THE ART OF ROARING.
"Damn me, I will be a roarer, or't shall cost me a fall."—Amends for Ladies.
"Damn me, I will be a roarer, or't shall cost me a fall."—Amends for Ladies.
On the February morning when he rose from bed in the coal-house attached to the haunted dwelling in Foster Lane, Captain Ravenshaw waited about the yard for Moll Frith to return from her excursion of the night. When she appeared, he gave her back the key to the gate, and borrowed two angels from her. Armed with these, he bade her repent of her sins, and hastened to Cheapside, turning eastward with the purpose of finding out how and where his new friend, the scholar, fared in the hands of the law.
Cheapside, which was in a double sense the Broadway of Elizabethan London, was already thronged with people going about their business, the shops and booths of the merchants being open, and the shopmen and 'prentices crying out their wares with the customary "What d'ye lack?" At the great conduit, the captain pushed his way through the crowd of jesting and quarrelling water-carriers who were filling their vessels, and washed his hands andface. Looking about for a means of drying himself, while the water dripped from his features, he espied a woman with a pitcher, to whom the uncouth water-carriers would not give place. The captain knocked several of them aside, gallantly took the woman by the hand, led her to the fountain, and enabled her to fill her pitcher. While she was doing this, he, with courteous gestures, took her kerchief from her head and dried himself therewith; after which he returned it with a bow so polite that, between her amazement and her sense of flattery, she could not find it in her to say a word against the proceeding.
Going on his way refreshed, the captain suddenly met Master Holyday, who looked as unconcerned as if he had never been near a prison in his life.
"What, lad, did not the watch take thee, then?"
"Yes, faith, and kept me all night in a cage, where I think I have turned foul inside with the smell of stale tobacco smoke. I am come but now from the justice's hall."
"Man, you've had a quick journey of it. By this light, you must have found money in those new clothes, and tickled the palm of a constable."
"No; the justice might have sent me back to the stinking hole, for all the money I had to give anybody. When he asked me my name, I bethought me to reply, 'Sir Ralph Holyday;' which was no more than my right at Cambridge, when I becamea graduate there. But, seeing me in these clothes instead of in black, the justice thought the 'Sir' was of knighthood, not of scholarship. And so he said he could make nothing out of the watchmen's stories, which agreed not. I then addressed him respectfully in Latin; and, lest it might be seen that he did not understand me, he got rid of me forthwith."
"We'll drink his health—but not yet. While I have money to show, we'll bespeak lodgings, and so make sure of sleeping indoors, for a week o' nights, come what may. These clothes will get us curtseys and smiles from any hostess—except them that have already lodged me."
"Ay, we are fine enough above the waist, but our poor legs and feet are sorry company for our upper halves."
"Why, we must see to that when we meet our four asses again. Meanwhile our cloaks will cover us to the knees, and if we carry our heads high enough, nobody will dare look scornful at our feet. Remember, we are gallants while these clothes last; swaggering gallants, that give the wall to no man. And while we go seek lodgings, I'll tell thee how thou shalt earn thy share of these coxcombs' wastings. Hast ever travelled abroad?"
"No," said the scholar, falling into the captain's stride as the pair went westward.
"No matter. Thou hast read books of othercountries, and heard travellers tell of foreign cities?"
"Yes; I've read and heard much; and remembered some of it."
"Then bear in mind, you are a great traveller. Your gentleman that hath not been abroad is counted a poor thing among gallants. Now these four silken gulls have never been out of England, and they look sheepish whene'er a travelled man talks of France or Italy in their company. They would give much to pass for travelled gallants; to talk of French fashions and Italian vices without exposing their inexperience. You shall instruct 'em, so they may fool others as you fool them. I'll broach the matter softly, and in such a way that they shall see the value of it. Thus, while you fill 'em up with tales of the foreign cities you have seen, we shall eat and drink at their cost. And so we shall hold 'em when they be tired of the swaggering lessons I mean to give 'em."
"Well, I will do my best. What I don't know, I will e'en supply by invention. My stomach will inspire me, I trust."
They took lodgings at the top of a house in St. Lawrence Lane, not far from its Cheapside end; and passed the time in walking about the streets till near noon, when they went to dinner at an ordinary where long tables were crowded with men of different degrees, who dined abundantly and cheaply. The two companions finally repaired to the Windmill tavern, where they had to wait an hour before their young gentlemen appeared.
The four were now sober, and showed hardly as much relish in meeting the captain as he might have wished. They cast somewhat rueful glances at the clothes they had given away in their vinous generosity, and which they had now replaced with other articles suitable to their quality. They manifested no eagerness for lessons in swaggering, and seemed at first to have forgotten any understanding they may have formed with the captain in regard thereto.
But Ravenshaw was prepared for this apathy. He took the risk of inviting the gentlemen to drink, and with the air of an accustomed host he bowed them into the room to which a tapster directed him. He trusted they would be of different mood when the time to pay the score should come.
A little drinking, and a few of the captain's tales, warmed them up to some enthusiasm for his society; and in an hour he had them urging him to proceed straightway to their further education in the art of roaring. After some reluctance and some unwillingness to believe that their proposal of the previous night had been serious, he was persuaded to consent. With the faintest grimace of triumph, for the eyes of Master Holyday alone, who smoked a pipe temperately by the fire, he rose and began by illustrating how your true bully should "take the wall" of any man about to pass him in the street.
The arras-hung partition of the room served as a street wall. The captain started at one end, Master Dauncey at the other. When the two met at the middle, the instructor enacted an elaborate scene of disputing the right to pass next the wall and so avoid the mud of the mid-street. He showed how to plant the feet, how to look fierce, how to finger the sword-hilt, what gestures to make; then what speeches to use, first of ironical courtesy, then of picturesque abuse, finally of daunting threat. Master Holyday, looking on from the fireplace, was amazed to see how much art could be displayed in what had ever seemed to him quite a simple matter. The captain went through every possible stage short of sword-thrusts; but there he stopped, saying that roaring ended where real fighting began.
"If your man has not given way by this time," said he, "and you think he may be your better with the weapons, the next thing is to come gracefully out of the quarrel, by some jest or other shift. This is what many swaggering boys do, out of fear. When I do it myself, 'tis because I would avoid bloodshed, or out of mercy to my antagonist. But 'tis, in any case, a most important thing in the art of swaggering; I shall give examples of it in my next lesson."
He then caused the gallants, in pairs, to go through such a scene as he had enacted. They made a foolish, perfunctory business of it at first, though he schooled them at every moment in attitude, gesture, or look, and supplied them with terms of revilement that made the scholar stare in admiration, and sanguinary threats before which a timid man might well tremble in his shoes.
It would not do to carry his pupils too far forward at a step; he must keep them dependent upon him as long as possible. Nor was it safe to tire them with repetitions. So he put an end to the lesson in good time; and then, to hold them for the rest of the day, he set forth the possibility of their learning to pass as men that had travelled abroad. Master Holyday, while modestly admitting the extent of his wanderings in foreign countries, showed some disinclination to the task of imparting the observations he had made.
"For, look ye," quoth he, "I once had a gossip whom I was wont to tell of things I had seen abroad. Like yourselves, he had never crossed the narrow seas; but by noting carefully my talk, he was able to make other people think he had travelled as far as I. There was one thing I had told him, which I had chanced to forget afterward. A dispute arose betwixt us one day, before company that knew not either of us well, touching certain customs in Venice.By my not mentioning the thing I had forgot, and by his parading it as a matter well known, which others in the company knew to be the case, I was made a laughing-stock, and he got reputation as a great traveller. And to this day he keeps that reputation, all at my expense."
This ingenious speech brought the desired insistence; and that very afternoon was begun, at Antwerp, an imaginary journey through the chief cities of Europe, in which were seen many things more astonishing than any foreign traveller had ever observed before.
It took several evenings to go through Flanders and France, and would have taken more, but that, after the gallants had satisfied their curiosity regarding Paris, they were in haste to arrive in Italy as soon as might be. Italy was then the great playground of English travellers; the fashions came from there, so did the inspiration to art and literature; the French got their cookery and their vices from Italy; the English imported some of the vices, but not the cookery.
While the scholar led his four charges from city to city by routes often unusual and sometimes impossible, Captain Ravenshaw conducted them stage by stage toward proficiency in swaggering. He showed them how differently to bully their betters, their equals, their inferiors; how to bully before company,how without witnesses, how in the presence of ladies; how to overbear in every situation, from a simple jostle in the street to a dispute about a woman; how to meet a contradiction in argument, how to give and receive every degree of the lie, how to intimidate a winner out of the stakes at a gaming-table; and finally how, when the opponent was not to be talked down, either to slip out of a fight or to carry one through.
The progress of the four would-be bullies in their fireside travels, and their swaggering education, was accompanied by further improvement in the dress of their instructors. At last the soldier and his friend were able to go clad in breeches, stockings, shoes, shirts, ruffs, and gloves, quite worthy of the cloaks, doublets, and hats they had previously received. The four young gentlemen were now eager to try their new accomplishments about the town. The captain postponed the test as long as he could; but finally their impatience was so peremptory that he had to consent.
Now the captain knew that if his four apes should make a failure of their first attempt at swaggering, his favour with them were swiftly ruined; conversely, a success would warrant his demanding a substantial reward in money. Thus far his only payment, and Master Holyday's likewise, had been in the shape of dinners, suppers, tobacco, and clothes. The two hadbeen compelled, from time to time, to put off payment for their lodgings, and to temporise with their laundress; and now their hostess's face wore a more and more inquiring look each morning as they went out. Ravenshaw had, it was true, obtained a little coin in the card-playing and dicing, by means of which he had illustrated to his pupils the uses of roaring in those pastimes. But this amount, small enough, he decided to lay out in ensuring the desired success of his coxcombs in their first bullying exhibition.
He therefore made a sudden and secret excursion to the suburbs beyond Newgate. After searching the lower taverns and ale-houses about Holborn and Smithfield, he found, in a cookshop in Pye Corner, a man with whom he forthwith entered into negotiation. This man was a burly, middle-aged fellow, with a broken nose, a scarred cheek, a sullen attitude, and a husky voice. While he talked, he frequently spat in the rushes that covered the floor; and now and again he would finish a remark with the words, added without the least sense, "And that's the hell of it." He wore a dirty leather jerkin over other clothes, and his attire was little better than Ravenshaw's had been before his change of fortune.
After some talk, Captain Ravenshaw handed over some money to this man, promised a further sum upon the issue of the business, received the bravo'sassurance that all should go well, and hastened back alone to meet his companions at the sign of the Windmill.
It was evening when the party sallied forth, the four coxcombs as keen for riot as ever was a colt for kicking up heels in a field. They would have barred the street against the first comers, or sought a brawl in the first tavern, but that Ravenshaw bade them save their mettle for adversaries worthy of their schooling.
"I mean to pit ye 'gainst the first roarers of the suburbs," said he. "Nothing short of the kings of Turnbull Street shall suffice ye, lads. What think ye of Cutting Tom himself? I know where he and his comrades take their supper nowadays. Save your breath for such; an ye roar them down in their own haunts, it shall be heard of. Waste no wind upon citizens or spruce gallants. Strike high, win supremacy at the first trial, and you are made men."
With such counsel he restrained them until he had led them through Smithfield to Cow Cross, near the town's edge.
Like a bent arm, lying northwestward along the fields toward Clerkenwell, was the narrow lane of ramshackle houses called Turnbull Street. Leaving his followers, the captain went into one of these houses. He soon came back.
"'Tis excellent," said he. "Cutting Tom and his friends are in the front room at the top o' the stairs. They are feasting it with the hostess and some of her gossips. You four shall go up and claim the room by right of superior quality. Master Holyday and I will stay below in talk with the bar-boy so they sha'n't know I'm with you; but if need be, call me."
"Nay, we shall want no help," said Master Maylands; but the quaver of his voice belied his show of confidence.
"'Tis well," replied Ravenshaw. "A rare thing to roar these braggarts from their own table, before the womankind of their own acquaintance! Come."
A minute later the four sparks, huddled close together, and with white faces, thrust themselves into an ill-plastered room where four villainous-looking fellows and as many painted women sat at table. These people suddenly ceased their loud talk and coarse laughter, and one of them,—the broken-nosed rascal with whom Ravenshaw had that day conversed in the cook-shop—demanded thunderously:
"Death and furies! Who the devil be these?"
"Your betters, bottle-ale rogue!" cried Maylands, somewhat shrilly, and like an actor in a play.
"Betters!" bellowed the broken-nosed man, rising to his feet. "Plagues, curses, and damnations! Does the dog live that says 'betters' to me? I amcalled Cutting Tom, thou bubble!—Cutting Tom, and that's the hell of it!"
"An you be called Cutting Tom," replied Maylands, taking a little courage from the sound of his own voice, "'tis plain you are called so for the cuts you have received, not given. The wounds in your dirty face come not from war, but from bottles thrown by hostesses you've cheated. Out of this room, dog-face!—you and your scurvy crew. 'Twould take a forest of juniper to sweeten the place while you're in it. You are not fit for the presence of such handsome ladies."
"A gentleman of spirit," whispered one of the ladies, audibly.
"What, thou froth, thou vapour, thou fume!" roared Cutting Tom. "Avaunt! ere I stick you with my dagger and hang you up by the love-lock at a butcher's stall for veal."
"Hence, thou slave," retorted Maylands, "thou pick-purse, thou horse-stealer, thou contamination, thou conglomeration of all plagues—!"
"Thou bundle of refuse!" put in Master Hawes.
"Thou heap of mud!" added Master Dauncey.
"Thou filth out of the street-ditch!" cried Master Clarington.
Meanwhile the women had scampered to the fireplace for safety. Cutting Tom's three comrades had found their feet, and they now joined their voices tohis in a chorus of abuse, defiance, and threat; they beat the table fearsomely with their sheathed swords. In turn, the young gentlemen half-drew their blades and then pushed them violently back again, and trod angrily upon the rushes. Cutting Tom's party had all got to that side of the table farther from the door. The four intruders therefore advanced to the table, and with terrible words belaboured their adversaries across it.
"A step more," cried Cutting Tom, banging his sword handle upon the table, "and I'll spit ye!"
"And roast ye after at the fire!" said one of his men.
The gallants showed that they could rattle their hilts upon the innocent board as fiercely.
"Out of the room," shouted Maylands, "ere we pin ye to the wall and set dogs on ye!"
This was but the beginning of the contest, which soon attained a scurrility too shocking, not for Elizabethan ears, but for these pages. Meanwhile, Ravenshaw and Holyday waited below. At last a noise was heard in the passage above, and the four ill-favoured fellows came bounding down the stairs. Three of them left the house at once, but Cutting Tom, seeing that the gallants did not follow, stopped to whisper with the captain.
"'Twas good as a play," quoth he. "We held our own awhile, as you bade. Then we let 'em overbearus, and at last we feigned such fear they said they'd e'en make us tie their shoes. 'They're tied already,' quoth I. 'Then untie 'em,' said they. We untied 'em; and then they'd have us depart a-crawling on our hands and knees; and so we left 'em, on all fours; and that's the hell of it! I thought the women would have burst a-laughing."
"Here's the rest of the money," said Ravenshaw, parting with his last coin. "Now vanish, and come not here again this night, or you'll have me to answer!"
Cutting Tom examined the money by the candle-light, and went his way with a grunt.
"So far, good," said Ravenshaw, chuckling. "Our young cocks will think themselves the prime swaggerers of Christendom."
"Until they come upon the truth," said Holyday. "The next men they meet, they'll be for bullying; and then they're not like to come off as well."
"But they shall meet no men this night. The ladies above will keep 'em here till they be too sleepy with wine for any desire of roaring. We'll see 'em safe home, and to-morrow at dinner I'll ply 'em for a fat remuneration. When that's in our pockets, they may learn the truth and go hang. We'll hire a page to attend us, and we'll live like gentlemen. We're lucky to have found 'em constant so long. Come; we'll up to them, as if we happened in."
"Nay, not I, where there be women."
"Oh, plague, man, you'll not be long bashful afore these trollops!" And he pulled the unwilling scholar after him by the arm.
PENNILESS COMPANIONS.
"I walk in great danger of small debts. I owe money to several hostesses."—The Puritan.
"I walk in great danger of small debts. I owe money to several hostesses."—The Puritan.
The next day, after dinner, finding the four dupes as much puffed up with imagined valour as he had hoped, Ravenshaw put forward the matter of a fit reward. That they might more freely consider, he left them for half an hour, taking Holyday with him.
"Troth," began Master Hawes, when the four were alone, "I think we have bestowed somewhat already upon these two. If they are pressed for money, why don't they pawn some of the clothes we've given 'em?"
"They consider they must be well clad to go in our company," said Clarington.
"If it comes to that," said Maylands, "we can dispense with 'em. We roared down this Cutting Tom and his Turnbull rangers, why should we be still beholden to this captain?"
"And we've learned as much of t'other one's travels as we're like to remember," added Dauncey.
"Let them go hang for any more gifts!" said Maylands.
"Will you tell them so?" queried Hawes.
"Faith, yes! An we can roar down four Turnbull rangers, can we not roar down this one captain? He has taught us all he knows himself."
"Yet I would not have him think us stingy," said Hawes, who, as he was stingy, was sensitive as to being thought so.
"Why, look you," replied Maylands. "When they come back, I'll say we'll satisfy 'em, touching a gift of money, ere the day be done. Then, presently, we'll find some occasion in their talk for a quarrel. Thereupon, we'll roar 'em down, and so break with 'em."
The occasion arrived when Master Holyday was in the midst of a wonderfully imagined tale of travel. He told how he had escaped from Barbary pirates in the Mediterranean, and swum ashore to the harbour of—Fez!
"What, man?" broke in Master Clarington. "Fez is not on the seacoast."
"Most certainly it is," said the scholar, imperturbably.
"'Tis not. I had an uncle, a merchant adventurer, was there once. He had to journey far inland."
"Oh, ay," said Holyday, a little staggered; "thecity of Fez is inland, but the country borders on the sea. 'Twas that I meant."
"Nay, you spoke of the harbour; you must have meant the city."
"Tush, tush!" put in Ravenshaw, anxious to keep up the scholar's credit. "He meant the country; a fool could see that."
"Ay, truly," said Master Maylands, "a fool; but none else."
"I'll thank you for better manners," said Ravenshaw, sharply.
"Manners, thou braggart!" cried Maylands, seizing his opportunity. "Thou sponge, thou receptacle of cast clothing! Talk you of manners?"
"What!—what!—what!—what!" was all the answer the amazed captain could make for the moment.
"Ay, manners, thou base, scurvy knave; thou houseless parasite, thou resuscitated starveling!—thou and thy hungry scholar!" put in Master Hawes.
"Oho! 'Tis thus? Ye think to try my swaggering lessons against me?" said the captain, springing to his feet.
"Pish! You are no better than Cutting Tom," retorted Maylands.
Ravenshaw's wrath knew no bounds. The four rebellious pupils and providers were on their feet, defiant and impudent.
"You'd raise your weak breath against me, would ye? And you'd finger your sword-hilts, would ye?" he roared. "By this hand, ye shall draw them, too! Draw, and fend your numbskulls 'gainst the whacks I'll give 'em! Draw, and save your puny shoulders! I scorn to use good steel against ye, dunces, lispers, puppies! I'll rout ye with a spit!"
They had drawn swords at his word, thinking he would wield his rapier against them. But, as it was, they had an ill time enough to defend themselves against the spit he had seized from the fireplace. Nimbly he knocked aside their blades, violently he charged among them, swiftly he laid about him on pates and bodies; so that in small time they fled, appalled and panic-stricken, not only from the room, but down the stairs. The captain did not take the trouble to follow them beyond the doorsill of the room.
"Hang them, bubbles!" quoth he. "They shall come on their knees and lick my shoes, ere I'll take 'em back to favour again."
But the scholar philosophically shrugged his shoulders.
To make matters worse, as the two were about to leave the tavern, they were called upon to pay the score. Ravenshaw said the young gentlemen would pay, as usual.
"Nay," said the hostess, "they went away cursingmy tavern, and saying they would never come near it again. 'Twas you ordered, and I look to you to pay. 'Tis bad enough an you drive good customers from my house, and give it a bad name with your swaggering."
"Peace, peace, sweetheart. We have no money to pay; there's not a groat between us."
"Then you have clothes to pawn. I'll have my money, or I'll enter an action. So look to't, or, by this light, ye'll find yourselves in prison, I swear to ye!"
The two unfortunates fled from her tongue, down the Old Jewry. It rains not but it pours; and when they reached their lodgings in St. Lawrence Lane they were confronted by the woman of the house, whose distrust had been brought to a head by their absence the previous night. She must have her money; let them go less bravely clad, and pay their honest debts, else they had best beware of sheriff's officers.
When they were alone in their room, Holyday was for selling their fine clothes.
"Never, never!" said Ravenshaw. "If we cannot make our fortunes in fine clothes, how shall we do it in rags? Though we go penniless, while we look gallant we shall be relied upon. Some enterprise will fall our way."
The next morning they rose before their hostess,and took leave of her house without troubling her with farewells. They found new quarters in a shoemaker's house in St. Martin's-le-Grand, and avoided their old haunts for fear of arrest.
The question of meals now grew difficult. Ravenshaw had become so well known that possible adversaries at the gaming-tables shunned him. What little credit he could still compass at ordinaries and taverns soon prepared the way for new threats of arrest. Sometimes the two companions contrived to eat once a day, sometimes once in two days. After a time, the captain agreed that Holyday might barter his clothes. The scholar speedily appeared in a suit of modest black, as if he were his gallant companion's secretary; and for awhile the two feasted daily. But anon they were penniless again, and went hungry. The captain swore he would not part with his fine raiment; though he should starve, it would be as a swaggering gallant still.
No Lent was ever better kept than was the latter part of that year's Lent (though to no profit of the fishmongers) by those two undone men. Their cheeks became hollow, their bellies sank inward, they could feel their ribs when they passed their hands over their chests. They went feverish and gaunt, with parched mouths and griped stomachs. As hunger gnawed him, and the fear of sheriff's officers beset him at every corner, and hope grewfeeble within him, the captain became subject to alternations of grim resignation and futile rage. The scholar starved with serenity, as became a master of the liberal arts, being visited in his sleep by dreams of glorious banquets, upon which in his waking hours he made sonnets.
In May the patience of the shoemaker in St. Martin's-le-Grand was exhausted, and the two penniless men had other lodgings to seek.
They spent much of their time now in St. Paul's Church. Here employment was like to offer, and here was comparative safety from arrest, certain parts of the church being held sanctuary for debtors. To St. Paul's, therefore, they went on the morning that found them again roofless; keeping a lookout on the way thither for any sheriff's men who might with warrant be in quest of them. It was fortunate that none waylaid them, for the captain was in such mood that he would have gone near slaying any that had. Neither he nor Holyday had eaten for two days.
They took their station against a pillar in the middle aisle of the great church, and watched with sharp eyes the many-coloured crowd of men, of every grade from silken gallants to burden-bearing porters, that passed up and down before them, making a ceaseless noise of footfalls and voices, and sometimes giving the pair scant room for their famished bodies.
The St. Paul's of that time was larger than the present cathedral. It covered three and a half acres, and was proportionately lofty. Thanks to its great doors and wide aisles, it afforded a short way through for those foot-goers in whose route it lay,—porters, labourers, and citizens going about their business. But its wide aisles served better still as a covered lounging-place for those on whose hands time hung heavy,—gentlemen of fashion, men who lived by their wits, fellows who sought service, and the like. These were the true "Paul's walkers." It was a meeting-place, too, for those who had miscellaneous business to transact; a great resort for the exchange of news, in a day when newspapers did not exist. Certain of the huge pillars supporting the groined arches of the roof were used to post advertising bills upon. The services, in which a very fine organ and other instruments were employed, were usually held in the choir only, and the crowd in the nave and transepts did not much disturb itself on account of them. The time of most resort was the hour before the midday dinner; and it was then that Ravenshaw and Holyday took their stand before the pillar on this May morning.
"There walks a poet that hath found a patron," said the scholar. "Yet 'tis ten to one the verses he is showing are no better than these sonnets in my breeches pocket here."
"If you had a capon's leg or two in your breeches pocket it were more to the purpose," replied the captain.
"'Troth, my sonnets are full of capon's legs and all other things good to eat," sighed Holyday. "I've conceived rare dishes lately; I have writ of nothing else."
"If we could but eat the dishes out of thy sonnets!" muttered Ravenshaw. "How can you write sonnets while you are hungry?"
"Why, your born poet finds discomfort a spur. There was the prophet Jonas writ a sonnet in the whale's belly."
"Faith, I'd rather undertake to write one with a whale in my belly! I feel room for a whale there. Who the devil comes here?"
It was none other than Master Maylands, and following him were Clarington, Dauncey, and Hawes, the four being attended by a footman and a page. These gallants, in coming down the aisle, had espied the captain before he had seen them. They had stopped and held a brief colloquy.
"Pish! who's afeard?" Maylands had said. "He won't fight in the church."
"And if he will," said Clarington, "we can 'scape in the crowd."
"Hang him, hedgehog!" said Dauncey. "I think the spirit has gone out of him, by his looks."
"It makes me boil," said Hawes, "to see the dog dressed out like a gentleman in clothes of our giving."
The gallants advanced, therefore, looking as supercilious and impudent as they could.
"God save you, dog of war!" said Maylands.
"God lose you, pup of peace!" replied the captain.
"Faith, I had thought 'twas a warm day," said Maylands, "but for seeing you wear a heavy cloak. Or is it that you durs'n't leave it home, lest it be seized in pawn for debt?"
"You are merry," quoth the captain, briefly; for the gallant had mentioned the true reason.
"It shows your regard for us," put in Hawes, "that you always wear our clothes, to avoid their being seized."
"A finger-snap for your clothes!" said the captain, his ire engendered by their daring to make so free of speech with him.
"Nay, you value 'em more than that," said Clarington. "They're all you have."
"Is it so?" said the captain.
"Ay," said Maylands, "you must needs wear our livery still, whether you will or no."
"Your livery, curse ye!" cried Ravenshaw, observing that some in the crowd had halted to see what game of banter was going on. "Why, monkeys, I've worn these clothes about the town in hopeof meeting ye, that I might give 'em back. Since I did ye the honour to take your gifts, I've heard things of ye that make it a shame to have known ye. I've sought ye everywhere; but the fear of a beating has kept ye indoors. Now that I meet ye, for God's sake take back your gifts, and clear me of all beholding to such vermin! Your cloak, say you? Yes, lap-dog, there's for you. I thank God I'm free of it!" Acting on the impulse which had come with the inspiration for his retort, and wrought up beyond all thought of expediency, he had flung the cloak in the astonished gallant's face. "This bonnet will better fit an empty head," and he tossed his cap to Clarington. "Here's a doublet, too; I've long ached to be rid of it," he cried, divesting himself of that garment as fast as he could, to hurl it at the head of Master Hawes. "This ruff has choked me of late; I pray you, hang yourself with it; there'll be an ass the less. The shoes are yours, coney; take 'em, and walk to hell in 'em!" He threw them one after another at their former owner, and began drawing off his stockings. "I'll be more careful in accepting gifts hereafter; a gift is a tie, and a man should make no tie with those he may come to hear foul reports of. Your stockings, sir! The breeches,—nay, I must take them off at home, and send 'em to you later; them and the shirt, and sundry linen and such, that are with the laundress. Take these gloves,though, and this handkerchief; and you your hanger and scabbard, and the rest. Take 'em, I bid ye, or—And now, whelps, you've got what's yours. Thank God, the sword and dagger are my own! My weapons may go naked while my body does. Vanish, with your gifts! I scorn ye!"
His voice and looks were such that the four gentlemen thought best to obey. Hastily entrusting the captain's cast raiment to the footman and page, who closely followed them, they pushed through the grinning crowd that had witnessed the scene; and the captain was left in his shirt and breeches, with his sword and dagger in his hands, to the amused gaze of the assembly, and the somewhat rueful contemplation of Master Holyday.
REVENGE UPON WOMANKIND.
"Get me access to th' Lady Belvidere,But for a minute."—Women Pleased.
"Get me access to th' Lady Belvidere,But for a minute."—Women Pleased.
Among newcomers who at that moment pressed forward to see what was the matter, were Master Jerningham and Sir Clement Ermsby. Followed by Gregory and the page, they had but then entered the church upon the quest we know of. By standing upon their toes, they got a view of the half-naked man. At the same time they heard the name, "Roaring Ravenshaw," passed about.
"Ravenshaw?" said Ermsby to his friend. "So 'tis. And your very man."
"What, for such an affair? A swaggering cast soldier?"
"Ay, indeed. The last man in the world to be suspected in your particular case."
"But can he compass it?"
"Trust these brawlers, these livers by their wits, for a thousand shifts. They get their bread by tricks."
"But will he undertake it?"
"For pay? Look at him."
"But he was her champion that night."
"A mere show, to cross us. Should they know each other again, 'twill gain him her confidence the sooner. Go; make use of his present need."
"Shall you come with me?"
"He might remember me as his adversary that night. He saw you not well enough to recognise you. Better he shouldn't know you are my friend. I'll be gone, ere he see us together. Meet me at Horn's ordinary when you have done with him. To him straight."
Beckoning his page, Sir Clement hastened from the church, while Jerningham, with Gregory at his heels, elbowed imperiously forward till he was face to face with the captain. Ravenshaw had, in the meantime, been bandying jests with the crowd, though inwardly wondering what he should do next.
"When a soldier of your ability comes to this plight," said Jerningham, in a courteous, kindly tone, "'tis plain the fault's not so much his own as it is the world's."
Ravenshaw gazed at the speaker; manifestly without recognition.
"Sir," said the captain, "whatever faults the world hath done me, I dare yet put my dagger to the world's throat, and cry 'Deliver!'"
"Still the swaggerer," quoth Jerningham, with his soft smile.
"Ever the swaggerer," replied Ravenshaw. "'Tis my policy. This craven world will give nothing out of love or pity; 'twill give only out of fear; and so I bully out of it a living."
Jerningham went close to him, and spoke in tones not to be heard by the crowd, which presently, seeing that no more amusement was to be afforded, began to melt into the usual stream of saunterers.
"I take it," said Jerningham, "you are as good at cozening as at bullying."
"I am not such a coward as to deny it. There be some so tame, the fiend couldn't find it in his heart to bully them; at the same time, their lack of wit must needs tempt me to cozen them."
"You have a persuasive speech at will, too, I see."
"Seest thou?"
"Look you: I could mend your fortunes if you could persuade, or cozen, or bully, to a certain end for me."
"Prove you'll mend my fortunes, and I'm your man," said the captain, jumping at the hope.
Jerningham regarded him for a moment thoughtfully, then said:
"Perhaps I'd best prove it first, ere I tell you what service I require."
"I care not what the service is. Anything that a man can do, I can do."
"And will do?"
"And will do—if it be not too black. I'll not murder."
"Oh, the business has no murder in it. Here's proof I'll mend your fortune—all such proof that is in my purse, as you see. Meet me here after dinner, dressed so as not to draw everybody's eyes upon us as we talk. You shall hear then what the service is. And there shall be more pay when it is done."
The captain took the money with unconcealed avidity, betraying his feelings by the readiness with which he promised good faith and promptitude. Seizing Holyday's arm, he then hastened off to Smithfield, reckless alike of the appearance he made in the streets, and of the risk of meeting sergeants. In the second-hand shops of Long Lane he remedied his nakedness at a price which left sufficient for his dinner and the scholar's at Mother Walker's three-halfpenny ordinary. When he reappeared in St. Paul's, which was now comparatively empty between hours of resort, he wore a suit of faded maroon with orange-tawny stockings and a brown felt hat.
Meanwhile, Jerningham, glad to have committed the swaggerer to the business before the latter knew its nature, had told the news to Sir Clement atdinner, and was already back in the church. The faithful Gregory still attended him, more disgruntled than ever, for he considered that he might have had some of the money his master had bestowed, and would yet bestow, upon this swaggering captain. Gregory regarded the captain blackly; he viewed this new engagement as a thing most unnecessary, most injurious to himself; and he found his wrath increase each time he looked upon the interloper. Jerningham bade him wait out of hearing, and beckoned the captain into a darkish corner of the church, whither Master Holyday did not follow.
"Well," said Ravenshaw, with after-dinner joviality, "what's the business? What is it you would have me bully, or cozen, or persuade for you?"
"In plain words, a certain wench's consent to a meeting," was the reply.
"What the devil!" cried the captain, aflame. "Do you take me for a ring-carrier?"
Jerningham was silent a moment; then said:
"I take you for no better—and no worse—than any disbanded soldier that lives upon his wits about the town here."
"What others do, is not for me to be judged by. I am Ravenshaw."
"I never heard any reason why Ravenshaw should be thought more tender of women than his comrades are."
"Tender of women! A plague on 'em! I owe them nothing but injuries. 'Tis not that."
"What is it, then, offends you?"
"'Tis that you should think me a scurvy fellow that you dare affront with the offer of such an errand."
"Why, 'tis no scurvy errand. I only ask you to persuade her to meet me. I would approach her myself, but I am suspected and cannot come at her without her connivance. I need one whom her people have not marked, to speak to her for me. I take it you have the wit to reach her ear. I would have you carry her my praises, and vows, and solicitations for a meeting; and describe me to her as you see me, as a liberal, well-inclined gentleman."
"Ay, in short, you ask me to play the go-between."
"Oh, pshaw, man! stumble not at mere names."
"The names for such business are none too sweet, in troth!"
"They are but names. And sweet names may be coined for it. Love's ambassador, Cupid's orator, heart's emissary,—call yourself so, and the business becomes honourable."
"Faith, I have long known things are odious or honourable in accordance with the names they're called by. But I am not for your business."
"Why, you have no choice. You are bound to it by the clothes you wear, bought with my money—"
"I can e'en doff these clothes, as I have doffed others," said the captain, though somewhat disconsolately.
"By the very dinner you have eaten," went on Jerningham.
"I can scratch up the money to pay you for that."
"And by the further service I intend for you. Beshrew me, man, you may find yourself nested for life if you keep my favour. No more nakedness and starvation." Jerningham, on the eve of his long voyage, could afford any promise; besides, 'twas not impossible this redoubtable fellow might really be useful to him indefinitely, one way or another.
Ravenshaw glared at him with the tortured look of a man sorely tempted.
"Moreover," added Jerningham, "what profit can you have in any kind of virtue, when your reputation is so villainous?"
"Hang my reputation! I'll not be taken for a love-messenger. I'll help no man to any woman."
"You are an ass, then. For aught you know, my love may be honest enough."
"If it were, you would go about it otherwise."
"You know not the world, to say so. Does honest love always work openly? Hath not every case its peculiar circumstances? Because you fear, without known grounds, that you may be a means of harm to a wench, will you go hungry to-morrow?You are fed now, but will you be fed then? Troth, I ne'er knew a craving stomach to have nice scruples."
"Oh, faith, I know that want is an evil counsellor."
"Evil or not, it speaks so loud as to silence all others. Is it not so? Come, captain, be not a fool. If I mean no harm to the girl, 'tis no harm in your bringing us together."
"But if you do mean harm?"
"Can I do her harm against her will? She shall name the place and time of meeting. Is it for grown men to be qualmish merely because a petticoat is concerned?"
"Petticoats to the devil! I owe no kindness to women, I say. 'Twas a woman's wiles upon my father robbed me of my patrimony. 'Twas a woman's treason to my love poisoned my heart, deprived me of my friend, changed the course of my fortunes, and made me what I am. Calamities fall upon the whole she-tribe, say I!"
"Why, then, if at the worst chance I should be the cause of harm to this one, 'twould be so much amends to you on the part of the sex."
A sudden baleful light gleamed in Ravenshaw's eyes.
"By God, that were some revenge!" he muttered. "Who is the woman?"
"A goldsmith's daughter, in Cheapside."
"A goldsmith's daughter—some vain minx, no doubt; deserving no better fate, and desiring no better. As for the goldsmith—they are cheaters all, these citizens that keep shops; overchargers, falsifiers of accounts; they rob by ways that are most despicable because least dangerous. And they callmeknave! And their women, that flaunt in silks and jewels bought with their cheatings—'twas such a woman cozened me! 'Twas such that made a rogue of me; if I were e'en to pay back my roguery upon such!—I'll do it! By my faith, I'll do it! I'll be your knave in this, your rascal; I take it, a knave is better than a starveling, a rascal is choicer company than a famished man. And 'tis time I settled scores with the race of wenches! Let's hear the full business."
Jerningham set forth exactly the situation. He laid stress on his requirement that the meeting should occur within the next two days. But he said nothing of the projected voyage; nor did he mention the circumstances in which he had first seen the girl. When he told her name and abode, he looked for any possible sign of recognition on the captain's part. But none came; Ravenshaw had never learned who was the heroine of that February night's incident.
When Jerningham took his departure, the captain strode over to where Holyday awaited him.
"Rogue's work," said Ravenshaw; "but a rogue am I, and there's an end. I must get access to a rich man's house, and to the private ear of a wench; and move her to meet secretly a gentleman she knows not; and all within two days. How is it to be done?"
"Is the rich man a gentleman—of the true gentry, I mean—or is he a citizen here, a man of trade?" queried Holyday. "If a man of trade, the way to his house, or his anything, is to make him think there's money to be got out of you."
"He is a goldsmith in Cheapside."
"Why, then, let me see. There is a goldsmith lives there, somewhere, knows my father. They were friends together in their youth, in Kent. I haven't met him since I was a small lad; but I might go to him as straight from my father; and then introduce you as a country gentleman; and so he might be got to commend you to the goldsmith you seek."
"There's no time for roundabout ways. Yet your father's friend may serve us one way or another. What's his name?"
"Thomas Etheridge. As I remember, my father—"
"What? Why, death of my life! 'tis my very goldsmith; the one whose daughter I must have speech with. Faith, here's a miracle to help us—of the devil's working, no doubt. This Etheridge knows not you are at odds with your father?"
"'Tis hardly possible he should. I have never sought him since I came to town. He never would go back to Kent, and so he could not see my father. He has an elder brother lives near my father; but 'twixt that brother and the goldsmith there was an old quarrel, which kept the goldsmith from coming to visit our part of the country; 'twould keep the brothers from communicating, as well."
"Have you means of assuring him you are your father's son? Can he doubt?"
"He would believe me for my likeness to my mother. He knew her."
"Then you shall carry him your father's good words this hour; and you shall commend me to him as—but I must change my looks first. I'll to the barber's, and cast my beard, all but a small wit-tuft under the lip; and have my moustaches pointed toward the sky. This goldsmith may have seen Roaring Ravenshaw in his time; I'll be another man then."
"But the daughter—it must be managed so I shall not have to meet her—or any women o' the family."
"Oh, the devil, man! if you be not introduced to the ladies, how shall your mere friend be? But stay; at best, will the friend be? These citizens are warywith their hospitality. The son of your father might be invited to the table, the son's friend bowed out with a cool 'God be wi' ye, sir!' 'Tis all too roundabout still. Body o' Jupiter, I have it! He hath not seen you since you were a lad, say you?"
"Not since a day my water-spaniel bit him in the calf o' the leg, the last time he came to see my father. I was twelve years old or so."
"Good. I shall remember the water-spaniel; and as we go to the barber's, you shall tell me other things I may recall to his mind; things none but you and your father could have known."
"Certainly; but how shall these serve you?"
"Why, I have neither letters nor likeness, to bear out my word. But the barber shall make me look the right age; and these old remembrances, with some further knowledge of matters at your home, and my assurance,—all these shall make me pass with Master Etheridge as Ralph Holyday, son of his old friend; and you need take no hand in the business—that is, if you'll allow this."
"With all my heart," said Holyday, glad to escape the risk of meeting women.