(TABLE MOUNTAIN, 1870)Which I wish to remark,And my language is plain,That for ways that are darkAnd for tricks that are vain,The heathen Chinee is peculiar,Which the same I would rise to explain.Ah Sin was his name;And I shall not deny,In regard to the same,What that name might imply;But his smile it was pensive and childlike,As I frequent remarked to Bill Nye.It was August the third,And quite soft was the skies;Which it might be inferredThat Ah Sin was likewise;Yet he played it that day upon WilliamAnd me in a way I despise.Which we had a small game,And Ah Sin took a hand:It was Euchre. The sameHe did not understand;But he smiled as he sat by the table,With the smile that was childlike and bland.Yet the cards they were stockedIn a way that I grieve,And my feelings were shockedAt the state of Nye's sleeve,Which was stuffed full of aces and bowers,And the same with intent to deceive.But the hands that were playedBy that heathen Chinee,And the points that he made,Were quite frightful to see,—Till at last he put down a right bower,Which the same Nye had dealt unto me.Then I looked up at Nye,And he gazed upon me;And he rose with a sigh,And said, "Can this be?We are ruined by Chinese cheap labor,"—And he went for that heathen Chinee.In the scene that ensuedI did not take a hand,But the floor it was strewedLike the leaves on the strandWith the cards that Ah Sin had been hiding,In the game "he did not understand."In his sleeves, which were long,He had twenty-four packs,—Which was coming it strong,Yet I state but the facts;And we found on his nails, which were taper,What is frequent in tapers,—that's wax.Which is why I remark,And my language is plain,That for ways that are darkAnd for tricks that are vain,The heathen Chinee is peculiar,—Which the same I am free to maintain.
I reside at Table Mountain, and my name is Truthful James;I am not up to small deceit or any sinful games;And I'll tell in simple language what I know about the rowThat broke up our Society upon the Stanislow.But first I would remark, that it is not a proper planFor any scientific gent to whale his fellow-man,And, if a member don't agree with his peculiar whim,To lay for that same member for to "put a head" on him.Now nothing could be finer or more beautiful to seeThan the first six months' proceedings of that same Society,Till Brown of Calaveras brought a lot of fossil bonesThat he found within a tunnel near the tenement of Jones.Then Brown he read a paper, and he reconstructed there,From those same bones, an animal that was extremely rare;And Jones then asked the Chair for a suspension of the rules,Till he could prove that those same bones was one of his lost mules.Then Brown he smiled a bitter smile, and said he was at fault,It seemed he had been trespassing on Jones's family vault;He was a most sarcastic man, this quiet Mr. Brown,And on several occasions he had cleaned out the town.Now I hold it is not decent for a scientific gentTo say another is an ass,—at least, to all intent;Nor should the individual who happens to be meantReply by heaving rocks at him, to any great extent.Then Abner Dean of Angel's raised a point of order, whenA chunk of old red sandstone took him in the abdomen,And he smiled a kind of sickly smile, and curled up on the floor,And the subsequent proceedings interested him no more.For, in less time than I write it, every member did engageIn a warfare with the remnants of a palaeozoic age;And the way they heaved those fossils in their anger was a sin,Till the skull of an old mammoth caved the head of Thompson in.And this is all I have to say of these improper games,For I live at Table Mountain, and my name is Truthful James;And I've told in simple language what I know about the rowThat broke up our Society upon the Stanislow.
(IN THE COLORADO PARK, 1873)Wot's that you're readin'?—a novel? A novel!—well, darn my skin!You a man grown and bearded and histin' such stuff ez that in—Stuff about gals and their sweethearts! No wonder you're thin ez aknife.Look at me—clar two hundred—and never read one in my life!That's my opinion o' novels. And ez to their lyin' round here,They belong to the Jedge's daughter—the Jedge who came up last yearOn account of his lungs and the mountains and the balsam o' pine andfir;And his daughter—well, she read novels, and that's what's thematter with her.Yet she was sweet on the Jedge, and stuck by him day and night,Alone in the cabin up 'yer—till she grew like a ghost, all white.She wus only a slip of a thing, ez light and ez up and awayEz rifle smoke blown through the woods, but she wasn't my kind—noway!Speakin' o' gals, d'ye mind that house ez you rise the hill,A mile and a half from White's, and jist above Mattingly's mill?You do? Well now THAR's a gal! What! you saw her? Oh, come now,thar! quit!She was only bedevlin' you boys, for to me she don't cotton one bit.Now she's what I call a gal—ez pretty and plump ez a quail;Teeth ez white ez a hound's, and they'd go through a ten-penny nail;Eyes that kin snap like a cap. So she asked to know "whar I was hid?"She did! Oh, it's jist like her sass, for she's peart ez a Katydid.But what was I talking of?—Oh! the Jedge and his daughter—she readNovels the whole day long, and I reckon she read them abed;And sometimes she read them out loud to the Jedge on the porch wherehe sat,And 'twas how "Lord Augustus" said this, and how "Lady Blanche" shesaid that.But the sickest of all that I heerd was a yarn thet they read 'bouta chap,"Leather-stocking" by name, and a hunter chock full o' the greenesto' sap;And they asked me to hear, but I says, "Miss Mabel, not any for me;When I likes I kin sling my own lies, and thet chap and I shouldn'tagree."Yet somehow or other that gal allus said that I brought her to mindOf folks about whom she had read, or suthin belike of thet kind,And thar warn't no end o' the names that she give me thet summer uphere—"Robin Hood," "Leather-stocking" "Rob Roy,"—Oh, I tell you, thecritter was queer!And yet, ef she hadn't been spiled, she was harmless enough in herway;She could jabber in French to her dad, and they said that she knewhow to play;And she worked me that shot-pouch up thar, which the man doesn'tlive ez kin use;And slippers—you see 'em down 'yer—ez would cradle an Injin'spapoose.Yet along o' them novels, you see, she was wastin' and mopin' away,And then she got shy with her tongue, and at last she had nothin' tosay;And whenever I happened around, her face it was hid by a book,And it warn't till the day she left that she give me ez much ez alook.And this was the way it was. It was night when I kem up hereTo say to 'em all "good-by," for I reckoned to go for deerAt "sun up" the day they left. So I shook 'em all round by the hand,'Cept Mabel, and she was sick, ez they give me to understand.But jist ez I passed the house next morning at dawn, some one,Like a little waver o' mist got up on the hill with the sun;Miss Mabel it was, alone—all wrapped in a mantle o' lace—And she stood there straight in the road, with a touch o' the sun inher face.And she looked me right in the eye—I'd seen suthin' like it beforeWhen I hunted a wounded doe to the edge o' the Clear Lake Shore,And I had my knee on its neck, and I jist was raisin' my knife,When it give me a look like that, and—well, it got off with its life."We are going to-day," she said, "and I thought I would say good-byTo you in your own house, Luke—these woods and the bright blue sky!You've always been kind to us, Luke, and papa has found you stillAs good as the air he breathes, and wholesome as Laurel Tree Hill."And we'll always think of you, Luke, as the thing we could not takeaway,—The balsam that dwells in the woods, the rainbow that lives in thespray.And you'll sometimes think of ME, Luke, as you know you once used tosay,A rifle smoke blown through the woods, a moment, but never to stay."And then we shook hands. She turned, but a-suddent she tottered andfell,And I caught her sharp by the waist, and held her a minit. Well,It was only a minit, you know, thet ez cold and ez white she layEz a snowflake here on my breast, and then—well, she melted away—And was gone.... And thar are her books; but I says not any for me;Good enough may be for some, but them and I mightn't agree.They spiled a decent gal ez might hev made some chap a wife,And look at me!—clar two hundred—and never read one in my life!
(BIG PINE FLAT, 1871)"Something characteristic," eh?Humph! I reckon you mean by thatSomething that happened in our way,Here at the crossin' of Big Pine Flat.Times aren't now as they used to be,When gold was flush and the boys were frisky,And a man would pull out his batteryFor anything—maybe the price of whiskey.Nothing of that sort, eh? That's strange!Why, I thought you might be divertedHearing how Jones of Red Rock RangeDrawed his "hint to the unconverted,"And saying, "Whar will you have it?" shotCherokee Bob at the last debating!What was the question I forgot,But Jones didn't like Bob's way of stating.Nothing of that kind, eh? You meanSomething milder? Let's see!—O Joe!Tell to the stranger that little sceneOut of the "Babes in the Woods." You know,"Babes" was the name that we gave 'em, sir,Two lean lads in their teens, and greenerThan even the belt of spruce and firWhere they built their nest, and each day grew leaner.No one knew where they came from. NoneCared to ask if they had a mother.Runaway schoolboys, maybe. OneTall and dark as a spruce; the otherBlue and gold in the eyes and hair,Soft and low in his speech, but rarelyTalking with us; and we didn't careTo get at their secret at all unfairly.For they were so quiet, so sad and shy,Content to trust each other solely,That somehow we'd always shut one eye,And never seem to observe them whollyAs they passed to their work. 'Twas a worn-out claim,And it paid them grub. They could live without it,For the boys had a way of leaving gameIn their tent, and forgetting all about it.Yet no one asked for their secret. DumbIt lay in their big eyes' heavy hollows.It was understood that no one should comeTo their tent unawares, save the bees and swallows.So they lived alone. Until one warm nightI was sitting here at the tent-door,—so, sir!When out of the sunset's rosy lightUp rose the Sheriff of Mariposa.I knew at once there was something wrong,For his hand and his voice shook just a little,And there isn't much you can fetch alongTo make the sinews of Jack Hill brittle."Go warn the Babes!" he whispered, hoarse;"Tell them I'm coming—to get and scurry;For I've got a story that's bad,—and worse,I've got a warrant: G-d d—n it, hurry!"Too late! they had seen him cross the hill;I ran to their tent and found them lyingDead in each other's arms, and stillClasping the drug they had taken flying.And there lay their secret cold and bare,Their life, their trial—the old, old story!For the sweet blue eyes and the golden hairWas a WOMAN'S shame and a WOMAN'S glory."Who were they?" Ask no more, or askThe sun that visits their grave so lightly;Ask of the whispering reeds, or taskThe mourning crickets that chirrup nightly.All of their life but its love forgot,Everything tender and soft and mystic,These are our Babes in the Woods,—you've got,Well—human nature—that's characteristic.
It was noon by the sun; we had finished our game,And was passin' remarks goin' back to our claim;Jones was countin' his chips, Smith relievin' his mindOf ideas that a "straight" should beat "three of a kind,"When Johnson of Elko came gallopin' down,With a look on his face 'twixt a grin and a frown,And he calls, "Drop your shovels and face right about,For them Chinees from Murphy's are cleanin' us out—With their ching-a-ring-chowAnd their chic-colorowThey're bent upon makingNo slouch of a row."Then Jones—my own pardner—looks up with a sigh;"It's your wash-bill," sez he, and I answers, "You lie!"But afore he could draw or the others could arm,Up tumbles the Bates boys, who heard the alarm.And a yell from the hill-top and roar of a gong,Mixed up with remarks like "Hi! yi! Chang-a-wong,"And bombs, shells, and crackers, that crashed through the trees,Revealed in their war-togs four hundred Chinees!Four hundred Chinee;We are eight, don't ye see!That made a square fiftyTo just one o' we.They were dressed in their best, but I grieve that that sameWas largely made up of our own, to their shame;And my pardner's best shirt and his trousers were hungOn a spear, and above him were tauntingly swung;While that beggar, Chey Lee, like a conjurer satPullin' out eggs and chickens from Johnson's best hat;And Bates's game rooster was part of their "loot,"And all of Smith's pigs were skyugled to boot;But the climax was reached and I like to have diedWhen my demijohn, empty, came down the hillside,—Down the hillside—What once held the prideOf Robertson CountyPitched down the hillside!Then we axed for a parley. When out of the dinTo the front comes a-rockin' that heathen, Ah Sin!"You owe flowty dollee—me washee you camp,You catchee my washee—me catchee no stamp;One dollar hap dozen, me no catchee yet,Now that flowty dollee—no hab?—how can get?Me catchee you piggee—me sellee for cash,It catchee me licee—you catchee no 'hash;'Me belly good Sheliff—me lebbee when can,Me allee same halp pin as Melican man!But Melican manHe washee him panOn BOTTOM side hilleeAnd catchee—how can?""Are we men?" says Joe Johnson, "and list to this jaw,Without process of warrant or color of law?Are we men or—a-chew!"—here be gasped in his speech,For a stink-pot had fallen just out of his reach."Shall we stand here as idle, and let Asia pourHer barbaric hordes on this civilized shore?Has the White Man no country? Are we left in the lurch?And likewise what's gone of the Established Church?One man to four hundred is great odds, I own,But this 'yer's a White Man—I plays it alone!"And he sprang up the hillside—to stop him none dare—Till a yell from the top told a "White Man was there!"A White Man was there!We prayed he might spareThose misguided heathensThe few clothes they wear.They fled, and he followed, but no matter where;They fled to escape him,—the "White Man was there,"—Till we missed first his voice on the pine-wooded slope,And we knew for the heathen henceforth was no hope;And the yells they grew fainter, when Petersen said,"It simply was human to bury his dead."And then, with slow tread,We crept up, in dread,But found nary mortal there,Living or dead.But there was his trail, and the way that they came,And yonder, no doubt, he was bagging his game.When Jones drops his pickaxe, and Thompson says "Shoo!"And both of 'em points to a cage of bambooHanging down from a tree, with a label that swungConspicuous, with letters in some foreign tongue,Which, when freely translated, the same did appearWas the Chinese for saying, "A White Man is here!"And as we drew near,In anger and fear,Bound hand and foot, JohnsonLooked down with a leer!In his mouth was an opium pipe—which was whyHe leered at us so with a drunken-like eye!They had shaved off his eyebrows, and tacked on a cue,They had painted his face of a coppery hue,And rigged him all up in a heathenish suit,Then softly departed, each man with his "loot."Yes, every galoot,And Ah Sin, to boot,Had left him there hangingLike ripening fruit.At a mass meeting held up at Murphy's next dayThere were seventeen speakers and each had his say;There were twelve resolutions that instantly passed,And each resolution was worse than the last;There were fourteen petitions, which, granting the same,Will determine what Governor Murphy's shall name;And the man from our district that goes up next yearGoes up on one issue—that's patent and clear:"Can the work of a mean,Degraded, uncleanBeliever in BuddhaBe held as a lien?"
(YREKA, 1873)Which it is not my styleTo produce needless painBy statements that rileOr that go 'gin the grain,But here's Captain Jack still a-livin', and Nye has no skelp on hisbrain!On that Caucasian headThere is no crown of hair;It has gone, it has fled!And Echo sez "Where?"And I asks, "Is this Nation a White Man's, and is generally thingson the square?"She was known in the campAs "Nye's other squaw,"And folks of that stampHez no rights in the law,But is treacherous, sinful, and slimy, as Nye might hev well knownbefore.But she said that she knewWhere the Injins was hid,And the statement was true,For it seemed that she did,Since she led William where he was covered by seventeen Modocs, and—slid!Then they reached for his hair;But Nye sez, "By the lawOf nations, forbear!I surrenders—no more:And I looks to be treated,—you hear me?—as a pris'ner, a pris'nerof war!"But Captain Jack roseAnd he sez, "It's too thin!Such statements as thoseIt's too late to begin.There's a MODOC INDICTMENT agin you, O Paleface, and you're goin' in!"You stole Schonchin's squawIn the year sixty-two;It was in sixty-fourThat Long Jack you went through,And you burned Nasty Jim's rancheria, and his wives and his papoosestoo."This gun in my handWas sold me by you'Gainst the law of the land,And I grieves it is true!"And he buried his face in his blanket and wept as he hid it from view."But you're tried and condemned,And skelping's your doom,"And he paused and he hemmed—But why this resume?He was skelped 'gainst the custom of nations, and cut off like a rosein its bloom.So I asks without guile,And I trusts not in vain,If this is the styleThat is going to obtain—If here's Captain Jack still a-livin', and Nye with no skelp on hisbrain?
(SIERRAS, 1876)
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
First TouristSecond TouristYuba Bill, DriverA Stranger
FIRST TOURISTLook how the upland plunges into cover,Green where the pines fade sullenly away.Wonderful those olive depths! and wonderful, moreover—SECOND TOURISTThe red dust that rises in a suffocating way.FIRST TOURISTSmall is the soul that cannot soar above it,Cannot but cling to its ever-kindred clay:Better be yon bird, that seems to breathe and love it—SECOND TOURISTDoubtless a hawk or some other bird of prey.Were we, like him, as sure of a dinnerThat on our stomachs would comfortably stay;Or were the fried ham a shade or two just thinner,That must confront us at closing of the day:Then might you sing like Theocritus or Virgil,Then might we each make a metrical essay;But verse just now—I must protest and urge—illFits a digestion by travel led astray.CHORUS OF PASSENGERSSpeed, Yuba Bill! oh, speed us to our dinner!Speed to the sunset that beckons far away.SECOND TOURISTWilliam of Yuba, O Son of Nimshi, hearken!Check thy profanity, but not thy chariot's play.Tell us, O William, before the shadows darken,Where, and, oh! how we shall dine? O William, say!YUBA BILLIt ain't my fault, nor the Kumpeney's, I reckon,Ye can't get ez square meal ez any on the Bay,Up at you place, whar the senset 'pears to beckon—Ez thet sharp allows in his airy sort o' way.Thar woz a place wor yer hash ye might hev wrestled,Kept by a woman ez chipper ez a jay—Warm in her breast all the morning sunshine nestled;Red on her cheeks all the evening's sunshine lay.SECOND TOURISTPraise is but breath, O chariot compeller!Yet of that hash we would bid you farther say.YUBA BILLThar woz a snipe—like you, a fancy tourist—Kem to that ranch ez if to make a stay,Ran off the gal, and ruined jist the puristCritter that lived—STRANGER (quietly)You're a liar, driver!YUBA BILL (reaching for his revolver).Eh!Here take my lines, somebody—CHORUS OF PASSENGERSHush, boys! listen!Inside there's a lady! Remember! No affray!YUBA BILLEf that man lives, the fault ain't mine or his'n.STRANGERWait for the sunset that beckons far away,Then—as you will! But, meantime, friends, believe me,Nowhere on earth lives a purer woman; nay,If my perceptions do surely not deceive me,She is the lady we have inside to-day.As for the man—you see that blackened pine tree,Up which the green vine creeps heavenward away!He was that scarred trunk, and she the vine that sweetlyClothed him with life again, and lifted—SECOND TOURISTYes; but prayHow know you this?STRANGERShe's my wife.YUBA BILLThe h-ll you say!
It is the story of Thompson—of Thompson, the hero of Angels.Frequently drunk was Thompson, but always polite to the stranger;Light and free was the touch of Thompson upon his revolver;Great the mortality incident on that lightness and freedom.Yet not happy or gay was Thompson, the hero of Angels;Often spoke to himself in accents of anguish and sorrow,"Why do I make the graves of the frivolous youth who in follyThoughtlessly pass my revolver, forgetting its lightness and freedom?"Why in my daily walks does the surgeon drop his left eyelid,The undertaker smile, and the sculptor of gravestone marblesLean on his chisel and gaze? I care not o'er much for attention;Simple am I in my ways, save but for this lightness and freedom."So spake that pensive man—this Thompson, the hero of Angels,Bitterly smiled to himself, as he strode through the chapparal musing."Why, oh, why?" echoed the pines in the dark olive depth farresounding."Why, indeed?" whispered the sage brush that bent 'neath his feetnon-elastic.Pleasant indeed was that morn that dawned o'er the barroom at Angels,Where in their manhood's prime was gathered the pride of the hamlet.Six "took sugar in theirs," and nine to the barkeeper lightlySmiled as they said, "Well, Jim, you can give us our regular fusil."Suddenly as the gray hawk swoops down on the barnyard, alightingWhere, pensively picking their corn, the favorite pullets aregathered,So in that festive bar-room dropped Thompson, the hero of Angels,Grasping his weapon dread with his pristine lightness and freedom.Never a word he spoke; divesting himself of his garments,Danced the war-dance of the playful yet truculent Modoc,Uttered a single whoop, and then, in the accents of challenge,Spake: "Oh, behold in me a Crested Jay Hawk of the mountain."Then rose a pallid man—a man sick with fever and ague;Small was he, and his step was tremulous, weak, and uncertain;Slowly a Derringer drew, and covered the person of Thompson;Said in his feeblest pipe, "I'm a Bald-headed Snipe of the Valley."As on its native plains the kangaroo, startled by hunters,Leaps with successive bounds, and hurries away to the thickets,So leaped the Crested Hawk, and quietly hopping behind himRan, and occasionally shot, that Bald-headed Snipe of the Valley.Vain at the festive bar still lingered the people of Angels,Hearing afar in the woods the petulant pop of the pistol;Never again returned the Crested Jay Hawk of the mountains,Never again was seen the Bald-headed Snipe of the Valley.Yet in the hamlet of Angels, when truculent speeches are uttered,When bloodshed and life alone will atone for some triflingmisstatement,Maidens and men in their prime recall the last hero of Angels,Think of and vainly regret the Bald-headed Snipe of the Valley!
(SIERRAS)We checked our pace, the red road sharply rounding;We heard the troubled flowOf the dark olive depths of pines resoundingA thousand feet below.Above the tumult of the canyon lifted,The gray hawk breathless hung,Or on the hill a winged shadow driftedWhere furze and thorn-bush clung;Or where half-way the mountain side was furrowedWith many a seam and scar;Or some abandoned tunnel dimly burrowed,—A mole-hill seen so far.We looked in silence down across the distantUnfathomable reach:A silence broken by the guide's consistentAnd realistic speech."Walker of Murphy's blew a hole through PetersFor telling him he lied;Then up and dusted out of South HornitosAcross the Long Divide."We ran him out of Strong's, and up through Eden,And 'cross the ford below,And up this canyon (Peters' brother leadin'),And me and Clark and Joe."He fou't us game: somehow I disrememberJest how the thing kem round;Some say 'twas wadding, some a scattered emberFrom fires on the ground."But in one minute all the hill below himWas just one sheet of flame;Guardin' the crest, Sam Clark and I called to him,And,—well, the dog was game!"He made no sign: the fires of hell were round him,The pit of hell below.We sat and waited, but we never found him;And then we turned to go."And then—you see that rock that's grown so bristlyWith chapparal and tan—Suthin crep' out: it might hev been a grizzlyIt might hev been a man;"Suthin that howled, and gnashed its teeth, and shoutedIn smoke and dust and flame;Suthin that sprang into the depths about it,Grizzly or man,—but game!"That's all! Well, yes, it does look rather risky,And kinder makes one queerAnd dizzy looking down. A drop of whiskeyAin't a bad thing right here!"
I'm sitting alone by the fire,Dressed just as I came from the dance,In a robe even YOU would admire,—It cost a cool thousand in France;I'm be-diamonded out of all reason,My hair is done up in a cue:In short, sir, "the belle of the season"Is wasting an hour upon you.A dozen engagements I've broken;I left in the midst of a set;Likewise a proposal, half spoken,That waits—on the stairs—for me yet.They say he'll be rich,—when he grows up,—And then he adores me indeed;And you, sir, are turning your nose up,Three thousand miles off as you read."And how do I like my position?""And what do I think of New York?""And now, in my higher ambition,With whom do I waltz, flirt, or talk?""And isn't it nice to have riches,And diamonds and silks, and all that?""And aren't they a change to the ditchesAnd tunnels of Poverty Flat?"Well, yes,—if you saw us out drivingEach day in the Park, four-in-hand,If you saw poor dear mamma contrivingTo look supernaturally grand,—If you saw papa's picture, as takenBy Brady, and tinted at that,You'd never suspect he sold baconAnd flour at Poverty Flat.And yet, just this moment, when sittingIn the glare of the grand chandelier,—In the bustle and glitter befittingThe "finest soiree of the year,"—In the mists of a gaze de Chambery,And the hum of the smallest of talk,—Somehow, Joe, I thought of the "Ferry,"And the dance that we had on "The Fork;"Of Harrison's barn, with its musterOf flags festooned over the wall;Of the candles that shed their soft lustreAnd tallow on head-dress and shawl;Of the steps that we took to one fiddle,Of the dress of my queer vis-a-vis;And how I once went down the middleWith the man that shot Sandy McGee;Of the moon that was quietly sleepingOn the hill, when the time came to go;Of the few baby peaks that were peepingFrom under their bedclothes of snow;Of that ride—that to me was the rarest;Of—the something you said at the gate.Ah! Joe, then I wasn't an heiressTo "the best-paying lead in the State."Well, well, it's all past; yet it's funnyTo think, as I stood in the glareOf fashion and beauty and money,That I should be thinking, right there,Of some one who breasted high water,And swam the North Fork, and all that,Just to dance with old Folinsbee's daughter,The Lily of Poverty Flat.But goodness! what nonsense I'm writing!(Mamma says my taste still is low),Instead of my triumphs reciting,I'm spooning on Joseph,—heigh-ho!And I'm to be "finished" by travel,—Whatever's the meaning of that.Oh, why did papa strike pay gravelIn drifting on Poverty Flat?Good-night!—here's the end of my paper;Good-night!—if the longitude please,—For maybe, while wasting my taper,YOUR sun's climbing over the trees.But know, if you haven't got riches,And are poor, dearest Joe, and all that,That my heart's somewhere there in the ditches,And you've struck it,—on Poverty Flat.
(REPORTED BY TRUTHFUL JAMES)Being asked by an intimate party,—Which the same I would term as a friend,—Though his health it were vain to call hearty,Since the mind to deceit it might lend;For his arm it was broken quite recent,And there's something gone wrong with his lung,—Which is why it is proper and decentI should write what he runs off his tongue.First, he says, Miss, he's read through your letterTo the end,—and "the end came too soon;"That a "slight illness kept him your debtor,"(Which for weeks he was wild as a loon);That "his spirits are buoyant as yours is;"That with you, Miss, he "challenges Fate,"(Which the language that invalid usesAt times it were vain to relate).And he says "that the mountains are fairerFor once being held in your thought;"That each rock "holds a wealth that is rarerThan ever by gold-seeker sought."(Which are words he would put in these pages,By a party not given to guile;Though the claim not, at date, paying wages,Might produce in the sinful a smile.)He remembers the ball at the Ferry,And the ride, and the gate, and the vow,And the rose that you gave him,—that verySame rose he is "treasuring now."(Which his blanket he's kicked on his trunk, Miss,And insists on his legs being freeAnd his language to me from his bunk, Miss,Is frequent and painful and free.)He hopes you are wearing no willows,But are happy and gay all the while;That he knows—(which this dodging of pillowsImparts but small ease to the style,And the same you will pardon)—he knows, Miss,That, though parted by many a mile,Yet, were HE lying under the snows, Miss,They'd melt into tears at your smile.And "you'll still think of him in your pleasures,In your brief twilight dreams of the past;In this green laurel spray that he treasures,—It was plucked where your parting was last;In this specimen,—but a small trifle,—It will do for a pin for your shawl."(Which, the truth not to wickedly stifle,Was his last week's "clean up,"—and HIS ALL.)He's asleep, which the same might seem strange, Miss,Were it not that I scorn to denyThat I raised his last dose, for a change, Miss,In view that his fever was high;But he lies there quite peaceful and pensive.And now, my respects, Miss, to you;Which my language, although comprehensive,Might seem to be freedom, is true.For I have a small favor to ask you,As concerns a bull-pup, and the same,—If the duty would not overtask you,—You would please to procure for me, GAME;And send per express to the Flat, Miss,—For they say York is famed for the breed,Which, though words of deceit may be that, Miss,I'll trust to your taste, Miss, indeed.P.S.—Which this same interferingInto other folks' way I despise;Yet if it so be I was hearingThat it's just empty pockets as liesBetwixt you and Joseph, it follersThat, having no family claims,Here's my pile, which it's six hundred dollars,As is YOURS, with respects,TRUTHFUL JAMES.
(MUD FLAT, 1860)So you're back from your travels, old fellow,And you left but a twelvemonth ago;You've hobnobbed with Louis Napoleon,Eugenie, and kissed the Pope's toe.By Jove, it is perfectly stunning,Astounding,—and all that, you know;Yes, things are about as you left themIn Mud Flat a twelvemonth ago.The boys!—they're all right,—Oh! Dick Ashley,He's buried somewhere in the snow;He was lost on the Summit last winter,And Bob has a hard row to hoe.You know that he's got the consumption?You didn't! Well, come, that's a go;I certainly wrote you at Baden,—Dear me! that was six months ago.I got all your outlandish letters,All stamped by some foreign P. O.I handed myself to Miss MaryThat sketch of a famous chateau.Tom Saunders is living at 'Frisco,—They say that he cuts quite a show.You didn't meet Euchre-deck BillyAnywhere on your road to Cairo?So you thought of the rusty old cabin,The pines, and the valley below,And heard the North Fork of the YubaAs you stood on the banks of the Po?'Twas just like your romance, old fellow;But now there is standing a rowOf stores on the site of the cabinThat you lived in a twelvemonth ago.But it's jolly to see you, old fellow,—To think it's a twelvemonth ago!And you have seen Louis Napoleon,And look like a Johnny Crapaud.Come in. You will surely see Mary,—You know we are married. What, no?Oh, ay! I forgot there was somethingBetween you a twelvemonth ago.