"'They calls me a skipper,' said he, 'because I skips.'""'They calls me a skipper,' said he, 'because I skips.'"
“How do you do?” said Dick, politely offering his hand.
“Stop a bit, my hearty,” said the sailor. “Salt!” and he began skipping rather quickly.“Pepper!!” and he quickened the pace considerably. “Mustard!!!” and the rope flew round so quickly that the children could hardly see it, while the jolly fat sailor skipped up and down furiously. Presently he stopped, and sank exhausted on a stone, puffing and blowing with all his might.
“I’m a Skipper,” he panted, in an explanatory tone.
“A Skipper!” exclaimed the children.
“Yes, they calls me a Skipper,” said he, “because I skips.”
“But I thought a Skipper was a kind of Captain or something,” said Marjorie.
“Quite right, my little dear; I’m Captain of the tidiest craft ye ever set eyes on. She’s lying out yonder. Will ye come and have a look at her?”
“Oh, yes, please,” said Dick, delightedly; “and perhaps you can tell us the way to get to England?”
“To be sure I can,” said the Skipper. “There are my men,” he said, proudly, as they came to an open space, where a dozen or moresailors, of all ages, sat at spinning wheels, working industriously.
“Whatever are they doing?” inquired Marjorie, curiously.
"Each sailor was spinning a yarn.""Each sailor was spinning a yarn."
“Spinning yarns,” explained the Skipper; “each sailor is spinning a yarn—they always do that in their spare time, you know. Here, Bill,” he called out to one of the sailors, who answered, “Aye, aye, Sir,” and touched his forelock. “Bring some of your yarn here, and show this young lady.”
The man said, “Aye, aye, Sir,” again, andcame forward with some coarse brown worsted.
“This,” said the Skipper, “is the toughest yarn you will find anywhere. We are celebrated for it here.”
CHAPTER XII.THE ARCHÆOPTERYX.
“But we always thought——” began Marjorie—
“That when people spoke of a sailor ”spinning a yarn,” they meant telling a story,” finished Dick.
“Oh! oh! howcouldyou think such a thing,” said the sailors, indignantly. “Sailors always tell the truth; don’t they, Skipper?”
The Skipper winked at Dick with one eye, and answered, guardedly, “Ahem! Ihaveheard a sailor speak the truth, certainly, but——”
“Let’s change the subject,” said the sailors, getting up from their wheels. “Isn’t it nearly time for us to be starting on another voyage?”
“When we get some passengers, it will be,” responded the Skipper, gruffly. “By-the-bye,” he added, turning to the children; “youwant to go somewhere or another, don’t you?”
“Yes, to England,” said Dick, eagerly. “Do you go there, please?”
“H’m! Never heard of the place as I knows of,” said the Skipper, scratching his head. “We might cruise about till we come across it, if you like, though.”
“Never heard of England!” exclaimed Dick.
“No,” said the Skipper, unconcernedly. “I never had no time to study goggerfy, I didn’t, so there’s lots of places I don’t know, no more than the Man in the Moon.”
“But don’t you find it very awkward?” cried the children; “however do you know how to go from one place to another?”
“We don’t know,” said the Skipper, laughing; “that’s just the fun of the thing. We get into our ship, and just go on and on till we come to somewhere or another, and then we land, you know. It’s much the best way, and saves such a lot of bother.”
“I am afraid we should be a long while reaching England that way,” remarked Dick, dubiously.
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Skipper, “we might drop across it the first time, you know. You see, it’s not much use knowing in whichdirection it lies, because, once you get out to sea, there are no roads and things, so one way is as good as another.”
“But don’t you use a compass?” asked Marjorie.
“What’s that, Miss?” asked the Skipper.
“Why, a little thing that always points to the North,” said Marjorie.
“Blessed if I know, Miss,” said the Skipper, good-naturedly. “Here, Bill,” he called to one of the sailors, “do we use a little thing that always points to the North?”
“Not as I knows on,” answered the man, sulkily. “We ain’t got none of them newfangled things, and don’t want ’em.”
“Dear me, what a very odd ship yours must be,” said Dick. “Is it a steamer, or a sailing vessel, please?”
“Oh, it’s partly a sailing vessel and partly a rowing boat,” said the Skipper. “She’s a very fine ship,” he added, proudly, “come and have a look at her.”
The children followed him to a kind of rough harbor, where a most extraordinary craft wasmoored. She looked very like a picture which all the children remembered having seen in an old book at home, and although there was a small sail, a number of gaily-painted paddles sticking through the side of the huge boat, showed that, as the Skipper had said, rowing played a very important part in moving it along.
“What a dear old-fashioned thing,” exclaimed Marjorie, directly she saw it.
The Skipper looked rather hurt. “It isn’t more than a thousand years old,” he remarked.
“Well, that’s an awful long time for a ship to last, isn’t it?” said Marjorie, pleasantly.
“Our family is much older than that,” chimed in the Dodo, consequentially. “We date back to——”
“Oh, please don’t go into ancient history,” said the Skipper, “I can’t bear it; it reminds me so of my younger days, when I was first learning to skip.”
“Whatdoyou mean?” asked the children.
“Why, when I was a little boy, you know,” explained the Skipper, “I used to skip all the dryparts of a book—and the pages and pages I used to skip of my ancient history you’d never believe. It was that which decided my parents upon making me a Skipper. ”He’ll never do for anything else,” they used to say?”
“Well, are you going aboard or not?” he added, “because, if so, we ought to be starting.”
“Oh, yes, let’s go,” pleaded Marjorie, “we might just as well be on board as at this place, you know, and we shall, at any rate, be going somewhere, and perhaps we shall find some one who knows the way to England on the sea.”
So the children and the Dodo went aboard, and the Skipper blew a little whistle, which he wore tied around his neck by a white cord, and the sailors all came running up, bringing their spinning wheels, which they packed away at the bow of the vessel, and then settled themselves down at the oars. At the other end was a cosy little cabin, and above it a small deck, upon which the little passengers made themselves quite comfortable, and the Captain ordered the scales to be brought up from below.
“What are they for?” asked Dick, who, boy-like,always wanted to know the reason for everything.
“To weigh the anchor with,” explained the Skipper, seriously. “We always have to weigh it when we start on a voyage, and again when we reach our journey’s end.”
“What for?” asked Dick, who certainly remembered having heard the expression “weighing the anchor” before.
“Oh, I don’t know, I’m sure,” said the Skipper; “pack of nonsense, I calls it; but it’s the custom, and it’s got to be done.”
So the anchor was duly weighed, and the exact weight put down in a book, and theArgosy, as the ship was called, slowly moved out of the harbor.
It was a beautiful day, but there was just a little breeze blowing, and the sea was a little “choppy” outside, and, as a consequence, theArgosyrolled a little.
After they had been out at sea for about an hour, and the Skipper had been letting them take turns in looking through his telescope, the Dodo suddenly muttered something about having“forgotten his pocket-handkerchief,” and hurried down into the cabin.
“Why, I didn’t know he had one,” said Marjorie, wonderingly.
"Hope you're feeling better, Sir.""Hope you're feeling better, Sir."
The Skipper winked, and said in a whisper behind his hand, “They always say that; he’s gone to lie down, the motion of the boat has made him feel a little seasick.”
The Dodo didn’t come up for a long whileand at last the Skipper said he would go down and see if he wanted anything.
He found the poor bird looking the picture of misery, lolling limply against the cushioned seat.
“Hope you’re feeling better, Sir,” he said, respectfully, tugging at his forelock.
“Oh! oh!” groaned the Dodo. “Do throw me overboard, and let me die.”
“Nonsense,” said the Skipper, cheerfully. “You’ll be all right in an hour or two.”
“Oh, no,” said the bird; “I shall never be well again. I have never, never felt so ill in all my life.”
“Lie down, Sir, and I’ll cover you up with this rug,” said the Skipper, kindly; “you’ll be better presently.”
“Don’t tell the others,” gasped the bird, faintly.
“All right, Sir,” was the reply, and the Skipper went on deck again.
The breeze was quite fresh still, and the children had climbed up into the “lookout,” and were pointing eagerly into the distance.
“Land! over there!” shouted Dick, when he saw the Skipper.
“Oh! Ah! It’s an island,” said the Skipper. “I’ve been there before. The Archæopteryx lives there.”
“The what?” cried the children.
"'Charmed to meet you,' said the Archæopteryx.""'Charmed to meet you,' said the Archæopteryx."
“The Archæopteryx,” repeated the Skipper. “It’s an awful name, isn’t it?”
“What is he?” demanded Dick.
“A kind of lizardish bird, or a birdish lizard, whichever you like,” was the reply. “He’s a great swell, I can tell you, and fancies himself immensely.”
The children were all eagerness to see this strange creature, and could scarcely wait until the ship reached the land.
The Skipper went down and told the Dodo, who, directly he heard that they would meet the Archæopteryx, made a great effort to pull himself together again.
“I mustn’t let him see me in this state,” he declared. “He is a distant relative of mine, and a person of great consequence. Do you think,” he continued, addressing the Skipper, “that you could clean up my gloves a little with some bread crumbs, they have become slightly soiled; and would you kindly rearrange my necktie?”
These necessary preparations completed, the Dodo staggered up on deck just as theArgosyreached the shore.
The Archæopteryx was waiting for them on the beach, and recognized the Dodo immediately.
“Charmed to meet you again,” he said, hurrying forward to meet him, and raising his hat, with a polite bow. “Pray, introduce me to your friends.”
CHAPTER XIII.THE LITTLE PANJANDRUM”S BALLOON.
“Delighted to make your acquaintance,” said the Archæopteryx, when the necessary introductions had been made. “I’ve often wanted to meet some human beings; come and have luncheon with me. I’ve a couple of old friends staying here who will be delighted to see you.” So saying, he led the way to where two most extraordinary-looking creatures sat waiting at a table, which was set for seven people.
“Both antediluvians,” whispered their host, “the Palæotherium and the Eterædarium. Capital chaps, but crotchety.”
Fidge was a little alarmed at first, for they were really very ugly. They seemed quite amiable, however; and the Palæotherium—his mouth full of banana—motioned them to seats at the table, and, turning to the Dodo, said, “Haven’t I seen you before?”
The Dodo smirked, and, smoothing his gloves,said, in a self-conscious voice, “Very possibly wemayhave met before. I don’t remember you, but mine is a face which one is not likely to forget. Where did we meet, do you think?”
“I’m trying to remember,” said the Palæotherium, “it must have been several hundreds of years ago now, and my memory is getting so bad——”
“I once stayed with the Ichthyosaurus,” said the Dodo. “It may have been there.”
“Ah, that must have been it,” said the Palæotherium. “I met a curious lot of people there—very mixed lot of associateshehad, to be sure.”
“Ahem,” said the Dodo, indignantly. “I hope you don’t mean that I——”
“My dear Sir,” replied the other, “I’m quite sure you are highly respectable; your gloves alone are a guarantee for that.”
“Thanks,” said the Dodo, looking quite happy again.
“Do you know any riddles?” asked the Eterædarium, suddenly, addressing Dick.
“Let’s see,” said he, glad that the conversation had taken a turn which they could all understand. “I think I do know a few. Why is a robin like a waterbut?”
“First of all,” said the Archæopteryx, anxiously, “what is a robin, and who is a waterbut?”
“Oh, a robin,” explained Marjorie, “is a dear little bird with a red breast that comes in the winter——”
“Stop! stop!” said the Palæotherium, “one thing at a time. What is a bird?”
“Oh, I say! Youmustknow what a bird is,” expostulated Dick.
“I don’t,” said the Palæotherium, stubbornly.
“Why—why—the Dodo is a bird,” explained Dick.
“Yes, but nothing like a robin, Dick, dear,” added Marjorie; “a robin is such a sweet, pretty little thing——”
“Well, I never!” exclaimed the Dodo, “do you mean to sayI’mnot a pretty little thing?”
“Well, you’re notquitelike a robin, are you?” said Marjorie, getting out of the difficulty very cleverly.
“Notquite, perhaps,” admitted the Dodo; “but Iampretty,” he added decidedly.
“I don’t see what all this has to do with my conundrum,” said Dick.
“Well, let’s try again,” said the Archæopteryx. “Why is a robin like a waterbut?”
“A robin is a bird that comes in the winter,” repeated the Eterædarium, “and the waterbut—is that also a bird?”
“Oh, no,” laughed Marjorie; “a waterbut is a tub for holding water.”
“Can it fly?” asked the Eterædarium.
“Of course not!” said Dick; “who ever heard of such a thing?”
“Well,isit like a robin? That’s the point,” said the Palæotherium.
“Not in appearance,” admitted Dick. “Will you give it up?” he added, looking around the table.
“Give what up?” asked the creatures.
“The conundrum,” replied Dick.
“I haven’t got it,” declared the Dodo.
“Nor have I.” “Nor I.” “Nor I,” said the others.
“No, no! I mean, will you give the answer up?” said Dick, losing patience.
“But we haven’t it,” said the Archæopteryx.
“Look here, I’ll tell you what we’ll do,” said the Palæotherium, generously: “I’ll give up the robin, and my friend here will give up the waterbut. There!”
“Nowthat’ssettled,” said the Dodo, conclusively, “I’llask you a conundrum. ”If your wife’s aunt is——””
“Stop! stop!” said the Palæotherium, “I haven’t got a wife, you know.”
“No,” said the Eterædarium, “he hasn’t, and, if he had, she very likely would not have an aunt. Make it my wife’s aunt.”
“All right,” said the Dodo. “Ifyourwife’s aunt is my brother’s son, what relation is Dick to Tom?”
“You haven’t asked it right,” said Dick, who knew a riddle something like that. “It’s ”if this man’s father is that man’s son, what relation is Dick to Tom?””
“I wish you wouldn’t interfere,” said theDodo. “I tell you the question is right as I asked it.”
“But your wife’s aunt couldn’t be anybody’s son,” said Marjorie, who was trying to puzzle it out.
“Who said shewas?” snapped the Dodo, crossly; “she is as likely to be anybody’s son as a robin is to be like a waterbut, and besides, I didn’t say she was; I said, if she was, you know.”
“Well, let’s work it out,” said the Eterædarium, spreading out his fingers. “Let’s see, that’s my wife’s aunt,” he continued, pointing to his thumb, “and that’s my brother’s son,” he added, touching the next finger, “and the other two will do for Dick and Tom. Now—er——”
“Who is the other finger?” interrupted the Dodo, anxiously.
“Me,” said the Palæotherium, solemnly and ungrammatically.
“It isn’t,” declared the other.
“It is,” repeated the Palæotherium.
“Oh, very well! let it be so,” cried theArchæopteryx, impatiently. “What’s the answer, anyhow?”
"'Who is the other finger?' interrupted the Dodo, anxiously.""'Who is the other finger?' interrupted the Dodo, anxiously."
“I don’t know,” said the Eterædarium, staring at his fingers stupidly. “I don’t see what relation those two fingers are to the other two. Well, what relationisDick to Tom?” he asked, turning to the Dodo.
“The same relation that the robin is to the waterbut,” said that bird, conclusively. “Come on, let’s get the Skipper to teach us how to dance a hornpipe,” and he led the way from thetable, quite disregarding the fact that the others had not finished.
The Skipper, who had been quite as puzzled as the others were by these extraordinary conundrums, willingly agreed, and, first of all, danced a hornpipe himself very successfully, and then did his best to teach the others.
The Dodo, with his short legs and big body, very soon gave up trying, and, thoroughly worn out by the exertion, lay panting on the shingle, while the Eterædarium took his turn. He got along capitally, and the children laughed heartily at the queer capers which he cut.
They were in the midst of the fun, when the Dodo suddenly jumped up, and, pointing excitedly up into the air, cried, “Look! Look! What’s that?”
They all looked in the direction which he indicated, and after a time discerned a tiny speck in the sky, which the Skipper declared, after watching some time, to be a balloon.
“It’s all red,” cried Marjorie, whose eyesight was very keen.
“What!” exclaimed the Dodo, trembling.“Red! Are you sure?” he inquired, anxiously.
“Certain,” said Marjorie.
“Yes,” said Dick, “I can see it now; it’s quite red—a bright scarlet, in fact.”
"The Eterædarium took his turn.""The Eterædarium took his turn."
“The Little Panjandrum’s State Balloon!” gasped the Dodo, in a terrible fright. “Oh, my dear friends, hide me somewhere! If he finds me I’m done for! I’ve—got—his gloves on—oh! How could I have been so foolish asto have taken them—it’s all my pride—and now I shall have to suffer for it—oh!—oh!” And the Dodo, quite overcome with fear and anxiety, fell upon his knees and sobbed violently.
Meanwhile the state balloon belonging to His Importance the Little Panjandrum rapidly drew near.
CHAPTER XIV.THE DUFF AND DEM EXECUTIONER.
“Can you see who’s in it?” asked the Dodo, anxiously, when the balloon had drawn a little nearer.
“Two gentlemen,” declared Marjorie, whose eyesight was very keen. “And one is carrying such a funny stick, with a big hand at the top of it.”
“And the other one has just put on a hideous black mask, and has a curious kind of pole with a sort of scythe at the end,” chimed in Dick.
“What!” screamed the Dodo, “a black mask! Then it’s the Lord High Executioner, and the other is the Court Glover. Oh dear! oh dear! what will become of me? I wish I’d never seen the wretched old gloves.”
The balloon by this time was almost directly overhead and was descending rapidly. Presently two ropes were thrown out, and a muffled voice cried, “Catch hold of these, please.”
Dick politely ran forward and hung on toone rope, while Marjorie and Fidge took the other.
"The Court Glover arrives.""The Court Glover arrives."
The occupants of the balloon then lowered some wooden steps, and gravely descended, the Lord High Executioner leading the way.
The balloon, lightened of its occupants, bounded upwards again, and the children (who had the greatest difficulty in hanging on to the ropes) called to the Archæopteryx and the others to come to their aid. To their great surprise, however, they discovered that these creatures, taking the Dodo with them, quietly slipped away.
The Court Glover and the Executioner helped the children to fasten the balloon to one of the large palm trees, and then the Court Glover, folding his arms, turned to them abruptly and inquired, “Where is he?”
“Who do you mean, Sir?” asked Dick.
“The Dodo,” was the response.
“Oh! the Dodo! Why, he was here just now. I expect he has gone off with the Archæopteryx and the others,” said Dick.
“The what!” exclaimed the Court Glover.
“The er—Archæopteryx,” said Dick, hesitatingly, fearing that he might have mispronounced the name.
“H’m! You see,” said the Court Glover, addressing the Executioner, “to what depths thismisguided bird has fallen, to actually associate with an animal bearing a name ofthatdescription. I suppose itisan animal, by-the-bye,” he added, turning to the children.
“Well,” laughed Marjorie, “we are not quite sure. The Dodo says it’s a kind of lizard-like bird, or bird-like lizard.”
“It’s got feathers,” chimed in Fidge.
“Ough! The miserable creature doesn’t even know what it isitself, I expect,” said the Court Glover, in tones of disgust.
“The others,” said Dick reflectively, “are evidently animals—the Palæotherium and the Eterædarium, you know.”
“Look here,” interrupted the Court Glover, severely, “you really mustnotuse such disgraceful language. I am not accustomed to it.”
“Why, they are only names,” explained Dick, smilingly.
“Very well, then. Call the creaturesthingummybobs; I shall know what you mean—only don’t use those other awful words again, they’re outrageous. Now then, to come to the point—where is that Dodo?”
“I’ll try and find him,” said Dick, obligingly, running off in the direction of some bushes, behind which he imagined that he might possibly find the runaways.
“Is your—er—chopper ready?” said the Court Glover, turning to the executioner.
“He—he—he—ye—es!” giggled that worthy.
“Oh! If you please,” pleaded Marjorie, “I do hope you are not going to execute the poor Dodo. I’m sure he’sverysorry that he took the Little Panjandrum’s gloves, and he will give them back, I know. Please,please, forgive him.”
“He—he—he!” giggled the Executioner again.
“Do be quiet,” shouted the Court Glover.
“Yes, I don’t see anything to laugh at,” said Marjorie indignantly.
“Oh, he’salwayslaughing,” declared the Court Glover; “that’s why he has to wear a mask—so that people shan’t see him laughing while he is chopping off their heads. It’s so rude, you know, to giggle at a time like that, isn’t it?”
“I should think so, indeed,” cried Marjorie, in a horrified voice; “perfectly disgraceful, I call it.”
“That’s what the last man who was executed said,” declared the Court Glover. After it was all over he said, “Well, I was never so disgracefully executed before in all my life; and I hope the next time you chop off my head, you’ll get some one else to do it.””
“I don’t understand,” said Marjorie, who was dreadfully puzzled. “Howcouldhe say all that after he was executed?”
“Why not?” asked the Court Glover, composedly.
“Why, people can’t talk when they are killed, you know,” said Marjorie.
“He—he—he!” sniggered the Executioner, putting his hand up to his mouth under his mask.
The Court Glover frowned at him. “Bless you, they aren’tkilled!” he said.
“Not killed, when they are executed!” cried Marjorie.
The Executioner giggled louder than ever, and shook his head.
“What do you mean?” asked Marjorie.
“Don’t ask me, I’m duff and dem,” said the Executioner.
“He means dem and duff,” explained the Court Glover, considerately.
Marjorie laughed, and so did Fidge. “You are both wrong,” she said. “You mean deaf and dumb, I suppose. But I don’t think thatcanbe the case, for he must have heard me, because he answered my question, you know.”
“I didn’t say anything about being deaf or dumb, either. I simply said I was duff and dem, and I defy you to prove to the contrary,” said the Executioner, stubbornly.
Marjorie was quite bewildered; but there was no time for further argument, for, just then, Dick and the Archæopteryx returned, supporting the Dodo (who appeared half dead with fright), and followed by the Palæotherium and the Eterædarium, walking arm in arm.
“Ah! now we will settle this little matter,” said the Court Glover, placing himself in an imposing attitude, and motioning the Executioner to stand a little way behind him.
The Dodo prostrated himself before them, the tears streaming from his eyes, and the offending gloves thrown on the ground in front of him.
“Miserable fowl!” began the Court Glover.
The Dodo winced.
“To what degraded depths have you sunken! I find you here hob-a-nobbing withthingummybobsandwhat’s-his-names.”
“Here, I say, hold on!” interrupted the Archæopteryx. “If you mean us, you know, we are——”
“Thingummybobsandwhat’s-his-names,” repeated the Court Glover, waving his hand contemptuously. “Was it to create an impression amongst such creatures asthesethat you ran off with the very best pair of white kid gloves in the whole collection belonging to His Importance the Little Panjandrum? Oh, Dodo! Dodo! Dodo! it istoomuch!”
“How much too much?” inquired the Palæotherium, kindly taking out his purse.
The Court Glover waved him aside with an impatient scowl.
“The vanity of the bird!” he wenton—“white kid, above all others! Why, you might have taken a dozen pairs of colored cotton gloves, and no one would have minded in the least; but best white kid—oh! shocking! shocking! And look at the state you’ve made them in! But there—what can be expected of a creature that goes wandering about the world visiting what-you-may-call-ems.”
"'Bear up, old man,' said the Archæopteryx.""'Bear up, old man,' said the Archæopteryx."
“Of course, there’s nothing to be done,” continued the Court Glover, after an impressive pause, “but to execute you.”
The Dodo sobbed; and Marjorie, who was greatly concerned, began: “Oh, please——”
But the Court Glover was inexorable, and murmured solemnly, “In one hour’s time—here,” he walked off towards the balloon, followed by the Executioner, who was giggling idiotically, and had to stuff a handkerchief into his mouth to prevent himself from laughing outright.
“Inhuman wretch—there!” said Marjorie, bursting into tears, while the Dodo’s friends assisted him up from the ground, where he was lying in a half-fainting condition.
“Bear up, old man,” said the Archæopteryx, sympathetically, fanning him with his tail.
“When did he say?” inquired the Dodo, faintly.
“In an hour’s time,” said Dick, sadly.
The Dodo shuddered.
“Stop!” said the Eterædarium, suddenly. “I think I have found a way out of the difficulty.”
“Oh! what is it? What is it?” cried the Dodo, eagerly; while the others all crowded round to hear what the Eterædarium had to say.
CHAPTER XV.THE EXECUTION OF THE DODO.
“Let us pretend,” suggested the Palæotherium, “that the Dodo is dead. They will readily imagine that the shock has been too much for him, and, of course, being dead, there will be no necessity to execute him.”
“He—he—he! Very nice indeed. A capital arrangement!” giggled a voice over the children’s shoulder; and, turning round, they beheld the Executioner, who had apparently overheard everything that had been said.
“Bother!” remarked the Palæotherium; “now I shall have to invent some other way.”
“I can’t think,” said the Executioner, who had removed his mask, and who the children discovered to be a very amiable-looking gentleman—“I can’t think why you are making all this fuss about the execution.”
“Well, how would you like it yourself?” asked the Dodo, indignantly.
“I shouldn’t mind in the least,” remarked the Executioner, coolly.
“Not mind being killed!” shuddered the children.
"I never kill anybody when I chop their heads off.""I never kill anybody when I chop their heads off."
“Oh,that’sanother question entirely,” said the Executioner. “I never kill anybody when I chop their heads off. It would be so cruel;besides, that old-fashioned way is so ordinary. I am the Executioner Extraordinary, you know.”
“Well, how on earth do you execute people, then, if you don’t kill them?” demanded Dick.
“Oh, by a new method, which I have invented myself,” declared the Executioner. “I call it execution by proxy. I just make an effigy.”
“What’s that?” inquired Marjorie.
“Don’t interrupt,” said Dick. “Guy Fawkes is an effigy, you know—an old stuffed thing, with a mask on. Go on, please.”
“Well, then,” continued the Executioner, “having made an effigy, as near like my subject as possible, I just chop its head off, and there is an end of the matter.”
He looked around at the company, and smiled triumphantly.
Marjorie gave a sigh of relief. She didn’t so much mind the execution taking place if the poor Dodo was not to be killed. To her great surprise, however, on looking at that interesting bird, she discovered that he was weeping copiously, and wiping with an elaborate lace handkerchief, which had evidently been concealedabout his person, the tears which trickled slowly down his great beak.
“What’s the matter, poor goosey, goosey, gander?” said Fidge, sympathetically.
“Don’t!” snapped the Dodo, crossly. “I’mnota goose.”
“Well, whatisthe matter, anyhow?” said Dick. “They are not going to chop your head off it appears; so you ought to be glad, and not snivel like that.”
“I d—don’t want to—to be—e m—made a guy of,” sobbed the Dodo.
“Whatdoyou mean?” asked the Executioner.
“Why, you said you would have to make an effigy of me; and he” (pointing to Dick) “said it was a kind of Guy Fawkes, didn’t you?” he added appealing to Dick.
“Well, never mind,” said the Archæopteryx, sympathetically; “you have the consolation that they couldn’t make you a bigger guy than you are.”
Strangely enough, the Dodo seemed to derive a considerable amount of comfort from thisidea, and, wiping away the few remaining tears, he began to take an active interest in the manufacture of the effigy, which the others set about constructing without further delay.
“Is it like me?” he asked, conceitedly, as they bound some cloths to a piece of stick, in such a way that they bore some slight resemblance to a bird.
“Dear me, what a pity! I’m not moulting, or you might have had one or two of my feathers to stick on for a tail,” he added.
“H’m! I shouldn’t have thought you had any to spare for moulting purposes,” said the Archæopteryx.
“Don’t be unkind,” retorted the Dodo; “youhaven’t many to boast of.”
“I’ve more than you have, anyhow,” said the Archæopteryx.
“Oh, for goodness’ sake leave off quarreling. What on earth does it matter how many feathers you have?” said Dick.
“Not to aboy, I suppose,” remarked the Dodo, somewhat insolently; “but no respectable bird would care to be seen about with less thanfive; though, undoubtedly, too many are vulgar”—this with a scornful glance at the Archæopteryx’s tail, which was decorated with quite a number of curious flat feathers.
I don’t know how much longer this wrangling would have gone on, had not the Court Glover just then made his appearance.
“Time’s up!” he announced, sternly. “Are you prepared for execution, Dodo?”
“Not quite,” answered the Executioner, who was putting the finishing touches to the effigy; “his head keeps tumbling off.”
“Never mind, it will save cutting it off,” said the Court Glover, who was evidently quite used to the Executioner’s patent method of performing his dreadful duty.
“Now then,” he continued importantly. “Stand round in a ring while I read the Warrant. ”Ahem! Nevertheless, likewise, notwithstanding, heretofore, as is aforesaid. It having been proven that a certain bird named the Dodo having maliciously and contemptibly worn the white kid gloves of the Little Panjandrum, it is hereby enacted that the said Dodo, orhis heirs male, or assigns, be chopped at the neck till one or all of their respective heads do fall off—and this to be done to their entire satisfaction.Long live the Panjandrum!””
"'Alas! Alas!' murmured the Court Glover.""'Alas! Alas!' murmured the Court Glover."
“What a rigmarole!” whispered Dick, while the Executioner stretched out the Dodo’s effigy on the ground, and, resuming his hideous black mask, made ready to strike.
“Alas! Alas!” murmured the Court Glover, covering his face with his hands, and peeping through his fingers, while the Dodo held his sides with suppressed laughter.
The children all looked on with interest as the Executioner performed his terrible duty. Raising his curious scythe-like chopper, with one mighty blow he severed the piece of wood which answered for the Dodo’s neck, and then stood gloomily aside.
“Fiat Justitia!” said the Court Glover, solemnly; and then, turning to the Dodo, he inquired anxiously, “Well, how did you like it?”
“Oh! it was delightful!” replied the bird, enthusiastically. “I am sure no one could wish to have a pleasanter or more delightful execution. I’m much obliged to you for having it so nicely performed.”
“Well, we always like to manage these little things as pleasantly as possible, you know,” said the Court Glover, deprecatingly.
“Oh! I quite enjoyed it!” said the Dodo. “That’s averynice Executioner you have.”
“Yes; isn’t he?” agreed the Court Glover. “Pity he laughs so much, though, it spoils the effect. Well, having done my duty, I must be off. Any message for the Little Panjandrum?”
“Oh! can’t we go back with you in the balloon?” asked Marjorie, eagerly, for it seemed to her a capital opportunity of getting away from this strange place.
“H’m! I’m afraid not,” said the Court Glover, reflectively. “You see, it only holds two comfortably.”
“Where do you want to go to?” asked the Archæopteryx.
“England!” said the children, all together.
“Oh!that’sall right. I’ll tell you the way to getthere,” said the Palæotherium.
And the Court Glover and the Executioner began to undo the cords which held the balloon to the palm tree.
“You might leave me your card,” said the Dodo to the Executioner, pressing a small coin into his hand. “I shall probably go in for a complete course of execution when I get back again; and, besides, the address of a good,reliable Executioner is a handy thing to have in the house.”
The Executioner giggled, and handed the bird his card, and then both he and the Court Glover got into the car, and the balloon was soon vanishing in the distance.
After watching them nearly out of sight the Dodo capered wildly about till the children began to fear that he had suddenly gone off his head.
“Whatever is the matter?” inquired Dick. “Why are you carrying on in that absurd way?”
The Dodo fumbled beneath one wing, and drew forth a little paper package.
“Ha! ha! ha!They went away without the gloves after all!” he shrieked, and began to roll about on the ground in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.