Chapter 3

THREE GREAT COMMANDERS.

May we always be under the orders of General Peace, General Plenty and General Prosperity.

We now toast the superb Electric Flag of the people with every honorable Elk who has beautified and made memorable these pleasures of the Queen City.--Cincinnati, July, 1904.

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Though there's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip,Yet, while o'er the brim of life's breaker I dip,While there's life in the lip, while there's warmth in the wine,One deep health I'll pledge, and that health shall be thine.--Owen Meredith.

A HINT ON ENTERTAINING.

"The most successful social functions are those managed by a host and hostess," says a society scribe, "not by either alone. Leave a man to make up a party and he is sure to forget that Mrs. B. was engaged to C. before she married D., and that Mrs. C. is aware of the fact, and that the D.s and E.s have long been at daggers drawn, and he will have no eyes to detect the designs of Mrs. H. On the other hand, a woman gets nervous and fatigued with the constant effort to keep the ball rolling, and fails just where a man would succeed. What is wanted is a division of labor, and if this were done oftener there would be less disappointment on the part of entertainers and entertained."

LOOK AT YOUR CUP.

A cup of coffee, farmers assert, makes a pretty accurate barometer:

"To make a barometer out of a cup of coffee," a farmer said, "you must use loaf sugar. You drop a lump of this sugar exactly into the middle of your cup, and then watch the bubbles rise. It is by these bubbles that your prognostications are made.

"If the bubbles rise straight up in the middle, remaining there in a cluster till they disappear, the weather is to be fair; if they rise at the sides of the cup, adhering to the china, the weather will be rainy. If they rise all over the coffee's surface, and move here and there erratically, changeable conditions are to be looked for."

ENTERTAINMENT SUGGESTION.

Here are some ideas for an entertainment, which is said to be both amusing and instructive, as it makes one think, and the time put into anything that makes men or women think is never lost. Have an art gallery and invite your friends to it. Each person is supplied with a catalogue and must pay a forfeit for every piece of art he fails to find. Here is a sample of the catalogue:

1. The Bell of the Season. (A dinner bell.)2. Saved. (A bank containing a few pennies.)3. An Absorbing Subject. (A sponge.)4. A Drawing Subject. (A crayon.)5. The Skipper's Home. (Cheese.)6. A Young Man's Horror. (The mitten.)7. The Light of Other Days. (A candle.)8. Tears, Idle Tears. (An onion.)9. Can't be Beat. (A turnip.)10. The Four Seasons. (Salt, pepper, vinegar and mustard.)11. A Regular Bore. (A gimlet.)12. Family Jars. (Mason's fruit jars in three sizes.)13. True to the Core. (An apple.)14. A Prison Scene. (A mouse in a trap.)15. A Switchtender. (A hairpin.)16. A Bunch of Dates. (A calendar.)

Of course, no one speaks in the art room.

Every guest fills in what names he can, hoping that his friends will miss many more than he does. Have ten or more "pieces of art" than are on the catalogue. This is to mystify a little.

HAVE A PEANUT?

An original young woman of Lamar has invented a new kind of social diversion. It is the "progressive peanut party." Four guests are seated about each table, and on the table is placed a crock full of peanuts. Each guest is provided with a hatpin, and when the word is given all begin jabbing for peanuts. The quartet that empties its crock first wins the game, and then the sets of players change. It is needless to say that the peanut party is strictly a "hen" function. A man couldn't jab a crockful of peanuts with a hatpin in a week, but the young women of Lamar played thirty games in a single afternoon.--Kansas City Journal.

WHAT THE EYES TELL.

The color of the eyes has hitherto chiefly concerned the novelist and the poet, but lately the cold-blooded statistician has been looking into them. It is announced that, taking the average of Europe and America, 44.6 per cent of men have light eyes, including blue and gray. The proportion of women having blue or gray eyes is 32.2 per cent. In other words, blue eyes are decidedly rarer among women than among men, says theLondon Express.

Men have light eyes oftener than women, but in the intermediate shades between light and dark the percentage of the two sexes is very nearly the same.

In this intermediate category are brown and hazel eyes. The percentage of these among men is 43.1, and among women 45.1.

The percentage of black eyes is larger among women than among men, being 20.7 per cent for the women, while among men it is 12.3.

Blue eyes are considered to possess great attractions. This was the case among the Greeks and Romans of classic times. Upon the Goddess of Minerva was bestowed a surname to signify the blueness of her eyes.

Gray eyes have ever been the ideal of all great novelists; among the number Charlotte Brontë, George Eliot, Wilkie Collins and Charles Reade. Most of the heroines in up-to-date fiction are gray-eyed maidens.

Of the living great, as well as the famous dead, most have eyes of gray blue.

Shakespeare had eyes of gray; so had nearly all the English poets. Coleridge's eyes were large, light gray, prominent and of liquid brilliancy. Byron's eyes were gray, fringed with long black lashes.

Charles Lamb's glittering eyes were strangely dissimilar in color, one being hazel, the other having specks of gray in the iris. Chatterton's brilliant gray eyes were his most remarkable features. Under strong excitement one appeared brighter and larger than the other.

As to green eyes they are for glory. The Empress Catherine of Russia had eyes of this hue. In Don Quixote green eyes are thus referred to:

"But, now I think on it, Sancho, thy description of her beauty was a little absurd in that particular of comparing her eyes to pearls. Sure, such eyes are more like those of a whiting or a seabeam than those of a fair lady, and in my opinion, Dulcinea's eyes are rather like two celestial emeralds, railed in with two celestial arches, which signify her eyebrows. Therefore, Sancho, you had better take your pearls from her eyes and apply them to her teeth." Green eyes are not popular, however. Cervantes spoke of them as "verdant emeralds," that more usually they are likened to the optics of the cat. Very few heroines have green eyes. Jane Eyre and Rose, in Robert Elsmere, are the only two we can think of at the moment.

REVEALED BY THE THUMB.

The thumb is a great tell-tale where character is concerned. If nose, eyes and mouth decline to reveal the secrets or temperament, you need not be at a loss. Notice the hands, and especially the thumb of the person whom you are seeking to read.

A broad and short thumb indicates lack of refinement. Taken in conjunction with stubby finger tips and a thick wrist, it indicates coarseness, even positive brutality.

A tapering thumb gives notice of extreme delicacy of perception and refinement of character.

A thumb of medium breadth indicates balance between the extremes mentioned, and denotes strength of character essential to success in life.

If when in repose the thumb curls outward, its owner possesses a sound constitution, much vitality and cheerfulness.

On the contrary, if the thumb naturally falls inward towards the palm, a melancholy, despondent disposition is denoted, also constitutional delicacy and lack of vitality.

CHARACTERS IN FINGER NAILS.

Broad nails denote a gentle natured person, inclined to be modest and unassuming.

Narrow nails denote a studious but not very gentle nature, with a desire for scientific knowledge.

White nails denote a fondness for society of opposite sex, not overstrong in health and subject to fevers.

Round nails denote a desire for knowledge in general, apt to take great pride in own accomplishments, rather hasty, yet fairly good natured and forgiving.

Long nails denote caution, lacking confidence in human nature, decided in opinion and strictly virtuous.

Eyes are cold, enticing, sympathetic or affectionate. The mouth is kissable (as men say), cynical, cruel, sensuous or indifferent, and so with all the features.

BEAUTY'S SEVEN NURSES.

Beauty, it is said, has seven nurses, which, if given full charge, will make of the homeliest woman a picture of charm and loveliness.

These magic seven are fresh air, sunshine, warmth, rest, sleep, food and whatever stirs the blood, be it exercise or enthusiasm.

Be sure to get plenty of sleep. You can sleep yourself into good looks. A long nap and a hot bath will make any woman more attractive, and lift years from her shoulder.

Don't be afraid of sunshine and fresh air. They offer you bloom and color. And deep breathing is surely the hand-maid of the fresh-air nurse. Deep breathing gives a fine figure as well as clear complexion.

Don't sit down to table as soon as you come in from work, or a round of social duties. Lie down, or sit down, for ten minutes, waiting until you can partake of your dinner with the physical machinery rested and refreshed.

Don't bathe in hard water. Soften it with a little powdered borax, or a handful of oatmeal.

Don't bathe the face while it is very warm, or very cold.

Don't wash the face when traveling, unless it is with a little alcohol and water, or a little cold cream.

Don't attempt to remove dust with cold water. Give the face a hot bath with soap, and then rinse thoroughly with clear tepid or cold water.

Don't rub the face with too coarse a towel. Treat it as you would the finest porcelain, tenderly and delicately.--Philadelphia Telegraph.

TO DISCOVER A WOMAN'S AGE.

Every man seems to be born with a desire to know the age of the ladies with whom he comes in contact, and women also appear to have an innate curiosity concerning the number of "summers" which have passed over the heads of their female friends. But there is nothing more difficult to discover than the exact age of a lady who wishes to keep the fact a secret.

Now, here is a little scheme by which you can find out the age of any person.

Having engaged that person in pleasant conversation, you proceed something after the following manner--speaking very innocently, of course:--

"There is a very simple problem in arithmetic which very few people are able to see through, yet it is as easy as possible. I wonder if you can do it?"

This sets the person on his dignity, and he or she wants to do it at once.

Then you go on:

"Think of a number corresponding to the numerical order of the month in which you were born. Oh, no, you need not tell me."

(To make the explanation clear, we will assume that the figure is two--standing for February--and that the age is 30.)

"Now, multiply that figure by 2," you continue, "and add 5. Done that? Well, multiply that by 50 and add your own age.-- From the total subtract 365, and to the total add 115. Now, what figure have you got?"

"230," replies the person addressed, "Isn't that correct?"

"Exactly," you exclaim, "You are one of the very few persons who have managed it."

And you turn away to hide your smile of satisfaction at having discovered that your victim was born in February and that he is thirty years of age. You have arrived at this result by separating the figures 230 into 2 (February) and 30. And you can do this with everybody's age. Try it on your sweetheart.--Tit-Bit.

HOW HE MAY BE WON.

Some men have been found courageous enough to express themselves on the subject, "How to win a man." Here are the requirements from a masculine point of view for winning a man worth having. The summer girl should cut this out and paste it on her mirror:

Be natural, be extremely fastidious in choosing friends, in conversation, in manners, and in dress.

Be neat, for the well-groomed woman, though plain, is more attractive than the slovenly beauty.

Be cheerful and fun-loving, be kind, unselfish, sympathetic and affectionate.

Be interested in everything that will improve your mind and broaden your views.

Be orderly, systematic, and industrious, but do not waste time on non-essentials. Good reading is far better than useless fancy work.

Be domestic and home-loving, secure as much knowledge as possible concerning house-hold affairs, and do not be ashamed to use it.

Be athletic enough to keep in fine physical condition and just manly enough to be self-reliant and courageous, but not so independent as to forget for one moment that you are a woman.

Cultivate a liking for children and old people, for you must remember that you have been the one and will be the other if you live long enough.

Do not appear to be superior, even if you know that you are, one can easily be mistaken on this point.

Do not be conceited or vain, do not be silly or gushing, or too eager.

Do not be late and yet do not waste time in being too early; study repose of manner, it is so restful to tired nerves.

Do not nag either before or after he is won; the "I told you so" has lost many a friend and lover.

Be frank, and truthful and forgiving, and remember that forgetting must often go with forgiving. This, of course, is the ideal woman, but the standard is not too high for any girl to strive for.--Philadelphia Telegraph.

DEW DROPS.

Wisdom is the flower of experience.

Hope is good, but hustle is better.

Energy, however, usually follows encouragement.

A soft answer sootheth, but a wise one shameth.

The genius never regarded as a crank is yet to be born.

Do as I say, not as I do: Preaching love with a jealous heart.

To move through the world without the dissent of others: Be temperate and pay your debts.

Happiness is not so difficult to obtain as to retain.

Who will not work without pay should also be consistent enough to refuse pay without work.

Heart and head are two masters who may be served by one hand.

Human deification, permitted or self implied, is an offense against Deity.

BIRTH STONES FOR LUCK.

Do you want that mysterious thing that is called "good luck?" Of course you do. Then in some form or another you must always wear your birth stone. This is declared to be, by the superstitious, a true talisman against all the ills that flesh is heir to.

Upon her finger in a handsome ring the very modern girl wears the stone that means good omen to her, and feels that she is secure from harm. If it is not in a little golden circlet upon her hand, then perchance she wears it at her throat, in one of the little dingle dangles that are so fashionable. But about her neck, in her fob, or bangle, the lass who wishes to cast a spell of good fortune about herself, somewhere wears the stone that is assigned to the month in which she first saw the light of day.

In what month were you born? Do you know what is your birth stone? If you do not you better at once discover the stone and begin to wear it. That is, if you wish good luck, and what maiden ever lived who does not sigh for it.

Here is a list of the gems, and the months to which they are assigned by those soothtellers who know all the signs for luck, good or ill: For January, garnet; February, amethyst; March, jasper; April, sapphire; May, chalcedony; June, emerald; July, onyx; August, carnelian; September, chrysolite; October, aquamarine; November, topaz; December, ruby.

KRUGER'S UNLUCKY DIAMOND.

When Kruger went to Europe he took with him a famous diamond, which was said to have brought misfortune and death to all its possessors. It had a strange history.

The diamond originally belonged to Meshhesh, a Basuto chief, from whom it was extorted by T'Chaka, the Zulu King. T'Chaka's brother killed him and stole the stone. The brother came to grief and the gem passed into the possession of a Zulu chief, who soon afterward was assassinated. The natives say that no less than sixteen of the successive possessors of the diamond were either killed or driven out of the country for the sake of the gem.

The diamond was then seen by white men who sought to possess it. A party of whites attacked the natives who had the stone in their possession, and a fierce fight ensued, in which 300 lives, mostly natives, were lost.

Memela, a native chief, took the gem and concealed it in a wound which he had received in the battle. Afterward Memela was caught by the Boers and set to work as a slave. Kruger, hearing his story, released him, and in gratitude Memela gave the stone to his liberator. Some years passed, and then Kruger met his misfortune.

Where the fatal diamond is now is not certain, though it is certain that the ex-President of the Transvaal parted with it. Some say that it is in the coffers of the Vatican, and some that it was sold to the Emperor of Austria, and is now among the crown jewels of Vienna.

The stone is said to be 200 carats in weight, but is not perfect.--Baltimore Sun.

STRANGE WILLS.

There have not been many will makers more eccentric than Mr. MacCraig, the Scotch banker, whose last testament will shortly come under the consideration of the Edinburgh Court of Session. Mr. MacCraig it may be remembered left instructions in his will that gigantic statues of himself, his brothers and sisters, a round dozen in all, should be placed on the summit of a great tower he had commenced to build on Battery Hill, near Oban--each statue to cost not less than $5,000.

* * *

A much more whimsical testator was a Mr. Sanborn, of Boston, who left $5,000 to Prof. Agassi, to have his skin converted into drum-heads and two of his bones into drumsticks, and the balance of his fortune to his friend, Mr. Simpson, on condition that on every 17th of June he should repair to the foot of Bunker Hill, and, as the sun rose, "beat on the drum the spirit stirring strain of Yankee Doodle."

* * *

A Mr. Stow left a sum of money to an eminent King's counsel, "Wherewith to purchase a picture of a viper stinging his benefactor," as a perpetual warning against the sin of ingratitude.

* * *

It was a rich English brewer who bequeathed $150,000 to his daughter on condition that on the birth of her first child she should forfeit $10,000 to a specified hospital, $20,000 on the birth of the second child, and so on by arithmetical progression until the $150,000 was exhausted.

* * *

Sydney Dickenson left $300,000 to his widow, who appears to have given him a bad time during his life, on condition that she should spend two hours a day at his graveside, "in company with her sister, whom I know she hates worse than she does myself."

LAUGHAGRAPHS.

It is related of George Clark, the celebrated negro minstrel, that, being examined as a witness, he was severely interrogated by the attorney, who wished to break down his evidence. "You are in the negro minstrel business, I believe?" inquired the lawyer. "Yes, sir," was the prompt reply. "Isn't that rather a low calling?" demanded the lawyer. "I don't know but what it is, sir," replied the minstrel, "but it is so much better than my father's that I am rather proud of it." "What was your father's calling?" "He was a lawyer," replied Clark, in a tone of regret that put the audience in a roar. The lawyer let him alone.

THE MAN WHO CAN MAKE US LAUGH.

God bless the man who can make us laugh.Who can make us forget for a time,In the sparkling mirth of a paragraph,Or a bit of ridiculous rime,The burden of care that is carried each day,The thoughts that awaken a sigh,The sorrows that threaten to darken our way,God bless the dear man say I.

QUEER BLUNDERS.

Illegible copy has caused innumerable amusing and not a few serious blunders in print. A speaker quoted these lines:

O, come, thou goddess fair and free,In heaven yclept Euphrosyne.

They were printed as written:

O, come, thou goddess fair and free,In heaven she crept and froze her knee.

The reporter was following sound. Here is another illustration:

Those lovely eyes bedimmed,Those lovely eyes be dammed.

A Congressman advocated grants of public land to "actual settlers." It got in the paper as "cattle stealers." A reporter tried to write that "the jury disagreed and were discharged," but the compositor set it up "the jury disappeared and were disgraced." The last words in a poorly written sentence, "Alone and isolated, man would become impotent and perish," were set up as "impatient and peevish."

A MYSTERIOUS TELEGRAM.

A certain church society in Vermont resolved on a Christmas festival, and determined to have a scripture motto, handsomely illuminated, in a space back of the pulpit. One of the deacons, who had business in Boston, took with him the proposed motto and the measure of the space to be occupied by it, but unfortunately lost the memorandum. He therefore sent this telegram to his wife in Vermont. "Send motto and space." She promptly complied, but the Boston telegraph girl fell off her chair in a faint when she read off the message, "Unto us a child is born four feet wide and eight feet long." The deacon, however, thought it nothing uncommon.

* * *

Mistress: Did the fisherman who stopped here this morning have frog legs?

Nora: Sure, mum, I dinnaw. He wore pants.--Cornell Widow.

* * *

"Goodness," exclaimed the nervous visitor "what vulgar little hoodlums those noisy boy are out there in the street!"

"I can't see them," said the hostess, "I'm rather near-sighted, you know."

"But surely you can hear how they're shouting and carrying on."

"Yes, but I can't tell whether they're my children or the neighbors."--Philadelphia Press.

FORTUNE.

A divinity of fools, a helper to the wise.

DEAD EASY.

Funnicus--It's a queer thing, but all the men employed at the cemetery are historical characters.

Dullwum--How do you make that out?

Fennicus--They're mound builders, aren't they?

A BAD SPELL OF WEATHER.

Dear Paw--I am having a luvly time, so do not expeck me home ontill next week. All are well and send luv. The wethur is brite and fare. Yure sun, WILL.

FOR AN EVENING GAME.

At a club social the hostess proposed a game of "sobriquets," offering a prize for the one who would identify the largest number of the assumed names.

She gave to each one a slip of paper on which were typewritten the assumed names of numerous persons, mostly writers, and at a signal allowed them twenty minutes in which to write the correct names opposite. A few illustrations are here given, but others may be added:

1 Currer Bell - Charlotte Bronte2 Mark Twain - Samuel Clemens3 Uncle Remus - Joel Chandler Harris4 Boz - Charles Dickens5 Bard of Avon - Shakespeare6 Peasant Bard - Robert Burns7 Poet of Nature - Wordsworth8 Immortal Dreamer - Bunyon9 The Traitor - Benedict Arnold10 Little Corporal - Napoleon Bonaparte11 Mr. Dooley - Peter Dunne12 Oliver Optic - William T. Adams13 Gail Hamilton - Mary A. Dodge14 Grand Old Man - Gladstone15 Poor Richard - Benjamin Franklin16 Swedish Nightingale - Jennie Lind17 Brother Jonathan - Jonathan Trumbull18 Father Endeavor - Francis Clark19 Tippecanoe - General Harrison20 George Sand - Mme. Dudevant21 Ian Maclaren - John Watson22 Timothy Titcomb - J. G. Holland23 Ik Marvel - Donald G. Mitchell24 Mrs. Partington - B. P. Shillaber25 The Learned Blacksmith - Elihu Burritt26 Peter Parley - Samuel G. Goodrich27 Autocrat of the Breakfast Table - Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes28 Uncle Sam - United States

SOMETHING TO REMEMBER.

RULERS, PRESIDENTS AND MINISTERS WHO HAVE BEEN SLAIN OR ATTACKED WITHIN THE CENTURY.

Napoleon I, attempted, December 24, 1800.Paul, Czar of Russia, March 24, 1801.Spencer Perceval, Premier of England, May 11, 1812.George IV, attempted, January 28, 1817.Andrew Jackson, President United States, attempted January 30, 1835.Louis Philippe, of France, many attempts, from 1835 to 1846.Frederick William, of Prussia, attempt, May 22, 1850.Francis Joseph, of Austria, February 18, 1853.Ferdinand, Charles III, Duke of Parma, March 27, 1854.Isabella II, of Spain, three attempts, from 1847 to 1856.Napoleon III, three attempts, from 1855 to 1858.Daniel, Prince of Montenegro, August 13, 1860.Abraham Lincoln, President United States, April 14, 1865.Michael, Prince of Servia, June 10, 1868.Prim, Marshal of Spain, December 28, 1870.Richard, Earl of Mayo, Governor-General of India, February 8, 1872.Abdul Aziz, Sultan of Turkey, June 4, 1876.William I, of Prussia, three attempts, from 1861 to 1876.Alexander II, Czar of Russia, six attempts and finally killed by explosion of bomb, March 13, 1881.Mohammed Ali, Pasha, September 7, 1878.Humbert I, King of Italy, attempt, November 17, 1878.Lord Lytton, Viceroy of India, attempt, December 12, 1878.Alfonso XII, of Spain, two attempts, 1878-79.Brattiano, Premier of Roumania, attempt, December 14, 1880.James A. Garfield, President United States, July 2, 1881.Carter H. Harrison, Mayor of Chicago, October 28, 1893.Marie Francois Carnot, President of France, June 24, 1894.Nasr-ed-Din, Shah of Persia, May 1, 1896.Stanislaus Stambouloff, Premier of Bulgaria, July 25, 1895.Canovas del Castillo, Prime Minister of Spain, August 8, 1897.Juan Idarte Borda, President of Uruguay, August 25, 1897.Jose Maria Reyna Barrios, President of Guatemala, February 18, 1898.Empress Elizabeth, of Austria, September 10, 1898.Edward VII, of England, attempt, April 4, 1900.Humbert, King of Italy, July 29, 1900.William McKinley, President United States, September 6, 1901.Alexander, King of Servia, June 11, 1903.Draga, Queen of Servia, June 11, 1903.Governor General Bobrikoff, of Finland, June 16, 1904.Von Plehve, Minister of the Interior, Russia, July 28, 1904.

THE FOUR LEAVED SHAMROCK.

"I'll seek the four leaved shamrockIn all its fairy dells,And if I find its charmed leaves,Oh how I'll weave my spells.I would not waste my magic mightOn diamonds, pearls or gold,Such treasures tire the weary heart,Their triumphs are but cold.But I would play the enchanter's partIn casting bliss around,And not a tear or aching heartShould in the world be found."* * * * *"To wealth I would give honor,I'd dry the mourner's tears,And to the pallid cheeks restoreThe bloom of happier years;And friends that had been long estranged,And hearts that had grown cold,Should meet again like parted streamsAnd mingle as of old.And thus I'd play the enchanter's partIn casting bliss around,And not a tear or aching heartShould in the world be found."

But I would play the enchanter's partIn casting bliss around,And not a tear or aching heartShould in the world be found."

* * * * *

"To wealth I would give honor,I'd dry the mourner's tears,And to the pallid cheeks restoreThe bloom of happier years;And friends that had been long estranged,And hearts that had grown cold,Should meet again like parted streamsAnd mingle as of old.

And thus I'd play the enchanter's partIn casting bliss around,And not a tear or aching heartShould in the world be found."

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