Man

* * *

Listen, my children, and you shall hearOf the midnight raid on the neighbor’s beer.

Listen, my children, and you shall hear

Of the midnight raid on the neighbor’s beer.

* * *

We will now sing: “The World Is Mine,” by Jawn D. Rockefeller.

* * *

Take up thy bed, oh hunted one;Make haste and quickly flee;And when thou starts, do more than runLest woman and marriage overtaketh thee.

Take up thy bed, oh hunted one;

Make haste and quickly flee;

And when thou starts, do more than run

Lest woman and marriage overtaketh thee.

* * *

Advertisement: Colored woman wants washing.

* * *

Eminent Physician—As we have no idea what the fashions may be when your daughter grows up, I think it wise to vaccinate her on the tongue.

* * *

’Tis sad to loveBut oh, how bitter,To have a girl,Whose face don’t fitter.

’Tis sad to love

But oh, how bitter,

To have a girl,

Whose face don’t fitter.

* * *

What can a woman do that will make a horse go, a dog come, and a man stay?

* * *

Never hesitate in telling a woman that you love her—it increases her self-respect.

* * *

Pat died and went to Heaven.

“Why, Pat!” exclaimed St. Peter, “How did you get here?”

“Flu.”

* * *

The modern chicken reminds one of the girl at the table who let an egg fall on the floor. She said to the man next to her, in a horrified whisper: “O, I’ve dropped an egg! What shall I do?” He replied: “Cackle.”

* * *

By Vivian Yeiser Laramore.

Said the monkey maid to her monkey mate,“These cocoanuts are fine,Let’s leave a few in the sun to brew,And make some ‘monkey-shine.’”

Said the monkey maid to her monkey mate,

“These cocoanuts are fine,

Let’s leave a few in the sun to brew,

And make some ‘monkey-shine.’”

* * *

“The language you use to that mule is perfectly shocking!”

“Yes,” replied the driver, “it seems to trouble everybody but the mule.”

* * *

The Eskimo sleeps in his little bear skin,And keeps very warm, I am told.Last night I slept in my little bare skinAnd caught a hell of a cold.

The Eskimo sleeps in his little bear skin,

And keeps very warm, I am told.

Last night I slept in my little bare skin

And caught a hell of a cold.

* * *

A little girl went to the soda clerk behind the fountain and asked for a “Billy Sundae.” The clerk gave her a nut sundae.

* * *

Said the fruit jar to the top: “You’ll have to use a rubber on me, ‘Old Top’.”

* * *

FOR SALE—One Ford car with piston ring, two rear wheels, one front spring; has no fenders, seat or plank; burns lots of gas and is hard to crank; carburetor busted half way through; engine missing—hits on two; three years old, four in the spring; has shock absorbers and everything; radiator busted—sure does leak; differential dry—you can hear it squeak; ten spokes missing; front all bent; top blown off—ain’t worth a cent; got lots of speed, runs like the deuce; burns either gas or tobacco juice; tire all off, been run on rim; she’s a darn good Liz for the shape she’s in.

* * *

Some go to church to meet their lover;Others go their faults to cover;Some go there to blink and nod—But darn few go to worship God.

Some go to church to meet their lover;

Others go their faults to cover;

Some go there to blink and nod—

But darn few go to worship God.

* * *

The improprieties of yesterday are the fashion of today.

* * *

“A woman’s life is divided into two great periods.”

“Elucidate.”

“The first she spends looking for a husband, and the second looking after him.”

* * *

Heaven will protect a working girl, but whoinell will entertain her?

Classified Ads

(From the Denver Post.)

For Sale—One Twin bed, never used, or might trade for baby buggy.

* * *

(From the Gary, Ind., Tribune.)

Lost—White mule, 3 years old, finder return to Antonio Cazarro. That’s pretty old for white mule.

* * *

(From the Clinton Herald.)

Lost—A large white tomcat with gray tail and two gray spots on body. Return to 1306 S. 3d st. and receive reward.

Lost—Topsy, black Persian cat. Anyone seeing her call 231 5th ave.

* * *

(From the Lansing State Journal.)

Lady desiring room with mate free, may have same by inquiring 221 Townsend.

* * *

(From the Boston Transcript.)

Will deposits in the Lisle Silk bank be increased because of the runs?

* * *

(From the Bulletin of the U. of M.)

Class in swimming of married couples will be organized Monday. Ladies’ suits furnished if desired.

* * *

(From the Watertown, S. D., Public Opinion.)

Wanted—An assistant housekeeper in a family of two. Good home, easy job. No children and none expected. Nothing but a Spaniel pup, looked after by head of family. A mighty fine chance for the right person. Phone 4765.

* * *

(From the Winnipeg Free Press.)

I, Francis William Crink, am not responsible for any debts after Oct. 1 of Mrs. Crink, now living with Mr. Peabody, window cleaner, at 744 Winnipeg ave.

* * *

(From Indianapolis News.)

Miss Edith May Hiatt, 18 When Building, personal attention which assures you absolute satisfaction.

* * *

(Knoxville Journal and Tribune.)

FOR RENT—A traveling man’s wife, alone in a big 8-room house, wishes to rent three or four nice, unfurnished rooms to a congenial couple, or to two business women. Bath, hot and cold water furnished, with use of phone. Call Old Phone 3988.

* * *

“Yes, Private Smith was making a splendid recovery, but now there are complications.”

“Oh, I am so sorry! Did he catch pneumonia?”

“No, he was caught kissing the nurse!”

* * *

Weddings, like other things, are progressive affairs in Idaho. Look at this from an Idaho paper:

“Yesterday at high noon Miss Helen ⸺ and Ward ⸺ were united in marriage at the home of the bride’s parents in Wardner. The ceremony was performed in the spacious living room which was beautifully decorated in syringes.”

Jest Jokes and Jingles

The woodry-blee pipes oolie-goo,While on the brinkers grimes the moo.God save the King, the soldiers cried,And then they took a trolley ride.A rooster crowed upon the hill,His name was William—she called him Bill.’Twas bitter cold at Valley Forge,But nothing ever rattled George.The berries were growing on the vine,Three times thirteen is thirty-nine.

The woodry-blee pipes oolie-goo,While on the brinkers grimes the moo.

The woodry-blee pipes oolie-goo,

While on the brinkers grimes the moo.

God save the King, the soldiers cried,And then they took a trolley ride.

God save the King, the soldiers cried,

And then they took a trolley ride.

A rooster crowed upon the hill,His name was William—she called him Bill.

A rooster crowed upon the hill,

His name was William—she called him Bill.

’Twas bitter cold at Valley Forge,But nothing ever rattled George.

’Twas bitter cold at Valley Forge,

But nothing ever rattled George.

The berries were growing on the vine,Three times thirteen is thirty-nine.

The berries were growing on the vine,

Three times thirteen is thirty-nine.

* * *

Out in the kitchen a maiden fairPlucked from the hash a golden hair.

Out in the kitchen a maiden fair

Plucked from the hash a golden hair.

* * *

Woman’s hair—beautiful hair,What words of praise I’d utter;But, oh, how sick it makes me feelTo find it in my butter.

Woman’s hair—beautiful hair,

What words of praise I’d utter;

But, oh, how sick it makes me feel

To find it in my butter.

* * *

“Look up!” cries the optimist.

“Look upward!” shouts the revivalist.

And yet Robert Bailey was fined $1 and costs or ten days because he looked up while under the Stadium bleachers.

The police said there were ladies up above.

—Toronto Telegram.

* * *

He took her rowing on the lake;She vowed she’d go no more.I asked her why—her answer came:“He only hugged the shore.”

He took her rowing on the lake;

She vowed she’d go no more.

I asked her why—her answer came:

“He only hugged the shore.”

* * *

A woman’s first kiss may be attributed to childish curiosity; her second to misplaced confidence; the others are just downright carelessness.

* * *

Mrs. Benham: “You used to say that I was the apple of your eye.”

Benham: “Well, what of it?”

Mrs. Benham: “Nothing; except that you don’t seem to care so much for fruit as you once did.”

* * *

There was a girl in her own boudoir,And she was tall and handsome;And every time the wind blew hard,It blew right through her transom.

There was a girl in her own boudoir,

And she was tall and handsome;

And every time the wind blew hard,

It blew right through her transom.

* * *

The seven ages of man have recently been tabulated on an acquisitive basis, as follows:

First Age—Sees the earth.

Second Age—Wants it.

Third Age—Starts to get it.

Fourth Age—Decides to be satisfied with half of it.

Fifth Age—Becomes still more moderate.

Sixth Age—Now content to possess a six by two foot strip of it.

Seventh Age—Gets the strip.

* * *

Under the swinging street car strap,The homely old maid stands,And stands and stands and stands and stands,And stands and stands and stands.—Luke McLuke.

Under the swinging street car strap,The homely old maid stands,And stands and stands and stands and stands,And stands and stands and stands.

Under the swinging street car strap,

The homely old maid stands,

And stands and stands and stands and stands,

And stands and stands and stands.

—Luke McLuke.

* * *

An Irishman died and went to heaven. St. Peter said, “I’m sorry, but we just got a big consignment of Swedes from Minneapolis today and there is no more room.” “Can I get in if I make room?” asked the late arrival. “Certainly,” said St. Peter. The Irishman shouted through the gate, “Hey, you fellows, there’s free snuff in hell.” And he made room, all right.

* * *

Society Note: Mr. Potter of Pottersfield felt cold and stiff this morning.

* * *

As I walked along the paths this morning picking flowers, I found in the yellow heart of a Lady Slipper, a little brown bee. My first impulse was to shake him out of his honeyed abode, but as I looked at his velvety body and the sunlit rainbow wings, a foolish tenderness surged over me. Perhaps there were baby bees at home that would starve if papa bee did not bring back honey; and how useful this little creature was, carrying the pollen from flower to flower—so I moved on, leaving him unmolested. But even as I turned away thinking these pure, sweet thoughts, the darn thing stung me.

* * *

When Adam in blissAsked Eve for a kiss,She puckered her lips with a coo;With looks quite ecstatic,Gave answer emphatic:“I don’t care A-dam if I do.”—Flo.

When Adam in blissAsked Eve for a kiss,She puckered her lips with a coo;With looks quite ecstatic,Gave answer emphatic:“I don’t care A-dam if I do.”

When Adam in bliss

Asked Eve for a kiss,

She puckered her lips with a coo;

With looks quite ecstatic,

Gave answer emphatic:

“I don’t care A-dam if I do.”

—Flo.

* * *

And she said I must Seattle as she rose Tacoma her hair, for if I wear my nice New Jersey, what will Delaware?

* * *

When Greek meets Greek—they open a fruit store; but when Irish meet English they open an uproar.

* * *

Beats me how these girls keep their dresses up. Must be strength of mind that does it.

Our Rural Mail Box

Dear Bill—Did you hear that they traded Manhattan for 24 cases of whisky and that now they want to trade it back? Yours till the Statue of Liberty shimmies up the Hudson, Flo.

* * *

Dear Captain Billy—I live at 268 W. Rayen Ave., Youngstown, Ohio, and the other evening I saw this question and answer in your July issue:

Dear Bill—What does my brother mean when he speaks of the “depth bombs” and “submarine chasers” in army hospitals?—Miss Curiosity.Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for reply.

Dear Bill—What does my brother mean when he speaks of the “depth bombs” and “submarine chasers” in army hospitals?—Miss Curiosity.

Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for reply.

I am sending same and hope to hear from you. Resp. yours, John Wilson.

(Editor’s Note—Dear Mr. Wilson: I have referred your letter to Miss Curiosity, who undoubtedly will answer you personally.)

* * *

Dot—A. is right. Get out and walk.

* * *

Rhoda—Yes. You are old enough to wear what you please. That is as far as your parents are concerned. But the police will not respect your age.

* * *

Madge—The Doctor was correct. After an operation for appendicitis the cut shouldn’t show.

* * *

Alden M.—Can give you no advice about free love. Always thought love very expensive.

* * *

Hazel—Do not marry the sixty year old millionaire. He’s too old and too young to bring you happiness.

* * *

Jacqueline—Jackie, for short, you said you wanted to write me the worst way. You did, I can hardly read your letter. Try again.

* * *

Ima Flirt—Yes, love is blind, as the old saying goes—but the neighbors are not. Pull down your shades after this.

* * *

Mable—If the day be muddy and the boys will stand on the corner it’s up to you to make good. Will speak to the cashier about sending you silk stockings.

* * *

Jim—If you are dancing with another man’s wife it is proper to let him see light between you.

Luscious Limericks

There was a young man from Art Creek,Who went around dressed in batik,When they asked, “Are you well?”He replied, “Ain’t it hell?But in Art it’s the very last shriek.”

There was a young man from Art Creek,

Who went around dressed in batik,

When they asked, “Are you well?”

He replied, “Ain’t it hell?

But in Art it’s the very last shriek.”

* * *

Another young chicken named MaryWas in love with a youngster named Larry,And when it was darkThey went to the park,And there they did tarry and tarry.

Another young chicken named Mary

Was in love with a youngster named Larry,

And when it was dark

They went to the park,

And there they did tarry and tarry.

* * *

There was a young feller named AsterWho went in a wild bullock’s pasture;The sweater he woreMade the poor bully sore,And so he ran faster and faster.

There was a young feller named Aster

Who went in a wild bullock’s pasture;

The sweater he wore

Made the poor bully sore,

And so he ran faster and faster.

* * *

A sculptor made nymphs and bacchantes,Omitting the coaties and panties,Till a kind-hearted Madam,Who knew where they had ’em.Donated some warm Ypsilantis.

A sculptor made nymphs and bacchantes,

Omitting the coaties and panties,

Till a kind-hearted Madam,

Who knew where they had ’em.

Donated some warm Ypsilantis.

* * *

A maiden not lacking in prideWent out with her beau for a ride.She said, “Tell me, Joe,How far do you go?”“The sky is my limit!” he cried.

A maiden not lacking in pride

Went out with her beau for a ride.

She said, “Tell me, Joe,

How far do you go?”

“The sky is my limit!” he cried.

* * *

There was an old sculptor named Phidias,Whose knowledge of art was invidious.He carved AphroditeWithout any nightie,Which shocked all the people fastidious.

There was an old sculptor named Phidias,

Whose knowledge of art was invidious.

He carved Aphrodite

Without any nightie,

Which shocked all the people fastidious.

* * *

There was a young lady named Florence,Who for kissing professed great abhorrence.At last she was kissed,And said: “My! What I’ve missed!”And cried till the tears fell in torrents.

There was a young lady named Florence,

Who for kissing professed great abhorrence.

At last she was kissed,

And said: “My! What I’ve missed!”

And cried till the tears fell in torrents.

* * *

This story may be overdrawn,But now that my ink is all gone,I’ll say goodby, guys,And cease with my lies;’Tis yours very truly,—Bull Kahn.

This story may be overdrawn,

But now that my ink is all gone,

I’ll say goodby, guys,

And cease with my lies;

’Tis yours very truly,—Bull Kahn.

* * *

Even the repeal of the Eighteenth amendment wouldn’t do the brewers any good. Everybody knows how to make his own, now.

* * *

These widowers are an elusive lot,I like ’em!They make you forego the sense you’ve got,I like ’em!They call you young, they think you’re green,For blasé women they’re beaucoup keen,They’re the worst darn pests I’ve ever seen,I like ’em.—By Flo.

These widowers are an elusive lot,

I like ’em!

They make you forego the sense you’ve got,

I like ’em!

They call you young, they think you’re green,

For blasé women they’re beaucoup keen,

They’re the worst darn pests I’ve ever seen,

I like ’em.

—By Flo.

* * *

The best man that ever livedMust take his child on faith alone,But the worst woman that ever livedKnows that her child’s her own.

The best man that ever lived

Must take his child on faith alone,

But the worst woman that ever lived

Knows that her child’s her own.

* * *

A little kissing now and thenIs why we have the married men.A little kissing, too, of course,Is why we have the quick divorce.

A little kissing now and then

Is why we have the married men.

A little kissing, too, of course,

Is why we have the quick divorce.

* * *

A is the art of man and maid;B is the blush, so fair, displayed;C is the challenge in the eyes;D the dare that soon replies;E but why the rest recall?The rest is E-Z, that’s all.

A is the art of man and maid;

B is the blush, so fair, displayed;

C is the challenge in the eyes;

D the dare that soon replies;

E but why the rest recall?

The rest is E-Z, that’s all.

* * *

A buzz ran ’round the party,Some maids were e’en in tears;A blasé girl—ye Gods, the shame—Had left exposed her ears.

A buzz ran ’round the party,

Some maids were e’en in tears;

A blasé girl—ye Gods, the shame—

Had left exposed her ears.

* * *

The melancholy days have come,The saddest of the year.There’s no coal in the cellar,And no goodness in the beer.

The melancholy days have come,

The saddest of the year.

There’s no coal in the cellar,

And no goodness in the beer.

* * *

If I had a girl and she was mine,I’d paint her back with iodine;And on her ankles I’d place this sign,“Keep off the lunch, they’re mine, they’re mine.”

If I had a girl and she was mine,

I’d paint her back with iodine;

And on her ankles I’d place this sign,

“Keep off the lunch, they’re mine, they’re mine.”

* * *

Let me live in a houseBy the side of the roadWhere the races of men go by;The men who are goodAnd the men who are bad,Just as good and as bad as I.I would not sit on the scorner’s seatOr hurl the Cynic’s ban;But let me live in a houseBy the side of the roadAnd be a friend to man.

Let me live in a house

By the side of the road

Where the races of men go by;

The men who are good

And the men who are bad,

Just as good and as bad as I.

I would not sit on the scorner’s seat

Or hurl the Cynic’s ban;

But let me live in a house

By the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

* * *

BATHING BEAUTIES!Photograph of two young ladies in 1920s swimwearReal photographs of the famous California Bathing Girls.Just the thing for your den.Size 3½×5½.Positively the best on the market.Assortment of 6 for 25 cents or 25 for $1.00.Send money order or stamps.Foreign money not accepted unless exchange is included.Egbert Brothers, Dept. W. B., 303 Buena Vista Street, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIAWholesale agents wanted everywhere in the U. S. Write for wholesale terms.

BATHING BEAUTIES!

Real photographs of the famous California Bathing Girls.

Just the thing for your den.

Size 3½×5½.

Positively the best on the market.

Assortment of 6 for 25 cents or 25 for $1.00.

Send money order or stamps.

Foreign money not accepted unless exchange is included.

Egbert Brothers, Dept. W. B., 303 Buena Vista Street, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA

Wholesale agents wanted everywhere in the U. S. Write for wholesale terms.

* * *

Milady’s stocking, like a doctor’s prescription blank, must be filled to be appreciated.Start the New Year right and fill in the coupon below NOW. $2.50 per year.Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang,R.R.2, Robbinsdale, Minn.Enclosed is money order(or check) for subscriptioncommencing with .................. issueMONTHNameStreetCity & State

Milady’s stocking, like a doctor’s prescription blank, must be filled to be appreciated.

Start the New Year right and fill in the coupon below NOW. $2.50 per year.Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang,R.R.2, Robbinsdale, Minn.Enclosed is money order(or check) for subscriptioncommencing with .................. issueMONTHNameStreetCity & State

Start the New Year right and fill in the coupon below NOW. $2.50 per year.

Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang,R.R.2, Robbinsdale, Minn.Enclosed is money order(or check) for subscriptioncommencing with .................. issueMONTHNameStreetCity & State

Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang,R.R.2, Robbinsdale, Minn.

Enclosed is money order(or check) for subscriptioncommencing with .................. issueMONTH

Name

Street

City & State

* * *

Everywhere!WHIZ BANG is on sale at all leading hotels, news stands, on trains, 25 cents single copies, or may be ordered direct from the publisher at 30 cents single copies; two-fifty a year.A bull

Everywhere!

WHIZ BANG is on sale at all leading hotels, news stands, on trains, 25 cents single copies, or may be ordered direct from the publisher at 30 cents single copies; two-fifty a year.

A bull

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