Tricks to defeat Elections.
Citt.Why we had no more to do, then to mark those that we knew were not for our turns, either asCourtiers, orLoose-livers, orhalf-Protestants, and their business was done.
Bum.We went the same way to work too in theCountry, at all ourElections;for it is a Lawfull Policy, you know, to lessen the Reputation of an Enemy.
Citt.Nay we went further still; and set aReporta foot upon theExchange, and all theCoffee-housesandPublique Housesthereabouts, which held fromChange-time, till the veryRisingof theCommon-Councill, when thePetitionwaslaid aside; that past so currant, that no mortall doubted the Truth on't.
Bum.But you ha' not told me what thatReportwas yet.
Citt.It was this,that the King had sent a Message to the City to let them understand that he took notice how much they stood affected to thePetition;that he expected they would proceed upon it; and that his Majesty was ready to give thema gracious Answer.
Bum.But was this fair dealing, Brother?
Citt.Did notAbrahamsay ofSarah, She's my Sister?
Bum.Well thou'rt a heavenly man, Citt!but come to the Miscarriage it self.
The Petition laid aside in theCommon-Council.
Citt.After as Hopefull aChoiceas ever was made, we procur'd aCommon-Councill: where thePetitionwas put to theVote, and it was carry'd in theCommonsbytwo Voyces, for the presenting it, and byFourteen, orFifteen Votesin theCourt of Aldermen, on theNegative.
Bum.So thatyour Damn'd Aldermen, andour Damn'd Justices,have ruin'd us both inCityandCountry.
Citt.Hang'um, they are most of themChurch-Papists; but we should have dealt well enough withthem, if it had not been forthat confoundedActforRegulating Corporations.
Bum.Prethee let me understand that, for I know nothing on't.
The Act for Corporations brake the neck on't.
Citt.Take notice then that this Devillish Statute has provided, thatno man shall serve as aCommon-Councell man,but upon condition of taking threeOaths,and subscribingone Declaration,therein mention'd; and having taken theSacramentof theLords Supper,according to the Rites of the Church ofEngland,within one year next before his Election. Now it so fell out, that what with thisAct, and aCourt-Letterfor putting it inExecution, a matter ofthirtyof ourFriendswere putby, as not duly qualify'd; And upon this Pinch we lost it. Nay let me tell ye as a friend, there were at leasttwentyorthirtyof the rest too, that would hardly have past Muster.
Bum.But is this certain?
Citt.Why I am now in my Element,Bumkin; for thou know'st my Education has been toward the Law.
Bum.This was a Plaguy jobb, Citt,but we must look better to our Hitts next bout.
Citt.Nay my life for thine we'll have another touch for't yet. But tell me in short; how came you off with yourPetitionin theCountry?
Bum.It went on for a good while prettily well at theQuarter-Sessions;till at last oneCross-grain'd Currthere upon theBenchclaw'd us all away to the Devill, and got an Order of Court against it, while you would say what's this.
Citt.But what did he say?
The Petition baffled in the Country.
Bum.Oh there was a great deal of stuff on't; theKing,and theJudges(he said) had declared it to beSeditious,and so they were to take it. That they sat there tokeeptheKings Peace,not to countenance theBreakingof it; and then (says he) these fellows don't know what they would have. OnePetitions forChalk,andAnotherforCheese;the Petition was at firstfor the meeting of the Parliament;and then they came to Twit the King with hisCoronation-Oath,and then, Delinquentsmust be brought toPunishment;and then theParliamentwas to Sit aslongasthey pleas'd,and atlast,every man must bemark'dfor aCommon Enemythat would notSubscribeit. So that first they would have theParliament Sit;and then they'd cut 'um out their work; and in fine, it was little other then aPetitionagainstthosethat wouldnot Petition.He said there were Ill practices in the getting of hands, and so they threw outthePetition,and order'd anEnquiryinto theAbuses.
Citt.Well, there's no remedy but Patience.
Bum.I had need of Patience I'm sure, for they're Examining the Hands allready, as hard as they can drive; You'l see me in theGazette next Thursday,as sure as a Gun.
Citt.Why then we must play theDomestiqueagainsthim, next Fryday.
Bum.Nay, I'm sure to be trounc'd for't to some tune, if I betaken.
Citt.Pre'thee what art affraid of? There's noTreasonin getting hands to aPetitionman.
Bum.No, that's true; but I have put in such a Lurry ofDog-Rogues;they crythey're defam'd,with a Pox, they'le have their remedy;and they make such a Bawling.
Citt.Come, come, set thy heart at rest: and know that in this City th'art in the very Sanctuary of theWell-affected. But 'tis good however to prepare for theworst, and thebest(as they say)will help its self. But art thou really afraid of beingtaken?
Bum.And so would you be too, if you were in my condition, without apenny,or afriendin the world to help ye.
The blessing of having neither friends nor Mony.
Citt.Thou art two great Owls,Bumkin, in a very few words.First, thou hastgreat friendsand do'st notknow on't, andSecondlythou do'st not understand theBlessing, of having neitherFriends, norMoney. In one word, I'll see thee provided for; and in the mean time, give me thy answer to a few questions.
I make no doubt but they that put thee into thisTrust, andEmploymentof helping on thePetition, are men ofEstate, and menwell-inclin'dto thePublique Cause.
Methods ofPopularity.
Bum.O, theirLandlordsandMastersare men of huge Estates; but 'tis theTenants,and theStewardsthat I have to do withall. But then (do you mark me) those people are all in all with their Masters.
Citt.I suppose you may be known to theLandlordsandMasters themselvestoo. Do they ever take any notice of you?
Bum.Yes, yes; I go often to their Houses man, and they speak mighty kindly to me; and there's nothing butHonest Obadiah,andGood Obadiahat every turn; and then the Men take me into the Kitchin, or into the Cellar, or so. And let me tell youCitt,if it had not been for them once, I had been plaguyly paid off in theSpirituall Courtupon a certain Occasion.
Citt.That's a very good sign ofAffectionto theCause, as I told thee: and it would be never the worse if they were under aCloud atCourt; foran Honest Revenge, ye knowgoes a great way with a tender Conscience.
Bum.I have hear'd some Inkling that way, but we'le scatter no words.
Citt.They never speak any thing to you in private, do they? As ofGrievances, (I mean)Religion, the Liberty of the Subject, and such like?
Bum.No, no, but they talk as other people do, of thePlot,and theJesuits,andPopery,and theFrench King,and so.
Citt.And what is the reason now, do ye think, that you are not receiv'd into theirBed-Chambers, theirClosets, into theirArms, and into their veryHearts, as well as some other people as we know?
Bum.Alas! what should they do with me? I'm not a man fit to keep them Company.
A Golden Sentence.
Citt.Why thenHonest Bumpkin, here's a Golden Sentence for thee;Be Taken, Sifted, Imprison'd, Pillory'd, and stand true to thyPrinciples, and th'art company for the bestLordinChristendom. They'l never dare to trust thee till th' artJaylandPillory-proof; and the bringing ofthee intoa Jayl would be a greater kindness, then the fetching ofAnother man Out.
Bum.Prethee Cit, tell me one thing by the way, hast thou ever made Tryal of this Experiment thy self?
A Jayl is the High-way to Preferment.
Citt.To tell thee as a friend, I have try'd it, and I'm the best part of a thousand pound the better for't. 'Tis certainly the high way to preferment.
Bum.And yet for all this, Citt,I have no minde in the World to betaken.
Citt.And that's because th' art an arrant buzzard; the Lord deliver me from a fellow that has neitherMony, norFriends, and yet's afraid of beingTaken. Why 'tis the very making of many a mans Fortune to beTaken. How many men are there that give mony to be Taken, and make aTradeon't;Nayhappy is the man that can but get any body toTakehim. Why I tell ye, there are people that willquarrelfor't, and makeFriendsto beTaken. 'Tis a common thing inParis, for a man inOne six Months, to start out of aFriendless, andMonylesscondition, into an Equipage ofLacquaysandCoaches; and all this by nicking the blessed Opportunities of beingdiscreetly Taken.
Bum.I have heard indeed of a man that set fire toone Old House,and got as much Mony by aBrieffor't, as built himtwo New ones.
Citt.Have not I my self heard it cast in a fellows Teeth,I was the making of you, Sirrah,though y' are so high now a body must not speak to you: You had never beenTakenandclapt up, Sirrah,but for me.
Bum.Father! what Simpletons weCountry-folksare to youCitizens!
Citt.Now put the caseBumpkin, that you wereTaken, Examin'dandCommitted, provided youstand to your Tackle, y'are a Made man already; but if youshrink in the wetting, y'are lost.
Bum.Pray'e what do you mean bystanding to my Tackle?
Citt.You must be sure to keep your self upon a Guard, when y'are before theJustice; and not to be eitherwheedled, orfrighten'dinto anyDiscovery; for they'le be trying a thousand Tricks with you.
Bum.But may I deny any thing that's charg'd upon me, point-blank, if I be guilty of it?
A Salvo for a Lye.
Citt.Yes, in the case ofself-preservation, you may; but you must be sure then that no body candisproveyou; for if it beknown, 'tis aScandall, and no longerLawfull: Your best way will be not to answer any Questions against your self.
Bum.But now you have brought me into aGoal,you would do well to tell me how I shall get out again.
The Benefits of a Prison.
Citt.Why before you turn your self thrice in yourKennell, (ifBaylable) Y'are out again, upon aHabeas Corpus: But in the mean time, the Town rings of yourCommitment, theCauseof it, and how bravely you carry'd it upon yourExamination; all which shall be Reported to your Advantage; and by this time, y'are Celebrated for thePeoples Martyr. And now come in theBottles, theCold-Pies, and theGuynnies: But you must lay your finger upon your Mouth, and keep all as close as if theFayrieshad brought it.
Bum.Pre'thee, Citt,wert thou ever boundPrenticeto aStatesman?
Citt.No, not altogether so neither; but I serv'd a Convenient time in two of his Majesties Houses; and there I learntMy Politiques; that is to say, inNewgate, and theGate-house; Two schools(says one)that send more wise men into the World, then thefour Inns of Court. Now let your suffering be what it will, theMeritof it will be rated according to theDifficultyandhazzardof theEncounter: For there's a great difference betwixt the Venture of aPillory, and of aGibbet. But in what case soever; if you stand fast, and keep your Tongue in your head, you shall want neitherMony, norLaw; norCountenance, norFriendsin theCourt, norFriendsin theJury.
Bum.Hold, hold, Citt;what if all my great Friends should deceive me at last?
Citt.They'le never dare to do that, for fear you should deceivethem. I have found the Experiment of it my self, and everyTermyields us fresh Instances ofpeople that make their Fortunes in a trice, by a generous contempt of Principalities, and Powers.
Bum.Thou'rt a brave fellowCitt;but pre'thee what may thy Employment be at present, if a body may ask thee?
The Secretary to a Grand Committee.
Citt.Iam at this present,Bumpkin, under the Rose, a Secretary-Extraordinaryto one of theGrand CommitteesI told thee of; and my business is to draw upImpeachments, Informations, Articles; to lick over now and then aNarrative; and to deal with theMercuriesto publish nothing against the Interest of that Party: andin fine, there's hardly any thing stirs, but I have a finger in't. Mine is a business I can tell you, that brings inMoney.
Bum.I make no doubt on'tCitt:But could ye put me in a way to get a little money too?
Citt.We'l talk of that presently. You may think perhaps now theCity-Petition'sblown off, that ourCommitteewill have nothing to do. But, I do assure you, businesse comes in so fast, upon us, that I shall never be able to go through it without anAssistant; and if I find you fit for't, you shall be the man.—Nay hold, let Me speak, First; do you continue the use of yourShort-hand?
Bum.Yes, I do; and I have mended myBastard-Secretaryvery much since you saw it.
Citt.Will you beJust,Diligent, andSecret?
Bum.I'le give you what security you'le ask, for myTruthandDiligence;and for mySecrecy, I could almost forget tospeak.
Citt.That Figure pleases me; but I must shrift you further. How stands your appetite toWineandWomen?
Bum.Why truly at the rate ofother flesh and blood.
Citt.'Tis not to barr ye neither; but what Liberties ye take, let them bePrivate; and either to advance theCommon-cause, or atspare hours.
Bum.You cannot ask or wish more then I'le do.
Citt.Only a word or two more, and then I'le let you into my affairs. What course did you propound to your self, in case yourPetitionhad succeeded? I ask this, because you seem so much troubl'd at the Disappointment.
Other Petitions upon the Anvill.
Bum.Why if thisPetitionhad goneon,and theParliamenthadmet,I was promis'd four or fivePetitionsmore; One againstDanby,and the Lords in theTower,anotherfor the Sitting of this Parliament, till they had gone through all they had to do;aThird,for taking away theBishops Votes,aFourthfor the Remove ofEvill Counsellours;and aFifthfor putting theMilitiaintoSafe hands.
Citt.These points you must know, have been a long time upon the Anvill; and our Friends have Instructions all over the Kingdom, to proceed upon them to shew the MiraculousUnionof the Nation. But do you think because theFirst Petitionhas receiv'd achecque, and theParliamentisProrogu'd, that thereforethe other Petitions must fall to the ground?
Bum.I cannot well see how it should be otherwise.
Citt.Why then let me tell you,Bumpkin, We'l bring the whole business about again, and carry it on, in spite of Fate: for we have betterheadsat work perhaps then you are aware of.
Bum.Ay, but whatHandshave weCitt?for it will come to that at last.
Citt.ThoseHeadswill findHands, never trouble your self, if there should be occasion; but 'tis too early-days for that sport yet. 'Twas an unlucky thing however to be so surpriz'd; For our Friends did no more dream of theSacrament, then of theirDying day.
Bum.Well there's no recalling of what's past: But the Question is how we shall avoid it for the time to come.
Citt.NayBumpkin, there's a Trick worth two ofavoidingit, we'lTakeit next bout, and then we're safe; we'l carry it; I'le undertake byfifty Voices.
Bum.But cannot theAldermenhinder you from putting it to the Vote?
A Designe upon the Common-Council.
Citt.'Tis the custom of the City I confess, for theLord MayortoSummonanddissolve Common-Councils, and to put all points to theQuestion; but we'l finde a cure for that too. 'Tis a thing we've been a good while about already; the bringingdown theAuthorityof theCityinto theMajor partof theCommons.
Bum.Now if theMayorandAldermenshould be aware of this, they'l never endure it; but we must leave that to time. But hark yeCitt.I thought our Friends refusing of theSacrament had been matter of Conscience.
Distinctions of Consciences.
Citt.Why so it is man, but take notice then, that you are to distinguish ofConsciences: There is,First, aplain, simple Conscience, and that's a Conscience that will serve well enough to keep a manRight, if he meet with nothing else to put himout of the way. And then there's aConscienceofState, orProfit; andthat Conscienceyields, as aLess Weightdoes to aGreater; anOunceturns theScale, but aPoundcarries theOunce, and no body blames theWeakerfor being over-power'd by thestronger. There is aConscienceofProfessiontoo; which is aConsciencethat does not so much regard theReasonof thething, as the beingTrueto aParty, when a man has past hisWord: and this is theConscienceof a man ofHonour, that fights for hisWhore. There is likewise aConscienceofReligion, and that's aquiet peaceable Conscience, that rests in the Affections of theHeart, in submission toLawfull Institutions; and in servingGod, and doing Good to ourNighbour, withoutNoiseorOstentation.
Consciences of State or Interest.
Bum.Well, but I see a great many veryConsciencious menthat love toPrayandSing Psalmsnext theStreet,that their Neighbours may hear 'um; and go up and downshaking of theirHeads,andwringing of their Hands,crying out ofthe CalvesofBethel,and theHigh places, Popery, Prelacy,and theCommon-Prayer,in such a manner, that 'twould grieve a bodies heart to see 'um.
Citt.These areConsciencious men Bumpkin, and this is theConscienceofStateorProfit, that I told ye of.
Bum.Ay, but I have seen some men in Fits of theSpirit, Jump,and fling about aPulpitso desperately, that they set the children a cryingto have 'um let out.One while they'draisethemselves upon theirTip-toes,andRoar outupon a suddain, you'd have thought they had been pinch'd withHot Irons;and then all in an Instant, they'dDop down again,that ye could hardly see 'um; And sofallinto afaint, lamenting Voice,like theGroneof a poor womanthree quarters spent in Labour.Nay there was One of 'um that gap'd, and held his mouth open so long, that People cry'd out, The man has a Bone in his Throat.Those must needs be veryConsciencious Men, Citt.
Citt.They are soBumpkin, but 'tis thesame Consciencestill;for it works all manner of ways. We took up this Mode I suppose, from theTransports, andGrimacesof thePagan Priests, in the Ceremony of theirSacrifices, which had a very effectual operation upon the People.
Bum.NayCitt,these Men have a Holy way ofLanguagetoo, as well as ofBehaviour,for all theirTalkis ofHeaven,andHeavenly things,theSaintsandthe New Jerusalem;they deal mightily, inExpositionsupon theViols,andthe Little Horn:and then they are bitterly severe againstWicked Magistrates,and those thatLord it over Gods Heritage.They arein finea veryConsciencioussort of People.
Citt.Oh beyond question so they are: But this is still a Branch of thesame Conscience. I have known indeed some people so Transported with this sameTalkative Holiness, that it has been a kind ofSpiritual Salivationto 'um, they continuespittingwhen they have not one drop ofMoistureleft 'um in theirBodies.
Bum.PretheeCitt,tell me in HonestEnglish,where shall a body finde thesimple,and theReligious Consciencesthou told'st me of?
Not many Religious Consciences.
Citt.Why every man living has theFormerof 'um, but takes no notice on't: But for theLattersort, 'tis very scarce; and you shall find more of it perhaps inone Jayle, or inone Hospital, then in all theCourtsofChristendom. It is commonlythe Blessing of men in years, insicknesse, orin adversity.
Bum.AhCitt,that I were but as capable of Learning as thou art of Teaching! Pre'thee explain thy self a little upon theConscienceofProfessiontoo.
A Conscience of Profession.
Citt.Observe me what I say then,Bumpkin; There is aProfession,Particular, andGeneral:Particular, as whenOne Cavalierserves another in aDuell, he's oblig'd to't by theProfessionof aSword-man, without Formalizing upon theCause. There's aConscienceofProfessioneven among theBanditithemselves. What is it but theProfessionofPresbytery, that makes the whole Party opposeEpiscopacy; as theIndependentsdoPresbytery, theRepublicans,Monarchy, and the like.
Bum.Now I thought that there might have beenConscienceofState,as well as ofProfessionin These Cases.
Citt.Thou sayst very well,Bumpkin, and so there is, and ofProfittoo; and it was much the same Case too, throughoutthe Circle of our Late Revolutions, when weSworeandVow'dfrom theOaths of Allegiance, andCanonical Obedience, to theProtestation, theSolemn League and Covenant, theEngagement, theNegative Oath, the Oath ofAbjuration, and so till we swore round, into theOath of Allegianceagain.
Bum.What do you mean now by yourGenerall Profession?
Citt.I mean theSubordinationof aPartiallto aGenerall, of aPrivate Professionto aPublick; as thou seest in the Late Times,Bumpkin, how strictly theDivided Reformerskept themselves to This Rule, so long as theCommon Enemywas upon his Legs.
Bum.But who do you mean by theCommon Enemy?
Citt.I mean, theCourt, and theChurch-Party. So long (I say) all our Brethren of the Separation joyn'd as one man, against thatInordinate Power; and herein we wereConscienciously Trueto ourGeneral Profession; but so soon as ever we had subdu'd thatPopishandTyrannical Interest, through theConscienceof ourGeneral Profession, we then consulted ourParticular; and every man did Conscienciously labour for the Establishment ofhis ownway. But now we come to the great Nicety of all; that is to say, theConscienceof making aConscienceof usingany Conscience at all: There's a Riddle for ye,Bumpkin.
Bum.I must confess I do not understand one Bitt on't.
A Conscience of using no Conscience at all.
Citt.That's for want of a Discerning SpiritBumpkin. What doesConsciencesignifie to theSaints, that are deliver'd from the Fetters ofMoral Obligations, by so manyExtraordinaryandOver-riding Priviledges, which are granted in a peculiar manner to thePeople of the Lord? What's he thebetter, or theworse, forkeepingor forbreakingtheTen Commandments, that lies under thePredestinarian Fateof anUnchangeable NecessityandDecree? What needs he care for anyother Guide, that carries within himself anInfallible Light? Or He forany Rule at allthat cannotsin? For thesame thingmay besininanother man, which inHimisNone.
Bum.Really this is admirable: So that we that are theElectare bound up by noLawsat all, either ofGodor ofMan.
Citt.Why look you now for that; weAre, and we areNot. If it so happens that theInwardandInvisible Spiritmove us to dothe same thing, which theOutward, andVisible Lawrequires of us; inThat Casewe areBound; but so, as to theSpirit, not to theLaw: and therefore we are bid tostand fast in our Christian Liberty.
Of Christian Liberty.
Bum.That's extreamly well said, for ifWe Christiansshouldbe Shackled withHuman Laws, which can only reach theOutward Man, then arethe Heritage of the Lord, in no better Condition then theWicked, and theHeathen.
The Extent of it.
Citt.Oh! th'art infinitely in the Right: for if it were not for thisChristian Liberty, we could never haveJustify'dour Selves in ourLate Transactions: theDesigneofOverturning the Governmenthad beenTreason; taking upArmsagainst theKing,Rebellion;Dividingfrom theCommunionof theChurchhad beenSchism; appropriating theChurch Plate, andRevenuestoPrivate Uses, had beenSacriledge; Entring uponSequester'd Livingshad beenOppression: taking away mensEstateshad beenRobbery;Imprisoningof theirPersonshad beenTyranny; using the name ofGodto all This, would have beenHypocrisy, forcing ofContradictory Oathshad beenImpiety, and Shedding theBloodboth of theKing, and hisPeople, had beenMurther: And all This would have appear'd so to be, if theCausehad come to beTry'dby theKnown Lawseither ofGod, or ofMan.
Bum.Make us thankfull now! What a blessed State are we in, thatWalk up to our Calling, inSimplicityandTruth, whoseYeaisYea, and whoseNayisNay. 'Tis a strange way thou hast,Citt, of making things out to a man. Thou wert saying but now, that thesame thingmay be aSininOne Man, andnotinAnother. I'm thinking now of theJesuites.
Citt.Oh That's aJugling, Equivocating, Hellishsort ofPeople; 'tis a thousand pitties that they're suffer'd to live upon the Earth; They value anOathno more then they do aRush. Those are theHeadsof thePlotnow upon the Life of theKing, theProtestant Religion, and theSubversionof theGovernment.
Jesuites and Phanatiques compar'd.
Bum.Ay, Ay,Citt, they're adamn'd GenerationofHell-hounds. But, as I was thinking just now; we have so many things amongUs, like some things amongThem, that I have been run down some times allmost, as if Weour selveswereJesuites; though I know there's as much difference, as betwixtLight, andDarknesse: and for my part,I defie them as I do the Devill.
A vast Difference betwixt them.
ButCittthou hast so wonderfull a way of making matters plain, I'de give any thing in the world thou'dst but teach me what to say in some Cases, when I'm put to't. One told me t'other day,You are rather worse then theJesuites; (says he)for whenTheybreak anOath, they have somemental Reservationor other for aCome-off:ButYouSwallow yourPerjuryes, justasCormorantsdoEeles; anOath'sno soonerInatOne End, thenOutatt'other.
Citt.Let your Answer be This,Bumpkin, That theLawmakerisMasterofhis own Laws; and that theSpirits dictatingof aNew Law, is theSupersedingof anOld one.
Their Practices compar'd.
Bum.These are hard words, Citt;but he told me further, don'tYouJustifieKing-Killing(says he) as well as theJesuits? OnlyTheydo't withPistol,Dagger, andPoyson; andYoucome with YourHorse,Foot, andCannon:Theyproceed byExcomunicating, andDeposing; bydissolvingtheCharacter,first, andthen destroyingthePerson; and just so didYou.First, yeDepos'dtheKing, andThenyeBeheaded Charles Stuart. And then you need never go toRomefor aPardon, when every man among you ishis own Pope.
The Fanaticks Clear'd.
Citt.Now your Answer must be This; That we had,First, theWarrant, for what we did, ofan Extraordinary Dispensation. (as appear'd in the providence of our Successes)Secondly, we had theLawsofNecessity, andSelf-preservationto Support us. AndThirdly, theGovernmentbeingCoordinate, and theKingonlyOneof theThree Estates; anyTwoof theThreemight deal with theThirdas They thoughtFit: Beside theUltimate Soveraigntyof thePeople, over and above. And now take notice, thatthe same Argumentholds in theSubversionof theGovernment.
Bum.Now you have Arm'd me Thus far, pray'e help me on, one step farther; for I was hard put to't not long Since, about the businesse of theProtestant Religion.What isThat,I pray'e, that ye call theProtestant Religion?
Of Dissenting Protestants.
Citt.You are to understand, that by theProtestant Religionis meant theReligionof theDissentersinEngland, from theChurchofEngland; As theFirst ProtestantsinGermany1529. (from whom we denominate our Selves) wereDissentersfrom theChurchofRome: And SoCall'dfrom the famousProtestationthey enter'd against theDecreeof theAssemblyatSpires, againstAnabaptists.
Bum.So that I perceive WeSet uptheProtestant Religion;we did notDestroyit: But they prest it Then, that theChurch of Englandwas aProtestant Church,and that theJesuiteshad onlyDesign'dtheDestructionof it, where asWedidActually Executeit.
Citt.Your Answer must be, that theChurchofEngland,though it be a littleProtestantish, it is not yet directlyProtestant: As on the Other side, it is not altogether theWhoreofBabilon, though a good dealWhorish; and therefore the Reply to That must be, that we did notDestroy, but onlyReformit.
Bum.Why I have answer'd People out of my OwnMother-Wit,that we did butReformit.And they told me again, the Cutting of it offRoot and Branch,was a very Extraordinary way ofReforming.
The meaning of Root and Branch.
Citt.The Answer to That is Obvious, that theCutting Off Root and Branch, is only aThorow, or aHigher degreeofReforming. But upon the whole matter, it was withUsand theJesuites, as it was withAaronand theMagicians; we didBothof us, makeFroggs, butWe alonehad the Power to quickenthe Dust of the Land, and turn it into Lice.
Thou art by this time, I presume, sufficiently instructed in theMethods, andFundamentallsof theHoly Cause. I shall now give you some necessary Hints, to fit, and quallify you for the Province that I intend you. But besure you mind yourLesson.
Bum.As I would do myPrayers, Citt,or I were Ungratefull, for you have made me for ever.
Citt.Come we'l taket'other Sup, first, and then to work.Who wayts there without? Two Potts more, and shut the door after Ye.
A great part of Your businesse,Bumpkin, will ly amongParliament-RollsandRecords; for it must beOur Postto furnishMateriallsto aCaballonly ofThree Persons, that may be ready upon Occasion, to be made use of by theGrand Committee.
Rolls and Records hunted for Presidents.
Bum. MyOld Master would say that I had as good a guesse at aMusty Record,as any man; And 'twas my whole Employment almost, to hunt forPresidents.Nay the People would Trust me withGreat Bagshome to my Lodging; and leave me alone sometimes in theOfficesfor four and twenty hours together.
Citt.But what kind ofPresidentswere they that Ye lookt for?
Bum.Concerning theKings Prerogative, Bishops Votes,theLibertyandPropertyof theSubject;and the like: And such as They wanted, I writ out.
Citt.But did you Recite themWhole? or what did youTake, and what did youLeave?
Bum.We took what serv'd our Turn, and left out the Rest; andsometimes we were takenTripping, and sometimes weScap'd: But we never falsify'd any thing. There were some dogged Passages, indeed we durst not meddle with at all; but I can turn ye to any thing you have occasion for, with a wet-finger.
Lessons of behaviour for the Well-affected.
Citt.So that here's One great point quickly over; in thy being Train'd to my hand: A man might lay thee downInstructions, now, for thy veryWords,Looks,Motions,Gestures; nay thy veryGarments; but we'l leave those matters to Time, and Study. It is a strange thing how Nature puts her self forth, in theseExternall Circumstances. Ye shall Know aSanctifi'd Sister, or aGifted Brothermore by theMeene,Countenance, andTone, then by the Tenour of theirLives, andManners. It is a Comely thing for Persons of the Same Perswasion, to agree in theseOutward Circumstances, even to thedrawingof thesame Tone, andmakingof thesame Face: Always provided, that there may be read in ourAppearances, aSingularity of Zeal, aContempt of the World, afore-boding of Evills to come; adissatisfaction at the Present Times; and aDespair of Better.
Bum.Why This is the very Part, that I was Made for; these Humours are to be putOn, andOff, as a man would shift hisGloves; and you shall see me do't as Easily too; but theLanguagemust be got, I Phansy, by Conversing withModern Authours, and frequentingReligious Exercises.
Citt.Yes, yes, and for a help to your memory I would advise you to dispose of your Observations into theseThree Heads,Words,Phrases, andMetaphors: Do you conceive me?
The Force of Looks and Tones.
Bum.There's not a word you say, falls to the Ground. And I am the more sensible of the force ofWords,Looks,Tones, andMetaphors(as ye call 'um) from what I finde in my self.Ourscertainly may be well term'd aPowerfull Ministry, that makes a man cry like a Child at the veryNoyseof a Torrent ofWordsthat he does notUnderstand One Syllableof. Nay, when I have been out of reach of hearing theWords, the veryToneandLook, hasMeltedme.
A Moving Metaphor.
Citt.Thou canst not but have heard ofThat Moving Metaphorof the late ReverendMr. Fowler:Lord Sowse us;(says he)Lord Dowse us, in the Powdering-Tubb of Affliction; that we may come forth Tripes worthy of thy Holy Table.Who can resist theInundationof ThisRhetorique? But let us now pass from theGenerall Ornamentsof ourProfession, to theParticular businesseof ourpresent Case.
I need not tell you,Bumpkin, of thePlott, or that we are allrunning intoPopery; and that the best ServiceEnglishmancan do his Country, would be the ripping up of This Designe to theBottom.
Bum.I am so much of Your Opinion, that you have Spoken my very Thoughts.
Citt.Bethink your self,Bumpkin; whatPapistsdo you know?
Bum.Oh, hang 'um all, I never come near any of 'Um.
Citt.But yet you may have Heard, perhaps, of some people that arePopishly affected.
Bum.Yes, yes; There are abundance of Them.
Citt.Can you prove that ever theySayd, orDidany thing, in favour of thePapists?
Bum.Nay there's enough of That I believe; but then there are suchHuge Great men among 'um.
Citt.Pluck up a good heartBumpkin; theGreater, theBetter; We fear 'um not. Rub up your Memory, and call to minde what you can say uponYour own Knowledge, and what you haveHeard; either aboutSir Edmond-Bury Godfrey, ThePlott; TheTraytorsthat Suffer'd, or theKings Evidence.
Bum.I have seen peopleshrugsometimes, and lift up theirHandsandEyes,and shake theirHeads,and then they would clutch theirFists,look sour,makeMouths,and bite theirNails,and so: And I dare swear I know what they thought.
Citt.AhBumpkin, if they had but so much as mutter'd, they'd been our own.
Signs in Evidence.
Bum.Well but hark yeCitt,I hear People swear, or in WORDS to this Effect;why may not a Man as well swear, in SIGNS to this Effect?and that they lifted up theirEyes,andhands,bent theirFists,knit theirBrows,and madeMouths, to this or that Effect?
Citt.No, that will never doBumpkin, but if thou could'st but phansy that thou heard'st themspeak.
Bum.Why truly I never thought on't, but I saw aParsononce, the Tears flood in his Eyes, as one of 'um went by to Execution. But yourSurcingle-men, (as our Doctor told us last Lords day)are all of 'umPapists in their Hearts.
Citt.Why what's theCommon-Prayer Book Bumpkin, but a mess ofParboyl'd Popery?
Bum.I'm a dog, if our Minister does not pray for theQueenstill.
Sad Times.
Citt.Nay, we are e'en at a fine pass, when thePulpitpraysfor theQueen, and theBenchDrinks theDuke of Yorks Health. But to the point, bethink your self well; a man may forget a thing to day, and recollect it to morrow. Take notice however, that it is another main point of your Instructions to procureInformationsof this quality.
Bum.I'le fit you to a hair for that matter: But then I must be running up and down ye know, intoTaverns,andCoffee-houses,and thrusting myself intoMeetings,andClubs.That licks mony.
Citt.Never trouble your self for that, you shall be well paid and your expences born: Beside so much a head from the State, for every Priest that you discover.
Bum.Well! thesePriestsandJesuitesare damn'd fellows.
Citt.And yet let me tell youBumpkin, abare fac'd Papistis not half so bad as aPapistinMasquerade.
Bum.Why what are those I prethee?