Begin by talking about him, his company, his business, his progress, his troubles, his disappointments, his needs, his ambition.
That is where he lives day and night. Knock at that door and you will find him at home. Touch upon some vital need in his business— some defect or tangle that is worrying him—some weak spot that he wants to remedy—some cherished ambition that haunts him—and you will have rung the bell of his interest. A few openings that are designed to get the reader's attention and induce him to read farther, are shown here:
"Your letter reached me at a very opportune time as I have been looking for a representative in your territory."
* * * * *
"By using this code you can telegraph us for any special article you want and it will be delivered at your store the following morning. This will enable you to compete with the large mail-order houses. It will give you a service that will mean more business and satisfied customers."
* * * * *
"You can save the wages of one salesman in every department of your store. Just as you save money by using a typewriter, addressograph, adding machine, cash register and other modern equipments, so you can save it by installing a Simplex."
* * * * *
"Don't you want to know how to add two thousand square feet of display to some department of your store in exchange for twenty feet of wall?"
* * * * *
"Yes, there is a mighty good opening in your territory for hustling salesmen. You will receive a complete outfit by express so you can start at once."
* * * * *
Keep the interest of the reader in mind. No matter how busy he is, he will find time to read your letter if you talk about his problems and his welfare.
Some correspondents, having taken only the first lesson in business letter writing, over-shoot the mark with a lot of "hot air" that is all too apparent. Here is the opening paragraph from one of these writers:
"By the concise and business-like character of your letter of inquiry we know that you would be very successful in the sale of our typewriters. This personal and confidential circular letter is sent only to a few of our selected correspondents whom we believe can be placed as general agents."
* * * * *
As a matter of fact, the gentleman to whom this letter was sent had written with a lead pencil on a post card asking for further particulars regarding propositions to salesmen. It is a good illustration of the form letter gone wrong. The inquirer had not written a concise and business-like letter and there was not the slightest reason why the firm should send him a personal and confidential proposition and if the proposition were really confidential, it would not be printed in a circular letter.
Here is the opening paragraph of a letter typical in its lack of originality and attention-getting qualities:
"We are in receipt of yours of recent date and in reply wish to state that you will find under separate cover a copy of our latest catalogue, illustrating and describing our Wonder Lighting System. We are sure the information contained in this catalogue will be of interest to you."
* * * * *
Not only is the paragraph devoid of interest-getting features, but it is written from the wrong standpoint—"we" instead of "you."
Re-write the paragraph and the reader is certain to have his interest stimulated:
"The catalogue is too large to enclose with this letter and so you will find it in another envelope. You will find on page 4 a complete description of the Wonder System of Lighting, explaining just how it will cut down your light bill. This system is adapted to use in stores, factories, public halls and homes—no matter what you want you will find it listed in this catalogue."
* * * * *
Then it is possible to secure attention by some familiar allusion, some reference to facts with which the reader is familiar:
"In our fathers' day, you know, all fine tableware was hand forged—that meant quality but high cost."
* * * * *
The opening statement secures the assent of the reader even before he knows what the proposition is. Sometimes an allusion may be introduced that does not come home so pointedly to the reader but the originality of the idea appeals to him. By its very cleverness he is led to read further. Here is the beginning of a letter sent out by an advertising man and commercial letter writer:
"The Prodigal Son might have started home much sooner had he received an interesting letter about the fatted calf that awaited his coming.
"The right sort of a letter would have attracted his attention, aroused his interest, created a desire and stimulated him to action."
* * * * *
Then there is the opening that starts out with an appeal to human interest. It is the one opening where the writer can talk about himself and still get attention and work up interest:
"Let me tell you how I got into the mail order business and made so much money out of it."
* * * * *
"I wish I could have had the opportunity thirty years ago that you have today. Did I ever tell you how I started out?"
* * * * *
"I have been successful because I have confidence in other people."
* * * * *
"I was talking to Mr. Phillips, the president of our institution, this morning, and he told me that you had written to us concerning our correspondence course."
* * * * *
These personal touches bring the writer and reader close together and pave the way for a man-to-man talk.
Then there is a way of getting attention by some novel idea, something unusual in the typography of the letter, some unusual idea. One mail-order man puts these two lines written with a typewriter across the top of his letterheads:
* * * * *
Few men would receive a letter like that without taking the time to read it, at least hurriedly, and if the rest of the argument is presented with equal force the message is almost sure to be carried home.
Another mail-order house sending out form letters under one-cent postage, inserts this sentence directly under the date line, to the right of the name and address:
"Leaving our letter unsealed for postal inspection is the best proof that our goods are exactly as represented."
* * * * *
The originality of the idea impresses one. There is no danger that the letter will be shunted into the waste basket without a reading.
There are times when it is necessary to disarm the resentment of the reader in the very first paragraph, as, for instance, when there has been a delay in replying to a letter. An opening that is all too common reads:
"I have been so extremely busy that your letter has not received my attention."
* * * * *
Or the writer may be undiplomatic enough to say:
"Pardon delay. I have been so much engaged with other matters that I have not found time to write you."
* * * * *
The considerate correspondent is always careful that his opening does not rub the wrong way. One writer starts out by saying:
"You have certainly been very patient with me in the matter of your order and I wish to thank you for this."
* * * * *
Here are the first five paragraphs of a two-page letter from an investment firm. The length of the letter is greatly against it and the only hope the writer could have, would be in getting the attention firmly in the opening paragraph:
"My dear Mr. Wilson:
"I want to have a personal word with you to explain this matter.
"I don't like to rush things; I believe in taking my time. I always try to do it. I want you to do the same thing, but there are exceptions to all rules: sometimes we cannot do things just the way we want to and at the same time reap all the benefits.
"Here is the situation. I went out to the OIL FIELDS OF CALIFORNIA and while there I DID DEVOTE PLENTY AND AMPLE TIME TO PROPER INVESTIGATION. I went into the thing thoroughly. I went there intending to INVEST MY OWN MONEY if I found things right.
"My main object in leaving for California was to INVESTIGATE FOR MYCLIENTS, but I would not advise my clients to invest THEIR moneyunless the situation was such that I would invest MY OWN money.That's where I stand—first, last and all the time.
"I don't go into the torrid deserts in the heat of the summer and stay there for weeks just for fun. There is no fun or pleasure to it, let me tell you. It's hard work when one investigates properly, and I surely did it right. I guess you know that."
* * * * *
The letter is not lacking in style; the writer knows how to put things forcibly, but he takes up half a page of valuable space before he says anything vital to his subject. See how much stronger his letter would have been had he started with the fifth paragraph, following it with the fourth paragraph.
The great weakness in many letters is padding out the introduction with non-essential material. It takes the writer too long to get down to his proposition. Here is a letter from a concern seeking to interest agents:
"We are in receipt of your valued inquiry and we enclose herewith full information in regard to the E. Z. Washing Compound and our terms to agents.
"We shall be pleased to mail you a washing sample post-paid on receipt of four cents in two-cent stamps or a full size can for ten cents, which amount you may subtract from your first order, thus getting the sample free. We would like to send you a sample without requiring any deposit but we have been so widely imposed upon by 'sample grafters' in the past that we can no longer afford to do this."
* * * * *
The first paragraph is hackneyed and written from the standpoint of the writer rather than that of the reader. The second paragraph is a joke. Seven lines, lines that ought to be charged with magnetic, interest-getting statements, are devoted to explaining why ten cents' worth of samples are not sent free, but that this "investment" will be deducted from the first order. What is the use of saving a ten-cent sample if you lose the interest of a possible agent, whose smallest sales would amount to several times this sum?
It is useless to spend time and thought in presenting your proposition and working in a clincher unless you get attention and stimulate the reader's interest in the beginning. Practically everyone will read your opening paragraph—whether he reads further will depend upon those first sentences.
Do not deceive yourself by thinking that because your proposition is interesting to you, it will naturally be interesting to others. Do not put all your thought on argument and inducements—the man to whom you are writing may never read that far.
Lead up to your proposition from the reader's point of view; couple up your goods with his needs; show him where he will benefit and he will read your letter through to the postscript. Get his attention and arouse his interest—then you are ready to present your proposition.
How ToPresentYourPROPOSITION
After attention has been secured, you must lead quickly to your description and explanation; visualize your product and introduce your proof, following this up with arguments. The art of the letter writer is found in his ability to lead the reader along, paragraph by paragraph, without a break in thePOINTofCONTACTthat has been established. Then the proposition must be presented so clearly that there is no possibility of its being misunderstood, and the product or the service must be coupled up with theREADER'S NEEDS
How this can be done is described in this chapter
* * * * *
After you have attracted attention and stimulated the interest of the reader, you have made a good beginning, but only a beginning; you then have the hard task of holding that interest, explaining your proposition, pointing out the superiority of the goods or the service that you are trying to sell and making an inducement that will bring in the orders. Your case is in court, the jury has been drawn, the judge is attentive and the opposing counsel is alert—it is up to you to prove your case.
Good business letter, consciously or unconsciously usually contains four elements: description, explanation, argument and persuasion. These factors may pass under different names, but they are present and most correspondents will include two other elements—inducement and clincher.
In this chapter we will consider description, explanation and argument as the vehicles one may use in carrying his message to the reader.
An essential part of all sales letters is a clear description of the article or goods—give the prospect a graphic idea of how the thing you are trying to sell him looks, and this description should follow closely after the interest-getting introduction. To describe an article graphically one has got to know it thoroughly: the material of which it is made; the processes of manufacture; how it is sold and shipped—every detail about it.
There are two extremes to which correspondents frequently go. One makes the description too technical, using language and terms that are only partially understood by the reader. He does not appreciate that the man to whom he is writing may not understand the technical or colloquial language that is so familiar to everyone in the house.
For instance, if a man wants to install an electric fan in his office, it would be the height of folly to write him a letter filled with technical descriptions about the quality of the fan, the magnetic density of the iron that is used, the quality of the insulation, the kilowatts consumed—"talking points" that would be lost on the average business man. The letter that would sell him would give specific, but not technical information, about how the speed of the fan is easily regulated, that it needs to be oiled but once a year, and costs so much a month to operate. These are the things in which the prospective customer is interested.
Then there is the correspondent whose descriptions are too vague; too general—little more than bald assertions. A letter from a vacuum cleaner manufacturing company trying to interest agents is filled with such statements as: "This is the best hand power machine ever manufactured," "It is the greatest seller ever produced," "It sells instantly upon demonstration." No one believes such exaggerations as these. Near the end of the letter—where the writer should be putting in his clincher, there is a little specific information stating that the device weighs only five pounds, is made of good material and can be operated by a child. If this paragraph had followed quickly after the introduction and had gone into further details, the prospect might have been interested, but it is probable that the majority of those who received the letter never read as far as the bottom of the second page.
If a man is sufficiently interested in a product to write for catalogue and information, or if you have succeeded in getting his attention in the opening paragraph of a sales letter, he is certain to read a description that is specific and definite.
The average man thinks of a work bench as a work bench and would be at a loss to describe one, but he has a different conception after reading these paragraphs from a manufacturer's letter:
"Just a word so you will understand the superiority of our goods.
"Our benches are built principally of maple, the very best Michigan hard maple, and we carry this timber in our yards in upwards of a million feet at a time. It is piled up and allowed to air dry for at least two years before being used; then the stock is kiln dried to make sure that the lumber is absolutely without moisture or sap, and we know there can be no warping or opening of glue joints in the finished product.
"Our machinery is electrically driven, securing an even drive to the belt, thus getting the best work from all equipment—absolutely true cuts that give perfect joints to all work.
"Then, as to glue: Some manufacturers contend that any glue that sticks will do. We insist there should be no question about glue joints; no 'perhaps' in our argument. That's why we use only the best by test; not merely sticking two pieces of wood together to try the joint quality, but glue that is scientifically tested for tenacity, viscosity, absorption, and for acid or coloring matter—in short, every test that can be applied."
* * * * *
This description is neither too technical nor too general; it carries conviction, it is specific enough to appeal to a master carpenter, and it is clear enough to be understood by the layman who never handled a saw or planer.
It may be laid down as a principle that long description should ordinarily be made in circulars, folders or catalogues that are enclosed with the letter or sent in a separate envelope, but sometimes it is desirable to emphasize certain points in the letter. Happy is the man who can eject enough originality into this description to make it easy reading. The majority of correspondents, in describing the parts of an automobile, would say:
"The celebrated Imperial Wheel Bearings are used, These do not need to be oiled oftener than once in six months."
* * * * *
A correspondent who knew how to throw light into dark places said:
"Imperial Wheel Bearings: grease twice a year and forget."
* * * * *
This "and forget" is such a clever stroke that you are carried on through the rest of the letter, and you are not bored with the figures and detailed description.
In a similar way a sales manager, in writing the advertising matter for a motor cycle, leads up to his description of the motor and its capacity by the brief statement: "No limit to speed but the law." This is a friction clutch on the imagination that carries the reader's interest to the end.
One writer avoids bringing technical descriptions into his letters, at the same time carrying conviction as to the quality of his goods:
"This metal has been subjected to severe accelerated corrosion tests held in accordance with rigid specifications laid down by the American Society for Testing Material, and has proven to corrode much less than either charcoal iron, wrought iron, or steel sheet.
"A complete record of these tests and results will be found on the enclosed sheet."
* * * * *
Then there are times when description may be almost entirely eliminated from the letter. For instance, if you are trying to sell a man a house and lot and he has been out to look at the place and has gone over it thoroughly, there is little more that you can say in the way of description. Your letter must deal entirely with arguments as to why he should buy now—persuasion, inducement. Or, if you are trying to sell him the typewriter that he has been trying out in his office for a month, description is unnecessary—the load your letter must carry is lightened. And there are letters in which explanation is unnecessary. If you are trying to get a man to order a suit of clothes by mail, you will not explain the use of clothes but you will bear down heavily on the description of the material that you put into these particular garments and point out why it is to his advantage to order direct of the manufacturers.
But if you are presenting a new proposition, it is necessary to explain its nature, its workings, its principles and appliances. If you are trying to sell a fountain pen you will not waste valuable space in explaining to the reader what a fountain pen is good for and why he should have one, but rather you will give the reasons for buying your particular pen in preference to others. You will explain the self-filling feature and the new patent which prevents its leaking or clogging.
It is not always possible to separate description and explanation. Here is an illustration taken from a letter sent out by a mail-order shoe company:
"I hope your delay in ordering is not the result of any lack of clear information about Wearwells. Let me briefly mention some of the features of Wearwell shoes that I believe warrant you in favoring us with your order:
(A) Genuine custom style;(B) Highest grade material and workmanship;(C) The best fit—thanks to our quarter-sized system—that it ispossible to obtain in shoes;(D) Thorough foot comfort and long wear;(E) Our perfect mail-order service; and(F) The guaranteed PROOF OF QUALITY given in the specificationtag sent with every pair."
* * * * *
This is a concise summary of a longer description that had been given in a previous letter and it explains why the shoes will give satisfaction.
Here is the paragraph by which the manufacturer of a time-recording device, writing about the advantages of his system puts in explanation plus argument:
"Every employee keeps his own time and cannot question his own record. All mechanism is hidden and locked. Nothing can be tampered with. The clock cannot be stopped. The record cannot be beaten.
"This device fits into any cost system and gives an accurate record of what time every man puts on every job. It serves the double purpose of furnishing you a correct time-on-job cost and prevents loafing. It stops costly leaks and enables you to figure profit to the last penny."
* * * * *
Explanation may run in one of many channels. It may point out how the careful selection of raw material makes your product the best, or how the unusual facilities of your factory or the skill of your workmen, or the system of testing the parts assures the greatest value. You might explain why the particular improvements and the patents on your machines make it better or give it greater capacity. The description and the explanation must of necessity depend upon the character of the proposition, but it may be laid down as a general principle that the prospect must be made to understand thoroughly just what the article is for, how it is made, how it looks, how it is used, and what its points of superiority are. Whenever possible, the description and explanation in the letter should be reinforced by samples or illustrations that will give a more graphic idea of the product.
The prospect may be sufficiently familiar with the thing you are selling to relieve you of the necessity of describing and explaining, although usually these supports are necessary for a selling campaign. But it must be remembered that description and explanation alone do not make a strong appeal to the will. They may arouse interest and excite desire but they do not carry conviction as argument does. Some letters are full of explanation and description but lack argument. The repair man from the factory may give a good explanation of how a machine works, but the chances are he would fall down in trying to sell the machine, unless he understood how to reinforce his explanations with a salesman's ability to use argument and persuasion.
And so you must look well to your arguments, and the arguments that actually pull the most orders consist of proofs—cold, hard logic and facts that cannot be questioned. As you hope for the verdict of the jury you must prove your case. It is amazing how many correspondents fail to appreciate the necessity for arguments. Pages will be filled with assertions, superlative adjectives, boastful claims of superiority, but not one sentence that offers proof of any statement, not one logical reason why the reader should be interested.
"We know you will make a mint of money if you put in our goods." "This is the largest and most complete line in the country." "Our factory has doubled its capacity during the last three years." "Our terms are the most liberal that have ever been offered." "You are missing the opportunity of your lifetime if you do not accept this proposition." "We hope to receive your order by return mail, for you will never have such a wonderful opportunity again." Such sentences fill the pages of thousands of letters that are mailed every day.
"Our system of inspection with special micrometer gauges insures all parts being perfect—within one-thousandth of an inch of absolute accuracy. This means, too, any time you want an extra part of your engine for replacement that you can get it and that it will fit. If we charged you twice as much for the White engine, we could not give you better material or workmanship."
* * * * *
Now this is an argument that is worth while: that the parts of the engine are so accurately ground that repairs can be made quickly, and new parts will fit without a moment's trouble. The last sentence of the paragraph is of course nothing but assertion, but it is stated in a way that carries conviction. Many correspondents would have bluntly declared that this was the best engine ever manufactured, or something of that kind, and made no impression at all on the minds of the readers. But the statement that the company could not make a better engine, even if it charged twice as much, sinks in.
Proof of quality is always one of the strongest arguments that can be used. A man wants to feel sure that he is given good value for his money, it matters not whether he is buying a lead pencil or an automobile. And next to argument of quality is the argument of price. Here are some striking paragraphs taken from the letter sent out by a firm manufacturing gummed labels and advertising stickers:
"We would rather talk quality than price because no other concern prints better stickers than ours—but we can't help talking price because no other concern charges as little for them as we do."
* * * * *
This is a strong statement but it is nothing more than a statement The writer, however, hastens to come forward with argument and proof:
"You know we make a specialty of gummed labels—do nothing else. We have special machinery designed by ourselves—machinery that may be used by no other concern. This enables us to produce better stickers at a minimum expense.
"All of our stickers are printed on the best stock, and double gummed, and, by the way, compare the gumming of our stickers with those put up by other concerns. We have built up a business and reputation onstickers that stick and stay."
* * * * *
If you were in the market for labels you would not hesitate to send an order to that firm, for the writer gives you satisfying reasons for the quality and the low price of his goods. The argument in favor of its goods is presented clearly, concisely, convincingly.
The argument that will strike home to the merchant is one that points out his opportunity for gain. Here is the way a wholesale grocer presented his proposition on a new brand of coffee:
"You put in this brand of coffee and we stand back of you and push sales. Our guarantee of quality goes with every pound we put out. Ask the opinion of all your customers. If there is the least dissatisfaction, refund them the price of their coffee and deduct it from our next bill. So confident are we of the satisfaction that this coffee will give that we agree to take back at the end of six months all the remaining stock you have on hand—that is, if you do not care to handle the brand longer.
"You have probably never sold guaranteed coffee before. You take no chances. The profit is as large as on other brands, and your customers will be impressed with the guarantee placed on every pound."
* * * * *
The guarantee and the offer of the free trial are possibly the two strongest arguments that can be used either with a dealer or in straight mail-order selling.
Among the arguments that are most effective are testimonials and references to satisfied users. If the writer can refer to some well-known firm or individual as a satisfied customer he strengthens his point.
"When we showed this fixture to John Wanamaker's man, it took just about three minutes to close the deal for six of them. Since then they have ordered seventy-four more."
* * * * *
Such references as this naturally inspire confidence in a proposition and extracts from letters may be used with great effect, provided the name and address of the writer is given, so that it will have every appearance of being genuine.
A solicitor of patents at Washington works into his letters to prospective clients quotations from manufacturers:
"'We wish to be put in communication with the inventor of some useful novelty, instrument or device, who is looking for a way to market his invention. We want to increase our business along new lines and manufacture under contract, paying royalties to the patentee.
"'If your clients have any articles of merit that they want to market, kindly communicate with us. Our business is the manufacture of patented articles under contract and we can undoubtedly serve many of your clients in a profitable manner.'"
* * * * *
Such extracts as these are intended to impress upon the inventor the desirability of placing his business with someone who has such a wide acquaintance and is in a position to put him in touch with manufacturers.
To send a list of references may also prove a most convincing argument, especially if the writer can refer to some man or firm located near the one to whom he is writing. A mutual acquaintance forms a sort of connecting link that is a pulling force even though the reference is never looked up. In fact, it is only on occasions that references of this kind are investigated, for the mere naming of banks and prominent business men is sufficient to inspire confidence that the proposition is "on the square."
After you have explained your proposition, described your goods and pointed out to the prospect how it is to his advantage to possess these goods, the time has come to make him an offer.
One of the pathetic sins of business letter writers is to work in the price too early in the letter—before the prospect is interested in the proposition. The clever salesman always endeavors to work up one's interest to the highest possible pitch before price is mentioned at all. Many solicitors consider it so essential to keep the price in the background until near the end of the canvass that they artfully dodge the question, "What is the cost?", until they think the prospect is sufficiently interested not to "shy" when the figure is mentioned.
A letter from a company seeking to interest agents starts out awkwardly with a long paragraph:
"We will be pleased to have you act as our salesman. We need a representative in your city. We know you will make a success."
* * * * *
Then follows a second paragraph giving the selling price of a "complete outfit" although there has not been a line in the letter to warm up the reader, to interest him in the proposition, to point out how he can make money and show him where he will benefit by handling this particular line.
After this poor beginning the letter goes on with its explanation and argument, but the message is lost—a message that might have borne fruit had the writer repressed his own selfish motives and pointed out how the reader would gain. There is then plenty of time to refer to the cost of the outfit.
A letter from a manufacturing concern selling direct to the consumer starts out in this kill-interest fashion:
"Did you get our circular describing the merits of our celebratedWonderdown Mattresses which cost, full size, $10 each?"
* * * * *
An experienced correspondent would never commit such a blunder for he would not bring in the price until near the end of the letter; or, more likely, the dollar mark would not appear in the letter at all. It would be shown only in an enclosure—folder, circular, catalogue or price list. So important is this point that many schemes have been devised for keeping the cost in the back-ground and this is one of the principal reasons why many concerns are emphasizing more and more the free trial and selling on instalments.
One manufacturing company makes a talking point out of the fact that the only condition on which it will sell a machine is to put it in a plant for a sixty-day trial; then if it is found satisfactory the purchaser has his option of different methods of payments: a discount for all cash or monthly instalments.
There are many propositions successfully handled by gradually working up interest to the point where price can be brought in, then leading quickly to the inducement and the clincher. In such a letter the price could not be ignored very well and the effect is lost unless it is brought in at the proper place, directly following the argument.
Like all rules, there are exceptions to this. Sometimes where the reader is familiar with the proposition it may be a good policy to catch his attention by a special price offer at the very beginning of the letter. This is frequently done in follow-up letters where it is reasonably certain that the preceding correspondence has practically exhausted explanation, description and arguments. The problem here is different and a special price may be the strongest talking point.
Then, of course, there are letters that are intended merely to arouse the interest of the reader and induce him to write for prices and further information. The purpose here is to stimulate the interest and induce the recipient to send in particulars regarding his needs and ask for terms. After a man's interest has been this far stimulated it is comparatively easy to quote prices without frightening him away.
But in the majority of sales letters an offer must be made, for price, after all, is the one thing that is, to the reader, of first importance. Most men want to know all about a proposition without the bother of further correspondence and so a specific offer should usually follow the arguments.
How To Bring TheLetterToA CLOSE
GETTING ATTENTION,explaining a proposition and presenting arguments and proofs are essentials in every letter, but they merely lead up to the vital part—GETTING ACTION.They must be closely followed byPERSUASION, INDUCEMENTand aCLINCHER.The well written letter works up to a climax and the order should be secured while interest is at its height. Many correspondents stumble when they come to the close. This chapter shows how to make a get-away— how to hook the order, or if the order is not secured—how to leave the way open to come back with a follow-up
* * * * *
Nothing will take the place of arguments and logical reasons in selling an article or a service. But most salesmen will bear out the statement that few orders would be taken unless persuasion and inducement are brought into play to get the prospect's name onto the dotted line. Persuasion alone sells few goods outside of the church fair but it helps out the arguments and proofs. The collector's troubles come mainly from sales that are made by persuasion, for the majority of men who are convinced by sound arguments and logical reasons to purchase a machine or a line of goods carry out their part of the bargain if they can.
There are a good many correspondents who are clever enough in presenting their proposition, but display a most limited knowledge of human nature in using persuasions that rubs the prospect the wrong way.
"Why will you let a few dollars stand between you and success? Why waste your time, wearing yourself out working for others? Why don't you throw off the conditions which bind you down to a small income? Why don't you shake off the shackles? Why don't you rise to the opportunity that is now presented to you?"
* * * * *
Such a letter is an insult to anyone who receives it, for it really tells him that he is a "mutt" and does not know it. Compare the preceding paragraph with this forceful appeal:
"Remember, the men now in positions you covet did not tumble into them by accident. At one time they had nothing more to guide them than an opportunity exactly like this one. Someone pointed out to them the possibilities and they took the chance and gradually attained their present success. Have you the courage to make the start, grasp an opportunity, work out your destiny in this same way?"
* * * * *
This is persuasion by pointing out what others have done. It is the persuasion of example; an appeal that is dignified and inspirational.
And here, as in all other parts of the letter, there is the tendency to make the appeal from the selfish standpoint—the profits that will accrue to the writer:
"We strongly advise that you get a piece of this land at once. It is bound to increase in value. You can't lose. Won't you cast your lot with us now? It is your last opportunity to get a piece of this valuable land at this extremely low price. Take our word for it and make your decision now before it is too late."
* * * * *
A manufacturer of folding machines got away from this attitude and cleverly combined persuasion and inducement in an offer made to newspaper publishers during the month of October:
"You want to try this folder thoroughly before you buy it and no better test can be given than during the holiday season when heavy advertising necessitates large editions. Now, if you will put in one of these folders right away and use it every week, we will extend our usual sixty-day terms to January 15th. This will enable you to test it out thoroughly and, furthermore, you will not have to make the first payment until you have opportunity to make collections for the December advertising. This proposition must be accepted before Oct. 31st."
* * * * *
Such an inducement is timely and doubly effective on this account. The appeal reaches the newspaper man at the season of the year when he is busiest; just the time when he most needs a folder, and the manufacturer provides for the first payment at the time of year when the average publisher has the largest bank account.
Occasionally the most effective persuasion is a ginger talk, a regular "Come on, boys," letter that furnishes the dynamic force necessary to get some men started:
"There is no better time to start in this business than right now. People always spend money freely just before the holidays—get in the game and get your share of this loose coin. Remember, we ship the day the order comes in. Send us your order this afternoon and the goods will be at your door day after tomorrow. You can have several hundred dollars in the bank by this time next week. Why not? All you need to do is to make the decision now.
"Unless you are blind or pretty well crippled up, you needn't expect that people will come around and drop good money into your hat. But they will loosen up if you go out after them with a good proposition such as this—and provided you get to them before the other fellow. The whole thing is to get started. Get in motion! Get busy! If you don't want to take time to write, telegraph at our expense. It doesn't make much difference how you start, the thing is to start. Are you with us?"
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Now, there really is nothing in these two paragraphs except a little ginger, and a good deal of slang, but this may prove the most effective stimulant to a man's energy, the kind of persuasion to get him in motion.
One thing to be constantly guarded against is exaggeration—"laying it on too thick." Concerns selling goods on the instalment basis through agents who are paid on commission, find their hardest problem is to collect money where the proposition was painted in too glowing colors. The representative, thinking only of his commission on the sale, puts the proposition too strong, makes the inducement so alluring that the goods do not measure up to the salesman's claims.
Then the correspondent should be careful not to put the inducement so strong that it will attract out of curiosity rather than out of actual intent. Many clever advertisements pull a large number of inquiries but few sales are made. It is a waste of time and money to use an inducement that does not stimulate an actual interest. Many a mailing list is choked with deadwood—names that represent curiosity seekers and the company loses on both hands, for it costs money to get those names on the list and it costs more money to get them off the list.
The correspondent should never attempt to persuade a man by assuming an injured attitude. Because a man answers an advertisement or writes for information, does not put him under the slightest obligation to purchase the goods and he cannot be shamed into parting with his money by such a paragraph as this:
"Do you think you have treated us fairly in not replying to our letters? We have written to you time and again just as courteously as we know how; we have asked you to let us know whether or not you are interested; we have tried to be perfectly fair and square with you; and yet you have not done us the common courtesy of replying. Do you think this is treating us just right? Don't you think you ought to write us, and if you are not intending to buy, to let us know the reason?"
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If the recipient reads that far down into his letter, it will only serve to make him mad. No matter what inducement the company may make him later, it is not probable that it can overcome the prejudice that such an insulting paragraph will have created.
Some of the correspondence schools understand how to work in persuasion cleverly and effectively. Here is a paragraph that is dignified and persuasive:
"Remember also that this is the best time of the entire year to get good positions, as wholesalers and manufacturers all over the country will put on thousands of new men for the coming season. We are receiving inquiries right along from the best firms in the country who ask us to provide them with competent salesmen. We have supplied them with so many good men that they always look to us when additional help is required, and just now the demand is so great that we can guarantee you a position if you start the course this month."
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Persuasion plays a small part in selling general commodities, such as machinery, equipment, supplies, and the articles of every-day business, but correspondence courses, insurance, banking, building and loan propositions and various investment schemes can be pushed and developed by an intelligent use of this appeal.
Merged with the persuasion or closely following it should be some inducement to move the reader to "buy now." Description, explanation, argument and even persuasion are not enough to get the order. A specific inducement is necessary. There are many things that we intend to buy sometime, articles in which we have become interested, but letters about them have been tucked away in a pigeon-hole until we have more time. It is likely that everyone of those letters would have been answered had they contained specific inducements that convinced us it would be a mistake to delay.
In some form or another, gain is the essence of all inducements, for gain is the dynamic force to all our business movements. The most familiar form of inducement is the special price, or special terms that are good if "accepted within ten days." The inducement of free trial and free samples are becoming more widely used every day.
The most effective letters are those that work in the inducement so artfully that the reader feels he is missing something if he does not answer. The skillful correspondent does not tell him bluntly that he will miss the opportunity of a life time if he does not accept a proposition; he merely suggests it in a way that makes a much more powerful impression. Here is the way a correspondence school uses inducements in letters to prospective students in its mechanical drawing course. After telling the prospect about the purchase of a number of drawing outfits it follows with this paragraph:
"It was necessary to place this large order in order to secure the sets at the lowest possible figure. Knowing that this number will exceed our weekly sales, we have decided to offer these extra sets to some of the ambitious young men who have been writing to us. If you will fill out the enclosed scholarship blank and mail at once we will send you one of these handsome sets FREE, express prepaid. But this offer must be accepted before the last of the month. At the rate the scholarship blanks are now coming in, it is more than likely that the available sets will be exhausted before November 1st. It is necessary therefore that you send us your application at once."
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It is not necessary to offer something for nothing in your inducement. In fact, a good reason is usually a better order getter than a good premium. Make the man want your proposition—that is the secret of the good sales letter. If a man really wants your product he is going to get it sooner or later, and the selling letters that score the biggest results are those that create desire; following argument and reason with an inducement that persuades a man to part with his hard-earned money and buy your goods.
It is a never-ending surprise—the number of correspondents who cleverly attract the interest of a reader, present their proposition forcibly and convincingly, following with arguments and inducements that persuade him to buy, and then, just as he is ready to reach for his check book, turn heel and leave him with the assurance that they will be pleased to give him further information when they could have had his order by laying the contract before him and saying, "Sign here."
There are plenty of good starters who are poor finishers. They get attention but don't get the order. They are winded at the finish; they stumble at the climax where they should be strongest, and the interest which they worked so hard to stimulate oozes away. They fail because they do not know how to close.
As you hope for results, do not overlook the summary and the climax.Do not forget to insert a hook that will land the order.
Time, energy and money are alike wasted in creating desire if you fail to crystallize it in action. Steer your letter away from the hold-over file as dexterously as you steer it away from the waste basket. It is not enough to make your prospect want to order, you must make it easy for him to order by enclosing order blanks, return envelopes, instructions and other "literature" that will strengthen your arguments and whet his desire; and more than that, you must reach a real climax in your letters—tell the prospect what to do and how to do it.
The climax is not a part distinct from the parts that have gone before. Persuasion and inducement are but elements of the climax, working the prospect up to the point where you can insert a paragraph telling him to "sign and mail today." How foolish to work up the interest and then let the reader down with such a paragraph as this:
"Thanking you for your inquiry and hoping to be favored with your order, and assuring you it will be fully appreciated and receive our careful attention, we are."
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Such a paragraph pulls few orders. Compare the foregoing with the one that fairly galvanizes the reader into immediate action:
"Send us a $2.00 bill now. If you are not convinced that this file is the best $2.00 investment ever made, we will refund your money for the mere asking. Send today, while you have it in mind."
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Here is a paragraph not unlike the close of dozens of letters that you read every week:
"Trusting that we may hear from you in the near future and hoping we will have the pleasure of numbering you among our customers, we are,"
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Such a close invites delay in answering. It is an order killer; it smothers interest, it delays action. But here is a close that is likely to bring the order if the desire has been created.
"Simply wrap a $1.00 bill in this letter and send to us at our risk."
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A writer who does not understand the psychology of suggestion writes this unfortunate closing paragraph:
"Will you not advise us at an early date whether or not you are interested in our proposition? As you have not replied to our previous letters, we begin to fear that you do not intend to avail yourself of this wonderful opportunity, and we would be very glad to have you write us if this is a fact."
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How foolish to help along one's indifference by the suggestion that he is not interested. Just as long as you spend postage on a prospect treat him as a probable customer. Assume that he is interested; take it for granted that there is some reason why he has not replied and present new arguments, new persuasion, new inducements for ordering now.
A firm handling a line very similar to that of the firm which sent out the letter quoted above, always maintains the attitude that the prospect is going to order some time and its close fairly bristles with "do it now" hooks:
"Step right over to the telegraph office and send us your order by telegraph at our expense. With this business, every day's delay means loss of dollars to you. Stop the leak! Save the dollars! Order today!"
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Another unfortunate ending is a groveling servility in which the writer comes on his knees, as it were, begging for the privilege of presenting his proposition again at some future time. Here are the two last paragraphs of a three-paragraph letter sent out by an engraving company—an old established, substantial concern that has no reason to apologize for soliciting business, no reason for meeting other concerns on any basis except that of equality:
"Should you not be in the market at the present time for anything in our line of work, we would esteem it a great favor to us if you would file this letter and let us hear from you when needing anything in the way of engraving. If you will let us know when you are ready for something in this line we will deem it a privilege to send a representative to call on you.
"Trusting we have not made ourselves forward in this matter and hoping that we may hear from you, we are,"
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It is a safe prediction that this letter was written by a new sales manager who will soon be looking for another job. Such an apologetic note, with such a lack of selling talk, such a street beggar attitude could never escape the waste basket. The salesman who starts out by saying, "You wouldn't be interested in this book, would you?" takes no orders. The letter that comes apologizing and excusing itself before it gets our attention, and, if it gets our attention, then lets down just as we are ready to sign an order, is headed straight for the car wheel plant.
Avoid in the closing paragraph, as far as possible, the participial phrases such as "Thanking you," "Hoping to be favored," "Assuring you of our desire," and so forth. Say instead, "We thank you," "It is a pleasure to assure you," or "May I not hear from you by return mail?" Such a paragraph is almost inevitably an anti-climax; it affords too much of a let-down to the proposition.
One of the essentials to the clinching of an order is the enclosures such as order blanks and return envelopes—subjects that are sufficiently important to call for separate chapters.
The essential thing to remember in working up to the climax is to make it a climax; to keep up the reader's interest, to insert a hook that will get the man's order before his desire has time to cool off. Your proposition is not a fireless cooker that will keep his interest warm for a long time after the heat of your letter has been removed—and it will be just that much harder to warm him up the second time. Insert the hook that will get the order NOW, for there will never be quite such a favorable time again.
"STYLE" In Letter Writing—And How ToAcquire It
SPECIFIC STATEMENTSandCONCRETE FACTSare the substance of a business letter. But whether that letter is read or not, or whether those statements and facts areFORCEFULandEFFECTIVE,is dependent upon the manner in which they are presented to the reader—upon the "style." What "style" is, and how it may be acquired and put to practical use in business correspondence, is described in this chapter
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Letter writing is a craft—selecting and arranging words in sentences to convey a thought clearly and concisely. While letters take the place of spoken language, they lack the animation and the personal magnetism of the speaker—a handicap that must be overcome by finding words and arranging them in sentences in such a way that they will attract attention quickly, explain a proposition fully, make a distinct impression upon the reader and move him to reply. Out of the millions of messages that daily choke the mails, only a small per cent rise above the dead level of colorless, anemic correspondence.
The great majority of business letters are not forcible; they are not productive. They have no style. The meat is served without a dressing. The letters bulge with solid facts, stale statements and indigestible arguments—the relishes are lacking. Either the writers do not realize that effectiveness comes only with an attractive style or they do not know how a crisp and invigorating style can be cultivated. Style has nothing to do with the subject matter of a letter. Its only concern is in the language used—in the words and sentences which describe, explain and persuade, and there is no subject so commonplace, no proposition so prosaic that the letter cannot be made readable and interesting when a stylist takes up his pen.
In choosing words the average writer looks at them instead of into them, and just as there are messages between the lines of a letter, just so are there half-revealed, half-suggested thoughts between the letters of words—the suggestiveness to which Hawthorne referred as "the unaccountable spell that lurks in a syllable." There is character and personality in words, and Shakespeare left a message to twentieth-century correspondents when he advised them to "find the eager words—faint words—tired words—weak words—strong words—sick words—successful words." The ten-talent business writer is the man who knows these words, recognizes their possibilities and their limitations and chooses them with the skill of an artist in mixing the colors for his canvas.
To be clear, to be forceful, to be attractive—these are the essentials of style. To secure these elements, the writer must make use of carefully selected words and apt figures of speech. Neglect them and a letter is lost in the mass; its identity is lacking, it fails to grip attention or carry home the idea one wishes to convey.
An insipid style, is responsible for much of the ineffectiveness in business letters. Few men will take the time to decipher a proposition that is obscured by ambiguous words and involved phrases. Unless it is obviously to a man's advantage to read such a letter it is dropped into the waste basket, taking with it the message that might have found an interested prospect if it had been expressed clearly, logically, forcibly.
The first essential for style is clearness—make your meaning plain. Look to the individual words; use them in the simplest way— distinctive words to give exactness of meaning and familiar words to give strength. Words are the private soldiers under the command of the writer and for ease of management he wants small words—a long word is out of place, unwieldy, awkward. The "high-sounding" words that are dragged in by main force for the sake of effect weigh down the letter, make it logy. The reader may be impressed by the language but not by the thought. He reads the words and misses the message.
Avoid long, unfamiliar words. Clothe your thoughts in words that no one can mistake—the kind of language that men use in the office and on the street. Do not make the reader work to see your point; he is busy, he has other things to do—it is your proposition and it is to your interest to put in that extra work, those additional minutes that will make the letter easily understood. It is too much to expect the reader to exert himself to dig outyourmeaning and then enthuse himself overyourproposition.
The men who write pulling letters weigh carefully every sentence, not only pruning away every unessential word but using words of Anglo-Saxon origin wherever possible rather than words of Latin derivation. "Indicate your selection" was written as the catch line for a letter in an important selling campaign, but the head correspondent with unerring decision re-wrote it—"Take your choice"—a simpler, stronger statement. The meaning goes straight to the reader's mind without an effort on his part. "We are unable to discern" started out the new correspondent in answering a complaint. "We cannot see" was the revision written in by the master correspondent—short, concise, to the point. "With your kind permission I should like to say in reply to your favor"—such expressions are found in letters every day—thousands of them. The reader is tired before the subject matter is reached.
The correspondent who is thinking about the one to whom he is writing starts out briefly and to the point by saying, "This is in reply to your letter," or, "Thank you for calling our attention to, and so forth." The reader is impressed that the writer means business. The attitude is not antagonistic; it commands attention.
Letters are unnaturally burdened with long words and stilted phrases, while in conversation one's thoughts seek expression through lines of least resistance—familiar words and short sentences. But in writing, these same thoughts go stumbling over long words and groping through involved phrases.
Proverbs are sentences that have lived because they express a thought briefly in short, familiar words. Slang becomes popular because of the wealth of meaning expressed in a few words, and many of these sayings gradually work their way into respectability— reluctantly admitted into the sanctuary of "literature" because of their strength, clearness, adaptability.
While short words are necessary for force and vigor, it may be very desirable at times to use longer and less familiar words to bring out the finer shade of meaning. A subtle distinction cannot be ignored simply because one word is shorter than another. "Donate" and "give" are frequently used as synonyms, but "give" should not be used because it is a short word when "donate" expresses the meaning more accurately. As a usual thing, "home" is preferable to "residence," but there are times when the longer word should be used. "Declare" and "state," "thoroughfare" and "street"—there are thousands of illustrations on this point, and while the short, Anglo-Saxon word is always preferable, it should not be used when a longer word expresses more accurately the thought which the writer wishes to convey.
Many letter writers think that these rules are all right for college professors, journalists and authors, but impractical for the every-day business correspondent. Some of the most successful companies in the country, however, have recognized the importance of these very points and have adopted strict rules that give strength and character to the letters that are sent out. For example, here is a paragraph taken from the book of instructions issued by a large manufacturing concern in the middle west:
"Don't use a long or big word where a short one will do as well or better. For example: 'Begin' is better than 'commence'; 'home' or 'house' better than 'residence'; 'buy' better than 'purchase'; 'live' better than 'reside'; 'at once' better than 'immediately'; 'give' better than 'donate'; 'start' or 'begin' better than 'inaugurate.'"
The selection of words is not the only thing that the writer must consider. The placing of words to secure emphasis is no less important. The strength of a statement may depend upon the adroitness with which the words are used. "Not only to do one thingwellbut to do that one thingbest—this has been our aim and our accomplishment." In this sentence, taken from a letter, emphasis is laid upon the word "best" by its position. The manufacturer has two strong arguments to use on the dealer; one is the quality of the goods—so they will give satisfaction to the customer—and the other is the appearance of the goods so they will attract the customer. This is the sentence used by a clever writer: "Wechargeyou for the service quality—wegiveyou the appearance quality." The strength comes from the construction of the sentence throwing emphasis on "charge" and "give."
"Durability—that is our talking point. Other machines are cheaper if you consider only initial cost; no other machine is more economical when its durability, its length of service is considered." Here the unusual position of the word "durability," thrown at the beginning of the sentence, gives an emphasis that could not be obtained in any other way. And so the stylist considers not only the words he uses but he places them in the most strategic position in the sentence—the beginning.
In the building of a climax this order of words is reversed since the purpose is to work up from the weakest to the strongest word or phrase. The description, "sweet, pure and sanitary," gives emphasis to the sanitary feature because it comes last and lingers longest in the mind.
After the study of words, their meaning and position, the writer must look to completed sentences, and the man who succeeds in selling goods by mail recognizes first of all the force of concise statements. "You can pay more but you can't buy more." This statement strikes home with the force of a blow. "We couldn't improve the powder so we improved the box." There is nothing but assertion in this sentence, but it carries conviction. Not a word is out of place. Every word does duty. The idea is expressed concisely, forcibly. The simplicity of the sentence is more effective than pages of prosaic argument.
Here is a sentence taken from a letter of a correspondence school: "Assuming that you are in search of valuable information that may increase your earning capacity by a more complete knowledge of any subject in which you may be interested, we desire to state most emphatically that your wages increase with your intelligence." This is not only ungrammatical, it is uninteresting. Contrast it with the sentence taken from a letter from another correspondence school: "You earn more as you learn more." It is short, emphatic, thought producing. The idea is clearly etched into your mind.
Short sentences are plain and forceful, but when used exclusively, they become tiresome and monotonous. A short sentence is frequently most striking when preceding or following a long sentence—it gives variation of style. Following a long sentence it comes as a quick, trip-hammer blow that is always effective. And there are times when the proposition cannot be brought out clearly by short sentences. Then the long sentence comes to the rescue for it permits of comparisons and climaxes that short sentences cannot give.
[Illustration:Unique enclosures catch the eye and insure a reading of the letter. Here are shown two facsimile bonds—one, an investment bond and the other a guarantee bond; a sample of the diploma issued by a correspondence school and a $15.00 certificate to apply on a course. The axe-blade booklet carries the message of a wholesale hardware house, and the coupon, when filled out, calls for a free sample of toilet preparation.]
[Illustration:Neither printed descriptions nor pictures are as effective as actual samples of the product advertised. Here are shown different methods of sending samples of dress goods, shirtings and cloth for other purposes. At the right are some pieces of wood showing different varnishes and wall decorations, and at the bottom are veneers that show different furniture finishes; the various colored pieces of leather are likewise used by furniture houses in showing the styles of upholstering.]