Chapter 8

K. Ush.Set down the funeral pile, and let our griefReceive from its embraces some relief.K. Phys.Was't not unjust to ravish hence her breath,And in life's stead, to leave us nought but death?The world discovers now its emptiness,And by her loss demonstrates we have less.

K. Ush.Set down the funeral pile, and let our griefReceive from its embraces some relief.

K. Ush.Set down the funeral pile, and let our grief

Receive from its embraces some relief.

K. Phys.Was't not unjust to ravish hence her breath,And in life's stead, to leave us nought but death?The world discovers now its emptiness,And by her loss demonstrates we have less.

K. Phys.Was't not unjust to ravish hence her breath,

And in life's stead, to leave us nought but death?

The world discovers now its emptiness,

And by her loss demonstrates we have less.

Bayes.Is not this good language now? is not that elevate?'tis mynon ultra, egad; you must know they were both in love with her.Smith.With her! with whom?Bayes.Why, this is Lardella's funeral.Smith.Lardella! ay, who is she?Bayes.Why, sir, the sister of Drawcansir; a lady that was drown'd at sea, and had a wave for her winding-sheet.[37]

Bayes.Is not this good language now? is not that elevate?'tis mynon ultra, egad; you must know they were both in love with her.

Smith.With her! with whom?

Bayes.Why, this is Lardella's funeral.

Smith.Lardella! ay, who is she?

Bayes.Why, sir, the sister of Drawcansir; a lady that was drown'd at sea, and had a wave for her winding-sheet.[37]

K. Ush.Lardella, O Lardella, from aboveBehold the tragic issues of our love:Pity us, sinking under grief and pain,For thy being cast away upon the main.

K. Ush.Lardella, O Lardella, from above

Behold the tragic issues of our love:

Pity us, sinking under grief and pain,

For thy being cast away upon the main.

Bayes.Look you now, you see I told you true.Smith.Ay, sir, and I thank you for it very kindly.Bayes.Ay, egad, but you will not have patience; honest Mr.—a—you will not have patience.Johns.Pray, Mr. Bayes, who is that Drawcansir?Bayes.Why, sir, a fierce hero, that frights his mistress, snubs up kings, baffles armies, and does what he will, without regard to numbers, good manners, or justice.[38]Johns.A very pretty character!Smith.But, Mr. Bayes, I thought your heroes had ever been men of great humanity and justice.Bayes.Yes, they have been so; but for my part, I prefer that one quality of singly beating of whole armies, above all your moral virtues put together, egad. You shall see him come in presently. Zookers, why don't you read the paper?[To the Players.K. Phys.O, cry you mercy.[Goes to take the paper.Bayes.Pish! nay you are such a fumbler. Come, I'll read it myself.[Takes the paper from off the coffin.Stay, it's an ill hand, I must use my spectacles. This now is a copy of verses, which I make Lardella compose just as she is dying, with design to have it pinn'd upon her coffin, and so read by one of the usurpers, who is her cousin.Smith.A very shrewd design that, upon my word, Mr. Bayes.Bayes.And what do you think now, I fancy her to make love like, here, in this paper?Smith.Like a woman: what should she make love like?Bayes.O' my word you are out tho', sir; egad you are.Smith.What then, like a man?Bayes.No, sir; like a humble-bee.Smith.I confess, that I should not have fancy'd.Bayes.It may be so, sir; but it is tho', in order to the opinion of some of our ancient philosophers, who held the transmigration of the soul.Smith.Very fine.Bayes.I'll read the title: "To my dear Couz, King Physician."Smith.That's a little too familiar with a king, tho', sir, by your favour, for a humble-bee.Bayes.Mr. Smith, in other things, I grant your knowledge may be above me; but as for poetry, give me leave to say I understand that better: it has been longer my practice; it has indeed, sir.Smith.Your servant, sir.

Bayes.Look you now, you see I told you true.

Smith.Ay, sir, and I thank you for it very kindly.

Bayes.Ay, egad, but you will not have patience; honest Mr.—a—you will not have patience.

Johns.Pray, Mr. Bayes, who is that Drawcansir?

Bayes.Why, sir, a fierce hero, that frights his mistress, snubs up kings, baffles armies, and does what he will, without regard to numbers, good manners, or justice.[38]

Johns.A very pretty character!

Smith.But, Mr. Bayes, I thought your heroes had ever been men of great humanity and justice.

Bayes.Yes, they have been so; but for my part, I prefer that one quality of singly beating of whole armies, above all your moral virtues put together, egad. You shall see him come in presently. Zookers, why don't you read the paper?[To the Players.

K. Phys.O, cry you mercy.[Goes to take the paper.

Bayes.Pish! nay you are such a fumbler. Come, I'll read it myself.[Takes the paper from off the coffin.Stay, it's an ill hand, I must use my spectacles. This now is a copy of verses, which I make Lardella compose just as she is dying, with design to have it pinn'd upon her coffin, and so read by one of the usurpers, who is her cousin.

Smith.A very shrewd design that, upon my word, Mr. Bayes.

Bayes.And what do you think now, I fancy her to make love like, here, in this paper?

Smith.Like a woman: what should she make love like?

Bayes.O' my word you are out tho', sir; egad you are.

Smith.What then, like a man?

Bayes.No, sir; like a humble-bee.

Smith.I confess, that I should not have fancy'd.

Bayes.It may be so, sir; but it is tho', in order to the opinion of some of our ancient philosophers, who held the transmigration of the soul.

Smith.Very fine.

Bayes.I'll read the title: "To my dear Couz, King Physician."

Smith.That's a little too familiar with a king, tho', sir, by your favour, for a humble-bee.

Bayes.Mr. Smith, in other things, I grant your knowledge may be above me; but as for poetry, give me leave to say I understand that better: it has been longer my practice; it has indeed, sir.

Smith.Your servant, sir.

Bayes.Pray mark it.[Reads."Since death my earthly part will thus remove,I'll come a humble-bee to your chaste love:With silent wings I'll follow you, dear couz;Or else, before you, in the sunbeams, buz.And when to melancholy groves you come,An airy ghost, you'll know me by my hum;For sound, being air, a ghost does well become."[39]Smith(after a pause). Admirable!Bayes."At night, into your bosom I will creep,And buz but softly if you chance to sleep:Yet in your dreams, I will pass sweeping by,And then both hum and buz before your eye."Johns.By my troth, that's a very great promise.Smith.Yes, and a most extraordinary comfort to boot.Bayes."Your bed of love from dangers I will free;But most from love of any future bee.And when with pity your heart-strings shall crack,With empty arms I'll bear you on my back."Smith.A pick-a-pack, a pick-a-pack.Bayes.Ay, egad, but is not thattuantnow, ha? is it nottuant? Here's the end."Then at your birth of immortality,Like any wingéd archer hence I'll fly,And teach you your first fluttering in the sky."

Bayes.Pray mark it.[Reads.

"Since death my earthly part will thus remove,

I'll come a humble-bee to your chaste love:

With silent wings I'll follow you, dear couz;

Or else, before you, in the sunbeams, buz.

And when to melancholy groves you come,

An airy ghost, you'll know me by my hum;

For sound, being air, a ghost does well become."[39]

Smith(after a pause). Admirable!

Bayes."At night, into your bosom I will creep,And buz but softly if you chance to sleep:Yet in your dreams, I will pass sweeping by,And then both hum and buz before your eye."

Bayes."At night, into your bosom I will creep,

And buz but softly if you chance to sleep:

Yet in your dreams, I will pass sweeping by,

And then both hum and buz before your eye."

Johns.By my troth, that's a very great promise.

Smith.Yes, and a most extraordinary comfort to boot.

Bayes."Your bed of love from dangers I will free;But most from love of any future bee.And when with pity your heart-strings shall crack,With empty arms I'll bear you on my back."

Bayes."Your bed of love from dangers I will free;

But most from love of any future bee.

And when with pity your heart-strings shall crack,

With empty arms I'll bear you on my back."

Smith.A pick-a-pack, a pick-a-pack.

Bayes.Ay, egad, but is not thattuantnow, ha? is it nottuant? Here's the end."Then at your birth of immortality,Like any wingéd archer hence I'll fly,And teach you your first fluttering in the sky."

Bayes.Ay, egad, but is not thattuantnow, ha? is it not

tuant? Here's the end.

"Then at your birth of immortality,

Like any wingéd archer hence I'll fly,

And teach you your first fluttering in the sky."

Johns.Oh, rare! this is the most natural, refined fancy that ever I heard, I'll swear.Bayes.Yes, I think, for a dead person, it is a good way enough of making love; for, being divested of her terrestrial part, and all that, she is only capable of these little, pretty, amorous designs that are innocent, and yet passionate. Come, draw your swords.

Johns.Oh, rare! this is the most natural, refined fancy that ever I heard, I'll swear.

Bayes.Yes, I think, for a dead person, it is a good way enough of making love; for, being divested of her terrestrial part, and all that, she is only capable of these little, pretty, amorous designs that are innocent, and yet passionate. Come, draw your swords.

K. Phys.Come, sword, come sheath thyself within this breast,Which only in Lardella's tomb can rest.K. Ush.Come, dagger, come and penetrate this heart,Which cannot from Lardella's love depart.EnterPallas.Pal.Hold, stop your murd'ring handsAt Pallas's commands:For the supposéd dead, O kings,Forbear to act such deadly things.Lardella lives; I did but tryIf princes for their loves could die.Such celestial constancyShall, by the gods, rewarded be:And from these funeral obsequies,A nuptial banquet shall arise.[The coffin opens, and a banquet is discovered.

K. Phys.Come, sword, come sheath thyself within this breast,Which only in Lardella's tomb can rest.

K. Phys.Come, sword, come sheath thyself within this breast,

Which only in Lardella's tomb can rest.

K. Ush.Come, dagger, come and penetrate this heart,Which cannot from Lardella's love depart.

K. Ush.Come, dagger, come and penetrate this heart,

Which cannot from Lardella's love depart.

EnterPallas.

Pal.Hold, stop your murd'ring handsAt Pallas's commands:For the supposéd dead, O kings,Forbear to act such deadly things.Lardella lives; I did but tryIf princes for their loves could die.Such celestial constancyShall, by the gods, rewarded be:And from these funeral obsequies,A nuptial banquet shall arise.[The coffin opens, and a banquet is discovered.

Pal.Hold, stop your murd'ring hands

At Pallas's commands:

For the supposéd dead, O kings,

Forbear to act such deadly things.

Lardella lives; I did but try

If princes for their loves could die.

Such celestial constancy

Shall, by the gods, rewarded be:

And from these funeral obsequies,

A nuptial banquet shall arise.

[The coffin opens, and a banquet is discovered.

Bayes.So, take away the coffin. Now 'tis out. This is the very funeral of the fair person which Volscius sent word was dead; and Pallas, you see, has turned it into a banquet.Smith.Well, but where is this banquet?Bayes.Nay, look you, sir; we must first have a dance, for joy that Lardella is not dead. Pray, sir, give me leave to bring in my things properly at least.Smith.That, indeed, I had forgot; I ask your pardon.Bayes.Oh, d'ye so, sir? I am glad you will confess yourself once in an error, Mr. Smith.

Bayes.So, take away the coffin. Now 'tis out. This is the very funeral of the fair person which Volscius sent word was dead; and Pallas, you see, has turned it into a banquet.

Smith.Well, but where is this banquet?

Bayes.Nay, look you, sir; we must first have a dance, for joy that Lardella is not dead. Pray, sir, give me leave to bring in my things properly at least.

Smith.That, indeed, I had forgot; I ask your pardon.

Bayes.Oh, d'ye so, sir? I am glad you will confess yourself once in an error, Mr. Smith.

[Dance.]K. Ush.Resplendent Pallas, we in thee do findThe fiercest beauty, and a fiercer mind:And since to thee Lardella's life we owe,We'll supple statues in thy temple grow.K. Phys.Well, since alive Lardella's found,Let in full bowls her health go round.[The two Usurpers take each of them a bowl in their hands.K. Ush.But where's the wine?Pal.That shall be mine.Lo, from this conquering lanceDoes flow the purest wine of France:[Fills the bowls out of her lance.And to appease your hunger, IHave in my helmet brought a pie:Lastly, to bear a part with these,Behold a buckler made of cheese.[40][VanishPallas.

[Dance.]

K. Ush.Resplendent Pallas, we in thee do findThe fiercest beauty, and a fiercer mind:And since to thee Lardella's life we owe,We'll supple statues in thy temple grow.

K. Ush.Resplendent Pallas, we in thee do find

The fiercest beauty, and a fiercer mind:

And since to thee Lardella's life we owe,

We'll supple statues in thy temple grow.

K. Phys.Well, since alive Lardella's found,Let in full bowls her health go round.[The two Usurpers take each of them a bowl in their hands.

K. Phys.Well, since alive Lardella's found,

Let in full bowls her health go round.

[The two Usurpers take each of them a bowl in their hands.

K. Ush.But where's the wine?

Pal.That shall be mine.Lo, from this conquering lanceDoes flow the purest wine of France:[Fills the bowls out of her lance.And to appease your hunger, IHave in my helmet brought a pie:Lastly, to bear a part with these,Behold a buckler made of cheese.[40][VanishPallas.

Pal.That shall be mine.

Lo, from this conquering lance

Does flow the purest wine of France:[Fills the bowls out of her lance.

And to appease your hunger, I

Have in my helmet brought a pie:

Lastly, to bear a part with these,

Behold a buckler made of cheese.[40][VanishPallas.

Bayes.That's the banquet. Are you satisfied now, sir?Johns.By my troth now, that is new, and more than I expected.Bayes.Yes, I knew this would please you; for the chief art in poetry is to elevate your expectation, and then bring you off some extraordinary way.EnterDrawcansir.K. Phys.What man is this that dares disturb our feast?

Bayes.That's the banquet. Are you satisfied now, sir?

Johns.By my troth now, that is new, and more than I expected.

Bayes.Yes, I knew this would please you; for the chief art in poetry is to elevate your expectation, and then bring you off some extraordinary way.

EnterDrawcansir.

K. Phys.What man is this that dares disturb our feast?

Draw.He that dares drink, and for that drink dares die;And knowing this, dares yet drink on, am I.[41]

Draw.He that dares drink, and for that drink dares die;

And knowing this, dares yet drink on, am I.[41]

Johns.That is, Mr. Bayes, as much as to say, that though he would rather die than not drink, yet he would fain drink for all that too.Bayes.Right; that's the conceit on't.Johns.'Tis a marvellous good one, I swear.Bayes.Now, there are some critics that have advis'd me to put out the seconddare, and printmustin the place on't;[42]but, egad, I think 'tis better thus a great deal.Johns.Whoo! a thousand times.Bayes.Go on then.

Johns.That is, Mr. Bayes, as much as to say, that though he would rather die than not drink, yet he would fain drink for all that too.

Bayes.Right; that's the conceit on't.

Johns.'Tis a marvellous good one, I swear.

Bayes.Now, there are some critics that have advis'd me to put out the seconddare, and printmustin the place on't;[42]but, egad, I think 'tis better thus a great deal.

Johns.Whoo! a thousand times.

Bayes.Go on then.

K. Ush.Sir, if you please, we should be glad to know,How long you here will stay, how soon you'll go?Bayes.Is not that now like a well-bred person, egad? so modest, so gent!Smith.O very like.Draw.You shall not know how long I here will stay;But you shall know I'll take your bowls away.[43][Snatches the bowls out of the kings' hands and drinks them off.Smith.But, Mr. Bayes, is that, too, modest and gent?Bayes.No, egad, sir, but 'tis great.K. Ush.Tho', brother, this grum stranger be a clown,He'll leave us sure a little to gulp down.Draw.Whoe'er to gulp one drop of this dare think,I'll stare away his very power to drink,[44][The two Kings sneak off the stage with their attendants.I drink, I huff, I strut, look big and stare;And all this I can do because I dare.[45][Exit.

K. Ush.Sir, if you please, we should be glad to know,How long you here will stay, how soon you'll go?

K. Ush.Sir, if you please, we should be glad to know,

How long you here will stay, how soon you'll go?

Bayes.Is not that now like a well-bred person, egad? so modest, so gent!

Smith.O very like.

Draw.You shall not know how long I here will stay;But you shall know I'll take your bowls away.[43][Snatches the bowls out of the kings' hands and drinks them off.

Draw.You shall not know how long I here will stay;

But you shall know I'll take your bowls away.[43]

[Snatches the bowls out of the kings' hands and drinks them off.

Smith.But, Mr. Bayes, is that, too, modest and gent?

Bayes.No, egad, sir, but 'tis great.

K. Ush.Tho', brother, this grum stranger be a clown,He'll leave us sure a little to gulp down.

K. Ush.Tho', brother, this grum stranger be a clown,

He'll leave us sure a little to gulp down.

Draw.Whoe'er to gulp one drop of this dare think,I'll stare away his very power to drink,[44][The two Kings sneak off the stage with their attendants.I drink, I huff, I strut, look big and stare;And all this I can do because I dare.[45][Exit.

Draw.Whoe'er to gulp one drop of this dare think,

I'll stare away his very power to drink,[44]

[The two Kings sneak off the stage with their attendants.

I drink, I huff, I strut, look big and stare;

And all this I can do because I dare.[45][Exit.

Smith.I suppose, Mr. Bayes, this is the fierce hero you spoke of?Bayes.Yes; but this is nothing. You shall see him in the last act win above a dozen battles, one after another, egad, as fast as they can possibly come upon the stage.Johns.That will be a fight worth the seeing, indeed.Smith.But pray, Mr. Bayes, why do you make the kings let him use them so scurvily?Bayes.Phoo! that's to raise the character of Drawcansir.Johns.O' my word, that was well thought on.Bayes.Now, sirs, I'll show you a scene indeed; or rather, indeed, the scene of scenes. 'Tis an heroic scene.Smith.And pray, what's your design in this scene?Bayes.Why, sir, my design is gilded truncheons, forc'd conceit, smooth verse and a rant; in fine, if this scene don't take, egad, I'll write no more. Come, come in, Mr.—a—nay, come in as many as you can. Gentlemen, I must desire you to remove a little, for I must fill the stage.Smith.Why fill the stage?Bayes.Oh, sir, because your heroic verse never sounds well but when the stage is full.

Smith.I suppose, Mr. Bayes, this is the fierce hero you spoke of?

Bayes.Yes; but this is nothing. You shall see him in the last act win above a dozen battles, one after another, egad, as fast as they can possibly come upon the stage.

Johns.That will be a fight worth the seeing, indeed.

Smith.But pray, Mr. Bayes, why do you make the kings let him use them so scurvily?

Bayes.Phoo! that's to raise the character of Drawcansir.

Johns.O' my word, that was well thought on.

Bayes.Now, sirs, I'll show you a scene indeed; or rather, indeed, the scene of scenes. 'Tis an heroic scene.

Smith.And pray, what's your design in this scene?

Bayes.Why, sir, my design is gilded truncheons, forc'd conceit, smooth verse and a rant; in fine, if this scene don't take, egad, I'll write no more. Come, come in, Mr.—a—nay, come in as many as you can. Gentlemen, I must desire you to remove a little, for I must fill the stage.

Smith.Why fill the stage?

Bayes.Oh, sir, because your heroic verse never sounds well but when the stage is full.

EnterPrince PrettymanandPrince Volscius.Nay, hold, hold; pray by your leave a little. Look you, sir, the drift of this scene is somewhat more than ordinary; for I make 'em both fall out because they are not in love with the same woman.Smith.Not in love? You mean, I suppose, because they are in love, Mr. Bayes?Bayes.No, sir; I say not in love; there's a new conceit for you. Now speak.

EnterPrince PrettymanandPrince Volscius.

Nay, hold, hold; pray by your leave a little. Look you, sir, the drift of this scene is somewhat more than ordinary; for I make 'em both fall out because they are not in love with the same woman.

Smith.Not in love? You mean, I suppose, because they are in love, Mr. Bayes?

Bayes.No, sir; I say not in love; there's a new conceit for you. Now speak.

Pret.Since fate, Prince Volscius, now has found the wayFor our so long'd-for meeting here this day,Lend thy attention to my grand concern.Vols.I gladly would that story from thee learn;But thou to love dost, Prettyman, incline;Yet love in thy breast is not love in mine.Bayes.Antithesis! thine and mine.Pret.Since love itself's the same, why should it beDiff'ring in you from what it is in me?Bayes.Reasoning! egad, I love reasoning in verse.Vols.Love takes, caméleon-like, a various dyeFrom every plant on which itself doth lie.Bayes.Simile!Pret.Let not thy love the course of nature fright:Nature does most in harmony delight.Vols.How weak a deity would nature prove,Contending with the powerful god of love!Bayes.There's a great verse!Vols.If incense thou wilt offer at the shrineOf mighty Love, burn it to none but mine.Her rosy lips eternal sweets exhale;And her bright flames make all flames else look pale.Bayes.Egad, that is right.Pret.Perhaps dull incense may thy love suffice;But mine must be ador'd with sacrifice.All hearts turn ashes, which her eyes control:The body they consume, as well as soul.Vols.My love has yet a power more divine;Victims her altars burn not, but refine;Amidst the flames they ne'er give up the ghost,But, with her looks, revive still as they roast.In spite of pain and death they're kept alive;Her fiery eyes make 'em in fire survive.Bayes.That is as well, egad, as I can do.Vols.Let my Parthenope at length prevail.Bayes.Civil, egad.Pret.I'll sooner have a passion for a whale;In whose vast bulk, tho' store of oil doth lie,We find more shape, more beauty in a fly.Smith.That's uncivil, egad.Bayes.Yes; but as far-fetched a fancy, tho', egad, as e'er you saw.Vols.Soft, Prettyman, let not thy vain pretenceOf perfect love defame love's excellence:Parthenope is, sure, as far aboveAll other loves, as above all is Love.Bayes.Ah! egad, that strikes me.Pret.To blame my Cloris, gods would not pretend—Bayes.Now mark—Vols.Were all gods join'd, they could not hope to mendMy better choice: for fair ParthenopeGods would themselves un-god themselves to see.[46]Bayes.Now the rant's a-coming.Pret.Durst any of the gods be so uncivil,I'd make that god subscribe himself a devil.[47]Bayes.Ay, gadzookers, that's well writ![Scratching his head, his peruke falls off.Vols.Could'st thou that god from heaven to earth translate,He could not fear to want a heav'nly state;Parthenope, on earth, can heav'n create.Pret.Cloris does heav'n itself so far excel,She can transcend the joys of heav'n in hell.

Pret.Since fate, Prince Volscius, now has found the wayFor our so long'd-for meeting here this day,Lend thy attention to my grand concern.

Pret.Since fate, Prince Volscius, now has found the way

For our so long'd-for meeting here this day,

Lend thy attention to my grand concern.

Vols.I gladly would that story from thee learn;But thou to love dost, Prettyman, incline;Yet love in thy breast is not love in mine.

Vols.I gladly would that story from thee learn;

But thou to love dost, Prettyman, incline;

Yet love in thy breast is not love in mine.

Bayes.Antithesis! thine and mine.

Pret.Since love itself's the same, why should it beDiff'ring in you from what it is in me?

Pret.Since love itself's the same, why should it be

Diff'ring in you from what it is in me?

Bayes.Reasoning! egad, I love reasoning in verse.

Vols.Love takes, caméleon-like, a various dyeFrom every plant on which itself doth lie.

Vols.Love takes, caméleon-like, a various dye

From every plant on which itself doth lie.

Bayes.Simile!

Pret.Let not thy love the course of nature fright:Nature does most in harmony delight.

Pret.Let not thy love the course of nature fright:

Nature does most in harmony delight.

Vols.How weak a deity would nature prove,Contending with the powerful god of love!

Vols.How weak a deity would nature prove,

Contending with the powerful god of love!

Bayes.There's a great verse!

Vols.If incense thou wilt offer at the shrineOf mighty Love, burn it to none but mine.Her rosy lips eternal sweets exhale;And her bright flames make all flames else look pale.

Vols.If incense thou wilt offer at the shrine

Of mighty Love, burn it to none but mine.

Her rosy lips eternal sweets exhale;

And her bright flames make all flames else look pale.

Bayes.Egad, that is right.

Pret.Perhaps dull incense may thy love suffice;But mine must be ador'd with sacrifice.All hearts turn ashes, which her eyes control:The body they consume, as well as soul.

Pret.Perhaps dull incense may thy love suffice;

But mine must be ador'd with sacrifice.

All hearts turn ashes, which her eyes control:

The body they consume, as well as soul.

Vols.My love has yet a power more divine;Victims her altars burn not, but refine;Amidst the flames they ne'er give up the ghost,But, with her looks, revive still as they roast.In spite of pain and death they're kept alive;Her fiery eyes make 'em in fire survive.

Vols.My love has yet a power more divine;

Victims her altars burn not, but refine;

Amidst the flames they ne'er give up the ghost,

But, with her looks, revive still as they roast.

In spite of pain and death they're kept alive;

Her fiery eyes make 'em in fire survive.

Bayes.That is as well, egad, as I can do.

Vols.Let my Parthenope at length prevail.

Bayes.Civil, egad.

Pret.I'll sooner have a passion for a whale;In whose vast bulk, tho' store of oil doth lie,We find more shape, more beauty in a fly.

Pret.I'll sooner have a passion for a whale;

In whose vast bulk, tho' store of oil doth lie,

We find more shape, more beauty in a fly.

Smith.That's uncivil, egad.

Bayes.Yes; but as far-fetched a fancy, tho', egad, as e'er you saw.

Vols.Soft, Prettyman, let not thy vain pretenceOf perfect love defame love's excellence:Parthenope is, sure, as far aboveAll other loves, as above all is Love.

Vols.Soft, Prettyman, let not thy vain pretence

Of perfect love defame love's excellence:

Parthenope is, sure, as far above

All other loves, as above all is Love.

Bayes.Ah! egad, that strikes me.

Pret.To blame my Cloris, gods would not pretend—

Bayes.Now mark—

Vols.Were all gods join'd, they could not hope to mendMy better choice: for fair ParthenopeGods would themselves un-god themselves to see.[46]

Vols.Were all gods join'd, they could not hope to mend

My better choice: for fair Parthenope

Gods would themselves un-god themselves to see.[46]

Bayes.Now the rant's a-coming.

Pret.Durst any of the gods be so uncivil,I'd make that god subscribe himself a devil.[47]

Pret.Durst any of the gods be so uncivil,

I'd make that god subscribe himself a devil.[47]

Bayes.Ay, gadzookers, that's well writ![Scratching his head, his peruke falls off.

Bayes.Ay, gadzookers, that's well writ!

[Scratching his head, his peruke falls off.

Vols.Could'st thou that god from heaven to earth translate,He could not fear to want a heav'nly state;Parthenope, on earth, can heav'n create.

Vols.Could'st thou that god from heaven to earth translate,

He could not fear to want a heav'nly state;

Parthenope, on earth, can heav'n create.

Pret.Cloris does heav'n itself so far excel,She can transcend the joys of heav'n in hell.

Pret.Cloris does heav'n itself so far excel,

She can transcend the joys of heav'n in hell.

Bayes.There's a bold flight for you now! 'sdeath, I have lost my peruke. Well, gentlemen, this is what I never yet saw any one could write, but myself. Here's true spirit and flame all through, egad. So, so, pray clear the stage.[He puts 'em off the stage.Johns.I wonder how the coxcomb has got the knack of writing smooth verse thus.Smith.Why, there's no need of brain for this: 'tis but scanning the labours on the finger; but where's the sense of it?Johns.Oh! for that he desires to be excus'd: he is too proud a man to creep servilely after sense, I assure you.[48]But pray, Mr. Bayes, why is this scene all in verse?Bayes.Oh, sir, the subject is too great for prose.Smith.Well said, i'faith; I'll give thee a pot of ale for that answer; 'tis well worth it.

Johns.I wonder how the coxcomb has got the knack of writing smooth verse thus.

Smith.Why, there's no need of brain for this: 'tis but scanning the labours on the finger; but where's the sense of it?

Johns.Oh! for that he desires to be excus'd: he is too proud a man to creep servilely after sense, I assure you.[48]But pray, Mr. Bayes, why is this scene all in verse?Bayes.Oh, sir, the subject is too great for prose.

Smith.Well said, i'faith; I'll give thee a pot of ale for that answer; 'tis well worth it.

Bayes.Come, with all my heart.I'll make that god subscribe himself a devil;That single line, egad, is worth all that my brother poets ever writ.Let down the curtain.[Exeunt.

Bayes.Come, with all my heart.

I'll make that god subscribe himself a devil;

That single line, egad, is worth all that my brother poets ever writ.

Let down the curtain.[Exeunt.

Bayes,and the two Gentlemen.Bayes.Now, gentlemen, I will be bold to say, I'll show you the greatest scene that ever England saw: I mean not for words, for those I don't value; but for state, show and magnificence. In fine, I'll justify it to be as grand to the eye every whit, egad, as that great scene in "Harry the Eighth," and grander too, egad; for instead of two bishops, I bring in here four cardinals.[The curtain is drawn up,the two usurping Kings appear in state with the four Cardinals,Prince Prettyman, Prince Volscius, Amaryllis, Cloris, Parthenope.&c.,before them,Heralds and Sergeants-at-arms,with maces.Smith.Mr. Bayes, pray what is the reason that two of the cardinals are in hats, and the other in caps?Bayes.Why, sir, because—— By gad I won't tell you. Your country friend, sir, grows so troublesome—K. Ush.Now, sir, to the business of the day.K. Phys.Speak, Volscius.Vols.Dread sovereign lords, my zeal to you must not invade my duty to your son; let me entreat that great Prince Prettyman first to speak; whose high pre-eminence in all things, that do bear the name of good, may justly claim that privilege.Bayes.Here it begins to unfold; you may perceive, now, that he is his son.Johns.Yes, sir, and we are very much beholden to you for that discovery.

Bayes,and the two Gentlemen.

Bayes.Now, gentlemen, I will be bold to say, I'll show you the greatest scene that ever England saw: I mean not for words, for those I don't value; but for state, show and magnificence. In fine, I'll justify it to be as grand to the eye every whit, egad, as that great scene in "Harry the Eighth," and grander too, egad; for instead of two bishops, I bring in here four cardinals.

[The curtain is drawn up,the two usurping Kings appear in state with the four Cardinals,Prince Prettyman, Prince Volscius, Amaryllis, Cloris, Parthenope.&c.,before them,Heralds and Sergeants-at-arms,with maces.

Smith.Mr. Bayes, pray what is the reason that two of the cardinals are in hats, and the other in caps?

Bayes.Why, sir, because—— By gad I won't tell you. Your country friend, sir, grows so troublesome—

K. Ush.Now, sir, to the business of the day.

K. Phys.Speak, Volscius.

Vols.Dread sovereign lords, my zeal to you must not invade my duty to your son; let me entreat that great Prince Prettyman first to speak; whose high pre-eminence in all things, that do bear the name of good, may justly claim that privilege.

Bayes.Here it begins to unfold; you may perceive, now, that he is his son.

Johns.Yes, sir, and we are very much beholden to you for that discovery.

Pret.Royal father, upon my knees I beg,That the illustrious Volscius first be heard.Vols.That preference is only due to Amaryllis, sir.Bayes.I'll make her speak very well, by-and-by, you shall see.Ama.Invincible sovereigns——[Soft music.K. Ush.But stay, what sound is this invades our ears?[49]K. Phys.Sure 'tis the music of the moving spheres.Pret.Behold, with wonder, yonder comes from farA god-like cloud, and a triumphant car;In which our two right kings sit one by one,With virgins' vests, and laurel garlands on.K. Ush.Then, brother Phys., 'tis time we should be gone.[The two Usurpers steal out of the throne, and go away.

Pret.Royal father, upon my knees I beg,That the illustrious Volscius first be heard.

Pret.Royal father, upon my knees I beg,

That the illustrious Volscius first be heard.

Vols.That preference is only due to Amaryllis, sir.

Bayes.I'll make her speak very well, by-and-by, you shall see.

Ama.Invincible sovereigns——[Soft music.

K. Ush.But stay, what sound is this invades our ears?[49]

K. Phys.Sure 'tis the music of the moving spheres.

Pret.Behold, with wonder, yonder comes from farA god-like cloud, and a triumphant car;In which our two right kings sit one by one,With virgins' vests, and laurel garlands on.

Pret.Behold, with wonder, yonder comes from far

A god-like cloud, and a triumphant car;

In which our two right kings sit one by one,

With virgins' vests, and laurel garlands on.

K. Ush.Then, brother Phys., 'tis time we should be gone.[The two Usurpers steal out of the throne, and go away.

K. Ush.Then, brother Phys., 'tis time we should be gone.

[The two Usurpers steal out of the throne, and go away.

Bayes.Look you now, did not I tell you, that this would be as easy a change as the other?Smith.Yes, faith, you did so; tho' I confess I could not believe you: but you have brought it about, I see.[The two right kings of Brentford descend in the clouds, singing, in white garments; and three fiddlers sitting before them, in green.

Bayes.Look you now, did not I tell you, that this would be as easy a change as the other?

Smith.Yes, faith, you did so; tho' I confess I could not believe you: but you have brought it about, I see.

[The two right kings of Brentford descend in the clouds, singing, in white garments; and three fiddlers sitting before them, in green.

Bayes.Now, because the two right kings descend from above,I make 'em sing to the tune and style of our modern spirits.1st King.Haste, brother king, we are sent from above.2nd King.Let us move, let us move;Move to remove the fateOf Brentford's long united state.[50]1st King.Tarra, ran, tarra, full east and by south.2nd King.We sail with thunder in our mouth,In scorching noon-day, whilst the traveller stays;Busy, busy, busy, busy, we bustle along,Mounted upon warm Phœbus's rays,Through the heavenly throng,Hasting to thoseWho will feast us at night with a pig's petty-toes.1st King.And we'll fall with our plateIn anollioof hate.2nd King.But now supper's done, the servitors try,Like soldiers, to storm a whole half-moon pie.1st King.They gather, they gather hot custards in spoons:But alas, I must leave these half-moons,And repair to my trusty dragoons.2nd King.Oh, stay, for you need not as yet go astray:The tide, like a friend, has brought ships in our way,And on their high ropes we will playLike maggots in filberts we'll snug in our shell,We'll frisk in our shell,We'll frisk in our shell,And farewell.1st King.But the ladies have all inclination to dance,And the green frogs croak out a coranto of France.Bayes.Is not that pretty, now? The fiddlers are all in green.Smith.Ay, but they play no coranto.Johns.No, but they play a tune that's a great deal better.Bayes.No coranto, quoth-a! that's a good one, with all my heart. Come, sing on.2nd King.Now mortals that hearHow we tilt and career,With wonder will fearThe event of such things as shall never appear.1st King.Stay you to fulfil what the gods have decreed.2nd King.Then call me to help you, if there shall be need.1st King.So firmly resolv'd is a true Brentford king,To save the distress'd, and help to 'em to bring,That ere a full pot of good ale you can swallow,He's here with a whoop, and gone with a holla.[Bayesfillips his finger, and sings after them.

Bayes.Now, because the two right kings descend from above,I make 'em sing to the tune and style of our modern spirits.

Bayes.Now, because the two right kings descend from above,

I make 'em sing to the tune and style of our modern spirits.

1st King.Haste, brother king, we are sent from above.

2nd King.Let us move, let us move;Move to remove the fateOf Brentford's long united state.[50]

2nd King.Let us move, let us move;

Move to remove the fate

Of Brentford's long united state.[50]

1st King.Tarra, ran, tarra, full east and by south.

2nd King.We sail with thunder in our mouth,In scorching noon-day, whilst the traveller stays;Busy, busy, busy, busy, we bustle along,Mounted upon warm Phœbus's rays,Through the heavenly throng,Hasting to thoseWho will feast us at night with a pig's petty-toes.

2nd King.We sail with thunder in our mouth,

In scorching noon-day, whilst the traveller stays;

Busy, busy, busy, busy, we bustle along,

Mounted upon warm Phœbus's rays,

Through the heavenly throng,

Hasting to those

Who will feast us at night with a pig's petty-toes.

1st King.And we'll fall with our plateIn anollioof hate.

1st King.And we'll fall with our plate

In anollioof hate.

2nd King.But now supper's done, the servitors try,Like soldiers, to storm a whole half-moon pie.

2nd King.But now supper's done, the servitors try,

Like soldiers, to storm a whole half-moon pie.

1st King.They gather, they gather hot custards in spoons:But alas, I must leave these half-moons,And repair to my trusty dragoons.

1st King.They gather, they gather hot custards in spoons:

But alas, I must leave these half-moons,

And repair to my trusty dragoons.

2nd King.Oh, stay, for you need not as yet go astray:The tide, like a friend, has brought ships in our way,And on their high ropes we will playLike maggots in filberts we'll snug in our shell,We'll frisk in our shell,We'll frisk in our shell,And farewell.

2nd King.Oh, stay, for you need not as yet go astray:

The tide, like a friend, has brought ships in our way,

And on their high ropes we will play

Like maggots in filberts we'll snug in our shell,

We'll frisk in our shell,

And farewell.

1st King.But the ladies have all inclination to dance,And the green frogs croak out a coranto of France.

1st King.But the ladies have all inclination to dance,

And the green frogs croak out a coranto of France.

Bayes.Is not that pretty, now? The fiddlers are all in green.

Smith.Ay, but they play no coranto.

Johns.No, but they play a tune that's a great deal better.

Bayes.No coranto, quoth-a! that's a good one, with all my heart. Come, sing on.

2nd King.Now mortals that hearHow we tilt and career,With wonder will fearThe event of such things as shall never appear.

2nd King.Now mortals that hear

How we tilt and career,

With wonder will fear

The event of such things as shall never appear.

1st King.Stay you to fulfil what the gods have decreed.

2nd King.Then call me to help you, if there shall be need.

1st King.So firmly resolv'd is a true Brentford king,To save the distress'd, and help to 'em to bring,That ere a full pot of good ale you can swallow,He's here with a whoop, and gone with a holla.[Bayesfillips his finger, and sings after them.

1st King.So firmly resolv'd is a true Brentford king,

To save the distress'd, and help to 'em to bring,

That ere a full pot of good ale you can swallow,

He's here with a whoop, and gone with a holla.

[Bayesfillips his finger, and sings after them.

Bayes."He's here with a whoop, and gone with a holla." This, sir, you must know, I thought once to have brought in with a conjuror.[51]Johns.Ay, that would have been better.Bayes.No, faith, not when you consider it; for thus it is more compendious, and does the thing every whit as well.Smith.Thing! what thing?Bayes.Why, bring 'em down again into the throne, sir. What thing would you have?Smith.Well, but methinks the sense of this song is not very plain!Bayes.Plain! why, did you ever hear any people in clouds speak plain? They must be all for flight of fancy at its full range, without the least check or control upon it. When once you tie up spirits and people in clouds, to speak plain, you spoil all.Smith.Bless me, what a monster's this![The two Kings light out of the clouds, andstep into the throne.1st King.Come, now to serious counsel we'll advance.2nd King.I do agree; but first, let's have a dance.Bayes.Right. You did that very well, Mr. Cartwright. But first, let's have a dance. Pray remember that; be sure you do it always just so: for it must be done as if it were the effect of thought and premeditation. But first, let's have a dance; pray remember that.Smith.Well, I can hold no longer, I must gag this rogue, there's no enduring of him.Johns.No, prithee make use of thy patience a little longer, let's see the end of him now.[Dance a grand dance.Bayes.This, now, is an ancient dance, of right belonging to the Kings of Brentford; but since derived, with a little alteration, to the Inns of Court.An Alarm. Enter two Heralds.

Bayes."He's here with a whoop, and gone with a holla." This, sir, you must know, I thought once to have brought in with a conjuror.[51]

Johns.Ay, that would have been better.

Bayes.No, faith, not when you consider it; for thus it is more compendious, and does the thing every whit as well.

Smith.Thing! what thing?

Bayes.Why, bring 'em down again into the throne, sir. What thing would you have?

Smith.Well, but methinks the sense of this song is not very plain!

Bayes.Plain! why, did you ever hear any people in clouds speak plain? They must be all for flight of fancy at its full range, without the least check or control upon it. When once you tie up spirits and people in clouds, to speak plain, you spoil all.

Smith.Bless me, what a monster's this!

[The two Kings light out of the clouds, andstep into the throne.

1st King.Come, now to serious counsel we'll advance.

2nd King.I do agree; but first, let's have a dance.

Bayes.Right. You did that very well, Mr. Cartwright. But first, let's have a dance. Pray remember that; be sure you do it always just so: for it must be done as if it were the effect of thought and premeditation. But first, let's have a dance; pray remember that.

Smith.Well, I can hold no longer, I must gag this rogue, there's no enduring of him.

Johns.No, prithee make use of thy patience a little longer, let's see the end of him now.[Dance a grand dance.

Bayes.This, now, is an ancient dance, of right belonging to the Kings of Brentford; but since derived, with a little alteration, to the Inns of Court.

An Alarm. Enter two Heralds.

1st King.What saucy groom molests our privacies?1st Her.The army's at the door, and in disguise,Desires a word with both your majesties.2nd Her.Having from Knightsbridge hither marched by stealth.2nd King.Bid 'em attend awhile, and drink our health.

1st King.What saucy groom molests our privacies?

1st Her.The army's at the door, and in disguise,Desires a word with both your majesties.

1st Her.The army's at the door, and in disguise,

Desires a word with both your majesties.

2nd Her.Having from Knightsbridge hither marched by stealth.

2nd King.Bid 'em attend awhile, and drink our health.

Smith.How, Mr. Bayes, the army in disguise!Bayes.Ay, sir, for fear the usurpers might discover them, that went out but just now.Smith.Why, what if they had discover'd them?Bayes.Why, then they had broke the design.1st King.Here take five guineas for those warlike men.2nd King.And here's five more, that makes the sum just ten.1st Her.We have not seen so much, the Lord knows when.[Exeunt Heralds.1st King.Speak on, brave Amaryllis.Ama.Invincible sovereigns, blame not my modesty, if at thisgrand conjuncture——[Drum beats behind the stage.1st King.What dreadful noise is this that comes and goes?Enter a Soldier with his sword drawn.

Smith.How, Mr. Bayes, the army in disguise!

Bayes.Ay, sir, for fear the usurpers might discover them, that went out but just now.

Smith.Why, what if they had discover'd them?

Bayes.Why, then they had broke the design.

1st King.Here take five guineas for those warlike men.

2nd King.And here's five more, that makes the sum just ten.

1st Her.We have not seen so much, the Lord knows when.[Exeunt Heralds.

1st King.Speak on, brave Amaryllis.

Ama.Invincible sovereigns, blame not my modesty, if at thisgrand conjuncture——[Drum beats behind the stage.

1st King.What dreadful noise is this that comes and goes?

Enter a Soldier with his sword drawn.

Sold.Haste hence, great sirs, your royal persons save,For the event of war no mortal knows:[52]The army, wrangling for the gold you gave,First fell to words, and then to handy-blows.[Exit.Bayes.Is not that now a pretty kind of a stanza, and a handsome come-off?2nd King.O dangerous estate of sovereign power!Obnoxious to the change of every hour.1st King.Let us for shelter in our cabinet stay;Perhaps these threatning storms may pass away.[Exeunt.

Sold.Haste hence, great sirs, your royal persons save,For the event of war no mortal knows:[52]The army, wrangling for the gold you gave,First fell to words, and then to handy-blows.[Exit.

Sold.Haste hence, great sirs, your royal persons save,

For the event of war no mortal knows:[52]

The army, wrangling for the gold you gave,

First fell to words, and then to handy-blows.[Exit.

Bayes.Is not that now a pretty kind of a stanza, and a handsome come-off?

2nd King.O dangerous estate of sovereign power!Obnoxious to the change of every hour.

2nd King.O dangerous estate of sovereign power!

Obnoxious to the change of every hour.

1st King.Let us for shelter in our cabinet stay;Perhaps these threatning storms may pass away.[Exeunt.

1st King.Let us for shelter in our cabinet stay;

Perhaps these threatning storms may pass away.[Exeunt.

Johns.But, Mr. Bayes, did not you promise us just now, to make Amaryllis speak very well?Bayes.Ay, and so she would have done, but that they hinder'd her.Smith.How, sir, whether you would or no?Bayes.Ay, sir, the plot lay so, that I vow to gad, it was not to be avoided.Smith.Marry, that was hard.Johns.But, pray, who hinder'd her?Bayes.Why, the battle, sir, that's just coming in at the door: and I'll tell you now a strange thing; tho' I don't pretend to do more than other men, egad, I'll give you both a whole week to guess how I'll represent this battle.Smith.I had rather be bound to fight your battle, I assure you, sir.Bayes.Whoo! there's it now: fight a battle! there's the common error. I knew presently where I should have you. Why, pray, sir, do but tell me this one thing: can you think it a decent thing, in a battle before ladies, to have men run their swords thro' one another, and all that?Johns.No, faith, 'tis not civil.Bayes.Right; on the other side, to have a long relation of squadrons here, and squadrons there: what is it, but dull prolixity?Johns.Excellently reason'd, by my troth!Bayes.Wherefore, sir, to avoid both those indecorums, I sum up the whole battle in the representation of two persons only, no more: and yet so lively, that, I vow to gad, you would swear ten thousand men were at it really engag'd. Do you mark me?Smith.Yes, sir: but I think I should hardly swear tho', for all that.Bayes.By my troth, sir, but you would tho', when you see it: for I make 'em both come out in armourcap-a-pie, with their swords drawn, and hung with a scarlet ribbon at their wrist; which, you know, represents fighting enough.Johns.Ay, ay; so much, that if I were in your place, I would make 'em go out again, without ever speaking one word.Bayes.No, there you are out; for I make each of 'em hold a lute in his hand.Smith.How, sir, instead of a buckler?Bayes.O Lord, O Lord! instead of a buckler? pray, sir, do you ask no more questions. I make 'em, sirs, play the battlein recitativo. And here's the conceit just at the very same instant that one sings, the other, sir, recovers you his sword, and puts himself into a warlike posture: so that you have at once your ear entertain'd with music and good language, and your eye satisfied with the garb and accoutrements of war.Smith.I confess, sir, you stupefy me.Bayes.You shall see.Johns.But, Mr. Bayes, might not we have a little fighting? for I love those plays where they cut and slash one another upon the stage for a whole hour together.Bayes.Why, then, to tell you true, I have contriv'd it both ways: but you shall have myrecitativofirst.Johns.Ay, now you are right: there is nothing that can be objected against it.Bayes.True: and so, egad, I'll make it too a tragedy in a trice.[53]Enter at several doors theGeneralandLieutenant-General,arm'd cap-a-pie,with each of them a lute in his hand,and a sword drawn,and hung with a scarlet ribbon at his wrist.[54]

Johns.But, Mr. Bayes, did not you promise us just now, to make Amaryllis speak very well?

Bayes.Ay, and so she would have done, but that they hinder'd her.

Smith.How, sir, whether you would or no?

Bayes.Ay, sir, the plot lay so, that I vow to gad, it was not to be avoided.

Smith.Marry, that was hard.

Johns.But, pray, who hinder'd her?

Bayes.Why, the battle, sir, that's just coming in at the door: and I'll tell you now a strange thing; tho' I don't pretend to do more than other men, egad, I'll give you both a whole week to guess how I'll represent this battle.

Smith.I had rather be bound to fight your battle, I assure you, sir.

Bayes.Whoo! there's it now: fight a battle! there's the common error. I knew presently where I should have you. Why, pray, sir, do but tell me this one thing: can you think it a decent thing, in a battle before ladies, to have men run their swords thro' one another, and all that?

Johns.No, faith, 'tis not civil.

Bayes.Right; on the other side, to have a long relation of squadrons here, and squadrons there: what is it, but dull prolixity?

Johns.Excellently reason'd, by my troth!

Bayes.Wherefore, sir, to avoid both those indecorums, I sum up the whole battle in the representation of two persons only, no more: and yet so lively, that, I vow to gad, you would swear ten thousand men were at it really engag'd. Do you mark me?

Smith.Yes, sir: but I think I should hardly swear tho', for all that.

Bayes.By my troth, sir, but you would tho', when you see it: for I make 'em both come out in armourcap-a-pie, with their swords drawn, and hung with a scarlet ribbon at their wrist; which, you know, represents fighting enough.

Johns.Ay, ay; so much, that if I were in your place, I would make 'em go out again, without ever speaking one word.

Bayes.No, there you are out; for I make each of 'em hold a lute in his hand.

Smith.How, sir, instead of a buckler?

Bayes.O Lord, O Lord! instead of a buckler? pray, sir, do you ask no more questions. I make 'em, sirs, play the battlein recitativo. And here's the conceit just at the very same instant that one sings, the other, sir, recovers you his sword, and puts himself into a warlike posture: so that you have at once your ear entertain'd with music and good language, and your eye satisfied with the garb and accoutrements of war.

Smith.I confess, sir, you stupefy me.

Bayes.You shall see.

Johns.But, Mr. Bayes, might not we have a little fighting? for I love those plays where they cut and slash one another upon the stage for a whole hour together.

Bayes.Why, then, to tell you true, I have contriv'd it both ways: but you shall have myrecitativofirst.

Johns.Ay, now you are right: there is nothing that can be objected against it.

Bayes.True: and so, egad, I'll make it too a tragedy in a trice.[53]

Enter at several doors theGeneralandLieutenant-General,arm'd cap-a-pie,with each of them a lute in his hand,and a sword drawn,and hung with a scarlet ribbon at his wrist.[54]

Lieut.-Gen.Villain, thou liest!Gen.Arm, arm, Gonsalvo,[55]arm, what, ho!The lie no flesh can brook, I trow.Lieut.-Gen.Advance from Acton with the musqueteers.Gen.Draw down the Chelsea cuirassiers.[56]Lieut.-Gen.The band you boast of Chelsea cuirassiers,Shall, in my Putney pikes, now meet their peers.[57]Gen.Chiswickians, aged and renown'd in fight,Join with the Hammersmith brigade.Lieut.-Gen.You'll find my Mortlake boys will do them right,Unless by Fulham numbers over-laid.Gen.Let the left wing of Twick'nam foot advance,And line that eastern hedge.Lieut.-Gen.The horse I rais'd in Petty-FranceShall try their chance,And scour the meadows, overgrown with sedge.Gen.Stand: give the word.Lieut.-Gen.Bright sword.Gen.That may be thine.But 'tis not mine.Lieut.-Gen.Give fire, give fire, at once give fire,And let those recreant troops perceive mine ire.[58]Gen.Pursue, pursue; they flyThat first did give the lie.[Exeunt.

Lieut.-Gen.Villain, thou liest!

Gen.Arm, arm, Gonsalvo,[55]arm, what, ho!The lie no flesh can brook, I trow.

Gen.Arm, arm, Gonsalvo,[55]arm, what, ho!

The lie no flesh can brook, I trow.

Lieut.-Gen.Advance from Acton with the musqueteers.

Gen.Draw down the Chelsea cuirassiers.[56]

Lieut.-Gen.The band you boast of Chelsea cuirassiers,Shall, in my Putney pikes, now meet their peers.[57]

Lieut.-Gen.The band you boast of Chelsea cuirassiers,

Shall, in my Putney pikes, now meet their peers.[57]

Gen.Chiswickians, aged and renown'd in fight,Join with the Hammersmith brigade.

Gen.Chiswickians, aged and renown'd in fight,

Join with the Hammersmith brigade.

Lieut.-Gen.You'll find my Mortlake boys will do them right,Unless by Fulham numbers over-laid.

Lieut.-Gen.You'll find my Mortlake boys will do them right,

Unless by Fulham numbers over-laid.

Gen.Let the left wing of Twick'nam foot advance,And line that eastern hedge.

Gen.Let the left wing of Twick'nam foot advance,

And line that eastern hedge.

Lieut.-Gen.The horse I rais'd in Petty-FranceShall try their chance,And scour the meadows, overgrown with sedge.

Lieut.-Gen.The horse I rais'd in Petty-France

Shall try their chance,

And scour the meadows, overgrown with sedge.

Gen.Stand: give the word.

Lieut.-Gen.Bright sword.

Gen.That may be thine.But 'tis not mine.

Gen.That may be thine.

But 'tis not mine.

Lieut.-Gen.Give fire, give fire, at once give fire,And let those recreant troops perceive mine ire.[58]

Lieut.-Gen.Give fire, give fire, at once give fire,

And let those recreant troops perceive mine ire.[58]

Gen.Pursue, pursue; they flyThat first did give the lie.[Exeunt.

Gen.Pursue, pursue; they fly

That first did give the lie.[Exeunt.

Bayes.This now is not improper, I think; because the spectators know all these towns, and may easily conceive them to be within the dominions of the two Kings of Brentford.Johns.Most exceeding well design'd!Bayes.How do you think I have contriv'd to give a stop to this battle?Smith.How?Bayes.By an eclipse; which, let me tell you, is a kind of fancy that was yet never so much as thought of, but by myself, and one person more, that shall be nameless.EnterLieutenant-General.

Bayes.This now is not improper, I think; because the spectators know all these towns, and may easily conceive them to be within the dominions of the two Kings of Brentford.

Johns.Most exceeding well design'd!

Bayes.How do you think I have contriv'd to give a stop to this battle?

Smith.How?

Bayes.By an eclipse; which, let me tell you, is a kind of fancy that was yet never so much as thought of, but by myself, and one person more, that shall be nameless.

EnterLieutenant-General.

Lieut.-Gen.What midnight darkness does invade the day,And snatch the victor from his conquer'd prey?Is the sun weary of this bloody fight,And winks upon us with the eye of light!'Tis an eclipse! this was unkind, O moon,To clap between me and the sun so soon.Foolish eclipse! thou this in vain hast done;My brighter honour had eclips'd the sun:But now behold eclipses two in one.[Exit.

Lieut.-Gen.What midnight darkness does invade the day,

And snatch the victor from his conquer'd prey?

Is the sun weary of this bloody fight,

And winks upon us with the eye of light!

'Tis an eclipse! this was unkind, O moon,

To clap between me and the sun so soon.

Foolish eclipse! thou this in vain hast done;

My brighter honour had eclips'd the sun:

But now behold eclipses two in one.[Exit.

Johns.This is an admirable representation of a battle as ever I saw.Bayes.Ay, sir; but how would you fancy now to represent an eclipse?Smith.Why, that's to be suppos'd.Bayes.Suppos'd! ay, you are ever at your suppose: ha, ha, ha! why, you may as well suppose the whole play. No, it must come in upon the stage, that's certain; but in some odd way, that may delight, amuse, and all that. I have a conceit for't, that I am sure is new, and I believe to the purpose.Johns.How's that?Bayes.Why, the truth is, I took the first hint of this out of a dialogue between Phœbus and Aurora, in the "Slighted Maid," which, by my troth, was very pretty; but I think you'd confess this is a little better.Johns. No doubt on't, Mr. Bayes, a great deal better.[BayeshugsJohnson,then turns toSmith.Bayes.Ah, dear rogue! But—a—sir, you have heard, I suppose, that your eclipse of the moon is nothing else but an interposition of the earth between the sun and moon; as likewise your eclipse of the sun is caus'd by an interlocation of the moon betwixt the earth and the sun.Smith.I have heard some such thing indeed.Bayes.Well, sir, then what do I but make the earth, sun, and moon come out upon the stage, and dance the hey. Hum! and of necessity, by the very nature of this dance, the earth must be sometimes between the sun and the moon, and the moon between the earth and sun: and there you have both eclipses by demonstration.Johns.That must needs be very fine, truly.Bayes.Yes, it has fancy in't. And then, sir, that there may be something in't, too, of a joke, I bring 'em in all singing; and make the moon sell the earth a bargain. Come, come out, eclipse, to the tune of "Tom Tyler."EnterLuna.

Johns.This is an admirable representation of a battle as ever I saw.

Bayes.Ay, sir; but how would you fancy now to represent an eclipse?

Smith.Why, that's to be suppos'd.

Bayes.Suppos'd! ay, you are ever at your suppose: ha, ha, ha! why, you may as well suppose the whole play. No, it must come in upon the stage, that's certain; but in some odd way, that may delight, amuse, and all that. I have a conceit for't, that I am sure is new, and I believe to the purpose.

Johns.How's that?

Bayes.Why, the truth is, I took the first hint of this out of a dialogue between Phœbus and Aurora, in the "Slighted Maid," which, by my troth, was very pretty; but I think you'd confess this is a little better.

Johns. No doubt on't, Mr. Bayes, a great deal better.

[BayeshugsJohnson,then turns toSmith.

Bayes.Ah, dear rogue! But—a—sir, you have heard, I suppose, that your eclipse of the moon is nothing else but an interposition of the earth between the sun and moon; as likewise your eclipse of the sun is caus'd by an interlocation of the moon betwixt the earth and the sun.

Smith.I have heard some such thing indeed.

Bayes.Well, sir, then what do I but make the earth, sun, and moon come out upon the stage, and dance the hey. Hum! and of necessity, by the very nature of this dance, the earth must be sometimes between the sun and the moon, and the moon between the earth and sun: and there you have both eclipses by demonstration.

Johns.That must needs be very fine, truly.

Bayes.Yes, it has fancy in't. And then, sir, that there may be something in't, too, of a joke, I bring 'em in all singing; and make the moon sell the earth a bargain. Come, come out, eclipse, to the tune of "Tom Tyler."

EnterLuna.

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