let's ha't done quickly.

Boy.Sir, if you will imagine all this to be done already, you shall hear them talk together. But we cannot present a house covered with black velvet, and a lady in beaten gold.

Cit.Sir Boy, let's ha't as you can then.

Boy.Besides, it will show ill-favouredly to have a grocer's prentice to court a king's daughter.

Cit.Will it so, sir? You are well read in histories: I pray you what was Sir Dagonet? Was not he prentice to a grocer in London? Read the play of the "Four Prentices of London," where they toss their pikes so. I pray you fetch him in, sir; fetch him in.

Boy.It shall be done, it is not our fault, gentlemen.[Exit.

Wife.Now we shall see fine doings, I warrant thee, George. Oh, here they come; how prettily the King of Cracovia's daughter is drest.

EnterRalphand theLady,SquireandDwarf.

Cit.Ay, Nell, it is the fashion of that country, I warrant thee.

Lady.Welcome, Sir Knight, unto my father's court,King of Moldavia, unto me Pompiona,His daughter dear. But sure you do not likeYour entertainment, that will stay with usNo longer but a night.Ralph.Damsel right fair,I am on many sad adventures bound,That call me forth into the wilderness.Besides, my horse's back is something gall'd,Which will enforce me ride a sober pace.But many thanks, fair lady, be to you,For using errant knight with courtesy.Lady.But say, brave knight, what is your name and birth?Ralph.My name is Ralph. I am an Englishman,As true as steel, a hearty Englishman,And prentice to a grocer in the Strand,By deed indent, of which I have one part:But fortune calling me to follow arms,On me this holy order I did take,Of Burning Pestle, which in all men's eyesI bear, confounding ladies' enemies.Lady.Oft have I heard of your brave countrymen,And fertile soil, and store of wholesome food;My father oft will tell me of a drinkIn England found, and Nipitato call'd,Which driveth all the sorrow from your hearts.Ralph.Lady, 'tis true, you need not lay your lipsTo better Nipitato than there is.Lady.And of a wildfowl he will often speak,Which powdered beef and mustard called is:For there have been great wars 'twixt us and you;But truly, Ralph, it was not long of me.Tell me then, Ralph, could you contented beTo wear a lady's favour in your shield?Ralph.I am a knight of a religious order,And will not wear a favour of a ladyThat trusts in Antichrist, and false traditions.Cit.Well said, Ralph, convert her if thou canst.Ralph.Besides, I have a lady of my ownIn merry England; for whose virtuous sakeI took these arms, and Susan is her name,A cobbler's maid in Milk Street, whom I vowNe'er to forsake, whilst life and pestle last.Lady.Happy that cobbling dame, whoe'er she be,That for her own (dear Ralph) hath gotten thee.Unhappy I, that ne'er shall see the dayTo see thee more, that bear'st my heart away.Ralph.Lady, farewell; I must needs take my leave.Lady.Hard-hearted Ralph, that ladies dost deceive.

Lady.Welcome, Sir Knight, unto my father's court,King of Moldavia, unto me Pompiona,His daughter dear. But sure you do not likeYour entertainment, that will stay with usNo longer but a night.

Lady.Welcome, Sir Knight, unto my father's court,

King of Moldavia, unto me Pompiona,

His daughter dear. But sure you do not like

Your entertainment, that will stay with us

No longer but a night.

Ralph.Damsel right fair,I am on many sad adventures bound,That call me forth into the wilderness.Besides, my horse's back is something gall'd,Which will enforce me ride a sober pace.But many thanks, fair lady, be to you,For using errant knight with courtesy.

Ralph.Damsel right fair,

I am on many sad adventures bound,

That call me forth into the wilderness.

Besides, my horse's back is something gall'd,

Which will enforce me ride a sober pace.

But many thanks, fair lady, be to you,

For using errant knight with courtesy.

Lady.But say, brave knight, what is your name and birth?

Ralph.My name is Ralph. I am an Englishman,As true as steel, a hearty Englishman,And prentice to a grocer in the Strand,By deed indent, of which I have one part:But fortune calling me to follow arms,On me this holy order I did take,Of Burning Pestle, which in all men's eyesI bear, confounding ladies' enemies.

Ralph.My name is Ralph. I am an Englishman,

As true as steel, a hearty Englishman,

And prentice to a grocer in the Strand,

By deed indent, of which I have one part:

But fortune calling me to follow arms,

On me this holy order I did take,

Of Burning Pestle, which in all men's eyes

I bear, confounding ladies' enemies.

Lady.Oft have I heard of your brave countrymen,And fertile soil, and store of wholesome food;My father oft will tell me of a drinkIn England found, and Nipitato call'd,Which driveth all the sorrow from your hearts.

Lady.Oft have I heard of your brave countrymen,

And fertile soil, and store of wholesome food;

My father oft will tell me of a drink

In England found, and Nipitato call'd,

Which driveth all the sorrow from your hearts.

Ralph.Lady, 'tis true, you need not lay your lipsTo better Nipitato than there is.

Ralph.Lady, 'tis true, you need not lay your lips

To better Nipitato than there is.

Lady.And of a wildfowl he will often speak,Which powdered beef and mustard called is:For there have been great wars 'twixt us and you;But truly, Ralph, it was not long of me.Tell me then, Ralph, could you contented beTo wear a lady's favour in your shield?

Lady.And of a wildfowl he will often speak,

Which powdered beef and mustard called is:

For there have been great wars 'twixt us and you;

But truly, Ralph, it was not long of me.

Tell me then, Ralph, could you contented be

To wear a lady's favour in your shield?

Ralph.I am a knight of a religious order,And will not wear a favour of a ladyThat trusts in Antichrist, and false traditions.

Ralph.I am a knight of a religious order,

And will not wear a favour of a lady

That trusts in Antichrist, and false traditions.

Cit.Well said, Ralph, convert her if thou canst.

Ralph.Besides, I have a lady of my ownIn merry England; for whose virtuous sakeI took these arms, and Susan is her name,A cobbler's maid in Milk Street, whom I vowNe'er to forsake, whilst life and pestle last.

Ralph.Besides, I have a lady of my own

In merry England; for whose virtuous sake

I took these arms, and Susan is her name,

A cobbler's maid in Milk Street, whom I vow

Ne'er to forsake, whilst life and pestle last.

Lady.Happy that cobbling dame, whoe'er she be,That for her own (dear Ralph) hath gotten thee.Unhappy I, that ne'er shall see the dayTo see thee more, that bear'st my heart away.

Lady.Happy that cobbling dame, whoe'er she be,

That for her own (dear Ralph) hath gotten thee.

Unhappy I, that ne'er shall see the day

To see thee more, that bear'st my heart away.

Ralph.Lady, farewell; I must needs take my leave.

Lady.Hard-hearted Ralph, that ladies dost deceive.

Cit.Hark thee, Ralph, there's money for thee; give something in the King of Cracovia's house; be not beholding to him.

Ralph.Lady, before I go, I must rememberYour father's officers, who, truth to tell,Have been about me very diligent:Hold up thy snowy hand, thou princely maid.There's twelve pence for your father's chamberlain,And there's another shilling for his cook,For, by my troth, the goose was roasted well.And twelve pence for your father's horse-keeper,For 'nointing my horse back; and for his butter,There is another shilling; to the maidThat wash'd my boot-hose, there's an English groat,And two pence to the boy that wip'd my boots.And last, fair lady, there is for your selfThree pence to buy you pins at Bumbo Fair.Lady.Full many thanks, and I will keep them safeTill all the heads be off, for thy sake, Ralph.Ralph.Advance, my squire and dwarf, I cannot stay.Lady.Thou kill'st my heart in parting thus away.[Exeunt.

Ralph.Lady, before I go, I must remember

Your father's officers, who, truth to tell,

Have been about me very diligent:

Hold up thy snowy hand, thou princely maid.

There's twelve pence for your father's chamberlain,

And there's another shilling for his cook,

For, by my troth, the goose was roasted well.

And twelve pence for your father's horse-keeper,

For 'nointing my horse back; and for his butter,

There is another shilling; to the maid

That wash'd my boot-hose, there's an English groat,

And two pence to the boy that wip'd my boots.

And last, fair lady, there is for your self

Three pence to buy you pins at Bumbo Fair.

Lady.Full many thanks, and I will keep them safeTill all the heads be off, for thy sake, Ralph.

Lady.Full many thanks, and I will keep them safe

Till all the heads be off, for thy sake, Ralph.

Ralph.Advance, my squire and dwarf, I cannot stay.

Lady.Thou kill'st my heart in parting thus away.[Exeunt.

Wife.I commend Ralph yet, that he will not stoop to a Cracovian; there's properer women in London than any are there, I wis. But here comes Master Humphrey and his love again; now, George.Cit.Ay, bird, peace.EnterMerchant,Humphrey,Luce,andBoy.

Wife.I commend Ralph yet, that he will not stoop to a Cracovian; there's properer women in London than any are there, I wis. But here comes Master Humphrey and his love again; now, George.

Cit.Ay, bird, peace.

EnterMerchant,Humphrey,Luce,andBoy.

Merch.Go, get you up, I will not be entreated.And, gossip mine, I'll keep you sure hereafterFrom gadding out again with boys and unthrifts;Come, they are women's tears, I know your fashion.Go, sirrah, lock her in, and keep the key[ExeuntLuceandBoy.Safe as your life. Now, my son Humphrey,You may both rest assuréd of my loveIn this, and reap your own desire.Humph.I see this love you speak of, through your daughter,Although the hole be little, and hereafterWill yield the like in all I may or can,Fitting a Christian and a gentleman.Merch.I do believe you, my good son, and thank you,For 'twere an impudence to think you flattered.Humph.It were indeed, but shall I tell you why,I have been beaten twice about the lie.Merch.Well, son, no more of compliment; my daughterIs yours again: appoint the time and take her.We'll have no stealing for it, I myselfAnd some few of our friends will see you married.Humph.I would you would i'faith, for be it knownI ever was afraid to lie alone.Merch.Some three days hence, then.Humph.Three days, let me see,'Tis somewhat of the most, yet I agree,Because I mean against the 'pointed day,To visit all my friends in new array.

Merch.Go, get you up, I will not be entreated.

And, gossip mine, I'll keep you sure hereafter

From gadding out again with boys and unthrifts;

Come, they are women's tears, I know your fashion.

Go, sirrah, lock her in, and keep the key[ExeuntLuceandBoy.

Safe as your life. Now, my son Humphrey,

You may both rest assuréd of my love

In this, and reap your own desire.

Humph.I see this love you speak of, through your daughter,Although the hole be little, and hereafterWill yield the like in all I may or can,Fitting a Christian and a gentleman.

Humph.I see this love you speak of, through your daughter,

Although the hole be little, and hereafter

Will yield the like in all I may or can,

Fitting a Christian and a gentleman.

Merch.I do believe you, my good son, and thank you,For 'twere an impudence to think you flattered.

Merch.I do believe you, my good son, and thank you,

For 'twere an impudence to think you flattered.

Humph.It were indeed, but shall I tell you why,I have been beaten twice about the lie.

Humph.It were indeed, but shall I tell you why,

I have been beaten twice about the lie.

Merch.Well, son, no more of compliment; my daughterIs yours again: appoint the time and take her.We'll have no stealing for it, I myselfAnd some few of our friends will see you married.

Merch.Well, son, no more of compliment; my daughter

Is yours again: appoint the time and take her.

We'll have no stealing for it, I myself

And some few of our friends will see you married.

Humph.I would you would i'faith, for be it knownI ever was afraid to lie alone.

Humph.I would you would i'faith, for be it known

I ever was afraid to lie alone.

Merch.Some three days hence, then.

Humph.Three days, let me see,'Tis somewhat of the most, yet I agree,Because I mean against the 'pointed day,To visit all my friends in new array.

Humph.Three days, let me see,

'Tis somewhat of the most, yet I agree,

Because I mean against the 'pointed day,

To visit all my friends in new array.

EnterServant.Serv.Sir, there's a gentlewoman without would speak with your worship.Merch.What is she?Serv.Sir, I asked her not.Merch.Bid her come in.EnterMistress Merry-thoughtandMichael.Mist. Mer.Peace be to your worship, I come as a poor suitor to you, sir, in the behalf of this child.Merch.Are you not wife to Merry-thought?Mist. Mer.Yes truly, would I had ne'er seen his eyes, he has undone me and himself, and his children, and there he lives at home and sings and hoits, and revels among his drunken companions;but I warrant you, where to get a penny to put bread in his mouth, he knows not. And therefore if it like your worship, I would entreat your letter to the honest host of the Bell in Waltham, that I may place my child under the protection of his tapster, in some settled course of life.

EnterServant.

Serv.Sir, there's a gentlewoman without would speak with your worship.

Merch.What is she?

Serv.Sir, I asked her not.

Merch.Bid her come in.

EnterMistress Merry-thoughtandMichael.

Mist. Mer.Peace be to your worship, I come as a poor suitor to you, sir, in the behalf of this child.

Merch.Are you not wife to Merry-thought?

Mist. Mer.Yes truly, would I had ne'er seen his eyes, he has undone me and himself, and his children, and there he lives at home and sings and hoits, and revels among his drunken companions;but I warrant you, where to get a penny to put bread in his mouth, he knows not. And therefore if it like your worship, I would entreat your letter to the honest host of the Bell in Waltham, that I may place my child under the protection of his tapster, in some settled course of life.

Merch.I'm glad the Heav'ns have heard my prayers. Thy husband,When I was ripe in sorrows, laughed at me;Thy son, like an unthankful wretch, I havingRedeem'd him from his fall, and made him mine,To show his love again, first stole my daughter:Then wrong'd this gentleman, and last of allGave me that grief, had almost brought me downUnto my grave, had not a stronger handReliev'd my sorrows. Go, and weep as I did,And be unpitied, for here I professAn everlasting hate to all thy name.

Merch.I'm glad the Heav'ns have heard my prayers. Thy husband,

When I was ripe in sorrows, laughed at me;

Thy son, like an unthankful wretch, I having

Redeem'd him from his fall, and made him mine,

To show his love again, first stole my daughter:

Then wrong'd this gentleman, and last of all

Gave me that grief, had almost brought me down

Unto my grave, had not a stronger hand

Reliev'd my sorrows. Go, and weep as I did,

And be unpitied, for here I profess

An everlasting hate to all thy name.

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