[Shaking hands very cordially.
[Shaking hands very cordially.
Matt.That's all right. Now, old chap, you've got to pull up!
Lucas.Pull up?
Matt.Short. This Mrs. Sturgess—Dolly says there's a lot of nonsense going on, gushing letters and so on,—damned silly thing writing letters, Lu——
Lucas.Yes, I know.
Matt.Well, what do you do it for?
Lucas.I don't know.
Matt.You're seeing her every day. If you must carry on this tomfoolery, why not do it by word of mouth? Why write it down, to show what an ass you've been?
Lucas.I'm sure I don't know.
Matt.Do you know why you're carrying on with her at all?
Lucas.Well, naturally a chap—naturally——
Matt.You're either in love with her, or you aren't?
Lucas.I can't say I'm exactly in love with her——
Matt.Then why are you making love to her?
Lucas.Well, she's a jolly good-looking woman, and naturally a chap—naturally—I don't know that I ain't a bit in love with her.
Matt.Well, it doesn't much matter. If you aren't in love with her you're a fool to risk a scandal. If you are in love you'll most likely do some silly jackass thing that will knock your career on the head, eh?
Lucas.Well, when you look at it that way——
Matt.Look at it that way! Anyhow, she's a married woman, and you're here as a guest—it isn't the right thing to do, is it?
Lucas.No, it isn't.
Matt.Very well, then, don't do it. Don't do it! Cut it! You will?
Lucas.I've got to, I suppose.
Matt.Yes, you've got to. You can tell Doll I gave it to you hot and strong, and you're going to clear out, and not see Mrs. Sturgess again——
Lucas.Not see her again?
Matt.Isn't that what you mean to do?
Lucas.Yes, I suppose. I say, what did you see at the dairy windows?
Matt.I didn't see anything at all!
Lucas.Nothing at all?
Matt.I wasn't there!
Lucas.Then how——?
Matt.Dolly put me up to it. [Laughs at him.
Lucas.Dolly?
Dollyenters with a cloak which she throws on sofa.
Matt.Ah, Doll——
Dolly.[Looking severely atLucas.] Have you spoken to him?
Matt.Yes, very seriously, extra seriously, and he's going to do the right thing and clear out, aren't you, Lucas?
Lucas.[A little unwillingly.] Yes.
Matt.[Clapping him on the shoulder.] Good chap! Good chap!
Dolly.[Still a little severe.] I'm pleased to hear it. [ToLucas.] You've behaved in a most scandalous——
Matt.He has. I've told him all that. [Winks atDollyto keep her quiet.] And he sees it quite plainly, don't you?
[Winks atLucasto prompt him.
[Winks atLucasto prompt him.
Dolly.Then it's quite broken off?
Matt.Quite! Isn't it, Lu?
Lucas.Yes, I suppose. I should like to say——
Dolly.Yes?
Lucas.That nothing has taken place which, if rightly looked at, could reflect discredit either upon the lady, or, I hope, upon myself. And secondly, whatever fault there may have been, is entirely mine.
Matt.That's satisfactory! It always ought to be the man's fault. Heaven forbid it should ever be theirs. Good chap! Good chap! [Patting him.] Dolly, he's behaving splendidly. Now, Lu, good-night.
[Dollyrings bell.
[Dollyrings bell.
Lucas.[Surprised.] Good-night?!
Dolly.Good-night, and good-bye! [Holding out her hand.
Lucas.You aren't going to turn me out to-night!
Dolly.You said it was quite broken off.
Lucas.Yes, but—— [turns toMattwith appealing gesture.Uncle, you didn't mean to pack me off like this——
Matt.Yes, my boy! Remember the occasion. First day of the New Year. Take time by the forelock. Off you go!
[Taking him by the shoulder and trying to get him off.
[Taking him by the shoulder and trying to get him off.
Lucas.[Resisting.] Oh no! I don't see it in that light at all.
[Sinks comfortably into arm-chair.
[Sinks comfortably into arm-chair.
Criddleappears at door.
Dolly.Criddle, please have Captain Wentworth's portmanteau taken to the billiard-room.
Criddle.Yes, ma'am.
Dolly.He wishes to change there, and please send to the Red Lion and ask them to have Captain Wentworth's horse saddled.
Criddle.Yes, ma'am. [Going.
Lucas.Criddle, what's the weather like?
Criddle.It's a bit colder, sir. Looks as if we were going to have another heavy fall of snow.
Lucas.I don't think I'll go to-night, Criddle. If I want the gee saddled, I'll go and tell them myself.
Criddle.Yes, sir. [Exit.
Lucas.[In arm-chair.] I say, Dolly, you don't really expect me to go careering over that heath at this ungodly hour?
Dolly.You can't stay here. Renie is very much upset; she has had hysterics. So I've put her in the spare room.
Lucas.Well, you can give me a shake-down somewhere—in the billiard-room.
Dolly.[Shakes her head.] I can't ask the servants to make up impossible beds in impossible places at this ungodly hour.
Lucas.I call this beastly unfair of you, Doll.
Dolly.Unfair?
Lucas.Just as I'd summoned up all my resolution to do the right thing, and avoid ructions for your sake, you pounce down on me, and order me off the premises, and——
Dolly.[Getting angry.] If you don't behave yourself and go off quietly, I shall have to order you off the premises.
[Makes an appeal by gesture toMattto get him off.
[Makes an appeal by gesture toMattto get him off.
Matt.Now, my hero! [Lifting him out of the arm-chair.] Buckle on your armor! Sally forth! Once more unto the breach!
[With some difficulty he raisesLucasout of the chair.
[With some difficulty he raisesLucasout of the chair.
Lucas.Well, I'll go and have a look at the weather. [Goes sulkily up to door.] Mind you, if you turn me out I won't be responsible if there's a flare up——
Dolly.Very well, so long as we don't have a flare-up here. Oh!
[Rings the bell again.
[Rings the bell again.
Lucas.[Goes off, sulky, muttering.] Of all the—turning me out—beastly infernal nuisance!
[Exit grumbling, leaving door open.
[Exit grumbling, leaving door open.
Dolly.It would serve them both right if there was to be a flare-up—only I'm sure she'd drag me into it somehow. [Criddleappears at door.] Please send and ask them at the Red Lion to saddle Captain Wentworth's horse and send it here at once.
Criddle.Yes, ma'am. [Exit.
Dolly.Lucas is going to behave as badly over this as he did over the governess. Dad——!
Matt.Well?
Dolly.Of course, Lucas is in the army, but surely he—he isn't a fair sample?
Matt.Oh no, oh no! Lucas is very exceptional—quite exceptional.
Dolly.I thought so! They can't all be——
Matt.Oh no! I'm glad to say——
Dolly.I'm determined he shall go to-night.
Lucasre-enters.
Lucas.I say, Dolly, I wish you'd come and look at the weather.
Dolly.What for?
Lucas.There's a great black cloud—it's going to come down!
Dolly.[Enraged.] I don't care if the heavens come down! You're going back to Aldershot to-night.
Lucas.But I tell you—— [Appeals toMatt.] It's simply impossible for me to ride across that heath——
Matt.But you rode across it last night in a howling snowstorm——
Lucas.Yes, I did! Last night! And never again, thank you! No! I don't mind shaking down anywhere to oblige——
[He is about to drop again into the arm-chair, butMattgently pushes him aside and drops into the chair himself.
[He is about to drop again into the arm-chair, butMattgently pushes him aside and drops into the chair himself.
Lucas.[Going to sofa.] Anywhere to oblige!
[Drops comfortably on to sofa.
[Drops comfortably on to sofa.
Dolly.[Comes up to him finally.] Lucas, this is abominable! I suppose you think because we treated you so leniently over that wretched governess——
Lucas.Well, I thought you were pretty deuced hard down on us——
Dolly.What?! Oh! [Appeals toMatt.
Lucas.I didn't mind your slanging me, but you might have had a little consideration for her feelings, because, after all, she was one of your own sex!
Dolly.My own sex! The minx!
Lucas.And an orphan!
Dolly.Orphan! [ToMatt.] Go and speak to him! Go and speak to him!
[Mattrises and goes toLucas.Dollysits down in despair.
[Mattrises and goes toLucas.Dollysits down in despair.
Matt.Come, Lu. You're not playing the game! You promised to take yourself off.
Lucas.[Comfortably seated.] Well, I will take myself off, only let me take myself off in my own way.
Dolly.It's useless your staying! Renie won't see you again.
Lucas.Won't she?
Dolly.No. She gave me a last message for you——
Lucas.Did she? Why didn't you give it to me?
Dolly.If I tell you, will you take yourself off?
Lucas.Yes, of course. What was her last message?
Dolly.She said "She should always value your noble devotion, and be proud that she had known you; but you must see how hopeless it was, and that she trusted you would go away at once and leave her to respect you, as you had always respected her!"
Matt.A very pretty, touching little adieu! Does her great credit. Now, Lu! Cut it! Come, my boy!
[Lifts him up off sofa.Lucasgets up very reluctantly.
[Lifts him up off sofa.Lucasgets up very reluctantly.
Lucas.Well, if I must go—good-night!
Matt.Good-night. [Shaking hands.] I may see you to-morrow afternoon.
Lucas.Where?
Matt.I'm driving over to Aldershot to see Sir John. I shall look you up——
Lucas.I may not be there in the afternoon——
Dolly.Lucas, you're coming over here——
Lucas.No—no; I'm not. You shouldn't suspect me.
Dolly.It won't be the least use your coming——
Lucas.I know that. Well, good-bye, Doll——
Dolly.Good-bye. [Shaking hands.
Lucas.[Is going up to door slowly and reluctantly, turns.] I suppose if I were to give you my solemn promise I wouldn't see her, I couldn't shake down on that sofa.
Dolly.[Sternly and decisively.] No!
Lucas.[Goes a few more steps towards door, turns.] I suppose I couldn't see Mrs. Sturgess? [Dollylooks indignant.] Only to say good-bye.
Dolly.No! She was nearly undressed when I left her. She's asleep by now!
EnterReniefully dressed, looking very interesting and tearful. Throughout the scene she preserves the air of a martyr.
EnterReniefully dressed, looking very interesting and tearful. Throughout the scene she preserves the air of a martyr.
Dolly.[Indignantly.] Renie, you promised me you wouldn't come downstairs again!
Renie.Yes, dear, but I felt I couldn't rest under your father's unjust suspicion. [Goes up toMatt,seizes his hand sympathetically.] Dolly tells me youhave been watching the friendship that all unconsciously has sprung up between Captain Wentworth and myself——
Matt.[Uncomfortable.] Not exactly watching——
Renie.I feel you may have seen, or guessed something, that has given you a wrong impression.
Matt.No, no! I assure you——
Renie.If you have, I beg you to speak out and give us a chance of defending ourselves. Tell us exactly what you have seen, and what you suspect——
Matt.My dear Mrs. Sturgess, I haven't seen anything, and I don't suspect anything.
Renie.You really mean that?
Matt.Yes—yes——
Renie.[Clasping his hand eagerly.] Thank you so much. Friendship between a man and a woman issomisunderstood.
Matt.It is.
Dolly.Yes, Lucas had a friendship with a governess here which we all misunderstood—till afterwards.
Lucas.I say, Dolly, don't you——
Renie.Now that there is no chance of your misjudging our friendship, I don't mind saying—— [Shows signs of breaking down.] You won't misunderstand me? [Clinging to his hand.
Matt.No, no!
Renie.My life has not been altogether a happy one.
Matt.I'm sure it hasn't!
Renie.Under other circumstances—let that pass! [WringsMatt'shands.] Thank you, thank you! [Goes toLucas.] Captain Wentworth, I shall always be proud to have known you.
Dolly.I've told him all that!
[MatthushesDollywith a gesture.
[MatthushesDollywith a gesture.
Renie.I shall always cherish the memory of ourfriendship, but it might be misunderstood, and so [breaking down, but bearing up with an effort], you will behave like the gallant gentleman I know you to be, and say good-bye to me for ever!
Matt.Nobly spoken! Very nobly spoken indeed!
Lucas.Well, if you insist——
Renie.I do! Good-bye for ever!
Lucas.Good-bye. [They have a long hand-shake.
Renie.Good-bye.
[Tears herself away from him and tragically throws herself on sofa.Lucasfollows her up.
[Tears herself away from him and tragically throws herself on sofa.Lucasfollows her up.
Lucas.I say, Mrs. Sturgess——
Renie.[Face buried in hands, moans out.] Go, go! In pity's name don't make it harder for me!
Matt.In pity's name don't make it harder for her.
Dolly.[Looking off at door.] They'll be coming out of the billiard-room directly.
Matt.Now, Lucas——
Criddleappears at door.
Criddle.Your horse is waiting for you, sir.
Lucas.My horse?!
Criddle.Yes, sir, just outside.
Lucas.What on earth do they mean? A valuable horse like that—just clipped—standing about on a night like this—who told them?
Dolly.I did. The horse is waiting to take you back to Aldershot.
Lucas.I can't go back to Aldershot in this kit. [Pointing to his dress-clothes.] Tell them to take it back to the Red Lion!
Dolly.And Criddle, give the man Captain Wentworth's portmanteau to take to the Red Lion at the same time.
Criddle.Yes, ma'am. [Exit.
Lucas.[Grumbling.] Well, of all——Good-bye, Mrs. Sturgess.
Dolly.You've said good-bye——
Renie.[Still tragic on sofa.] Farewell—for ever!
Lucas.Good-night, Dolly!
Dolly.Farewell—for a good long time. [Shaking hands.
Lucas.Good-night, Uncle.
Matt.Good-night, Lucas. [Shaking hands.
Lucas.[Turns at door.] Happen to have your cigar-case handy?
[Matttakes out cigar-case, offers it.
[Matttakes out cigar-case, offers it.
Lucas.Could you spare two?
Matt.Certainly!
Lucas.I've got a jolly long ride, I'll take three if you don't mind.
Matt.Do!
Lucas.Thank'ee. Well, good-night, everybody.
[MattgetsLucasoff, closes door after him.
[MattgetsLucasoff, closes door after him.
Renie.[Rouses herself from sofa.] Has he gone? Is it all over?
Dolly.I hope so. [Goes and rings bell twice.
Renie.[Goes toMattimpulsively—and seizes his hand.] At least this bitter experience has gained me one true friend.
Matt.[Embarrassed.] Yes——
Renie.[Wrings his hand in gratitude.] Thank you so much——
[He gets away from her and shows relief; takes out cigar and prepares to light it.
[He gets away from her and shows relief; takes out cigar and prepares to light it.
Renie.[Standing in the middle of the room, pitying herself.] That's where we get the worst of it, we women who have hearts! We must feel, we must show our feelings, and then we get trampled down in the fight. Oh, Dolly, how I envy you your nature!
Dolly.[Very chilly.] Are you going into the spare room, dear?
Renie.Anywhere! Anywhere! Yes, the spare room!
Peters,Dolly'smaid, appears at door.
Dolly.Peters, will you bank up the fire in the spare room and make everything comfortable for Mrs. Sturgess?
Peters.Yes, ma'am. [Exit.
Renie.[Still in the middle of the room, pitying herself.] So my poor little tragedy is ended! [ToMatt.
Matt.Yes. Well, let's be thankful no bones are broken!
Renie.No bones, but how about hearts? Well, I must bear it. [With a weary smile.] Mustn't I?
Matt.I'm afraid you must.
Renie.Good-night! [Wrings his hand with gratitude.] Good-night!
Matt.Good-night.
[Gets away from her, and busies himself with his cigar, lights it.
[Gets away from her, and busies himself with his cigar, lights it.
Renie.Good-night, Dolly!
Dolly.I'll come up with you, and stay till you're quite comfortable.
Renie.Shall I ever be comfortable again? Will things ever be the same? I wonder!
[Goes off mournfully and tragically at back with a prolonged sigh.Matthas seated himself on sofa and taken up paper.
[Goes off mournfully and tragically at back with a prolonged sigh.Matthas seated himself on sofa and taken up paper.
Dolly.[Calls his attention toRenie'sexit and makes a furious gesture after her.] I know she'll be here next Christmas!
Marches down enraged toMattand repeats in an angry, aggrieved way, emphasizing each word.] I know that woman will be here next Christmas!
Marches down enraged toMattand repeats in an angry, aggrieved way, emphasizing each word.] I know that woman will be here next Christmas!
Matt.[Seated comfortably with his cigar and paper] I daresay she will——
[Dollymarches indignantly and decisively to door and exit.
[Dollymarches indignantly and decisively to door and exit.
CURTAIN.
(Half an hour passes between Acts II and III.)
Scene:The same. DiscoverMattin the same seat and attitude, with paper and cigar.Dollyenters.
Matt.Well??
Dolly.I've had an awful time with her——
Matt.How?
Dolly.[Seated.] First she had another fit of hysterics—then she longed to go out into the night air to cool her fevered brow—then she moaned out something about her noble Lucas——
Matt.And now?
Dolly.I've persuaded her to let Peters undress her. I've got her off my hands at last.
Matt.That's a comfort.
Dolly.Dad!
Matt.Yes.
Dolly.I won't have her here next Christmas.
Matt.No, I wouldn't.
Dolly.[Repeats in a slow, aggrieved, enraged way, emphasizing each syllable.] Whatever happens, I will not have that woman in my house next Christmas. You hear that?
Matt.Yes. You won't have her here next Christmas!
Dolly.I mean it, this time. And I won't have Lucas here again for a very long time.
Matt.I wouldn't.
Dolly.[Seated beside him.] Dad, please put away that paper. You're going over to Aldershot to-morrow to try to get Lucas exchanged?
Matt.I'll try.
Dolly.Where can you get him sent?
Matt.Gibraltar—India—South Africa—according as an appointment happens to be vacant.
Dolly.The further the better, and the longer.
Petersappears at door.
Dolly.Well, Peters, have you made Mrs. Sturgess comfortable?
Peters.I'm trying to, ma'am.
Dolly.Is she in bed yet?
Peters.No, ma'am.
Dolly.Not in bed!
Peters.No, ma'am, but she seems rather quieter.
Dolly.She let you undress her, I suppose?
Peters.I'm just going to, ma'am. She says her brain is still throbbing.
Dolly.Throbbing!
Peters.And could you lend her your hop-pillow?
Dolly.You'll find it in my wardrobe.
Peters.Yes, ma'am.
Dolly.Peters, pat up the hop-pillow for her, and insist on undressing her——
Peters.Yes, ma'am. [Going.
Dolly.Don't leave her till you've seen her comfortably in bed.
Peters.No, ma'am.
[Exit. A gust of wind and a little rattle of hail on the conservatory window.
[Exit. A gust of wind and a little rattle of hail on the conservatory window.
Matt.Whew! The New Year means business!
Dolly.And so do I, as Lucas will find out.
Matt.He is finding it out, on that heath!
Dolly.Yes! [With a little laugh.] Ha! ha! [A louder gust and rattle of hail.] Listen! Listen! Ha! And he might have been here playing a comfortable rubber by the fire—if he'd simply behaved himself!
Matt.If he'd "simply behaved" himself! What we all miss through not "simply behaving" ourselves.
[Another gust.
[Another gust.
Dolly.[Laughs.] Ah! He's catching it! I shall insist on Renie driving out with me to-morrow afternoon.
Matt.Yes.
Dolly.Then she can't meet Lucas. That will be another sell for him—[Another furious gust and rattle.] Listen! Ha! ha! I wonder how far Lucas has got!
[A noise of something being knocked over in the conservatory, which is lighted.
[A noise of something being knocked over in the conservatory, which is lighted.
Matt.[Goes to the conservatory door, looks in; is startled.] Hillo! hillo! What?!
Lucasenters from the upper conservatory door in riding-clothes of first Act.
Dolly.[Enraged.] Lucas! [More enraged.] Lucas! How dare you?!
Lucas.It's all right—don't make a fuss!
Dolly.[Furious.] Why aren't you on the way to Aldershot?
Lucas.I didn't like the look of the weather! I didn't like the look of it at all! So I got them to give me a shake-down at the Red Lion——
Dolly.[Indignantly.] Shake-down at the Red Lion!
Lucas.Yes, on their sofa! You needn't look so black! I asked you first, to let me have a shake-down here—on that sofa——
Dolly.But why have you come back here?
Lucas.Well, I must have dropped those cigars uncle Matt gave me. I put them carefully in my side pocket, and when I got down to the Red Lion, lo and behold, they weren't there!
Dolly.You could have got a cigar at the Red Lion——
Lucas.[Turns toMattfor sympathy.] I could have got a cigar at the Red Lion! [ToDolly.] No, thank you! So I thought I'd just stroll up here in the hope——
Dolly.In the hope of seeing Mrs. Sturgess! But she's safely in bed this time, and there's no possible chance of your seeing her.
Lucas.In the hope of getting Harry to give me a decent smoke. Well, I came into the Hall and not wishing to rile you by my hated presence—I slipped into the conservatory——
EnterHarry.
Harry.[Surprised at the riding-clothes.] Hillo, Lu, going back to Aldershot to-night?
Lucas.No, not unless the weather takes a turn. No, Dolly said that as the spare room was occupied, would I mind getting a shake-down at the Red Lion. So I did, and as I've got nothing to smoke, may I cadge a cigar?
Harry.Yes, old fellow. [Taking out cigar-case.
Dolly.[Intercepting.] You said I should take charge of your cigars, in case you should be tempted to smoke more than two a day——
Harry.By Jove, I forgot all about two per diem—I've been smoking all day. Here, Lu! [About to throw cigar-case toLucas.] You'd better take the lot and keep me out of temptation!
Dolly.No! I'll take charge of that, please.
[Takes the cigar-case, looks angrily atLucas,goes to writing-desk, puts it in.
[Takes the cigar-case, looks angrily atLucas,goes to writing-desk, puts it in.
Petersappears at door.
Peters.I beg pardon, ma'am, Mrs. Sturgess——
Dolly.What about her?
Peters.When I got back with the hop-pillow she wasn't there. I've looked all over the house, and Ican't find her anywhere. [Glancing off into the conservatory.] Oh, there she is!
Renieenters, fully dressed from conservatory, very languidly, with handkerchief and smelling-salts.Petersgoes off.
Dolly.Renie!
[Looks atMatt,who is inclined to laugh, checks it, shrugs his shoulders and goes over to fire.
[Looks atMatt,who is inclined to laugh, checks it, shrugs his shoulders and goes over to fire.
Renie.My head was racking, I had to rush out—I've been pacing up and down under the veranda, up and down, up and down, up and down—[Dollymakes a little grimace of angry incredulity] it's a little easier now, so I'll take advantage of the lull, and try to get some sleep.
Dolly.Yes, I would.
Renie.Good-night, dear.
Dolly.[Severely.] Good-night once more.
Renie.Good-night, Mr. Telfer. [Offering hand.
Harry.Good-night, I'm awfully sorry——
Renie.[With her weary smile.] Oh, it's only a headache. I can bear it. Thank you for your sympathy. [Wringing his hand in fervent gratitude.] Good-night, Mr. Barron.
Matt.Good-night. I hope we sha'n't have any more little tragedies, eh?
Renie.[Very fervently.] I hope not, oh, I hope not! [ToLucasvery casually and distantly.] Good-night, Captain Wentworth.
Lucas.[Same tone.] Good-night, Mrs. Sturgess.
[ExitRenie.Petersis seen to join her in the hall. A little pause.
[ExitRenie.Petersis seen to join her in the hall. A little pause.
Lucas.Well, I'll be toddling back to the Red Lion. Good-night, Dolly. [Dollylooks at him, furious, turns away.Harrylooks a little surprised.] Good-night, Harry.
Harry. Good-night, Lu. Seems a pity for you to turn out on a night like this. Dolly, can't we give him a shake-down——?
Dolly.No!
[Harryshows surprise at her tone. A little pause of embarrassment.
[Harryshows surprise at her tone. A little pause of embarrassment.
Lucas.Good-night, Uncle Matt.
Matt.[Comes up to him, in a low voice.] Cut it, my dear lad. Cut it! That's understood?
Lucas.Yes, of course. Well, good-night, Dolly, once more. [She doesn't reply.] Oh well, if you're going on the rampage—[Goes off muttering.] Infernal nuisance—night like this—— [Exit.
Harry.Is anything the matter?
Dolly.Lucas has offended me very much. I don't wish to speak of it.
TheProfessorenters at back.
Matt.Well, who was the victor?
Harry.The Professor won all four games.
Prof.I ascribe the increased accuracy of my stroke at billiards to my increased nerve force, now I have made Pableine my staple article of diet in place of meat.
Matt.Flies to the gray matter, eh?
Prof.Instantaneously.
Matt.Good stuff!
Prof.I hope you'll try it. Shall I send a tin to your room?
Matt.Will you? That will be kind!
Criddleappears at door.
Criddle.I've put the spirits in the hall, sir.
Harry.You can take them away, Criddle. In thefuture we shall not require spirits at night, only soda water and tea.
Criddle.Yes, sir. [Exit.
Dolly.[Who has been sitting wearily on sofa, rises.] Well, I'm going to bed.
Harry.You forget, dear.
Dolly.What? [Harrytaps the writing-desk.] Oh, my dear Harry, we won't go into them to-night.
Harry.Yes, my dear, if you please. [Very firmly.Dollymakes an impatient gesture and pouts.] Please don't look like that. If I'm to help you in paying off these bills, it must be to-night, or not at all.
Dolly.Oh, very well, but—— [Sits down wearily.
Prof.[Taking out watch.] Five minutes past my usual hour.
Dolly.Renie has one of her bad headaches, so I've put her in the spare room.
Prof.Thank you. I'm afraid she's a little wilful. I can never get her to see that life can yield us no real satisfaction unless we regulate all our actions to the most minute point. Good-night.
Dolly.Good-night. [Shaking hands.
Prof.Good-night, Telfer.
Harry.Good-night. [Shaking hands.
Matt.Good-night, Harry.
Harry.Good-night, Dad. [Shaking hands.
Matt.[ToDolly.] Night-night, dear.
Dolly.Night-night, Dad. [Kissing him.
Prof.[Has been waiting at door.] I might perhaps show you the precise way of mixing the Pableine.
Matt.That would be kind! What's the dose?
Prof.Two teaspoonfuls. On certain occasions I have taken as much as four tablespoonfuls.
Matt.Wasn't that rather—going it?
Prof.No. It's quite tasteless, except for a very slight beany flavor.
Matt.Sounds just the thing for a New Year's drink, to brace up good resolutions. Come along! I'll have a regular night-cap of it.
[ExeuntMattandProfessor.
[ExeuntMattandProfessor.
Harry.Now we can have our cosy half hour.
Dolly.Ye-es. I've had an awful evening with Lucas. Don't you think——?
Harry.No, my darling. You put it off after tea——
Dolly.But our heads will be so much clearer in the morning——
Harry.[Very solemnly and severely.] My darling, remember what Pilcher said about procrastination. And remember our resolutions last night. If we break them on the first night of the year, where shall we be on the thirty-first of December?
Dolly.I'm horribly fagged.
Harry.Conquer it! Think how delightful it will be to put your head on the pillow to-night, without a single anxiety, without a single thought——
Dolly.Except my gratitude to you!
Harry.Come, dear, no time like the present!
Dolly.[Jumps up very briskly.] No time like the present! [Looking at him with great admiration.] Oh, Harry, what a dear, kind, good husband you've always been to me!
Harry.Have I, my darling? [Modestly.] I've done my best——
Dolly.How I must have tried you!
Harry.No, dear—at least a little sometimes.
Dolly.When I think what patience you've had with me, and never reproached me——
Harry.Well, not often. We've had our little tiffs—That day at Goodwood—eh?
Dolly.Don't speak of it! I was to blame——
Harry.No, dear, I can't let you accuse yourself. I was quite in the wrong.
Dolly.No, dear, it was my fault entirely!
Harry.Well, we won't quarrel about that. Now these bills——
Dolly.And what good pals we've been!
Harry.And always shall be. [Kissing her.
Dolly.[Hugging him.] Oh, you dear!
Harry.Now, business, business!
Dolly.[Going up to writing-desk.] What a lucky woman I am!
Harry.[Seated at table.] Bring them all.
Dolly.[Has opened desk and taken up some bills—she looks round dubiously atHarry.] What a splendid thing it must be to be a husband and have it in your power to make your wifeadoreyou, by simply paying a few bills.
Harry.Yes—bring them all. [She comes down with a bundle of about fifteen, hands them to him.] Is this all?
Dolly.All, of any importance.
Harry.I want to see them all.
Dolly.So you shall, but we'll go through these first, because [lamely] if you want to ask any questions we can settle them on the spot, can't we?
Harry.[Reading from the bill.] Maison Récamier, Court and artistic millinery. By Jove! [Looks up.
Dolly.What!
Harry.One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine—nine hats!
Dolly.Different kinds of hats.
Harry.Yedda straw hat, four guineas, ostrich feather ruffle, twelve pounds ten——
Dolly.That was the one—you remember—when I came into the room you said, "Stay there! Just as you are! I must kiss you!"
Harry.Yes, but twelve pounds ten—Moss green chip hat, four, fourteen, six. Heliotrope velvet toque——
Dolly.That's the dear little toque you admire so much!
Harry.Do I? Six guineas! Dear little toque! Hat in white Tegal with plumes of Nattier Bleu—fifteen guineas—Fifteen guineas?!
Dolly.With plumes! Of Nattier Bleu!
Harry.But fifteen guineas!
Dolly.Oh, the woman's a fearful swindler! But what are you to do with such people?
Harry.[With bill.] Total, sixty-four, seven, six. And I get my one silk topper a year, at a guinea, and three and six for doing it up. Total for me, one, four, six. Total for you——
Dolly.My dear Harry, don't make absurd comparisons!
Harry.[Takes another bill.] John Spearman, artistic gown maker, ball gowns, reception gowns, race gowns—Good heavens!
Dolly.What's the matter?
Harry.Total, five hundred and fifty-six pounds—that can't be right!
Dolly.[Frightened.] No, it can't be! Add it up!
Harry.[Reading.] Tea gown of chiffon taffeta—
Dolly.The one I took to Folkestone, you remember?