Charles I.--A Block-headCHARLES I.—A BLOCK-HEAD.
CHARLES I.—A BLOCK-HEAD.
We have already treated on "superficial measurement;" we now come to "Solid Measure." Solids are, in general, what are termed "blockheads,"or "thickheads," or "bumbleheads," or "numbsculls," exemplified in "senior wranglers," "tripos," "professors of Greek," and teachers of Latin. The advantages of a thick scull are great. It was found upon the gauging of Porson's head, by the heads of his college, that his scull was so thick that it became the subject of marvel how knowledge could get in—oncein, it was held impossible to get out. The case is the same with most of our schoolmen.
Solid Measurehas been applied with great success to the measure of blockheads by Messrs. Gull and Spuzzy, Epps, Ham and Co. The measure is now principally performed by a Scotch "Combe," consisting of four "bushel-heads" in one. This instrument, the length and breadth and thickness of a head being given, will work out the solid contents and capacity of the understanding, to the fraction of a fraction.
The science so formed upon the measure of wooden heads was invented by Albertus Magnus, who flourished in the thirteenth century and made a wooden man with a wooden head, dividing it intosixty-eight orders or ratios. Gull and Spuzzy, however, finding this large number bother them, took away thirty-three,sans cérémonie, observing, "Organum botheratio sive ambarum rationum mistura fortuita effervescens, bullasgignens." But the whole scull is now mapped out into thirty-six compartments, and subjected to a trigonometrical survey, and a barometrical admeasurement of comparative heights and hollows.
These divisions are so delightfully situated, that from Combativeness, the organ of fighting, we enter Friendship, (Adhesiveness,) without a turnpike between. Acquisitiveness, the love of money, is next-door neighbour to Ideality, the quality of poets, who generally show so much contempt for it. Constructiveness, the organ of building, lies as a foundation for that of Music, and handy for the grating of saws, the knocking of hammers, and the squeaking of wheelbarrows, as accompaniments to Haydn's symphonies. Metaphysics are also handy for wit. Ideality is a parallelopiped, Hope is a square, Cautiousness a circle, Eventuality a semicircle; then we have cones, rhomboids, trapeziums, polygons, hexagons, decagons;while Language, like the science itself, is all myeye.[8]
Thick-heads, block-heads, bumble-heads, or basket-heads, which used in former days to be symbols of obesity, and gave rise to the maxim, "Great head, little wit," are now the indications of intellectual superiority. "The bigger the head the greater the genius," as the mushroom said to the cucumber; and to have a head as big as a baker's basket, or the bustle of a lady mayoress, is perfection.
To fumble these heads is the business of the Feelosophers; so called fromfeel, to fumble,os, a bone, andpher, far from the truth. This science being at our fingers' ends, a great advantage is felt in all the transactions of life, as the most tender ideas maybe expressed with mathematical certainty, numerically, figuratively, and arithmetically, as follows:—
Divine Louisa,
I need not remind you that last night I felt (not emotions, raptures, and soul-thrilling transports) but yourBUMPS. On returning home I also felt my own, and I hasten to inform you that while 17 is throbbing like an earthquake, all my 33 is insufficient to describe my state, on finding that a kind Providence has ordained that for everybumpon your beloved head, there rises a corresponding bump on mine. I 18 you do not see them, and in 16 declare that my No. 11 only centres in you.
I do not wish to give a false 26 to what I say, but in the 30 of your becoming mine, my No. 1 will develop No. 2, and all my No. 3 will be directed to 14 for your 13. Dearest girl, need I say more? Nos. 2, 3, 4, are so harmoniously protuberant in both of us, that I can have no doubt of either a large or a happy home. Your 23 and 24, and the 26 on yourcheeks, are indeed divine. Sweet soul, do allow your 13 to name as soon as possible your 31 and 27, that no untoward 30's may cross our 17's.
Yours, from 1 to 36,Bobby Bumpas.
'Assurance.'"ASSURANCE."
"ASSURANCE."
Assurance or Brass is a rule of the utmost consequence in all monetary transactions; by it miracles have been performed from the earliest ages. A good stock of assurance,i. e.impudence,will carry a man further than even a stock of money, wit, or learning. Thebrazenhead of Friar Bacon, by which he is said to have performed such wonders, was nothing more than a typical personification of thebrass,assurance, orimpudenceof the conjuror. The presentprima facieeconomic method is to wear a brazen face with a wooden head.Mettle, it is true, may be necessary, but "cheek" is indispensable.
Modesty is an antiquated virtue, to be repudiated above all others; and humility is only fit for charity-school boys, who learn the "catechiz." But even among these the notion of "humbly, lowly and reverendly," will soon beexplodedby the music and dancing system; the new philosophy of the times being, "Jack's as good as his master" and a "tarnation sight better;" every one feels thisassurance.
Be assured, gentle readers, there is nothing like brass; it enables a man to put his best leg forward, and a good face upon any thing. Brass is the true philosopher's stone, which turns all it touches intotin. By it the insignificant makes himself important, the empiric becomes a professor, the smatterer a proficient, the mountebank a philosopher,and the quack an oracle; in short, by this rule, "fools rush in where angels fear to tread."
The rule of Assurance is founded upon the fact, that there are no bounds to human credulity; well sustained assumption, with a very small amount ofgumption, being alone requisite for miracles in commerce, trade, politics, or religion.
1. Calling on a friend in cold weather, make bold to "roast the boiling piece," by placing your fundamental basis before his parlour fire; lean your back against his "marble," scrape your shoes on his fender, and puff your cigar to the detriment of his elaborate ornaments and gimcracks; as to his wife and children being excluded from the fire, let that be "a part of your religion,"fieri facias.
2. Should you be invited to dinner, when you enter the house, walk at once into the dining-room, and make yourself at home by pulling off your boots, calling for a clean pair of shoes, a newspaper,a cigar, and the arm chair; you may nod to the mistress of the house, and say "How do" to the juveniles, if you do not wish to be taken for a brute.
3. Should you call at the house of a friend, during his absence, do not hesitate to mount his best horse, and take a twenty miles' ride for the sake of exercise. When you return, you can "stop dinner" with his wife, and afterwards take her to the Opera.
4. On entering a country church, always patronise the clergyman's or the squire's pew; should any ladies be present, you may take out your eyeglass and quizz them with a vacant stare,—they will probably suppose you to be an unknown friend;—politely hand the fair devotees the prayer and hymn-book; you may also hum the bass in chords to the ladies' treble; when you depart, be sure to make a very low congee, as it will mark you for a gentleman.
5. Should you, by any chance, be introduced to a new acquaintance, you may, at the expiration of a week,jerrymediddlehim by the question—"Youhave not got such a thing as five pounds about you, have you?" A person, who prefers your society to solitude, can have no objection to a loan; you can then make yourself as scarce as asparagus at Christmas.
Mutual AssuranceMUTUAL ASSURANCE.
MUTUAL ASSURANCE.
Assurance is displayed to perfection in modern Assurance Companies; and it only requiresassuranceto raise a company as baseless as the emasculated minus of No. I., and as fabrickless as a "footless stocking without a leg," which shall be eagerly taken by the public.
The following Prospectus, lately issued by a company in West Middlesex, will afford an example:—
To the Public.—West Middlesex. The Visionary Assurance Company and Utopian Insurance, for the beneficial investment of capital, the insurance of lives, and the manufacture of diamonds out of condensed soap bubbles.
To the Public.—West Middlesex. The Visionary Assurance Company and Utopian Insurance, for the beneficial investment of capital, the insurance of lives, and the manufacture of diamonds out of condensed soap bubbles.
DIRECTORS.
AUDITORS.
SOLICITORS.
SECRETARY.
Royal Flesh and Bones Joint Stock Matrimonial Assurance Company. Patron, Sir Peter Laurie.
The universal Uxorian, Matchmaking and Matchbreaking Company, for the equal and uniform benefit of Maids, Damsels, Wives and Widows.
Schedule A.—
Young Maidswith face and fortune, 100; with face without fortune, 900; with fortune without face, 500; with neither face nor fortune, 1,000; damsels ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto.
Widowswith youth and money, 100; with youth and no money, 800; with money and no youth, 600; with neither youth nor money, 1,000.
Old Maids, monied, 100; moneyless, 700; fidgety, with money, 700; fidgety, without money, 1,000.
Young Menwith whiskers, mustachoes, money, and connexion, 100; young men with money and connexion, but without whiskers, &c. 800; young men with whiskers, &c., but without money, 1,000; young men without money or whiskers, 600.
Bachelorswith rheumatism and money, 500; without rheumatism and with money, 100; without money and with rheumatism, 700; with neither rheumatism nor money, 1,200.
Widowerswith families and money, 500; with money and without families, 100; with families and without money, 800; with neither families nor money, 1,100.
Old Men, alsoOld Women, 500 requiring nurses; 500 not requiring nurses; 500 old men-women requiring nurses; bed-ridden, 1,000.
It is proposed to form the company of the above "Live Stock," the members of which are each to possess a share in each other. The young maids' class, No. 1, beauty, rank, and fortune, being the highest prizes—there are supposed to be a hundred of such prizes. The second class of prizes is rich old widows, with short lives, of which there are also a hundred. The third class of prizes is rich old maids, of which there are also a hundred. The fourth class comprehends beauty and intelligence; the fifth, beauty only; and so on in a sliding scale, but all prizes.
The male stock also comprehends a reciprocity system of prizes:—1st class, of the whiskered; 2d, no whiskered; 3d, monied and whiskered; and so on to widowers, with or without families, down to that least of all valuable of thegenus homo, old men-women.
Each subscriber of a pound annually to have one ticket, which shall entitle him to draw for each of the prizes on the 1st of April in every year, at Exeter Hall, under a commission selected from the "Lumber Troop."
The parties so fortunate as to draw a prize will have an introduction to the subject of it, and a match will be negotiated, if possible, without delay. Should the parties not suit each other, they will, upon the payment of another guinea, be privileged to draw again. But it is assumed, from a careful examination of matrimonial statistics drawn up by Dr. Lardner, that the matter of suitability will never be taken into consideration.
To facilitate its objects, a Normal seminary will be attached to the society, and a registrar engaged to marry at a reduced price, "that is, by the score."
Billy Blowmetight,Secretary.
The monetary system of England is the ideal philosophy of political economists, who, in the conviction that "nothing exists," think it no "matter" to found a variety of hypotheses to give tangibility to the intangible, substance to accident, and reality to the abstract; in short, to personify "nothing."
These intangible tangibilities bear various names, such asConsols,Bank Stock,Indian Stock,Long Annuities,Exchequer Bills, &c. The aggregate of these 0 0 0 0 0 noughts are, by a peculiar process of national arithmetic, made to amount toStockor Funds.
Stocks or Funds are the true substantials. In the golden ages of the world, cattle, corn, and merchandise were the medium of exchange among nations; but as men grew more enlightened, they agreed to represent these things by pieces of conventional metal. This at last becoming scarce, the world would have fallen into a state of hapless and irrecoverable ruin, but for the idea of a fictitious representation of a representation, of anon-existentwhichmight have been.
Funds are therefore theto kalon, the absolute, thelogos, the never-to-be-apprehended, the inscrutable, the supreme totality of "emptiness," the absolute cause, the absolute effect, the absolute concurrence of national faith; in short, the commercial "ideal" which all men worship, in its temples of the Bank and Stock Exchange.
Stocks are the "heaven of this religion," an agreeable hallucination, by which a variety of insane persons, called Stockholders or Fundholders, are permitted to roam at large under the conviction that they possesswealth. The public are compelled to believe in these fictitious representations, which are the foundation of the "imaginative system" in fiscal affairs, of the Bill and Creditsystem in commerce, and of the National Debt.
In England there is nothing trulynationalbut this debt, or dead weight, which is the mighty pendulum which makes the national clock "go upon tick." It is the true foundation of political economy and of social faith or trust; "'pon tick" is the basis of the wealth and happiness of our country, which it makes the envy of the world and the glory of surrounding nations.
To be in debt argues credit, and credit respectability, and respectability means, and means resolve themselves intothe Funds; here they merge into the blessed obscurity of "nothingness," and being absorbed by the same media, pass for a "something" which is far more formidable than "anything." Thus private wealth moves in a circle continually, making the round O from 0 (nothing) to 0 (nothing.)
Joint Stock.—Joint Stock Companies are so called from the projectors being generally "black legs," and their victims "raw Jemmies." The object of such companies is to give honesty the"cross buttock," to have a "shind eye" with capital, and to end in an "offal" bankruptcy.
From a consideration of the immediately preceding rules, and assuming as a fact the spiritual and ethereal nature of stock or capital, it is therefore proposed to found a Joint-Stock Company of unlimited capital, to be called the Boreal Pneumatic Joint-Stock Company, for "raising the wind," and making "darkness visible," or the National "Puff" Company.
Raising the wind has been the great problem of all financial operations. It is of far more importance than "raising the dead." The "wind" is a conventional term for the "needful." It is called wind because it is raised by various "Puffs."
There are various kinds of Puff; the Puff National, the Puff Medical, the Puff Legal, the Puff Literary, the "Puff Theatrical," and the Puff Scholastic.
My Lords and Gentlemen,—The flourishing state of my empire having filled me with the most intense satisfaction, I have called you together toinform you that we are the envy of the world and glory of surrounding nations, and that everything is so plentiful that pigs run about the streets ready roasted, with carving knives and forks stuck in their backs, crying, "Eat me, eat me!"
I continue to receive from foreign powers the most friendly intercourse, and an assurance that they have unanimously agreed to sink their own national interests in a regard for my welfare; and in this I am certain there is no "gammon."
The Commercial and Mercantile interests are in such a state of convalescent perfection, and gold is so plentiful, that I have ordered a commission to consider of the propriety of paving with it the various thoroughfares of the metropolis, in lieu of Blockheads.
Owing to a great improvement in Benevolent affairs, it is with pleasure I have to inform you that the Public Societies have given up their vested rights, dues, peculations, and pickings, for the benefit of the poor, (should there be any such,) and will henceforth "preach without Profit."
Owing also to the general distribution of wealth among all classes, I have been enabled to divestphysic of its fees, and law of its charges; and both these professions will for henceforth be conducted "free gratis" and "for nothing."
Gentlemen of the House of Commons,—Through the practice of the most rigid economy in every branch of my establishment, I have directed to be laid before you an account of the sums paid into the Exchequer, being thesurplus of my revenue; and I have further to inform you that taxation being no longer necessary, the expense of a house ofcommons may be dispensed with, and the large sums usually paid in "bribery at elections," I trust will be left to fructify in the pockets of the members.
This constitutional determination on my part, for the benefit of my people, has arisen from my being called, by Divine Providence, to a sense of my true estate of a State pauper, which has led me to reduce my dietary and that of my household to that of thePoor-Law Unions, and to introduceteatotalityinto every department; and I have great gratification in being able to announce, that as I have now lost "having ashadow" to my royal personality, I may myself be shortly expectedto evaporize, and the expense of a monarchy may be saved for the future.
My Lords and Gentlemen,—With and by the advice of my Privy Council, I have determined upon putting into execution thehydrostatic paradox, orcold water cure, in and upon that part of my dominions called Ireland; and a commission consisting of the Lords Spiritual and Temporal has been issued for laying that "flower of the earth and gem of the sea" "under water" for the space of one month, as the best method of extinguishing the torch of discord, the fire of malevolence, and the smoke of sedition, and of allaying all ferment uponAtlanticif not uponpacificprinciples.
I rely confidently upon the wisdom of my Parliament to enable me to carry out my beneficent intentions of subjecting all my people to "live upon air," as the symbol of true freedom, and as the most liberal and inexpensive method of obviating the evils which have hitherto surrounded my throne and government; and I would submit to your serious consideration the expediency of establishing a training school at Exeter Hall, for teachingwind instrumentsto all my subjects, andfor the arrangement ofairscorresponding to the variousmeals,feasts, anddishesof every day life; and I indulge the anticipation that the substitution ofoxygenforoxen, andgasforGastronomy, will be conducive to the health, wealth, and prosperity of my empire.
UNIVERSALSchool-Master's Manufacturing Company,AND NORMAL SCHOOL.
CAPITAL—SPEC.
PATRON.
His Royal Highness Hoke Poke Whangee Fum.King of the Cannibal Islands.
PRESIDENT.
Samuel Slick, Esq. of Slickville.
VICE-PRESIDENTS.
COMMITTEE.
This Company is established in consequence of the lamented deficiency in the scholastic profession;and its object is to manufacture schoolmasters of a very superior character, at a cheap rate, from various "refuse" articles of all trades and professions—technically, the "unfit" orgood-for-nothing.
In consequence of a profound investigation of the science of education, it has been discovered that those who are unable to conduct any other business, are the best adapted to "teach the young idea how to shoot;" and therefore cast-off cobblers, tailors, teachers, and drapers, shop-boys and errand-boys, will be received into the establishment at the rate of a guinea a-week; where, by the aid of educational galvanism, their misdirected faculties will be sublimed, their ideas topsiturvied, their moral and intellectual nature turned inside out, their understandings new vamped, soled, andwelted, and their minds infused with a succedaneum of intellectual electricity, which shall evaporate itself in the mixed mathematics, pedagogicks, whackbackics, pancakeatics, tickletobyatics, and all other scholastic sciences.
Candidates must bring personal recommendations, of a squint, a slouch, a leer, a game leg, a hump back, or any other accomplishments. Shouldthey be unfortunately destitute of these, they may produce testimonials of fitness from their washerwomen; but those who do not indulge in the luxury of a clean shirt may be recommended by the teacher of any Social sect to which they may belong. These certificates must certify them to be bumble headed, addle-pated, numbsculled, good for nothing else; that they wear dickeys and are donkeys.
Upon entering the Institution the seminants will be forced to forget everything they ever knew, by a machine invented by Mr. Combe for "Razing out the errors of the brain," and which has been used with the happiest effects at the Glasgow Normal Establishment.—A perfect Tabla Rasa being thus produced in vacuo, on Locke's principle, the professors will commence teaching their pupils to know a great A from a bull's foot, how many beans make five, and other branches of the pure mathematics.
As all the seminants will benaturals, Natural Philosophy will be a principal object of study, and the mechanical system of Dr. Lardner will be the text-book. History will be imparted through the renowned histories of "Jack the Giant Killer,""Jack and the Bean Stalk," "The Ogre and his Seven-leagued Boots," and the "Newgate Calendar," under the superintendence of John Ketch, Esq.; Morality and Esthenics through the medium of "Ovid's Art of Love," "Basia," and "Little's Poems;" while the Principles of Science will be imparted through the "Boxiana," by Professor Cribb, assisted by the celebrated Scotch terrier, "Fudge."
Religion being in the highest degree essential, it cannot be dispensed with without endangering the safety of the Company. But as there are so many different sects of religionists, and so many differences in the sects, it is proposed to teach religion by machinery, on the comprehensive accommodation principle of expediency, by means of one ofCobbett'scast-iron Independent parsons, which, being constructed upon the profoundest principles of neutrality, will satisfy all parties, by teaching every religion at the same time, and none in particular: thus Atheism and Methodism may shake hands together, Mahommedanism and Calvinism embrace, and Buddhism and every other schism kiss each other in the true spirit of Christian liberality and equality.
Degrees will be granted to those pupils who may distinguish themselves in flagellation, or a dexterous use of the cat or tawse, or by proficiency in the evolutions of cane, strap, or ruler; the degree of P.W., Professed Walloper, being equal to that of A.M.
(Signed)The Right Rev.Rob. Tailor,The Right Hon.P. Cleave,The Very Rev.Rob. Carlisle,Simon Squeers,Secretary.
We are requested to announce that the new Novel, called the "Bloody-minded Costermonger, or theDonkey's Apotheosis," having experienced a sale unprecedented in the annals of Literature, a new edition is in preparation, workedby steam apparatus, to supply the astounding demand, and will be issued on Saturday next.
"This extraordinary work is creating a sensation the most intense, as it completely daguerreotypes nature, penetrates the feelings like the electric shock, macadamises the heart, and cuts the soul to shivers."—The Censor.
New Novel by "Snivie."Written seven months after his decease, by the aid of the galvanic apparatus.—It having come to the ears of an experimental philosopher, La Fontaine, that this great author was no more, and it being justly surmised that a very large amount of Novel matter must remain in hissystem, La Fontaine undertook the task of extracting it by means of the mesmeric process, and has succeeded with wonderful effect. In performing his numerous experiments the flashes of wit were so intense as to overpower the anxious publisher, who, in the intensity of his admiration, has paid so large a sum for the copyright as to be enabled to add to the character of the work by charging double.
It is with the most astounding rapture that the Manager of the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, has to announce that the new tragedy of "Chandos the Briber, or the Independent Potwalloper," which met with the most transcendent success on its first representation, has been recharged by the Author with pathetic scenes and tender situations, abounding with the most overpowering sentiment and overwhelming pathos. The Manager regrets that the cascades of tears which fell from the boxes and gallery during the last representation should have inconvenienced the "critics in the pit," and begs to inform them that, for the future, they shall not sit ankle deep in the "briny flood," he having, at a prodigious expense, and by the aid of a distinguished engineer, succeeded in forming a grand branch aqueduct, which will receive through the floor of the house "Nature's gentle droppings," and, by an appropriate channel, transmit them to the back of the stage to a grand reservoir. Thus, the last scene of the tragedy, which represents thebombardment of Stow House by Norfolk dumplings, will be represented on "real salt water;" the said salt water being an accumulation of the tears shed at the preceding scenes of the tragedy.
N. B. It is particularly requested that ladies or gentlemen in the boxes will refrain from wringing out their pocket handkerchiefs over the pit, and that those in the front ranks will discontinue the practice of "hoisting umbrellas," which must obviously obstruct a view of the stage.
Reform your Tailor's Bills.—Clothes saved and Tailors annihilated. "In puris naturalibus." "Where there is no sin there should be no shame."—Cool contrivance for warm weather, the fig-leaf apron, the oldest garment upon record, or the sacred tunic. This unique and perfect introduction, formed of the common dock, having been patronised by the highest authority, will be supplied to all who value cool comfort and free motion of the limbs, at a guinea each. To the religiously-disposed it isparticularly eligible, being the original antique of Adam and Eve, our first parents, the pattern of which was found in the archives of Strawberry Hill. It comes half way to the knee, hangs simply and elegantly before and behind, and may be had of various colours to suit the complexion. It cannot fail to display the fine form of the limbs, and imparts a degree of interest to the whole person not to be found in common pantaloons, and has the advantage of being adapted to both sexes. Observe,
97 SMOCK ALLEY, SHOREDITCH. 97
N. B. An inferior tunic of cabbage-leaves, half a guinea.
The lamentable neglect of public worship, which characterises the present generation, being such asto call for the most rigorous methods, and it having been discovered that fine and imprisonment are insufficient to make the people "religiously disposed," it is in contemplation to found a Society or Company which, reprobating the principle of coercion as unconstitutional in its means, futile in its ends, shall, by the mild suavity of enticement, induce the lower classes of this country to seek, on the Sabbath-day, in preference to all other places, the Conventicle.
But to do this effectually it will require a sum of considerable magnitude, which it is proposed to raise by "sequestration shares," comprising the amount of 20 millions sterling. The proceeds to be applied to the objects in view; namely, the establishment of cook-shops and dining-rooms in union with the various dissenting places of worship, to be free, gratis, and for nothing; and it is fondly anticipated that the savoury scents of the roast, and the boiled, the fried and the stewed, and the relish of pies and puddings, will be more efficacious in inducing the poor to attend to their religious duties than the red-hot denunciations formerly employed.
It is a fact too clearly established by the concurrenttestimony of ages, that those who arebredto the chapel expect the chapel to bebreadto them; and it is only fair that the poor and needy should stand in a congenial relative situation.
Subscribers are therefore earnestly solicited in aid of this great national object, as one of the best means to put a stop to the spread of infidelity, to destroy Socialism, to promote the practice of truepiety, and thus add to the safety and security of the nation.
Names and Subscriptions are to be sent, addressed to Mr. Cullum Hordly, Gorgon-office, Fleet-street, London.
"Comic Arithmeticis the best work ever issued from the press; it is not onlymultum in parvo, but arara avis in terra—a splendid ebullitionof wit; and the diamond gems of humour which lie in its depths, sparkle with merriment as the stream of the Author's feelings glitters over it, rendering the sensations intense, heart-thrilling, and side-shaking."—Defunct Gazette.
"Comic Arithmetic.—If we wonder that the human mind could have conceived such a project, what must be our astonishment to find all its beatific visions realized, in such abundant corruscations of wit and drollery, which irradiate every page! It is equal in intellectual splendour to that mental Claude's, Robert Montflummery's poem, "The Last of the Gewgaws," and resembles Vauxhall on a gala night, or the illuminations of St. Peter at the Zollicogical Gardens."—Imaginary Review.
"Comic Arithmeticis a specific for the doldrums and a cure for the heart-ache; has been known to perform a perfect cure on dyspeptic patients at a single sitting; it is an anodyne for the gout, an assuager of rheumatism; it may be called an electrical merry-thought, or the galvanism of witticism; which, by convulsing with laughter,would shake out a legion of blue devils in the twinkling of a bed-post."—Embryo Magazine.
VALETE AC PLAUDITE.
The World is kept up by PuffTHE WORLD IS KEPT UP BY PUFF.
THE WORLD IS KEPT UP BY PUFF.
R. CLAY, PRINTER, BREAD STREET HILL, LONDON.
NEW EDITIONS OF POPULAR WORKS.
WILLIAM BECKFORD, ESQ.ITALY;WITH SKETCHES OF SPAIN AND PORTUGAL, AND AN EXCURSION TO THE MONASTERIES OF ALCOBACA AND BATALHA.ByWilliam Beckford, Esq. Author of "Vathek." Embellished with a fine Portrait of Mr. Beckford, from the original painting by Sir Joshua Reynolds. Price 6s.neatly bound.
WASHINGTON IRVING, ESQ.ASTORIA.ByWashington Irving. With Portrait. Price 6s.neatly bound.
W. H. MAXWELL, ESQ.WILD SPORTS OF THE WEST.ByW. H. Maxwell, Esq. Author of "Stories of Waterloo," &c. With Fifteen Engravings. Price 6s.neatly bound.
MRS. TROLLOPE.DOMESTIC MANNERS OF THE AMERICANS.ByMrs. Trollope. With Fifteen Engravings (including a Portrait of Mrs. Trollope). Price 6s.neatly bound.
CAPT. CHAMIER, R.N.THE LIFE OF A SAILOR.ByCapt. Chamier. With Engravings. Price 6s.neatly bound.
REV. G. R. GLEIG.TRADITIONS OF CHELSEA HOSPITAL.By the Rev.G. R. Gleig. With Portrait of the Author. Price 6s.neatly bound.
NEW WORKS OF WIT AND HUMOUR
I.In Two Vols. 8vo. with numerous Illustrations by Leech,THE INGOLDSBY LEGENDS;OR, MIRTH AND MARVELS.BY THOMAS INGOLDSBY, ESQ.***Either series may be had separately, in One Volume, price 10s.6d.
II.In One Volume, post 8vo. with upwards of Eighty Illustrations by Leech, price 10s.6d.THE WASSAIL BOWL.BY ALBERT SMITH, ESQ.
III.In Two Volumes, post 8vo. with One Hundred and Fifty Illustrations, price 18s.CROWQUILL'S COMIC SKETCHES;OR, THE PHANTASMAGORIA OF FUN.
IV.In post 8vo. with upwards of Fifty characteristic Illustrations by Leech, price 8s.THE COMIC ENGLISH GRAMMAR.By the Author of "The Comic Latin Grammar."
V.In Two Volumes, post 8vo. with numerous Illustrations by Leech, &c. including several fac-similes of rare and unique old Prints, price 21s.MERRIE ENGLAND IN THE OLDEN TIME;OR,Peregrinations with Uncle Tim and Mr. Bosky, of Little Britain, DrysalterBY GEORGE DANIEL.
VI.In One Volume, post 8vo. with numerous Illustrations by Leech, price 10s.6d.THE PORCELAIN TOWER;OR, NINE STORIES OF CHINA.BY T. H. SEALY.
RICHARD BENTLEY, NEW BURLINGTON STREET.***TO BE HAD ALSO OF ALL BOOKSELLERS.
Now in course of publication, in neatly bound pocket volumes, price Six Shillings each, printed and embellished with Engravings uniformly with the"Waverley Novels,"to which they are suitable companions,
The Standard Novels and Romances.
THIS COLLECTION NOW CONTAINS
The New Volume, just published, comprisesJACQUELINE OF HOLLAND,AN HISTORICAL TALE,By THOMAS COLLEY GRATTAN, Esq. Author of "The Heiress of Bruges," &c.***Any Volume may be had separately, and of all Booksellers.
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