The Project Gutenberg eBook ofComical PeopleThis ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.Title: Comical PeopleIllustrator: J. J. GrandvilleRelease date: November 6, 2007 [eBook #23352]Most recently updated: January 3, 2021Language: EnglishCredits: Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online DistributedProofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file wasproduced from images generously made available by TheUniversity of Florida, The Internet Archive/Children'sLibrary)*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COMICAL PEOPLE ***
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.
Title: Comical PeopleIllustrator: J. J. GrandvilleRelease date: November 6, 2007 [eBook #23352]Most recently updated: January 3, 2021Language: EnglishCredits: Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online DistributedProofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file wasproduced from images generously made available by TheUniversity of Florida, The Internet Archive/Children'sLibrary)
Title: Comical People
Illustrator: J. J. Grandville
Illustrator: J. J. Grandville
Release date: November 6, 2007 [eBook #23352]Most recently updated: January 3, 2021
Language: English
Credits: Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online DistributedProofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file wasproduced from images generously made available by TheUniversity of Florida, The Internet Archive/Children'sLibrary)
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COMICAL PEOPLE ***
ILLUSTRATED
TAKEN FROM THE EMBROIDERED TAPESTRY CONTRIBUTEDBY MARIA FUSINATA, OF BELLUNO,TO THE GREAT EXHIBITION.
OFJ. J. GRANDVILLE.LONDON:DAVID BOGUE, 86 FLEET STREET.MDCCCLII.
Lady Chaffinch's BallLADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL
PAGELady Chaffinch's Ball1The Lord of the Manor13My Neighbours. A Country Story. By Warren Rabbitt17The De Mousas. A Tale27Rookwood Hall33City People37The Portrait-Painter41The Stuffed Animals in the Exhibition46Alderman Gobble's Ambition49Mrs. Strutt's Seminary53
PAGELady Chaffinch's Ball(Double Plate)FrontispieceThe Great Mr. Grandboy and the Hon. Mrs. Delmacare5Lady Zebu and Admiral Macaw7The Poacher13The Duel between Mr. Chanticleer and young Leverett17Mr. Leverett's Interview with Sharpe Vulture, Esq.23The Arrest of Mr. Chanticleer25The De Mousas27The Marriage Settlement33Mr. Trunk and his Advisers37Mr. Porcupine's Studio41The Strange Visitors at the Exhibition47Lord Falcon and his London Visitors49The Walk to Highgate53The Travelling Showman55
Amongthe contributions to the Great Exhibition which, from their position, did not acquire that popularity and praise which was due to them, were some fine specimens of embroidery from Vienna and various towns in Austria.
Hung high up, beyond the glance of the casual observer, the elaborately-worked tapestry of Maria Fusinata attracted little attention. Those, however, who had the good fortune to notice it were always delighted with the excellent adaptation of the clever designs of Grandville, which the embroiderer had so faithfully rendered. The expression of the animals was most cleverly given, and the brightness of the colours added much to the effect of the compositions.
Had Ploucquet added some of these designs to his "Reynard the Fox," he would have increased the attraction of his show, deservedly popular as it was. Grandville, in these delineations of the faculties of animals, is quite equal to Kaulbach; and, though the French artist had not the honour of having his pictures copied in stuffed animals, they are thought to be quite worthy of being formed into a volume as a sequel to the "Comical Creatures from Wurtemberg."
Heigh-ho!well, I am at home again at last. I wonder if I am the same innocent little Linnet that left these bowers only three months ago. What have I seen, where have I been?—or rather, What have I not seen, where have I not been? I have visited China and Peru, Nova Scotia, Trinidad, and Tuscany; I have been to Sweden, Egypt, Germany, and Mexico, and I have some recollections of Sardinia, and the United States. This is good travelling for three months, is it not?
Let me think: how shall I tell you about it? I will begin at the beginning—
Three months ago, as I was sitting in our summer-house, warbling one of my newest songs, our page Tom—Tom-tit we call him, he is such a funny little fellow—brought me a letter that had just been left by the postboy.
I have it by heart.
"My dear little Songbird,"—this is a name they gave to me from my infancy, for they say I could sing before I couldspeak,—"My dear little Songbird," thus the letter began, "All the world is coming to London this spring to see the most wonderful of sights; try and persuade my dear sister, that kind Mamma of yours, to let you pay your long-promised visit to me. You must come in May, and you may stay with me as long as you can bear to be away from your delightful home. Let me know when I may expect you.
"Your loving Aunt,"Jenny Goldfinch."
And I remember that the envelope was addressed, "Lady Linnet, Gorse Bush, Somersetshire;" and that in the left-hand corner there was written, "For Miss Linnet."
Did not I fly to my "kind Mamma" as soon as I had read this note, and when she had consented that I should go to see that dear old Aunt of mine in London, did not I half smother her with kisses. I thought the first of May would never come,—but it did; and Tom-tit was sent to London with me by the railway to take care of me.
My good Aunt received me with the greatest kindness, and her son Drinkwater, one of the handsomest young fellows I ever saw in my life, began whispering compliments to me as soon as ever we were left together. I had a lovely little boudoir entirely for my own use, and my page Tom-tit had nothing else to do but wait on me. My cousin Drinkwaterand I were soon great friends; he took me to the Opera, where I listened to singing such as I had never heard at Gorse Bush; he took me to the Chiswick Fête, where I saw flowers such as I had never dreamed of; and he took me—how many times? well, I can't recollect—to that dear, delightful Crystal Palace, where we visited more foreign countries than I knew of in my Geography, and where we often found ourselves quite alone, looking at those charming seeds from the West India Islands; and where we enjoyed some of the most delightful days of all our lives,—at least, Drinkwater said so; and I think I must say so too.
Every one has been to the Crystal Palace, so it is of no use talking about the Koh-i-noor, or the fierce-looking Amazon, or the beautiful Veiled Vestal, or the Greek Slave, or those terrible-looking owls or funny foxes, or the other Comical Creatures that came from Wurtemberg. I will, therefore, tell you how we amused ourselves when we were not inclined to have our brains bewildered.
First, let me inform you that my cousin, who was born in London, knows all the grand people by sight, and bows to a great many of them. You may imagine what a treat it was to me, who had lived in a country village all my life, to see with my own eyes His Royal Highness the Prince, or His Grace the Duke, or Her Grace the Duchess, or His Excellency the Marquis, or the Most Noble the Marchioness, pass by intheir grand carriages. How I used to stand on tip-toe to get a glimpse of their faces over the people's heads, and how Drinkwater used to laugh at me.
One morning we were walking in Hyde Park, amusing ourselves in the usual way, when Drinkwater whispered to me hurriedly, "Here come a great Lion and Lioness." You may imagine my sensations. Bewildered with terror, I was about to leave him, and fly; but when I turned with trembling limbs and looked in the direction he pointed out, I saw that these fearful creatures appeared quite harmless: in fact, the great Lion, though he looked very magnificent, was quietly smoking a cigar; and except that the Lioness stared very fiercely, and wore spurs, and carried a riding-whip, I really don't think I should have known that she was a Lioness. A little Tiger, leading the Lioness's horse, followed them at a short distance.
I noticed that every one made way for these important members of society, who, indeed, seemed to think the earth hardly good enough for them to walk upon; but when they had passed by, I heard the people say, "That's the great Mr. Grandboy. He is one of our celebrated Lions. He is a perfect literary Beau Brummel; the author of several novels, that have been read prodigiously; he composes operas, sets the fashion of the cravat, and, they say, writes leaders for 'The Times.'"
THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE.THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE.
"And who, pray, is the Lioness?"
"That is the Hon. Mrs. Delmacare. She writes novels, too, follows the hounds, and often whips her Tiger."
Such were the remarks of the crowd.
Drinkwater told me that some of these Lions and Lionesses do most extraordinary things, and that people run after them and invite them to the most costly entertainments, where they are expected to amuse the guests by their roars. I am glad I am not a Lioness.
When I had somewhat recovered from the agitation caused by this rencontre, Drinkwater persuaded me to take a walk to St. James's Park, to see those charming ducks, and the black swans, and the queer little creatures that dive so prettily. We passed under the arch with the great horse on the top. I asked my cousin if he knew what country such horses were found in, but he could not tell me, and we walked on and soon came to the Queen's Palace.
Here let me take breath;—just at the very moment we reached the gateway, out rolled the royal carriage, and in it, to our great happiness, we beheld her Most Gracious Majesty the Queen, and His Royal Highness the Prince Albert; and with them were those dear children, the Princess Royal and the Prince of Wales—Heaven bless them! How I did long to kiss them both. When the last wheel of the royal carriage was quite out of sight, we turned to look at the palace thatthe Queen lived in, and Drinkwater pointed out to me the funniest creature that ever I saw standing on a pedestal by the gate. He said it was a Unicorn, and that it was put there on purpose to make the Queen laugh. After we had counted the thousand and one windows in the front of the Palace, we strolled along the pleasant path by the little lake, and watched the children as they came with cakes in their hands to feed those greedy geese, that seemed as if they would gobble up cakes, and children, and all.
LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW.LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW.
While we were resting ourselves on a seat under the trees, some distant relations of ours, the Sparrowes of Evryware, passed by. It was well they did not see us, for some of them know me, and I must confess that I should not like to have been seen speaking to such shabby, ill-looking fellows. I wonder what their relations in the country would have said, had they seen them in such wretched condition. Their coats were torn, one of them had lost part of his tail, and their faces looked as if they had not been washed since the last shower of rain. Fearing lest the Sparrowes should return and discover us, I asked Drinkwater to take the ferry-boat to the other side; and just as we landed we had the pleasure of seeing the great Lord Bison introduce his sister, Lady Dorothy Zebu, to the renowned Admiral Macaw. You should have seen the polite bow of the admiral, and the delightful curtsey of the lady. I was charmed beyond expression.Lord Bison has a fine military air; they say he fought many battles on the American prairies. Lady Dorothy, who has just come from India, has, on the contrary, a mild, benignant countenance, and, I am told, is very religious. The admiral was covered with gold, and purple, and scarlet, and looked for all the world like one of his namesakes in that beautiful place, the Zoological Gardens.
This was one of my most eventful days in London, and I shall long remember it.
But now I must tell you of that evening—shall I confess it? the happiest evening of my life—when Drinkwater and I went to Lady Chaffinch's ball. My Aunt was too indisposed to accompany us; she therefore called her son, and told him to take great care of me, as much as if I were his own sister. I have an idea that if my dear Aunt knew all, she would have said that he rather exceeded his instructions; but never mind, he took great care of me.
The carriage came for us at ten o'clock, when, had I been at Gorse Bush, I should have been fast asleep on my perch,—as Drinkwater says, for he loves to plague me about being a Linnet. My Cousin was beautifully attired; he wore a most superb cravat, of a deep ruby colour, and an under-waistcoat of the brightest amber; but, in fact, he always attracts admiration; and I think, without vanity, that I looked extremely well in the new brown dress I took with me fromhome. At a quarter past ten we entered Lady Chaffinch's ball-room, and, for a moment, I was perfectly bewildered; indeed, Drinkwater had to apologise to our hostess for my strange behaviour by saying I was not quite well. However, her ladyship, whom I had often seen in the country, was very kind to me, led me to a seat, and began asking after her old friends. This soon brought me to my senses; and after a little while I could bear to look at the dazzling chandeliers, the magnificent pier-glasses, and the splendidly-dressed people, without being giddy at the sight. Soon after our arrival, the band commenced playing, and some of the company arranged themselves for a dance. Old Sir Cayman Alligator, an East-Indian Director, led out the graceful Lady Caroline Giraffe, who, I must say, deserved the praise young Nightingale bestowed upon her, when he said, she was one of "Nature's nobility." I could not but admire her large, full eyes, which looked at you so tenderly, and the gentle bending of her beautiful neck; and then, what a contrast she was to her horrid-looking partner! I suppose he must be very rich, or I cannot think why Lady Chaffinch should have invited him. Opposite to them stood young Lord Crowe, a younger brother of the noble Earl of Ravenskind, and with him was the Honourable Miss Pigeon. Lord Crowe is a good-looking fellow, rather dark, it must be confessed; but as he wears glasses, he looks very interesting. They say that his brother,the Earl, has picked up his great wealth in a most unaccountable manner, and that the whole family have a singular want of discrimination in the meaning of the wordsmeumandtuum. His partner, who had a nice, dove-coloured dress on, appeared very desirous of pleasing the young Lord, and I thought they seemed very happy together. The other couples were Sir Hector Downcharge, of Kennelhouse, a great sportsman, who came in his militia uniform, and Miss Pie, the daughter of the celebrated Mrs. Margaret, or Mag Pie, as her neighbours call her. And opposite to them were a Mr. Puddock, a person connected with the City, who, through the death of a relative, has just come into possession of a fine marshy estate among the Lincolnshire Fens; and Miss Lavinia Greyhound, who, as all the world knows, was a long time engaged to young Hare, who ran away from her in a very shameful way, and hurt her feelings so much that she did not appear again in public for several months.
Drinkwater and I stood aside, and entertained ourselves with quiet remarks to each other, not always complimentary to the company. He thought Miss Pie the prettiest of the dancers, and certainly she was sweetly dressed, and looked very well. Her partner, Sir Hector, was, without doubt, the handsomest of the gentlemen, though he appeared to me to give himself airs, like an overfed spaniel that has been too much petted, and to lounge about in a way not at all becominga lady's ball-room. The little fellow from the City, hisvis-à-vis, was a very different person—he seemed determined to let us all know that he had lately been taking twelve dancing-lessons of Madame Hopper, for he turned his toes out in the mostelegantway, and was evidently quite impressed with a belief that he was astonishing the spectators with his surprising agility. The very tie of his cravat made Drinkwater nearly die with suppressed laughter; and when the youth began dancing, we were obliged to take a walk into the adjoining Conservatory, lest our merriment should be discovered. I never knew a more delightful place than this Conservatory; the flowers in it are brighter than I have seen elsewhere; and some that Drinkwater gathered for me were far sweeter than any I had ever known before. We staid sometime in this Conservatory looking at the beautiful exotics, and talking ofnothingelse but of them and the weather; and it was not till we had been there more than half-an-hour that I discovered that we were quite alone. We immediately returned to the ball-room, where, luckily, our absence had not been discovered, and in a few minutes were whirling round in a most delightful waltz.
But I have forgotten the rest of the company. Foremost in dignity was the Countess Auk, of Stornaway Rock, in the Hebrides; and with her were her two nieces, Lady Isabella Snipe and the Honourable Miss Woodcock. I saw Mr.Reynard, the celebrated member for Hollowoak, having a long gossip with the Countess and her young charges, for both of whom he seemed to profess great admiration. Mr. Jay, the member for Chatterfield, was likewise there, and paid a good deal of attention, I thought, to the Honourable Miss Dove, a cousin of Miss Pigeon's. Miss Dove plays very nicely, and sometimes, when the band required rest, she rattled off a waltz in fine style, Mr. Jay most attentively turning the music-leaves.
Drinkwater also pointed out to me Miss Stork, the daughter of the Attorney-General, so famous for the length of his bill; Miss Blaccap, who, they say, sings as sweetly as a Robin-Redbreast; Lord Bruin, who has just come from a tour in Russia; the Right Honourable Mr. Ramshead; and a crowd of folks, more or less known, most of whomwouldstand by the doorway and prevent the servants and the fresh air from entering the room.
About three o'clock the Countess of Auk's carriage was summoned, and the company began to retire. Drinkwater and I stood shivering on the stairs full half-an-hour before Lady Goldfinch's brougham was announced; and when we reached home, I found I had been fast asleep with my head on Drinkwater's shoulder.
Ten days after Lady Chaffinch's ball, I was obliged to tear myself away from my kind aunt and my dear cousin,and with only Tom-tit for my companion, to return to this dismal Gorse Bush, which I used to think the sweetest of homes. Now I do nothing but wonder how long it will be before my aunt invites me to London again. Tom-tit brings me letters from the post-boy much oftener than before, and were it not for them, I do not think I could bear my existence.
This is the substance of some letters I have lately received from my dear friend, Julia Linnet. She is a warm-hearted little thing, easily led away by her enthusiasm. At first, I was afraid she would pine away with melancholy; but all my uneasiness was dispelled a few mornings since, when a lace-bordered envelope reached me, enclosing two cards tied together with silver-cord, on one of which was written,—
Mr. Drinkwater Goldfinch Furze Park
THE POACHER.THE POACHER.
Sir Vane Peacockwas the owner of large estates in Cumberland, and a great game preserver. His tenantry were bound to protect all the hares, partridges, and pheasants that fed on their young corn; and, in return, Sir Vane entertained them once a-year with a dinner of roast mutton and potatoes, when good luck enabled them to bring their rents on Old Michaelmas-day. A great personage was Sir Vane Peacock. He was the possessor of two thousand acres of the richest arable land in the county, besides his own park and grounds, of a hundred and twenty acres, well covered with fine trees. Sir Vane would have been happy but for one circumstance: he could not prevent the village poachers from destroying his game. It was in vain that he employed keepers and offered rewards for every depredator they apprehended orkilled;year after year rolled by, and still Sir Vane's great struggle in life was to preserve his partridges. Sir Vane was a county magistrate, and it may be imagined how summarily he dealt with all offenders brought before him. In one year, twoyoung fellows, named Martin and Weesel, both belonging to the village, were shot by his keepers, Martin in the leg and Weesel in the back, because they were found near a rabbit-warren at a suspicious hour in the evening; and an old fellow, whom they called Horny Owl, was so severely beaten on the head by one of the Baronet's men, that he only lived two days afterwards. Old Horny was concealed in the trunk of a hollow oak, and was found there with no less than three young partridges in his possession, which he pleaded he was about to take home for his little ones' supper. But Sir Vane could never catch the rascals who did the most mischief: one was a notorious character, known as Bill Kite; the others a family of brothers, whose name was Lurcher. These were too old at the sport, and too cunning, to let the keepers get near them, and it is believed they made a very excellent living out of Sir Vane's game-preserves.
Among the Baronet's tenantry was a Mr. Pointer, a thoroughly well-bred individual, who lived at a farm close by the park, and who generally accompanied Sir Vane on his shooting-excursions. Mr. Pointer had but one son, named Carlo, with whose training he had taken much pains, and at an early age Carlo promised soon to know as much about field matters as his worthy father. But Carlo had one failing which his parent little dreamed of. On one occasion, when on a visit to a neighbouring farm, the youth had tasted a hare,and ever afterwards he longed to regale himself again on such delightful food. One unlucky morning Carlo was rambling about his father's farm with a gun on his arm, merely to shoot the rooks and frighten away the sparrows, when a hare jumped out of her form and ran away straight before him. The opportunity was too tempting. Bang! went Carlo's gun, and poor pussy tumbled head over heels. Carlo looked round him with anxious glances, and fancying the coast was clear, took up his prize and put it in his pocket; but just as he was vaulting over a gate, Towser, the head-keeper at the park, emerged from behind the hedge, and, without a word, took Carlo's gun from his arm and the hare from his pocket. Carlo was no match for Towser, so he allowed himself to be led before the great Sir Vane without opposition. Towser related the whole of Carlo's terrible offence, which he had witnessed from behind the fence, and the indignant Sir Vane demanded the criminal's reply. Carlo assumed a bold and careless air; told the Baronet that he wished to have the hare for his dinner, and that he could see no harm in killing animals that were feeding on his father's corn. This enraged Sir Vane to such an extent that he started from his chair, seized the gun from Towser, and would certainly have shot Carlo on the spot, had not the youth sprung upon the Baronet, wrenched the gun out of his hands, and laid him sprawling on the floor. Towser ran to his master's assistance, and Carlo, without waiting forhis sentence, jumped through the open window into the garden, flew across the lawn with the speed of a greyhound, and quickly put forty long miles between himself and Peacock Hall.
Ten days afterwards Carlo read in "The Sportsman's Chronicle" that, much to the regret of his family and a numerous circle of admiring friends, Sir Vane Peacock had died suddenly of apoplexy, brought on by a fall. Not a word was said about the cause of the accident; indeed the Baronet, on his deathbed, remembering that he himself had commenced the outrage, had expressly forbidden Towser to mention it, and Carlo thought that he might as well return home at once.
Sir Vane Peacock left no children, and the estates descended to his cousin, Sir Java Peacock, who, fortunately for Carlo, had been too long a witness of the evils arising from game-preserving to wish to continue them. Immediately after taking possession, the new landlord sent a note round, informing every tenant on his estate that he was at perfect liberty to shoot or course all the game he found on his own farm.
It is said that from that time Carlo dined off roast hare and currant-jelly at least once in every week for the remainder of his life.
THE DUEL.THE DUEL.
Ina charming retreat, upon the borders of a wood in Gloucestershire, I once enjoyed the society of some friends, named Leverett, with whom I was very intimate. They seemed to be the happiest little family in the world, subsisted mostly on the produce of their farm, and always welcomed a neighbour like myself with great hospitality. I resided at that time at a pleasant place called the Sandpits, not far from their abode, and I often looked in as I passed by, for half an hour's chat with the old lady, or to ask Jack or his brother Bob to take a stroll with me in the woods. The father was remarkable for his extreme caution, seldom went far from home, and never meddled with other people's affairs. It would have been well had his sons followed his example; but then I should not have had this tale to tell.
Close by us, at the largest farm-house in the county, there lived a Mr. Chanticleer, one of the proudest and most irritable fellows I ever had the misfortune to meet with. To see theairs with which he strutted about his farm-yard, and drove all the ducks and geese flying to make way for him, often made Jack Leverett and myself laugh: but when he went out for a walk with his wife and daughters, his consequence appeared to be increased tenfold, and one wondered where the path was broad enough for him to walk upon.
Mr. Chanticleer was extremely jealous of any intrusion upon his property, and warned off every one who did but set foot on his land. Tom Leverett knew this well enough, and knew what a pugnacious and litigious fellow his neighbour was, so he ought to have been more careful than to give Chanticleer any ground of complaint. Tom, it appears, had a great taste for botany, and often rose early to indulge in his favourite pursuit. One morning, in the ardour of his search for some particular plant, Tom crept through the hedge into one of his neighbour's fields; and so much absorbed was he in the discovery of some sweet-tasting grass which he had never before met with, that he did not notice the approach of Mr. Chanticleer, until that worthy was close upon him.
Chanticleer, it appears, always made a practice of rising early; but though Tom had distinguished his voice—so loud you might have heard it half a mile off—calling to the people in the farm-yard, he did not at all expect a visit from him in the particular field that he was examining.
"Well, sir," said Mr. Chanticleer to Tom, in an authoritativetone as he came close up to him, "may I ask what brings you here?"
"I am studying botany," replied Tom.
"Studying fiddlesticks!" cried his neighbour; "what business have you in my fields?"
"I have examined all the plants on our side," answered Tom, meekly.
"Then go back and examine them again," cried Mr. Chanticleer, putting himself in a great passion, "and don't let me see you here any more!"
"You need not be angry, sir," said Tom, "I have done no mischief."
"Angry, sir! what do you mean by angry?" spluttered out the other. "I'll teach you to tell me I'm angry!" and so saying, he thrust Tom with all his force into the hedge.
Luckily there was a gap there, and Tom was able to get through, and thus escape from any further insult. He heard Chanticleer's voice shouting after him; Tom did not stay to listen, but ran towards the wood as fast as his legs would carry him.
It so happened, that just before Tom reached home he met Captain Bulldog, an old officer of the Guards, who had retired on half-pay, with an extra pension for the loss of one of his legs, which he had left on the field, and to him Tom recounted all the circumstances of the assault. The Captain immediatelytold Tom that he had but one course to pursue, which was, to call Chanticleer out. Tom did not at first understand this phrase; but, on its being explained to him, his knees knocked together, and he begged the Captain to say nothing more of the matter. But the Captain, who owed Chanticleer a grudge, insisted that Tom should place himself entirely in his hands, took the poor youth to his own house, and did not let him rest till Tom had fairly indited a challenge. This the Captain had the great satisfaction of delivering personally to Mr. Chanticleer, who turned very red in the face on reading it, and made some little attempts at an apology. These the Captain would not listen to, saying, the insult was too great for apologies; and Chanticleer was at last obliged to refer him to his friend, Sir Wiley Reynard, of Underwood, to arrange a meeting.
Poor Tom! I think I see him now, as he came with his long face to tell me of the scrape he had got into.
"I would stay at home," said the unfortunate youth, with tears in his eyes, "but that I am afraid of offending Captain Bulldog, who will, perhaps, challenge me himself, if I don't fight Chanticleer; and of the two enemies," added Tom, forcing a faint smile, "you know which I should prefer."
Afterwards, Tom told me where the meeting was to be; and as I thought my young neighbour might want a friend, I determined to be near at hand.
It was about six o'clock on a cold, grey, autumn morning,that I concealed myself in a thicket by the side of Goose Common, and waited the arrival of the combatants. Captain Bulldog, with young Leverett by his side, were first on the field, and I could see that poor Tom shook in every limb. They did not wait long. A post-chaise soon came clattering along the road, and out of it jumped Sir Wiley Reynard, Doctor Crane, and Mr. Chanticleer. Sir Wiley and the Captain soon arranged the preliminaries, and Chanticleer walked boldly and jauntily to his post. Not so my friend. Poor Tom, fainthearted at all times, was now terrified to such a degree, that the Captain had absolutely to support him, or he would certainly have dropped. Presently, Sir Wiley gave the signal to fire; Tom complied at once, and sent his bullet flying somewhere above my head, about as wide of the mark as it well could be; and then, without waiting for the compliment of a return, off he started as fast as ever his legs carried him in his life, cleared the hedge at a bound, and ran straight into a thick wood. I nearly died with laughter, not only to see Tom run, but to behold the terrible look of the Captain, as he gazed after his flying friend; to watch the surprised and somewhat pleased look of Chanticleer, who seemed half inclined to fire after the fugitive; and to see the puzzled expression of Sir Wiley's face, and the comical grin on Dr. Crane's, as he tapped his box and offered the Baronet a pinch. After a few moments of silence, no one knowing what to do in such an unusualdilemma, the Captain walked up to Sir Wiley, and offered, if the Baronet were not satisfied, to fight either Mr. Chanticleer or the Baronet himself, whichever was preferred. But Sir Wiley replied very politely that he was perfectly satisfied with Captain Bulldog, and that he only regretted that the Captain should act for such a coward as Mr. Thomas Leverett. On this the Captain began abusing poor Tom so terribly, that I thought it best to beat a retreat and see after my runaway friend. When I arrived home I found him sitting in my little back-parlour, just as I expected. He had covered his face with his hands, and was crying bitterly. I comforted the poor fellow as well as I could, and did not give him the least grounds for suspecting that I had been a witness of his behaviour. In a little time he became calmer, and then he told me that the report of his own pistol had frightened him so much, that, for his life, he could not help running away.
MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ.MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ.
It was not many days after this that Tom came to me again, evidently in great pain; and, from the broken sentences that escaped him, I learned that as he and his brother Bob were walking in the public road, Chanticleer had met them; and after calling Tom by every abusive name he could think of, had ended by thrashing him with a riding-whip, till the unfortunate youth could scarcely stand. I thought this was carrying the matter too far, so I walked home with him to speak to his father about it. The old gentleman was very much excitedat Tom's account of the quarrel; he had not heard a word about it till that day, and said that Chanticleer should pay dearly for what he had done; and as for Tom's mother, she fainted away at first, and ended by urging her husband to prosecute that rascal Chanticleer, even if it cost them their last grain of food. She thought but little of what she was saying then, but she remembered it afterwards.
On that very afternoon old Mr. Leverett and Bob took the railway to Gloucester, and went at once to the celebrated lawyer, Mr. Sharpe Vulture, of Billocost Row. Mr. Vulture, who was just going home to dinner, and was both hungry and savage, heard their story with great impatience, told them to come again the next morning, and bade them good day. He thus saved his dinner hot, and pocketed an extra fee for an additional consultation. His client, little used to lawyers' pleasantries, thought this behaviour very strange; but as he had some relations close by the town, he resolved that he and Bob would spend the night with them, and they told me they were most hospitably entertained.
On the next morning the father and son again called on the celebrated Mr. Sharpe Vulture, and this time with better success, for that worthy recommended that Mr. Leverett should first apply to a magistrate for a warrant against Mr. Chanticleer; and, secondly, that Tom should commence an action against him for the assault.
To both these courses old Leverett offered no opposition; and on Bob's evidence Sir Simon Graveowl, a magistrate of noted wisdom, granted a warrant against Chanticleer, which Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately gave to an active young policeman to execute. Now, it happened to be market-day at Gloucester, and as Mr. Chanticleer was a large consumer of barley, he usually attended the Corn Exchange during certain hours. This the policeman knew; so no sooner had he received the warrant than he walked straight to Mr. Chanticleer as he stood talking loudly to a large circle of friends and neighbours,—old Mr. Drake, young Mr. Gosling, Mr. Peacock, Mr. Pidgeon, Mr. Swann, and several others,—and forthwith arrested him. Poor Mr. Chanticleer! how crest-fallen he looked! All his crowing was stopped in a moment. He walked by the policeman's side in silence, and looked as much like a culprit as any thief that was ever found with the stolen goods in his possession.
The policeman, thrown off his guard by Chanticleer's quietness, walked by his side without holding him, and of this my neighbour was not slow to avail himself; for just as they had passed a narrow street, he suddenly ran back, and, with a loud noise, flew along the pavement as if twenty Sharpe Vultures were pursuing him. The policeman was not slow to follow; and when the unfortunate Chanticleer was stopped by a sentinel at the gate of the barracks, he seized hisprisoner with such violence by his red neck-tie, that he almost strangled him there and then.
THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEERTHE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER
Old Leverett chuckled to himself, and was greatly delighted to see Chanticleer brought into the magistrate's room by two policemen, one holding him tightly by each arm. Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately brought forward the accusation against the prisoner. Bob's evidence was taken: it was declared that Tom was too unwell from the effects of the assault to attend in person, and Mr. Chanticleer was fined five pounds. For this amount he immediately wrote an order on his bankers,—Brier, Primrose, and Whitethorn; and then, greatly to old Leverett's chagrin, the prisoner was discharged, and all parties left the court.
Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised instant proceedings at law. Accordingly, an action was brought for damages; but through somelittleinformality, the plaintiff was defeated, and had to pay his own and Mr. Chanticleer's lawyers' costs. Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised a second action, which was tried, I remember, at the Assizes just twelve months after the assault complained of. Counsel were engaged on each side. Mr. Badger was for Chanticleer, and the Hon. Mr. Muff for the Leveretts. Badger had Captain Bulldog put into the witness-box, and the whole story of the duel was told in court, making even the learned judge roar with laughter. Badger proved, beyond a doubt, that Tom had well deserved castigation for his cowardice, andthat Mr. Chanticleer had only laid his whip lightly across his shoulders; that Bob, as one of the family, was not to be believed; and that the defendant bore the highest character for gentleness of disposition. The Hon. Mr. Muff proved nothing, but that he richly deserved his name, and the jury returned a verdict for the plaintiff, damages one farthing.
Poor old Leverett! this trial completely ruined him. Sharpe Vulture seized all his property, and the once happy little family were sent adrift on the wide world without a home.
The last time I heard of them, the mother and the two sons were living in an humble way not far from the sea-side; the father was dead; Tom still continued his favourite study, but he always took great care not to trespass in other people's fields.