Defeated Warrior
A defeated warrior snatched up his aged father, and, slinging him across his shoulders, plunged into the wilderness, followed by the weary remnant of his beaten army. The old gentleman liked it.
"See!" said he, triumphantly, to the flying legion; "did you ever hear of so dutiful and accommodating a son? And he's as easy under the saddle as an old family horse!"
"I rather think," replied the broken and disordered battalion, with a grin, "that Mr. Æneas once did something of this kind. Buthisfather had thoughtfully taken an armful of lares and penates; and the accommodating nature ofhisson was, therefore, more conspicuous. If I might venture to suggest that you take up my shield and scimitar—"
"Thank you," said the aged party, "I could not think of disarming the military: but if you would just hand me up one of the heaviest of those dead branches, I think the merits of my son would be rendered sufficiently apparent."
The routed column passed him up the one shown in the immediate foreground of our sketch, and it was quite enough for both steed and rider.
Fabula ostenditthat History repeats itself, with variations.
A pig who had engaged a cray-fish to pilot him along the beach in search of mussels, was surprised to see his guide start off backwards.
"Your excessive politeness quite overcomes me," said the porker, "but don't you think it rather ill bestowed upon a pig? Pray don't hesitate to turn your back upon me."
"Sir," replied the cray-fish, "permit me to continue as I am. We now stand to each other in the proper relation ofemployéto employer. The former is excessively obsequious, and the latter is, in the eyes of the former, a hog."
The king of tortoises desiring to pay a visit of ceremony to a neighbouring monarch, feared that in his absence his idle subjects might get up a revolution, and that whoever might be left at the head of the State would usurp the throne. So calling his subjects about him, he addressed them thus:
"I am about to leave our beloved country for a long period, and desire to leave the sceptre in the hands of him who is most truly a tortoise. I decree that you shall set out from yonder distant tree, andpass round it. Whoever shall get back last shall be appointed Regent."
So the population set out for the goal, and the king for his destination. Before the race was decided, his Majesty had made the journey and returned. But he found the throne occupied by a subject, who at once secured by violence what he had won by guile.
Certain usurpers are too conscientious to retain kingly power unless the rightful monarch be dead; and these are the most dangerous sort.
A spaniel at the point of death requested a mastiff friend to eat him.
"It would soothe my last moments," said he, "to know that when I am no longer of any importance to myself I may still be useful to you."
"Much obliged, I am sure," replied his friend; "I think you mean well, but you should know that my appetite is not so depraved as to relish dog."
Perhaps it is for a similar reason we abstain from cannibalism.
A cloud was passing across the face of the sun, when the latter expostulated with him.
"Why," said the sun, "when you have so much space to float in, should you be casting your cold shadow upon me?"
After a moment's reflection, the cloud made answer thus:
"I certainly had no intention of giving offence by my presence, and as for my shadow, don't you think you have made a trifling mistake?—not a gigantic or absurd mistake, but merely one that would disgrace an idiot."
At this the great luminary was furious, and fell so hotly upon him that in a few minutes there was nothing of him left.
It is very foolish to bandy words with a cloud if you happen to be the sun.
A rabbit travelling leisurely along the highway was seen, at some distance, by a duck, who had just come out of the water.
"Well, I declare!" said she, "if I could not walk without limping in that ridiculous way, I'd stay at home. Why, he's a spectacle!"
"Did you ever see such an ungainly beast as that duck!" said the rabbit to himself. "If I waddled like that I should go out only at night."
MORAL, BY A KANGAROO.—People who are ungraceful of gait are always intolerant of mind.
A fox who dwelt in the upper chamber of an abandoned watch-tower, where he practised all manner of magic, had by means of his art subjected all other animals to his will. One day he assembled a great multitude of them below his window, and commanded that each should appear in his presence, and all who could not teach him some important truth should be thrown off the walls and dashed to pieces. Upon hearing this they were all stricken with grief, and began to lament their hard fate most piteously.
"How," said they, "shall we, who are unskilled in magic, unread in philosophy, and untaught in the secrets of the stars—who have neither wit, eloquence,nor song—how shall we essay to teach wisdom to the wise?"
Nevertheless, they were compelled to make the attempt. After many had failed and been dispatched, another fox arrived on the ground, and learning the condition of affairs, scampered slyly up the steps, and whispered something in the ear of the cat, who was about entering the tower. So the latter stuck her head in at the door, and shrieked:
"Pullets with a southern exposure ripen earliest, and have yellow legs."
At this the magician was so delighted that he dissolved the spell and let them all go free.
One evening a jackass, passing between a village and a hill, looked over the latter and saw the faint light of the rising moon.
"Ho-ho, Master Redface!" said he, "so you are climbing up the other side to point out my long ears to the villagers, are you? I'll just meet you at the top, and set my heels into your insolent old lantern."
So he scrambled painfully up to the crest, and stood outlined against the broad disc of the unconscious luminary, more conspicuously a jackass than ever before.
A bear wishing to rob a beehive, laid himself down in front of it, and overturned it with his paw.
"Now," said he, "I will lie perfectly still and let the bees sting me until they are exhausted and powerless; their honey may then be obtained without opposition."
And it was so obtained, but by a fresh bear, the other being dead.
This narrative exhibits one aspect of the "Fabian policy."
A cat seeing a mouse with a piece of cheese, said:
"I would not eat that, if I were you, for I think it is poisoned. However, if you will allow me to examine it, I will tell you certainly whether it is or not."
While the mouse was thinking what it was best to do, the cat had fully made up her mind, and was kind enough to examine both the cheese and the mouse in a manner highly satisfactory to herself, but the mouse has never returned to givehisopinion.
An improvident man, who had quarrelled with his wife concerning household expenses, took her and the children out on the lawn, intending to make an example of her. Putting himself in an attitude of aggression, and turning to his offspring, he said:
"You will observe, my darlings, that domestic offences are always punished with a loss of blood. Make a note of this and be wise."
He had no sooner spoken than a starving mosquito settled upon his nose, and began to assist in enforcing the lesson.
"My officious friend," said the man, "when I require illustrations from the fowls of the air, you may command my patronage. The deep interest you take in my affairs is, at present, a trifle annoying."
Improvident Man
"I do not find it so," the mosquito would have replied had he been at leisure, "and am convinced that our respective points of view are so widely dissimilar as not to afford the faintest hope of reconciling our opinions upon collateral points. Let us be thankful that upon the main question of bloodletting we perfectly agree."
When the bird had concluded, the man's convictions were quite unaltered, but he was too weak to resume the discussion; and, although blood is thicker than water, the children were constrained to confess that the stranger had the best of it.
This fable teaches.
"I hate snakes who bestow their caresses with interested partiality or fastidious discrimination,"boasted a boa constrictor. "Myaffection is unbounded; it embraces all animated nature. I am the universal shepherd; I gather all manner of living things into my folds. Entertainment here for man and beast!"
"I should be glad of one of your caresses," said a porcupine, meekly; "it has been some time since I got a loving embrace."
So saying, he nestled snugly and confidingly against the large-hearted serpent—who fled.
A comprehensive philanthropy may be devoid of prejudices, but it has its preferences all the same.
During a distressing famine in China a starving man met a fat pig, who, seeing no chance of escape, walked confidently up to the superior animal, and said:
"Awful famine! isn't it?"
"Quite dreadful!" replied the man, eyeing him with an evident purpose: "almost impossible to obtain meat."
"Plenty of meat, such as it is, but no corn. Do you know, I have been compelled to eat so many of your people, I don't believe there is an ounce of pork in my composition."
"And I so many that I have lost all taste for pork."
"Terrible thing this cannibalism!"
"Depends upon which character you try it in; it is terrible to be eaten."
"You are very brutal!"
"You are very fat."
"You look as if you would take my life."
"You look as if you would sustain mine."
"Let us 'pull sticks,'" said the now desperate animal, "to see which of us shall die."
"Good!" assented the man: "I'll pull this one."
So saying, he drew a hedge-stake from the ground, and stained it with the brain of that unhappy porker.
MORAL.—An empty stomach has no ears.
A snake, a mile long, having drawn himself over a roc's egg, complained that in its present form he could get no benefit from it, and modestly desired the roc to aid him in some way.
"Certainly," assented the bird, "I think we can arrange it."
Saying which, she snatched up one of the smaller Persian provinces, and poising herself a few leagues above the suffering reptile, let it drop upon him to smash the egg.
This fable exhibits the folly of asking for aid without specifying the kind and amount of aid you require.
An ox meeting a man on the highway, asked him for a pinch of snuff, whereupon the man fled back along the road in extreme terror.
"Don'tbe alarmed," said a horse whom he met; "the ox won't bite you."
The man gave one stare and dashed across the meadows.
"Well," said a sheep, "I wouldn't be afraid of a horse;hewon't kick."
The man shot like a comet into the forest.
"Look where you're going there, or I'll thrash the life out of you!" screamed a bird into whose nest he had blundered.
Frantic with fear, the man leapt into the sea.
"By Jove! how you frightened me," said a small shark.
The man was dejected, and felt a sense of injury. He seated himself moodily on the bottom, braced up his chin with his knees, and thought for an hour. Then he beckoned to the fish who had made the last remark.
"See here, I say," said he, "I wish you would just tell me what in thunder this all means."
"Ever read any fables?" asked the shark.
"No—yes—well, the catechism, the marriage service, and—"
"Oh, bother!" said the fish, playfully, smiling clean back to the pectoral fins; "get out of this and bolt your Æsop!"
The man did get out and bolted.
[This fable teaches that its worthy author was drunk as a loon.—TRANSLATOR.]
A lion pursued by some villagers was asked by a fox why he did not escape on horseback.
"There is a fine strong steed just beyond this rock," said the fox. "All you have to do is to get on his back and stay there."
So the lion went up to the charger and asked him to give him a lift.
"Certainly," said the horse, "with great pleasure."
And setting one of his heels into the animal's stomach, he lifted him. about seven feet from the ground.
"Confound you!" roared the beast as he fell back.
"So did you," quietly remarked the steed.
A Mahout who had dismounted from his elephant, and was quietly standing on his head in the middle of the highway, was asked by the animal why he did not revert and move on.
"You are making a spectacle of yourself," said the beast.
"If I choose to stand upside down," replied the man, "I am very well aware that I incur the displeasure of those who adhere with slavish tenacity to the prejudices and traditions of society; but it seems to me that rebuke would come with a more consistent grace from one who does not wear a tail upon his nose."
This fable teaches that four straight lines may enclose a circle, but there will be corners to let.
A dog meeting a strange cat, took her by the top of the back, and shook her for a considerable period with some earnestness. Then depositing her in a ditch, he remarked with gravity:
"There, my feline friend! I think that will teach you a wholesome lesson; and as punishment is intended to be reformatory, you ought to be grateful to me for deigning to administer it."
"I don't think of questioning your right to worry me," said the cat, getting her breath, "but I should like to know where you got your licence to preach at me. Also, if not inconsistent with the dignity of the court, I should wish to be informed of the nature of my offence; in order that I may the more clearly apprehend the character of the lesson imparted by its punishment."
"Since you are so curious," replied the dog, "I worry you because you are too feeble to worry me."
"In other words," rejoined the cat, getting herself together as well as she could, "you bite me for that to which you owe your existence."
The reply of the dog was lost in the illimitable field of ether, whither he was just then projected by the kick of a passing horse. The moral of this fable cannot be given until he shall get down, and close the conversation with the regular apophthegm.
People who wear tight hats will do well to lay this fable well to heart, and ponder upon the deep significance of its moral:
In passing over a river, upon a high bridge, a cow discovered a broad loose plank in the flooring, sustained in place by a beam beneath the centre.
"Now," said she, "I will stand at this end of the trap, and when yonder sheep steps upon the opposite extreme there will be an upward tendency in wool."
So when the meditative mutton advanced unwarily upon the treacherous device, the cow sprang bodily upon the other end, and there was a fall in beef.
Two snakes were debating about the proper method of attacking prey.
"The best way," said one, "is to slide cautiously up, endwise, and seize it thus"—illustrating his method by laying hold of the other's tail.
"Not at all," was the reply; "a better plan is to approach by a circular side-sweep, thus"—turning upon his opponent and taking inhistail.
Although there was no disagreement as to the manner of disposing of what was once seized, each began to practise his system upon the other, and continued until both were swallowed.
The work begun by contention is frequently completed by habit.
Staggering Man
A man staggering wearily through the streets of Persepolis, under a heavy burden, said to himself:
"I wish I knew what this thing is I have on my back; then I could make some sort of conjecture as to what I design doing with it."
"Suppose," said the burden, "I were a man in a sack; what disposition would you make of me?"
"The regular thing," replied the man, "would be to take you over to Constantinople, and pitch you into the Bosphorus; but I should probably content myself with laying you down and jumping on you, as being more agreeable to my feelings, and quite as efficacious."
"But suppose," continued the burden, "I were a shoulder of beef—which I quite as much resemble—belonging to some poor family?"
"In that case," replied the man, promptly, "I should carry you to my larder, my good fellow."
"But if I were a sack of gold, do you think you would find me very onerous?" said the burden.
"A great deal would depend," was the answer, "upon whom you happened to belong to; but I may say, generally, that gold upon the shoulders is wonderfully light, considering the weight of it."
"Behold," said the burden, "the folly of mankind: they cannot perceive that thequalityof the burdens of life is a matter of no importance. The question of pounds and ounces is the only consideration of any real weight."
A ghost meeting a genie, one wintry night, said to him:
"Extremely harassing weather, friend. Wish I had some teeth to chatter!"
"You do not need them," said the other; "you can always chatter those of other people, by merely showing yourself. For my part, I should be content with some light employment: would erect a cheap palace, transport a light-weight princess, threaten a small cripple—or jobs of that kind. What are the prospects of the fool crop?"
"For the next few thousand years, very good. There is a sort of thing called Literature coming in shortly, and it will make our fortune. But it will be very bad for History. Curse this phantom apparel! The more I gather it about me the colder I get."
"When Literature has made our fortune," sneered the genie, "I presume you will purchase material clothing."
"And you," retorted the ghost, "will be able to advertise for permanent employment at a fixed salary."
This fable shows the difference between the super natural and the natural "super": the one appears in the narrative, the other does not.
"Permit me to help you on in the world, sir," said a boy to a travelling tortoise, placing a glowing coal upon the animal's back.
"Thank you," replied the unconscious beast; "I alone am responsible for the time of my arrival, and I alone will determine the degree of celerity required. The gait I am going will enable me to keep all my present appointments."
A genial warmth began about this time to pervade his upper crust, and a moment after he was dashing away at a pace comparatively tremendous.
"How about those engagements?" sneered the grinning urchin.
"I've recollected another one," was the hasty reply.
Having fastened his gaze upon a sparrow, a rattlesnake sprung open his spanning jaws, and invited her to enter.
"I should be most happy," said the bird, not daring to betray her helpless condition, but anxious by any subterfuge to get the serpent to remove his fascinating regard, "but I am lost in contemplation of yonder green sunset, from which I am unable tolook away for more than a minute. I shall turn to it presently."
"Do, by all means," said the serpent, with a touch of irony in his voice. "There is nothing so improving as a good, square, green sunset."
"Did you happen to observe that man standing behind you with a club?" continued the sparrow. "Handsome fellow! Fifteen cubits high, with seven heads, and very singularly attired; quite a spectacle in his way."
"I don't seem to care much for men," said the snake. "Every way inferior to serpents—except in malice."
"But he is accompanied by areally interestingchild," persisted the bird, desperately.
The rattlesnake reflected deeply. He soliloquized as follows:
"There is a mere chance—say about one chance to ten thousand million—that this songster is speaking the truth. One chance in ten thousand million of seeing a really interesting child is worth the sacrifice demanded; I'll make it."
So saying, he removed his glittering eyes from the bird (who immediately took wing) and looked behind him. It is needless to say there was no really interesting child there—nor anywhere else.
MORAL.—Mendacity (so called from the inventors) is a very poor sort of dacity; but it will serve your purpose if you draw it sufficiently strong.
A man who was very much annoyed by the incursions of a lean ass belonging to his neighbour, resolved to compass the destruction of the invader.
"Now," said he, "if this animal shall choose tostarve himself to death in the midst of plenty, the law will not holdmeguilty of his blood. I have read of a trick which I think will 'fix' him."
So he took two bales of his best hay, and placed them in a distant field, about forty cubits apart. By means of a little salt he then enticed the ass in, and coaxed him between the bundles.
"There, fiend!" said he, with a diabolic grin, as he walked away delighted with the success of his stratagem, "now hesitate which bundle of hay to attack first, until you starve—monster!"
Some weeks afterwards he returned with a wagon to convey back the bundles of hay. There wasn't any hay, but the wagon was useful for returning to his owner that unfortunate ass—who was too fat to walk.
This ought to show any one the folly of relying upon the teaching of obscure and inferior authors.[B]
One day the king of the wrens held his court for the trial of a bear, who was at large upon his own recognizance. Being summoned to appear, the animal came with great humility into the royal presence.
"What have you to say, sir," demanded the king, "in defence of your inexcusable conduct in pillaging the nests of our loyal subjects wherever you can find them?"
"May it please your Majesty," replied the prisoner, with a reverential gesture, repeated at intervals, andeach time at a less distance from the royal person, "I will not wound your Majesty's sensibilities by pleading a love of eggs; I will humbly confess my course of crime, warn your Majesty of its probable continuance, and beg your Majesty's gracious permission to inquire—What is your Majesty going to do about it?"
The king and his ministers were very much struck with this respectful speech, with the ingenuity of the final inquiry, and with the bear's paw. It was the paw, however, which made the most lasting impression.
Always give ear to the flattery of your powerful inferiors: it will cheer you in your decline.
A philosopher looking up from the pages of the Zend-Avesta, upon which he had been centring his soul, beheld a pig violently assailing a cauldron of cold slops.
"Heaven bless us!" said the sage; "for unalloyed delight give me a good honest article of Sensuality. So soon as my 'Essay upon the Correlation of Mind-forces' shall have brought me fame and fortune, I hope to abjure the higher faculties, devoting the remainder of my life to the cultivation of the propensities."
"Allah be praised!" soliloquized the pig, "there is nothing so godlike as Intellect, and nothing so ecstatic as intellectual pursuits. I must hasten to perform this gross material function, that I may retire to my wallow and resign my soul to philosophical meditation."
This tale has one moral if you are a philosopher, and another if you are a pig.
"Awful dark—isn't it?" said an owl, one night, looking in upon the roosting hens in a poultry-house; "don't see how I am to find my way back to my hollow tree."
"There is no necessity," replied the cock; "you can roost there, alongside the door, and go home in the morning."
"Thanks!" said the owl, chuckling at the fool's simplicity; and, having plenty of time to indulge his facetious humour, he gravely installed himself upon the perch indicated, and shutting his eyes, counterfeited a profound slumber. He was aroused soon after by a sharp constriction of the throat.
"I omitted to tell you," said the cock, "that the seat you happen by the merest chance to occupy is a contested one, and has been fruitful of hens to this vexatious weasel. I don't knowhowoften I have been partially widowed by the sneaking villain."
For obvious reasons there was no audible reply.
This narrative is intended to teach the folly—the worse than sin!—of trumping your partner's ace.
A fat cow who saw herself detected by an approaching horse while perpetrating stiff and ungainly gambols in the spring sunshine, suddenly assumed a severe gravity of gait, and a sedate solemnity of expression that would have been creditable to a Brahmin.
"Fine morning!" said the horse, who, fired by her example, was curvetting lithely and tossing his head.
"That rather uninteresting fact," replied the cow,attending strictly to her business as a ruminant, "does not impress me as justifying your execution of all manner of unseemly contortions, as a preliminary to accosting an entire stranger."
"Well, n—no," stammered the horse; "I—I suppose not. Fact is I—I—no offence, I hope."
And the unhappy charger walked soberly away, dazed by the preternatural effrontery of that placid cow.
When overcome by the dignity of any one you chance to meet, try to have this fable about you.
"What have you there on your back?" said a zebra, jeeringly, to a "ship of the desert" in ballast.
"Only a bale of gridirons," was the meek reply.
"And what, pray, may you design doing with them?" was the incredulous rejoinder.
"What am I to do with gridirons?" repeated the camel, contemptuously. "Nice question foryou, who have evidently just come off one!"
People who wish to throw stones should not live in glass houses; but there ought to be a few in their vicinity.
A cat, waking out of a sound sleep, saw a mouse sitting just out of reach, observing her. Perceiving that at the slightest movement of hers the mouse would recollect an engagement, she put on a look of extreme amiability, and said:
"Oh! it's you, is it? Do you know, I thought at first you were a frightful great rat; and I amsoafraid of rats! I feel so much relieved—you don't know! Of course you have heard that I am a great friend to the dear little mice?"
Cat and Mouse
"Yes," was the answer, "I have heard that you love us indifferently well, and my mission here was to bless you while you slept. But as you will wish to go and get your breakfast, I won't bore you. Fine morning—isn't it?Au revoir!"
This fable teaches that it is usually safe to avoid one who pretends to be a friend without having any reason to be. It wasn't safe in this instance, however; for the cat went after that departing rodent, and got away with him.
A man pursued by a lion, was about stepping into a place of safety, when he bethought him ofthe power of the human eye; and, turning about, he fixed upon his pursuer a steady look of stern reproof. The raging beast immediately moderated his rate per hour, and finally came to a dead halt, within a yard of the man's nose. After making a leisurely survey of him, he extended his neck and bit off a small section of his victim's thigh.
"Beard of Arimanes!" roared the man; "have you no respect for the Human Eye?"
"I hold the human eye in profound esteem," replied the lion, "and I confess its power. It assists digestion if taken just before a meal. But I don't understand why you should have two and I none."
With that he raised his foot, unsheathed his claws, and transferred one of the gentleman's visual organs to his own mouth.
"Now," continued he, "during the brief remainder of a squandered existence, your lion-quelling power, being more highly concentrated, will be the more easily managed."
He then devoured the remnant of his victim, including the other eye.
An ant laden with a grain of corn, which he had acquired with infinite toil, was breasting a current of his fellows, each of whom, as is their etiquette, insisted upon stopping him, feeling him all over, and shaking hands. It occurred to him that an excess of ceremony is an abuse of courtesy. So he laid down his burden, sat upon it, folded all his legs tight to his body, and smiled a smile of great grimness.
"Hullo! what's the matter withyou?" exclaimed the first insect whose overtures were declined.
"Sick of the hollow conventionalities of a rottencivilization," was the rasping reply. "Relapsed into the honest simplicity of primitive observances. Go to grass!"
"Ah! then we must trouble you for that corn. In a condition of primitive simplicity there are no rights of property, you know. These are 'hollow conventionalities.'"
A light dawned upon the intellect of that pismire. He shook the reefs out of his legs; he scratched the reverse of his ear; he grappled that cereal, and trotted away like a giant refreshed. It was observed that he submitted with a wealth of patience to manipulation by his friends and neighbours, and went some distance out of his way to shake hands with strangers on competing lines of traffic.
A snake who had lain torpid all winter in his hole took advantage of the first warm day to limber up for the spring campaign. Having tied himself into an intricate knot, he was so overcome by the warmth of his own body that he fell asleep, and did not wake until nightfall. In the darkness he was unable to find his head or his tail, and so could not disentangle and slide into his hole. Per consequence, he froze to death.
Many a subtle philosopher has failed to solve himself, owing to his inability to discern his beginning and his end.
A dog finding a joint of mutton, apparently guarded by a negligent raven, stretched himself before it with an air of intense satisfaction.
"Ah!" said he, alternately smiling and stoppingup the smiles with meat, "this is an instrument of salvation to my stomach—an instrument upon which I love to perform."
"I beg your pardon!" said the bird; "it was placed there specially for me, by one whose right to so convey it is beyond question, he having legally acquired it by chopping it off the original owner."
"I detect no flaw in your abstract of title," replied the dog; "all seems quite regular; but I must not provoke a breach of the peace by lightly relinquishing what I might feel it my duty to resume by violence. I must have time to consider; and in the meantime I will dine."
Thereupon he leisurely consumed the property in dispute, shut his eyes, yawned, turned upon his back, thrust out his legs divergently, and died.
For the meat had been carefully poisoned—a fact of which the raven was guiltily conscious.
There are several things mightier than brute force, and arsenic[C]is one of them.
The King of Persia had a favourite hawk. One day his Majesty was hunting, and had become separated from his attendants. Feeling thirsty, he sought a stream of water trickling from a rock; took a cup, and pouring some liquor into it from his pocket-flask, filled it up with water, and raised it to his lips. The hawk, who had been all this time hovering about, swooped down, screaming "No, you don't!" and upset the cup with his wing.
"I know what is the matter," said the King: "there is a dead serpent in the fountain above, and this faithful bird has saved my life by not permitting me to drink the juice. I must reward him in the regular way."
So he called a page, who had thoughtfully presented himself, and gave directions to have the Remorse Apartments of the palace put in order, and for the court tailor to prepare an evening suit of sackcloth-and-ashes. Then summoning the hawk, he seized and dashed him to the ground, killing him very dead. Rejoining his retinue, he dispatched an officer to remove the body of the serpent from the fountain, lest somebody else should get poisoned. There wasn't any serpent—the water was remarkable for its wholesome purity!
Then the King, cheated of his remorse, was sorry he had slain the bird; he said it was a needless waste of power to kill a bird who merely deserved killing. It never occurred to the King that the hawk's touching solicitude was with reference to the contents of the royal flask.
Fabula ostenditthat a "twice-told tale" needs not necessarily be "tedious"; a reasonable degree of interest may be obtained by intelligently varying the details.
A herd of cows, blown off the summit of the Himalayas, were sailing some miles above the valleys, when one said to another:
"Got anything to say about this?"
"Not much," was the answer. "It's airy."
"I wasn't thinking of that," continued the first; "I am troubled about our course. If we could leave the Pleiades a little more to the right, strikinga middle course between Boötes and the ecliptic, we should find it all plain sailing as far as the solstitial colure. But once we get into the Zodiac upon our present bearing, we are certain to meet with shipwreck before reaching our aphelion."
They escaped this melancholy fate, however, for some Chaldean shepherds, seeing a nebulous cloud drifting athwart the heavens, and obscuring a favourite planet they had just invented, brought out their most powerful telescopes and resolved it into independent cows—whom they proceeded to slaughter in detail with the instruments of smaller calibre. There have been occasional "meat showers" ever since. These are probably nothing more than—
[Our author can be depended upon in matters of fact; his scientific theories are not worth printing.—TRANSLATOR.]
A bear, who had worn himself out walking from one end of his cage to the other, addressed his keeper thus:
"I say, friend, if you don't procure me a shorter cage I shall have to give up zoology; it is about the most wearing pursuit I ever engaged in. I favour the advancement of science, but the mechanical part of it is a trifle severe, and ought to be done by contract."
"You are quite right, my hearty," said the keeper, "itissevere; and there have been several excellent plans proposed to lighten the drudgery. Pending the adoption of some of them, you would find a partial relief in lying down and keeping quiet."
"It won't do—it won't do!" replied the bear,with a mournful shake of the head, "it's not the orthodox thing. Inaction may do for professors, collectors, and others connected with the ornamental part of the noble science; but forus, we must keep moving, or zoology would soon revert to the crude guesses and mistaken theories of the azoic period. And yet," continued the beast, after the keeper had gone, "there is something novel and ingenious in what the underling suggests. I must remember that; and when I have leisure, give it a trial."
It was noted next day that the noble science had lost an active apostle, and gained a passive disciple.
A hen who had hatched out a quantity of ducklings, was somewhat surprised one day to see them take to the water, and sail away out of her jurisdiction. The more she thought of this the more unreasonable such conduct appeared, and the more indignant she became. She resolved that it must cease forthwith. So she soon afterward convened her brood, and conducted them to the margin of a hot pool, having a business connection with the boiling spring of Doo-sno-swair. They straightway launched themselves for a cruise—returning immediately to the land, as if they had forgotten their ship's papers.
When Callow Youth exhibits an eccentric tendency, give it him hot.
"Did it ever occur to you that this manner of thing is extremely unpleasant?" asked a writhing worm of the angler who had impaled him upon ahook. "Such treatment by those who boast themselves our brothers is, possibly, fraternal—but it hurts."
"I confess," replied the idler, "that our usages with regard to vermin and reptiles might be so amended as to be more temperately diabolical; but please to remember that the gentle agonies with which we afflictyouare wholesome and exhilarating compared with the ills we ladle out to one another. During the reign of His Pellucid Refulgence, Khatchoo Khan," he continued, absently dropping his wriggling auditor into the brook, "no less than three hundred thousand Persian subjects were put to death, in a pleasing variety of ingenious ways, for their religious beliefs."
"What that has to do with your treatment ofus" interrupted a fish, who, having bitten at the worm just then, was drawn into the conversation, "I am quite unable to see."
"That," said the angler, disengaging him, "is because you have the hook through your eyeball, my edible friend."
Many a truth is spoken in jest; but at least ten times as many falsehoods are uttered in dead earnest.
A wild cat was listening with rapt approval to the melody of distant hounds tracking a remote fox.
"Excellent!bravo!" she exclaimed at intervals. "I could sit and listen all day to the like of that. I am passionately fond of music.Ong-core!"