SCENE 5.1.A ROOM IN MOROSE'S HOUSE.ENTER LA-FOOLE, CLERIMONT, AND DAW.LA-F: Where had you our swords, master Clerimont?CLER: Why, Dauphine took them from the madman.LA-F: And he took them from our boys, I warrant you.CLER: Very like, sir.LA-F: Thank you, good master Clerimont. Sir John Daw and I areboth beholden to you.CLER: Would I knew how to make you so, gentlemen!DAW: Sir Amorous and I are your servants, sir.[ENTER MAVIS.]MAV: Gentlemen, have any of you a pen and ink? I would fain writeout a riddle in Italian, for sir Dauphine, to translate.CLER: Not I, in troth lady; I am no scrivener.DAW: I can furnish you, I think, lady.[EXEUNT DAW AND MAVIS.]CLER: He has it in the haft of a knife, I believe.LA-F: No, he has his box of instruments.CLER: Like a surgeon!LA-F: For the mathematics: his square, his compasses, his brasspens, and black-lead, to draw maps of every place and personwhere he comes.CLER: How, maps of persons!LA-F: Yes, sir, of Nomentack when he was here, and of the Prince ofMoldavia, and of his mistress, mistress Epicoene.[RE-ENTER DAW.]CLER: Away! he hath not found out her latitude, I hope.LA-F: You are a pleasant gentleman, sir.CLER: Faith, now we are in private, let's wanton it a little, andtalk waggishly.—Sir John, I am telling sir Amorous here, that youtwo govern the ladies wherever you come; you carry the femininegender afore you.DAW: They shall rather carry us afore them, if they will, sir.CLER: Nay, I believe that they do, withal—but that you are theprime men in their affections, and direct all their actions—DAW: Not I: sir Amorous is.LA-F: I protest, sir John is.DAW: As I hope to rise in the state, sir Amorous, you have theperson.LA-F: Sir John, you have the person, and the discourse too.DAW: Not I, sir. I have no discourse—and then you have activitybeside.LA-F: I protest, sir John, you come as high from Tripoly as I do,every whit: and lift as many join'd stools, and leap over them,if you would use it.CLER: Well, agree on't together knights; for between you, youdivide the kingdom or commonwealth of ladies' affections: I seeit, and can perceive a little how they observe you, and fear you,indeed. You could tell strange stories, my masters, if you would,I know.DAW: Faith, we have seen somewhat, sir.LA-F: That we have—velvet petticoats, and wrought smocks, or so.DAW: Ay, and—CLER: Nay, out with it, sir John: do not envy your friend thepleasure of hearing, when you have had the delight of tasting.DAW: Why—a—do you speak, sir Amorous.LA-F: No, do you, sir John Daw.DAW: I'faith, you shall.LA-F: I'faith, you shall.DAW: Why, we have been—LA-F: In the great bed at Ware together in our time. On, sirJohn.DAW: Nay, do you, sir Amorous.CLER: And these ladies with you, knights?LA-F: No, excuse us, sir.DAW: We must not wound reputation.LA-F: No matter—they were these, or others. Our bath cost usfifteen pound when we came home.CLER: Do you hear, sir John? You shall tell me but one thingtruly, as you love me.DAW: If I can, I will, sir.CLER: You lay in the same house with the bride, here?DAW: Yes, and conversed with her hourly, sir.CLER: And what humour is she of? Is she coming, and open, free?DAW: O, exceeding open, sir. I was her servant, and sir Amorous wasto be.CLER: Come, you have both had favours from her: I know, and haveheard so much.DAW: O no, sir.LA-F: You shall excuse us, sir: we must not wound reputation.CLER: Tut, she is married now, and you cannot hurt her with anyreport; and therefore speak plainly: how many times, i'faith?which of you led first? ha!LA-F: Sir John had her maidenhead, indeed.DAW: O, it pleases him to say so, sir, but sir Amorous knows whatis what, as well.CLER: Dost thou i'faith, Amorous?LA-F: In a manner, sir.CLER: Why, I commend you lads. Little knows don Bridegroom ofthis. Nor shall he, for me.DAW: Hang him, mad ox!CLER: Speak softly: here comes his nephew, with the lady Haughty.He'll get the ladies from you, sirs, if you look not to him intime.LA-F: Why, if he do, we'll fetch them home again, I warrant you.[EXIT WITH DAW. CLER. WALKS ASIDE.][ENTER DAUPHINE AND HAUGHTY.]HAU: I assure you, sir Dauphine, it is the price and estimationof your virtue only, that hath embark'd me to this adventure; andI could not but make out to tell you so; nor can I repent me ofthe act, since it is always an argument of some virtue in ourselves, that we love and affect it so in others.DAUP: Your ladyship sets too high a price on my weakness.HAU: Sir, I can distinguish gems from pebbles—DAUP [ASIDE.]: Are you so skilful in stones?HAU: And howsover I may suffer in such a judgment as yours, byadmitting equality of rank or society with Centaure or Mavis—DAUP: You do not, madam; I perceive they are your mere foils.HAU: Then, are you a friend to truth, sir; it makes me love youthe more. It is not the outward, but the inward man that I affect.They are not apprehensive of an eminent perfection, but love flat,and dully.CEN [within.]: Where are you, my lady Haughty?HAU: I come presently, Centaure.—My chamber, sir, my page shallshew you; and Trusty, my woman, shall be ever awake for you: youneed not fear to communicate any thing with her, for she is aFidelia. I pray you wear this jewel for my sake, sir Dauphine.—[ENTER CENTAURE.]Where is Mavis, Centaure?CEN: Within, madam, a writing. I'll follow you presently:[EXIT HAU.]I'll but speak a word with sir Dauphine.DAUP: With me, madam?CEN: Good sir Dauphine, do not trust Haughty, nor make any creditto her, whatever you do besides. Sir Dauphine, I give you thiscaution, she is a perfect courtier, and loves nobody but for heruses: and for her uses she loves all. Besides, her physicians giveher out to be none o' the clearest, whether she pay them or no,heaven knows: and she's above fifty too, and pargets! See her ina forenoon. Here comes Mavis, a worse face then she! you wouldnot like this, by candle-light.[RE-ENTER MAVIS.]If you'll come to my chamber one o' these mornings early, or latein an evening, I will tell you more. Where's Haughty, Mavis?MAV: Within, Centaure.CEN: What have you, there?MAV: An Italian riddle for sir Dauphine,—you shall not see iti'faith, Centaure.—[EXIT CEN.]Good sir Dauphine, solve it for me. I'll call for it anon.[EXIT.]CLER [COMING FORWARD.]: How now, Dauphine! how dost thou quitthyself of these females?DAUP: 'Slight, they haunt me like fairies, and give me jewelshere; I cannot be rid of them.CLER: O, you must not tell though.DAUP: Mass, I forgot that: I was never so assaulted. One lovesfor virtue, and bribes me with this;[SHEWS THE JEWEL.]—another loves me with caution, and so would possess me; athird brings me a riddle here: and all are jealous: and rail eachat other.CLER: A riddle! pray let me see it.[READS.]Sir Dauphine, I chose this way of intimation for privacy. Theladies here, I know, have both hope and purpose to make acollegiate and servant of you. If I might be so honoured, as toappear at any end of so noble a work, I would enter into a fameof taking physic to-morrow, and continue it four or five days,or longer, for your visitation. Mavis.By my faith, a subtle one! Call you this a riddle? what's theirplain dealing, trow?DAUP: We lack Truewit to tell us that.CLER: We lack him for somewhat else too: his knights reformadoesare wound up as high and insolent as ever they were.DAUP: You jest.CLER: No drunkards, either with wine or vanity, ever confess'dsuch stories of themselves. I would not give a fly's leg, inbalance against all the womens' reputations here, if they couldbe but thought to speak truth: and for the bride, they have madetheir affidavit against her directly—DAUP: What, that they have lain with her?CLER: Yes; and tell times and circumstances, with the cause why,and the place where. I had almost brought them to affirm that theyhad done it to-day.DAUP: Not both of them?CLER: Yes, faith: with a sooth or two more I had effected it.They would have set it down under their hands.DAUP: Why, they will be our sport, I see, still, whether we willor no.[ENTER TRUEWIT.]TRUE: O, are you here? Come, Dauphine; go call your unclepresently: I have fitted my divine, and my canonist, dyedtheir beards and all. The knaves do not know themselves, theyare so exalted and altered. Preferment changes any man. Thoushalt keep one door and I another, and then Clerimont in themidst, that he may have no means of escape from their cavilling,when they grow hot once again. And then the women, as I havegiven the bride her instructions, to break in upon him in thel'enuoy. O, 'twill be full and twanging! Away! fetch him.[EXIT DAUPHINE.][ENTER OTTER DISGUISED AS A DIVINE, AND CUTBEARD AS A CANONLAWYER.]Come, master doctor, and master parson, look to your parts now,and discharge them bravely: you are well set forth, perform itas well. If you chance to be out, do not confess it with standingstill, or humming, or gaping one at another: but go on, and talkaloud and eagerly; use vehement action, and only remember yourterms, and you are safe. Let the matter go where it will: youhave many will do so. But at first be very solemn, and grave likeyour garments, though you loose your selves after, and skip outlike a brace of jugglers on a table. Here he comes: set yourfaces, and look superciliously, while I present you.[RE-ENTER DAUPHINE WITH MOROSE.]MOR: Are these the two learned men?TRUE: Yes, sir; please you salute them.MOR: Salute them! I had rather do any thing, than wear out time sounfruitfully, sir. I wonder how these common forms, as God saveyou, and You are welcome, are come to be a habit in our lives:or, I am glad to see you! when I cannot see what the profit canbe of these words, so long as it is no whit better with him whoseaffairs are sad and grievous, that he hears this salutation.TRUE: 'Tis true, sir; we'll go to the matter then.—Gentlemen,master doctor, and master parson, I have acquainted yousufficiently with the business for which you are come hither; andyou are not now to inform yourselves in the state of the question,I know. This is the gentleman who expects your resolution, andtherefore, when you please, begin.OTT: Please you, master doctor.CUT: Please you, good master parson.OTT: I would hear the canon-law speak first.CUT: It must give place to positive divinity, sir.MOR: Nay, good gentlemen, do not throw me into circumstances. Letyour comforts arrive quickly at me, those that are. Be swift inaffording me my peace, if so I shall hope any. I love not yourdisputations, or your court-tumults. And that it be not strange toyou, I will tell you: My father, in my education, was wont toadvise me, that I should always collect and contain my mind, notsuffering it to flow loosely; that I should look to what thingswere necessary to the carriage of my life, and what not; embracingthe one and eschewing the other: in short, that I should endearmyself to rest, and avoid turmoil: which now is grown to beanother nature to me. So that I come not to your public pleadings,or your places of noise; not that I neglect those things that makefor the dignity of the commonwealth: but for the mere avoidingof clamours and impertinencies of orators, that know not how to besilent. And for the cause of noise, am I now a suitor to you. Youdo not know in what a misery I have been exercised this day, whata torrent of evil! my very house turns round with the tumult! Idwell in a windmill: The perpetual motion is here, and not atEltham.TRUE: Well, good master doctor, will you break the ice? masterparson will wade after.CUT: Sir, though unworthy, and the weaker, I will presume.OTT: 'Tis no presumption, domine doctor.MOR: Yet again!CUT: Your question is, For how many causes a man may havedivortium legitimum, a lawful divorce? First, you must understandthe nature of the word, divorce, a divertendo—MOR: No excursions upon words, good doctor, to the question briefly.CUT: I answer then, the canon-law affords divorce but in a fewcases; and the principal is in the common case, the adulterouscase: But there are duodecim impedimenta, twelve impediments, aswe call them, all which do not dirimere contractum, but irritumreddere matrimonium, as we say in the canon-law, not take away thebond, but cause a nullity therein.MOR: I understood you before: good sir, avoid your impertinency oftranslation.OTT: He cannot open this too much, sir, by your favour.MOR: Yet more!TRUE: O, you must give the learned men leave, sir.—To yourimpediments, master Doctor.CUT: The first is impedimentum erroris.OTT: Of which there are several species.CUT: Ay, as error personae.OTT: If you contract yourself to one person, thinking her another.CUT: Then, error fortunae.OTT: If she be a begger, and you thought her rich.CUT: Then, error qualitatis.OTT: If she prove stubborn or head-strong, that you thoughtobedient.MOR: How! is that, sir, a lawful impediment? One at once, I prayyou gentlemen.OTT: Ay, ante copulam, but not post copulam, sir.CUT: Master Parson says right. Nec post nuptiarum benedictionem.It doth indeed but irrita reddere sponsalia, annul the contract:after marriage it is of no obstancy.TRUE: Alas, sir, what a hope are we fallen from by this time!CUT: The next is conditio: if you thought her free born, and sheprove a bond-woman, there is impediment of estate and condition.OTT: Ay, but, master doctor, those servitudes are sublatae now,among us Christians.CUT: By your favour, master parson—OTT: You shall give me leave, master doctor.MOR: Nay, gentlemen, quarrel not in that question; it concerns notmy case: pass to the third.CUT: Well then, the third is votum: if either party have made avow of chastity. But that practice, as master parson said of theother, is taken away among us, thanks be to discipline. The fourthis cognatio: if the persons be of kin within the degrees.OTT: Ay: do you know what the degrees are, sir?MOR: No, nor I care not, sir: they offer me no comfort in thequestion, I am sure.CUT: But there is a branch of this impediment may, which iscognatio spiritualis: if you were her godfather, sir, then themarriage is incestuous.OTT: That comment is absurd and superstitious, master doctor: Icannot endure it. Are we not all brothers and sisters, and as muchakin in that, as godfathers and god-daughters?MOR: O me! to end the controversy, I never was a godfather, Inever was a godfather in my life, sir. Pass to the next.CUT: The fifth is crimen adulterii; the known case. The sixth,cultus disparitas, difference of religion: have you ever examinedher, what religion she is of?MOR: No, I would rather she were of none, than be put to thetrouble of it!OTT: You may have it done for you, sir.MOR: By no means, good sir; on to the rest: shall you ever cometo an end, think you?TRUE: Yes, he has done half, sir. On, to the rest.—Be patient,and expect, sir.CUT: The seventh is, vis: if it were upon compulsion or force.MOR: O no, it was too voluntary, mine; too voluntary.CUT: The eight is, ordo; if ever she have taken holy orders.OTT: That's supersitious too.MOR: No matter, master parson: Would she would go into a nunneryyet.CUT: The ninth is, ligamen; if you were bound, sir, to any otherbefore.MOR: I thrust myself too soon into these fetters.CUT: The tenth is, publica honestas: which is inchoata quaedamaffinitas.OTT: Ay, or affinitas orta ex sponsalibus; and is but leveimpedimentum.MOR: I feel no air of comfort blowing to me, in all this.CUT: The eleventh is, affinitas ex fornicatione.OTT: Which is no less vera affinitas, than the other, masterdoctor.CUT: True, quae oritur ex legitimo matrimonio.OTT: You say right, venerable doctor: and, nascitur ex eo, quodper conjugium duae personae efficiuntur una caro—MOR: Hey-day, now they begin!CUT: I conceive you, master parson: ita per fornicationem aequeest verus pater, qui sic generat—OTT: Et vere filius qui sic generatur—MOR: What's all this to me?CLER: Now it grows warm.CUT: The twelfth, and last is, si forte coire nequibis.OTT: Ay, that is impedimentum gravissimum: it doth utterly annul,and annihilate, that. If you have manifestam frigiditatem, youare well, sir.TRUE: Why, there is comfort come at length, sir. Confess yourselfbut a man unable, and she will sue to be divorced first.OTT: Ay, or if there be morbus perpetuus, et insanabilis; asparalysis, elephantiasis, or so—DAUP: O, but frigiditas is the fairer way, gentlemen.OTT: You say troth, sir, and as it is in the canon, masterdoctor—CUT: I conceive you, sir.CLER: Before he speaks!OTT: That a boy, or child, under years, is not fit for marriage,because he cannot reddere debitum. So your omnipotentes—TRUE [ASIDE TO OTT.]: Your impotentes, you whoreson lobster!OTT: Your impotentes, I should say, are minime apti adcontrahenda matrimonium.TRUE: Matrimonium! we shall have most unmatrimonial Latin withyou: matrimonia, and be hang'd.DAUP: You put them out, man.CUT: But then there will arise a doubt, master parson, in ourcase, post matrimonium: that frigiditate praeditus—do youconceive me, sir?OTT: Very well, sir.CUT: Who cannot uti uxore pro uxore, may habere eam pro sorore.OTT: Absurd, absurd, absurd, and merely apostatical!CUT: You shall pardon me, master parson, I can prove it.OTT: You can prove a will, master doctor, you can prove nothingelse. Does not the verse of your own canon say,Haec socianda vetant connubia, facta retractant?CUT: I grant you; but how do they retractare, master parson?MOR: O, this was it I feared.OTT: In aeternum, sir.CUT: That's false in divinity, by your favour.OTT: 'Tis false in humanity to say so. Is he not prorsus inutilisad thorum? Can he praestare fidem datam? I would fain know.CUT: Yes; how if he do convalere?OTT: He cannot convalere, it is impossible.TRUE: Nay, good sir, attend the learned men, they will think youneglect them else.CUT: Or, if he do simulare himself frigidum, odio uxoris, or so?OTT: I say, he is adulter manifestus then.DAUP: They dispute it very learnedly, i'faith.OTT: And prostitutor uxoris; and this is positive.MOR: Good sir, let me escape.TRUE: You will not do me that wrong, sir?OTT: And, therefore, if he be manifeste frigidus, sir—CUT: Ay, if he be manifeste frigidus, I grant you—OTT: Why, that was my conclusion.CUT: And mine too.TRUE: Nay, hear the conclusion, sir.OTT: Then, frigiditatis causa—CUT: Yes, causa frigiditatis—MOR: O, mine ears!OTT: She may have libellum divortii against you.CUT: Ay, divortii libellum she will sure have.MOR: Good echoes, forbear.OTT: If you confess it.CUT: Which I would do, sir—MOR: I will do any thing.OTT: And clear myself in foro conscientiae—CUT: Because you want indeed—MOR: Yet more?OTT: Exercendi potestate.[EPICOENE RUSHES IN, FOLLOWED BY HAUGHTY, CENTAURE, MAVIS,MISTRESS OTTER, DAW, AND LA-FOOLE.]EPI: I will not endure it any longer. Ladies, I beseech you,help me. This is such a wrong as never was offered to poorbride before: upon her marriage day, to have her husbandconspire against her, and a couple of mercenary companionsto be brought in for form's sake, to persuade a separation!If you had blood or virtue in you, gentlemen, you would notsuffer such ear-wigs about a husband, or scorpions to creepbetween man and wife.MOR: O the variety and changes of my torment!HAU: Let them be cudgell'd out of doors, by our grooms.CEN: I'll lend you my foot-man.MAV: We'll have our men blanket them in the hall.MRS. OTT: As there was one at our house, madam, for peepingin at the door.DAW: Content, i'faith.TRUE: Stay, ladies and gentlemen; you'll hear, before you proceed?MAV: I'd have the bridegroom blanketted too.CEN: Begin with him first.HAU: Yes, by my troth.MOR: O mankind generation!DAUP: Ladies, for my sake forbear.HAU: Yes, for sir Dauphine's sake.CEN: He shall command us.LA-F: He is as fine a gentleman of his inches, madam, as anyis about the town, and wears as good colours when he lists.TRUE: Be brief, sir, and confess your infirmity, she'll be a-fireto be quit of you, if she but hear that named once, you shall notentreat her to stay: she'll fly you like one that had the marksupon him.MOR: Ladies, I must crave all your pardons—TRUE: Silence, ladies.MOR: For a wrong I have done to your whole sex, in marrying thisfair, and virtuous gentlewoman—CLER: Hear him, good ladies.MOR: Being guilty of an infirmity, which, before I conferredwith these learned men, I thought I might have concealed—TRUE: But now being better informed in his conscience by them,he is to declare it, and give satisfaction, by asking your publicforgiveness.MOR: I am no man, ladies.ALL: How!MOR: Utterly unabled in nature, by reason of frigidity, toperform the duties, or any the least office of a husband.MAV: Now out upon him, prodigious creature!CEN: Bridegroom uncarnate!HAU: And would you offer it to a young gentlewoman?MRS. OTT: A lady of her longings?EPI: Tut, a device, a device, this, it smells rankly, ladies.A mere comment of his own.TRUE: Why, if you suspect that, ladies, you may have himsearch'd—DAW: As the custom is, by a jury of physicians.LA-F: Yes faith, 'twill be brave.MOR: O me, must I undergo that?MRS. OTT: No, let women search him, madam: we can do itourselves.MOR: Out on me! worse.EPI: No, ladies, you shall not need, I will take him with allhis faults.MOR: Worst of all!CLER: Why then, 'tis no divorce, doctor, if she consent not?CUT: No, if the man be frigidus, it is de parte uxoris, that wegrant libellum divortii, in the law.OTT: Ay, it is the same in theology.MOR: Worse, worse than worst!TRUE: Nay, sir, be not utterly disheartened; we have yet asmall relic of hope left, as near as our comfort is blownout. Clerimont, produce your brace of knights. What was that,master parson, you told me in errore qualitatis, e'en now?—[ASIDE.]Dauphine, whisper the bride, that she carry it as if she wereguilty, and ashamed.OTT: Marry, sir, in errore qualitatis (which master doctor didforbear to urge,) if she be found corrupta, that is, vitiated orbroken up, that was pro virgine desponsa, espoused for a maid—MOR: What then, sir?OTT: It doth dirimere contractum, and irritum reddere too.TRUE: If this be true, we are happy again, sir, once more. Hereare an honourable brace of knights, that shall affirm so much.DAW: Pardon us, good master Clerimont.LA-F: You shall excuse us, master Clerimont.CLER: Nay, you must make it good now, knights, there is no remedy;I'll eat no words for you, nor no men: you know you spoke it tome.DAW: Is this gentleman-like, sir?TRUE [ASIDE TO DAW.]: Jack Daw, he's worse then sir Amorous;fiercer a great deal.[ASIDE TO LA-FOOLE.]—Sir Amorous, beware, there be ten Daws inthis Clerimont.LA-F: I'll confess it, sir.DAW: Will you, sir Amorous, will you wound reputation?LA-F: I am resolved.TRUE: So should you be too, Jack Daw: what should keep you off?she's but a woman, and in disgrace: he'll be glad on't.DAW: Will he? I thought he would have been angry.CLER: You will dispatch, knights, it must be done, i'faith.TRUE: Why, an it must, it shall, sir, they say: they'll ne'ergo back.[ASIDE TO THEM.]—Do not tempt his patience.DAW: It is true indeed, sir?LA-F: Yes, I assure you, sir.MOR: What is true gentlemen? what do you assure me?DAW: That we have known your bride, sir—LA-F: In good fashion. She was our mistress, or so—CLER: Nay, you must be plain, knights, as you were to me.OTT: Ay, the question is, if you have carnaliter, or no?LA-F: Carnaliter! what else, sir?OTT: It is enough: a plain nullity.EPI: I am undone, I am undone!MOR: O, let me worship and adore you, gentlemen!EPI [WEEPS.]: I am undone!MOR: Yes, to my hand, I thank these knights.Master parson, let me thank you otherwise. [GIVES HIM MONEY.]HAU: And have they confess'd?MAV: Now out upon them, informers!TRUE: You see what creatures you may bestow your favourson, madams.HAU: I would except against them as beaten knights, wench,and not good witnesses in law.MRS. OTT: Poor gentlewoman, how she takes it!HAU: Be comforted, Morose, I love you the better for't.CEN: so do I, I protest.CUT: But, gentlemen, you have not known her since matrimonium?DAW: Not to-day, master doctor.LA-F: No, sir, not to-day.CUT: Why, then I say, for any act before, the matrimonium is goodand perfect: unless the worshipful bridegroom did precisely,before witness, demand, if she were virgo ante nuptias.EPI: No, that he did not, I assure you, master doctor.CUT: If he cannot prove that, it is ratum conjugium,notwithstanding the premisses. And they do no way impedire. Andthis is my sentence, this I pronounce.OTT: I am of master doctor's resolution too, sir: if you madenot that demand, ante nuptias.MOR: O my heart! wilt thou break? wilt thou break? this is worstof all worst worsts that hell could have devised! Marry a whore,and so much noise!DAUP: Come, I see now plain confederacy in this doctor and thisparson, to abuse a gentleman. You study his affliction. I praybe gone companions.—And, gentlemen, I begin to suspect you forhaving parts with them.—Sir, will it please you hear me?MOR: O do not talk to me, take not from me the pleasure of dyingin silence, nephew.DAUP: Sir, I must speak to you. I have been long your poordespised kinsman, and many a hard thought has strengthenedyou against me: but now it shall appear if either I love youor your peace, and prefer them to all the world beside. I willnot be long or grievous to you, sir. If I free you of thisunhappy match absolutely, and instantly, after all thistrouble, and almost in your despair, now—MOR: It cannot be.DAUP: Sir, that you be never troubled with a murmur of it more,what shall I hope for, or deserve of you?MOR: O, what thou wilt, nephew! thou shalt deserve me, and haveme.DAUP: Shall I have your favour perfect to me, and love hereafter?MOR: That, and any thing beside. Make thine own conditions. Mywhole estate is thine; manage it, I will become thy ward.DAUP: Nay, sir, I will not be so unreasonable.EPI: Will sir Dauphine be mine enemy too?DAUP: You know I have been long a suitor to you, uncle, thatout of your estate, which is fifteen hundred a-year, youwould allow me but five hundred during life, and assure therest upon me after: to which I have often, by myself andfriends tendered you a writing to sign, which you would neverconsent or incline to. If you please but to effect it now—MOR: Thou shalt have it, nephew: I will do it, and more.DAUP: If I quit you not presently, and for ever of thiscumber, you shall have power instantly, afore all these, torevoke your act, and I will become whose slave you will giveme to, for ever.MOR: Where is the writing? I will seal to it, that, or to ablank, and write thine own conditions.EPI: O me, most unfortunate, wretched gentlewoman!HAU: Will sir Dauphine do this?EPI: Good sir, have some compassion on me.MOR: O, my nephew knows you, belike; away, crocodile!HAU: He does it not sure without good ground.DAUP: Here, sir. [GIVES HIM THE PARCHMENTS.]MOR: Come, nephew, give me the pen. I will subscribe to anything, and seal to what thou wilt, for my deliverance. Thouart my restorer. Here, I deliver it thee as my deed. If therebe a word in it lacking, or writ with false orthography, Iprotest before [heaven] I will not take the advantage.[RETURNS THE WRITINGS.]DAUP: Then here is your release, sir.[TAKES OFF EPICOENE'S PERUKE AND OTHER DISGUISES.]You have married a boy, a gentleman's son, that I havebrought up this half year at my great charges, and for thiscomposition, which I have now made with you.—What say you,master doctor? This is justum impedimentum, I hope, errorpersonae?OTT: Yes sir, in primo gradu.CUT: In primo gradu.DAUP: I thank you, good doctor Cutbeard, and parson Otter.[PULLS THEIR FALSE BEARDS AND GOWNS OFF.]You are beholden to them, sir, that have taken this pains foryou; and my friend, master Truewit, who enabled them for thebusiness. Now you may go in and rest; be as private as youwill, sir.[EXIT MOROSE.]I'll not trouble you, till you trouble me with your funeral,which I care not how soon it come.—Cutbeard, I'll make your lease good. "Thank me not, but withyour leg, Cutbeard." And Tom Otter, your princess shall bereconciled to you.—How now, gentlemen, do you look at me?CLER: A boy!DAUP: Yes, mistress Epicoene.TRUE: Well, Dauphine, you have lurch'd your friends of thebetter half of the garland, by concealing this part of theplot: but much good do it thee, thou deserv'st it, lad. And,Clerimont, for thy unexpected bringing these two toconfession, wear my part of it freely. Nay, sir Daw, and sirLa-Foole, you see the gentlewoman that has done you thefavours! we are all thankful to you, and so should thewoman-kind here, specially for lying on her, though notwith her! you meant so, I am sure? But that we have stuck itupon you to-day, in your own imagined persons, and so lately,this Amazon, the champion of the sex, should beat you nowthriftily, for the common slanders which ladies receive fromsuch cuckoos as you are. You are they that, when no merit orfortune can make you hope to enjoy their bodies, will yetlie with their reputations, and make their fame suffer. Away,you common moths of these, and all ladies' honours. Go,travel to make legs and faces, and come home with some newmatter to be laugh'd at: you deserve to live in an air ascorrupted as that wherewith you feed rumour.[EXEUNT DAW AND LA-FOOLE.]Madams, you are mute, upon this new metamorphosis! But herestands she that has vindicated your fames. Take heed of suchinsectae hereafter. And let it not trouble you, that youhave discovered any mysteries to this young gentleman: he isalmost of years, and will make a good visitant within thistwelvemonth. In the mean time, we'll all undertake for hissecrecy, that can speak so well of his silence.[COMING FORWARD.]—Spectators, if you like this comedy, rise cheerfully, andnow Morose is gone in, clap your hands. It may be, that noisewill cure him, at least please him.[EXEUNT.]