Come, all the world, submit your selves to Care,And him acknowledge for your chiefest king:With whom no King or Keisar may compare,Who beares so great a sway in every thing.At home, abroad, in peace, and eke in warre,Care chiefly stands to either make or marre.The court he keepes is in a wise conceit,His house a head, where reason rules the wit:His seate the heart that hateth all deceit,His bed, the braine, that feels no frantick fit,His diet is the cates of sweet content:Thus is his life in heavenly pleasure spent.His kingdome is the whole world round about,Sorrow his sword, to such as do rebell:His counsaile, wisedome, that decides each doubt,His skill, foresight: of things to come, to tell.His chiefe delight is studies of devise,To keepe his subjects out of miseries.Oh courteous king, oh high and mightie Care,What shall I write in honour of thy name?But to the world, by due desert declareThy royall state, and thy immortall fame.Then so I end, as I at first begun,Care is the king of kings, when all is done.
Come, all the world, submit your selves to Care,And him acknowledge for your chiefest king:With whom no King or Keisar may compare,Who beares so great a sway in every thing.At home, abroad, in peace, and eke in warre,Care chiefly stands to either make or marre.
The court he keepes is in a wise conceit,His house a head, where reason rules the wit:His seate the heart that hateth all deceit,His bed, the braine, that feels no frantick fit,His diet is the cates of sweet content:Thus is his life in heavenly pleasure spent.
His kingdome is the whole world round about,Sorrow his sword, to such as do rebell:His counsaile, wisedome, that decides each doubt,His skill, foresight: of things to come, to tell.His chiefe delight is studies of devise,To keepe his subjects out of miseries.
Oh courteous king, oh high and mightie Care,What shall I write in honour of thy name?But to the world, by due desert declareThy royall state, and thy immortall fame.Then so I end, as I at first begun,Care is the king of kings, when all is done.
FINIS.
Will.Surely I never heard so much of Care before: but Reason hath shewed me, all is true that you have spoken of him. And therefore, let us humbly crave his helpe in this our worke which we are to take in hand, I dare warrant his favour.Wit.Sayest thou so, Will away, we have talked long: mountains never meete, but friends often: good happe comes oft unlookt for, but never unwelcome. I thought not to have found thee heere, but we see Fortune doth much, but Fates more, to bring friends togither: and friendship doth much, where faith is fixed: and faith is a jewell, and jewells are precious, and precious is for princes.
Oh God, trust me, Will, we must be warie to work, so with advise of Care, that as we are friends one to another, so we may prove in all actions to shew our cheefest jewell, our faithfull heart to God and her Majestie: to whom might we once be so happie as to presente a peece of worke worthy the receit: oh how glad shuld then our hearts be, which with faithful dutie would adventure death for her most excellent favour: which till by desert we find, and alwaies let us love and honour our singular good lord, that hath vouchsafed us his undeserved favour: and let us heartily pray for the preservation of her most excellent majestie, with long and prosperous raigne over us: as for the advancement of his honours estate, who by his vertues deserves, and by desertshath found favour of her highness, love of her peeres, honour of us, and a number our betters. And so let us away into my closset of Conceit, where from company we will thinke upon such matters as here wee will not talke on.Will.Content. We will go togither, studie thou, and I will make my pen, readie at thine, or his honors commandement. And thus till we have dispatcht our worke in hand, let us take our leave humbly of our good lord, and courteously of all our friends: Wishing them to employ their studies to the pleasure of God, content of the best sort, profit of themselves, and good example to others: and soBacciando le mani del Signore, let us bid them all adiu. From our heart, this 8. of June, 1599.
INGENIJ VOLUNTAS.
(One passage (that of the 'Shake-scene') in Greene'sGroat's Worth of Withas been hacked almost to death by the citations and discussions of Shakespearian commentators. But the rest has been but little referred to in comparison; and though it has been reprinted, it is not, to my knowledge, anywhere accessible as a whole, and is very generally unknown. It has, however, high interest, both external and internal, with the additional claim to preference over Greene's earlier euphuist romances and 'conny-catching' pamphlets that it is much shorter than the best of the former, and that nothing stands in the same relation to it as Dekker'sHornbookdoes to the latter. It wants little more introduction save the reminder that its autobiographic quality is evidently considerable in fact, if not so great as in intention, and that it was not printed till after the author's death.)
GREENS,Groats-worth of Wit,bought with a Million ofRepentaunce.Describing the follie of youth, the falshoode of makeshiftflatterers, the miserie of the negligent, and mischiefesof deceiuing Courtezans.Written before his death, and published at hisdying request.Fælicem fuisse infaustum.Virescit vulnere veritas.LONDON,Printed by Thomas Creede, for Richard Oliuedwelling in long Lane, and are thereto be solde. 1596.
THE PRINTER TO THE GENTLE READERS
I haue published heere Gentlemen for your mirth and benefit,Greenesgroatesworth of wit. With sundry of his pleasant discourses, ye haue beene before delighted: But now hath death giuen a period to his pen: onely this happened into my hands, which I haue published for your pleasures: Accept it fauorably because it was his last birth, and not least worth, in my poore opinion. But I will cease to praise that which is aboue my conceit, and leaue it selfe to speake for it selfe: and so abide your learned censuring.
Yours, W. W./
TO THE GENTLEMEN READERS
Gentlemen.The Swan sings melodiously before death, that in all his life time vseth but a iarring sound.Greenethough able inough to write, yet deeplyer searched with sickenesse than euer heretofore, sends you his Swanne-like song, for that he feares he shal neuer againe carrollto you woonted loue layes, neuer againe discouer to you youths pleasures. How euer yet sickenesse, riot, incontinence, haue at once shown their extremitie, yet if I recouer, you shall all see more fresh springs, than euer sprang from me, directing you how to liue, yet not diswading you from loue. This is the last I haue writ, and I feare me the last I shall write. And how euer I haue beene censured for some of my former bookes, yet Gentlemen / I protest they were as I had speciall information. But passing them, I commend this to your fauorable censures, and like an Embrion without shape, I feare me will bee thrust into the world. If I liue to ende it, it shall be otherwise: if not, yet will I commend it to your courtesies, that you may as wel be acquainted with my repentant death, as you haue lamented my carelesse course of life. But asNemo ante obitum felix, so Acta Exitus probat: Beseeching therefore to bee deemed hereof as I deserue, I leaue the worke to your likings, and leaue you to your delights./
A GROAT'S WORTH OF WIT
In an Iland bound with the Ocean, there was sometime a Citie situated, made rich by Marchandize and populous by long space: the name is not mentioned in the Antiquary, or else worne out by times Antiquitie: what it was it greatly skilles not: but therein thus it happened. An old new made Gentleman herein dwelt, of no small credit, exceeding wealth, and large conscience: he had gathered from many to bestowe vpon one, for though he had two sonnes, he esteemed but one, that being as himselfe, brought vp to be goldes bondman, was therefore held heire apparent of his ill gathered goods.
The other was a Scholler, and maried to a proper Gentlewoman, and therefore least regarded, for tis an olde said saw: To learning and law, ther's no greater foe, then they that nothing know: yet was not the father altogether vnlettered, for he had good experience in aNouerint, and by the vniuersall tearmes therein contained, had driuen many gentlewomen to seeke vnknowen countries: wise he was, for he boare office in his / parish, and sate as formallyin his fox-furd gowne, as if he had beene a very vpright dealing Burges: he was religious too, neuer without a booke at his belt, and a bolt in his mouth, ready to shoote through his sinfull neighbor.
And Latin he had some where learned, which though it were but little, yet was it profitable, for he had this Philosophie written in a ring,Tu tibi cura, which precept he curiously obserued, being in selfeloue so religious, as he held it no point of charitie to part with any thing, of which he liuing might make vse.
But as all mortall things are momentarie, and no certaintie can bee founde in this vncertaine world, soGorinius(for that shall be this Usurers name) after many a goutie pang that had pincht his exterior parts, many a curse of the people that mounted into heauens presence, was at last with his last summons, by a deadly disease arrested, where-against when hee had long contended, and was by Phisitions giuen ouer, hee cald his two sonnes before him: and willing to performe the olde prouerbe,Qualis vita finis Ita, hee thus prepared himselfe, and admonished them. My sonnes (for so your mother said ye were) and so I assure my selfe one of you is, and of the other I wil make no doubt.
You see the time is come, which I thought would neuer haue approached, and we must now be seperated, I feare neuer to meete againe. This sixteeneyeares daily haue I liued vexed with disease: and might I liue sixteene more, how euer miserably, I should thinke it happie. But death is relentlesse, and will not be intreated: witlesse, and knowes not what good my gold might do him: senseless, & hath no pleasure in the delightfull places / I would offer him. In breefe, I thinke he hath with this foole my eldest sonne beene brought vp in the vniuersitie, and therefore accounts that in riches is no vertue. But you my sonne (laying then his hand on the yongers head) haue thou another spirit: for without wealth life is a death: what is gentry if wealth be wanting, but base seruile beggerie? Some comfort yet it is vnto me, to see how many gallants sprung of noble parents haue croucht toGoriniusto haue sight of his gold: O gold, desired golde, admired golde! and haue lost their patrimonies toGorinius, because they haue not returned by their day that adored creature! How many schollers haue written rimes inGoriniuspraise, and receiued (after long capping and reuerence) a sixpeny reward in signe of my superficiall liberalitie. Breefely my yongLucanio, how I haue bin reuerenst thou seest, when honester men I confesse, haue beene set farre off: for to be rich is to be any thing, wise, honest, worshipfull, or what not? I tell thee my sonne: when I came first to this Cittie, my whole wardrop was onely a sute of white sheepe skins, my wealth an olde Groate, my wooning,the wide world. At this instant (O griefe to part with it) I haue in readie coyne threescore thousand pound, in plate and Jewels, xv. thousand, in bonds and specialties as much, in land nine hundred pound by the yeere: all which,LucanioI bequeath to thee, onely I reserue forRobertothy well red brother, an olde Groate (being the stocke I first began with) wherewith I wish him to buy a groatsworth of wit: for he in my life hath reprooued my maner of life, and therefore at my death, shall not be contaminated with corrupt gaine. Heere by the way Gentlemen must I disgresse to shew the reason ofGoriniuspresent speech:Robertobeing / come from the Academie, to visit his father, there was a great feast prouided: where for table talke,Robertoknowing his father and most of the companie to be execrable vsurers, inuayed mightily against that abhorred vice, insomuch that he vrged teares from diuers of their eyes, and compunction in some of their hearts. Dinner being past, hee comes to his father, requesting him to take no offence at his liberall speech, seeing what he had vttered was truth. Angrie, sonne (saide he) no by my honesty (& that is somwhat I may say to you), but vse it still, and if thou canst perswade any of my neighbours from lending vppon vsurie, I should haue the more customers: to which whenRobertowould haue replied, he shut himselfe into his studie, and fell to telling ouer his money.
This wasRobertosoffence: nowe returne we to seekeGorinius, who after he had thus vnequally distributed his goods and possessions, began to aske his sons how they liked his bequestes: either seemed agreed, andRobertovrged him with nothing more, then repentance of his sin: Loke to thine owne, said he, fond boy, and come myLucanio, let me giue thee good counsel before my death: as for you sir, your bookes are your counsellors, and therefore to them I bequeath you. AhLucanio, my onely comfort, because I hope thou wilt as thy father be a gatherer, let me blesse thee before I die. Multiply in wealth my sonne by anie meanes thou maist, onely flie Alchymie, for therein are more deceites then her beggerly Artistes haue wordes; and yet are the wretches more talkatiue then women. But my meaning is, thou shouldest not stand on conscience in causes of profite, but heape treasure vpon treasure, for the time of neede: yet seeme / to be deuout, else shalt thou be held vile: frequent holy exercises, graue companie, and aboue all, vse the conuersation of yong Gentlemen, who are so wedded to prodigalitie, that once in a quarter necessity knocks at their chamber doores: profer them kindnesse to relieue their wants, but be sure of good assurance: giue faire words till dayes of payment come, and then vse my course, spare none: what though they tell of conscience (as a number will talke) looke butinto the dealings of the world, & thou shalt see it is but idle words. Seest thou not many perish in the streetes, and fall to theft for neede: whom small succor would releeue. Then where is conscience, and why art thou bound to vse it more then other men? Seest thou not daily forgeries, periuries, oppressions, rackings of the poore, raysing of rents, inhauncing of duties, euen by them that shuld be all conscience, if they meant as they speake: butLucanioif thou reade well this booke, (and with that hee reacht him Machiauels works at large) thou shalt see what it is to be foole-holy, as to make scruple of conscience, where profit presents it selfe.
Besides, thou hast an instance by thy threed-bare brother heere, who willing to do no wrong, hath lost his childs right: for who would wish any thing to him, that knowes not how to vse it?
So muchLucaniofor conscience: and yet I knowe not whats the reason, but somewhat stings mee inwardly when I speake of it. I, father, saidRoberto, it is the worme of conscience, that vrges you at the last houre to remember your life, that eternall life may follow your repentance. Out foole (said this miserable father) I feele it now, it was onely a stitch. I will forward with my exhortation toLucanio. As I saide my / sonne, make spoyle of yong gallants by insinuating thy selfe amongst them, and be not mooued to think their Auncestors were famous, butconsider thine were obscure, and that thy father was the first Gentleman of the name:Lucaniothou art yet a Bachelor, and so keepe thee, till thou meete with one that is thy equall, I meane in wealth: regard not beautie, it is but a baite to entice thine neighbors eie: and the most faire are commonly most fond: vse not too many familiars, for few prooue friends, and as easie it is to weigh the wind, as to diue into the thoughts of worldly glosers. I tell theeLucanio, I haue seene foure score winters besides the odde seauen, yet saw I neuer him that I esteemed as my friend but gold, that desired creature, whom I haue deerely loued, and found so firme a friend, as nothing, to me hauing it, hath beene wanting. No man but may thinke deerely of a true friend, and so doe I of it, laying it vnder sure locks, and lodging my heart therwith.
But now (Ah myLucanio) now must I leaue it, and to thee I leaue it with this lesson, loue none but thy selfe, if thou wilt liue esteemed. So turning him to his study, where his chiefe treasure lay, he loud cried out in the wise mans words,O mors quam amara, O death how bitter is thy memorie to him that hath al pleasures in this life, and so with two or three lamentable groanes he left his life: and to make short worke, was byLucaniohis sonne enterd, as the custome is with some solemnitie: But leauing him that hath left the world tohim ytcensureth of euery worldly man, passe we to his sons: and see how his long laied vp store is byLucaniolooked into. The youth was of cōdition simple, shamefast, and flexible to any counsaile, whichRobertoperceiuing, and pondering how little was left to him, grew into an inward contempt of his fathers vnequall legacie, and determinate resolution to workeLucanioal possible iniurie: here vpon thus conuerting the sweetnesse of his studie to the sharpe thirst of reuenge, he (as Enuie is seldome idle) sought out fit companions to effect his unbrotherly resolution. Neither in such a case is ill companie farre to seeke, for the Sea hath scarce so ioperdies, as populous Citties haue deceiuing Syrens, whose eies are Adamants, whose wares are witchcrafts, whose doores leade downe to death. With one of these female SerpentsRobertoconsorts, and they conclude, what euer they compassed, equally to share to their contentes. This match made,Lucaniowas by his brother brought to the bush, where he had scarce pruned his wings but hee was fast limed, andRobertohad what he expected. But that we may keepe forme, you shall heare how it fortuned.
Lucaniobeing on a time very pensiue, his brother brake with him in these tearmes. I wonderLucaniowhy you are so disconsolate, that want not any thing in the world that may worke your content. If wealth may delight a man, you are with that sufficiently furnisht: if credit may procure a man any comfort, your word I knowe well, is as well accepted as any mans obligation: in this Citie are faire buildings and pleasant gardens, and cause of solace: of them I am assured you haue your choyse. Consider brother you are yong, then plod not altogether in meditating on our fathers precepts: which howsoeuer they sauoured of profit, were most vnsauerly to one of your yeeres applied. You must not thinke but certaine Marchants of this Citie expect your company, sundry Gentlemen desire your / familiarity, and by conuersing with such, you will be accounted a Gentleman: otherwise a pesant, if ye liue thus obscurely. Besides, which I had almost forgot, and then had all the rest beene nothing, you are a man by nature furnished with all exquisite proportion, worthy the loue of any courtly Ladie, be she neuer so amorous: you haue wealth to maintaine her, of women not little longed for: wordes to court her you shall not want, for my selfe will be your secretary. Brieflie, why stande I to distinguish abilitie in perticularities, when in one word it may be sayde, which no man can gainsay,Lucaniolacketh nothing to delight a wife, nor any thing but a wife to delight him? My young maister beeing thus clawde, and puft vp with his owne prayse, made no longer delay, but hauing on his holyday hose, he tricked himselfe vp, and like a fellowe that meant good sooth, heeclapped his Brother on the Shoulder, and sayde. Faith BrotherRoberto, and yee say the worde, lets go seeke a wife while it is hote, both of vs togither. Ile pay well, and I dare turne you loose to say as well as anye of them all: well Ile doe my best, saidRoberto, and since ye are so forward, lets goe nowe and trie our good fortune.
With this foorth they walke, andRobertowent directlie towarde the house whereLamilia(for so wee call the Curtezan) kept her Hospital, which was in the Suburbes of the Cittie, pleasauntly seated, and made more delectable by a pleasaunt Garden, wherein it was scituate. No sooner come they within ken, but MistresseLamilialike a cunning angler made readie her chaunge of baytes, that shee might effectLucaniosbane: and to begin, shee discouered from her window her beauteous inticing face, and taking a lute in her hād that / she might the rather allure, she sung this Sonnet with a delicious voice.
Lamilias Song.
Fie fie on blind fancie,It hinders youths ioy:Faire virgins learne by me,To count loue a toy.When Loue learned first the A B C of delight,And knew no figures, nor conceited phrase:He simplie gaue to due desert her right,He led not louers in darke winding wayes:He plainly wild to loue, or flatly answered no,But now who lists to proue, shall find it nothing so:Fie fie then on fancie,It hinders youths ioy,Faire virgins learne by me,To count loue a toy.For since he learnd to vse the Poets pen,He learnd likewise with smoothing words to faine,Witching chast eares with trothlesse toungs of men,And wrayed faith with falshood and disdaine.He giues a promise now, anon he sweareth no,Who lifteth for to proue, shall find his changings so:Fie fie then on fancieIt hinders youth[s] ioy,Faire virgins learn by me,To count loue a toy.
Fie fie on blind fancie,It hinders youths ioy:Faire virgins learne by me,To count loue a toy.
When Loue learned first the A B C of delight,And knew no figures, nor conceited phrase:He simplie gaue to due desert her right,He led not louers in darke winding wayes:He plainly wild to loue, or flatly answered no,But now who lists to proue, shall find it nothing so:Fie fie then on fancie,It hinders youths ioy,Faire virgins learne by me,To count loue a toy.For since he learnd to vse the Poets pen,He learnd likewise with smoothing words to faine,Witching chast eares with trothlesse toungs of men,And wrayed faith with falshood and disdaine.He giues a promise now, anon he sweareth no,Who lifteth for to proue, shall find his changings so:Fie fie then on fancieIt hinders youth[s] ioy,Faire virgins learn by me,To count loue a toy.
While this painted sepulchre was shadowing her corrupting guilt, Hiena-like alluring to destruction,RobertoandLucaniovnder the windowe, kept euen pace with / euery stop of her instrument, but especially my yong Ruffler (that before time like a bird in a cage, had beene prentise for three liues or one and twentie yeeres at least, to esteame Auarice his deceased father). O twas a world to see how he sometime simperd it, striuing to set a countenance on his turnd face, that it might seeme of wainscot proofe, to beholde her face without blushing: anone he would stroake his bow-bent-leg, as though he went to shoote loue arrows from his shins: then wipte his chin (for his beard was not yet grown) with a goldwrought handkercher, whence of purpose he let fall a handfull of angels. This golden showre was no sooner rained, butLamil[i]a, ceast her song, andRoberto(assuring himselfe the foole was caught) came toLucanio(that stoode now as one that had stardeMedusain the face) and awaked him from his amazement with these words: What, in a traunce brother? whence springs these dumps? are yee amazed at this obiect? or long ye to become loues subiect? Is there not difference betweene this delectable life and the imprisonment you haue all your life hitherto endured? If the sight and hearing of this harmonious beautie work in you effects of wonder, what will the possession of so diuine an essence, wherein beautie and Art dwell in their perfect excellencie. Brother saidLucanio, lets vse few words, and she be no more then a woman, I trust youle helpe mee to her? and if you doe, well, I say no more, but I am yours till death vs depart, and what is mine shal ye yours, world without end, Amen.
Robertosmiling at his simplenesse, helpt him to gather vp his dropt golde, and without any more circumstance led him toLamiliashouse: for of such places it may be said as of hell. /
Noctes atque dies patet atri ianua ditis.
So their doores are euer open to entice youthto destruction. They were no sooner entred, butLamiliaher selfe, like a secondHelen, court-like begins to saluteRoberto, yet did her wandring eie glance often atLucanio: the effect of her entertainment consisted in these tearmes, that to her simple house SignorRobertowas welcome, and his brother the better welcome for your sake: albeit his good report confirmed by his present demeaner, were of it selfe enough to giue him deserued entertainement, in any place how honourable soeuer: mutuall thanks returned, they lead this prodigal childe into a Parlor, garnished with goodly portratures of amiable personages: neere which, an excellent consert of musicke began at their entrance to play.LamiliaseeingLucanioshamefast, tooke him by the hand, and tenderly wringing him, vsed these words: Beleeue me Gentlemen, I am verie sorie that our rude enter[tain]ment is such, as no way may worke your content: for this I haue noted since your first entering, that your countenance hath beene heauie, and the face being the glasse of the heart, assures me the same is not quiet: would ye wish any thing heere that might content you, say but the word, and assure ye of present deliuerance to effect your full delight.Lucaniobeing so farre in loue, as he perswaded himselfe without her grant hee could not liue, had a good meaning to vtter his minde, but wanting fit wordes, hee stoode like a trewant that lackt aprompter, or a plaier that being out of his part at his first entrance is faine to haue the booke to speake what he should performe. WhichRobertoperceiuing replied thus in his behalfe: Madame, the Sunnes brightnesse daisleth the beholders eies, the maiestie of Gods, / amazed humane men.TulliePrince of Orators, once fainted though his cause were good, and he that tamed monsters, stoode amated at beauties ornaments: Then blame not this yoong man though hee replied not, for he is blinded with the beautie of your sunne-darkening eies, made mute with the celestiall organe of your voyce, and feare of that rich ambush of amber colored darts, whose pointes are leuelde against his heart. Well SignorRobertosaide shee, how euer you interpret their sharpe leuell, be sure they are not bent to doe him hurt, and but that modestie blindes vs poore Maidens from vttering the inwarde sorrowe of our mindes, perchaunce the cause of greefe is ours, how euer men do colour, for as I am a virgin I protest (and therewithall shee tainted her cheekes with a vermilion blush) I neuer sawe Gentleman in my life in my eie so gratious as isLucanio, onely that is my greefe, that either I am despised for that he scornes to speake, or else (which is my greater sorrow) I feare he cannot speake. Not speake Gentlewoman quothLucanio?that were a ieast indeede: yes, I thanke God I am sounde of winde and lim, onelymy heart is not as it was woont: but and you be as good as your word, that will soone be well, and so crauing ye of more acquaintance, in token of my plaine meaning receiue this diamond, which my olde father loued deerely: and with that deliuered her a Ring, wherein was apointed a Diamond of wonderfull worth. Which shee accepting with a lowe conge, returned him a silke Riband for a fauour, tyed with a truelouers knot, which he fastened vnder a faire Jewell on his Beuer felt.
After thisDiomedis & Glauci permutatio, my young master / waxed cranke, and the musicke continuing, was very forward in dauncing, to shew his cunning: and so desiring them to play on a hornepipe, laid on the pauement lustily with his leaden heeles, coruetting like a steede ofSignor Roccoesteaching, and wanted nothing but bels, to bee a hobbyhorse in a morrice. Yet was he soothed in his folly, and what euer he did,Lamiliacounted excellent: her praise made him proude, insomuch that if he had not beene intreated, hee would rather haue died in his daunce, then left off to shew his mistresse delight. At last reasonably perswaded, seeing the table furnished, he was contented to cease, and settle himselfe to his victuals, on which (hauing before labored) he fed lustily, especially of a Woodcocke pie, wherewithLamiliahis caruer, plentifully plied him. Full dishes hauing furnisht emptiestomaches, andLucaniothereby got leisure to talke, falles to discourse of his wealth, his lands, his bonds, his abilitie, and how himselfe with all he had, was at MadameLamiliasdisposing: desiring her afore his brother, to tell him simply what shee meant.Lamiliareplied: My sweetLucanio, how I esteeme of thee mine eies doe witnesse, that like handmaides, haue attended thy beautious face, euer since I first beheld thee: yet seeing loue that lasteth gathereth by degrees his liking, let this for that suffice: if I finde thee firme,Lamiliawill be faithful: if fleeting, she must of necessitie be infortunate that hauing neuer seene any whome before shee could affect, shee shoulde bee of him iniuriously forsaken. Nay saideLucanio, I dare say my brother here will giue his word. For that I accept your own saidLamilia, for with me your credit is better then your brothers.Robertobrake off their amorous prattle with these speeches. Sith / either of you are of other so fond at the first sight, I doubt not but time will make your loue more firme. Yet madameLamiliaalthough my brother and you be thus forward, some crosse chaunce may come: forMulta cadunt inter calicem supremaq. labra. And for a warning to teach you both wit, Ile tell you an olde wiues tale.
Before ye go on with your tale (quoth mistresseLamilia) let me giue ye a caueat by the way, which shall be figured in a Fable.
Lamiliaes Tale.
The Foxe on a time came to visite the Gray, partly for kindered, cheefely for craft: and finding the hole emptie of all other companie, sauing onely one Badger; enquiring the cause of his solitarinesse, he described the sodaine death of his dam and sire, with the rest of his consorts. The Foxe made a Friday face, counterfeiting sorrow: but concluding that deaths shake was vneuitable, perswaded him to seeke some fit mate wherwith to match. The Badger soone agreed: so forth they went, and in their way met with a wanton ewe straggling from the fold: the Foxe bad the Badger play the tall stripling, and strout on his tiptoes: for (quoth he) this ewe is lady of al these lands, and her brother cheefe bel-weather of sundrie flocks. To be short, by the Foxes permission there would be a perpetuall league betweene her harmelesse kindred and al other deuouring beasts, for that the Badger was to them all allied: seduced, shee yeelded: and the Foxe conducted them to the Badgers / habitation, where drawing her aside vnder color of exhortation, [he] pulde out her throate to satisfie his greedie thurst. Here I should note, a yoong whelpe that viewed their walke, infourmed the shepheard of what hapned. They followed, and trained the Foxe and Badger to the hole: the Foxe afore had craftily conuaied himself away: the shepheard found the Badger rauing for the ewes murther: his lamentation being helde for counterfet, was by the shepheards dog wearied. The Foxe escaped: the ewe was spoiled: and euer since, betweene the Badgers and the dogges, hath continued a mortall enmitie: And now be aduisedRoberto(quoth she), goe forward with your tale, seeke not by slie insinuation to turne our mirth to sorrow. Go tooLamilia(quoth hee), you feare what I meane not, but how euer ye take it, Ile forward with my tale.
Robertoes Tale.
In the North parts there dwelt an old Squier, that had a yong daughter his heire; who had (as I know MadameLamiliayou haue had) many youthfull Gentlemen that long time sued to obtaine her loue. But she knowing her owne perfection (as women are by nature proude) woulde not to any of them vouchsafe fauour: insomuch that they perceiuing her relentlesse, shewed themselues not altogether witlesse, but left her to her fortune, when they founde her frowardnesse. At last it fortuned among other strangers, a Farmers sonne visited her fathers house: on whom at the first sight shee was enamored, he likewise on hir. Tokens of loue past betweene them, either acquainted others parents of their choise, and they kindly gaue their consent. Short tale to make, married they were, and great solemnitie wasat the wedding feast. A yong Gentleman, that had beene long a suter to her, vexing that the sonne of a farmer should be so preferred, cast in his minde by what meanes (to marre their merriment) he might steale away the Bride. Hereupon he confers with an old beldam, called motherGunby, dwelling thereby, whose counsell hauing taken, he fell to his practise, and proceeded thus. In the after noone, when dauncers were very busie, he takes the Bride by the hand, and after a turne or two, tels her in her eare, he had a secret to impart vnto her, appointing her in any wise, in the euening to find a time to confer with him: she promised she would and so they parted. Then goes he to the bridegroome, and with protestations of entire affect, protests that the great sorrow hee takes at that which he must vtter, whereon depended his especial credit, if it were knowne the matter by him should be discouered. After the bridegroomes promise of secrecie, the gentleman tels him, that a friend of his receiued that morning from yebride a letter, wherein she willed him with some sixteene horse to awaite her comming at a Parke side, for that she detested him in her heart as a base country hinde, with whom her father compelled her to marrie. The bridegroome almost out of his wits, began to bite his lippe. Nay, saith the Gentleman, if you will by me be aduised, you shall saue her credit, win her by kindnes, and yet preuent herwanton complot. As how, said the Bridegroome? Mary, thus, said the gentleman: In the euening (for till the guests be gone she intends not to gad) get you / on horsebacke, and seeme to be of the companie that attends her comming: I am appointed to bring her from the house to the Parke, and from thence fetch a winding compasse of a mile about, but to turne vnto olde motherGunbyeshouse, where her louer my friend abides: when she alights, I wil conduct her to a chamber far from his lodging, but when the lights are out, and she expects her adulterous copesmate, your selfe (as reason is) shall proue her bedfellow, where priuately you may reprooue her, and in the morning earely returne home without trouble. As for the gentleman my frend, I will excuse her absence to him, by saying, shee mockt thee with her maide in stead of her selfe, whom when I knew at her lighting, I disdained to bring her vnto his presence. The Bridegroome gaue his hand it should be so.
Now by the way we must vnderstand this motherGunbyhad a daughter, who all that day sate heauily at home with a willow garland, for that the bridegroome (if he had dealt faithfully) should haue wedded her before any other. But men (Lamilia) are vnconstant, mony now a daies makes the match, or else the match is marde.
But to the matter: the bride groome and theGentleman thus agreed: he tooke his time, conferred with the bride, perswaded her that her husband (notwithstanding his faire shew at the marriage) had sworne to his old sweete heart, their neighbourGunbyesdaughter, to be that night her bedfellow: and if she would bring her father, his father, and other friends to the house at midnight, they should finde it so.
At this the yong gentlewoman inwardly vext to be by a peasant so abused, promised if she sawe likelyhood of / his slipping away, that then she would doe according as he directed.
All this thus sorting, the old womans daughter was trickly attired, ready to furnish this pageant, for her old mother promised all things necessarie.
Well, Supper past, dauncing ended, all the guests would home, and the Bridgroome pretending to bring some friend of his home, got his horse, and to the Parke side he rode, and stayed with the horsemen that attended the Gentleman.
Anone cameMarianlike mistris Bride, and mounted behind the gentleman, away they post, fetch their compasse, & at last alight at an olde wiues house, where sodenly she is conuaied to her chamber, & the bridegroome sent to keepe her company: where he had scarce deuised how to begin his exhortation, but the father of his bride knockt at the chamber doore. At which being somewhat amazed,yet thinking to turne it to a ieast, sith his wife (as he thought) was in bed with him, hee opened the doore, saying: Father, you are heartily welcome, I wonder how you found vs out heere; this deuise to remooue our selues, was with my wiues consent, that we might rest quietly without the Maids and Batchelers disturbing vs. But where is your wife said yegentleman? why heere in bed said he. I thought (quoth the other) my daughter had beene your wife, for sure I am to-day shee was giuen you in marriage. You are merrily disposed said the Bridegroome, what, thinke you I haue another wife? I thinke but as you speake, quoth the gentleman, for my daughter is below, & you say your wife is in the bed. Below (said he) you are a merie man, and with that casting on a night-gowne, he went downe, where when he saw his wife, the gentleman his father, and a number / of his friends assembled, he was so confounded, that how to behaue himselfe he knew not; onely hee cried out that he was deceiued. At this the olde woman arises, and making her selfe ignorant of al the whole matter, enquires the cause of that sodaine tumult. When she was tolde the new bridegroome was found in bed with her daughter, she exclaimed against so great an iniurie.Marianwas called in quorum: she iustified it was by his allurement: he being condemned by al their consents, was iudged vnworthy to haue the gentlewoman vnto his wife, & compelled(for escaping of punishment) to marrieMarian: and the yong Gentleman (for his care in discouering the farmers sonnes leudnes) was recompenst with the Gentlewomans euer during loue.
QuothLamilia, and what of this? Nay nothing saideRoberto, but that I haue told you the effects of sodaine loue: yet the best is, my brother is a maidenly batcheler, and for your selfe, you haue beene troubled with many suters. The fewer the better, saidLucanio. But brother, I con you little thanke for this tale: hereafter I pray you vse other table talke. Lets then end talk, quothLamilia, and you (signorLucanio) and I will goe to the Chesse. To Chesse, said he, what meane you by that? It is a game, said she, that the first danger is but a checke, the worst, the giuing of a mate. Wel, saidRoberto, that game ye haue beene at alreadie then, for you checkt him first with your beauty, & gaue your self for mate to him by your bountie. That is wel taken brother, saidLucanio, so haue we past our game at Chesse. Wil ye play at tables then, said she? I cannot, quoth he, for I can goe no furder with my game, if I be once taken. Will ye play then at cards? I, said he, if it be at one and thirtie. That fooles game, said she? Weele all to hazard, saidRoberto, and / brother you shall make one for an houre or two: contented quoth he. So to dice they went, and fortune so fauouredLucanio, that while theycontinued square play, he was no looser. Anone cosonage came about, and his Angels being double winged flew cleane from before him.Lamiliabeing the winner, prepared a banquet; which finished,Robertoaduised his brother to depart home, and to furnish himselfe with more crowns, least he were outcrakt with new commers.
Lucanioloath to be outcountenanst, followed his aduise, desiring to attend his returne, which he before had determined vnrequested: for as soone as his brothers backe was turned,Robertobegins to reckon withLamilia, to bee a sharer as well in the mony deceitfully woone, as in the Diamond so wilfully giuen. But she,secundum mores meretricis, iested thus with the scholler. WhyRoberto, are you so well read, and yet shew your selfe so shallow witted, to deeme women so weake of conceit, that they see not into mens demerites? Suppose (to make you my stale to catch the woodcocke, your brother) that my tongue ouerrunning mine intent, I spake of liberal rewarde; but what I promised, there is the point; at least what I part with, I will be well aduised. It may be you wil thus reason: Had notRobertotrainedLucaniowithLamiliaslure,Lucaniohad not now beeneLamiliasprey: therfore sith byRobertoshe possesseth her prize,Robertomerites an equall part. Monstrous absurd if so you reason; as wel you may reason thus:Lamiliasdog hath kildeher a deere, therefore his mistris must make him a pastie. No poore pennilesse Poet, thou art beguilde in me, and yet I wonder how thou couldest, thou hast beene so often beguilde. But it fareth with licentious men, as with the chased bore in the / streame, who being greatly refreshed with swimming, neuer feeleth any smart vntill he perish recurelesly wounded with his owne weapons. ReasonlesseRoberto, that hauing but a brokers place, asked a lenders rewarde. FaithlesseRoberto, that hast attempted to betray thy brother, irreligiously forsaken thy wife, deseruedly beene in thy fathers eie an abiect: thinkest thouLamiliaso loose, to consort with one so lewd? No hypocrite, the sweete Gentleman thy brother, I will till death loue, and thee while I liue loath. This shareLamiliagiues thee, other gettest thou none.
AsRobertowould haue replied,Lucanioapproached: to whomLamiliadiscourst the whole deceit of his brother, & neuer rested intimating malitious arguments, tillLucaniovtterly refusedRobertofor his brother, and for euer forbad him of his house. And when he wold haue yeelded reasons, and formed excuse,Lucaniosimpatience (vrged by her importunate malice) forbad all reasoning with them that was reasonlesse, and so giuing him Jacke Drums entertainment, shut him out of doores: whom we will follow, and leaueLucanioto the mercie ofLamilia.Robertoin an extreame extasie rent his haire, curst his destinie, blamed his trecherie, but most of all exclaimed againstLamilia: and in her against all enticing Curtizans in these tearmes.
What meant the Poets to inuectiue verse,To sing Medeas shame, and Scillas pride,Calipsoes charmes, by which so many dide?Onely for this, their vices they rehearse,That curious wits which in this world conuerse,May shun the dangers and enticing shoes,Of such false Syrens, those home-breeding foes,That from their eies their venim do disperse. /So soone kils not the Basiliske with sight,The Vipers tooth is not so venomous,The Adders tung not halfe so dangerous,As they that beare the shadow of delight,Who chaine blinde youths in tramels of their haire,Till wast bring woe, and sorrow hast despaire.
What meant the Poets to inuectiue verse,To sing Medeas shame, and Scillas pride,Calipsoes charmes, by which so many dide?Onely for this, their vices they rehearse,That curious wits which in this world conuerse,May shun the dangers and enticing shoes,Of such false Syrens, those home-breeding foes,That from their eies their venim do disperse. /So soone kils not the Basiliske with sight,The Vipers tooth is not so venomous,The Adders tung not halfe so dangerous,As they that beare the shadow of delight,Who chaine blinde youths in tramels of their haire,Till wast bring woe, and sorrow hast despaire.
With this he laide his head on his hand, and leant his elbow on the ground sighing out sadly,
Heu patior telis vulnera facta meis.
On the other side of the hedge sate one that heard his sorrow, who getting ouer, came towardes him, and brake off his passion. When he approached, he salutedRobertoin this sort.
Gentleman, quoth hee (for so you seeme), I haue by chaunce heard you discourse some part of your greefe; which appeareth to be more then you will discouer, or I can conceipt. But if you vouchsafe such simple comfort as my abilitie will yeeld, assureyour selfe that I will endeuour to doe the best, that either may procure your profit, or bring you pleasure: the rather, for that I suppose you are a scholler, and pittie it is men of learning should liue in lacke.
Robertowondring to heare such good words, for that this iron age affoordes few that esteeme of vertue, returned him thankfull gratulations, and (vrged by necessitie) vttered his present griefe, beseeching his aduise how he might be imployed. Why, easily, quoth hee, and greatly to your benefit: for men of my profession get by schollers their whole liuing. What is your profession, saydRoberto? Truely, sir, said he, I am a player. A Player, quothRoberto, I tooke you rather for a gentleman of great liuing, for if by outward habit men shuld be censured, I tell you you would be taken for a substantiall / man. So am I, where I dwell (quoth the player), reputed able at my proper cost to build a Windmill. What though the worlde once went hard with mee, when I was faine to carrie my playing Fardle a footebacke;Tempora mutantur, I know you know the meaning of it better then I, but I thus conster it; it is otherwise now; for my very share in playing apparrell will not be solde for two hundred pounds. Truely (saidRoberto) it is strange, that you should so prosper in that vaine practise, for that it seemes to me your voyce is nothing gracious. Nay then, said the player, I mislike your iudgement: why, I am asfamous for Delphrigus, and the king of Fairies, as euer was any of my time. The twelue labors ofHerculeshaue I terribly thundred on the stage, and placed three scenes of the deuill on the highway to heauen. Haue ye so (saidRoberto)? then I pray you pardon me. Nay, more (quoth the player), I can serue to make a prettie speech, for I was a countrie Author; passing at a morall, for it was I that pende the Moral of mans wit, the Dialogue of Diues, and for seauen yeeres space was absolute interpreter of the puppets. But now my Almanacke is out of date.