(Enter Montanus.)
MONTANUS. How do you do, my dear father-in-law. I am delighted to see you in good health.
JERONIMUS. People of my age can't enjoy remarkable health.
MONTANUS. You look mighty well, however.
JERONIMUS. Do you think so?
MONTANUS. How is Miss Lisbed?
JERONIMUS. Oh, well enough.
MONTANUS. But what is the matter? It seems to me, my dear father-in-law, that you answer me rather coldly.
JERONIMUS. I have no good reason to do otherwise.
MONTANUS. What wrong have I done?
JERONIMUS. I have been told that you have such peculiar opinions that people might really think that you had become mad or deranged, for how can a sane man be foolish enough to say that the earth is round?
MONTANUS. But, profecto, it is round. I must speak the truth.
JERONIMUS. The deuce it is the truth! Such a notion can't possibly come from anywhere but from the devil, who is the father of lies. I am sure there isn't a single man here in the village who would not condemn such an opinion. Just ask the bailiff, who is an intelligent man, if he does not agree with me.
JESPER. It is really all one to me whether it is oblong or round; but I must believe my own eyes, which show me that the earth is as flat as a pancake.
MONTANUS. It is all one to me, too, what the bailiff or the others here in the village think on the subject; for I know that the earth is round.
JERONIMUS. The deuce it is round! You must be crazy. You surely have eyes in your head as well as other men.
MONTANUS. It is known for certain, my dear father-in-law, that people live right under us with their feet turned toward ours.
JESPER. Ha, ha, ha; hi, hi, hi; ha, ha, ha!
JERONIMUS. Yes, you may well laugh, Mr. Bailiff, for he really has a screw loose in his head. Just you try to walk here on the ceiling with your head down, and see then what will happen.
MONTANUS. That is an entirely different thing, father-in-law, because—
JERONIMUS. I will never in the world be your father-in-law. I love my daughter too well to throw her away like that.
MONTANUS. I love your daughter as my own soul, but that I should give up my philosophy for her sake and drive my reason into exile,—that is more than you can demand.
JERONIMUS. Ha, ha! I see you have another lady-love in mind. You can keep your Lucy or your Sophy. I certainly shall not force my daughter on you.
MONTANUS. You mistake me. Philosophy is nothing other than a science, which has opened my eyes, in this respect as in others.
JERONIMUS. It has rather blinded both your eyes and your understanding. How can you believe such a thing is good?
MONTANUS. That is something which is beyond proof. No learned man doubts that any longer.
JESPER. I warrant you will never get Peer the deacon to agree with you.
MONTANUS. Peer the deacon! Yes, he is a great fellow. I am a fool to stand here and talk about philosophy with you. But in order to please Monsieur Jeronimus, I will nevertheless present one or two proofs. First, we learn it from travellers, who, when they go a few thousand miles from here, have day while we have night: they see other heavens, other stars.
JERONIMUS. Are you crazy? Is there more than one heaven and one earth?
JESPER. Yes, indeed, Monsieur Jeronimus, there are twelve heavens, one above the other, until the crystal heaven is reached. So far he is right.
MONTANUS. Ah! Quantae tenebrae!
JERONIMUS. In my youth I went sixteen times to the neighborhood of Kiel, but as sure as I am an honorable man, I never saw a different heaven from what we have here.
MONTANUS. You must travel sixteen times as far, Domine Jeronime, before you can notice such a thing, because—
JERONIMUS. Stop talking such nonsense; it is neither here nor there.Let's hear your other proof.
MONTANUS. The other proof is taken from the eclipse of the sun and moon.
JESPER. Just hear that! Now, he is stark mad.
MONTANUS. What do you really suppose an eclipse to be?
JESPER. Eclipses are certain signs which are placed upon the sun and moon when some misfortune is going to happen on the earth,—a thing I can prove from my own experience: when my wife had a miscarriage three years ago, and when my daughter Gertrude died, both times there were eclipses just before.
MONTANUS. Oh, such nonsense will drive me mad.
JERONIMUS, The bailiff is right, for an eclipse never occurs unless it is a warning of something. When the last eclipse happened, everything seemed to be well, but that didn't last long; for a fortnight afterwards we got news from Copenhagen that six candidates for degrees were rejected at one time, all persons belonging to the gentry, and two of them the sons of deacons. If a man doesn't hear of misfortune at one place after such an eclipse, he hears of it at another.
MONTANUS. That is true enough, for no day passes that some misfortune does not happen somewhere in the world. But as far as these persons you mentioned are concerned, they have no need to blame the eclipse, for if they had studied more, they would have passed.
JERONIMUS. What is an eclipse of the moon, then?
MONTANUS. It is nothing other than the earth's shadow, which deprives the moon of the sunlight, and since the shadow is round, we thereby see that the earth is round, too. It all happens in a natural way, for eclipses can be predicted, and therefore it is folly to say that such are prophetic warnings of misfortune.
JERONIMUS. Oh, Mr. Bailiff, I feel ill. Unlucky was the far on which your parents allowed you to become a scholar.
JESPER. Yes, he comes mighty near to being an atheist. I must bring him and Peer the deacon together again. There is a man who speaks with force. He will persuade you yet, in either Latin or Greek, that the earth, thank God, is as flat as my hand. But here comes Madame Jeronimus with her daughter.
(Enter Magdelone and Lisbed.)
MAGDELONE. Oh, my dear son-in-law, it is a delight to me to see you back again in good health.
LISBED. Oh, my darling, let me hug you.
JERONIMUS. Slowly, slowly, my child, not so ardently.
LISBED. May I not hug my sweetheart when I haven't seen him for years?
JERONIMUS. Keep away from him, I tell you, or else you will get a beating.
LISBED (weeping). I know one thing, that we have been publicly betrothed.
JERONIMUS. That is true enough, but since that time something has occurred to hinder. (Lisbed weeps.) You must know, my child, that when he became engaged to you he was an honest man and a good Christian. But now he is a heretic and a fanatic, who ought to be introduced to the Litany rather than into our family.
LISBED. If that is all, father dear, we can still make everything right.
JERONIMUS. Keep away from him, I tell you.
MAGDELONE. What does this mean, Mr. Bailiff?
JESPER. It's a bad business, Madame. He introduces false doctrine into this village, saying that the earth is round, and other things of such a nature that I should blush to mention them.
JERONIMUS. Don't you think that the good old parents are to be pitied who have spent so much money on him?
MAGDELONE. Oh, is that all? If he loves our daughter, he will give up his opinion and say that the earth is flat, for her sake.
LISBED. Oh, my dear, for my sake say that it is flat!
MONTANUS. I cannot humor you in this, so long as I am in full possession of my reason. I cannot give the earth another shape from what it has by nature. For your sake I will say and do whatever is possible for me; but in this one thing I can never humor you, for if the brothers in my order should find out that I had given expression to such an opinion, I should be thought a fool, and despised. Besides, we learned folk never give up our opinions, but defend what we have once said to the uttermost drop of our inkhorns.
MAGDELONE. See here, husband, I don't think it matters so much that we should break off the match on that account.
JERONIMUS. And merely on that account I should try to have them divorced even if they had been actually married.
MAGEDELONE. You had better believe I have something to say in this matter, too; for if she is your daughter, she is mine as well.
LISBED (weeping). Oh, my dear, do say that it is flat.
MONTANUS. Profecto, I really cannot.
JERONIMUS. Listen, wife: you must know that I am the head of the house, and that I am her father.
MAGDELONE. You must also know that I am the mistress of the house, and that I am her mother.
JERONIMUS. I say that a father is always more than a mother.
MAGDELONE, And I say not, for there can be no doubt that I am her mother, but whether you—I had better not say any more, for I am getting excited.
LISBED (weeping). Oh, my heart, can't you say just for my sake that it is flat?
MONTANUS. I cannot, my doll, nam contra naturam est.
JERONIMUS. What did you mean by that, my wife? Am I not her father as surely as you are her mother?—Listen, Lisbed, am I not your father?
LISBED. I think so, for my mother says so; but I know that she is my mother.
JERONIMUS. What do you think of this talk, Mr. Bailiff:
JESPER. I can't say that Mamselle is wrong in this matter, for—
JERONIMUS. That is enough. Come, let us go—you may be sure, my good Rasmus Berg, that you will never get my daughter so long as you cling to your delusions.
LISBED (weeping). Oh, my heart, do say that it is flat!
JERONIMUS. Out, out of the door!
[Exeunt Jeronimus, Magdelone, and Lisbed.]
(Before Jeppe's House.)
MONTANUS. Here I have been worried for a good hour by my parents, who with sighing and weeping try to persuade me to give up my opinions; but they don't know Erasmus Montanus. Not if I were to be made an emperor for it would I renounce what I once have said. I love Mademoiselle Elisabet, to be sure; but that I should sacrifice philosophy for her sake, and repudiate what I have publicly maintained—that is out of the question. I hope, though, that it will all come out right, and that I shall win my sweetheart without losing my reputation. Once I get a chance to talk to Jeronimus, I can convince him of his errors so conclusively that he will agree to the match. But there are the deacon and the bailiff, coming from my father- and mother-in-law's.
(Enter Peer and Jesper.)
JESPER. My dear Monsieur Montanus, we have been working hard for you this day.
MONTANUS. What's that?
JESPER. We have intervened between your parents and your parents-in-law to bring about a reconciliation.
MONTANUS. Well, what have you accomplished? Did my father-in-law give way?
JESPER. The last words he said to us were, "There has never been any heresy in our family. You tell Rasmus Berg"—I merely quote his words; he never once said Montanus Berg—"You tell Rasmus Berg from me," said he, "that my wife and I are both honest, God-fearing people, who would rather wring our daughter's neck than marry her to any one who says that the earth is round, and brings false doctrine into the village."
PEER. To tell the truth, we have always had pure faith here on the hill, and Monsieur Jeronimus isn't far wrong in wishing to break off the match.
MONTANUS. My good friends, tell Monsieur Jeronimus from me that he is committing a sin in attempting to force me to repudiate what I once have said—a thing contrary to leges scholasticas and consuetudines laudabiles.
PEER. Oh, Dominus! Will you give up your pretty sweetheart for such trifles? Every one will speak ill of it.
MONTANUS, The common man, vulgus, will speak ill of it; but my commilitiones, my comrades, will praise me to the skies for my constancy.
PEER. Do you consider it a sin to say that the earth is flat or oblong?
MONTANUS. No, I do not, but I consider it shameful and dishonorable for me, a Baccalaureus Philosophiae, to repudiate what I have publicly maintained, and to do anything that is improper for one of my order. My duty is to see to it that ne quid detrimenti patiatur respublica philosophica.
PEER. But if you can be convinced that what you believe is false, do you consider it a sin to give up your opinion?
MONTANUS. Prove to me that it is false, and that methodice.
PEER. That is an easy thing for me to do. Now, a great many fine people live here in the village: first, your father-in-law, who has become distinguished by the mere use of his pen; next, myself, unworthy man, who have been deacon here for fourteen full years; then this good man, the bailiff, besides the parish constable, and various other good men established here who have paid their taxes and land rent in both good times and bad.
MONTANUS. That's the deuce of a syllogismus. What does all such nonsense lead to?
PEER. I'm coming to that directly. I say, just ask any one of these good men who live here in the village and see if any of them will agree with you that the world is round. I'm sure a man ought to believe what so many say, rather than what only one says. Ergo, you are wrong.
MONTANUS. You may bring all the people on the hill and let them oppose me both in this matter and others, and I shall close the mouths of all of them. Such people have no convictions; they must believe what I and other folk say.
PEER. But if you should say the moon was made of green cheese, would they believe that, too?
MONTANUS. Why not? Tell me, what do the people here think you are?
PEER. They believe that I am a good, honest man and deacon here in this place; which is true.
MONTANUS. And I say it is a lie. I say you are a cock, and I shall prove it, as surely as two and three make five.
PEER. The devil you will! Now, how can I be a cock? How can you prove that?
MONTANUS. Can you tell me anything to prevent you from being one?
PEER. In the first place I can talk; a cock cannot talk; ergo, I am not a cock.
MONTANUS. Talking does not prove anything. A parrot or a starling can talk, too; that does not make them human beings by any means.
PEER. I can prove it from something else besides talking. A cock has no human intelligence. I have human intelligence; ergo, I am not a cock.
MONTANUS. Proba minorem.
JESPER. Aw, talk Danish.
MONTANUS. I want him to prove that he has the intelligence of a human being.
PEER. See here, I discharge the duties of my office irreproachably, don't I?
MONTANUS. What are the main duties of your office wherein you show human intelligence?
PEER. First, I never forget to ring for service at the hour appointed.
MONTANUS. Nor does a cock forget to crow and make known the hour and tell people when to get up.
PEER. Second, I can sing as well as any deacon in Sjaelland.
MONTANUS. And our cock crows as well as any cock in Sjaelland.
PEER. I can mould wax candles, which no cock can do.
MONTANUS. Over against that, a cock can make a hen lay eggs, which you can't do. Don't you see that the intelligence you show in your calling fails to prove that you are better than a cock? Let us see, in a nutshell, what points you have in common with a cock: a cock has a comb on his head, you have horns on your forehead; a cockcrows, you crow, too; a cock is proud of his voice and ruffles himself up, you do likewise; a cock gives warning when it is time to get up, you when it is time for service. Ergo, you are a cock. Have you anything else to say? (Peer cries.)
JESPER. Here, don't cry, Peer! Why do you heed such things?
PEER. A plague on me if it's not sheer falsehood. I can get a certificate from the whole village that I am not a rooster; that not one of my forbears has been anything but a Christian human being.
MONTANUS, Refute, then, this syllogismus, quem tibi propano. A cock has certain peculiarities which distinguish him from other animals: he wakes people by a noise when it's time to get up; announces the hours; plumes himself on his voice; wears protuberances on his head. You have the same peculiarities. Ergo, you are a cock. Refute me that argument. (Peer weeps again.)
JESPER. If the deacon can't shut you up, I can.
MONTANUS. Let us hear your argument, then!
JESPER. First, my conscience tells me that your opinion is false.
MONTANUS. One cannot pass judgment in all matters according to a bailiff's conscience.
JESPER. In the second place, I say that everything you have said is sheer falsehood.
MONTANUS. Prove it.
JESPER. In the third place, I am an honest man, whose word has always deserved to be believed.
MONTANUS. That sort of talk will convince no one.
JESPER. In the fourth place, I say that you have spoken like a knave and that the tongue ought to be cut out of your mouth.
MONTANUS. I still hear no proof.
JESPER. And, finally, in the fifth place, I will prove it to you abundantly either with swords or with bare fists.
MONTANUS. No, I do not care for either, thank you; but as long as you wish to dispute with the mouth only, you shall find that I can justify not only the things which I have said, but more, too. Come on, Mr, Bailiff, I will prove by sound logic that you are a bull.
JESPER. The devil you will.
MONTANUS. Just have the patience to hear my argument.
JESPER. Come, Peer, let's go.
MONTANUS. I prove it in this way. Quicunque—(Jesper shrieks and puts his band over Erasmus's mouth.) If you do not wish to hear my proof this time, you can meet me another time, whenever you please.
JESPER. I am too good to associate with such a fanatic.
[Exeunt Jesper and Peer.]
MONTANUS. I can dispute dispassionately with these people, however harshly they speak to me. I do not become hot-headed unless I dispute with people who imagine that they understand Methodum disputandi and that they are just as well versed in philosophy as I. For this reason I was ten times as zealous when I argued against the student to-day; for he had some appearance of learning. But here come my parents.
(Enter Jeppe and Nille.)
JEPPE. Oh, my dear son, don't carry on so, and don't quarrel with everybody. The bailiff and deacon, who at our request undertook to make peace between you and your father-in-law, have, I hear, been made sport of. What is the use of turning good folk into cocks and bulls?
MONTANUS. For this purpose I have studied, for this purpose I have racked my brains: that I may say what I choose, and justify it.
JEPPE. It seems to me that it would have been better never to have studied in that way.
MONTANUS. Keep your mouth shut, old man!
JEPPE. You're not going to beat your parents?
MONTANUS. If I did, I should justify that, too, before the whole world. [Exeunt Jeppe and Nille, weeping.]
(Enter Jacob.)
MONTANUS. I will not abandon my opinions, even if they all go mad at once.
JACOB. I have a letter for Mossur.
[Gives him the letter, and exit.]
MONTANUS (reading). My dearest friend! I could never have imagined that you would so easily abandon her who for so many years has loved you with such faith and constancy. I can tell you for a certainty that my father is so set against the notion that the earth is round, and considers it such an important article of faith, that he will never give me to you unless you assent to the belief that be and the other good folk here in the village hold. What difference can it make to you whether the earth is oblong, round, eight-cornered, or square? I beg of you, by all the love I have borne you, that you conform to the faith in which we here on the hill have been happy for so long. If you do not humor me in this, you may be sure that I shall die of grief, and the whole world will abhor you for causing the death of one who has loved you as her own soul.
Elisabeth, daughter of Jeronimus,by her own hand.
Oh, heavens! This letter moves me and throws me into great irresolution—
Utque securiSaucia trabs ingens, ubi plaga novissima restat,Quo cadat in dubio est, omnique a parte timetur,Sic animus—
On the one hand is Philosophy, bidding me stand firm; on the other, my sweetheart reproaching me with coldness and faithlessness. But should Erasmus Montanus for any reason renounce his conviction, hitherto his one virtue? No, indeed, by no means. Yet here is necessity, which knows no law. If I do not submit in this, I shall make both myself and my sweetheart miserable. She will die of grief, and all the world will hate me and reproach me with my faithlessness. Ought I abandon her, when she has loved me constantly for so many years? Ought I be the cause of her death? No, that must not be. Still, consider what you are doing, Erasmus Montane, Musarum et Apollonis pulle! Here you have the chance to show that you are a true philosophus. The greater the danger, the larger the laurel wreath you win inter philosophos. Think what your commilitiones will say when they hear something like this: "He is no longer the Erasmus Montanus who hitherto has defended his opinions to the last drop of his blood." If common and ignorant people reproach me with unfaithfulness to my sweetheart, philosophi, for their part, will exalt me to the skies. The very thing which disgraces me in the eyes of the one party crowns me with honor among the other. I must therefore resist the temptation. I am resisting it. I conquer it. I have already conquered it. The earth is round. Jacta est alea. Dixi. (Calls.) Jacob!
(Enter Jacob.)
MONTANUS. Jacob, the letter which you delivered to me from my sweetheart has had no influence upon me. I adhere to what I have said. The earth is round, and it shall never become flat as long as my head remains on my shoulders.
JACOB. I believe, too, that the earth is round, but if any one gave me a seed-cake to say it was oblong, I should say that it was oblong, for it would make no difference to me.
MONTANUS. That might be proper for you, but not for a philosophus whose principal virtue is to justify to the uttermost what he once has said. I will dispute publicly on the subject here in the village and challenge all who have studied.
JACOB. But might I ask Mossur one thing: If you win the disputation, what will be the result?
MONTANUS. The result will be that I shall have the honor of winning and shall be recognized as a learned man.
JACOB. Mossur means a talkative man. I have noticed, from people here in the village, that wisdom and talking are not the same thing. Rasmus Hansen, who is always talking, and whom no one can stand against in the matter of words, is granted by every one to have just plain goose sense. On the other hand, the parish constable, Niels Christensen, who says little and always gives in, is admitted to have an understanding of the duties of chief bailiff.
MONTANUS. Will you listen to the rascal? Faith, he's trying to argue with me.
JACOB. Mossur mustn't take offence. I talk only according to my simple understanding, and ask only in order to learn. I should like to know whether, when Mossur wins the dispute, Peer the deacon will thereupon be turned a cock?
MONTANUS. Nonsense! He will stay the same as he before.
JACOB. Well, then Mossur would lose!
MONTANUS. I shall not allow myself to be drawn into dispute with a rogue of a peasant like you. If you understood Latin, I should readily oblige you. I am not accustomed to disputation in Danish.
JACOB. That is to say, Mossur has become so learned that he cannot make clear his meaning in his mother-tongue.
MONTANUS. Be silent, audacissime juvenis! Why should I exert myself to explain my opinions to coarse and common folk, who don't know what universalia entia rationis formae substantiales are? It certainly is absurdissimum to try to prate of colors to the blind. Vulgus indoctum est monstrum horrendum informe, cui lumen ademptum. Not long ago a man ten times as learned as you wished to dispute with me, but when I found that he did not know what quidditas was, I promptly refused him.
JACOB. What does that word quidditas mean? Wasn't that it?
MONTANUS. I know well enough what it means.
JACOB. Perhaps Mossur knows it himself, but can't explain it to others. What little I know, I know in such a way that all men can grasp it when I say it to them.
MONTANUS. Yes, you are a learned fellow, Jacob. What do you know?
JACOB. What if I could prove that I am more learned than Mossur?
MONTANUS. I should like to hear you.
JACOB. He who studies the most important things, I think, has the most thorough learning.
MONTANUS. Yes, that is true enough.
JACOB. I study farming and the cultivation of the soil. For that reason I am more learned than Mossur.
MONTANUS. Do you believe that rough peasants' work is the most important?
JACOB. I don't know about that. But I do know that if we farmers should take a pen or a piece of chalk in our hands to calculate how far it is to the moon, you learned men would soon suffer in the stomach. You scholars spend the time disputing whether the earth is round, square, or eight-cornered, and we study how to keep the earth in repair. Does Mossur see now that our studies are more useful and important than his, and, therefore, Niels Christensen is the most learned man here in the village, because he has improved his farm so that an acre of it is rated at thirty rix-dollars more than in the time of his predecessor, who sat all day with a pipe in his mouth, smudging and rumpling Doctor Arent Hvitfeld's Chronicle or a book of sermons?
MONTANUS. You will be the death of me; it is the devil incarnate who is talking. I never in all my life thought such words could come from a peasant-boy's mouth. For although all you have said is false and ungodly, still it is an unusual speech for one in your walk of life. Tell me this minute from whom you have learned such nonsense.
JACOB. I have not studied, Mossur, but people say I have a good head. The district judge never comes town but he sends for me at once. He has told my parents a hundred times that I ought to devote myself to books, and that something great might be made of me. When I have nothing to do, I go speculating. The other day I made a verse on Morten Nielsen, who drank himself to death.
MONTANUS. Let us hear the verse.
JACOB. You must know, first, that the father and the grandfather of this same Morten were both fishermen, and were drowned at sea. This was how the verse went:
Here lies the body of Morten Nielsen;To follow the footsteps of his forbears,Who died in the water as fishermen,He drowned himself in brandy.
I had to read the verse before the district judge the other day, and he had it written down and gave me two marks for it.
MONTANUS. The poem, though formaliter very bad, is none the less materialiter excellent. The prosody, which is the most important thing, is lacking.
JACOB. What does that mean?
MONTANUS. Certain lines have not pedes, or feet, enough to walk on.
JACOB. Feet! I would have you know that in a few days it ran over the whole countryside.
MONTANUS. I see you have a crafty head. I could wish that you had studied and understood your Philosophiam instrumentalem, so you could dispute under me. Come, let us go. [Exeunt.]
(Same as in Act IV. A Lieutenant, Jesper the Bailiff.)
LIEUTENANT. How can I manage to see the fellow, Mr. Bailiff? I should like to have a talk with him. Is he a likely looking fellow?
JESPER. Oh, he looks pretty well, and he has a mouth like a razor.
LIEUTENANT. That makes no difference, so long as he's strong and active.
JESPER. He can say anything he wants, and maintain it. He proved beyond a doubt that Peer the deacon was a cock.
LIEUTENANT. Is he good and broad across the shoulders?
JESPER. A big, strong lad. Every one in the house here is afraid of him, even his parents, for he can turn them into cows, oxen, and horses, then back again into people,—that is, he can prove that they are, from books.
LIEUTENANT. Does he look as if he could stand knocking about?
JESPER. And he proved that the earth was round, too.
LIEUTENANT. That doesn't matter to me. Does he look as if he were brave, and had a stout heart?
JESPER. He would stake his life for a letter of the alphabet, not to mention anything else. He has set every one here by the ears, but that makes no difference to him—he won't budge from his opinions and his learning.
LIEUTENANT. Mr. Bailiff, from all I hear, he will make a perfect soldier.
JESPER. How can you make a soldier of him, Lieutenant? He is a student.
LIEUTENANT. That has nothing to do with it. If he can turn people into sheep, oxen, and cocks, I'll have a try at turning a student into a soldier, for once.
JESPER. I should be happy if you could. I should laugh my belly in two.
LIEUTENANT. Just keep quiet about it, Jesper! When a bailiff and a lieutenant put their heads together, such things are not impossible. But I see some one coming this war. Is that he, by any chance?
JESPER. Yes, it is. I shall run off, so that he won't suspect me.[Exit.]
(Enter Montanus.)
LIEUTENANT. Welcome to the village.
MONTANUS. I humbly thank you.
LIEUTENANT. I have taken the liberty of addressing you, because there aren't many educated people hereabouts for a man to talk to.
MONTANUS. I am delighted that you have been a scholar. When did you graduate, if I may inquire?
LIEUTENANT. Oh, ten years ago.
MONTANUS. Then you are an old academicus. What was your specialty when you were a student?
LIEUTENANT. I read mostly the old Latin authors, and studied natural law and moral problems, as in fact I do still.
MONTANUS. That is mere trumpery, not academicum. Did you lay no stress on Philosophiam instrumentalem?
LIEUTENANT. Not especially.
MONTANUS. Then you have never done any disputation?
LIEUTENANT. No.
MONTANUS. Well, is that studying? Philosophia instrumentalis is the only solid studium; the rest are all very fine, but they are not learned. One who is well drilled in Logica and Metaphysica can get himself out of any difficulty and dispute on all subjects, even if he is unfamiliar with them. I know of nothing which I should take upon myself to defend and not get out of it very well. There was never any disputation at the university in which I did not take part. A philosophus instrumentalis can pass for a polyhistor.
LIEUTENANT. Who is the best disputer nowadays?
MONTANUS. A student called Peer Iverson. When he has refuted his opponent so that he hasn't a word to say for himself, he says, "Now, if you will take my proposition, I will defend yours." In all that sort of thing his Philosophia instrumentalis is the greatest help. It is a shame that the lad did not become a lawyer; he could have made a mighty good living. Next to him, I am the strongest, for the last time I disputed, he whispered in my ear, "Jam sumus ergo pares." Yet I will always yield him the palm.
LIEUTENANT. But I have heard it said that Monsieur can prove that it is the duty of a child to beat his parents. That seems to be absurd.
MONTANUS. If I said it, I am the man to defend it.
LIEUTENANT. I dare wager a ducat that you are not clever enough for that.
MONTANUS. I will risk a ducat on it.
LIEUTENANT. Good. It is agreed. Now, let's hear you.
MONTANUS. He whom one loves most, he beats most. One ought to love nobody more than his parents, ergo there is nobody whom one ought to beat more. Now, in another syllogism: what one has received he ought, according to his ability, to return. In my youth I received blows from my parents. Ergo I ought to give them blows in return.
LIEUTENANT. Enough, enough, I have lost. Faith, you shall have your ducat.
MONTANUS. Oh, you were not in earnest; I will profecto take no money.
LIEUTENANT. Upon my word, you shall take it. I swear you shall.
MONTANUS. Then I will take it to keep you from breaking an oath.
LIEUTENANT. But may I not also try to turn you into something? Par exemple, I will turn you into a soldier.
MONTANUS. Oh, that is very easy, for all students are soldiers of the intellect.
LIEUTENANT. No, I shall prove that you are a soldier in body. Whoever has taken press-money is an enlisted soldier. You have done so, ergo—
MONTANUS. Nego minorem.
LIEUTENANT. Et ego probo minorem by the two rix-dollars you took into your hand.
MONTANUS. Distinguendum est inter nummos.
LIEUTENANT. No distinction! You are a soldier.
MONTANUS. Distinguendum est inter the two: simpliciter and relative accipere.
LIEUTENANT. No nonsense! The contract is closed, and you have taken the money.
MONTANUS. Distinguendum est inter contractum verum et apparentem.
LIEUTENANT. Can you deny that you have received a ducat from me?
MONTANUS. Distinguendum est inter rem et modum rei.
LIEUTENANT. Come, follow me straight, comrade! You must get your uniform.
MONTANUS. There are your two rix-dollars back. You have no witnesses to my taking the money.
(Enter Jesper and Niels the Corporal.)
JESPER. I can bear witness that I saw the lieutenant put money into his hand.
NIELS. I too.
MONTANUS. But why did I take the money? Distinguendum est inter—
LIEUTENANT. Oh, we won't listen to any talk. Niels, you stay here, while I fetch the uniform. [Exit the Lieutenant.]
MONTANUS. Oh, help!
NIELS. If you don't shut up, you dog, I'll stick a bayonet through your body. Hasn't he enlisted, Mr. Bailiff?
JESPER. Yes, of course he has.
(Enter the Lieutenant.)
LIEUTENANT. Come, now, pull off that black coat and put on this red one. (Montanus cries while they put on his uniform.) Oh, come, it looks bad for a soldier to cry. You are far better off than you were before.—Drill him well, now, Niels. He is a learned fellow, but he is raw yet in his exercises. (Niels the Corporal leads Montanus about, drilling him and beating him.) [Exeunt the Lieutenant and Jesper.]
(Enter the Lieutenant.)
LIEUTENANT. Well, Niels, can he go through the drill?
NIELS. He'll learn in time, but he is a lazy dog. He has to be beaten every minute.
MONTANUS (crying). Oh, gracious sir, have mercy on me. My health is weak and I cannot endure such treatment.
LIEUTENANT. It seems a little hard at first, but when your back has once been well beaten and toughened, it won't hurt so much.
MONTANUS (crying). Oh, would that I had never studied! Then I never should have got into this trouble.
LIEUTENANT. Oh, this is only a beginning. When you have sat a half score of times on the wooden horse, or stood on the stake, then you will think this sort of thing is a mere bagatelle. (Montanus weeps again.)
(Enter Jeronimus, Magdelone, Jeppe, and Nille.)
JERONIMUS. Are you sure of it?
JEPPE. Indeed I am; the bailiff told me a moment ago. Ah, now my anger is turned to pity.
JERONIMUS. If we could only get him back to the true faith, I should be glad to buy him off.
LISBED (rushing in). Oh, poor wretch that I am!
JERONIMUS. Don't raise a hubbub, daughter, you won't gain anything by that.
LISBED. Oh, father dear, if you were as much in love as I am, you wouldn't ask me to keep quiet.
JERONIMUS. Fie, fie, it is not proper for a girl to show her feelings like that. But there he is, I do believe. Look here, Rasmus Berg! What is going on?
MONTANUS. Oh, my dear Monsieur Jeronimus, I've become a soldier.
JERONIMUS. Yes, now you have something else to do, besides turning men into beasts and deacons into cocks.
MONTANUS. Oh, alas! I lament my former folly, but all too late.
JERONIMUS. Listen, my friend. If you will give up your former foolishness, and not fill the land with disagreements and disputations, I shall not fail to do everything in my power to get you off.
MONTANUS. Oh, I don't deserve anything better, after threatening my old parents with blows. But if you will have pity on me and work for my release, I swear to you, that hereafter I shall live a different life, devote myself to some business, and never bother any one with disputations any more.
JERONIMUS. Stay here for a moment; I will go and talk to the Lieutenant. (Enter the Lieutenant.) Oh, my dear Lieutenant, you have always been a friend of our house. The person who has enlisted as a soldier is engaged to my only daughter, who is much in love with him. Set him free again. I shall be glad to present you with a hundred rix-dollars, if you do. I admit that at first I was delighted myself that he had been punished in such a way, for his singular behavior had exasperated me, and all the good folk here in the village, against him. But when I saw him in this plight, and at the same time heard him lament his former folly and promise amendment, my heart was ready to burst with sympathy.
LIEUTENANT. Listen, my dear Monsieur Jeronimus. What I have done has been only for his own good. I know that he is engaged to your daughter, and therefore merely for the good of your house I have reduced him to this condition and treated him with such great harshness, so that he might he brought to confess his sins. But for your sake I will give the money to the poor, inasmuch as I hear that he has experienced a change of heart. Let him come here.—Listen, my friend, your parents have spent much on you in the hope that you would become an honor and a comfort to them in their old age. But you go off a sensible fellow and come back entirely deranged, arouse the whole village, advance strange opinions, and defend them with stubbornness. If that is to be the fruit of studies, then one ought to wish that there never had been any books. It seems to me that the principal thing a man ought to learn in school is just the opposite of what you are infected with, and that a learned man ought particularly to be distinguished from others in that he is more temperate, modest, and considerate in his speech than the uneducated. For true philosophy teaches us that we ought to restrain and quiet disagreements, and to give up our opinions as soon as we are persuaded, even by the humblest person, that they are mistaken. The first rule of philosophy is, Know thyself; and the further one advances, the lower opinion one should have of himself, the more one should realize what there remains to be learned. But you make philosophy into a kind of fencing, and consider a man a philosopher if he can warp the truth by subtle distinctions and talk himself out of any opinion; in so doing you incur hatred and bring contempt upon learning, for people imagine that your extraordinary manners are the natural fruits of education. The best advice I can give you is to strive to forget, and to rid your head of what you have burned so much midnight oil in learning; and that you take up some calling in which you can make your way to success; or, if you are bound to pursue your studies, that you go about them in some other fashion.
MONTANUS. Oh, my good sir, I will follow your advice, and do my best to be a different man from now on.
LIEUTENANT. Good; then I will let you go as soon as you have given your word both to your own parents and to your future parents-in-law, and have begged their pardon.
MONTANUS. I humbly beg all of you, as I weep salt tears, to forgive me; and I promise to lead an entirely different life henceforward. I condemn my former ways, and I have been cured of them not so much by the fix I had got into as by this good man's wise and profound words. Next to my parents I shall always hold him in the highest esteem.
JERONIMUS. Then you don't believe any longer, my dear son-in-law, that the world is round? For that is the point that I take most to heart.
MONTANUS. My dear father-in-law, I won't argue about it any further. But I will only say this, that nowadays all learned folk are of the opinion that the earth is round.
JERONIMUS. Oh, Mr. Lieutenant, let him be made a soldier again until the earth becomes flat.
MONTANUS. My dear father-in-law, the earth is as flat as a pancake.Now are you satisfied?
JERONIMUS. Yes, now we are good friends again,—now you shall have my daughter. Come to my house, now, all together, and drink to the reconciliation. Mr. Lieutenant, won't you do us the honor of joining us?
[Exeunt.]