Over. They have provided beforehand a Remedy against such an Evil.——A good many Thousands inRed, will cure an Inflammation presently.
SirJohn. They may, by Amputation, if in some of theLimbsonly; but should ever Poverty, Oppression, or Despair, force the Inflammation into theBodyand Bowels, I doubt the Surgeons inRedwould not find the Cure so very easy. But I hope our Friends, few as they are, will find some Means of perswading their fellow Practicers to drop theirBitters, and put their Patients on a Course ofAlteratives.
Smooth. SirJohn, we all wish for Cordials and Restoratives; we own they are wanting; but I am afraid a Time of War and Confusion is not the proper Season for administering them.
SirJohn. I am much more afraid, Mr.Smoothwell, that you have learnt a Language newly imported fromCourt.Confusion, if you mean here at Home, there is none; and as for theWar, I don’t think it wou’d or cou’d go on more ingloriously and scandalously than it has since the Commencementof it, should our State Physicians alter their Practice.
Blunt. Scandalously as it has been conducted, it has cost us more than the most successful and best managed War.
Over. Our lastForagingCampaign stood us dearer than that ofBlenheim; and shou’d we have one or two more such parading Summers, to pot goes theSinking Fund.
SirJohn. I shudder at the Thoughts ofre-mortgagingthat only Hope we had of seeing one Day our Trade and Industry exonerated from the Clogs that oppress them. TheFund, which should be sacred, has been too often made free with; but the Incroachments upon the Purpose of it being temporary only, it had no very bad Effect; whereas the Case would be otherwise, should they be perpetual.
Blunt. And because it will have that ruinous Consequence, you’ll see violent unhallow’d Hands laid on that darling Hopes of our People.
Over. Why the D——l don’t our Sages give Lotteries of six Millions, instead of six hundred Thousand? There are Fools enough inEnglandto fill them.
SirJohn. Another destructive Way of raising the Supplies. There is no Method more injurious to Trade than Lotteries in general; but when managed as our late oneshave been, they become essentially a public Nusance.
Blunt. You mean thesharingout Tickets and Chances?
SirJohn. I do. Never was any Invention more destructive of Industry. The poorIndustrious, whom it is the Policy of all Nations to cherish and encourage, are by thissharing Traffick, exposed to inevitable Destruction. Who but the Poor will buy an Eighth orSixteenthof the Chance of a Ticket? The Rich will deal in whole Tickets; but ’tis the poor Industrious only that ruin themselves to be in Luck’s Way, as they term it. ’tis this poor but useful Class of the People only, that game at 30per Cent. more Disadvantage than the richer Drones. No Temptation should be thrown in the Way of the Industrious; but on the Contrary, all hurtful Incentives should be removed. If you will tempt them to the Hazard Table, let them play upon the Square. Bring the Price of Tickets down to their Level; and let not the Jews, Sharpers, and Drones of the Nation be permitted to make a Property of them. But why might not the Sums raised the two last Years by way of Lottery, be as well brought into theExchequerby any other Means?
Over. But no Means would so effectually draw off the Attention of the Public from our Misery and impending Danger. Andwhatever some idle Folks may think, they tell me ’tis one of the principalArcana’sof the Cabinet, to contrive artfully, that is imperceptibly, to draw off the publicAttentionfrom the Conduct ofSuperiors. You can’t conceive how close and out of Sight these State Spiders spin their Webs.
SirJohn. But I can very well conceive that the People have Arms long and strong enough to reach and sweep those Webs clear away whenever they will.
Over. Ah! SirJohn, where have the People you brag so much of, hid their Brooms and Brushes for many Years past?
Blunt. Behind the Clouds ofCorruptionandHypocrisy, where they are like to remain much longer, or I am mistaken.
Broad. Mr.Blunt, it gives me a Concern to see you continue your Diffidence of your best Friends. You shall find, that neitherCorruptionnorHypocrisywill stand in the Nation’s Way to Happiness, if those whom you deemEngland’s Friends can help it.
SirJohn. As Jealousy is said to spring from Love,Diffidencemay be said to be founded in Friendship. Mr.Blunthopes he has no Reason to suspect yourIntention, but dreads you have put it out of your Power to serve the Public. You may have perceived, Mr.Broadbottom, during the whole Conversation, that your Friends apprehend thisCoalitionas you call it, orIngraftmentas we express it, will answer no Purpose of the People, who groan under the pressure of heavy Taxes, a vast Debt, Decay of Trade, the Yoke of Penal Laws, and those worst Y——s of all, theSeptennialand the Corruption of their ——s. In short, they dread your being over-reach’d by your more experienc’d Partners, or rather your being jostled out of the Course, by the abler Jockeys of the C——t. If you wou’d serve your Constituents in your present Situation, you must act with Caution.——
Blunt. WithHonesty, you should say rather. What Caution is necessary in answering the Hopes of the People? They desire but what is absolutely for their Safety. They expect no more than has been often solemnly promised them. And sure a Man that intends to be as good as his Word need not pick out every Step of his Way.
Over. The Ground about C——t, they say, is d——d slippery.
Blunt. And for that Reason I would not have had our Friends get upon it before they had secured their Footing there. See what is become of the late infamousDesertersfor want of such Precaution.
SirJohn. Let us draw no invidious Inferences from the Examples of a Crew that are now as despicable as they are odious to the whole Nation. A Crew that can’t claim even the Merit of being intentionallyupright. They did not so much as attempt keeping Faith with the People.
Over. But they kept it religiously with theBarnKeeper.
Blunt. I can’t say who was to beindulgedby the War, but sure I am the Weight of it is grievously felt all over the Body politic.——Mr.Broadbottom, you have been lately at Court, pray what do they think there of the War? Are we like to get out of it with Honour? in short, are we like to get out of it at all?
Over. Out of it at all!——The D——l, you would not have us serve an Apprenticeship to the War, as we do to our P——ts?
SirJohn. If it be no better manag’d than it has been hitherto, I don’t see why this War might not last much longer than seven Years.
Over. I’ll tell you why it can’t, because we shan’t be able to maintain it so long. By mortgaging theSinking Fundwe may hold out three or four Years pretty tolerably; but after that, souse we go toMintorState-billsat 50per Cent. Discount, as in France in oldLewisXIV. his Days.
Rose. Gentlemen, however, will consider, that we can’t get out of the War as easily as out of an Assembly Room in the Times of our Horse Races.
SirJohn. I am sure it would be towering Madness to continue it on the same Footing it has been carried on hitherto. TheDutchshould come in for a full equal Proportion of the Expence, or I would not have a Red-coat left inFlanders.
Blunt. Let the Cheesemongers look to their Barrier and be d——n’d, if they don’t come down Guinea for Guinea, and Shilling for Shilling with us towards preserving it.
Over.Blunt, if you would curse theDutcheffectually, you must wish them undamm’d.
Blunt. Damn’d or undamm’d let ’em be, before OldEnglandwades out of her Depths to hold them up by the Chin.
Broad. Let us hope for the best. They may hear Reason, they may see their Interest when painted by so masterly a Hand as is now intrusted with the Pencil.
SirJohn. If Wit, Eloquence, Politeness, Frankness and Integrity, could move aDutchman, I should not doubt of that great Man’s Success; but as nothing butSelf-interestcan engage either his Heart or Attention, I fear his L——p won’t be able to persuade thatselfishPeople to think it for their Interest to declare War againstFranceandSpainat the critical Time that we are at Variance with those Crowns. We are to consider this Juncture as the Harvest Season of theDutch. All the Markets we are shut outfrom by the War, are open to them by a Neutrality. But what I believe weighs not a little with them, is, that they dread embarking with us ever since they perceived that the Views of our Statesmen have tended more towardsH——rthanEngland. ’Tis that observable Bias to aForeign Interestthat will deter theStates-General, if my LordC——does not succeed in his Embassy.
Broad. Perhaps they may conceive better Hopes from the new Administration.
SirJohn. Perhaps they might, had the Administration beennew. But as it is no more than an old Garment patch’d with new Cloth, I fear theDutchwill hardly alter their Plan on any Assurances such a motley M——y can give them. They may think, and perhaps too truly, that the same Measures will be follow’d, the sameInterestbe pursued, since the Majority, and the chief in Office of the A——n, are of the old Stamp. And they as truly may think, that neither Harmony nor Success can attend Counsels jarring between two different separateInterests. While the Interest ofH——rclashes with that ofEngland, we must neither expect Harmony with theDutch, nor Success in our Wars.
Over. Nor in any thing else, I think. Would to God we could join that preciousManorto theOrcades, or send it adrift toLaplandor theNorth Cape.
Blunt. Since we can do neither, would to God our Statesmen would shew themselves to beEnglishmen!
Over. Since we are got in the praying Strain, let us all pray that ournewM——y, or at least those latelyingraftedupon theold, may not become as arrantH——nsas their grafted Predecessors, the lateDeserters. Let us all say,Amen.
FINIS.
FINIS.
FINIS.
Transcriber’s Notes:Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected.Typographical errors were silently corrected.Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only when a predominant form was found in this book.